The Death of The March Hare: A Poem

March 31, 2017 at 6:09 pm (Fantasy, Literature, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Persephone

On her throne, Persephone the Queen of the Underworld did decree
that the March Hare had brought joy to far too many
and it was time that this valiant hare should die
and should be now before March time did fly

So on this last day of March 2017
as the Hare drank tea with a Heartly Queen
the Messenger of Death did drop Polonium-210
into the hare’s teacup at the stroke of Big Ben

The hare raised the tea to his lips
as Mad Hatter recalled his latest trips
up through and outside the Rabbit hole
when the poor hare turned as black as coal

“Remember to pay the phone bill” were the Hare’s last words before he died
as into the frying pan went the Heartly queen’s kipper being fried
The March Hare fell over quite dead
and the Heartly queen turned bright red
“I did not say off with his head”.

The March Hare was buried with a carrot in his mouth
payment that Ferryman Charon told to take a hike south
and so the March Hare’s pour soul is now trapped on the River Styx
as Queen Persephone laughs and plays pick up sticks.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday March 31st 2017.

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The Death and Return of Apollo

January 6, 2017 at 5:33 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

In the year 390 AD, the Temple of Apollo at Delphi was destroyed under the Emperor Theodosius the Great who made Nicene Christianity the official state Church of the Roman Empire.

“I’m so depressed,” the Greek god Apollo had wept to the Ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

Lilith could see that Apollo had a broken heart so she gave him some poisoned Babylonian grapes that were capable of killing an Olympian immortal like Apollo.

Following the death of Apollo in 390 AD, the ancient Greco-Roman religion (itself in decline for several decades now since the Emperor Constantine’s victory at the Battle of the Milvian Bridge in 312 AD) rapidly died out so that there were very worshipers of the old Greco-Roman gods left by the time Theodosius himself died in 395 AD.

Zeus and the other Olympians went into the shadows and no more publicly acted in the domain of mortal men and women.

Apollo was buried on Mount Parnassus after his death but his tomb became lost to both god and man after a small quake shook Mount Parnassus.

Then in the year 2012 AD on the night of the summer solstice that year, Apollo’s tomb on Mount Parnassus was discovered by the French archaeologist vampire Dr. Pompidou De Gaulle (whose expeditions were sponsored by the Egyptian vampiress Isis) after sundown.

Apollo’s body was then flown to a medical lab in Berlin since German doctors in their pompous arrogance thought they could bring Apollo back from the dead.

They were mistaken and the medical team drowned their sorrows in gallons of sauerkraut and Bavarian beer.

Even famed South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo (famous for bringing people and animals back from the dead as zombies) could not raise Apollo.

Said Makabo, “Those poisonous ancient Babylonian grapes were quite effective in killing immortals dead… permanently.”

Dr. Sterling Makabo’s statement, even though it sounded like an ad for a TV commercial, turned out to be quite true.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was contacted on her smart phone (while shopping for high-heels and dresses in a leading Parisienne fashion house) said as far as she knew (and she had been alive for some 6000 years now even though she didn’t look a day over 30), there was no antidote to the poisonous ancient Babylonian grapes.

So in 2012, Apollo’s father Zeus grieved.

It looked like nothing could bring his son Apollo back from the dead (so only Hades alone would be able to enjoy the playing of Apollo upon his lyre).

. . .

Top 1000 National Enquirer Stories of 2016-

Top National Enquirer story #666 : Set Enterprises’ Resident Mad Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher Brings Mossad Agent The Controller of the Golem Back From The Dead After Ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith Had Poisoned Controller’s Scotch Whiskey With Polonium-210

. . .

Christmas Day 2016- The ancient Greek god Zeus paid a visit to Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he could develop an antidote to the ancient Babylonian poisonous grapes that had killed Apollo.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (wearing a lovely red evening dress) accompanied Zeus and presented Dr. Rocher with a sample of the ancient poisoned Babylonian grapes that she had fed Apollo many centuries ago to permanently end his heartbreak.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Dr. Rocher promised.

. . .

January 5th 2017 (Eve of the Epiphany on the Catholic Church calendar)-

Dr. Cadbury Rocher put the possible antidote (which he had created in the form of red wine) into a golden chalice and handed it to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was now dressed in an even more resplendent red evening dress).

Lilith took the chalice and opened the Greek god Apollo’s lips and poured the red wine antidote (to the poisonous ancient Babylonian grapes) down his throat.

Apollo sputtered and choked and opened his eyes and said, “God, that’s good stuff.”

