Renfield, Pope Francis, The Himalayan Serpent and The Buddha Statue

November 5, 2017 at 5:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield, Pope Francis, The Himalayan Serpent and The Buddha Statue

“Pope Francis is the best and the ultimate argument against the heresy of Ultramontanism,” Renfield R. Renfield said in a speech to a group of Catholic Bishops from England and Wales which didn’t go over so well with those assembled there.

Renfield’s speech itself was supposed to be a peace offering with the Conference of Catholic Bishops of England and Wales after Renfield had given a speech in Parliament in which he had held up a photo of Pope Francis and said, “Only an idiot in his entirety would want to do away with the death penalty in its entirety.”

Pope Francis was alleged to have said to Walter Cardinal Kasper, “Will no one rid me of this turbulent MP?”.

Similar remarks had been made by Russian President Vladimir Putin to senior officers of the Russian FSB a couple of days earlier.

. . .

A mysterious golden cobra figure who called himself Maitreya lived in the Himalayas on the Tibet-Nepal border.

He lived deep inside a cave beneath one of the mountains.

Every hour at midnight local time, he was able to astral project himself anywhere in the world.

But by 9:00 AM local time, whenever the fur wearing golden cock atop the mountain crew, Maitreya immediately returned to his cave from wherever he was in the world.

So the damage the golden cobra serpent could do to the world was limited to between midnight and 9 AM local time on that particular spot of the Himalayas on the Tibet-Nepal border.

All controlled by the fur wearing golden cock on the top of the mountain.

The cock had been placed there by Saint Michael the Archangel to bind the golden cobra serpent.

Unfortunately on November 2nd 2017, the Chinese People’s Liberation Army were practicing firing a new big gun long-range cannon in the region.

The cannonball killed the 5000-year-old fur wearing golden rooster 🐔.

The result was Maitreya could now astral project any time of the day.

The golden cobra serpent entered a Buddha statue in a Buddhist temple in the City of Rome.

There the serpent planned its next move.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 5th
2017.

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Pope Francis and The Secret Message From Kim Jong-un

October 10, 2017 at 7:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Secret Message From Kim Jong-un

The Vatican Cardinal known as Cardinal JM walked into Pope Francis’ apartment.

“Holy Father,” said JM, “The Vatican has received a message from North Korea’s 🇰🇵 leader Kim Jong-un that is for your eyes only.”

“For me?” Pope Francis took off his glasses and wiped them.

“Yes,” Cardinal JM handed him the Vatican diplomatic corps dispatch box.

The Bishop of Rome opened the dispatch box and looked at the message.

“It’s written in Korean?” Pope Francis looked at Cardinal JM.

“Well,” Cardinal JM cleared his throat, “I imagine the Dear Leader (or whatever the Hell he’s called)’s Latin is rather shaky.”

“As is mine,” Pope Francis admitted, “but my Korean is even worse.”

Cardinal JM was immediately on the phone trying to track down a Korean translator.

3 hours later, the cook from one of Rome’s most popular Korean restaurants was in Pope Francis’ apartment.

The cook read the translation and also handed out copies of the restaurant’s evening take-out menu to all those present.

When he finished, he left.

“And do we have a copy of the manuscript to which the Dear Leader refers in the Vatican?” Pope Francis asked.

“I believe we do, Holy Father,” Cardinal JM stroked his chin 🤔.

He was soon on the phone to the monk in charge of the Vatican Archives.

The monk Head Archivist was apparently taking his evening cappuccino break and wouldn’t be back for another 6 hours.

“But we have no time to lose,” Francis cried, “World War III could break out at any minute.”

“I’ll go to every cappuccino bar in Rome and try to track him down, Holy Father,” Cardinal JM put on his coat and walked out the door.

This should certainly cure my caffeine fix for the next year, Cardinal JM thought to himself as he walked out into the night.

Meanwhile in the papal apartment, the clock on the wall was ticking.

Tick tock… tick tock…

The Pope remembered a song he had once heard an American youth group sing,

“The kings of West and East
they play a game of war and peace…”

Tick tock… tick tock…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 10th
2017.

