Amazon On Fire

August 22, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Amazon On Fire

London-based private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie sat in the New York City office of Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Unbeknownst to Magog and Agathor, Lev Tomi was a vampire.

Hence the reason for the late night meeting.

During his mortal life, Lev Tomi had been the Russian Communist Leon Trotsky.

Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie had recently been deported from Argentina as their investigation into a sex trafficking ring (with possible close ties to the Vatican) was getting a little too close for the powers that be behind the curtains who were secretly running the world.

“Gentlemen,” Lev Tomi took off his wire rimmed spectacles and wiped them, “I want you to go down to Brazil and investigate and find out who’s responsible for setting all the wild fires that are currently burning up the Amazon rain forests which are the lungs of planet Earth.”

“Well according to Jair Bolsonaro the President of Brazil, the ones who set the fires are the NGOs of Brazil since his government slashed funding to them,” Magog noted.

“And do you believe him?” Lev Tomi stroked his dark goatee beard.

“No,” Magog shook his head, “They don’t call him the Donald Trump of Brazil for nothing.”

“Will you take the case?” Tomi asked.

“We will,” Magog agreed.

. . .

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Cardinal JM (which was his code name) the head of the Vatican Secret Intelligence Service was secretly pleased about the wild fires happening in the Amazon rain forest.

The reason was the upcoming Synod On The Amazon which was being held at the Vatican this coming October.

Cardinal JM and his fellow pagan cardinals at the Vatican (which was actually a great many of them) were hoping to use that synod to overturn 2000 years of Catholic doctrine and liturgy.

And they were hoping to use the ecological crisis facing the Amazon region of South America to be able to do just that.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson and French President Emmanuel Macron were meeting in Paris to discuss Brexit and the question of the Irish backstop on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland border.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel in her meeting with Johnson in Berlin yesterday said that if Johnson could come up with a solution to the Irish backstop problem within 30 days, she would be willing to listen.

Macron, on the other hand, like most pompous and arrogant French leaders, was not so accommodating.

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who liked to drink and sleep with part of his body on one half of the Irish border and the other part of his body on the other) watched the Johnson-Macron meeting live on his Samsung Galaxy tablet while drinking from a large keg of Jameson Whiskey and recalling how he had once saved all of Ireland from the Prussian invasion of 1807.

Or was it the Napoleonic invasion of 1808?

He always got those two years and two invasions mixed up for some reason.

The leprechaun fell asleep.

. . .

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora was wearing a red Italian Renaissance era style dress and walking down the steps and corridors of the ancient Italian city of Ravenna.

She smiled when she saw Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approach.

“Your Vampiric Majesty,” Dracul greeted her, “I need your help in stopping Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkish army from invading northern Syria and massacring Kurds and Christians.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 22nd
2019.

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Donald Trump: I’m The Second Coming of God and There’s Something Rotten In The State of Denmark

August 21, 2019 at 10:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump: I’m The Second Coming of God and There’s Something Rotten In The State of Denmark

Donald Trump was sitting up in his high chair in the White House dining room with a bib around his neck and his arms folded and was busy pouting, “Well, I’m not going to go to Denmark if I can’t buy Greenland. I’m going to cancel my state visit to Denmark so there.”

“Very good, sir,” Lexington his British butler and valet sighed, “Are you planning on finishing your mashed peas?”.

He pointed towards Trump’s plate.

“No, I’m not,” Trump answered in petulant fashion, “I don’t have to eat my mashed peas if I don’t want to.”

The President threw his spoon on the floor in a childish temper tantrum.

Lexington removed the spoon from the floor and the plate of mashed peas from the President’s high chair tray.

When Lexington left the room, Trump turned his attention to his long suffering teddy bear in the next high chair and started complaining to him, “WAAAAH! Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen called my offer to buy Greenland “absurd”. How dare she call it absurd! Calling it an absurd idea. That was a nasty thing to say. All she had to say was “no”. But she called it an absurd idea. That was so nasty! What sort of person goes around saying nasty things?”.

