Aphrodite In Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in the city of Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was in the city of Venice wearing a beautiful lilac dress as she walked along a brick pier.
She was here to meet Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Van Helsing was on a mission for Set Enterprises.
Set Enterprises was hoping to stop Asclepius the Greek god of medicine, Thoth the Egyptian god of math 𧟠and the sciences, the Norse trickster god Loki, evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio from bringing the Egyptian divine trio of Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead.
Isis, Osiris and Horus had recently been dispatched to the Underworld by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Phoebe Sears.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was hoping to use Van Helsingâs influence with Aphrodite to use her influence with Zeus to use his influence with his grandson Asclepius not to bring that Egyptian divine trio back from the dead.
Orson Wellesâ ghost was on a boat enjoying a plate of spectral Black Sea caviar as Van Helsing approached Aphrodite.
Van Helsing and Aphrodite went to a nearby Venetian restaurant to discuss their plans.
The waiter in the restaurant poured Dracul and Aphrodite glasses of iced water as the pair examined the menu.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexuals in Francisâ Vatican Curia) walked by.
He tapped each one of the glasses of iced water đŠ and turned it into wine đ·.
âDonât worry,â the Cardinal smiled, âI am just a volshebnik. I am not Christ.â
Meanwhile back on the boat, the ghost of Orson Welles holding a glass of red wine đ· that suddenly turned to iced đ§ water đŠ watched as the ship The Flying Dutchman sailed into the Venetian harbour.
âCaptain Hendrick Van der Decken at your service,â a man wearing the 18th Century maritime uniform of a sea captain for the Dutch East India Company appeared in front of Welles.
. . .
World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab would be speaking to a group of influential businessmen.
Set Enterprises had sent one of their Intelligence Unit secret agents the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to inject a needle đ containing truth serum into the buttocks of Klaus Schwab so he would be compelled to tell the truth at some point during his speech.
As Schwab stood up at the podium shooting his mouth off with banal platitudes, he suddenly grimaced but then went on.
Said Schwab, âAdolf Hitler said it by railway loudspeaker to the Jews leaving by train to the camps of Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Dachau almost a century ago and I will say it again, âYou vill own nothing and you vill be happy.â Oh kacke scheisse, I canât believe I just said that.â
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Saturday night podcast.
Noted Renfield, âEarlier today I got an invitation on Facebook from a group calling itself Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin a group whose motto is Justin Trudeau is The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread đ„ đ. I googled the group and Iâd have to say the photo of the group Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin looks a lot like The Rocky Horror Picture Show but with a lot uglier looking transvestites. I messaged them back saying Thanks but no thanks. I also pointed out that Justin Trudeau is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. Heâs the greatest thing since castration.â
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2023.
Aphrodite In The Park
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in a park in London
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was sitting in a park in London.
She observed as the Greek god Asclepius met with the Norse trickster god Loki, a representative of evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and an envoy of Pope Francis.
The four discussed how to bring the Egyptian deities Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead as the three had all been bumped off earlier this week by Phoebe Sears a cryptographer and code breaker for Set Enterprises (Set Enterprises being owned by the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was the arch enemy of brother Osiris, sister Isis and nephew Horus).
âIncest is never a good thing,â the blind ghost of Thebesâ Oedipus Rex commented as he walked by.
It was definitely applicable to Egyptian royal politics and intrigue especially when Egyptian royalty was elevated to godhood in a pyramid temple ceremony that prefigured contemporary Mormon Temple ceremonies by several millennia.
She watched as a Bud Lite drinking and cross-dressing Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agent (on a covert mission for senile old fool Joe Biden) attempted to assassinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield for his recent elimination of much of Los Angeles Dodgersâ management.
The FBI agent was blown away to kingdom come (or queendom goeth) by Renfield sporting his Sean Connery personally autographed James Bond 007 gun.
Aphrodite then watched as Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles stole the magical love inducing bow and arrow đč from her son Cupid/Eros đ.
They did so because they needed Cupid/Erosâ bow and arrow đč đ for an upcoming mission on behalf of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
Aphrodite watches as Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles steal the magical bow and arrow from her son Cupid/Eros.
