The Cat People and The Wolfman

October 12, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna the black panther shapeshifting cat woman New York City based Serbian born and raised fashion illustrator who tore a psychiatrist to pieces with her claws

Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London was meeting with one of his parishioners the world-famous concert pianist Amadeus Emanon in his vicarage kitchen who was enjoying the homemade cinnamon buns made by Father Aidan’s housekeeper Mrs. Lancaster.

Amadeus Emanon was already on his 36th cinnamon bun.

“Do you suppose Mrs. Lancaster might make some more?” Amadeus asked as he looked at the now empty plate.

“Well I do believe it takes awhile to make those cinnamon buns,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds explained, “plus I think she’s currently busy listening to your friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Wednesday night podcast.”

From upstairs in Mrs. Lancaster’s bedroom could be heard the voice of Renfield R. Renfield saying, “Wow. What a shocker. The cocaine snorting editors of Britain’s The Economist Magazine are calling for cocaine use to be legalized.”

“You know,” Amadeus helped himself to a gingerbread cookie man that Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds brought him from the refrigerator, “Renfield was telling me that Russian President Vladimir Putin hired a Siberian shaman to go to New York City and raise from the dead the body of the Serbian cat woman Irena Dubrovna. As Miss Dubrovna’s spirit has graduated from Purgatory to Paradise, she won’t be returning to her body. However a famous homicidally inclined Byzantine mermaid Echidna Antiochus who was put to death on the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I’s orders has had her spirit granted a dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades and has taken possession of Irena Dubrovna’s body.
She is going to Kiev Ukraine as an ally of Putin and will be using Irena Dubrovna’s body to turn into a black panther to rip apart bodies of Ukrainians because the demon Moloch appearing as Saint Michael the Archangel has told Vladimir Putin that it’s the right thing to do.”

“How horrifying,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds made the Sign of the Cross.

Father Aidan’s making the Sign of the Cross caused a Calvinist street preacher standing on the sidewalk outside the vicarage to drop dead.

“The thing is,” Amadeus scratched his head, “I always thought the 1942 film The Cat People starring Simone Simon was a work of fiction. I didn’t think it was based on a real incident and I didn’t think Irena Dubrovna was a real actual person.”

“Well, it turns out,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds checked out a passage in the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work (written before he died) Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film, “that there really was an Irena Dubrovna in the late 1930s and that what happened in the film was true.”

“Wow,” Amadeus Emanon walked over to the refrigerator and brought out the entire plate of gingerbread men cookies that he then started eating, “Next thing you know you’ll be telling me that there really was a werewolf called Larry Talbot and that the classic 1941 Universal Pictures monster horror film called The Wolfman that starred Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains and Evelyn Ankers was based on something that actually happened in real life.”

“Well, actually,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds cleared his throat, “I can tell you that Larry Talbot did actually exist and what happened in the 1941 film The Wolfman was true and I don’t need to consult the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film to determine that. For it turns out my grandfather the Anglican clergyman Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds was the curate of Saint Magloire’s Church in Llanwelly Wales near Talbot Castle at the time Larry Talbot arrived in the village to flirt with Gwen Conliffe the daughter of the village antique shop owner and to get bitten by Bela the gypsy fortune telling werewolf.”

“Really?” Amadeus paused in the middle of eating his 6th gingerbread man cookie.

“Yes,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds nodded, “As an interesting postscript to the film which ended with Larry Talbot getting killed by his own wolf’s head silver cane walking stick wielded by Larry’s father Sir John Talbot, the Talbot Castle game keeper Frank Andrews (played by actor Patric Knowles in the film), who was Gwen Conliffe’s fiance, ended up getting killed by a wererabbit bunny rabbit that had apparently been originally bitten by Larry Talbot. After the Saint Magloire’s Church exorcism team made Welsh rarebit out of the Welsh wererabbit, after an appropriate period of mourning for the late departed Mr. Andrews, Gwen Conliffe ended up marrying the young curate Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds. So Gwen Conliffe is actually my grandmother.”

“Holy fuck,” Amadeus Emanon commented.

Mrs. Lancaster came down the stairs and washed Amadeus Emanon’s mouth out with soap.

. . .

Outside 10 Downing Street, Larry the 10 Downing Street cat was chasing away the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his spectral black horse.

