Set Gets A Call From His Accounting Department

February 24, 2021 at 11:46 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was sitting in his study and listening to the radio.

He was once again surprised to hear his former employee and current British MP Renfield R. Renfield reading the BBC World News Report on BBC Radio.

Renfield said, “Next month on his trip to Iraq, the extremely ecumenically minded Pope Francis will be holding an interfaith religious service on top of the ancient Babylonian temple to the Mesopotamian moon god Nanna. No word yet on whether Nanna himself plans to attend the service.”

Set guffawed.

Spewing the Earl Grey tea in his mouth all the way to the far side of the study.

Renfield went on, “And in further news regarding Pope Francis, the pontiff said all journalists wishing to fly with him on his plane to and from Iraq must be vaccinated against the Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus known to the world as Covid before being allowed to fly with him.
Those journalists who wish to ask him questions leading to one of his usual idiotic rambling answers must be vaccinated twice…”

The phone rang on the desk next to Set’s chair and he turned the radio off.

The vampire picked up the receiver.

It was one of those old phones that you often see in gangster movies of the 1920s and ’30s.

“Sol Invictus Set,” the vampire said giving the full name he wrote down on his British Citizenship certificate when he received British citizenship back in the 1920s.

“Hello, Mr. Set,” the voice on the other end spoke, “This is I.M. Boring from the Set Enterprises Accounting Department.”

“Oh yes, Mr. Boring,” Set yawned, “What can I do for you?”.

“We’ve noticed an expenditure claimed by one of your employees that we think you should really be concerned about,” Boring explained.

“Oh yes,” Set put down his cup of tea and proceeded to drink the entire pot of coffee on the tray next to him to keep himself awake.

“One of your employees put down as an expenditure the cost of 2002 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin over the past month,” Boring noted.

“By 2002,” Set finished the entire pot of coffee, “Do you mean the year the gin was made or the numerical amount of bottles of gin that was consumed?”.

“The numerical amount of bottles of gin that was consumed,” Boring answered.

“Jesus,” Set was fully awake now and spoke a name that probably wouldn’t be mentioned in the interfaith service atop Nanna’s temple next month, “This employee must be sent to Alcoholics Anonymous right away or face permanent termination of his employment.”

“It gets worse, Mr. Set,” Boring explained.

“It does?” Set rang the bell on his tray to summon his butler and valet Athelstan.

The billionaire vampire was going to ask his gentleman’s gentleman to bring him Set a much needed bottle of Hendrick’s Gin.

“Apparently the entire 2002 bottles of gin were consumed on two separate days,” Boring went on, “1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin consumed back on Thursday February 4th and 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin consumed 2 days ago on Monday February 22nd.”

“My God,” Set reached for a hot buttered scone, “Talk about the mother of all drinking problems. Doesn’t the said person realize that binge drinking is dangerous. He should really space out his alcohol consumption. And not do it all at one time every 3 weeks.”

“And not charge the cost of his alcohol consumption to his employer,” Boring noted.

“Indeed,” Set wholeheartedly agreed and started putting some marmalade on his hot buttered scone, “And what was the name of this employee?”.

“Dr. Marmalade Montague,” Boring answered.

Set quickly checked the brand name of his marmalade.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 24th

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Marmalade and Hendrik’s Gin Revive A Leprechaun Again

February 22, 2021 at 11:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was once again lying under a contraption invented by Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague that would pour 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin down the leprechaun’s throat that would bring him back from the dead.

A recipe written down by Asclepius (the Greek god of medicine who was killed by a thunderbolt from Zeus) that wound its way on to a late 1940s matchbook from a Cairo nightclub said that a combination of juniper, cucumber and damask rose could be used to resurrect a leprechaun from the dead.

It just so happened that the ingredients used in making Hendrick’s Gin were juniper, cucumber and damask rose.

An analysis of the leprechaun’s blood showed that he had been poisoned by a combination of champagne and Fire Salamander toxic poisoning.

