Panty Goatee Slays ISI Bigshot While Sherrielock Holmes and Fenrir Meet King Edward VII
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was enjoying a High Tea of Chai tea and cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches with his friend the concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and the concert pianist’s girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont.
They were sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London Mansion.
“So what did the Indian and Iranian governments contact you about yesterday?” Amadeus asked as he helped himself to a dozen cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches.
Renfield thought he was wise to ask Athelstan the butler to make 200 of those sandwiches.
“Well, the Indian government suspects the Pakistani ISI was behind the suicide bomb attack that killed 44 Indian paramilitary policemen in Kashmir this past Thursday and Iran blames the ISI for the deaths of 27 Revolutionary Guards earlier this week,” Renfield explained as he sipped his tea, “so they asked me to use my contacts to do something about it.”
Meanwhile over in Pakistan, the assistant deputy head of the ISI was off on his morning jog.
Suddenly this vision greeted him:
DARPA cotract assassiness Panty Goatee
“Excuse me, Miss,” the ISI bigshot jogged over to her with a very tiny little miniscule bulge in his jogging pants, “but that t-shirt mini dress you’re wearing is very blasphemous not to mention that your attire in general is very un-Islamic. So I’m going to have to take you in for questioning and (ahem!) other things as well.”
Panty pulled a gun out from underneath her dress and shot the man.
“Ah shit,” the man said as he fell backwards on to the ground.
“I thought you people were supposed to say Allah akbar before you die,” Panty smiled as she slit the man’s throat with a knife she pulled out from under her dress.
. . .
Serena the time traveller and magician’s assistant to Thoth the Egyptian god of time and recordkeeping looked down at Dracul Van Helsing from her wall of clocks.
“What are you looking at?” Serena asked.
“Well,” said Dracul, “it was 100 years ago today on February 17th 1919 that former Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfred Laurier died. It’s hard to believe that there was ever an honest Federal Liberal politician from Quebec but they still made them as late as Sir Wilfred Laurier.”
. . .
The year was 1907.
And England’s King Edward VII was walking down the street looking for a piece of tail to satisfy his lecherous royal appetite.
Suddenly he spotted Miss Sherrielock Holmes.
“Ah, there’s the delightful twin sister of consulting detective Sherlock Holmes,” Edward VII stroked his beard.
He walked in her direction.
When suddenly there emerged from behind her dress the Norse wolf Fenrir.
“Good Lord, look at the size of that hound,” Edward VII clutched on to his silver wolf’s head walking stick and turned the other direction, “I’ll have to talk to Sherrielock some other day.”
. . .
“Who was that who text messaged you?” Amadeus asked as he was on his 99th cucumber and creamed cheese sandwich.
“Countess Draculina,” Renfield answered, “She fears that her father Count Dracula has been kidnapped by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith for some nefarious purpose so she’s coming over to talk to me.”
The doorbell rang.
Renfield went to answer it.
There at the door stood Countess Draculina.
“Good God!” Renfield exclaimed.
“What’s the matter?” Amadeus asked.
“I’ve got an enormous erection,” Renfield answered.
“You always were one to boast about that,” Angelique remarked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 17th
2019.
Saint Valentine’s Day 2019
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had come up with yet another plan to bump off Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.
He had co-ordinated the plan with the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill along with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
Before explaining the plan to Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield pointed out the dangers of getting Maduro out of office with the help of a U.S. invasion of Venezuela or an American planned overthrow.
