₱ainting of The Countess Gina
The Femme Fatale Art Thief
The femme fatale art thief
Atargatis In Moscow
Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin
Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.
Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”
Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”
Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.
When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.
Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.
The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.
“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.
“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.
Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.
The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.
It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.
Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.
“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.
“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.
Atargatis? Or Welles?
Whose offer should he Putin accept?
“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.
Morgan Le Fay
Picture of Morgan Le Fay
“So you’re trying to track down the original painting that appears at this website?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked Dashwood Forrest the owner and curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.
“I am,” Forrest nodded, “I’ve come across sketches of this portrait in various books and they say it’s a portrait of Morgan Le Fay.”
“The Arthurian era enchantress?” Renfield sipped a martini, “But the woman in this portrait looks like a woman of the 1930s judging by her hairstyle and style of dress. I thought Morgan Le Fay died back in the Arthurian era.”
“There were rumours that back in 1930 an archaeologist found her grave on the Isle of Avalon not far from Glastonbury and a spiritist medium friend of the archaeologist used her incredible occultic powers to bring Morgan Le Fay back from the dead,” Forrest explained.
“And someone in the decade of the 1930s painted her picture?” Renfield finished his martini.
“Yes,” Forrest nodded.
“I wonder who?” Renfield looked at the website photograph of the painting as Forrest shrugged.
. . .
The ghost of Winston Churchill and the ghost of Orson Welles were sitting in comfortable armchairs in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.
Both were smoking spectral cigars.
Churchill was sipping a spectral brandy.
And Welles was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.
“Anyways,” Churchill continued with his story to Welles, “In my painting career, I painted in various different painting styles. I once painted what looked to be in style a black and white photo of Morgan Le Fay but it was actually a painting. One I must say I was exceptionally proud of. Sadly, Clementine didn’t like it and gave it away to someone. She wouldn’t say who. She didn’t want me to get it back. I think Clementine was jealous of Morgan Le Fay’s exceptional beauty.”
“Do you mean Morgan Le Fay the Arthurian era enchantress?” Welles almost spilled his spectral glass of spectral red wine all over his ghostly suit, “But I thought she died back in Arthurian times.”
“She was apparently brought back from the dead in 1930,” Churchill explained.
“Is she still alive today?” Welles asked.
. . .
“Is this seat taken?” The beautiful and attractive young woman asked Dracul Van Helsing in the Saint George’s Pub.
“No, it most definitely is not,” Van Helsing answered.
The woman sat down in the pub booth directly across from Dracul Van Helsing.
Her dress, her fur covering, her necklace, her gloves, her hairstyle and appearance seem to have been accurately and prophetically depicted by one Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill many decades ago.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 21st
2021.
The Medusa Portrait
The Medusa Portrait
Dr. Lionel Jarrett a professor of Classics at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan stood looking at his daughter Eva while London art gallery curator Dashwood Forrest (owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery) stood alongside a portrait painting of the famous Medusa.
The portrait of Medusa had been painted by Oscar Wilde who was much better known for his witty repartee, his plays, his short stories, his poems, his children’s stories and his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray than he was for artistically painting pictures.
It was only recently that Dashwood Forrest in his research and investigations had uncovered that Wilde was an artist (in the painting sense of that term) as well as a writer.
Wilde had apparently painted this picture of Medusa after a wild night of drinking absinthe and trying to write a poem about her.
In his dream that inspired the painting, Wilde had Medusa sit for him while he set up his canvas, palette and paints.
Medusa had returned for this sitting just after her appointment with her gay Spartan hairdresser.
Boasted the hairdresser at her appointment, “I had 299 fellow Spartans at my backside making us a noble band of 300 but I refused to bow the knee to the King of Persia.”
The hairdresser’s bloodcurdling tale had caused serpentlike curls to form at the top of Medusa’s hair which Wilde was able to capture in this sitting.
The serpents of course never did leave Medusa’s hair.
It really was the Hairstyling Appointment From Hell.
When Wilde woke up, he discovered that he had been sleep painting and had painted the portrait to its final finish.
Dr. Lionel Jarrett looking at his daughter Eva said he’d buy the painting for her.
