Memories of Selena

March 25, 2021 at 9:53 pm (Arts, Culture, History, Music) (, , , , )

Selena Quintanilla

Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell was the CEO of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. in London.

He had become the CEO of the company after buying it (through a loan given to him by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) in 2018.

Previously he had been an Executive Vice-President of the Company.

This past year of the pandemic there had not been much recording going on at his studios on Abbey Road- the Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios.

As most musicians and singers did their performances via podcast and livestream.

So Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had used the past year to write his memoirs.

He had run for the 2008 Democratic Presidential nomination in the U.S. and had come in an extremely extremely extremely distant third behind Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

He moved to London England in 2010 to become Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. to fulfill a lifelong dream he had of one day becoming a music producer.

Prior to his Presidential run, he had been an Executive Vice-President of Vidal Sassoon Hair Products.

Today he was busy recalling the year 1994.

He was remembering the day that year a friend of his had invited him to a small recording studio that the friend owned in San Antonio, Texas.

He recalled walking through the door of the recording studio and there sitting on a chair was a woman with one of the loveliest smiles he had ever seen in his life.

Selena Quintanilla

Campbell was disappointed in himself for at that time he had never heard of this young and promising young star bound to become a superstar.

She however sang and recorded a song in his friend’s studio that day.

It was a song in Spanish.

It was so beautiful that Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell resolved someday to learn the language.

Sadly he had never done that either up until this point in his life.

He recalled a year later in 1995 the day that he had heard Selena had been shot and killed by the President of her own fan club.

March 31st 1995.

In less than a week, it would be the 26th anniversary of her tragic death.

A young talent taken from the world too soon.

A lovely smile taken from the world too soon.

-written by Christopher
Thursday March 25th
2021.

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Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane Meet The Brides of Dracula

March 13, 2021 at 10:53 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic romance, Humour, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been binge watching episodes of the old TV series Frasier.

He then binge watched a Dracula movie marathon.

When that was over, he set his water proof alarm clock moving the time an hour ahead as tomorrow would be the start of Daylight Savings Time.

He then lay back on his water proof pillow and fell asleep.

He had a dream whereby Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane met the Brides of Dracula.

Niles: This is all your fault, Frasier. I don’t really relish the idea of walking around a spooky Transylvanian castle. It doesn’t really cut the mustard in my opinion. Hot doggetty!

Frasier: Niles, I wish you’d stop using those weird euphemisms uttered by that pot smoking hot dog salesman doing those late night infomercials advertising American cuisine recipes you can do in hot tubs. And why is it my fault? You were the one who insisted on giving two rather large glasses of sherry to my BMW’s GPS before we set out on this road trip.

Niles: Yes, well if you had stopped to ask for directions from that transgendered transvestite in the baked potato costume in Boisie, Idaho, we might not be in this mess.

Frasier: No, we might be in a bigger mess.

Niles: What could possibly be a bigger mess than a spooky Transylvanian castle?

Frasier: How about social distancing from a perfect 10 fashion model during a pandemic?

Niles: Frasier, I refuse to believe you dated a perfect 10 fashion model.

Frasier: So does everybody else.

Niles (pointing to a door): Where do you suppose this leads?

Frasier: Oh, I don’t know, Niles. Why don’t you open it and see how many other headwaiters with Hungarian accents lying in coffins we can come across? I haven’t donated so much blood since that multiple radio station personality blood donor challenge in Seattle way back in the day.

Niles (opening door and looking in): It’s the Brides of Dracula.

Frasier (looking in): My God, you’re right, Niles.

Niles: Frasier, I haven’t had so many erotic images and fantasies going through my mind since I first read that scene with the brides of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula as a sophomore back in prep school.

Frasier: That wouldn’t have been the night before the headmaster ordered that major steamcleaning of your mattress?

Niles: Frasier, I wish you hadn’t brought that up.

Frasier: Your mattress probably wished the same thing at the time as well.

Brides of Dracula (calling out): Niles, Frasier!

Niles (rushing in): I regret that I have but one life to give for my fantasy.

Frasier: Niles, quit being such a ham!

(Frasier rushes in)

Frasier: Be a blood sausage like me.

Voice of Count Dracula (singing in the background): I don’t know what to do with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs. They’re calling again.

Voice of Announcer: Good night, Transylvania.

The End.

-A Frasier Meets Brides of Dracula Episode
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 13th
2021.

