Acheronus the Centaur Attacks Russian Military Base In Eastern Ukraine

May 12, 2022 at 9:41 pm (Vampire novel, The Supernatural, News, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, International Intrigue) (, , , , , )

Acheronus the Centaur from Acheron the River of Woe in the Underworld Realm of Hades (with a nude ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith riding his back) attacks a Russian military base in Eastern Ukraine

Acheronus the centaur usually used a bow and arrow to slay people.

But last night at a drunken party in the throne room of Hades and Persephone- King and Queen of the Underworld- a drunken Minotaur had sat down on top of Acheronus’ bow and arrow breaking it.

The bow and arrow had immediately been sent to Hephaestus for repair.

However Acheronus had recently been hired to attack a Russian military base in eastern Ukraine and he was without a weapon.

The centaur went to see a friend of his – Lilith the ancient Babylonian vampiress- about the matter.

Lilith gave him a metallic vampire bat triple edged scythe and golf club to mow down Russian soldiers.

As well as vampire bat metallic edged spurs for his front legs and a metallic vampire bat edged spur for his right arm.

Acheronus with his metallic vampire bat triple edged scythe and golf club and wearing his metallic vampire bat edged spurs as Lilith rides his back

Acheronus wiped out an entire battalion of 1200 Russian soldiers with his metallic vampire bat triple edged scythe and golf club.

Lilith then asked Acheronus if she could ride his front.

Acheronus replied that his personal development, physical exercise and motivatational coach advised him not to have sex when he was in warfare training.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield, when informed of this later, quipped, “I’d think seriously about changing my personal development, physical exercise and motivational coach for another.”

Russian President Vladimir Putin was angry when he heard about Acheronus’ wiping out of an entire Russian battalion.

He ordered all of Russia’s intelligence services to find out who was responsible for hiring Acheronus the centaur.

Whoever that individual was would be treated to a Polonium-210 cocktail.

If it was a national government, that nation would be subject to a hypersonic nuclear missile attack Putin vowed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 12th
2022.

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Aphrodite and The Smoking Gun

May 11, 2022 at 9:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

“But I thought he was immortal, I swear,” the Greek goddess Aphrodite protested to the hotel detective after she realized that she had shot and killed a mortal.

“That Thor is such a creep,” the Greek goddess Aphrodite complained to the Greek goddess Athena in the tea room of the St. James’ Court Hotel in London.

“Having such a high testosterone level, he does seem to have difficulty taking no for an answer,” Athena admitted who had once been pestered for a date with Thor until she whacked him with his own hammer Mjolnir.

Sitting next to the goddess duo was a a young nerd Dr. Sterling Rocher (who would become the father of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist in the 21st Century Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

The year was 1957.

The month May.

It would be another 6 months before the USSR would launch Sputnik.

The place London.

“Excuse me,” Dr. Sterling Rocher cleared his throat, “I couldn’t help overhearing. I’m currently working on a gun whose bullets can lessen the sex drive of a god.”

“Really?” Said Athena, “What a curious thing to be working on.”

“I’m doing it on behalf of a client,” Dr. Sterling Rocher explained.

He didn’t mention the fact that he was developing it on behalf of the Greek goddess Hera who was hoping to use it on her husband Zeus.

“I was wanting to run a test on it,” Dr. Sterling Rocher sipped his tea, “Perhaps I could give it to you to use on Thor.”

“Do you have the gun with you?” Aphrodite asked.

“I do,” Rocher handed the gun to her, “I imagine Thor if he arrives at your hotel room door will have shapeshifted into somebody else.”

That night as Athena prepared to go out to attend a concert by the London Philharmonic Orchestra, the noted singer William Bellhurst was returning to his hotel room.

Alas he went to the wrong room but his key seemed to work on opening the door.

He opened the door, went in (for the room looked identical to his own) and went and poured himself a drink.

Bellhurst went into the bedroom.

Athena entered the bedroom from the bathroom where she had been getting ready.

She saw Bellhurst and assumed it was Thor.

She pulled the Sterling Rocher gun out of her purse and fired.

Bellhurst fell dead to the floor with gaping bullet hole wounds and blood slowly oozed on to the carpet.