Trump picked up his smart phone and quickly tweeted that Jews who voted for the Democratic Party were “traitors”.

He also tweeted more uncomplimentary language about the 4 Democratic Congresswomen whom he now referred to as “AOC plus three”.

Lexington returned with Donald Trump’s dessert and put it down on the high chair tray in front of the President.

“Lexington!” Trump ordered, “I want you to call Ivanka and get her to summon an emergency meeting of the cabinet and national security council. I’m going to sign an Executive Order proclaiming that all Cinnamon Danish buns bought and sold in the U.S. can no longer be called Cinnamon Danish buns. They’ll have to be called Cinnamon Florida buns. Florida is a great state. Denmark isn’t. There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.”

“Very good, sir,” Lexington left the dining room to call Ivanka.

Trump turned his attention back to his long suffering teddy bear, “Teddy, you know what a conservative political commentator said about me and Israeli Jews. He said Israeli Jews (who aren’t traitors) think of me as the new King of Israel and the Second Coming of God.”

Despite his inanimate state, the long suffering teddy bear grimaced into a sheer expression of horror (the same expression that Mr. Bean’s teddy bear had on his face the night Mr. Bean lost his virginity).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Wednesday August 21st
2019.


Summoning the spirit behind the new King of Israel and the 2nd Coming of God

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Reblog of Pan Goatee Interviewed On TV Show

August 18, 2019 at 9:03 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

One of my readers commented tonight that he hopes Pan Goatee never visits Montana. I mentioned a few years ago, I wrote a chapter where Pan Goatee is interviewed on a TV show in Great Falls, Montana. And here it is:

Dracul Van Helsing

Pan Goatee Interviewed On TV Show

KRTV Channel 3 Announcer: Live from Great Falls, Montana, it’s the Russell Charlie Show and now here’s our host… Russell Charlie.

(A man wearing a 10 gallon tan cowboy hat, purple leather vest, cowboy tie, denim jeans and leather cowboy boots strolls on to the stage waving his hat and waving his hands)

Russell Charlie: Howdy y’all, ladies and gentlemen. How ya doing?

(Audience shouts in unison, “We’re great, Rusty!”. Rusty of course being Russell Charlie’s nickname)

Rusty: Today, of course, we have a special guest who’s come all the way from Washington, D.C. …

(Audience starts booing)

Rusty: Now, we must be hospitable. After all that’s the way of the Great American West. We give you food, give you drink and then we’ll plug you full of holes with our six shooters.

(Audience laughs)

Rusty: Washington D.C. is of course the town where…

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Pan Goatee Slays More Fat Ugly Blimps While Trump Is Pissed Off At Renfield

August 17, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Slays More Fat Ugly Blimps While Trump Is Pissed Off At Renfield

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had all the ingredients to make a Ralph Petley Jones Special Grilled Cheese Sandwich save one (the recipe was developed by a famous Welsh ex-Mountie who once owned an acreage near Fairmont Hot Springs in British Columbia).

The recipe consisted of putting huge slabs of butter on four slices of bread.

Then put a large slice of cheese on each of the four slices of bread.

Then put several large slices of onion on each slice of cheese.

Then put another large slice of cheese atop the onions on each slice of bread.

Then put the slices of bread together so you’ve got two huge sandwiches.

Put in the oven or microwave until the cheese melts.

And voila! Delicisio! 

Goatee had plenty of butter and plenty of bread and plenty of onions.

But alas! No cheese slices.

So he walked to the grocery store to buy some.

He was in luck as there were both cheese slices in the store as well as loads of beautiful women walking around the store (something very rare indeed for the city he lived in!).

After Goatee had purchased his cheese slices, he walked out the door.

The poor satyr serial killer’s luck ran out as a fat ugly blimp came waddling up the sidewalk pushing a grocery cart.

To the right on the other side of the fat ugly blimp, there was an extremely stupid looking guy standing on the sidewalk looking like an idiot holding an empty grocery cart.

