Uncle Ernie, An Irish Leprechaun and Miranda Singh

January 4, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

Uncle Ernie, An Irish Leprechaun and Miranda Singh

The colourful Australian eccentric (some would call him a “pervert”, “misfit”, “habitual criminal” or “ne’er do well”) who went by the name of Uncle Ernie was sitting in a Sydney pub with his drinking and cocaine snorting buddies.

Uncle Ernie had had an eventful 4-day start to the New Year and the New Decade.

On January 1st, he had almost started a major fire at the Royal Botanic Gardens in Sydney with his Sydney New Year’s Eve Fireworks Display that he was in charge of.

The U.S. Pentagon had then immediately hired Uncle Ernie for their drone strike program.

And had flown Uncle Ernie to Jerusalem on DARPA’s new hypersonic super speed jet (which had been invented for DARPA not by DARPA scientists but by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

After getting into a violent argument with a popcorn seller at the Western Wailing Wall where both Uncle Ernie and the popcorn seller were doing a lot of wailing while wearing very tight pairs of Western Levi’s jeans, the Australian eccentric decided to fire a drone at the popcorn seller.

It missed its mark by hundreds and hundreds of miles and landed at the Baghdad International Airport.

Intelligence analysts from both Israel and the U.S. were trying to determine whether it was Uncle Ernie’s drone or one fired by the U.S. military that was responsible for the deaths of IRGC Quds military commander Gen. Qasem Soleimani and others who were around him.

Seeing as how his drone attack was unsuccessful, Uncle Ernie decided to get back at the Western Wailing Wall popcorn seller by using an electronic skateboard that he rode and a pair of electronic pliers that he was carrying.

The resulting fiasco no doubt earned Uncle Ernie the undying hatred of the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem and even more so the undying hatred of the Grand Mufti’s nymphomaniac wife.

As one paramedic at the scene commented, “Uncle Ernie seems to have boldly gone where no circumcising rabbi has gone before.”

Uncle Ernie was then immediately deported from Jerusalem back to Australia in order to prevent the outbreak of war between Israel and the Palestinians had the Benjamin Netanyahu government not done so.

Now back in Sydney from Jerusalem, Uncle Ernie regaled his pals with tales of his failed inventions.

There was the infamous Ernievarius violin (made out of rubber tires) that Uncle Ernie had originally started out making as a “user-friendly boomerang” (meaning a boomerang that idiots would be able to use).

Then there was his most recent invention (that he had made just in time for the Christmas sales season) which was a cobra venom laced harmonica.

As soon as the harmonica was put in one’s mouth, the harmonica player died instantly.

Sales of the harmonica over the Christmas season were nil.

Mr. Inn Lu the mysterious billionaire who had reluctantly agreed to market Uncle Ernie’s Killer Harmonica happened to be sitting in another corner of the pub.

He approached Uncle Ernie and said, “I just thought I’d let you know that one single Killer Harmonica was sold in London, England on New Year’s Eve.”

. . .

At the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was looking at a photograph of two elegantly dressed women on the resort lobby walls.

One of the women in the photos was Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom and the other was Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

“Enjoying the photos, sir?” A bell boy asked the wee leprechaun.

“Indeed I am,” Yaldabaoth smiled, “one of those women is my mother and the other is an ex-girlfriend.”

The leprechaun pointed out which one was which.

“Morrigan and I had a rather unusual relationship,” Yaldabaoth went on, “It was a BDSM relationship. Morrigan was the domme and I was the sub. It began when…”

The ghost of Sherlock Holmes used a spectral golf club to bonk Yaldabaoth on the head and knock him out.

“Holmes, why did you do that?” The ghost of Doctor Watson asked.

“Because Watson,” Holmes lit a spectral pipe, “the story of the BDSM relationship between Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war is like the story of the Giant Rat of Sumatra. It is a tail (tale) for which the world is not yet prepared.”

. . .