The hotel detective arrived in the room after hearing the gunshots.

Aphrodite stood there with gun in hand and Bellhurst lay dead on the floor behind her.

“But I thought he was immortal, I swear,” the Greek goddess Aphrodite protested to the hotel detective after she had shot and killed a mortal.

It just so happened that Eir the Norse valkyrie in charge of healing was staying in the next room.

Eir managed to use her skills to bring William Bellhurst back from the dead.

As for Thor he had currently moved on to a new conquest.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 11th
2022.

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The Vision of Apophis

April 26, 2022 at 9:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Apophis the ancient Egyptian serpent god of chaos, darkness, evil and destruction

A tourist bus rolled through the desert
Towards the pyramids
An astronomer Paul Leblanc
Had fallen asleep aboard the bus

He dreamed he was heading towards the pyramids
When suddenly stars fell from the sky into the desert
And a fierce looking serpent
That the well educated Leblanc
Recognized as the serpent god Apophis
Seemed to embrace the entire desert
As the fires of Hell rose
From beneath the sands

Leblanc woke up
As the pyramids came into view
No sign of Apophis, falling stars or Hell fire rising
from desert sands
Leblanc looked to his left
At his fellow passenger
Who turned out to be
Thoth
The Egyptian god of time
With his ibis head
And all

Thoth picked up a very tall hour glass
Whose sands had run out
Thoth grinned and said,
“Time’s up”
The first of several falling stars
Appeared across the Egyptian desert
Night sky
Over the pyramids

-A horror poem
written
Tuesday April 26th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Evil Norse God Loki

April 25, 2022 at 10:01 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

The evil Norse god Loki after having been beheaded and dismembered by the genetically created classical Greek mythological satyr Pan Goatee is brought back from the dead by Dr. Anthony Fauci and a voodoo witch doctor only to die at the hands of Heimdall at the Battle of Ragnarok

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Monday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “Yesterday on Eastern Orthodox Sunday, Joe Biden’s cerebrally challenged Secretary of State Antony Blinken and his pronoun challenged Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin flew to Kyiv to meet with Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelenskiy. This meeting could prove disastrous for the Ukrainian people given the Biden Administration’s innate inability to win a war or win a peace or win anything else for that matter (except when it comes to massive cheating and fraud in a U.S. Presidential election)…”

When the podcast was over, Michelangelo drifted off to sleep where he had a dream (or was it a vision?) of genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee battling the evil Norse god Loki (progenitor of the pathetically and repulsively ugly white women of Calgary).

In the battle the mighty Goatee beheaded the evil Loki and cut him up into the exact number of pieces that matched the exact number of inches and centimeters combined across the entire Universe.

“Math is a wonderful thing,” Odin commented as he licked a popsicle.

Krampus arrived to carry the remains of the despicable Loki down to Tartarus.

Unfortunately for humanity, the evil Dr. Anthony Fauci and an evil voodoo witch doctor named Dr. Blinken Austin brought Loki back from the dead (using trillions and trillions of research dollars (that shocked the ghost of Carl Sagan) that Biden printed up to accomplish the feat pushing America further into debt and massive inflation) and once again the villainous wretch was once again walking the face of the Earth.

Meanwhile tonight over in the City of Calgary (the site of Loki’s demonic and diabolical mating experiments), Pan Goatee had gone for an evening walk when he encountered a fat ugly blimp approaching him on the sidewalk so the satyr beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later the satyr walked into a Dollarama store to see if there were any items he needed.

While standing in one of the aisles Goatee looked to see if he could buy a jar of Instant Coffee.

There was no Instant Coffee.

Whereas a couple of weeks ago there were plenty of jars and now they were all gone.

A supply chain crisis that senile old fool Joe Biden would no doubt blame on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

As he stood in the aisle, a fat ugly blimp customer gazed down the aisle at him.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it down the aisle at the fat ugly blimp.

It beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces before returning to Goatee.

Goatee selected some other items and went up to the cashier.

There was only one other customer in front of him although the bozo seemed to be having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner.

As the bozo was failing on his 999 trillionth attempt to try to tap his debit card on to the scanner- another cashier- a fat ugly blimp- arrived on the scene and bellowed (in cow like fashion), “I can help whoever’s next.”