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Renfield Reads Dr. Seuss Books To Children, Comments On Pope Francis and Reflects On Meghan and Prince Harry Interview

March 10, 2021 at 11:56 pm (books, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield spent the morning reading live on-air to British schoolchildren the 6 books by Dr. Seuss that would no longer be published by Dr. Seuss Enterprises because they were deemed highly offensive, extremely insensitive and politically incorrect by America’s easily offended, psychotically oversensitive and politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

After the live-on air reading, Renfield left the studio where he was greeted by a highly irate member of Britain’s own politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

“How dare you,” the man foamed at the mouth, “read, as a member of Britain’s House of Commons and therefore a public servant, books that have been deemed cancelled by us the cancel culture?”.

The man regained consciousness several hours later after his face had come into sudden and immediate very close contact with Renfield’s fist.

Renfield went to his parliamentary office where his secretary told him that the U.S. Ambassador to London was once again phoning to complain about the number of times Renfield had referred to U.S. President Joe Biden as an “idiot” and a “senile old fool” the past week.

Renfield had also received a phone call from U.S. actor Tom Hanks’ agent.

In a recent interview, Renfield was asked about Tom Hanks being recently granted Greek citizenship, and the MP replied, quoting a San Francisco blogger he read, “Didn’t Greece recently legalize pedophilia?”.

Renfield went into his inner office where he had a Skype conversation with his good friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

“Did you hear,” Amadeus asked, “that Pope Francis was complaining to reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq (reporters all of whom had received the DeathVaxx vaccine in order to be allowed on the plane) that some people call him “an idiot and a heretic”? Did you hear his complaining about that?”.

“I did,’ Renfield lit a cigar.

“Haven’t you on numerous occasions called Pope Francis an idiot and a heretic?” Amadeus inquired.

“I have,” Renfield nodded.

“Some people are now saying that Pope Francis has initiated the official start of the Mystery Babylon religion that was prophesied in Chapter 17 of the Apocalypse of Saint John,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Well Pope Francis did hold an interfaith service at the site of the temple of Inanna the ancient Sumerian goddess of prostitution (whose Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian equivalent was Ishtar) the goddess who’s considered the Mother of Harlots so his use of symbols and symbology used throughout this trip was extremely interesting to say the least,” Renfield sipped a small glass of brandy.

“Did you get a chance to watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah?” Amadeus asked.

“I did,” said Renfield, “I was talking to a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and has felt suicidal a few times in his life and he’s very disturbed with the way Meghan was not offered help by the Royal Family when she herself was feeling suicidally depressed while pregnant with Archie and was further told she should not seek out help because members of the Firm aren’t supposed to do so.
They’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.”

“Didn’t Prince Andrew keep a stiff something else with a few underage female proteges of Jeffrey Epstein?” Amadeus inquired.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “And then during the interview it appears there’s at least one member of the Royal Family who’s racist and expressed concern about what skin tone colour baby Archie was going to have. Oprah said that Prince Harry made it clear that it wasn’t his grandmother the Queen or his grandfather Prince Philip. But another member of the Royal Family.”

“Any idea who that member of the Royal Family might be?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well, I have a few suspects in mind but nothing definite,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder if we’ll ever know,” Amadeus pondered.

“Well, if Harvey Tallbanger ever finds out and I’m told he’s currently investigating the matter,” Renfield finished his brandy, “and we hear about a member of the British Royal Family getting a cream pie in the face in public thrown at them by an invisible entity over the next few weeks, we can safely guess that was probably the one who had their knickers in a knot over what little Archie’s skin tone colour might be.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 10th
2021.

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Hera and The Gangsters

March 1, 2021 at 11:39 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Ghost Story, Mythology, Plays, Romance, The Supernatural, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera starring in a 1930s Broadway play about gangsters

It was the decade of the 1930s.

And the Greek goddess Hera was honing her theatrical skills by starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.

It was dress rehearsal night – the evening before the official opening.

Hera was awaiting the arrival of the gangster boss Big Frank Malone.

A man came on stage wearing a fedora hat and gangster suit and carrying a big violin case.

Hera, speaking out of character, said, “You don’t look like John Barrymore to me.”

“I’m afraid John is a bit under the weather tonight,” the understudy replacement for John Barrymore replied.

“How many bottles did he have to drink today?” Hera asked.

“You know the real Barrymore obviously,” Dracul Van Helsing, who had time travelled from the future and was now playing the role of Big Frank Malone in this play about gangsters, replied.

