Cherchez La Femme

June 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, Film, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Cherchez La Femme

It would take a long time for the sun to set on Sunset Boulevard tonight
Carson Cody Albion thought to himself
in the midst of cigarette smoke and haze of bourbon
in his Los Angeles private eye’s office
It being the Summer Solstice and all that

Long hours of daylight
The riff raff of the city wouldn’t have so many hours to steal, extort and murder
Bummer for them! Albion thought

Albion had been hired to find a woman
Cherchez la Femme
as the French would say

He’d been told that she only seemed to venture forth at night
by the man who had hired him
The man a Hollywood director intended to give la Femme a screen test

Yeah right!
That’s what they call it these days
Albion laughed to himself
The gumshoe had his office door open to try to keep things cool
Between the hallway fan and the office ceiling fan
Maybe a touch of the Norse frost giants
would help cool down the flames 🔥 of Hades
on this Midsummer Night in Los Angeles

Albion’s ice in his glass had melted
The penalty for drinking straight from the bottle
He reflected
Well he should go see the sun set on this solstice night
before he started hitting the night spots and lounges
where la Femme was said to hang out

Albion locked his office door and walked down the four flights of stairs to the office building lobby
He tipped his fedora to the cleaning lady and walked out into the night

The neon lights hadn’t started to shine yet
As he walked through his sector of the city
They wouldn’t really come on until after the sun had set
Maybe that’s why he preferred California winters to California summers
The temperatures were about the same
maybe slightly cooler by inches of degrees in the winter
but what was missing was the glow of neon at night
in the summer
Neon the blood that seemed to make this city feel alive

It pulsed like the beat of a drum 🥁
and summoned all to partake in the wildness of the night
It was there that this urban jungle became a jungle
The women danced and swayed like tropical 🌴 dancers
and the men sharpened their spears for the time it was necessary
to stab both friend and foe in the back

Albion saw the sun set
He whistled
and the nearest neon light
seemed to answer his call
flickering on like a woman stirring towards orgasm

Speaking of women, it was time to Cherchez la Femme
Several gin joints and several nightclubs later,
he found her
in a midnight blue evening dress

Her brunette hair
The touch of a foreign accent as she introduced her next song into the microphone
Romanian I believe the film director said it was
And when she sang, Albion thought that the moonlight had never serenaded the ocean 🌊 so beautifully
The City of Angels had been touched by an angel
Albion stubbed out his cigarette
and approached her
when she had finished singing her numbers

It was a Los Angeles night in the mid-1940s
Midsummer Night
and Orson Welles wanted him
Carson Cody Albion to locate a woman for a screen test

What Midsummer Night’s Dream did Mr. Welles have in mind,
Albion thought cynically to himself,
after all the man was married to Rita Hayworth?
Wasn’t the Love Goddess enough for him?

But enough of reflecting like Chandler’s Philip Marlowe,
Albion started heading in the woman’s direction
for he didn’t have all eternity to make a connection
La Femme flashed Albion a warm smile as she saw him approach
Her sharp incisors that hung from her top front teeth puzzled the private eye
What manner of woman is this? Albion thought
If Albion knew at the time he asked himself this question
he’d have realized that the woman did have all eternity.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 21st
2018

Dracul Van Helsing was in Romania.

He was trying to track down Dracula’s daughter the Countess Draculina on behalf of her father.

The Count since his Cadbury Rocher inspired vampiric resurrection had learned how to use the Internet.

He was trying to track down his daughter.

The only thing he managed to find on the World Wide Web was that his daughter had once done a screen test for Orson Welles back in the 1940s

Now Van Helsing had managed to track her to Romania her ancestral homeland.

He had heard that she had dyed her hair blonde.

He walked over to the window of his room in the old inn in which he was staying.

And watched the sun set on the Carpathian Mountains on this summer solstice evening.

He turned on the television to watch the news hoping to find out the weather.

And there he saw… Countess Draculina.

(Notice her vampiric incisors unless of course your eyes are focused elsewhere for some reason 😉)

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Vampiress Allatallahbel In The Vatican: A Poem

June 4, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Allatallahbel In The Vatican: A Poem

There where a statue of the Virgin Mary had once stood
was a sight that made Orson Welles knock on wood
that is if only the ghostly film director could
for there in the nave was a vampiress in the flesh
A High Priestess of the Canaanite god Baal no less

Allatallahbel was her name
She sought everlasting fame
So on October 13th last year
she got Knights-Templar in gear
who attacked the Swiss Guards from the rear
Pope Francis thought it was just another Vatican gay orgy
so thought ‘tis nothing out of the ordinary

By then the Vatican belonged to Allatallahbel
but Francis just shrugged and said, “What the Hell?”.
“Doesn’t exist so I say, All is well.”

