Dracul Van Helsing and The 84-Year-Old Kidnapping Mystery

May 18, 2017 at 4:03 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing had just received a text message from the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

She had gone to Pyongyang North Korea and convinced her husband Hephaestus to stop building missiles for Kim Jong-un.

He agreed.

The trouble was he had already built 666 missiles for Kim Jong-un.

And the missile of his that North Korea had launched this past weekend had been successful.

In addition, an ancient Persian talismanic image that had been painted on each missile (showing the image of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull with the words IN HOC SIGNO VINCES above the image) seemed to ensure the missiles’ success.

Kim Jong-un had been instructed to paint the image and the accompanying Latin slogan on his missiles by a beautiful Korean vampiress who was a disciple of the Persian demonic god-prince Ahriman.

The Korean vampiress appeared wearing a white gown to Kim Jong-un and gave him his instructions.

She was known to Kim only as the Mysterious Woman In White.

Aphrodite’s information to Dracul had been confirmed in a report sent to him by his friend Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable did not tell Van Helsing that the source for his information was Dracul’s ex-girlfriend the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan (now an agent for the South Korean National Intelligence Service who was currently spying in North Korea).

Dracul decided to phone Whitstable to further discuss the report.

After rehashing what had been said in the original report, Whitstable said, “Oh Dracul, there’s something else.”

“What would that be?” Dracul asked.

“Kim Jong-un apparently has an advisor- an Englishman who was loaned to him from the People’s Republic of China,” Whitstable stated.

“An Englishman who used to work for the People’s Republic of China and now works for North Korea’s dictator?” Dracul was amazed, “Who is this Englishman?”.

“Do you recall reading in your history books about the kidnapping of Byron Jennings back in the early 1930s?” Whitstable inquired.

“That was the case referred to by the North American press at the time as Britain’s Charles Lindbergh Jr. Kidnapping,” Dracul recalled, “although Byron Jennings was considerably older than Charles Lindbergh Jr. Byron was the grandson of a leading member of the British House of Lords at the time Lord Oswald Jennings as well as the son of a not so leading British Conservative MP of the day Spencer Jennings. Rumour had it that Byron had been kidnapped by Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life Fu Manchu.”

“That is correct, Dracul,” Whitstable acknowledged, “and that’s who is currently advising Kim Jong-un. None other than Byron Jennings who was kidnapped as an 8-year-old-boy 84 years ago.”

“Good lord,” said Dracul, “he must now be in his 90s.”

“He is,” Whitstable admitted, “but he doesn’t look it. He’s a vampire.”

“Really?” said Dracul, “Who turned him into a vampire?”.

“Mei-ling Manchu the daughter of Fu Manchu,” Whitstable answered, “who’s currently alive and Undead and well and living as a vampiress in Beijing.”

After talking with Whistable for a while longer, Dracul then telephoned Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard and told him to finally close the books on an 84-year-old kidnapping mystery.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 18th
2017.

Mei-ling Manchu Becoming A Vampiress
Mei-ling Manchu becoming a vampiress after becoming a red dress Communist

Permalink 6 Comments

Mei-ling Manchu

May 16, 2017 at 4:17 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The year was 1933.

And the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was paying a visit to Britain’s House of Lords to see his friend Lord Oswald Jennings give a speech on China in the House of Lords.

Lord Oswald Jennings had a son Spencer Jennings who was the British Conservative MP for the constituency of Stamford On The Welland.

And Spencer Jennings had an 8-year-old son Byron Jennings.

In the opinion of the said vampire billionaire who called himself Mr. Sol Invictus Set, Byron Jennings was a spoiled brat.

But fortunately Lord Oswald Jennings did not invite Set back to his home after the speech where his son and daughter-in-law and spoiled brat grandson would be attending.

Instead he invited Set to dinner at his club.

“I agree with you,” Lord Jennings winked at Set over a brandy, “my grandson is a brat. I find Spencer and his airhead wife Lillian are too enamoured with this progressive education nonsense. Letting the child do exactly whatever he wants.”

After dinner and brandy at the club. Sol Invictus Set walked out into the night.

He noticed a very attractive young Asian woman walking up the street.

She was wearing a black dragon emblazoned red dress slit up the sides in that sleek chic oriental fashion that Set found so arousing.

It’s too bad that he had to rush home as he was expecting a phone call from Stanley Baldwin. Otherwise he’d have asked the beautiful young woman out for a drink.

