Apollo 11 Lands On The Moon

July 20, 2017 at 2:53 pm (History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

On July 20th, 1969 at 20:18 UTC, the Apollo 11 lunar landing module The Eagle landed on the moon. Later, mission commander Neil Armstrong and pilot Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon.

“Say, Neil,” Buzz called out, “Do you see what I see over there?”.

Armstrong looked in the direction that Aldrin pointed.

“It looks like an ancient Nile River barge,” Armstrong replied.

“Exactly,” said Aldrin.

No sooner had Aldrin spoken that word, then the vessel vanished.

The conversation was never included in any of the transcripts of the dialogue carried on between Apollo 11 astronauts on the moon.

And for those who believe that man never landed on the moon (that the footage was all faked), the conversation never happened at all.

And as far as a certain ancient entity was concerned, the more people who believed that, the better.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 20th
2017.

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Renfield and Jane Austen

July 18, 2017 at 3:01 pm (books, Celebrities, History, Literature, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield returned to his home- the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

At the door, he was greeted by Set’s personal valet and butler Athelstan.

“You’re wearing more black than usual today, Athelstan,” Renfield noted, “Is there something wrong?”.

“Begging your pardon today, sir,” Athelstan answered, “but I’m in mourning.”

“Did your mother die after being killed in a bar room brawl arguing over who’s the best premier league football player in all England?” Renfield asked.

“No, sir,” Athelstan shook his head, “but I do worry about that happening, I must admit. Every time I see her, I keep telling her, Mother, you’re going to have to stop drinking and getting into violent arguments about British, European and FIFA World Football at the same time. Having to bail you out of jail all the time is starting to affect my savings to say nothing of my worrying about you being killed in one of these silly arguments.”

“If it’s not your mother,” Renfield inquired, “who is it that you’re in mourning for?”.

“It was 200 years ago today, sir, on July 18th 1817 that the great British novelist Jane Austen died,” Athelstan looked sad, “I’m in mourning for her.”

“Did you personally know her, Athelstan?” Renfield opened up a bottle of Brown Ale.

“No, sir, I’m not a vampire, I’m a mortal 50 years old,” Athelstan replied, “but I do love her work.”

“Didn’t Dracul Van Helsing once play Mr. Darcy in an amateur drama company’s live theatrical production of Pride and Prejudice in his home town in Alberta, Canada?” Renfield asked.

“I believe he did, sir,” Athelstan nodded.

“Well, carry on then, Athelstan,” Renfield looked at his watch, “and do let me know when it’s the 200th Anniversary of Charles Dickens’ death.”

“I will, sir,” Athelstan took Renfield’s hat and cane and now empty bottle of Brown Ale.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2017.

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The Re-Awakening of Serena?

July 12, 2017 at 5:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Re-Awakening of Serena?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher reported to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that his fiancée Serena (slain by a Soviet assassin in 1924 but whose body was kept cryogenically frozen since then) seemed to be showing signs of coming back to life.

In fact the EEG machine hooked up to Serena’s body was showing signs of brain activity within Serena and the machine had actually been showing signs of it the past couple of months but the technician in charge of monitoring Serena had neglected to inform Dr. Rocher.

Set Enterprises had of course immediately terminated the negligent technician’s employment (the termination was accomplished by Renfield R. Renfield putting a gun at the back of the man’s head and pulling the trigger- thus saving the company the cost of pension payout).

“So,” Set asked Dr. Rocher, “would these signs of conscious activity within her brain be the reason that a lot of photos have appeared in the past month showing Serena appearing at various places in the past? Her returning consciousness has caused her to be a time traveler?”.

“That’s part of it,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “of course the fact that she originally time traveled from this year of 2017 back to the early 1920s where she met Houdini and later you must have been brought about by another entity who has the ability to travel through time.”

“I see,” Set was silent.

“As for who this entity is, I have no idea,” Dr. Rocher shrugged.

Set was staring at a ship in a bottle on a distant shelf.

The ship in the bottle was itself an unusual vessel.

