Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and Dracul Van Helsing

April 28, 2023 at 9:42 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka looks reflectively in the mirror upon hearing of the outbreak of the Great War that would become known to history as the First World War

At one point in her life (the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka became immortal after riding a ghost white buffalo back in the late 1870s) Tanaka had worked as personal secretary and stenographer to British Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Grey (the man who had been Britain’s Foreign Secretary at the outbreak of World War I).

She recalled very well the date of August 3rd 1914 when Sir Edward Grey had been busy in his office working the phones trying to prevent the outbreak of war in Europe.

By evening Grey knew his efforts wouldn’t succeed.

The next day Great Britain and its entire Empire of colonies around the world would declare war on Germany making it a World War and not just a European war.

It was getting dusk and the lamps were being lit in the park and the streets visible from the window of the Foreign Secretary’s office.

A journalist friend of Grey visiting the Foreign Secretary commented, “The street lamps are being lit.”

Grey replied, “The lamps are going out all over Europe and we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime.”

Tanaka, upon hearing those dreadful words, turned and looked at the reflection in the mirror by the office sink.

She walked home feeling very troubled in her soul and her spirit.

She saw a man standing against one of the street lamps.

The light seemed to be flickering on and off in the lamp.

Said the man, “Those lights have still not come on in my lifetime.”

Having said that, the man vanished.

He was Dracul Van Helsing time traveller from the future.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 28th
2023.

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Sherrielock Holmes and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

April 6, 2023 at 8:18 pm (Archaeology, Art, Art History, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Photography, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes

Sherrielock Holmes the world famous London dominatrix was getting her photo taken by famous London photographer Murrell Haggarty.

Sherrielock Holmes was the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.

Sherrielock had become immortal after eating a specially prepared bowl 🍲 of Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms back in the early 1890s.

She had offered some to her twin brother Sherlock but he had refused.

Thus Sherlock Holmes ended up kicking the bucket 🪣 🦶 in the 1930s.

When Dr. John Watson had approached his physician friend Arthur Conan Doyle about the proper way to market the exploits of his detective friend Sherlock Holmes, Doyle suggested that Watson publish the stories under his (Doyle’s) name.

That way many people might think that Sherlock Holmes was a fictional detective.

But those people who were helped by Holmes would realize that Sherlock was in fact a real life detective.

That would start endless speculation among the populace at large:

Was Sherlock Holmes fictional? Or was he real?

That enigmatic question Was Sherlock Holmes Man or Myth? would only lead to greater increase in the popularity of the Sherlock Holmes stories.

One thing Sherlock Holmes requested of the writing duo of Dr. John Watson and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was that they not mention that Sherlock had a twin sister Sherrielock Holmes.

It was all right mentioning that Sherlock Holmes had an older brother named Mycroft who was a high ranking official in the British government of the day.

But don’t mention Sherrielock Holmes, Sherlock begged.

Watson did mention Sherrielock once, but like Basil Fawlty in relationship to mentioning the War, he got away with it.

The reason Sherlock Holmes did not want it known that he had a twin sister named Sherrielock Holmes was because Sherrielock was a professional dominatrix.

Worse yet a professional dominatrix who had once owned a bordello brothel saloon in a ruckus causing Wild West town in Colorado during the 1880s in the days of the American Wild West (Belvedere who later became famous as the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander had worked as a bartender for Sherrielock Holmes in that saloon during the days that he was a mortal human).

Having a sister (worse yet a twin sister) who was a professional dominatrix who had once owned an American Wild West bordello brothel saloon would have been extremely embarrassing to Sherlock Holmes had those facts become known publicly.

Although most members of the Victorian and Edwardian era British House of Commons and British House of Lords had heard of Sherrielock Holmes since they were among her most constant clients.

Her client list included many members of the British cabinet and several standing Prime Ministers (who really were standing after a session with her).

Sherrielock Holmes was also the immortal great-grandmother of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Sherrielock had been married to a French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher for 25 years from 1893 to 1918.

It was Louis who had prepared the special dish of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms that had made Sherrielock immortal.