Inside 10 Downing Street, former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to convince current British Prime Minister Liz Truss to hire a witch doctor or shaman to raise the famous Wolfman werewolf Larry Talbot from the dead in the Llanwelly Village Cemetery in Wales and send him to eastern Ukraine to eat and devour Russian soldiers.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 12th
2022.

Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers) among the gypsies

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Isabelle Rocher and The Ghost of Prof. James Moriarty

October 4, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Culture, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Isabelle Rocher or Brigitte Bardot?

The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London was having a photo exhibit of original photos of European actresses.

On this particular early October evening (it had been exactly 3 years since the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis had brought an idol of the demoness Pachamama into the Vatican Gardens to help open the Vatican Synod On The Amazon) it just so happened that the ghost of Prof. James Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy) was wondering the streets of London.

Hades had granted Moriarty’s ghost a dispensational release from the Realm of the Underworld at the request of the demoness Pachamama.

Moriarty’s ghost noticed The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery and decided to enter.

He stared intently at a photograph of noted French actress Brigitte Bardot.

He kept saying over and over again, “Isabelle Rocher, Isabelle Rocher.”

“No,” Dashwood Forrest the owner of the gallery approached the ghostly spectral leader, “That’s Brigitte Bardot the famous French actress.”

“She looks exactly like my French mistress Isabelle Rocher,” the brilliant mathematician and criminal mastermind was astounded at the resemblance, “although I never saw her wear a skirt that looked like that. If I had, I’d have probably got hornier and had sex with her a lot sooner.”

“When did this Isabelle Rocher live?” Dashwood Forrest inquired.

“Back in the 19th Century,” Moriarty replied.

“No not many women wore skirts that looked like that back in the 19th Century,” Dashwood Forrest admitted, “save possibly women who worked in the inside of bordellos.”

“I had fled to Latin America when she told me that she was pregnant,” Moriarty recalled, “And when I returned to France, I discovered that she had given birth to a son called Louis. They left Paris and went to the French countryside somewhere. I could never track them down. I saw Louis’ baptismal certificate and she had listed the father as unknown. So I imagine he took his mother’s last name for his own. Louis Rocher would have been his name.”

“There was a famous French scientist called Dr. Louis Rocher who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed,” Dashwood Forrest recalled.

“The Red Baron?” Moriarty’s ghostly face looked quizzical.

“I’ll explain the history later,” Forrest was familiar with entertaining the dead as he once had had an Irish zombie named Mulligan as a manservant.

“And did this Dr. Louis Rocher have any offspring?” Moriarty inquired.

“He did,” Forrest nodded, “In fact his great- grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher is the chief scientist for Set Enterprises here in London.”

“I wonder who Louis Rocher’s wife was?” Prof. James Moriarty mused aloud.

“Sherrielock Holmes,” Forrest answered.

Moriarty’s jaw dropped, “Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister?”.

“That’s her,” Forrest nodded.

“You mean I have descendents that have both Holmes and Moriarty blood in them?” Prof. Moriarty was shocked out of his skull.

In fact Moriarty had carried his skull with him out of Hades and had now dropped it on the art gallery floor.

At that moment British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the quite literally immortal Sherrielock Holmes (she had once consumed Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms on one occasion that had made her immortal) entered the gallery.

“Prof. Moriarty!” Sherrielock exclaimed in surprise as she recognized the ghost.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 4th
2022.

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Weird California Duo Calls For Saintly Canonization of Charles Manson

September 18, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Actress Sharon Tate appears in an episode of The Beverley Hillbillies.

Sadly Miss Tate was one of 7 people to die in the murderous rampage carried out by brainwashed followers of homicidal hippy commune leader Charles Manson in California during the summer of ’69.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was reading a waterproof library book on Sharon Tate and the Charles Manson Helter Skelter murders.

He then turned out the light and went to bed.

He then had a dream (or was it a vision?) of a weird California duo calling upon Pope Francis’ Vatican to canonize Charles Manson a saint.

The weird California duo was none other than California Gov. Gavin Newsom and his aunt-in-law Nancy Pelosi.

Said Gov. Newsom at a press conference, “I call upon Pope Francis and his Vatican to canonize Charles Manson a Saint.”

