Poem About Sidney Poitier R.I.P.
Sidney Poitier (February 20th 1927 – January 6th 2022)
Christ said, “Consider the lilies of the field,
they toil not, they spin not
Yet Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these”
How fitting that this great actor and man of class
Won an Oscar for a film titled Lilies of The Field.
Guess who’s coming to dinner?
A man who is a scholar and gentleman
A man of considerable talent
A man of great charm and personality
A man who made a difference in the world
A life well lived
And now all we can say is
To Sir with love.
-A poetic tribute to Sidney Poitier
Written by Christopher
Friday January 7th
2021.
The Mexican Cantina
Rosa the singer inside the Mexican cantina
The year was 1959.
Richard M. Nixon was preparing to succeed Dwight Eisenhower as President the next year.
John F. Kennedy was on the phone to Marilyn Monroe asking if she’d drop by his place on New Year’s Eve and personally sing Auld Lang Syne to him.
Jackie Kennedy was shopping for rolling pins.
And the Greek god Zeus was in the office of Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion asking him to locate Ganymede the cup-bearer to the Olympian gods.
Ganymede had apparently gone missing and was rumoured to be working inside a Mexican cantina.
Zeus wanted Albion to find him and bring him back to Olympus.
. . .
“I’m tired of you Olympians always whining about your wine all the time,” was Ganymede’s good-bye note.
Zeus wept.
He enjoyed the immortal youth bringing him wine.
And now he was gone.
He went to his Rolodex and found the business card for Carson Cody Albion.
He then summoned an eagle to fly him to Los Angeles.
The eagle was happy.
It was tired of eating liver all the time.
The titan Prometheus was happy as well.
. . .
In the Mexican cantina called Pedro’s, Rosa was singing up a storm.
When she had finished, she went and stood next to the piano.
Behind her stood the Greek god Ganymede disguised as a statue.
Carson Cody Albion had received a grape rather than an olive in his martini as he watched the show.
The grape contained a fortune cookie saying sized message that read I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO OLYMPUS.
It was signed Ganymede.
Albion wrote Zeus a note saying that Ganymede had joined a militia of anti-Castro Cubans being put together by U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon and couldn’t be located.
Cody then went to Rosa’s dressing room and knocked on her door.
Rosa opened the door.
Albion entered.
Rosa closed the door.
In the dining area Ganymede sat wearing an I LIKE IKE button and dark sunglasses and got his palm read by a blind fortune teller.
Mistaking Ganymede for Fidel Castro, the blind fortune teller told him that he’d one day have an idiot son who would become Prime Minister of Canada.
And inside the dressing room, Rosa personally sang Auld Lang Syne to Carson Cody Albion.
-A Carson Cody Albion
Private Eye Short Story
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 28th
2021.
Rita Hayworth and Harvey Tallbanger
Rita Hayworth was sitting there with an old fashioned box camera on her lap.
Suddenly she looked up and noticed a tall handsome 6 foot 8 tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears looking at her.
What was in that glass of orange juice and vodka she had drunk?
Other than orange juice and vodka.
Galliano perhaps?
The bunny rabbit approached her.
“You can see me?” The bunny rabbit (whose name was Harvey Tallbanger) asked as he introduced himself.
“I can,” She answered.
“Put the blame on Mame,” actor Jimmy Stewart entered the studio even though he wasn’t making a film there.
“Jimmy Stewart, Harvey,” Rita said, “Harvey, Jimmy Stewart.”
“Who is this Harvey?” Stewart asked.
“You can’t see him?” Rita asked.
“Obviously not,” Stewart replied, “Has being married to Orson the Boy Wonder suddenly driven you crazy?”.
Harvey Tallbanger turned and exited.
He had been scheduled to throw a cream pie in one of the film studio heads’ faces.
“No,” Rita said to Stewart as she stood up to go, “And be careful what you say. You may make a film with that Harvey someday.”
Elsewhere.
“It’s a wonderful life,” one of the secretaries remarked after the film studio head got a cream pie in his face.
And so ended another of 11-year-old Nicholas Carlyle’s winter wonderland dreams.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 4th
2021.
Christine and The Phantom
Christine Daae rehearsing
She sang accompanied by no pianist
Her melodious voice
As sweet as the nightingale
A voice which shone light
through the use of vocal cords.
A voice which called to one in darkness
A voice which called one to come up
out of the darkness
And in the labyrinths
below the Palais Garnier
The Phantom heard
and came up out of the darkness.
