Renfield Sees A Ghost At Windsor Castle
Renfield Sees A Ghost At Windsor Castle
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was the sole politician in the world to have been among the 600 officially invited guests to the wedding ceremony of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on this Saturday May 19th 2018 in Saint George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle.
Renfield managed to get an invitation to the wedding by presenting Prince Harry and Meghan with an original painting of the wedding ceremony at Cana of Galilee (where the Lord Jesus Christ turned water into wine 🍷- one Biblical passage that is not often talked about in most teetotaling Baptist Church sermons) painted by the great early 19th Century Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai. Renfield gave the painting to the couple on the very day they announced their engagement on November 27th of last year.
The Queen approved of the invitation to Renfield as she was rather fond of him since he saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool.
Renfield arrived dressed in a dashing looking formal suit, tie, top hat and late Victorian early Edwardian walking stick.
He also wore a red rose 🌹 in his lapel (a red rose that had been given to him by his good friend the famous London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest).
Dashwood was grateful to him because Renfield managed to convince Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to postpone laser eye surgery treatment on some rather important celestial deities and instead perform surgery on and stitch together Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie 🧟♂️.
Mulligan had been blown to pieces when he had rather heroically landed on top of a suicide bomber to prevent anyone else being injured or killed at the official opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem earlier this week.
In addition to giving Renfield the rose to put in his lapel, Dashwood also showed him the latest painting he had acquired painted by the little known Renaissance English painter Henry Tudor (better known to history as Henry VIII).
The painting was of Henry’s mistress later 2nd wife Anne Boleyn.
Coincidentally enough, Anne Boleyn herself had been beheaded on this date May 19th back in 1536.
“So that’s what Anne Boleyn looked like before she lost her head eh?” Renfield whistled, “Quite the catch.”
Renfield thoroughly enjoyed the service at Saint George’s Chapel.
He thought he might be able to catch some sleep during the sermon (as Renfield often slept through most sermons given by Church of England clergy) but to his surprise the sermon was given by the Presiding Bishop of the U.S. Episcopal Church Bishop Michael Bruce Curry who spoke with all the passion and fervour of a Southern Gospel preacher or Pentecostal minister.
Renfield was absolutely riveted by Bishop Curry’s address on The Power of Love (as was everyone else in Saint George’s Chapel on this day).
He made a mental note to himself to ask his friend Amadeus Emanon to lend him his Bible so he could read for himself The Song of Solomon to which Bishop Curry referred.
After the service, Renfield went to the wedding reception to enjoy some wedding cake.
He however was not among the 200 guests made up of close friends and family who were invited to the reception hosted by Charles Prince of Wales at Frogmore House on Saturday night.
So Renfield chose to walk around Windsor Castle late at night.
It was then that Renfield saw the woman who was the spitting image of Anne Boleyn in the Henry Tudor painting now in the possession of Dashwood Forrest.
The ghost of Anne Boleyn- this time with her head once again upon her shoulders.
“Wow!” Renfield thought aloud, “Anne Boleyn must have been so happy by the union of Harry and Meghan in life that her head and body have now united in death.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 19th
2018.
Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato
Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato
The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.
The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.
She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.
Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.
Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:
Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.
“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.
“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.
“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.
Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.
Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”
As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.
He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.
The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.
“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.
. . .
Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”
“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”
“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”
“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.
“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.
“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.
Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.
He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.
Little did he realize that this action would save his life.
A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.
They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.
Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.
Reblog of The Moriarty-Rocher Romance: Sherrielock Holmes Off To The Mermaid Art Exhibit
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote back in January 2017.
In it, the romance between Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandfather Prof. James Moriarty and Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandmother Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher is talked about:
“You look wonderful, great-grandmother,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher kissed Sherrielock Holmes on the cheek.
“Thank you, Cadbury,” Sherrielock smiled at the compliment.
“Have you seen the photos of my genetically created winged horse Pegasus that I have put up on Facebook?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher proudly asked.