Orson Welles’ ghost looked at the vampiress’ dress of purple
She looked like a vampiress whose crescent 🌙 was fertile
“Looks like she’s ready to take a bite,
If I was still mortal, I’d best pop out of sight.”
“But seeing as how I’m a ghost
I know I’m not toast
though in Purgatory I was quite well done
I was even mistaken for a hot dog 🌭 baked in the sun 🌞 “

The Vatican had changed since the last days he had visited Rome
Into a place Antichrist could call home.
La Salette prophecy had come to pass
as Peter’s successor becomes Midsummer Bottom’s ass.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 4th
2018.

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The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

May 5, 2018 at 11:39 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

Pope Francis felt very regretful over the fact that he hadn’t been allowed to canonize Karl Marx today May 5th 2018 (Marx’s 200th birthday) as a birthday present to the philosopher who gave birth to atheistic Marxism.

He had felt so badly about it that he had wired some money to London gypsy fortune 🔮 teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia asking her to place some flowers 💐 on Marx’s grave accompanied by a written note of papal apology for not being able to canonize him and admit him to the Catholic Communion of Saints.

The Modernist Jesuit Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (stage name: Pope Francis) then thought about a statement he had made yesterday (Friday May 4th 2018) to a papal audience at which nuns, monks and priests were present.

The pontiff had told those who were consecrated to the religious life that “The Holy Spirit is a disaster because He never tires of being creative.”

Reflecting on this remark, the heretically inclined pontiff then hopped and skipped through the halls of the Vatican totally oblivious to a statement Christ had made 2000 years ago on this subject.

Christ had said that anyone who blasphemes the Son of Man, it could be forgiven him.

However he who commits blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, it would not be forgiven him.

This would no doubt just be the latest in an ongoing series of statements that Francis has been making since he was elected Pope in 2013.

Statements that had caused many Protestants and even many Catholics to seriously wonder if Pope Francis wasn’t the False Prophet prophesied in the Book of Revelation (called The Apocalypse in Catholic Bibles) Chapter 13 verse 11.

Of course both the world and the media loved Pope Francis (but hadn’t Christ warned, “Woe unto you, when all men speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.” – Luke 6:26 KJV).

Then Francis remembered the phone conversation he had last night with the Egyptian Vampiress Isis and French President Emmanuel Macron.

The pair had called from Paris although the Macron who was present with Isis was in fact a holographic image (created by France’s top scientists) as the real President Macron was busy visiting the South Pacific French island of New Caledonia after a trip to Australia 🇦🇺 in which he had called the Australian Prime Minister’s wife Lucinda Turnbull delicious (causing British MP Renfield R. Renfield to quip that Macron was probably tired of eating the same old cougar pussy night after night and wanted to vary it up a little).

And speaking of Renfield R. Renfield, he was currently trying to breach the wall of the Vatican gardens on a mission for his former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set had heard that the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) was currently located somewhere in the Vatican and he thought it might be advantageous to have his chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher clone Hecate.

A genetic clone of Hecate might serve as a powerful ally for Set in his ongoing millennia long war against his brother and brother-in-law Osiris.

Renfield found himself down off the Vatican wall and on to the ground a little quicker than he would have liked.

“That’s gotta hurt as George Costanza from Seinfeld would say,” Renfield quipped as his testicles took a licking and kept on ticking.

Renfield looked around and was surprised to see that the Vatican gardens still looked like autumn rather than spring whose season it now was.

He was even more surprised by the vision of the beautiful woman who now approached him:

https://pin.it/ke2lygz63h7u24

“Who are you?” Renfield asked somewhat taken aback by the heavenly apparition.

“I am Allatallahbel,” she gave him a warm enticing smile, “the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.”

“You’re one vampiress I’ve never heard of,” Renfield had to admit as his phallus came to life despite the soreness of his testicles.

“I’m not surprised,” she smiled seductively.

“So,” Renfield looked around, “do you know why the Vatican gardens still look like autumn when spring is in the air elsewhere in Rome?”.

“The Vatican gardens will soon be subject to the coming of an eternal winter,” the sensual Vampiress Priestess of Baal laughed a sinister film noir femme fatale laugh.