According to a Facebook status post Yaldabaoth had made this past Saturday night, the leprachaun wound up hopelessly lost in the streets of London and entered a building that he thought was the Imperial Aurora Hotel where he was staying.

He went up to his hotel room floor in the elevator and when he got off the elevator, he saw that he was in fact not in a hotel but most likely in an apartment building.

He decided to check out the floor and when he got back from his rounds of the floor, he noticed a beautiful woman wearing a short skirt pointing a gun at two men and forcing them to get on the elevator with her.

The men must be gay, Yaldabaoth deduced in Sherlockian fashion, because otherwise such a woman should have absolutely no problem in getting a couple of men to get into an elevator with her.

Yaldabaoth happened to pass an apartment door that was still open.

He peered inside and happened to notice a bottle of champagne with two glasses on a small table in the middle of the room.

The leprechaun went inside and ignoring the two glasses, he drank straight from the bottle.

It was probably here that the leprechaun received his poisoning, Dr. Marmalade Montague deduced.

Someone must have added Fire Salamander poison to the bottle of champagne.

Judging from the amount of Fire Salamander poison in the champagne, this combination would have killed a mortal human within a space of 2 to 3 hours.

In Yaldabaoth’s case, being a somewhat usually immortal lepechaun, the poison didn’t kick in until 24 hours later when he entered the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka’s hotel room at the Imperial Aurora and noticed her wearing a killer mini skirt outfit.

The sudden rush of adrenaline with the combination of the champagne and Fire Salamander poison caused the leprechaun to keel over.

On the other hand as that classy and classically inclined arch villain Raymond Red Reddington once put it on an episode of The Blacklist, “Look on the bright side. At least he died with an enormous erection and a smile on his face.”

Dr. Marmalade Montague pushed a button and his contraption started pouring 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s gin down the leprechaun’s throat.

Set Enterprises’ Dr. Marmalade Montague rushes away from his Thames River bridge proposition after receiving a phone call that Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had keeled over again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 22nd

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Carson Cody Albion Encounters Greek Goddess Psyche In Shanghai

February 12, 2021 at 11:16 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Psyche in Shanghai

The year was 1947.

And Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion was pursuing an arms smuggler to Shanghai.

Albion had been hired by Howard Hughes of all people.

Howard Hughes, one evening after drinking far too much, had taken to his room what one Hughes accomplice called “the ugliest looking woman that he had ever seen”.

The “ugliest looking woman” turned out to be FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover in drag.

The equally inebriated Mr./Ms. Hoover told Hughes that there was a Hollywood film mogul that was strongly suspected of Communist sympathies.

This film mogul had paid for arms to be shipped to Mao Tse-tung’s Communist forces in China.

And an arms dealer would soon be sailing to Shanghai China from the Port of Los Angeles carrying arms to be delivered to a Mao Tse-tung associate in Shanghai.

Hughes did not trust the FBI to capture the arms dealer and his arms.

He felt leery of an agency headed by a man who dressed in drag.

So he hired Carson Cody Albion to sail aboard the ship S.S. Call of The Orient and to be on the lookout for any suspicious people who might be arms dealers.

Albion recognized a Greek importer of Persian rugs on the ship Alexander Darius and wondered why he wasn’t on the U.S. East Coast sailing a ship to Greece or Iran.

Albion suspected that Darius was the arms dealer.

Upon arrival in Shanghai, he noticed Darius had large amounts of crates delivered to a warehouse in the city.

Albion entered the warehouse and opened one of the crates.

It was full of various guns.

He alerted Shanghai Police Authorities and the warehouse was raided and the arms were seized by forces loyal to the Nationalist Kuomintang Government of China under President Chiang Kai-shek.

That night Alexander Darius visited Albion’s hotel room and labelled his room full of bullets.

It was fortunate for Albion that he wasn’t in his hotel room that night.

However the noise of the bullets disturbed the occupants of the next room to Albion’s which were a powerful Shanghai courtesan and her client.

The noise of the bullets caused the courtesan’s client to ejaculate prematurely leaving an enormous stain on the courtesan’s expensive silk sheets.