Because of the said inconsiderate idiot standing there holding an empty grocery cart, it made it difficult for Goatee to maneuver past the fat ugly blimp as the elephantine sized creature took up a wide portion of the sidewalk.

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp remarking, “That’s what you get for not making a New Year’s resolution to lose weight this year and for not buying environmentally friendly paper bags to put over your head when you go out in public.”

Goatee then kicked the fat ugly blimp’s head as far as McMahon Stadium where the sight of the fat ugly blimp’s head landing on the football field caused the Calgary Stampeders to lose their first home CFL game to the visiting Montreal Alouettes since 2009.

Behind the beheaded fat ugly blimp was the blimp’s mother who surprisingly was a fairly good looking woman.

However on the other side of the mother was the beheaded fat ugly blimp’s fat ugly blimp younger sister.

“Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to emulate your elder siblings,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp younger sister.

“Now you’re not ugly but you gave birth to ugly children,” Goatee stated as he beheaded the mother, “Haven’t you ever heard of contraception and birth control?”.

The mother of blimps was far too dead to answer Goatee’s question.

Goatee then turned his attention to the stupid looking moron who was standing there looking like an idiot holding an empty grocery cart that took up another large part of the sidewalk.

“Because of your innate stupidity, asshole, in standing there looking like an idiot holding on to an empty grocery cart at the same time that fat ugly blimps are waddling down the sidewalk, it makes it difficult for decent folk to get by,” Goatee noted as he beheaded the said idiot.

The city’s collective IQ jumped by vast percentage points after Goatee had beheaded the said idiot.

Meanwhile down in the U.S. a foaming Donald Trump was meeting with a member of the U.S. State Department.

“Why did British authorities in Gibraltar release the Iranian oil tanker Grace 1 that most likely was carrying Iranian oil to Syria?” Trump foamed at the mouth as he fell over backwards.

“They most likely did it on the recommendation of one Renfield R. Renfield who’s Britain’s new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering,” the State Department official answered.

“How dare this Renfield character do that!” Trump pounded his desk after getting back up in his chair, “What’s his Twitter user name? I’m going to tell that bastard off in one of my profound and brilliantly written Twitter tweets.”

“I’m afraid this Renfield R. Renfield doesn’t have a Twitter account,” the State Department official answered.

“What?” Trump started foaming at the mouth again, “What sort of person doesn’t have a Twitter account? How am I supposed to insult someone and cast my juvenile BS (to quote Rep. Ilhan Omar) opprobrium on them if they don’t have a Twitter account?”.

“I have no idea, sir,” the State Department official started watching an old silent movie on his smart phone.

“Besides which every moron in the world is supposed to have a Twitter account,” Trump proclaimed.

“Most do, sir,” the State Department official noted.

“See, I rest my case,” Trump smiled.

Meanwhile in the waters off Gibraltar, the Grace 1 had changed its name to the Adrian Darya while the ghostly ship wreckage of the Andrea Doria floated by.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 17th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Jeffrey Epstein Photo of Bill Clinton With Amadeus While Trump Plots To Annex Greenland

August 16, 2019 at 10:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Jeffrey Epstein Photo of Bill Clinton With Amadeus While Trump Plots To Annex Greenland 

“So Amadeus, did you see pictures of that photo of Bill Clinton that Jeffrey Epstein kept on the walls of his Manhattan mansion that the couple who visited there once took pictures of? It appeared in some of the London papers here,” Renfield R. Renfield asked his friend.

“No,” Amadeus shook his head as he ate his 11th full English breakfast even though it was now dinner time, “what photo was that?”.

“It was a photo of Bill Clinton wearing a blue dress and red pumps,” Renfield answered as he cross dressed his salad dressing.

“Jeffrey Epstein kept a photo of Bill Clinton wearing a blue dress and red pumps on his mansion walls?” Amadeus put his fork down.

“Apparently,” Renfield nodded.

“Does that mean Bill Clinton was a cross dresser?” Amadeus asked.