âCome here,â Aphrodite said to Dracul Van Helsing as she adjusted her skirt, âand get across my lap. You need a good spanking for doing that.â
Van Helsing did as he was told.
And Aphrodite spanked the living daylights out of Draculâs bare bottom.
Van Helsing then made out with her when the spanking was over.
The ghost of Orson Welles grabbed the magic love đ inducing bow and arrow đč of Cupid/Eros đ and got the Hell out of there.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday May 27th
2023.
Byzantine Vampiress Theodora Is In Scotland Doing Advertising In Romanian
The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was in a photo shoot in a beautiful Bed and Breakfast on Scotlandâs Loch Lomond. It was for an ad in a Romanian magazine.
The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was the subject of a vampiress hunt by governments all over the world as it was suspected she was involved in plots to stop the George Soros/Bill Gates/Klaus Schwab/ Pope Francis New World Order.
Byzantine Vampiress Theodora: A threat to the New World Order
Among the governments of the world embedded (venereally) with the New World Order was the government of Australia đŠđș.
Already three Australian states had lined up to enforce Digital IDs on their citizens.
Australiaâs National Government of Anthony Albanese (after attending a weekend convention where the person in charge had ordered Bud Light Beer instead of Fosterâs) had just named a notorious Australian drag queen who went by the name of Uncle Ernie to be the covert head of Australiaâs foreign intelligence operations.
The news was greeted with sheer delight by the CCP Politburo in Beijing.
As the new covert head of Australiaâs foreign intelligence operations, Uncle Ernie was sent to the UK to reign in the Byzantine vampiress Theodora.
He discovered that she was involved in a photo shoot on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
Likewise Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, working for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit, had discovered that Theodora was involved in a photo shoot on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
After snorting 3 dozen ounces of crack cocaine, Uncle Ernie decided to take the high road to Scotland đŽó §ó ąó łó Łó Žó ż.
He got into his motor vehicle đ and eventually ended up crashing into the ruins of an Augustinian abbey in the town of Jedburgh, Scotland.
Uncle Ernie was arrested by Scottish police and charged with Driving Under The Influence as well as desecrating a Scottish national monument.
Dracul Van Helsing rented Mr. Beanâs mini car and thus took the low road to Scotland đŽó §ó ąó łó Łó Žó ż.
In this journey, he was accompanied by the ghost of Orson Welles.
Wellesâ ghost wore a spectral Redpath tartan kilt and sporran and had a large steaming ghostly plate of Scottish haggis on his lap.
After hitting many a bump on the road to Scotland in Mr. Beanâs very low mini (always accompanied by excruciatingly earth shattering screams from Wellesâ ghost), there was not much left of the plate of haggis by the time they reached the Scottish border.
As they passed Jedburgh, they noticed Uncle Ernie, wearing a Christian Dior evening gown plus handcuffs, being loaded into the back of a Scottish police van.
Eventually the duo reached Loch Lomond.
Van Helsing entered the B. and B. on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond and encountered Theodora wearing the same dress as she was in this ad:
Naturally Van Helsing made out with Theodora on the spot.
Wellesâ ghost, suspecting that Van Helsing was probably making out with Theodora, decided not to enter the B. and B.
Instead he walked down to the shore of Loch Lomond where he encountered a female Scottish pixie đ§ââïž who threw him to the shore and made out with him.
The Loch Ness Monster (who had somehow wound up in Loch Lomond after a package thrown from the back of a Scottish police cruiser had wound up in Loch Ness and Nessie had discovered the contents and devoured them) came upon the spectacle of a kilt and sporran wearing Orson Wellesâ ghost making out with a female Scottish pixie đ§ââïž.
âOh my Void,â Nessie screamed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 16th
2023.
Anne Boleynâs Ghost Seen On Cornish Coast Today
The ghost of Anne Boleyn (with her head re-attached) was seen on the coast of Cornwall in front of an alleged castle of King Arthur today
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had not been invited to the Coronation this past Saturday by His Majesty King Charles III as His Majesty personally disliked the man (even though Charles had sent him to a secret conference in Vienna last month to see if the MP could help negotiate a peace treaty between Russia and Ukraine).