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew!” Shouted Nancy Pelosi.

Reporters of the mainstream media vigourously applauded Gov. Newsom after he made his announcement.

A reporter from Rebel News Canada however asked the question, “Why do you think Charles Manson should be canonized?”.

Members of the mainstream media and Gov. Newsom and Nancy Pelosi turned and scowled at the reporter from Rebel News Canada.

“Well as you know,” Gov. Newsom snarled, “According to the greatest oracle of our time Bill Gates, the world’s biggest problem is that there are too many people living on our planet. And Charles Manson killed people. Thus he was doing a tremendous favour for Mother Earth aka Gaia aka Pachamama.”

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew!” Nancy Pelosi exclaimed.

“Earlier this evening, I signed an Executive Order granting Charles Manson a posthumous pardon for what in those unenlightened times were considered crimes,” Newsom grinned while members of the mainstream media applauded and shouted with glee.

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew,” Nancy Pelosi batted her purple coloured eyelashes

“I have also asked the California State Legislature to pass a bill issuing a formal apology to Charles Manson for all those years the State of California so wrongly kept him behind bars,” Newsom went on.

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew,” Nancy Pelosi smiled oblivious to the fact that her wig was coming off.

Pelosi herself approached the podium, “I am going to introduce a resolution in the House of Representatives calling upon both Houses of Congress to call upon President Biden to sign an Executive Order calling upon Pope Francis and the Vatican to immediately canonize Charles Manson a Saint.”

“Amen, hallelujah, Aunt,” Gov. Gavin Newsom ejaculated behind her.

Nancy Pelosi wiped the back of her skirt.

They then smiled and waved at the cheering assembly of reporters.

Michelangelo’s dream (or was it a vision?) continued.

He was on a plane with an assemblage of reporters covering Pope Francis on one of his many plane trips.

Of course aboard a plane in front of reporters was where Pope Francis usually issued his stupidest statements.

Michelangelo wondered what the purpose of this particular plane trip was.

He read the statement from the Pope’s private secretary.

The plane was flying to the North Pole so Pope Francis could tell that jolly old elf Santa Claus and all his reindeer and toy making little elves to get on board and sign on the dotted line to sign up for the Astana Kazakhstan 7th InterFaith Congress Plan For A Global One World Religion.

So far the reporters aboard the plane had not yet read the private secretary’s statement as they were all sloshed out of their minds.

However the Cardinal accompanying the Pope on this trip had just read the travel statement written up by the Pope’s private secretary.

He grabbed the pontiff and hauled him into the washroom where he gently broke the news to Francis that there was no such thing as Santa Claus.

The Pope could be heard blubbering aloud and sobbing for the next 80 minutes.

The Cardinal told the media that the plane would be turning around and heading back to Rome.

Francis then told the press that he was now open to questions.

CNN’s Don Lemon asked Francis, “What do you think of California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s call that Charles Manson should be immediately canonized?”.

“I think this is an excellent idea,” Francis grinned, “Charles Manson was a great man. He was all about free love and drugs and rock and roll. In this he reflected the values of the Aquarian Age. And according to former Dominican priest and current Episcopalian priest Matthew Fox and his witch medium Miriam Starhawk the Age of Aquarius officially began on December 21st 2020 just as the Coronavirus vaccines were about to roll out. And we need a Saint for this new Aquarian Age heralding the end of the Age of Pisces. Who better than Charles Manson?”.

“A follow up question,” said Lemon, “When will you canonize Charles Manson?”.

“Well I don’t think we need reports of a miracle performed in his name to get him canonized,” the Pope went on, “Requiring a miracle or miracles is so pre-Vatican II. We need to get up to date. I think I’ll canonize him tomorrow. I’ll declare him a Servant of God at 6:00 AM. Then I’ll declare him venerable (worthy of veneration) at 9:00 AM. Then I’ll beatify him (declare him blessed) at 12 Noon. Then I’ll canonize him (declare him a Saint) at 3:00 PM.”

“3:00 PM?” A reporter from Rebel News Canada piped up, “Wasn’t that the hour Christ died upon the Cross?”.

“I don’t know,” Francis shrugged, “Was it?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 18th
2022.

