Wilkie The Cat Plays Abraham Lincoln On Broadway: A Poem

February 18, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Poetry, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Wilkie the feline thespian decided to celebrate Presidents’ Day 2019
By not drinking his own urine as proposed in AOC’s deal New Green
Rather he would play the role of Abraham Lincoln
and he did so after much heavy drinkin’.

Now Wilkie the Cat fancied himself the Orson Welles of Broadway
even though he was a bigger flop than a halibut caught in a codway
His proposal for a Presidents’ Day play
which drove theatregoers away
Was to play the role of Abraham Lincoln
with his catty whiskers, he’d be winkin’ and blinkin’
And his girlfriend would play Mary Todd
while the audience would play the part of Nod
which in their seats would be what they’d be doin’
As great theatre lovers underwent a serious screwin’

With encouragement from the ghost of that junior Ed Wood
Wilkie would put on the best show he could
which meant that turkey from outer space Plan 9
would when compared with Wilkie’s Lincoln look like Casablanca sublime

Wilkie fancied a play within a play like weeping over Hecuba within Hamlet
or Pyramus and Thisbe looking for rooms to let
all for the benefit of Midsummer’s wet dream
As Puck causes mortal aspirations to come apart at the seam

Wilkie’s idea was to have John Wilkes Booth as an actor on stage
appearing in Our American Cousin an 1865 theatrical rage
and have Booth shoot Lincoln from the stage rather than the Presidential Box
And allow John Wilkes Booth time to wipe the blood off his socks

Needless to say the idea sounded so much better over 10 bottles of gin
as Wilkie regaled the cast with his own peculiar historical spin
taking dramatic license to the seeming level of a mortal sin
Which it was pre-Vatican II
As Fishy Fridays
gave way to beef stew.

Sean Connery would play Our American Cousin
His line, “Miss Moneypenny, my head is abuzzin’
I have swiped the Army’s budget for the building of a wall
Because doing so I must admit makes me feel rather tall
As wearing this wee tartan kilt has me in its thrall
And the blasted neighbours won’t pay for this fine looking wall
Can you imagine their sheer arrogance and gall
And Congress won’t let me shut down government until way next fall
so I’m forced to declare an emergency even though there’s none at all.”

And Johnny Depp playing the fairy godmother of walls would appear in pink tights
giving LGBTQ members of the audience severe nocturnal frights
As Depp waves his magic wand, lo and behold
From one of his mix matched socks, a gun he does unfold
For the fairy godmother of walls is John Wilkes Booth
his night day job of exchanging nickels for a tooth
the Shakespearian actor did kindly forsooth

But Wilkie as Lincoln was eating a tuna fish sandwich
And Baphomet in the next booth was eating roast ostrich
And as William Shatner appeared as Captain James Kirk
It turned out both patrons’ food allergies were at work
With the force of a mid-Atlantic gale breeze
Wilkie and Baphomet let out a ferocious sneeze
And the wall came a tumblin’ down
right on the Statue of Liberty’s crown.

The play is over
The day is done
And Wilkie from his creditors
is now on the run.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Monday February 18th
2019.


Theatre goers smiling because they haven’t yet seen Wilkie The Cat’s Broadway play about Abraham Lincoln.

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Cardi B. and The Time Traveller: A Poem

February 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Detective story, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mystery, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


Singer Cardi B. flees Lancaster Hall in England in 1888 leaving behind a giant sized shoe.

“So you really expect me to believe you’re a time traveller from the year 2019?” Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes asked somewhat skeptically.

“Whether you believe it or not, it is true,” replied Dracul Van Helsing who had recently seen Achilles slay his enemy in a manner most Hectorly.

“I have worked on stranger cases,” Holmes admitted.

He looked at Dracul wondering if he should have him committed.

“And what do you mean by a hip hop singer?” Holmes looked as though he’d been through the ringer.

“Do not worry about musical terms from the future,” said Dracul, “rather worry about Cardi B. whom Vampiress Lilith wants to goose her.”

“May I ask why?” Holmes looked up at the dark sky.