Angered the courtesan left her room and carrying her own gun encountered Alexander Darius who now stood holding an empty gun after spraying bullets around Albion’s room.

She shot Alexander Darius dead.

He wouldn’t be importing any more Persian rugs to America or exporting any more U.S. arms to China.

Meanwhile Albion had gone to a bar called The Shanghai Scorpion.

While there, he happened to glance in the direction of the lounge’s statue of Kwan Yin the Buddhist goddess of mercy and noticed a woman standing in front of the statue.

Albion recognized the woman from his Encyclopedia of Greek Mythology.

She was the Greek goddess Psyche wife of Eros/Cupid the Greco-Roman god of love (who was the son of Aphrodite/Venus).

“Aren’t you the Greek goddess Psyche?” Albion approached her with his drink in hand.

“I am,” Psyche answered.

“What are you doing here in Shanghai?” Albion asked, “So far from Greece?”.

“It’s getting close to Valentine’s Day and I’m sick of my hubby Cupid going around shooting arrows into people’s hearts,” Psyche sighed, “So I came to Shanghai to escape all his Valentine’s Day madness.”

“Can I buy you a drink?” Albion asked.

“Why not?” Psyche agreed.

After The Shanghai Scorpion Lounge closed, Albion and Psyche went back to Psyche’s hotel room.

Thus saving Albion’s life.

Of course Albion had become immortal a few years ago so the bullets of Alexander Darius might not have had an effect.

But they were silver bullets.

So then again they might have.

Still Albion got to watch the Shanghai sunrise with the Greek goddess Psyche.

The same could not be said for Alexander Darius.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 12th

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Orson Welles Tells A Story About An Ox On Chinese New Year’s Eve

February 11, 2021 at 10:41 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Orson Welles were celebrating Chinese New Year’s Eve via Skype with Mei-ling Manchu (who was Renfield’s ally in seeking to topple the Communist despot Xi Jinping from power in China).

Mei-ling Manchu was sampling a most delectable variety of rice wine.

Renfield was sipping from a rather large glass of sherry.

Orson Welles’ ghost was sipping from a rather large spectral glass of spectral sherry.

“Well, Happy Year of the Ox,” Welles raised his glass in a toast.

“Happy Year of the Ox,” Renfield and Mei-ling joined in.

They drank to the New Year.

Hoping it would be better than the Year of the Rat which saw various plagues descend upon the world.

“Do you know there’s a little known Arthurian tale about Merlin being turned into an ox by the enchantress Morgan le Fay?” Welles’ ghost asked.

“It must be little known,” Renfield admitted, “because I don’t know it.”

Mei-ling laughed.

“Yes,” Welles’ ghostly cheeks were turning from ghostly white to cherry red after imbibing much sherry, “I’ll tell it to you now.”

And this is the story Welles’ ghost told:

It had come to the attention of Morgan le Fay that Merlin was urging Arthur to exile her from Camelot for making illegal moonshine.

The moon was apparently shining on nights when there wasn’t a full moon.

Angry, Morgan took a walk into the woods.

There she stumbled upon an inn The Wild Boar Inn.

Morgan entered the inn, ordered a glass of mead and sat down by the fireplace.

While there she noticed the rather corpulent Baron Grimwald of Grease sitting at a table demanding a large pot sized bowl of boiled ox soup.

“But there’s no ox in the vicinity,” the innkeeper protested.

“Bullocks,” Baron Grimwald cursed.

Morgan left a coin on the table after finishing her glass of mead and left the inn.

While traversing a path through the woods, she stumbled upon Merlin.

Morgan recalled a spell for turning a person into an ox and so she did that to Merlin.

She hastened back to the inn.

“Oh, innkeeper,” she laughed, “There’s an ox walking along that path through the woods. You can now give Baron Grimwald his large pot sized bowl of boiled ox soup.”

“Great,” the innkeeper grabbed all his butcher knives and headed out with his servants to slay and cut up the ox.

