The Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria In London

November 14, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Both Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol had been called to the Scotland Yard offices in London by Inspector Depp (no relation as far as he knew to Johnny) of Scotland Yard.

They were asked to come question a suspect.

The man who was with the suspect when she was arrested -undersea explorer Louis Alphonse Cousteau (a great nephew of famed 20th Century undersea explorer Jacques Yves Cousteau) claimed the woman was 3000 years old (even though she didn’t look a day over 24) and had recently been brought back from the dead after being found in a waterproof glass coffin in the sunken city of Mu on the sunken continent of Lemuria which he said he had recently found at the bottom of the South Pacific Ocean.

Louis Alphonse Cousteau was currently undergoing psychiatric assessment by famous Welsh psychiatrist Morgana Jones who had her offices in London.

The woman who claimed to be the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria had so far put 20 policemen in hospital when they had gone into the interrogation room to question her.

Rather than going in to interrogate her himself, Inspector Depp (a man once described by Sherlock Holmes’ immortal twin sister the noted London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes as the 21st Century Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard) had bravely phoned Van Helsing and Whitstable and bravely suggested they come down and interrogate her.

While looking through the glass at the Dragon Warrioress in the interrogation room, Van Helsing asked Depp, “What’s she been charged with?”.

“Assaulting a Member of Parliament,” was Depp’s reply.

Van Helsing noticed the dress she was wearing in the mug shot after she had been arrested (and the same dress she was currently wearing in the interrogation room) and asked, “And that Member of Parliament wouldn’t have been one Renfield R. Renfield by any chance?”.

“My God, Van Helsing, how could you possibly know…” Depp was astounded.

Van Helsing interrupted, “And I suppose the reason for the assault was that Renfield approached her and asked her out on a date?”.

“Your methods of deduction always amaze me, Van Helsing,” the Inspector was flabbergasted.

“Elementary, my dear Watson… I mean… my dear Depp,” Van Helsing replied.

Whitstable looked at the Dragon Warrioress through the glass into the interrogation room.

“Well, Dracul,” Whitstable asked, “who’s going in?”

Van Helsing followed Peter Whitstable’s gaze and looked at the Dragon Warrioress Princess behind the glass.

Van Helsing lit himself a cigarette and in a calm voice replied,

“I’m going in.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 14th
2018.

Advertisements

Permalink 24 Comments

The Day After: A Renfieldian Analysis

November 7, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was the day after the U.S. midterm elections.

As recently terminated U.S. Attorney-General Jeff Sessions asked his aide for directions to the nearest Unemployment line and Donald Trump began his campaign for Asshole of The Year Award among members of the White House Press Corps, Renfield R. Renfield shared his analysis of the U.S. midterms with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“It appears Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was spot on in declaring the winners,” Renfield bit into a tuna fish sandwich.

“But it appears he was mistaken in his vision last Saturday about widespread violence at polling stations,” Amadeus bit into a peanut butter sandwich.

“Not necessarily,” Renfield belched, “I immediately relayed Michelangelo’s vision to Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA as well as Peter Whitstable of Interpol. Whitstable took my personal brigade of British Army gurkas and staged two raids on shiploads of arms arriving in Florida. One was a shipload of arms that was intended for Antifa operatives sent to them by Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and the other was a shipload of arms intended for white supremacists sent to them by Havana based Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike. Dr. Faustus Imhotep sent DARPA contract assassins Pan Goatee and Panty Goatee to bump off suspected Antifa and Neo-Nazi provocateurs the evening before the U.S. midterm elections. As a result of this DARPA Night of The Long Cleavers and Long Machetes, the U.S. midterms voting went off without violence and undertakers in towns where Antifa operatives and Neo-Nazis lived picked up a little extra business this week.”

“Good to see you took action,” Amadeus remarked.

Suddenly a loud piercing scream came from outside.

“It sounds like our estate watch cat Nefertiti Galore has taken action against someone,” Renfield went running outside and was joined by Amadeus where they saw that the cat had scratched ten faces on a ten headed demon.

“Who is that demon?” Amadeus asked.