Tiberio Peron told his poker table companions (aboard his cruise ship) Cerberus the 3-headed dog and the ghost of Alexander the Great that he was a billionaire Argentine businessman who had made his money in selling laundry soaps.

He was a billionaire Argentine businessman all right but one who had made his money by running an international child sex trafficking ring for the world’s perverted global elite.

After cleaning up at the poker table (by cheating), Tiberio Peron walked back to his state room aboard the Greek cruise ship travelling the Mediterranean.

When he entered the state room, he went to his luxurious washroom to take a shower.

And there in his luxury state bathtub was a beautiful woman.

Set Enterprises secret agent and intelligence operative Miranda Singh

The next morning, Tiberio Peron would be found dead with a cobra venom laced harmonica in his mouth.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 4th
2020.

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The Death of Gen. Qasem Soleimani

January 3, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

The Death of Qasem Soleimani

“What was it that Canadian philosopher Marshall McLuhan once said?” The head of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) Quds Force Elite Unit Gen. Qasem Soleimani mused aloud to one of his soldiers at Baghdad Airport, “The medium is the message?”.

No sooner had Gen. Qasem Soleilmani said this than he was killed in a spray of gunfire shot at him by a U.S. military drone. 

Ares the Greek god of war who was eating a banana and sipping from a glass of combined Greek ouzo and Italian Sambuca remarked to Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war who was standing alongside him at Baghdad Airport, “You know there’s a word that my sister Athena would probably use to describe Gen. Qasem Soleimani’s last words and then immediately being hit by a drone. I can’t think of the word.”

“Would the word be irony?” Morrigan asked as she sipped from a glass of champagne.

“It would,” Ares nodded as he wondered what he should do with his banana peel.

“You know dropping my hammer Mjolnir on one’s toes is quite a painful experience,” Thor the Norse god of thunder commented as he suddenly broke into an improvisational one foot on the ground and one foot in the air dance at Baghdad Airport.

The three deities had been spending the last year trying to start a global war.

They may have finally succeeded with Donald Trump finally ordering a drone strike and targeted killing of Iran’s leading general and military commander Gen. Qasem Soleimani.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was in a room at his Mar-a-Lago resort after giving a press conference where he congratulated himself on ordering the killing of Gen. Qasem Soleimani.

In the room, he sat holding hands with a Peruvian spiritist medium who was trying to contact the ghosts of Julius Caesar and Caesar Augustus for him.

Normally, Trump had a Hades and Persephone Gateway To The Underworld App on his iPhone to immediately summon the ghosts of the two Caesars but that iPhone had been inadvertently flushed down the toilet while America’s leader sat on it while browsing at photos of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

After vigorously washing his hands in the bathroom sink, it was then that he noticed his iPhone was gone.

The Peruvian spiritist medium was immediately summoned to Mar-a-Lago.

Coincidentally enough the female Peruvian spiritist medium had a cousin who was a female shaman that had instructed various Cardinals and bishops in what was called the Pachamama Catechesis demonstrated at the Vatican Congregation For Catholic Education December 14th Christmas Charity Concert held in the Paul VI Audience Hall.

The concert had been hosted by the great American singer-songwriter and musician Lionel Ritchie and included performers like the UK’s Susan Boyle (who had totally wowed and floored judge Simon Cowell at a Britain’s Got Talent competition back in 2009).

For the catechesis, the female shaman instructed the audience to cross their arms in Hiram Abiff Scottish Rite Freemasonic Lodge like fashion over their chests and feel the “strong vibrations” connecting their hearts to “the heart of Mother Earth”.

All of the Cardinals and bishops present had no trouble adopting the position whatsoever.

The Peruvian female medium spoke into a bowl of oil covered Amazon River water (courtesy of an American multinational oil corporation drilling for oil in the Amazon region), “Big Julius and Big Augustus, are you there? Big Julius and Big Augustus, are you there?”.