The ghost of Orson Welles (just recently returned from Luxor, Egypt) took a black and white photo of the happy moment.
. . .
A naked Donald Trump was in the shower showering his golden toupee as his son-in-law Jared Kushner sat blindfolded outside the clear screen see-through screen shower cubicle.
“So, Jared,” Trump was using Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, “How did you get Israel and the United Arab Emirates to agree to establish diplomatic relations with one another?”.
“Well, Ivanka asked her friend London art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest to ask his friend the ex-Gorgon Medusa to visit a gay hairdresser in the town of Sparti, Greece (which lies at the site of ancient Sparta) and when she got snakes back in her hair, she was going to visit both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Abu Dhabi Crown Prince Mohammed Al Nayhan and turn them to stone unless they agreed to establish diplomatic relations with each other.”
“So the answer to establishing peace is to get stoned?” Trump asked Kushner.
Meanwhile down in his basement, Democratic Party presumptive Presidential nominee Joe Biden was talking to his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant whom he had named Sweet Dementia, “Wow, that’s really crazy, man. You mean Kamala is descended from a slave owning family on the island of Jamaica and not descended from slaves? Wow, that really blows my mind. Good thing for me, my mind was blown a long time ago. Fortunately for me, most of the mainstream news media in this country are all disinformation branches of the New World Order Ministry of Propaganda and won’t bother mentioning that. Since Kamala and I are going to bring the Marxist New World Order to America. Now, I think I’ll go take a shower, Sweet Dementia. Care to join me?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 13th
2020.
Marie Persephone Duvalier
Marie Persephone Duvalier
“Marie Persephone Duvalier,” said Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander reporter for The Times of London.
“You’ve heard of her?” Dashwood Forrest the owner and curator of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London approached the ghost of the ghostly white little amphibian.
“I have been researching her,” Belvedere answered, “Who painted this picture?.”
“Enrique Gomez a Cuban artist,” Dashwood replied, “Originally a supporter of Castro’s Revolution, he turned against it. He was one of the Cubans recruited by G. Gordon Liddy to work for the White House Plumbers during the Richard M. Nixon Presidency. Alas! Poor Enrique! He found out too late that you shouldn’t screw a lightbulb into a light socket with the power still on especially if your hands are still wet from fixing an overflowing toilet in a bathroom in the Watergate Hotel. His funeral was held a few days later in Miami. Nixon resigned before he could posthumously award Enrique the Presidential Medal of Freedom.”
“A very good artist,” Belvedere studied the painting, “A better artist than plumber-electrician obviously. He’s certainly captured Miss Duvalier’s spirit and personality.”
“Who was Marie Persephone Duvalier?” Dashwood asked.
“Well,” Belvedere took a spectral tobacco pipe out of his press kit and lit it, “She was a spy and secret agent. But her cover was that of a singer in some of Havana’s best night spots and night clubs before Fidel Castro seized power and, acting like a health expert in the time of Covid, put an end to all the fun.”
“Who was she a spy for?” Dashwood inquired.
“Britain’s MI-6,” Belvedere answered, “Her most famous assignment (still unknown to the world at large) was to stop Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista from granting a casino licence to the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler who was an officer of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau. Kohler was hoping to use the profits and proceeds from the casino to help pay for the emergence of a global Neo-Nazi Army. Kohler, who had come down with the world’s first known (but totally unpublicized) case of Covid-19 as a result of hanging around with the wrong sort of bats (his diary recounting this was discovered by the Chinese Ministry of State Security who passed on the relevant information to the Wuhan Institute of Virology) was unable to come to Havana to seal the deal personally. Instead he sent his vampire assistant to seal the deal with Batista. The assistant was named Col. Otto Klein Fink.”
. . .
Col. Otto Klein Fink was shaving in his Havana hotel bathroom getting ready for his nighttime meeting with Cuban President Fulgencio Batista.
There was a knock at the door.
And standing there was a very beautiful woman.
“Wow,” Col. Fink was impressed, “Aren’t you Marie Persephone Duvalier?”.
Col. Fink had watched her sing last night in the hotel lounge.
