Mariposa Noir

May 25, 2022 at 8:43 pm (Gothic, Horror, Short Story, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

The witch Mariposa Noir with her imp Iago in the background

Mariposa Noir had decided that she was going to behead her arch enemy the Sherrif of Tottingham with an axe.

Lord Malcolm Bellamy the Sherrif of Tottingham had burnt too many of her coven sisters at the stake.

She was always having to recruit new women to make the coven number stand at 13.

But Lord Bellamy always managed to subtract the number by raiding their midnight ceremonies and capturing her sisters and then burning them at the stake.

Most of her coven sisters weren’t as advanced in witchcraft as she was.

So they weren’t able to quickly turn themselves into ravens like she was and fly away.

Instead they were captured by Lord Bellamy’s men.

Then tried, found guilty and burnt at the stake.

“This Lord Bellamy shall pay,” Mariposa Noir stated as she picked up the axe, “he shall pay with his head.”

Her imp Iago found this statement so utterly funny for some reason that he started laughing his head off (quite literally).

“Oh, Iago,” Mariposa kicked the head out the door of the inn where they were staying and put his body in the garbage can.

Mariposa went upstairs to her room to work out the final details of her plan to ensnare and behead Lord Malcolm Bellamy the Sheriff of Tottingham.

In the meantime Iago’s head outside the inn was eaten by a brown bear who came out of the woods and his body in the garbage can was taken out and burnt along with the rest of the garbage.

So that was the end of Iago.

Mariposa Noir had one advantage when it came to ensnaring the Sheriff of Tottingham.

The Sheriff did not know what she looked like for she was able to turn herself into a raven quite quickly when Tottingham’s men arrived on the scene of her coven’s midnight ritual.

And Mariposa Noir was a beautiful woman.

. . .

Lord Malcolm Bellamy was enjoying his glass of ale when he arrived at the inn.

He instructed the innkeeper to carve himself a large piece of roast wild boar off the spit in the fireplace.

Food and drink, the Sheriff of Tottingham smiled, all that was needed to complete his evening was a beautiful woman…

The cup Bellamy had in his hands about to touch his lips froze when he saw the vision of Mariposa Noir descending the stairs.

“Oh, my God,” the Sheriff exclaimed.

“Good evening, your Lordship,” Mariposa approached.

“You’ve heard of me?” Tottingham was pleased.

“You’ve rid the county of so many witches,” Mariposa answered, “Who hasn’t heard of you?”.

The Sheriff had to agree.

“I’m afraid not much can be done with your axe whose head broke earlier this evening,” the innkeeper said as he walked through the door, “The blacksmith says you’ll probably need a new axe.”

“Very well,” Mariposa shrugged.

“What did you need an axe for?” Tottingham asked.

“To cut off the heads of some chickens,” Mariposa replied.

“That is a useful purpose for an axe,” Tottingham crowed as he nodded his head.

“Perhaps you’d care to lay your head against my bosom,” Mariposa suggested.

“An excellent idea,” Lord Malcolm Bellamy did just that, “My, what long red painted fingernails you have.”

“The better to rip your head off, my dear,” Mariposa smiled as she did just that.

-A short story written by Christopher
Wednesday May 25th 2022.

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The Panther Woman and The God of Surprises

April 22, 2022 at 11:30 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Gothic, History, Horror, Mystery, Mystery/horror, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Claudia Simon The Panther Woman

Carson Cody Albion, a private eye then based in New Orleans, was spending April of 1935 visiting New York City.

He was visiting an old college acquaintance of his who had now become an inspector in the New York Police Department.

“Inspector Hennessy,” his secretary brought into her boss’ office the private eye from New Orleans, “a Mr. Carson Cody Albion to see you.”

“Carson, my old friend,” the Inspector rushed to greet him.

They discussed old times and college days.

And how the philosopher Hegel (who they had both studied in the same philosophy course they took) was a major pain in the ass.

However Hegel’s influence on the world was profound in the decade of the 1930s.

Hegel, as interpreted through the lens of the left wing Hegelians particularly Marx, was influencing Bolshevism and Communism.

Hegel, as interpreted through the lens of the right wing Hegelians particularly Nietzsche, was influencing Nazism and Fascism.

Inspector Hennessy was then discusing cases he was working on.

One involved a wild animal walking the streets of New York City.