“It has to do with Solomon and the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul stated in the midst of an atmospheric upheava.

Holmes looked confused, the coachman looked bemused and the estate cat looked amused.

“It has to do with Cardi B.’s real name,” Dracul played with an open window pane.

“Which is,” Van Helsing went on, “Belcalls Almanzar. Watch out for that falling star…

Holmes quickly jumped out of the way.

And the star landed in some hay.

Much to a hungry horse’s dismay.

His dinner went up in a blaze of smoke.

All that’s left- a solitary artichoke.

The horse ate the artichoke as Dracul continued his story,

“Lilith’s dealings with Solomon- somewhat gory…”

“But what does this have to do with Cardi B.?” Holmes lit his pipe under a tree.

“Her real name,” a soft breeze came, “Belcalls refers to the Queen of Sheba and Almanzar means watchtower. Watch that flower..”

Holmes avoided stepping on the Lancaster Hall estate’s red rose as the cat pranced about on tippy toes.

“So Lilith thinks Cardi B. is the watchtower of the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul went on, “so vampiress wreaks vengeance on Solomon by killing this singing diva.”

A scream went through the air as the terror that flies by night lost her shoes while Sherlock looked in the garden for more clues.

Cardi ran off after the terror by night while Lilith’s shoe glittered in the lamplight.

The next day, Cardi rode a white horse into the countryside

where horse and rider gave each other quite the ride.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 7th
2019.

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Reblog of Hey Little Groundhog: A Poem

February 3, 2019 at 11:19 pm (Celebrities, Entertainment, Folklore, Nature, Poetry) (, , )

Here’s a poem I wrote 3 years ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

Hey Little Groundhog: A Poem

Hey little groundhog, rise up from your sleep
lift your head from the hole and give us all a peep
Hey little groundhog, yes I’m calling you
we all want to know, is this winter through?
On that Candlemas morning, we’ll be watching you
you’re the prognosticator we’ll be listening to
Will it be 6 weeks?
Or early bathing streaks?
We’ll keep our eyes on you
and hope your shadow
isn’t coming out too.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday February 1st 2016
In a personal message
To the groundhog
when he emerges
to see signs of his shadow
tomorrow February 2nd
Groundhog Day

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Pan Goatee Slays More Repulsive Ugly Women and Their Moronic Low IQ Boyfriends

December 18, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pan Goatee had spent the night tracking down people who leave their chewed chewing gum on seats of transit trains and transit buses.

Goatee had worn a nice pair of pants to a Christmas dinner put on for a local charity last night.

The charity organizers were obviously big on aesthetics (no doubt they had read the works of Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche on the subject) because in addition to having the tables and the room beautifully decorated, the vast majority of women at the event were beautiful (a major accomplishment in a city where the vast majority of women were quite mind numbingly ugly- the city where the person who coined the phrase “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” when he visited the place immediately gouged out both his eyes with the paintbrush Vincent Van Gogh held in his hands when he cut his ear off).

Unfortunately for Pan Goatee, when he rode the train back to the closest train station to his home bus route, he must have sat on a seat where some total moron (the sort of person who would probably be one of the few to land a permanently employed position in the Trump White House) had placed a ton sized wad of chewing gum on the seat which stuck to Goatee’s pants and thoroughly ruined thrm.

The nice set of pants had been given to him as a gift for his birthday a few weeks earlier and now thanks to some total moron with the manners of an orc born at the bottom of a prairie farm outhouse, those pants were thoroughly ruined and could not be saved.

Goatee went down to the Transit Security Video Observation Room and caught the offending perpetrator on tape.

Goatee showed the tape to a 3-headed dog (who was possessed by the ghost of the Hound of the Baskervilles and two demons) who was currently visiting Canada from England.

The 3-headed dog tracked the boorish moron down to his home and Goatee had spent the night cutting up the bad mannered outhouse bottom dwelling orc into tiny pieces all the while making sure that he was alive the entire time to enjoy the sensation of his total bodily dismemberment.