Someday Louis said he would eat such a dish (making him immortal) but he said he was going to wait.

He waited too long because he, as a member of the RAF, was shot down and killed by the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen on April 20th 1918 (the day before the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen was himself shot down and killed on April 21st 1918).

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had discovered that Sherrielock’s late husband Dr. Louis Rocher had been an illegitimate son of Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy Prof. James Moriarty.

Thus Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had both Holmes and Moriarty blood 🩸 in him with Sherlock Holmes having been his great uncle and Prof. James Moriarty his great great grandfather.

No wonder that Dr. Cadbury Rocher is the genius that he is.

Amadeus Emanon a friend of Sherrielock Holmes had been listening to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast.

Renfield had been podcasting from Vienna where he was attending a conference on behalf of the British government.

The past couple of days on his podcasts Renfield had been talking about the legend of the curse of the mummy’s tomb of King Tut.

The legend had begun 100 years ago yesterday (April 5th 1923) after George Edward Stanhope Molyneux Herbert the 5th Earl of Carnarvon (the financier of Howard Carter’s expedition that discovered King Tut’s tomb) had died from a fatal mosquito bite.

The legend of the curse of the mummy’s tomb of King Tut had blasted off with full force 100 years ago today (April 6th 1923) when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (the man the world believed to be the creator of Sherlock Holmes) said that “an evil elemental brought into being by Egyptian occultism or the spirit of Tut might have caused the death of Lord Carnarvon” the man who, along with Howard Carter, had opened the tomb of King Tut.

Said Doyle, “The Egyptians knew a great deal more about these things (occultism and spiritualism) than we do.”

Doyle added, “One does not know what elementals existed in those days and how long those elementals existed and what might be their force.”

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle pointed out that if “they (the Egyptians) could put these elementals on guard over their dead bodies, they would certainly have done so.”

Doyle concluded, “Therefore I think it quite possible that Lord Carnarvon may have met his death through one of these elementals.”

After listening to the Renfield podcasts on this subject, Amadeus Emanon went to see Sherrielock Holmes.

Sherrielock was being photographed.

Then she had an appointment.

After she had finished spanking the living daylights out of errant British actor Hugh Grant, she then spoke to Amadeus.

“Do you know anything of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s research into elementals?” Amadeus asked.

“No, I don’t,” Sherrielock answered in the negative as she adjusted her skirt, “This will have to be dry cleaned. That bastard Hugh came all over it.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 6th
2023.

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Artemis In The Wild

March 30, 2023 at 8:07 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Greek goddess Artemis in front of a small creek waterfall

“I don’t think there are any fish in this creek are there?” The ghost of Orson Welles asked as they trudged up the rocky walk of the trickling creek.

“No, this water really isn’t deep enough for fish,” Dracul Van Helsing answered.

“Then why were the fishermen who reported sirens (the women of mythology who inhabit waters and draw sailors and fishermen to their deaths) fishing here?” Welles asked.

“I think they’re heavy cannabis users and imagined fish in this trickling stream,” Van Helsing replied.

“Then couldn’t they have imagined seeing a siren as well?” Welles pulled a spectral bottle of spectral red wine 🍷 out of his spectral picnic 🧺 basket and poured himself a glass.

“Yes, that is my Sherlockian analysis as well,” Dracul agreed, “Yet when Paddington Bear called me to say that His Majesty King Charles III was concerned about the possibility of sirens being in a stream he occasionally likes to wander and roam, Paddington asked to make sure there are no sirens present.”

“Is that why you’ve brought along your crossbow and silver arrows?” Welles asked as he ate a spectrally large chicken 🍗 drumstick.

“Exactly,” Van Helsing nodded.

“Couldn’t you just make out with a siren the same way you usually make out with a Vampiress or goddess?” Welles delicately wiped his spectral beard with his spectral napkin.

“Well, judging from Odysseus’ experience mentioned in Homer’s Odyssey, sirens are quite deadly and can’t be messed with,” Van Helsing took a sip of ale from his canteen, “and the stories of the Lorelei who sits and sings atop a rock in the Rhine River of Germany had the same deadly effect on sailors there according to legend, poem and folk song.”

