The Kraken Plays 4 Accordions While Renfield Sings O Sole Mio

May 11, 2019 at 8:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield had just arrived in Paris from Thailand where he had spent the past two weeks on an official state visit.

Tonight in Paris, he would be participating in a joint British Transhumanist-Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party rally for the upcoming European Parliament elections.

He and the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party leader the Kraken Napoleon VI would be performing a musical duet together in the rally that was held at Quasimodo’s Cafe in downtown Paris.

The Kraken was in possession of 4 accordions which he would be playing with his 8 arms while Renfield would be singing the popular Neapolitan song O Sole Mio.

Renfield began as the Kraken lovingly caressed and played his accordions,

Che bella cosa na jurnata e’ sole
Naria serena doppo na tempesta!
Pe’ ll’aria fresca pare gia na festa
Che bella cosa na jurnata e’ sole.

When Renfield had finished to vigourous applause, he then spoke,

“Europe! This is your final chance
to break Brussels’ chains and dance
to the tune of liberty
resist Macron’s fiberty.”

He then sang the English language version of O Sole Mio whose lyrics were made popular by Elvis Presley in his 1960 recording of the song:

It’s now or never
(the cafe’s dancer Esmeralda comes on stage dressed as the goddess Europa being chased by a figure who looks like the Greek god Zeus riding a bull who has the facial features of Josef Stalin)
Come hold me tight
(Esmeralda as Europa goes rushing into Renfield’s arms)
Kiss me my darling
(Esmeralda as Europa kisses Renfield and blows a kiss to the accordion playing Kraken Napoleon VI as the phrase VOTE BRITISH TRANSHUMANIST-AQUARIAN AGE BONAPARTIST ALLIANCE appears in the background behind the stage)
Be mine tonight
(Esmeralda as Europa helps Renfield into a matador costume as the Zeus ridden Stalinesque bull pepares to charge)
Tomorrow will be too late
(The Zeus ridden Stalinesque bull charges at Renfield)
It’s now or never
(The matador Renfield pulls out his sword)
My love won’t wait
(Renfield slays the Zeus ridden Stalinesque bull with his sword and then proceeds to make out with Esmeralda as Europa as the curtain falls).

The rally was a huge success.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 11th
2019.

Advertisements

Permalink Leave a Comment

Renfieldian Hypnosis: Donald Trump Sings Marty Robbins’ Out In The West Texas Town of El Paso – Updated Version

February 25, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Comedy, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, News, Romance, Satire, Spy Tales, Technology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


“Out in the West Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl…”

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was learning from the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria the very powerful techniques of hypnosis they practiced in that ancient civilization.

Renfield had told his good friend Amadeus Emanon that he was going to use a Lemurian hypnosis technique on Donald Trump just prior to the Donald’s giving his acceptance speech for the Presidential nomination at the Republican National Convention in 2020.

Curious as to what Renfield was up to, Amadeus decided that he couldn’t wait that long.

He went to see Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster at the Set Enterprises laboratory to see if the psychic little crustacean could pick up images from the 2020 Republican Convention.

It turned out that Michelangelo could.

Amadeus watched the convention on the television next to the lobster tank as Michelangelo worked his lobster antennae to the max and Harvey the invisible rabbit did the same with the rabbit ears on the old television.

Here was the scene at the Convention just prior to Trump giving his convention acceptance speech:

Convention Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States… Donald Trump…

Trump walks on to the stage waving to the crowd as the musical theme Hail To The Chief is being played.

While the musical theme Hail To The Chief is being played, rare 19th Century film footage of Lakota Sioux Chief Sitting Bull being hit by hail stones during a hail storm is projected on to the large film screen behind Trump.

“I see Renfield managed to successfully hypnotize the film projectionist at the Convention,” Amadeus remarked to Michelangelo.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Trump told the cheering and adoring crowd, “I’m not going to give an acceptance speech. Instead I’m going to sing a song…”

Trump grabbed the microphone, walked up the stage and started to sing,

“Out in the West Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl,
On the U.S.-Mexico border, I arranged to meet her,
And as I rode, I thought of a thousand ways to greet her,
but when I arrived on the scene, I found that some idiot had built there a wall,
and found out by hitting my head against it, it caused my fine looking toupee to fall…”

When Trump had finished singing about how he had fallen in love with a Mexican girl out in the West Texas town of El Paso, he walked backstage where he was hit full force in the face by Melania’s purse.

The First Lady was quite upset with the song’s lyrics.