“I am,” she smiled at him, “I’ve ordered dinner for the two of us. Steak and lobster.”
“Wonderful,” Col. Fink smiled.
The hotel waiter wheeled a white cloth napkin covered table into the room which was loaded with silver platters.
He then left.
“I’ll give you your steak,” Marie Duvalier smiled.
She lifted the silver platter and grabbed a wooden stake from the tray and plunged it into Col. Fink’s heart.
“I can’t believe I fell for that,” Col. Fink sighed before crumbling into dust.
The lobster (that was still uncooked) crawled off the table, out the door, down the stairs, out the lobby door, down various streets and eventually back into the sea (where one of his progeny would become Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster of Set Enterprises).
Marie Persephone Duvalier then left for home.
As Marie walked down the street, she passed Enrique Gomez’s street studio.
“Miss Duvalier, hold that pose,” Enrique begged.
Marie bravely held that same pose for the next several hours.
The only problem was that at one point the wind died down.
So Marie’s hair ceased blowing.
Enrique solved that problem by getting an American gentleman (who was a CIA agent under cover unbeknownst to Gomez) to get an electric fan with a long extension cord and to hold it to continue blowing Marie’s hair while he finished the painting.
At one point in the early morning, a Havana taxi cab drove by splashing water from a small pot hole on to the American CIA gentleman holding the electric fan.
The CIA agent’s funeral would be held in Miami a few days later.
And as for the electric fan with the long extension cord, it was a write-off.
But at least Enrique Gomez had finished his painting of the beautiful Marie Persephone Duvalier.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 9th
2020.
The Portrait of Dorian Gray’s Teddy Bear
The Portrait of Dorian Gray’s Teddy Bear
Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery had spent the day visiting a London Christmas Market.
On his way home, he had visited a small antique store where he noticed a rather old painting of a child’s teddy bear.
Intrigued by the painting, Forrest had bought the painting for £20 and brought it back to his gallery with him.
He gave the painting a cleaning and noticed the name of the artist- Basil Hallward.
The same artist who had painted the original portrait of Dorian Gray that Forrest had purchased at an estate sale back in October of 2012.
Prior to purchasing that painting, Forrest had just believed that the artist Basil Hallward was a fictional character and the famous portrait of Dorian Gray had been a figment of Oscar Wilde’s imagination.
Back on September 3rd of this year, the figure of Dorian Gray had disappeared from the painting when Hurricane Dorian had struck the Caribbean.
Only to return when the storm finally faded into oblivion.
And now here was a portrait of a teddy bear done by the same man who had painted a portrait of Dorian Gray.
Forrest noticed the year below Basil Hallward’s name -1860- the same year he had painted the picture of Dorian Gray.
Forrest decided to take the frame off and check the back of the canvas of the painting.
There on the back of the canvas of the painting were the words Portrait of Dorian Gray’s Toy Bear- painted 1860.
So Dorian Gray had owned a teddy bear before teddy bears became popular (teddy bears had emerged as a phenomenon back in the early 1900s and the toy bears had in fact been named after Teddy Roosevelt who was the U.S. President of the day).
Forrest went to the secluded room in the gallery where he kept the picture of Dorian Gray.
He hung the portrait of Dorian Gray’s teddy bear next to Gray’s portrait.
He then put the velvet curtains up again in front of both paintings, turned off the lights and closed the door.
Had he stayed in the room a few minutes longer, he’d have noticed the figure of Dorian Gray’s teddy bear in the portrait had gone missing.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 9th
2019.
Harvey Tallbanger and The Artist
The night was somewhat cool as if February had crept in to steal a backwards glance in the midst of a late April evening.
And Liam Van Stope carried his work with him as he walked from place to place.
For Liam Van Stope was an artist and the work he carried was a huge white sketchpad along with a box of pastel crayons.
There he would walk from cafe to cafe sketching and colouring the patrons and customers.
For Liam Van Stope wished that the Paris of Toulouse-Lautrec and Vincent Van Gogh would never go away.
Oblivious to the idea that the Paris of Van Gogh and Lautrec was separate from the Paris of 2019 by more than a century.
And soon the Paris of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway would likewise be separated from the contemporary Paris by a century.
