Renfield’s Annoyingly Bad Joke

August 7, 2015 at 6:50 pm (Humour, Jokes, Nature, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Annoyingly Bad Joke

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were sitting at the kitchen table having just finished a meal of steak, mashed potatoes and gravy.

Renfield belched loudly in succession without ever once saying “Excuse me” which was his usual post-dinner commentary on the state of the world.

On the table was a coconut cream pie for dessert later when their meals had been fully digested.

After belching, Renfield leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on the table and put his thumbs under his suspenders (for he was feeling in a Larry King fashion kind of mood today).

“You know,” Renfield grinned as he picked his teeth with his toothpick that he had carved in the shape of a Faberge micro egg sized minuscule miniature banjo, “I’ve just thought up my own joke.”

“Oh,” Amadeus grimaced for Renfield coming up with his own joke never ended well.

“Yes,” Renfield belched again for full dramatic effect, “would you like to hear it?”.

“You’ll tell it to me anyways,” Amadeus sighed.

“Here it is,” Renfield twiddled his thumbs under his suspenders, “how does a lioness get her cubs to behave?”.

“How does a lioness get her cubs to behave?” Amadeus pondered the question for an infinitely shorter space of time than Pythagoras pondered his theorem, “I have absolutely no idea.”

“She says to them,” Renfield grinned, “if you don’t stop misbehaving, I’m going to take you to see the dentist.”

Amadeus buried his head in his hands.

“Bwahahahahaha,” Renfield laughed in annoyingly Norman Newmanesque fashion at his own joke.

Amadeus picked up the cream pie on the table and shoved it into Renfield’s face.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 7th
2015.

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Why Wouldn’t George Washington Be Elected President of the United States Today?

February 3, 2014 at 4:38 pm (Commentary, History, Jokes, Politics) (, , , , , , , )

Why Wouldn’t George Washington Be Elected President of The United States Today?

Here’s a joke I thought up while swimming in the pool last night:

Question: Why wouldn’t George Washington be elected President of the United States today?

Answer: Because he who cut down the cherry tree and admitted it could never tell a lie.

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No Virginia, There Really Isn’t A Santa Claus!

December 11, 2007 at 1:29 pm (Jokes)

How do we know there’s no Santa Claus?
Because if there really was a Santa Claus, we wouldn’t be using our credit cards this holiday shopping season!

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Of Men and Women

June 26, 2007 at 3:50 am (Jokes)

ReplyReplyby vr05 [ 18, F, Coimbatore ]
Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.

Posted on: June 25, ’07

by DraculVanHelsing
Q. Where is the best place in a store to find a woman who is beautiful, a good lover and a stimulating partner?

A. In the Science-Fiction section of the DVD and VHS Video Movies Department.

Posted on: June 25, ’07  


 

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