Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple
Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple
Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a conversation with British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
Both men were 6 meters away from one another so they wouldn’t be shot by killer drones recently commandeered by WHO (the World Health Organization) for those who violated the world body’s social distancing rules.
Athelstan was also wearing a face mask.
Although whether this was because he feared getting the Coronavirus or because he had just cleaned out the kitty litter box belonging to Nefertiti Galore (the vampire Set’s fiercely protective house cat) is a matter for speculation.
“So, Mr. Renfield,” Athelstan coughed through his face mask, “I hear that Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam issued an Executive Order this past Monday making it a criminal offense to hold a Church service with more than 10 people present. If found guilty, people could be imprisoned for 12 months and/or fined $2,500.”
“I imagine,” Renfield lit his pipe, “that the Baal and Baphomet worshipping Marxist despot Ralph Northam was positively ejaculating in ecstasy and orgasm at being able to sign such an Executive Order. I don’t imagine he’ll ever bother rescinding it even when the pandemic is over.”
“Probably not, sir,” Athelstan dusted off a portrait painting of the late British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher dressed in a medieval Iron Maiden torture chamber item suit, “Did you hear that Pope Francis’ personally designated papal successor Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle is saying let’s overcome the Coronavirus with a pandemic of love?”.
“Well,” Renfield sipped his pipe, “Isn’t that jackass just the epitome of romance?”.
. . .
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was flying a magic shamrock flying carpet from his rented farmhouse in Vermont to New York City.
Yaldabaoth had recently left Ireland after that country had closed all its pubs (As Yaldabaoth remarked at the time, “You know a world situation is serious when it forces Ireland to close all its pubs.”)
He had gone to Vermont hoping that the pubs would be open.
Many of them were closed but lucky for Yaldabaoth, there were plenty of Vermont country gentlemen who made their own moonshine.
Yaldabaoth rented his Vermont farmstead from another Irish leprechaun The Fantastic Flanigan.
The Fantastic Flanigan had the honour of being the world’s shortest UFC fighter.
He also had the honour of being the world’s only always defeated UFC fighter.
Generally all the other UFC fighters used the Fantastic Flanigan as practice for the day the old medieval sport of dwarf tossing was once again brought back into the world.
It so happened that the Fantastic Flanigan owned a flying carpet (made from magic shamrocks) so he had left it behind in the barn for Yaldabaoth to use.
Flanigan was currently spending his social isolation time at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.
As Yaldabaoth approached New York City, he was shocked to see the Big Apple surrounded by an army of Dullahans (A Dullahan was a black horse riding headless horseman of death).
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 26th
2020
The Storyteller: Weaving Cloth and Spinning A Tale
The Storyteller: Weaving Cloth and Spinning A Tale
Outside the world spins on its axis
As she spins cloth in actual praxis
In her mind she spins tales
like mermaid meeting whales
Fairies and butterflies sit on shelves
While her goldfish bowl swims with elves
Harlequin dolls on floors watch the cloth being weaved
As magic falls seamlessly out of her sleeve
For her mind is full of tales never told
of magical creatures and maidens bold
In a land she imagines where love ne’er grows old
Where knights shine and evil giants fold
Her old phonograph plays songs of yesteryear
Where sometimes those lyric memories can bring forth a tear
Her window on the world becomes a magic mirror
Where dark things are far but hope is nearer
Outside ships may burn and conquering dirigibles fly
While she entertains her fairy
audience with sweet lullaby
Sometimes in dark times, one has to stay home
But for a mind such as hers, she has a whole world to roam
-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday March 19th 2020
Leadership In Troubled Times: Light In Dark Ages
Leadership In Troubled Times: Light In Dark Ages
This was a photo montage music video I made back in 2009.
It is my personal favourite of all the photo montage music videos I made between 2008 and 2012 in those days when I still had a working desktop PC and was able to make them.
-Christopher
Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat
Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat
“When was this photo taken?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest as he held a martini (stirred not shaken) at an exhibition of the photographs that never made it into LIFE Magazine during the years of its existence.