“He’s alive,” his father Zeus shouted with joy.

. . .

January 6th 2017- It was Sherlock Holmes’ 163rd birthday and Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s beautiful and incredibly sexy great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) was dressed in an equally resplendent tight-fitting red leather mini dress and awaiting a European political leader.

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras entered her quarters.

“Alexis,” she smiled at him and addressed him as if he were a naughty schoolboy and she his so-sexy and so strict school teacher, “I have a surprise for you. Well, two surprises actually.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 6th
2017.

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Haiku About Mermaids

November 23, 2016 at 6:13 pm (Fantasy, Folklore, Mythology, Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About Mermaids

Maidens of the sea
alluring and sensuous
beckon to unknown

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Haiku About Vampirella The Warren Magazine Vampire Superheroine

November 17, 2016 at 7:54 pm (Comic Books, Entertainment, Fantasy, Horror, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Vampirella The Warren Magazine Vampire Superheroine

Childhood heroine
Vampiress who inspired
Her influence lasts

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Halloween Is The Scene: A Poem

October 31, 2016 at 3:32 pm (Children's Story, Fantasy, Folklore, Ghost Story, Poetry) (, , )

Halloween Is The Scene: A Poem

Halloween is the scene
pumpkins orange, Martians green
from headless horseman to flying witch
to skull and crossbones lying in the ditch
It’s a very macabre night
designed to give one lots of fright
ghosts and goblins and ghouls galore
Candies and apples handed out at the door
In the graveyard, not a soul can be found
only the spectre of a giant hound
Sherlock Holmes is now on the scene
and Moriarty is turning green
he’s eaten too much candy trick or treating
and now he’s purging his insides, his heart still beating
Count Dracula stands and laughs
while Frankie and Wolfman are taking baths
Happy Halloween and to all a good night
your horror movie bill is quite the fright!

-A Halloween poem
written by Christopher
Monday October 17th
2016.

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Gali-Gula The ET Gray: A Song: A Poem

August 15, 2016 at 12:46 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

When it comes to UFO abductions, there’s a fellow who’s a real pain in the rear
His name is Gali-Gula and he grins from ear to ear
He’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

A debauched Roman Emperor
who wound up devoid of klemperor
he’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

He took a pee in the corner one night
drinking martinis before flying- not so bright
when Sherrielock Holmes saw him in the nude
and finding this rather rude
to say nothing of being crude
she tomatoed him black and blued

Now his buns are aglow like a laser beam
his galaxial reputation come apart at the seam

But he still smiles by the dawn’s early light
although his tomatoed buns be a frightful sight
he was still smiling when he fell over unconscious
his buns as red as those old Bolsheviks obnoxious

Sherrielock Holmes left him lying there
but stopped at the mirror to brush her hair
and then the leather skirted dominatrix vanished out of sight
with the ET gray’s buttocks still glowing bright
NASA and DARPA got there in the dead of night
by which time the ETs took Gali out of sight

-An erotic BDSM science-fiction poem
(a la Anne Rice as A,N. Roquelaure meets Ray Bradbury)
written by Christopher
Sunday August 14th 2016.

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Gali-Gula: From Roman Emperor To ET

August 12, 2016 at 12:56 pm (Fantasy, Ghost Story, History, Humour, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

To his surprise, the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula found himself being assassinated by his own Praetorian Guard on January 24th, 41 AD.

His last words were, “A horse. The Roman Senate for a horse. Where is the noblest Senator of them all? A true neigh-sayer as opposed to nay sayer..”

He then gave up the ghost.

Members of the Praetorian Guard ran off in search of some Caligulan Mark Antony who would come to bury Caligula rather than to praise him.

At that moment, a UFO (although the ancient Romans called them a flying chariot) hovered over Caligula’s dead body.

“This appears to be the leader,” said one ET gray to the other.

“But they just killed him,” said the other ET gray.

“It saves on the cost of a re-election campaign obviously,” the UFO commander stated.

The UFO then beamed up the dead body into the UFO.

“We’ll take it back to our planet for examination,” stated the UFO commander.

“Over my dead body,” Caligula’s ghost followed his body into the UFO.

On Planet Nibiru, Caligula’s body was dissected in a lab while Caligula’s ghost watched singing a sad mournful melody (whose lyrics he later shared with Patsy Kline), “I fall to pieces…”

Finally Niburu’s top scientist took pity on Caligula’s poor ghost and invited him to enter the frozen ET gray body of a long dead Niburuan king.

