Harvey Tallbanger and The Artist
The night was somewhat cool as if February had crept in to steal a backwards glance in the midst of a late April evening.
And Liam Van Stope carried his work with him as he walked from place to place.
For Liam Van Stope was an artist and the work he carried was a huge white sketchpad along with a box of pastel crayons.
There he would walk from cafe to cafe sketching and colouring the patrons and customers.
For Liam Van Stope wished that the Paris of Toulouse-Lautrec and Vincent Van Gogh would never go away.
Oblivious to the idea that the Paris of Van Gogh and Lautrec was separate from the Paris of 2019 by more than a century.
And soon the Paris of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway would likewise be separated from the contemporary Paris by a century.
And as far as the thinking of Emmanuel Macron and some of the world’s so-called leading architects goes, the Notre Dame of the ages would soon be separated by a new Notre Dame by vast millenia.
Liam Van Stope walked into Quasimodo’s Cafe an establishment named after Victor Hugo’s famous character who had carried a hunted gypsy girl across the threshold of the Notre Dame of the ages and cried “Sanctuary”.
Liam recognized Esmeralda the gypsy girl who like her namesake in Victor Hugo’s novel danced the eternal dance of the gypsies though unlike her namesake danced in this cafe on weekends and not on the streets in front of Notre Dame at night unintentionally arousing the lust of a Notre Dame archdeacon who would endeavour to bring Hell on earth instead of absolution when his lust went unrequited.
Liam ordered a cognac and looked around the cafe on this quiet Sunday evening wondering whom he could sketch.
When he first entered the cafe, he had noticed Esmeralda talking animatedly to the empty seat next to her.
Ah, Liam thought to himself, when he had seen this, that will soon be all of us one day. All of us talking to ghosts. Talking to ghosts of a Paris that will soon be found only in the history books.
Esmeralda noticed Liam sitting in the corner booth with his sketch pad open at a blank page and his sketching pencil in hand waiting to draw when the inspiration hit.
She motioned to the maitre’d and pointed in Liam’s direction.
Within minutes, the maitre’d arrived at Liam’s table with a drink in hand that looked to be partially made from orange juice.
‘Excuse me, sir,” the maitre’d said, “but Miss Esmeralda thinks you might like to drink this for inspiration.”
“What is it?” Liam asked.
“It’s called a Harvey Wallbanger, sir,” the British maitre’d working with stiff upper lip in a Parisienne cafe replied.
The maitre’d bowed and left.
Liam took a sip of the drink.
Then another.
And then another.
It was good, Liam had to admit.
The artist then noticed that sitting next to Esmeralda at the bar was a bunny rabbit.
A very tall bunny rabbit.
Probably about 6 foot 8 in height, Liam estimated.
The bunny rabbit was white in colour with big pink floppety ears and a big pink floppety tail.
He was wearing a pair of denim blue colour overalls as well as a tall black bowler hat that his big pink floppety ears were sticking through.
Liam began sketching and began applying the pastel crayons to his subject.
He had soon completed the picture.
“Excuse me, sir,” Liam walked up to the bunny rabbit, “but what is your name?”.
“Harvey Tallbanger,” the rabbit replied.
“A name that must be recorded for posterity,” Liam said as he wrote down the name.
The artist then bowed to Esmeralda and said, “Thank you for the drink.”
When he returned to his studio apartment, Liam had been doing some reflecting on his subject of Harvey Tallbanger.
There was something quixotic about that bunny rabbit, Liam thought to himself.
He went over to his palette and canvas.
He decided he would paint Harvey Wallbanger as Don Quixote.
Minus the knightly armour.
He would have Harvey wearing his denim blue coloured overalls and his bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears would stick through) but he’d be riding Don Quixote’s horse Rocinante and he’d have a lance in his hand and he’d be charging at the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret in the Montmartre district of Paris.
As he painted, Liam sang the theme song from the musical Man of La Mancha:
“To dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe
…
To run where the brave dare not go
…
To reach the unreachable star…”
And with that, Liam Van Stope a dreamer painted his quixotic picture of the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger now visible in his blue denim coloured overalls and black bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears stuck through) as Don Quixote riding his horse and battling the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 28th
2019.
