A Dragon For World Dracula Day
The Black Knight summoning the Black Dragon.
He was the Black Knight of Arthurian Legend.
Thought long dead.
But he survived on a Morgan Le Fay cocktail.
And lived even into the 21st Century.
As befitting this Black Knight, he flew a winged Black Dragon for special occasions.
And today was a special occasion.
It was World Dracula Day.
World Dracula Day was celebrated every May 26th because it was on May 26th 1897 that Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula was first published.
The holiday was created in 2012 by The Whitby Dracula Society 1897.
And Count Dracula (aka Prince Vlad Tepes aka Vlad III aka Vlad the Impaler), who was brought back from the dead a few years ago (interestingly enough by Dracul Van Helsing who pulled a wooden stake out of the famous vampire’s heart) would be visiting the ruins of Whitby Abbey where he had originally landed in England over a century ago prior to being slain by Dracul’s ancestor Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.
He would be paying the visit to Whitby Abbey today.
World Dracula Day.
In celebration of the occasion, British MP Renfield R. Renfield had impaled several members of Los Angeles Dodgers management on wooden stakes outside the ruins of the abbey.
Members of the society and Dracula picnicked under the stakes.
The Black Knight arrived with the Black Dragon.
Dracul was Romanian for Dragon.
Just as Dracula was Romanian for son of the dragon.
So it was appropriate that a real dragon was there.
Dracula drank a toast in red wine 🍷 (he did drink wine despite actor Bela Lugosi’s protests to the contrary in the 1931 Universal Pictures film).
As he sipped wine 🍷, drops of Bud Lite fell out of the cans in the impaled Los Angeles Dodgers management’s pockets.
“Thank you, Mr. Renfield,” a real nun (wearing her habit) said as she walked by.
Renfield, who was wearing a top hat 🎩, doffed his hat in her direction.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 26th
2023.
The Storm Cloud of T-Rex Kubla
Oh sing not of Xanadu and Kubla Khan’s decree
Or how Alph the sacred river ran down to sunless sea
For on desert highway between darkened hills
Was bloodcurdling sight sending chills
It was the storm cloud of T-Rex 🦖 Kubla
With thunder louder than orchestral tuba
At the bottom on the horizon
In seeming triumph over earthly Zion
Was red spectral T-Rex with open mouth
Its jaws wide open to engulf the south
And springing from forehead like Zeus birthing Athena
Was a sight more dreadful than a screaming hyena
A purple hare sprouting wings
A beast of whom not the Walrus sings
From its rabbity back emerged a gigantic brain
Made of broccoli 🥦 and cauliflower and no gentle rain
From the vegan brain so deranged emerged a silvery serpent slithering north
Making sure all hope hath gone off course to the mouth of a giant horse
From the silvery serpent’s back emerged tsunami waves frozen like giant droplets of ice
As if the artist Hokusai had to pay the fierce Niflheim frost giants’ price
Oh where is Arirang mountain with its peaks of hope
Providing inspiration for which humanity is to strive and grope
The storm cloud of T-Rex Kubla leaves death and destruction in its wake
An Ouroboros circle taking another geometric shape
Causing man, beast and earth to shake and quake.
-A Poe/Lovecraftian horror poem
Written by Christopher
Thursday May 4th
2023.
The Cat People and The Wolfman
Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna the black panther shapeshifting cat woman New York City based Serbian born and raised fashion illustrator who tore a psychiatrist to pieces with her claws
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London was meeting with one of his parishioners the world-famous concert pianist Amadeus Emanon in his vicarage kitchen who was enjoying the homemade cinnamon buns made by Father Aidan’s housekeeper Mrs. Lancaster.
Amadeus Emanon was already on his 36th cinnamon bun.
“Do you suppose Mrs. Lancaster might make some more?” Amadeus asked as he looked at the now empty plate.
“Well I do believe it takes awhile to make those cinnamon buns,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds explained, “plus I think she’s currently busy listening to your friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Wednesday night podcast.”