Goatee wasn’t going to be served by someone that fat and ugly so he put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the uglo.

The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x ROTFLMFAO ! x etc. etc. pieces.

Goatee was so angry that he went back and left his basket in one of the aisles and left the store without buying anything.

As the satyr exited, he noticed the bozo was still having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner so Pan put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the bozo where it promptly beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The idiot would never ever have to worry about figuring out how to tap a debit card on to a scanner again.

Meanwhile over at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis decided not to meet Patriarch Kirill of Moscow after his Aleister Crowley blessed tarot card deck told him not to.

-Written Monday April 25th 2022.

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Maria Alexa Romanova

April 19, 2022 at 10:31 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova

The Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova (a second cousin once removed to the late Czar of Russia Nicholas II) sat on her cushioned double headed Phoenix throne in her Paris hotel room in the year 1936.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at her feet where he had landed after coming from the future using the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern for time travel.

The ghost of Orson Welles had accompanied him.

Welles’ ghost had landed in a comfortable arm chair in the hotel room and was even now sampling a glass of champagne next to him as well as a dish of Black Sea caviar.

“Who are you?” The Grand Duchess and 12th in line to the Russian Imperial Throne asked.

“I’m Dracul Van Helsing and this is my friend the ghost of Orson Welles,” the vampire hunter replied.

“But I thought Orson Welles was still alive,” Maria stated, “A rising young star on both stage and radio.”

“I was back in the day,” Welles licked his ghostly fingers, “But I died on October 10th 1985 after giving what turned out to be my last interview on the Merv Griffin Show where I talked about the happiness of hedgehogs, my sex life and Rita Hayworth.”

“I hope only two of those things are connected in that last statement you made,” Dracul looked concerned.

“You’re from the future?” Maria Alexa looked surprised, “Why are you here?”.

“Because Franz Kohler the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau and a vampire intends to kidnap you,” Van Helsing answered.

“But why?” The Grand Duchess leaned back on her cushiony throne.

“Something to do with the Ukrainian Azov Nazi Battalions,” Van Helsing replied.

“The… what?” Maria tried to grasp what was being said.

“Nazis of our time period in the early 21st Century,” Van Helsing explained, “The brainless mainstream media of our day in the West don’t talk about them because they don’t want to admit that Vladimir Putin could be right about anything.”

“Vladimir…?” The name froze on the Grand Duchess’ tongue.

“Putin,” Welles finished the last of his Black Sea caviar, “Russia’s leader of our day.”

“Glad to see that pig Stalin didn’t find the secret to immortality,” Maria Alexa breathed a sigh of relief.

“No but Transhumanist billionaire oligarchs of our day are working on it for themselves,” Welles’ ghost got on the phone and asked Room Service to send some spectral coq au vin up to the room, “although Stalin does have a number of ardent disciples in the Western world such as a pale faced lily white boy named Justin Castro Trudeau who lives in Ottawa Canada and is jealous of the appearance of African-Americans.”

“What is the connection between this Ahnenerbe SS officer Franz Kohler and the Ukrainian Nazi Azov Battalions?” The Grand Duchess inquired.

“They’re all disciples of the Black Sun,” Van Helsing answered.

“The Black Sun?” Maria Alexa was surprised by all these terms.

“The Black Sun is really a brownish red dwarf star called Nemesis which orbits around the planet Nibiru as it travels across the galaxy,” Van Helsing noted, “First noted in little known ancient Egyptian texts and Franz Kohler became obsessed with them. Solar winds from Nemesis may have combined with solar winds from our own sun named Sol Invictus in terms of cosmology to have produced a rather spectacular display of the Aurora Borealis Northern Lights back on January 25th 1938 in fulfillment of the Virgin Mary’s prophecy at Fatima that this would be the sign the Second World War would soon start.”

“What does all this have to do with me?” Maria wanted to know.

“We’re not sure but we want to prevent Franz Kohler from kidnapping you and taking you back to the future to the city of Kiev,” Van Helsing sat beside the Grand Duchess.