Esmeralda the gypsy: Inspiring bunny rabbits like Harvey Tallbanger
and artists like Liam Van Stope.
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London cemetery.
The British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales 🏴 was trying to track down the location of the Ring of Solomon in Israel on behalf of the British government and Set Enterprises.
The Ring of Solomon was the ring that Israel’s King Solomon used to control both demons and djinn 🧞♀️ 🧞♂️ to help him build a Temple to God in Jerusalem.
It had been found in Jerusalem back on December 11th 1917 when British General Edmund Allenby captured the city from the Ottoman Turks.
Allenby had ordered the ring hidden.
He had the location of the ring hidden in code in an oil painting that Allenby had commissioned be painted of his good friend the late Sir Simon Baskerville after the British spymaster’s assassination by Intelligence agents of the German Kaiser.
The oil painting had stood in plain view in the abandoned halls of Baskerville Hall until this past Saturday.
Baskerville Hall was currently owned by London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest.
Morgana had got her good friend the maker of Britain’s best frozen steak and kidney pie dinners millionaire Sir Rodney Fahrenham to purchase the painting from Forrest.
Forrest had gone to the Baskerville Hall estate in Devon yesterday to pick up the painting of Sir Simon Baskerville.
And there in the empty frame where the portrait had been- stood- Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal- the vampiress who along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar had been secretly controlling the Vatican since October 13th of last year.
Allatallahbel had flashed a wicked vampiress smile – bearing her vampiric incisors at the Oscar Wilde admiring flamboyant London art gallery dealer.
An astral projected image of a talking otter (who was vigorously holding a bottle of bourbon in one of his flippers) that was being astral projected by DARPA headquarters in the U.S. urged Dashwood to “Run, Forrest, run.”
The talking otter need say no more (and indeed he didn’t- for he immediately started drinking from the bottle of bourbon).
Forrest ran as fast as his legs could carry him.
While the halls of Baskerville Hall rang out with the sinister vampiress laughter of Allatallahbel.
Beneath the great majestic staircase of Baskerville Hall, The Vampiric Knights-Templar stood like choir boys and sang,
“Deck the halls with laughs of vampiress- fang-la-la-la-la…”
Morgana had contacted Dracul Van Helsing for advice on how to get the portrait painting of Sir Simon Baskerville back from Allatallahbel and the Vampiric Knights-Templar.
Dracul Van Helsing approached the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.
He was stark naked.
For he had been drinking bottles of Coca-Cola all afternoon and was quite over caffeinated.
As such, he had forgot to put any clothes on.
Furious, Morgana ordered Dracul to lie across her skirted and silk pantyhose lap as she sat on a gravestone and then pulled out a large wooden hairbrush that she used to give the vampire hunter a spanking he’d never forget.
When she had finished, Dracul mounted Morgana and made wild passionate love to her.
The Hindu god Shiva had been walking by the cemetery with his wife Kali at the time.
Both deities were in London attending the grand opening of London’s latest world class curry 🍛 restaurant serving the best Indian food outside India.
As Dracul and Morgana both came, Shiva remarked to Kali, “That’s the greatest explosion 💥 I’ve seen since Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer detonated the first atomic bomb at the Trinity test in New Mexico on July 16th 1945 and quoted the Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” “
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 29th
2018.
The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth
The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol sighed as he put down the phone at Interpol headquarters in Lyon, France.
Despite Pope Francis’ recent pronouncement on the subject, all Hell was quite literally breaking loose upon the world.
And to top it off his associate who was his ally in battling evil supernatural forces the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was nowhere to be found.
The first example of something majorly supernatural happening in this sixth month of the Year of Our Lord 2018 was that the famous legendary ghost ship The Flying Dutchman had just been spotted in the harbour of Port Elizabeth South Africa 🇿🇦.
Hundreds of people had seen the ship according to Port Elizabeth police reports and eyewitness statements.