But the beautiful young Asian woman had plans of her own.

For she was Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life scientist Dr. Fu Manchu who was so grossly slandered in Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.

Her father feared that Lord Oswald Jennings was far too sympathetic to the idea of Japanese control over Manchuria and quite possibly the rest of China.

Thus he had instructed Mei-ling to kidnap Lord Jennings’ grandson Byron hoping to influence His Lordship away from a pro-Japanese position.

How Mei-ling wondered, would she do it?

She noticed a boy standing at the corner looking through the window of a bookshop.

She looked at the photo of Lord Jennings’ grandson that her father had given her.

Then she looked at the boy on the corner.

They were the same individual.

She walked up to the boy.

Ironically, the boy was looking at the cover of one of Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.
Daughter of Fu Manchu

Said Byron (who was about as horny as his poetic namesake), “Wow. I’d like that woman on the cover to take me home and spank me.”

“Oh, this was going to be easy,” Mei-ling smiled to herself.

“How’d you like me to take you to my home and give you a spanking?” Mei-ling adjusted the slit skirt of her dress.

“Okay,” said the boy.

So kidnapping the grandson of Lord Oswald Jennings turned out to be as easy as taking candy from a baby.

And quite possibly the boy might even cease being a brat under Mei-ling Manchu’s tutelage.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 16th
2017.

Permalink 2 Comments

80 Years Ago Today- The Hindenburg Disaster

May 6, 2017 at 3:33 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Hindenburg

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was recalling where he was 80 years ago today.

Aboard the dirigible airship LZ 129 Hindenburg as it caught fire trying to dock with its mooring mass at Naval Air Station Lakehurst in Manchester Township New Jersey on May 6th, 1937.

Of the 97 people on board (36 passengers and 61 crewmen), there were 35 fatalities (13 passengers and 22 crewmen). One worker on the ground was also killed, bringing the final death toll to 36.

The vampire Set had departed aboard the Hindenburg from Frankfurt Germany on the evening of May 3rd 1937.

He was carrying a message with him from Der Fuhrer Adolf Hilter (Set was an important financial backer of Germany’s leader) to U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

When Set arrived at Lakehurst, he would board an American Airlines flight from Lakehurst to Newark, New Jersey. He would then catch a plane from Newark to New York City and then on to Washington DC where he would meet in secret with FDR to deliver the message.

In the message, Hitler proposed an anti-Bolshevik crusade with FDR for some time a few years down the road.

Hitler would attack the USSR from the West (from Europe) and America would attack the USSR from the East (from Alaska).

In return, Hitler proposed that America take and keep Siberia (which of course was just across the Bering Strait from Alaska).

Hitler would take the rest of Russia.

However the Hindenburg caught fire as it was about to land.

Set promptly turned into a bat and flew down to safety as Herbert Morrison cried into the radio microphone for radio station WLS in Chicago, “Oh, the humanity….”

To this day, there were still debates going on about what caused the fire aboard the Hindenburg. Some said it was sabotage. Others said it was caused by an electrical spark.

Set personally believed it was sabotage.

Because once he was on the ground in Lakehurst and had resumed his human shape, the vampire who called himself Sol Invictus Set saw his arch enemy, sister and sister-in-law the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis standing there.

Isis had with her by her side the Moroccan wrestler Abdul the Butcher who was her bodyguard at the time.

Abdul hit Set over the head and knocked him out.

When Set came to, Der Fuhrer’s message meant for FDR’s eyes only was gone.

How the world might have been different had that message been delivered, Set reflected.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 6th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

The Ayatollah and The Satanic Verses

April 2, 2017 at 3:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

It was February 14th 1989.

Saint Valentine’s Day.

Although Valentine’s Day was not officially celebrated in the despotic theocratic state that was the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s Islamic Republic of Iran in 1989.

A cleric knocked on the door of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s room.

“Just a minute,” the Ayatollah Khomeini hid the copy of the decadent western Playboy magazine (November 1976 issue with playmate Patti McGuire on the cover and the lustful heart opening interview with Jimmy Carter that the Ayatollah never once got around to reading) under his mattress and quickly reached for his copy of the Quran (which was more than an arm’s reach away).

“Come in,” the Ayatollah quickly pulled up his robes.

