An Unbearable Visitor To Moscow

September 1, 2017 at 5:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

An Unbearable Visitor To Moscow

Russian President Vladimir Putin was alerted to a dangerous situation in the streets of Moscow by his Chief of Staff Dmitri Constanovich.

“What’s up, Dmitri?” Putin asked, “Is George Soros flying his bandana wearing Antifa thugs and hooligans over here to riot, assault people and damage public and private property in what The New York Times, The Washington Post and former U.S. President Barack Obama would refer to as a ‘peaceful assembly’?”.

“No, Mr. President,” Dmitri shook his head, “remember your own orders issued last month about how any plane ✈️ even suspected of carrying Soros financed Antifa hooligans on board is to be immediately shot down without question and the remains of the dead are to be fed to Siberian rats as the ultimate form of rat poison?”.

“Oh yes, I do remember that,” Putin nodded, “so what’s up?”.

“A Eurasian brown bear 🐻 has been seen wandering the streets of Moscow,” Dmitri answered.

“Alone and by itself?” Putin asked.

“Yes,” Dmitri nodded.

“Did it escape from the zoo or a circus?” Putin inquired.

“We have no idea, your Excellency,”
Dmitri answered.

“But surely this is a matter for the Wildlife Services,” Putin took off his shirt and noticed how his chest was so much sexier than that of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, “surely the glorious head of the glorious Russian Motherland namely myself shouldn’t be bothered with such trivialities.”

“But this appears to be no ordinary bear, your Excellency,” Dmitri read from the Moscow police report, “it was first found to be panhandling on the streets of Moscow without a licence though for some reason no policeman ticketed it. Then it entered several Moscow bars and ordered dozens of glasses of vodka and downed them and paid for them. Then it entered one of Moscow’s leading massage parlours and got a massage from the topless masseuses who work there.”

“Would that be the Stalin-A-Go-Go?” Putin asked as he rubbed his chest with suntan lotion.

“Yes, your Excellency,” Dmitri nodded.

“So the bear likes to drink and is horny for beautiful women,” Putin shrugged, “at least we know then that it’s a Russian Eurasian brown bear and not a North American brown bear. Those will probably be marching in Gay Pride Parades this weekend.”

“Yes, but according to one of Moscow’s leading psychics Anastasia Leninska, this Eurasian brown bear is possessed by the ghost of Grigori Rasputin,” Dmitri looked grim.

“The Grigori Rasputin?” Putin stopped rubbing the raspberry coloured suntan lotion on his chest.

“Yes,” Dmitri slumped into a chair.

“This could pose problems,” Putin looked out his office window at the storm ⛈ clouds hovering over Moscow.

Meanwhile in Gorky Park, that old 1970s Boney M song Rasputin was playing on all the radios in the park,

“Ra ra Rasputin
Russia’s greatest love machine…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 1st
2017.

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Boxing and The Supernatural

August 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Boxing and The Supernatural

Dracul Van Helsing was sitting in a London sports bar with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez.

Renfield R. Renfield MP had come into the bar to watch the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather Fight.

When he saw Dracul with the two elegantly dressed vampiresses, he turned around and left.

“I refuse to be around any ménage a trois where I’m not part of the ménage or the trois,” Renfield remarked bitterly as he walked out the door.

Dracul meanwhile was reading up about Conor McGregor’s sudden breakthrough into UFC fighting on a night in Sweden back in 2013.

And now here McGregor was in his first professional boxing 🥊 match.

He looked at McGregor’s picture and then thought of an email that Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had sent him 8 years ago.

Here’s the background to that Whitstable email 8 years ago:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2009/07/gordon-black-donnelly.html?m=1

Dracul told Qonzilqointec and Francesca about that email.

“So, what do you think?” Qonzilqointec asked Dracul, “Do you think this McGregor is Donelly?”.

“Yes, do you?” Francesca asked, “and if he is, that means he has boxed before.”

“I don’t know,” Van Helsing shrugged, “but it makes for an interesting story.”

