Orson Welles’ Ghost Views The Only Scene Ever Filmed For Roman Polanski’s Wuthering Heights
The ghost of Orson Welles was admiring a small sculpture of the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow that the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had recently purchased from the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.
The sculpture showed the Headless Horseman and his pumpkin head riding a black horse while the schoolteacher Ichabod Crane is seen getting run over by one of Santa’s reindeer who, after drinking too much Kickapoo Joy Juice, mistook Halloween night for Christmas Eve and was venturing in the forest near Sleepy Hollow following the Headless Horseman and his black horse and his orange pumpkin head mistaking the latter for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s red shiny nose.
“What a delightfully eclectic and eccentric sculpture,” Welles’ ghost remarked as he looked at it while sampling a glass of spectral red wine.
Welles had been informed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield that Boris Johnson (the former Foreign Secretary of Britain) had purchased a retirement gift for British Prime Minister Theresa May at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.
The gift was an 18th Century portrait painting of an 18th Century Irish Pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal.
Welles had recently met the ghost of Kerry Donegal in person when Renfield had brought him home after a night of carousing at the Oscar Wilde Pub.
Welles decided to go down to the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in person to see what other great treasures were available there.
The door to the gallery was opened by Dashwood Forrest’s Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie who was undergoing his own personal zombie apocalypse after having drunk too much Guinness stout and Jameson’s Irish whiskey the night before.
“Excuse the hand on the floor,” Mulligan remarked after his right hand came apart at the wrist and fell on the floor.
As Mulligan tried to re-attach his right hand to the rest of his right arm, Welles’ ghost was greeted by art gallery owner and curator Dashwood Forrest who had a martini in his own hand.
“You know the trouble with being dead is you’re decomposing all the time,” Mulligan the Irish zombie remarked as his right ear fell off.
“Mulligan never did have an ear for music,” Forrest invited Welles into his office, “but do come into my office. I have something that a great film director such as yourself would be interested in.”
As Mulligan managed to find his right ear below a portrait of Vincent Van Gogh, Dashwood Forrest closed the office door behind him and Welles.
“Let me run the film projector,” said Forrest, “for I have here on film the only scene ever completed and shot for a film adaptation of Wuthering Heights that Roman Polanski intended to make back in 1989 but financing for the movie was pulled at the last moment. Polanski was setting his version of Wuthering Heights in the late 20th Century. This was a scene between Heathcliff and Cathy.”
The projector ran and the Polanski 20th Century Wuthering Heights scene between Heathcliff and Cathy- a single still shot appeared:
“Where’s Heathcliff?” Welles asked.
“Heathcliff is the old car in the photo,” Forrest answered, “Polanski intended the movie as a cross between Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights and Stephen King’s Christine.”
“Now I’ve seen everything,” Welles looked stonefaced, “Jack Nicholson must have sent Polanski plenty of California grass that Roman smoked before he came up with the idea for this picture.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 30th
2019.
Reblog of Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth
A vampire novel chapter and blog post I wrote 4 years ago today.
Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth
It was March 1945.
And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.
Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.
(Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)
First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?
Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):
When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.
Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):
That will be ere the set of sun.
(On the wall at the…
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The Siren of The Sea Plays A Sweet Melody: A Poem
A Sea Spell 1877 by Dante Gabriel Rossetti
A great beauty was she
The Siren of the Sea
who played sweet melody
Her fingers played softly each tender string
And with melodious voice she did sing
Birds of the sea flew to hear her
Sailors landed on rocks just to be near her
So tenderly tenderly she played the cords of the lute
while caught in her long flowing hair was forbidden fruit
A garland of flowers adorned her head like a sacred crown
Luminosity shone like the sun off her golden gown
Oh divine beauty, how can it be?
I’m here with you, you’re here with me
when music plays like golden rays
And with tender eyes you gaze
Then on your lap, I’d gladly lie
as the sea waves dance to the seagull’s cry.
-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday March 13th 2019.