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Renfield’s Podcast For Saturday July 23rd 2022

July 23, 2022 at 9:57 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Ava Gardner appeared in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s dreams

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about Ava Gardner when his alarm clock went off.

“Darn,” Renfield turned off the alarm.

He looked at his watch.

Almost time for his live Saturday night podcast.

“Usually my late Saturday afternoon and early evening power naps aren’t so exciting,” Renfield sighed.

Renfield walked over to his desk.

“Good evening,” Renfield sat in front of his PC, “The despicable Mario Draghi has resigned as Prime Minister of Italy and new Parliamentary elections have been called. Hopefully Italians will now elect a government that’s opposed to the globalist policies of the World Economic Forum.”

Renfield went on to his next item, “The U.S. Navy has announced that it will start serving plant-based “meat” to its overseas service personnel as part of its efforts to fight climate change.”

Renfield then showed a video of Russian President Vladimir Putin laughing his head off.

“Between transgenderism and serving phony meat meant for wusses, the U.S. Armed Forces won’t have any real men left,” Renfield pointed out.

He then shows a video of Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping rubbing his hands in glee.

“Over in Canada, Canadian farmers are showing their solidarity with Dutch farmers whose farms and livelihoods are being threatened by the pro-WEF Fascist/Corporatist government of Holland,” Renfield explained, “This is a video showing Canadian farmers driving their vehicles down an Ontario highway flying both the Dutch and Canadian flags on their vehicles and heading towards Ottawa where they will protest in front of the Dutch Embassy.”

Renfield then showed a photo of the Chief of Police of the Ottawa Police Service.

The man was seen sporting an Adolf Hitler haircut and an Adolf Hitler moustache.

“Meanwhile,” Renfield continued, “the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed in Ottawa and violators will be arrested. Of course where in Canadian law or the Canadian Constitution does it say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed? Nowhere. Like Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland, the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service are arbitrarily pulling made up laws out of their AIDS and monkeypox infested assholes. And of course no Leftist in North America is calling for the defunding of this group of clowns- a police service that actually deserves to be defunded. Whose members should all be fired and new recruits called in. Ones whose minds haven’t been destroyed by that mental veneral disease known as totalitarianism that seems to have infected the minds of the current members of the Ottawa Police Service.”

Renfield then concluded his podcast with a video showing Bill Gates eating filet mignon in an expensive restaurant while yacking into his smart phone about how the world’s lower classes need to start eating bugs and loving it.

Over at the Vatican, Pope Francis was in bed and dreaming about his upcoming visit to Edmonton.

Renfield went to bed and was once again dreaming of Ava Gardner.

She was reprising her 1951 film role of Pandora while James Mason as the Captain of The Flying Dutchman was telling her that he had once sailed his ship down the North Saskatchewan River in Alberta, Canada and had encountered a Demon Buffalo while doing so.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 23rd
2022.

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Joe Biden Hopes To Outleap Jack Kennedy’s Giant Leap To The Moon

March 29, 2022 at 10:53 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , )

The photographer had travelled back in time to take her photo.

He had seen her in a dream.

But he knew that she was real.

And that she had actually lived.

In a time before him.

So he took the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern film projector in his hand.

And went back to that time.

He got her to pose for him.

“I’ve never seen you before,” the woman said when the photo session was over.

“That’s because I come from another time,” he answered her.

The way he said it, she knew he spoke the truth.

And she gathered that he had come from the future.

“Why did you come to this time?” She asked.

“Because,” he answered, “I wanted to come to a time when women were women. And men weren’t.”

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of senile old fool Joe Biden making what he called an important announcement.

“An announcement,” a totally brown hair couloured Jen Psaki said, “that would be even more earth shattering than President John F. Kennedy’s May 25th 1961 address to a joint session of Congress in which he said he wanted to put a man on the moon by 1970.”

Joe Biden approached the podium wearing only a face mask.

And actually wearing ONLY a face mask.

A geriatric production of The Emperor’s New Clothes designed to turn heads and turn stomachs.

Biden then took off his face mask.

“Ladies and gentlemen and others,” Biden began, “I have an important announcement to make. Even more important than that Jack Kennedy guy’s speech where he wanted to put a man on the moon by 1970. I intend to make 90% of the American Armed Forces LGBTQ2s+ by the year 2030.”