Merlin’s owl realized his master was in trouble so headed back to Camelot Castle for help.

Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table were at the time at a jousting tournament in another part of the realm.

Queen Guenevere was there however and she could even speak owl even though no one else in King Arthur’s court gave a hoot.

So Queen Guenevere got on her grayish white horse and rode to the rescue.

She arrived at the Wild Boar Inn just as the innkeeper and his servants were about to butcher the poor ox.

“Wait,” Guenevere got off her high horse.

“Your Majesty,” the innkeeper and his servants bowed to her.

Guenevere happened to know the spell for turning an ox back into a man and therefore used it.

The ox turned back into Merlin.

“Bullocks,” said Morgan when she saw what happened.

“”Bullocks,” said Baron Grimwald when he saw that his dinner was no more.

“And so that’s how Guenevere rescued Merlin from becoming a broiled ox soup,” Welles’ ghost smiled.

“No, I’ve definitely never heard that story before,” Renfield admitted.

“Nor I,” said Mei-ling.

“Here’s to the Year of the Ox,” Welles raised his glass again.

“Happy New Year,” Renfield and Mei-ling joined in the toast.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 11th

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When Greek Temples Stood

February 10, 2021 at 11:28 pm (Arts, Culture, Mythology, Poetry) (, )

There was a time
When Greek temples stood
In pristine
And newly built condition

When mighty pillars held up the temple top
And statues at the top
A goddess on either side
Of mighty Atlas who holds up the roof
In the same way he carried
The weight of the world
On his shoulders

There was a time
When statues
Of nymphs, imps and swans
Were fountains
Spraying forth
Warm blue water
Into warm pools of blue
Mediterranean blue
And one could bathe
In warm blue pool waters
And turning skyward
From the pool
One could see Astraeus
The god of dusk
Painting a golden farewell
To day
In the sky

There was a time
When Greek temples stood
In pristine
And newly built condition

Now is not that time

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday February 10th 2021.

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Princess Arabella/Goddess Asherah Reclaims The Matchbook

February 6, 2021 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Princess Arabella/Goddess Asherah reclaims the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub matchbook whose written inscriptions saved Yaldabaoth’s life

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was tired of gin having spent Thursday night imbibing 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s gin to bring him back from the dead.

He had spent all of yesterday drinking kegs upon kegs of Irish Guinness Stout to wash down the gin.

At the suggestion of British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Yaldabaoth then relieved the contents of his kidneys at the front door of 10 Downing Street London the residence of Britain’s bozo Prime Minister Boris Johnson and recently initiated zombie nosferatu.

Today at the suggestion of the ghost of Orson Welles, he spent the day drinking bottles upon bottles of red wine that Welles had recommended.

He had also spent the day looking at old photo albums of black and white photos taken by Welles in the 1940s and 1950s when he was still alive.

Yaldabaoth fell asleep.

When he awoke, his mind was still in a black and white photographic haze.

That was when he noticed a beautiful woman holding the vintage matchbook from the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub in Cairo whose inside written contents revealed how to resurrect leprechauns from the dead.

“Who are you?” Yaldabaoth asked as he bit into his shepherd’s pie.

“I am the goddess Asherah,” the woman answered, “although I’ve operated under the stage name Princess Arabella world famous belly dancer for the past 75 years.”

“I recall seeing you in Cairo in 1949,” Yaldabaoth hiccoughed.

“Yes, you had caused a scene in the lounge by dying after eating an order of the Club’s world famous Alexandrian mollusks,” Asherah/Arabellah recalled.

“I remember that,” Yaldbaoth scratched his chin, “I had thought those mollusks were a bit undercooked. I had thought of sending them back to the kitchen but I didn’t really feel like causing a scene being the shy introverted fellow that I am.”

On the nearby television, video footage was being shown of Yaldabaoth relieving himself at the front door of 10 Downing Street as headlines below said that Scotland Yard was asking the British public to be on the lookout for this leprechaun and to approach with caution as his kidneys were thought to be armed and dangerous.