“Your eminence,” the cleric bowed, “our school of imams have just finished reading that book The Satanic Verses by the infidel apostate Salman Rushdie. They have been forced to render and tear their clothes at such blasphemy. While they await delivery of fresh clothes from our exclusive tailor shop in downtown Tehran which as you know is quite the distance by camel from our Holy City of Qom…”

“Why don’t the idiots just send the clothes by taxi?” The Ayatollah inquired.

“Of course, your Eminence, we’ll do that,” the cleric bowed again, “they’re wondering what should be done about the said infidel apostate Salman Rushdie?”.

“What does Rushdie say exactly?” The Ayatollah reached for a wet towel to wipe his hands.

“He mentions that our Prophet (peace be upon him) succumbed to the temptations of Satan and put in the original edition of the Quran that Allah had 3 daughters al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat and that it is perfectly acceptable to pray to them the 3 daughters of Allah. Of course our Prophet (peace be upon him) repented and removed these verses from the Quran (found in an-Najm 53: 19-22),” the cleric trembled.

“He mentions this?” The Ayatollah raised one of his satanically Mephistopheles black eyebrows.

Ayatollah Khomeini

“Yes, your Eminence,” the cleric bowed again.

“Blasphemy,” the Ayatollah rents his robes that had been covered in a sticky creamy white substance, “I issue a fatwa (death sentence) on the blaspheming apostate Rushdie’s head.”

A few days later in London, England, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading in The Times of London about the Ayatollah Khomein’s Valentine’s Day fatwa on Salman Rushdie author of The Satanic Verses.

“The 3 daughters mentioned in The Satanic Verses… al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat?” The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set rubbed his chin, “I remember them from the days when I visited the Arabian peninsula millenia ago. They were the most delightful vampiresses. In fact, al-Lat, she was called Lilith in ancient Babylon and the Babylonian Talmud. In fact, she rescued me from that dungeon in Cairo back in 1939 where I was held by British commandos so I wouldn’t object at the wedding of Her Highness Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt to Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran. Although as it turns out an Islamic wedding ceremony doesn’t have that Church of England Book of Common Prayer bit about “If any man (or vampire) knoweth of any reasons why these two may not be wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 2nd
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Vampire Set and Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt

April 1, 2017 at 3:35 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Egyptian vampire Set had returned to Egypt in 1938.

It had been 20 years since he had left Egypt- his tomb having been dug up in November 1918 and his having hopped aboard a ship to England at Alexandria in December 1918.

He noticed since his 1938 return to Egypt that he was naturally being followed around the country by two British Intelligence agents who had been following him now for quite a number of years- Henry Armstrong and Thomas Tennyson.

He gathered that the two intelligence agents were in close contact with a British MP who didn’t seem to like him- Winston Churchill.

Set wondered whether Churchill’s enmity was due to the Egyptian vampire’s friendship with Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler.

While in Egypt, Set fell in love with a 16-year-old Egyptian girl Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt the daughter of Egypt’s king Fuad I.

But while Sol Invictus Set was showing her many a hot night in Cairo and Alexandria, plans were being made for the Princess’ engagement to Iran’s Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi. The Crown Prince’s father Reza Shah Pahlavi favoured the marriage in that it united a Sunni royal the Egyptian princess with a Shia royal the Iranian Crown Prince.

The Royal couple’s engagement was announced in May 1938.

Set, never one for observing rules or protocol, continued to see the princess.

A group of British commandos captured and imprisoned Set so that Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt could marry Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran at Abdeen Palace in Cairo on March 15th 1939- a marriage that was approved of by Set’s sister the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis.

While Set was being held at an underground dungeon in Cairo, an owl appeared at his dungeon window one moonlit night.

The owl was in reality the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who had shapeshifted into an owl.

“Do you need some help?” The owl asked in a hooting manner.

“Yes, fly to Berlin and tell my friend Adolf to get me out of here,” Set pleaded.

The owl did just that.

A surprise Nazi commando raid rescued Mr. Sol Invictus Set.

Set flew to Tehran where he showed up at the Marble Palace in Tehran and asked the new Queen of Iran Fawzia Fuad to sail away to a Caribbean island with him.
Princess Fawzia Fuad

Queen Fawzia refused citing an allergy to coconut milk.

Set bitterly said to Fawzia before he left, “Your marriage won’t last.”

He was right.

Fawzia left Iran and moved back to Cairo in May 1945 and obtained an Egyptian divorce. Her official Iranian divorce came through on November 17th, 1948.