Reblog of The Sailing Ship: A Poem
Here’s a poem I wrote 3 years ago today:
The Sailing Ship: A Poem
Sail ahead to distant shores when yonder morning breaks
with wind at your back, listen to the cry that the screeching seagull makes
and sail on into waters of deep crystal blue
venture forth to destinations new
It is a time when the world is wide
so beckon to the surging tide
The mast is your guide
to horizons wide
white sails against skies of blue
they’re your towers- the world to view
and take the brunt of gray skies and stormy seas too
Poseidon’s realm stretches most of the globe
the sites to be seen- what tales to be told
Dolphins and Krakens, mermaids and sirens
aquatic femme fatales- they be a bitin’
Inviting you to Davy Jones’ locker- grave of missing Titan
This is the age of true adventure
where shark makes of mate’s leg a gaping denture
Whales spout
fish about
The…
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Pan Goatee’s Twin Sister, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert E. Lee, The Mermaid and The Kraken: A Poem
DARPA Contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria appearing to Edgar Allan Poe on the day of his death October 7th 1849
‘Twas the night before the Super Wolf Blood Moon
and all through the earth, strange creatures were stirring
and at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland
Shiva and Kali danced the Dance of Death
because of the foolishness of foolish mortals
DARPA and CERN had teamed up to send
Pan Goatee’s genetically cloned twin sister
the beautiful Panty Goatee back in time
to Baltimore Maryland on October 7th 1849
disguised as Poe’s immortal love
the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria
They were sending Panty back as Lenora
On this date of January 19th 2019
on what would have been Poe’s 210th birthday
if he had been still alive or had become an immortal
So as the full moon cast a mysterious looking lunar rainbow
Down upon a cloud as snowflakes fell to Earth
Around the Swiss countryside
And Kali and Shiva danced a frozen version of Swan Lake
as the Greek god Zeus choked on the drumstick of Leda’s
duck a l’orange
and the Chinese moon goddess Chang’e laughed heartedly
while sampling the delicacy of Peking Duck sprinkled
with a little Soma lunar elixir of life
As her snow white jack rabbit hare friend ate carrots
and developed superior night vision.
Why was Panty going back in time as Lenora
to Poe on his death day?
It was a plan conceived by DARPA’S new AI robot
Built by a DARPA employee under the mentorship of Sophia
The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom
Unbeknownst to both DARPA and CERN however
the AI robot had come up with the idea
after being shortcircuited
when DARPA’s mascot Jefferey the otter
had poured a 40 ounce bottle of bourbon
down the AI’s metallic throat
because Jefferey thought the robot could use a drink.
As such both the drink and the plan
would spell doom to the best laid plans
of CERN and DARPA
Both should have stuck to building better mousetraps
And making plans to celebrate Robbie Burns Day
later this month.
Panty as Lenora approached Poe
The writer looked at her and whispered “My long lost love Lenore”
Then he whispered “Reynolds” as he saw the genetic clone
That the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep
had made of the writer and named “Reynolds”
Poe then croaked
and a raven outside the window wept bitter tears
As Poe would say “Lenore” nevermore.
Inside a Rome coffee shop
Abraham Lincoln’s ghost
And the ghost of Gen. Robert E. Lee
celebrated the Confederate General’s 212th birthday today
January 19th 2019
As the Egyptian god Osiris watched
Lincoln raised his cappuccino in a toast,
“Here’s to old enemies becoming friends again”.
And on a marble floor inside the Vatican was a gold ashtray
containing the gold plated figures of a mermaid and a Kraken
who were very much in love
The Kraken told his beloved mermaid,
I want this moment to last forever
His wish came true when King Midas touched them both.
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 19th
2019.
Late For The Party: A New Year’s Eve Short Short Story
A New Year’s Eve short short story I wrote 3 years ago today:
Late For The Party
“Aren’t you ready yet?” The wife asked her husband, “we’re going to be late for the party. I’d like to be there before the clock strikes midnight and the New Year comes.”
“I’m almost finished this poem I’m writing, dear,” the husband smiled, “hold on.”
The wife looked at the clock, “Come on. Let’s go NOW. Your poem is not so important. It’s not as if people are going to be reciting or even remembering it for the next 200-odd years.”
“All right, dear,” the husband got up to get his coat.
The poem lay on his desk,
“Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind…
… we’ll take a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne…”
-Robert Burns, 1788.
-A short short short story
written by Christopher
Thursday December 31st
2015.
Reblog of None more poetic…
A very beautiful and lovely poem.
None more poetic…
There is none more poetic than her
A southern star,
She eclipses even the northern lights.
Of honeyed laughter and soft smiles
This dusky beauty beguiles.
Bewitching charcoal eyes.
She is a living prize.
My heart doth meet
Dainty feet.
Crimson toe tips
Swaying hips.
Silken swept raven tresses
Boldly clad sari emerald dress
Mesmerizing, concealing, revealing.
