215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

December 2, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.

The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.

He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.

But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.

Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.

And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.

So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.

He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.

He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch.

Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.

Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.

He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.

Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.

Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.

However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.

She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.

The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.

Justin wasn’t so lucky.

He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.

He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.

Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.

Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.

Big mistake on Trump’s part.

Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.

Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.

Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.

Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd 
2019.

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The Dance

November 23, 2019 at 11:34 pm (Fantasy, Short Story)

The Dance

Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain 
But I’d have to miss the dance.

-song by Garth Brooks

Peter came through the front door and his mother asked from the kitchen, “So, are you going to ask a girl to the Christmas dance next month?”.

“No,” said Peter angrily, “I don’t know how to dance.”

“But I thought you’ve been taking dance lessons in school the past few weeks,” his mother said.

“The class was full and I couldn’t get in,” Peter replied.

“Why didn’t you say something?” His mother inquired, “I could have paid to send you to private lessons at Madame Cotillard’s Dance Studio in town.”

“You know we can’t afford dance lessons,” Peter opened the door of his bedroom, entered and closed the door.

He’d have liked to ask Maria to the Christmas dance but he could just imagine making a fool of himself on the dance floor.

Peter looked over at his book shelf.

There was an old book on the shelf called Teach Yourself How To Dance.

A do-it-yourself book, Peter laughed, and yet the old saying was, It takes two to tango.

Despite that thought, he took the book off the shelf and opened it.

An old photo fell on to the floor.

Peter had never opened the book when he bought it at the rummage sale last year.

He just needed one more book for the 10 Books For 50c sale and grabbed that one.

He looked at the photo:

“Wow, I wouldn’t mind learning to dance with her,” Peter said.

He put the photo beside his bed.

After supper, he came back to his room and fell asleep.

When he awoke, the girl in the photo was standing in his bedroom.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Simone,” the girl answered, “and I’m here to teach you how to dance.”

Every night for the next 2 weeks, Simone appeared at the same time and taught Peter how to dance.

So Peter asked Maria to the dance.

And she accepted.

Maybe he would end up being made fun of for his dancing.

And being made fun of would bring him pain.

But it’s like Garth Brooks once said.

He could have missed the pain.

But he’d have to miss the dance.

-A short story 
written by Christopher
Saturday November 23rd
2019.

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In London Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula

November 19, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula 

The 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger (who was invisible most of the time) was walking down a street in London, England when he accidentally inhaled a whole bunch of marijuana smoke that was being exhaled at a street corner by one of British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s leading Brexit advisors.

Inside a London pub, the ET Gray Gali-Gula (an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula) was sitting up at the bar drinking a whole bunch of Harvey Wallbangers.

Tallbanger entered the pub.

As a result of inhaling marijuana smoke, the rabbit was able to see the ET Gray sitting up at the bar.

As a result of drinking Harvey Wallbangers, the ET Gray was able to see the very tall bunny rabbit.

Tallbanger sat next to Gali-Gula.

Within minutes, the pair realized they could see one another.

“Did you recently inhale marijuana smoke?” ET Gray asked bunny rabbit.

“I did,” bunny rabbit replied, “and I see you’ve obviously been drinking Harvey Wallbangers.”

“That I have,” ET Gray admitted.

Gali-Gula then asked Harvey Tallbanger what he’d been doing recently.

“Well,” Harvey replied, “I have spent quite a bit of time in North America recently where I have been throwing cream pies in the faces of political idiots.”

“You must have used up an awful lot of cream pies,” Gali-Gula observed.

“That I have,” Harvey nodded, “The bakery where I buy them was working overtime 24 hours a day to keep up with my orders.”

The ET Gray ordered another Wallbanger from the pot smoking pub keeper.

“So, what drives you to drink on this fine evening?” Harvey asked the little ET.

“A friend of mine Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is announcing his new cabinet tomorrow and not once did he seek my advice about his appointments,” Gali-Gula cried in someone else’s beer, “I thought he’d inhale pot smoke somewhere somehow so I could appear to him and tell him who to pick.”

The ET Gray blubbered all over a chocolate cake that was made to look like a whale and was sitting on the bar counter.

“How do you know when Prime Minister Justin has inhaled pot smoke?” Tallbanger inquired.