And as far as the thinking of Emmanuel Macron and some of the world’s so-called leading architects goes, the Notre Dame of the ages would soon be separated by a new Notre Dame by vast millenia.
Liam Van Stope walked into Quasimodo’s Cafe an establishment named after Victor Hugo’s famous character who had carried a hunted gypsy girl across the threshold of the Notre Dame of the ages and cried “Sanctuary”.
Liam recognized Esmeralda the gypsy girl who like her namesake in Victor Hugo’s novel danced the eternal dance of the gypsies though unlike her namesake danced in this cafe on weekends and not on the streets in front of Notre Dame at night unintentionally arousing the lust of a Notre Dame archdeacon who would endeavour to bring Hell on earth instead of absolution when his lust went unrequited.
Liam ordered a cognac and looked around the cafe on this quiet Sunday evening wondering whom he could sketch.
When he first entered the cafe, he had noticed Esmeralda talking animatedly to the empty seat next to her.
Ah, Liam thought to himself, when he had seen this, that will soon be all of us one day. All of us talking to ghosts. Talking to ghosts of a Paris that will soon be found only in the history books.
Esmeralda noticed Liam sitting in the corner booth with his sketch pad open at a blank page and his sketching pencil in hand waiting to draw when the inspiration hit.
She motioned to the maitre’d and pointed in Liam’s direction.
Within minutes, the maitre’d arrived at Liam’s table with a drink in hand that looked to be partially made from orange juice.
‘Excuse me, sir,” the maitre’d said, “but Miss Esmeralda thinks you might like to drink this for inspiration.”
“What is it?” Liam asked.
“It’s called a Harvey Wallbanger, sir,” the British maitre’d working with stiff upper lip in a Parisienne cafe replied.
The maitre’d bowed and left.
Liam took a sip of the drink.
Then another.
And then another.
It was good, Liam had to admit.
The artist then noticed that sitting next to Esmeralda at the bar was a bunny rabbit.
A very tall bunny rabbit.
Probably about 6 foot 8 in height, Liam estimated.
The bunny rabbit was white in colour with big pink floppety ears and a big pink floppety tail.
He was wearing a pair of denim blue colour overalls as well as a tall black bowler hat that his big pink floppety ears were sticking through.
Liam began sketching and began applying the pastel crayons to his subject.
He had soon completed the picture.
“Excuse me, sir,” Liam walked up to the bunny rabbit, “but what is your name?”.
“Harvey Tallbanger,” the rabbit replied.
“A name that must be recorded for posterity,” Liam said as he wrote down the name.
The artist then bowed to Esmeralda and said, “Thank you for the drink.”
When he returned to his studio apartment, Liam had been doing some reflecting on his subject of Harvey Tallbanger.
There was something quixotic about that bunny rabbit, Liam thought to himself.
He went over to his palette and canvas.
He decided he would paint Harvey Wallbanger as Don Quixote.
Minus the knightly armour.
He would have Harvey wearing his denim blue coloured overalls and his bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears would stick through) but he’d be riding Don Quixote’s horse Rocinante and he’d have a lance in his hand and he’d be charging at the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret in the Montmartre district of Paris.
As he painted, Liam sang the theme song from the musical Man of La Mancha:
“To dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe
…
To run where the brave dare not go
…
To reach the unreachable star…”
And with that, Liam Van Stope a dreamer painted his quixotic picture of the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger now visible in his blue denim coloured overalls and black bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears stuck through) as Don Quixote riding his horse and battling the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 28th
2019.
Esmeralda the gypsy: Inspiring bunny rabbits like Harvey Tallbanger
and artists like Liam Van Stope.
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London cemetery.
The British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales 🏴 was trying to track down the location of the Ring of Solomon in Israel on behalf of the British government and Set Enterprises.
The Ring of Solomon was the ring that Israel’s King Solomon used to control both demons and djinn 🧞♀️ 🧞♂️ to help him build a Temple to God in Jerusalem.
It had been found in Jerusalem back on December 11th 1917 when British General Edmund Allenby captured the city from the Ottoman Turks.
Allenby had ordered the ring hidden.