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Conflict With The Sire of Abaddon

October 7, 2017 at 7:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Conflict With The Sire of Abaddon

The Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea waters off the coast of Tel Aviv.

Swimming alongside him was his new found friend Miranda the Mermaid.

The Controller in his right hand held what looked to be a harpoon.

But it was a special type of harpoon.

A harpoon invented by his friend the noted British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (Dr. Rocher had brought the Controller of The Golem back from the dead after his glass of Scotch whisky had been poisoned with polonium-210 administered by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith).

The harpoon fired a Nikola Tesla Particle Death Beam- the only force capable of destroying a sea kraken.

And Miranda had recently found out that the mermaid goddess Atargatis had raised the eastern Mediterranean Sea kraken Sire of Abaddon to destroy Israel.

And now Sire of Abaddon was swimming underwater heading straight for Israel 🇮🇱.

Nathan (The Controller’s real first name) fired the harpoon.

But sadly the Tesla Particle Death Beam missed.

An angry tentacle shot out from the kraken Sire of Abaddon and proceeded to strangle Nathan.

Using all her strength, Miranda the mermaid managed to free Nathan from the kraken Sire of Abaddon’s tentacled grasp and drag him back to shore.

There Miranda had to hold back a thousand tears as she administered CPR to her beloved Nathan.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 7th
2017.

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Mephistopheles Seeks A Soul

October 5, 2017 at 5:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Mephistopheles Seeks A Soul

As the demon Mephistopheles walked by the 7th Circle of the Inferno, he could hear the screams of a new inmate Las Vegas shooter Stephen Craig Paddock echoing through the flames 🔥.

“Better get used to it because it’s going to be forever,” Mephistopheles laughed as he sipped a nice hot cup of Earl Grey Tea.

He looked at his Rolex designer watch (specially designed to withstand intense heat) and noted the time.

Time to get upstairs to Earth.

He had the soul of a certain world leader he hoped to capture.

The Enemy on the other side might have said, “What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world 🌎 and lose his own soul?”.

For Mephistopheles and his fellow demons, they were fortunate that most politicians on planet Earth didn’t really follow such advice.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 5th
2017.

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Allatallahbel’s Private Eyes At Rosslyn Chapel In Scotland

October 1, 2017 at 6:27 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Allatallahbel’s Private Eyes At Rosslyn Chapel In Scotland

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had hired two London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley to find the remaining members of The Vampiric Knights-Templar for her.

The two private eyes had found 3 of the 6 remaining Vampiric Knights-Templar holding a Necronomicon prayer service at Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland.

Crosses and Crucifixes in the chapel had been turned upside down in accord with the Vampiric Knights-Templars’ liking.

A huge icon of Baphomet stood atop the altar.

The beautiful plainsong of the Book of Common Prayer had been replaced by the cacophonous demonic sounding jargon of the Necronomicon.

John Shelby Spong the former Episcopalian bishop of Newark New Jersey 🇯🇪 would have felt right at home during the service.

He would have proclaimed it the way the worldwide Anglican Communion should go.

The late Episcopal Bishop James Albert Pike would have probably agreed with him if he wasn’t being poked by the pitchfork of the real Baphomet at the moment.

Agathor and Magog found out from the 3 Vampiric Knights-Templar they met in Rosslyn Chapel that the other 3 Vampiric Knights-Templar were currently worshipping at a Freemasonic lodge in Charleston South Carolina.

Agathor and Magog relayed this information to the Vampiress Allatallahbel by smart phone.

Allatallahbel thanked the two private eyes for their efforts and told them to tell the Vampiric Knights-Templar to meet her at the following location in Europe in the next two weeks:

(TOP SECRET)

Allatallahbel then smoothed her scarlet red evening dress and then slit the throat of the young Swiss Guards lieutenant she had with her.

She then drained his body of blood.

She then went to the nearest zoo and drained the tigers there of their blood as well.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 1st
2017.

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The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2017 at 3:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Vampiress Allatallahbel Near The Grave of The Headless Horseman

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and Adolf.

After standing beside the gravestone marker and reflecting for a while, Allatallahbel then stood back and chanted a spell that was given her by the ancient Egyptian god Thoth.

Thoth had recently returned to this particular spatial/temporal dimension.

