Halloween 2017: 500th Anniversary of Protestant Reformation

October 31, 2017 at 8:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Halloween 2017: 500th Anniversary of Protestant Reformation

South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo was walking the streets of Wittenberg Germany on the 500th Anniversary of the Protestant Reformation’s beginning.

Dr. Makabo had the power to revive corpses from the dead as zombies and with his sense of humour, he decided to raise Martin Luther from his grave and have him re-post his 95 Theses on the door of All Saints Church in Wittenberg.

Luther’s corpse did that and was applauded by Halloween trick or treaters who were impressed by the spectacle.

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis (ever anxious to show the world what a splendid ecumenist he was) posted the 95 Theses of Martin Luther on the door of Saint Peter’s Basilica while the Baphomet (who had been summoned by the Vampiric Knights-Templar) applauded vigorously with his multiple arms and legs.

Later, a Vatican Cardinal went down and nailed a copy of Anton LaVey’s The Satanic Bible to the door of Saint Peter’s Basilica as well.

Meanwhile Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal attacked various trick or treaters around the city and sucked their blood and then gave them candies afterwards.

And Donald Trump spent his Halloween in the Oval Office insulting more people in his Twitter tweets.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 31st
2017.

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The Wolfman and Joseph Stalin

October 30, 2017 at 7:55 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, Movies, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Wolfman and Josef Stalin

It was Christmas 1941 and Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler was enjoying a private screening of the recently released 1941 American horror film The Wolfman with Lon Chaney Jr. in the title role.

“What a delightful film,” Der Fuhrer purred as he wiped sauerkraut off his lips with his napkin, “it makes me glad that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and not Hollywood.”

“Indeed,” Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels agreed as he swallowed a huge German sausage.

“I have something I’d like to show your Excellency,” the Ahnenerbe scientist Dr. Fritz Falkenberg stated.

“Please, I’ve looked at enough German sausages tonight,” Der Fuhrer remarked as he sipped a pinkish fruit cocktail.

“No,” Dr. Falkenberg spoke an incantation and the character of the Wolfman emerged from the film reel projector.

“Great Odin!” Hitler shrieked.

Dr. Falkenberg spoke the incantation backwards and the Wolfman returned into the film reel projector.

“Impressive,” Der Fuhrer clapped his hands and then wiped them with a napkin.

“I have taken the liberty of mailing a copy of The Wolfman film to Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin,” Dr. Falkenberg explained, “with the incantation spoken over the film. When Stalin watches the film, the Wolfman will jump from the screen and kill him.”

“I hope you haven’t mailed it using a Third Reich post mark,” Goebbels ate a Polish pickle, “otherwise Stalin won’t open it. Our two countries are at war you know.”

“I used one of our spies in Canada to mail the movie from Ottawa to Moscow,” Dr. Falkenberg explained.

What Dr. Falkenberg hadn’t counted on was the slowness of Canada’s postal service.

The film didn’t arrive in Moscow until March 5th 1953.

Stalin was attacked and killed by the screen leaping Wolfman during the course of the film.

Radio Moscow promptly attributed Stalin’s death to natural causes.

Der Fuhrer was not alive to enjoy the announcement.

-A Halloween short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 30th
2017.

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If The Moonrise Don’t Kill Him, He’ll Live ‘Till He Dies: A Short Story

October 11, 2017 at 7:29 pm (Horror, News, Short Story, The Supernatural) (, )

If The Moonrise Don’t Kill Him, He’ll Live ‘Till He Dies: A Short Story

The car drove along the road through the flat countryside.

As it approached the two hills ahead (which the road drove straight through), the driver noticed the moon was rising seemingly just above the hills.

The driver passed a car parked on the side of the road.

The occupants were all lying on the side of the road- bloodied with their throats slashed and intestines ripped out.

The driver did not stop.

The ground ahead of him seemed to shake violently as did the hills.

Lightning struck the sky above the hills.

What was his grandmother’s advice to him before he drove off on the road to see Lenore?

He forgot.

From a far off distance, he could hear the sound of wind and waves striking and slashing the nearby coast.

The driver reached for his Bible on the passenger seat but it had fallen on to the floor under the seat.

He recalled a news item he had read today about the Koforidua River in Ghana 🇬🇭 turning blood red and overflowing.

On the radio, the voice of Donald Trump was raging and threatening war against North Korea 🇰🇵.

What was his grandmother’s advice to him again before he drove off on the road to see Lenore?

He forgot.

The driver quickly gazed on the back seat 💺 to see if he had remembered to pack all his stuff before he left.

