Renfield Takes Russian Sailors Hostage In Sea of Azov

November 29, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing sailed on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s submarine The Amphitrite II accompanied by a brigade of British Army Gurkha commandos straight through the Strait of Kerch to the Sea of Azov.

They rammed a Russian Navy submarine the Svyatoy Ivan and sank it to the bottom of the sea.

As Renfield sang “Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me…” on the Amphitrite II waterproof outdoor loudspeaker, the mermaid Miranda raised the sunken Svyatoy Ivan above the waves where the hatch was opened after being fired upon by a miniature Tesla Death Ray carried by Renfield.

A white wolf with blue eyes, a black jaguar with silver eyes and several Gurkhas jumped aboard the vessel.

Through a bullhorn bearing an autographed picture of the Australian Holstein Friesian steer Knickers, Renfield gave the Russian sailors an ultimatum and a choice.

They could either get their testicles cut off by the Gurkhas and their famous daggers or get some of their body parts bitten off by the white wolf with blue eyes or get their body parts scratched and clawed by the black jaguar with silver eyes or they could surrender.

Every single Russian sailor surrendered.

The Union Jack was raised on the flagpole of the Svyatoy Ivan while Inna Huculak played “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…” on her Ukrainian ukulele.

Renfield R. Renfield pulled his pants down and took a crap on a lifelike effigy of Russian President Vladimir Putin as Inna Huculak sang a song from the musical Oliver “What is the cause of his red shiny nose? Could it be Oom-pah-pah?”… while playing the accordion with her magnificent pair of knockers.

The ghost of Orson Welles filmed everything with his camera and uploaded it to YouTube and Instagram.

The surrender of the Russian sailors and Renfield’s defecating actions were then projected on to a large airport runway in Argentina as Vladimir Putin’s plane landed in Buenos Aires for the G-20 Summit.

Putin suddenly came down with a severe case of heartburn which the airplane doctor attributed to an overindulgence in Ukrainian cabbage rolls on the Russian leader’s part.

As the ghost of Orson Welles and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sat on a yacht in the Strait of Kerch and drank wine and brandy respectively, Welles lamented on his marriage to actress Rita Hayworth.

Welles said mournfully that if he had spent a little less time intellectualizing his many ideas and spent more time making out with the lovely Rita Hayworth, his marriage might have been saved.

Meanwhile the lovely Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak sat on a pier in a marina in the Strait of Kerch on the Crimea when Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approached:

Inna Huculak immediately took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and spanked him for making out with Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva a couple of days earlier.

She then made wild passionate love to him herself after spanking him and screamed “Republic of Ukraine forever!” as she orgasmed in a massive outburst of cosmic energy from all that tantric sex forever.

Renfield R. Renfield meanwhile was on his smart phone checking on his order of a Japanese sex robot that he had ordered for himself for Christmas from Amazon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 29th
2018.

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Russia’s GRU Chief Dead- Who Is Responsible?

November 22, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump was being briefed by the CIA while sitting in his briefs (and looking at photos of Shakira for nobody had bothered telling the Twitterer-In-Chief that she was in fact Colombian) on the death of Russia’s GRU (Military Intelligence Directorate) head Colonel General Igor Korobov.

“So he died from a long illness?” Trump asked.

“Well so the Russian media would have us believe,” said CIA agent and cyborg operative George Akirason as he cleared his throat of both phlegm and nanites, “but in fact Korobov only started feeling unwell back in mid-September after having received a severe reprimand from President Vladimir Putin.”

“And what brought about this reprimand?” Trump asked as he combed both seaweed and Black Sea caviar out of his toupee.

“Because Putin got what he thought was a welcome (but she turned out to be unwelcome) visitor in his bedroom one night,” George Akirason coughed a mixture of both phlegm and nanites into his Stormy Daniels photo emblazoned handkerchief, “a sensuous and lovely Kazakh Dragon Sister but she had a poison ivy laced dildo with her which she proceeded to shove up the Russian leader’s anus. She then stapled a note to Putin’s phallus which had on it a message that said, “You’ll never guess what’s going to happen next.” And the message was signed “R.R.R.” The GRU then conducted raids on the Kazakh Dragon Sister’s Moscow apartment but she had fled back to unknown locales in Kazakhstan. Howver the apartment contained several autographed posters of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

“Renfield R. Renfield?” The hair in Trump’s toupee stood on end 😨, “That man gives me nightmares for some reason.”