But the really strange thing about the incident was these same eyewitnesses tried to take photos of the ship with their smart phones or in a few rare cases those old fashioned instruments known as the Polaroid, Kodak and Nikon cameras 📷.
But in every single instance where a picture was taken of the Flying Dutchman entering Port Elizabeth harbour, the photo (be it on smart phone or Polaroid or Kodak or Nikon camera) turned out to be a photograph of Donald Trump wearing a pair of Canadian shoes with his British valet and butler Lexington hitting them with a hammer trying to make them look old and scruffy.
In those instances where people tried to shoot a video of the Flying Dutchman entering Port Elizabeth harbour, the same image would appear only in motion and with sound.
The video showed Lexington playing an old 1920s gramophone in the background so that Donald Trump’s pair of Canadian shoes 👞 would sound old as well.
Fortunately for posterity as far as Peter Whitstable was concerned, it so happened that the great South African artist SAREJESS (whose real name was Timothy Wood but who painted under the nom-de-plume SAREJESS which was a combination of the first letters of his 3 daughters’ names Sarah, Rebecca and Jessica) happened to be on the yacht The Aphrodite Emerald Star of The Ocean at the time.
The Aphrodite Emerald Star of The Ocean was owned by the Irish Greek shipping tycoon Heraclitus O’ Spazzis who being blind (after a tragic visit to the City of Calgary) had recently proposed marriage to Hillary Clinton should she ever become a widow.
SAREJESS had been hired as a guide by O’Spazzis to take him out to the best fishing spots off Port Elizabeth.
The yacht was returning to the harbour after O’ Spazzis had caught an amazing 153 fishes when the Flying Dutchman appeared.
“What’s all the excitement about?” The blind O’ Spazzis asked as he ate his Guinness laced shepherd’s pie 🥧 and his Ouzo laced lamb Souvlaki and heard loud and excited cries coming from shore.
“It’s the Flying Dutchman,” his skipper Hades Charon answered.
“Damn, I wish I could see it,” O’ Spazzis sipped his Doppelgänger (a drink that was a deadly combination of 1/2 Guinness and 1/2 ouzo), “Stupid Calgary cowboys letting their fat ugly cows wander on the city streets like that.”
Venus O’ Hara the executive assistant to Mr. O’ Spazzis took a picture of the Flying Dutchman with her smart phone and then exclaimed, “Damn! All I got was a picture of Donald Trump trying to smuggle a pair of Canadian shoes across the Alberta-Montana border.”
On the yacht’s radio, Madonna could be heard singing, “You keep on pushing my love over the borderline…”
Hades Charon tried to record a video with his smart phone and got the same imagery showing up.
On the video Trump could be heard saying, “It’s because of illegal shoe smuggling that we need to put tariffs on Canada…”
“… feels like I’m going to lose my mind…” Madonna continued singing.
Fortunately, Timothy (aka SAREJESS) had remembered to bring his paintbrush 🖌, a palette 🎨, a canvas and his paints with him.
Timothy sat down on board the deck of the yacht The Aphrodite Emerald Star of The Ocean and immediately started painting a picture of the Flying Dutchman within sight of the modern skyline of the city of Port Elizabeth South Africa.
The yacht lay anchored there for the next several hours while Tim painted his picture.
When he had finished, the Flying Dutchman ghost ship then turned around and sailed out of the harbour.
“Shit! It’s leaving!” Several voices exclaimed on shore, “And what’s up with all these fucking pics of Donald Trump trying to smuggle a pair of Canadian shoes across the border anyways?”.
Peter Whitstable gazed at the photo of the SAREJESS painting entitled The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth.
“Well at least this image has been recorded for posterity,” Whitstable smiled, “what a great moment in art history.”
Meanwhile on the Port Elizabeth beach, the famous London art historian, curator and art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest sat sipping a Mai Tai.
His living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟♂️ sat drinking a glass of Jameson Irish Whiskey 🥃 attempting to paint 🎨 a picture of the Flying Dutchman with his paintbrush 🖌 on canvas.