“That is definitely a possibility,” Renfield acknowleged, “It appears Hillary really wore the pants in that family in more ways than one.”

“And it was a blue dress you say?” Amadeus was suddenly grasping the irony of Bill’s choice of both attire and colour.

“Yes,” Renfield bit into a bacon and tomato sandwich, “which leads one to wonder who was the one actually wearing the blue dress when Bill got his stains all over over it? Monica or old Billy boy? Perhaps Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr should have checked whether the stains were on the inside or the outside of the dress.”

“This gives a whole new dimension to the Monica Lewinsky affair,” Amadeus ate his lox and cream cheese bagel.

Meanwhile in America, Donald Trump was complaining to Lexington his British butler and valet, “Can you believe all these politicians from Denmark and Greenland? They’re actually rejecting my offer to buy Greenland.”

“Leif Erikson and Erik the Red must be rolling over in their graves, sir,” Lexington answered.

“As well they should be,” said Trump who was considering uploading his consciousness into the east end of a cyborg horse facing west so that he could live forever.

“So what do you intend to do about it?” Lexington inquired.

“Maybe I should forcibly annex Greenland,” Trump replied.

“You mean like Hitler forcibly annexed Austria, the Sudetenland, the rest of Czechoslovakia and eventually Poland?” Lexington was astounded.

“Why not?” Trump pounded the desk, “What was good enough for Hitler is twice as good for me.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday August 16th
2019.

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The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna and Lenin’s Death

August 11, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , )

The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna and Lenin’s Death

The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna had lost both her father and her brother in the Battle of Warsaw that was fought between August 12th and August 25th 1920.

The battle called by historians The Miracle On The Vistula because it stopped Leon Trotsky’s Soviet Red Army from advancing and conquering Western Europe.

The Red Army had reached all the way to Warsaw and looked to be on the verge of victory at the start of the battle.

But on August 16th 1920, Polish forces commanded by Marshal Josef Pilsudski counterattacked from the south disrupting the Red Army offensive and forced the Red Army eastward and behind the Neman River.

Several more Polish victories saved Poland’s independence and led to a peace treaty between Poland and the Soviet republics of Russia and Ukraine signed on March 18th 1921.

The treaty was known as the Peace of Riga because it was signed in Riga, Latvia.

It put a formal end to the Polish-Soviet War (that was fought from February 14th 1919- March 18th 1921).

As a result of the peace treaty, Poland took control of modern day western Ukraine and modern day western Belarus.

It was a situation that would last until the outbreak of the Second World War in September 1939.

Even though her beloved Polish homeland was saved, Countess Elena Dubrovna never forgave Soviet forces for her father’s and brother’s deaths at the Battle of Warsaw.

She swore that she would personally kill Lenin the head of Soviet Russia.

But how was she, a young woman in her early 20s, going to go all the way to Moscow and get past Lenin’s guards and kill the Russian Soviet leader?

Especially as she wanted to find a way to give him a slow and painful death.

It was New Year’s Day 1924 just shortly after 2 AM and the Soviet leader was heading back to his office after engaging in mild New Year’s celebrations (for the austere almost puritanical Lenin was not much of a party animal).

He stopped when he saw this vision in front of him:

The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna.

Feeling as if the sun was rising from the south, the usually puritanical Lenin stopped and kissed the woman’s gloved hand.

That was when a sharp object was inserted into Lenin’s head.

This would lead to Lenin’s eventual death from a hemorrhagic stroke on January 21st 1924.
A hemorrhagic stroke is when blood from an artery begins bleeding into the brain. This happens when a weakened blood vessel bursts and bleeds into the surrounding brain. Pressure from the leaked blood damages brain cells and as a result the damaged area is unable to function properly.

It would be a slow painful 20 days for Lenin to die when he finally died on January 21st 1924.

And what was the sharp object inserted into Lenin’s head?

Countess Elena Dubrovna wiped the blood off her fangs.