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was receiving a briefing from a leather skirted female dominatrix Malaysian agent for the German Federal Intelligence Service.

Chancellor Merkel was astounded by how much the woman looked like world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

The woman whose secret agent code name was Magic Mushrooms and Killer Tomatoes spoke, “Contrary to what the media is saying, Colonel General Igor Korobov did not die from his illness. He was found face down in his bathroom with both his pants and Rasputin photo emblazoned boxer shorts pulled down and a 20 pound giant banana (with the words THE MAPLE LEAF AND CANNABIS PLANT FOREVER written on it) shoved up his behind. The trauma of the impact was what killed him. A well known Kazakh Dragon Sister assassin was seen leaving his place.”

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in his parliamentary office drinking brandy and smoking cigars with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“Well,” Renfield raised his glass in a toast, “another successful operation planned by the once and future Prime Ministers of Great Britain. And executed by our beloved Kazakh Dragon Sister secret operative.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 22nd
2018.

A Kazakh Dragon Sister with a love for all things British.

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“Release The Kraken!” – Zeus’ Final Command

November 13, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

As Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war sat around drinking Quetzalcoatl tequila shots (with giant worms in them) and wondering how to start the next global world war, the Norse trickster god Loki came along selling NRA memberships, Donald Trump Is The New Messiah t-shirts and also Nancy Pelosi For Speaker of The House buttons (as a trickster, he had all bases covered).

As soon as he found out the causes of their glumness and their sobriety challenged condition, he suggested they get Zeus to “Release the Kraken!”.

That should start a world war.

“How can we get Zeus to release the Kraken?” Morrigan giggled as she fantasized about making out with James Spader as Raymond Red Reddington and making out with him on a king sized waterbed under a painted ceiling mural of the sinking of the Titanic.

“I happen to know the horny Olympian who likes to carry lightning bolts in his pockets wants to make out with singer Ariana Grande,” Loki had hacked into Zeus’ internet search images on his Mount Olympus iCloud, “so promise him a fling with Ariana Grande if he releases the Kraken.”


One of the many images of singer Ariana Grande that the Greek Olympian god Zeus has on his Mount Olympus iCloud.

The trio thought this was a good idea.

Ares went to see Zeus with the proposal.

Zeus (making sure he was out of earshot of Hera) agreed.

He sent Hermes and Dionysus to go release the Kraken.

Zeus’ kraken named Scion of Apollyon was being kept at a secure aquarium facility (designed and engineered by Dr. Cadbury Rocher) at the Set Enterprises laboratories at Canary Wharf on the Thames River in London.

Hermes in a Haida canoe and Dionysus in an Inuit kayak went rowing down the Thames River singing, “Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily mare, life is but a dream…”

Both had spent the previous evening heavily imbibing Dionysus’ homemade bootleg fermented nectar.

As they reached Canary Wharf, Hermes got easily out of his canoe and stepped on to the pier.

Dionysus, who was not only short and bald and heavily bearded but also extremely pudgy and overweight (rumour had it that he was the biological father of numerous Calgary white women after he had evening serenaded drunken walruses along the Bow and Elbow Rivers), had a great deal more difficulty trying to maneuver his way out of the closed compartment cover of his kayak.

In fact the short, bald, heavily bearded, pudgy and overweight deity became hopelessly stuck.

As he blew his antique 19th Century Sherlock Holmes and Inspector Lestrade personally autographed Police Call Help whistle to summon lovely water nymphs from the Thames River to come rescue him, the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche (whom Hades had recently granted a dispensational furlough to) stood on the pier and repeated the last words he had spoken on his deathbed, “It’s Dionysus vs. Christ. Don’t you understand?”.

As the Thames River lovely water nymphs used chainsaws to cut the kayak open to get the vastly overweight Dionysus out, the ghost of Wild West sheriff Wild Bill Hickok who had been an avid gambler and poker player in his earthly life (and had also been granted a dispensational furlough by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld realm), remarked to Nietzsche, “I think I’d put my money on Christ.”

“Did anyone ever tell you you’re so much better looking than the fat cow walruses along the Bow River in Calgary?” Dionysus told the lovely Thames River water nymphs as they carried him on to the pier.

