Michelangelo’s Dream of The Holy Family In Egypt

June 18, 2018 at 10:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Dream of The Holy Family In Egypt

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was fast asleep 💤 on his waterproof pillow in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises laboratory.

He was dreaming about Egypt some two millennia ago.

Egypt was ruled by a Pharaoh who had a toupee hair piece made out of red spider monkey fur.

The colour of the toupee was a vomit 🤮 inducing to look upon urine coloured golden yellow that looked extremely grotesquely unnatural.

Even Pharaoh’s daughter the Princess Ananka Ivanka had commented on the grotesque appearance of her father’s hair.

The Pharaoh’s name was Donaldramses Twitterakhten (German Egyptologists pronounced the last two syllables of his last name achtung).

Donaldramses Twitterakten built huge monuments to himself that would have made Percy Shelley’s Ozymandias look like the epitome of humility.

One of the things he intended to build was a huge wall on Egypt’s border with Palestine to keep out illegal immigrants.

God knows these people created huge problems for previous Pharaohs resulting in one drowning in the Red Sea as a result of some Hebrew tribal god imagining that he was actually the Creator of the Universe.

After all any sensible person would realize that there was no way any god could be superior to he himself the Divine-God Pharaoh Donaldramses Twitterakhten.

And why were these Jews fleeing Judea anyways Pharaoh Donaldramses Twitterakhten thought to himself.

Their ruler King Herod was such a splendid chap.

Donaldramses Twitterakhten himself had proclaimed what a splendid fellow this King Herod was when he met with him in a peace summit on the Isle of Rhodes.

And surely that summit would allow him to win this year’s Pericles Peace Prize.

Pharaoh already had his soldiers on the border to keep out those nasty Jewish refugees.

Families were stopped at the border and separated.

The parents were arrested for illegal entry into Egypt.

They were put into cages.

The children (separated from their parents) were likewise put into cages.

Into this scene the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph emerged against the backdrop of the Pyramids.

Somehow they managed to avoid Pharaoh’s soldiers on the border.

Michelangelo recognized Joseph walking in sandals (alongside the Virgin Mary holding the infant Jesus in her arms as she rode a donkey) from a picture on a waterproof Christmas card that Amadeus Emanon had given him this past Christmas.

Before Michelangelo could say Jack Robinson, Pharaoh’s soldiers descended on the Holy Family and surrounded them with spears.

The baby Jesus was separated from Mary and Joseph and put into a cage.

Meanwhile in Alexandria, Pharaoh Donaldramses Twitterakhten received a standing ovation from his most religiously inclined supporters at a Let’s Make Egypt Great Again rally.

Pharaoh’s wife as soon as she heard about the policy of separating children from their parents and putting them in cages publicly voiced displeasure with her husband’s policy.

Pharaoh displeased asked members of his bodyguard to find a way to “accidentally” throw his wife into a pit of poisonous snakes.

There was no way his wife was going to make an asp out of him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 18th
2018.

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Baphomet In Jerusalem

June 15, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Baphomet In Jerusalem

Baphomet walks the streets of Jerusalem
that Templar idol of yesteryore
that haunts most occult folklore
Nine foot tall is he
he hits his head on many a tree
He is union of Hermes and Aphrodite
a hermaphrodite
told by French king to fly a kite

The Knights-Templar were tortured 😖
and admitted to worshiping this idol in Jerusalem orchard
Lie? Truth? Or myth?
But right now the goat needed to find a biff.

The Baphomet was a winged hermaphrodite with a torch between his horns
a sight not seen on those equine unicorns
and a pentagram on his forehead
not a tattoo his mama had said
On his right arm the Latin word SOLVE
that Palmolive liquid could not dissolve
on his left arm COAGULA
but not the blood of Dracula
These were Latin for the English expressions “separate” and “join together” respectively
not found in old services for Matrimony.

Two fingers on his right hand point up
he’s asking for more than one cup
Two fingers on his left hand point down
his feminine half forgot her nightgown
He had male phallus and female breasts
to the point where even LGBTs were saying “Give it a rest”
He had head of goat 🐐 on humanoid body
but he was allowed to drive in Saudi
though unveiled he was like Blavatsky’s Isis
and now he’d send Mid-East into crisis
Eliphas Levi first drew his pic
but substituted snakes for prick
for artist did worry about going blind
remembering that day his mommy did find
But enough of that
blind is the bat
who did not see
what Baphomet did to yonder tree
The goat head Levi borrowed from Egyptian goat headed deity Banebdjedet
sprayed by Greek Pan’s semen equally wet.
Baphomet was called the Sabbat Goat
whose goat’s milk went down Crowley’s throat
and Aleister joined Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club
and took a ride aboard mighty Beatles’ Yellow Sub

The Baphomet grinning a goatish grin did say,
I do feel like frolicking in the hay
My motto is “As above, so below”
will yonder Hebrew maiden give me a blow?
While the maiden did play for Baphomet the final Trump
The Donald did dream he took it in the rump.