“As we know both being acute students of history,” Renfield explained, “America’s unique talent and gift to the world is its ability to make a country worse off than it was when it lived under a brutal dictator. This actually is a unique bit of creativity unsurpassed in the history of human stupidity. That disaster we call George W. Bush (aided and abetted by that disaster Tony Blair – an Englishman who fancied himself a French poodle to a former Texas governor) invaded Iraq to topple Saddam and succeeded in that but then plunged the country into years of sectarian violence and bloodshed that continues today. Those disasters we call Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton thought they could get Syria’s Bashar al-Assad out of power by encouraging the Syrian people and part of the Syrian Armed Forces to rise up in revolt against Assad. The result has been 8 years of bloody civil war which is still ongoing, Assad is still in power and if Vladimir Putin and the Iranians hadn’t intervened, large portions of Syria would still be under the control of the ISIS Islamic State. And then of course that disaster we call Bill Clinton ordering the NATO bombing of Serbia from March 24th 1999 to June 10th 1999 helped pave the way for Vladimir Putin to come to power in Russia. Then Russian President Boris Yeltsin was so upset by the way Bill “He couldn’t keep it in his pants” Clinton treated Russia’s long standing ally Serbia that Yeltsin spent the entire spring and summer of 1999 hiring and firing new Prime Ministers until Yeltsin finally decided on Putin as his Prime Minister in August 1999 and then named Putin his successor as President on December 31st 1999. So Bill in effect screwed his wife Hillary twice. Once when they had Chelsea and secondly when he bombed Serbia thus paving the way for Putin to take power in Russia which if we are to believe the whining and sniveling of the New York Times, The Washington Post and the Deep State within the U.S. government is the man ultimately responsible for Hillary’s defeat in 2016.”
“Karma’s returning to bite one in the ass always happens eventually,” Van Helsing acknowledged.
“So you see how it’s absolutely vital that a British Transhumanist MP such as myself working in concert with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles do something to get Maduro out of power before the Americans try anything stupid,” Renfield pointed out.
“Time is indeed of the essence,” Dracul looked at his Latin numerals sundial wristwatch until he remembered it didn’t work indoors.
“So I want you to go over to the gymnasium at the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium Building and start to set things in motion with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and by set things in motion,” Renfield admonished, “I don’t mean tantric sex with her.”
“Damn,” Dracul swore.
. . .
“So Lexington,” Donald Trump addressed his British butler and valet, “I gave Nancy Pelosi a Valentine’s Day present this year.
“That’s very kind of you, sir,” Lexington took off the Donald’s jacket.
“As you know today is the 90th Anniversary of Al Capone giving a Valentine’s Day present to Bugs Moran in a garage and warehouse in Chicago so I thought I’d do the same for Nancy,” Trump smiled.
Earlier that evening a group of Democratic Party supporters had gathered to sacrifice a new born baby to Baal/Moloch at a garage and warehouse in Washington DC.
Despite the best efforts of the hospital to ensure the baby wouldn’t survive birth, the baby managed to survive.
It was a health care debacle that would have provided existential angst to the likes of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam.
Double angst for Gov. Northam as the baby was an Afro-American.
Although probably double angst for Gov. Cuomo as well but since northern white liberals do a much better job at hiding their racism than their southern white liberal counterparts, you wouldn’t have noticed the look of disappointment on the face of Mario’s son.
The baby was smuggled into the ceremony by a large “reproductive health” (as they euphemistically call themselves) provider to be sacrificed to Baal/Moloch for this evening’s ritual.
Outside the warehouse a group of Mammon and Mephistopheles worshipping Republicans (all members of the National Rife Association and vitriolic opponents of a nationally publicly funded single pay user health care system) stood ready to burst in on the pro-infanticide Baal and Baphomet worshipping Party of Death Democrats.
The signal was given.
And the NRA members went in with guns ablazing.
Soon all the Party of Death Democrats were dead.
Santa Muerte who had been at the ceremony eating enchiladas looked sad.
Miraculously the baby girl (who was to be sacrificed) managed to survive.
She was found by a traditionalist Catholic nun who had been walking in the neighbourhood.
Earlier in the day, the nun had been personally excommunicated by Pope Francis.
Now like George Eliot’s Silas Marner, she had found true gold.
. . .
On his way to the warehouse gymnasium at Set Enterprises, Dracul Van Helsing passed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was crawling on his way towards Sherrielock Holmes’ office and carrying a large bouquet of roses in his lobster claws.
Dracul entered the gym and there saw Qonzilqointec:
And within minutes the gym was heating up with steam from the Valentine’s Day tantric sex between vampire hunter and vampire princess.
. . .
Amadeus Emanon was attending a Saint Valentine’s Night Evening Prayer service at Saint Genevieve’s Church- the Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish that he attended.
Delivering a short homily at the service was the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists.
