Carson Albion Private Eye Walks The Boulevard of Memories: A Poem

May 11, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Detective story, Film, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , )

Carson Albion Private Eye Walks The Boulevard of Memories: A Poem

Carson Albion Private Eye sat in his office with the sideway blinds of his window slightly open
to let in the evening twilight
He loved the evening twilight
just as he loved neon lights
His office window gave him a view of the neon lights of downtown

How beautiful they looked in the evening twilight
They looked even more beautiful in the snow and the rain
One of the few creations of man that did look more beautiful in the snow and the rain

When it snowed or rained
while strolling the city streets
he looked up at the signs of neon advertising the gods Coca-Cola and Miller Beer
and then he looked down at the sidewalk gutters for signs of rhinestone cowboys
but they must have already been washed down to the sewers
dwelling place of nightmares, monsters and vermin
and assassins of character who work for the last Trump
and wait for John McCain to die.

The ceiling fans in his office blew cold air down on his head
offering relief from the heat of the night
The bottle of bourbon stood open on his desk
offering relief from those memories too painful to bear

She… she… her…
He never told her that he loved her
but that was because she was his best friend
How would she react to the news that he wanted to take their relationship up another level
what if she didn’t feel the same way about him?
Then he’d have lost his best friend.

Because such are the ways of male-female friendship
that if one of them loves the other too much
in a way above and beyond what they had previously understood
There’s no going back

It was like what Dermot Mulroney’s character said to Julia Roberts’ character in the film
My Best Friend’s Wedding
when Julia announces she wants the romance over
Dermot weeps, “I’m losing my best friend.”

Somehow though they manage to hold on to the friendship
in the film that is
but that’s Hollywood
and we all know how much Hollywood echoes real life
For real life is not a fairy tale
and they only award Oscars
for dramatic performances
not for actually surviving day to day.

Albion saw the reflection of himself in his glass
Was a reflection still a Selfie by any other name?
and just what was it the liquid showed?
True colours or a distortion of reality?

The liquid went down his throat
well posting on Facebook or Instagram never tasted this good.
He lowered his hat
loosened his tie
opened his shirt
closed his eyes
and let his mind wander
down that lost boulevard of memories.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday May 11th 2018.

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Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

May 9, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Ghost Story, Movies, Music, music videos, Songs, Video, videos) (, , , )

Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

Here’s a photo montage music video I made and posted on YouTube 10 years ago:

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Semi Rhyming Haiku About Poe’s The Pit and The Pendulum and Roger Corman Film With Vincent Price

April 19, 2018 at 10:34 pm (Film, Horror, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Semi Rhyming Haiku About Poe’s The Pit and The Pendulum and Roger Corman Film With Vincent Price

Blade a real swinger
Will give your head a zinger
What a Price to pay

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Encore of Cinderella: A Poem

March 24, 2018 at 9:10 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Folklore, Literature, Movies) (, , , )

Here’s a poem I wrote 3 years ago today:

Dracul Van Helsing

Cinderella: A Poem

Cloudy gray skies
across the land lies
in truth for today
and in metaphor sad to say
it seems that magic is gone from the world
technology has spread unfurled
the sense of wonder has been lost
but we’re too busy to see the cost
dashing along the street
busy hands and busy feet
phones at our fingertips
speakers have replaced lips
“Love” and “courage” are only words
a flight of fancy like passing birds.
A unicorn- what is that?
Talk of fairies- we say scat!
For we’re all grown up you see
don’t talk to us as if we’re only 3.
That age is past!
Magic wands- get out fast!
Carriages don’t grow from pumpkins
you mistake us for country bumpkins.
Enchanted balls and glass slippers
we talk like drunken skippers
whose ships have crashed on the rocks
leaving us to haunt these docks.

And so…

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Tale of Jessica Rabbit Music Video

March 7, 2018 at 10:16 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Music) ()

Tale of Jessica Rabbit Music Video

10 years ago, I made a photo montage music video about Jessica Rabbit that I posted on YouTube.

That video got over 250,000 views (as of today Wednesday March 7th, 2018, it has 251,401 views).

At the time I made that video, I still had not fully mastered the art and science of film editing at the OneTrueMedia site where I made it.

And there were a few photo angles and wide and close-up shots I was disappointed with so I re-did the video a couple of years later.