Set having left Iran in April of 1939 went back to London and drowned his sorrows in Caribbean rum and coconut milk.

Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi who became King of Iran in September 1941 (and was later to declare himself Emperor or King of Kings of the country on October 26th 1967) enjoyed a great continuing friendship with the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis as well as one of Isis’ great friends the Luciferian satanist David Rockefeller.

Sol Invictus Set who was a satanic satanist (as opposed to the wishy washy luciferian satanists like his sister Isis, esteemed banker David Rockefeller, billionaire businessman George Soros and the Clintons Bill and Hillary) got his revenge on the Shah by arranging his overthrow through the help of a satanic satanist Shia clergyman the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini who attained power in Tehran in February 1979.

Sol Invictus Set was later convinced by one of his employees Renfield R. Renfield to abandon support for the Islamic Republic of Iran and support the Israelis instead.

Set still continued to oppose Arab Spring groups who were backed by Osiris and Isis’ luciferian satanist elites within the U.S. and Western Europe.

As for Princess Fawzia Fuad, she died in Cairo Egypt on July 2nd 2013.

Set never bothered attending her funeral as this would have interrupted a scheduled golf game he had with British Prime Minister David Cameron.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 1st
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Dashwood Forrest At Mrs. Mulligan’s Tea Shop In Sneem, Ireland

January 31, 2017 at 12:43 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“That revolting little donkey turned around and ate the rose in my lapel,” Dashwood Forrest complained after he and Mulligan the Irish zombie were dropped off in front of Mrs. Mulligan’s B and B Tea Shop by Grady Gulliver’s donkey cart.

“That’s strange,” Mulligan the Irish zombie brushed dirt off the suit that he had been buried in and wondered if it wasn’t a good idea to maybe put on a new pair of clothes, “usually Agnes only eats daisies. I’ve never seen her eat a rose before.”

“It was my misfortune that today she decided to change her botanical culinary tastes,” Dashwood Forrest opened up his gold plated snuff case and pulled out a rose and put it in his lapel.

“I wonder what Grandma Rose will say when she answers the door,” Mulligan paused before knocking, “She knows I’m dead but I don’t think she knows I returned from the dead as a zombie.”

“You mean you never phoned your grandma Rose ahead of time to let her know we were coming to inspect her Nostradamus paintings,” Dashwood Forrest pulled out his silver plated snuff case and took out some snuff and put it up his nose and sneezed in Sneem.

“Well Charon the Ferryman across the River Styx in Hades was never a figure in Irish Celtic mythology so consequently I was buried without small change in my mouth or pockets. I had no money to make the call,” Mulligan shrugged his shoulders causing them to almost fall off.

“Well why didn’t you just use the phone at my art gallery shop in London or ask to use my iPhone?” Dashwood queried.

Mulligan sat down on the ground in a complicated gymnastics position and brought his legs up over his head to knock his decomposing shoulders back into place, “You must remember I’m an Irish zombie. I wasn’t bright enough to think of that.”

“Would you mind knocking at the door so that we can get on with the inspection of the Nostradamus paintings so I’ll know a genuine Nostradamus when I see one in Paris,” Dashwood ordered.

“All right,” Mulligan’s spirit was amiable to the idea but his rotting flesh body wasn’t as he found he could not get out of the peculiar calisthenics position in which he now found himself.

Consequently Mulligan rolled over head, shoulders and legs first until he reached the door.

Then with his knees still firmly around his head and shoulders, he used his upstretched feet to pound on the door.

His beautiful and lovely dark haired but blue-eyed cousin Colleen Mulligan answered the door.

She screamed when she saw Mulligan in front of her with his decomposing zombie ass stuck up in the air as his trousers had now fallen down around his ankles when he made the attempt to get up and assume a more mortal like human stance.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” Colleen Mulligan’s scream had popped open the top buttons of her white blouse and caused the sides of her long black skirt to slit open showing lovely pantyhose clad legs.

“I think I’m turning heterosexual,” were Dashwood Forrest’s last words before he passed out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 21st
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Mrs. Mulligan’s Tea Shop In Sneem, Ireland

January 30, 2017 at 1:09 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Mrs. Rose Mulligan owned a tea shop and a little Bed and Breakfast in the village of Sneem, Ireland.

Quiet, restful and tranquil little Sneem. Where the little bridge over the nearby stream bore the inscription Built In 1804 (the same year that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself proclaimed and crowned Emperor of The French).