The Niburuan king who was dying of an incurable disease had his body frozen in the hopes that Niburuan medical science would find a cure for his disease.

TransNiburuan scientists who were convinced they could stumble on immortality by merging Niburuan and machine together creating niborgs worked on a solution.

Unfortunately TransNiburuan scientists put all their data in one computer.

As the leading TransNiburuan scientist watched (while sitting on and crushing the one basket where Transniburuan scientists had put all their eggs for lunch), the computer had its plug pulled by a drunken Niburuan otter who had drunk too much Otter Brew (apparently otters on Nibiru were as mischievous as their counterparts on Earth).

The resulting fiasco led to a century of TransNiburuan scientific data being lost as well as the planet’s moratorium on hunting otters being lifted.

And now Caligula’s ghost entered the long dead Niburuan king’s body as the scientist threw a switch bringing the body back to life with Caligula’s ghost inside.

It worked.

As the scientist ran to tell his colleagues that he had re-discovered one of the secrets of long lost Transniburuan scientific technology, he opened the door and not seeing the drunken otter lying there, he tripped over it, fell down the stairs and broke his neck.

So one of the secrets of long lost Transniburuan technology was again lost.

And the planet’s moratorium on hunting otters was once again lifted.

The nude ET gray (with Caligula’s ghost inside) became the commander of the Niburuan UFO ship The Gunterpunter.

Calling himself by his earthly name Caligula, the former Roman Emperor now an ET gray visited Earth. He visited the jungles of Borneo in the Malaysian province of Sarawak where he encountered a little Earthling girl.

“I am Caligula,” the ET gray pointed to himself.

“Gali-Gula,” replied the little girl who could not pronounce Caligula, “You nude. You not wearing any panties. You pervert.”

“Sherrie,” a female voice called out to the little girl.

“Andromeda,” a male voice called out to the little girl.

“Sherrie,” the female voice became a lot more insistent in its tone.

The little girl ran back into the jungle.

And Caligula the former Roman Emperor now re-named Gali-Gula the ET gray stood by himself.

How did the little girl know that he was a pervert? Gali-Gula (formerly Caligula) wondered to himself.

Had one so young read Suetonius’s The Lives of The Twelve Caesars?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th 2016.

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Jack O’ Hare Vs. The Pirates: A Poem

May 17, 2016 at 6:00 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Fantasy, Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

Jack O’ Hare Vs. The Pirates: A Poem

His name was Jack O’ Hare
bunny rabbit extraordinaire
a wild hare jack rabbit from afar
who hopped around- didn’t drive a car

He decided to try sailing the Seven Seas
after eating some wild mushrooms with his peas
The name of his ship he called The Orange Carrot
Those who don’t like the name must grin and bare it

He soon heard of a nasty group of pirates and buccaneers
while downing on an island tavern quite a number of beers
These weren’t gentlemanly pirates like Captain Jack Sparrow
These were nasty cutthroats who’d cut you to the bone and eat your marrow

Jack decided to rid the 7 Seas of this terror
and he’d do it with no time to spare
He raised his bunny rabbit flag- an orange carrot
high on the ship’s pole so no one could tear it

And set off after The Black Heart
the pirate ship of Captain Grimstone Dark
the wickedest pirate e’er to sail the Seven Seas
who once cut off his First Mate’s nose to stop a sneeze

Jack O’ Hare caught sight of The Black Heart
and finding no place to park
dropped anchor where he was
and asked why, said “Because…”

He then lined up tomatoes and green potatoes and shouted “Fire”
And when the ship’s bunny flag dropped, he said “Higher”
The Orange Carrot flew proudly from the mast
And Captain Grimstone’s heart grew overcast
when suddenly he was hit by a green potato
and then suddenly splattered by a red tomato
The pirate terror was down
his face resembled that of a clown

The bunnies then jumped aboard The Black Heart
and made sure its sails came apart
so it would never again sail the 7 Seas
meanwhile Captain Grimstone was on his knees
his buns were tomatoed by Sherrielock Holmes
while bunnies took photos with their smart phones

Jack O’ Hare then sank the pirate ship
and tweeted on Twitter, that was quite the trip
Captain Grimstone Dark became a circus clown
and underneath a painted smile wore a frown
Jack O’ Hare returned to land
and played the trumpet in a band
you can see him hopping in many a parade
the one drinking carrot juice amongst a line of Gatorade

-A poem written by Christopher
Tuesday May 17th 2016.