“Well if my photographic memory of illustrations in the Encyclopedia of Demons serves me correctly,” Renfield put on a pair of spectacles, “that’s Ravana the Rakshasa demon king of Lanka.”

“What could he possibly want on the Set estate?” Amadeus asked.

“Well the Boss,” Renfield was referring to the Estate’s owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and not Bruce Springsteen, “recently bought an original authentic statue of Sita who was Prince Rama’s bride that Ravana kidnapped millenia ago and so maybe Ravana wanted to steal it.”

After receiving catclaw scratches on his ten faces while in London, Ravana fled to Ravenna where he spent his days and nights studying the city’s Byzantine and Gothic architecture.

Happy Diwali to all my Indian friends. 😊

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 7th
2018.


Panty Goatee spent the night before U.S. midterm election day slitting the throats of Antifa operatives and Neo-Nazi white supremacists.

Permalink 57 Comments

Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

October 15, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat watching the television in his parliamentary office.

The woman Australian TV news reporter he was watching was positively bubbling over with glee, “Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are both having a baby. Isn’t that amazing?”.

“It is amazing,” Renfield had to admit, “I didn’t know men could get pregnant.”

He shut off the TV when the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles joined him for cigars and brandy.

Sir Winston Churchill was helping Renfield in planning to depose the tyrannical and fanatical House of Saud from its governance over most of the vast oil rich Arabian Peninsula.

And Orson Welles was listening in because he got the exclusive rights to write the screenplay for the fall of the House of Saud.

Welles had planned for the screenplay to read like a combination of the writing of Edgar Allan Poe in The Fall of The House of Usher (1839) and Nathaniel Hawthorne in The House of The Seven Gables (1851) and the movie would look like it was made by a combination of directors Woody Allen and Roman Polanski in the film and visual techniques.

If anyone could pull that off, it would indeed be the ghost of Orson Welles.

“Well,” Churchill lit a spectral cigar with a spectral match, “I see Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s idiot successor in the Oval Office is saying the murder of dissident Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi may have been committed by rogue elements in the Saudi government’s secret service.”

“This shows the hazards of sniffing elementary school kid’s glue while using it as a shampoo to wash the dandruff out of your yellowish gold urine coloured toupee,” Renfield noted.

“Indeed,” Welles nodded in agreement, “I noticed Bozo Trump said that Saudi King Salman said he had no knowledge whatsoever of Jamal Khashoggi’s murder.”

“Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?” The ghost of a young beautiful looking famous British call girl Christine Keeler remarked as she walked by wearing a 1960s era mini skirt.

All three men’s eyes followed her as she disappeared into a portrait painting of John Profumo who was Secretary of State For War in Prime Minister Harold Macmillan’s Conservative Government of the early 1960s.

“Well,” Churchill was the first one of the three to recover from seeing the ghostly apparition, “I see that the Saudi government after first vigorously denying having murdered Mr. Khashoggi is now admitting they may have accidentally murdered him.”

“I wonder whether they accidentally dismembered his body as well,” Renfield remarked as he watched a British farmer fertilizing his field with a dancing diarrhea ridden bull in a YouTube video.

“Undoubtedly,” Churchill blew smoke.

“This is where I can work some Woody Allen style humour into the dialogue,” Welles smiled.

The ghost of Theban king Oedipus’ wife/ mother Jocasta walked by remarking, “I wonder what name they call my son in graffiti on the walls in New York’s Harlem.”

“I don’t think that line can be worked into this script,” Welles confessed.

Jocasta exited Renfield’s office and walked down the parliamentary halls looking for a portrait painting of Sigmund Freud.

Finally Renfield stood up and striking his best Churchillian pose remarked,

“The time has come, the shapeshifting hamster/human MP said, to talk of many things,
of steamy sex with porn stars and ridding the world of despotic Saudi kings.”

The ghosts of Churchill and Welles applauded in agreement.

Finally Welles raised his spectral glass of brandy in a toast and asked,

“When shall we three meet again,
Over wine, brandy, coffee or tea?”

Christine Keeler’s mini skirted ghost appeared and said, “Why not over me?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 15th
2018.