Julius the genetically created hybrid T-Rex giraffe with the body and neck of a giraffe and the head of a T-Rex who served as the Set Enterprises guard watch dog had once again got his head stuck in the window trying to peer into Sherrielock Holmes’ Set Enterprises office to stare at her leather micro mini skirted and black silk fishnet pantyhose clad legs and so was unable to stop the two intruder Greek deities.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was about to raise the alarm in his own glass aquarium about two intruding Greek deities in the building when peering through the enormous hole in the adjacent wall caused by Julius the hybrid T-Rex giraffe trying to get his head out of his predicament, the lobster happened to catch a glimpse of Sherrielock Holmes in her mini skirt and pantyhose.

Michelangelo’s lobster tank exploded and both water and lobster wound up on the lab floor.

As both Set Enterprises’ maintenance and security arrived on the scene for a mop up operation, the two Greek deities went to the lab where Zeus’ kraken Scion of Apollyon was located.

They released the Kraken as Zeus’ voice thundered through on Hermes’ Huawei smart phone, “Release the Kraken!”.

The Kraken escaped and promptly divided into 2 krakens.

One headed in the direction of Baltimore, Maryland where the U.S. Catholic Bishops were holding a conference.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops had just caved in to Pope Francis’ Josef Stalinesque directive that the topic of priestly and clerical sex abuse must not be on the agenda at their meeting.

The other kraken headed in the direction of the Gaza Strip on the eastern Mediterranean as the possibility of war between Israel and Hamas loomed.

Donald Trump in the meantime had just issued a Twitter tweet that the world was a “lot safer and more secure” with him as President of the United States.

A sure sign that doom was on its way.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 13th
2018.

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The Day After: A Renfieldian Analysis

November 7, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was the day after the U.S. midterm elections.

As recently terminated U.S. Attorney-General Jeff Sessions asked his aide for directions to the nearest Unemployment line and Donald Trump began his campaign for Asshole of The Year Award among members of the White House Press Corps, Renfield R. Renfield shared his analysis of the U.S. midterms with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“It appears Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was spot on in declaring the winners,” Renfield bit into a tuna fish sandwich.

“But it appears he was mistaken in his vision last Saturday about widespread violence at polling stations,” Amadeus bit into a peanut butter sandwich.

“Not necessarily,” Renfield belched, “I immediately relayed Michelangelo’s vision to Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA as well as Peter Whitstable of Interpol. Whitstable took my personal brigade of British Army gurkas and staged two raids on shiploads of arms arriving in Florida. One was a shipload of arms that was intended for Antifa operatives sent to them by Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and the other was a shipload of arms intended for white supremacists sent to them by Havana based Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike. Dr. Faustus Imhotep sent DARPA contract assassins Pan Goatee and Panty Goatee to bump off suspected Antifa and Neo-Nazi provocateurs the evening before the U.S. midterm elections. As a result of this DARPA Night of The Long Cleavers and Long Machetes, the U.S. midterms voting went off without violence and undertakers in towns where Antifa operatives and Neo-Nazis lived picked up a little extra business this week.”

“Good to see you took action,” Amadeus remarked.

Suddenly a loud piercing scream came from outside.

“It sounds like our estate watch cat Nefertiti Galore has taken action against someone,” Renfield went running outside and was joined by Amadeus where they saw that the cat had scratched ten faces on a ten headed demon.

“Who is that demon?” Amadeus asked.

“Well if my photographic memory of illustrations in the Encyclopedia of Demons serves me correctly,” Renfield put on a pair of spectacles, “that’s Ravana the Rakshasa demon king of Lanka.”

“What could he possibly want on the Set estate?” Amadeus asked.

“Well the Boss,” Renfield was referring to the Estate’s owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and not Bruce Springsteen, “recently bought an original authentic statue of Sita who was Prince Rama’s bride that Ravana kidnapped millenia ago and so maybe Ravana wanted to steal it.”

After receiving catclaw scratches on his ten faces while in London, Ravana fled to Ravenna where he spent his days and nights studying the city’s Byzantine and Gothic architecture.

Happy Diwali to all my Indian friends. 😊

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 7th
2018.


Panty Goatee spent the night before U.S. midterm election day slitting the throats of Antifa operatives and Neo-Nazi white supremacists.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections

November 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back in the U.K. again after a brief one day Dia de Los Muertos visit to Mexico City where he videotaped the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec ripping out the live still beating heart of a horny sexually predatory and sexually harassing Google exec (one of many who had recently inspired a spate of Google employee strikes across the world).

Renfield then posted the video on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where it went viral across the Net.

The video was the one thing Renfield did that met with the approval of the #MeTooMovement.