“That’s funny,” the ghost of Orson Welles, who had likewise time travelled from the future, remarked as he sat in the front row, “I don’t ever recall John Barrymore starring in a play about gangsters.”

“He possibly drank before each performance and never made it to the stage,” Van Helsing noted.

“By Jove, I think you’re right,” Welles agreed.

“Please, don’t use one of my husband’s Roman names,” Hera stood up.

“I forgot,” Welles bowed, “I do apologize.”

Hera approached Van Helsing, “Well, Dracul, since you’ve come from the future to step in for the great John Barrymore, perhaps we can do an improvisational performance tonight.”

“And what improvisational performance did you have in mind?” Van Helsing inquired.

“How about making out here on the stage?” Hera smiled.

And Hera and Van Helsing did just that.

“Not again,” Welles’ ghost buried his ghostly head in his ghostly hands.

As Hera and Van Helsing made out, soon thunder and lightning flashed around the stage.

“And furthermore, I just would happen to be in the very theatre on the night the Greek god Zeus decided to attend a Broadway play,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

The next day a hangover stricken John Barrymore was asked what happened to the theatre as it lay in ruins.

“Well, I know people are once again going to say this was a hallucination brought on by too much drink on my part,” Barrymore commented, “but it was an angry and cuckholded Greek god Zeus who destroyed this theatre because his wife the Olympian queen Hera was making out with a mortal.”

The members of the New York press laughed and shook their heads.

And that was the reason history has no record of John Barrymore starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.

The ghost of radio announcer Paul Harvey appeared in front of the lightning produced charred ashes of the theatre and gave his usual radio show sign-off, “And now you know the rest of the story.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 1st
2021.

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If Ed Wood Jr. Had Directed Casablanca

February 15, 2021 at 11:53 pm (Comedy, Culture, Film, Movies, Romance, Vampire novel) (, )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a dream about what would have happened if the famed 1950s corny sci-fi and horror film director Ed Wood Jr. had directed the 1942 film Casablanca instead of Michael Curtiz.

Michelangelo entered the old time movie theatre carrying his large popcorn and large Coke just at the moment of the film’s climatic ending.

Michelangelo took a seat in the front row so that no tall idiot could sit in front of him.

This is what he saw:

Rick: Ilsa, I thought you were getting on a plane.

Ilsa: So did I, Rick. But all that seems to be here is this wheelbarrow.

Rick: I knew I shouldn’t have sent you to one of those fly-by-night Casablanca travel agencies. They promise you the world and give you one of those washroom cubicles.

Ilsa: Oh, Rick. What should I do?

Rick: Where’s your husband Victor Laszlo?

Ilsa: He came down with food poisoning after eating in your Cafe Americain, Rick.

Rick: Damn. I told the chef to “Cook it again, Pam.”

Ilsa: It looks like the only way to Lisbon is in this wheelbarrow, Rick.

Rick (looking at his watch): You better get started then, Ilsa. It’s going to take a long time floating in the Mediterranean past the Straits of Gibraltor and then up part of the Atlantic coast to reach Portugal. I don’t know how far it is to Lisbon from the Portuguese coast. Geography was never my strong point. That’s why I wasn’t so successful running guns during the Spanish Civil War by going to South Africa instead of Spain.

Ilsa: But do wheelbarrows float, Rick?

Rick: I don’t know, Ilsa. Archimedes and his theory of water dispersal was never my strong point either. That’s why I have to have a lifeguard standing by every time I take a bath.

Ilsa (throwing her arms around Rick): Oh Rick, I can’t leave you.

Rick: Listen, Ilsa, if you don’t get into that wheelbarrow, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday and soon.

Ilsa (with tears in her eyes): But what about us, Rick?

Rick: We’ll always have Paris.

Ilsa: Where you stuck me with paying the check?

Rick: Where I stuck you with paying the check.

Ilsa: I hope I won’t regret this, Rick. (Gets into wheelbarrow)

Rick: You won’t regret it, Ilsa.

Ilsa: I’m starting to regret it already, Rick. This wheelbarrow is loaded with wet cement.

Rick: What the- ?

Ilsa: And the cement seems to be rising, Rick. It’s burying me alive.

(Captain Louis Renault of the Vichy French Police Casablanca Division arrives on the scene)

Captain Renault: Well it appears our Ilsa Lund has become a hardened criminal.

Rick: Hardened yes. But I don’t think a criminal.

