Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery Part 3

August 15, 2017 at 9:24 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Literature, Movies, Mystery, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , )

Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery Part 3

“So,” Welles looked over again at Serena, “From where did Serena learn this ancient Egyptian spell that turned Belvedere into a ghost white salamander?”.

“You mean from whom?” Serena smiled seductively at Welles and licked her lips.

“From whom?” Welles looked at her quizzically, “You mean it was a person who taught her this spell?”.

“Let’s just say a being or an entity,” Serena laughed once again as she threw back her hair.

“And who is this being or entity?” Welles asked the blonde enchantress seated on the desk in front of him.

“It’s revealed at the end of the script,” Serena winked at him, “at the end of the movie.”

“But I notice the last few pages of the script are missing,” Welles held up the papers in his hand.

“That’s because I want you to take an oath never to reveal the ending of the script before I show it to you,” Serena brought out a King James Bible from her purse since she knew Welles loved the language of the King James Bible.

“An oath?” Welles looked shocked, “But my grandmother warned me never under any circumstances to join the Freemasons.”

“I’m not asking you to take a Freemasonic oath,” answered Serena who had recently seen a Vatican Cardinal do just that.

“That’s good,” Welles breathed a sigh of relief, “I don’t really relish the idea of getting my throat slit from ear to ear or getting disembowelled within stepping distance of the ocean.”

“No sane sensible person would,” Serena agreed.

“But how then are we to make this movie if the ending is kept a secret?” Welles looked at her.

“This will be the most unique movie in all recorded history, Mr. Welles,” Serena spoke in a whisper, “to go along with all the unique movies you have made. This movie will be released to the general public to see within a year of its making but its ending will only be seen in a re-release of the film several years down the road. You of course will shoot the ending Mr. Welles with your own unique style but the ending will be kept on a separate reel stored in a Swiss bank vault and released to the general public several years down the road during the film’s re-release.”

“What a splendid idea,” Welles enthused, “so splendid in fact that it’s a wonder I didn’t think of it…”

“You will, Orson, you will,” Serena laughed.

“So how long will the public have to wait before they see the film’s ending during the movie’s re-release?” Welles asked.

“August 2017,” Serena answered with a smile and a sudden flick of her classic vintage antique railway watch.

“That’s a long way aways,” Welles looked at Serena with an understated expression of shock and astonishment.

“72 years,” Serena did not bother counting the years down on her fingers and toes as she did not have that many fingers and toes.

. . .

Needless to say the chief executive of RKO Radio Pictures Studios did not look at Welles with an understated expression of shock and astonishment when Welles described the project to him.

In fact, the studio head had even taken back the cigar he had offered Welles when the young genius film maker had entered his office.

“A bit early in the day for you to be drinking isn’t it, Orson?” The studio head exploded, “Now get out of here and come back with a more practical idea for a picture.”

Welles hurriedly exited the studio head’s office.

As he left, he heard the studio head’s pet parrot say, “Squawk. You should drink no wine 🍷 before its time. Squawk. You should drink no wine before its time.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 15th
2017.

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Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery Part 2

August 9, 2017 at 5:48 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Mystery, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , )

Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery Part 2

It turned out that Serena was a screenplay writer.

“A screenplay?” Welles reached for her script, “And what sort of screenplay have you written?”.

“It’s for a Western,” Serena replied.

“Really?” Welles raised an eyebrow, “I was just contemplating whether I should make a Western. You must have read 📖 my mind.”

“It’s a great mind to read, Mr. Welles,” Serena smiled at him.

“Thank you, my dear,” Welles started to read through her script.

When he had finished reading, Welles peered at Serena, his eyes looking at her just above the script.

“So, let me get this straight,” Welles looked at Serena, “this Wild West saloon bartender named Belvedere is still a virgin at 45 years of age. He is propositioned by one of the recently hired working girls at the saloon/bordello (which Belvedere naively doesn’t know is a bordello as well as a saloon) to come up to her room above the saloon and sleep with her. When he wakes up the next morning after a night of passionate lovemaking, not only is his virginity now gone but he’s received a bill for $20 as the price of payment for her sleeping with him.”

“That is correct,” Serena sat on Welles’ desk and crossed her lovely nylon clad legs as she smoothed her skirt.

“Ah, those glory days of the Wild Wild West,” Welles smiled, “it’s considerably more than $20 for such services these days.”

Serena looked at him.

“Or so I’ve been told,” Welles cleared his throat.