As consolation, Paddington Bear (who was one of Charlesâ aides-de-camp) had sent Renfield a jar đș of his (Paddingtonâs) favourite marmalade since the bear did like Renfield.
As it was, it was just as well that Renfield didnât attend the Coronation or any of the Coronation related events (such as the Windsor Castle concert) because Renfield was asked to engage in a paranormal investigation that day.
Apparently the ghost of Anne Boleyn (who was usually seen walking around the Tower of London carrying her head in her hands) was seen walking around the Tower of London with her head re-attached to the rest of her body.
The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby (who was called Makeus Sickby by Canadaâs leading archivist Jack Morrow and who was no longer recognized as head of the global Anglican Communion by the Bible believing Anglican Churches of Africa) was informed of the apparition.
However in addition to crowning Charles at the Coronation in Westminster Abbey (where he had trouble putting the Crown đ on Charlesâ head), the Archbishop was also partaking in a same sex wedding blessing that day between two motor vehicles đ đ who had rear ended one another on the M25 motorway.
Welby passed the investigation on to Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of Englandâs leading Exorcist.
Father Bury Saint Edmunds was also the Vicar of St. Genevieveâs Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London (the Church that Amadeus Emanon attended).
As such Father Bury Saint Edmunds was friends with Renfield R. Renfield and invited him to partake in the investigation along with Amadeus.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had just flown in from Los Angeles that day so they were invited to visit the Tower of London as well.
However despite spending all day and night at the Tower of London, the Fabulous 5 could spot no sign of the ghost of Anne Boleyn (with or without her head).
Today however, Monday May 8th 2023, the ghost of Anne Boleyn was spotted standing in front of Tintagel Castle on the Cornish coast.
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was unavailable to go down to Cornwall today as he had been called in to Exorcise two motor vehicles that had been recently blessed by Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.
The vehicles were possessed by the demon Baphomet and the Emperor Hadrianâs deified homosexual lover Antinous respectively.
Amadeus Emanon was performing a concert at an inner city school in London.
And British MP Renfield R. Renfield was busy with his podcasts.
So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had rented a 1965 Volkswagen Beatle from Avis Rent A Car in London and had driven down to Cornwall to see for themselves.
They listened to Renfieldâs podcast as they drove.
Renfield was commenting on how Justin Trudeau was removing the Cross from atop the Crown in the new Canadian Royal Heraldic Coat of Arms for Canada in the wake of Charlesâ coronation.
Renfield was currently doing an analysis of Justin Trudeauâs character.
Said Renfield, âJustin Trudeau is an impotent bedwetter with a small penis with all the recurring mental turmoil that emerges as a result of all thatâŠâ
Renfield then went on to address American political issues,
âChelsea Clinton the facially aesthetically challenged daughter of Bill and Hillary says that unvaccinated children in America must be vaccinated with the mRNA vaccine with or without their parentsâ consentâŠâ
Van Helsing and Wellesâ ghost arrived at Tintagel Castle.
They exited the car and walked up and down the coastline.
On their way back to Tintagel Castle, they came upon this sight:
Wellesâ ghost said to Van Helsing, âDracul, why donât you go into the village of Tintagel and see if you can find a Church with Holy Water and bring the Holy Water back here in case we might need it.â
Van Helsing did just that.
When he returned, he found the ghost of Orson Welles making out with the ghost of Anne Boleyn.
âEgad!â Van Helsing cried out.
âNow you know how I feel when I stumble upon you making out with some woman,â Welles commented as he climaxed.
âMy God, youâre no Justin Trudeau,â Anne Boleyn observed as she orgasmed.
âNo, in the case of Justin Trudeau, itâs the Void,â Welles lit a cigar as he lay on the beach in post-coital bliss.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday May 8th
2023.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On Cinco de Mayo 2023
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec on Cinco de Mayo 2023.
It was Cinco de Mayo 2023.
And the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was celebrating.
She was in the U.S. state of California since Cinco de Mayo wasnât really a big holiday or celebration in Mexico đČđœ itself other than the Mexican city of Puebla.