From upstairs in Mrs. Lancaster’s bedroom could be heard the voice of Renfield R. Renfield saying, “Wow. What a shocker. The cocaine snorting editors of Britain’s The Economist Magazine are calling for cocaine use to be legalized.”
“You know,” Amadeus helped himself to a gingerbread cookie man that Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds brought him from the refrigerator, “Renfield was telling me that Russian President Vladimir Putin hired a Siberian shaman to go to New York City and raise from the dead the body of the Serbian cat woman Irena Dubrovna. As Miss Dubrovna’s spirit has graduated from Purgatory to Paradise, she won’t be returning to her body. However a famous homicidally inclined Byzantine mermaid Echidna Antiochus who was put to death on the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I’s orders has had her spirit granted a dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades and has taken possession of Irena Dubrovna’s body.
She is going to Kiev Ukraine as an ally of Putin and will be using Irena Dubrovna’s body to turn into a black panther to rip apart bodies of Ukrainians because the demon Moloch appearing as Saint Michael the Archangel has told Vladimir Putin that it’s the right thing to do.”
“How horrifying,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds made the Sign of the Cross.
Father Aidan’s making the Sign of the Cross caused a Calvinist street preacher standing on the sidewalk outside the vicarage to drop dead.
“The thing is,” Amadeus scratched his head, “I always thought the 1942 film The Cat People starring Simone Simon was a work of fiction. I didn’t think it was based on a real incident and I didn’t think Irena Dubrovna was a real actual person.”
“Well, it turns out,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds checked out a passage in the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work (written before he died) Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film, “that there really was an Irena Dubrovna in the late 1930s and that what happened in the film was true.”
“Wow,” Amadeus Emanon walked over to the refrigerator and brought out the entire plate of gingerbread men cookies that he then started eating, “Next thing you know you’ll be telling me that there really was a werewolf called Larry Talbot and that the classic 1941 Universal Pictures monster horror film called The Wolfman that starred Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains and Evelyn Ankers was based on something that actually happened in real life.”
“Well, actually,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds cleared his throat, “I can tell you that Larry Talbot did actually exist and what happened in the 1941 film The Wolfman was true and I don’t need to consult the Rev. Montague Summers’ unpublished work Occultic Folklore and Legend As Found In Film to determine that. For it turns out my grandfather the Anglican clergyman Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds was the curate of Saint Magloire’s Church in Llanwelly Wales near Talbot Castle at the time Larry Talbot arrived in the village to flirt with Gwen Conliffe the daughter of the village antique shop owner and to get bitten by Bela the gypsy fortune telling werewolf.”
“Really?” Amadeus paused in the middle of eating his 6th gingerbread man cookie.
“Yes,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds nodded, “As an interesting postscript to the film which ended with Larry Talbot getting killed by his own wolf’s head silver cane walking stick wielded by Larry’s father Sir John Talbot, the Talbot Castle game keeper Frank Andrews (played by actor Patric Knowles in the film), who was Gwen Conliffe’s fiance, ended up getting killed by a wererabbit bunny rabbit that had apparently been originally bitten by Larry Talbot. After the Saint Magloire’s Church exorcism team made Welsh rarebit out of the Welsh wererabbit, after an appropriate period of mourning for the late departed Mr. Andrews, Gwen Conliffe ended up marrying the young curate Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds. So Gwen Conliffe is actually my grandmother.”
“Holy fuck,” Amadeus Emanon commented.
Mrs. Lancaster came down the stairs and washed Amadeus Emanon’s mouth out with soap.
. . .
Outside 10 Downing Street, Larry the 10 Downing Street cat was chasing away the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his spectral black horse.
Inside 10 Downing Street, former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to convince current British Prime Minister Liz Truss to hire a witch doctor or shaman to raise the famous Wolfman werewolf Larry Talbot from the dead in the Llanwelly Village Cemetery in Wales and send him to eastern Ukraine to eat and devour Russian soldiers.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 12th
2022.
Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers) among the gypsies
Dr. Marmalade Montague Investigates Causes of Sulphuric Explosions
Dr. Marmalade Montague was a scientist who worked at Set Enterprises in London.
Even though he had no official background in science.
He had owned a bakery in Paris that went out of business during the 2020 plandemic lockdown under the orders of France’s Neo-Vichy tyrant Emmanuel Macron.
Still Marmalade Montague knew more about science than most of the so-called health “experts” who dispensed bad advice by the manure filled truckload during the plandemic of 2020-2021.
Dr. Marmalade Montague’s current project was investigating the causes of sulphurous explosions.
For this purpose he had sent Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was the son of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom) to the Yellowstone Caldera Supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park to pick up a sample of sulphurous contents bubbling up from the ground.
While Yaldabaoth was there using a baby bottle to pick up a sample from one of the bubbling craters, the crater had a major explosion.
Luckily for Yaldabaoth, being a leprechaun, he was immortal so the explosion didn’t kill him.
However it did put a dent into his plans to spend a night at the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada as he could hardly go into the place smelling like rotten eggs.
The explosion did however kill a sasquatch who was walking by.
The sasquatch was currently in the process of litigation (a major lawsuit) against the man codenamed PH Unbalanced by Britain’s MI-6 Agency and the man considered the world’s most boring author.
The world’s most boring author had written a novel claiming that this sasquatch had murdered the world’s most boring sheriff’s deputy.
The claim was in fact true but what the sasquatch objected to was being written about and included as a character in a novel that was so unbelievably colossally boring.
He hadn’t been able to get a date since the novel was published as most female sasquatch and even a few gay, bisexual and transgendered sasquatch considered him too boring to date.
The sasquatch had gone to a City of Laramie Wyoming law firm to launch a lawsuit against the world’s most boring author PH Unbalanced filing the claim that “being included as a character in the world’s most boring novel written by the world’s most boring author had totally ruined his sex life”.
Now as a result of the sulphurous explosion, the sasquatch was dead.
Yaldabaoth after several months of showering would be able to have a sex life again.
The poor sasquatch being dead could not.
Dr. Marmalade Montague was also investigating the cause of Joe Biden’s sulphurous bowel movements alluded to into final (and end of life) reports written by some of the world’s late top secret agents in spy agencies.
For that, Dr. Marmalade Montague was using the visions of Michelangelo the psychic lobster.
Apparently back on January 28th 2021 (7 days after Biden was inaugurated having successfully stolen the 2020 U.S. Presidential election), senile old Joe had been invited to speak at a United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City in March of that year.
He was not to be the number one speaker however.
He was to be the number two speaker (which was appropriate for Joe).
The number one speaker was to be the well known Jewish Rastafarian and self described “independent pharmaceutical manufacturer” from Australia known by the popular moniker of Uncle Ernie (assuming of course that Uncle Ernie wouldn’t be in jail in Australia “drummed up on some nefarious charges brought against him by the government” as Uncle Ernie would put it).
The fallen archangel Mephistopheles (who was one of Joe Biden’s 3 supernatural advisors along with Baal and Baphomet) had recommended to Joe that he send someone to try to find the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and bring them to the U.S. for Joe Biden to eat the remains prior to giving his number two speech to the United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City.
The Gadarene swine of course had been possessed by the demons known as Legion and had been sent by Jesus Christ into the swine after Jesus had successfully exorcised a man known as the Gadarene demoniac.
The swine then charged into the Sea of Galilee.
Thus acting on orders from Joe Biden, the American Deep State set about to recover the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
Israeli Mossad agent Anna Chador to a Tel Aviv based scuba diver: “Would you be able to dive to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and see if the remains of the Gadarene swine are still down there and if they are to bring them up to the surface?”.
He: Yes.
Unfortunately for Biden and Mephistopheles, those agencies associated with the American Deep State such as the CIA were having a top secret convention at Area 51 (remember this was the time of the plandemic and everything and everyone was supposed to be in lockdown) and the treats at this top secret convention were Australian Uncle Ernie’s independently made pharmaceuticals.