(The rest of the Vichy Police Force Casablanca Department arrive)

Captain Renault (blowing his whistle): Men, our would be escaped refugee Ilsa Lund has become a concrete case. Round up the usual suspects.

(The police head off to round up the usual suspects)

Captain Renault: You know, Rick, I’ve always been wanting a statue by the fountain in my back yard garden. I’ll pay you 10,000 francs if you wheel this wheelbarrow down to my garden and place Ilsa there next to the fountain.

Rick (picking up the two handles of the wheelbarrow): You know, Louis. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

(Rick pushing the wheelbarrow and Captain Louis Renault depart together into the foggy mist filled night).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 15th
2021

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Valentine’s Day 2021 – 75th Anniversary of Release of Rita Hayworth’s Gilda

February 14, 2021 at 11:33 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Movies, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

It was 75 years ago today that the 1946 film Gilda starring Rita Hayworth was released.

The ghost of Orson Welles was sitting in an armchair in a reflective mood as he sat there sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.

“A penny for your thoughts,” said Renfield R. Renfield as he sat in an armchair sipping a brandy.

“He’s probably sitting there thinking it’s Valentine’s Day Night and none of us have a date this evening,” Dr. Marmalade Montague quipped as he sipped a cognac.

In the guest lobster tank in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s London mansion, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster held up a sign that asked WHEN SHALL WE FOUR LOSERS MEET AGAIN? IN THUNDER, LIGHTNING OR IN SPAIN?

“I think that’s supposed to be rain not Spain,” Renfield remarked.

In the kitchen, Athelstan the butler could be heard singing the song, “The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain…”

“Remember to remind me never to fly over Spain,” Renfield commented.

“I don’t think it’s that type of plane,” Montague observed,” “I think it’s plain as in flat grassland not the object that flies through the air.”

Welles’ ghost was brought back to the present by the sheer inanity of the current conversation.

“I was just thinking that it was 75 years ago today that the movie Gilda starring my then wife Rita Hayworth was released,” Welles wiped away a spectral tear.

“That was considered her greatest role wasn’t it?” Renfield asked.

“It was,” Welles blew his ghostly nose in his spectral handkerchief as tears continued to fall down his cheeks and beard like Niagara Falls.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster pulled his waterproof guitar out of his waterproof suitcase and started playing the song Put The Blame On Mame.

“That song was from the movie Gilda wasn’t it?” Dr. Marmalade Montague asked.

“It was,” Welles’ ghost wiped away another spectral tear from his eyes.

“I don’t want to come across as being insensitive or anything,” Renfield adjusted his t-shirt that said THEY DON’T CALL ME LOUT FOR NOTHING, “but why are you bawling like a baby?”.

“Because less than 2 years after that film came out, Rita and I divorced,” Welles wiped away another tear, “Our marriage always was under somewhat a strain. Because as Rita herself said, “It’s tough being married to a genius’.”

“I’m sure that’s one problem Mrs. Justin Trudeau doesn’t have,” Renfield quipped.

“Anyways,” Welles continued, “After Gilda came out, Rita became a goddess in the public eye. And it’s tough for a mere mortal man to be married to a goddess.”

“I wonder if the reverse is true,” Dr. Marmalade Montague lit a pipe, “If it’s tough for a mere mortal woman to be married to a god.”

“Well there goes the Dan Brown hypothesis about who Mary Magdalene was married to down the drain,” Renfield reflected.

Meanwhile Nefertiti Galore the Estate’s guard cat had pulled the drain on the guest lobster tank much to Michelangelo’s discomfiture.

“Oh Rita, Rita,” Orson sobbed.

Welles’ mind returned to an earlier time.

When Rita played Gilda.

It seemed to be a far happier Valentine’s Day 75 years ago when Gilda was released.

For at that time, neither knew what the future held.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 14th
2021.

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When Greek Temples Stood

February 10, 2021 at 11:28 pm (Arts, Culture, Mythology, Poetry) (, )

There was a time
When Greek temples stood
In pristine
And newly built condition

When mighty pillars held up the temple top
And statues at the top
A goddess on either side
Of mighty Atlas who holds up the roof
In the same way he carried
The weight of the world
On his shoulders

There was a time
When statues
Of nymphs, imps and swans
Were fountains
Spraying forth
Warm blue water
Into warm pools of blue
Mediterranean blue
And one could bathe
In warm blue pool waters
And turning skyward
From the pool
One could see Astraeus
The god of dusk
Painting a golden farewell
To day
In the sky

There was a time
When Greek temples stood
In pristine
And newly built condition

Now is not that time

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday February 10th 2021.