Serena just smiled.

“And then,” Welles returned to the script, “when Belvedere refuses to pay her, she uses an ancient Egyptian spell to turn him into a white salamander. In fact a colour of white that was ghostly white in colour so he becomes a ghost white salamander.”

“That is correct,” Serena nodded.

“And then in a panic once he discovers that he’s become a ghost white salamander, Belvedere runs down the outside stairwell of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon and jumps into the Main Street of the town where he is promptly run over by a covered wagon heading west. He dies instantly and becomes the ghost of a ghost white salamander.”

“You’ve got it,” Serena threw back her hair and smiled at him.

“You know,” Welles sat there and reflected, “years ago when I was in my radio studio in New York City 🌃 and doing my final script reading of the Mercury Theatre On The Air’s War of The Worlds broadcast before it was actually broadcast over the airwaves, a ghost white salamander named Belvedere appeared to me and told me a similar story of what had happened to him. Later I just thought I had fallen asleep at the microphone 🎤 while rehearsing and dreamed the whole thing.”

“Maybe you didn’t dream the whole thing,” Serena uncrossed and crossed her legs again.

“I must say,” Welles laughed, “that I love the idea of the proprietress of this Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon where Belvedere works being Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister Sherrielock Holmes who’s a professional dominatrix by profession.”

“It makes for interesting reading doesn’t it?” Serena laughed.

“And for even more interesting camera 🎥 angles and close-up shots,” Welles mused aloud with a huge smile on his face, “I particularly love the directions in the script where the saloon/bordello’s new working girl Serena… say that just hit me now… same name as yours… has a classic old style railway watch that hangs on a chain down the middle of her bosom.”

“Yes, Belvedere really liked that,” Serena smiled, “he was always asking what time it was.”

Welles looked at her and laughed, “You almost talk like you were there.”

Serena just smiled and said nothing.

“Funny that dream… or what I thought was a dream the day I was rehearsing for that evening’s War of The Worlds broadcast back on October 30th 1938, Belvedere the ghost white salamander told me that he thought it was a gypsy he didn’t pay for sleeping with him who turned him into a ghost white salamander,” Welles recalled.

“It wasn’t a gypsy,” Serena pulled a classic vintage antique railway watch on a chain up from her blouse, “it was a time traveler.”

“A time traveler?” Welles smiled at her, “so we have a movie that’s both a Western and Science-Fiction at the same time?”.

“That is correct,” Serena put the antique railway watch back down her blouse undoing some buttons at the top.

Welles had noticed this action.

“I say,” Welles said to her, “you wouldn’t happen to know what time it is would you?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 5th
2017.

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Haiku About Godzilla RIP

August 8, 2017 at 4:51 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Folklore, Movies, News, Obituaries, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Godzilla RIP

This haiku is written in honour of Japanese actor Haruo Nakajima the man who played Godzilla in the first 12 original Godzilla movies that were made from 1954 to 1972.

Mr. Nakajima died yesterday Monday August 7th at the age of 88.

Haiku About Godzilla RIP

He was Godzilla
the monster whose voice was good
for marshmallow roasts

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Wonder Woman: A Poem

July 16, 2017 at 6:28 pm (Arts, Comic Books, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Poetry) (, , , )

Wonder Woman: A Poem

A woman of mysterious origin
finds herself in world of war and sin
she lived most of her life in an island paradise
soon finds herself in a world of deception and lies
Her isle and time intertwine
War has come to destroy peace sublime

She finds herself in London in the midst of the Great War
and soon in France amidst much blood and gore
But is it Ares who has led man astray?
Or when the light in men’s hearts succumbs to darkness’ way?

-A poem written
by Christopher
Sunday July 16th
2017
(inspired by seeing the new Wonder Woman movie with Gal Gadot today)

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King Arthur At The Movies

May 12, 2017 at 4:10 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Literature, Movies, Mythology, Personal essays, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , )

The movie King Arthur: Legend of the Sword opens in theatres today on what is the 80th Anniversary of the coronation of King George VI as King of Britain (which happened on May 12th 1937).

I’m sure there is no correlation between the two events- the release of a movie that I gather is a real turkey judging from reviews I’m reading at the Rotten Tomatoes film web site and the coronation of a man who was a great and heroic king (in contrast to his brother the Nazi sympathizer King Edward VIII who abdicated the throne for what he thought was a great piece of tail Mrs. Wallis Simpson).