Thus after the convention, the CIA were in no shape whatsoever to go looking for the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
However there were plenty of reports of sightings of UFOs and ETs at Area 51 after this convention.
Thus the spaced-out CIA outsourced the mission to the Israeli Mossad.
The task was assigned to one of Israel’s top female agents Anna Chador and after consulting with a Tel Aviv based scuba diver, a deep sea mission was undertaken and the Gadarene Swine were found perfectly preserved at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
The bodies were raised from the depths and then flown to Washington DC.
Hell’s Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay was brought in to cook the remains at the White House.
He made pork chops out of them which he topped with his famous homemade Sriracha laced apple sauce.
Joe Biden ate all of the Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce leaving the other guests at dinner hungry and awestruck at the senile old fool’s ravenous appetite.
The Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce remained fully stuck in Joe Biden’s intestines and could never be removed (something the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles knew would happen).
The direct result of the Gadarene swine pork chops and Sriracha laced homemade apple sauce being forever stuck in Biden’s intestines would be that he would always have sulphurous explosive bowel movements.
It was fortunate that the New York Chapter of the United Jewish Appeal decided to have their dinner and speeches via Zoom due to the plandemic.
The secret service agents guarding Biden on the night of his United Jewish Appeal Zoom dinner speech were not so lucky.
In an effort to boost the profits of the pharmaceutical manufacturing investments of one Dr. Anthony Fauci, the cause of the secret service agents’ deaths was listed as Covid rather than sulphurous fumes.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 28th
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads Yet Another Uglo At The Dollar Store
Pan Goatee managed to survive the August 1st long weekend without seeing a single uglo.
But it’s the 2nd day of August and a repulsive looking uglo once again has to put in an appearance in the local dollar store.
Pan Goatee was down at the local Dollar store.
There was once again only one cashier working tonight but that was okay because there was only one person ahead of him and he only had one item.
A bag of potato chips.
But sadly for Pan Goatee, the would-be potato chip purchaser was a total moron.
He did not know how to tap his card on the machine to make a purchase.
5 minutes later the imbecile somehow inadvertently managed to successfully tap the machine and a potato chip purchase was made.
The moron then left the store.
Goatee went up to the cashier and put his bottles of Lemonade and Diet Pepsi down.
Even though there was no other customers an airheaded cashier came and opened up another till.
And lo and behold a repulsive looking uglo (of the thin ugly looking stoat like variety) arrived and got in front of Pan Goatee to head to the newly opened airhead’s till.
The uglo had a female friend with her.
The repulsive looking uglo said in a squeaky squealy high pitched voice to the airheaded cashier, “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re pretty?”.
“Well too bad the same couldn’t be said about you, bitch,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then beheaded the uglo’s friend for being a friend of the uglo.
He then beheaded the airheaded cashier for opening up a new till right at the front of the straight line of cash registers allowing the repulsive looking uglo to get in front of him.
After the satyr finished cutting up the latter two into 999 trillion pieces each, Krampus arrived looking suntanned and burnt to a crisp from his tropical Hawaiian vacation to carry the remains of Pan’s victims down to the fiery flames of Tartarus.
Ares the Greek god of war (who had been filling in for Krampus while the latter was on vacation) had himself now gone on vacation to Taiwan.
Which was a stupid place to be seeing as how Nancy Pelosi was there.
Goatee left the store and happened to spot the moron with the bag of potato chips who had taken so long to figure out how to tap his card on the credit/debit card digital reading machine.
“Because of your bloody goddamned stupidity in trying to figure out how to do something so simple as to tap a card on a machine, I was forced to encounter a repulsive ugly looking woman,” Goatee explained as he beheaded the bag of potato chips carrying imbecile and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
When Krampus arrived to pick up the remains of the beheaded and dismembered moronic imbecile, Pan threw the partly eaten bag of potato chips at the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon, “Here, enjoy these. In appreciation of your hard work.”
As Pan Goatee walked down the street, he encountered the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and now (the recent papally blessed) Lac Ste. Anne.
