Harvey Tallbanger and Daniel Craig

April 26, 2019 at 10:29 pm (Espionage, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Movies, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

After his successful spying mission at the Vladivostok Summit between Vladimir Putin and King Jong-un, the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger returned to London.

He went to the Hare and Hound Pub.

Standing inside the doorway of the Hare and Hound Pub was the stuffed original Hound of The Baskervilles who had been found a few years ago.

“I see the hound but where’s the hare?” Harvey Tallbanger asked as he sat up at the bar.

“You know, I’m sick of people asking me that…” the pubkeeper looked up from behind the bar and stopped, “Say, who’s there?”.

“Harvey Tallbanger,” the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit replied, “I’m invisible. But I do have money to pay.”

The rabbit brought visible British £ currency out of his invisible blue denim coveralls.

“Oh God, I’ve gone insane!” The pubkeeper said.

“No, you haven’t,” Harvey flashed his most attractive invisible smile, “if you were, you’d be in the Oval Office right now with one hand smoothing down your ridiculous looking toupee and your other hand with its finger on the nuclear button when it isn’t busy tweeting on Twitter.”

“What will you have, my invisible friend?” The pubkeeper asked.

“A Tequila Sunrise, please,” the pooka answered.

The pubkeeper made a tequila sunrise and handed it to the tall bunny rabbit.

Actor Daniel Craig and actress Naomie Harris entered the pub.

“Oh, wow, James Bond and Miss Moneypenny!” Harvey exclaimed, “My hero and my heroine!”.

“Who was that?” The acting duo asked at the same time.

“Don’t mind him,” the pubkeeper answered, “He’s invisible.”

Bond and Miss Moneypenny (as Harvey thought of them) both ordered pints of the local draft.

“What?” Harvey was incredulous, “No martini shaken not stirred?”.

“That’s only in the movies,” Daniel Craig answered.

“How disappointing fiction is from reality,” Harvey remarked as he sat next to the poster of Claude Rains as The Invisible Man.

“Isn’t there any way people can see you?” Naomie Harris asked.

“My creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher informs me that if people drink a Harvey Wallbanger, they can see me,” the pooka replied.

“What’s in a Harvey Wallbanger?” Craig asked.

“1 1/2 ounces of vodka, 3 ounces of orange juice and half an ounce of Galliano,” Harvey replied.

“I should try making one of those,” the pubkeeper remarked and proceeded to do just that.

“So after Bond 25, you’ll be sailing off into the 007 sunset,” Harvey said over his sunrise.

“I will indeed,” Craig admitted.

“Howdy, Bartender,” a man with a Texas drawl entered the pub.

“Oh no,” the pubkeeper shook his head, “The idiot who keeps asking me the same question day after day.”

“Say, bartender,” the Texan pointed towards the stuffed Hound of The Baskervilles, “for a place called The Hare and Hound, I can see the hound but where’s the hare?”.

“Try one of these,” the pubkeeper placed a Harvey Wallbanger in front of the Texan.

The Texan took a few sips of the Wallbanger and then pointed at Harvey sitting on the other side of the bar, “It’s the hare. It’s the hare.”

“What?” Daniel Craig and Naomie Harris both looked in the direction of the invisible entity.

“It’s my shiny locks,” the bunny rabbit flashed an invisible grin to Daniel Craig, Naomie Harris and the pubkeeper, “and all because I use Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 26th
2019.


Miss Moneypenny had many adventures in life and someday she’d meet an invisible bunny rabbit.

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Panty Goatee Slays ISI Bigshot While Sherrielock Holmes and Fenrir Meet King Edward VII

February 17, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was enjoying a High Tea of Chai tea and cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches with his friend the concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and the concert pianist’s girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont.

They were sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London Mansion.

“So what did the Indian and Iranian governments contact you about yesterday?” Amadeus asked as he helped himself to a dozen cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches.

Renfield thought he was wise to ask Athelstan the butler to make 200 of those sandwiches.

“Well, the Indian government suspects the Pakistani ISI was behind the suicide bomb attack that killed 44 Indian paramilitary policemen in Kashmir this past Thursday and Iran blames the ISI for the deaths of 27 Revolutionary Guards earlier this week,” Renfield explained as he sipped his tea, “so they asked me to use my contacts to do something about it.”