“How did the sirens come to be?” Welles asked.

“Well according to the 1st Book of Enoch,” Dracul recounted, “The women who had sex with the Watcher angels and bore giants in the earth before Noah’s Flood came, they were turned into sirens.”

“Maybe you should have worn an angel costume,” Welles speculated aloud.

“Now you tell me,” Dracul smiled.

Suddenly Dracul and Welles heard a lovely singing coming from further up the trickling stream.

They climbed up and encountered the Greek goddess Artemis.

“That’s no siren,” Dracul smiled, “That’s the goddess Artemis.”

Welles’ ghost was reminded of a story Renfield R. Renfield had related about Bill Clinton when he was Governor of Arkansas. The governor had been seen checking into a cheap out of the way motel with some woman and the next day Clinton was asked, “Who was that lady you were with last night?” and Clinton replied, “That was no lady. That was my wife.”

In the meantime, Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Greek goddess Artemis.

“Maybe we should have run into a siren,” Welles sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 30th
2023.

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Morgana On An Early March Evening

March 3, 2023 at 10:48 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Literature, love, magic, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


The Welsh Vampiress Morgana in a forest on an early March evening

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was wandering through an English forest on an early March evening.

He had a crossbow in hand and a bunch of silver arrows in a pouch on his back.

There were reports of a demonically possessed elk in the forest.

The elk had apparently been given to Justin Welby the ArchHeretic of Sodom and Gomorrah (although his official title was Archbishop of Canterbury) by Joe Biden’s cabinet for his efforts in getting Baphomet approved Alphabet Soup Community sexual practices accepted by the Church of England and the global Anglican Community.

The elk was an animal now extinct in Britain.

So Biden’s cabinet thought that putting an a-sexual non-binary gender confused elk from the U.S. Democratic Party stronghold state of Colorado into the British Isles as a gift to ArchHeretic Welby would somehow magically replenish the elk population.

When ArchHeretic Welby was presented the gift by gender confused Rachel Somebody Or Other (an Assistant Secretary of Something or Other in Biden’s cabinet), the elk had a cassette tape recorder around his/her/its neck which when you pushed a button on it, a voice came on that said, “I’m Joe Biden and I approve this present 🎁.”

The elk had apparently become demonically possessed after using a Ouija board to swear its allegiance to the demon Baphomet.

It had escaped from Welby’s country ecclesial episcopal palace and was now terrorizing native British deer 🦌 in a nearby forest.

After consulting a rare volume on Demonic Possession of Animals written by the Rev. Father Montague Summers, the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds (who was Amadeus Emanon’s parish priest and Vicar) had told Dracul Van Helsing that the only way to rid the world of a demonically possessed elk was to kill it with a silver arrow.

So Van Helsing was now going through the forest with his crossbow and silver arrows when he came upon this sight:

Van Helsing put down his crossbow and silver arrows and proceeded to climb the fallen tree and make out with the Welsh Vampiress Morgana (who was a member of the British Parliament from the constituency of Newbridge In Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 and a British Arthurian Party parliamentary colleague of British MP Renfield R. Renfield who represented Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds).

As Van Helsing and Morgana made wild passionate love on the fallen tree, the demonically possessed elk walked by.

The elk used its antlers (thus indicating that the elk was a biologically born male who only became gender confused after attending U.S. Democratic Party sessions on the party’s future wildlife strategy) to attack a possible candidate for the future leadership of the Scottish Nationalist Party.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 3rd
2023.

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A Marilyn Monroe Halloween

October 13, 2022 at 8:24 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Literature, love, magic, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , )

Marilyn Monroe At Halloween

It was Halloween 1954
And Carson Cody Albion
Knocked at the door

Myend was what the sign on the door said

Whoever owned the house called Yourend had fled
So Albion had come knocking knocking on Myend’s door
Private eye he was, no raven saying “Nevermore”.