“How are you coming, Mulligan?” Forrest asked.
“By all the blessed saints in their ongoing cosmic wrestling match with the demon Mephistopheles,” Mulligan bellyached as he rubbed his stomach, “this paintbrush seems to have a mind of its own. All I get is a picture of Donald Trump trying to smuggle a pair of Canadian shoes 👞 across the Canada-U.S. border.”
“Real geniuses don’t get caught smuggling shoes,” Forrest remarked as he looked at the painting which showed Robert Mueller holding a pair of handcuffs as Trump crossed the border wearing a pair of shoes emblazoned with the Canadian maple 🍁 leaf and the Canadian beaver.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 19th
2018.
If you wish to own the original of this amazing SAREJESS painting The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth
please contact Timothy Wood at his South African phone number:
084 996 5316
or if you just wish to own a limited edition personally autographed print of the painting, also contact Tim at the same number:
084 996 5316
Renfield Sees A Ghost At Windsor Castle
Renfield Sees A Ghost At Windsor Castle
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was the sole politician in the world to have been among the 600 officially invited guests to the wedding ceremony of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on this Saturday May 19th 2018 in Saint George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle.
Renfield managed to get an invitation to the wedding by presenting Prince Harry and Meghan with an original painting of the wedding ceremony at Cana of Galilee (where the Lord Jesus Christ turned water into wine 🍷- one Biblical passage that is not often talked about in most teetotaling Baptist Church sermons) painted by the great early 19th Century Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai. Renfield gave the painting to the couple on the very day they announced their engagement on November 27th of last year.
The Queen approved of the invitation to Renfield as she was rather fond of him since he saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool.
Renfield arrived dressed in a dashing looking formal suit, tie, top hat and late Victorian early Edwardian walking stick.
He also wore a red rose 🌹 in his lapel (a red rose that had been given to him by his good friend the famous London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest).
Dashwood was grateful to him because Renfield managed to convince Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to postpone laser eye surgery treatment on some rather important celestial deities and instead perform surgery on and stitch together Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie 🧟♂️.
Mulligan had been blown to pieces when he had rather heroically landed on top of a suicide bomber to prevent anyone else being injured or killed at the official opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem earlier this week.
In addition to giving Renfield the rose to put in his lapel, Dashwood also showed him the latest painting he had acquired painted by the little known Renaissance English painter Henry Tudor (better known to history as Henry VIII).
The painting was of Henry’s mistress later 2nd wife Anne Boleyn.
Coincidentally enough, Anne Boleyn herself had been beheaded on this date May 19th back in 1536.
“So that’s what Anne Boleyn looked like before she lost her head eh?” Renfield whistled, “Quite the catch.”
Renfield thoroughly enjoyed the service at Saint George’s Chapel.
He thought he might be able to catch some sleep during the sermon (as Renfield often slept through most sermons given by Church of England clergy) but to his surprise the sermon was given by the Presiding Bishop of the U.S. Episcopal Church Bishop Michael Bruce Curry who spoke with all the passion and fervour of a Southern Gospel preacher or Pentecostal minister.
Renfield was absolutely riveted by Bishop Curry’s address on The Power of Love (as was everyone else in Saint George’s Chapel on this day).
He made a mental note to himself to ask his friend Amadeus Emanon to lend him his Bible so he could read for himself The Song of Solomon to which Bishop Curry referred.
After the service, Renfield went to the wedding reception to enjoy some wedding cake.
He however was not among the 200 guests made up of close friends and family who were invited to the reception hosted by Charles Prince of Wales at Frogmore House on Saturday night.
So Renfield chose to walk around Windsor Castle late at night.
It was then that Renfield saw the woman who was the spitting image of Anne Boleyn in the Henry Tudor painting now in the possession of Dashwood Forrest.
The ghost of Anne Boleyn- this time with her head once again upon her shoulders.
“Wow!” Renfield thought aloud, “Anne Boleyn must have been so happy by the union of Harry and Meghan in life that her head and body have now united in death.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 19th
2018.