Sneem in its peace and solitude had attracted the attention of French President Charles de Gaulle. The French leader had bought property there and was seriously considering retiring there when his term as President of France was over. Henri the Comte de Paris would then run for President of France as De Gaulle’s successor. When Henri won, he’d call a referendum on the restoration of the monarchy in France. Winning that, Henri the Comte de Paris would then go from being President of France to being King of France. And De Gaulle would enjoy Irish potatoes, Irish salmon, Guinness stout and the best imported French wines and cheeses in his quiet and restful little farmhouse near the village of Sneem.

But alas! The best laid plans of mice and men (and even De Gaulles) – they often go astray!

The 1968 Paris riots happened. The students were revolting! Students are usually often quite revolting but they were particularly revolting that year.

The ensuing turmoil in France led De Gaulle to step down as President a year later and his former Prime Minister Georges Pompidou took over as President.

So no Henri Comte de Paris as De Gaulle’s successor. And no retirement for De Gaulle in Sneem. It was enough to make the forced to resign French leader keel over and die on the spot (which is what eventually happened to De Gaulle in 1970).

So Sneem, Ireland managed to escape the attention of history.

Unknown to the residents of sleepy Sneem however, Mrs. Rose Mulligan in her tea shop had paintings decorating her walls. Paintings that had been painted almost 500 years earlier by the 16th Century Renaissance French Prophet Nostradamus. (For background on how the Nostradamus paintings arrived in Mrs. Mulligan’s tea shop in Sneem, Ireland, please read Dashwood Forrest Meets Ivanka Trump:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/01/25/dashwood-forrest-meets-ivanka-trump/ )

And so it was on this January morning in 2017 that Mrs. Rose Mulligan went calling on her next door neighbour who was- a witch!

“Good morning, Mrs. Mulligan,” Molly Kildare greeted her neighbour, “what can I do for you this morning?”.

“Well, I’m embarrassed to ask this,” Rose Mulligan blushed, “but I’ll be needing a love potion from ya.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph and Saints Patrick, Bridget, Brendan and Kevin to say nothing of the gods and goddesses of the old Irish Celtic pantheon,” Mrs. Kildare’s hair turned as white as the snows of Mount Kilimanjaro, “but what would Mrs. Rose Mulligan the loveliest woman in Sneem if not all of Ireland be needing with a love potion?’.

“Now, Mrs. Kildare,” Rose Mulligan’s face turned as red as the dress of the Scarlet Woman Mystery Babylon in the Book of The Apocalypse, “you know I’m not as lovely as I used to be. I’m now approaching 60.”

“You may be approaching 60, Mrs. Rose Mulligan,” Mrs. Molly Kildare wagged her finger at her, “but you’re better looking than most women half of our age.”.

“Well now, I won’t be arguing with you there, Mrs. Kildare,” Mrs. Mulligan acknowledged, “being the lover of truth that I am. But still I will be needing a love potion.”

“Surely, you’re not thinking of getting yourself a second husband after all these years, Mrs. Mulligan?” queried Mrs. Kildare whose divorce from her first husband only came through this past week.

“Oh no, ever since dear Sean died taking that World Cup soccer ball in the face as Team Ireland’s goalie so that Ireland would advance beyond the qualifying rounds for the 1986 World Cup, I’ve never thought of marrying again,” Mrs. Mulligan gently stroked her hair, “it’s not a second husband I’m thinking of having but an affair.”

“An affair?” Mrs. Kildare’s face turned as white as a ghost.

“That’s right, an affair, Mrs. Kildare,” Rose Mulligan waxed poetical for a moment, “what the Good Book calls adultery. And what the more vulgar Americans refer to by that far more vulgar term- fornication.”

“Do you mean to say you’ll risk your immortal soul, Mrs. Mulligan,” Mrs. Kildare felt that she could use a shot of whiskey at the moment, “just so you can have an affair at your age?”.

“I have no intention of risking my immortal soul, Mrs. Kildare,” Rose Mulligan stated firmly, “after I have the one-night stand full of pumping passion and sweating bodies and sweltering delights and orchestral orgasms, I fully intend to get up the next morning and go to Church and confess my sin to Father Murphy and receive absolution for it. So there. I will not put my soul in immortal danger.”

“But what if you get run over by Mr. Gulliver’s donkey cart on the way to Church and end up dying before you receive absolution?” Mrs. Kildare acted the role of spoilsport.

