Belvedere and The Enchantress

July 22, 2017 at 7:58 pm (International Intrigue, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Belvedere and The Enchantress

It was a hot August night in 1885.

And Belvedere the bartender at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon was the laughing stock of the entire town of Hayden Colorado.

Earlier in the evening, Belvedere had told a saloon bar patron that he was still a virgin.

“What?” The patron started laughing his head off, “You’re 45 years old and you’re still a virgin?”.

Word of Belvedere’s admission had spread around the town like wildfire.

When a fire ranger rode up from Denver to Hayden and was told there was no actual fire, he fell off his horse ๐Ÿด laughing when told the real reason for the excitement in town.

Unfortunately for Belvedere, his employer Sherrielock Holmes the proprietress of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon was away attending an opera in San Francisco on the West Coast.

Otherwise she’d have tomatoed many of the townspeople’s bottoms for making fun of her bartender.

Belvedere sat on the wooden sidewalk in front of the saloon blubbering away when a beautiful blonde woman walked by.

“What’s wrong, Belvedere?” The beautiful blonde asked.

“Do I know you?” Belvedere blinked at her.

“I’m Serena, one of the new girls that Miss Sherrielock hired last week,” the blonde sat beside him and raised her skirt showing very shapely legs.

“Oh yes, I heard Miss Holmes had hired some new girls,” Belvedere blew his nose into his tie and then took it off and put it into a box intending to give it as a Christmas gift to the man who had told the whole town that he was a virgin.

The lovely blonde reached into her low-cut blouse and pulled out a beautiful railway watch on a chain (that she kept between her cleavage).

“I see it’s 8 in the evening,” Serena cooed, “what do you intend to do the rest of the night?”.

“I have no idea,” Belvedere looked up at the night sky ๐ŸŒŒ and saw a shooting star ๐ŸŒ .

“Did you make a wish, Belvedere?” She moved closer to him and put her arms around him.

“Um, yes I did,” said Belvedere.

“Well, why don’t you come up to my room then,” she whispered in his ear, “and then we can make your wish come true.”

Belvedere looked inside the water trough for the horses that was a few feet away.

The reflection in the water showed the pyramids of Egypt against the night sky.

Belvedere thought it was an opportune night to make his wish come true.

He walked up the saloon’s back stairs with Serena to her room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 22nd
2017.

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Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

July 20, 2017 at 5:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was hard at work in his Parliamentary office at Westminster.

“Hello, Venus In Stilettos ๐Ÿ‘  Escort Agency?” Renfield was on the phone, “I was wondering if you could send a girl over to my Parliamentary office here in Westminster?”.

A voice similar to that of Charlie Brown’s teacher on old TV Peanuts cartoon specials spoke in reply.

“What am I interested in?” Renfield asked, “A literal reenactment of the title of that old Bryan Adams song The Summer of ’69.”

A choked gasp came from the voice that sounded like Peanuts Charlie Brown’s teacher.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded and grinned, “I want to be able to say these are the best days of my life.”

The voice spoke again.

“Thanks,” Renfield smiled, “Send her right over.”

Renfield put the phone down and manicured his fingernails.

“Who knew that being an MP could be so much fun?” Renfield looked at himself in the mirror atop his desk.

The phone rang again.

“Renfield R. Renfield,” the new MP answered.

It was the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis calling.

“Oh, hello, Isis,” Renfield undid his tie, “Thanks very much for taking me on that month long motorcycle ๐Ÿ tour of France right after I was elected MP.”

“It was my pleasure, Rennie dearest,” Isis spoke in a sultry seductive voice, “Now, I was wondering if you would do me a favour.”

“Anything,” Renfield looked at his globe of the world.

“I understand Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has the ability to enter people’s dreams,” Isis stated.

“That is correct,” Renfield picked up a volume of Jung On The Collective Unconscious.

“I was wondering if you could talk to Michelangelo and get his psychic antennae to pay attention to this one certain individual’s dreams for me,” Isis requested.