Unbeknownst to the ménage a trois trio, French President Emmanuel Macron (on a private incognito visit to London) was sitting in the booth behind them listening to what they were saying.

He quickly exited and ran from the sports bar back to his hotel to pour some Grecian Formula on his hair as his hair had suddenly turned gray.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

August 12, 2017 at 3:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Literature, News, Poetry, Satire) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-Un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

(with apologies to Will Shakespeare and Henry V over the Saint Crispin’s Day speech)

Donald Trump, preparing for war with North Korea, is set to address the troops.

He is informed by the ghost of the late U.S. Army General William Westmoreland that all transgendered enlisted have now left the U.S. Army.

Donald Trump gazing at what’s left says, “We happy few…”

Trump (beginning speech):

What’s he that twitters so?
My heroes don’t die Westmoreland? No, my late General
If we are marked to fry, we are enow
To do our country loss, and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour (if we ignore the lying news media)
My will, I pray me, wish not one man more
By Trump, I am not covetous for gold (for I have plenty already),
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost (whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean
I’ll have to fire my latest speechwriter or Chief of Staff or press secretary),
It yearns me not if men my garments wear (for I am not transgendered- real men
can wear my garments),
Such outward things dwell not in my desires
(save to grab a fair woman’s ass as I said long years ago),
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive
(wow, this Bill Shakespeare was really prophetic
concerning my Presidency).
No faith my coz (save to attract Bible belt voters), wish not a man from England
(since my campaign slogan was America First!).
Trump’s pence! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more (my VP) methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have (finishing my term without impeachment)
O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through thy ghost,
That he which hath no stomach for this fight,
Let him depart (or be deported); his passport shall be made (and then revoked!),
And crowns for convoy put into his purse (when he is thrown beyon’ yonder wall);

(At this point the amateur actor Snout from the Midsummer Night’s Theatre Company appears in front of Trump dressed as a brick wall. He has graffiti on his brick wall garment that says Gringoland or Bust!)

Snout (as Wall);

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
And such a wall, as I would have you think,…

Trump (pointing): Someone get this idiot out of here! Security! Security! Throw the bum out!

(Snout is grabbed by security and hauled away)

Trump (continues his speech quite literally ghostwritten by William Shakespeare):

We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called Fry Kim Jong-un Day
(how Saint Hannibal of Lecter celebrated pre-Vatican II teaching on Friday’s culinary diets)
He that shall live this day (shall feel he’s been microwaved) and comes peeling away home
Shall watch his toes fall off when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Kim Jong-un.
He that shall live this day (singing Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive) and welcome the New Age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast on his neighbours (or at least their remains),
And say ‘Tomorrow is Fry Kim Jong-un.’
Then will he strip his sleeve (with his new metallic cyborg hands) and show his scars,
And say, ‘These wounds I had on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.’
Old men forget (sometimes that they’re wearing a toupee); yet all shall be forgot
But he’ll remember, with cancerous sores,
What feets he lost that day. Then shall our names
Familiar in his mouth as decaying teeth-
Donald The Trump, Mattis and Tillerson,
McMaster and Kelly, Ivanka and Jared,
Be in their flowing cups (and streams of blood red) freshly rememb’ red.
This story shall the good man teach his son (Barron, where are you?);
And Fry Kim Jong-un shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world (Trump looks at his watch) “Possibly another hour”,
But we in it shall be remembered (if the lying news media says I’m senile, it’s fake news) –
We few, we happy (but not gay) few, we band of brothers,
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother, be he ne’er so vile (as to be transgendered),
This day shall toughen his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves lucky they were not here,
And hold their (TV) remotes cheap while none will speak
As they watch on the screen the mushroom cloud that fell on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.

-A Shakespearean satirical speech
written by Christopher
Saturday August 12th
2017.

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Ship From Hades

August 5, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The great South African Artist SAREJESS was having another strange dream.

But this wasn’t like the others he had been having recently.