It was no Pallas Athena that opened the door
But Marilyn Monroe in witch’s apparel without any gore

A lovely witch she was with candles four
And a lovely dress J. Edgar Hoover would die for

Said Marilyn, “Hast thou come knocking at my entrance door?”
Said Albion, “Thou hast knockers that defy gravity’s floor.”
Said Marilyn, “Dost thou love me even though I be poor?”
“I do,” said Albion, “I bought this ring at the jewellery store.”

The curtain and the veil in the temple tore
Baskerville hound lost its footing in the moor
Only PH Unbalanced remained a colossal bore
But the rest of the cosmos rejoiced encore

What sorcery is this that has done this for?
Love’s beating heart yet beats some more
A tale to be told like in days of yore
Albion entered the house as cats and dogs and rain doth pour.

-A Carson Cody Albion poem
and Halloween poem
written by Christopher
Thursday October 13th
2022.

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The Cat People and The Wolfman

October 12, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna the black panther shapeshifting cat woman New York City based Serbian born and raised fashion illustrator who tore a psychiatrist to pieces with her claws

Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London was meeting with one of his parishioners the world-famous concert pianist Amadeus Emanon in his vicarage kitchen who was enjoying the homemade cinnamon buns made by Father Aidan’s housekeeper Mrs. Lancaster.

Amadeus Emanon was already on his 36th cinnamon bun.

“Do you suppose Mrs. Lancaster might make some more?” Amadeus asked as he looked at the now empty plate.

“Well I do believe it takes awhile to make those cinnamon buns,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds explained, “plus I think she’s currently busy listening to your friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Wednesday night podcast.”

From upstairs in Mrs. Lancaster’s bedroom could be heard the voice of Renfield R. Renfield saying, “Wow. What a shocker. The cocaine snorting editors of Britain’s The Economist Magazine are calling for cocaine use to be legalized.”

“You know,” Amadeus helped himself to a gingerbread cookie man that Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds brought him from the refrigerator, “Renfield was telling me that Russian President Vladimir Putin hired a Siberian shaman to go to New York City and raise from the dead the body of the Serbian cat woman Irena Dubrovna. As Miss Dubrovna’s spirit has graduated from Purgatory to Paradise, she won’t be returning to her body. However a famous homicidally inclined Byzantine mermaid Echidna Antiochus who was put to death on the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I’s orders has had her spirit granted a dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades and has taken possession of Irena Dubrovna’s body.
She is going to Kiev Ukraine as an ally of Putin and will be using Irena Dubrovna’s body to turn into a black panther to rip apart bodies of Ukrainians because the demon Moloch appearing as Saint Michael the Archangel has told Vladimir Putin that it’s the right thing to do.”

“How horrifying,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds made the Sign of the Cross.

Father Aidan’s making the Sign of the Cross caused a Calvinist street preacher standing on the sidewalk outside the vicarage to drop dead.

“The thing is,” Amadeus scratched his head, “I always thought the 1942 film The Cat People starring Simone Simon was a work of fiction. I didn’t think it was based on a real incident and I didn’t think Irena Dubrovna was a real actual person.”

“Well, it turns out,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds checked out a passage in the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work (written before he died) Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film, “that there really was an Irena Dubrovna in the late 1930s and that what happened in the film was true.”

“Wow,” Amadeus Emanon walked over to the refrigerator and brought out the entire plate of gingerbread men cookies that he then started eating, “Next thing you know you’ll be telling me that there really was a werewolf called Larry Talbot and that the classic 1941 Universal Pictures monster horror film called The Wolfman that starred Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains and Evelyn Ankers was based on something that actually happened in real life.”

“Well, actually,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds cleared his throat, “I can tell you that Larry Talbot did actually exist and what happened in the 1941 film The Wolfman was true and I don’t need to consult the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film to determine that. For it turns out my grandfather the Anglican clergyman Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds was the curate of Saint Magloire’s Church in Llanwelly Wales near Talbot Castle at the time Larry Talbot arrived in the village to flirt with Gwen Conliffe the daughter of the village antique shop owner and to get bitten by Bela the gypsy fortune telling werewolf.”

“Really?” Amadeus paused in the middle of eating his 6th gingerbread man cookie.