“Sometime in the 1950s in Havana, Cuba,” Forrest answered.
“That’s a zombie isn’t it?” Renfield inquired.
“It is,” Forrest replied as he accepted the cocktail drink called the Zombie that was handed to him by his living dead walking dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.
Dead skeleton meets living dead Zombie.
. . .
Krampus the demon-goat of old Bavaria and the old Austro-Hungarian Empire received an elegantly written handwritten note from his friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (who specialized in killing ugly women) complaining about the vast number of ugly women living in the City of Calgary.
Krampus decided to help his friend out.
He went to a Calgary repertory theatre that were showing the 1971 American horror film Willard (about a young man who trains rats to eat people) to mark the start of the new Chinese lunar new year The Year of the Rat that begins today.
It was the sort of thing that a city like Calgary known for its brainless white Caucasian males (with the exception of Pan Goatee as well as a journalist/historian/geopolitical analyst who lived on a medical disability pension) and its hideous repulsively ugly Caucasian white females (of which sadly there were very few exceptions) would put on to mark the start of a Chinese New Year that called itself the Year of The Rat.
Krampus went to the theatre and calling upon an ancient spell from an ancient Aztec copy of The Necronomicon brought the rats to life off the movie screen and into the theatre where they proceeded to eat the brainless white men and the ugly white women.
After vomiting their unsatisfactory meals into the theatre toilets and urinals, the rats then went running out into the streets of Calgary.
Fortunately a former Neo-Nazi (who this morning had become a born again non-white supremacist after seeing how ugly the white women of Calgary were thus showing the idea of whites being the master race to be a total lie) had already left the downtown core and so avoided being eaten by the rats.
Pan Goatee meanwhile was entering his nearby shopping mall food court.
Approaching from the direction of the public library was an ugly looking white woman who looked like a hideous medieval cathedral gargoyle sporting an Afro.
“Cultural appropriation again, eh, you pathetic blemish on the peas in the garden of Mendelian genetics,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the creature and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
As he walked away, no dark glasses wearing and barf bag wearing Hounds of Hell showed up.
As they were all being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from trying to environmentally dispose of Goatee’s uglocidal victims the other day.
Goatee went inside the food court where he was enjoying a Vietnamese submarine sandwich and a Lebanese donair style pizza.
Unfortunately for him, the most hideously ugly thin stoat sized white woman in all recorded history walked by and walked around the food court.
Goatee immediately cut up the ugly woman into 999 trillion pieces without bothering to behead her first.
He put on Welder’s glasses and put his astral laser machete on slow-mo (for slow motion) to take its time on cutting up the ugly looking creature into tiny pieces.
Using the Michtlantecuhtli tempus suspendendi ray, Goatee was able to withhold death from ending the uglo’s agony until such time as the 999 trillionth piece fell to the floor.
“How am I going to clean up this mess?” The food court janitor asked as he arrived on the scene.
His answer soon became apparent with the arrival of hundreds of thousands of rats who appeared and proceeded to eat up the Guinness Book of World Records holding uglo thin sized stoat award winner.
Another group of hundreds of thousands of rats went into the washroom where they vomited up the remains of the white uglo looking gargoyle with the Afro they had encountered and eaten outside.
Well so far today, Goatee had encountered an uglo looking gargoyle and an uglo looking stoat.
All that was needed to totally ruin his day was for him to encounter a fat ugly blimp.
That happened as soon as he went outside to cross the street to the bus stop in front of the high school.
There approaching him was a fat ugly blimp with her stupid looking brainless white boyfriend (with lousy taste in women).
Goatee beheaded the blimp as well as her stupid boyfriend.
He cut up both uglo and brainless boyfriend into 999 trillion pieces each.
He wasn’t sure what 999 trillion x 2 was as he had left his antique Chinese abacus at home.
He wondered if it would have taken him awhile to figure out that particular multiplication.
Oh well, he wouldn’t worry about it, he thought as he headed for home.