“I was wondering,” Pan asked the Demon Buffalo, “if you knew who this great Western Grandmother opening up the Circle of Spirits was that was being invoked by Huron-Wendat First Nations shaman Raymond Gros-Louis while satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals, Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and Canadian Governor-General Mary Simon all placed their hands on their hearts while she the great Western Grandmother with her Circle of Spirits was being invoked at the Citadel in Quebec City?”.
“Well,” the Demon Buffalo started eating nearby passers-by, “I imagine that the great Western Grandmother who was being invoked is Spider Grandmother who is an important figure in the mythology, oral traditions and folklore of many Native American cultures in the southwestern United States. In Hopi mythology, Spider Grandmother also called Gogyeng Sowuhti can take the shape of an old or timeless woman or take the shape of a common spider in many Hopi stories. When she is in her spider shape, she lives underground in a hole that is like a Kiva. A Kiva is a space used by Puebloans (the Pueblo peoples of the southwest) for rites associated with the kachina (spirit being) system. The kiva is a large room that is circular and underground and generally used for spiritual ceremonies. In the Hopi creation story, Tawa the sun god and Spider Woman (aka Spider Grandmother) the Earth Goddess separate themselves into parts to create other lesser gods, then create the world and its creatures. This is similar to the Zuni creation myth where Spider Grandmother also plays a part. In Navajo mythology, Spider Woman is said to cast her web like like a net to capture and eat misbehaving children. She spent time on a rock aptly named Spider Rock which is said to have turned white from the bones resting in the sun. In the Pueblo tradition, she is called Spider Old Woman. The Spider Woman or Spider Grandmother of the southwestern U.S. tribes is believed to be the same being/entity as the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess because their pictorial representations are the same.”
“Thanks,” Pan said.
“You’re welcome,” the Demon Buffalo belched after having eaten a University of Calgary anthropology professor.
-A vampire novel chapter
written Tuesday August 2nd
2022.
Mistress of The Dark
Greek goddess Aphrodite filling in for vintage horror movie TV show hostess Vampira on a summer evening in Los Angeles in 1954
Vampira hosted a vintage horror movie TV show on the Los Angeles ABC TV affiliate KABC-TV from 1954 to 1955.
It was a summer evening in 1954 and Vampira had come down with laryngitis.
How was she to host her show tonight?
It was fortunate for Vampira that her drinking companion that night was the Greek goddess Aphrodite.
Aphrodite volunteered to fill in for her.
The scene now switches to a Los Angeles home where 8-year-old Henry a rather precocious boy used to go downstairs to the living room while his parents were asleep and turn on the family black and white TV on low volume and watch The Vampira Show on late night TV.
Tonight he was doing the same again.
The show’s announcer announced, “Regrettably Vampira is unable to host the show tonight…”
“Awwww…” said Henry.
“However Aphrodite is going to fill in for her and here’s Aphrodite…”
“Yay,” said Henry when he saw her.
Henry didn’t think much of the movie being shown but he did like the scenes where Aphrodite gave commentary.
Having divine sight, the goddess saw the psychopathic clown that had entered Henry’s family home and was holding a knife over Henry as the boy sat on the floor in front of the television.
She grabbed the vampire stake from inside the movie being shown and putting her hand through the TV screen in the living room staked the psychopathc clown to death.
“Wow, cool,” Henry enthused.
His mother was not so enthusiastic when she saw the mess on the living toom floor the next morning.
Henry was unable to sit down comfortably for the next week.
-A short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 30th
2022.
The Baron and Beelzebub
A statue of Beelzebub suddenly appeared mysteriously atop Castle von Luftwaffen
Back on January 18th 1871 Germany united as a nation under Chancellor Otto von Bismarck.
Hwever unbeknownst to history Bismarck had a rival named Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen.
Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen at a huge banquet at Castle Luftwaffen on January 18th 1846, after overindulging in sauerkraut and sausage, decided on a whim to sell his soul to the demon Beelzebub for 25 years of wealth and power.