The spectral female voice of a very long distance operator replied, “I’m sorry but the number you called is no longer in service.”

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was in the lobby of the Mar-a-Lago resort.

He had been recently visiting the Caribbean island of Trinidad and had decided to drop into the Florida resort after receiving a text message from his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom.

His mother Sophia had once visited the resort back in the 1950s when it was still owned by Marjorie Merriweather-Post and had raved about the place.

But of course that was long before Donald Trump owned it.

As Yaldabaoth stood at the lobby desk, he struggled to find his American Express card in his wallet.

“I can’t believe this,” Yaldabaoth cried, “and after watching all those years of television commercials in which they told me not to leave home without it.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday January 3rd 
2020.


Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war back at the Mar-a-Lago Florida resort in the 1950s

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The New Roaring 20s Off To A Roaring Start

January 1, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The New Roaring 20s Off To A Roaring Start

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka welcomed the year of 2020 with a burst of silver snowflakes and paper raindrops.

The obnoxious Achilles was back in Hades and her friend Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander went to the Times of London Berlin bureau to discuss his coverage of the New Year’s Eve literary gala with that newspaper’s bureau chief.

The Olympian Greek god Zeus, who had crashed the party posing as the author of a book on Greek mythogy, had to be carried out on a stretcher and taken to a Berlin hospital.

This happened after Zeus’ wife Hera (who was an officially invited guest to the New Year’s Eve literary gala party) had hit her husband over the head with a statue of the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet. 

Leaving the party in the early hours of January 1st, Tanaka boarded the New Year’s Day dirigible from Berlin to London.

She arrived in London, had breakfast with her friend Dracul Van Helsing and then joined him in viewing the London New Year’s Day Parade.

. . .

In Alexandria Egypt, the Norse trickster god Loki was enjoying a New Year’s Day morning breakfast with Hades the Greek god of the Underworld.

Loki was meeting Hades because he had come up with a plan to add a bit of mischief to the New Year.

“So, what is your plan?” Hades asked Loki between plates of scrambled eggs.

“I think you should grant the ghost of America’s greatest trial criminal defence lawyer Clarence Darrow a temporary dispensation to leave your realm and come back up to Earth,” Loki suggested.

“And why should I do that?” Hades inquired.

“To defend Donald Trump at his trial in the Senate,” Loki smiled mischievously.

“That would certainly ruin Nancy Pelosi’s and Sen. Chuck Schumer’s New Year if I did that,” Hades admitted, “I’ll have to think it over.”

The Israeli Mossad agent code named Star of Azazel was sitting over at the next table across from the two deities.

He smiled at the suggestion.

But he would have to act quickly.

For Star of Azazel was already on his way to Washington DC to meet with Trump.

His proposal to Trump was a way for both the American President and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to escape serious charges in both their respective countries.

And that was to wage war on Iran.

Nothing helps a political leader more than to wage war as a form of distraction for their respective populace.

. . .

The ghost of Alexander the Great had been allowed to leave the realm of Hades for the first time in over 2300 years.

He had appeared out of nowhere aboard a Greek cruise ship sailing in the Mediterranean.

The only thing Alexander knew about his dispensational leave from the realm of Hades was that Zeus had requested it.

Alexander had with him the surprisingly 21st Century tech savvy 3-headed dog Cerberus to guide him through the opening year of this decade.

Cerberus was on his Huawei smart phone (which unbeknownst to him was being monitored by the Black Dragon the supernatural entity advisor to China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping) trying to get in touch with Zeus.

Cerberus managed to reach Zeus’ Amazon assistant Alexa the Magnificent (a Greek Amazon Warrioress with a very nice pair of knockers).

Alexa told Cerberus that Zeus was currently in the comatose patient unit of a Berlin hospital where German Chancellor Angela Merkel was sitting at his bedside reciting to him passages from Homer.

“Zeus is unavailable at the moment,” Cerberus informed Alexander The Great.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 1st
2020.

