If Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Lived In The 2020s

January 17, 2023 at 10:51 pm (Comedy, Comedy Skit, Commentary, Culture, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Literature, News, Plays, Short play/ comedy) (, , )

  • Actress Mary ₱ickford in the early 1920s: I wonder what Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson would be doing if they lived 100 years from now?
  • Scene: An unvaccinated Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are living in London at 221B Baker Street in the 2020s.
  • Holmes is smoking a ₱i₱e and reading an angry letter written to him by Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Castro “Sauron’s feces” Trudeau.
  • In the letter the ₱om₱ous and arrogant ₱i₱squeak of a ste₱son of Marxist existentialist ₱henomenologist ₱ierre Elliot Trudeau (who when alive fancied himself the ₱latonic ideal ruler of the Cosmos causing the Cosmos to vomit forth cosmic vomit for the first time in cosmic history) lambasted Holmes for being “racist, sexist, misogynistic and white su₱remacist for refusing to take the vaccine”.
  • Holmes blew smoke castles in the air after ₱utting the letter down, ₱icking u₱ his violin and ₱laying the Joni Mitchell song Both Sides Now on it.
  • When he had finished ₱laying, Holmes qui₱₱ed, “I wonder if the well roasted ghost of Karl Marx’s favourite fairy little ferret u₱ in Canada is aware that my mother was a Iban woman from Malaysia.”
  • “I doubt it very much, Holmes,” Watson coughed into his Earl Grey tea, “I don’t think Justin is very much aware of anything exce₱t his own hot air.”
  • “I do believe you’re right, Watson,” Holmes started drumming his fingerti₱s on his arm chair.
  • “Another rising young football star in Africa has just died suddenly and unex₱ectedly with no a₱₱arent cause,” Watson read a news₱a₱er headline.
  • Holmes: Ins₱ector Lestrade of Scotland Yard would say it’s not the vaccine.
  • “And a 20 year old U.S. Army College Football ₱layer has just died suddenly and unex₱ectedly with no a₱₱arent cause,” Watson read another headline.
  • Holmes: Lestrade would say it’s not the vaccine.
  • “Then,” Watson recalled, “There was Buffalo Bills football ₱layer Damar Hamlin who suffered cardiac arrest in front of millions of television viewers.”
  • Holmes: Lestrade would say it’s not the vaccine.
  • Watson si₱₱ed on a brandy, “Then of course there was Lisa Marie ₱resley’s sudden and unex₱ected death.”
  • Holmes: Lestrade would say it’s not the vaccine.”
  • Suddenly there was a violent ₱ounding and knocking at the door of 221B Baker Street.
  • A young ₱olice constable entered.
  • “Mr. Holmes, Dr. Watson,” the young constable’s face was ashen white, “Ins₱ector Lestrade has died suddenly and unex₱ectedly down at Scotland Yard.”
  • “I su₱₱ose his last words were it’s not the vaccine,” Holmes remarked.
  • “My God, Mr. Holmes,” the young constable’s jaw dro₱₱ed, “How did you know those were his last words?”.
  • -A comedy skit
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Tuesday January 17th
  • 2023.

    Permalink 6 Comments

  • Theatre At The Comedie-Francaise

    February 3, 2022 at 11:48 pm (Arts, Culture, History, Literature, Plays, Poetry, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , )

    She watched the play being performed
    Dom Juan ou le Festin de Pierre
    (Don Juan or The Feast of the Stone {Statue})
    A five-act 1665 comedy by Moliere

    As she watched with increased intensity

    She herself longed for a taste of Dom Juan’s own sword
    She licked her lips
    And reached for a handkerchief
    To dab a spot

    On the stage Dom Juan told a jealous husband,
    “Young Leibniz says this is the best of all possible worlds”
    To which the jealous husband replied,
    “Thou black hearted swine,thou hast made a cuckold of me
    Like Zeus did of Philip II of Macedon with Queen Olympias
    And you have the nerve to say,
    “This is the best of all possible worlds”.

    “Last night,” Dom Juan bit into an apple, “Your wife
    experienced the best of all possible worlds.”
    The husband went into a rage, lifted his sword
    and spoke, “I shall make a pork pie of thee
    And feed thy black heart to my chickens.”

    She watched the sword play on the stage
    And redness came to her cheeks
    “Oh let his heart be mine
    and not that of the chickens.”
    Her breasts rose up and down
    like a stormy night on
    the English Channel.

    “Oh, I am slain,” said the husband.
    “Young Leibniz is right,” Dom Juan smiled and raised his sword in triumph,
    “This is the best of all possible worlds.”

    The woman fainted in her seat.

    Later in the final act and the final scene
    As the stone statue of a man
    Whom Don Juan had murdered
    Carries Dom Juan down to Hell,
    Dom Juan shouts,
    “Young Leibniz is wrong,
    This is NOT the best of all possible worlds.”

    The woman up in the theatre balcony box
    Fanned herself with a handkerchief
    And said,
    “Oh Leibniz, there are more things in Hell
    Than are dreamt of in thy philosophy.”

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster
    Awakened from his dream
    And wondered if Moliere’s 1665
    production of Dom Juan
    was actually like that.

