Anne Boleyn’s Ghost Seen On Cornish Coast Today
The ghost of Anne Boleyn (with her head re-attached) was seen on the coast of Cornwall in front of an alleged castle of King Arthur today
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had not been invited to the Coronation this past Saturday by His Majesty King Charles III as His Majesty personally disliked the man (even though Charles had sent him to a secret conference in Vienna last month to see if the MP could help negotiate a peace treaty between Russia and Ukraine).
As consolation, Paddington Bear (who was one of Charles’ aides-de-camp) had sent Renfield a jar 🏺 of his (Paddington’s) favourite marmalade since the bear did like Renfield.
As it was, it was just as well that Renfield didn’t attend the Coronation or any of the Coronation related events (such as the Windsor Castle concert) because Renfield was asked to engage in a paranormal investigation that day.
Apparently the ghost of Anne Boleyn (who was usually seen walking around the Tower of London carrying her head in her hands) was seen walking around the Tower of London with her head re-attached to the rest of her body.
The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby (who was called Makeus Sickby by Canada’s leading archivist Jack Morrow and who was no longer recognized as head of the global Anglican Communion by the Bible believing Anglican Churches of Africa) was informed of the apparition.
However in addition to crowning Charles at the Coronation in Westminster Abbey (where he had trouble putting the Crown 👑 on Charles’ head), the Archbishop was also partaking in a same sex wedding blessing that day between two motor vehicles 🚗 🚗 who had rear ended one another on the M25 motorway.
Welby passed the investigation on to Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading Exorcist.
Father Bury Saint Edmunds was also the Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London (the Church that Amadeus Emanon attended).
As such Father Bury Saint Edmunds was friends with Renfield R. Renfield and invited him to partake in the investigation along with Amadeus.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had just flown in from Los Angeles that day so they were invited to visit the Tower of London as well.
However despite spending all day and night at the Tower of London, the Fabulous 5 could spot no sign of the ghost of Anne Boleyn (with or without her head).
Today however, Monday May 8th 2023, the ghost of Anne Boleyn was spotted standing in front of Tintagel Castle on the Cornish coast.
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was unavailable to go down to Cornwall today as he had been called in to Exorcise two motor vehicles that had been recently blessed by Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.
The vehicles were possessed by the demon Baphomet and the Emperor Hadrian’s deified homosexual lover Antinous respectively.
Amadeus Emanon was performing a concert at an inner city school in London.
And British MP Renfield R. Renfield was busy with his podcasts.
So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had rented a 1965 Volkswagen Beatle from Avis Rent A Car in London and had driven down to Cornwall to see for themselves.
They listened to Renfield’s podcast as they drove.
Renfield was commenting on how Justin Trudeau was removing the Cross from atop the Crown in the new Canadian Royal Heraldic Coat of Arms for Canada in the wake of Charles’ coronation.
Renfield was currently doing an analysis of Justin Trudeau’s character.
Said Renfield, “Justin Trudeau is an impotent bedwetter with a small penis with all the recurring mental turmoil that emerges as a result of all that…”
Renfield then went on to address American political issues,
“Chelsea Clinton the facially aesthetically challenged daughter of Bill and Hillary says that unvaccinated children in America must be vaccinated with the mRNA vaccine with or without their parents’ consent…”
Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost arrived at Tintagel Castle.
They exited the car and walked up and down the coastline.
On their way back to Tintagel Castle, they came upon this sight:
Welles’ ghost said to Van Helsing, “Dracul, why don’t you go into the village of Tintagel and see if you can find a Church with Holy Water and bring the Holy Water back here in case we might need it.”
Van Helsing did just that.
When he returned, he found the ghost of Orson Welles making out with the ghost of Anne Boleyn.
“Egad!” Van Helsing cried out.
“Now you know how I feel when I stumble upon you making out with some woman,” Welles commented as he climaxed.
“My God, you’re no Justin Trudeau,” Anne Boleyn observed as she orgasmed.