On the day of the full lunar eclipse across the U.S.- August 21st 2017- in fact.

After chanting the spell, she waited.

The headless Hessian officer then arose from the grave along with his horse (for he had been buried with his horse).

Allatallahbel then gave the Headless Horseman his instructions.

The Horseman saluted (even though he had no head to salute on) and rode off.

He stopped off in front of a store in Tarrytown and broke the store’s front window and helped himself to a carved Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin which he immediately put on top of his shoulders.

He then rode all the way to downtown Manhattan.

Many New York City policemen tried to stop the Headless Horseman but he beheaded them with his regimental sword.

The policemen’s beheadings were met with cheers by supporters of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The Headless Horseman passed a television set in a department store window where Pope Francis was doing a stand-up comedy routine in which he claimed the apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia was a Thomist document.

The Headless Horseman could be heard cackling through his carved Jack O’ Lantern teeth.

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden then rode down to the New York City docks where he and his horse boarded a ship bound for Europe.

He hoped the ship would arrive in Europe before Halloween.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 30th
2017.

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Allatallahbel In Clear Waters On A Still Night

September 23, 2017 at 7:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Allatallahbel In Clear Waters On A Still Night

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal lay back in the clear waters of the lake.

The night sky 🌌 above her reflected in the waters as she lay.

Allatallahbel wore a bright gold evening dress that shone like the noon day sun.

Below her feet was the reflection of the moon.

The planet Jupiter seemed to reflect just above her belly.

Above her head shone the planets Venus, Mars and Mercury as well as the 9 stars of the constellation Leo reflecting in the waters.

The constellation Virgo reflected on the tranquil waters of the entire lake itself in which Allatallahbel lay.

Suddenly a water snake 🐍 swam out from under her dress giving the impression that she had just given birth to it.

At that very moment the lid of the sarcophagus of Alexander the Great opened in the great Macedonian conquerer’s undiscovered tomb.

Also at that very moment, a huge storm arose on the Sea of Galilee.

And no Nazarene carpenter’s son around to still it.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 23rd
2017.

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Day of The Autumn Equinox In Astana Kazakhstan

September 22, 2017 at 6:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Day of The Autumn Equinox in Astana Kazakhstan 🇰🇿

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy Kwan Yin was walking the streets of Astana Kazakhstan 🇰🇿 where this year’s Expo 2017 had taken place.

She was startled to see the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith walking the streets along with the Persian Zoroastrian god of evil Ahriman as well as a grey wolf 🐺 and a Russian Eurasian brown bear 🐻.

Kwan Yin could see the grey wolf 🐺 was possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler and the Russian Eurasian brown bear 🐻 was possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin.

What were they up to? Kwan Yin wondered to herself.

Behind Kwan Yin, television sets in a store window showed North Korean despot Kim Jong-un watching the music video to Sir Elton John’s song Rocket Man while Donald Trump could be seen looking up the word “dotard” in a medieval 14th Century English dictionary.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 22nd
2017.

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An Aztec Vampiress, A London Car Show and The Tesla Particle Death Beam

September 21, 2017 at 3:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in her research on the subject discovered that only the Nikola Tesla Particle Death Beam would be capable of destroying the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc.

And she discovered that the Tesla Particle Death Beam was an accessory on British sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s new self-driving electric car The Rocher Le Pied de Hermes which was now on display at a car show in London, England.

The self-driving Rocher Le Pied de Hermes electric car had been given its first test this past spring (Please read https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/dr-cadbury-rocher-and-his-incredible-self-driving-car/ for details of how that test went).

Dr. Rocher had drastically improved his self-driving electric car since that disastrous first test.

He had also added a new feature to the Rocher Le Pied de Hermes self-driving electric car at the suggestion of Renfield R. Renfield (now a British Member of Parliament).

Renfield’s suggestion was for what he called a Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button.

And it was this little feature which incorporated the Tesla Particle Death Beam.

If some obnoxious other driver or a car horn pissed off the self-driving electric car’s owner, the owner or even a passenger could push the Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button

The Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button had arrows surrounding it and depending on which arrowly direction the Road Rage Anger Management Button was pushed, it would fire a Tesla Particle Death Beam either in front, either side of or the back of the vehicle and disintegrate the offending other vehicle and obnoxious driver (to say nothing of the passengers) into sweet oblivion.