Meanwhile over in Pakistan, the assistant deputy head of the ISI was off on his morning jog.

Suddenly this vision greeted him:

DARPA cotract assassiness Panty Goatee

“Excuse me, Miss,” the ISI bigshot jogged over to her with a very tiny little miniscule bulge in his jogging pants, “but that t-shirt mini dress you’re wearing is very blasphemous not to mention that your attire in general is very un-Islamic. So I’m going to have to take you in for questioning and (ahem!) other things as well.”

Panty pulled a gun out from underneath her dress and shot the man.

“Ah shit,” the man said as he fell backwards on to the ground.

“I thought you people were supposed to say Allah akbar before you die,” Panty smiled as she slit the man’s throat with a knife she pulled out from under her dress.

. . .


Serena the time traveller and magician’s assistant to Thoth the Egyptian god of time and recordkeeping looked down at Dracul Van Helsing from her wall of clocks.

“What are you looking at?” Serena asked.

“Well,” said Dracul, “it was 100 years ago today on February 17th 1919 that former Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfred Laurier died. It’s hard to believe that there was ever an honest Federal Liberal politician from Quebec but they still made them as late as Sir Wilfred Laurier.”

. . .

The year was 1907.

And England’s King Edward VII was walking down the street looking for a piece of tail to satisfy his lecherous royal appetite.

Suddenly he spotted Miss Sherrielock Holmes.

“Ah, there’s the delightful twin sister of consulting detective Sherlock Holmes,” Edward VII stroked his beard.

He walked in her direction.

When suddenly there emerged from behind her dress the Norse wolf Fenrir.

“Good Lord, look at the size of that hound,” Edward VII clutched on to his silver wolf’s head walking stick and turned the other direction, “I’ll have to talk to Sherrielock some other day.”

. . .

“Who was that who text messaged you?” Amadeus asked as he was on his 99th cucumber and creamed cheese sandwich.

“Countess Draculina,” Renfield answered, “She fears that her father Count Dracula has been kidnapped by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith for some nefarious purpose so she’s coming over to talk to me.”

The doorbell rang.

Renfield went to answer it.

There at the door stood Countess Draculina.

“Good God!” Renfield exclaimed.

“What’s the matter?” Amadeus asked.

“I’ve got an enormous erection,” Renfield answered.

“You always were one to boast about that,” Angelique remarked.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 17th
2019.

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Saint Valentine’s Day 2019

February 14, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had come up with yet another plan to bump off Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

He had co-ordinated the plan with the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill along with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Before explaining the plan to Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield pointed out the dangers of getting Maduro out of office with the help of a U.S. invasion of Venezuela or an American planned overthrow.

“As we know both being acute students of history,” Renfield explained, “America’s unique talent and gift to the world is its ability to make a country worse off than it was when it lived under a brutal dictator. This actually is a unique bit of creativity unsurpassed in the history of human stupidity. That disaster we call George W. Bush (aided and abetted by that disaster Tony Blair – an Englishman who fancied himself a French poodle to a former Texas governor) invaded Iraq to topple Saddam and succeeded in that but then plunged the country into years of sectarian violence and bloodshed that continues today. Those disasters we call Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton thought they could get Syria’s Bashar al-Assad out of power by encouraging the Syrian people and part of the Syrian Armed Forces to rise up in revolt against Assad. The result has been 8 years of bloody civil war which is still ongoing, Assad is still in power and if Vladimir Putin and the Iranians hadn’t intervened, large portions of Syria would still be under the control of the ISIS Islamic State. And then of course that disaster we call Bill Clinton ordering the NATO bombing of Serbia from March 24th 1999 to June 10th 1999 helped pave the way for Vladimir Putin to come to power in Russia. Then Russian President Boris Yeltsin was so upset by the way Bill “He couldn’t keep it in his pants” Clinton treated Russia’s long standing ally Serbia that Yeltsin spent the entire spring and summer of 1999 hiring and firing new Prime Ministers until Yeltsin finally decided on Putin as his Prime Minister in August 1999 and then named Putin his successor as President on December 31st 1999. So Bill in effect screwed his wife Hillary twice. Once when they had Chelsea and secondly when he bombed Serbia thus paving the way for Putin to take power in Russia which if we are to believe the whining and sniveling of the New York Times, The Washington Post and the Deep State within the U.S. government is the man ultimately responsible for Hillary’s defeat in 2016.”