After watching the video, the unlamented former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein woke up screaming in the night about having a dream of open heart surgery being performed on him without the use of anesthetic.

Another consequence was that Texas cowboys and gunslingers stopped falling in love with Mexican girls in cantinas out in the West Texas town of El Paso much to singer Marty Robbins’ displeasure.

After the burning of the heart was done in front of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (who because of his advanced age was starting to prefer his meat cooked well done rather than raw or rare these days), the Aztec deity (who was worshipped as Kukulkan by the Mayans) after eating the heart proceeded to sit down on a sofa with a bottle of tequila (containing inside it a worm in front of a biodegradable cardboard tombstone that had for an epitaph POE’S THE CONQUEROR WORM Conquered) in front of a television set and watched Orson Welles’ last film The Other Side of The Wind on Netflix.

Outside his Mexico City penthouse apartment, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith performed one huge storm of a whirlwind as the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change gave a speech on climate change in the city.

Meanwhile back in Qonzilqointec’s penthouse suite on the other side of the street, the Aztec vampiress made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing engaging in BDSM foreplay and mystical magic tantric sex afterwards.

Renfield flew back to Britain from Mexico listening to the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper and Magical Mystery Tour albums on his airplane headphones while eating a nice dinner of curried lamb and curried goats’ legs on Manitoba wild rice.

Back at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, the Hindu destroyer and transformer god Shiva was trying to make a curried dinner out of hubris ridden CERN scientists who had just uncovered a “ghost particle” that was about to upset the equilibrium balance of the entire cosmos.

A result of all this was that scientist Stephen Hawking was turning over on his barbeque spit in Tartarus and very much regretting the fact that he had written THERE IS NO GOD in his last book.

His mother’s favourite expression “Famous Last Words” never rang so true as now.

As soon as Renfield R. Renfield walked through the front door of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, his friend Amadeus Emanon informed him of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Michelangelo foresees widespread violence, shootings and stabbings at polling stations across America on U.S. mid-term election day,” Amadeus stated.

“I’m not surprised,” Renfield admitted, “I imagine in future U.S. elections, the UN will have to bring in observers from the Afghan Taliban and militant sectarian groups in Iraq to make sure that future American elections are conducted in a less violent and more peaceful manner.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 3rd
2018.

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Anubis On All Souls’ Day

November 2, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

Hades, Persephone and their entourage had been invited to attend a Greek-Irish wedding up on Earth for All Souls’ Day.

The Greek groom had recently been excommunicated by the Patriarch of Constantinople for expressing admiration for Vladimir Putin and the Irish bride had been excommunicated by Pope Francis for having the audacity to use Hell in a sentence.

They would be wed today on All Souls’ Day in Athens by a Salt Lake City Mormon bishop with a penchant for using Canadian recreational cannabis.

Belvedere the ghost white salamander Times of London reporter would serve as Best Salamander at the wedding and Gali-Gula the ET gray from Nibiru would be Best Extraterrestrial.

Baphomet would be both Best Man and Bridesmaid at the wedding.

Since Hades and Persephone and company would be at the wedding, they put their divine Egyptian counterparts in charge of the Underworld for a day.

Anubis the son of Set (who was now no longer the Egyptian god of night, chaos and darkness but a billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire and businessman living in London) who was also the Egyptian jackal headed god of the dead was currently in charge of souls while the Styx river Ferryman Charon drank Guinness and exchanged witticisms with Irish singer Chris de Burgh at the wedding about not paying the ferryman until he gets you to the other side at the famed Athens Irish-Greek wedding for All Souls’ Day.

Anubis weighed the souls of pedophile priests slain by Panty Goatee (the DARPA contract assasiness and genetically cloned twin sister of satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) as well as the souls of ugly women slain by satyr serial killer Pan Goatee himself and found both sets of souls were wanting.

Both sets of souls were then promptly eaten by Ammit the ancient Egyptian demoness who was part lion, part hippopotamus and part crocodile.

Ammit’s Hellish McHappy meal was accompanied by Pan Goatee’s younger brother Pan Deux playing the Dirge For The Dead on the bagpipes.

The cry went up to find the soul of Asclepius in order to treat Ammit for her acute indigestion as a result.

. . .

During the ensuing round of chaos and Hell hath no fury like a pair of screeching bagpipes played by a tartan kilt wearing satyr, the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin managed to sneak out of Tartarus and the realm of Hades itself.