This video is the re-edited version I made in 2010.

-A blog post
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 7th
2018.

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Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

March 5, 2018 at 11:40 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Music, News, Politics, Songs, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

Renfield R. Renfield was watching the BBC Culture segment’s Film Critic Sir Laurence Camembert giving a commentary on television.

Said Camembert while eating a plate of cheddar cheese, “It was 75 years ago last night, that the Oscars for 1942 were presented, back in the days when movies were about real people and not comic book characters. Greer Garson’s acceptance speech for winning Best Actress for Mrs. Miniver was said to have lasted about 6 minutes but a little known aspect of the speech was she spent at least 5 minutes of it attacking Donald Trump.”

“Wow,” said Amadeus Emanon while eating a bowl of 6 dozen oysters, “do you suppose Greer Garson was in telepathic clairvoyant communication with our lobster Michelangelo?”.

“I think Sir Camembert was joking,” Renfield said wryly while drinking a rye whiskey 🥃.

“Oh,” said Amadeus and then asked, “what cheese do you think goes best with oysters? Camembert or cheddar?”.

“I suppose it all depends on one’s dairy 🥛 orientation,” Renfield commented as he read a brochure from the All-Inclusive Dairy Producers of Europe.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Amadeus announced.

“Well, please don’t let me stop you,” said Renfield who had already got caught in a very peculiar shower on the way home from Parliament this afternoon.

As Amadeus marched off to the bathroom whistling the song “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…”, Renfield watched a story on BBC News about how former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was flashed by a topless woman protestor at a polling booth while voting in yesterday’s Italian parliamentary elections.

“Shit,” sighed Renfield, “I was never flashed by a beautiful topless woman protestor when I voted in last year’s British parliamentary elections. Some guys have all the luck.”

“I don’t recall having taken any Viagra today,” a shocked and somewhat surprised Amadeus shouted from the bathroom.

“Some guys do nothing but complain,” Renfield added.

Renfield walked out the door into the snow and the rain singing that old Rod Stewart song, “Some guys have all the luck… Some guys get all the breaks” but quickly switched over to the lyrics of the Glen Campbell song Rhinestone Cowboy, “And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain…” when a sudden flood of snow and rain hit Renfield and started carrying him away in the direction of the Thames River.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 5th
2018.

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Renfield Performs Comedy Video Skit At 90th Academy Awards

March 4, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Performs Comedy Video Skit At 90th Academy Awards

Since there didn’t seem to be any rising new American politicians at the moment, the Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel decided to ask Britain’s rising new politician Renfield R. Renfield MP to perform a comedy video skit at this year’s Academy Awards that would be broadcast live via satellite transmission from London to Hollywood.

The theme for the 1 minute comedy skit that Renfield had been given was to play a character in a non-musical movie singing a song from a movie musical.

Renfield for his comedy skit decided that he’d play Christian Grey from the movie Fifty Shades of Grey singing a song Julie Andrews made famous in the musical The Sound of Music.

Renfield (as Christian Grey opening the door to the Red Room) singing,

“… Girls in white dresses all tied up with string,
these are a few of my favourite things…”

(On the floor of the Red Room were a bunch of beautiful women wearing white dresses all tied up with ropes)

Jimmy Kimmel immediately signalled to the technician to cut the live satellite 🛰 transmission from London.

Seeing as how Renfield R. Renfield was not Christian Grey, his video was deemed inappropriate for the post-Weinstein political climate of 2018 Hollywood.

Outrage on social media was immediate.

Various feminists posted Twitter tweets and Facebook statuses accusing Renfield of being misogynistic and holding patriarchal attitudes.

Sir Elton John tweeted that he enjoyed wearing white dresses and had never seen the Red Room and would Mr. Renfield please show him?

Hillary Clinton immediately made a YouTube video where she dressed up as the late Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in drag and pronounced a feminist death fatwa on Renfield while writer Salman Rushdie mournfully sang the song Kumbaya in the background.

Numerous women hit Renfield with the Twitter hashtag #MeToo saying that the British MP was obviously guilty of sexually harassing women.