And so I say to you, Miss, Madam, good sir
that as the days of Noah were
so the coming of the Son of Man shall be
for just look at what Baphomet is doing to that poor young tree.

-A poem written by Christopher
(who believe it or not was not under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs at the time)
Friday June 15th 2018.

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The Hawaiian Goddess Pele: A Poem

June 14, 2018 at 11:18 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, Nature, News, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , )

The Hawaiian Goddess Pele: A Poem

The great goddess Pele was a great beauty
who journeyed by canoe to Hawaii from Tahiti
goddess of fire 🔥 , lightning 🌩, wind 💨 and volcanoes 🌋
she sailed the South Seas following direction the East Wind blows

Her sister Namaka chased her across the sea 🌊
until Pele arrived in sweet Hawaii
Pele’s spirit lives in the Halemaumau crater on Kīlauea
when she is calm, sing Hallelujah
But when she is angry, flee from her embrace
Or be buried like Pompeii in the annals of the human race.

Pele is the goddess of the hula
the dance for which tourists pay lots of moola
What else can one possibly say
but the hula dedicated to Pele is performed in a way
that represents her intense personality
(this fiery girl from far far Tahiti)
The dance represents the movement of volcanoes 🌋
the shaking of the hips, legs and down it goes

May Pele’s dance be performed only by those beauties swaying in grass skirts
for if she comes to life, it’s with god of destruction she flirts.

-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday June 14th 2018

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A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

June 13, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

Renfield R. Renfield MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds had just received a phone call from his parliamentary Executive Assistant In Charge of Constituency Affairs Mirabella Francesca Franconia the former Spanish flamenco 💃🏻 dancer.

Senorita Franconia suggested that Renfield come to Tewkesbury in person to help out one of his constituents a middle aged widow by the name of Mrs. Margaret Lewis.

Mrs. Lewis owned two dogs – a Welsh corgi and a Dachshund- who had recently both become demonically possessed.

The corgi named Friendly and the Dachshund named Bashful had recently taken to playing around with a Ouija board and as a result of this nefarious new habit, they had both ended up becoming demonically possessed.

Bashful went from being a Dachshund to becoming a giant spectral wolfhound who was able to bark in a medieval form of Norwegian to the veterinarian that it was a reincarnation of the Hound of the Baskervilles who had given Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson much trouble.

Friendly the Welsh corgi went from being a corgi to possessing the body of a gigantic Saint Bernard who happened to have 3 heads- one was the head of a Rottweiler who growled in ancient Babylonian, one was the head of a Bassett hound who whimpered in ancient Egyptian and the third was the head of a chihuahua who yelped in a very peculiar form of Parisienne French and ancient Aztec.

A veterinary psychiatrist who was brought in to determine whether the dogs were demonically possessed or just mentally ill opted for the former explanation after all four of his limbs were bitten off by the Rottweiler head.

That and the fact that both the corgi and the Dachshund had not previously known how to read or speak long dead languages.

Mrs. Lewis had gotten in touch with her parish priest the Church of England vicar Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the rector of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church.

Father Aidan was going to perform an exorcism on the dogs and Senorita Franconia thought it might be a good idea if Renfield as Mrs. Lewis’ local MP helped in the exorcism.

Renfield agreed and said he’d drive right down to Tewkesbury from London to participate in the exorcism.

Renfield met up with Mirabella Francesca Franconia on the streets of Tewkesbury:

Mirabella then escorted Renfield to the Saint Swithin’s vicarage where Father Aidan dressed in a protective suit of medieval knight’s armour stood waiting for them holding the two demonically possessed dogs on a gigantic iron leash.

Father Aidan took Mirabella and Renfield to a place on the other side of town as he thought the exorcism should best be performed outdoors due to the wild unpredictable nature of the two beasts.

The trio expressed disappointment when this sign greeted them at the place where Father Aidan intended to perform the exorcism:

“Well,” sighed Renfield, “it looks like we’ll have to take our demonically possessed dogs elsewhere.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 13th
2018.