-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday November 10th
2021.
Jack O’ Hare Meets Mr. Ed The Talking Horse
Gwen with Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
Jack O’ Hare was playing with a telegraph set practicing his Morse
When those Halloween X-Solar flares unleashed a powerful force
And sent him hurtling through space-time wildly off course
Back to the time of Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
Asked Jack, “Are you Mr. Ed the Talking Horse?
Replied the noble equine, “Of course! Of course! Of course!”.
“And who are you?” Jack asked the fair maiden,
“Gwen Conliffe,” she said on night when moon wasn’t fadin,
Then she added,
“Even a man who is pure in heart
And says his prayers at night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright.”
In the distance Larry Talbot’s tormented soul howled
And in far off tracks of Talbot estate one lone wolf growled.
“Tis Halloween,” said Jack as space-time went off course,
“The only time of year,” said Mr. Ed, “where you’ll meet a talking horse.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Friday October 29th 2021.
Red October
“Where do you want the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern to take you?” The ghost of Orson Welles asked his companion.
“I’ll let you decide,” his companion answered.
“All right,” Welles’ ghost sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine and spun the globe of the world in the Set Estate Library.
Welles put his finger down.
“Ah,” said Welles, “That’s a nice place. Very nice place.”
Welles reached into the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s glass jar coin collection (of coins dating back to the 1500s from various nations in the world) and pulled out a coin.
“Ah, a very recent time but that might be okay,” Welles stated.
He pushed the button on the Houdini-Pantages-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern Film Projector.
This magic lantern could be used for time travel.
As Welles’ ghost and his companion flew through the space and time continuum, Welles remarked, “Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster is referring to this month we just left as Red October 3.0. Do you know what he means by that?”.
“Well,” his companion answered, “The first Red October was October 1917 when Russia went Bolshevik Communist. And the second Red October… or Red October 2.0 is October 1949 when mainland China went Communist and became the People’s Republic of China. Red October 3.0 is October 2021.”
“So who will go Communist this time?” Welles lit himself a cigar.
“The United States of America,” his companion answered, “according to Michelangelo.”
“So here we are,” Welles announced, “Hawaii, October 2009.”
“Sometime between October 15th and October 25th 2009,” his companion read the sign.
“Do you have any idea who that very beautiful young woman is?” Welles inquired.
“That’s Q’orianka Kilcher,” his companion answered, “She played the last Crown Princess of Hawaii, Princess Ka’iulani, in the movie Princess Ka’iulani that came out that year of 2009.”
“I see,” Welles sipped his wine.
“October 15th to 25th, 2009,” his companion reflected, “My dad would have still been alive then.”
“Your dad?” Welles blinked.
“He collapsed to the floor while shaving in the bathroom on May 18th 2010 and had to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance,” his companion recalled, “he died less than a month later on June 16th 2010.”
“I see,” Welles finished his wine and looked around for another glass.
“One of the many strange things he said to me before he died was, Chris, fight Red October,” his companion said.
“Did he explain what he meant?” Welles asked.
“No, he never did,” his companion looked again at the sign.
“In the meantime, let’s go see a movie,” his companion suggested, “At least in this month and this year, we don’t need a vaccine passport to get in.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 1st
2021.
Thunderstorms and Surprises
A long time ago
A friend wrote about a movie she had seen
I remarked it sounded interesting
She said I should watch it
I said I would
But I never did
and one day I was flipping through the channels
and the caption on the screen gave the title of the movie
I said I’d watch
but never did
So I watched a little
But was not too impressed with the scene
I had stumbled across while flipping through
The channels
I said, “This movie is not for me”
And continued flipping through the channels
Thus it was whenever I was flipping through the channels
And came across the caption showing the title of the movie
on the channel that I said I might watch
But never did
I kept on flipping through the channels
So it would appear that I never would watch this movie
That I said I might watch
Because the one time I stumbled across it
It showed a scene I didn’t like
And thought the rest of the film would be just as bad
Tonight was a thunderstorm in the area
A big dramatic thunderstorm
Ending days of severe heat.
Heavy rain, lightning, thunder, hail and funnel clouds
On the same day that a letter showed up in the mail
To a guy named MacBeth
Who must have apparently once lived at this address
But does not do so now.
Watching the weather report on tonight’s news
The weather woman said there was fierce weather in the area
And as if to emphasize what the weather woman had just said
Lightning flashed, the thunder roared
And the power chose to go off at this exact moment.