Since Renfield wisely did not have a Twitter account of his own (unlike some political bigmouth ignoramuses), he immediately hacked into Donald Trump’s Twitter account and responded with hashtags of his own:

@realDonaldTrump

#VirginLookingForHisFirstLay
#MeToo

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 4th
2018.

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Renfield Defends Jennifer Lawrence Against Critics, Pan Goatee Even More So

February 22, 2018 at 11:32 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Defends Jennifer Lawrence Against Critics, Pan Goatee Even More So

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had run into his former opponent former Conservative MP now turned London private eye Agathor Christie outside a sex toy and lingerie shop in London’s Soho district.

They were discussing the criticism that actress Jennifer Lawrence had recently received in social media for the dress she wore to an outdoor photo shoot with her male co-stars for an event to publicize the opening of her new film Red Sparrow at theatres in the City of London.

Various women had criticized her for wearing a dress with a slit up the side while her male co-stars wore long trousers and overcoats.

Jennifer Lawrence answered back against her critics, “This is not only utterly ridiculous, I am extremely offended. That Versace dress was fabulous, you think I’m going to cover that gorgeous dress up with a coat 🧥 and a scarf 🧣? I was outside for five minutes. I would have stood in the snow for that dress because I love fashion and that was my choice. This is sexist, this is ridiculous, this is not feminism.”

“How much do you want to bet,” Renfield asked Agathor Christie, “that all those female critics of Jennifer Lawrence and her dress are all quite repulsively ugly?”.

“I don’t want to bet you,” Agathor Christie answered, “because you’re most likely 100% right and I don’t want to lose any money to you the same way I lost the election for MP to you.”

Meanwhile Pan Goatee the genetically created satyr serial killer who could astral project had hacked into Twitter and tracked down all the IP and real life addresses of Miss Jennifer Lawrence’s female critics.

He astral projected into their homes and when he saw how ugly they indeed were, he immediately decapitated them with his astral Star Wars laser machete.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 22nd
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

January 17, 2018 at 8:38 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

“This looks like a job for Pan Goatee,” the satyr serial killer said as he removed his machete from his belt and decapitated a whole bunch of ugly women who were riding the bus.

Once again transit system janitors would be working overnight washing the floor and removing the blood.

“Nobody seems to murder anyone in motel room showers anymore,” one janitor complained to another.

“No, ever since Alfred Hitchcock shot that masterful scene in black and white with Janet Leigh, most psychos seem to have been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since,” a janitor refilled his bucket with Spic and Span.

“At least the IQ level of psychos is going up,” the other janitor filled his bucket up with Mr. Clean, “must be the influence of breakthroughs in nanotechnology and other Transhumanistically inclined sciences. At least these psychopaths are now starting to kill ugly looking women instead of good looking women like Janet Leigh.”

“The gene pool is certainly on the rise as far as psychotic killers are concerned,” the other janitor had to admit.

Next morning the bus was sparkling clean.

Ready for another day of public transit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 17th
2018.

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Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

January 15, 2018 at 9:28 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Movies, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sat in the chair of his living room and read a story in The Times of London about how millions of young Chinese males were heartbroken when they heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi was getting married.

“Can you imagine,” Set remarked to his butler and valet Athelstan who was busy dusting and polishing the furniture, “people becoming heartbroken over a porn star getting married?”.

“It positively boggles the mind, sir,” remarked Athelstan who polished the jar containing Donovan’s brain from the 1953 sci-fi film.

“What is this world coming to?” Set shrugged his shoulders.

“I was pondering the very same thing the other day, sir,” quipped Athelstan who had dropped a glass globe of the world the day before that had smashed into a thousand pieces.

“I think I shall retire to my library and read the works of Virgil in the original Latin,” Set put his paper down and headed upstairs.

“There’s nothing like Dido of Carthage killing herself on a burning funeral pyre to make one forget that a contemporary porn star is getting married, sir,” Athelstan discovered an unopened bag of marshmallows in the fireplace.

As Set entered the second floor of his mansion and walked down the hall, he thought he heard loud crying and sobbing coming from inside Renfield’s bedroom.

“Amadeus,” Set asked his personal concert pianist as he passed him in the hallway, “Is that Renfield I can hear crying through his bedroom door?”.

“Yes, boss,” Amadeus nodded, “Renfield’s been like that since this morning when he heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi is getting married.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 15th
2018.

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