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Renfield and Amadeus Discuss The Singapore Summit

June 12, 2018 at 10:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus Discuss The Singapore Summit

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his close friend Amadeus Emanon the personal concert pianist to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Renfield was having half a dozen tuna fish sandwiches and Amadeus was enjoying a 12-course Chinese combination dinner from Lydo’s Chinese Food.

He liked the catchy jingle on their commercials, “426-5050, if you’re hungry 😋, call the Lydo now. Freeee delivereee!”.

And then the sexy Chinese vampiress Meiling Manchu at the end of the commercial, “Don’t forget to dial the local area code first before the number.”

She then smiled before biting into a sumptuous egg roll with her vampiric incisor fangs.


Meiling Manchu hides her vampiric incisor fangs with her arm.

“So, what did you think of the Singapore Summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un?” Amadeus asked as he bit into a sweet and sour sparerib and wondered why Porky 🐷 Pig had a spare rib but Adam in the Garden of Eden didn’t.

“Kim Jong-un came out on top,” Renfield spoke as if he was giving an English language voice over to a Japanese porno film.

“You really think so?” Amadeus started to dig into the beef chop suey with his chop sticks.

“I do,” Renfield belched over his 2nd glass of bourbon 🥃 .

“What makes you think so?” Amadeus polished off the Chicken Fried Rice and moved in on the Egg Foo Yong.

“All Kim Jong-un did was just promise to give up his nuclear weapons,” Renfield inhaled a piece of tuna as if it were crack cocaine, “and you know what the singers Simon and Garfunkel said about promises in their song The Boxer?”.

“All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest,” Amadeus laid aside the pamphlet entitled Overeating Is The Primary Cause of Obesity.

“Exactly,” Renfield poured two more glasses of bourbon 🥃 for himself, “while Trump has gone and openly cancelled the military war games that the U.S. holds with South Korea each year which so pissed off the North, Kim has given very little in return. So it’s a win-win situation for Kim while it’s a Tweet and Brag situation for Trump.”

“What transpired at the summit that led to this?” Amadeus ate a bowl of lychee nuts for dessert.

“Well my spies in Singapore tell me that a beautiful North Korean woman was called upon to make a major sacrifice for her country and give the pompous toupee wearing blowhard Trump a blow job in order that he’d agree to Kim Jong-un’s demands,” Renfield replied.

“How awful,” Amadeus Emanon blew his nose sympathetically for the poor woman.

Meanwhile in his laboratory aquarium at Set Enterprises, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of two classical Roman style busts on display in the British Museum in the near future.

One was a bust of Julius Caesar that bore the inscription, “I came, I saw, I conquered.”

The other was a bust of Donald Trump that said, “I saw, I came, I capitulated.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 12th
2018.

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The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

June 11, 2018 at 10:51 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

Kim Yo-jong the sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was walking through the streets of Singapore late at night.

A man wearing dark sunglasses 😎 and a red spider monkey fur toupee (surrounded by a group of men in black overcoats also wearing dark sunglasses 🕶 and earphones in their ears) approached her.

The man was turned on by Kim Yo-jong’s tight clinging skirt and exquisite pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠.

“Excuse me, miss, but would you be willing to give me a blow job?” The man with the toupee asked her.

“He’ll gladly pay you $130,000,” the man’s lawyer spoke to Kim Yo-jong via FaceTime on the toupee wearing man’s iPhone that was made in China by Chinese slave labour.

Kim Yo-jong told the toupee wearing man, “Go fuck yourself, you pervert!” and kicked the man in the balls sending him backwards 666 yards.

“She’s assaulted the President! Grab her!” One of the men in black overcoat and wearing dark sunglasses shouted to the others wearing the same.

The men in black overcoats and dark sunglasses simultaneously reached out to grab her.

They likewise found themselves kicked several hundreds of yards away by the North Korean Dragon Sister and had resulting extremely sore testicles as well.

“I’m glad I decided to turn in live to this live Singapore camera street shot on YouTube,” a former DARPA employee remarked to his pet otter over a shared bottle of bourbon after watching the previous martial arts display live.

The otter nodded enthusiastically.

As Kim Yo-jong walked down the street, a white wolf with blue eyes looked protectively at the woman and followed her.

When she returned safely to her hotel, the white wolf then walked several blocks away to another hotel.

He rode the elevator up to the 18th floor of the hotel.

With his right front paw, he then entered a computerized password on the door and the door to the room opened.

Standing there was a black jaguar with golden greenish eyes who emitted a loud hiss at the white wolf with blue eyes.