One old timer watching at home on television whispered to another old timer, “I wonder if Stanley Kubrick will rise from the grave to direct this production the same way some people claim that he directed John F. Kennedy’s original dream.”

. . .

The pro-Sodom and Gomorrah government of Ireland in the Irish Republic’s capital of Dublin was absolutely thrilled by Biden’s historic announcement.

They commissioned the writing of a new Irish Army Fighting Song to celebrate the day.

One that was written by the end of the day.

The song was written to the tune of the old Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers song Bold O’ Donohue.

Here are some of the lyrics that were to be sung by the soldiers in the Irish Army,

“Oh I’m a puff and you’re a puff and he’s a puffter too
And everywhere we go, they say, Oh there’s O’ Donohue…”

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin watched Biden’s “historic” announcement and the 1st official singing of the new Irish Army Fighting Song on television along with his top Russian generals.

When the news clips were over, Putin gazed solemnly and sadly at each Russian general present in the room.

Finally he spoke.

“You know,” Putin sighed, “It’s finally dawned on me that the Ukrainians might not be the fierce ferocious fighters that they are had we allowed them to join NATO many years ago.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 29th
2022.

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Renfield’s Monday Night Podcast and Michelangelo’s Vision of Renfield At Future Oscars

March 28, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Violinist Tina Guo is performing with the Hans Zimmer Live Tour over in Europe
Hans Zimmer won Best Musical Score for the movie Dune at last night’s Oscars

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Monday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “A few days ago senile old fool Joe Biden was in Poland shooting his mouth off about “freedom” and “liberty”.
What does a vaccinazi despot like Joe Biden know about “freedom” and “liberty” when he wanted to impose a national vaccine mandate on all of America?
The senile old fool Joe Biden also called for “Putin to be removed from power”. There’s nothing like tellng the leader of a rival nuclear power that you want him removed from power.
Of course Joe Biden’s handlers want nuclear war with Russia.
That way they can reduce the world’s population without waiting for those vaccine booster shots to kick in.
Although they are doing an excellent job in my own country of England.
British government data shows that 92.2% of all Covid deaths are among the triple vaccinated.
And last week Eastern European members of the European Parliament gave visiting Canadian Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau the raspberry that he so richly deserved.
Romanian and Croatian MEPs mentioned how he sent police horses to trample peaceful protestors and then passed an Emergencies Act so that he could seize the bank accounts of people whose political views he disagreed with.
This is the stuff of dictatorship the Romanian and Croatian MEPs pointed out (who were all too familiar with Communist dictators in their own countries).
Even the Presidents of both El Salvador and Honduras have called Justin Trudeau a despot and a dictator for sending police horses to trample protestors and for seizing bank accounts.
Personally I think Justin Trudeau should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland should be burnt at the stake as a witch.
Failing that, both of them should be charged with high treason against the Charter of Rights in the Canadian Constitution (that Justin’s stepdad Pierre had put in) and then thrown in jail.
If Justin Castro Trudeau was to have his lily white ass sodomized numerous times while he was in prison,that would be the best thing that could ever happen to him.”

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a future Oscars ceremony some years down the road.

Renfield had been nominated for the role of Best Actor for playing the role of Prince Hal in a Kenneth Branagh directed production of William Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part 1.

Michelangelo was surprised to see Renfield was married in the vision as he sat at a front table close to the stage with his wife.

A foul mouthed comedian Justin Trudeau was to present the next award for Best Porn Film (a new Oscar category) in Michelangelo’s vision.

Foul mouthed comedian Justin Trudeau was a former Canadian Prime Minister who had been jailed for treason for a number of years.

Despite Justin Trudeau having been such a huge asshole, believe it or not his anus was a lot bigger after it had left prison than it was before coming in.

The foul mouthed alleged comic Justin Trudeau made an obscene insulting remark about Renfield’s wife.

Renfield got up on to the stage and approached the foul mouthed comic.

“Oh, oh,” one of the Academy Awards commentators could be heard saying, “I wonder if Renfield is going to punch Justin Trudeau like Will Smith did to Chris Rock a few years back.”

Renfield reached into his pocket, pulled out a gun and blew Justin Trudeau’s head off.

Justin Trudeau lay dead on the stage in a pool of blood- his perfectly coiffured hair now a tangled mess.