“Yes,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds nodded, “As an interesting postscript to the film which ended with Larry Talbot getting killed by his own wolf’s head silver cane walking stick wielded by Larry’s father Sir John Talbot, the Talbot Castle game keeper Frank Andrews (played by actor Patric Knowles in the film), who was Gwen Conliffe’s fiance, ended up getting killed by a wererabbit bunny rabbit that had apparently been originally bitten by Larry Talbot. After the Saint Magloire’s Church exorcism team made Welsh rarebit out of the Welsh wererabbit, after an appropriate period of mourning for the late departed Mr. Andrews, Gwen Conliffe ended up marrying the young curate Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds. So Gwen Conliffe is actually my grandmother.”

“Holy fuck,” Amadeus Emanon commented.

Mrs. Lancaster came down the stairs and washed Amadeus Emanon’s mouth out with soap.

. . .

Outside 10 Downing Street, Larry the 10 Downing Street cat was chasing away the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his spectral black horse.

Inside 10 Downing Street, former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to convince current British Prime Minister Liz Truss to hire a witch doctor or shaman to raise the famous Wolfman werewolf Larry Talbot from the dead in the Llanwelly Village Cemetery in Wales and send him to eastern Ukraine to eat and devour Russian soldiers.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 12th
2022.

Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers) among the gypsies

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Semiramis On The Night of The Hunter’s Moon

October 9, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, News, Personal essays, Philosophy, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Semiramis the Queen of Babylon on the Night of The Hunter’s Moon

The full moon in October is called the Hunter’s Moon.

And Semiramis the Queen of Babylon was out standing in the moonlight in the backyard gardens and gazebo grounds of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.

The Queen of Babylon was not sure why she was there on this night of all nights.

The Night of the Hunter’s Moon.

She just felt drawn to come here tonight for some reason.

The Hunter’s Moon, Semiramis thought.

Interesting as she recalled her husband Nimrod of many millenia ago was called in Genesis Chapter 10 “a mighty hunter against the Lord”.

Today Nimrod the once “mighty man” is a little green frog who is occasionally seen in the company of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith, is also seen in the company of the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus and also serves as an advisor to NASA on the Artemis moon rocket program (even though he knows nothing whatsoever about building moon rockets).

Semiramis suddenly heard footsteps approaching as she stood alongside the gazebo landing.

It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approaching.

In his right hand he carried a suitcase containing video footage of Russian President Vladimir Putin making out with various high-priced escort call girls in the Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in downtown Moscow Russia which is owned by Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff.

Van Helsing and Set Enterprises were hoping to use the video footage to blackmail Putin and prevent him from launching a nuclear attack on Ukraine or the West.

Van Helsing could have sent the video footage to Set Enterprises via the Internet but thought the video footage might be destroyed by Russian hackers or the American CIA’s Science and Research Division (that had been headed by the Operation Paperclip landed immigrant Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele since 1950) which wanted global nuclear war or Google just because the technocrats who run Google are a bunch of assholes.

“Van Helsing,” Semiramis gasped.

The Queen of Babylon had encountered Van Helsing on previous occasions.

“Semiramis,” Van Helsing acknowledged the Queen of Babylon.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the spitting image of Carson Cody Albion the private eye?” Semiramis asked.

“A few people have told me that,” Van Helsing answered, “Isn’t Carson Cody Albion the private eye supposed to be immortal? In the same way that Sherrielock Holmes the lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes is likewise literally immortal? Although Sherrielock became immortal as a result of eating a Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom omelette and drinking a Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom milkshake. I have no how idea how Carson Cody Albion became literally immortal.”

“Rumour has it,” Semiramis answered, “that he became immortal after drinking milk from the sexy incredible well endowed breasts of my very beautiful and very young looking mother the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis.”

“Really,” Van Helsing was intrigued, “Any idea where your mother is now?”.

“None, whatsoever,” Semiramis replied.

Van Helsing loked disappointed.

He’d have to continue searching for Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth in Florida.

A sudden rumble came from the night sky.

Semiramis and Van Helsing looked up.