“Karma’s returning to bite one in the ass always happens eventually,” Van Helsing acknowledged.

“So you see how it’s absolutely vital that a British Transhumanist MP such as myself working in concert with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles do something to get Maduro out of power before the Americans try anything stupid,” Renfield pointed out.

“Time is indeed of the essence,” Dracul looked at his Latin numerals sundial wristwatch until he remembered it didn’t work indoors.

“So I want you to go over to the gymnasium at the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium Building and start to set things in motion with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and by set things in motion,” Renfield admonished, “I don’t mean tantric sex with her.”

“Damn,” Dracul swore.

. . .

“So Lexington,” Donald Trump addressed his British butler and valet, “I gave Nancy Pelosi a Valentine’s Day present this year.

“That’s very kind of you, sir,” Lexington took off the Donald’s jacket.

“As you know today is the 90th Anniversary of Al Capone giving a Valentine’s Day present to Bugs Moran in a garage and warehouse in Chicago so I thought I’d do the same for Nancy,” Trump smiled.

Earlier that evening a group of Democratic Party supporters had gathered to sacrifice a new born baby to Baal/Moloch at a garage and warehouse in Washington DC.

Despite the best efforts of the hospital to ensure the baby wouldn’t survive birth, the baby managed to survive.

It was a health care debacle that would have provided existential angst to the likes of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam.

Double angst for Gov. Northam as the baby was an Afro-American.

Although probably double angst for Gov. Cuomo as well but since northern white liberals do a much better job at hiding their racism than their southern white liberal counterparts, you wouldn’t have noticed the look of disappointment on the face of Mario’s son.

The baby was smuggled into the ceremony by a large “reproductive health” (as they euphemistically call themselves) provider to be sacrificed to Baal/Moloch for this evening’s ritual.

Outside the warehouse a group of Mammon and Mephistopheles worshipping Republicans (all members of the National Rife Association and vitriolic opponents of a nationally publicly funded single pay user health care system) stood ready to burst in on the pro-infanticide Baal and Baphomet worshipping Party of Death Democrats.

The signal was given.

And the NRA members went in with guns ablazing.

Soon all the Party of Death Democrats were dead.

Santa Muerte who had been at the ceremony eating enchiladas looked sad.

Miraculously the baby girl (who was to be sacrificed) managed to survive.

She was found by a traditionalist Catholic nun who had been walking in the neighbourhood.

Earlier in the day, the nun had been personally excommunicated by Pope Francis.

Now like George Eliot’s Silas Marner, she had found true gold.

. . .

On his way to the warehouse gymnasium at Set Enterprises, Dracul Van Helsing passed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was crawling on his way towards Sherrielock Holmes’ office and carrying a large bouquet of roses in his lobster claws.

Dracul entered the gym and there saw Qonzilqointec:

And within minutes the gym was heating up with steam from the Valentine’s Day tantric sex between vampire hunter and vampire princess.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon was attending a Saint Valentine’s Night Evening Prayer service at Saint Genevieve’s Church- the Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish that he attended.

Delivering a short homily at the service was the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists.

“Saint Valentine,” Father Aidan noted, “was a Catholic priest who lived and worked in Rome in an age of severe persecutions. The Emperor Claudius II had ordered that Roman soldiers should not be allowed to marry so they could concentrate on war without a double mind. For that reason, the soldiers began living promiscuous lives. Saint Valentine ordered soldiers in his congregation to marry and he began wedding them secretly. For that reason, he was caught, imprisoned and executed on the 14th of February 270 AD.”

“Wow,” Amadeus thought to himself as he reached stealthily into his pocket to grab and eat a stick of licorice, “So there was no Cupid with bow and arrow in the original Saint Valentine story.”