“I see you’re holding the vintage Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub matchbook in one hand,” Yaldabaoth observed.

“And an unlit cigarette in the other,” Asherah/Arabella replied as she opened the matchbook, took out a match and lit a cigarette, “These matches still work after 72 years.”

The princess/belly dancer/goddess smiled and blew smoke rings.

“The written inscriptions inside brought me back from the dead,” Yaldabaoth noted, “A mixture of juniper, cucumber, and damask rose. Which also just happen to be the ingredients that make up Hendrick’s Gin.”

“I am going to return this matchbook to its original owner,” Asherah/Arabella stated, “An old acquaintance of mine the Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion. He had accidentally dropped this matchbook in his hotel lobby’s fountain where it was swallowed by a goldfish.”

“Is he still alive after all these years?” Yaldabaoth hiccoughed again.

“Yes,” Asherah smiled, “He’s immortal.”

“Well Set Enterprises’ Dr. Marmalade Montague is going to be pissed if you take that matchbook,” Yaldabaoth finished the last of his shepherd’s pie, “He paid good money for it.”

“I’m leaving here some original gold minted coins bearing Alexander the Great’s image and inscription,” Asherah noted, “That should be more than enough to cover the cost of this vintage matchbook.”

“Where did you get those?” Yaldabaoth was curious.

“From Alexander himself,” Asherah smiled and then vanished into the night.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 6th

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How Many Bottles of Gin Does It Take To Bring A Leprechaun Back To Life?

February 4, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

“1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague noted as he put the put the finishing touches on his contraption that would pour the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin down the throat of the dead Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth (who had died from food poisoning from food he had eaten at the Vatican- which was certainly very Italian Renaissance of the wee fellow).

“Why 1001?” Asked Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher as he looked in amazement at the contraption that Dr. Marmalade Montague had built.

“Because there were 1001 nights in the tales of the Arabian Nights,” Montague answered.

“Well let’s hope Scheherazade got it right,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield quipped as he sipped a martini and hummed an old Rimsky-Korsakov melody.

“Amen,” was the word written on the sign that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster held up in his aquarium as he sipped on a rather large glass of lemonade shandy.

“How did you settle on Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher inquired as he sipped an iced mocha.

“Well this mini recipe written on this vintage matchbook here that I bought from the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery notes that a combination of juniper, cucumber and damask rose can be used to resurrect a leprechaun from the dead,” Marmalade held up the vintage matchbook that had the logo and name for Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub Cairo written on it.

“That must be a very old matchbook,” Set Enterprises’ chief librarian Trajan Ulpian commented as he sipped on an Albus Dumbledore Magic Potion (a drink he had personally invented for himself), “Seeing as how the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub in Cairo closed when Gamal Abdel Nasser overthrew Egypt’s King Farouk on July 23rd 1952. Therefore that matchbook must be from before July 23rd 1952.”

“Brilliant deduction,” Renfield remarked as he lit his Sherlock Holmes style tobacco pipe.

“Thank you,” Trajan Ulpian smiled not noticing Renfield’s sarcasm.

“Anyways Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a dream last night where he was in a saloon in Dawson City Yukon during the heady days of the late 1890s Klondike Gold Rush,” Dr. Marmalade Montague explained, “and while he was making out with the famous Klondike saloon dancer Klondike Kate…”

“You were making out with Klondike Kate?” Renfield looked enviously in the lobster’s direction

“… she happened to mention a gin made with juniper, cucumber and damask rose,” Montague went on, “and the thought occurred to me that maybe Michelangelo’s psychic intuition was picking up a message from the past. So I phoned the President of the London Teetotalers’ Society to see if he knew the name of a gin that was made with juniper, cucumber and damask rose.”

“You phoned the President of the London Teetotalers’ Society for that information?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher asked increduously.

“Yes,” Dr. Marmalade Montague nodded, “And he told me the name of Hendrick’s Gin. It’s a brand of gin that was produced by William Grant and Sons at their Girvan distillery in Scotland and launched in 1999. It was invented by a Yorkshire lass Leslie Gracie.”