“How can I not help but notice when you keep posting pics every two minutes,” Sherrielock sighed, “I finally had to cut off your news feed.”
“You cut off my Facebook news feed?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked horrified, “Great-Grandma,how could you do that?”.
“Oh stop pouting, Cadbury,” Sherrielock commanded, “or I’ll have to give you a spanking.”
Dr. Cadbury Rocher stopped pouting.
The resident mad scientist for Set Enterprises did have quite the evil side. Of course that was to be expected working for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (whose claim to fame was bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) and for being a co-employee…
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The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter
The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was meeting Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a popular London Fish N’ Chips shop called Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips.
Van Helsing had just returned from Wales 🏴 where he had spent the entire week making out with Lepardia Marango who was the South African government’s Cultural Attaché in London.
Whitstable was still trying to recover from the shocking and totally unexpected news that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un had invited Donald Trump to meet with him and Trump had accepted.
Whitstable was convinced that there was something more at work here than just the diplomatic efforts of South Korea’s President Moon Jae-in.
“Dracul,” Whitstable wanted to know, “was there something more to your encounter with Kim Yo-jong than just finding out if she was a kumiho (a nine-tailed fox from Korean folklore and mythology who’s over a thousand years old and has the ability to shapeshift back and forth into a beautiful woman).”
“As Richard Dawkins is my witness,” Dracul answered, “there wasn’t.”
At that moment, the chef/owner of Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips Shop immediately took the Today’s Special: All You Can Eat Fish and Chips sign off the counter as soon as he saw Amadeus Emanon walk through the door of the restaurant.
…
French President Emmanuel Macron was reading a report compiled by French Intelligence on whether the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad had been using chemical weapons against civilians in the Eastern Ghouta suburb.
He turned white when reading the report.
He immediately got on the phone ☎️ to U.S. President Donald Trump.
Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Donald Trump was reading an NSA (National Security Agency) report that was turning his orangish reddish toupee white.
The NSA was currently monitoring a blogger who ostensibly was writing a science-fiction novel on-line but DARPA was convinced that there was something more to it.
“Oh my Divine Self,” Trump exclaimed to an aide, “There may be the possibility that an illegal Japanese alien in this country is actually the Greek Gorgon Medusa in disguise.”
…
Meanwhile in his parliamentary office in Westminster, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was telling the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill over brandy, “I, an Opposition MP with only 2 seats for my Party in Parliament, have been invited by the Home Secretary Amber Rudd to a meeting of the government’s emergency committee Cobra tomorrow to discuss the nerve agent attacks on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal.”
“Congratulations, Mr. Renfield,” Churchill raised his glass, “You appear to have arrived.”
…
Meanwhile back in his London apartment, Dracul Van Helsing received a phone call from Kim Yo-jong the younger sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
“Dracul,” she said breathlessly, “Thank you for the gift. Wherever did you find an ancient Korean edition of the Kama Sutra?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 9th
2018.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On New Year’s Eve
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On New Year’s Eve
Dressed in a lovely purple evening dress, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec waited for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to arrive to escort her to a New Year’s Eve ball.
Dracul arrived dressed in a tuxedo.
“Cocktails before we leave?” She asked.
“An excellent idea,” Dracul took off his top hat and cane.
As they downed a champagne cocktail, Qonzilqointec made a toast, “To the New Year.”
“To the New Year,” Dracul raised his glass.
Happy New Year, everyone.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 31st
2018.
Rose In The Snow: A Poem
Rose In The Snow: A Poem
As I was walking through the snow so clean and so bright
It was a crisp and frosty cold winter night
and there on the snow all around
was a single red rose lying on the ground.
I stood wrapping my cloak from the chill from the air
and looked at the blood red rose petals that lay there so bare
What was this that greeted my sight?
The sad result of some lovers’ fight?
Was this the final answer flung in some one’s face?
After someone decided a vase would be out of place?
Was this love now dead like this rose in the snow?
All that answered in the night was a cold wind’s blow.
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday January 24th 2016.
