Haiku About Gina Lollobrigida R.I.₱.
Haiku About Actress Marilyn Monroe In A Red Dress On The Stairs
A Day In 186O
Cat Woman and ₱anther Vs. The Vam₱ire
The Femme Fatale Art Thief
The femme fatale art thief
The Cat People and The Wolfman
Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna the black panther shapeshifting cat woman New York City based Serbian born and raised fashion illustrator who tore a psychiatrist to pieces with her claws
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London was meeting with one of his parishioners the world-famous concert pianist Amadeus Emanon in his vicarage kitchen who was enjoying the homemade cinnamon buns made by Father Aidan’s housekeeper Mrs. Lancaster.
Amadeus Emanon was already on his 36th cinnamon bun.
“Do you suppose Mrs. Lancaster might make some more?” Amadeus asked as he looked at the now empty plate.
“Well I do believe it takes awhile to make those cinnamon buns,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds explained, “plus I think she’s currently busy listening to your friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Wednesday night podcast.”
From upstairs in Mrs. Lancaster’s bedroom could be heard the voice of Renfield R. Renfield saying, “Wow. What a shocker. The cocaine snorting editors of Britain’s The Economist Magazine are calling for cocaine use to be legalized.”
“You know,” Amadeus helped himself to a gingerbread cookie man that Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds brought him from the refrigerator, “Renfield was telling me that Russian President Vladimir Putin hired a Siberian shaman to go to New York City and raise from the dead the body of the Serbian cat woman Irena Dubrovna. As Miss Dubrovna’s spirit has graduated from Purgatory to Paradise, she won’t be returning to her body. However a famous homicidally inclined Byzantine mermaid Echidna Antiochus who was put to death on the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I’s orders has had her spirit granted a dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades and has taken possession of Irena Dubrovna’s body.
She is going to Kiev Ukraine as an ally of Putin and will be using Irena Dubrovna’s body to turn into a black panther to rip apart bodies of Ukrainians because the demon Moloch appearing as Saint Michael the Archangel has told Vladimir Putin that it’s the right thing to do.”
“How horrifying,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds made the Sign of the Cross.
Father Aidan’s making the Sign of the Cross caused a Calvinist street preacher standing on the sidewalk outside the vicarage to drop dead.
“The thing is,” Amadeus scratched his head, “I always thought the 1942 film The Cat People starring Simone Simon was a work of fiction. I didn’t think it was based on a real incident and I didn’t think Irena Dubrovna was a real actual person.”
“Well, it turns out,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds checked out a passage in the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work (written before he died) Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film, “that there really was an Irena Dubrovna in the late 1930s and that what happened in the film was true.”
“Wow,” Amadeus Emanon walked over to the refrigerator and brought out the entire plate of gingerbread men cookies that he then started eating, “Next thing you know you’ll be telling me that there really was a werewolf called Larry Talbot and that the classic 1941 Universal Pictures monster horror film called The Wolfman that starred Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains and Evelyn Ankers was based on something that actually happened in real life.”
“Well, actually,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds cleared his throat, “I can tell you that Larry Talbot did actually exist and what happened in the 1941 film The Wolfman was true and I don’t need to consult the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film to determine that. For it turns out my grandfather the Anglican clergyman Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds was the curate of Saint Magloire’s Church in Llanwelly Wales near Talbot Castle at the time Larry Talbot arrived in the village to flirt with Gwen Conliffe the daughter of the village antique shop owner and to get bitten by Bela the gypsy fortune telling werewolf.”
“Really?” Amadeus paused in the middle of eating his 6th gingerbread man cookie.
“Yes,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds nodded, “As an interesting postscript to the film which ended with Larry Talbot getting killed by his own wolf’s head silver cane walking stick wielded by Larry’s father Sir John Talbot, the Talbot Castle game keeper Frank Andrews (played by actor Patric Knowles in the film), who was Gwen Conliffe’s fiance, ended up getting killed by a wererabbit bunny rabbit that had apparently been originally bitten by Larry Talbot. After the Saint Magloire’s Church exorcism team made Welsh rarebit out of the Welsh wererabbit, after an appropriate period of mourning for the late departed Mr. Andrews, Gwen Conliffe ended up marrying the young curate Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds. So Gwen Conliffe is actually my grandmother.”
“Holy fuck,” Amadeus Emanon commented.
Mrs. Lancaster came down the stairs and washed Amadeus Emanon’s mouth out with soap.
. . .
Outside 10 Downing Street, Larry the 10 Downing Street cat was chasing away the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his spectral black horse.