“Begone Satan!” A female voice said.

The black jaguar turned, saw the woman and vanished.

The woman was the ghost of Rita Hayworth who had been sent from Paradise to Earth on the orders of Saint Michael the Archangel.

As Rita Hayworth sat there in her heavenly white evening dress, the white wolf with blue eyes wagged his tail.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 11th
2018.

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Justin Trudeau, Donald Trump and The ET Gray Gali-Gula From Nibiru

June 10, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Justin Trudeau, Donald Trump and The ET Gray Gali-Gula From Nibiru

On the television in Canadian living rooms was a rare sight- CBC News Anchorman Peter Mansbridge.

Peter Mansbridge: Hi, I’m Peter Mansbridge. You may remember me as a long time CBC News anchorman from many years ago. You haven’t seen me for a while and no doubt thought I was dead. Well I was. But voodoo practicing strategists for the U. S. Democratic Party have brought me back from the dead on condition I go down to the U.S. and vote 🗳 for Hillary Clinton in the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential primaries.
In the meantime, I’ll occasionally appear on The National so you don’t think my career is as dead as the dodo bird 🐦.
In the news tonight, Alberta cattle baron and long time Canadian Federal Liberal Party fundraiser and fanatical Justin Trudeau supporter Flyen High was found dead in his hotel room in Calgary last night.
He was apparently killed by a fast acting Amazon poison dart that was fired into his neck.
Police however do not believe that the dart was fired from an Amazon blow gun (since Amazon is not allowed to sell poison dart blow guns in Canada unlike the U. S. where Americans’ right to blow is defended by both the NRA and leading adult female porn star Felicity Fellatio).
Also apparently the guest in the room next door distinctly heard Henry Mancini’s Moon River being played on Greek pan pipes.
This was followed by a loud scream in which a gravel sounding elderly male voice said that his high school sweetheart had broken up with him while they were watching the 1961 film Breakfast At Tiffany’s.
The scream was then followed by a loud thud as of a body falling to the floor.
When hotel security and the 101-year-old bell boy entered the room, Mr. Flyen High’s body was found on the bedroom floor with an Amazon tribesman’s poison dart found lodged in his neck.
Calgary police believe that the Amazon blow dart was fired by the same Greek pan pipes that were playing Moon River only moments before.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau tweeted that both he and the Federal Liberal Party treasurer were “very saddened by Mr. Flyen High’s death.”
Meanwhile the nation’s most expert political commentators in the cities of Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal are still baffled why an Albertan like Mr. Flyen High was such an enthusiastic Justin Trudeau supporter in a province where the Trudeau family name is considered anathema by most Albertans.
Meanwhile Calgary police report that 300 plastic bags of non-medicinal marijuana (with Mr. Flyen High’s fingerprints all over them) were found underneath the cattle baron’s hotel room mattress.
This was strange in lieu of the fact that Mr. Justin Trudeau’s law legalizing the use of recreational marijuana doesn’t become legal until July 1st this year.

. . .

What had transpired the past 24 hours:

Justin Trudeau (at post G-7 Summit press conference addressing the issue of Donald Trump’s temper tantrums during the Summit):

“Canadians are polite and reasonable but we will also not be pushed around.”

Donald Trump (on plane ✈️ en route to Singapore 🇸🇬 and throwing a temper tantrum on hearing Justin Trudeau’s remarks): “Well, Lexington (speaking to his butler and valet), I’m not polite, I’m not reasonable but I also won’t be pushed around either.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was walking through his greenhouse when he caught a whiff of pot smoke 💨 which was being exhaled by his Dr. Cadbury Rocher developed genetic hybrid marijuana smoking cactus 🌵 plant.

Upon inhaling the smoke, he immediately saw Gali-Gula the ET gray from Nibiru (whose alien 👽 body was possessed by the spirit of the ancient Earthling Roman Emperor Caligula) that he always saw every time he inhaled marijuana smoke 💨.

“Good God,” shouted Justin, “Not you again.”

“You know I remember during the days I was the Emperor Gaius Caligula, I always wanted to be worshiped as a god,” Gali-Gula stared dreamily into the night sky shining through the clear roof of the greenhouse.

“Well, then,” Justin retorted,” why don’t you use your divine omniscience and tell me what I can do about Donald Trump?”.

“Why don’t you get your Praetorian Guard to bump him off?” Gali-Gula suggested.

“I don’t have a Praetorian Guard,” Justin Trudeau answered.