He went to Saudi Arabia to serve as a spiritual adviser to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman on how to kill millions of political opponents at once instead of just one at a time.

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the British MP Renfield R. Renfield had conceived a conspiratorial plot to murder a Google executive for sexually harassing female employees.

The Google exec was invited to Qonzilqointec’s apartment in Mexico City to celebrate Dia de Los Muertos (Day of The Dead).

As the pair of Qonzilqointec and the horny Google exec wore devil horns and drank wine, the Google exec kissed the vampiress on the cheek:

Renfield then emerged from behind the curtains and fired a poison dart that paralyzed the sexually predatory Google exec.

Although paralyzed, the Google exec could still feel pleasure and pain.

He got an erection when he saw the low-cut mini dress wearing Qonzilqointec leaning over him.

He tried to scream in pain but couldn’t when the Aztec vampiress used an obsidian knife to cut him open and rip out his still beating heart and hold it in her hands and then feed it to a demon dog.

The Google exec died, had his soul weighed by Anubis and then eaten by Ammit who had recovered from her heartburn by eating a whole bottle of Rolaids.

Pan Deux meanwhile was playing his bagpipes at the Irish-Greek wedding on the Earth’s surface in Athens where he quickly emptied out the wedding reception hall.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 2nd
2014.

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An Auspicious Halloween For Baphometa and Her Friends

October 31, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI had gone to a chapel to pray.

When he entered the chapel, he was horrified to discover that the chapel had been stripped of its altar, its Crucifix and all its religious imagery including its icons, paintings and statues.

A group of gay Jesuit priests serving as advisors to Pope Francis had stripped the chapel of its previous content so they could erect a statue of Baphomet along with all his accompanying religious imagery inside the chapel.

Baphometa the daughter of the demon Baphomet greeted the Pope Emeritus on his arrival.


Good evening, Father Joseph. There have been a lot of changes going on.

. . .

Even Pope Francis was starting to get sick of all the massive round of gay Jesuit orgies that had been going on at the Vatican ever since the Bishops’ Synod On Youth had opened earlier this month.

So he had gone to a friend’s villa outside Rome to get some rest.

And there in the courtyard of the friend’s villa stood the zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn (who was the official horse of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow who took over the Vatican a year ago along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar) dressed as London’s infamous Jack The Ripper to go out trick or treating on Halloween.

. . .

The new Vatican cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman was walking the halls of the Vatican far away from the parts where the Jesuits were at large.

Being an intense heterosexual of the Pope Alexander VI Borgia Pope variety, he was getting sick of being propositioned by all those Jesuit male advisers to Pope Francis.

He turned the corner and was greeted by a most pleasing sight:

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was strolling through the halls of the Kremlin when he encountered the mermaid goddess Atargatis dressed in human rather than mermaid form:


Comrade Putin, the time has come to stop dilly dallying lest people mistake you for Neville Chamberlain. I’ll have you know that at this very hour, Israeli Mossad agents are meeting with the Patriarch of Constantinople to make the autocephalus Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Kiev the most all encompassing and most powerful religious institution in Ukraine.

. . .

The ghost of Scotland’s Lady MacBeth (recently granted leave from the realm of Hades by the Greek god of the Underworld himself) was waiting for Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman as he entered the harem section of his palace and spoke to him as he entered

I am here, oh prince to give you advice on how to deal with the consequences of murder most foul and murder most bloody. Lucky for you that blood is easier to hide in desert sands than it is in human hands.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 31st
2018

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Reblog of The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake

October 28, 2018 at 8:22 pm (Folklore, Ghost Story, History, Mystery/horror, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

This was a poem I wrote over 5 years ago called The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake.

Dracul Van Helsing

The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake

It was a time of war and not of peace
the beating of drums for joy did cease
The beating of war drums was heard throughout the land
and streams of human blood flowed into the sand.

It was the land that became the province of Alberta
before settlers arrived with names like Hans and Gerta.
It was the land evangelized by Father Albert Lacombe
a land where masses of buffalo did roam.
A land which was the battleground between Blackfoot and Cree 
in this Prairie far below the Arctic Sea.
The children of Gitche Manitou had turned against one another 
seeing a fellow human being as foe rather than brother.