“There’s only a limited time period for Kohler to kidnap you before his time travel debit card expires,” Welles finished the champagne, “Ah, I see looking at my Dick Tracy style spectral television wrist watch that our partner in time Michelangelo has just successfully used one of his Hydra blood dipped lobster antennae to jab and poison Franz Kohler in his ankle in the lobby of the hotel. This means you’re safe, Your Imperial Highness.”

“So what shall we do now?” The Grand Duchess asked.

“How about make love?” Van Helsing suggested.

The two were soon making out on the large cushioned double headed Phoenix throne just as Room Service arrived with the coq au vin.

“That would be for me,” Welles motioned to the bell boy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 19th
2022.

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Dracul and Voluptas Hedone: An Afternoon Near Byzantium

March 22, 2022 at 10:30 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Voluptas Hedone: The daughter of Cupid and Psyche from Greek mythology

There was a lot of Byzantine intrigue going on in the city of Constantinople (today called Istanbul).

The city was not far from the conflict known as the Russia-Ukraine War (called a “special military operation” by Russian President Vladimir Putin and called “an attack on that place that gave my no-good bum son Hunter a job for doing nothing” by Joe Biden).

Joe Biden had started the day in Washington DC in front of a Business Roundtable of U.S. Corporate CEOs.

He was totally undressed except for wearing a fig leaf that covered his long dead sword and with his behind he painted the floor a very dark brown colour that Pablo Picasso would have never considered painting during his “Blue period”.

While looking like this, Biden informed the CEOs present that from now on he was to be regarded as “the leader of the New World Order”.

Such a proclamation had not been delivered since the days of the most insane ancient Roman Emperors.

Even though Biden had proclaimed himself the “leader of the New World Order” the Biden Administration told the Israeli government in Jerusalem that it should be the one “mediating the war between Russia and Ukraine and bringing it to a peaceful conclusion”.

While Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett sat contemplating whether the bagel and coffee in front of him was totally kosher, he pondered Biden’s idiotic pronouncement and his idiotic passing of the buck (or was it a shekel?) to the Israeli government to peacefully end the Russia-Ukraine War.

Meanwhile in the City of Istanbul (that city of Byzantine intrigue originally founded by the Roman Emperor Constantine) the Israeli Mossad agent codenamed the Star of Azazel was passing out blueprints of the proposed Third Temple of Jerusalem to Turkish Freemasons.

The former Israeli Mossad agent codenamed the Controller of the Golem (who resigned his commission because he couldn’t stand the Star of Azazel’s growing influence within Mossad) managed to get ahold of one of these blueprints in an Istanbul fish market.

He got the shock of his life.

The proposed Third Temple was built in the shape of a giant pyramid with a giant eyeball serving as the capstone.

Nathan (the real first name of the Controller of The Golem) sent a copy of the blue print to his friend the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

The Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit sent out Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles (who were currently staying in a chalet in Switzerland) to Istanbul to investigate.

In a forest not far from Istanbul, Dracul and Welles’ ghost waited to rendezvous with the Controller of the Golem.

Nathan was held up by police in Istanbul because he had accidentally spilled his hot chocolate over a photo of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the would-be Sultan of a Revived Ottoman Empire) in a Turkish coffee bazaar (which was considered a capital offense in President Erdogan’s eyes).

As Nathan used his best Kievan Jewish grandfather’s skills in trying to BS his way out of a difficult situation, Dracul and Welles’ ghost waited for him to arrive.

Dracul decided to go sightseeing while Welles’ ghost sat on the grass sampling a spectral glass of ghostly red wine from a ghostly picnic basket as he also ate a ghostly leg of fried chicken.

It was at the edge of the forest that Dracul Van Helsing spotted Voluptas Hedone the daughter of the Greco-Roman deities Cupid and Psyche.

Naturally Dracul Van Helsing being Dracul Van Helsing decided to make out with her.

Voluptas Hedone was only happy to oblige.

As the breeze of the forest seemed to sing that old song Roll Me Over In The Clover, Welles’ ghost and the Controller of The Golem approached the scene.

“Wow, Dracul, you should see what the Holy of Holies in the Third Temple of Jerusalem is going to look like,” Welles’ ghost stated.