“I guess she’s absolutely right,” I remarked stupidly
To no one in particular in the house
Since my roommate had left on a camping trip this weekend
And the only one left in the house aside from me
Was an artificial plant
That appeared on the verge of dying
Funny- even plants that are artificial die on me.
After a couple of minutes I deduced with profound Sherlockinginess
That the power didn’t seem to be coming on anytime soon
I went down to my bedroom
And pushed the buttons on my obsolete tablet
And my obsolete smart phone
They still told the time
Although I deduced (quite accurately it turns out)
That the house wifi probably went out with the power
(It had).
After ten minutes the power came back on
It was still raining heavily
So I couldn’t go out for my evening walk
I decided to see what the movie was on tonight
On a channel that showed movies from 7 PM until midnight
It turns out whenever the power goes out
It takes a while for the cable company
To reset
And mention what shows are on each channel
On the captions they show on each channel
While you’re flipping through
So in order to find out the movie
I’d have to watch until they actually showed the title of the movie
Whatever film it was had intriguing opening shots and cinematography
They showed the producer, the director and a few members of the cast
prior to showing the title of the picture
When they showed the title of the movie
I was horrified
It was the title of the movie
That my friend had recommended I watch
And said that I would but never did
The movie I had inadvertently stumbled across one time
While flipping through the channels
And the scene that I saw had impressed me so little
That I thought the rest of the movie was just as bad.
I looked out the window
The rain was definitely not going to stop anytime soon
So I decided to watch a bit
After all the film’s opening cinematography
While the opening credits were rolling
Had impressed me a great deal
And actually the film’s opening scene, storyline
And dialogue
After the opening credits had impressed me a great deal
I watched
About 10 minutes into the film
Appeared that one scene
Which I had stumbled across that one time
And thought was so bad
I never watched the rest of the film
I have to say I liked this film
I really liked this film
The girl who recommended I watch it
She was right
She thought I’d like it
And I did.
And if it hadn’t been for the fierce thunderstorm
And the power going out
Causing the cable company to reset
Meaning no captions naming the TV shows
On each channel as you’re flipping through
I probably would never have watched it.
What does it mean?
That I finally did?
I don’t know.
But the line that impressed me the most during the show
Among so many impressive lines in the show
Was this
(Movie buffs might be able to guess what movie this was from this one character’s line- let me know in the comments)
“Believing in science is good up to a point
But then after that point, God steps in.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Friday July 2nd 2021
Scavenger Hunt On The Amalfi Coast
The ghost of Orson Welles was sitting in an arm chair in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion and reflecting on a yacht trip he had made to Italy’s Amalfi Coast in 1953.
The Amalfi Coast is a stretch of coastline on the Tyrrhenian Sea located in the Gulf of Salerno in Southern Italy.
Welles recalled he wasn’t quite sure how he got to the Amalfi Coast.
The last thing he remembered was being on Spain’s Meditteranean coast and imbibing in several glasses of red wine.
The next thing Welles remembered was waking up on a yacht off the Amalfi Coast.
The yacht belonged to an Arab sheikh.
Welles got off the yacht not far from the town of Ravello.
He wandered around the town and ran into an acquaintance fellow actor Humphrey Bogart.
Bogart was in the town along with actresses Jennifer Jones and Gina Lollobrigida and actors Robert Morley, Peter Lorre and Bernard Lee.
They were shooting the 1953 adventure comedy film Beat The Devil.
Bogey teased Welles as they sat in a small outdoor cafe.
“Well, Orson, this film is obviously about beating you,” Bogey smiled, “You’re usually playing a villain in most of your films whether it’s a megalomaniacal newspaper publisher, an ex-Nazi on the verge of becoming a U.S. Supreme Court justice’s son-in-law, a post-war black marketeer on the streets of Vienna or a Renaissance Borgia prince. Your characters are usually human devils of some form or another. Thus as the film title suggests Beat The Devil is about beating you.”
Welles wasn’t about to take this insult lying down.
He answered, “I did play a heroic role in the 1947 film The Lady From Shanghai where my soon-to-be ex-wife played the villainess. Besides in many of your film roles in the 1930s, you often played gangster or mean tough guy roles.”
“Yes but later I played great heroic roles like Rick in Casablanca and Philip Marlowe in The Big Sleep so I was quite the heroic hero whereas you were usually the villainous villain,” Bogey laughed.