“No, in the case of Justin Trudeau, it’s the Void,” Welles lit a cigar as he lay on the beach in post-coital bliss.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday May 8th
2023.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On Cinco de Mayo 2023
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec on Cinco de Mayo 2023.
It was Cinco de Mayo 2023.
And the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was celebrating.
She was in the U.S. state of California since Cinco de Mayo wasn’t really a big holiday or celebration in Mexico 🇲🇽 itself other than the Mexican city of Puebla.
May 5th 1862 was the date of the Mexican Army’s victory over the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III at the First Battle of Puebla in the Mexican city of Puebla.
Behind the battle were two vampiresses.
One was the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec who supported the Mexican Army and the other was the Paris based Egyptian vampiress Isis who supported the forces of Napoleon III.
They later met again in a hawthorn wooden stake after sunset showdown in the American Wild West town of Hayden Colorado (site of immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes’ Wild Tomatoes 🍅 and Mushroom 🍄 Saloon) in the 1880s.
That contest resulted in a draw as well as the American Wild West’s first open heart surgery operation (to remove wooden splinters).
Today on Cinco de Mayo 2023 Qonzilqointec got her photo taken that was immediately made into a post card.
As Qonzilqointec leaned against the wall to get her photo taken, she immediately spotted an old friend of hers the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“What are you doing in Los Angeles?” Qonzilqointec asked Van Helsing.
“I’m here to see if I can talk the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg into finishing his science-fiction novel,” Van Helsing replied.
“And did you find Mr. Finneganburg?” The Aztec vampire princess inquired.
“No, his wife isn’t too sure what bar he would be in today,” Dracul answered, “although he apparently no longer frequents donut 🍩 shops unless he has the world-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee with him.”
At that moment George Finneganburg was in fact asleep 😴 💤 on the floor of one of the Los Angeles Public Libraries where children were stepping over him to attend Drag Queen Story Reading 📖 Hour.
“Egad, where’s Pan Goatee when you really need?” George exclaimed upon awakening and seeing a bunch of bearded drag queens within his sight.
Qonzilqointec and Van Helsing meanwhile passed another writer – a creative writing instructor who held the title for the world’s most colossally boring author.
He was reading his latest work to a Washington state Sasquatch at an outdoor cafe where the Sasquatch was fast asleep.
Other cafe patrons were busy committing hari kari as the colossally boring author with a PH Unbalanced shampoo hairstyle read.
Qonzilqointec and Van Helsing then retreated to his hotel room where they proceeded to make out.
Some time later the ghost of Orson Welles could be seen entering the hotel lobby.
He was wearing a pair of dark ghostly sunglasses 🕶️, a spectrally psychedelic t-shirt and a pair of ghostly ghastly Bermuda shorts 🩳.
“I bet Dracul will be surprised to see me,” Welles’ ghost commented as he entered the hotel elevator and hit the 5th floor button.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday May 5th
2023.
Sherrielock Holmes and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes
Sherrielock Holmes the world famous London dominatrix was getting her photo taken by famous London photographer Murrell Haggarty.
Sherrielock Holmes was the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.
Sherrielock had become immortal after eating a specially prepared bowl 🍲 of Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms back in the early 1890s.
She had offered some to her twin brother Sherlock but he had refused.
Thus Sherlock Holmes ended up kicking the bucket 🪣 🦶 in the 1930s.
When Dr. John Watson had approached his physician friend Arthur Conan Doyle about the proper way to market the exploits of his detective friend Sherlock Holmes, Doyle suggested that Watson publish the stories under his (Doyle’s) name.
That way many people might think that Sherlock Holmes was a fictional detective.
But those people who were helped by Holmes would realize that Sherlock was in fact a real life detective.
That would start endless speculation among the populace at large:
Was Sherlock Holmes fictional? Or was he real?
That enigmatic question Was Sherlock Holmes Man or Myth? would only lead to greater increase in the popularity of the Sherlock Holmes stories.
One thing Sherlock Holmes requested of the writing duo of Dr. John Watson and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was that they not mention that Sherlock had a twin sister Sherrielock Holmes.