“Pity,” Gali-Gula remarked as he drank a cup of Red Rose tea which was available only in Canada 🇨🇦.

“I’m beginning to think so,” Justin Trudeau agreed and then suddenly remembered something his father once told him, “Say, weren’t you yourself once bumped off by your own Praetorian Guard?”.

Gali-Gula immediately spit out a mouthful of Red Rose tea ☕️ which immediately extinguished the smoke from the marijuana smoking cactus’ marijuana cigarette much to the former desert plant’s annoyance.

“I try,” Gali-Gula wiped his mouth, “to forget that particular bit of ancient Roman and personal life history.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 10th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s Defence of Aesthetics Before Assassinating A Cattle Rancher

June 9, 2018 at 10:31 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Defence of Aesthetics Before Assassinating A Cattle Rancher

Pan Goatee was on a mission for DARPA.

He had been sent to this city to assassinate a pre-eminent Alberta cattle rancher.

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA (the actual head of DARPA who was code named Enema Enigma to hide his identity in civilian life was currently in hospital in Dublin undergoing a massive enigmatic enema after having come 2nd in An All The Blocks of Cheese 🧀 You Can Eat eating contest losing to an Irish barking dog (as opposed to Irish speaking dog) named Kurt. Kurt’s win for some reason caused the Italian Google Translate search engine to crash) had personally given Pan Goatee his orders for the assassination of the cattle rancher.

Dr. Faustus Imhotep told Pan that the orders for the assassination had come from the very top but did not elaborate as to what the term “very top” meant.

He did tell Goatee that the assassination target was a wealthy Alberta cattle rancher who was a major financial donor to the Canadian Federal Liberal Party (which was very unusual for an Albertan) and also a man who was a very enthusiastic supporter of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (also very unusual for an Albertan).

So Goatee deduced that this high ranking official who had ordered the assassination was obviously someone who was very pissed off 😡 with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Goatee was now in this Alberta city to go assassinate the wealthy cattle rancher and enthusiastic supporter of Justin Trudeau.

He was currently riding the Public Transit System Train 🚊 in the city on his way to the hotel where the wealthy cattle rancher was staying.

As Pan Goatee sat in his seat 💺 while the train pulled in at a train station platform, he noticed an extremely and very repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp approaching towards the train car he was sitting in.

“Choose another car you fatso uglo,” Goatee thought to himself.

Instead the fatso uglo being demonically possessed got on the very train car Goatee was riding in.

Pan immediately reached for his astral laser machete but realized that he had dropped it off at The Invisible Chinaman’s Astral Cleaning Chinese Laundry in Calgary’s Chinatown to get it cleaned.

Pan had used the machete to try to cut an immensely tough steak 🥩 at the Cactus 🌵 Club restaurant downtown and had spilled the awful tasting massive lumps of gravy all over his machete.

As a result, he was now getting it cleaned.

Pan moved over so that the fat ugly blimp would not sit next to him.

Instead the fat ugly blimp sat right behind him.

Then she crawled next to him and under his seat to pick up some rather long cigarette butts the fat ugly creature intended to smoke later.

“You fucking ugly looking fat blimp,” Goatee said in a statement that was definitely a brilliant grasp of the obvious, “I’m going to pummel your fat ugly face to bits.”

He proceeded to do just that.

He then ripped her fat ugly body to bits with his long fingernails.

Pan noticed that just before he pummeled the fat ugly blimp’s face to death that a blind man had accidentally pressed Take Photo on his new Dr. Cadbury Rocher Mobile Exceptionally Smart Phone while attempting to send a text message in braille to an NFL referee.

“May I borrow your phone?” Goatee asked the blind man and then spoke to the smart phone’s avatar helper PANDORA, “would you please send that last photo taken to the following mobile phone number?”.

Goatee then said aloud the number.

The number belonged to Calgary’s resident white supremacist leader Brutus Campbell.

Goatee included a text message with the photo of the fat ugly blimp that said, “Hey asshole as you’re busy shooting your mouth off about the superiority of the white race, take a look at this photo of this fat ugly blimp which is what the majority of white women look like in this city since you’re too stupid to have noticed.”

Goatee then pressed Send.

Brutus Campbell had moments before just received a text message with accompanying selfie from a black man in drag who said, “Hey, I just met an acquaintance who said that you’ve recently come out of the closet and you’re looking for a gay trannie to show you the ropes- the BDSM ropes that is.”

No sooner had Brutus Campbell looked at the photo of the black man in drag then the photo of the white raced fat ugly blimp (that Pan Goatee had sent him) appeared to him.