He had the location of the ring hidden in code in an oil painting that Allenby had commissioned be painted of his good friend the late Sir Simon Baskerville after the British spymaster’s assassination by Intelligence agents of the German Kaiser.
The oil painting had stood in plain view in the abandoned halls of Baskerville Hall until this past Saturday.
Baskerville Hall was currently owned by London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest.
Morgana had got her good friend the maker of Britain’s best frozen steak and kidney pie dinners millionaire Sir Rodney Fahrenham to purchase the painting from Forrest.
Forrest had gone to the Baskerville Hall estate in Devon yesterday to pick up the painting of Sir Simon Baskerville.
And there in the empty frame where the portrait had been- stood- Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal- the vampiress who along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar had been secretly controlling the Vatican since October 13th of last year.
Allatallahbel had flashed a wicked vampiress smile – bearing her vampiric incisors at the Oscar Wilde admiring flamboyant London art gallery dealer.
An astral projected image of a talking otter (who was vigorously holding a bottle of bourbon in one of his flippers) that was being astral projected by DARPA headquarters in the U.S. urged Dashwood to “Run, Forrest, run.”
The talking otter need say no more (and indeed he didn’t- for he immediately started drinking from the bottle of bourbon).
Forrest ran as fast as his legs could carry him.
While the halls of Baskerville Hall rang out with the sinister vampiress laughter of Allatallahbel.
Beneath the great majestic staircase of Baskerville Hall, The Vampiric Knights-Templar stood like choir boys and sang,
“Deck the halls with laughs of vampiress- fang-la-la-la-la…”
Morgana had contacted Dracul Van Helsing for advice on how to get the portrait painting of Sir Simon Baskerville back from Allatallahbel and the Vampiric Knights-Templar.
Dracul Van Helsing approached the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.
He was stark naked.
For he had been drinking bottles of Coca-Cola all afternoon and was quite over caffeinated.
As such, he had forgot to put any clothes on.
Furious, Morgana ordered Dracul to lie across her skirted and silk pantyhose lap as she sat on a gravestone and then pulled out a large wooden hairbrush that she used to give the vampire hunter a spanking he’d never forget.
When she had finished, Dracul mounted Morgana and made wild passionate love to her.
The Hindu god Shiva had been walking by the cemetery with his wife Kali at the time.
Both deities were in London attending the grand opening of London’s latest world class curry 🍛 restaurant serving the best Indian food outside India.
As Dracul and Morgana both came, Shiva remarked to Kali, “That’s the greatest explosion 💥 I’ve seen since Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer detonated the first atomic bomb at the Trinity test in New Mexico on July 16th 1945 and quoted the Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” “
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 29th
2018.
The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth
The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol sighed as he put down the phone at Interpol headquarters in Lyon, France.
Despite Pope Francis’ recent pronouncement on the subject, all Hell was quite literally breaking loose upon the world.
And to top it off his associate who was his ally in battling evil supernatural forces the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was nowhere to be found.
The first example of something majorly supernatural happening in this sixth month of the Year of Our Lord 2018 was that the famous legendary ghost ship The Flying Dutchman had just been spotted in the harbour of Port Elizabeth South Africa 🇿🇦.
Hundreds of people had seen the ship according to Port Elizabeth police reports and eyewitness statements.
But the really strange thing about the incident was these same eyewitnesses tried to take photos of the ship with their smart phones or in a few rare cases those old fashioned instruments known as the Polaroid, Kodak and Nikon cameras 📷.
But in every single instance where a picture was taken of the Flying Dutchman entering Port Elizabeth harbour, the photo (be it on smart phone or Polaroid or Kodak or Nikon camera) turned out to be a photograph of Donald Trump wearing a pair of Canadian shoes with his British valet and butler Lexington hitting them with a hammer trying to make them look old and scruffy.
In those instances where people tried to shoot a video of the Flying Dutchman entering Port Elizabeth harbour, the same image would appear only in motion and with sound.
The video showed Lexington playing an old 1920s gramophone in the background so that Donald Trump’s pair of Canadian shoes 👞 would sound old as well.