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Haiku About Christopher Plummer RIP

February 5, 2021 at 11:07 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Poetry) (, )

Christopher Plummer
Now walks where heavenly hills
Sing sound of music

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One Silent Night

December 23, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Christmas, Culture, History, Music, Poetry, Songs) (, , )

It was a quiet night in 1816
When a young Austrian priest
Joseph Mohr
Went for a walk
Around the village of Oberndorf
In Austria

He looked out over a very quiet
snow-laden town
And the stars glistening
In the frosty heavens above

In his mind’s eye
He saw a beautiful young maiden
Wrapping a newborn babe
In a blanket
In a stable
In the back courtyard
Of an old inn
At the edge of a small town

The young maiden sang the sweetest lullaby
To her young son
He did not understand the words to the song
The young maiden sang
But it was the sweetest melody he had ever heard

He went home and wrote words to the melody
He did not know the words the young maiden sang
But he wrote the words of what he himself
Saw that night

A couple of years later
Franz Zaber Gruber
The choir director
Of Saint Nicholas Church
In Oberndorf
Wrote music to accompany
The words that Father Mohr
Had written to accompany
The melody he heard in his mind

And that Christmas Eve in 1818
At Saint Nicholas Church in Oberndorf
Austrian villagers first heard
The song lyrics and melody
To
Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht

Silent night, holy night.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday December 23rd 2020
The Night Before
Christmas Eve 2020.

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Selena

December 1, 2020 at 11:31 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Life, love, Plays, Poetry, Romance, theatre) (, , , , )

The old playhouse was closing
It had a successful run throughout its long life
As a playhouse theatre
For 25 years
From comedies to tragedies
Romance to dramas
Several hits
And a few flops

It was a victim of its own success
For so many people
Were wanting to subscribe to its season
Of plays
This old playhouse
Could not seat all those who wanted to attend
What its company of performers and directors
Stage hands and lighting technicians
Had to offer.

So last night was the last performance
In the old playhouse
And now this 1st of December 1945
The new playhouse with new seats
And a much larger seating capacity
For a much larger audience
Would be opening its run
Of Dickens’ classic tale
For Christmas
A Christmas Carol

A Christmas Carol
With Ebenezer Scrooge
And his longsuffering clerk
Bob Cratchit
And Tiny Tim
And the ghost of Scrooge’s
7-years dead partner
Jacob Marley
With chains upon his feet
And the Ghosts of Christmas Past
Present
and Yet To Come

Selena was an actress

She wasn’t appearing in A Christmas Carol
But she had appeared in the last play
Ever performed in this old playhouse
The play that had finished its run last night
Wuthering Heights
Emily Bronte’s classic tale
of tragic doomed love
Of lovers who went far beyond star-crossed
Trying to reach the heavens
And end up
Falling
Into the abyss.
Of ghosts
And knocking outside the window
And howling winds
And desolate moors
And souls that are damned
And what happens when compassion is lacking
And revenge is always served
Hot or cold.

Selena had played Cathy
The love of Heathcliff’s life
And the woman who loved Heathcliff
Hot love
Passionate love
Forbidden love
The love only hinted at by Emily Bronte
As if Orestes and Electra
Had come from tragic Mycenae of old
To perform unfinished business
On the early 19th Century
Yorkshire Moors

Selena sat on coverings
On the sofa
Where she as Cathy
Had sat with the man
Who was Cathy’s husband
But not Cathy’s love or lover
Edgar Linton
In Bronte’s classic tale

And then
As if in one magic moment
A lighting technician
Suddenly shone the spotlight
On Selena
(Who was dressed to attend
The new theatre playhouse
Christmas Carol
Opening night party)
As she sat on that sofa

And that spotlight
Shone on one promising young actress
Who had performed many great performances
In that old playhouse
And soon would perform many more
In a new playhouse theatre

The spotlight would soon fade
And the lights would come down
For good
on the old playhouse
It may not have been Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre of London
But it had been the town’s old playhouse
Bringing joy and sadness
Heartache and hearbreak
To so many spectators
And audiences over the years

Like many old buildings
This old playhouse
Had character
And thus would be missed
And its old plays
And many performances
Would only be played again
In the memories
of the theatre
Of the mind

-A poem written by Christopher
Tuesday December 1st
2020.

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