It was an ancient Egyptian funeral barge in a bottle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

July 7, 2017 at 6:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was currently attending the G-20 Summit in Hamburg Germany.

As he munched on his Hamburg hamburger alongside German Chancellor Angela Merkel, he reflected on the huge gaffe he had made in Ottawa at last weekend’s Canada Day 150th Anniversary.

He had mentioned every province and territory in Canada in his Canada Day speech except the province of Alberta (the home of famous Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing).

When he left the stage and was informed of his gaffe, he came back and said, “I love you, Alberta” and blew a kiss at the TV cameras causing a wide-eyed teen-aged girl in the crowd (whose name was Alberta) to swoon and faint.

Trudeau’s failure to mention Alberta had angered some Albertans who still remembered Justin’s father Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s energy wars of the 1970s and early 1980s with then Alberta Premier Peter Lougheed over control of the province’s oil and natural gas resources.

Pierre Trudeau’s National Energy Program (NEP) had siphoned billions of dollars from Alberta’s provincial coffers into his own federal government’s treasury.

After bringing in the NEP and figuratively giving Albertans the finger, Pierre Trudeau then literally gave Albertans the finger while crossing through the Province’s Rocky Mountains by train.

Justin Trudeau’s neglect in mentioning Alberta by name at the Canada 150 celebrations in the Canadian nation’s capital of Ottawa struck some Albertans as the son’s equivalent of the father’s giving them the finger.

But really, Justin reflected, it was an accident.

An accident caused by the ET gray from Nibiru named Gali-Gula making funny faces at him while he was speaking.

Justin had promised to legalize marijuana during the 2015 Canadian federal election campaign- a promise which won him numerous seats in British Columbia’s Lower Mainland.

After winning the election, Justin started his own personal one man investigation into the after effects of smoking marijuana.

And whenever he smoked pot, those were the only times that Gali-Gula (the ET gray from Nibiru whose body was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) appeared to him.

Justin had resolved not to smoke any pot ahead of the Canada 150 celebrations.

That way he wouldn’t be seeing Gali-Gula and he also wouldn’t anger the crowd by eating up all the hot dogs at the hot dog stand when he got the munchies.

The trouble was when he got up on the stage, some in the crowd were celebrating Canada’s 150th birthday by smoking pot themselves and Justin had the misfortune of inhaling much of the smoke.

So then Gali-Gula appeared to him just as he was about to mention Alberta by name.

Gali-Gula stuck two fingers in both his ears and then stuck his tongue out making a funny face at the Canadian Prime Minister.

This action on the ET gray’s part totally discombobulated Justin and he forgot to mention Alberta.

Later when Justin came back and said, “I love you, Alberta”, Gali-Gula decided to fly to Alberta and land on the UFO Flying Saucer landing pad in the town of Saint Paul, Alberta built in Canada’s centennial year of 1967.

Gali-Gula’s UFO driving narrowly missed making an omelette out of the world’s largest Ukrainian coloured Easter egg near the town of Vegreville, Alberta and narrowly missed making shredded duck out of the statue of the world’s largest duck outside the town of Andrew, Alberta.

“So,” Chancellor Angela said to Prime Minister Justin over his hamburger rousing him from his thoughts, “I said to Donald, either pee or get off the pot.”

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec walked the streets of Roswell New Mexico.

She wore a black dress in mourning for the lives lost at Roswell 70 years ago.

Her Samsung mobile phone rang.

She answered.

It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing phoning.

They chatted.

Suddenly Qonzilqointec could hear the sounds of gunfire coming from the other end of the phone.

“Dracul, what’s happening?” Qonzilqointec asked.

“Some assassins tried to shoot me,” Dracul answered, “but I shot and killed them first with my Uzi sub machine gun that was given to me as a gift by the host of the Israeli reality TV series Battle of The Rabbis: Orthodox vs. Reformed vs. Conservative vs. Golda’s Uncle’s Lox and Cream Cheese Bagel Worshiping Cult.”

“Who were the assassins?” Qonzilqointec asked, “Agents sent by an evil Transylvanian baron from his lair in the Carpathians?”.