It was all right mentioning that Sherlock Holmes had an older brother named Mycroft who was a high ranking official in the British government of the day.
But don’t mention Sherrielock Holmes, Sherlock begged.
Watson did mention Sherrielock once, but like Basil Fawlty in relationship to mentioning the War, he got away with it.
The reason Sherlock Holmes did not want it known that he had a twin sister named Sherrielock Holmes was because Sherrielock was a professional dominatrix.
Worse yet a professional dominatrix who had once owned a bordello brothel saloon in a ruckus causing Wild West town in Colorado during the 1880s in the days of the American Wild West (Belvedere who later became famous as the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander had worked as a bartender for Sherrielock Holmes in that saloon during the days that he was a mortal human).
Having a sister (worse yet a twin sister) who was a professional dominatrix who had once owned an American Wild West bordello brothel saloon would have been extremely embarrassing to Sherlock Holmes had those facts become known publicly.
Although most members of the Victorian and Edwardian era British House of Commons and British House of Lords had heard of Sherrielock Holmes since they were among her most constant clients.
Her client list included many members of the British cabinet and several standing Prime Ministers (who really were standing after a session with her).
Sherrielock Holmes was also the immortal great-grandmother of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Sherrielock had been married to a French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher for 25 years from 1893 to 1918.
It was Louis who had prepared the special dish of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms that had made Sherrielock immortal.
Someday Louis said he would eat such a dish (making him immortal) but he said he was going to wait.
He waited too long because he, as a member of the RAF, was shot down and killed by the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen on April 20th 1918 (the day before the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen was himself shot down and killed on April 21st 1918).
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had discovered that Sherrielock’s late husband Dr. Louis Rocher had been an illegitimate son of Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy Prof. James Moriarty.
Thus Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had both Holmes and Moriarty blood 🩸 in him with Sherlock Holmes having been his great uncle and Prof. James Moriarty his great great grandfather.
No wonder that Dr. Cadbury Rocher is the genius that he is.
Amadeus Emanon a friend of Sherrielock Holmes had been listening to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast.
Renfield had been podcasting from Vienna where he was attending a conference on behalf of the British government.
The past couple of days on his podcasts Renfield had been talking about the legend of the curse of the mummy’s tomb of King Tut.
The legend had begun 100 years ago yesterday (April 5th 1923) after George Edward Stanhope Molyneux Herbert the 5th Earl of Carnarvon (the financier of Howard Carter’s expedition that discovered King Tut’s tomb) had died from a fatal mosquito bite.
The legend of the curse of the mummy’s tomb of King Tut had blasted off with full force 100 years ago today (April 6th 1923) when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (the man the world believed to be the creator of Sherlock Holmes) said that “an evil elemental brought into being by Egyptian occultism or the spirit of Tut might have caused the death of Lord Carnarvon” the man who, along with Howard Carter, had opened the tomb of King Tut.
Said Doyle, “The Egyptians knew a great deal more about these things (occultism and spiritualism) than we do.”
Doyle added, “One does not know what elementals existed in those days and how long those elementals existed and what might be their force.”
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle pointed out that if “they (the Egyptians) could put these elementals on guard over their dead bodies, they would certainly have done so.”
Doyle concluded, “Therefore I think it quite possible that Lord Carnarvon may have met his death through one of these elementals.”
After listening to the Renfield podcasts on this subject, Amadeus Emanon went to see Sherrielock Holmes.
Sherrielock was being photographed.
Then she had an appointment.
After she had finished spanking the living daylights out of errant British actor Hugh Grant, she then spoke to Amadeus.
“Do you know anything of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s research into elementals?” Amadeus asked.
“No, I don’t,” Sherrielock answered in the negative as she adjusted her skirt, “This will have to be dry cleaned. That bastard Hugh came all over it.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 6th
2023.
Artemis In The Wild
Greek goddess Artemis in front of a small creek waterfall
“I don’t think there are any fish in this creek are there?” The ghost of Orson Welles asked as they trudged up the rocky walk of the trickling creek.