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Zeus’ New Year’s Eve In Berlin

December 31, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Zeus’ New Year’s Eve In Berlin 

When the Greek god Zeus heard the news that the Germanic god Wotan (aka the Norse god Odin) would be spending his New Year’s Eve in Athens, Greece watching Greek lady belly dancers in the city’s tavernas (although Odin/Wotan told his wife Freya that he’d be snow bowling as opposed to lawn bowling with Thor up at the North Pole), Zeus decided that he’d attend a New Year’s Eve party in the German capital of Berlin.

Buying the latest men’s tuxedo from a fashionable and upscale London tailor (where British Prime Minister Boris Johnson purchased his suits), Zeus flew an old Zeppelin dirigible from London to Berlin.

One of the guests aboard the New Year’s Eve dirigible for select celebrities (of which the Grecian sky god of Mount Olympus was considered to be one) was a former advisor to Donald Trump (who had just discovered hours earlier that he had apparently lost his job on the last day of this year when he read about it in one of the American leader’s recent tweets).

Overdosing on strawberry daiquiris, he got the lead out from the Zeppelin via his rear end when he sat on the edge of the dirigible deck and mooned various U.S. consulates and embassies (that the airship flew over on its way to Berlin) as his own personal form of retaliation.

Zeus was looking very dapper and debonair as he got off the Zeppelin and proceeded to chase anyone wearing a skirt (although he quickly reached the conclusion that the tea members of Berlin’s LGBTQ community wasn’t quite what he had in mind and vowed to be more observant and diligent on his Berlin night out).

As for the now former advisor to Donald Trump, when what was left of him was taken off the airship, they were able to bury all of him in a cigar box and place him 6 feet under in a Berlin cemetery.

Zeus reached a Berlin publishing company’s New Year’s Eve party and decided to crash it.

Posing as the author of a book on Greek mythology, the bearded Olympian was let in.

Zeus noted that his son Dionysus (aka Bacchus) was there.

After 9 PM in the evening, Dionysus fell asleep with his head in the gigantic punch bowl where it remained the rest of the night (with no one bothering to remove it as patrons and guests just scooped up their glasses of punch around the drunken deity’s head).

The Greek hero Achilles was there having recently been granted a temporary dispensation from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone.

Achilles was trying to put the moves on the (quite literally) immortal beautiful Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka who was currently visiting Germany from the U.S. Dakotas.

Belvedere the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander and a reporter for the Times of London was covering the New Year’s Eve literary gala.

During his mortal human life back in the 19th Century (how he ended up the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander and ceased being human was one long sad story), Belvedere had been good friends with the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and her grandfather White Hawk (who was a great Lakota Sioux Medicine Man).

In fact the three had celebrated together Chief Sitting Bull’s victory over George Armstrong Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.

Noticing that Tanaka was being bothered by the obnoxious and egotistical so-called “hero” of the Trojan War, Belvedere used a spectral bow and arrow (the spirit of the material physical bow and arrow that had been given him as a gift by White Hawk) and fired a spectral arrow at Achilles’ spectral heel.

“Damn! Not again!” Achilles shouted as a group of models wearing the latest dress fashions from Paris and carrying apples in their hands did a catwalk through the party hall.

Achilles fell over and once again departed to the realm of Hades.

Just then Zeus noticed 3 beautiful women standing against the wall by one of the balcony windows.

The Olympian decided to go over and make a move hoping to bring in the New Year with a bang- and possibly three- if he was lucky.

However a huge damper was about to fall on Zeus’ plans for the evening when his wife Hera stepped off the elevator into the party room.

She had been invited to the party by the President of the Berlin Publishing Company.

Hera noticed Zeus chatting up the three beauties.

New Year’s Eve fireworks soon went off.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 31st
2019.

