Renfield Gets New Ghost Spirit Advisors For The Next Month

September 30, 2022 at 10:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield dreamed that he was playing Peter Lorre’s character in the 1944 film The Mask of Dimitrios.

Renfield was rather enjoying the role as in this particular scene some beautiful dancer was rubbing against him.

He was awakened by the sound of the Set Estate guard cat Nefertiti Galore outside who was tearing apart some foreign intelligence secret agent who had been sent to assassinate Renfield.

After having ripped the assassin to shreds with her sharp feline claws, she was now meowing outside the front door demanding that Athelstan the Estate butler and valet give her a bowl of milk and a plate of tuna as a reward for her efforts.

Renfield got up from his evening nap and went downstairs.

He was shocked to see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill (his supernatural spirit advisors) standing at the front door with their ghostly spectral luggage packed looking like they were ready to leave.

“Are you leaving?” Renfield did not want the duo to go.

“We’re just taking a tour of Europe for a month,” Welles answered as he sipped from a spectral glass of spectral red wine.

“We’ll be back if nothing happens,” Churchill smoked a spectral cigar and sipped a spectral glass of spectral brandy.

“Happens? What might happen?” Renfield inquired.

“That’s the reason why you’re being given a new pair of ghost spirit advisors for the next month,” Welles explained as he let Nefertiti Galore into the house, “Go into the living room and meet your new advisors.”

Renfield did so.

There sitting in one arm chair was the ghost of John F. Kennedy sipping a lime daiquiri and in the other arm chair was the ghost of Nikita Khrushchev downing a bottle of vodka.

It suddenly hit Renfield.

Next month was the 60th anniversary of the Cuban missile crisis.

The closest the world had ever come to a global nuclear war.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 30th
2022.

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Svetlana Kireeva, Vladimir Putin and The Mysterious Horn In Byzantium

September 21, 2022 at 11:37 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Russian vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva awaits the launch of a nuclear missile which would be fired from a secret location in Moscow

Earlier in the day, Russian President Vladimir Putin announced on Russian national television that he would be mobilizing 300,000 reservists in an effort to save his would-be Neo-Imperialist Czarist ass in Ukraine.

To the right of Putin stood the ghost of the late U.S. President LBJ.

“Well scratch my ass and think about Israel,” LBJ laughed, “It looks like Ukraine is turning into Russia’s Vietnam.”

In the corner of the room sat the ghost of Jim Morrison weeping in a chair.

“Why,” Morrison sobbed, “of all the ghost stories in all the world did I first have to appear in one written by the world’s most boring author Phil Huston?”.

To the left of Morrison’s ghost was a holographic image of Alice Cooper who was committing hari kari with the pointy end of his mace for the same reason that Morrison’s ghost sat sobbing in a chair.

It was the first time that Russian reservists had been called up since the Second World War.

As Putin’s face was sprayed by a whole bunch of ghostly spectral holographic blood issuing forth from the intestines of the well hari-karied ghostly spectral holographic image of Alice Cooper who was busy singing his last ever hit Farewll To My Nightmare, Putin announced that he would be using nuclear weapons against the West.

To that end, Russian vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva received a text message from Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Miranda Singh asking if the two of them could meet in Stockholm Sweden in an effort to prevent global nuclear war.

. . .

Senile old fool Joe Biden was meeting with one of his advisors after the Irish Celtic demon Balor Biden’s speech to the UN General Assembly.

“Mr. President,” his advisor advised, “Regarding Putin’s threatened use of nuclear weapons, you have a secret personal weapon of your own to use in your dealings with Mr. Putin.”

“I do? And what secret personal weapon of my own would that be?” Biden asked as he broke wind and then let loose with a bowel movement.

The advisor was unable to answer Biden’s question as he immediately dropped dead from sulphurous exhaust fumes.

. . .

The Byzantine Emperor Justinian I was sitting on his throne in Constantinople in the year 537 AD when an envoy from Arthur King of the Britons appeared.

“Your Imperial Majesty, your noble ally Arthur King of the Britons is dead after having been slain by his evil son Mordred at the Battle of Camlann,” the envoy stated, “His repentant half-sister Morgan le Fay wants you to have this.”

“What is it?” Justinian asked.

“It’s the horn of Arthur’s personal Unicorn,” the envoy explained, “A Unicorn that was slain by Mordred the evil son of Arthur King of the Britons and Morgan le Fay.”