Up on the roof of the high school, Socrates and Ben the two mastermind rats who lead the band of rats in the 1971 film Willard were busy examining the satellite TV dish at the top of the high school as there were no satellite TV dishes on top of high schools back in the era of 1971.
. . .
The demon Mephistopheles to the Norse goddess Hel: I wonder what the Year of the Rat will bring, my dear?
. . .
Yaya Han the Chinese leprechaun had a combined Chinese Lunar New Year/Robbie Burns Day dinner celebration with Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.
They had sweet and sour haggis as a Beijing wrestler wearing a little known Ming Dynasty tartan style kilt recited Robbie Burns’ Address To A Haggis before plunging the ancient Chinese dagger into the haggis.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 25th
2020.
Sherry and The Unicorn
Sherry and The Unicorn
The golden colours of autumn
Shone brightly around the hills and trees
As Sherry set out from her beautiful rustic old farmstead and grounds
Autumn was her favourite time of year she reflected
As a cool autumn breeze blew gently through her dark hair
Sherry loved to go on evening walks
Sometimes alone
Or with her dog
Or one of her children
Tonight she was alone
Alone to contemplate
And silently communicate with both God and Nature
Which was one of her favourite past times
Contemplating and communicating with both God and Nature
She set out on the path
That would take her along the river
And by the woods
In her eyes both peace and sadness
Peace from communicating with God and nature
Sadness from the night her nearly 3 year old daughter died from pneumonia
In her arms
On the night when the worst March snowstorm of the century hit Western Europe
And ambulances were unable to get through the snow drifts
To reach the farm stead
And rush the girl to hospital
Sherry gave the impression of one who had lived a thousand lives
For her eyes seemed to reflect the wisdom of one who had
She had been born in the Malaysian province of Sarawak
On the island of Borneo
Through her veins flowed the blood of the Iban
Who were the famed Head Hunters of Borneo
Whose exploits and ferocity
Were the stuff of folk lore
But were now a gentle and loving people
Since the light of Christ had been brought to them
Also the blood of the Malay flowed through her veins
The people who gave Malaysia its name
On her father’s side she had both Chinese and Japanese ancestry
For her paternal grandfather and paternal grandmother had a Romeo and Juliet style love story
But one with a happy ending
Her grandfather was Japanese
Having been born into a noble Japanese Samurai family
Of one of the many Samurai clans that existed throughout Japan
And still existed prior to Gen. MacArthur’s governorship of the country in the post-World War II years
Now those mighty Samurai clans existed only in history books and ancestral family stories
And of course Hollywood and Japanese films
But her grandfather a noble Samurai knight
Had fallen in love with a Chinese woman
In a time period when the Samurai clans had fallen under the sway of Tojo
And an extreme militaristic form of Shintoism
Whose Japanese master race theories about Japanese racial superiority among Asians
Were matching Hitler’s German racial superiority theories about
German racial superiority
Among the peoples of Europe
So it would not do for a Japanese samurai knight
To fall in love with a Chinese woman
And worse still as far as his family and clan
were concerned-
He wanted to marry her!
Keep her as a kept woman if you must
His immediate male family members told him
But do not, under any circumstances, marry her.
But this noble Samurai knight was truly noble by nature
And not noble in name only.
He married the woman he loved-
A woman of China!
The result was the the pronouncement of a Japanese Samurai clan’s equivalent
Of an Iranian ayatollah’s fatwa-
A death edict for both the Samurai
And his bride!
The couple fled as far away from the reach of the Samurai clans as they could get
To the island of Borneo!
