Renfield, Loki and The Emergency Alert Message In Hawaii

January 13, 2018 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield, Loki and The Emergency Alert Message In Hawaii

The BBC News Announcer intoned, “As Hawaiians still cope with the trauma of the emergency alert message they got on their smart phones this morning, French President Emmanuel Macron has expressed his concern that the French baguette ๐Ÿฅ– needs to be designated as a UNESCO world heritage cultural treasure in order to ensure its authentic protection as a French cultural treasure…”

Said Renfield as he listened to the news, “The voice of the poodle is heard throughout the land” in a paraphrase of that line from the Song of Solomon, “The voice of the turtle is heard throughout the land.”

Renfield immediately got on his tablet and used his hacking and cyber intelligence gathering skills to determine who was ultimately responsible for sending out the emergency alert message to smart phone users in Hawaii that read, BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

In the Swiss Alps, the Norse trickster god Loki’s smart phone went off in his skiing chalet.

“Hello,” Loki held the phone to his ear.

“Bonjour, Monsieur Loki,” Renfield said as he took his melted ham, cheese and Hawaiian pineapple ๐Ÿ laced baguette out of the microwave, “I hear you really enjoy those cheap drink specials you get on Waikiki Beach in Honolulu.”

“Yeah,” Loki admitted as he drank his hot toddy while looking at the Matterhorn outside his window.

“I imagine you’d no longer be getting those drink specials if Hawaiians found out who was responsible for those PTSD inducing emergency messages they got on their smart phones this morning,” Renfield used a napkin to wipe some melted cheese off his left nostril.

“What do you want?” Loki finally asked after a momentary silence.

“Funny, you should ask,” Renfield belched with great delicacy, “I wouldn’t mind a few of those millions of Norse plundered gold coins you happen to have suddenly showing up in my Swiss bank account.”

“All right,” said Loki who agreed to the transfer to buy Renfield’s silence.

As Amadeus quietly munched on his own melted Parisienne ham and Swiss cheese and Hawaiian pineapple laced baguette ๐Ÿฅ– and listened in on Renfield’s kitchen conversation, he could not help thinking that his friend Renfield did indeed have chutzpah as the rabbis would say.

For indeed it takes a lot of chutzpah to blackmail the Norse trickster god.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 13th
2018.

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Video Presentation On Sherry Valerie Hilles’ The Gothic Exorcist’s Chronicles

January 5, 2018 at 10:03 pm (Book Reviews, books, Entertainment, Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, The Supernatural) (, , , )

Video Presentation On Sherry Valerie Hilles’ The Gothic Exorcist’s Chronicles

My friend and fellow writer Sherry Valerie Hilles has recently published the 2nd volume of her GOTHIC EXORCIST’s CHRONICLES entitled The Fallen.

Volume One was entitled The Devil’s Promises.

Here is a short video presentation at YouTube about her two books:

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A Mermaid On Boxing Day

December 26, 2017 at 9:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Mermaid On Boxing Day

Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had won his Boxing Day fight in the boxing ring.

He left the broken down warehouse where he had boxed and walked down to the pier.

He was covered in sweat and blood.

He reflected on the past 8 years of his life ever since he had been brought back from the dead by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.

As a boxer, he had fought in Ontario back in the 1880s and in California back in the 1890s.

He had retired from boxing in 1899 and moved to Honolulu where he died on June 6th 1910.

Dr. Makabo had raised him from the dead in June 2009 on behalf of a billionaire sports promoter who wanted to sponsor a boxer that would someday win the World Heavyweight Title.

And the promoter thought a supernaturally controlled boxer as in one brought back from the dead would be able to do that.

It was true Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had never lost a fight in the past 8 years.

But he still wasn’t seen as a contender namely because boxing was no longer the sport it once was.

UFC Fighting had taken away a lot of the promoters and big money.

Donnelly stood on the pier and looked down at the water.

He noticed the face of a startlingly beautiful woman staring up at him from underneath the water.

Thinking she was drowning, Donnelly jumped in.

Underneath the water, he noticed the woman was topless with a firm sumptuous pair of breasts.

He looked down and noticed the rest of her was one giant fish tail.

“A mermaid?” Donnelly thought to himself.

The shock of encountering a mermaid caused the living dead boxer to lose consciousness.

The mermaid quickly grabbed the unconscious boxer and dragged him up to the shore.

She administered mouth to mouth while in the distance a choir hired by a store for its Boxing Day sale sang, “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 26th
2017.

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Radio Contact: Close Encounters of The Vintage Kind

December 12, 2017 at 9:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Radio, Science, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Radio Contact: Close Encounters of The Vintage Kind

It is the first known asteroid to visit our solar system from interstellar space.

Scientists who have studied its speed and trajectory believe it originated in a planetary system around another star.