Betty Grable as a female Cupid in a photo taken back in the 1940s.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 14th
2019

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Putin, Maduro, Vampire Set and Miranda Singh

February 12, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading Russian language copies of The New York Times and The Washington Post.

“How stupid these people be,” Putin pushed the copies of both papers into the waste paper basket where they were removed by the Russian bear (possessed by the ghost of Rasputin) for him to use as toilet paper.

“I’m almost inspired to manipulate the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election,” Putin mused aloud, “to make up for the false accusations that I manipulated the results of the 2016 election. Because the New York Times and The Washington Post can’t bring themselves to admit that the past 50 years of the dumbed down liberal progressive education system (that they approved of and applauded) has resulted in a dumbed down electorate who would actually rather vote for someone like Trump rather than the Establishment’s anointed female messiah Hellcat from Hell. So they have to blame us- the Russians- rather than the Frankenstein monster of an electorate that their liberal progressive educational ideas have created.”

“It is rough, Comrade President,” the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had to admit as she smoothed her Red Army brown skirt.

“What really pisses me off is that if we wanted someone as a Manchurian candidate puppet to be President and our elite team of hackers could put that individual into office, what makes them think we’d choose Trump?” Putin gazed out the Kremlin window, “Total nutcases are so unpredictable and don’t make very good puppets. And these jerks in the liberal U.S. media don’t think Russian Intelligence is good enough to spot a nutcase when we see one? We have a lot more intelligence in spotting one than do the American electorate.”

“America’s biggest mistake in the long run will be to underestimate Russian intelligence,” Svetlana crossed her legs and crushed a miniature American flag under her spiked stiletto.

. . .

“Who does this Donald Trump think he is anyways?” Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro raged to his companion, “Telling me that I’m not the legitimate President of Venezuela.”

“This Trump has a massive ego,” Maduro’s companion played with his moustache and threw the Gillette shaving kit into the garbage as real men don’t use Gillette.

“Anything Donald Trump can do, I can do better,” Maduro pounded his fists on the desk, “He thinks he can shut the U.S. government down for 35 days and not pay his government workers just to get a wall built? Well I can hold food and medical aid up at the Venezuelan border for far longer than that and starve my entire people into submission to me so that everyone in this entire country gives me the love and respect and honour and adoration I so richly deserve.”

“You da man,” the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (recently granted dispensational temporary leave from Tartarus by Hades) smiled as he continued to play with his moustache and ate a plate of perogies as he fondly recalled memories of the Soviet government enforced famine on Ukrainians back in 1932-33.

. . .

Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set received a call from her boss on her mobile.

There would be an unexpected and univited visitor at the Set Enterprises laboratory tonight, Set said.

He told Miranda to give the man what he wanted.

. . .

Italian Intelligence secret agent Luigi Linguini was on a mission for the Italian government.

The current Italian government was in a cold war (which might turn hot at any moment) with French President Emmanuel Macron.

The Italian government wanted to bring Macron down and they had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had conducted an extensive DNA analysis of Macron’s DNA.

The Italian government needed to see that file.

Luigi was about to use his screwdriver to open the door to the room of the Rocher Secret Archives.

When suddenly the door opened on its own and there stood Miranda Singh:

“This way to the Macron File,” she smiled at him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 12th
2019.

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The Black Dragon Awakens

January 29, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

There is an unknown shrine located in the Palace of The Emperors in Beijing’s Forbidden City.

And few there be that find it.

The shrine does have a Taoist priest (in a long line of Taoist priests throughout the millenia) that care for it.

But other than the priest, no one else knows.

But there have been some individuals throughout history who have always found the shrine.

And those individuals were generally China’s most malevolent Emperors.

In recent times, Chairman Mao Tse-tung had found it when he won control of the Chinese mainland in 1949.

The thing about the shrine is that when these malevolent Emperors and Mao had lived, the statue of the Black Dragon inside the shrine had disappeared only to return to the shrine upon the death of the said Emperors or Mao.

According to oral tradition passed down from priest guardian of the shrine to priest guardian of the shrine, the statue of the Black Dragon would come to life and serve as an advisor to the one who found the shrine during that individual’s lifetime.