It was enough of a distraction for the driver not to see the giant black wolf with huge jowls and huge teeth that had suddenly appeared in front of him and swallowed his automobile as the entire countryside got hit by gigantic raindrops and huge hailstones.

The long huge radio antenna of the old car poked out the wolf’s right eye as he swallowed the car but one of the wolf’s canine back teeth likewise bit through the driver’s right eye as it bit off the roof so Old Testament legal precepts pretty well evened out.

It was too bad the driver hadn’t remembered his grandmother’s advice as he drove off on the road to see Lenore.

-A short story written by Christopher
Wednesday October 11th
2017.

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Reflection On The Las Vegas Massacre: A Poem

October 4, 2017 at 6:47 pm (Commentary, Culture, History, Horror, News, Poetry) (, , )

Reflection On The Las Vegas Massacre: A Poem

Deep down we’ve always known that TV commercial ad slogans no matter how catchy
were not conveyors of genuine truth
As one ad slogan for Las Vegas Tourism which became so catchy
It even became a line in Hollywood movies
has now crumbled
With lives lost and wounds lasting
We now know
that what happened in Vegas
won’t stay in Vegas.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday October 4th 2017.

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Allatallahbel’s Private Eyes At Rosslyn Chapel In Scotland

October 1, 2017 at 6:27 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Allatallahbel’s Private Eyes At Rosslyn Chapel In Scotland

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had hired two London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley to find the remaining members of The Vampiric Knights-Templar for her.

The two private eyes had found 3 of the 6 remaining Vampiric Knights-Templar holding a Necronomicon prayer service at Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland.

Crosses and Crucifixes in the chapel had been turned upside down in accord with the Vampiric Knights-Templars’ liking.

A huge icon of Baphomet stood atop the altar.

The beautiful plainsong of the Book of Common Prayer had been replaced by the cacophonous demonic sounding jargon of the Necronomicon.

John Shelby Spong the former Episcopalian bishop of Newark New Jersey 🇯🇪 would have felt right at home during the service.

He would have proclaimed it the way the worldwide Anglican Communion should go.

The late Episcopal Bishop James Albert Pike would have probably agreed with him if he wasn’t being poked by the pitchfork of the real Baphomet at the moment.

Agathor and Magog found out from the 3 Vampiric Knights-Templar they met in Rosslyn Chapel that the other 3 Vampiric Knights-Templar were currently worshipping at a Freemasonic lodge in Charleston South Carolina.

Agathor and Magog relayed this information to the Vampiress Allatallahbel by smart phone.

Allatallahbel thanked the two private eyes for their efforts and told them to tell the Vampiric Knights-Templar to meet her at the following location in Europe in the next two weeks:

(TOP SECRET)

Allatallahbel then smoothed her scarlet red evening dress and then slit the throat of the young Swiss Guards lieutenant she had with her.

She then drained his body of blood.

She then went to the nearest zoo and drained the tigers there of their blood as well.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 1st
2017.

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The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2017 at 3:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Vampiress Allatallahbel Near The Grave of The Headless Horseman

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and Adolf.

After standing beside the gravestone marker and reflecting for a while, Allatallahbel then stood back and chanted a spell that was given her by the ancient Egyptian god Thoth.

Thoth had recently returned to this particular spatial/temporal dimension.

On the day of the full lunar eclipse across the U.S.- August 21st 2017- in fact.

After chanting the spell, she waited.

The headless Hessian officer then arose from the grave along with his horse (for he had been buried with his horse).

Allatallahbel then gave the Headless Horseman his instructions.

The Horseman saluted (even though he had no head to salute on) and rode off.

He stopped off in front of a store in Tarrytown and broke the store’s front window and helped himself to a carved Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin which he immediately put on top of his shoulders.

He then rode all the way to downtown Manhattan.

Many New York City policemen tried to stop the Headless Horseman but he beheaded them with his regimental sword.

The policemen’s beheadings were met with cheers by supporters of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The Headless Horseman passed a television set in a department store window where Pope Francis was doing a stand-up comedy routine in which he claimed the apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia was a Thomist document.

The Headless Horseman could be heard cackling through his carved Jack O’ Lantern teeth.

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden then rode down to the New York City docks where he and his horse boarded a ship bound for Europe.

He hoped the ship would arrive in Europe before Halloween.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 30th
2017.

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Allatallahbel In Clear Waters On A Still Night

September 23, 2017 at 7:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Allatallahbel In Clear Waters On A Still Night

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal lay back in the clear waters of the lake.