“Saint Valentine,” Father Aidan noted, “was a Catholic priest who lived and worked in Rome in an age of severe persecutions. The Emperor Claudius II had ordered that Roman soldiers should not be allowed to marry so they could concentrate on war without a double mind. For that reason, the soldiers began living promiscuous lives. Saint Valentine ordered soldiers in his congregation to marry and he began wedding them secretly. For that reason, he was caught, imprisoned and executed on the 14th of February 270 AD.”
“Wow,” Amadeus thought to himself as he reached stealthily into his pocket to grab and eat a stick of licorice, “So there was no Cupid with bow and arrow in the original Saint Valentine story.”
Betty Grable as a female Cupid in a photo taken back in the 1940s.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 14th
2019
Semiramis’ Early Valentine’s Day Present For Dracul While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Pig To Greek God Zeus For Chinese New Year
Semiramis: “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Van Helsing.”
“But it isn’t quite Valentine’s Day yet,” Van Helsing looked at his Latin sun dial wrist watch (which didn’t work quite so well at night) as he addressed the immortal Queen of Babylon.
“But it is Chinese New Year,” Semiramis smiled, “so I thought we’d take the Persian magic flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles left behind in the hotel and use it to fly to your old home town of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and have dinner at the Blue Willow Restaurant there at your favourite table alongside the statue of Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy.”
“Or,” Dracul joked, “we could order take out from Lydo Chinese Food.”
He recounted their TV commercial musical song jingle from his childhood, “4-2-6- 5-0-5-0 (their phone number- Editor’s Note), if you’re hungry call the Lydo… now. Free delivery.”
“Van Helsing, shut up,” Semiramis commanded in a spanking dominatrix tone of voice that turned Dracul on.
. . .
Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump was giving his State of The (Dis)Union Address as the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant watched from the public gallery.
It was deja vu all over again for the quartet.
. . .
In Beijing China, the Black Dragon had arranged for a Lunar New Year celebration for Chinese leader Xi Jinping.
A wild boar with an Apple iPhone in its mouth along with a real apple was brought in on a silver platter.
The wild boar was dressed in the Stars and Stripes of the American flag and the apple (fruit not iPhone) had a miniature Canadian flag on a toothpick along with a marijuana cigarette sticking out of it.
. . .
In the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was sacrificing a live Vietnamese pot bellied pig to a statue of the Greek god Zeus that had been placed in the Lady Chapel.
Horrified looking holographic images of Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog (projected by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland) looked on in horror.
“Kermit, do something,” Miss Piggy shrieked.
“What can I do?” Kermit answered as he ate flies from a can of sardines whose expiry date had long since expired, “It ain’t easy being green.”
. . .
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom stood alongside a marble bust of Pan the Greek satyr nature god (her one time lover) and addressed the ghost of Orson Welles.
“Do you know how my son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun is celebrating Chinese New Year in Ireland?” Sophia remarked, “Drunk under several pints of Guinness and a pot of gold.”
“I should have done the same,” Welles’ ghost remarked while suffering an acute case of spectral ectoplasmic indigestion after having ordered the Hungry Ghost Plate Special at Ho Ho’s Chinese Food in the Hub Mall of Edmonton’s University of Alberta campus while a marriage proposal was happening in front of the express food concession stand.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 5th
2019.