Encountering the Countess Draculina (daughter of Count Dracula) at Castle Dracula in the Carpathians had been the best thing to ever happen to Elena as far as her mission of revenge went.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday August 11th
2019.

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The Mysterious Death of Jeffrey Epstein

August 10, 2019 at 10:51 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Mysterious Death of Jeffrey Epstein

The Mossad operative who went by the code name Star of Azazel sat in his office in Jerusalem.

He was the most feared Mossad operative of them all.

Another Mossad operative by the name of the Controller of The Golem would have nothing to do with him.

Because he thought Star of Azazel’s intelligence operations went totally beyond the pale.

For the past month, the thing that worried Star of Azazel the most had been the recent arrest of Jeffrey Epstein this past July 6th.

Epstein’s operation had been the most daring of all Star of Azazel’s intelligence feats.

And it was because of men like Epstein that the Controller of the Golem wanted nothing to do with Star of Azazel’s intelligence operations.

Star of Azazel first felt heat over Epstein when the financier was arrested and charged with sex trafficking of minors in Florida back in 2008.

However due to behind the scenes shenanigans on the part of Star of Azazel, he was able to get Epstein a very lenient plea bargain deal.

Now had come Epstein’s most recent arrest in New York where he was facing new charges of paying girls under 18 to perform sex acts at his Florida and Manhattan mansions.

And yesterday had come the most damaging news of all for Star of Azazel.

Hundreds of pages of court documents that revealed new allegations against Epstein and some of his associates had been released.

These new allegations could possibly blow open the most successful intelligence operation he had ever masterminded.

How Epstein’s sex trafficking operation had ensnared some of America’s most powerful politicians, financiers, media figures and religious leaders into giving their whole hearted support to the State of Israel.

People often wondered how it was that both parties in the U.S. – Democrat and Republican- seemed to be united on one issue- overwhelming support for the State of Israel even on those occasions when Israel was blatantly doing things that clearly violated international law.

The answer of course was Mossad operative Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking operation and all the incriminating photos and videos on leading U.S. figures that Star of Azazel could use for purposes of blackmail and extortion.

Since 2016, people in America had been deeply concerned about Russian collusion with Trump.

Oblivious to the American political establishment’s collusion with the dark side of the Israeli deep state that had been going on for almost 40 years at least as far as Epstein’s operation was concerned.

It had actually been going on for over 50 years starting with Lyndon Baines Johnson’s cover-up of Israeli involvement in the sinking of the U.S.S. Liberty back in 1967.

And now the release of these documents yesterday might start people digging into other matters which could potentially expose his (Star of Azazel’s) Mossad intelligence operation that allowed the pervert Epstein free rein for his proclivities as long as he ensnared leading American establishment figures in Mossad’s net.

One thing was apparent for Star of Azazel (who believed in the concept of a Greater Israel that stretched from the Nile to the Euphrates River as well as the building of a Third Temple on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem).

Jeffrey Epstein would have to die.

And soon.

Star of Azazel reached for his phone.

This morning at 6:30 AM local time (10:30 GMT) Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his cell at a prison facility in New York.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 10th 
2019.

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Svengali The Diabolical Shrimp Causes Power Blackout

August 9, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Svengali The Diabolical Shrimp Causes Power Blackout

A major power blackout occurred in England and Wales today.

Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher asked Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his psychic powers to determine the cause.

This is what Michelangelo came up with after receiving a vision.

Months earlier the evil Jesuit priest and scientist Father Caiaphas bar Yochai was becoming quite upset about how British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the Welsh vampiress Morgana were upsetting the best laid plans of demons and evil deities.

He resolved to do something to solve this problem.

Of course one of the most powerful weapons in the arsenal of Renfield and Morgana was Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

If only, Father Caiaphas chewed his pentagram decorated fingernails, he could come up with a diabolical equivalent of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

When he had finished chewing off his pentagram decorated fingernails, Father Caiaphas took off his shoes and socks in the booth in the Rome taverna he was sitting in and started working on his pentagram decorated toe nails.