To mark the occasion, I’m posting here two photo montage music videos I made about King Arthur at the OneTrueMedia video making site (an online video making site that sadly no longer exists) and then posted to YouTube.

The 1st King Arthur photo montage I made back on January 24th 2009:

The 2nd King Arthur photo montage music video I made (which was called Merlin, Morgana and Arthur using images from the famous TV series called Merlin) I made back on July 21st 2009:

Here are links to a few chapters I’ve written in my series of vampire novels that pertain to the Arthurian legend:

King Arthur and The Vampire Horus:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/king-arthur-and-the-vampire-horus/

Sunset Over Camelot:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/sunset-over-camelot/

Morgana Before Dawn:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/04/morgana-before-dawn-planned-catnapping.html

Arthur’s Sword and The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/04/arthurs-sword-and-best-laid-plans-of.html

-A personal essay
written by Christopher
Friday May 12th 2017.

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Renfield’s Dream of Hercule Poirot

May 4, 2017 at 4:12 pm (Arts, books, Detective story, Literature, Movies, Mystery, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was lying in his bed in the John Milton Blue Room (where John Milton and his daughter Anne once stayed) in a Bed and Breakfast in the town of Tewkesbury in Gloucestershire, England.

Renfield was running as a British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party candidate in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

He was running against sitting incumbent British Conservative MP Agathor Christie (who was a great nephew by marriage of the famous British mystery writer Agatha Christie).

Renfield would soon be involved in a campaign debate against Mr. Agathor Christie.

As such, Renfield fell asleep dreaming about Agatha Christie’s famous Belgian detective sleuth character Hercule Poirot.

Hercule Poirot was staying in a huge mansion on a large English country estate.

Hercule and 24 other guests were enjoying a huge dinner party (Monsieur Poirot would have given Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon a run for his money about who was able to eat the most).

After the dinner, most of the other guests had retired to their rooms for this evening.

Hercule himself was in the drawing room enjoying a cigar and a glass of port.

Suddenly a gunshot was heard coming from upstairs.

Followed by a woman’s scream.

The butler entered the drawing room, “Sorry to disturb, sir, but it appears that His Lordship has been murdered.”

“Damn,” Poirot remarked.

He was really starting to enjoy his port and his cigar and the comfort of his easy chair.

Reluctantly the Belgian detective made his way upstairs to the crime scene.

“Wait,” Monsieur Poirot in his thick francophonic sounding Belgian accent instructed the guests as he entered the room, “please, touch nothing.”

Hercule Poirot
“Wait, please touch nothing.”

It was a little late for such instructions.

One guest was already examining the murder victim’s head. Another was holding and examining the victim’s right arm. Guest #3 was holding and examining the victim’s left arm. Guest #4 was holding and examining the victim’s right leg. Guest #5 was examining and holding the victim’s left leg. Guest #6 (whom ladies at the dinner party referred to as “the trollop in the little red dress”) was undoing the victim’s zipper on his pants with her mouth.

Guest #7 had picked up and examined the revolver lying on the floor. Guest #8 had picked up and examined the bloodied knife lying on the coffee table. The French maid was examining the open bottle of pills on the bedroom dresser. Guest #9 was examining the open bottle of poison in the medicine cabinet.

Guest #10 had poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher of water on the reading lamp table and promptly keeled over dead after drinking it.

Guest #11 was examining the hangman’s noose hanging from the ceiling. Guest #12 was examining the bloodied chainsaw lying on the bloodied carpet by the desk. Guest #13 was under a ladder trying to retrieve a black cat that was behind the ladder.

Guest #14 was examining a bloodied samurai sword on the desk. Guest #15 was examining a pair of bloodied candlesticks by the fireplace.

And Guests #16 to 23 were examining, handling and imbibing the bottles that were the contents of His Lordship’s private liquor cabinet.

Then Renfield woke up.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 4th
2017.

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Haiku About TCM Host Robert Osborne R.I.P.

March 9, 2017 at 7:30 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Movies, News, Obituaries, Poetry, Television) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About TCM Host Robert Osborne R.I.P.

More than just a host
He was a friend showing you
a world of great films

Robert Osborne

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Renfield and The Oscar Envelope Mix-up Fiasco

February 28, 2017 at 7:16 pm (Celebrities, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human who was Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises was in the kitchen of the colossal mansion owned by his boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Sitting alongside him in the kitchen was his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon the genetically created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA from locks of hair of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, British actor Alan Rickman and California mass murderer Charles Manson).