A secret service agent talked in code on his walkie talkie, “Hello Jupiter, this is Top Dog. Shit Hole is down. Repeat. Shit Hole is down. He requires urgent medical attention. Fiery Slovenian has hit him. Repeat. Fiery Slovenian has hit him.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 25th
2019.

Permalink 9 Comments

Cardi B. and The Time Traveller: A Poem

February 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Detective story, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mystery, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


Singer Cardi B. flees Lancaster Hall in England in 1888 leaving behind a giant sized shoe.

“So you really expect me to believe you’re a time traveller from the year 2019?” Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes asked somewhat skeptically.

“Whether you believe it or not, it is true,” replied Dracul Van Helsing who had recently seen Achilles slay his enemy in a manner most Hectorly.

“I have worked on stranger cases,” Holmes admitted.

He looked at Dracul wondering if he should have him committed.

“And what do you mean by a hip hop singer?” Holmes looked as though he’d been through the ringer.

“Do not worry about musical terms from the future,” said Dracul, “rather worry about Cardi B. whom Vampiress Lilith wants to goose her.”

“May I ask why?” Holmes looked up at the dark sky.

“It has to do with Solomon and the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul stated in the midst of an atmospheric upheava.

Holmes looked confused, the coachman looked bemused and the estate cat looked amused.

“It has to do with Cardi B.’s real name,” Dracul played with an open window pane.

“Which is,” Van Helsing went on, “Belcalls Almanzar. Watch out for that falling star…

Holmes quickly jumped out of the way.

And the star landed in some hay.

Much to a hungry horse’s dismay.

His dinner went up in a blaze of smoke.

All that’s left- a solitary artichoke.

The horse ate the artichoke as Dracul continued his story,

“Lilith’s dealings with Solomon- somewhat gory…”

“But what does this have to do with Cardi B.?” Holmes lit his pipe under a tree.

“Her real name,” a soft breeze came, “Belcalls refers to the Queen of Sheba and Almanzar means watchtower. Watch that flower..”

Holmes avoided stepping on the Lancaster Hall estate’s red rose as the cat pranced about on tippy toes.

“So Lilith thinks Cardi B. is the watchtower of the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul went on, “so vampiress wreaks vengeance on Solomon by killing this singing diva.”

A scream went through the air as the terror that flies by night lost her shoes while Sherlock looked in the garden for more clues.

Cardi ran off after the terror by night while Lilith’s shoe glittered in the lamplight.

The next day, Cardi rode a white horse into the countryside

where horse and rider gave each other quite the ride.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 7th
2019.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Laurence Olivier’s Hamlet Reflects On His Grandmother’s Death

December 23, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Music, music videos, Video) (, , , , )

This is a one and a half minute music video I made 9 years ago.

For the video, I downloaded a clip from the 1948 film Hamlet starring Laurence Olivier.

I then edited it slightly so that Laurence Olivier’s actions holding the skull in the graveyard fit the lyrics of the song.

Hope you enjoy it. ☺

Permalink 15 Comments

1st Video of The Resurrected Dragon Princess Lenora of Lemuria

November 8, 2018 at 11:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, Video, videos) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was lying in his upright Egyptian sarcophagus in his colossal bedroom in his colossal London mansion drinking chai tea on a tray in front of him that was poured from a tea pot that resembled the Taj Mahal.

His cat Nefertiti Galore caught several vampiric flesh eating rats that had been sent into Set’s bedroom by his enemy siblings Isis and Osiris.

Set’s butler and valet Athelstan arrived to tell him how the Cousteau brothers’ marine archaeological expeditions (that Set was personally financing) were going.

Both Cousteau brothers Louis Alphonse and Toulouse (who were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau) had discovered the lost continents of Lemuria and Atlantis respectively the past couple of months.

In the South Pacific, Louis Alphonse Cousteau had discovered the glass coffin containing the perfectly preserved body of Lenora the last Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess of Lemuria in the sunken city of Mu the capital city of the lost continent of Lemuria.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had sent a drone (in the shape of a mechanical pterodactyl) to the South Pacific (an object photographed and video recorded by various people who posted the pics to YouTube conspiracy channels devoted to the topic of NASA covering up the existence of dinosaurs in the modern world) containing a test tube of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Resurrection Serum – a combination of ambrosia (that kept the Greek Olympian gods immortal) dried tana leaves (like in the early 1940s Universal Pictures Mummy films that kept the mummy Kharis alive), dried eucalyptus leaves (whose fresh eucalyptus leaves keep koala bears alive) and dried Canadian recreational cannabis leaves (whose smoking and inhaling keeps Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s genetically created pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever alive).