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Allatallahbel, Odin, Rudolphus, Loki and Apophis

December 30, 2019 at 11:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel, Odin, Rudolphus, Loki and Apophis

Odin sent his flying and fire-breathing reindeer Rudolphus to rescue Loki from the asteroid Apophis 99942 on which the Norse trickster god had found himself recently stranded.

This after an appeal to Odin from Loki’s daughter Hel the Norse goddess of the realm of the dead who are not warriors – a place also called Hel in the realm of Niflheim.

Rudolphus and Loki landed in Siberia to little or no fanfare though they weren’t really expecting any.

Putin, when informed of the incident, thought America might be testing new military hardware.

At the Vatican, Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal was preparing to seduce Samhain Cardinal Salaman namely because he was one of the few heterosexuals available in Pope Francis’ Vatican.

In Beijing, China’s supreme leader (and self-proclaimed god) Xi Jinping was meeting with his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon to discuss the upcoming war games his forces would be participating in alongside the Russians and the Iranians.

And down in Australia, Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was pulling out what little hair he had left over the news that it was an individual by the name of Uncle Ernie who was in charge of tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve fireworks over Sydney.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday December 30th
2019.

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Morgana and The Horns of Cernunnos

December 29, 2019 at 11:21 pm (Folklore, Horror, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Morgana and The Horns of Cernunnos 

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was very good friends with Cernunnos the horned stag god of the Celts.

For sport, Cernunnos used to take his bow and arrow and hunt those humans who hunted deer for sport.

In the 13th Century in England, the most notorious stag and deer hunter of them all was Lord James Hamish Belfor of the appropriately named Hellreach Castle.

Cernunnos vowed to put an end to this Lord James Hamish Belfor of Hellreach once and for all.

As Lord Belfor was sitting with his fellow hunters celebrating the day’s hunt in The Cyclops Arms Pub, a monk who was a mystic spoke to him, “Did you know that Cernunnos is now hunting for you, oh Lord Belfor of Hellreach?”.

“Who’s Cernunnos?” Asked one of Lord Belfor’s friends who wasn’t very bright (a number of Canadian Prime Ministers in the far distant future would be descended from this questioner’s loins).

“He’s the horned stag god of the Celts, you ninny,” Lord Belfor of Hellreach laughed as he downed yet another pint of cider.

The monk departed the inn just as the Welsh vampiress Morgana entered.

“You know what I’m going to do?” Lord Belfor boasted to his friends, “I’m going to hunt this Cernunnos myself and I swear to the infernal gods below that I shall have this deity’s stag horns hanging on my own castle wall.”

“You fool,” Morgana laughed at him, “You cannot get the horns belonging to a god. Only someone who gives their soul to a devil can do that.”

The lovely vampiress turned and walked out the pub door.

“Then that is what I shall do,” Lord Belfor of Hellreach laughed.

The following night, Lord Belfor summoned Mephistopheles and sold his soul to him in exchange for coming into possession of the horns of Cernunnos.

And so the horns of Cernunnos ended up on the wall of Lord James Hamish Belfor of Hellreach.

The day after that, Lord Belfor was gored to death by a stag.

And so Mephistopheles did not have to wait long to collect his debt.

Of course Cernunnos being a god, his horns grew back.

But someday he vowed to get back his old horns currently on the wall of the Belfor family’s Hellreach Castle.

. . .

During the 1890s, Lord James Hamish Belfor the 13th was in a position to become Prime Minister of Britain.

In fact, he was the favourite of Germany’s Kaiser Wilhelm II to become Prime Minister of Britain as the notorious and traitorous lord would be the Kaiser’s puppet.

One fateful day, Lord Belfor 13th of Hellreach would slay 13 stags in a forest not far from Hellreach Castle.

He went home to celebrate.

He also expected to be summoned shortly by Queen Victoria to form a government.

That night, he paid a visit to the nearby Cyclops Arms Pub to boast of his success with the members of the Saint Hubertus Hunting Lodge.