Amadeus was busy working on his 12th plate of bacon and scrambled eggs and his 11th plate of pancakes smothered in Canadian maple syrup.

Upstairs the vampire Set was complaining to his butler and valet Athelstan about the increasing amount being spent on food in the household budget.

Back downstairs in the kitchen, Renfield still hadn’t finished one plate of bacon and scrambled eggs.

He was still busy reading email messages between Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump having hacked into both countries’ secure national encrypted security systems. (more of a challenge than hacking into former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s private email server that she used when serving in that position but what the heck- challenges made life interesting).

“I noticed,” Amadeus wiped some scrambled eggs and maple syrup off his chin, “that you haven’t been around the house the past few days. Where were you?”.

“I was in Los Angeles,” Renfield took his sunglasses off and put them on the table.

“What were you doing in Los Angeles?” Amadeus asked while crunching on a slice of bacon, “Visiting the porn studios you own there?”.

“No,” Renfield put aside his autographed photos of actresses Akira Lane and Nicole Oring, “I was at the Academy Awards.”

Amadeus sat with his mouth open, “How did you manage to get in there? Were you with that bus tour group that Jimmy Kimmel brought in?”.

“Well,” Renfield started putting some pet hamster food and some ketchup atop his scrambled eggs, “if you recall, I was created with the genetic ability to be able to shapeshift into a hamster. So I just shapeshifted into a hamster and wandered all over the auditorium. On stage, backstage, in the audience,accidentally wound up in Matt Damon’s underwear (horror of horrors!) where I discovered he has a Jimmy Kimmel Loves Matt Damon and Vice-Versa heartshaped tattoo on his ass. I also managed to get into Salma Hayek’s underwear which I thoroughly enjoyed.”

“You filthy disgusting pervert,” Amadeus was shocked.

“Funny those words you just used happen to match the 10,000 most favourite sentences that other people seem to post on my Facebook timeline,” Renfield was reflective.

“Did you do anything else during the Oscars?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, while the PriceWaterhouse Coopers accountant was busy playing with a certain part of his anatomy while photographing actress Emma Stone backstage with his smart phone, I ran up and switched two red envelopes on him,” Renfield grinned broadly.

“You didn’t?” Amadeus looked horrified.

“I did,” Renfield stuck his chest out proudly, “ever since Dr. Cadbury Rocher told me at last year’s Set Enterprises’ Christmas party that part of my genetic make-up contains the DNA of Loki the Norse trickster god in Norse mythology, I am now endeavouring to become the greatest practical joker of the 21st Century.”

Amadeus lost his appetite (a rare occasion for him).

He stood up and walked over to the kitchen window.

He thought to himself that living with a kook like Renfield was like living in La La Land.

He opened the drapes of the kitchen window, noticed it was now nighttime and moonlight was starting to shine through.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 28th
2017.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ Grand Entrance At The Mermaid Art Exhibit

January 20, 2017 at 1:00 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Movies, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

When Sherrielock Holmes walked through the doors of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery, she took a pair of long turquoise gloves out of her silver and diamond embroidered purse and put them on her hands and arms.

She then removed a whip out of her purse and said to the otter, “Out, out, Jefferey de Montmartre you naughty otter. You oughta naught be here.”

The otter went running out into the street and jumped into the back of a fleeing beer truck.

The former DARPA employee (whom Jefferey the Otter had followed into the gallery) had meanwhile locked himself in a cubicle in the men’s washroom and was calling home long distance on his mobile phone, “Tiger Mom, you’ve got to help me.”

“Hm, Tiger Mom?” Filmmaker Woody Allen said to himself as he walked by eating an egg salad sandwich, “I wonder if she’s any relation to Tiger Lily?”.

“What’s up?” Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield R. Renfield outside the men’s washroom.

Then when Amadeus noted what was up with Renfield, he thought that was actually a pretty stupid question to ask given the number of beautiful women at the Art Exhibit party.

“It’s nice to be able to take a night off once in a while,” Pan Goatee thought to himself as he sipped champagne while standing in the middle of the exhibit room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 9th
2017.

“What’s up, Tiger Lily?”.

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Haiku About Debbie Reynolds R.I.P.

December 29, 2016 at 4:15 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, Obituaries, Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About Debbie Reynolds R.I.P.

Singin’ In The Rain
to Tammy to Singing Nun
classy classic star

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