Then he saw what Van Helsing and Voluptas Hedone were doing.

“Holy of Holies!” Welles’ ghost exclaimed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 22nd
2022.

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Athena In Kiev

February 26, 2022 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Athena added a third candle to her candelabra as the lights went out in Kiev

Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom was in a dark abandoned house in Kiev.

These days wisdom was not to be found in the Kremlin in Moscow, the White House in Washington DC, 10 Downing Street in London and was most definitely not to be found at blackface racist groper Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa.

The same held true for every political residence in every capital in NATO and the European Union.

It especially held true at the Vatican where yesterday the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio had pulled a publicity stunt seeking photo-op by driving to the Russian Embassy in Rome to beg the Russian Ambassador for peace.

The stunt backfired when it turned out the Russian Ambassador wasn’t at the Embassy at the time.

And of course ghostly soldiers had been drawn into the Ukraine-Russia War.

The ghosts of the Trojan warriors of Prince Hector of Troy were fighting on the side of the Ukrainians.

And the ghosts of the ancient Greek warriors of King Agamemnon of Mycenae were fighting on the side of the Russians.

Back during the original Trojan War the goddess Athena had fought on the side of the Greeks against the Trojans.

She especially favoured Ulysses the king of Ithaca.

But not this time around.

The ghost of Ulysses was on his own clutching a copy of a book by James Joyce and a Thesaurus Guide To The Idioms of the Irish English Language.

In this war Athena was backing the Ukrainians and thus their ghostly allies the Trojan warriors of Prince Hector.

Her own brother Ares the Greek god of war had likewise switched sides.

Back during the original Trojan War, Ares had (under the influence of his sometimes girlfriend and lover Aphrodite the Greek goddess of love) backed the Trojans.

This time around Ares was backing the Russians and thus their ghostly allies the ancient Greek warrior ghosts under the leadership of King Agamemnon of Mycenae.

Athena looked out the window and saw her brother Ares walking the streets of Kiev.

He was accompanied by Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

It was her understanding that Thor and Morrigan would likewise be backing the Russians.

This was interesting because Thor’s father Odin she had heard was on the side of the Ukrainians.

Walking behind the trio of Ares, Thor and Morrigan were Loki the demoniac Norse trickster god and his son Fenrir the fierce Norse wolf connected to Ragnarok the battle of the Final Days in Norse mythology.

Loki and Fenrir were likewise backing the Russians.

Poseidon the Greek god of the ocean was backing the Russians as he had supported the ancient Greeks against the Trojans during the original Trojan War.

Apollo and Artemis had not yet announced on which side they stood.

Zeus, Hades, Demeter and Hestia were planning to stay neutral during this Ukraine-Russia War as they had during the original Trojan War.

Athena closed the curtains on the street scene.

Then she thought she heard the sound of dancing.

Quickly she opened the curtains and looked out the window.

There dancing on the streets of Kiev was the Hindu god Shiva and the Hindu goddess Kali.

Whose side are they on, Athena wondered, if any?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 26th
2022

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Pan Goatee Beheads A Couple of More Uglos Plus Their Moronic Low-IQ Boyfriends

February 25, 2022 at 10:03 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee celebrating Chinese New Year earlier this month

All Hell seemed to have broken out this week.

Uglos were making a bleak mid-winter appearance in Calgary.

The price of gasoline was hitting an all time high.

And Russia had invaded Ukraine.

The serial killing gnome Jarod Jerome Le Gnome and his friend Pan Goatee seemed to be enjoying their bus ride.

So far no uglos had got on the bus they were riding.

Then about 3 stops before they were about to get off an uglo got on.

Then she decided to get off at the next stop and like all obnoxious and inconsiderate uglos she used the door closest to Jarod Jerome and Pan.

Jarod Jerome immediatly went and punched the uglo 999 trillion times in the face.

Pan Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

A Confucius lookalike sitting on the bus used his fingers at lightning speed to keep track of each punch and each cut on his abacus.

Jarod and Pan had to use a bus door two doors down to get off because of the mess made where the now beheaded and dismembered uglo had tried to get off.

Krampus the demon goat of Hell carried the uglo’s remains down to Tartarus.

