Pan Goatee and The Origins of The Name Jack The Ripper

July 30, 2018 at 10:24 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Philosophy, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee and The Origins of The Name Jack The Ripper

Satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee was just leaving the bank when an ugly woman stepped in front of him.

He immediately beheaded her with his astral laser machete.

“Haven’t you heard the saying Beauty before ugliness, bitch?” Pan Goatee exclaimed before kicking the ugly woman’s head out into the parking lot.

He then walked down the sidewalk from the bank’s entrance to the mall’s main entrance.

As he walked through the doors, a beautiful woman standing there asked him, “My God but aren’t you the America’s Got Talent magician Aaron Crow?”.

Pan Goatee replied by looking like he was talking in sign language with his hands.

Then he smiled, “Just kidding. I’m actually Pan Goatee – satyr serial killer Extraordinaire, DARPA contract assassin Extraordinaire and the 21st Century’s leading Philosopher in the field of Aesthetics having just written a best selling book To Seek A More Beautiful World. You may have heard my great quote Some men see nightmares as they are and ask why? Others grab a machete and with beheadings end them.”

“You certainly look like Aaron Crow,” the beautiful woman asked for his autograph.

“So I’ve been told,” Pan Goatee smiled as he signed her wonderful knocker of a right breast that she whipped out from her blouse 👚, “That’s why numerous feminists boycott his magic shows. And why the Hillarybeast pledged to deport him back to Belgium 🇧🇪 his birthplace during the 2016 Presidential campaign and why she also promised to slap on a 666% tariff on Belgian waffles.”

“I love Belgian waffles,” the beautiful woman smiled as she orgasmed in her panties and turned her black mini skirt a creamy white colour.

“So do I,” Pan Goatee smiled as he orgasmed in his boxer shorts and showed a white lava pouring out of the volcano 🌋 on his Hawaiian scenery depicted boxers.

Pan Goatee then walked down the mall hallway when another ugly woman stepped in front of him.

Pan Goatee likewise beheaded her.

“God, you’re rude,” Pan Goatee said as he kicked the head into a Western Union money transfer chain franchise in the mall where radical Islamist imams transferred money to ISIS in the Middle East, “were you born and raised in a barn? I guess if you’re as ugly as you are, you probably were.”

Goatee then rounded another corner where he came face to face with another ugly woman.

He likewise beheaded her.

“Well, there goes my lunch,” Pan remarked as he vomited 🤮 all over the place even though he hadn’t yet eaten lunch.

He did however upchuck 🤮 his anti-psychotic medication (which didn’t seem to be working and never had).

On his way home, he came across two fat ugly blimps getting off the bus.

He likewise beheaded them.

“Who let the dogs out?” Pan Goatee quoted that old song.

. . .

And on the subject of serial killers, British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to speak to the London Ripperology Society (a society dedicated to the study of Jack The Ripper) on a topic of his own choice.

The Ripperologists filed in and during Renfield’s lecture, they were absolutely shocked by what he had to say.

The poster he presented on the screen at the end of his lecture summed up the theme of his talk:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 30th
2018.

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Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

June 20, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a transit bus 🚌 making sure the local transit system adhered to his Nietzschean principles of aesthetic beauty.

Just then an ugly looking high school girl boarded the bus.

Pan Goatee vomited 🤮 all over the person sitting next to him.

“You can probably get that out with Ultra-Tide laundry detergent,” Pan said as he stood up and removed his laser machete from his Angela Merkel emblazoned boxer shorts.

As the ugly looking high school girl stood by the back door of the bus, Pan Goatee immediately beheaded her and then cut her up into tiny little pieces.

He then pulled a whiskey bottle that contained Doppelgänger (a lethal combination of Irish Guinness and Greek Ouzo) out of his Hawaiian tropical shirt pocket and said, “Never send a sober nanite to do a drunken nanite’s job.”

He then poured the alcohol into the mouths of the already vomiting 🤮 nanoparticles sickened by the aesthetically challenged body parts of the ugly high school girl (who had even been considered too ugly to star in the horror flick High School of the Living Dead for which she recently auditioned).

The nanites then ate the body parts and continued vomiting 🤮 en masse.

Pan Goatee exited through the emergency hatch at the top of the bus as the nanite vomit continued to rise and ended up drowning all the passengers and the bus driver.

. . .

Donald Trump smiled at the TV camera as he signed an executive order banning the separation of immigrant children from their parents.

He then opened a box of Christmas pie he had been saving since last Christmas, put in his thumb, pulled out a plum and said, “What a good boy am I.”

Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump vomited 🤮 all over the Lincoln Bedroom after watching the spectacle on television.

Abe Lincoln’s ghost remarked, “I don’t blame you” as he spewed forth a nasty 🤢 looking flow of ectoplasm out of his mouth which no doubt would have caused the Ghostbusters (in the original 1984 film) to give up their day jobs.

. . .

As Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was getting an anonymous tip about a satanic cult performing a human sacrifice tomorrow in Geneva, Switzerland 🇨🇭, members of the satanic cult The Legion of Apollinarius were getting ready for their own H. P. Lovecraft style take on Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Eve.

The priest Petrus Romanus Puer Miratio Robinus was getting ready for the human sacrifice tomorrow night.