Baron von Luftwaffen got his 25 years of wealth and power.
However as January 18th 1871 approached, Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen started feeling nervous.
The demon Beelzebub would soon be arriving to collect his debt.
He also was ticked at the fact that Germany would soon become a united Empire for the first time in almost a millenium since the days of Frederick Barbarossa King of Germany and Holy Roman Emperor.
He was wanting to become the first Chancellor of a reunited Germany.
He was planning to send his rival Otto von Bismarck a large slice of poisoned venison (deer meat) for a banquet that the Prussian leader was planning.
Unfortunately for von Luftwaffen, Bismarck’s chef burnt the venison so the venison wasn’t served.
After consulting with a Church lawyer (a Jesuit), Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen discovered that if he could become immortal, his contract with Beelzebub would become null and void since he von Luftwafften couldn’t die and his body and soul couldn’t become separated.
The baron wasn’t sure how he could become immortal.
He didn’t have enough time to find the Fountain of Youth in Florida or search through various ancient, medieval and Renaissance documents for a possible elixir of eternal life or a spell to make him immortal.
However his spies informed him that the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith had been seen in Berlin.
Perhaps Lilith could turn him into a vampire and he could enjoy a form of vampiric immortality.
On January 17th 1871 Lilith turned Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen into a vampire.
Baron von Luftwaffen rode back in triumph to his ancestral home Castle von Luftwaffen.
He went for a walk atop his castle.
He was shocked to see a statue of Beelzebub atop one of his castle towers.
He was so shocked that he stood there absolutely petrified.
When morning arrived, the statue of Beelzebub came to life as the demon Beelzebub.
Beelzebub grinned and said,”Don’t you know that as a vampire you shouldn’t be standing there in the sunlight?”.
Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen gave an anguished cry as he burst into flames.
Beelzebub collected his soul.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 4th
2022.
The Vision of Apophis
Apophis the ancient Egyptian serpent god of chaos, darkness, evil and destruction
A tourist bus rolled through the desert
Towards the pyramids
An astronomer Paul Leblanc
Had fallen asleep aboard the bus
He dreamed he was heading towards the pyramids
When suddenly stars fell from the sky into the desert
And a fierce looking serpent
That the well educated Leblanc
Recognized as the serpent god Apophis
Seemed to embrace the entire desert
As the fires of Hell rose
From beneath the sands
Leblanc woke up
As the pyramids came into view
No sign of Apophis, falling stars or Hell fire rising
from desert sands
Leblanc looked to his left
At his fellow passenger
Who turned out to be
Thoth
The Egyptian god of time
With his ibis head
And all
Thoth picked up a very tall hour glass
Whose sands had run out
Thoth grinned and said,
“Time’s up”
The first of several falling stars
Appeared across the Egyptian desert
Night sky
Over the pyramids
-A horror poem
written
Tuesday April 26th
2022.
The Panther Woman and The God of Surprises
Claudia Simon The Panther Woman
Carson Cody Albion, a private eye then based in New Orleans, was spending April of 1935 visiting New York City.
He was visiting an old college acquaintance of his who had now become an inspector in the New York Police Department.
“Inspector Hennessy,” his secretary brought into her boss’ office the private eye from New Orleans, “a Mr. Carson Cody Albion to see you.”
“Carson, my old friend,” the Inspector rushed to greet him.
They discussed old times and college days.
And how the philosopher Hegel (who they had both studied in the same philosophy course they took) was a major pain in the ass.
However Hegel’s influence on the world was profound in the decade of the 1930s.
Hegel, as interpreted through the lens of the left wing Hegelians particularly Marx, was influencing Bolshevism and Communism.
Hegel, as interpreted through the lens of the right wing Hegelians particularly Nietzsche, was influencing Nazism and Fascism.
Inspector Hennessy was then discusing cases he was working on.
One involved a wild animal walking the streets of New York City.
A black coloured panther with golden green eyes who ripped out the throats of its victims.
The other involved a serial killer dressed as a clown who slashed the throats of his victims.