The other dreams he had were somehow related to time- a dream about an hourglass being overturned by mermaids, a dream about a sundial that was able to operate at night during the moonlight, a dream about a railway watch that hung between the lovely breasts of a beautiful blonde brothel girl who worked in a Wild West saloon during the days of America’s Old West, a dream about a cuckoo clock where the cuckoo bird that came out of it alternated between the faces of Orson Welles and the faces of an Egyptian Pharaoh, a dream about a giant hamster standing atop the clock tower of Big Ben at Westminster where a cloud in the shape of Vincent Price’s face in the moonlight appeared above.

And those other dreams (about things relating to time) had compelled him to paint pictures.

This particular dream was about a picture that he had already painted.

The Ship From Hades

In this painting, he had been assisted by his two young apprentices Jody and Joshua.

A friend of his from Canada had said the ship in the painting reminded him of the sort of ship that Hades the Greek god of the Underworld would sail should he choose to sail in the 7 Seas above his netherworld realm.

In this dream, SAREJESS was aboard a modern ship.

There was a heavy strange misty fog at sea and this ship from Hades was sailing towards the modern ship in whose bridge room he was standing.

He heard a bunch of people speaking excitedly in a language that sounded to him like Russian.

Meanwhile aboard the Russian Navy ship The Saint Vladimir that was currently in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Tel Aviv on Israel’s coastline:

“Do you see it, Captain?” The ship’s navigator asked the captain of the Saint Vladimir.

“I do,” the Captain of the Saint Vladimir replied as he looked through his binoculars and saw the Ship From Hades from SAREJESS’ painting approach.

Meanwhile in his office in Jerusalem, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu read an email and then said to one of his aides, “Israel may be in a state of total war later this month.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 5th
2017.

To check out paintings by the great South African artist SAREJESS for yourself, please visit this site:

http://www.sarejess.co.za/

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Railway Watch

July 23, 2017 at 6:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Railway Watch

The great South African artist SAREJESS was having another dream.

In this dream, he saw a lovely elegantly designed railway watch on a chain that was hanging between a shapely pair of feminine breasts.

He heard a voice saying, “Oh Serena, what a lovely pair of knockers you have.”

SAREJESS found himself repeating those words in his sleep.

SAREJESS immediately found himself being awakened by his wife Winnie who asked, “Who’s Serena?”.

Tim (SAREJESS’s real first name) stammered in reply.

He figured he’d better run down to his studio.

Because in SAREJESS’ opinion, a frying pan 🍳 was meant for frying eggs and not for hitting husbands over the head when they make stupid statements which husbands are prone to do.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 23rd
2017.

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sands of Time

July 19, 2017 at 2:59 pm (Art, Arts, Folklore, Ghost Story, Mystery, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sands of Time

The great South African artist SAREJESS was dreaming.

He was dreaming he was walking along a very sandy beach.

On the beach was a huge hourglass.

The hourglass looked to be ancient.

The sands had run out.

The upper glass bulb of the hourglass was empty.

While the lower bulb beneath the hourglass’ narrow neck was full of sand.

A huge wave suddenly came in towards the shore and surrounded the hourglass.

Mermaids leapt forth from the waves.

They turned the hourglass over.

So once again the sands of time were flowing through the hourglass.

The waves retreated and the alluringly beautiful mermaids went with them.

And the hourglass was once again on the sandy beach.

For the beach was now completely dry again despite having been hit by the waves carrying the magical mermaids.

And sand flowed down from the upper glass tube (that moments before had been the lower glass tube) through the hourglass’ narrow neck into the new lower glass tube (that prior to the sudden advent of wave and mermaid had been the upper glass tube).

A voice spoke to SAREJESS from beyond the ocean, “Behold the sands of time are flowing once more.”

Then SAREJESS woke up.

He ran to his studio.

This scene he felt compelled to paint. 🎨

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2017.