The night sky 🌌 above her reflected in the waters as she lay.

Allatallahbel wore a bright gold evening dress that shone like the noon day sun.

Below her feet was the reflection of the moon.

The planet Jupiter seemed to reflect just above her belly.

Above her head shone the planets Venus, Mars and Mercury as well as the 9 stars of the constellation Leo reflecting in the waters.

The constellation Virgo reflected on the tranquil waters of the entire lake itself in which Allatallahbel lay.

Suddenly a water snake 🐍 swam out from under her dress giving the impression that she had just given birth to it.

At that very moment the lid of the sarcophagus of Alexander the Great opened in the great Macedonian conquerer’s undiscovered tomb.

Also at that very moment, a huge storm arose on the Sea of Galilee.

And no Nazarene carpenter’s son around to still it.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 23rd
2017.

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Waterton Lakes, Wind and Fire

September 11, 2017 at 4:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Waterton Lakes, Wind 💨 and Fire 🔥

Waterton Lakes, Wind and Fire 🔥

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith had been regarded as a storm goddess in the nations of the ancient Middle East.

When U. S. President George W. Bush in his first inaugural address asked, “Do you not think an angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm?” he was referring to Lilith.

Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had recently pissed Lilith off and so had to go.

Attacks on the Twin Towers in New York would ensure an eventual U.S. invasion of Iraq and the toppling of Saddam.

Now Lilith was hoping to raise an ancient ally in North America.

A kraken at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake in Waterton Lakes National Park in southern Alberta on the Alberta-Montana Canada-U.S. border.

The kraken’s name was Tutsokiua and had been asleep at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake for 5000 years.

One of the ways of raising Tutsokiua was having a wildfire reach the lake where he resided.

Lilith had already caused a wildfire to burn down the Sperry Chalet in nearby Glacier National Park in Montana.

Glacier National Park had been the site of a U.S. House of Episcopalian Bishops meeting back in the mid-1960s which considered having a heresy trial for Episcopal Bishop James Albert Pike one of her most ardent and committed supporters.

The House of Bishops decided not to go through with the heresy trial but Lilith still decided to get revenge some day anyways.

It was in the dining room of the Sperry Chalet that a group of anti-Pike Anglo-Catholic Episcopal Bishops plotted their strategy.

Lilith after seducing Zeus swiped one of his lightning ⛈ bolts ⚡️ and ignited the Sprague Fire 🔥 by lightning on August 10th.

The fire spread and burnt down the Sperry Chalet (opened in 1914 by the Great Northern Railway) on August 31st.

The Kenow wildfire was Lilith’s weapon to raise the kraken Tutsokiua from the depths of Upper Waterton Lake.

After seducing Zeus again (Zeus was such an easy target 🎯 for her sultry sexy seductive charms), she swiped another lightning ⛈ bolt ⚡️ and started the Kenow wildfire back on September 1st with a lightning strike in the Flathead Valley just across the border from the national park in the province of British Columbia.

The fire 🔥 was spreading through the Akamina Valley and was expected to cross the Alberta-B.C. border into the Cameron Valley in Alberta’s Waterton Lakes National Park today.

Lilith who was riding in the wind 💨 behind this storm (but former U.S. President George W. Bush was too busy being a spectator at NFL Football 🏈 games to notice this time) was hoping to drive the fire towards the Prince of Wales Hotel on Upper Waterton Lake by the middle of this week.

The Prince of Wales Hotel opened in 1927 having been built by the U.S. Great Northern Railway to lure American tourists during the Prohibition era.

The hotel was named after the Prince of Wales (the future King Edward VIII) in a transparent attempt to entice him to stay in the hotel on his 1927 Canadian tour but the prince stayed at a nearby ranch instead.

Lilith felt that if the 90-year-old hotel burnt to the ground that this would generate sufficient atmospheric chaos to cause the kraken Tutsokiua to arise from his sleep 😴 at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake.

Then burning the Prince of Wales Hotel (named after the obnoxious future King Edward VIII) to the ground would be another act of personal revenge on Lilith’s part.

Years ago when she was at a formal dinner and dance 💃🏻 in England back in the 1930s, she was expecting the Prince of Wales to ask her to dance but instead he asked that floozy Mrs. Wallis Simpson.

Hell definitely has no fury like a Lilith scorned.

As for her ardent supporter and admirer the late Episcopal bishop James Albert Pike, he was now a confirmed believer in the existence of Hell (a doctrine that he denied during his earthly lifetime).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 11th
2017.