The Eve of Saint Agnes 2019: Night of The Super Wolf Blood Moon: A Poem
Madeleine undressing, The Eve of St. Agnes painted by John Everett Millais circa 1863 based on John Keats’ 1819 poem The Eve of St. Agnes
‘Twas the Eve of Saint Agnes
and in a Baphomet worshipping Jesuit chapel
in Washington DC
Strange creatures were stirring
led by an Illuminati banker Lord L of London
who was wearing a mask of Poe’s The Raven
The Greco-Egyptian gnostic goddess Sophia was dressed
as a statue of her mother Pallas Athena
But wasn’t allowing Lord L to sit on her head
The demons Baal and Baphomet sat atop Pope Francis style witches’ Stang style Crucifixes awaiting sacrifices to them
Two victims- a 12-year-old girl named Agnes who would be sacrificed to Baal who thrived on child sacrifices
And a 50-year-old Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley (former British Labour MP) securely bound (as it was the night of a full moon) who would be sacrificed to Baphomet the half-human half-goat half-male half-female entity (who was Sophia’s son/daughter)
Performing the sacrifice would be Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon
Seeing as how Saint Agnes’ symbol was the lamb
and Magog Rhys Petley’s symbol was the wolf
The group was giving a perverted twist to Isaiah’s prophecy about the wolf shall lie down with the lamb
Semiramis wearing a long red dress raised the knife
when the full moon turned blood red
ready to bring it down on both
when the blood red moon turned to darkness
Just then the door of the chapel opened
And two creatures entered
One was a white wolf with blue eyes
He strolled on the right down the center of the chapel
The other was a black jaguar with silver eyes
He strolled down the left of the chapel
They went and stood on either side of Semiramis
Lord L blinked behind his raven mask
He didn’t recall this being part of the script
A tall blonde man wearing a fedora hat and Philip Marlowe
style private eye trench coat entered the chapel
Wearing a cross bow on his back
Standing at the front of the chapel
he removed a cross bow and poisoned arrow and fired at Lord L
“Shit, I am slain” Lord L remarked before falling over subsequently dead
“A Lenny Bruce style Nixon White House style epithet added to Polonius’ last words spoken in the play Hamlet” the crossbow slayer who was Dracul Van Helsing remarked.
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had arrived on the scene
and had tied up and bound Semiramis the Queen of Babylon
“Wow, my Anne Rice A. N. Roquelaure Sleeping Beauty BDSM fantasies are coming true,” Dracul remarked upon seeing this
Renfield R. Renfield let fire with a water cannon
with Holy Water blessed by the former Pope Benedict XVI
At the demons Baal and Baphomet
sending them shrieking outside the chapel
Soon the spectators fled
including a Democratic Congresswoman from California
and a Democratic Senator from New York
who were dressed as the couple
in the 1930 Grant Wood painting American Gothic
Semiramis before succumbing to a massive tantric orgasm
Brought about by the excitement of the ropes and the handcuffs
touching her skin
Thought she recognized Dracul Van Helsing
“He must be a time traveller,” Semiramis thought to herself,
“He’s the spitting image of the man who rescued me from the hands of Jack the Ripper in London in the autumn of 1888.”
Semiramis in the arms of Jack the Ripper as a raven watches
and before a white wolf and a black jaguar and a vampire slayer spring in for the attack
Pan Goatee’s Twin Sister, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert E. Lee, The Mermaid and The Kraken: A Poem
DARPA Contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria appearing to Edgar Allan Poe on the day of his death October 7th 1849
‘Twas the night before the Super Wolf Blood Moon
and all through the earth, strange creatures were stirring
and at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland
Shiva and Kali danced the Dance of Death
because of the foolishness of foolish mortals
DARPA and CERN had teamed up to send
Pan Goatee’s genetically cloned twin sister
the beautiful Panty Goatee back in time
to Baltimore Maryland on October 7th 1849
disguised as Poe’s immortal love
the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria
They were sending Panty back as Lenora
On this date of January 19th 2019
on what would have been Poe’s 210th birthday
if he had been still alive or had become an immortal
So as the full moon cast a mysterious looking lunar rainbow
Down upon a cloud as snowflakes fell to Earth
Around the Swiss countryside
And Kali and Shiva danced a frozen version of Swan Lake
as the Greek god Zeus choked on the drumstick of Leda’s
duck a l’orange
and the Chinese moon goddess Chang’e laughed heartedly
while sampling the delicacy of Peking Duck sprinkled
with a little Soma lunar elixir of life
As her snow white jack rabbit hare friend ate carrots
and developed superior night vision.
Why was Panty going back in time as Lenora
to Poe on his death day?
It was a plan conceived by DARPA’S new AI robot
Built by a DARPA employee under the mentorship of Sophia
The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom
Unbeknownst to both DARPA and CERN however
the AI robot had come up with the idea
after being shortcircuited
when DARPA’s mascot Jefferey the otter
had poured a 40 ounce bottle of bourbon
down the AI’s metallic throat
because Jefferey thought the robot could use a drink.
As such both the drink and the plan
would spell doom to the best laid plans
of CERN and DARPA
Both should have stuck to building better mousetraps
And making plans to celebrate Robbie Burns Day
later this month.