“Well,” Renfield in his mind’s eye could see his former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set slashing his delicate Renfieldian throat with those 66-inch long vampirically red fingernails of his, “Um… well as you know Michelangelo is a genetic creation bought and paid for by my former boss Set’s hard earned billions. I really don’t feel like betraying my former boss especially when I’m still living in his mansion.”

“Fine, you be loyal to your former boss then,” the vampiress Isis laughed an evil laugh, “but don’t be so unhappy when I send all those London newspapers the photos I took of you in all those compromising positions with various young French mademoiselles.”

Renfield was silent for a moment.

Finally he grabbed a pen and paper and spoke, “And what was the name of the individual whose dreams you want Michelangelo to enter?”.

Isis mentioned the individual’s name.

Renfield wrote it down.

He then hung up the phone without bothering to say good-bye.

That name sounded familiar for some reason.

Renfield checked his mobile phone and read an email that his friend and former co-employee Amadeus Emanon had sent him that afternoon.

“You asked me to tell you whenever Michelangelo predicted a good sound investment for the future. This afternoon he came up with one. He recommends you buy paintings painted by the South African artist SAREJESS as sound art investments for the future.

-Amadeus ”

Renfield looked at the globe of the world again.

Was this coincidence?

Or a case of Jungian synchronicity at work?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 19th
2017.

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Apollo 11 Lands On The Moon

July 20, 2017 at 2:53 pm (History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

On July 20th, 1969 at 20:18 UTC, the Apollo 11 lunar landing module The Eagle landed on the moon. Later, mission commander Neil Armstrong and pilot Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon.

“Say, Neil,” Buzz called out, “Do you see what I see over there?”.

Armstrong looked in the direction that Aldrin pointed.

“It looks like an ancient Nile River barge,” Armstrong replied.

“Exactly,” said Aldrin.

No sooner had Aldrin spoken that word, then the vessel vanished.

The conversation was never included in any of the transcripts of the dialogue carried on between Apollo 11 astronauts on the moon.

And for those who believe that man never landed on the moon (that the footage was all faked), the conversation never happened at all.

And as far as a certain ancient entity was concerned, the more people who believed that, the better.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 20th
2017.

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Gali-Gula and Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede

July 15, 2017 at 6:22 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Gali-Gula and Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was at the Calgary Stampede today.

As he went around acknowledging the crowds and acknowledging the boos, Justin hoped he wouldn’t run into any one smoking marijuana during the Stampede.

On every occasion when he inhaled even a whiff of marijuana, he’d always run into that annoying ET gray from the planet Nibiru- an ET gray named Gali-Gula (whose extraterrestrial ๐Ÿ‘ฝ body was possessed by the ghost of the late ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula).

Seeing Gali-Gula at the recent Canada ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Day 150 celebrations in Ottawa had so flabbergasted Justin, he forgot to mention the province of Alberta in his Parliament Hill speech.

Now as he walked around the Stampede grounds, he hoped he wouldn’t catch a whiff of marijuana.

He happened to notice a group of people holding up a sign saying WE SUPPORT A CARBON TAX.

He went over to talk to them and caught the biggest whiff of marijuana smoke imaginable from the group.

“Oh, no!” Justin quickly walked away.

He went to talk to another group of people.

And in the crowd, ET gray Gali-Gula asked him, “If I threw a grenade and killed someone, would you pay me $10.5 million like you did Omar Khadr?”.

“Fuck you asshole!” An angry ๐Ÿ˜ก Justin replied.

“What was that?” Alberta Premier Rachel Notley looked at Justin with a great look of astonishment and horror.

“Sorry,” Justin apologized, ” I was talking to Gali-Gula the ET gray standing behind you.”

People looked and not seeing anyone there, they raised their eyebrows and looked suspiciously at Justin.

Justin was then called away to officially open a rubber duck pond which had never been officially opened during the whole time of the Stampede.