And many years later Sherry was born
The granddaughter of these star-crossed lovers
Sherry was teased as a child
Because the village because of the darkness of her eyes
Thought her the reincarnation
Of the River serpent woman
Who haunted her village and family folklore
A great great great grandmother several generations back in her Iban family tree
Who had a human body for the top part
But a serpent body for the bottom part of her body
It was said the River serpent woman
had extremely dark eyes
And Sherry had the darkest eyes of any female currently living in her family
But that was Sherry’s past
And the sights of autumn and deer
And rabbits and squirrels was Sherry’s present
The unicorn sat down in the clearing of the woods
A magical and enchanting creature
In an age where the only magic and enchanting were done by dark beings
And therefore magical enchanting creatures of God were rarely seen
Of course the Unicorn being an essentially shy creature preferred it this way
Being able to walk the woods and hills freely without being gaped at by other creatures
Particularly those creatures with 2 arms and 2 legs and ten fingers and 10 toes who seemed to be particularly fond of gaping
Particularly those who carried those annoying little objects in their hands
And were always emitting flashes of light at themselves
Particularly as they stood alongside other creatures
The unicorn looked up
And then paused
For one of those creatures
He was just thinking about
Was standing on the other side of the River
And looking at him.
The unicorn thought about turning to run
He turned its gaze back to the creature
And the creature did something odd for this type of creature
Instead of getting closer to get a better look at him
The creature sat down on the banks of the River
And just looked
Not an annoying look either
Just a contemplative look
It was not eying the Unicorn either for dinner or emitting a flash
From an object in its hand
Just a gentle look
A look that seemed to acknowledge
The Unicorn as a fellow subject
Rather than an object to be simply gaped at
For the sake of gaping
The creature on the other side of the River then smiled at the Unicorn
That was it!
A simple smile
It seemed to be a kind smile
The Unicorn thought
Not a nasty or self-absorbed smile
That too often seemed to accompany the countenance
Of creatures like these
For some reason the Unicorn felt inclined to cross the River
On the other bank now
As the Unicorn stood
He noticed the creature with the kind smile
Had still not made any movement towards it-
The Unicorn.
The Unicorn approached and bowed its head and horn within inches of the creature with the kind smile
The creature with the kind smile gently patted his head and horn
And smiled some more.
The Unicorn gave the creature its own kind smile
And walked back across the River and then into the woods from whence it came.
When she returned home, some of her children called out to Sherry,
“Did you have a good walk, Mom?”.
“Yes, I did,” Sherry nodded as she took off her coat, “A very good walk.”
“Did you see anything?” The children asked.
“Yes,” Sherry smiled, “I saw some deer. And some rabbits and a squirrel.”
Sherry put her finger to her lips and mused aloud, “And let’s see. What else did I see?”.
Then she thought some more and then smiled, “Oh yes. And I saw a Unicorn.”
“Oh, Mom!” The children giggled and laughed.
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday September 15th
2019.
Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian
Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian
Dashwood Forrest sat in his office in his art gallery in London and quietly sipped a drink of absinthe.
The Green Fairy as it was called was one of the favourite drinks of his idol the writer, novelist, poet and playwright Oscar Wilde.
Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie (who had been brought back from the dead many years ago by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo) was out for the evening.
Mulligan had been hired for the evening by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to haunt the residence of British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn and stand outside the back entrance of Corbyn’s lodgings and say in a spookily haunting zombie voice (with an Irish lilt to it), “The Irish backstop ends at your back door, Mr. Corbyn. The Irish backstop ends at your backdoor.”
As Jeremy Corbyn began to suffer the worst nightmares of his life, Forrest finished his glass of absinthe, left his office and locked it.
He walked down to the end of the gallery where he entered a room marked PRIVATE.
No one (not even Mulligan the Irish zombie) ever entered that room.
Only he Dashwood Forrest art historian, art gallery curator and extraordinary gentleman of many talents ever entered that room.
For that room contained a portrait behind purple velvet curtains.
A portrait of a man.
A portrait of a man painted in the year 1860.
A portrait that was first mentioned in a book published in July 1890.
A book that most people (and even Dashwood Forrest himself for most of his life) had considered a work of fiction.
Until Forrest came across the painting in an estate sale back in October of 2012.
The picture was of a man named… Dorian Gray.
And the artist who signed the picture was named Basil Hallward.
The painting was of an extremely handsome young man in his early 20s.
Exactly as described in Oscar Wilde’s famous Gothic Philosophical novel of the 19th Century- The Picture of Dorian Gray.
Forrest drew back the purple velvet curtains that covered the painting and hid it from view.