May 5th 1862 was the date of the Mexican Armyâs victory over the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III at the First Battle of Puebla in the Mexican city of Puebla.
Behind the battle were two vampiresses.
One was the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec who supported the Mexican Army and the other was the Paris based Egyptian vampiress Isis who supported the forces of Napoleon III.
They later met again in a hawthorn wooden stake after sunset showdown in the American Wild West town of Hayden Colorado (site of immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmesâ Wild Tomatoes đ and Mushroom đ Saloon) in the 1880s.
That contest resulted in a draw as well as the American Wild Westâs first open heart surgery operation (to remove wooden splinters).
Today on Cinco de Mayo 2023 Qonzilqointec got her photo taken that was immediately made into a post card.
As Qonzilqointec leaned against the wall to get her photo taken, she immediately spotted an old friend of hers the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
âWhat are you doing in Los Angeles?â Qonzilqointec asked Van Helsing.
âIâm here to see if I can talk the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg into finishing his science-fiction novel,â Van Helsing replied.
âAnd did you find Mr. Finneganburg?â The Aztec vampire princess inquired.
âNo, his wife isnât too sure what bar he would be in today,â Dracul answered, âalthough he apparently no longer frequents donut đ© shops unless he has the world-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee with him.â
At that moment George Finneganburg was in fact asleep đŽ đ€ on the floor of one of the Los Angeles Public Libraries where children were stepping over him to attend Drag Queen Story Reading đ Hour.
âEgad, whereâs Pan Goatee when you really need?â George exclaimed upon awakening and seeing a bunch of bearded drag queens within his sight.
Qonzilqointec and Van Helsing meanwhile passed another writer – a creative writing instructor who held the title for the worldâs most colossally boring author.
He was reading his latest work to a Washington state Sasquatch at an outdoor cafe where the Sasquatch was fast asleep.
Other cafe patrons were busy committing hari kari as the colossally boring author with a PH Unbalanced shampoo hairstyle read.
Qonzilqointec and Van Helsing then retreated to his hotel room where they proceeded to make out.
Some time later the ghost of Orson Welles could be seen entering the hotel lobby.
He was wearing a pair of dark ghostly sunglasses đ¶ïž, a spectrally psychedelic t-shirt and a pair of ghostly ghastly Bermuda shorts đ©ł.
âI bet Dracul will be surprised to see me,â Wellesâ ghost commented as he entered the hotel elevator and hit the 5th floor button.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday May 5th
2023.
Zelda In Vienna
A woman sitting on a piano in Vienna
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on a sightseeing holiday in Vienna after being involved in a secret conference to try to negotiate peace between Russia and Ukraine.
He was sitting in the elegant lobby of his hotel smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of bourbon.
âI congratulate you on your excellent choice of drink, sir,â said the white bearded man sitting across from him.
Renfield looked up and recognized the gentleman sitting across from him from seeing his image in old LIFE Magazine photos.
âArenât you Ernest Hemingway?â Renfield asked.
âI am the ghost of Ernest Hemingway,â the spectre announced, âcondemned for a certain term to walk the night and watch other people smoke cigars and drink bourbon in hotel lobbies across the world, and for the day confined to fast in fires until the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burnt and purged away.â
âAnd what do you find worst?â Renfield blew smoke rings with his cigar and sipped his glass of bourbon.
âThatâs not a fair question,â Hemingway looked enviously at the cigar in Renfieldâs right hand and his glass of bourbon in his left.
âOn this occasion fair is indeed foul,â Renfield commented as a waiter put a plate of barbecued chicken on the table next to him.
Renfield and Hemingway discussed literature as the MP ate his barbecue chicken.
When Renfield had finished and the waiter took the plate away, the bell đ on the old clock in the lobby tolled.
âAsk not for whom the bell tolls,â Hemingway noted, âIt tolls for thee.â
âYes, but can you say that in Latin?â Quipped the ghost of John Donne as he walked by.
Hemingway looked downcast.
âNo need to worry, Hemingway old boy,â Renfield smiled, âThe current occupant of the throne of Peter canât say it in Latin either.â
Hemingway smiled, âDid you see my friends F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda?â.