Fortunately for posterity as far as Peter Whitstable was concerned, it so happened that the great South African artist SAREJESS (whose real name was Timothy Wood but who painted under the nom-de-plume SAREJESS which was a combination of the first letters of his 3 daughters’ names Sarah, Rebecca and Jessica) happened to be on the yacht The Aphrodite Emerald Star of The Ocean at the time.
The Aphrodite Emerald Star of The Ocean was owned by the Irish Greek shipping tycoon Heraclitus O’ Spazzis who being blind (after a tragic visit to the City of Calgary) had recently proposed marriage to Hillary Clinton should she ever become a widow.
SAREJESS had been hired as a guide by O’Spazzis to take him out to the best fishing spots off Port Elizabeth.
The yacht was returning to the harbour after O’ Spazzis had caught an amazing 153 fishes when the Flying Dutchman appeared.
“What’s all the excitement about?” The blind O’ Spazzis asked as he ate his Guinness laced shepherd’s pie 🥧 and his Ouzo laced lamb Souvlaki and heard loud and excited cries coming from shore.
“It’s the Flying Dutchman,” his skipper Hades Charon answered.
“Damn, I wish I could see it,” O’ Spazzis sipped his Doppelgänger (a drink that was a deadly combination of 1/2 Guinness and 1/2 ouzo), “Stupid Calgary cowboys letting their fat ugly cows wander on the city streets like that.”
Venus O’ Hara the executive assistant to Mr. O’ Spazzis took a picture of the Flying Dutchman with her smart phone and then exclaimed, “Damn! All I got was a picture of Donald Trump trying to smuggle a pair of Canadian shoes across the Alberta-Montana border.”
On the yacht’s radio, Madonna could be heard singing, “You keep on pushing my love over the borderline…”
Hades Charon tried to record a video with his smart phone and got the same imagery showing up.
On the video Trump could be heard saying, “It’s because of illegal shoe smuggling that we need to put tariffs on Canada…”
“… feels like I’m going to lose my mind…” Madonna continued singing.
Fortunately, Timothy (aka SAREJESS) had remembered to bring his paintbrush 🖌, a palette 🎨, a canvas and his paints with him.
Timothy sat down on board the deck of the yacht The Aphrodite Emerald Star of The Ocean and immediately started painting a picture of the Flying Dutchman within sight of the modern skyline of the city of Port Elizabeth South Africa.
The yacht lay anchored there for the next several hours while Tim painted his picture.
When he had finished, the Flying Dutchman ghost ship then turned around and sailed out of the harbour.
“Shit! It’s leaving!” Several voices exclaimed on shore, “And what’s up with all these fucking pics of Donald Trump trying to smuggle a pair of Canadian shoes across the border anyways?”.
Peter Whitstable gazed at the photo of the SAREJESS painting entitled The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth.
“Well at least this image has been recorded for posterity,” Whitstable smiled, “what a great moment in art history.”
Meanwhile on the Port Elizabeth beach, the famous London art historian, curator and art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest sat sipping a Mai Tai.
His living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟♂️ sat drinking a glass of Jameson Irish Whiskey 🥃 attempting to paint 🎨 a picture of the Flying Dutchman with his paintbrush 🖌 on canvas.
“How are you coming, Mulligan?” Forrest asked.
“By all the blessed saints in their ongoing cosmic wrestling match with the demon Mephistopheles,” Mulligan bellyached as he rubbed his stomach, “this paintbrush seems to have a mind of its own. All I get is a picture of Donald Trump trying to smuggle a pair of Canadian shoes 👞 across the Canada-U.S. border.”
“Real geniuses don’t get caught smuggling shoes,” Forrest remarked as he looked at the painting which showed Robert Mueller holding a pair of handcuffs as Trump crossed the border wearing a pair of shoes emblazoned with the Canadian maple 🍁 leaf and the Canadian beaver.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 19th
2018.
If you wish to own the original of this amazing SAREJESS painting The Flying Dutchman Within Sight of The Modern Skyline of Port Elizabeth
please contact Timothy Wood at his South African phone number:
084 996 5316
or if you just wish to own a limited edition personally autographed print of the painting, also contact Tim at the same number:
084 996 5316
Dracul Van Helsing 
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