It just so happened that the Kraken Napoleon VI (leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party) was sitting across from him drinking kegs full of Jamaican rum.

The Kraken was amused by the sight of this priest chewing off his pentagram decorated fingernails and toe nails.

After drinking so many kegs of rum, the Kraken was totally oblivious to the fact that this particular priest had sold his soul to the forces of darkness many years ago.

In this state of alcohol induced oblivion, the Kraken struck up a conversation with the priest.

Father Caiaphas, who had been drinking bottles and bottles of Andres Baby Duck Sparkling Wine, had his guard down and told the Kraken his predicament.

The Kraken (unaware that Father Caiaphas was being serious and not joking) gave the sinister cleric an idea.

He suggested a perfect satanic antithesis of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster should be a creature called Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp (shrimp as in the seafood creature you get with sweet and sour sauce in Chinese restaurants).

Alter a shrimp in a test tube and add demonic DNA from a demon, the Kraken suggested before passing out after drinking too many kegs of Jamaican rum.

The Kraken’s wife Medusa (the former Gorgon) walked through the door of the taverna and had to literally drag the Kraken back to the hotel room where they were staying in Rome.

Father Caiaphas bar Yochai thought the idea of Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp as a satanic antithesis of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was a splendid idea.

It was a good thing for the sinister Jesuit that he had run into the rum consuming Kraken Napoleon VI.

Otherwise being a typical modernist progressive Jesuit priest, he wouldn’t have had the imagination or sense of humour to come up with a concept such as Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp.

So Father Caiaphas went and bought a live shrimp from a Rome seafood market (the shop owner found it strange that someone would only buy one shrimp) and then went to his laboratory.

He summoned the demon Mephistopheles (to whom Faust had sold his soul) and extracted DNA from the aforementioned demon which he inserted into the shrimp.

After months of gestation in a test tube (while listening to the collected speeches of Donald Trump), the shrimp emerged.

As his first test, Father Caiphas asked Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp to cause power outages in both England and Wales which were Renfield and Morgana’s respective home countries.

Svengali’s mind had not yet developed to the point where the creature could use his telekinetic powers to disable the electrical power grid of England and Wales with his mind.

However like his name sake, Svengali could mesmerize and psychically manipulate.

It just so happened that there lived an evil kraken in the North Sea named Krakenus Maleficentus.

Svengali directed the North Sea kraken to head to the United Kingdom and got the creature to eat two power generators.

This “unexpected and unusual” event (in the words of British authorities) caused problems affecting vast swathes of England and Wales on Friday afternoon and into the evening.

London and most of southeast England were affected by the National Grid failure as were the Midlands, Southwest and Northeast of England and much of Wales.

Many trains and train stations went down (and people were stranded) including the famous King’s Cross station.

The situation was saved by a little 9-year-old girl named Amanda who was using spells from a Harry Potter book to try to bring 3 garden gnomes (who sat in the basket of a painted white bicycle lawn ornament on her house’s front lawn) to life.

The 3 gnomes who were named Wynkin, Blynkin and Nod stole Renfield’s sweet and sour shrimp (during the power outage in the Chinese restaurant he was sitting in at the time) and fed it to the North Sea kraken Krakenus Maleficentus when they saw him.

The North Sea kraken had a severe dietary allergy to shrimp and vomited up the two power generators it had eaten.

Eventually and slowly power was restored across England and Wales.

“And now you know the rest of the story,” Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws before falling asleep.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday August 9th
2019.

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Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

August 6, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

This sight greeted Samhain Cardinal Salaman when he walked into his apartment’s bathroom to take a bath.

It was Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Allatallahbel!” Said an astounded Cardinal Salaman in his bathrobe dressing gown.

“Thinking of taking a bath?” She purred like a cat with the undertones of a lioness underneath.

“Well, I was…” Cardinal Salaman put down his shampoo and bath soap.