It was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos chasing a demon elk.

A couple of years ago a Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield’s had written a blog post (out of the blue) about a demon elk seated on a throne in Rome’s catacombs who was being worshipped by a group of Cardinals and Western world political leaders.

Today at the Spanish language evangelical church the geopolitical analyst attended a woman described an experience she had this past Tuesday where she had encountered a demonic looking elk on a highway in Idaho.

The elk smashed her windshield and the woman had to keep her eyes closed so that the glass that covered her face wouldn’t enter her eyes and she’d go blind.

She was rushed to hospital by ambulance where all the glass that surrounded her eyes was carefully removed and thanks to prayer and the amazing team of doctors and nurses, her eyes were saved.

That same Tuesday the geopolitical analyst was having a dream about the Celtic stag god Cernunnos hunting a demon elk.

He was awakened by his bozo landlord who needed to get into his room to the electric control panel in his room so he could momentarily shut off all the power in the house.

The bozo landlord did so.

And did so without stepping on the geopolitical analyst’s tablet that was being charged on the floor.

However the landlord was making such a racket upstairs, the geopolitical analyst decided to go get a haircut as he needed one.

When he got home, he was shocked to discover his tablet and his cord and plug in complete disarray on the floor as the bozo landlord had stepped all over it.

His tablet that had a perfect appearance for years was now full of cracks.

He had been getting severe eyestrain the past few days from trying to read and write on it.

But that was obviously nothing to the terror that this woman in his church must have felt this past Tuesday over the fact that she could possibly go blind with her face and eyelids covered in glass from the broken windshield on her car after her car made contact with a demonic looking elk on a road in Idaho.

Ironically enough, the geopolitical analyst had recently written a blog post about Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie on a road in Idaho.

And then this woman’s testimony regarding her eyes and eyesight in Church on this Sunday October 9th 2022.

Another amazing thing is this Calgary based geopolitical analyst was raised Anglican and in the Canadian Anglican Book of Common Prayer, October 9th is the Memorial Commemorative Date of Robert Grosseteste a scholar who became the Bishop of Lincoln and died in the year 1253.

Robert Grosseteste studied the science of optics and wrote extensively on the subject.

He also invented the first pair of glasses ever invented in medieval Europe.

Robert Grosseteste also taught the young Roger Bacon science.

Roger Bacon was also the medieval philosopher who invented the Baconian scientific method (It can be found in Roger Bacon’s Magnum Opus which was one of the geopolitical analyst’s favourite books in the Medieval Philosophy class he took at the University of Alberta)).

Scholars of the Enlightenment couldn’t handle the idea of a 13th Century Franciscan monk inventing the Baconian Scientific Method so they lied and claimed that it was the late 16th and early 17th Century Protestant and Rosicrucian Freemason Francis Bacon (who conveniently had the same last name) that came up with the Baconian scientific method.

So in a matter dealing with eyes, a geopolitical analyst has had severe eyestrain the past week from trying to read and write on a cracked tablet, a woman almost lost her eyesight after her car windshield came crashing in during an encounter with a demonic looking elk on an Idaho highway and the geopolitical analyst found all this out in Church on the Anglican Memorial Commemorative Day of Robert Grosseteste the Bishop of Lincoln who studied the science of Optics and invented the first pair of eye glasses in medieval Europe.

A dream about a demon elk, an actual encounter with a demonic looking elk this past Tuesday.

Anything else?

Well the Calgary based geopolitical analyst almost died from severe food poisoning as a kid from eating a piece of undercooked wild game animal meat from… an elk.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
-Hamlet, Act I, Scene v, lines 167-168.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 9th
2022.

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Ichabod and Ickabob

October 10, 2021 at 11:27 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was flying over Australia in the Set Enterprises’ dirigible airship The Wild Colonial Boy.

This airship like all of Set’s airship fleet was very eco-friendly and environmentally friendly and was powered by a cannabis engine.

The Wild Colonial Boy however ran on a very special high octane form of cannabis.

This cannabis had been developed by Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie back at the Hotel California in the Summer of ’69.