Beside his victims, he left a fortune cookie that always had the same message, “Be prepared to be surprised by the god of surprises.”
Albion said he’d help Hennessy with the case.
As Albion walked back to his hotel, he passed a tarot card reading room.
A very beautiful young woman dressed in the beautiful coloured blouse and skirt of a gypsy woman stood outside.
“A reading, sir,” she smiled at him.
“Why not?” Said Albion.
He did not believe in tarot cards or crystal balls but he had time to kill.
Interestingly enough the reading sort of matched the case his friend Inspector Hennessy was working on.
When the reading was over, the lovely brunette gypsy woman smiled at him and said, “Remember, sir, it takes a thief to catch a thief.”
Curious statement, Albion thought.
Albion was walking by a Church – Saint Raphael’s- when he noticed the priest locking up.
“Good evening, Father,” Albion said.
“Good evening,” said the priest, “You’re Carson Cody Albion are you not?”.
“Why, yes,” Albion nodded, “You know me?”.
“I have a niece who lives in New Orleans,” the priest explained, “She’s sent me newspaper clippings about your exploits. She knows I have a weakness for detective stories- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, G.K. Chesterton’s Father Brown and Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot.”
“Excellent writers and excellent detectives all of them,” Albion acknowledged.
“Working on a case here in New York?” The priest asked.
Albion mentioned the panther and also the clown serial killer who called himself the God of Surprises.
“This clown serial killer the God of Surprises is a sinister individual,” the priest crossed himself with the Sign of the Cross, “I believe he’s human but yet he’s possesed of a supernatural paranormal power that I believe is demonic in origin.”
“What makes you think that, Father?” Albion was curious.
“I have to go to a hospital to hear confessions but meet me here at the rectory at noon tomorrow,” the priest pointed, “It’s right next to the Church.”
Albion agreed.
At 2 AM Albion woke up.
Feeling restless he decided to go for a walk.
He walked past Saint Raphael’s Church and was surprised to see a moving van out in front.
A moving van in the middle of the night?
At a Church?
The movers were moving Crosses and Crucifixes and statues of Mary and the Saints from the Church into the van.
This is curious, Albion thought.
He looked at the name on the van PILTDOWN AND PEKING MOVERS.
Weird, Albion thought.
The following morning Albion again walked in the direction of the Church.
This time for his noon appointment with the priest rector of Saint Raphael’s at the Church rectory.
He was surprised to see CRIME SCENE yellow tape around the Church building.
Albion figured that possibly the middle of the night movers were in fact burglars and he Albion had neglected to stop them.
“What’s happened here, Hennessy?” Albion asked the inspector when he saw him.
“Well aside from the obvious theft of the Crosses and Crucifixes and statues of Mary and the Saints, the priest Father Lacroix was found dead at the altar with his throat slashed,” Hennessy stated, “along with a fortune cookie carrying the message, BE PREPARED TO BE SURPRISED BY THE GOD OF SURPRISES. Witnesses saw a clown carrying a bloodied knife flee the Church building.”
Hennessy and Albion went to talk to the rectory’s housekeeper to see if she knew if Father Lacroix had any enemies.
The housekeeper, an Irish woman in her mid-50s, sobbed that this clown serial killer the God of Surprises must be demonically possessed.
That’s why the Crosses and Crucifixes and statues of Mary and the Saints were taken out so that the demonic clown serial killer The God of Surprises could enter the Church and kill Father Lacroix.
Indeed it turned out there was no such moving company as PILTDOWN AND PEKING MOVERS.
Albion after helping Hennessy had gone to a local public pool for a swim.
While walking through the pool area he saw this woman.
Albion stopped to look at her.
“You recognize me, monsieur?” the woman spoke with a French accent.
As a matter of fact, he had seen a sketch of her.
In the notebook of one Barnabas Van Helsing a vampire hunter who wasn’t quite as famous as his elder brother Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.
Back in the early 1890s the City of New Orleans had been terrorized by a wild black panther with golden green eyes who killed New Orleans citizens by ripping out their throats.