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Medusa and The Kraken In San Diego

May 16, 2016 at 5:07 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Medusa and The Kraken In San Diego

The Kraken who called himself Emperor Napoleon VI (formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into a cyborgic octopus cybrid) was suntanning himself on a beach near San Diego, California.

His wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (who had her head reattached to her body and her beauty restored- no more snaky dandruff flakes falling out of her hair- by British mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) was lying next to him in a bikini.

She turned over.

“Say dear,” she whispered, “would you mind putting some suntan lotion on my back?”.

“All right,” the Kraken picked up the Coppertone suntanning lotion with one of his eight arms and put some of the lotion on his tentacles (careful not to put some on his metallic cyborg hooks) and started rubbing her back applying the lotion.

“Oh God, that feels good,” Medusa moaned, “I think I’ll have an orgasm right here on the beach.”

The Kraken suddenly stopped applying the lotion, “How do Californians feel about displays of orgasms in public?”.

“You’ve never seen too many TV shows or movies about California have you?” Medusa looked at him.

“I was always too busy leafing through textbooks and scientific journals,” the ex-scientist turned Kraken recalled, “the closest I got to anything Californian was eating a bunch of California raisins one time. Which almost got me deported from Italy for offending Tuscan grape growers.”

A guy walking along the beach in dark sunglasses suddenly spots the Kraken.

“Hey,” the man walked up to him, “aren’t you the same Kraken who appeared in that Geico commercial on TV where you jumped out of a water hazard on a golf course and devoured a bunch of golfers?”.

“I’m the same Kraken all right,” Napoleon VI smiled photogenically.

“I was once beheaded by the Greek hero Perseus,” Medusa spoke up anxious for the sandals and Hawaiian shorts and dark sunglasses wearing dude to be impressed by her as well.

“I never saw that movie,” the dude replied, “although my kids did.”

“Oh,” Medusa looked disappointed.

“Can I have your autograph?” The dude asked the Kraken.

“Sure,” the Kraken smiled again, “do you have a pen on you?”.

The dude reached into his shorts pocket and pulled out a pen bearing the logo Moonlite Bunny Ranch Nevada.

The Kraken took the pen with one of his tentacles and autographed the dude’s autograph book.

“Moonlite Bunny Ranch Nevada?” The Kraken looked at the logo on the pen, “Did you ever run into a shapeshifting hamster/human called Renfield R. Renfield who often shops there?”.

“I have on quite a number of occasions,” the dude nodded, “in fact it was Mr. Renfield’s posting a photo of him and me together in a hot tub with a bunch of working girls on that ranch on his Facebook page that has allowed me to add the title of having an ex-wife to my list of accomplishments.”

“Renfield often has the habit of leaving chaos in his wake,” the Kraken acknowledged.

“Yes, you should try Renfield’s primordial void soup,” Medusa grimaced, “I was sick for days afterwards.”

“I must admit it didn’t go well with my Kraken digestive system either,” Napoleon VI recalled.

“Can I get a selfie with you and Medusa together?” The dude asked, “My golfing buddies will be so thrilled with you Mr. Kraken and my children will go nuts over seeing you Medusa with your head attached and minus all those slithering creepy crawly viper venomous reptiles in your curly locks of hair.”

“Sure,” the Kraken and Medusa agreed.

As they got their picture taken with the dude’s smart phone, Bernie Sanders was walking along the beach handing out his Presidential campaign literature.

“Excuse me,” Sen. Sanders addressed them, “but you three aren’t registered Democrats by any chance are you?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 15th 2016.

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Pan Goatee To The Rescue

February 3, 2016 at 8:22 pm (Fantasy, Film, Short Story, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee To The Rescue

It was a depressing day.

Not only was it raining in Vancouver but there seemed to be quite a number of ugly physically unattractive women walking the streets today only adding to one’s sense of melancholy.

“Oh if only Pan Goatee were real,” the depressed writer remarked to himself as his efforts to recover from a nasty bout of the flu seemed to be going down the drain along with the contents of his stomach at seeing such abominations of desolation scarring the visual landscape.

“Pan Goatee to the rescue,” his creation the genetically created satyr half-man half-goat serial killer suddenly appeared in person and heroically raising his astral laser beam machete proceeded to cut off the heads of the offending facially aesthetically challenged creatures.

Woody Allen suddenly appeared on the street corner looking the exact same way he did when he had just met Marshall McLuhan in the lobby of the movie theatre in the film Annie Hall.

Woody Allen looked at the camera and said, “Don’t you wish this happened in real life?”.

-A short story written by Christopher
Wednesday February 3rd 2016.

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