To buy a genuine authentic oil painting by the great South African artist SAREJESS for yourself, please visit http://www.sarejess.co.za/

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Flying Dutchman

July 12, 2017 at 7:32 pm (Art, Arts, Folklore, Ghost Story, Mystery, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Flying Dutchman

The great South African artist SAREJESS looked at the oil painting of the old Grandfather Clock with Egyptian markings he felt compelled to paint a few nights earlier.

What he wondered did this painting mean?

SAREJESS felt inclined to cover the canvas of the painting with a sheet.

For inwardly, he somehow felt that the world was not ready to gaze at the painting just yet.

Even looking at the painting itself gave SAREJESS a sense of foreboding.

He felt like he was in an episode of The Twilight Zone whenever he looked at it.

Just like he felt that he was in an episode of Rod Serling’s Night Gallery when he painted it.

SAREJESS left his studio and walked down to the beach near the town of Port Elizabeth where he lived.

He breathed the winter air (for it is currently the season of winter down in South Africa) and gazed up at the winterly night sky.

He thought he saw a shooting star up in the sky.

Except for one thing.

Although it looked like a shooting star (a star with a long fiery tail on it as it shoots down from space towards the earth), it didn’t move across the night sky with the usual speed of a shooting star.

In fact, it was moving quite slowly.

And then suddenly the object just vanished.

A strange phenomenon for which SAREJESS had no explanation.

He looked out towards the Indian Ocean and noticed a strange mist arising up from the wintery salt waters.

Then it looked like a flickering light was moving through the mist.

Moments later, the ghostly outline of a very old antiquated sailing ship appeared out of the fog.

SAREJESS immediately recognized the vessel.

For he had seen it once before.

The vessel was the Flying Dutchman.

Although SAREJESS had only told a select small group of friends that he had once seen the Flying Dutchman.

For he didn’t want people to think that he was crazy.

Although now that he was considered an up and coming artist on the South African art scene, often craziness and being an artist went together.

“SAREJESS,” a booming voice echoed at him from a figure behind the steering wheel on the deck of the ghost ship.

SAREJESS looked in the direction of the voice.

“SAREJESS, an entity shall be entering through a portal very shortly,” said the booming voice.

“Entity? What entity?” SAREJESS asked.

But the ship had vanished into the mists from which it came.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 12th
2017.

To view the paintings of the great South African artist SAREJESS for yourself, please go to
http://www.sarejess.co.za

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The Re-Awakening of Serena?

July 12, 2017 at 5:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Re-Awakening of Serena?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher reported to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that his fiancée Serena (slain by a Soviet assassin in 1924 but whose body was kept cryogenically frozen since then) seemed to be showing signs of coming back to life.

In fact the EEG machine hooked up to Serena’s body was showing signs of brain activity within Serena and the machine had actually been showing signs of it the past couple of months but the technician in charge of monitoring Serena had neglected to inform Dr. Rocher.

Set Enterprises had of course immediately terminated the negligent technician’s employment (the termination was accomplished by Renfield R. Renfield putting a gun at the back of the man’s head and pulling the trigger- thus saving the company the cost of pension payout).

“So,” Set asked Dr. Rocher, “would these signs of conscious activity within her brain be the reason that a lot of photos have appeared in the past month showing Serena appearing at various places in the past? Her returning consciousness has caused her to be a time traveler?”.

“That’s part of it,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “of course the fact that she originally time traveled from this year of 2017 back to the early 1920s where she met Houdini and later you must have been brought about by another entity who has the ability to travel through time.”

“I see,” Set was silent.

“As for who this entity is, I have no idea,” Dr. Rocher shrugged.

Set was staring at a ship in a bottle on a distant shelf.

The ship in the bottle was itself an unusual vessel.

It was an ancient Egyptian funeral barge in a bottle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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Serena, Set and Houdini

June 8, 2017 at 3:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was the year 1920.

And the Egyptian vampire Set had heard that the Great Houdini was performing even greater magic stunts ever since he had hired a new assistant called Serena.

In fact, Set had heard the controversial British politician Winston Churchill say down at the Royal Albert Club, “It is my firm belief that it is the assistant Serena who’s responsible for planning these new amazing tricks of his and not the Great Houdini himself.”