“Where does Klondike Kate fit into all this?” Renfield asked.

“I have no idea,” Montague shrugged, “But now I’m going to press this button and the contraption will release the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin down Yaldabaoth’s throat.”

“He’s going to have one Hell of a hangover tomorrow morning if he does come back from the dead,” Renfield deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

“Glug! Glug! Hic! Hic!” Was Yaldabaoth’s response as he returned to this plane of existence.

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was extremely happy at hearing the news that her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was brought back from the dead.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 4th

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Artemis At The Bank of Monte Carlo

February 2, 2021 at 11:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Greek goddess Artemis at the Bank of Monte Carlo

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable (the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol) were trying to break into the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.

The reason?

The plans of George Soros, Bill Gates, Xi Jinping, World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab and the Egyptian deities Osiris and Horus for a totalitarian One World Government were locked away in the vault.

It was fortunate for Van Helsing and Whitstable that the Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth happened to know the combination for the vault.

Over a month ago, Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka managed to obtain the combination from Yaldabaoth during a secret meeting in Dublin Ireland.

Sadly at that meeting Yaldabaoth died from food poisoning (from food he recently ate at the Vatican) but only after he had given Van Helsing and Tanaka the combination.

Yaldabaoth’s body was now being kept on ice at the Set Enterprises’ laboratory in London England on the off chance Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher might discover a formula for bringing a leprechaun back from the dead.

The only trouble is Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster occasionally crawled out of his aquarium and helped himself to some of the ice (that was preserving Yaldabaoth’s body) in order to add some ice to the glasses of lemonade shandy that he was drinking.

He was severely reprimanded by Sherrielock Holmes for doing this.

A reprimand that Michelangelo seemed to enjoy.

And thus he kept doing it.

But the little Michelangeloian escapades and Yaldabaoth’s preservation were helping to keep London ice makers in business.

Dracul Van Helsing looked at the Chinese fortune cookie slip that Yaldabaoth had given him.

That had the combination to the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo written on it.

He tried the combination and the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo opened.

A little groundhog called Monte Carlo Monte Cristo ran out of the vault door after it was opened.

“Do you suppose he saw his shadow?” Van Helsing asked Whitstable as the groundhog ran off into the night.

“Van Helsing,” Whitstable spoke in an exasperated voice, “Never mind the groundhog. Just find the Soros-Gates-Xi-Schwab-Osiris-Horus plans for World Domination.”

“Still it would be nice to know if we had six more weeks of winter,” Van Helsing noted, “After all today is Groundhog Day.”

“The plans, the plans!” Whitstable screamed.

“That reminds me of Tattoo the dwarf on the TV show Fantasy Island saying “The plane! The plane!”.” Van Helsing recalled.

“Just get the fucking plans!” Whitstable cursed.

Van Helsing noticed the plans marked Dante’s Inferno and grabbed them.

Yaldabaoth had said those were the Soros-Gates-Xi-Schwab-Osiris-Horus plans for World Domination.

After Van Helsing had grabbed the plans and stepped outside the vault, he noticed the Greek goddess Artemis sitting on a cushion not far from the vault.

“Well you’re a very naughty boy, Van Helsing,” Artemis smoothed her dress, “Stealing from the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo. I think you better get across my lap so I can give you a good spanking.”

“I think you’re right,” Van Helsing took his clothes off and lay across Artemis’ knee.

“Van Helsing!” Whitstable screamed, “I think that fleeing groundhog tripped an alarm. The Monte Carlo Police cars seem to be arriving in the distance. Let’s get out of here!”.

“I’ve always got time for a spanking from Artemis,” Van Helsing remarked as the Greek goddess of the hunt began thoroughly walloping his backside with a wooden hairbrush.

The ghost of Orson Welles who had been keeping lookout outside the bank as soon as he heard the sound of wooden hairbrush striking human flesh decided to leave.