On the Ides of March (March 15th) 2013, the statue had vanished, the priest guardian of the shrine had noted in the shrine’s official journal.

Of course the Black Dragon would not be walking the breadth and length of China as a dragon.

It was able to shapeshift into human form.

. . .

The MSS (Ministry of State Security) operative did not really enjoy working with the individual called Wang.

No one was too sure what Wang’s job was.

He just suddenly showed up one day at the MSS on March 18th 2013 with orders from the newly elected Central Committee that he was to be obeyed in all matters.

Wang was tall.

7 foot 6.

Very unusual for most Chinese.

And also very thin.

In fact Wang was described as a tall thin version of statues of the fat jocular version of the Chinese Smiling Buddha.

Except Wang was tall not short.

Thin not fat.

And definitely never smiled.

. . .

Mark Orillio was an American businessman who spent the past 5 years living and working in Shanghai.

Today that would be his curse.

The fact that he was American.

The day after Acting U.S. Attorney-General Matthew Whitaker had announced 13 criminal charges against Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou and other Huawei executives had been formally laid.

For Justin Trudeau’s Canada, it was 2 Canadians in detention and another to be shot by firing squad for daring to arrest Meng.

For U.S. citizens, it would be a lot worse.

Orillio was grabbed from behind while crossing the street.

And tossed into a van.

Later in an empty warehouse, Wang had bodily dismembered Orillio.

The action had been videotaped.

The videotape would be sent to Whitaker’s office via the old fashioned post office method.

Other parts such as fingers, toes, elbows, knees and ankles would be mailed to various family members of Orillio living in the U.S.

His phallus would be mailed to his wife living here in Shanghai with the message, At least you got what the Egyptian goddess Isis never found.

And Orillio’s head would be mailed to Donald Trump at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with the message, Do not mess with the China Flower Achievement.

Wang told the MSS operative that the messages were inspired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s finesse in dealing with Islamist terrorists.

“Gunboat diplomacy and now this,” the MSS operative thought to himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 29th
2019.

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The Time Has Come, The Walrus Said, To Stop Interbreeding With Humans

January 17, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Pan Goatee was standing at the public transit train platform after a hard afternoon of laughing at Donald Trump’s tweets.

Earlier he had walked by an indoor sand box at an indoor day care center where a rather stupid looking young boy had said to a rather airheaded looking young girl, “Well if you’re going to cancel my State of The Union address, I’m going to cancel your taxpayer funded military flight to Afghanistan.”

“Kids these days,” Goatee thought to himself.

Of course the adults in this city were even worse particularly the large corps of repulsively ugly looking woman in the city.

One ugly looking creature (no doubt the product of some illicit liason between a human and a gargoyle that sent poor Quasimodo plunging to his death off Notre Dame’s bell tower when he saw the sickening spectacle that would inspire English metaphysical poet John Donne to state centuries later, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls.”) tried to walk in front of Goatee.

The genetically created satyr serial killer promptly beheaded the ugly looking creature.

Goatee later boarded a bus at another train station to get home.

An extremely aesthetically facially challenged fat ugly blimp (no doubt another abomination of desolation genetic hybrid of some stupid drunken Calgary male’s illicit interbreeding liason with a fat ugly female walrus along the banks of the Bow River during the sobriety challenged days and nights of the Calgary Stampede) boarded the bus and Goatee promptly beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

He then cut her up into 666 sextillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

One Master’s Degree in Psychology student on the bus wondered to himself if this was an example of the toxic masculinity that the American Psychological Association and the latest new Gillette ads were warning people about.

“Well,” Pan Goatee, who had been developing his psychic powers for DARPA by staring at his own goat’s legs, answered the psychology student’s subconscious question, “My masculinity is certainly toxic for fat ugly blimps who are of course themselves highly toxic to earth’s aesthetic environment. Pope Francis should really praise my work in his next papal encyclical.”

When he got home, he noticed a fat ugly blimp walking kitty corner across from his house so he promptly beheaded her.