“Let me see,” the beautiful Byzantine Empress Theodora rose from her throne.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 21st
2022.

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Xi In Kazakhstan

September 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.

Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.

Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).

(Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).

Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.

After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.

Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”

And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.

And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.

Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.

“Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.

An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.

A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.

Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.

Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).

The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.

An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).

“You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.

Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.

After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.

As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.

There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).

Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.

Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.

Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.

When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.

As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.

The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.

It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.

Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.

Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:

“Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
Take a sad song and make it badder
Remember vaccines get under your skin
Changing your DNA
Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”

Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.

In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.

“Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.

Amadeus asked.

And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.

Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.

Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2022.

Permalink 14 Comments

Baal In Kazakhstan

September 13, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The demon Baal in Kazakhstan

The ghost of Cecil B. DeMille had taken a technicolour photo of the demon Baal in Kazakhstan.

The demon Baal was the object of veneration and worship at a human sacrifice ceremony at a site just north of the Kazakh capital of Astana (now called Nur-Sultan).

Due to his bum knee, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) was unable to attend the ceremony in hopes of improving ecumenical relations with all religions and all deities.

A backdrop choreographer for the U.S. Democratic Party was present to get ideas for Joe Biden’s next major speech.

He was the same choreographer who had done the Nazi colours blood red backdrop for Biden’s speech in Philadelphia back on September 1st of this year 2022.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was a member of the Vatican entourage accompanying Francis to this Inter-Faith Summit in Astana.

Cardinal Salaman was examining the Cecil B. DeMille technicolour photograph alongside South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

Hyung had spent the day locating evil vampires and vampiresses (who were attending the summit) in their coffins and beheading them and staking them through the heart.

She was to vampires and vampiresses what the Covid-19 vaccines were to previously healthy and strong young athletes (they were all dropping dead on the spot as a result).

“So,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman sipped his tea, “I understand you’re a direct descendant of the immortal princess Kwan Yin.”

“That is correct,” Hyung nodded.

“And she’s venerated as the goddess of mercy by various branches of Buddhism,” the Cardinal helped himself to a mooncake.

“Yes, that’s true,” Hyung said, “My ancestress is immortal (having drunk from springs of immortality from a certain mountain in a certain valley in China) but she doesn’t consider herself a goddess although others do.”

“As opposed to George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab who all consider themselves gods even though others don’t,” Samhain mused aloud.

“Yes, very true,” Hyung poured more tea.

“You know I know nothing whatsoever about most religions except a smattering of some knowledge of kabbalah,” Cardinal Salaman explained, “Which is why Pope Francis had me baptised, then confirmed, then ordained a deacon, then ordained a priest, then consecrated a bishop and then created a Cardinal all on the same day.”

“I see,” Hyung smiled at the admission.

“So, tell me,” the Cardinal once again took a close look at the ghost of Cecil B. DeMille’s technicolour photograph of the demon Baal, “Are Baal and Moloch one and the same god?”.

“Many theologians and professors of Classical Middle Eastern History seem to think so,” the scholarly vampire huntress answered, “but in fact Baal and Moloch are demonic twin brothers.”

“There are twins among demons?” Cardinal Salaman was surprised.

“A few, yes,” Hyung nodded.

“So, is Moloch in Kazakhstan as well?” The Cardinal inquired.

“No, he’s in Moscow serving as an advisor to Russian President Vladimir Putin,” the vampire huntress answered.

“Really?” Salaman helped himself to another mooncake.

“Although Moloch is posing as the Archangel Michael to Putin,” Hyung explained, “so Putin thinks he was following Saint Michael the Archangel’s advice when he invaded Ukraine in February to capture the capital of Kyiv and then the rest of Ukraine ”

“Now I may not know too much religion especially Catholicism,” The Cardinal took another sip of tea, “but I do know that Saint Michael the Archangel is considered one of the Patron Saints of the City of Kyiv. Did Putin really think that Michael would ask him to invade and conquer a city of which he’s a Patron Saint?”.

“Well, I don’t think Putin really knows much about Ukrainian history and culture and tradition,” Hyung answered.

“In that he’s a lot like the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin,” Salaman noted.

“In fairness to Putin,” Hyung pointed out, “He only followed Moloch because Moloch was posing as Saint Michael the Archangel. Whereas Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden and most U.S. Democrats follow the demons Baal and Baphomet even though Baal and Baphomet are appearing as themselves Baal and Baphomet.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 13th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos At Bus Stop As Demon Buffalo Watches

September 7, 2022 at 10:25 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was a very peculiar mist in the city.