“I wonder if I’ll be like Bill Murray’s character of TV weatherman Phil Connors in the movie Groundhog Day and live this day over and over again,” Van Helsing commented as he was getting a thorough bottom blistering lying across Artemis’ sexy black silk nylon knees.

“I don’t want to live this day over and over again,” Whitstable remarked as he saw the Monte Carlo Police exit their vehicles.

Meanwhile out in the woods not far from the Bank, the groundhog Monte Carlo Monte Cristo crawled in the shadows.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 2nd

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And Yet Still More Goings On At The Vegreville World Deities’ Geopolitical Summit

January 31, 2021 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

This was the final night of the Vegreville World Deities’ Geopolitical Summit.

It was supposed to be an entertainment evening.

And the Vegreville All Polka Music Band was going to play an evening of Don Ho Hawaiian songs.

“Who came up with that idea?” Athena asked Artemis.

The Greek god Eros (Cupid is his Latin Roman name) skulked out one of the Vegreville Elks Club hall side doors when that question was asked.

He had a sudden urge to see if there was a special on winged shoes and bows and arrows at the Vegreville All Night Grocery Store.

Qanon who was a Japanese transgendered god and the patron deity of a Buddhist temple in Kyoto Japan had only just arrived at the Summit an hour earlier.

The Japanese drag queen deity had some of his luggage containing his most valuable kimonos misplaced at the Edmonton International Airport and waited around until they finally showed up.

Then the taxi ride from Edmonton to Vegreville along Highway 16 had been slowed by fog as well as a streaker wearing a Santa Claus beard who was running along the side of the highway.

Qanon was supposed to be in charge of the entertainment for this evening but seeing as how he was late, Eros (Cupid) stepped up to make last minute arrangements.

Qanon the Japanese transgendered god of a Buddhist temple in Kyoto was a Kwan Yin impersonator (in fact Qanon was a masculine version of her name).

The immortal princess Kwan Yin was venerated as the Buddhist goddess of mercy in some branches of Buddhism throughout East Asia and Southeast Asia.

Qanon claimed to be her even though he wasn’t.

Qanon was undoubtedly inspired by some cross-dressing Japanese samurai noblemen several centuries ago and so he showed up at a Buddhist temple in Kyoto claiming to be Kwan Yin.

The monks quickly discovered that Qanon wasn’t Kwan Yin when he took a shower inside the facility and sported a piece of equipment that the Egyptian god Osiris lacked.

Nevertheless the monks adopted Qanon as the patron deity of their temple.

Kwan Yin was supposed to be a goddess of truth and virtue.

Qanon on the other hand was a god of deception who gave out false and misleading information.

There were other attributes associated with Qanon such as capturing images in art form.

In 1934 in Japan a 35 mm camera with a focal plane based shutter was invented and called the Kwanon (named after Qanon).

This camera marked the beginnings of the huge Japanese multinational corporation known to the world as Canon Inc. the maker of Canon Cameras and Canon Copiers and Canon Printers (Canon being derived from the name Qanon).

Of course there was another group- a movement in fact that took its name from Qanon- and that group was called Q-Anon.

Q-Anon taking its que from Qanon (who was a god of deception giving out false and misleading information) was a Neo-Bolshevik Communist psy ops operation in America claiming to have inside information about the workings of the American deep state and occasionally giving out some kernels of truth but mostly false information and prophecies that never came true.

The aim was to discredit all conspiracy theorists (of whom British MP Renfield R. Renfield once pointed out, there were a few conspiracy factualists among them) so that when the day came that a stooge of the global Neo-Bolshevik Communist movement occupied the White House, anybody who pointed out that obvious fact would be discredited.

Qanon arrived on the scene at the Vegreville Elks Club hall and the entertainment had already begun.

“Who arranged for an All Polka band to play Don Ho Hawaiian songs?” Qanon asked in horror.

Cupid crawled along the floor carrying a bag of potato chips with him.

However Qanon saw one of his ideas had been implemented.

The Entertainment Evening Chair for the Chair Deity of this year’s summit had a vibrator attached at the back to give this year’s chair deity a relaxing back massage as they watched the final evening entertainment show.