âAre their ghosts here?â Renfield finished his cigar and bourbon.
âI think itâs their mortal selves,â Hemingway answered, âThe ghost of a ghost white salamander told me that the mortal selves of Scott and Zelda travelled here in some sort of time travel experiment after they met Nikola Tesla on some occasion back in the 1920s.â
âWhere are F. Scott and Zelda?â Renfield asked.
âIn the hotelâs piano room over there,â Hemingway pointed.
Renfield walked over to the piano room.
He stepped over Billy Joel who was lying on the floor singing, âSing me a song, Iâm the piano manâŠâ
And there sitting on a piano covered with drinks (that were drank by Billy Joel as a mortal F. Scott Fitzgerald looked on enviously) was Zelda Fitzgerald.
âGreat Gatsby!â Renfield shouted, âItâs Zelda Fitzgerald.â
Former Irish âïž Rover Will Millar walked by singing, âIâll give you a daisy a day, dearâŠâ
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 26th
2023.
Sherrielock Holmes In Vienna
Sherrielock Holmes in Vienna
Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal and young looking twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was in Vienna.
Miss Holmes was a dominatrix by profession.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had brought her to Vienna to help out with secret negotiations that he, along with others, was hoping to get a peace treaty signed between Russia đ·đș and Ukraine đșđŠ.
There had been a few stumbling blocks.
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was required to do something to help out with the negotiations.
But Erdogan had refused.
So Renfield had arranged for the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the actress wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian the Great) to beat the crap out of Erdogan until he agreed.
Theodora had done just that.
And Erdogan agreed đ.
Now both the lead Russian đ·đș negotiator and lead Ukrainian đșđŠ negotiator were dragging their heels in accepting final details.
This called for tougher heels đ (as in super spiked stiletto high heels đ ).
So Renfield had called in Sherrielock Holmes in her capacity as a professional dominatrix to tomato đ the buns đ of both men in order to get them to agree to terms.
After a thorough and sound paddling of both men on their bare buttocks that lasted hours, both men had agreed to terms.
As both men wept tears equivalent to the Indian, Atlantic and Pacific Oceans đ, Sherrielock put her paddle away, adjusted her dress and combed her hair and immediately walked down the stairs:
Where she was immediately greeted by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
âMay I have the pleasure of this next dance?â Van Helsing asked.
âIs it The Blue Danube?â Sherrielock inquired.
âIt is,â Van Helsing nodded.
They proceeded to dance (and enjoyed the dance while Leninâs ghost was down in Tartarus roasting away on a rotating rotisserie barbecue spit on what would have been his 153rd birthday today).
âWell,â Renfield lit a cigar and spoke to the ghost of Orson Welles, âSherrielock Holmes may have just prevented World War III.â
âThe American Deep State forces behind Joe Biden will be very disappointed,â Welles sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine, âWe will have no World War III before its time.â
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 23rd
2023.
Julia of Casablanca In Vienna
The British MI-6 Agent code named Julia of Casablanca is now in Vienna
Having successfully staked Nazi vampire Franz Kohler and having successfully made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in Casablanca yesterday, the British MI-6 Agent code named Julia of Casablanca was now in Vienna.
Attending a secret conference of Ukrainian-Russian peace talks hosted by Samhain Cardinal Salaman (the Vaticanâs only heterosexual administrator), British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom and Chinese Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu.
However the conference wasnât so secret thanks to King Charles III talking to his plants đ± đȘŽ.
Charles has been talking to plants đ± đȘŽ ever since the days he was Prince of Wales đŽó §ó ąó ·ó Źó łó ż and Duke of Cornwall.
However back in the early 2000s, a DARPA employee, who was sick of staring at pictures of goats đ in a DARPA backed effort to develop psychic powers, decided to develop a translation device to listen to the language used by plants đ± đȘŽ .
And since King Charles revealed state secrets to his plants đ± đȘŽ in his conversations, the American Deep State bugged Charlesâ plants đ± đȘŽ and by using the translation device on plant đ± đȘŽ language were able to pick up key information for their purposes.