Sadly for the orc, he didn’t really enjoy the sensation of his total bodily dismemberment but then Goatee didn’t really give a fuck.

And considering the aesthetically facially challenged appearance of most of the women in this town, not giving a fuck was something Goatee was definitely used to.

When all that was left of the ill-mannered outhouse bottom dwelling orc was his still living and pain sensation feeling head, Goatee put the head in a metallic vise loaded with chewed chewing gum and quite literally put the squeeze on it.

He recorded the screams of the orc as his head was squeezed to death in the chewed chewing gum filled vise.

He then text messaged the screams to a producer of death heavy metal band music as a demo.

3 minutes later, the death heavy metal music producer text messaged Goatee right back saying that it was the greatest musical sound that he had ever heard in his life and he wanted to sign the band right away.

Goatee replied that the song would have to be a one hit wonder like some early ’80s (or was it late ’70s) female singer who used only her first name and sang about how “I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me” and then went into the obscurity she so richly deserved after releasing the song.

Goatee thought the singer’s single one hit wonder name might have been Charlene and his mind’s eye could picture Olivia de Havilland singing to Bette Davis, “Hush, hush, sour Charlene, I’ll hate your song until the day you die…”

“Hush, hush, sour Charlene…”

When the producer asked why the song would have to be a one hit wonder on the part of the death heavy metal band, Goatee replied that it was because the band’s lead singer and sole instrumentalist was now dead and resting in pieces.

. . .

Goatee decided to catch the bus to the McDonalds at the nearby shopping center rather than walk as he had twisted his ankle earlier in the day.

Usually the bus going west at this time of evening wasn’t crowded.

But as the bad luck poor Pan Goatee had been having ever since the late ungreat El Stupido had put bubble gum on transit train seats ruining his dress pants, some stupid inconsiderate ugly woman would naturally be riding the bus at this time along with her two low IQ boyfriends.

“Great god of beauty and aesthetics Apollo,” Pan Goatee moaned aloud, “Two of them. Fauning and fondling her and her wish is their every command. Well, Donald Trump is probably grateful for the existence of IQ challenged Calgary white males because they make him look like Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Rembrandt, Beethoven, Shakespeare and Dostoevsky all rolled into one by comparison.”

Pan Goatee went up and beheaded the obnoxious trio before they ruined anyone else of the joy of the Christmas season.

When he got off the bus, another ugly white woman and her low IQ white boyfriend were crossing the street.

Goatee then beheaded the scourge of humanity couple but not before the damage had already been done.

Some drivers blinded by the sight or overtaken by the paroxymsm of massive vomiting and regurgitation had already smashed their vehicles into light poles.

Goatee entered the McDonald’s and after buying himself a Coke went and sat down.

Goatee turned to his left where he was once again sickened by the sight of a fat ugly white blimp and her stupid low IQ white boyfriend.

Contrast that with the two beautiful African Muslim women who were sitting there at another table in their elegant stylish looking long skirts as opposed to the baggy trousers and great grandma style moo-moos the fat ugly blimps of the city wore.

Pan Goatee was reminded of the words that Canada’s greatest research librarian and historical archivist Jack Morrow had spoken many years ago, “Thank God for liberalized immigration laws.”

Goatee uttered a quick “Amen” and then crossed himself with the Sign of the Cross before going over and beheading the fat ugly blimp and her low IQ boyfriend.

“To Hell with the both of you,” Goatee shouted.

A homeless man outside the McDonalds who was using a copy of Pope Francis’ most recent statement against capital punishment as a roll of toilet paper to wipe his crappy ass smiled approvingly and gave the thumbs up.

. . .

As Goatee then walked up to the grocery store some blocks away, he reflected on a statement that Rush Limbaugh had made some years ago,

“In North America,” Limbaugh had astutely observed, “Feminism is a movement designed to help ugly physically unattractive women enter the mainstream of society.”

And in the City of Calgary, North American feminism had triumphed to “Infinity and beyond” as Buzz Lightyear might put it before puking his guts out.