Ghost of Theban Queen Jocasta holding her son’s skull 💀 and remarking to the ghost of one of Prince Hamlet’s friends down in Purgatory:

“Alas, poor Oedipus, I knew him well, Horatio.”

Permalink 38 Comments

The Mermaid of The Rivers of Borneo

September 12, 2018 at 11:40 pm (Folklore, Mystery, Mythology, Nature, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Mermaid of The Rivers of Borneo: A Poem

Like a scene from Paradise
a beautiful South Seas Island
on a moonlit night

Gentle and tranquil stream
reflecting pale moonlight
Green trees rise in adoration
of the heavens above
A cathedral of nature
where solitude and worship are one

A long forgotten fierce deity looks on
His power now as devoid of life
as the dead wood from which he’s carved

The Iban of Borneo who worshiped
these deities no longer hunt for heads
Disciples of Christ
They follow His words of wisdom
now long forgotten in the West
even by those who claim to be His followers

Only one figure from their past
who they still venerate
whom they always venerated
Because she actually exists
Unlike the fierce carvings of wood
once possessed by demons
but who have now fled at the Name of Christ
She the mermaid of the rivers of Borneo
Some call her the Serpent Woman
but was she part Serpent
or part fish?
No one could say for sure.

Mermaid or Serpent Woman?
But her top part is woman
Very much a woman
A woman of great beauty and charm
But also loneliness
For she has no mate.

She sits on a rock
that looks like the moon Armstrong and Aldrin once walked on
She sits on a rock that looks like the moon of Diana and Artemis
The moon that is Our Lady Mary’s lantern
She sits on a rock that looks like the moon
Giving the appearance that the gentle tranquil non-flowing stream
is the ocean 🌊
Upon which the moonrise over Earth’s ocean is occurring
And she the Goddess of the Moon rising above the ocean 🌊

But she is no goddess
for her heart is all too human
And the water is fresh water
and not salt water

Save from the tears that fall from her eyes
for she is lonely
for her heart is all too human.

-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday September 12th
2018.

Permalink 10 Comments

Sherlock Holmes and Jack The Ripper: A Haiku

August 28, 2018 at 10:37 pm (Crime, Culture, Detective story, History, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Poetry) (, , , )

Sherlock Holmes and Jack The Ripper: A Haiku

Holmes had Jack in lab
electrocuted him because
The courts would acquit

When you’re as important in society as Jack was, the Old Bailey would never convict.

So Sherlock Holmes took matters in his own hand.

Years later, Nikola Tesla would re-enact Holmes’ test for his friend Mark Twain.
But without using a living subject like the great British detective did.

Permalink 12 Comments

Reblog of Edgar Allan Poe: Swinging Like A Pendulum Do

August 26, 2018 at 8:27 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Horror, Literature, Movies, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Short stories, Short Story, Television, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a short story I wrote almost 2 years ago.

It’s a short story featuring the late great TCM Turner Classic Movies host Robert Osborne:

Dracul Van Helsing

Edgar Allan Poe: Swinging Like A Pendulum Do

It was an old movie from the 1930s on television. Johnson had heard of the film The Pit and The Pendulum based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe.

But he wasn’t familiar with the 1930s version. He had only heard of a movie version from the 1960s with Vincent Price.

But this 1930s version was totally new to him and here he was a big classic horror movies fan. The Pit and The Pendulum from 1936 with Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff.

Try as he might, he could not recall Karloff and Lugosi ever making such a film. Lugosi had made The Black Cat with Karloff. He had made The Raven. He had made Murders In The Rue Morgue. All based on works by Poe.

But Johnson had never heard of Lugosi doing a movie version of Poe’s The Pit…

View original post 669 more words

Permalink Leave a Comment

Sadako Shado Tamashi

August 8, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Literature, Movies, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Short stories, Short Story, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Sadako Shado Tamashi

The archivist at the British Museum was looking through a bunch of early 20th Century Japanese photographs.

He came across a photo of a very beautiful young Japanese woman wearing a long white dress.

He stopped to look at her.

In fact, he looked at her for quite a while.

To his amazement, a heart ❤️ suddenly appeared in the photograph.

The word Yokubo appeared in the heart.

