Vera Lynn

June 18, 2020 at 9:20 pm (Culture, Entertainment, History, Music, News, Obituaries, Personal essays) ()

R.I.P. Vera Lynn (March 20th 1917 – June 18th 2020) the British singer who was called England’s Sweetheart and the English Nightingale during World War II for singing such inspirational songs as We’ll Meet Again, The White Cliffs of Dover, There’ll Always Be An England, and Lily Marlene.

She died on the 80th Anniversary of Sir Winston Churchill’s This Was Their Finest Hour speech (that Churchill delivered on June 18th 1940).

80 years later was the day England’s Finest Singer went to her Heavenly Abode.

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Origins of May The Fourth

May 4, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery, News, Science-Fiction, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Origins of May The Fourth

Back in the mid-1970s as George Lucas was holding auditions for the voice of Darth Vader for his upcoming Star Wars motion picture, among those auditioning for the voice role were writer and actor Truman Capote.

This was the line all audition participants were to speak when auditioning for the Darth Vader voice role, “May the Force be with you.”

Then it came Truman Capote’s turn to audition.

Truman Capote (speaking with his usual fruity lisp): May the fourth be with you.

Thinking that for a galactic villain whose voice was supposed to send chills down audience spines and make their blood run cold, the makers of Star Wars settled for the deep baritone voice of James Earl Jones instead.

However back in the early 2000s, an Australian with the popular nickname of Uncle Ernie found the Truman Capote audition video tape in an old Star Wars lunch box he found in some old cupboards in his backyard unregulated and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing lab.

And a legend was born.

Since that time, May the Fourth became known as International Star Wars Day.

As May the Force Be With You became Truman Capote’s immortal May the Fourth Be With You.

. . .

“Beam me up, Scotty,” William Shatner spoke to his AI automated dispenser of his favourite brand of toilet paper as he sat on his starship throne.

. . .

Meanwhile in the catacombs of Paris, Marmalade Montague the eccentric former baker who had recently proclaimed himself Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze overheard a plot by a group of Grand Orient Lodge Freemasons to turn Notre Dame Cathedral into a New Age Freemasonic Temple.

Said the Grand Orient Lodge master, “I’ve been told by the Divine Falcon Headed Human Body Hybrid Horus himself that a world altering miracle will happen this coming May 14th.”

“That’s the same day Pope Francis told all the religions of the world to pray together isn’t it?” the Lodge secretary inquired.

“It is,” the Grand Orient Lodge master answered.

Marmalade Montague decided he better exit the catacombs before his presence was noted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 4th 
2020.


The Greek goddess Aphrodite pointing downwards at a snake slithering along the floor of one of the Vatican Museum halls.

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Marmalade Montague: Birth of A Legend

April 21, 2020 at 10:04 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Folklore, Humour, News, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Marmalade Montague: Birth of A Legend

In a bakery in Paris 
were posters of the mummy Kharis
Who appeared in 1940s mummy movies 
“Cause Imhotep wasn’t of the jazz Swing era groovies”

The bakery was owned by Marmalade Montague 
At the end of the street or in French “la rue”

Marmalade was an eccentric gent 
And because of the Covid-19 lockdown couldn’t pay the rent 
So into the gutter he was thrown
Getting up, he made a moan 

Inside Marmalade something snapped
opening up a genius untapped 
So into the Paris catacombs he descended 
and ran past ancient pipes all upended 
When he emerged again 
he carried a hen
and wore a silver wig
while his lips munched upon a fig

He was dressed from head to toe in Louis XIV era attire
So it was a good thing that his pants weren’t on fire 
He proclaimed to empty streets 
devoid of all and no words of greets
“I am Marmalade Montague court scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze”
“So I say to you, Paris, open your doors”

But no doors opened and Marmalade Montague went back to the catacombs 
A world of poor reception for many smart phones 
For Marmalade Montague had gone mad
If he had any friends, they might have felt sad 
But as it was Marmalade had gone from good to bad.

And on this April day a legend was born 
In a world that was by a virus torn
No Sacrifice of the Mass was being said 
Masons hoped to make of Notre Dame a temple of lead
And in Rome, the ex-Vicar of Christ was flaming Bolshevik red 

Marmalade Montague had ceased to be a baker 
In his mind he had become a Louis Quatorze court alchemist faker 
And the world would never again be the same
Although the mainstream media would continue to be lame.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 21st 2020.