Van Helsing had caught up with the panther who, the vampire hunter had claimed in his notebook, had shapeshifted into a beautiful woman.
The woman, Van Helsing claimed was an immortal, who turned into a panther on certain nights.
She was a 17th Century French noblewoman named Claudia Simon.
Van Helsing had sketched her picture.
Albion recognized the woman standing in front of him as being the same woman in Barnabas Van Helsing’s sketch.
He also recalled something else.
Something the gypsy woman had said to him yesterday.
It takes a thief to catch a thief.
A couple of hours later a very beautiful woman was walking through a dark neighbourhood.
The sounds of the stilettos on her high heeled shoes clicking the pavement.
The constant pulling up of her coat and adjusting of her skirt.
A clown started to follow her.
He carried a knife.
He walked very stealthily behind her and was about to strike… when the woman suddenly turned and spun around on her heels.
He was surprised.
“You appear to be surprised, oh, God of Surprises,” said the woman with a most exquisite French accent.
She turned into a panther and ripped out his throat.
The clown shouted out several last words before he died.
As Hennessy and Albion wrapped up the investigation, they discovered that the clown was a Jesuit priest named Father Edgar Noeticus who had studied under the French Jesuit priest paleontologist Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin over in China.
No one was sure when Father Noeticus had left China and when he returned to the U.S.
However after he got his throat ripped out by the panther woman, he shouted out one final last cry, “Someday a Pope shall venerate me the God of Surprises.”
In his right hand as he died he clutched a fortune cookie with the message BE PREPARED TO BE SURPRISED BY THE GOD OF SURPRISES.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 22nd
2022.
Toddy Sween The Demon Barber of Fifth Avenue
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking towards his neighbourhood shopping centre.
As he was crossing the street a fat ugly blimp approached.
“What is it with you blimps?” Pan removed his astral laser machete, “The local news channels, when they aren’t busy scaremongering and bullshitting and changing statistics with regard to the Delta variant, have pointed out that ugly women have been beheaded here the past few weeks and yet you repulsive uglos keep coming back here ruining my day when my eyes are visually assaulted by your fugly appearance. Do you morons enjoy being beheaded or something? Or have you watched so much Ophrah in your couch surfing and refrigerator raiding existence that you have a false sense of self-esteem (which invariably happens to people who have watched too much Oprah) and actually suffer from the delusion that you’re not ugly? Rest assured you are ugly. And quite repulsively ugly at that.”
Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
An operative for evil globalists George Soros and Bill Gates stood across the street taking notes in his notebook and pencil sketching and painting a watercolour in his sketchpad of the scene to report back to Soros and Gates about Pan Goatee.
. . .
Toddy Sween the Demon Barber of Fifth Avenue in New York was being visited by Mephistopheles the fallen Archangel.
Sween had sold his soul to Mephistopheles during the pandemic last year after his barber shop like other small businesses (which didn’t have the influence of Wal-Mart or Home Depot) were closed by orders of New York City’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Bill de Blasio and the Moloch worshipping New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo.
In exchange, Sween slit the throat of every 7th customer of his and dropped him down the hole underneath his barber chair.
The vampiress great great great grandmother of American country singer Lyle Lovett (Lyle didn’t know she was still alive) who owned a meat pie shop next door would use the bodies as ingredients for her meat pies.
Mephistopheles also said he would call upon Toddy Sween to do favours for him whenever he asked.
Sween on this day was given a list by Mephistopheles of people whose throats should be slit.
“These people live all over the world,” Sween noted, “How much time do I have to slit their throats?”.
“24 hours,” Mephistopheles replied.
“24 hours?” Toddy was incredulous, “How am I supposed to get around the world in 24 hours?”.
“The ancient Assyrian/Mesopotamian/Babylonian demon Pazuzu is going to carry you on his back,” Mephistopheles replied.
Mephistopheles whistled.
And the demon Pazuzu appeared.
The demon Pazuzu.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 18th
2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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