What the Hell? Archivist Moreau thought to himself.

What does Yokubo mean?

Moreau turned to the next photograph which was of a Japanese print of a Japanese Christ being crucified on the Cross.

That’s interesting, Moreau thought to himself, not too many of those pictures in Japan.

The next photo was of the same beautiful woman he had looked at a few photos earlier.

But now her long black hair was covering her entire face.

And blood (the colour red) actually appeared on her dress in the black and white photograph.

She was pointing a finger at someone (almost as if she was pointing at him from the photo).

Behind her was a word on the wall written in blood (again blood red showed up in the black and white photo).

The word was KAN’IN.

The next morning they found Moreau’s body dead in the photo archives of the British Museum.

His throat had been slashed from ear to ear as if he had just revealed Freemasonic secrets.

All the photos were gone.

Save for one black and white photo showing a woman in a long white dress with long black hair over her face standing over the body and pointing an accusatory finger at him.

The woman had very long sharp fingernails on her accusatory hand.

The nails were blood red (and red actually showed up in the B and W photo).

-A short story written by
Christopher
Wednesday August 8th
2018.

Permalink 30 Comments

The Hall of The Baskervilles: A Poem

July 28, 2018 at 9:44 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Hall of The Baskervilles: A Poem

The hall of the Baskervilles stands empty now
Only living creature seen is a neighbour’s stray cow
It’s been over a century since Sherlock Holmes cracked the case
of this spectral hound who lacked amazing grace
Sir Henry Baskerville has taken Mrs. Stapleton for his bride
as Holmes and Watson left the moor in a carriage ride
Sir Henry and his wife only had one son
An only child- Simon full of spark and fun

During the Great War, Simon Baskerville served as a spy
He arranged the fall of Zeppelins from the sky
So great and masterful a spy was he
pissing off the High Command of Germany
Kaiser Wilhelm II personally ordered his death
“This last Baskerville must soon be devoid of breath”
And so the order went out to German Intelligence Agent Count von Klamp
A man who dated a sexy Valkyrie vamp
He sent the vamp to England fair
This vampiress with Aryan blonde hair
She seduced Simon on a dark and stormy night
The kind that gives Bulwer-Lytton’s prose a fright
And Simon had from his body every ounce of his manly blood drained
While outside the thunder roared as storm clouds rained

Simon was knighted posthumously
by George V in full ceremony
Count von Klamp attended the funeral knighting in disguise
while the Valkyrie wore dark glasses over her eyes

Today Baskerville Hall stands deserted and desolate
Preservation efforts made quite the mess of it
On some nights locals say the demonic hound can still be seen
Devil’s hound instead of God’s Lamb in Devon’s pastures green

And in the empty Baskerville Hall
Dashwood Forrest walked examining the wall
He was looking for a portrait painting of Sir Simon
He had a buyer a millionaire Steak Kidney 🥧 pie man

He came to the place on the wall it was supposed to be
And there stood Allatallahbel in all her vampiress glory

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal standing in front of an empty portrait picture frame in Baskerville Hall

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 28th
2018.

Permalink 26 Comments

Jack The Ripper: A Love Story Excerpt 78 By Malcolm Marsh

July 23, 2018 at 10:17 pm (Crime, Detective story, History, Horror, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror) (, , )

An excellent suspense novel about Jack the Ripper told from the Ripper’s point of view by a great writer and storyteller- my friend Malcolm Marsh.

Malcolm Marsh - Author

Jack the Ripper – A Love Story ( Excerpt 78 )

  He went to the International Working Men’s Educational Club, which was the nearest building and returned with two men, Isaac Kozebrodsky and Morris Eagle, the trio discovered that she was dead, her throat cut!

They re-entered the club and raised the hue and cry, but they were too late, the moment that the returned to the club, I was away, I had no intention of hanging around to be caught by the mob.

Louis Diemschutz , When questioned later by the Police, said that he was certain that the Ripper was still in the premises when he arrived, he said he could sense his presence. How right he was. I had made good my escape, and would return to kill again, hopefully before this night was over.

