Renfield Sings The Liebestod From Tristan und Isolde

January 19, 2018 at 9:04 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Music, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Sings The Liebestod From Tristan und Isolde

Various Opposition parties in the British House of Commons were hoping to delay a vote on a portion of Stage One of the Brexit bill by arranging a filibuster this evening.

They agreed the person to deliver the filibuster would be newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield decided to filibuster the vote by singing a song from a German opera since he didn’t figure any British MP had ever done that before.

And this would be another way to get himself Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP into the history books.

Renfield went home to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion to pick up a musical score and lyric sheet from Amadeus Emanon, who being a concert pianist, had several.

“I decided to sing a song from a German opera to filibuster this bill,” Renfield announced to Amadeus as he went through the latter’s musical score and lyric sheets.

“But you don’t speak German,” Amadeus pointed out.

“True,” Renfield admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t sing it.”

Renfield went through the musical score and lyric sheets.

“Hm, this sounds interesting,” Renfield picked out one, “the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s 1859 opera Tristan und Isolde.”

Renfield had left before Amadeus could point out to the parliamentarian that the Liebestod was sung by a female lead in the opera being the climactic end of the opera as the heroine Isolde sings over the hero Tristan’s dead body.

Later as Amadeus Emanon watched the BBC Evening Late News that night, the announcer announced, “And now this just in… a group of armed men with machine guns has stormed into the public gallery of the House of Commons and fired their bullets down on the floor into the direction of an Opposition MP who was trying to filibuster against a procedural bill on government Brexit legislation by singing the Liebestod from Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde.
Apparently the armed men are not members of a terrorist group but members of the German Opera Lovers’ Association.
According to a report from the BBC Culture critic who is at the scene, “the bullets have unfortunately missed Mr. Renfield…”
And this just in from Berlin, the government of Chancellor Angela Merkel have just announced that they have officially disinvited Mr. Renfield from visiting Germany 🇩🇪 next month…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 19th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

January 17, 2018 at 8:38 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

“This looks like a job for Pan Goatee,” the satyr serial killer said as he removed his machete from his belt and decapitated a whole bunch of ugly women who were riding the bus.

Once again transit system janitors would be working overnight washing the floor and removing the blood.

“Nobody seems to murder anyone in motel room showers anymore,” one janitor complained to another.

“No, ever since Alfred Hitchcock shot that masterful scene in black and white with Janet Leigh, most psychos seem to have been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since,” a janitor refilled his bucket with Spic and Span.

“At least the IQ level of psychos is going up,” the other janitor filled his bucket up with Mr. Clean, “must be the influence of breakthroughs in nanotechnology and other Transhumanistically inclined sciences. At least these psychopaths are now starting to kill ugly looking women instead of good looking women like Janet Leigh.”

“The gene pool is certainly on the rise as far as psychotic killers are concerned,” the other janitor had to admit.

Next morning the bus was sparkling clean.

Ready for another day of public transit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 17th
2018.

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Paris In The 1890s

January 16, 2018 at 9:16 pm (Art, Arts, Culture, painting, Romance) (, , , )

Paris In The 1890s

The man walked around the exhibit at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

The exhibit was titled Paris In The 1890s.

As he stared at each portrait of a beautiful Parisienne woman sitting in a sidewalk cafe, the man felt he had been there.

That he had once met each woman in the particular portrait.

“You get the feeling that the artist himself was actually there, don’t you?” Forrest the art gallery proprietor remarked as he walked over to the man.

“Yes,” the man looked at Forrest, “yes you do.”

The man turned and walked out into the night.

And then quite literally vanished.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 16th
2018.

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Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

January 15, 2018 at 9:28 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Movies, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sat in the chair of his living room and read a story in The Times of London about how millions of young Chinese males were heartbroken when they heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi was getting married.

“Can you imagine,” Set remarked to his butler and valet Athelstan who was busy dusting and polishing the furniture, “people becoming heartbroken over a porn star getting married?”.

“It positively boggles the mind, sir,” remarked Athelstan who polished the jar containing Donovan’s brain from the 1953 sci-fi film.

“What is this world coming to?” Set shrugged his shoulders.

“I was pondering the very same thing the other day, sir,” quipped Athelstan who had dropped a glass globe of the world the day before that had smashed into a thousand pieces.

“I think I shall retire to my library and read the works of Virgil in the original Latin,” Set put his paper down and headed upstairs.

“There’s nothing like Dido of Carthage killing herself on a burning funeral pyre to make one forget that a contemporary porn star is getting married, sir,” Athelstan discovered an unopened bag of marshmallows in the fireplace.

As Set entered the second floor of his mansion and walked down the hall, he thought he heard loud crying and sobbing coming from inside Renfield’s bedroom.

“Amadeus,” Set asked his personal concert pianist as he passed him in the hallway, “Is that Renfield I can hear crying through his bedroom door?”.

“Yes, boss,” Amadeus nodded, “Renfield’s been like that since this morning when he heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi is getting married.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 15th
2018.

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After The Golden Globes

January 8, 2018 at 8:25 pm (Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , )

After The Golden Globes

“So the Golden Globe Awards was last night,” Renfield remarked as he drank his tea and read The Times of London.