A black coloured panther with golden green eyes who ripped out the throats of its victims.

The other involved a serial killer dressed as a clown who slashed the throats of his victims.

Beside his victims, he left a fortune cookie that always had the same message, “Be prepared to be surprised by the god of surprises.”

Albion said he’d help Hennessy with the case.

As Albion walked back to his hotel, he passed a tarot card reading room.

A very beautiful young woman dressed in the beautiful coloured blouse and skirt of a gypsy woman stood outside.

“A reading, sir,” she smiled at him.

“Why not?” Said Albion.

He did not believe in tarot cards or crystal balls but he had time to kill.

Interestingly enough the reading sort of matched the case his friend Inspector Hennessy was working on.

When the reading was over, the lovely brunette gypsy woman smiled at him and said, “Remember, sir, it takes a thief to catch a thief.”

Curious statement, Albion thought.

Albion was walking by a Church – Saint Raphael’s- when he noticed the priest locking up.

“Good evening, Father,” Albion said.

“Good evening,” said the priest, “You’re Carson Cody Albion are you not?”.

“Why, yes,” Albion nodded, “You know me?”.

“I have a niece who lives in New Orleans,” the priest explained, “She’s sent me newspaper clippings about your exploits. She knows I have a weakness for detective stories- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, G.K. Chesterton’s Father Brown and Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot.”

“Excellent writers and excellent detectives all of them,” Albion acknowledged.

“Working on a case here in New York?” The priest asked.

Albion mentioned the panther and also the clown serial killer who called himself the God of Surprises.

“This clown serial killer the God of Surprises is a sinister individual,” the priest crossed himself with the Sign of the Cross, “I believe he’s human but yet he’s possesed of a supernatural paranormal power that I believe is demonic in origin.”

“What makes you think that, Father?” Albion was curious.

“I have to go to a hospital to hear confessions but meet me here at the rectory at noon tomorrow,” the priest pointed, “It’s right next to the Church.”

Albion agreed.

At 2 AM Albion woke up.

Feeling restless he decided to go for a walk.

He walked past Saint Raphael’s Church and was surprised to see a moving van out in front.

A moving van in the middle of the night?

At a Church?

The movers were moving Crosses and Crucifixes and statues of Mary and the Saints from the Church into the van.

This is curious, Albion thought.

He looked at the name on the van PILTDOWN AND PEKING MOVERS.

Weird, Albion thought.

The following morning Albion again walked in the direction of the Church.

This time for his noon appointment with the priest rector of Saint Raphael’s at the Church rectory.

He was surprised to see CRIME SCENE yellow tape around the Church building.

Albion figured that possibly the middle of the night movers were in fact burglars and he Albion had neglected to stop them.

“What’s happened here, Hennessy?” Albion asked the inspector when he saw him.

“Well aside from the obvious theft of the Crosses and Crucifixes and statues of Mary and the Saints, the priest Father Lacroix was found dead at the altar with his throat slashed,” Hennessy stated, “along with a fortune cookie carrying the message, BE PREPARED TO BE SURPRISED BY THE GOD OF SURPRISES. Witnesses saw a clown carrying a bloodied knife flee the Church building.”

Hennessy and Albion went to talk to the rectory’s housekeeper to see if she knew if Father Lacroix had any enemies.

The housekeeper, an Irish woman in her mid-50s, sobbed that this clown serial killer the God of Surprises must be demonically possessed.

That’s why the Crosses and Crucifixes and statues of Mary and the Saints were taken out so that the demonic clown serial killer The God of Surprises could enter the Church and kill Father Lacroix.

Indeed it turned out there was no such moving company as PILTDOWN AND PEKING MOVERS.

Albion after helping Hennessy had gone to a local public pool for a swim.

While walking through the pool area he saw this woman.

Albion stopped to look at her.

“You recognize me, monsieur?” the woman spoke with a French accent.

As a matter of fact, he had seen a sketch of her.

In the notebook of one Barnabas Van Helsing a vampire hunter who wasn’t quite as famous as his elder brother Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.

Back in the early 1890s the City of New Orleans had been terrorized by a wild black panther with golden green eyes who killed New Orleans citizens by ripping out their throats.

Van Helsing had caught up with the panther who, the vampire hunter had claimed in his notebook, had shapeshifted into a beautiful woman.