It came out of nowhere and started eating people.

As if it was an invisible man-eating plant turned to low-lying mist.

Eugenicist billionaire Bill Gates was travelling in the city incognito.

He had heard there were all sorts of weird genetic and breeding experiments going on in the city.

He was puzzled by the mist.

“I must look into this further,” he mused.

His limousine pulled up and he got in.

Nearby the world-famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was about to enter a donut shop.

As he looked through the window, he noticed a really repulsive looking uglo sitting there with her little brat.

The satyr decided not to enter the donut shop.

Instead he went to a bus stop to take the bus home.

As he stood there waiting for the bus to show up, Pan Goatee noticed the repulsive looking uglo with her little brat leaving the donut shop.

The repulsive looking uglo and her little brat then crossed the street and started walking in the direction of the bus stop.

“Don’t tell me that the repulsive looking uglo and her little brat are headed towards this bus stop,” Goatee said.

“All right, I won’t tell you that,” Krampus picked his nose while waiting to pick up the remains of what would most likely be the satyr’s latest uglocide and bratocide.

Krampus was quite correct.

Pan threw his astral laser machete at the obnoxious duo.

The machete beheaded the repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded the uglo’s brat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus had already packed up the remains and put them in his sack for delivery to Tartarus by the time the bus arrived.

As the bus pulled up, two fat ugly looking blimps then proceeded to get off the front of the bus.

“You may not want to leave just yet,” the Demon Buffalo remarked to Krampus as the former, in cannibalistic Italian film festival fashion, ate a buffalo flavoured popsicle and the latter was just about to enter the multidimensional portal to take him to Tartarus.

Sure enough Pan Goatee beheaded both fat ugly blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

He then decided not to get on that bus and instead took a bus headed the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo joined the satyr on that bus and sat next to him.

As the Demon Buffalo worked on a crossword puzzle, he asked Pan, “I gather those four uglos you beheaded at that bus stop back there were genetically created by the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West (leader of the Circle of Spirits so beloved by Pope Francis and his Canadian Catholic hierarchy) using interbreeding between walruses and sasquatch?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

Eventually after taking the long way around, the satyr got home.

Later he decided to go to a nearby grocery store to see if they had finally brought in the particular brand of cold meats that he loved.

Pan hoped they weren’t being permanently replaced by Bill Gates recommended bugs and insects.

Tonight they were in so Pan bought a few packages.

He walked to a bus stop to take the bus home.

He stood at the bus stop enjoying the evening air.

When lo and behold, another repulsive looking uglo (this one of the caucasian and not aboriginal First Nations variety) decided to show up showing her ugly face for the world to admire.

Pan did not feel any admiration for her facially aesthetically challenged face as can be seen by the fact that he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee once again took a bus headed in the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo once again sat next to Pan while holding a copy of the latest edition of the Serial Killers’ Almanac that he had been reading.

“I take it,” the Demon Buffalo commented while reading up on the serial killing statistics for Iceland, “that the uglo you beheaded back there was part of the experimental genetics program being overseen by the Norse trickster god Loki and Dr. Anthony Fauci involving interbreeding between female stoats and moronic low IQ human males?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

. . .

Ever since Thursday September 1st 2022 (the 83rd anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Poland) in which senile old fool Joe Biden had sacrificed a previously unknown (to him) daughter named Liberty to the Greek goddess Artemis (in an effort to save NASA’s latest moon rocket program) and then gave a Nazi fascist Stalinist Evil Galactic Empire speech in Philadelphia, Joe was being advised by the ghosts of both Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

On that fatal (for Liberty) morning of Thursday September 1st 2022, the ghosts of Theosophist leaders Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Annie Besant and Alice A. Bailey had negotiated a peace treaty and a renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact between the ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin.

The man selected to enforce this renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact on the world was senile old fool Joe Biden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 7th
2022.

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Artemis and The Ghost of W.C. Fields In Paris

September 4, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Artemis in Paris

The Greek goddess Artemis was in her Paris hotel room.

Suddenly the ghost of W.C. Fields walked into the room.

“My dear, you look ravishingly beautiful,” W.C. doffed his top hat in her direction.