“No, this water really isn’t deep enough for fish,” Dracul Van Helsing answered.
“Then why were the fishermen who reported sirens (the women of mythology who inhabit waters and draw sailors and fishermen to their deaths) fishing here?” Welles asked.
“I think they’re heavy cannabis users and imagined fish in this trickling stream,” Van Helsing replied.
“Then couldn’t they have imagined seeing a siren as well?” Welles pulled a spectral bottle of spectral red wine 🍷 out of his spectral picnic 🧺 basket and poured himself a glass.
“Yes, that is my Sherlockian analysis as well,” Dracul agreed, “Yet when Paddington Bear called me to say that His Majesty King Charles III was concerned about the possibility of sirens being in a stream he occasionally likes to wander and roam, Paddington asked to make sure there are no sirens present.”
“Is that why you’ve brought along your crossbow and silver arrows?” Welles asked as he ate a spectrally large chicken 🍗 drumstick.
“Exactly,” Van Helsing nodded.
“Couldn’t you just make out with a siren the same way you usually make out with a Vampiress or goddess?” Welles delicately wiped his spectral beard with his spectral napkin.
“Well, judging from Odysseus’ experience mentioned in Homer’s Odyssey, sirens are quite deadly and can’t be messed with,” Van Helsing took a sip of ale from his canteen, “and the stories of the Lorelei who sits and sings atop a rock in the Rhine River of Germany had the same deadly effect on sailors there according to legend, poem and folk song.”
“How did the sirens come to be?” Welles asked.
“Well according to the 1st Book of Enoch,” Dracul recounted, “The women who had sex with the Watcher angels and bore giants in the earth before Noah’s Flood came, they were turned into sirens.”
“Maybe you should have worn an angel costume,” Welles speculated aloud.
“Now you tell me,” Dracul smiled.
Suddenly Dracul and Welles heard a lovely singing coming from further up the trickling stream.
They climbed up and encountered the Greek goddess Artemis.
“That’s no siren,” Dracul smiled, “That’s the goddess Artemis.”
Welles’ ghost was reminded of a story Renfield R. Renfield had related about Bill Clinton when he was Governor of Arkansas. The governor had been seen checking into a cheap out of the way motel with some woman and the next day Clinton was asked, “Who was that lady you were with last night?” and Clinton replied, “That was no lady. That was my wife.”
In the meantime, Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Greek goddess Artemis.
“Maybe we should have run into a siren,” Welles sighed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 30th
2023.
The Feast of The Beast 2023
Back in 1955 the Greek goddess Artemis was in possession of the silver arrow of Chiron the centaur
Attending a Chiron the Centaur exhibit at the British Museum in March 1955, the Greek goddess Artemis had the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur in her purse.
Artemis exited her vehicle to walk to the British Museum.
A female Soviet KGB agent who was a master pickpocket stole the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur.
It was taken to Moscow where it was placed in the KGB Archives but lost by one KGB Archivist Harry Wooismeovich.
For his efforts, Harry Wooismeovich was shot by firing squad under orders by Nikita Khrushchev.
Harry Wooismeovich’s last words were “Oh, who’s Winston Churchill?” in answer to a British government telegram for clemency and “Woo is me!” in answer to being shot.
The silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur was thus lost to history.
Causing the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit to face a dilemma on March 23rdrd 2023.
Every March 23rd was the Feast of The Beast for some dark magic practicing occultic secret societies.
Among the dark deities venerated by these occultic secret societies was Apophis the Egyptian god of chaos and darkness.
Once long ago in the mists of antiquity it was the case that every night Apophis would attack the solar barge of Ra the Egyptian god of light and the sun.
The Egyptian god Set would come to Ra’s aid every night and defeat Apophis.
In those days Set was considered a hero and a good guy.
He only became a villain to history after cutting up his brother Osiris into 14 pieces (even though Osiris was the Egyptian Justin Trudeau of his day and most likely deserved what he got).