“I’ll let you take a bath eventually, your Eminence,” Allatallahbel stood up in her spiked stiletto high heeled shoes leaving indentations in the Cardinal’s bathtub, “but I want you to stroll the corridors of the Vatican with me first. There are things I want to show you.”

“You want me to stroll the corridors of the Vatican in my bath robe?” Cardinal Salaman inquired.

“I’ve seen clergymen running around the corridors of the Vatican wearing a lot less,” the vampiress smiled.

Cardinal Salaman had to admit that was true.

So Allatallahbel and the Cardinal went for a midnight stroll around the Vatican.

They saw the ghost of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin enter the apartment lodgings of Pope Francis.

“What are they doing meeting one another?” Cardinal Salaman was surprised.

“Stalin has been giving Francis some advice on how to restructure the John Paul II Institute in Rome,” Allatallahbel replied.

They entered a chapel where the demon Baphomet was playing jungle drums while a shaman from the Amazon rain forest did a sun dance.

They eventually got around to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica where Amorous Laetita the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft lay asleep on the altar.

“I really don’t think it’s good for me to be here,” Cardinal Salaman remarked.

“What’s the matter, your Eminence?” Allatallahbel put a black painted fingernail against his lips, “Has the cat got your tongue?”.

The cardinal’s bathrobe fell to the floor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 6th
2019.

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Mei-ling Manchu and The Manchester Tea House of The August Moon

August 1, 2019 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Mei-ling Manchu and The Manchester Tea House of The August Moon

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (daughter of the early 20th Century scientist Dr. Fu Manchu who was severely libelled and slandered by British novelist Sax Rohmer) sat in a Japanese tea house in Manchester, England.

The name of the tea house was Tea House of The August Moon named after the famous 1956 movie.

She would be meeting British MP Renfield R. Renfield (the new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering) to exchange information.

“So,” Renfield asked as he sipped his tea, “how will Xi react to Donald Trump’s announcement today that the American Twitterer-In-Chief will slap a 10% tariff on another $300 billion of Chinese goods this coming September 1st?”.

Mei-ling opened her purse and pulled out a fortune cookie.

She handed the fortune cookie to Renfield.

“I’ve written down what his response will be on the message inside this fortune cookie,” she answered.

Renfield cracked open the fortune cookie and pulled out the slip of paper inside.

The slip of paper reached down to the floor as Renfield unfolded it.

“Wow, this is the longest fortune cookie message I’ve ever come across,” Renfield remarked as he finally finished unfolding the slip of paper.

“I want you to read it, memorize it and then eat it,” Mei-Ling directed, “that will prevent its content falling into the wrong hands.”

Renfield read and memorized the contents of the fortune cookie message.

Then he looked at Mei-ling, “You really want me to eat all this?”.

“Yes,” Mei-ling nodded.

The British MP started to eat the long slip of paper.

He had to pause and ask the tea house’s geisha girl dressed waitress for another tall glass of ice water every few minutes so he could wash down what he had eaten.

When he had finished eating the long slip of paper, Renfield remarked, “Well, I guess I won’t have to worry about having dinner tonight.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to know?” Mei-ling asked.

“It depends,” Renfield answered, “how many other fortune cookies with slips of paper do you have in your purse?”.

“That was the only one,” Mei-ling stated.

“All right,” Renfield started sipping his tea again, “I understand that PLA soldiers based in Hong Kong released a video today showing how they would deal with protestors. Is Xi planning to unleash the military on pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong?”.

“Well the Black Dragon who’s his supernatural entity advisor is certainly encouraging him to do so,” Mei-ling sipped her tea.

“It appears I live in interesting times,” Renfield mused aloud.

“And so do we all,” Mei-ling smiled and then pointed at the table, “Are you going to eat your fortune cookie?”.

Renfield looked at the large pieces of the large fortune cookie that contained the long message.

He shook his head, “I don’t think so. I think I’ll take it home and give it to Amadeus. That should keep him full for all of two seconds.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 1st
2019.

The night Mei-ling Manchu became a vampiress almost 70 years ago

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