Inside 10 Downing Street, former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to convince current British Prime Minister Liz Truss to hire a witch doctor or shaman to raise the famous Wolfman werewolf Larry Talbot from the dead in the Llanwelly Village Cemetery in Wales and send him to eastern Ukraine to eat and devour Russian soldiers.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 12th
2022.
Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers) among the gypsies
North By Northwest: Red August of The Sturgeon Moon
Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest
Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint is a tale of spies, danger and intrigue.
And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises watching the film on his waterproof 72 inch widescreen flat screen TV.
Why was Michelangelo watching this film on this night of all nights?
Therein hangs a tale.
Quite possibly a fish tale (fish tail).
Tonight was the night of the full moon- the August full moon – called the Sturgeon Moon.
It is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon (the August full moon).
Interestingly enough tonight’s full moon- the August Sturgeon Moon- will be the last supermoon of this year.
This Sturgeon Moon will be the fourth supermoon in a row after the Buck Moon in July, Strawberry Moon in June and Flower Moon in May.
A celestial meteor shower will also be seen tonight in conjunction with this year’s last Supermoon.
Anyhow since tonight’s full moon is a Sturgeon Moon (and a Sturgeon Supermoon at that) and it is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon, Michelangelo’s employer the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set decided to go fishing in Canada’s Northwest to catch sturgeon.
And it was then that Renfield mentioned the film North By Northwest to Michelangelo.
So Michelangelo was watching the movie.
In the film version that Michelangelo was watching, the film’s villain Phillip Vandamm (played by James Mason) says, “One day our side of the Cold War will take over the American FBI.”
. . .
The United States’ Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland was holding a press conference discussing the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.
As he took questions, he was suddenly confronted by the ghost of famous American criminal trial lawyer and defense attorney Johnnie Cochran.
Said Cochran to Garland,
“You’re a Marxist-Leninist man
Who belongs in the nearest trash can
Mark my words
You pile of turds
The day of reckoning is soon at hand
And you won’t have a leg to stand
You’re always seeking to intimidate
Cause you have no tool to use to masturbate …”
. . .
At the Vatican, Pope Francis was looking flashed and flushed after having spent the day meeting with members of Rome’s transvestite transexual prostitute community.
This was the fourth time this year that the pontiff had met with the group.
A statement issued from the Vatican Press Office said that Pope Francis was offering spiritual comfort to them.
Now Pope Francis was getting his daily briefing of world events from one of his Jesuit aides.
When the aide had finished, Francis directed him to “find out which entity it was who had hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran to act as Donald Trump’s ghostly defense attorney.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th
2022.
From Key Largo To Mar-A-Lago
Actress Claire Trevor won the 1948 Best Supporting Actress Award for her portrayal of former nightclub singer Gaye Dawn in the 1948 film Key Largo that starred Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Edward G. Robinson
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises Laboratories in London, England.
He was watching the 1948 film Key Largo on his waterproof 72 inch wide flat screen TV.
He was doing so on the recommendations of his good friends British MP Renfield R. Renfield and world-renowned concert pianist Amadeus Emanon.
In one scene as Claire Trevor’s character of Gaye Dawn stood smoking a cigarette in the lobby of the Hotel Largo,
Edward G. Robinson’s character of mobster Johnny Rocco orders hostage Frank McCloud (Humphrey Bogart) to turn on the radio while hostage Nora Temple (Lauren Bacall) paints her fingernails an indeterminate colour as the film was shot in black and white.
After McCloud turned the radio on, the film version that Michelangelo was watching suddenly took a strange sci-fi twist as the radio of the lobby of the Hotel Largo in Key Largo, Florida in 1948 picked up a news story from the year 2022.
Said the radio announcer, “U.S. President Joe Biden just can’t help himself. Joe Biden was eager to fondle girls and sniff hair after being cooped up for two weeks in Covid isolation in the White House.
Biden arrived in Lexington, Kentucky Monday morning to survey damage from the recent floods that the trio of Al Gore, Pope Francis and Bill Gates blamed on global warming, climate change and the refusal of the American worker to eat bugs for breakfast, lunch and supper.
A maskless Joe Biden repeatedly coughed into his hand as he sat next to Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear (Democrat) at a press conference.
Beshear leaned away from Biden as the President continuously hacked into his hand.
First Lady Jill Biden hovered over Joe to make sure he stayed in line as they visited families impacted by the Kentucky floods.
But Joe just couldn’t keep his paws off of young women.
Creepy Joe even sniffed a woman’s hair.”