“That’s probably true,” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle piped up while smoking his pipe, “after all, Houdini doesn’t believe in Spiritualism.”

“Neither I believe did that great detective Sherlock Holmes,” Churchill answered back over his brandy.

Doyle harrumphed.

For Doyle had chronicled Holmes’ career.

“I hear some people say that she’s from the future,” a dodgy old member of the House of Lords spoke up.

“She must be,” Churchill answered, “she says I’ll be Prime Minister someday.”

“More likely from an insane asylum then,” an opposing Member of Parliament spoke up.

“Well she did say the distant future is an insane asylum,” Churchill reflected.

Set thought he better go see this magician’s assistant himself.

If she’s from the future, she may be able to tell me what I should invest in, thought Set.

For Set worked as an investment analyst in the City of London.

In fact, he was the only investment analyst in London one could phone in the middle of the night.

The fact that he was a vampire was what kept him up at night.

Set went to the dressing room of the theatre where Houdini was performing.

Without knocking, he entered the door marked ASSISTANT.

And then he saw her.
Serena the Magician's Assistant

Serena.

For the first time since he thought he was in love with his sister Isis (which led to the whole family dispute with his brother Osiris and his nephew Horus), Set was in love.

Love at first sight.

A vampire had fallen for a magician’s assistant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 8th
2017.

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Abe Lincoln’s and Jefferson Davis’ Ghosts In Vatican

March 20, 2017 at 3:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The ghostly figure in the top hat looked around.

He didn’t recognize the place.

But President Lincoln knew he was back on Earth.

A place he hadn’t been in some 152 years.

Lincoln looked and saw another ghostly figure approaching.

He recognized it as the ghost of his arch enemy Jefferson Finis Davis the President of the Confederate States of America.

As Lincoln saw Davis’ specter approach, he reflected on something he often felt when he looked at Davis’ photos when alive, “It’s like looking into a mirror and seeing oneself reflected- the reflection of one’s dark side.”

Abraham Lincoln Jefferson Davis

“Is this some sort of cosmic joke you’re playing, Abe?” Jefferson Davis asked, “Rubbing salt into the wounds of the defeated Confederacy?”.

“I have nothing to do with this,” Lincoln answered, “I thought this was some sort of black magic conjured up on a soulless run plantation in the Deep South.”

The spirits of both men remained silent as sudden strong gusts of wind came up and dark clouds blew over the gardens where they were standing.

Pope Francis and a group of Cardinals walked by and through the spirits of the two men.

“I think we’re probably in the Vatican in Rome,” Abe Lincoln finally spoke.

“I’d have to agree,” Jefferson Davis answered.

From one of the rooms overlooking the Vatican gardens, two intruders looked down- two intruders who could see the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis.

The intruders were Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

“Who do you think summoned the ghosts of Abe Lincoln and Jefferson Davis to the Vatican?” Whitstable asked Van Helsing.

“Probably someone who hasn’t read the Biblical account of what happened when the Witch of Endor managed to actually summon Samuel’s spirit from the realm of the dead for King Saul of Israel,” Van Helsing answered.

“And who might that be?” Whitstable inquired.

“Most likely a Vatican Cardinal,” Van Helsing answered.

“Probably Cardinal JM,” Whitstable raised the ancient grimoire volume of necromancy he held in his hands- a volume whose autographed inscription read, “To Cardinal JM my personal favourite amongst all my devotees in the Vatican Curia of Cardinals, yours with love, Hecate, Hellenic goddess of witchcraft, sorcery and necromancy.”

“Undoubtedly,” Van Helsing nodded.

Whitstable’s wiretap sounded an alarm.

“Who is that?” Van Helsing asked.

“It’s George Soros text messaging Pope Francis,” Whitstable replied.

Van Helsing’s own Samsung Galaxy 7 smart phone went off.

“Who is that?” Whitstable asked.

“The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,” Van Helsing replied.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 20th
2017.

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