The American Deep State found out about the peace talks and were pissed đĄ.
As Dracul Van Helsing walked down the halls of the Hofburg Palace in Vienna (followed by the ghost of Orson Welles who was wearing a spectral ghostly blindfold for some reason), he ran into Julia of Casablanca:
âThere seems to be a lot of action around the palace today,â Van Helsing noted.
âThatâs because the palace maintenance crews keep having to wash blood đ©ž off the palaceâs marble floors,â Julia of Casablanca explained.
âWhy is there so much blood đ©ž on the palace floors?â Van Helsing inquired.
âThatâs because your friend Renfield keeps shooting dead American Deep State operatives who are in the palace,â Julia answered.
âThat sounds like Renfield all right,â Van Helsing admitted.
âAlthough senile old fool Joe Biden is now using those shootings to bolster his platform for gun control in the U.S.,â Julia of Casablanca noted.
She showed him a viral video on her iPhone of Biden speaking, âAnd when a British MP shoots dead our American Deep State operatives who are trying to sabotage Ukrainian-Russian peace talks in an effort to bring about global nuclear war and total destruction thus saving our beloved planet in the process, this shows the need for the U.S. Congress to bring in draconian gun control legislation.â
âJoe doesnât miss a thing does he?â Van Helsing stated as a maintenance crew was brought in to mop up the floor behind Joe Biden as he forgot to put on his pants and underwear while giving the speech.
âOne of the American Deep State operatives who was shot and killed by Renfield,â Julia of Casablanca noted, âwas the man who sold crack cocaine to Hunter Biden at bargain basement laboratory prices so Hunter is going to be pissed about that.â
âVery much so,â Van Helsing agreed.
Dracul and Julia of Casablanca then watched a gun fight between Renfield and 75 American Deep State operatives that Renfield won.
Van Helsing and Julia then made out on the table where Emperor Joseph II (the last Holy Roman Emperor) signed the document abolishing the office of Holy Roman Emperor in 1806 in an effort to prevent French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte from assuming the title.
âI assume itâs safe to take off the blindfolds now,â Wellesâ ghost remarked as he did just that.
The ghost of the late great actor, screenplay writer and film director got an eyeful.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 21st
2021.
Julia of Casablanca
Julia of Casablanca
They called her Julia of Casablanca.
She was a secret agent for Britainâs MI-6.
She was based in Casablanca.
Hence the name Julia of Casablanca.
Her latest mission was to track down a Nazi vampire named Franz Kohler.
Franz Kohler had been staked through the heart and killed several times by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing but the Norse trickster god Loki kept bringing the Nazi bloodsucker back from the dead.
Van Helsing had last killed Franz Kohler while on a time travelling mission back in the reign of Edward VII (a period of history known as the Edwardian era).
But once again that bastard Loki brought back Kohler (who had been a member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau back in the late 1930s and early 1940s) from the dead.
Loki was a real pain in the ass (as any priest who landed a job in Pope Francisâ Vatican could attest. Being sodomized in the rear end by Loki was the rite of initiation for employment in Bergoglioâs inner circle. The only one who escaped was heterosexual Samhain Cardinal Salaman who was a powerful Kabbalist magician and could have turned Loki into a tadpole if he wanted to).
Kohler had just stolen the winged horse Pegasus from Queen Rania of Jordan đŻđŽ.
Of course this Pegasus was not THE Pegasus.
The Pegasus who was the equine son of Poseidon and Medusa and on whose back the Greek hero Bellerophon had ridden.
This modern Pegasus had been genetically created by Set Enterprisesâ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher several years ago.
Of course this modern Pegasus had a very bad temperament and no one could ride him.
The only one who seemed to be able to handle Pegasus was Dr. Cadbury Rocherâs friend Queen Rania of Jordan đŻđŽ.
So Pegasus had gone off to live in Jordan.
Now Franz Kohler had discovered an old record album đż recorded by Nazi opera singer Wagner Testeroni.
Wagner Testeroniâs singing voice apparently had the power to hypnotize horses.