Panty as Lenora approached Poe
The writer looked at her and whispered “My long lost love Lenore”
Then he whispered “Reynolds” as he saw the genetic clone
That the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep
had made of the writer and named “Reynolds”
Poe then croaked
and a raven outside the window wept bitter tears
As Poe would say “Lenore” nevermore.
Inside a Rome coffee shop
Abraham Lincoln’s ghost
And the ghost of Gen. Robert E. Lee
celebrated the Confederate General’s 212th birthday today
January 19th 2019
As the Egyptian god Osiris watched
Lincoln raised his cappuccino in a toast,
“Here’s to old enemies becoming friends again”.
And on a marble floor inside the Vatican was a gold ashtray
containing the gold plated figures of a mermaid and a Kraken
who were very much in love
The Kraken told his beloved mermaid,
I want this moment to last forever
His wish came true when King Midas touched them both.
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 19th
2019.
The Clock of Thoth: A Poem
Tefna listening to the sound of the Clock of Thoth tick.
The young woman called Tefna
was in her apartment bedroom
listening to the sound of
the Clock of Thoth tick
A clock designed by her father
A master clock maker
At the stroke and bong of each hour
Two figures would come out
The first was Thoth
The ibis headed ancient Egyptian god
Of the moon, magic and writing
And of course the Egyptian god who
was the recorder of time
The other figure was an Egyptian Pharaoh
who bore the likeness of the young
Actor/Director Orson Welles
The year was 1945
The date was August 6th
Feast of the Transfiguration
On the Church calendar
When Christ showed his Divine Deity
To his Apostles Peter, James and John
Tefna awaited news on what would become of her fiance
a sailor in the U.S. Navy still involved in the War In The Pacific
against Japan
Thor’s lightning bolt insigna warriors in Germany
had surrendered months earlier
but no word yet on those who fought for the ancient gods of Japan
A young American scientist J. Robert Oppenheimer
was seeking to become the Hindu god Shiva
The destroyer and transformer of worlds
But Tefna was unaware of him and his plans
And what they could possibly mean for her
As she listened to the ticking of the Clock of Thoth
On the wall
Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
As she always did at this same time every night
Before she went to bed
In the apartment next door
Hera the divine goddess queen of the Olympians
awaited the report of an immortal private eye
Carson Cody Albion
The Greek goddess Hera- that’s Juno to the ancient Romans!
She had suspected her husband Zeus
was getting it on with the modern goddesses
of the silver screen in Hollywood
The fact that she had heard him talking on the phone
seeking to borrow swan and bull costumes
from studio costume departments
only added to her suspicions.
In the apartment on the other side of Tefna
sat Hestia the Greek goddess of hearth and home
Hestia suspected that hearth and home would come to be neglected in America following the war
As both men and women followed Mammon
the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce
Who had helped America defeat Thor’s modern worshippers
All these things were unfolding in the building around Tefna
As she listened to the sound of the Clock of Thoth
tick on the wall
Tick-tock! Tick-tock! went the Clock of Thoth on the wall
As Tefna listened.