“Oh, oh,” one of the other commentators said, “I wonder what can be done about this situation as Renfield was granted a 007 License To Kill by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II a few years back. Maybe if he wins the Best Actor Award for his portrayal of Prince Hal in Henry IV Part 1, they’ll take the Oscar away from him.”

“Not if they want to live until the next morning, they won’t,” his commentating partner suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 28th
2022.

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Renfield’s Regency Croquet Match: All Is Fair In Love and War

March 23, 2022 at 10:36 pm (Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, Politics, Television, Vampire novel) ()

After watching an episode of a television series that was set in Regency England, British MP Renfield R. Renfield fell asleep and dreamed that he was a young nobleman in Regency England.

After escorting the Prince Regent through local ale houses and giving advice to Arthur Wellesley the Duke of Wellington on how to defeat Napoleon, Renfield set out for high tea at Lady Vandeermeer’s Estate.

There he met two beautiful charming young ladies with whom he discussed the novels of Jane Austen.

In the middle of his watercress sandwich the valet to Lady Vandermeer delivered Renfield a note from his sometimes rival the Russian Vladimir Painintheassovich.

Vladimir Painintheassovich told Renfield that he was out on the Estate’s grounds with two gentlemen and that they would like to challenge Renfield to a game of croquet that is if Renfield could find two other partners to form a team.

Renfield immediately invited his two charming young Jane Austen Literary Society companions to form a team with him.

Renfield, his two lovely young literary society companions and a corgi who will serve as ball retriever

Renfield and his lovely young companions approached their rivals.

The Russian Vladimir Painintheassovich stood directly across from Renfield.

On Vladimir’s right was the Emperor Napoleon and on his left Ares the Greek god of war.

Lady Vandermeer’s valet brought some Ukrainian perogies with sour cream for Renfield and his companions to munch on before the match began.

Vladimir, Napoleon and Ares ate blood sausages and salt water tears wept by a young widow and her children.

When the match started, Renfield hit a ball that went flying into the right temple of the Emperor Napoleon and sent the Little Corporal unconscious alongside the Estate pond.

“Napoleon appears to have met his Waterloo,” Renfield remarked.

Ares sent his ball flying at the little corgi knocking him out cold.

“Thou black hearted snerd,” said Renfield’s lovely teammate who was wearing the green velvet dress with hints of gold decorating.

Ares’ nose was broken by the ball fired by the beauty in the green dress.

The god of war was carried off the croquet field.

Vladimir Painintheassovich called out to the beauty wearing the peach pink dress with hints of gold decorating.

“Hey babe, how would you like to see me ride a horse shirtless?” He said.

“I think all horses are shirtless aren’t they?” Answered the beauty in the peach pink dress, “I’ve never seen a horse wear a shirt.”

She fired a croquet ball at the Russian’s balls knocking him off his high horse which he had just crawled up on.

Renfield then finished the Russian off with a croquet ball fired to the forehead.

The MP then woke up.

“Ah, if only life were like a Regency England croquet match,” he ordered himself a cup of tea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 23rd
2022.

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Orson Welles’ Ghost Arranges For Russian Billionaire Oligarch To Be Bumped Off In Switzerland

March 20, 2022 at 10:48 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Russian oligarch billionaire felt like he was entering a scene in a late 1940s Film Noir movie.

Which in a sense he was.

Billionaire oligarch Hunterovich Pervertovsky (the son of the senile old fool Russian billionaire oligarch Josef Pervertovsky famous for going around sniffing the hair of beautiful women and for always wanting to dangle young girls on his lopsided knees as his pair of Russian made Depends dangled around his brown coloured ankles) was standing face to face with a woman who was the spitting image of actress Laurette Luez in the 1949 Film Noir movie D.O.A.

The entire scene had a black and white feel to it.

That’s because it was being directed by the ghost of the great film director Orson Welles.

His friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had arranged for the pro-Taiwan Vietnamese secret agent Ho Babylon Minh to drop a Mickey into Hunterovich Pervertovsky’s hot toddy as he ate his rotisserie chicken accompanied by Black Sea caviar in the Swiss chalet restaurant.