“No,” Dracul replied, “They were operatives from the CPL.”

“CPL?” Qonzilqointec queried.

“The Calgary Public Library,” Dracul answered, “They claimed I forgot to return a book. But it wasn’t true. The only book I ever borrowed from them was an Archie comic book graphic novel called Afterlife With Archie about Jughead Jones leading a zombie apocalypse attack on the community of Riverdale. But I returned it. I even have a receipt slip showing that I did. But Calgary Public Library operatives’ instructions are to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“I see,” Qonzilqointec sighed sadly.

“So you’re at Roswell eh?” Dracul asked.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec nodded, “wondering what happened here 70 years ago?”.

“Maybe some poor snook ET gray forgot to return a book to the Calgary Public Library so CPL operatives fired a surface-to-air missile that hit his craft just above Roswell New Mexico,” Dracul speculated.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 7th 2017.

Qonziqointec In Mourning For Roswell Crash Victims
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash.

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The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

June 22, 2017 at 5:16 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who had come close to discovering the secret of immortality prior to his being shot down by the Red Baron in April of 1918) and Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister who had attained immortality for herself by eating a specially prepared Lingzhi supernatural mushroom cooked for her by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher).

Set hoped that Dr. Rocher would find a way of bringing his beloved fiancee Serena back from the dead.

“That’s Serena all right,” Set recognized the Steampunk style skirted outfits that she loved to wear.

Steampunk is a genre of science-fiction where the science and inventions of the Victorian and Edwardian era carried on in an alternate universe and machinery was analog and not digital and based on steam power and not petroleum and where airships and dirigibles and monoplanes and biplanes and triplanes ruled the skies and not jets.

Steampunk genre had influenced movies like Wild Wild West, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing and the 2009 Sherlock Holmes.

“What is she doing in that photo?” Set asked.

“Notice the Soviet Red Star on the train and she appears to be holding a detonator in her hands,” said Dr. Rocher, “there was an attempt to blow up a train Josef Stalin was riding in back on June 22nd 1931.”

“Serena has become a time traveler,” Set gasped, “and she’s tried to kill Josef Stalin the man who had arranged for the circumstances of her own death.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 22nd
2017.

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Serena Slain

June 20, 2017 at 2:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

It was the autumn of 1924.

And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.

Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.

He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.

Who didn’t die.

Since he was a vampire.

Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.

Angered, Set approached the assassin.

Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.

This time in the direction of Serena.

Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.

Covered in blood.

“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.

He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.

Terovsky fled down the street.

Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.

Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she saw the scene.

She approached.

Set explained what happened.

“I wish I had the chance to turn her into a vampiress as she lay dying but her death happened too quickly,” Set wept.

“I know what you mean,” Sherrielock said, “My love died before he had the opportunity to make himself immortal.”

She told Set how her husband Dr. Louis Rocher had made an extract from the Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom which when she ate it had made her immortal.

But Dr. Rocher had waited to eat the Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms himself.

And before he could do so, he ended up being shot down by the Red Baron during the Great War of 1914-18.

“It’s too bad Louis wasn’t still alive,” Sherrielock said, “he might have been able to bring your fiancee back from the dead.”

“Did you and he have any children?” Set asked.

“Yes, five,” Sherrielock replied, “three boys and two girls.”

“I wonder if any of them or their descendants will have your husband Louis’ genius,” Set reflected.

“Possibly,” Sherrielock answered.

Set resolved to have Serena’s body frozen in the hopes that one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s and Sherrielock Holmes’ descendants would be a scientific genius capable of bringing Serena back from the dead.

In the meantime, Set tracked down the assassin Leonid Terovsky, had him tortured and later killed.

But Set gleaned from Terovksy that Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin had ordered the assassination.

Set resolved to destroy both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

But as Set surveyed the world stage, there did not seem to him too many politicians who were capable of destroying both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

Until a young Austrian born politician creating a ruckus in Bavaria came into his sights.

The name of the young Austrian born politician in Bavaria making a name for himself?