A large amount of this cannabis managed to eventually find its way into a Vancouver apartment that was rented out in 1978 by Canadian singer Bryan Adams.

Which was a good thing.

Because the recipe for this type of cannabis was immediately forgotten by Uncle Ernie right after he made it.

The same was the case for every other type of drug made by Uncle Ernie.

As those who suscribe to Uncle Ernie’s Drug of The Day Uberhigh Club by mail say, “You never get the same type of drug from Uncle Ernie twice.”

Seeds from Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis eventually found their way to auction at Sotheby’s in London in the summer of 2021.

Where they were purchased by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set beating out both George Soros and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman in bidding.

And now Renfield was flying around the world from London England to Sydney Australia in just 10 minutes using the super power octane like cannabis engine that ran on Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis.

Uncle Ernie had beat NASA, Jeff Bezos, Sir Richard Branson and Elon Musk all to Hell.

By powering a 1930s style very old fashioned dirigible.

And not even knowing it.

As he stood on an empty Sydney stage in a near empty Sydney theatre singing the title role of his drag queen Cumelita as he was unintentionally setting his girdle on fire.

The only person in the Sydney theatre was Daniel Andrews the Neo-Stalinist and Neo-Maoist tyrant Premier of Victoria state a neighbouring state of the state of New South Wales (New South Wales’ capital was Sydney).

Andrews being a globalist elitist and not a mere simple pleb was not subject to his own draconian lockdown rules (or anyone else’s for that matter).

He sat in the theatre not wearing a mask or pants or even a condom as he sat pleasuring himself like American children’s show TV host Pee-wee Herman in a porno theatre.

The seat would of course have to be steam cleaned afterwards.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was showing his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set blown up and magnified images of what was on microscopic slides showing samples from both the Moderna and Pfizer “vaccines” (really mRNA genetic serums) for the Wuhan CCP virus (called Covid-19 by the pro-Communist WHO World Health Organization).

The nanobots and nano-organisms in the “vaccine” were magnified an infinite number of times.

An octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in one sample.

And another octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in another sample.

“The Set Enterprises’ Intelligence Unit is investigating the possibility that Bill Gates’ paid help managed to extract DNA from Cthulhu,” Dr. Rocher explained.

“And it’s through this,” Set asked, “that my brother and brother-in-law Osiris (so beloved by Freemasons everywhere) intends to rule the world?”.

Dr. Rocher nodded.

“And do you have a name for this octopus like micro-organism?” Set inquired.

“I call it Ickabob,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher answered.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was reading a huge leather bound volume on Vampires and Ghosts that he had borrowed from the personal library of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

“Did you know that Katrina Van Tassel became a vampiress?” Welles asked Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“She did?” Dracul was shocked, “Katrina Van Tassel who was fought over by two men the mortal schoolteacher Ichabod Crane and the ghostly Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow?”.

“That’s right,” Welles nodded as he sipped a ghostly glass of spectral red wine.

“I don’t drink… wine,” the voice of Bela Lugosi could be heard coming from the nearby television set which was showing the 1931 film Dracula.

“How did she become a vampiress?” Van Helsing asked.

“Dracula was visiting upstate New York at the time and gave her a hickey,” Welles answered.

When Van Helsing went back to his London apartment, he found vampiress Katrina Van Tassel inside.

Katrina Van Tassel

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 10th
2021.

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Hudson Valley Halloween Horror

October 5, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Vincent: I’m afraid, cousin Jenny, that cousin Floyd will be unable to dine with us this evening.

Jenny: Why ever not?

Vincent: He had the misfortune of being eaten by a black jaguar in the woods last night.

Jenny: A black jaguar in the Hudson River Valley?

Vincent: No doubt the poor creature was a long ways from home. Which may explain why not much was left of Floyd when he was found. Only his right ear and the thumb on his left hand which was tattooed with a drawing of Napoleon. How they were able to identify him.

Jenny: How positively awful.

Vincent: I’ll say. He owed me $100. Money that I suppose now will never be repaid.

Jenny: What was he doing walking in the woods?

Vincent: No one is sure. The only thing known for sure is that he was wearing a pink nightgown while walking in the woods.