The serum when poured between Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria’s lips immediately brought her back from the dead.

Louis Alphonse Cousteau shot a video of the Lemurian Dragon Warrioress Princess doing her happy dance at being brought back from the dead:

The Dragon Princess wasn’t quite ready yet to show her face to the world.

After watching the video, Set then closed his sarcophagus lid.

Athelstan proceeded to do some dusting around the Egyptian vampire’s bedroom when suddenly he noticed a milky white substance overflowing from his Divine Vampiric Lordship’s sarcophagus.

“Good Lord!” Athelstan exclaimed, “Isis and Osriris have found a way to drown the master!”.

He immediately ran over and opened the sarcophagus lid.

“Close the f%!&*!ing lid, you idiot,” Set shouted as he was caught with his Hugh Hefner style red velvet pyjama bottoms down and his hands on the region between his hips.

“Sorry, sir,” Athelstan immediately closed the lid down, “I thought maybe your nephew Horus had come up with a way of Death By Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 8th
2018.

Permalink 16 Comments

Phantom of The Opera: A Poem As Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

September 14, 2018 at 10:37 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Film, Folklore, Ghost Story, love, Music, music videos, Musicals, Poetry, Romance, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Phantom of The Opera: A Poem
Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

Amadeus Emanon was at London music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios (owned by Heathcliff’s company Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.) to record his first album Erik’s Lament: The Agony and Ecstasy of A Phantom In The Night.

Amadeus Emanon sang this song:

Phantom of The Opera: A Lament

Oh Phantom, you are the lonely one
You loved Christine who was daylight
to your realms of darkness
She let the sunlight shine in your heart
You taught her to sing
But she taught you to love
And hers by far was the greater gift

There in your lair beneath the Opera deep
Where you lay many an hour to lie there and weep
And let the hate consume your heart like heat
Burned and singed was it making your scar look neat

For your look you thought no one could love
Depriving you of joy on earth and in heaven above
But Christine looked and she saw
but you turned away and you let her go
For in the mirror you saw just the scar
But in her eyes, she saw your very soul
But you did not see and you did not know
And your love departed by the river’s flow

Oh what music you could have made
But your heart you buried in hate’s grave
For Christine wanted to be your love not your slave
Now she’s left you and gone away
While you pine all night and long for day
The day you once had but chased away
leaving you with childhood toys you used to play
And now your soul then your music will decay.

(-A poem written by Christopher
Friday September 7th 2018)

Inspired by the character of Erik as he is portrayed in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical The Phantom of The Opera.

Amadeus Emanon as he appears on the cover of his album (making it look like he was posing with his violin in an old 19th Century style photograph)

Permalink 23 Comments

Tobey Kai Sings Who Are You?

August 12, 2018 at 10:17 pm (Commentary, Culture, Music, music videos, News, Personal essays, Songs) (, , , )

Tobey Kai Sings Who Are You?

There are certain news stories that one watches on the news that can really touch one.

It happened to me tonight while I was watching the local news.

The announcer talked about a woman who suffered brain injury from a ski accident 7 months ago.

She was skiing down a hill when she was accidentally hit by another skier who was skiing.

The collision caused a brain injury.

Since the accident, she has suffered some short term memory loss.

The story then went on to mention that she was a singer and shortly before the accident she had written and recorded a song about her experiences with her grandfather who was suffering from Alzheimer’s.

The song relates words her grandfather actually spoke to her when she would go visit him.

The song is called Who Are You?

Words that her grandfather said to her every time she visited him.

In the news story tonight, she told the interviewer that the words of the song now seem to apply to her as well since her accident and brain injury with its effects.

She says the song is almost like a gift from her former self to her present self as she now struggles to find out who she is.

Of course we all have days (and even a few sleepless nights) when we all ask Ourselves that very question, Who are you?

Sadly there are people in the world whose struggle with that question is even harder than most of us have ever faced.

-A personal essay
written by Christopher
Sunday August 12th
2018.

Permalink 10 Comments

Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

May 9, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Ghost Story, Movies, Music, music videos, Songs, Video, videos) (, , , )

Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

Here’s a photo montage music video I made and posted on YouTube 10 years ago:

Permalink 16 Comments

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

May 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, videos) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.

She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.

Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.

Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:

https://pin.it/lloi6gtopglhcg

Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.

“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.

“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.

“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.

Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.

Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”

As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.

He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.

The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.

“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.

. . .

Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”

“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”

“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”

“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.

“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.

“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.

Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.

He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.

Little did he realize that this action would save his life.

A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.

They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.

Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.

Permalink 39 Comments