The woman, Van Helsing claimed was an immortal, who turned into a panther on certain nights.

She was a 17th Century French noblewoman named Claudia Simon.

Van Helsing had sketched her picture.

Albion recognized the woman standing in front of him as being the same woman in Barnabas Van Helsing’s sketch.

He also recalled something else.

Something the gypsy woman had said to him yesterday.

It takes a thief to catch a thief.

A couple of hours later a very beautiful woman was walking through a dark neighbourhood.

The sounds of the stilettos on her high heeled shoes clicking the pavement.

The constant pulling up of her coat and adjusting of her skirt.

A clown started to follow her.

He carried a knife.

He walked very stealthily behind her and was about to strike… when the woman suddenly turned and spun around on her heels.

He was surprised.

“You appear to be surprised, oh, God of Surprises,” said the woman with a most exquisite French accent.

She turned into a panther and ripped out his throat.

The clown shouted out several last words before he died.

As Hennessy and Albion wrapped up the investigation, they discovered that the clown was a Jesuit priest named Father Edgar Noeticus who had studied under the French Jesuit priest paleontologist Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin over in China.

No one was sure when Father Noeticus had left China and when he returned to the U.S.

However after he got his throat ripped out by the panther woman, he shouted out one final last cry, “Someday a Pope shall venerate me the God of Surprises.”

In his right hand as he died he clutched a fortune cookie with the message BE PREPARED TO BE SURPRISED BY THE GOD OF SURPRISES.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 22nd
2022.

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Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu Makes An Amazing Discovery

October 17, 2021 at 10:59 pm (Comedy, Culture, Gothic, Horror, Humour, Literature, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu, who drank red wine (unlike Bela Lugosi’s Dracula), was in the study of Transylvania’s Castle Dracula where she had made an amazing discovery:

Mei-ling Manchu: This is very interesting…

Mei-ling Manchu: Apparently writer Truman Capote did not write In Cold Blood…

Mei-ling Manchu: He wrote in… ink.

Mei-ling Manchu: However the same won’t be said about me.

-A vampiress Mei-ling Manchu
Halloween photo montage
written by Christopher
Sunday October 17th
2021.

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Hudson Valley Halloween Horror

October 5, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Vincent: I’m afraid, cousin Jenny, that cousin Floyd will be unable to dine with us this evening.

Jenny: Why ever not?

Vincent: He had the misfortune of being eaten by a black jaguar in the woods last night.

Jenny: A black jaguar in the Hudson River Valley?

Vincent: No doubt the poor creature was a long ways from home. Which may explain why not much was left of Floyd when he was found. Only his right ear and the thumb on his left hand which was tattooed with a drawing of Napoleon. How they were able to identify him.

Jenny: How positively awful.

Vincent: I’ll say. He owed me $100. Money that I suppose now will never be repaid.

Jenny: What was he doing walking in the woods?

Vincent: No one is sure. The only thing known for sure is that he was wearing a pink nightgown while walking in the woods.

Jenny: So that’s why they called him Pink Floyd.

Vincent: Undoubtedly.

Jenny: Whatever happened to that nutty woman they found walking in the woods last week?

Vincent: The one who claimed to have come from the year 2021 and believed herself to be a female Christ saying if people vaccinated themselves, they were Apostles of her love.

“That’s the one,” Jenny nodded.

“I had her burnt at the stake as a witch,” Vincent answered.

“Burnt at the stake?” Jenny was shocked.

“Yes, there was some old wood I was wanting to get rid of,” Vincent nodded, “so I killed two birds with one stone.”

A pair of large black ravens fell from the sky.

“She was a witch?” Jenny turned pale.

“Yes the demons Moloch, Baal and Baphomet visited her room at the village inn,” Vincent explained, “where they jabbed the innkeeper’s daughter with a needle and she died.”

“Awful,” Jenny shook her head.

“There is much evil in the land,” Vincent noted just as the clock was 5 minutes shy of twelve, “Darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand and whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down must stand and face the hounds of Hell and rot inside a corpse’s shell.”

“There’s a three headed dog out there,” Jenny gasped as she looked out the window.

“That would be Cerberus,” Vincent explained.

Vincent went over to his sitting room book shelf and grabbed a volume of ancient Koine Greek and looked up the words for “Sit” and “Good boy”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 5th
2021.