“Thank you, William,” Artemis stood up, threw open the curtain and gazed at the Eiffel Tower.

“William?” W.C. Fields was starstruck, “I had no idea you knew my first name.”

“I do,” Artemis smiled.

“I once met Joe Biden in the Oval Office,” Fields took a sip from a bottle of gin in one hand and a bottle of vermouth in the other, “and he told me he thought W.C. stood for Water Closet. Thus when he pulled his pants down and asked me to lie directly underneath his squatting legs, I immediately left the room.”

“Joe Biden is an ass,” Artemis stated emphatically.

“That he is, my dear, that he is,” W.C. Fields nodded emphatically, “and many a brown noser has followed that ass.”

“He shot and killed at least two of my sacred deer on a hunting trip last fall,” Artemis’ cheeks turned red with wrath and anger.

“Very sad story, my dear, very sad story,” Fields wiped his eyes with his handkerchief, “It’s enough to make one weep against the breasts of your statue in Ephesus.”

“Is that a vulture flying around the Eiffel Tower?” Artemis asked.

“I believe it is, my dear, I believe it is,” W.C. put on his monocle and looked, “It certainly isn’t my little chickadee.”

“What’s a vulture doing flying around the Eiffel Tower?” Artemis inquired.

“I believe that’s the ghoul vulture of Xi Jinping,” Fields ate a hard boiled egg, “The one who lays thousand-year-old eggs for Communist China’s paramount leader to enjoy at his large festive banquets in the Forbidden Palace.”

“What’s he doing in Paris?” Artemis wondered.

“Well I hear that George Soros’ French poodle Emmanuel Macron is calling on citizens of the Fifth Republic to freeze to death this winter in order to save the planet,” Fields ate some egg foo yung cooked in French champagne, “Perhaps the ghoul vulture of Xi Jinping is awaiting their demise so he can feed on their carcasses to his heart’s content.”

“All so that Xi Jinping can watch a bird lay an egg?” Artemis was incredulous.

“Well Xi has laid many an egg in front of the Beijing Politbureau,” Fields pointed out, “Perhaps he engages in such voyeuristic bird watching activities with vultures as a form of personal relaxation.”

“Nice to see you in Paris, William,” Artemis smiled.

“It’s nice to be in Paris, my dear,” W.C. again doffed his top hat in her direction, “I was debating whether to visit Philadelphia or Houston. I’m glad I didn’t visit Philadelphia as I heard Joe Biden sacrificed some young woman there while he was wearing the crown of King Agamemnon. Then later that evening he gave a Nazi fascist Stalinist Galactic Empire speech. He might want to brush up on his German, Russian and Klingon a little for even greater impact. I’m glad I didn’t visit Houston as they’re still weeping at NASA Mission Control over the two failed Artemis 1 Moon Rocket launches.”

“Believe it or not, William, there is a connection between what happened in Philadelphia and the crying in Houston,” Artemis pointed out.

“There is?” Fields scratched his chin.

“There is,” Artemis pulled a volume of Aeschylus out of her hotel room bookshelf.

The Aeschylus volume was right next to James Fenimore Cooper’s The Deerslayer.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 4th
2022.

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Joe Biden Asked To Perform An Agamemnon

August 31, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, Politics, Science, Technology, The Supernatural, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Artemis being serenaded by musicians who were brought to life from a mural painting

“Who is Aeschylus?” Vice-President Kamala Harris asked one of her aides.

“He was an ancient Greek playwright who lived from approximately 525 BC to 456 BC and is believed to have written anywhere from 70 to 90 plays,” her aide answered, “He is considered the Father of Tragedy. In fact his ghost is believed to have written the recent Inflation Reduction Act. In fact on the night of April 4th 1968, Bobby Kennedy quoted from Aeschylus while addressing Afro-American voters in Indianapolis, Indiana when he had to break the tragic news to them that the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King had been assassinated. The Aeschylus quote was this:

“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”
-Aeschylus

“What were some of his plays?” Kamala asked.

“Well he once wrote a trilogy of plays about the family of King Agamemnon of Mycenae the fellow who commanded the Greeks during the Trojan War,” her aide replied, “The trilogy was called The Oresteia named after Orestes who was a son of King Agamemnon.”

“Rather ironic you should be talking about The Oresteia,” remarked a leading high-ranking NASA official as he walked by on his way to the Oval Office to see Joe Biden.