These were the days before the great peacemaker Crowfoot arose
humanity needs his like again Heaven knows
Crowfoot that noble and great Blackfoot chief
who knew that from horrors of war his…

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Reblog of The Ghost White Buffalo: A Poem

October 27, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Folklore, Ghost Story, History, Poetry) (, , , , , )

In honour of this being my dad’s birthday today, I’m reblogging a poem I wrote a couple of years ago that was inspired by an oil painting he painted called The Ghost White Buffalo:

Dracul Van Helsing

The Ghost White Buffalo

It was the winter of 1908
colder than a frost giant’s plate
colder than the old timers could ever remember
colder than the young would ever remember when they approached their life’s December
It was definitely a once in a lifetime winter
that made a thermometer an icy splinter
And amidst the drifting cold and snow
that made one huddle to a warm fire’s glow
there were reports of a ghost white buffalo being seen
that fabled beast that haunted many a Blackfoot warrior’s dream
It was an omen people said
in hushed whispers filled with dread
The beast would suddenly appear
then just as quickly disappear
an apparition that glowed on many a cold wintery night
and sent spectators fleeing in fright
Was this furry vision sensible to feeling as well as sight
those few brave souls could not get close enough to touch, try…

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Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

October 15, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat watching the television in his parliamentary office.

The woman Australian TV news reporter he was watching was positively bubbling over with glee, “Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are both having a baby. Isn’t that amazing?”.

“It is amazing,” Renfield had to admit, “I didn’t know men could get pregnant.”

He shut off the TV when the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles joined him for cigars and brandy.

Sir Winston Churchill was helping Renfield in planning to depose the tyrannical and fanatical House of Saud from its governance over most of the vast oil rich Arabian Peninsula.

And Orson Welles was listening in because he got the exclusive rights to write the screenplay for the fall of the House of Saud.

Welles had planned for the screenplay to read like a combination of the writing of Edgar Allan Poe in The Fall of The House of Usher (1839) and Nathaniel Hawthorne in The House of The Seven Gables (1851) and the movie would look like it was made by a combination of directors Woody Allen and Roman Polanski in the film and visual techniques.

If anyone could pull that off, it would indeed be the ghost of Orson Welles.

“Well,” Churchill lit a spectral cigar with a spectral match, “I see Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s idiot successor in the Oval Office is saying the murder of dissident Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi may have been committed by rogue elements in the Saudi government’s secret service.”

“This shows the hazards of sniffing elementary school kid’s glue while using it as a shampoo to wash the dandruff out of your yellowish gold urine coloured toupee,” Renfield noted.

“Indeed,” Welles nodded in agreement, “I noticed Bozo Trump said that Saudi King Salman said he had no knowledge whatsoever of Jamal Khashoggi’s murder.”

“Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?” The ghost of a young beautiful looking famous British call girl Christine Keeler remarked as she walked by wearing a 1960s era mini skirt.

All three men’s eyes followed her as she disappeared into a portrait painting of John Profumo who was Secretary of State For War in Prime Minister Harold Macmillan’s Conservative Government of the early 1960s.

“Well,” Churchill was the first one of the three to recover from seeing the ghostly apparition, “I see that the Saudi government after first vigorously denying having murdered Mr. Khashoggi is now admitting they may have accidentally murdered him.”

“I wonder whether they accidentally dismembered his body as well,” Renfield remarked as he watched a British farmer fertilizing his field with a dancing diarrhea ridden bull in a YouTube video.

“Undoubtedly,” Churchill blew smoke.

“This is where I can work some Woody Allen style humour into the dialogue,” Welles smiled.

The ghost of Theban king Oedipus’ wife/ mother Jocasta walked by remarking, “I wonder what name they call my son in graffiti on the walls in New York’s Harlem.”

“I don’t think that line can be worked into this script,” Welles confessed.

Jocasta exited Renfield’s office and walked down the parliamentary halls looking for a portrait painting of Sigmund Freud.

Finally Renfield stood up and striking his best Churchillian pose remarked,

“The time has come, the shapeshifting hamster/human MP said, to talk of many things,
of steamy sex with porn stars and ridding the world of despotic Saudi kings.”

The ghosts of Churchill and Welles applauded in agreement.

Finally Welles raised his spectral glass of brandy in a toast and asked,

“When shall we three meet again,
Over wine, brandy, coffee or tea?”

Christine Keeler’s mini skirted ghost appeared and said, “Why not over me?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 15th
2018.

Ghost of Theban Queen Jocasta holding her son’s skull 💀 and remarking to the ghost of one of Prince Hamlet’s friends down in Purgatory:

“Alas, poor Oedipus, I knew him well, Horatio.”

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