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Reblog of A Distant Mirror

August 4, 2021 at 10:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

It was on August 4th 1914 that the First World War began when Great Britain and her Empire declared war on Germany.

The evening before, August 3rd 1914, British Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Grey did everything he could to prevent war.

Sadly he didn’t succeeed.


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka

Dracul Van Helsing

A Distant Mirror

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka standing in front of a mirror in her London apartment over a 100 years ago.

Back in 1912, the immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka had obtained a job as a stenographer to Britain’s Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Grey.

Grey’s career as UK Foreign Secretary lasted exactly 11 years from December 10th 1905 to December 10th 1916.

When Sir Edward Grey went to receive his seals of office as Foreign Secretary from King Edward VII on December 11th 1905, a dense fog hung over London; a fog so thick that Grey had to use the pavement kerb to feel his way from Buckingham Palace back to the Foreign Office.

Eleven years to the day, he was back at the Palace, this time to relinquish his seals of office to King George V.

And London was once again shrouded in fog.

It was as…

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Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka On Night of The Wolf Moon 2021

January 28, 2021 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka on the Night of The Wolf Moon

The January full moon is called the Wolf Moon and on this night a wolf was terrorizing the countryside.

It so happened that the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka was in possession of the battle axe of William Wallace the great Scottish warrior and hero of the 1st War of Scottish Independence who defeated the English Army at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in September 1297.

She also wore the painted red seal of Wallace on her head, left eye and face as she wandered through the snowy woods in search of the wolf terror.

Then Tanaka came face to face with the wolf terror.

She recognized the beast right away from ancient and medieval drawings.

It was the Norse wolf Fenrir.

It was a good thing for Tanaka that she had the great William Wallace’s battle axe with her.

Tanaka threw the Wallacian battle axe and beheaded the wolf.

The wolf’s severed head growled in the now bloody snow surrounding it after it had left its body.

In the Lupine language, the wolf had said through its growling, “I hate it when that happens.”

. . .

The Norse god Odin was staying in a cheap motel room as he would be attending an important meeting the next few days.

The only places in this town where he was staying had cheap motel rooms.

Odin had missplaced his spectacles so he was inserting a contact lens into his sole remaining eye.

He was wanting to watch the 1940 movie Waterloo Bridge starring Vivien Leigh and Robert Taylor on television.

As Odin tried to get the contact lens out of the tiny glass bottle container that it was in, he reflected back to a time in Australia when he had accidentally inserted a very small circumcized foreskin into his eye after removing it from a tiny glass bottle container.

“It belonged to some pervert who looked even worse than you did when you dressed up in drag,” Odin had said to his son Thor at the time.

After Odin had got the contact lens into his eye on this Night of the Wolf Moon, Thor came to inform his father that both Loki and Fenrir had been beheaded.

Loki had apparently been beheaded yesterday and Fenrir had been beheaded this evening.

“So,” Odin smiled, “We may not have to fight the Battle of Ragnarok after all.”

Odin and Thor then ordered pizza and take out Chinese food that they had delivered to their motel room and then proceeded to watch the 1940 version of the film Waterloo Bridge on the room’s TV.

Thor despite his tough guy macho image was bawling and sobbing like a baby by the time the movie was over.

Odin phoned down to the front desk to have another box of kleenex tissues brought up to the room.

“I’ll never be able to stand at that spot on London’s Waterloo Bridge again without bursting into tears,” Thor sobbed, “I won’t be able to look at a Buddha good luck charm without bursting into tears either.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 28th
2021.

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Selena

December 1, 2020 at 11:31 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Life, love, Plays, Poetry, Romance, theatre) (, , , , )

The old playhouse was closing
It had a successful run throughout its long life
As a playhouse theatre
For 25 years
From comedies to tragedies
Romance to dramas
Several hits
And a few flops

It was a victim of its own success
For so many people
Were wanting to subscribe to its season
Of plays
This old playhouse
Could not seat all those who wanted to attend
What its company of performers and directors
Stage hands and lighting technicians
Had to offer.