Forrest got the shock of his life when he saw the portrait was empty.
There was no subject in the painting.
Dorian Gray was gone.
. . .
Forrest stared blankly at the blank canvas and blinked.
His smart phone went off.
It was a text message from his friend Amadeus Emanon.
A Set Enterprises satellite over the Bahamas had photographed the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian.
And a giant mysterious almost human figure seemed to be standing and moving with the eye of the storm in the hurricane.
Forrest again blinked.
For the figure was the spitting image of Dorian Gray.
The figure now missing from the painting.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 3rd
2019.
Sibyl: She loved Dorian in vain.
Medusa and The Magician
Medusa the former Gorgon stood outside a casino in Monte Carlo.
She once again decided to try her luck.
The past couple of nights had not been lucky for her.
But one more night and she would return to Paris.
Most of the money from her husband’s patent for an invisible earthworm (said to attract highly myopic fish) had been lost at the casino tables.
But she would try one more night.
As she entered the casino, she encountered a magician she had watched perform in her hotel lounge last night.
A most amazing man.
Said to have been descended from a magician who was the talk of Vienna in the dying days of the Austro-Hungarian Empire a century ago.
When the last Emperor abdicated at the insistence of a sub-point to be found in footnotes at the bottom of U.S. President Woodrow Wilson’s 14 Points, the magician in his last show had shouted “God save the Emperor!” and had then vanished in a puff of smoke never to be seen again.
This man (claiming to be a descendant of that famous magician) had appeared out of nowhere last year at a concert of Peter, Paul and Mary musical impersonators singing a rendition of Puff The Magic Dragon.
The man had suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke wearing a dragon costume.
The man stepped out of the dragon costume and announced to the world that he was Honahlee the Illusionist.
He had been mesmerizing audiences ever since.
“Hello, Honahlee,” Medusa smiled at him, “I wish you could help me pick winning numbers at the roulette table.”
The magician bowed and smiled back.
“Here is a ticket for a free drink inside,” he handed her a piece of paper.
He then vanished into the night.
Medusa went up to the roulette table and handed the ticket to a nearby waiter.
She stood and debated what numbers she should play.
“Your drink, Madame,” the waiter handed the former gorgon what looked to be a glass of orange juice, “a Harvey Wallbanger.”
Medusa took a sip of the concoction which turned out to be quite good.
So she had another sip.
And another.
And then another.
She suddenly looked next to her right and standing next to her was a 6 foot 8 tall white bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears and a big pink flopppety tail wearing a bow tie, white shirt and black tuxedo.
“The name’s Tallbanger,” the bunny rabbit smiled, “Harvey Tallbanger.”
“Well, Harvey,” Medusa purred like a cat, “what numbers should I play?”
“Bet it all on 16 red,” the bunny rabbit answered before vanishing into the night.
Medusa did so.
She won.
And she broke the bank of Monte Carlo.
As she exited the casino with her winnings, she noticed Honahlee the Illusionist trying to fit a giant top hat into an orange coloured horse drawn carriage which would be pulled by six white horses.
Honahlee smiled at her and tipped the small top hat on the top of his own head in her direction, “If you’re going to pull an extra big rabbit out of a hat, you’re going to need an extra big hat.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 10th
2019.
The Magician and The Illusion
February 7, 2020 at 11:24 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, magic, Poetry, Romance) (poem)
The Magician and The Illusion
The magician ended up with a black eye
His illusion went astray
The audience saw right through him
and one patron let him know there’s Hell to pay
But his loyal and sexy assistant remains at his side
Offering him arms of comfort
As at the back of a wagon they hitch a ride
And next to them the old carnival barker sits
His bark definitely worse than his bite
And this circus must plain hit the road out of people’s sight
The road to Oz was much like this
Behind the curtain lay smoke and mirrors
But Kansas whirlwinds and melting witches
Led to the worst of a wizard’s fears
Sometimes magic acts fall apart
Sometimes the illusion will not hold
But when it does and grips a land
dark history will unfold
-A poem written by Christopher
Friday February 7th
2020.
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