A Swiss cuckoo clock that had a bat 🦇 out of Hell for a cuckoo bird came out of the clock riding a fiery blazing chopper motorcycle 🏍 announcing the time.

Petrus was consulting the Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal in the steam furnace basement room of the early 20th Century church building where the human sacrifice would take place tomorrow night in the chapel and altar above.

Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal

“Hello Baphomet, are you there?” Petrus asked as Heidi Hannibal went into a channeling trance.

“I am,” Baphomet spoke in a deeply diabolical baritone voice through the lovely Swiss blonde.

“You must have a nice singing voice,” Petrus recalled a line that Bill Murray had used in the 1984 film Ghostbusters.

“You should hear me sing the role of Mephistopheles in Charles Gounod’s opera Faust,” Baphomet answered through Heidi Hannibal, “I even sing it better than Mephistopheles himself.”

“That I can believe,” answered Petrus who wasn’t impressed by Mephistopheles’ falsetto style voice.

“Have you made all the arrangements for tomorrow’s Midsummer Night’s non-Anglican Evensong service and satanic sacrifice?” Baphomet asked.

“The boys’ choir is putting in extra time,” Petrus admitted, “our lead singer just hit puberty last night after encountering Heidi wearing a short skirt.”

“Hm, I can see that happening,” Baphomet admitted, “make sure Heidi goes nowhere near the boys in the choir until after tomorrow night’s service.”

“I’ll do that, your Infernalness,” Petrus bowed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 20th
2018.

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The Sands of Time In The Hourglass: A Poem

July 19, 2017 at 2:20 pm (Life, News, Philosophy, Poetry) ()

Sands of Time In The Hourglass

The sands of time in the hourglass
show us this moment will not last
so Carpe Diem and seize the day
follow your dreams, come what may,

Even philosophers wasting away in Margaritaville
or any tavern within and without Seville
will tell you over their cocktail filled med,
“I’d rather die while I’m living than live when I’m dead.”

-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday June 29th 2017.

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Putin and The Polar Bear

November 15, 2016 at 5:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Philosophy, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Putin and The Polar Bear

Russian President Vladimir Putin had a polar bear teddy bear on his desk.

“Where did you get that, Comrade President?” His aide Yuri asked.

Putin smiled a rare smile for Putin, “A little girl in a town I visited last week gave it to me. She said to give it a hug whenever I feel stressed.”

“Nice,” Yuri nodded.

“And as President of Russia, I do feel stress,” Putin was in a reflective mood.

He looked at the globe of the world on his desk.

And looked at the map of Russia on the wall.

“I genuinely hope that we will be able to have good relations with the new Administration in Washington D.C.,” Putin touched his lips reflectively with his forefinger.

“I hope so too, Comrade President,” Yuri nodded.

Putin had a far away look in his eyes.

“Gold bullion for your thoughts, Mr. President,” said Yuri.

“What? Russian rubles are no longer good for you anymore, Yuri,” Putin laughed a rare laugh.

Yuri smiled, “What are you thinking about?”.

“About Shakespeare’s figure of MacBeth,” Putin answered philosophically, “about the 3 witches’ prophecy. Did MacBeth have to fulfill the prophecy or did he have free will? Could the witches have prophesied and then MacBeth decided not to do it? Not to kill Duncan? Did the fact that the witches prophesied mean he had to kill Duncan? Or was the prophecy just a warning of what might happen should Macbeth kill Duncan?”.

Yuri looked at his boss, “What brought this on?”.

“Oh, just something that I read that disturbed me lately,” Putin answered.

On another desk in his room, Putin’s Russian Bible was open to Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39.

“I believe God gave us free will, Excellency,” his aide answered, “unlike what witches like those in MacBeth might tell us, there’s always the possibility of hope.”

Putin looked over at a statue of Our Lady of Fatima that a Catholic priest from Portugal had once given him.

“Yes, there is, isn’t there?” Putin thought, “Do you know where Hitler once served over in France in World War I, Yuri?”.

“No, Mr. President,” Yuri shook his head.

“At Vimy Ridge which was finally taken by the Canadians in April, 1917,” Putin said, “and it was the Vimy Ridge War Memorial to the Canadian dead that was the one Entente allied war memorial from World War I that Hitler ordered not destroyed after France fell in 1940. As if for one brief moment, Hitler felt a sense of humanity with people who had fought his nation as enemies. Sadly it was only one brief shining moment like King Arthur’s Camelot was in that song in the famous Broadway musical of the 1960s.”

“What is it you’re trying to say, Comrade President?” Yuri inquired.

Putin was silent.

He picked up the polar bear teddy bear that the little girl had given him.

“Maybe it’s not big actions that make all the difference,” Putin commented, “maybe it’s small acts of kindness, a little here, a little there, a little everywhere that truly move the world.”

Putin used the little toy teddy bear polar bear to give the globe of the world a spin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 13th
2016.

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Haiku About Marshall McLuhan For His 114th Birthday Today

July 21, 2015 at 9:00 pm (Commentary, Culture, History, News, Philosophy, Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About Marshall McLuhan (For His 114th Birthday Today)

View TV and Net
medium is the message
global village Hell

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