So last night was the last performance
In the old playhouse
And now this 1st of December 1945
The new playhouse with new seats
And a much larger seating capacity
For a much larger audience
Would be opening its run
Of Dickens’ classic tale
For Christmas
A Christmas Carol

A Christmas Carol
With Ebenezer Scrooge
And his longsuffering clerk
Bob Cratchit
And Tiny Tim
And the ghost of Scrooge’s
7-years dead partner
Jacob Marley
With chains upon his feet
And the Ghosts of Christmas Past
Present
and Yet To Come

Selena was an actress

She wasn’t appearing in A Christmas Carol
But she had appeared in the last play
Ever performed in this old playhouse
The play that had finished its run last night
Wuthering Heights
Emily Bronte’s classic tale
of tragic doomed love
Of lovers who went far beyond star-crossed
Trying to reach the heavens
And end up
Falling
Into the abyss.
Of ghosts
And knocking outside the window
And howling winds
And desolate moors
And souls that are damned
And what happens when compassion is lacking
And revenge is always served
Hot or cold.

Selena had played Cathy
The love of Heathcliff’s life
And the woman who loved Heathcliff
Hot love
Passionate love
Forbidden love
The love only hinted at by Emily Bronte
As if Orestes and Electra
Had come from tragic Mycenae of old
To perform unfinished business
On the early 19th Century
Yorkshire Moors

Selena sat on coverings
On the sofa
Where she as Cathy
Had sat with the man
Who was Cathy’s husband
But not Cathy’s love or lover
Edgar Linton
In Bronte’s classic tale

And then
As if in one magic moment
A lighting technician
Suddenly shone the spotlight
On Selena
(Who was dressed to attend
The new theatre playhouse
Christmas Carol
Opening night party)
As she sat on that sofa

And that spotlight
Shone on one promising young actress
Who had performed many great performances
In that old playhouse
And soon would perform many more
In a new playhouse theatre

The spotlight would soon fade
And the lights would come down
For good
on the old playhouse
It may not have been Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre of London
But it had been the town’s old playhouse
Bringing joy and sadness
Heartache and hearbreak
To so many spectators
And audiences over the years

Like many old buildings
This old playhouse
Had character
And thus would be missed
And its old plays
And many performances
Would only be played again
In the memories
of the theatre
Of the mind

-A poem written by Christopher
Tuesday December 1st
2020.

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Faustina

November 19, 2020 at 11:40 pm (Arts, Culture, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


Faustina with her cat Lenore Belle Noir in front of the fireplace in her room in Vienna

Flames in the fireplace
Flames that burn
Like thousands of tiny suns
Sending out a cosmic glow
Across the universe
Sending out heat
And ripple effects

Those flames so like her memories
That burn and scorch her mind
In the neverending passages of time
When will her memories become
Like the blackened embers
That sit below the base
of the fire
Becoming galactic black holes
That never emit any light
And become darkness
And a huge void of nothingness
That brings relief
To neverending pain.

Faustina had dressed like she was going to a ball
A cascading symphony of Strauss Waltzes
Dancing in a joyous celebration
Of the Blue Danube
and the Vienna Woods
But there were no Viennese waltzes
And grand balls happening
In this time of Covid

For the Covid virus did decree
like Kubla Khan
At those now forgotten gates of Xanadu
But its decree differered
From that cultured Emperor
For it decreed
And health and political authorities assented
That henceforth
Humans must only exist
And not live

They must no longer interact
No song, dinner or dance
They must cover half their face
With a mask
For if the image of God
Could not be erased from humanity
Then it must at least be distorted
Or cut in half

It is for your own good they tell us,
Faustina thought,
But did not despots throughout history
Always say the same?

On this night
Faustina wore a beautiful white silvery
Evening dress
And necklace
Imagining she’d meet a handsome prince
Or duke or count
But instead her only true friend
Her cat
Lenore Belle Noire
Sat on the train
Of her dress
As the pair
Listened to Strauss waltzes
On the old Gramophone

Lenore Belle Noir
Looked at her mistress
Trying to emit the power of healing
Through her kind and compassionate eyes
To heal her mistress’ tortured soul

For Faustina was the daughter
Of Johann Georg Faust (1480-1541)
Known to history as Faust
If one liked Goethe
Or Doctor Faustus
If one preferred
Christopher Marlowe

Her mother was Hecate
Greek goddess of witchcraft
Who had fallen hopelessly
In love
With that dark tortured soul
Faust
He who had sold his soul
To Mephistopheles

They had made love in the 1580s
And at midnight on the evening of
August 7th to 8th 1588
The night Francis Drake
Defeated the Spanish Armada
Faustina had been born

Born to Hecate
Born to Faust
Born to immortality
For that had been the curse
Inherited from her parents
For immortality for her
Had been a curse
And not a blessing

So many memories
So many painful memories
How long would they burn
In her mind
Like the flames in the fireplace?
How long before they finally
Turn into glowing embers
And at last mercifully into darkened ash?