As Justin pronounced the words “I officially declare this rubber duck pond open”, Gali-Gula held up a sign that said, THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR KHAYYAM – 11th CENTURY AD. THE RUBY YACHT OF OMAR KHADR- 21St CENTURY AD.

“Go fuck yourself, you tiny little son of a bitch,” Justin screamed.

A small child broke into tears.

“No, no,” Justin apologized, “I didn’t mean you.”

Two of the Prime Minister’s aides looked at one another.

They better get the Prime Minister the Hell out of here before he inflicted any more collateral damage.

They grabbed him and ran straight out of the Stampede grounds.

A 75-year-old ramrod straight cowboy in an ancient looking white Stetson (who had no use for anyone with the last name of Trudeau) shouted after him, “Hey you bum, it’s going to be difficult taking your shirt off for a selfie while you’re wearing a straight jacket.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 15th
2017.

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Macron, Trump and The Kraken On Bastille Day

July 14, 2017 at 6:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Macron, Trump and The Kraken On Bastille Day

U.S. President Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron sat next to each other as they watched the Bastille Day parade on the Champs-ร‰lysรฉes.

Behind the two men, the ghost of Humphrey Bogart said to the ghost of Claude Rains, “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

The previous evening Macron had taken Trump to dinner in the Jules Verne restaurant on top of the Eiffel Tower with its spectacular view of Paris.

The individual Robur Pike who called himself Robur The Conquerer II sailed by in his helicopter airship The Albatross II and eavesdropped on the conversation.

When today’s parade was over, Macron took Trump back to a room in the French Presidential Palace where they continued their discussion.

Behind them (and oblivious to the two men) the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (who formerly had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus) swung on a chandelier directly above them.

The Kraken Napoleon VI’s wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (who had been cured of her Gorgoness and her 10 million bad hair days and nights by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) stood at a table sipping champagne with U. S. First Lady Melania Trump.

Napoleon VI had run as the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party candidate for President in the first round French Presidential election a few months ago.

Since he had come in 12th and last place in that contest, he didn’t make it to the 2nd round which had been won by Mr. Macron.

As the Kraken swung from the chandelier above the heads of Mr. Trump and Mr. Macron, he sang his own personal paraphrased version of a popular World War I song,

Let every good fellow now join in our song,
Vive le Kraken eh?

Success to each other and pass it along,
Vive le Kraken eh?

Chorus:

Vive la, vive la
Vive l’amour.
Vive la, vive la,
vive l’amour.
Vive l’amour, vive l’amour,
Vive le Kraken eh?

A friend on your left and a friend on your right,
Vive le Kraken eh?
In love and good fellowship let us unite,
Vive le Kraken eh?

(Kraken repeats chorus)

Now wider and wider our circle expands,
Vive le Kraken eh?
We’ll sing to our comrades in far away lands
Vive le Kraken eh?

(Kraken repeats chorus)

With friends all around us we’ll sing out our song
Vive le Kraken eh?
We’ll banish our troubles, it won’t take us long
Vive le Kraken eh?

(Kraken repeats chorus)

Should time or occasion compel us to part
Vive le Kraken eh?
These days shall forever enliven our heart
Vive le Kraken eh?

(At that point, the Kraken fell from the chandelier before he could sing the chorus for the final time)

The Kraken got up after falling and said crying ๐Ÿ˜ญ in a Monty Python Mr. Gumby style voice, “I hit me head on the table.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 14th
2017.

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Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

July 13, 2017 at 5:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

Former MPs Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were on a trip to New York City together.

Both men had been defeated in their respective constituencies by candidates for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the recent British general election.

Agathor Christie of the British Conservatives had been defeated in his rural English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by British Transhumanist Renfield R. Renfield (the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).

And Magog Rhys Petley of the British Labour Party had been defeated in his rural Welsh constituency of Newbridge by Transhumanist Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claimed was a vampiress and the niece of the Arthurian era sorceress Morgan Le Fay).

Since both men had two things in common- 1) both being defeated by British Transhumanists and 2) Both having an utter loathing for British Prime Minister Theresa May for calling a snap general election, the two men decided to go on a trip together to drown their respective sorrows.