Unbeknownst to him a Ukrainian band with a Ukrainian ukulele player played that old Canadian restaurant TV commercial song “Life should taste as good as Swiss Chalet” from the top floor of the chalet as Ho slipped the mickey into his drink.

Hunterovich hit the floor faster than one of his many dropped laptops.

He soon found himself in this room, his head was spinning in a haze and everything looked black and white to him.

And he saw this vision:

Actress Laurette Luez smoking a cigarette

“There’s a glass of vodka in front of you, Comrade Uber-capitalist Hunterovich Pervertovsky,” Miss Luez pointed with her shapely leg.

Pervertovsky picked up the glass and drank.

His face suddenly turned very red like the flags rising above the Saint Petersburg Winter Palace on a Julian calendar October day in 1917.

“I believe it’s Polonium-210 that you use to get rid of the opponents of your friend Vlad the Exhaler’s regime isn’t it?” Miss Luez smiled, “Well there was enough Polonium-210 in that glass of vodka to kill a race horse. And personally I along with Mr. Welles, Mr. Van Helsing and Miss Ho have nothing against race horses.”

Hunterovich Pervertovsky the son of Josef Pervertovsky was D.O.A.

Meanwhile on Hunterovich Pervertovsky’s laptop (which had just landed at his feet) were the plans for Russia’s newest Kinzhal (Dagger) hypersonic missiles just used in Ukraine.

The plans were delivered to Set Enterprises in London.

And not the British government.

As the Bitish government was under the control of Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum and the Great Reset New World Order.

Set Enterprises was not.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th
2022.

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The Children of Hecate

March 13, 2022 at 11:09 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee visits a local community college and its Hall of Fame

World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was walking down the street when he saw a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low-IQ boyfriend rushing towards a bus stop even though there was no bus approaching.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into auto boomerang mode and threw it at the uglo-moronic duo.

The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded her moronic low-IQ boyfriend and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

As Krampus arrived on the scene to pick up the remains and take them down to Tartarus, the machete then went to a nearby Chinese laundromat to get all the blood and guck washed off it before returning to Pan Goatee as a boomerang.

The initial test for this boomerang astral laser machete was originally conducted by Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie at his Cumelita Show down in Sydney, Australia.

That test was an initial disaster resulting in the beheadings and deaths of hundreds of Uncle Ernie’s paying customers who were sitting in the audience.

The machete was wisely given to a German aeronautics firm who used their German aerodynamic skills to make the astral laser machete into the weapon that it is today.

As opposed to whatever Uncle Ernie’s bumbling Australian “what the Hell is he doing skills?” would have turned it into.

Later as Pan Goatee was enjoying a Big Mac and Diet Coke inside a McDonald’s, his enjoyment was interrupted by a thin ugly looking stoat and her two ugly looking offspring entering the restaurant section where he was sitting.

Goatee beheaded the slim ugly looking stoat uglo and her two ugly looking offspring and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each while commenting, “To think all this pre-emptive strike action was brought about by the Austro-Hungarian Augustinian monk Gregor Johann Mendel and his ground breaking genetic research into garden peas.”

“I wonder if Mendel’s peas left such a mess behind on the floor?” A customer commented as he watched all the blood and body parts gathering on the floor prior to Krampus’ arrival.

“They would have if he was diabetic,” Jarod Jerome Le Gnome commented.

Meanwhile in Victoria, British Columbia, B.C.’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant NDP Premier John Horgan was insulting the B.C. Freedom Truckers’ Convoy who were planning to descend on the provincial capital in protest against the socialist despot’s draconian vaccine mandates and lockdowns.

Horgan was condescending towards his opponents like all pompous and arrogant champagne socialist despots are.

“Goodness me, get a hobby,” Horgan’s gums flapped like the wind at the world’s biggest pork and beans barbeque and chili cook-off.

Horgan had a B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pie thrown in his face by a Kootenay area sasquatch whose hobby was throwing B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pies into the faces of people who are total assholes.

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was wondering why Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis wasn’t dead yet.

He had watched Francis drink the entire cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea with the piece of wolfsbane and the jade key to Beijing’s forbidden city in it.

He had also watched Francis eat the recipe for Uncle Ernie’s vegetarian based koala bear and kangaroo meat stew also without any noticeable side effects.

“The man must have sold his soul to the devil to withstand such poisons,” Salaman deduced.