A male supporter of feminism at the start of the early 20th Century who had visited Calgary in the year 2018 and then returned to his own time would have said, “I have seen the future and it is a NIGHTMARE.”

While at the grocery store, Goatee noticed a fat ugly blimp who was busy buying 20 bags of groceries.

“I imagine all that food would probably serve as appetizers before your main course,” Goatee remarked before beheading her.

. . .

Meanwhile over in Sweden outside a Swedish church lay the dismembered bodies of two more of Goatee’s victims – the bodies of ghost rider Muerte Noir and his horse Equus Beelzebar who had made the mistake of trying to kill a beautiful woman who was playing the role of Santa Lucia in a Santa Lucia Night church service this past December 13th 2018.


Muerte Noir and Equus Beelzebar as they looked in life.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 18th
2018.

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Morgana: Playing The Role of A Vampiress of The Lodge

December 11, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Espionage, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Welsh vampiress Morgana dressed in a Spanish style gypsy black dress raised her skirt and pressed a spiked stiletto high heeled shoe down on top of the vampire hunter’s chest.

The pair were in a parkade in London, England and Morgana was about to show the Canadian underneath her feet that her shoes, like Nancy Sinatra’s boots in that old 1960s song, were meant for walking.

And they were going to walk all over him.

“Van Helsing,” she said, “we have ways of making you join the Illuminati.”

She then brought her paddle down… and down… and down.

“Cut,” the voice of film director Orson Welles’ ghost shouted, “that’s a rap.”

Like many of his films, Welles shot this one in black and white.

It was actually a short propaganda film being shot on behalf of both the British government and Set Enterprises.

The purpose of the film was to convince Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman, an Israeli cabinet minister, a leading cardinal adviser to Pope Francis and the Egyptian vampire Osiris (all of whom were Freemasons) that the Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was a member in good standing of the Grand Orient Lodge of France and was torturing Dracul Van Helsing into joining the Illuminati.

Both the British government and Set Enterprises were hoping that this would allow Morgana the opportunity of entering into the confidences of the homicidal Saudi Crown Prince, the warmongeringally inclined Israeli cabinet minister, the kabbalistic cardinal who was being groomed as Pope Francis’ papal successor and the Egyptian god of the dead and the underworld all of whom were planning to rebuild the Temple of Solomon on Jerusalem’s Temple Mount.

The British government and Set Enterprises were hoping to discover how, when and why with Morgana as an informant.

Meanwhile as Morgana raised her Illuminati masonic lodge symbol decorated Spanish gypsy dress and lowered her black silk fishnet pantyhose, Dracul Van Helsing mounted her.

“Tantric sex, here you come again,” Orson Welles’ pet parrot Rosebob did his own paraphrased version of an old Dolly Parton song.

“Start filming again,” Orson Welles directed his camera crew, “Let’s see if I am capable of making the Citizen Kane of the porno film industry – Citizeness Cane.”

Orson Welles was still trying to exorcise the ghost of something that his former wife Rita Hayworth once said to him that led to their marital breakdown:


“All work and no play makes Orson a dull boy.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 11th
2018.

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More International Intrigue With International Goddesses In Berlin November 1938

November 21, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Entertainment, Espionage, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Norse Valkyrie Kara being accosted by the London based multimillionaire ancient Egyptian vampire businessman Set on a Berlin street in November 1938

Outside the Berlin hotel room of the ancient Egyptian vampire Sol Invictus Set, Thor the Norse god of thunder watched in horror as the Norse goddess Freya tried to talk Set out of supporting Hitler.

Thor saw Set leave the hotel and go strolling through the streets of Berlin deep in thought.

Thor dropped his hammer Mjolnir on his big toe, cursed and realized he better do something quick.

What would his fellow beer drinking buddies and fellow deities Ares (the Greek god of war) and Morrigan (the Celtic goddess of war) say if the best laid plans of gods and goddesses (for war) went astray like the best laid plans of mice and men?

As Thor sat rubbing his toe and pondering his dilemma, a mouse ran down the street chasing a piece of cheese (being blown by the wind) and the cheese wound up under the kilt of a visiting Scottish bagpiper who was playing the song Auld Lang Syne on his bagpipes.