Britain’s Sun tabloid newspaper had reported on the trip with the headline ELECTORAL DEFEAT MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.

Today Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were visiting the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City which was the largest Anglican Cathedral in the world.

As they stood there looking up at the Rose Window, a strange looking fellow walked by.

“Say,” Magog nudged Agathor, “isn’t that the Hindu god Shiva?”.

“I believe it is,” Agathor put on his glasses and peered at the deity known as “The Destroyer” and “The Transformer” within the Hindu religion.

“What’s he doing in an Episcopal Cathedral?” Magog asked.

“Perhaps he’s becoming an Episcopalian,” Agathor replied.

“Shiva becoming an Episcopalian?” Magog was incredulous.

“Yes,” Agathor nodded.

“Gods don’t become Episcopalian,” retorted the atheistic Magog.

“They don’t become Catholic either,” Agathor reflected, “since Pope Francis says that there’s no Catholic god.”

. . .

Outside the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, officials reported that the large statue of Shiva the Destroyer outside the Collider tunnel had come to life and disappeared.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ resident chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was reading an article on how a Harvard University scientific research team had used the Crispr genome editing tool to insert a gif (five frames of a horse galloping) into the DNA of bacteria.

The gif was the image of a human hand and 5 frames of the horse Annie G captured in the late 19th Century by British pioneer photographer Eadweard Muybridge.

“Wow, inserting an image into DNA to allow it to pass down through generations,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher hit his head, “why didn’t I think of that before?”.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher decided to try this for himself.

For his image, he used a 5 minute YouTube video clip of the meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump at last week’s G-20 summit in Hamburg Germany.

The clip not shown on any of the Fake News networks across the world showed the demon Asmodeus standing immediately behind the sitting Putin and sitting Trump and playing on his harmonica the musical melody to Lara’s Theme from the movie Doctor Zhivago.

Being the genius that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, he was able to, in 5 minutes, insert the YouTube video into the DNA of bacteria what it took 5 days for the Harvard research team to do on their 5 frame gif.

He then put the bacteria in a sealed test tube and left it in the lab.

The Norse trickster god Loki, who had been hiding under a desk seeing what Dr. Cadbury Rocher was up to, decided to take the sealed test tube of bacteria and immediately teleported himself to the Western Wall on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

When he landed, he knocked over a tourist the Nibiruan ET gray Gali-Gula who was standing there taking pictures with his advanced extraterrestrial camera around his neck.

Loki then placed the sealed test tube of bacteria into one of the cracks in the Western Wall where people normally place prayer notes.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 13th
2017.

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The Re-Awakening of Serena?

July 12, 2017 at 5:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Re-Awakening of Serena?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher reported to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that his fiancรฉe Serena (slain by a Soviet assassin in 1924 but whose body was kept cryogenically frozen since then) seemed to be showing signs of coming back to life.

In fact the EEG machine hooked up to Serena’s body was showing signs of brain activity within Serena and the machine had actually been showing signs of it the past couple of months but the technician in charge of monitoring Serena had neglected to inform Dr. Rocher.

Set Enterprises had of course immediately terminated the negligent technician’s employment (the termination was accomplished by Renfield R. Renfield putting a gun at the back of the man’s head and pulling the trigger- thus saving the company the cost of pension payout).

“So,” Set asked Dr. Rocher, “would these signs of conscious activity within her brain be the reason that a lot of photos have appeared in the past month showing Serena appearing at various places in the past? Her returning consciousness has caused her to be a time traveler?”.

“That’s part of it,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “of course the fact that she originally time traveled from this year of 2017 back to the early 1920s where she met Houdini and later you must have been brought about by another entity who has the ability to travel through time.”

“I see,” Set was silent.

“As for who this entity is, I have no idea,” Dr. Rocher shrugged.

Set was staring at a ship in a bottle on a distant shelf.

The ship in the bottle was itself an unusual vessel.