Mrs. Mulligan looked glum for a minute.

Then she put her lips together in firm determination, “It’s a risk I’ll have to take. There’s a man who’ll be staying at my Bed and Breakfast for a few days. I have to take the man to bed with me. I’ve dreamed of it most of my adult life.”

“Good golly, Miss Molly, as my mother and some American singer used to say,” Mrs. Kildare put her foot down, “what man is this that you’re willing to risk your immortal soul for?”.

Mrs. Mulligan glanced around conspiratorially and then whispered in Mrs. Kildare’s ear, “Liam Neeson.”

“The actor?” Mrs. Kildare’s jaw dropped.

“The very same,” Mrs. Mulligan nodded.

“I wonder if Father Murphy will be willing to give a 2-for-the-price-of-1 absolution,” Mrs. Kildare hurried to the kitchen in order to prepare two love potions.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 17th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Cyborg Sophia On The Hunt For Nostradamus

January 28, 2017 at 12:23 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The red-headed cyborg Sophia had been created by the FSB’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who used to work for the East German Stasi) several years ago.

She had served as a personal bodyguard to Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

Then Putin had given her as a gift to the rogue private entrepreneur intelligence officer Renfield R. Renfield of London’s Set Enterprises for services rendered to the Russian state.

A couple of years later Renfield had turned around and sold Sophia back to Putin for a substantially large sum of money.

Sophia was once again acting as a bodyguard to Putin.

Last night after she had done a major philharmonic recital on President Putin’s instrument, the Russian leader informed her that he was sending her on a secret mission to Paris.

She was to buy a painting (allegedly painted by Nostradamus) at a private art gallery in Paris. She was to get there before a couple of operatives hired by Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka got there to buy the painting.

“What’s so important about getting that painting?” The Cyborg Sophia asked as she wiped a creamy white substance off her lips.

Said Putin as he put on a new pair of white jockey briefs, “The painting allegedly gives the exact date of an Islamist attack on the Vatican in Rome that will happen this year. If we can get the painting and find out the date, an elite Russian special forces division will be there on that date to defeat the Muslim invaders.”

“Do you mean to say that when Donald Trump takes office, he’ll do nothing to stop the attacks?” Sophia looked surprised.

“No,” Putin shook his head, “he’s still pissed at the fact that Pope Francis seemed to favour Bernie Sanders in last year’s Presidential election.”

“Who are the two operatives hired by Ivanka Trump to get the Nostradamus painting?” Sophia asked.

Putin smiled, “One is Dashwood Forrest the famous London dandy and the other is Mulligan the not so famous Irish zombie.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Vladimir Putin and The Nostradamus Painting

January 27, 2017 at 10:57 am (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was getting an intelligence briefing from the Russian FSB on what the U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump was up to.

The FSB Intelligence Officer began his briefing by saying, “We owe a lot to our agency’s former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who invented an electronic receiver capable of picking up audio transmissions from the hair follicles of a red spider monkey fur toupee…”

“There are no limits to Russian ingenuity,” was President Putin’s observation.

“And those audio transmissions tell us that President-elect Trump is very interested in an oil painting that Nostradamus painted almost 5 centuries ago,” the FSB officer went on.

“I’ve seen the secret collection of Nostradamus paintings that the Hermitage in Saint Petersburg has,” Putin smiled, “It turns out we win World War III according to those paintings.”

“Yes, well in this particular Nostradamus painting, it shows the Vatican in Rome being attacked and destroyed by Muslim invaders,” the intelligence officer went on, “this particular painting was found underneath an old Coca-Cola Santa Claus drinking Coke poster in a privately owned Paris art gallery. Mr. Trump wants to buy it if it’s a genuine Nostradamus painting and give it as a gift to Pope Francis.”

“Another example of the new U.S. President-elect’s sense of humour,” Putin put a slice of lemon in his tea.

“We’ve been told by one of the more successful members of our FSB Psychic Research program (the less successful members are either dead compliments of a Red Army firing squad or else they’re freezing their asses off in Siberia) that embedded in this particular Nostradamus painting is the actual date of the Islamist attack on the Vatican,” the FSB Intelligence officer helped himself to some raisins from a dish of raisins.

“Did the psychic see what the date of the attack was?” Putin checked his Calendar and Day Planner on his smart phone.

“She was unable to make out the day or the month but she saw clearly that it was this year- 2017,” the intelligence officer answered.