When conversing with Inspector Abberline after the killings, He mentioned the…

View original post 106 more words

Permalink 7 Comments

Cherchez La Femme

June 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, Film, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Cherchez La Femme

It would take a long time for the sun to set on Sunset Boulevard tonight
Carson Cody Albion thought to himself
in the midst of cigarette smoke and haze of bourbon
in his Los Angeles private eye’s office
It being the Summer Solstice and all that

Long hours of daylight
The riff raff of the city wouldn’t have so many hours to steal, extort and murder
Bummer for them! Albion thought

Albion had been hired to find a woman
Cherchez la Femme
as the French would say

He’d been told that she only seemed to venture forth at night
by the man who had hired him
The man a Hollywood director intended to give la Femme a screen test

Yeah right!
That’s what they call it these days
Albion laughed to himself
The gumshoe had his office door open to try to keep things cool
Between the hallway fan and the office ceiling fan
Maybe a touch of the Norse frost giants
would help cool down the flames 🔥 of Hades
on this Midsummer Night in Los Angeles

Albion’s ice in his glass had melted
The penalty for drinking straight from the bottle
He reflected
Well he should go see the sun set on this solstice night
before he started hitting the night spots and lounges
where la Femme was said to hang out

Albion locked his office door and walked down the four flights of stairs to the office building lobby
He tipped his fedora to the cleaning lady and walked out into the night

The neon lights hadn’t started to shine yet
As he walked through his sector of the city
They wouldn’t really come on until after the sun had set
Maybe that’s why he preferred California winters to California summers
The temperatures were about the same
maybe slightly cooler by inches of degrees in the winter
but what was missing was the glow of neon at night
in the summer
Neon the blood that seemed to make this city feel alive

It pulsed like the beat of a drum 🥁
and summoned all to partake in the wildness of the night
It was there that this urban jungle became a jungle
The women danced and swayed like tropical 🌴 dancers
and the men sharpened their spears for the time it was necessary
to stab both friend and foe in the back

Albion saw the sun set
He whistled
and the nearest neon light
seemed to answer his call
flickering on like a woman stirring towards orgasm

Speaking of women, it was time to Cherchez la Femme
Several gin joints and several nightclubs later,
he found her
in a midnight blue evening dress

Her brunette hair
The touch of a foreign accent as she introduced her next song into the microphone
Romanian I believe the film director said it was
And when she sang, Albion thought that the moonlight had never serenaded the ocean 🌊 so beautifully
The City of Angels had been touched by an angel
Albion stubbed out his cigarette
and approached her
when she had finished singing her numbers

It was a Los Angeles night in the mid-1940s
Midsummer Night
and Orson Welles wanted him
Carson Cody Albion to locate a woman for a screen test

What Midsummer Night’s Dream did Mr. Welles have in mind,
Albion thought cynically to himself,
after all the man was married to Rita Hayworth?
Wasn’t the Love Goddess enough for him?

But enough of reflecting like Chandler’s Philip Marlowe,
Albion started heading in the woman’s direction
for he didn’t have all eternity to make a connection
La Femme flashed Albion a warm smile as she saw him approach
Her sharp incisors that hung from her top front teeth puzzled the private eye
What manner of woman is this? Albion thought
If Albion knew at the time he asked himself this question
he’d have realized that the woman did have all eternity.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 21st
2018

Dracul Van Helsing was in Romania.

He was trying to track down Dracula’s daughter the Countess Draculina on behalf of her father.

The Count since his Cadbury Rocher inspired vampiric resurrection had learned how to use the Internet.

He was trying to track down his daughter.

The only thing he managed to find on the World Wide Web was that his daughter had once done a screen test for Orson Welles back in the 1940s

Now Van Helsing had managed to track her to Romania her ancestral homeland.

He had heard that she had dyed her hair blonde.

He walked over to the window of his room in the old inn in which he was staying.

And watched the sun set on the Carpathian Mountains on this summer solstice evening.

He turned on the television to watch the news hoping to find out the weather.

And there he saw… Countess Draculina.

(Notice her vampiric incisors unless of course your eyes are focused elsewhere for some reason 😉)

Permalink 20 Comments

Next page »