The sound of the clock
Ticking on the wall
Provided no answer
Would that it did
Would that it did
Tick tock! Tick tock!

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 19th
2020.

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Reflections About The Year 2020 On A Mist Filled October Evening

October 26, 2020 at 10:24 pm (Gothic, Horror, Mystery/horror, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

2020- “The year that just keeps on giving”
Many say in the worst sense of that expression
20/20 vision when visiting the optometrist
means perfect vision
Perhaps in this year of 2020
We have achieved perfect vision
And don’t like what we see

We’re like Dorian Gray
The character in Oscar Wilde’s novel
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Who after living a lifetime
of sin, debauchery and crime
After his portrait was created
Finally unveils his portrait
to see what the state of his soul
looks like

And he’s shocked to see
what he sees there

In this year
Humanity like Dorian
is finally seeing the portrait
unveiled of itself
by the winds of 2020
and does not like
what it sees

But what it sees is a reflection
of what it truly is.


“Here’s to Dorian and all that he has left behind.”

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday October 26th
2020.

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Dinner At Tiffany’s: Leprechaun of The Dance

October 16, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Tiffany Twisted: Formerly the sensuous witch of the Hotel California
and now the sensuous witch of Sleepy Hollow

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had been invited to dinner in the Inn room across the hall from his own.

The room that had been rented to one Tiffany Twisted.

Yaldabaoth bathed, showered and shaved.

Then he put on his Irish Spring Mist of The River Shannon aftershave cologne followed by his best green tuxedo and little green bow tie.

Then he walked out the door.

Bucephalus Reborn the walking, talking and dancing zombie black horse thought to himself, “I wonder if I should have told him he forgot to put his trousers on.”

A thought with which Joe Biden campaign staffers were quite familiar with when it came to their own candidate.

Yaldabaoth knocked on the door.

“Come in, Yaldabaoth,” the sensuous voice of Tiffany Twisted beckoned.

Yaldabaoth opened the door and saw this vision:

“Wow, do you ever look hot,” Yaldabaoth felt like President Teddy Roosevelt at this very moment.

“I see you came prepared,” Tiffany smiled like the siren laced rocks of the eastern Mediterranean.

Yaldabaoth looked down and his face turned red, “Faith and begorrah, I seem to have forgotten my trousers.”

He grabbed a copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses off the room’s bookshelf and held it in front of his shamrock deco decorated underwear.

“It’s all right, Yaldabaoth,” she smiled like dawn rising over the hill of Tara, “I like a leprechaun who knows what he wants.”

Tiffany dimmed the lights and started lighting candles.

In the background could be heard Cher’s voice singing on an old 45,

Dark lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one
Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done
Dark lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve
She told me more about me than I knew myself.

When the candles were lit, Tiffany and Yaldabaoth drank red wine and ate a Guinness laced Irish potato casserole.

For dessert, they had pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top.

“I hope this pie wasn’t made with my friend Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden’s head,” Yaldabaoth commented as he licked the whipped cream off Tiffany’s toes.

His newly formed acquaintance Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden was the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and had a pumpkin jack o’ lantern for a head.

“It wasn’t,” Tiffany assurred him with tender kisses.

The clock was approaching 12.

“Let’s dance,” Tiffany put on her record player again.

Tiffany reached for Yaldabaoth’s lucky shamrock.

The voice on the record sang,

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash, he did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
He did the mash, he did the monster mash

At that moment the Headless Horseman walked in unaware that he was entering the wrong room.

When he saw what the leprechaun and the sensuous witch were doing, he screamed, “I’m blind. I’m blind.”

He turned out into the hall, ran down the stairs, tripped over his feet, landed on the floor and his pumpkin head came off and rolled towards the grandfather clock that was just starting to strike 12.

“Mercy,” the innkeeper muttered at the front desk, “This never happened at the Hotel California.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 16th
2020.

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