“Yes it was and I noticed that Harvey Weinstein wasn’t on the red carpet last night,” said the somewhat naive Amadeus.

“No,” Renfield glared exasperatingly at Amadeus, “I suppose Mr. Weinstein didn’t want television audiences to see what an overcircumcision performed on the red carpet looks like.”

“Overcircumcision?” Amadeus glanced quizzically at Renfield, “How does one become overcircumcised?”.

“I hope never to find out,” Renfield replied with great honesty.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 8th
2018.

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The 75th Anniversary of Casablanca: A Poem

November 26, 2017 at 4:55 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Movies, News, Poetry) (, , , , , )

The 75th Anniversary of Casablanca: A Poem

It was 75 years ago today (November 26th 1942) that the film Casablanca with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman had its world premiere in New York City.

Dark times
The world in crisis
Refugees fleeing an entire continent
Inhabitants of imprisoned Europe
Fleeing south to Africa

To Casablanca in Morocco 🇲🇦
hoping to catch the plane to Lisbon in neutral Portugal 🇵🇹
and from there flee to somewhere in the Americas

Rick’s Cafe Americain
a meeting ground
with a varied clientele
Vichy French and Nazi German officials
interspersed with refugees from Europe
A mingling of the best and the worst
the world has to offer
with many people caught in between

And in this intermingling of chaos and conflict
of hope and despair
of greed and apathy
a love triangle emerges
two men and a woman
and in this love triangle
no villain
only 3 people beset by time and circumstance
to find themselves in a situation
that none of them would have entered through choices of their own

For the refugees
is there a way out?
For those caught in the love triangle
is there a way out?

The way out is a plane to Lisbon
Who will board that plane?

In Casablanca, some will lose their lives
In Casablanca, some will lose their hope
In Casablanca, some have already lost their souls
In Casablanca, two men will regain theirs
in what will be the start of a beautiful friendship

Such is Casablanca.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday November 26th
2017.

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Charles Dickens and Christmas

November 24, 2017 at 8:24 pm (Commentary, Culture, History, Literature, Personal essays) (, , , )

Charles Dickens and Christmas

I was just reading a review of the released movie Charles Dickens: The Man Who Invented Christmas.

It looks like it will be quite a good film.

Although I think a more appropriate title would be Charles Dickens: The Man Who Re-Invented Christmas.

Because Christmas 🎄 was actually an important holiday in England and celebrated widely until the advent of Puritanism and Oliver Cromwell in the 17th Century.

The monarchy was restored to Britain in 1660 and although Stuart monarchs may have celebrated Christmas, it was a day no longer marked with much commemoration among the general populace.

Hanoverian England and the advent of the Industrial Revolution saw a further decline in the celebration of Christmas.

The idea of Christmas as a special day to celebrate with family and friends the birth of Christ appeared to be on the verge of dying out in England.

There were some inklings of a possible restoration of Christmas on the landscape.

Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha’s marriage to Queen Victoria in 1840 had led the Prince to bring German Lutheran Christmas customs with him to Buckingham Palace such as the idea of candles, lights and decorated Christmas 🎄 trees.

The High Church Anglo-Catholic priest and hymn writer John Mason Neale was also writing Christmas carols during this time period- Good Christian Men Rejoice, Good King Wenceslas and O Come O Come Emmanuel.

But it was a writer heavily in debt who self-published the book A Christmas Carol in 1843 who turned things around.

Mr. Charles Dickens.

His collection of characters in that work – Ebenezer Scrooge, Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim- have become immortal in themselves.

The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future as well as the ghost of Jacob Marley are probably the most famous ghosts in all English literature.

Dickens’ work would greatly influence the modern Western celebration of Christmas such as family gatherings, seasonal food and drink, parties, dancing, games and a festive generosity of spirit.

All things now associated with Christmas.

In that sense, Dickens did invent Christmas.

But the idea of family Christmas celebrations and Ebenezer Scrooge’s redemption would not have been possible without the Birth of a certain Babe in a manger in Bethlehem 2000 years ago.

Puritan sourpusses such as Oliver Cromwell might have wanted to do away with celebrating Christmas.

The Industrial Revolution with its denial of the essential dignity and self-worth of the individual human person might try to kill the concept of humanity being created in God’s image.

Machines might be seen as capable of replacing a human work force.

And technology might be seen as capable of replacing God.

But for Dickens, the realm of the Spirit was very much alive.

It has been said that “the (Holy) Spirit moveth us in sundry times and places”.

In London in 1843, Charles Dickens felt moved in spirit.

And gave us his masterpiece novella A Christmas Carol.

The celebration of Christ’s birth in the world was not to be denied to humanity.

Today Christmas has turned into an orgy of shopping and commercialization.

The focus has become “What am I getting for Christmas?”.

It is the hidden gift under wrapping that has become the focus of most attention on Christmas morn rather than the Godhead become openly manifest in human flesh.

It looks like the world could use another Charles Dickens to come and remind us what Christmas is truly all about.

-A personal essay
written by Christopher
Friday November 24th
2017.