Adolf Hitler.

His movement the National Socialist German Workers’ Party- the NSDAP- better known as the Nazis.

Set moved to Germany in 1925 in an effort to better promote and finance the movement.

Just like a stone thrown into water creates unforeseen ripple effects, evil like good can create the same ripple effects.

And no one knows where the ripple effects will end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 20th
2017.

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Stalin Plans To Attack Set

June 19, 2017 at 3:44 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin was having a conversation with Felix Dzerzhinsky the director of OGPU (the name of the Soviet Secret Police at the time) during the summer of 1924.

Stalin was pissed off by the way the British Empire was carrying on at the time.

“Who the Hell do these Brits think they are anyways?” Stalin foamed with rage towards Dzerzhinsky, “Hell, you think they’re the only people in the world who know how to make tea properly.”

Stalin walked over to a samovar and poured himself a cup of tea.

He put it to his lips and spit it out.

“Do you have any more of that Red Rose tea brand you served me once?” He asked Dzerzhinsky.

“It’s available only in Canada,” Dzerzhinsky replied, “A spy from Canada brought me some once. Just before I shot him for sleeping with my favourite Moscow prostitute who I thought was for my eyes only.”

“We’ll have to invade Canada someday,” Stalin thought philosophically.

“Probably one of those tough strict Jesuit schools in Quebec will produce a Marxist who’ll become Prime Minister someday,” Dzerzhinsky threw aside an old Canadian newspaper that contained Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s birth announcement.

“I want to avenge myself on Britain,” said Stalin, “maybe assassinate one of their leading politicians or businessmen.”

“I don’t think the Soviet Union can win a war with Britain at this point in our history,” Dzerzhinsky said, “might I suggest assassinating a foreigner in the country. There’s a wealthy Egyptian businessman and investor by the name of Mr. Sol Invictus Set. Very buddy buddy with the Prince of Wales. Just bought himself a big house in the Collingwood Hills district of Kensington in West London. Here’s his picture.”

“Who’s the lovely woman with him?” Stalin asked.

“Only goes by the name of Serena,” Dzerzhinsky answered, “she was a magician’s assistant to that magician who goes by the name of the Great Houdini.”

“Isn’t that Houdini a Jew?” Stalin asked with the utmost contempt on his face.

“He is,” Dzerzhinsky answered.

“One day we’ll rid the world of all Jews,” Stalin looked outside his office and noticed Leon Trotsky walking down the hall.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 19th
2017.

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Houdini In A Cage: A Poem

June 12, 2017 at 3:55 pm (History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Serena The Magician's Assistant

Once the Great Houdini was all the rage
now he kneels imprisoned in a bird cage
for his magician’s assistant Serena came up with his latest tricks
like how to saw in half a woman using only mud and bricks

But Serena had fallen in love
like peace and the snow white dove
she had fallen in love with a vampire no less
a vampire who would often dress to impress

This vampire was the ancient Egyptian Set
who fancied stormy nights not cats as his pet
he had fled his prison tomb on 1918’s Armistice Day
and boarded an English ship in Alexandria’s distant bay

These past few years he lived in England
with only some acquaintances ne’er a true friend
That changed when he met Serena who from the future came
now his investment analysis forecasts were no longer so lame

He’s now making a huge fortune in various stocks and bonds
eating in the best London restaurants enjoying steaks and prawns
now he and Serena want to get closer together
holding wedding ring hands strolling in rainy weather

But Houdini says he won’t allow it, she’s just too good to leave
for finding a better assistant- he couldn’t pull one out of his sleeve
he says if she leaves, he’ll call the press and reveal all
how in a strange time warp, she came from 2017 in a backwards fall

But Serena had other tricks
and no time for Houdini’s kicks
She imprisoned him in a cage
whispering, In here you’ll start to age.

And Houdini begged and pleaded, all to no avail
and Serena said, I’m going to dip this cage in a keg of ale
Finally Houdini agreed to let her go
so from a keg tap, no mini magician would flow.
And Set and Serena would wander into sunset’s glow
that is if his being a vampire hadn’t spoiled the show.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 12th 2017.