Jenny: So that’s why they called him Pink Floyd.

Vincent: Undoubtedly.

Jenny: Whatever happened to that nutty woman they found walking in the woods last week?

Vincent: The one who claimed to have come from the year 2021 and believed herself to be a female Christ saying if people vaccinated themselves, they were Apostles of her love.

“That’s the one,” Jenny nodded.

“I had her burnt at the stake as a witch,” Vincent answered.

“Burnt at the stake?” Jenny was shocked.

“Yes, there was some old wood I was wanting to get rid of,” Vincent nodded, “so I killed two birds with one stone.”

A pair of large black ravens fell from the sky.

“She was a witch?” Jenny turned pale.

“Yes the demons Moloch, Baal and Baphomet visited her room at the village inn,” Vincent explained, “where they jabbed the innkeeper’s daughter with a needle and she died.”

“Awful,” Jenny shook her head.

“There is much evil in the land,” Vincent noted just as the clock was 5 minutes shy of twelve, “Darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand and whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down must stand and face the hounds of Hell and rot inside a corpse’s shell.”

“There’s a three headed dog out there,” Jenny gasped as she looked out the window.

“That would be Cerberus,” Vincent explained.

Vincent went over to his sitting room book shelf and grabbed a volume of ancient Koine Greek and looked up the words for “Sit” and “Good boy”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 5th
2021.

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Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane Meet The Brides of Dracula

March 13, 2021 at 10:53 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic romance, Humour, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been binge watching episodes of the old TV series Frasier.

He then binge watched a Dracula movie marathon.

When that was over, he set his water proof alarm clock moving the time an hour ahead as tomorrow would be the start of Daylight Savings Time.

He then lay back on his water proof pillow and fell asleep.

He had a dream whereby Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane met the Brides of Dracula.

Niles: This is all your fault, Frasier. I don’t really relish the idea of walking around a spooky Transylvanian castle. It doesn’t really cut the mustard in my opinion. Hot doggetty!

Frasier: Niles, I wish you’d stop using those weird euphemisms uttered by that pot smoking hot dog salesman doing those late night infomercials advertising American cuisine recipes you can do in hot tubs. And why is it my fault? You were the one who insisted on giving two rather large glasses of sherry to my BMW’s GPS before we set out on this road trip.

Niles: Yes, well if you had stopped to ask for directions from that transgendered transvestite in the baked potato costume in Boisie, Idaho, we might not be in this mess.

Frasier: No, we might be in a bigger mess.

Niles: What could possibly be a bigger mess than a spooky Transylvanian castle?

Frasier: How about social distancing from a perfect 10 fashion model during a pandemic?

Niles: Frasier, I refuse to believe you dated a perfect 10 fashion model.

Frasier: So does everybody else.

Niles (pointing to a door): Where do you suppose this leads?

Frasier: Oh, I don’t know, Niles. Why don’t you open it and see how many other headwaiters with Hungarian accents lying in coffins we can come across? I haven’t donated so much blood since that multiple radio station personality blood donor challenge in Seattle way back in the day.

Niles (opening door and looking in): It’s the Brides of Dracula.

Frasier (looking in): My God, you’re right, Niles.

Niles: Frasier, I haven’t had so many erotic images and fantasies going through my mind since I first read that scene with the brides of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula as a sophomore back in prep school.

Frasier: That wouldn’t have been the night before the headmaster ordered that major steamcleaning of your mattress?

Niles: Frasier, I wish you hadn’t brought that up.

Frasier: Your mattress probably wished the same thing at the time as well.

Brides of Dracula (calling out): Niles, Frasier!

Niles (rushing in): I regret that I have but one life to give for my fantasy.

Frasier: Niles, quit being such a ham!

(Frasier rushes in)

Frasier: Be a blood sausage like me.

Voice of Count Dracula (singing in the background): I don’t know what to do with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs. They’re calling again.

Voice of Announcer: Good night, Transylvania.

The End.

-A Frasier Meets Brides of Dracula Episode
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 13th
2021.

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