“Ironic? How so?” Kamala inquired.

“That’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know,” the NASA official replied.

The FBI agent accompanying the NASA official was a Neo-Bolshevik Communist (like most FBI agents are these days) and did not understand the classical allusions that were being thrown around.

This entire scene was part of a dream (or was it a vision?) being seen by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises Laboratories in London, England.

The name of the high-ranking NASA official was Dr. Nachash Naga.

He was on an important mission for NASA.

The Artemis 1 moon rocket was supposed to have been launched this past Monday August 29th 2022 but then something happened and the launch was postponed until this Saturday September 3rd 2022.

But even that might be postponed further because of new information that had come up.

Unless…

“Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga addressed the Pooper-In-Chief, “We need you to do something for us.”

“Glad to oblige,” Biden ate a piece of Ex-Lax.

“Mr. President, we have a problem and it isn’t Houston,” Dr. Nachash Naga explained, “Do you remember last fall when you went deer hunting?”.

“Um, I don’t actually,” answered the Pooper-In-Chief who suffered from dementia.

“Well, you shot and killed a deer,” Dr. Nachash Naga pointed out.

“Good for me,” Joe Biden grinned.

“Well that turned out to be a bad thing, Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga hissed, “It turned out that the deer you shot and killed was a deer sacred to the Greek goddess Artemis.”

“Who is Artemis?” Joe Biden looked at a photo of the Belvedere Apollo and wondered if he should invite the sculpted statue to join his cabinet.

“Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt and wild animals as well as the Greek goddess of the moon,” Dr. Nachash Naga flashed his incisors, “and as a result of your killing that deer sacred to her, she is preventing the Artemis 1 rocket from being launched.”

“So, what can I do about it?” Joe Biden scratched his diaper rash.

“Well when King Agamemnon of Mycenae slew and killed a deer sacred to Artemis and the goddess prevented the Greek fleet from sailing towards Troy as punishment, Agamemnon was forced to sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia to Artemis to appease her wrath.”

“So what do you want me to do?” Biden put on Kamala Harris’ high school Dunce cap.

“We want you to sacrifice your daughter to Artemis in the next couple of days to appease her wrath so we can get the Artemis 1 moon rocket launched this coming Saturday,” Dr. Nachash Naga began filing his fingernails.

“Can I sniff her hair before I sacrifice her?” Joe Biden asked.

“Of course, Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga looked exasperated.

“Wait,” Joe Biden suddenly had a moment of clarity after taking a Claritin tablet, “Jill might be rather pissed at me if I sacrifice Ashley.”

“Joe, I have a suggestion,” Barack Obama delivered his instructions into Joe’s earpiece as he always did, “Did you ever have any extra marital affairs?”.

“I can’t remember,” Joe was trying to remember the tune of the Bob Hope song Thanks For The Memory.

“Well ask some of your FBI agents to stop sifting through Donald Trump’s underwear and try to track down any extra marital affairs you might have had and any children you might have had particularly girls,” Obama explained, “Then you can sacrifice that daughter from an extra marital affair.”

“Gee, I wonder if any are still alive,” Biden picked his nose, “This is one occasion when I wish I hadn’t been so gung ho for abortion.”

“Just send out the FBI, Joe,” Obama barked, “Find any surviving daughters from those extra marital affairs and just do the damned sacrifice. We’ve got to get to the moon before Vladimir Putin and Jackie Gleason’s wife Alice do.”

Meanwhile in Hunter Biden’s room, he was being visited by the ghost of a beautiful young Greek girl named Electra.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 31st
2022.

Permalink 25 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp and Her Moronic Fat Ugly Boyfriend

August 29, 2022 at 10:26 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Ghost Story, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

As Transhumanist philosopher Yuval Noah Harari gave yet another speech arguing that all of humanity must be turned into robotic cyborgs by 2030, world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in a cafe enjoying an iced coffee on an extremely hot late August day.

His enjoyment would not last long however.

For an extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp and her moronic low IQ fat ugly boyfriend came and stood directly in front of the window where he was sitting.

One moment it was paradise.

The next moment the depths of Hell.

What was different about this aesthetically challenged and intellectually challenged duo was that usually in other cases where Pan Goatee had seen fat ugly blimps and their moronic low IQ boyfriends, the moronic low IQ boyfriend was usually quite thin and slim.