Ah, her dancing choli knots
On that sculpted shape renders me fraught.
Her lips, oh her luscious lips
She excites, delights and ignites.
No Jezebel or Delilah is she
Naïve and virtuous, she is.
No Helen of Troy, is she
My Joy, she is.
She is the harp that eases me soft.
She is the drums that hastens my heart to thump,
The symphony that awakens my poetic soul.
She fills my heart and renders me whole.
An inspiration by Anup Gomay’s painting (main image) “Tying the Knot”.
Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today
80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.
The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.
The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.
It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.
If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.
Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”
Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.
Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.
Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?
Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?
Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.
Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.
I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.
Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.
Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.
With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?
I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.
I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.
Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.
The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…
… Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.
-A Halloween montage
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 30th
2018.
Wilkie The Cat As Count Dracula: A Halloween Theatrical Poem
Narrator:
Gather around, all ye folks,
If you’re Canadian, watch your tokes,
In this theatre, pot is for peeing and not for smokes.
Our story begins here on Broadway
where Donald Trump sought starlets to lay
before Vladimir Putin turned him gay
Oprah Winfrey (as a transgendered Othello) :
Oh where, oh where is Desdemona?
I lie here in bed making many a moana
but I hear no Desdemona a groana.
Narrator:
Ms. Winfrey, you’re in the wrong theatre
this is what happens when you drink too much beera
The LGBTQ production of Othello is next door
please watch those Jesuit condoms on the floor
as from this theatre to that, you kindly pass
while Pope Francis’ order celebrates a Baphomet Mass
Oprah:
Oh damn, oh damn,
so much for a grand slam,
Roseanne Barr plays a transgendered Iago
while Donald Trump calls Robert Mueller a fago.
Narrator:
And now Oprah is moving her ass
as from this theatre to that, she kindly does pass
And now we shall begin our own theatrical tale
as Greenpeace activist encounters a methane gas producing carbon emissions whale
caused by Jefferey the otter’s cooked extra spicy pork and beans tipping the scale
And the good ship Demeter crashes
as Mina Harker bats her eyelashes
for the methane gas producing whale has sunk the ship
while Greenpeace activist takes a Justin Trudeau inspired trip
And Count Dracula (played by Wilkie the Cat) swims ashore
while his coffin is carried by a yarmulke wearing rabbi wild boar
it’s a good thing the boar is no porcine Hannibal Lecter
otherwise his culinary tastes would violate the Mosaic laws inspector
I forgot to mention that Mitzi la feline actress Parisienne plays Mina Harker
as Dr. Jack Seward’s asylum patient Renfield eats Peter Parker
Spiderman is now gone
a marvel of a swan song
Lackey of Christopher Lee has triumphed over a Lee named Stan
as Antifa takes a statue of Robert E. into the can
The Confederate military hero
is to the political left a great big zero
even though he freed his own slaves long before did Ulysses S. Grant
but this is all ignored in a New York Times rant
Dracula swims ashore near Whitby Abbey
where Canterbury’s ex-ArchDruid Rowan Williams looks crabby
he should have had the lobster flambe instead of crabs a l’amour
given him while dallying with a young French paramour
And Jonathan Harker (played by Kelsey Grammer) watches in horror
as Dracula seduces his sweet love Lenore
oops! – wrong script! – Poe’s The Raven is the performance for tomorrow night
as this Wilkie production of Dracula shuts down this theatre’s marquee light
As Dr. Abraham Van Helsing played by David Hyde Pierce
moves in to collect Dracula’s Transylvanian government tax arrears
he stabs the vampiric nobleman through the heart
as the carbon emissions whale in the sea lets out one last fart.
Both Greenpeace activist and Count Dracula are now dead
The janitor will have to wipe the spot where Wilkie has bled
for a real stake was mistakenly used instead of a prop
the hazards of hiring for a prop hand a drunken sop.
-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Saturday October 27th
2018.
Desdemona’s Death Scene by Dante Gabriel Rosetti
A scene from a 19th Century British production of William Shakespeare’s Othello
very different from an early 21st Century American production of Othello
Haiku About Dostoevsky’s Vision of Future Communism In Russia
March 22, 2019 at 10:11 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Literature, Philosophy, Poetry, Politics, Religion) (Bolshevism, Communism, Dostoevsky, haiku, poem, Russia, Russian Bolshevik Revolution, visions of the future)
Fire in minds of men
Blood and revolution come
Hell will replace Christ
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