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Sherrielock Holmes vs. Jack The Ripper: A Poem

June 11, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Crime, Culture, Detective story, History, Horror, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was London in the year 1888
a place and a year of great ill-fate
in which ladies of the night in the streets of London
were approached by an evil man and done in.

He wore black hat and cloak, black gloves and cane
he was Jekyll’s Hyde come to life in an evil reign
and Sherlock Holmes was naturally called in to solve the case
as Scotland Yard’s Inspector Lestrade was tired of losing face

But even the great Sherlock Holmes could not catch the Ripper
instead Sherlock ended up ripping his pants and breaking his zipper
and he hurried back to 221B Baker Street in shame
said he to Watson, “In no article, mention my name.”

And Sherlock’s little known twin sister Sherrielock heard of her brother’s failure
as well as the Great Detective’s little known nocturnal flight to London tailor
Now Sherrielock was a brothel owning dominatrix by trade
one who always managed to avoid a Scotland Yard raid

Said she, I’ll capture the Ripper and put an end to his Reign of Terror
I”ll do what no one else in London has dreamed to dare
and I’ll do it keeping in place my shampooed hair

So she put on her undercover dominatrix outfit and walked the East End’s Whitechapel streets
Sherrielock Holmes
and she heard in the approaching distance the sound of fancy carriage horses’ hoof beats

A tall dark stranger dressed entirely in black
exited the cab saying, “Just call me Jack”.
“I’ll certainly do that, Jack dear,
if you let me whip your rear”
said Sherrielock pulling out a cat o’ nine tails
and before Jack knew it, he got a fist full of nails.

He was down on the ground, his pants all around
his buttocks were turning a fiery red
his ass no longer filled with Plutonian lead

But by the time the night was over, Jack The Ripper was no more
his ass had positively melted on London’s paved cobblestone floor
Scotland Yard never revealed how the Ripper had died
what was the successful antidote to this Jekyll’s poisoned Hyde.
But the cause was really rather simple in the end
a bright spot on a black and blue covered rear end
Food poisoning had done in the Ripper under dominatrix’s nylon runs
Food poisoning brought on by red tomatoed buns.

-A Sherrielock Holmes poem
written by Christopher
Sunday June 11th
2017.

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Serena, Set and Houdini

June 8, 2017 at 3:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was the year 1920.

And the Egyptian vampire Set had heard that the Great Houdini was performing even greater magic stunts ever since he had hired a new assistant called Serena.

In fact, Set had heard the controversial British politician Winston Churchill say down at the Royal Albert Club, “It is my firm belief that it is the assistant Serena who’s responsible for planning these new amazing tricks of his and not the Great Houdini himself.”

“That’s probably true,” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle piped up while smoking his pipe, “after all, Houdini doesn’t believe in Spiritualism.”

“Neither I believe did that great detective Sherlock Holmes,” Churchill answered back over his brandy.

Doyle harrumphed.

For Doyle had chronicled Holmes’ career.

“I hear some people say that she’s from the future,” a dodgy old member of the House of Lords spoke up.

“She must be,” Churchill answered, “she says I’ll be Prime Minister someday.”

“More likely from an insane asylum then,” an opposing Member of Parliament spoke up.

“Well she did say the distant future is an insane asylum,” Churchill reflected.

Set thought he better go see this magician’s assistant himself.

If she’s from the future, she may be able to tell me what I should invest in, thought Set.

For Set worked as an investment analyst in the City of London.

In fact, he was the only investment analyst in London one could phone in the middle of the night.

The fact that he was a vampire was what kept him up at night.

Set went to the dressing room of the theatre where Houdini was performing.

Without knocking, he entered the door marked ASSISTANT.

And then he saw her.
Serena the Magician's Assistant

Serena.

For the first time since he thought he was in love with his sister Isis (which led to the whole family dispute with his brother Osiris and his nephew Horus), Set was in love.

Love at first sight.

A vampire had fallen for a magician’s assistant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 8th
2017.

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