“This beeper that looks like a miniature Captain James T. Kirk goes off,” Gali-Gula pulled the mini Captain Kirk figure out of the place where his belly button should have been if he was a human and not an ET Gray, “Oh, my God, it looks like the battery’s dead. How long has it been dead? I haven’t looked at it for a week. Maybe Justin has been inhaling pot smoke to contact me and since the battery wasn’t working, the beeper didn’t go off and I didn’t answer him if he had called via marijuana smoke.”

Gali-Gula dreamed about weeping into the bosom of a bicycling Italian farm girl he had met this past summer:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday November 19th
2019.

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Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian

September 3, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Arts, Fantasy, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Horror, International Intrigue, magic, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Philosophy, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian

Dashwood Forrest sat in his office in his art gallery in London and quietly sipped a drink of absinthe.

The Green Fairy as it was called was one of the favourite drinks of his idol the writer, novelist, poet and playwright Oscar Wilde.

Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie (who had been brought back from the dead many years ago by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo) was out for the evening.

Mulligan had been hired for the evening by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to haunt the residence of British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn and stand outside the back entrance of Corbyn’s lodgings and say in a spookily haunting zombie voice (with an Irish lilt to it), “The Irish backstop ends at your back door, Mr. Corbyn. The Irish backstop ends at your backdoor.”

As Jeremy Corbyn began to suffer the worst nightmares of his life, Forrest finished his glass of absinthe, left his office and locked it.

He walked down to the end of the gallery where he entered a room marked PRIVATE.

No one (not even Mulligan the Irish zombie) ever entered that room.

Only he Dashwood Forrest art historian, art gallery curator and extraordinary gentleman of many talents ever entered that room.

For that room contained a portrait behind purple velvet curtains.

A portrait of a man.

A portrait of a man painted in the year 1860.

A portrait that was first mentioned in a book published in July 1890.

A book that most people (and even Dashwood Forrest himself for most of his life) had considered a work of fiction.

Until Forrest came across the painting in an estate sale back in October of 2012.

The picture was of a man named… Dorian Gray.

And the artist who signed the picture was named Basil Hallward.

The painting was of an extremely handsome young man in his early 20s.

Exactly as described in Oscar Wilde’s famous Gothic Philosophical novel of the 19th Century- The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Forrest drew back the purple velvet curtains that covered the painting and hid it from view.

Forrest got the shock of his life when he saw the portrait was empty.

There was no subject in the painting.

Dorian Gray was gone.

. . .

Forrest stared blankly at the blank canvas and blinked.

His smart phone went off.

It was a text message from his friend Amadeus Emanon.

A Set Enterprises satellite over the Bahamas had photographed the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian.

And a giant mysterious almost human figure seemed to be standing and moving with the eye of the storm in the hurricane.

Forrest again blinked.

For the figure was the spitting image of Dorian Gray.

The figure now missing from the painting.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday September 3rd
2019.


Sibyl: She loved Dorian in vain.

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Guns and The Music of The Night

August 12, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

Guns and The Music of The Night

Cosmos is truly a cosmic word
It means the whole created order 
Cosmos therefore means much more than universe
Cosmos could mean there are multiverses

In C.S. Lewis’ Narnia books, he talked of a planet where a plethora of worlds grew as trees 
Lewis was truly a visionary 
In his book That Hideous Strength 
He foresaw the rise of Transhumanist science that would occur 50 years later
And as breakthroughs in physics happen day by day 
Which seem to indicate that there are multiverses 
Lewis foresaw that too

And so in another time and another place 
In a multiverse far away
Carmen Rouge stood at the window of an early 20th Century Paris

A Paris under siege by the Kaiser’s forces 
And not stuck in the trenches of northern France during the First World War as happened in our universe

Outside the window was Carmen Rouge’s steampunk artillery gun 
Ready to bring down German aeroplanes and airships

On her small table in front of the window 
Was the candelabra her father carried 
In the depths of the Paris Opera House
Attached to the stand of the candelabra was the mask he wore 
Next to the candelabra was an old phonograph that played her father’s voice 
Her father singing to her mother,
“Softly, deftly, music shall caress you,
hear it, fear it, secretly possess you…
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight 
The darkness of the music of the night”.