Meanwhile Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was sitting reading a newspaper at the Yaroviv military training area in Ukraine which is about 12 miles from the Polish border and about 25 miles from the city of Lviv located in western Ukraine.

Among the headlines Yaldabaoth read was “Barack Obama Says He Tested Positive For Covid-19”.

Interesting, Yaldabaoth mused.

This was followed by another headline that read, “Justin Trudeau Says He Tested Positive For Syphilis”.

Very interesting, Yaldabaoth mused again.

Suddenly the Yaroviv military base was struck by 30 missiles fired by Russian warplanes flying over the Black and Azov Seas.

Yaldabaoth dropped a load- Joe Biden style- when the attack hit.

“Thank God you shit green and not brown,” the ghost of W.C. Fields remarked as he was playing a game of golf in the area.

The ghost of Orson Welles meanwhile sat in his arm chair in the living room of the Set Mansion in London.

He read some recent history.

“In early 2013 Jen Psaki, when she was spokesperson for the Hillary Clinton State Department, was asked about secret plans for a proposed coup d’etat against the then government of Ukraine.
A year later the Obama Administration, with the support of George Soros’ financing, helped set up the new anti-Russia government of Ukraine.”

“In 2015, it was revealed that George Soros had spent hundreds of millions of dollars in Ukraine and had planted special operatives throughout the country.
This was not done to make Ukraine an independent and sovereign nation state (since Soros hates independent and sovereign nation states) but to make Ukraine an invioable part of the New World Order proposed by Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum.”

“Then in 2017, Neo-Con Senators Lindsey Graham and John McCain travelled to Ukraine and promised top military leaders that “the U.S. would give them everything they need to go to war against Vladimir Putin.”

Welles’ ghost organized the scene in his mind.

3 witches (children of Hecate) on a Scottish heath are transported to Ukraine.

Jen Psaki along with Lindsey Graham and John McCain in drag are the 3 witches.

“When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?”.

“When the hurly-burly’s done,
when the battle’s lost and won.”

“That will be ere the set of sun.”

“Where the place?”.

“Upon the heath.”

“There to meet with MacPutin.”

While Welles’ ghost meditated upon and directed the scene in his mind,
British MP Renfield R. Renfield entered the room and announced, “Did you know that Renfield was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Sunday March 13th
2022.

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Theatre At The Comedie-Francaise

February 3, 2022 at 11:48 pm (Arts, Culture, History, Literature, Plays, Poetry, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , )

She watched the play being performed
Dom Juan ou le Festin de Pierre
(Don Juan or The Feast of the Stone {Statue})
A five-act 1665 comedy by Moliere

As she watched with increased intensity

She herself longed for a taste of Dom Juan’s own sword
She licked her lips
And reached for a handkerchief
To dab a spot

On the stage Dom Juan told a jealous husband,
“Young Leibniz says this is the best of all possible worlds”
To which the jealous husband replied,
“Thou black hearted swine,thou hast made a cuckold of me
Like Zeus did of Philip II of Macedon with Queen Olympias
And you have the nerve to say,
“This is the best of all possible worlds”.

“Last night,” Dom Juan bit into an apple, “Your wife
experienced the best of all possible worlds.”
The husband went into a rage, lifted his sword
and spoke, “I shall make a pork pie of thee
And feed thy black heart to my chickens.”

She watched the sword play on the stage
And redness came to her cheeks
“Oh let his heart be mine
and not that of the chickens.”
Her breasts rose up and down
like a stormy night on
the English Channel.

“Oh, I am slain,” said the husband.
“Young Leibniz is right,” Dom Juan smiled and raised his sword in triumph,
“This is the best of all possible worlds.”

The woman fainted in her seat.

Later in the final act and the final scene
As the stone statue of a man
Whom Don Juan had murdered
Carries Dom Juan down to Hell,
Dom Juan shouts,
“Young Leibniz is wrong,
This is NOT the best of all possible worlds.”

The woman up in the theatre balcony box
Fanned herself with a handkerchief
And said,
“Oh Leibniz, there are more things in Hell
Than are dreamt of in thy philosophy.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster
Awakened from his dream
And wondered if Moliere’s 1665
production of Dom Juan
was actually like that.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 3rd
2022.

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