The Greek goddess Athena was there in black and white
on the silver screen
in the old repertory movie theatre
in West Hollywood
on January 14th
when Dracul Van Helsing
entered the theatre
and entered the screen
and then entered Athena
to sample hidden portals of wisdom
In the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London
Dashwood Forrest looked at the painting
of Demeter
The Greek goddess of fields, crops and agriculture
looking down on a field of 19th Century French peasant women
Bringing in the sheaves for harvest
Looking at the painting
Dashwood Forrest was shocked to see and hear
Demeter speak to the French women,
What sort of powerful magician could seduce my Persephone
away from her husband
As Athena found tantric sex to be a tantalizing experience
On the silver screen in a West Hollywood repertory theatre
actress Akira Lane was showing a robotics maker
fresh from a technology show in Las Vegas
what wonders old technology could do
when blended with ancient magic
As an Irish Jewish science-fiction writer
George Finneganburg
hastily took notes
Meanwhile in a London casino
Former British Labour MP
The Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley
(whose seat was now held by
British Transhumanist MP
Welsh vampiress Morgana)
walked in on an unexpected orgy
taking place on a casino table
The casino’s kinky quartet looked at him, smiled
and advised him not to miss Lord L’s
Super Wolf Blood Moon Party
in Washington DC
next Sunday night
with the brunette in short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose
Sitting atop the casino table
telling him not to miss it for the world
Renfield R. Renfield MP
had just finished writing his speech to move
a motion of non-confidence in Theresa May’s government
following the Brexit vote in the Westminster Parliament tomorrow
When suddenly he walked out into his Parliamentary office
waiting room
Where the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh
was waiting for him
Causing Renfield to burst the zipper on his trousers
When he saw her
He would have to buy himself a new suit
to deliver the speech in Parliament tomorrow
It was a moonlit night in Port Elizabeth South Africa
As the great South African artist SAREJESS
sat in the middle of the street with his easel and canvas
and paintbrush and paints
(praying that no motorists would be driving down the street this late at night to abruptly and undoubtedly painfully put an end to his lunar nocturnal painting expedition)
and painted what he saw
He would paint this quiet tranquil scene
before the ghost of a brontosaurus showed up
and walked across the street
And before the ghost ship of THE ghost ship
The Flying Dutchman
appeared on the surface of the water
on the horizon in the distance
As he sat there painting the canvas,
he wondered whether his wife and family were right
to think he was crazy
And there at one moment in time
somewhere in time
sat Tefna
always anxiously sitting on the bed
always anxiously awaiting for the phone to ring
to bring her news of her love
Same place
Same time
Night after night
but no sound of a phone ringing
Only the sound of the Clock of Thoth ticking
Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 14th
2019.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Marks Nicolas Maduro’s 2nd Inauguration
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec got up and walked away after she had successfully poisoned the head of Venezuela’s intelligence service.
She also had in her possession and in her purse the location of two Russian Tu-160 nuclear bombers (with nuclear bombs aboard) in Venzeula.
She’d be contacting British MP Renfield R. Renfield with that information.
She’d also be text messaging a photo of the head of the Venezuelan Intelligence Service (lying dead on the floor with a poisoned olive from a martini hanging from his mouth) to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro moments after he was inaugurated for a second time.
The Aztec vampire princess would now be flying to Havana Cuba where she would watch Cuban President Miguel Diaz-Canal receive the Pope Francis Medal of Freedom Award presented to the Cuban leader by a leading Latin American liberation theology Jesuit theologian on behalf of the Pontiff.
She’d then meet with a United Nations official the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky the head of the Communist Fourth International) and plot their strategy to talk actress Angelina Jolie into running for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 2020.
After the vaudeville papal awards ceremony and the Tomi meeting, she’d then have a tantric sex marathon with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a Havana hotel room.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 10th
2019.
At The End of The Day: A Carson Cody Albion Private Eye Poem
At the end of the day, walking in an empty house
where gods and goddesses play
for this is Hollywood’s way
I’m not the one making the rules
I just follow them like most fools
No mortal may apply here
For the Silver Screen
is gateway to Eden’s lie
Thou shall not surely die
for you live forever on celluloid
where your soul goes is anyone’s guess
Just smile at the camera at your screen test
As Carson Cody Albion Private Eye walked the house,
these words echoed through his mind.
Persephone Queen of The Underworld waits at the bar with drink
A pomegranate liqueur perhaps, Mr.Albion?
She spoke with the purr of a cat and the splash of a fish.
Albion continued on.
Atargatis stood in the Asian room.
So mortal like.
So unmermaid like.
And surely no deadly siren call?
“Who should I rub for luck?” Atargatis sang, “The Buddha? Or you, Mr. Albion?”.
In the fireside room, Semiramis waited on leopardskin rug
while embers of long dead languages flickered off the log
that was a sideways leaning towering inferno of babel
“Come sit by the fire, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis purred, “and choose the cat you want to play with.”
Albion continued walking.
This time to the bedroom.
Where once again Persephone Queen of The Underworld was waiting for him
“Come in, Mr. Albion. Come in and explore my depths.”
-A private eye poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 7th
2019.
Sherrielock Holmes’ 165th Birthday
Today is the Feast Day of the Epiphany.
And it was on the Feast Day of The Epiphany in 1854 that two remarkable individuals were born.
Twins.
A boy and a girl.
The boy would go on to achieve fame and fortune as the world’s greatest consulting detective- Sherlock Holmes of 221 B Baker Street.