It was an ancient Egyptian funeral barge in a bottle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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Renfield Examines Pope Francis’ Call For A United States of Europe

July 10, 2017 at 3:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was examining his parliamentary briefing notes for the day- particularly those with regard to foreign and global affairs.

Last Thursday, Pope Francis had apparently given an interview to 93-year-old atheist Eugenio Scalfari.

The interview was published in last Saturday’s La Repubblica.

After saying in the interview that “America and Russia, China and North Korea, Russia and Assad” all had distorted visions of the world, Pope Francis then gave his own vision for the world, “Europe must assume as soon as possible a federal government and federal parliament, not from individual confederated countries.”

In effect, Pope Francis was calling for a United States of Europe.

Renfield wondered what the end result of all this would be?

He decided to ask the one individual who would probably know- Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

So Renfield went down to the Set Enterprises lab to talk to the genetically created psychic crustacean.

As Renfield walked through the lab door, he asked, “Hey Michelangelo, what do you think of Pope Francis when he calls for a United States of Europe?”.

Michelangelo in his aquarium happened to be holding in his lobster claws a waterproof copy of the King James Bible (for the lobster loved the sheer beauty of Shakespearian era English) and he just happened to be reading the Book of Revelation, Chapter 13 verse 11, “And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

July 7, 2017 at 6:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was currently attending the G-20 Summit in Hamburg Germany.

As he munched on his Hamburg hamburger alongside German Chancellor Angela Merkel, he reflected on the huge gaffe he had made in Ottawa at last weekend’s Canada Day 150th Anniversary.

He had mentioned every province and territory in Canada in his Canada Day speech except the province of Alberta (the home of famous Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing).

When he left the stage and was informed of his gaffe, he came back and said, “I love you, Alberta” and blew a kiss at the TV cameras causing a wide-eyed teen-aged girl in the crowd (whose name was Alberta) to swoon and faint.

Trudeau’s failure to mention Alberta had angered some Albertans who still remembered Justin’s father Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s energy wars of the 1970s and early 1980s with then Alberta Premier Peter Lougheed over control of the province’s oil and natural gas resources.

Pierre Trudeau’s National Energy Program (NEP) had siphoned billions of dollars from Alberta’s provincial coffers into his own federal government’s treasury.

After bringing in the NEP and figuratively giving Albertans the finger, Pierre Trudeau then literally gave Albertans the finger while crossing through the Province’s Rocky Mountains by train.

Justin Trudeau’s neglect in mentioning Alberta by name at the Canada 150 celebrations in the Canadian nation’s capital of Ottawa struck some Albertans as the son’s equivalent of the father’s giving them the finger.

But really, Justin reflected, it was an accident.

An accident caused by the ET gray from Nibiru named Gali-Gula making funny faces at him while he was speaking.

Justin had promised to legalize marijuana during the 2015 Canadian federal election campaign- a promise which won him numerous seats in British Columbia’s Lower Mainland.

After winning the election, Justin started his own personal one man investigation into the after effects of smoking marijuana.

And whenever he smoked pot, those were the only times that Gali-Gula (the ET gray from Nibiru whose body was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) appeared to him.

Justin had resolved not to smoke any pot ahead of the Canada 150 celebrations.

That way he wouldn’t be seeing Gali-Gula and he also wouldn’t anger the crowd by eating up all the hot dogs at the hot dog stand when he got the munchies.

The trouble was when he got up on the stage, some in the crowd were celebrating Canada’s 150th birthday by smoking pot themselves and Justin had the misfortune of inhaling much of the smoke.

So then Gali-Gula appeared to him just as he was about to mention Alberta by name.

Gali-Gula stuck two fingers in both his ears and then stuck his tongue out making a funny face at the Canadian Prime Minister.

This action on the ET gray’s part totally discombobulated Justin and he forgot to mention Alberta.

Later when Justin came back and said, “I love you, Alberta”, Gali-Gula decided to fly to Alberta and land on the UFO Flying Saucer landing pad in the town of Saint Paul, Alberta built in Canada’s centennial year of 1967.