A three-headed Godzilla (who was filling in for a now deceased three headed snake who was filling in for a sick on his deathbed three headed dog Cerberus at the entrance to the realm of Hades) committed hara-kiri when Krampus came by with the uglo’s remains.

“Shit there goes another one,” Hades the Greek god of the Underworld remarked when he heard what happened to the realm’s latest guardian and watcher.

“Actually there goes another three,” Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld pointed out as she threw an ancient Greek drachma coin up into the air and it landed heads.

Jarod Jerome Le Gnome and Pan Goatee then headed in the direction of a nearby McDonald’s where they would buy themselves each a Big Mac and a Diet Coke.

As they approached, they were visually assaulted by the sight of a super repulsively ugly looking high school girl and her two moronic looking low-IQ high school boyfriends.

“I’ll never be able to think of the term menage a trois ever again without barfing all over the place,” Goatee remarked as he barfed all over the place.

As Goatee was busy barfing all over the place, Jarod Jerome Le Gnome punched the repulsive looking high school uglo in the face 999 trillion times.

When Goatee was sufficiently barfed out, he beheaded the high school uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat carried the uglo’s remains down to Tartarus while singer Frankie Avalon sang a paraphrased version of a song from the musical Grease- this paraphrased version being “Uglo school drop down…”

A three-headed scorpion (temporarily filling in as the guardian and protector of the Realm of Hades) stung itself to death as Krampus walked by with the high school uglo’s remains.

Jarod Jerome Le Gnome then punched the two high school morons in the face 999 trillion times each for being such idiots with appalling bad taste.

Goatee then beheaded the two morons as he commented, “It’s idiots like you who probably vote for the likes of Joe Biden and Justin Trudeau.”

He then cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

. . .

Over in Ukraine the ghosts of the ancient Trojans (led by the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy) were fighting on the side of the Ukrainians while the ghosts of the ancient Greeks (led by King Agamemnon of Mycenae) were fighting on the side of the Russians.

An interesting development occurred when the ghost of Iphigenia managed to escape her father King Agamemnon’s 2nd sacrifice of her to Artemis.

King Agamemnon was planning to sacrifice his daughter’s ghost to Artemis with a little help from spirit cook Marina Abramovic.

Iphigenia was so ticked at her father trying to sacrifice her to Artemis for a second time that she resolved to fight on the side of the Trojans and the Ukrainans.

The ghost of Hector was delighted to have Iphigenia as an ally.

He asked his younger sister Cassandra to become her friend.

The ghosts of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud watched Iphigenia’s introduction to Cassandra.

“I wonder who Apollo the Greek god of prophecy,” Jung pondered, “will prophesy to win the Ukraine-Russia War?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 25th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads World’s Fattest and Ugliest Fat Ugly Blimp

February 23, 2022 at 11:03 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the down to earth and very much above water Jacques Cousteau of the early 21st Century: The environmentalist hero who punishes those who pollute the aesthetic environment of planet Earth

Even some of the greatest and mightiest demons of Hell cannot stand the sight of fat ugly blimps.

That is especially the case with the demon Asmodeus the demon of lust who’s mentioned in the Book of Tobit.

Asmodeus being a demon with exceptionally good taste (unlike the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch) only lusted after beautiful women.

He certainly didn’t lust after ugly women.

And he especially didn’t lust after the ugliest of ugly women- fat ugly blimps (unlike Sheldon Cooper the brainless self-proclaimed genius with incredibly bad taste in women on The Big Bang Theory).

Thus after having gone off on a bender with his buddy Nimrod the little green frog in Reykjavik Iceland, the two had become separated.

Asmodeus to his huge misfortune had wound up in the City of Calgary- a city well known for its quite repulsively ugly women.

Especially many of the white women.

Calgary’s ugly white women certainly shot the Nazi and Ku Klux Klan theory of white supremacy all to Hell.

Nimrod the little green frog was far more lucky.

He wound up in the town of Moose Jaw Saskatchewan where he was currently sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas and relaxing in the waters of the Temple Gardens Mineral Health Spa and discussing Fox Mulder, The X-Files, Steve Martin and Burton Cummings with Japanese tourists.