The girl would remain in the shadows.
One because of her chosen profession- that of a dominatrix.
And although her clientele included members of the British Empire’s high and mighty, no one wished to publicly speak of her.
She also worked for the most secret levels of British Intelligence.
She had been recruited into British Intelligence on the recommendation of one Winston Churchill in 1914 when he served in the World War I British cabinet as First Lord of The Admiralty.
By this time of course Sherrielock Holmes had achieved immortality.
Quite literally.
For she had eaten a specially prepared omelette made with Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms that had been developed by her husband the noted scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who was ironically enough the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal arch Prof. James Moriarty and a single unmarried French woman named Isabelle Rocher) which gave her immortality.
Dr. Rocher decided to wait to prepare a similar omelette and achieve immortality for himself.
A decision he came to regret after his plane was shot down by the Red Baron on April 20th 1918 just the day before the Red Baron was shot down himself by Canadian pilot Roy Brown on April 21st.
His immortal Lingzhi supernatural mushroom omelette recipe went to the ground with him.
Sherrielock Holmes left British Intelligence in 1920 and became a school teacher throughout the 1920s.
Sherrielock Holmes found her dominatrix training came in handy teaching in a girls’ school in the 1920s.
Living life briefly as a blonde, she also found her dominatrix experience came in handy teaching in a boys’ school in the 1920s.
Today of course, Sherrielock turned 165.
Her brother Sherlock had been offered one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s immortal omelettes as well but turned him down describing it as “oriental mumbo-jumbo” and “hocus pocus nonsense”.
Sherlock subsequently died of a massive cardiac arrest on May 28th 1937 upon hearing the news on BBC Radio that Neville Chamberlain had replaced Stanley Baldwin as Prime Minister of Britain.
German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s glee was the great British consulting detective’s death agony.
So Sherlock was not present at Sherrielock’s 165th Birthday party being held in the main dining room at the Savoy Hotel in London tonight hosted by her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief scientist at Set Enterprises the research and development firm owned by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the man said to embody the best (and the worst) of Holmes and Moriarty blood.
His greatest testtube genetic creation was present- the shapeshifting hamster/human British MP Renfield R. Renfield widely touted to someday become the Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century.
Also present was Amadeus Emanon (Set’s personal concert pianist) who had recently started recording his own songs at a major London music and recording studio and those few music critics who had listened to his songs touted him as a future British music sensation to equal the likes of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.
Not present was Pan Goatee who had run away from Set Enterprises laboratories to join an American electric music rock band back in 2013 and now worked as a contract assassin for America’s DARPA and a satyr serial killer of ugly women.
There were various genetically modified animals that Dr. Rocher had created as well- including Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was currently occupying a blow proof lobster tank in the dining room of the Savoy.
That new Rocher prototype lobster tank turned out not to be so blow proof when Sherrielock entered the Savoy dining room wearing her lovely evening dress.
Waiters and bus boys were still mopping up water and London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley (who were a defeated British Conservative MP and defeated British Labour MP respectively) hired to provide security for the birthday party were trying to prevent Gordon Ramsay, who had mistaken Michelangelo for an ordinary crustacean, from placing him in a pot of boiling water.
Intelligence agents from Russia, China and Venezuela were also at the event hoping to discover Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s plans for the redevelopment of the ancient Hebrew general Joshua’s trumpets capable of bringing down any wall (which would virtually ensure that Donald Trump would be pissing $5.6 billion in U.S. taxpayers’ money down the drain).
Renfield was already on his Huawei smart phone communicating with his latest crush newly elected Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:
“Now more than ever I think $5.6 billion would be better spent towards implementing a national public health insurance program that most civilized nations in the western world already have” – Renfield
As for another of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s creations, the genetically recreated winged horse Pegasus was now the pet and favourite animal of Queen Rania of Jordan.
She had received offers from both Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Jared Kushner to sell him but she had turned both men down flat.
And as in another place, billionaire George Soros was drowning his sorrows in champagne over the possible imminent collapse of the Brussels led European Union, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was proposing a toast to Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday.