Loudspeakers playing Wagner Testeroniâs voice on tanks had lolled the Polish cavalryâs horses to sleep during the September 1939 Nazi invasion of Poland allowing for a swift Nazi victory.
When Churchill became Britainâs Prime Minister in May 1940, he ordered Britainâs Intelligence Service to assassinate Wagner Testeroni.
This they accomplished by putting a very large bar of soap đ§Œ on the bedroom floor of Testeroniâs favourite courtesan in his favourite Berlin brothel.
Wagner Testeroni slipped on the bar of soap and broke his neck.
He is currently roasting away on a rotating rotisserie barbecue spit down in Tartarus.
Churchillâs next mission for Britainâs Intelligence Service was to track down and destroy every single recording ever made of Wagner Testeroniâs voice to prevent horses being hypnotized in the future.
This they accomplished.
All except for one.
That one somehow managed to find its way eventually to a flea market in San Francisco.
Kohler found it in that San Francisco flea market earlier this year.
On the same shopping excursion in that San Francisco flea market, the Norse wolf đș Fenrir (who had accompanied Kohler) caught fleas in that flea market.
He was out of commission for months.
Loki prayed that the Battle of Ragnarok would not be fought anytime soon.
Anyhow Kohler went to Jordan and used the old record album đż of Wagner Testeroniâs voice to hypnotize Pegasus.
Kohler had flown Pegasus to Casablanca where he was to meet with an American Deep State military advisor to Ukraine đșđŠ.
There Kohler would sell Pegasus to that American Deep State operative.
Pegasus would then drop bombs đŁ on the houses of Russian đ·đș civilians to accelerate the possibility of nuclear war with Russia.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announcing his Presidential run in Boston Massachusetts yesterday had warned that the danger of nuclear war with Russia đ·đș was greater than it had ever been in decades.
So naturally Kennedyâs speech was ignored by the brainless mainstream media whose job these days was to play the role of fellatio performing siren to the military-industrial complex and pharmaceutical industries.
Segments of Britainâs MI-6 loyal to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (just like there had been segments of Britainâs intelligence establishment loyal to British MP Winston Churchill in the 1930s during the period of appeasement towards Nazi Germany) and opposed to the âdark forces at work in this countryâ that Queen Elizabeth II had warned Princess Dianaâs butler Paul Burrell about shortly after Dianaâs death in 1997 notified Julia of Casablanca (a pro-Renfield and anti-dark forces operative) about the potential sale of Pegasus in the city of Casablanca.
Julia of Casablanca located Franz Kohler and invited him to Heinrichâs Cafe Deutschland Uber Alles in Casablanca for a steak sandwich and sauerkraut special.
Franz Kohler turned out to be one sour kraut all right after Julia of Casablanca staked him through the heart.
She then smashed the record album đż with Wagner Testeroniâs voice on it into a million and one pieces.
The album was a recording of Testeroni singing German lyrics for Nicolay Rimsky-Korsakovâs work Scheherazade also known as the Thousand and One Arabian Nights.
Julia of Casablanca then got into a truck.
Dracul Van Helsing opened the passenger door and saw her:
âYouâre Julia of Casablanca?â Dracul asked.
When Julia of Casablanca answered in the affirmative, Van Helsing started to make out with her.
The ghost of Orson Welles then showed up with a take-out order of bacon and eggs from Rickâs Cafe Americain in Casablanca.
âI hope Van Helsing hasnât started making out with some woman again just when Iâve got back with the food like usually happens,â Wellesâ ghost remarked.
âOh no,â Welles shouted when he discovered that indeed was what had happened.
âYou know, Orson,â the ghost of Humphrey Bogart commented to Wellesâ ghost as he watched Dracul Van Helsing make out with Julia of Casablanca, âThis could be the start of a beautiful friendship.â
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 20th
2023.