When he returned home, he discovered one light was already on in the castle’s grand hall as he walked through the door:


Lights shone on the horns of Cernunnos as the Welsh vampiress Morgana stood underneath.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” Lord Belfor angrily asked Morgana.

Standing on the central staircase of the grand hall was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos who raised his crossbow and fired a poisoned arrow at Lord James Hamish Belfor the 13th.

The dreadful Lord died instantly.

Instead of being summoned by Her Majesty Queen Victoria to form a government, Lord Belfor’s body was measured for a casket in an undertaker’s shop and his soul was carried off to Tartarus by Mephistopheles.

And Cernunnos joined his old horns together with his new ones.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 29th
2019.

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Pan Goatee, Kim Jong-un, Loki and Apophis

December 28, 2019 at 11:47 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Kim Jong-un, Loki and Apophis

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was crossing the street carrying a bag full of cans of diet Cola so he could have a caffeine induced high at home.

As he reached the other side of the street, an ugly looking woman walked by.

The first ugly looking woman he had seen in days.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

“Why don’t you uglos stay indoors when it’s the holiday season?” Pan Goatee remarked as he kicked the uglo’s head into the windows of a nearby high school, “Ruining people’s holidays by walking about and frightening animals and small children not to mention everybody else. No wonder Santa Claus never visited anyone in the neighbourhood this past Christmas Eve. He didn’t want Rudolph and all of the other reindeer to be terrified to death after seeing you.”

As Pan Goatee continued down the street, his mobile phone rang.

“Goatee here,” the satyr said.

“Monsieur Goatee, this is Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the Canadian Prime Minister was at the end of the wireless line, “I’m just phoning to inform you and tell you the good news that the Association For A More Aesthetically Pleasing Environment has nominated you to receive the Order of Canada.”

“Wonderful,” Goatee smiled, “I suppose this means I’ll have to buy a tux and not wear my usual Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts to the ceremony.”

“What is it that you do anyways?” Justin had forgotten to read that part of the brief before making the call.

“I kill ugly looking women,” Goatee answered.

“Oh,” Justin paused.

He was wondering how he as a self-proclaimed “feminist” would look if his government awarded the Order of Canada to someone who went around killing ugly looking women.

Not of course that he as Canada’s self-proclaimed “feminist” leader had any ugly looking women working around his office himself.

Only beautiful women.

Something he shared in common with America’s self-tweeted “misogynist” leader Donald Trump.

. . .

The Avangard Russian hypersonic missile that currently had the Norse trickster god Loki by his derrière and was carrying the famed deity into outer space was headed straight towards the Apophis 99942 asteroid.

The Apophis 99942 asteroid is about 1100 feet (340 meters) wide, was discovered in 2004 (where it was first dubbed 2004 MN4), was given the formal name Apophis a year later by the International Astronomical Union in commemoration of “the Egyptian god of evil and destruction who dwells in eternal darkness” and the asteroid has a 2.7% probability of hitting the Earth on Friday April 13th 2029.

A larger probability than that according to Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who says the asteroid hitting the earth on that date will put a damper on celebrations marking the inauguration of Greta Thunberg as President of the United States of Europe (the same day she also finally graduates from anger management classes).

“Wow, this is one big motherfucker of an asteroid,” the Norse god Loki commented as he crashed into it.

The ghost of Oedipus Rex the King of Thebes who floated by with spectral blood flowing from his spectral eyes was not amused by Loki’s comment.

. . .

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was presiding over a general congress of the ruling North Korean Workers’ Party in Pyongyang when he was informed that a North Korean government astronomer had observed the Norse trickster god Loki doing sit ups and practicing yoga positions on the asteroid Apophis 99942.

“This must be a U.S. imperialist plot to attack our country the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea many of whose subjects are now enjoying their 7th year of widespread famine under my enlightened leadership,” Kim pounded the desk in front of him, “summon my white horse. I shall ride to the observatory to see for myself.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday December 28th
2019.