The object has a strange elongated shape making it look like a cigar.

Reminding one of that little known story from Classical Greek mythology where the Greek god Zeus sailing in his chariot across the heavens asked in Bill Clintonesque fashion, “Did anyone see where I put my cigar?”.

The object is travelling extremely fast with enough speed to avoid being captured by our Sun’s gravitational pull and is on a very eccentric trajectory eventually taking it out of our solar system.

The object is at least 400 metres long.

And it is 10 times longer than it is wide.

That ratio makes it more extreme than any asteroid or comet observed in our solar system.

The object rotates rapidly and is subject to dramatic changes in brightness.

Although believed to have formed around another star, scientists think it has been wandering across the Milky Way unattached to any star system for hundreds of millions of years before its chance encounter with our solar system.

The object has been given the name Oumuamua which means “a messenger from afar arriving first” in the native Hawaiian language.

The name reflects the object being discovered by a Hawaii-based astronomer at an observatory in Maui.

It was discovered on October 19th this year by Rob Weryk a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Hawaii Institute For Astronomy.

The discovery was made at the Pan-Starrs1 Observatory on Maui’s Haleakala volcano.

On the off chance that this first known interstellar asteroid in our solar system might have alien ๐Ÿ‘ฝ technology on it, an initiative backed by Russian billionaire entrepreneur venture capitalist and physicist Yuri Milner will use a radio telescope to listen for signals from it.

The team’s efforts will begin tomorrow with astronomers observing the asteroid across four different radio frequency bands.

. . .

80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer Jonas Watson was in excellent physical health.

He still owned and ran his large farmstead in central Saskatchewan.

An excellent mechanic, he still repaired his own farm machinery.

A lot of it was more than 40 or 50 years old but was still in excellent shape due to Watson’s caring hand.

Watson also repaired old clocks and watches as well as old TVs.

Sadly the only object that Jonas was unable to repair was the old classic vintage 1934 antique St. Regis Gothic Cathedral Radio that was made by ExceptionalRadios.

The radio had belonged to his father who had bought it in the year that it was made.

Try as he might, even Jonas, with all his skill and technical know how, was unable to get it working again.

Still the old radio was lovingly kept on a mantelpiece above the old fireplace in the farmhouse living room for all to see.

Jonas had not touched or worked on the radio in months.

Yet tonight on this evening of December 12th 2017 (the first evening of Hanukkah 2017) the radio suddenly came to life and turned on by itself as Jonas rocked in his rocking chair.

Jonas could hear a crackle coming from the radio speaker and then a rather peculiar electronic sounding voice saying, “We have arrived. Attention. We have arrived. And we are the first among many.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 12th
2017.

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Hephaestus and The Hwasong-15 Missile

November 29, 2017 at 8:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Hephaestus and The Hwasong-15 Missile

Hephaestus the Greek god of the forge was in his lodgings in Pyongyang the North Korean capital.

He had spent the day building missiles for North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un.

His latest missile was the Hwasong-15 which had just been tested overnight.

Hephaestus had promised his wife Aphrodite a few months ago that he’d stop building missiles for Little Rocket Man Kim but he couldn’t keep his promise.

The problem was Hephaestus had become addicted to drinking a Korean distilled liquor called Munbaeju.

Munbaeju is a traditional distilled liquor made of malted millet, sorghum, wheat, rice and nuruk with a strength of 40% alcohol by volume.

The drink originates in the Pyongyang region of North Korea ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ต and is noted for its fragrance which is said to resemble the fragrance of the munbae tree (similar to a pear ๐Ÿ).

In fact, the name of the drink itself Munbaeju consists of two words munbae (which means “wild pear”) and ju (meaning “alcohol”).

The origins of Munbaeju are traced to the Goryeo Dynasty (Goryeo also spelled Koryo was a kingdom established in 918 AD by King Taejo. This kingdom of Koryo later gave rise to the modern name Korea).

The water used to produce Munbaeju comes from the Taedong River that runs through the North Korean capital of Pyongyang.

Seeing as how living in Pyongyang made Hephaestus close to the source of his beloved Munbaeju drink, he decided to continue building missiles for Kim Jong-un since by doing so, Kim gave the Greek god of the forge all the free Munbaeju he desired.

As for the Hwasong-15 missile Hephaestus had built, it had reached an altitude of 4475 kilometres (2780 miles) and flew 950 kilometres in 53 minutes in its overnight test.

In an analysis, the U.S. based Union of Concerned Scientists concluded that the Hwasong-15 could travel more than 13,000 kilometres thus reaching any part of the continental United States ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ including the eastern seaboard or even Washington DC itself.