For Carmen Rouge is the daughter of Christine Daae and Erik
The Phantom of the Opera

And so around this particular window
In a Paris apartment 
In another Paris
In another universe 
You have both guns
And the music of the night 

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday August 12th
2019.

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Short Humourous Poem About Penguins Riding Skis

December 28, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Comedy, Culture, Fantasy, Humour, Poetry) (, )

Smiling happy penguins skiing on their skis
Enjoying the crisp winter night and cool evening breeze
And since no one out and about really wants to freeze
They dress warm so as not to catch a cold and sneeze

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday December 28th 2018
inspired by the large McDonald’s
McCafe coffee he had drunk
earlier this evening
(and quite possibly the
psychedelic magic mushrooms
he ingested as well-
no! Just kidding! 😄)

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Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today

October 30, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Fashion, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Movies, Mystery/horror, News, Plays, Radio, Science-Fiction, Short play, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.

The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.

The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.

It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.

If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.


Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”

Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.


Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.


Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?

Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.


I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.


Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.


Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.


With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?


I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.


I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.


Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.


The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…

… Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.

-A Halloween montage
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 30th
2018.

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Reblog- Renfield’s Dream of Donald Trump Wearing Kilts

October 8, 2018 at 10:48 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago today:

Dracul Van Helsing

Renfield’s Dream of Donald Trump Wearing Kilts

As Renfield R. Renfield slept on the couch, Amadeus Emanon was sitting in his chair singlehandedly eating every single piece of KFC chicken they had purchased earlier that evening.

Amadeus wondered where the complementary container of special Bavarian mushroom sauce that came with the bucket of chicken had gotten to.

Unbeknownst to Amadeus while he was in the bathroom washing his hands, Renfield had eaten every single drop of the special Bavarian mushroom sauce said to contain “Sherrie’s secret ingredients”.

Which would probably explain the dream Renfield was having at the moment.

Renfield was dreaming that he was out on the Isle of Skye in Scotland when who should he see come skipping and jumping through the glen but Donald Trump wearing a kilt.

Donald Trump (singing and dancing while wearing a kilt):

Oh I went out on the Isle of Skye
I…

View original post 81 more words

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Phantom of The Opera: A Poem As Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

September 14, 2018 at 10:37 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Film, Folklore, Ghost Story, love, Music, music videos, Musicals, Poetry, Romance, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Phantom of The Opera: A Poem
Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

Amadeus Emanon was at London music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios (owned by Heathcliff’s company Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.) to record his first album Erik’s Lament: The Agony and Ecstasy of A Phantom In The Night.

Amadeus Emanon sang this song:

Phantom of The Opera: A Lament

Oh Phantom, you are the lonely one
You loved Christine who was daylight
to your realms of darkness
She let the sunlight shine in your heart
You taught her to sing
But she taught you to love
And hers by far was the greater gift

There in your lair beneath the Opera deep
Where you lay many an hour to lie there and weep
And let the hate consume your heart like heat
Burned and singed was it making your scar look neat

For your look you thought no one could love
Depriving you of joy on earth and in heaven above
But Christine looked and she saw
but you turned away and you let her go
For in the mirror you saw just the scar
But in her eyes, she saw your very soul
But you did not see and you did not know
And your love departed by the river’s flow

Oh what music you could have made
But your heart you buried in hate’s grave
For Christine wanted to be your love not your slave
Now she’s left you and gone away
While you pine all night and long for day
The day you once had but chased away
leaving you with childhood toys you used to play
And now your soul then your music will decay.

(-A poem written by Christopher
Friday September 7th 2018)

Inspired by the character of Erik as he is portrayed in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical The Phantom of The Opera.

Amadeus Emanon as he appears on the cover of his album (making it look like he was posing with his violin in an old 19th Century style photograph)

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Daniel Hyperion’s The Agony of Ecstasy Announcement

July 6, 2018 at 10:20 pm (Fantasy, Folklore, Literature, Mythology, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural) (, )

This post serves as an excellent introduction to the novel my good friend and fellow writer Daniel is currently writing.

If you haven’t partaken of the pleasure of reading Daniel’s writing, please do so.

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