As he was about to cut the blimp’s head and body into 666 sextillion pieces (he seemed to have an obsessive compulsive disorder about that number Goatee thought to himself just like the Serbian-American inventor Nikola Tesla had an obsessive compulsive disorder about the number 3- he really should ask his psychiatrist about that at his next session), he received a text message on his Huawei smart phone that he wouldn’t be paid for this past month’s contract assassin work for DARPA as apparently his contract fell under the terms of the U.S. government shutdown.

“What the fuck!” Goatee foamed with rage, “DARPA scientists like Hyperion Sturm still get paid for developing AI robots for DARPA whose artificial stupidity would be second to none against AI assistants like Amazon’s Alexa and the Autoincorrect on the Samsung Galaxy tablet while I don’t get paid for bumping off high ranking bureaucrats in the Justin Trudeau government in an effort to make Donald Trump happy because he knows deep down in his cold metallic heart that Canada’s pot smoking boy wonder is a lot better looking than he is with his piss orange coloured toupee.”

Goatee immediately called his demon goat assistant Krampus the 2nd (genetically cloned from Saint Nicholas’ demon goat assistant on his December excursions throughout Bavaria and the former realms of the Hapsburg Austro-Hungarian Empire- the original Krampus) for assistance.

. . .

Donald Trump approached his bed.

He looked at the blankets and noticed there looked to be what appeared to be a head under his blanket.

Trump wondered whether he had pissed off any Russian racetrack owners lately.

He couldn’t ask his English butler and valet Lexington to look under the covers for him as Lexington had taken the evening off to go see the 1962 film The Manchurian Candidate that was playing at a Washington DC repertory theatre.

Finally Trump worked up the nerve to look under the covers himself.

He screamed the most bloodcurdling scream ever screamed in the history of the White House.

For there under the covers on his bed was the decapitated head of a hideous repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp.

Trump’s National Security advisor found the Donald a couple of hours later on his bedroom floor in a total state of shock clutching a pillow which had a picture of Marlon Brando as the Godfather on it while the Donald mumbled aloud the immortal words of England’s King Richard III in Act V Scene iv of William Shakespeare’s immortal play Richard III, “A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 17th
2019.

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Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Marks Nicolas Maduro’s 2nd Inauguration

January 10, 2019 at 11:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec got up and walked away after she had successfully poisoned the head of Venezuela’s intelligence service.

She also had in her possession and in her purse the location of two Russian Tu-160 nuclear bombers (with nuclear bombs aboard) in Venzeula.

She’d be contacting British MP Renfield R. Renfield with that information.

She’d also be text messaging a photo of the head of the Venezuelan Intelligence Service (lying dead on the floor with a poisoned olive from a martini hanging from his mouth) to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro moments after he was inaugurated for a second time.

The Aztec vampire princess would now be flying to Havana Cuba where she would watch Cuban President Miguel Diaz-Canal receive the Pope Francis Medal of Freedom Award presented to the Cuban leader by a leading Latin American liberation theology Jesuit theologian on behalf of the Pontiff.

She’d then meet with a United Nations official the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky the head of the Communist Fourth International) and plot their strategy to talk actress Angelina Jolie into running for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 2020.

After the vaudeville papal awards ceremony and the Tomi meeting, she’d then have a tantric sex marathon with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a Havana hotel room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 10th
2019.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ 165th Birthday

January 6, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Today is the Feast Day of the Epiphany.

And it was on the Feast Day of The Epiphany in 1854 that two remarkable individuals were born.

Twins.

A boy and a girl.

The boy would go on to achieve fame and fortune as the world’s greatest consulting detective- Sherlock Holmes of 221 B Baker Street.

The girl would remain in the shadows.

One because of her chosen profession- that of a dominatrix.

And although her clientele included members of the British Empire’s high and mighty, no one wished to publicly speak of her.

She also worked for the most secret levels of British Intelligence.

She had been recruited into British Intelligence on the recommendation of one Winston Churchill in 1914 when he served in the World War I British cabinet as First Lord of The Admiralty.

By this time of course Sherrielock Holmes had achieved immortality.

Quite literally.

For she had eaten a specially prepared omelette made with Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms that had been developed by her husband the noted scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who was ironically enough the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal arch Prof. James Moriarty and a single unmarried French woman named Isabelle Rocher) which gave her immortality.