Renfield despite the passion and heat he was feeling at the moment was simultaneously starting to feel cold chills.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 5th
2018.

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Reblog of The Moriarty-Rocher Romance: Sherrielock Holmes Off To The Mermaid Art Exhibit

April 26, 2018 at 9:45 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, painting, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote back in January 2017.

In it, the romance between Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandfather Prof. James Moriarty and Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandmother Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher is talked about:

Dracul Van Helsing

“You look wonderful, great-grandmother,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher kissed Sherrielock Holmes on the cheek.

“Thank you, Cadbury,” Sherrielock smiled at the compliment.

“Have you seen the photos of my genetically created winged horse Pegasus that I have put up on Facebook?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher proudly asked.

“How can I not help but notice when you keep posting pics every two minutes,” Sherrielock sighed, “I finally had to cut off your news feed.”

“You cut off my Facebook news feed?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked horrified, “Great-Grandma,how could you do that?”.

“Oh stop pouting, Cadbury,” Sherrielock commanded, “or I’ll have to give you a spanking.”

Dr. Cadbury Rocher stopped pouting.

The resident mad scientist for Set Enterprises did have quite the evil side. Of course that was to be expected working for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (whose claim to fame was bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) and for being a co-employee…

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Reblog- A Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

April 25, 2018 at 7:33 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Politics, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago-

Dracul Van Helsing

Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The brilliant scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who some called “mad”, others called “insane” and the politically correct called “sanity challenged”) sat in his office overlooking the laboratory of Set Enterprises.

He looked down at the laboratory and noticed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster sleeping peacefully in his lobster tank.

Which was a good thing.

The lobster tank had mysteriously exploded on 7 different occasions the past few weeks.

And the higher-ups on the Board of Directors of Set Enterprises were starting to take notice.

Especially the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s new personal chartered accountant Ayn Rand Nosferatu.

A strange woman. Not quite human. Not quite vampire.

And different from both in that x-rays showed that she had within her chest an ancient Chinese abacus in the place where her heart should have been.

Her office was quite intimidating.

She had a statue…

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Reblog- Sherrielock Holmes Invited To Mermaid Art Exhibit

April 24, 2018 at 8:59 pm (Art, Culture, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, painting, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

Sherrielock Holmes was wearing an exquisite turquoise evening dress. She had been invited to an exhibition of paintings of mermaids done by artist Charmaine Olivia at a new London art gallery- The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.

Her escort for this evening would be her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Of course she would not be introduced as Cadbury’s great-grandmother at the Exhibit Opening Night Party. People might talk.

For Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) had turned immortal one fine day back in the 1890s when she had eaten a special blend of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms prepared for her by her boyfriend later husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great-grandfather).

Sadly her love Dr. Louis Rocher did not prepare and eat a bunch of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms for himself. For whatever reason, he decided to wait to eat the mushroom elixir of life. When the…

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Reblog-Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes

April 22, 2018 at 8:06 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Seeing as how yesterday April 21st 2018 was the 100th Anniversary of the death of the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen, I thought I would re-post this vampire novel chapter I wrote almost 3 years ago which deals with the background of the immortal leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister), her late husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron just the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed) and the demise of the Red Baron himself.

Dracul Van Helsing

Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes

Amadeus and Renfield were sitting in their favourite Fish and Chips shop in London.

Renfield was having the Deluxe Grilled Cheese and Tuna Fish Sandwich Special.

Amadeus was having the All You Can Eat Fish n’ Chips Special.

He was now on his 11th plate of fish and chips.

“I’ve noticed that for some reason I’m not able to fit into any of the clothes that people bought me as presents last Christmas,” Amadeus said as he bit into his monster piece of cod.

“I wonder why that is,” Renfield bit into his sandwich.

“I have no idea,” Amadeus ordered his 12th plate of fish and chips.

“Anyways I’ve been doing some research on Sherrielock Holmes,” Renfield sipped his Magic Mushroom and Marshmallow Laced Chocolate Latte.

“Your personal dominatrix?” Amadeus spoke in a loud voice.

“Shhh, quiet, not so loud,” Renfield whispered to Amadeus.

The…

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Belvedere and The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka

April 8, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Belvedere and The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka

Belvedere the ghost white salamander who worked as a reporter for The Times of London was meeting with one of his sources in a London restaurant.

The source was Gary Geese-Hogg an agent for MI-6.