“Egad! I’m blind! I’m blind!” Brutus Campbell shouted in what a Master’s Degree student in Classical Greek (who was writing his Master’s thesis on the plays of Sophocles) considered the worst performance of Oedipus Rex that he had ever seen as he walked by.

. . .

The toupee wearing man they call Donald Trump was en route to Singapore.

As he noticed red spider monkey fur dandruff drops falling out of his toupee, he wondered if there were any porn stars aboard the plane ✈️ who would be willing to give him a blow job.

He asked one of his aides to find him one.

Trump had just been attending the G-7 Summit in La Malbaie in the Canadian province of Quebec.

Originally Trump had signed on to the La Malbaie G-7 Summit communique but after watching a televised statement that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made at a press conference, the U.S. leader threw a temper tantrum and instructed his aides to say he was now signing off.

As Trump thought about how well he was personally defending the interests of American labour, industry and agriculture, he bit into a piece of Alberta grown steak 🥩 that he had asked be prepared for him.

As Trump bit into the steak 🥩 that had been prepared for him by the Cactus 🌵 Club restaurant in downtown Calgary, he choked on the extremely tough piece of meat.

“There will be Hell to pay for this,” Trump shouted as he angrily sent a text message to Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 9th
2018.

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Brutus Campbell: White Supremacist Idiot and Asshole Extraordinaire

June 8, 2018 at 11:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Brutus Campbell: White Supremacist Idiot and Asshole Extraordinaire

Many of the conversations British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill these days centered on the rising Neo-Nazi movement in the world.

Churchill’s ghost and Renfield would often work late into the night discussing the dangerous and growing phenomenon.

The backbone of the global Neo-Nazi movement was a Neo-Nazi billionaire called Robur Pike who lived in Havana, Cuba of all places.

The reason Pike chose Havana is because it was supposed to be the capital of a racist and slave owning empire visualized by Pike’s DNA genetic father Albert Pike (a racist Confederate civil war Brigadier General and the head of American Scottish Rite Freemasonry in the late 19th Century whose locks of hair a Nazi scientist (brought to America through the post WWII Operation Paperclip) used to clone in a laboratory in Knoxville Tennessee back in 1966 to genetically create Robur Pike) but unfortunately for Pike, the Confederacy lost the Civil War thanks to Robert E. Lee telling Pike in Jefferson Davis’ Confederate Presidential office in a heated exchange between the two generals that there was no way on God’s green Earth that he was going to accept the help of racist slave owners in Brazil to create a race based slave empire across the southern United States, Mexico, Central America, the islands of the Caribbean and northern South America including Brazil.

If Jefferson Davis accepted the Pike Plan, he Lee would join forces with the Union.

So the refusal of foreign intervention by wealthy Brazilian landowners on behalf of the Confederacy ensured the Union’s victory.

Today leftist Marxist and anarchist assholes in the U.S. are demanding that all statues of Robert E. Lee be torn down or removed from public view while nary a peep is raised about statues of the openly racist, white supremacist and swastika worshiping Albert Pike (yes Pike worshiped the Swastika and praised the Aryan race at Thule the capital of a supposedly superior white civilization in Northern Europe called Hyperborea- he was a Nazi even before there was a Nazi movement in Germany) being on open display in various locales across the U.S. including Washington DC.

Renfield was also informed by a close source in Calgary, Alberta, Canada that there was a house painter in that city (appropriately the same trade that Germany’s future Fuhrer was as a young man) called Brutus Campbell who was openly calling for the deportation of all blacks, Asians and even native indigenous aboriginal First Nations (who were actually here first in the Americas before anyone else) from Canada and make Canada a whites only country.

Hitler’s ghost and Albert Pike’s ghost were still going strong even in the world of the 21st Century.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 8th
2018.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance between assholes living or dead is purely intentional.

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How To Bring Global Leaders To Their Knees

June 7, 2018 at 9:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

How To Bring Global Leaders To Their Knees

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in front of the television flipping through the news channels with his remote.

On one channel,

“The White House still has not said anything about Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani’s remark at a conference in Israel which was that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got down on his hands and knees and begged for Donald Trump to declare the Singapore Summit on again…”

Renfield switched to another channel,

“A Japanese porn star 🌟 said that Donald Trump got down on his hands and knees in front of her and begged her to give him a blow job…”

“I don’t have to beg,” Renfield remarked wryly as he drank his rye, “and they pay me the $130,000 afterwards.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 7th
2018.

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