Gali-Gula’s UFO driving narrowly missed making an omelette out of the world’s largest Ukrainian coloured Easter egg near the town of Vegreville, Alberta and narrowly missed making shredded duck out of the statue of the world’s largest duck outside the town of Andrew, Alberta.

“So,” Chancellor Angela said to Prime Minister Justin over his hamburger rousing him from his thoughts, “I said to Donald, either pee or get off the pot.”

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec walked the streets of Roswell New Mexico.

She wore a black dress in mourning for the lives lost at Roswell 70 years ago.

Her Samsung mobile phone rang.

She answered.

It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing phoning.

They chatted.

Suddenly Qonzilqointec could hear the sounds of gunfire coming from the other end of the phone.

“Dracul, what’s happening?” Qonzilqointec asked.

“Some assassins tried to shoot me,” Dracul answered, “but I shot and killed them first with my Uzi sub machine gun that was given to me as a gift by the host of the Israeli reality TV series Battle of The Rabbis: Orthodox vs. Reformed vs. Conservative vs. Golda’s Uncle’s Lox and Cream Cheese Bagel Worshiping Cult.”

“Who were the assassins?” Qonzilqointec asked, “Agents sent by an evil Transylvanian baron from his lair in the Carpathians?”.

“No,” Dracul replied, “They were operatives from the CPL.”

“CPL?” Qonzilqointec queried.

“The Calgary Public Library,” Dracul answered, “They claimed I forgot to return a book. But it wasn’t true. The only book I ever borrowed from them was an Archie comic book graphic novel called Afterlife With Archie about Jughead Jones leading a zombie apocalypse attack on the community of Riverdale. But I returned it. I even have a receipt slip showing that I did. But Calgary Public Library operatives’ instructions are to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“I see,” Qonzilqointec sighed sadly.

“So you’re at Roswell eh?” Dracul asked.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec nodded, “wondering what happened here 70 years ago?”.

“Maybe some poor snook ET gray forgot to return a book to the Calgary Public Library so CPL operatives fired a surface-to-air missile that hit his craft just above Roswell New Mexico,” Dracul speculated.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 7th 2017.

Qonziqointec In Mourning For Roswell Crash Victims
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash.

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Belvedere Discovers His Enchantress

June 24, 2017 at 3:40 pm (International Intrigue, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

Belvedere the reporter for the Times of London had not always been the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander.

He was originally human but had been turned into a ghost white salamander back in August 1885 when he did not pay a working girl for services rendered in a room above a Wild West saloon.

The brothel girl cast a spell that turned him into a ghost white salamander.

He turned into the ghost of a ghost white salamander when an ox cart heading west ran over him as he crawled in a westernly direction.

Belvedere had heard through his sources that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had managed to take a coloured photograph with his lobster antennae of an assassination attempt made on Josef Stalin in his personal steam locomotive train back on June 22nd 1931.

Belvedere wondered if Michelangelo’s lobster antennae could photographically go back in time to August 15th 1885 the day that he was changed into a ghost white salamander.

And spot who was the enchantress who did this to him?

For Belvedere had forgotten what she looked like after he got run over by an ox cart.

Not of course that the Enchantress was probably still alive to turn him back.

But he’d like to know who she was.

Belvedere went down to the Set Enterprises lab and put in the request to Michelangelo.

Michelangelo’s lobster antennae started flashing red and blue lights as the photo started coming in.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher checked the screen of the computer hooked up to Michelangelo’s antennae as the photo appeared.

Serena

“That’s her,” said Belvedere, “that was the newly employed brothel girl at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon who turned me into a ghost white salamander when I didn’t pay her for sleeping with me.”

“What,” cried the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set as he entered the room, “that’s Serena my fiancee. You mean to say she time traveled back to the day August 15th 1885 and slept with you?”.

Belvedere decided it might not be a good idea to stay in the same room as an angry vampire so he vanished.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 24th
2017.

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