“Well, pick a game,” Welles challenged, “I bet I can beat you at it. And then we’ll see who’s the Devil.”
At that moment Gina Lollobrigida approached.
Bogey told her about Welles’ challenge.
The Italian actress suggested an old fashioned scavenger hunt.
Welles and Bogey agreed.
Gina said she would pick what was to be located and found.
She gave the same list to each actor.
Both Welles and Bogey set out on the scavenger hunt.
Welles had spent the entire morning searching.
And he had located what was to be located on Gina’s scavenger list.
Now it was early afternoon and Welles came to the final item on the list.
“What?!” Welles exclaimed, “Find the Greek goddess Hera sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach? How is that even possible?”.
Still Welles headed down to the beach.
Where he noticed a beautiful woman who looked like a goddess sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach.
“Excuse me,” Welles addressed the woman, “but you aren’t the Greek goddess Hera by any chance?”.
“I am, Mr. Welles,” the goddess answered, “I’m a big fan of yours so I came down from Mount Olympus to help you beat Bogey.”
Welles took Hera to the cafe where sat Gina and Bogey.
Bogey was looking dejected as he had been unable to find the goddess Hera sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach.
When Welles introduced the woman as Hera and swore on a King James Bible that he had found her sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach, Bogey objected, “I believe that you did find her sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach but how do we know this woman is really Hera?”.
Hera then called on the gods Zeus and Hermes to appear.
When they did so appearing out of thin air, Bogey conceded defeat while Gina looked very surprised.
Angered by his scavenger hunt loss, Bogey went for a car ride where he got into an accident losing several of his teeth.
As a result while adjusting to the loss of his teeth, Bogey was unable to speak clearly and therefore actor Peter Sellers (who was not then well known at the time but had a talent for imitating voices) was hired to dub some of Bogey’s lines speaking like Bogey.
Some of the lines had to be re-dubbed because Sellers instead of speaking like Bogey spoke like Indian actor Hrundi V. Bakshi whom Sellers would later play in the 1968 movie The Party.
And thus that was how through the help of the Greek goddess Hera, Welles was able to beat Bogey at a scavenger hunt.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 10th
2021.
Tanaka and The Unfinished Orson Welles Film Noir
The immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka: As she appeared in a scene in Orson Welles’ unknown and unfinished Film Noir movie The Feather Casts A Giant Shadow
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion and enjoying a fine single malt Scotch whisky as he engaged in conversation with the ghost of Orson Welles.
Renfield was telling Welles how he had run into the immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka yesterday in a London park and how she had played the most beautiful melody on a beautiful vintage classical lyre.
“Tanaka had once visited Los Angeles in 1946 and she appeared as the heroine in a Film Noir movie I was directing at the time The Feather Casts A Giant Shadow,” Welles reflected over a good spectral glass of spectral red wine, “A film I was sadly unable to finish because it was shut down on orders of the studio heads.”
“How did Tanaka become immortal anyways?” Renfield inquired.
“She had apparently ridden a rare legendary ghost white buffalo back in the late 1870s and it is said that whoever rides a ghost white buffalo becomes immortal,” Welles explained, “And in Tanaka’s case, that turned out to be true.”
“What was the plot of this unfinished Film Noir movie starring Tanaka?” Renfield asked.
“It was about a prestigious Ivy League university secret society,” Welles answered, “one that counts several influential politicians and judges among its membership. And one that specializes in stealing important Native American artifacts.”
“I wonder which Ivy League university secret society you would have based that on,” Renfield remarked sarcastically.
Welles laughed.
For both knew that the secret society in the film was obviously based on Yale University’s Skull and Bones Society.
“And what was the plot of the film?” Renfield wanted to know.
“That the giant Phoenix bird of ancient legend had once flown over the Black Hills of South Dakota and one of its giant feathers had fallen on a hill top,” Welles replied, “where it was found by members of the Lakota Sioux nation. It was kept in a sacred lodge in the Black Hills known only to certain elders and certain members of their families. A member of this Ivy League University secret society accidentally crashed his plane near the lodge and found the lodge with the sacred Phoenix feather present. Being the thorough scoundrel that he was (a future U.S. Presidential candidate if there ever was one), he stole it.
He placed the feather in a room in a Philosophical Research Library and Museum in Los Angeles that was associated with a grand global occultic fraternity of which the Ivy League University Secret Society was just a branch.”