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Reblog of The Sun Dog That Ate A Hot Dog: A Poem

April 20, 2020 at 10:41 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Poetry) (, )

A humourous poem I wrote 5 years ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

The Sun Dog That Ate A Hot Dog: A Poem

Cornelius was leading a dog’s life
because he was free of kids and wife
He also happened to be a dog
one not mistaken for a bump on a log
a huge Saint Bernard
who escaped his master’s yard
and then headed off to the beach
lucky for him within reach.

What brought him to this date with destiny
aside from the outdoor trees looking thirsty
was listening to the spiel of a TV documentary
that spoke in language not elementary
“A sun dog is an atmospheric phenomenon that creates bright spots of light in the sky”
oh to listen to such drivel Corn thought he would die
“often on a luminous ring or halo on either side of the sun”
that does it, Corn thought, he’d really have to run
out the door he went
past the little pup…

View original post 311 more words

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Return To Field of Dreams

April 8, 2020 at 11:11 pm (Avatar Speaks, Entertainment, Fantasy, Film, Inspiration, Literature, Movies, News, Poetry) (, )

Return To Field of Dreams

Marcus Shimbiro had a dream
When as an 8-year-old boy 
he left his native Kenya
For the U.S.
He wanted to become a baseball player someday 
He did excel at sports and particularly at baseball 
In high school, he was hitting home runs 
The same way he downed ice cream cones
with a vengeance 

But then came that fateful day 
He fell off his neighbour’s roof 
While helping him paint it
And broke his arm and his leg 

His arm and leg eventually healed of course 
But he was not the same player ever again
He could no longer run
Or hit a home run.

Angry and bitter a few weeks before graduation
He borrowed a friend’s car and headed for Iowa
Why Iowa?
Because it was the home state of the Field of Dreams
That famous 1989 sports fantasy movie with Kevin Costner and James Earl Jones
About the Iowa corn farmer who plows part of his corn field 
To build a baseball field
A field on which Shoeless Joe Jackson 
And 7 other famous 1919 Chicago Black Sox players play

On that field in which Shoeless Joe and 7 others played
Was a player named Archibald “Moonlight” Graham
Who played one game for the New York Giants in 1905 
but never had a turn at bat
Corn farmer Ray Kinsella (Costner) 
and author/writer Terrence Mann (Jones) drive to Minnesota 
Where they learn that Graham was a physician who had died years earlier
During a late night walk, Ray finds himself transported back to 1972
Where he encounters the elderly Graham (Burt Lancaster) who says he left baseball for a satisfying medical career
During the drive back to Iowa,
Ray picks up a young hitchhiker who introduces himself as Archie Graham
and says he wants to be a baseball player 
Eventually, Graham gets the chance to play baseball with Shoeless Joe and other baseball greats in the Field of Dreams
But at a critical point in the game, Graham leaves the field of dreams 
To administer emergency medical aid 

Graham makes his choice 
To be a doctor after all.

And now Marcus Shimbiro torn with rage at having his dreams dashed 
Was trying to find this Field of Dreams of film-lore
To play baseball 
Or at least find out what he was to do with his life 

It was nighttime 
and as he drove by a corn field
He was shocked to see baseball players playing ball in the field 
He pulled in
And sat with the other spectators 
And watched the greats of baseball play the game 
Shoeless Joe Jackson, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio and many others

He was shocked to discover Dr. Archibald Graham sitting next to him 
offering him a hot dog and a coke
“Too bad about your fall, Marcus,” Graham remarked as he ate his own hot dog.
“It is,” Marcus frowned, “it’s not as if I could be a doctor like you not having baseball to fall back on.”
“Who says you can’t be a doctor?” Graham looked at him.
“I don’t have the marks or the aptitude for it,” Marcus answered.
“But you are good at observation and analysis and above all, perseverance, you may not get flying colours right away but with your observation and analysis and perseverance, you might spot something others have missed and that might make all the difference in the world someday,” Dr. Graham noted, “Ever hear the fable of the tortoise and the hare? The tortoise won the race in the end.”
“But that’s just a fable and a fairy tale,” Marcus pointed out, “That doesn’t happen in the real world. Most of the time, it’s the hare that wins and not the tortoise.”
“Most of the time that’s true, Marcus,” Graham agreed, “But often it’s at the most critical junctions in the world and in history that the tortoise wins the race. And at such times, the hare is usually not a foe but a friend. And it usually turns out to be one race where the hare was happy to see the tortoise win.”

Marcus looked at Graham.

He wasn’t quite sure what Graham meant by those words but somehow deep down inside himself, he felt they were important.