Dr. Rocher decided to wait to prepare a similar omelette and achieve immortality for himself.

A decision he came to regret after his plane was shot down by the Red Baron on April 20th 1918 just the day before the Red Baron was shot down himself by Canadian pilot Roy Brown on April 21st.

His immortal Lingzhi supernatural mushroom omelette recipe went to the ground with him.

Sherrielock Holmes left British Intelligence in 1920 and became a school teacher throughout the 1920s.


Sherrielock Holmes found her dominatrix training came in handy teaching in a girls’ school in the 1920s.


Living life briefly as a blonde, she also found her dominatrix experience came in handy teaching in a boys’ school in the 1920s.

Today of course, Sherrielock turned 165.

Her brother Sherlock had been offered one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s immortal omelettes as well but turned him down describing it as “oriental mumbo-jumbo” and “hocus pocus nonsense”.

Sherlock subsequently died of a massive cardiac arrest on May 28th 1937 upon hearing the news on BBC Radio that Neville Chamberlain had replaced Stanley Baldwin as Prime Minister of Britain.

German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s glee was the great British consulting detective’s death agony.

So Sherlock was not present at Sherrielock’s 165th Birthday party being held in the main dining room at the Savoy Hotel in London tonight hosted by her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief scientist at Set Enterprises the research and development firm owned by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the man said to embody the best (and the worst) of Holmes and Moriarty blood.

His greatest testtube genetic creation was present- the shapeshifting hamster/human British MP Renfield R. Renfield widely touted to someday become the Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century.

Also present was Amadeus Emanon (Set’s personal concert pianist) who had recently started recording his own songs at a major London music and recording studio and those few music critics who had listened to his songs touted him as a future British music sensation to equal the likes of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.

Not present was Pan Goatee who had run away from Set Enterprises laboratories to join an American electric music rock band back in 2013 and now worked as a contract assassin for America’s DARPA and a satyr serial killer of ugly women.

There were various genetically modified animals that Dr. Rocher had created as well- including Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was currently occupying a blow proof lobster tank in the dining room of the Savoy.

That new Rocher prototype lobster tank turned out not to be so blow proof when Sherrielock entered the Savoy dining room wearing her lovely evening dress.

Waiters and bus boys were still mopping up water and London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley (who were a defeated British Conservative MP and defeated British Labour MP respectively) hired to provide security for the birthday party were trying to prevent Gordon Ramsay, who had mistaken Michelangelo for an ordinary crustacean, from placing him in a pot of boiling water.

Intelligence agents from Russia, China and Venezuela were also at the event hoping to discover Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s plans for the redevelopment of the ancient Hebrew general Joshua’s trumpets capable of bringing down any wall (which would virtually ensure that Donald Trump would be pissing $5.6 billion in U.S. taxpayers’ money down the drain).

Renfield was already on his Huawei smart phone communicating with his latest crush newly elected Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:

“Now more than ever I think $5.6 billion would be better spent towards implementing a national public health insurance program that most civilized nations in the western world already have” – Renfield

As for another of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s creations, the genetically recreated winged horse Pegasus was now the pet and favourite animal of Queen Rania of Jordan.

She had received offers from both Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Jared Kushner to sell him but she had turned both men down flat.

And as in another place, billionaire George Soros was drowning his sorrows in champagne over the possible imminent collapse of the Brussels led European Union, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was proposing a toast to Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday.

And the ghost of Orson Welles took an old black and white picture of Sherrielock Holmes with an old Polaroid Model 95 Land camera invented by Edwin Land in 1948:

Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday- Not looking a day over 25.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 6th
2018
Feast of Epiphany

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Reblog of The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

December 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year and a half ago.

Dracul Van Helsing

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis…

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Reblog of Serena Slain

December 15, 2018 at 11:09 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago.

But it ties in with some vampire novel chapters I have written recently.

Dracul Van Helsing

It was the autumn of 1924.

And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.

Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.

He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.

Who didn’t die.

Since he was a vampire.

Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.

Angered, Set approached the assassin.

Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.

This time in the direction of Serena.

Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.

Covered in blood.

“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.

He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.

Terovsky fled down the street.

Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.

Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she…

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