“This psychic is a she?” Putin put down his cup of tea and looked with anticipation while waiting for the answer.

“Yes,” the intelligence officer nodded.

“Is she pretty?” Putin looked with even more anticipation for the answer.

“Well,” the intelligence officer replied, “Pan Goatee the famous U.S. government contract assassin and serial killer bought her a drink in an upscale Manhattan nightclub last year and then paid for a 5-day trip to Hawaii for her.”

“Wow, that beautiful, eh?” Putin smiled, “Invite her to the Kremlin to do a private psychic session for me.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Dashwood Forrest Meets Ivanka Trump

January 25, 2017 at 1:53 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dashwood Forrest stood in the middle of his hotel room dressed like Gainsborough’s Blue Boy and stared at himself in the full length mirror on the wall.

“I’m beginning to have some idea of how Narcissus must have felt when he saw his own reflection,” Dashwood swooned.

There was a knock at the door.

“Mulligan, would you please answer that,” Dashwood called out to his Irish zombie manservant, “and please put a towel over your head. I don’t want you frightening anybody like you did the cleaning staff this morning. It took a $50 tip to bring them back again.”

Mulligan put a towel over his head and went to open the door.

He crashed into several lamps on his way to find the door.

“Watch where you’re going, Mulligan!” Dashwood exclaimed.

“It’s rather difficult to see where I’m going wearing a towel over my head,” Mulligan complained as he liberated a large potting plant from its large pot.

Finally Mulligan found the door knob and opened the door.

He stood on the other side of the door so the person entering wouldn’t see him.

Ivanka Trump entered the room wearing a lovely Grecian white dress designed to thaw a New York City winter and a pair of exquisite diamond studded spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Dashwood Forrest,” she greeted the Blue Boy costumed art gallery owner with a kiss on the cheek, “it’s been far too long.”

“Indeed it has, my dear,” Dashwood Forrest likewise kissed her on the cheek, “meeting one of the few women in the world who sets me straight.”

“My dear Dashwood,” Ivanka laughed, “I was hoping I was the only woman in the world who set you straight.”

“There was that Sherrielock Holmes you met at the Charmaine Olivia Mermaid Art Exhibit at your London gallery,” Mulligan spoke from behind the door, “she set you straight.”

“Mulligan, return to your butlery duties elsewhere,” Dashwood ordered.

Mulligan (with towel over head) tripped over several chairs until he found his way to the bathroom.

“What did you wish to see me about, Ivanka?” Dashwood asked.

“Your art history skills,” Ivanka smiled, “Dad is very much interested in this painting which recently showed up in Paris. Do you know if the Renaissance prophet Nostradamus was also an artist, Dash?”.

“I had not heard that he was,” Dashwood started taking off his Blue Boy costume and started putting on a costume of Thomas Lawrence’s Pinkie, “he was a medical surgeon, a doctor, a poet, a philosopher and a psychic but I hadn’t heard that he was an artist.”

“Grandma Mulligan had several Nostradamus paintings in her tea shop in the little village of Sneem, Ireland,” Mulligan called out from the bathroom where he was trying to rescue his tie from the bathtub drain.

“How did she get those?” Dashwood tied a pink bow around his neck and reached for a pinkish coloured shepherd’s staff.

“When some of the Spanish Armada sailors fled to Ireland on their sinking ships after their defeat by Drake, one of my ancestors a Spanish nobleman managed to save his collection of Nostradamus paintings in a waterproof crate and swim ashore to Ireland.”

“What was he doing carrying a collection of oil paintings into battle in the first place?” Dashwood took a selfie of himself as Pinkie on his iPhone and uploaded it to Instagram.

“He was hoping to take the paintings and hang them up on the walls of the large English country estate that the Armada Admiral had promised him once he had conquered England,” Mulligan got one of his zombie toenails stuck in the bathtub drain in what turned out to be a poorly planned commando rescue mission of the tie on his part, “but alas the Spanish Armada Admiral had overestimated his own abilities and had underestimated the abilities of Sir Francis Drake.”

“One should never underestimate the abilities of an English lawn bowling champion,” Dashwood took his Pinkie costume off and wrapped himself in the English flag of Saint George.

Ivanka Trump stood there and wondered whether she should re-consider her invitation to invite Dashwood to her father’s Presidential Inauguration.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 14th
2017.

Permalink 3 Comments

Next page »