The conclusion caused a few hairs in Donald Trump’s toupee to turn grey and led him in such a rage that he retweeted a few of the ultra nationalist far-right Britain First videos.

Of course what the overnight test of the Hwasong-15 missile had to do with Muslim immigrants in Britain would only make sense to Trump’s uniquely personal form of reasoning.

As Hephaestus drank some of the Munbaeju, a barking otter soon joined him.

The barking otter was named Jefferey and came from the planet Nibiru (a planet that yes had otters similar to earthling otters).

Jefferey in fact used Munbaeju in the making of his own Otterbury Green Minnow Ale beer.

As the minnows in the Taedong River were quite fond of drinking Munbaeju and turned green after doing so.

Any geopolitical analyst worth his salt (as well as his unwasted margaritas in Margaritaville) would deduce that the alcoholic proclivities of Greek deities, Nibiruan otters and Taedong River minnows could spell unprecedented nuclear disaster for the world.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 29th
2017.

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Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

November 12, 2017 at 7:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

The kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who had uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus ๐Ÿ™- part octopus and part robot) had been moping around the house ever since he lost the 1st round of the French Presidential election this past April coming in 12th of the 12 Presidential candidates running.

His wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) was getting sick of his constant moping and his constant bellyaching for a bellyaching kraken is not a pleasant sight.

“Why don’t you do something concrete?” Medusa scolded as she stood in her new Christian Dior evening gown and read a new book explaining the possible whereabouts of ex-Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa, “Instead of constantly complaining, do something to get your name in the news. The French electorate are regretting having elected Emmanuel Macron President. Do something positive and praiseworthy and you’ll become famous and get elected President of France next time.”

“But what can I do?” Napoleon VI wondered which one of his 8 metallic tentacled arms he should use if he was ever invited to play golf with Donald Trump.

“Well, there’s talk of a possible war between Saudi Arabia ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ and Iran ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท. Why don’t you see if you can’t bring peace between the two countries? Then you’ll be hailed as the great peacemaker,” Medusa adjusted her gown.

“I suppose I could,” Napoleon VI realized he’d probably have to skip the Monte Carlo Monopoly Game Board Tournament if he were to do that.

. . .

The two Bedouins riding on their camels ๐Ÿซ through the Arabian Desert were startled to see a giant octopus ๐Ÿ™ parachuting out of a plane โœˆ๏ธ and landing on the sands not far from them.

“I say,” the Kraken Napoleon VI spoke in a Monty Python style British accent thinking that this would make him more understandable to people who only spoke Arabic, “can you direct me to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace in Riyadh?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 12th
2017.

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The 100th Anniversary of The Russian Bolshevik Revolution

November 7, 2017 at 9:04 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The 100th Anniversary of The Russian Bolshevik Revolution

Renfield R. Renfield MP stood up in the British House of Commons and began his speech, “It was 100 years ago today that the Russian Bolshevik Revolution occurred when at 9:40 PM local time the cruiser gunship Aurora fired a shot at the Winter Palace in Petrograd (St. Petersburg) forcing the Provisional Government of Alexander Kerensky to surrender.
The Revolution marked the start of a century of bloodshed as Communists killed millions of people in their attempt to create a Utopia of peace, bread and prosperity.”

. . .

100 years earlier-

October 25th 1917 (on the old Julian calendar which Russia was using at the time)

November 7th 1917 (on the new Gregorian calendar which the Russian Socialist Federative Soviet Republic under Lenin would later adopt in 1918).

On the cruiser gunship Aurora, the 50-foot long Egyptian Serpent Apophis was coiled aboard deck.

Apophis who had convinced the German Kaiser Wilhelm II to smuggle Lenin back into Russia via Finland.

Apophis who had convinced the “useful idiots” in the Woodrow Wilson Administration to allow Leon Trotsky to leave the U.S. and return to Russia.

Apophis who hoped the new Red Dawn would forever block out Ra’s rising sun.

“Will anyone be able to stop this Revolution?” The Bolshevik captain of the Aurora asked.

“No,” Apophis shook his serpentine head, “it’s not likely that sometime within the next year that they’ll dig up Set from his tomb and he shall once again slay me with his giant spear like he used to do when he rode as a passenger aboard Ra’s solar barge.”

. . .

Renfield (whose code name was The Spear of Set when he worked at Set Enterprises) concluded his speech, “Vladimir Putin’s mistake in Russia is to attempt a synthesis of Imperial Czarist Russia and Soviet Stalinist Russia – a synthesis bound for failure. As with every other Hegelian synthesis in history. For as any person inclined towards sensible philosophy knows- Hegel was a pompous ass full of wind and fury whose flatulence in history will ultimately signify nothing.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 7th
2017.