And in appearance the moronic low IQ boyfriend was usually mediocre looking.

Not good looking nor ugly.

Just mediocre.

Like the abilities and talents of most journalists and reporters working in the brainless mainstream media today.

However in this case, not only was the woman (although even members of Joe Biden’s cabinet probably would not want to self-identify as whatever gender this creature was) super extremely grotesquely fat and super repulsively hideously ugly, her boyfriend was likewise fat and ugly.

Although not as fat and ugly as she was.

“I can well imagine the arguments you two must have over who gets the last slice of pizza after you’ve gotten down to the last of the 48 dozen Xtra Large Pizzas you ordered,” Pan Goatee remarked as he cut off the heads of both fat ugly blimp and low IQ moronic looking fat ugly boyfriend and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Krampus had to be treated for a hernia after he carried the remains of both fat uglos down to the depths of Tartarus.

Later that night Pan Goatee had gone to a grocery store when he saw a thin repulsive uglo standing at a street corner with a combination of blue and green hair.

“Having two ridiculous unnatural hair colours still doesn’t make you look more attractive,” the satyr noted as he threw his astral laser machete at her and the machete beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later after buying a few items at the grocery store, Goatee went for a walk around the neighbourhood where the grocery store was located.

While walking through the neighbourhood, he encountered two fat ugly aboriginal blimps.

Goatee beheaded both blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake (noted in both Alberta Cree and Blackfoot First Nations folklore) then appeared and told the satyr that the two women were the result of an experiment being conducted by the Great Grandmother of the West (known in the oral traditions of the Hopi, Navajo, Pueblo and Apache peoples as Spider Grandmother) and the leader of the Circle of Spirits who was invoked by a Manitoba First Nations shaman at the July summit in Quebec City which both Pope Francis and Canada’s Neo-Stalinst tyrant Justin Trudeau had attended.

“The Great Grandmother of the West is cross-breeding walruses with sasquatch and then magically turning them into human form,” the Demon Buffalo explained, “those two you just slew were the results of this cross-breeding program.”

“But I thought sasquatch were totally imaginary fictional and mythical creatures,” Pan Goatee protested, “Only seen by those who have drank too much Kokanee Beer or consumed too many magic mushrooms in the Pacific Northwest.”

“No, sasquatch are real beings,” the Demon Buffalo explained, “Although they do try to hide out and not be seen by humans. Namely because of a terrifying prophecy that Coyote (the trickster god spoken of in the mythology and folklore of the North American Plains, West Coast and Southwest Indians) made over a thousand years ago. Coyote said that someday the world’s most boring storyteller and teller of tales would inundate the world with a large amount of incomparably boring stories featuring murder mysteries and sasquatch.”

“I wonder where I should go? Philadelphia or Houston?” The ghost of W.C. Fields walked by wearing his top hat and carrying a cane.

Fields doffed his hat in the direction of both satyr and demon buffalo.

Thus showing that what little hair he had was in definite need of PH Unbalanced Shampoo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 29th
2022.

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Athena In Kyiv

August 25, 2022 at 10:47 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Athena was in Kyiv the capital of Ukraine.

She was having a photograph in black and white taken of her by the ghost of Orson Welles.

Athena remarked, “Coloured photographs in Vogue Magazine are for the Zelenskys. I much prefer a black and white photograph taken by the great Orson Welles.”

Volodymyr Zelensky the President of Ukraine and his wife Olena had recently had coloured photographs of themselves taken by VOGUE Magazine and were featured as the main subjects in a recent issue of the magazine.

Including a photograph of them making out while wearing clothes.

Showing the world that Ukrainians did not always have to be in their birthday suits while making love.

At the moment that Athena was getting her photo taken by the ghost of Orson Welles, Russian President Vladimir Putin was in Moscow wearing a bear skin rug and making out with U.S. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who was undertaking a secret undercover mission on behalf of the senile Joe Biden Administration.

The bear skin rug that Putin was wearing had belonged to a Russian brown bear that had been killed by fallout shrapnel from the car bomb blast that had killed Darya Dugina the daughter of Russian ultra-nationalist philosopher Aleksandr Dugin.

Russia had accused a female Ukrainian operative of planting the bomb and fleeing to Estonia.

According to the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit, the bomb had been built by the Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele who had headed the American CIA’s Science and Research Division since 1950.