Asmodeus suddenly found himself boarding a Calgary Transit bus.

As the cigarette smoking demon of lust told a reporter afterwards,

“After the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp was so obnoxious and inconsiderate as to board a Calgary transit bus this afternon sickening people with the sheer repulsiveness of her fat ugly definitely facially aesthetically challenged face not to mention making it difficult for people to walk down the aisle to get by the fat cow as the fat cow took up the entire space of the bus aisle from one end to the other.
No doubt this fat uglo is single handedly responsible for all the shortages of groceries on Calgary’s store shelves rather than the Freedom Convoy truckers’ blockade on the Coutts Alberta/Sweetgrass Montana Canada U.S. border.”

The demon Asmodeus then went into cardiac arrest after seeing such a fat ugly blimp of a woman and had to be rushed to Peter Lougheed Hospital.

While there a Dr. Andrew Cuomo (who looked suspiciously like the former Governor of New York State) diagnosed Asmodeus with Covid and sent him to recover in Buckingham Palace in the same bedroom as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

A gnome called Jarod Jerome Le Gnome (who served in the Last Days Army of Gnomes and Leprechauns being trained by Chiron the centaur) was so offended by the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp not wearing a paper bag over her head when she went out in public that he punched the obese uglo in her fat ugly face 999 trillion times.

The finishing touches were administered by world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat of Hell arrived on the scene who then carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus in Hell.

All of Cerberus’ 3 heads started vomiting non-stop when Krampus walked by with ultra-fatso ultra-uglo’s remains.

Hades sent Cerberus up to Earth until he stopped vomiting.

Cerberus went to Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa where the three heads continued to vomit.

In an effort to get Cerberus to leave, Justin Trudeau promised to revoke and drop the Emergencies Act.

Thus Cerberus and his three vomiting heads had managed to (at least temporarily) restore freedom and democracy to Canada.

. . .

The ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae was walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine.

Agamemnon’s ghost would be fighting on the side of the Russians should the Russians invade Kiev.

For the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had come to possess the body of a human looking AI robot (invented by one of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin) and that Prince Paris possessed AI had kidnapped Russian President Vladimir Putin’s favourite mistress and brought her to Kiev.

Agamemnon had once again foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis as he walked in some woods not far from Kiev.

As such he must once again sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia this time in spirit form.

As such he had hired spirit cook Marina Abramovic to help him out on this one.

Clytemnestra was once again plotting the murder of her husband Agamemnon this time in the spirit realm.

Agamemnon’s daughter Electra was currently ghost writing a book called Daddy Dearest.

And Agamemnon’s son Prince Orestes was currently discussing healthy father/son relationships with Dr. Phil and the late Prince Hamlet of Denmark.

Meanwhile the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy was being brought in to fight on the Ukrainian side should the Russians invade Kiev.

The question that now loomed on everyone’s mind was, would the ghost of Achilles be brought in to fight on the side of the Russians?

As for the ghost of Achilles, he was sitting in a nightclub in Casablanca drowning his sorrows.

When suddenly a woman in a white dress and white hat walked in through the door.

“Why,” Achilles asked himself, “of all the gin joints in all the world did she have to walk into this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 23rd
2022.

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The Ghost of Prince Paris of Troy In Kiev Ukraine

January 31, 2022 at 11:29 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva was riding on a ferry in Alaska

She was wearing some vampiress sunblock invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises to prevent her beautiful and delicate vampiric skin from burning to a crisp in the sunlight.

She was in Alaska to prevent a U.S. invasion of Russia from America by having U.S. forces cross the Bering Strait from Alaska to Siberia.

The idea had been conceived by CNN’s most moronic and imbecilic news commentator Don Lemon (the man that intelligent people referred to as The Sour Fruit).

Lemon (who didn’t do any research of his own but only believed everything that the government and the mainstream media told him) had recently discovered that a part of Alaska was separated from Russian Siberia by only 55 miles across a stretch of water known as the Bering Strait.

Lemon discovered the information by coming across a 2008 Sarah Palin For Vice-President campaign video.

Lemon wasn’t sure if the information in the video was correct so he asked every liberal he knew.