Loki- this year’s chair deity- entered the hall.

Qanon saw to his horror that Loki was walking backwards because his head was on backwards.

Loki sat down on the chair with his front so he could watch the show since his head was on backwards.

The chair’s vibrator then kicked in and Loki went into orgasm.

The Greek goddess Athena leaning against a faux Grecian pillar put up by the Vegreville High School Rugby Club.
Athena: “I never thought I’d live to see a Norse god go into orgasm at the sight of an All Polka Band playing Don Ho Hawaiian songs.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 31st

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More Goings On At The Vegreville World Deities’ Geopolitical Summit

January 30, 2021 at 11:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

The Vegreville World Deities’ Geopolitical Summit had been going on the past couple of days.

Most of the discussion centered around the two deities who were not present at the summit.

That was the Egyptian god Osiris and his son Horus.

Osiris and Horus were attending the World Economic Forum in Davos Switzerland where they were plotting with Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping, billionaire megalomaniac George Soros and World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab to bring about a totalitarian neo-Communist neo-Fascist Hegelian synthesis One World Government that they were titling with innocuous sounding terms like the Great Reset or the Fourth Industrial Revolution.

Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom had been asked to sum up Xi Jinping’s speech to the World Economic Forum to the deity delegates present at the Vegreville Summit.

For her summation, she showed a video podcast by British MP Renfield R. Renfield as she thought Renfield had done the best summing up of Xi’s speech and what it really meant.

“Xi’s proposal for the coming Great Reset is a very interesting one historically speaking,” Renfield addressed the camera while sipping a martini, “It is a Neo-Stalinist Neo-Maoist Deng Xiaoping corporate Fascist style hybrid system grafted on to the backs of the old medieval system of feudalism.”

Apollo the Greek god of arts and music leaned forward as he found this analysis quite interesting and not at all like the blathering drivel he encountered in the global mainstream media when analyzing this subject.

“Basically what Xi is saying is that everyone in the planet in this Great Reset global New World Order will have to swear fealty and loyalty to some lord above them in this global pyramid that is the New World Order,” Renfield lit himself a cigar, “and the ultimate overlord at the top of this global pyramid will be the Chinese Communist Party.
Every business, corporation, government, social media tech giant, news media outlet and religion on the planet will ultimately have to recognize the CCP as its overlord. Those who don’t will be “culturally cancelled” to borrow a phrase from the brainless millenial and Gen X idiots who actually think that groups like Antifa and BLM are telling the truth and not engaged in mind altering bullshit propaganda.”

The Greek god Zeus was sitting there wondering what Hera had been up to at the Palace of Versailles during the Reign of Louis XIV the Sun King.

“That evil system known as Social Credit in China (which is not to be confused with the political party headed by Bible Bill Aberhart and Ernest C. Manning that governed the Canadian province of Alberta for 36 years) will then be implemented across the planet,” Renfield poured himself a small glass of the very finest port, “Aided and abetted by the likes of the thoroughly obnoxious and repulsive bespectacled geek Bill Gates, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey (whom as an excellent San Francisco blogger and writer put it, “Someone he trusts should really tell Jack Dorsey that he looks like an idiot” the anorexic looking Rasputin image he projects along with the accompanying stupid looking pierced nose ring doesn’t exactly spell maturity or competence for someone his age), YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki and Google CEO Sundar Pichai emerging from their respective dung hills, the CCP Social Credit system will be expanded across the globe.”

“I never did trust Osiris and Horus,” Artemis remarked to Apollo on the Egyptian Freemasonic deities’ dalliances with Xi Jinping, George Soros and Klaus Schwab, “It seems to me that Osiris was always playing the victim card all because his brother Set chopped him up into 14 pieces and of course they never did find his (Osiris’) phallus. And that Horus is definitely no noble Hamlet in character when it came to avenging his father’s death.”

Athena asked the audience after the podcast presentation, “Any comments or questions?”.

The Greek goddess Athena

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 30th

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