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Yaldabaoth In Trinidad

December 27, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth In Trinidad

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was spending his Christmas vacation on the Caribbean island of Trinidad.

After visiting a small Christmas market in Dublin earlier this month, he had bought himself an old LP record of The Andrews Sisters.

He particularly enjoyed their song Rum and Coca-Cola whose lyrics included these words:

If you ever go down Trinidad
They make you feel so very glad
Calypso sing and make up rhyme
Guarantee you one real good fine time…

Yaldabaoth was so impressed, he immediately booked a trip to Trinidad.

Now he sat on a nice warm sandy beach in Trinidad drinking a dozen rums and coca-colas under his beach umbrella.

“You’re Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun aren’t you?” Asked the Norse trickster god Loki as he set up a beach umbrella about six feet away from Yaldabaoth.

“I am,” the leprechaun nodded as he sipped one of his many rums and coca-colas, “but my mother Sophia the Gnostic Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom tells people that I’m the creator of the physical material universe. She doesn’t have the heart to say that I’m a sobriety challenged leprechaun.”

“Have you ever thought of joining Alcoholics Anonymous?” Loki asked as he finally managed to get his beach umbrella in the right place.

“Never,” Yaldabaoth answered as he ordered another dozen rums and coca-colas from the waitress.

“I’m the Norse god Loki,” the trickster god put on his sunglasses, “I’m tired of freezing my nuts off in the Jotunheim Mountains waiting for the Battle of Ragnarok to begin while Odin strolls around playing reindeer games with Rudolphus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer. So I’m here in warmer climes.”

Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin was announcing the launch of the new Avangard hypersonic missile system.

As he pushed the button to signal the start of the test, he announced, “I know for a fact that Donald Trump doesn’t have one of these,” as the Russian leader held his right hand down the front of his trousers.

“I wonder how he knows for a fact that Donald Trump doesn’t have one of these,” a Russian Army General muttered under his breath.

Sadly for the Russian General however, he didn’t mutter it under his breath quite low enough.

Putin overheard the remark.

Within minutes, the General found himself being abducted by mask clad Russian commandos and taken to a remote island in the Arctic Circle where a number of Russian Opposition party members suddenly found themselves this past week.

Back in Trinidad, Loki was bending over on the Trinidadian sandy beach to once again get his beach umbrella back in place to his liking.

Loki’s derrière made a tempting sight for the new Russian Avangard hypersonic missile approaching travelling at 27 times the speed of sound.

Loki soon found himself tens of thousands of miles away from that beach umbrella.

One of Pope Francis’ numerous homosexual Cardinals, who was currently celebrating Christmas down in Trinidad, arrived on the scene.

“Gosh,” the Cardinal sighed, “If I had been on the beach only half an hour earlier, I might have been the one who claimed this spot. I might have been the one bending over at the time that divinely shaped object arrived. I could have been the one carried all the way to Wonderland in my rear end.”

Meanwhile Loki was boldly going where no trickster god had gone before.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 27th
2019.

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Odin, Rudolphus The Fire-Breathing Reindeer and Baby Yoda

December 25, 2019 at 11:25 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Odin, Rudolphus The Fire-Breathing Reindeer and Baby Yoda

Amadeus Emanon was listening to BBC World News on the radio.

BBC News Announcer: And in other news, Donald Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani said that he’s currently investigating claims that Joe Biden as a 5-year-old participated in the surgical autopsy performed in Area 51 on the bodies of the ET grays who were killed in the UFO crash at Roswell New Mexico in 1947.
On the subject Donald Trump tweeted, @realDonaldTrump Go Rudy! #TheTruthIsOutThere

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in Oslo, Norway.

He was looking at a photograph taken last night from a cliff in the Jotunheim Mountains of Norway.

Whitstable had text messaged the photo to an acquaintance of his Clive Reuel Staples a professor of Norse, Germanic and Anglo-Saxon Mythology at Oxford University.