And the ghost of Orson Welles took an old black and white picture of Sherrielock Holmes with an old Polaroid Model 95 Land camera invented by Edwin Land in 1948:
Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday- Not looking a day over 25.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 6th
2018
Feast of Epiphany
Winter Solstice: Just Another Day Between Hades and Paradise
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora stood alongside her classic car on a country road not far from Kiev, Ukraine.
She was to meet here with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to prevent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from assasinating the new independent Ukrainian Orthodox Church Metropolitan Epiphany of Kiev on Vladimir Putin’s orders.
When Dracul arrived on the scene and noticed the lovely sexy mini dress wearing vampiress and her beautiful classic car and how spacious the back seat of the vehicle was, Dracul looked at his antique watch which was powered by moonlight (the watch had been a joint invention by Faberge and Dr. Louis Rocher who had been Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great grandfather) and said to Theodora, “I think we have time to make out before Svetlana arrives at the monastery.”
Theodora stood to her full height on her super spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and adjusted her dress strap (allowing Dracul a magnificent view of her magnificent knockers) and said, “Oh yes, you’re the famous tantric sex practising vampire slayer, aren’t you?”.
Soon Dracul and the vampiress Theodora were in the back seat of the classic car and steaming up the vehicle’s back windows with their various Kama Sutra positions while the full moon rose and the wolf bane bloomed while a pure hearted man said his prayers and a meteor shower lit up the sky.
. . .
The reincarnated Hound of the Baskervilles wagged his tail and strolled and drooled his way through the English countryside while being followed by sinister looking soldiers dressed in shadow black who had piercing grayish green translucent eyes.
“Who are those soldiers?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol asked the Church of England’s most pre-eminent Anglo-Catholic Exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was the Vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church near the town of Tewkesbury.
“Demons,” Father Aidan answered, “although they are demons who claim to be aliens from outer space. That’s the deception demons have been carrying on ever since Jack Parsons (founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena California) and L. Ron Hubbard (future founder of the Church of Scientology) performed the Aleister Crowley inspired Babalon Working series of magic rituals from January to March 1946. The incident at Roswell New Mexico happened a year and a half later, U.S. Air Force pilots spotted dozens of UFO flying saucers flying over Mount Shasta in Washington state and thousands of UFO sightings and even alien abduction of human stories have been happening ever since.”
“But they’re actually demons?” Whitstable raised an eyebrow.
“Demons always cater to the beliefs of their age in terms of their appearance and expertise,” Father Aidan explained, “since the end of the First World War, humanity gradually turned from belief in the Supernatural to belief in science and technology to save the world. And demons adjusted themselves accordingly. They no longer posed as fairies or djinn but beings from other solar systems and other galaxies.”
“Wow,” said Whitstable who wondered what David Duchovny’s Fox Mulder would think of all this.
“Some exorcist theologians think this particular demonic deception is the great deception that was foreseen by Paul in his II Thessalonians epistle,” Father Aidan explained.
He went on, “In their dealings with the Grey Green lobby in the Jesuit order (those Jesuits who run the VATT astronomical observatory on Mount Graham in Arizona) and the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican, these demons posing as aliens told them that humanity was actually created by aliens from another galaxy who operated on the DNA of hominids on the planet and changed them and they became human. That’s what they told the scientists behind CERN as well. So they’re opening up portals at CERN to get in touch with their allegedly alien creators. Supposedly the aliens will be returning soon to save the planet from ecological destruction caused by man. Another reason besides standing up to the Gay Lavender Mafia in the Vatican why Pope Benedict XVI had to go. Benedict wondered whether those aliens were not in fact demons as prophesied in Scripture as part of the Great Deception and also talked about in the Virgin Mary’s appearances at Fatima, Porugal in 1917. So the Grey Green Jesuits and the Saint Gallen Mafia forced Benedict to resign and brought in one of their own- Pope Francis. That’s why Pope Francis has continously talked about baptising aliens and ETs since the start of his pontificate. He knows they’re coming. What he doesn’t know is they’re actually demons posing as aliens from other worlds and other star systems. But then for a Pope who doesn’t really believe in Hell, why should demons be a threat?”.
. . .
Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician and Canaanite mermaid goddess Atargatis (the mother of Semiramis who was the Whore of Babylon) was walking the streets in a suburb of East Jerusalem.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 21st
2018.