CNN’s Jim Acosta (who was busy playing with himself by viewing Jeffrey Epstein’s personal private photo collection) did not know the answer.

Anderson Cooper was out getting his hair done by his favourite hairstylist so he was unavailable to comment.

Lemon asked Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, Chuck Schumer, AOC, California Gov. Gavin Newsom, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot and every other left-wing liberal bozo politician and journalist he could think of if Alaska was separated from Siberia by only 55 miles across the Bering Strait.

None knew the answer.

And since none never did any personal research on their own, they couldn’t discover the answer.

Finally Lemon managed to get in touch with the person who was the only intelligent liberal in America which happened to be YouTube commentator Kim Iversen (a woman who actually did research on her own).

Iversen informed the moronic raisin looking Lemon that yes Alaska was only separated by Siberia some 55 miles at the point of the Bering Strait.

Lemon then phoned Joe Biden and told him to have U.S. troops invade Siberia from Alaska should Vladimir Putin invade Kiev.

Biden thus sent a contingent of 69 transgendered and vaccinated Marines over to Alaska to invade Siberia.

Russian Intelligence which had hacked into the entire U.S. Intelligence (?) Security apparatus informed Putin of the plan.

So Putin sent Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva over to Alaska to stop them.

So now we know the answer to the question, How many Russian vampiresses does it take to wipe out and defeat a contingent of transgendered and vaccinated U.S. Marines?

Just one.

. . .

The pig faced Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau was hiding in a bunker outside Ottawa with his wife and family.

The ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun as well as the ghosts of Joseph and Magda Goebbels were keeping them company.

At one point Justin retreated to a small closet where there was a small mirror and put on some Al Jolson minstrel show blackface.

Trudeau looked at some of Jeffrey Epstein’s personal private photo collection while applying and rubbing some black shoe polish to his tiny phallus.

The blackfaced Justin Trudeau then started eating a Salvation Army Food Hamper (that he had ordered one of his bodyguards to steal from a Salvation Army Food Bank) as he fired off a tweet saying that the truck drivers in Ottawa were stealing food from the homeless while flying racist flags.

Behind Justin Trudeau (as he fired off the tweet) stood the ghost of Confederate States of America President Jefferson Davis holding the American Civil War Confederate Republic flag (which was not the same as General Robert E. Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia despite what moronic liberals and even a few contemporary Republicans might think) and the ghost of Heinrich Himmler who held up the held up the red, black and white Swastika flag of Nazi Germany.

. . .

The pig faced Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau was now in Ottawa taking selected questions from the members of Canada’s brainless mainstream media (who interestingly enough all had brown noses at the press conference).

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was covering the press conference in his podcast.

Blathered Trudeau, “We’re the ones following the science…”

Interjected Renfield, “Justin Trudeau follows the science of Dr. Victor Frankenstein, the science of Dr. Johann Georg Faust and the science of Dr. Ilya Ivanov.”

Trudeau continued to blather, “We’re the ones following the facts…”

Renfield continued to interject, “The “facts” as made up by Joseph Goebbels’ Ministry of Propaganda and the Orwellian 1984 Ministry of Truth.”

“Anybody who disagrees with me is a conspiracy theorist,” Trudeau couldn’t stop blathering.

Renfield pointed out, “In the first century AD, Judea’s Governor Pontius Pilate posed the question, “What is truth?”. In the 21st Century AD we now know the answer- the truth is anything that Justin Trudeau considers a conspiracy theory.”

. . .

One of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin had invented an AI robot that looked exactly human.

Unfortunately for Tesla Thoth Merlin, earlier this month the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had been dispensationally released from the Underworld by Hades at the request of the Greek sorceress Circe.

The ghost of Prince Paris of Troy entered the body of the human looking AI robot and possessed it.

The AI Prince Paris of Troy then flew to Moscow Russia where he was wined and dined by Vladimir Putin.

Paris thanked Putin for his hospitality by running off with the Russian President’s favourite mistress to a luxurious house in Kiev Ukraine where they were currently making out together.

As the serpent Ouroboros swallowed his own tail and the Greco-Roman god Ares/Mars let loose the dogs of war, it appears that History has now come full circle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 31st
2022.

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