“So, do you think I should go into medicine?” Marcus asked.
“I do, Marcus, I do,” the elderly doctor patted him on the shoulder.

And seconds later, Dr. Graham, the players, the spectators and the baseball field were gone.

And all that was left…

… Was an empty corn field.

Marcus Shimbiro went into science and into medicine.
He didn’t always get the best marks.
But he studied hard and learned from his mistakes.
And developed a profound sense of analysis and insight.
He didn’t think he was good enough to treat patients but he went into research.
Using his memory and his insight and analysis in that line of work.

And then one day in the year 2020, 
analyzing data and keeping track of things he and his numerous colleagues all over the world were doing,
Dr. Marcus Shimbiro discovered…

…. the vaccine for the Covid-19 Coronavirus.

We can all dream, can’t we?

And hope… is the knowledge that sometimes dreams can become reality.

-A narrative poem written by Christopher
Wednesday April 8th 2020.

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Night of The Pink Moon Super Moon

April 7, 2020 at 10:45 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Fantasy, love, Mythology, Poetry, Romance) (, , , , )

Night of The Pink Moon Super Moon

Never an easy time to say good bye
As a pink toned rose moon rose in the sky
Against the rocks the surging tide rose high

Lovely scent of palms and South Sea air
And at the door stood a lady fair
Magical pink mist rose in distant cloud 
In this paradise far from the madd’ing crowd

Sometimes worlds meet where they embrace and not collide 
For life is more than a merry go ride
Heart to heart, heart to heart 
Must kindred souls do part?

She Mahina the Hawaiian and Polynesian goddess of the moon
He Dracul of the earth’s mournful tune 
Now on this night she must return home
Else she fade away like the ocean foam

Star crossed lovers under a rose hue sky
Where South Sea waves splash amidst mermaid cry
She turned around with last longing look 
And to the heavens vanished leaving one night hunter forsook 

-A poem and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 7th
2020.

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The Egyptian Vampiress Isis In The City of Florence

March 28, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Egyptian Vampiress Isis In The City of Florence 

The Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis allowed the full rays of the sun to bask on her face.

You may ask how is it possible for a vampiress to bask in the rays of the sun without becoming grilled to a crisp like a shrimp in a Louisiana Cajun restaurant?

The answer lay in a very powerful sunblock that had been developed many years ago by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

However the sunblock for what ever reason only worked on vampiresses and not vampires.

Dr. Rocher made his discovery when trying the sunblock out on his two initial test subjects.

The sanity challenged scientist (who was the great grandson of immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes and the great great grandson of 19th Century London criminal overlord Prof. James Moriarty – yes, Sherrielock Holmes had married Dr. Louis Rocher who was the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal enemy although at the time neither Sherrielock nor Dr. Louis Rocher knew that the evil Prof. Moriarty was Louis’ real father) decided to pick an unpopular vampiress and an unpopular vampire to use as his test subjects since if they fried to a crisp in the daylight, no one would miss them.

For the unpopular vampiress, he picked a distant ancestress of the obnoxious Kardashian clan since being a Kardashian, she was regarded as being overrated in her field which in her case, her field was being a vampiress.

Sadly for those who despise the Kardashians, the sunblock worked on the vampiress ancestress of the Kardashian clan.

The vampiress Countess Kardashian went on to open up her own Instagram account where her pictures of her sucking the life force out of various mortal humans (an attribute passed on to her descendants) attracted over 10 million followers.

As for an unpopular vampire, Dr. Rocher selected Herr Daryl Larry Snerd a nighttime tax auditor for the American IRS.

Sadly for Herr Snerd, he went up in flames like the Hindenburg having a bad day over New Jersey.

After examining the compounds of the sunblock as well as analyzing the DNA in the vampiric blood samples he took from Countess Kardashian and Herr Snerd (prior to sending them out in the daylight as an LP record played Gale Garnett singing “We’ll sing in the sunshine…” in the background of what turned out to be the shortest lived duet in history as Countess Kardashian ended up singing solo), he determined that there was something about the female genetic makeup that allowed the sunblock to work on vampiresses but not vampires.

Of course transgendered vampires insisted that the sunblock would work on them since they had been born in the wrong gender.

But when they went up like a building on Arsonists’ Appreciation Day, the ghost of Col. Sanders would boot Lady Gaga singing Born This Way out of the way and start singing Fried That Way.

And so thanks to Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s efforts of many years ago, the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis (sister and sister-in-law of the London-based Egyptian vampire Set) was able to enjoy the city of Florence in the sunshine today without having to cope with loads of nauseating tourists since the city was under lockdown along with the rest of Italy.