Dracul Van Helsing 
British MP Renfield R. Renfield Explains Critical Race and Critical Gender Theories In A Nutshell
June 1, 2023 at 9:51 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Agente Secrete Miranda Singh, Joe Biden, Miranda Singh, Miss Miranda Singh, Renfield R. Renfield, Set Enterprises' Secret Agent Miranda Singh, The Ghost of Orson Welles, The Ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, U.S. Oval Office Senile Old Fool Joe Biden, Wicked Principalities and Powers)
Miranda Singh a special intelligence agent and operative for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit listens to a Thursday night podcast from British MP Renfield R. Renfield
Miranda Singh a Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit operative was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfieldâs podcast while sitting in a park in London, England.
His Majesty King Charles III in disguise đ„ž as a Groucho Marx lookalike walked by the lovely and beautiful Miss Singh.
âOh, to be King Henry VIII,â Charles sighed, âI could order that wretched MP to be beheaded.â
Renfieldâs podcast started with a bunch of weird looking rainbow đ holographic images being shot down with laser death rays being fired by Set Enterprisesâ hypersonic missiles.
The display caused senile old fool Joe Biden to trip and fall to the ground at a U.S. Air Force cadet graduation ceremony.
Next the ghost of Orson Welles appeared sitting at a table and sipping a glass of spectral red wine đ·.
âSaint Paul the Apostle said it in one of his epistles almost 2000 years ago,â Welles held up the glass of wine đ·, âand in a somewhat paraphrased version, I will say it again, âWelcome to Pride in the ability to masturbate into the rectum of another Monthâ.â
This was followed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield sitting at a desk wearing a JENNIFER JOHNSON FOR LACOMBE-PONOKA ALBERTA MLA campaign button.
âDiversity, equity and inclusion,â Renfield began, âare code words for the perverts in the Alphabet Soup Community to be in your face (and possibly other areas of your anatomy) 24/7, 365 days a year, 100 years a century and 10 centuries a millennium.â
Renfield then went on to analyze contemporary sports and baseball âŸïž.
âToronto Blue Jays pitcher Anthony Bass is a wimp and a wuss,â Renfield put on a colourful sports commentator Don Cherry suit and tie, âAt first he did splendidly by giving the sodo-Nazis, pronoun Fascists and lesbo-Stalinists in the Alphabet Soup Community the raspberry they so richly deserve. Then he turns into a sissy and apologizes to them. Over to the ghost of Winston Churchill for his comment.â
Winston Churchillâs ghost sat in a comfortable armchair smoking a spectral cigar and sipping a spectral glass of brandy.
âAnthony Bass,â Churchill spoke in his distinctive Battle of Britain đŹđ§ style speaking voice, âWhat a wimp. What a wuss.â
Renfield then went on to explain Critical Race Theory and Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell.
Said Renfield, âCritical Race Theory in a nutshell is this: The white race is responsible for all the worldâs problems.â
Renfield then went on to the subject of Critical Gender Theory, âCritical Gender Theory in a nutshell is this: The male gender – and particularly those members of the biologically born male gender who actually think theyâre males and are actually sexually attracted to members of the biologically born opposite sex- they are responsible for all the worldâs problems.â
Renfield then went on to explain a lesser known theory – Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory.
âNow of course,â Renfield pointed out, âNon-binaries do not consider themselves freaks and weirdos even though thatâs exactly what they are. What a Calgary based geopolitical analyst labels as Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is being taught by cultural Marxist Neo-Bolshevik Communist groups such as the Alberta Teachersâ Association whose only accomplishment these days is to ensure that Alberta schoolchildren are transgendered, queer and Communist upon graduation.â
Renfield then went on to explain Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory in a nutshell.
Said Renfield, âCritical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is this: Those who identify as members of the biologically born gender theyâre born into and who are sexually attracted to members of the opposite biologically born gender are responsible for all the worldâs problems.â
Joe Biden was immediately alerted by the European Union đȘđș Commission (who most definitely were getting their panties in a knot đȘą at the moment) as to the British MPâs most recent genocidal and Crimes Against Humanity statement.
Mused Biden, âI wonder if I should order a Cruise missile attack on Renfieldâs office in the British House of Commons.â
After dropping a load of large sized brownies in his pants, Biden said, âI think I shall.â
Biden immediately got on the phone đ to the Afghan Taliban government in Kabul and asked if he could buy a U.S. Cruise missile from them.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday June 1st
2023.
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