Thor decided to send the Valkyrie Kara in Set’s direction and seduce Set back into following Hitler.

Kara stepped from a cab on to the sidewalk right in front of Set and as Thor suspected he would, Set followed the swaying skirt of the seductive femme fatale Valkyrie Kara down the street.

Kara stopped on the steps of her apartment building and waited for Sol Invictus Set to catch up.

He approached the steps and looked at her longingly like a long lost puppy:

“Well, Mr. Sol Invictus Set,” Kara spoke in a sultry sensuous voice, “How would you like to come up to my place and I’ll show you my war plans and battle etchings?”.

Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler much to his personal embarrassment had a little trouble getting up to speed in the presence of Set’s niece Sekhmeta (who was really the Egyptian lion goddess Sekhmet as a Churchillian spy in disguise).

But such is the inherent personal shortcomings of many world leaders who try to make their country great again.

Sekhmeta suggested going down to the Doctor Faustus Cabaret where many of the top Nazi scientists hung out after hours.

Hitler agreed.

When they got there, Sekhmeta went backstage, put on a costume and performed on stage much to the delight of Der Fuhrer and the top Nazi scientists:

Franz Kohler of the Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau of the SS was standing in a Berlin art gallery looking at a painting of the Persian goddess Anahita:

“That painting looks like a combination of being both from the past and the future at the same time,” Franz Kohler thought to himself, “And that statue of a celestial entity behind the goddess Anahita seems to be actually coming to life.”

The next day Sekhmeta boarded a private plane at a private airport in Berlin:

She was carrying in her suitcase all the Nazi flying saucer plans she had obtained from drunken Nazi scientists.

Sekhmeta’s theft of the plans would set the Nazi flying saucer program back by several years.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 21st
2018.

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Reblog of T-Rex Find: A Poem

November 4, 2018 at 11:46 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Poetry) (, , )

A poem about a T-Rex (Tyrannosaurus Rex) I wrote 4 years ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

T-Rex Find: A Poem

It was the most unusual dinosaur bone
a T-Rex with an iPhone
the whimsical carnivore
not wishing to appear a bore
had taken a selfie
like Uncle Alfie
he backed up without looking behind
silly creature with silly mind
and while doing his monologue of schtick and corn
backed right into a triceratops horn
that’s why this T-Rex became extinct before you were born.

-A humourous narrative poem
written by Christopher
Saturday November 1st
2014.

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Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today

October 30, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Fashion, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Movies, Mystery/horror, News, Plays, Radio, Science-Fiction, Short play, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.

The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.

The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.

It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.

If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.


Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”

Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.


Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.


Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?

Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.


I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.


Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.


Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.


With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?


I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.


I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.


Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.


The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…

… Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.

-A Halloween montage
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 30th
2018.

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Wilkie The Cat As Count Dracula: A Halloween Theatrical Poem

October 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Literature, Poetry, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Narrator:

Gather around, all ye folks,
If you’re Canadian, watch your tokes,
In this theatre, pot is for peeing and not for smokes.
Our story begins here on Broadway
where Donald Trump sought starlets to lay
before Vladimir Putin turned him gay

Oprah Winfrey (as a transgendered Othello) :

Oh where, oh where is Desdemona?
I lie here in bed making many a moana
but I hear no Desdemona a groana.

Narrator:

Ms. Winfrey, you’re in the wrong theatre
this is what happens when you drink too much beera
The LGBTQ production of Othello is next door
please watch those Jesuit condoms on the floor
as from this theatre to that, you kindly pass
while Pope Francis’ order celebrates a Baphomet Mass

Oprah:

Oh damn, oh damn,
so much for a grand slam,
Roseanne Barr plays a transgendered Iago
while Donald Trump calls Robert Mueller a fago.