Interestingly enough the Russian brown bear killed by the Dugin car bomb blast (whose body and fur had now been turned by the President of Russia into his own personal conjugal relations rug with AOC as the first lucky recipient of the furry embrace) had been possessed for a number of years by the ghost of Grigori Rasputin the Russian monk and mystic who had served as advisor and healer to the Imperial Russian Romanov Family of Czar Nicholas II.

Several years back Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of Grigori Rasputin a dispensational release from the realm of Hades.

The mystic mad monk’s spirit then took possession of a Russian brown bear’s body and had been possessing it ever since.

That is until the date of the Dugin car bombing on Saturday August 20th 2022.

When the bear had been killed by fallout shrapnel from the car bombing.

The bear’s last recorded words were, “I never got to have tea and marmalade with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II like Paddington did.”

Vladimir Putin was now thinking of digging up Rasputin’s body at Tsarskoye Selo and after a heavy retouch at MacPherson’s Funeral Parlour in Moscow (Scottish undertakers and morticians were the best) have Rasputin’s ghost take possession of his original body.

Putin had sent Patriarch Kirill of Moscow to negotiate with the underworld god Hades on his behalf.

Patriarch Kirill had recently been called “Vladimir Putin’s altar boy” by George Soros’ altar boy Pope Francis.

As Vladimir Putin sat on the bear skin rug smoking a cigarette and singing “He’s got the whole world in his hands…”, AOC lay back on the bear skin rug with a look of total esctasy on her face.

She sighed, “I’ve never known a real man until now.”

Putin commented, “Well, you’ve got to stop hanging around with members of Joe Biden’s cabinet.”

Meanwhile in London, England, as the Greek goddess Athena was getting photographed in Kiev, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was complaining to British MP Renfield R. Renfield that the famous original December 1941 Yousuf Karsh taken photograph of Winston Churchill that had been hanging in the Chateau Laurier Hotel in Ottawa had been stolen and replaced with a copy about 8 months ago and hotel staff had only noticed now.

As Welles was finishing up the photo session, vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing walked into the room and started making out with the goddess Athena.

“Not again,” Welles sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 25th
2022.

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North By Northwest: Red August of The Sturgeon Moon

August 11, 2022 at 10:19 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest

Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint is a tale of spies, danger and intrigue.

And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises watching the film on his waterproof 72 inch widescreen flat screen TV.

Why was Michelangelo watching this film on this night of all nights?

Therein hangs a tale.

Quite possibly a fish tale (fish tail).

Tonight was the night of the full moon- the August full moon – called the Sturgeon Moon.

It is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon (the August full moon).

Interestingly enough tonight’s full moon- the August Sturgeon Moon- will be the last supermoon of this year.

This Sturgeon Moon will be the fourth supermoon in a row after the Buck Moon in July, Strawberry Moon in June and Flower Moon in May.

A celestial meteor shower will also be seen tonight in conjunction with this year’s last Supermoon.

Anyhow since tonight’s full moon is a Sturgeon Moon (and a Sturgeon Supermoon at that) and it is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon, Michelangelo’s employer the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set decided to go fishing in Canada’s Northwest to catch sturgeon.

And it was then that Renfield mentioned the film North By Northwest to Michelangelo.

So Michelangelo was watching the movie.

In the film version that Michelangelo was watching, the film’s villain Phillip Vandamm (played by James Mason) says, “One day our side of the Cold War will take over the American FBI.”

. . .

The United States’ Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland was holding a press conference discussing the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

As he took questions, he was suddenly confronted by the ghost of famous American criminal trial lawyer and defense attorney Johnnie Cochran.

Said Cochran to Garland,

“You’re a Marxist-Leninist man
Who belongs in the nearest trash can
Mark my words
You pile of turds
The day of reckoning is soon at hand
And you won’t have a leg to stand
You’re always seeking to intimidate
Cause you have no tool to use to masturbate …”

. . .

At the Vatican, Pope Francis was looking flashed and flushed after having spent the day meeting with members of Rome’s transvestite transexual prostitute community.

This was the fourth time this year that the pontiff had met with the group.

A statement issued from the Vatican Press Office said that Pope Francis was offering spiritual comfort to them.

Now Pope Francis was getting his daily briefing of world events from one of his Jesuit aides.

When the aide had finished, Francis directed him to “find out which entity it was who had hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran to act as Donald Trump’s ghostly defense attorney.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th
2022.

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