Reblog of An Evening At The Mermaid Art Exhibit
A vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago about an evening at the mermaid art exhibit which turned out to be as riotous as the Marx Brothers’ night at the opera:
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin the curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery announced to those gathered at the Mermaid Art Exhibit’s opening night, “regrettably the artist Miss Charmaine Olivia will not be able to be with us this evening…”
The crowd moaned and groaned their disappointment.
“Yes,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin sighed in sympathy, “Miss Olivia ate some rather bad tuna fish sandwiches earlier this evening that she had thought had come from the Exhibit caterers but they turned out to have been brought in by a mysterious third party…”
“So she’s the one who ate all my tuna fish sandwiches that I had brought with me tonight,” Renfield seethed to Amadeus.
“Then you might have been the one who came down with food poisoning,” Amadeus pointed out.
“I guess every cloud has a silver lining,” Renfield grinned.
A dark cloud appeared over the gallery and an American silver…
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Reblog of The Moriarty-Rocher Romance: Sherrielock Holmes Off To The Mermaid Art Exhibit
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote back in January 2017.
In it, the romance between Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandfather Prof. James Moriarty and Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandmother Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher is talked about:
“You look wonderful, great-grandmother,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher kissed Sherrielock Holmes on the cheek.
“Thank you, Cadbury,” Sherrielock smiled at the compliment.
“Have you seen the photos of my genetically created winged horse Pegasus that I have put up on Facebook?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher proudly asked.
“How can I not help but notice when you keep posting pics every two minutes,” Sherrielock sighed, “I finally had to cut off your news feed.”
“You cut off my Facebook news feed?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked horrified, “Great-Grandma,how could you do that?”.
“Oh stop pouting, Cadbury,” Sherrielock commanded, “or I’ll have to give you a spanking.”
Dr. Cadbury Rocher stopped pouting.
The resident mad scientist for Set Enterprises did have quite the evil side. Of course that was to be expected working for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (whose claim to fame was bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) and for being a co-employee…
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Reblog- Sherrielock Holmes Invited To Mermaid Art Exhibit
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:
Sherrielock Holmes was wearing an exquisite turquoise evening dress. She had been invited to an exhibition of paintings of mermaids done by artist Charmaine Olivia at a new London art gallery- The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.
Her escort for this evening would be her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Of course she would not be introduced as Cadbury’s great-grandmother at the Exhibit Opening Night Party. People might talk.
For Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) had turned immortal one fine day back in the 1890s when she had eaten a special blend of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms prepared for her by her boyfriend later husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great-grandfather).
Sadly her love Dr. Louis Rocher did not prepare and eat a bunch of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms for himself. For whatever reason, he decided to wait to eat the mushroom elixir of life. When the…
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Paris In The 1890s
Paris In The 1890s
The man walked around the exhibit at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.
The exhibit was titled Paris In The 1890s.
As he stared at each portrait of a beautiful Parisienne woman sitting in a sidewalk cafe, the man felt he had been there.
That he had once met each woman in the particular portrait.
“You get the feeling that the artist himself was actually there, don’t you?” Forrest the art gallery proprietor remarked as he walked over to the man.
“Yes,” the man looked at Forrest, “yes you do.”
The man turned and walked out into the night.
And then quite literally vanished.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 16th
2018.
South African Artist SAREJESS Paints Reproduction of Hokusai’s The Great Wave
My friend the up and coming South African artist Timothy Wood who paints under the name SAREJESS has just finished painting his reproduction of the great Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai’s masterpiece The Great Wave 🌊.
A few months ago I happen to see a program about the paintings of Japanese Artists at the time I thought “that is easy I can do That” I also thought of my friend in Canada Chris Milner who is on WordPress and of his love for things Asian.
Last week my friend Shirley Yates gave a framed print of a Chinese water color to her niece and I thought time to paint my reproduction of the great wave. So I did an observation about people and the silliest things they can say to an artist are
When they really don’t like your painting
“After all it is your painting”
When the painting confounds them.
“interesting ”