In an action that wasn’t even mentioned in the original Key Largo movie script written by director John Huston and screenplay writer Richard Brooks, Johnny Rocco went completely beserk and shot and killed all of the Hotel Largo hostages (thus bringing the movie to a sudden and abrupt end) because he couldn’t believe that a pervert such as Joe Biden could ever be elected President of the United States.
Michelangelo picked up the remote with one of his lobster claws and shut off the TV.
From a nearby room, he could hear Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Tuesday night podcast.
Said Renfield, “Yesterday Neo-Bolshevik Communist operatives in the American FBI raided Donald Trump’s home at the Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida…”
Michelangelo adjusted his waterproof blankets and patted his waterproof pillow and picked up a copy of the book Phil Huston’s Tales To Battle Insomnia off his nightstand.
The lobster immediately fell asleep after reading the first sentence of the first chapter.
He had a dream (or was it a vision?) of the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.
He saw that the ghosts of Lavrentiy Beria (head of Josef Stalin’s NKVD Soviet secret police) and Jeffrey Epstein (pervert extraordinaire and close friend and bum buddy of influential politicians and globalist billionaires alike) were the ones leading the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on the Mar-a-Lago estate.
What, Michelangelo wondered, were Beria and Epstein doing leading an FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate?
Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a phone conversation with his daughter Ivanka about the raid.
Said Donald to Ivanka, “I’m glad I left my dirty underwear in my safe. That will serve those Commie bastards in the FBI right as they sift through my underwear.”
Ivanka answered, “So you were able to keep all your dirty underwear in a single safe? I don’t think all of the safes in all of Fort Knox would be able to hold all of Joe Biden’s dirty underwear.”
Meanwhile in the Oval Office…
PLOOP !
Voice of Joe Biden (whining) : “Kamala, come change me…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 9th
2022.
Renfield’s Podcast For Saturday July 23rd 2022
Ava Gardner appeared in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s dreams
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about Ava Gardner when his alarm clock went off.
“Darn,” Renfield turned off the alarm.
He looked at his watch.
Almost time for his live Saturday night podcast.
“Usually my late Saturday afternoon and early evening power naps aren’t so exciting,” Renfield sighed.
Renfield walked over to his desk.
“Good evening,” Renfield sat in front of his PC, “The despicable Mario Draghi has resigned as Prime Minister of Italy and new Parliamentary elections have been called. Hopefully Italians will now elect a government that’s opposed to the globalist policies of the World Economic Forum.”
Renfield went on to his next item, “The U.S. Navy has announced that it will start serving plant-based “meat” to its overseas service personnel as part of its efforts to fight climate change.”
Renfield then showed a video of Russian President Vladimir Putin laughing his head off.
“Between transgenderism and serving phony meat meant for wusses, the U.S. Armed Forces won’t have any real men left,” Renfield pointed out.
He then shows a video of Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping rubbing his hands in glee.
“Over in Canada, Canadian farmers are showing their solidarity with Dutch farmers whose farms and livelihoods are being threatened by the pro-WEF Fascist/Corporatist government of Holland,” Renfield explained, “This is a video showing Canadian farmers driving their vehicles down an Ontario highway flying both the Dutch and Canadian flags on their vehicles and heading towards Ottawa where they will protest in front of the Dutch Embassy.”
Renfield then showed a photo of the Chief of Police of the Ottawa Police Service.
The man was seen sporting an Adolf Hitler haircut and an Adolf Hitler moustache.
“Meanwhile,” Renfield continued, “the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed in Ottawa and violators will be arrested. Of course where in Canadian law or the Canadian Constitution does it say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed? Nowhere. Like Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland, the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service are arbitrarily pulling made up laws out of their AIDS and monkeypox infested assholes. And of course no Leftist in North America is calling for the defunding of this group of clowns- a police service that actually deserves to be defunded. Whose members should all be fired and new recruits called in. Ones whose minds haven’t been destroyed by that mental veneral disease known as totalitarianism that seems to have infected the minds of the current members of the Ottawa Police Service.”
Renfield then concluded his podcast with a video showing Bill Gates eating filet mignon in an expensive restaurant while yacking into his smart phone about how the world’s lower classes need to start eating bugs and loving it.
Over at the Vatican, Pope Francis was in bed and dreaming about his upcoming visit to Edmonton.
Renfield went to bed and was once again dreaming of Ava Gardner.
She was reprising her 1951 film role of Pandora while James Mason as the Captain of The Flying Dutchman was telling her that he had once sailed his ship down the North Saskatchewan River in Alberta, Canada and had encountered a Demon Buffalo while doing so.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 23rd
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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