Miranda Singh of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit had discovered that one dark magic occultic secret society would be sacrificing a ghost of all things on this particular Feast of the Beast.
And the ghost would be sacrificed down in Cornwall to prevent a descendant of King Arthur from rising to power on the world stage and instead allow a descendant of Mordred to rise to power on the world stage.
King Arthur had been born at Tintagel Castle in Cornwall and the sacrifice of the ghost would be performed at Tintagel Castle.
A ghostly sacrifice rather than a human sacrifice was necessary to enact a major geopolitical event.
And the ghost chosen for the Tintagel Castle Cornwall sacrifice was none other than the ghost of Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander who was a personal friend of Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ quite literally immortal twin sister), Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Orson Welles.
Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander had been waylaid in London’s Highgate Cemetery last night by Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld and a rag tag group of Breton korrigans.
The ghostly sacrifice would be performed by a demon possessed elk who had been given as a gift to Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby by the U.S. Federal Cabinet of Joe Biden in appreciation for his support of gay and transgender rights.
Apparently the only way of slaying a demon possessed elk was to kill it with a silver arrow.
After a brief meeting of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit in which the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds (the Anglo-Catholic Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Church in West London and the Church of England’s leading exorcist who tried to exorcise Italian historian Roberto de Mattei the only known person (so far) to have become demonically possessed as a result of receiving the DeathVaxx vaccine) served as an advisor, it was agreed that the most effective way of slaying this demonically possessed elk was to use the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur.
Which was lost to history.
So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles using the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern projector went back in time to steal the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur from the Greek goddess Artemis before Nikita Khrushchev’s acclaimed pickpocket female KGB agent had the chance to do so.
Dracul saw Artemis exiting her vehicle on the night of the Chiron the Centaur Exhibit at the British Museum:
Van Helsing immediately grabbed the arrow.
Artemis said, “Dracul, how dare you steal the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur?”.
She immediately grabbed Van Helsing, took him over her knee and spanked him.
While being spanked, Dracul threw the silver arrow to the ghost of Orson Welles who went forward in time to the place of Tintagel Castle in Cornwall on the night of Thursday March 23rd 2023.
Van Helsing then made love 💕 to the Greek goddess Artemis on the large luxurious back seat of the classic 1950s era vehicle.
After goddess and vampire hunter had finished rocking the vehicle, Dracul went forward in time to Tintagel Castle in Cornwall on the night of Thursday March 23rd 2023.
He grabbed his crossbow and the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur from the ghost of Orson Welles.
The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had already been killing with his crossbow and silver arrows various supernatural entities participating in the ceremony.
For reasons known only to himself, the Celtic stag god did not wish to see a descendant of Mordred ascend to power on the world stage.
The demon possessed elk was raising the supernatural sword 🗡️ Excalibur above the ghostly spectral salamander throat of Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander.
Both Cernunnos and Van Helsing fired their crossbows at the same time.
After a silver arrow pierced the demon possessed elk’s throat, the elk said in Latin in Shakespearian Julius Caesar like fashion, “And thou, Cernunnos? Or was it thou, Dracul?.”
Even Cernunnos’ PH Unbalanced hairstylist didn’t know for sure.
Thus it was a question/answer never asked on the Canadian-American game show ghost host Alex Trebek’s TV program Jeopardy in the Elysian Fields of the Realm of the Underworld.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 23rd
2023.
The A₱ostate Bisho₱ and The Ghosts of MacBeth and Lady MacBeth
Michelangelo the ₱sychic Lobster was in his aquarium at Set Enter₱rises Laboratories in London, England.
The Mystery of The Em₱ty Gas Tanks
British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was driving his vintage antique 1909 Thomas Flyabout.

Saint Nicholas Night


If Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Lived In The 2020s
January 17, 2023 at 10:51 pm (Comedy, Comedy Skit, Commentary, Culture, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Literature, News, Plays, Short play/ comedy) (Dr. John Watson, Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard, Sherlock Holmes)
Permalink 6 Comments