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Kwan Yin In Banff National Park

September 27, 2017 at 3:41 pm (Fantasy, Folklore, Mythology, Nature, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy could sense that the deer in Banff National Park were troubled by the fire in nearby Waterton Lakes National Park.

Their animal senses picked up that something was wrong.

So Kwan Yin went to Banff National Park to comfort the deer.

Kwan Yin The Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy

Kwan Yin her mercy
extends to all God’s creatures
even tiny deer

-A vampire novel chapter
and haiku
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 27th
2017.

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Dracul Van Helsing Meets The Norse Goddess Freya

September 25, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The results of the German national election were in.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel had won a 4th term in office.

But the far-right ultra-nationalist AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland) came in 3rd place in the number of seats they won in the German Bundestag.

The Norse goddess Freya knew this would amount to trouble.

Already the Germanic god Wotan (whose Norse name was Odin) was making plans with the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf to take advantage of AfD’s surprising showing.

Ever since the bloodshed unleashed by German leaders Kaiser Wilhelm II and Fuhrer Adolf Hitler during the 20th Century, Freya thought of herself as more a Norse goddess rather than a Germanic goddess.

Today she would be meeting with vampire hunter and MI-6 agent Dracul Van Helsing to discuss the German election result and AfD’s showing.

Given his background in investigating matters supernatural and paranormal, Dracul would take note of Freya’s knowledge of the dark supernatural forces involved in AfD’s upsurge in popularity among the German electorate.

Plus Dracul Van Helsing was friends with British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield believed to be Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s most favoured choice to become Prime Minister should a National Unity coalition government be formed in the Westminster Parliament.

Freya sat there waiting for him.

The Norse Goddess Freya

Dracul Van Helsing approached.

“Are you ready to get started?” Freya asked.

“Yes,” Dracul answered, “but only if you take me over your knee and spank me first.”

“All right,” Freya adjusted her gray mini dress for she had been expecting this request, “lay across my skirt and I’ll spank you.”

She had heard that Dracul had made this request of other goddesses and vampiresses before entering into delicate negotiations.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 25th
2017.

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Kwan Yin, Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield and Pope Francis

September 16, 2017 at 5:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Kwan Yin, Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield and Pope Francis

Kwan Yin stood outside the Prince of Wales Hotel on Upper Waterton Lake.

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy was wearing a long flowing white dress.

But she was invisible to the Calgary Fire ๐Ÿ”ฅ Department firefighters standing guard outside the hotel.

As the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith approached in the wind driving the fire towards the hotel, Kwan Yin stood holding a lotus flower ๐ŸŒบin her hand.

When Lilith, wind and fire got to within 100 metres of the Prince of Wales Hotel, Kwan Yin gently blew lotus petals off the lotus flower ๐ŸŒบ in the direction of Lilith, wind and fire.

Lilith immediately fell on her ass with the fire singeing the hem of her scarlet red evening dress.

“Bitch,” Lilith fumed at Kwan Yin.

“The kraken Tutsokiua must not be allowed to arise from his sleep at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake just yet,” Kwan Yin’s voice was the supreme melody of gentleness in feminine speech.

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy then vanished leaving Lilith to fume and smoulder along with the ashes and cinders in her hair.

. . .

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un sat in his garden surrounded by fountains, roses and piles of human skulls.

He sat on the ground in lotus position wondering how he’d ever get up again and sang a now virtually forgotten Elvis ๐Ÿ•บ Presley song from the mid-1960s,

“Tell me just how can I take this yoga serious
When all it ever gives to me is a pain in my posterior-us…”

Kim Jong-un made a mental note to himself to have his yoga instructor shot the next day.

In his right hand, he held a daisy flower.

The dictator was awaiting the arrival of Ahriman the Persian Zoroastrian god of evil.

As he waited, Kim pulled a petal off the daisy, saying about Donald Trump, “He loves me…”

Then with the next daisy petal pulled off, he’d say, “He loves me not…”

By the time Ahriman finally arrived, Kim had pulled the final petal off the daisy, “He loves me not…”

. . .

“What’s on your mind, Dracul?” The British Transhumanist Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield asked the Canadian vampire hunter.

“Well,” Dracul Van Helsing responded, “I was at a site last night which had a link that I clicked on and the link was to the on-line papal encyclical Laudato Si. It was getting late so I only read the first few paragraphs.
Now I’ve read many other Papal Encyclicals before- those written by Leo XIII, St. Pius X, Pope Pius XI, Pope Pius XII, St. John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI.
And I must say after reading the first few paragraphs of Pope Francis’ Laudato Si, I felt like I was reading the opening paragraphs of a badly written Grade 7 Junior High School essay rather than the opening paragraphs of a papal encyclical.”

“Maybe in Pope Francis’ case, they amount to the same thing,” Renfield suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 16th
2017.

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