“How did Tanaka’s character fit into the film?” Renfield asked.
“Tanaka played the granddaughter of a Lakota Sioux elder who was one of the Guardians of The Feather,” Welles explained, “She was sent to Los Angeles to bring the Feather back to its original owners.”
“So Tanaka was the heroine,” Renfield nodded, “Who was the femme fatale in the film?”.
“That would have been the secret society member’s girlfriend,” Welles noted, “She was a female Nazi Intelligence officer who had been brought to the United States by the OSS (forerunner of the CIA) in order to help set up America’s post-war Intelligence, National Security and Espionage apparatus.”
“I see,” Renfield finished his glass of whisky and poured himself another, “And so why did the studio heads stop and shut down production of the film?”.
“Because I guess it was hitting a little too close to the truth of what was actually happening in the U.S. at the time,” Welles answered, “Apparently FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover himself showed up in the offices of the studio head ordering that the film’s production be immediately halted. And to add insult to injury, Hoover apparently showed up wearing one of the dresses that Vivien Leigh wore as Scarlett O’ Hara in the movie Gone With The Wind. The production ceased with a single phone call within 5 minutes of Hoover’s arrival.”
“How very sad,” Renfield sipped his second glass of Scotch, “It sounds like the film would have been a great classic.”
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka appearing in a scene in Orson Welles’ unfinished Film Noir classic The Feather Casts A Giant Shadow.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 9th
2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
June 18, 2021 at 10:43 pm (Commentary, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Bill Gates, Build Back Better, Dashwood Forrest, Ghost of Orson Welles, Orson Welles, Renfield R. Renfield, The Ghost of Orson Welles)
“I’ll take that last slice of pizza if you don’t mind, Mr. Farrow.”
“Cut!” Orson Welles shouted, “That’s a take!”.
“I’ll say it is,” said the actress as she grabbed and ate the last slice of pizza.
The day’s production was over.
Welles took his hat and coat and went to a nearby lounge where he ordered a glass of red wine.
After a few sips, he fell asleep.
When he awoke, he was a ghost in a pub in London called The Ghosts’ Inn and he was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.
Welles wasn’t sure whether he was a mortal man dreaming that he was a ghost or whether he was a ghost dreaming about his days as a mortal man.
It was like that myth he had once heard about the man who fell asleep and dreamed that he was a caterpillar and then when he woke up again, he wasn’t sure whether he was a man who dreamed he was a caterpillar or whether he’s a caterpillar who’s now dreaming that he’s a man.
“Such intense thoughts on the cusp of the summer solstice,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked over a gin and tonic.
“I wasn’t aware that I was thinking such thoughts aloud,” Welles’ ghost sighed.
“You were,” Renfield dug into his fish and chips with his knife and fork.
A butterfly flew in through the window of the pub.
“I wonder what the butterfly dreams,” Renfield mused aloud.
“Not sure,” Welles admitted, “But he’s got both man and caterpillar beat.”
“Of course there are some idiots,” Renfield pointed out, “let’s call them in Seinfeldian fashion Klaus Schwab, the World Economic Forum, Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau and Boris Johnson who probably figure that when it comes to butterflies, they can still Build Back Better.”
A British engineering student (who had spent the Covid lockdown studying Schwab’s book on The Fourth Industrial Revolution) was in another booth operating his robotic butterfly (that he called the Transbutterfly).
The Transbutterfly was trying to take nectar from the petal of an artificial flower.
The butterfly who had flown past Renfield and Welles flew out the door while the Transbutterfly flew into another customer’s pint of ale where it burst a gasket and disintegrated.
Dashwood Forrest the noted London art gallery dealer walked past Renfield and Welles carrying a godawful painting.
“What’s that hideous monstrosity?” Both Welles and Renfield asked at the same time.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to give this painting away,” Forrest admitted, “Bill Gates gave it to me on commission to sell. It’s a painting that he himself painted. He calls it Painting of A Build Back Better Sunset.”
“That’s a sunset?” Welles and Renfield both asked increduously at the same time.
Renfield put on his spectacles and Welles put on a ghostly spectral monocle.
Both man and ghost reacted with horror.
Renfield vomitted all over the painting while Welles spewed forth ghostly ectoplasm.
“I have to say that’s a very significant improvement,” Forrest declared after the vomit and ectoplasm now found their way on to Bill Gates’ Build Back Better Sunset.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 18th
2021.
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