Narrator:

And now Oprah is moving her ass
as from this theatre to that, she kindly does pass
And now we shall begin our own theatrical tale
as Greenpeace activist encounters a methane gas producing carbon emissions whale
caused by Jefferey the otter’s cooked extra spicy pork and beans tipping the scale

And the good ship Demeter crashes
as Mina Harker bats her eyelashes
for the methane gas producing whale has sunk the ship
while Greenpeace activist takes a Justin Trudeau inspired trip
And Count Dracula (played by Wilkie the Cat) swims ashore
while his coffin is carried by a yarmulke wearing rabbi wild boar
it’s a good thing the boar is no porcine Hannibal Lecter
otherwise his culinary tastes would violate the Mosaic laws inspector

I forgot to mention that Mitzi la feline actress Parisienne plays Mina Harker
as Dr. Jack Seward’s asylum patient Renfield eats Peter Parker
Spiderman is now gone
a marvel of a swan song
Lackey of Christopher Lee has triumphed over a Lee named Stan
as Antifa takes a statue of Robert E. into the can

The Confederate military hero
is to the political left a great big zero
even though he freed his own slaves long before did Ulysses S. Grant
but this is all ignored in a New York Times rant

Dracula swims ashore near Whitby Abbey
where Canterbury’s ex-ArchDruid Rowan Williams looks crabby
he should have had the lobster flambe instead of crabs a l’amour
given him while dallying with a young French paramour

And Jonathan Harker (played by Kelsey Grammer) watches in horror
as Dracula seduces his sweet love Lenore
oops! – wrong script! – Poe’s The Raven is the performance for tomorrow night
as this Wilkie production of Dracula shuts down this theatre’s marquee light

As Dr. Abraham Van Helsing played by David Hyde Pierce
moves in to collect Dracula’s Transylvanian government tax arrears
he stabs the vampiric nobleman through the heart
as the carbon emissions whale in the sea lets out one last fart.
Both Greenpeace activist and Count Dracula are now dead
The janitor will have to wipe the spot where Wilkie has bled
for a real stake was mistakenly used instead of a prop
the hazards of hiring for a prop hand a drunken sop.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Saturday October 27th
2018.


Desdemona’s Death Scene by Dante Gabriel Rosetti
A scene from a 19th Century British production of William Shakespeare’s Othello
very different from an early 21st Century American production of Othello

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Jack O’ Hare Meets The Mermaid of The Red Deer: A Poem

October 26, 2018 at 9:42 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Folklore, Life, love, Mythology, Nature, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

A huge silvery white moon rose in majestic glory
above the sky, above the clouds and above the canyon
its luminous giant white disc
causing dazzling lights
and mysterious shadows
to fall on top of the skyclad Badlands cutbank hills
that formed like magic mountains
in the canyon of the Dry Island Buffalo Jump
through which the magical enchanted Red Deer River flowed
in this majestic spot
near the town of Huxley, Alberta

The lantern in the sky
acted like a theatrical magic lantern
from years gone by
in its dazzling array of
flickering lights
and
shapeshifting shadows
that sparkled and danced
on the Badlands hills
like fairies and gnomes
engaged in a tug of war
to see which magical creatures would come out
on top.

On this enchanted evening
five days before Halloween
when pure magic was in the air
on riverbank rocks sat
the noble Jack O’ Hare.

A wild hare jack rabbit
and explorer of Canada’s west
He’d been there, done that
never settled for 2nd best

“Greetings, Jack,” the mermaid of the Red Deer
raised her head above the glistening moonlit waters.
“Greetings, fair mermaid,” Jack raised his bunny ears
in greeting.

“All is well?” The mermaid asked.
“All is well,” Jack answered,
“and all will be well.”
“Glad to hear it,” the mermaid smiled
as starlight danced in her eyes.

The mermaid disappeared under the waves of the river
swimming south to Drumheller
the hub of the Red Deer River Badlands
and birthplace of Jack’s friend.

The mermaid swam to impart
the blessings of this night down there
And birds sang gently in the trees,
All is well, all will be well.

And Jack hopped up the river bank
and continued his trek under
the midnight moonlit sky
as the birds continued to sing
their cheerful lullaby.

-A Jack O’Hare poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 26th
2018.

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