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The 2nd Anniversary of Sherrielock Holmes’ Appearance On The World Stage

November 23, 2017 at 4:55 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

The 2nd Anniversary of Sherrielock Holmes’ Appearance On The World Stage

It was apparently 2 years ago today that I first introduced the character of Sherrielock Holmes on to the world stage.

The London dominatrix who’s the lesser known twin sister of the great London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.

The London dominatrix who once ate a Lingzhi supernatural mushroom and is now immortal as a result.

Here’s the blog post from 2 years ago where I introduced the character of Sherrielock Holmes to the world:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/11/23/sherrielock-holmes/

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Alberta Premier Rachel Notley and The Alberta Secular Socialist Taliban

November 6, 2017 at 5:48 pm (Commentary, Culture, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Alberta Premier Rachel Notley and The Secular Socialist Taliban

The Himalayan golden cobra serpent who called himself Maitreya shapeshifted into a Tibetan Buddhist monk and took a guided tour of the Vatican.

Meanwhile at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a cabinet meeting in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada involving Alberta’s New Democratic Party Premier Rachel Notley and her cabinet.

The group of quasi-Marxists who governed Alberta were planning to bring in legislation that would outlaw Alberta’s Catholic School System from teaching Catholicism and the Bible in Catholic Schools.

As the Cyndi Lauper song True Colors played on the intercom throughout Set Enterprises Laboratories, Michelangelo could see Rachel Notley having her hair parted in Adolf Hitler like fashion.

She also had grown an Adolf Hitler like moustache under her nose.

“Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is a true example of a practicing Catholic,” Der Female Fuehrer Rachel Notley prejudicially announced as she began her cabinet meeting.

“I have to wholeheartedly agree,” agreed Alberta Education Minister David Eggen who had gone from blondish bookish looking nerd with glasses 👓 to looking like the spitting image of Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels in Michelangelo’s vision.

“We must also outlaw adult only apartment buildings in the province,” mooed a female member of Notley’s cabinet who had obviously never heard of the words Weight Watchers in her entire life.

“Agreed,” Eggen chortled, “the greatest threat to any totalitarian society like that which we’re planning for this province is having writers and artists with a free mind being allowed to create and express themselves openly. Usually such individuals like peace and quiet and don’t like to listen to the voices of screaming whining little brats. We’ll make sure they have nowhere to hide. They’ll be forced to listen to the voices of screaming whining little brats if they can’t afford to live in a house. Since we’re going to eliminate adults only apartment buildings.”

Notley chortled like the cronish form of the Greek goddess Hecate in heat, “It’s such a delight living in a dictatorship. Provided of course you’re one of the dictatorial elite.”

Her cabinet bellowed and mooed in agreement.

“I declare this meeting adjourned,”
Notley banged her gavel.

The female members of the cabinet rushed to a Lesbian All-Star Wrestling 🤼‍♀️ Show being held in town while the male members departed to a gay sauna.

Michelangelo’s vision ended with a new music group who called themselves George Orwell’s Animal Farm singing those old Gordon Lightfoot song lyrics, “Alberta bound, Alberta bound, It’s good to be Alberta bound…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 6th
2017.

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The Wolfman and Joseph Stalin

October 30, 2017 at 7:55 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, Movies, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Wolfman and Josef Stalin

It was Christmas 1941 and Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler was enjoying a private screening of the recently released 1941 American horror film The Wolfman with Lon Chaney Jr. in the title role.

“What a delightful film,” Der Fuhrer purred as he wiped sauerkraut off his lips with his napkin, “it makes me glad that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and not Hollywood.”

“Indeed,” Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels agreed as he swallowed a huge German sausage.

“I have something I’d like to show your Excellency,” the Ahnenerbe scientist Dr. Fritz Falkenberg stated.

“Please, I’ve looked at enough German sausages tonight,” Der Fuhrer remarked as he sipped a pinkish fruit cocktail.

“No,” Dr. Falkenberg spoke an incantation and the character of the Wolfman emerged from the film reel projector.

“Great Odin!” Hitler shrieked.

Dr. Falkenberg spoke the incantation backwards and the Wolfman returned into the film reel projector.

“Impressive,” Der Fuhrer clapped his hands and then wiped them with a napkin.

“I have taken the liberty of mailing a copy of The Wolfman film to Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin,” Dr. Falkenberg explained, “with the incantation spoken over the film. When Stalin watches the film, the Wolfman will jump from the screen and kill him.”

“I hope you haven’t mailed it using a Third Reich post mark,” Goebbels ate a Polish pickle, “otherwise Stalin won’t open it. Our two countries are at war you know.”

“I used one of our spies in Canada to mail the movie from Ottawa to Moscow,” Dr. Falkenberg explained.

What Dr. Falkenberg hadn’t counted on was the slowness of Canada’s postal service.

The film didn’t arrive in Moscow until March 5th 1953.

Stalin was attacked and killed by the screen leaping Wolfman during the course of the film.

Radio Moscow promptly attributed Stalin’s death to natural causes.

Der Fuhrer was not alive to enjoy the announcement.

-A Halloween short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 30th
2017.

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