He asked for help in identifying the figures in the photo.

Staples text messaged back that the figures were Rudolfus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer and Odin the King of the Norse gods.

Staples also informed Whitstable that Odin only rides Rudolfus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer when a major global conflict is about to break out.

Whitstable looked over at his assistant who was already turning the photo of Odin and Rudolphus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer into a Facebook meme.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was over at the Set Enterprises laboratory to pick up Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to drive him home for Christmas dinner.

Dr. Rocher was busy working on Magical Mystery Tour the new marijuana smoking desert cactus plant that he was developing for Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Sitting in the back of the car, Dr. Rocher asked Renfield, “Did you ever see the 2004 Mel Gibson film The Passion of the Christ?”.

“I did,” Renfield answered.

“Do you remember that scene where the Devil played by Italian actress Rosalinda Celentano is carrying a very sinister looking baby?” Rocher asked.

“I do,” Renfield nodded.

“Have you noticed,” Dr. Rocher drew a sketch on a piece of paper, “that if you put bigger ears on that baby, how much it looks like Baby Yoda from the Star Wars Disney + television series The Mandalorian?”.

“Dr. Rocher,” Renfield looked back at the scientist, “Are you trying to tell me that Baby Yoda is the Devil’s child? The Antichrist?”.

“I am,” Dr. Rocher nodded.

Renfield drove the Set Enterprises’ scientist to the nearest hospital emergency ward fearing that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had inhaled way too much of Magical Mystery Tour’s exhaled pot smoke.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 25th
2019.

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The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

December 20, 2019 at 11:35 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

“I never thought it would be so much fun burglaring J. Edgar Hoover’s office at the FBI Building in Washington DC,” the ghost of Orson Welles remarked to Dracul Van Helsing.

Using a miniature time tunnel that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working on at Set Enterprises in London, the pair had temporarily travelled back in time to Washington DC in 1939.

What sent the certainly unusual dynamic duo on their mission was a message that Dracul Van Helsing had received from Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable was currently in the German capital Berlin investigating an attempt to open up the unmarked grave of Nazi SS officer Reinhard Heydrich.

The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler and Gavin Brown a voodoo practitioner with ties to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation were the ones responsible for trying to dig up Heydrich’s grave.

The attempt ended after the grave digging gang of six men were attacked by a flock of pigeons.

Whitstable in his investigation had discovered that Franz Kohler believed the transcripts of a secret meeting between J. Edgar Hoover and Maria Orsic of the occultic Vril Society that took place in Washington DC in 1939 had been buried with Heydrich’s remains.

A computerized laser examination of Heydrich’s grave yesterday using technology developed by Dr. Cadbury Rocher had shown there were no documents in Heydrich’s casket.

But now Whitstable was curious as to why Kohler wanted a copy of those transcripts.

Whitstable discovered that the meeting between Maria Orsic and J. Edgar Hoover had taken place on December 18th 1939.

Whitstable relayed that information to Van Helsing.

Seeing as how Dr. Rocher wanted a test for his time tunnel, he offered to send Van Helsing to J. Edgar Hoover’s office 80 years ago today.

And Van Helsing could steal Hoover’s copy of the transcripts.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with the ghost of Winston Churchill was serving as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) offered to go along with Van Helsing for the ride.

And so now here they were searching through Hoover’s drawers (his file drawers that is!) trying to find any transcripts of a meeting between Hoover and the Vril Society medium Maria Orsic.

“Gentlemen,” said the Norse goddess Freya as she sat in Hoover’s office smoking a cigarette, “I presume you’re looking for the transcripts of the meeting between Mr. Hoover and Miss Orsic?”.

“We are,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well then follow me,” Freya got up and walked over to another part of the office.

“With pleasure,” Van Helsing replied as he followed her.

“Oh, to be mortal again,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday December 20th
2019.

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