She was approached by the ghost of the great Renaissance Florentine ruler Lorenzo de’ Medici (whom she had once met in the latter’s mortal lifetime).

“Good evening, your Majesty,” Lorenzo bowed to her, “I see you’re enjoying beautiful Florence in solitary peace and tranquility.” 

“I am, Lorenzo,” she smiled at him.

And with that ancient Egypt and Renaissance Italy briefly held hands as representatives of those two great civilizations watched the Florentine sun set.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 28th
2020.

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A Delightful Duck Called Samuel Puddlington

March 22, 2020 at 10:52 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Poetry) ()

A Delightful Duck Called Samuel Puddlington

The lovely Latin señorita that danced with the delightful duck called Samuel Puddlington

Here’s a poem I wrote almost 3 years ago when the delightful duck called Samuel Puddlington and his friends the froggy green little frog and the big-eared hare that munched on a carrot orange and fair as well as the lovely Latin señorita that Samuel danced with did not have to practice social distancing:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/05/03/the-duck-called-samuel-puddlington-a-poem/

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Leadership In Troubled Times: Light In Dark Ages

March 16, 2020 at 10:04 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Literature, love, magic, Movies, Music, music videos, Romance) ()

Leadership In Troubled Times: Light In Dark Ages

This was a photo montage music video I made back in 2009.

It is my personal favourite of all the photo montage music videos I made between 2008 and 2012 in those days when I still had a working desktop PC and was able to make them.

-Christopher

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Porch Pirate Eaters and Snowmen

December 17, 2019 at 11:29 pm (Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, News, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , )

Porch Pirate Eaters and Snowmen

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was reading the news.

Geeta: And now a news story involving everyone’s favourite Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.
Mr. Renfield recently filmed a TV commercial that will be shown in North America.
With the recent massive growth in on-line sales, there has also been a massive surge in porch piracy- that act whereby someone steals a parcel left on a porch by a delivery courier company.
To combat this growing crime phenomenon, Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher has invented something guaranteed to combat porch piracy and ensure that your on-line ordered package remains safe to wind up in your hands.
Here is Mr. Renfield advertising the product in that TV ad:

Renfield: Hi, I’m Renfield R. Renfield dashing and debonair British Member of Parliament.
Are you tired of porch pirates stealing your parcels that you bought on-line with your hard earned money?

Then get this: 

The scene shows a parcel left on a porch by a delivery man.
The delivery man leaves and a person pulls up in a car on the street and exits to help himself to the parcel off the porch.
As he walks down the walk carrying the parcel, he’s suddenly attacked by a one-eyed one-horned flying purple monster.

Renfield: Yes, friends, it’s the Set Enterprises’ one-eyed one-horned flying purple parcel pirate eater.

The monster bites off the porch pirate’s arm: Munch! Munch!

Renfield: No more will you have to worry about these porch pirates who want to ruin your Christmas season.

The monster bites off a porch pirate’s leg: Munch! Munch!

Renfield: And your loved ones will actually get the gifts they deserve.
While porch pirates get what they deserve.

The monster bites off the porch pirate’s head: Munch! Munch!

Renfield (smiling): So sleep easily this Christmas season knowing that the parcels you order on-line and have delivered to your house will remain safe on your porch if you happen to own a one-eyed one-horned flying purple parcel pirate eater.
And have a wonderful and blessed Christmas season, my friends.

(Renfield waves at the camera)

Monster (after totally devouring the porch pirate): BELCH!

(Geeta looks astounded)

Geeta: Well, moving on to our next story, from a land down under, everyone’s favourite once and future Australian jailbird Uncle Ernie claims to have developed a snowman made of real snow that the said Uncle Ernie says won’t melt in the hot Australian summer sun so that Australians this Christmas can enjoy real snowmen like their cousins in far more northern climates do.
Reporting from Australia is our Australian correspondent J. Michael Crocodile Dungheap:

Crocodile Dungheap: Thanks, Geeta, well as you can see…

(The camera pans out showing reporter Crocodile Dungheap standing in a massive puddle of melted ice)

Crocodile Dungheap: … it’s back to the drawing board for Uncle Ernie.

(Geeta once again looks astounded)

Geeta (regaining her composure) : Coming up after the break, this story… who will replace Jeremy Corbyn as British Labour leader?

(The camera shows twice defeated Welsh British Labour candidate and private eye Magog Rhys Petley turning into a werewolf)

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 17th
2019.

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