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A Kraken Rises As A Curtain Goes Down

September 9, 2017 at 6:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Kraken Rises As A Curtain Goes Down

There are krakens and then there are krakens.

For example there is the Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI.

In his mortal life, he had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus dying from a fatal disease so he had uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus 🐙- part machine and part living octopus 🐙 (given a special serum of Kraken immortality that had been developed by Dr. Poseidon Prometheus’ British mad scientist friend Dr. Cadbury Rocher who had in his possession in a secret aquarium the Greek god Zeus’ own personal Kraken who is released into the world’s oceans 🌊 whenever Zeus shouts “Release the Kraken!”).

Prior to uploading his consciousness into the cyborg octopus body, Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had also placed a portion of the brain of the original French Emperor Napoleon I (that he had in his possession) into the octopus’ brain.

Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had been a big admirer of both Emperor Napoleon I and Emperor Napoleon III so wanted a piece of Napoleonic brain before venturing forth into cyborg octopus immortality.

Shortly after he became a Kraken, Napoleon VI (as he now called himself) had met and fell in love 😍 with the ex-Gorgon Medusa whom Dr. Cadbury Rocher had recently revived from the dead having reunited her original head and her original body. Medusa had been restored to her original beauty after Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robotic barber (that he called Edward Scissorhands II) had given the Gorgon’s snake 🐍 ridden hairstyle 💁 a thorough cut and chopping.

Edward Scissorhands II had then applied a natural hair growth formula (that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had developed) to Medusa’s scalp and the now ex-Gorgon’s natural human hair grew back.

Napoleon VI had himself crowned Emperor of France 🇫🇷 as the Emperor Napoleon VI in Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral a couple of years ago with the papal blessing of Pope Francis for the coronation ceremony.

However the one hitch turned out to be that no one in France itself recognized the coronation.

To correct the situation, Napoleon VI and Medusa had started their own political party 🎉 in France the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party earlier this year.

The two member party 🎉 then nominated Napoleon VI as the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party candidate for President of France.

The plan was that when Napoleon VI was elected President of France, he’d then call a referendum asking the French people to elect him Emperor of the French.

But alas the best laid plans of Kraken and ex-Gorgon, they often go astray.

Napoleon VI wound up in 12th and last place of the 12 Presidential candidates running in the 1st round French Presidential election.

The heavy make-up wearing Emmanuel Macron then won the Presidency of France in the subsequent run-off election- a decision which the citizens of France 🇫🇷 had now come to regret.

They would have been better to choose calamari with their cheese 🧀 rather than a piece of rouge wearing white chocolate 🍫 macron.

Meanwhile over in the Caribbean, the North Korean ship The Red Scorpion 🦂 was transmitting a satellite broadcast of North Korean despot Kim Jong-un reciting aloud passages from a medieval Korean copy of The Necronomicon.

The Red Scorpion had entered the Caribbean on August 17th and had begun broadcasting aloud the Kim Jong-un oral readings from The Necronomicon (Medieval Korean edition) the same day that a then Tropical Storm ⛈ called Harvey had formed.

That day a Kraken called Uhluhtc had risen from the bottom of the Caribbean Sea 🌊 following Kim Jong-un’s readings from The Necronomicon.

Uhlucth’s thrashings had led to Harvey forming and then Irma forming and then Jose forming and then Katia forming.

And those were only from Uhlucth thrashing at the bottom of the sea.

Only the gods knew what storms would form as Uhlucth made his way to the top.

Meanwhile in Paris, the curtain came down after 30 seconds as Napoleon VI auditioned for the role of the Phantom in a Paris production of The Phantom of The Opera with the director screaming “Next!”.

Aboard the Red Scorpion, Captain Dragon Sun the ship’s head officer was watching the 1942 horror film The Cat People on his television when his phone went off.

Another Necronomicon satellite transmission from Pyongyang was coming through.

“Next!” The captain shouted to his ship’s communications officer.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 8th
2017.

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Asmodeus On Eiffel Tower In Paris

June 13, 2017 at 7:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The demon Asmodeus stood on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

Smoking a cigarette.

“I wonder if I flicked this cigarette,” Asmodeus reflected, “if Hitler would once again ask the question he asked that German general, Is Paris Burning?”.

He flicked the cigarette down to see.

“No,” said Asmodeus, “it will obviously take more than one cigarette.”

Still the demon had become rather fond of Paris.

So he wouldn’t buy a warehouse of cigarettes to test his newly mused theory.

Like that German general who defied Hitler, he’d spare Paris.

“Of course,” Asmodeus laughed, “other cities won’t be so lucky.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 13th
2017.

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