Qonzilqointec enlisted the help of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in stealing the Tesla Particle Death Beam off the vehicle at the London car show.
Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec
Qonzilqointec plans to commit Grand Auto Theft with Dracul Van Helsing at the London Car Show

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 21st
2017.

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Dulcinea Lucia and The Vampiric Knights-Templar

September 17, 2017 at 11:34 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia and The Vampiric Knights-Templar

Once Private Eyes 👀 Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley decided to take the case for Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal and search for the 13 Vampiric Knights-Templar who survived French King 👑 Philip the Fair’s Friday October 13th 1307 raid on Jacques de Molay and his fellow Knights-Templars, they started where most Private Eyes would when confronted with such a case.

They went to see a gypsy fortune 🔮 teller.

And a young beautiful and sexy one at that.

Dulcinea Lucia the gypsy fortune teller of London’s Carnaby Street.

When they entered her shop, they discovered she was dressed like Elvira the popular American horror movie show hostess of the 1980s- a black evening dress slit at the sides from thigh to ankle, black silk pantyhose and black spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.

This would thus be an interview both men would enjoy.

Dulcinea Lucia told Agathor and Magog that the 13 Knights had managed to escape King Philip’s Friday the 13th raid by being in a Paris brothel at the time.

When informed of the raid, the 13 knights went south to the village of Rennes-le-Chateau in the Languedoc region of southern France 🇫🇷.

“Any idea, why there?” Agathor asked.

“One of Jesus’ cousins is buried in a grave there,” Dulcinea Lucia answered.

“The Jesus?” The Marxist atheist former Labour MP Magog raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Dulcinea Lucia answered.

“How did they become vampires?” Agathor asked.

“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in the village of Rennes-le-Chateau at the time,” Dulcinea Lucia answered, “she bit each man on the neck and turned them into vampires on the evening of October 23rd 1307 – 10 days after Philip the Fair’s Friday the 13th October raid on all the lodges and temples of the Knights-Templar in France.”

“And have those 13 Vampiric Knights-Templar survived since then?” Magog queried.

“7 of them were slain inside the Episcopalian Cathedral of St. John The Divine in New York City on Friday October the 13th 2006 while attending a Meatloaf concert being held at the central altar of the cathedral,” Dulcinea Lucia answered.

“The Meat Loaf?” Agathor asked.

“Yes,” Dulcinea Lucia nodded, “the one who sang Bat 🦇 Out of Hell, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad, I’d Do Anything For Love and Rock And Roll 🎸 Dreams Come Through.”

“And they had a Meat Loaf concert right at the central altar?” Asked Magog who had visited the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City with Agathor on their recent U.S. trip where they had encountered Shiva the Hindu god of destruction and transformation at that very same central altar.

“It was more of a Knights-Templar Illuminati satanic ceremony where they were going to sacrifice Meat Loaf to the Baphomet because Baphomet wanted both a singer and a meatloaf dish for his birthday so the Illuminati and the Knights-Templar were going to give him a 2 for 1 special,” Dulcinea Lucia opened her book of meatloaf recipes.

“And you said that 7 of the Vampiric Knights Templar were slain at that Friday the 13th October 2006 Meatloaf sacrifice ceremony in the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine?” Agathor questioned.

“Yes, the 7 who attended the ceremony,” Dulcinea smoothed her dress, “the other 6 were still in their New York City 🌃 hotel rooms recovering from severe hangovers the night before- hangovers that saved their lives in the long run.”

“Who slew the 7 Vampire Knights that attended the ceremony?” Agathor asked.

“That was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the mighty Lakota Sioux vampire huntress Jennifer Cochran,” Dulcinea Lucia smiled, “both of them were Meat Loaf fans.”

“Of the singer or the dish?” Magog inquired.

“Both,” Dulcinea Lucia smiled and winked.

A bell went off in the kitchen behind her gypsy 🔮 ball reading room.

“If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen,” Dulcinea Lucia stood up, “my own meatloaf is ready. Unless you care to join me.”

They did.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 17th
2017.

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