The restaurant was Amit’s Curry 🍛 Palace.

“Love the food here,” said Gary as his spoon 🥄 dove into a bowl of delicious chicken curry.

“Being dead, I unfortunately can’t eat it,” said the ghost of the ghost white salamander, “so what’s your scoop?”.

“You’ve heard of Lev Tomi?” Geese-Hogg asked Belvedere.

“The head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change?” Belvedere asked.

“That’s the one,” Geese-Hogg nodded, “he’s been meeting continuously with George Soros on a regular basis the past few years.”

“The billionaire Hungarian-American investor?” Belvedere said.

“That’s the one,” Geese-Hogg motioned for some chai tea.

“And what are the subject of these meetings?” Belvedere wanted to know.

“We have no idea,” Geese-Hogg shrugged, “we’re hoping with your investigative reporting skills, you’ll be able to find out and tell us.”

Belvedere picked up his ghostly notebook and left.

Another waste of time, the ghost white salamander thought to himself.

As he walked through the street, he suddenly noticed a woman wearing a 19th Century Native American indigenous dress.

He recognized her as the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka.


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka

The last time he saw her was in his mortal life as a non-ghost and a non-white salamander.

He had changed quite a lot since the last time he saw her.

But she was still the same.

Young looking and beautiful.

And still alive.

She couldn’t be a vampiress since it was broad daylight as she walked down the street.

And yet the last time he saw her was in the Black Hills of South Dakota back in 1877.

How, Belvedere wondered, was this possible?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 8th
2018.

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Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

March 6, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

Last night Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP had been saved from drowning in the Thames River by the Norse Valkyrie Svipul who had been flying overhead at the time.

Mr. Renfield had found himself caught up in an avalanche of snow and a wave of rainwater while singing badly performed renditions of old Rod Stewart and Glen Campbell songs.

The combined avalanche/wave pushed Mr. Renfield into the icy Thames River where Mr. Renfield could not extricate himself from such a predicament unless he was wearing a pair of snow flippers which he wasn’t (namely because such an unusual pair of foot apparel – a combination of snow shoes and scuba flippers- hasn’t been invented yet).

Fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul had been flying overhead at the time.

Also fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul did not recognize him as the individual who had butchered the lyrics and melody of the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s opera Tristan und Isolde while performing a filibuster on a Brexit bill in the Westminster House of Commons a couple of months earlier.

Otherwise she’d have probably let the shapeshifting hamster/human British Transhumanist MP drown.

Mr. Renfield was much warmer now having put on a dry pair of clothes and also having received a thorough bottom blistering spanking from the Norse Valkyrie Svipul (who it turns out was a good dominatrix friend of the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

Mr. Renfield was now seated in his parliamentary office on an extra extra extra comfortable cushion on his chair at his desk seated across from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“So according to the Foreign Secretary Mr. Johnson’s speech in the Commons earlier today,” Churchill sipped on his ghostly brandy, “a certain foreign power may be responsible for the unknown substance attack on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal in what is now being called the Salisbury Incident.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “the Russians will probably stonewall high enough around Salisbury that they’ll erect a Russian Stonehenge to match the Druidic one.”

“No doubt the invisible hand of Mr. Putin is behind this,” Churchill rubbed his ghostly chin thoughtfully with his ghostly fingers.

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield sipped his non-ghostly and definitely non-ghastly brandy.

“If these ghastly events continue,” Churchill bit his ghostly lip, “Vladimir Putin may have to be bumped off.”

“Yes, I’ll probably have to bump Vladimir Putin off,” Renfield agreed as he accepted the Raymond Red Reddington Award that had been given him by an admiring fellow blogger.

“Well,” Churchill peered at Renfield over his ghostly spectacles 👓, “If any person in the world is capable of bumping off the notorious Mr. Putin, it would be you, Mr. Renfield.”

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t be Donald Trump,” Renfield agreed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 6th
2018.

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Video Presentation On Sherry Valerie Hilles’ The Gothic Exorcist’s Chronicles

January 5, 2018 at 10:03 pm (Book Reviews, books, Entertainment, Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, The Supernatural) (, , , )

Video Presentation On Sherry Valerie Hilles’ The Gothic Exorcist’s Chronicles

My friend and fellow writer Sherry Valerie Hilles has recently published the 2nd volume of her GOTHIC EXORCIST’s CHRONICLES entitled The Fallen.

Volume One was entitled The Devil’s Promises.

Here is a short video presentation at YouTube about her two books:

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