    -A poem and vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Thursday February 3rd

    Permalink 8 Comments

    Remembering Meat Loaf: Amadeus’ Tribute

    January 21, 2022 at 10:28 pm (Culture, Entertainment, History, Music, music videos, Plays, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

    Singer Meat Loaf (September 27th 1947 – January 20th 2022) Known for his album Bat Out of Hell and his hit song I’d Do Anything For Love

    Amadeus Emanon had just heard the news that one of his music idols Meat Loaf had just died at the age of 74.

    He decided to do a tribute in his memory.

    Amadeus who was a musician, a singer and an actor contacted some of his friends on social media about it this Friday night.

    They went down to St. James’s Park and acted out Amadeus’ improvisationally written play.

    The play began with a High Priest (who practiced satanism in private but was a respected ecclesiastical figure in public) who was plotting the death of a man who was a threat to him.

    The high priest said to one of his subordinates, “We’ll track him down. We’ll get him through his weakest link. His youngest follower.”

    The Apostle John (played by Amadeus) was approached by a girl (played by Angelique Dumont) he once knew.

    The girl kissed him and asked him to love her.

    As John slowly succumbed to the girl, the girl then made a request.

    And Amadeus replied, “I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that.”

    Amadeus then began singing the song lyrics,

    “And I would do anything for love but I won’t do that…”

    He sang the lyrics up until the lines

    “Some nights you’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before
    or will again…”

    Amadeus as the young Apostle John turns away from the girl played by Angelique.

    John (Amadeus) then turns to a fellow actor who’s playing Jesus,

    “And maybe I’m crazy
    Oh it’s crazy and it’s true
    I know you can save me
    No one else can save me now but you…

    That I would do anything for love
    I’ll be there till the final act.”

    John (Amadeus) bows to Jesus and then turned back to the girl he had known,

    “I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that.”

    The scene then turns back to the satanic High Priest, “So much for the theory about who I thought was the weakest link…”

    The High Priest is then approached by Judas Iscariot who sells out Christ for thirty pieces of silver.

    The Apostle Paul had it right when he said, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday January 21st

    Permalink 23 Comments

    Shakespearian Commentary On Contemporary Social Media

    June 2, 2021 at 10:33 pm (Plays, Short play) (, )

    Enter a servant into the study of Lord Falconcrest.

    Lord Falconcrest (moaning): Oh, woe is me. Woe is me.

    Servant: What is it, my lord?

    Lord Falconcrest: It has hit me with the full fury of an idiot that I accidentally sent a text message to my girlfriend last night instead of the woman I had slept with a couple of hours earlier. The message was meant for the eyes of the woman I had a chance but very pleasant encounter with.

    Servant: A grave matter indeed, my lord. Especially if it results in your sudden demise.

    Lord Falconcrest: Let me checketh out her Facebook page.

    (Falconcrest pulls out his smart phone and checks it)

    Lord Falconcrest: Oh, woe is me. Woe is me.

    Servant: My Lord?

    Lord Falconcrest: She hath changeth her status from being “In a relationship” to being “Single”. And I have been removed from her Friends list.

    Servant: It is a surprise that she hath not blocked thee, my lord.

    Lord Falconcrest: She no doubt wanteth me to see all the comments on her timeline from would-be suitors who want to move into the territory from which I have been so unceremoniously cast aside.

    Servant: If thou hast not grabbed another pussy before the blast of the last Trump of the evening before Joe Biden falleth down the stairs, thou wouldst not be in this predicament.

    Lord Falconcrest: Thou hast spoken wisely, noble Mercutio.

    Servant: It is as my old grandmother used to say on occasion- ‘Tis sometimes best to keep thy pecker in thy pants.”

    Lord Falconcrest: Oh, wouldy I had heard of thy grandmother’s sage advice before the cock crowed last night.

    -A Shakespearian style dialogue
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday June 2nd

    Permalink 10 Comments

    Hera and The Gangsters

    March 1, 2021 at 11:39 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Ghost Story, Mythology, Plays, Romance, The Supernatural, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    The Greek goddess Hera starring in a 1930s Broadway play about gangsters

    It was the decade of the 1930s.

    And the Greek goddess Hera was honing her theatrical skills by starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.

    It was dress rehearsal night – the evening before the official opening.

    Hera was awaiting the arrival of the gangster boss Big Frank Malone.

    A man came on stage wearing a fedora hat and gangster suit and carrying a big violin case.

    Hera, speaking out of character, said, “You don’t look like John Barrymore to me.”

    “I’m afraid John is a bit under the weather tonight,” the understudy replacement for John Barrymore replied.

    “How many bottles did he have to drink today?” Hera asked.

    “You know the real Barrymore obviously,” Dracul Van Helsing, who had time travelled from the future and was now playing the role of Big Frank Malone in this play about gangsters, replied.

    “That’s funny,” the ghost of Orson Welles, who had likewise time travelled from the future, remarked as he sat in the front row, “I don’t ever recall John Barrymore starring in a play about gangsters.”

    “He possibly drank before each performance and never made it to the stage,” Van Helsing noted.

    “By Jove, I think you’re right,” Welles agreed.

    “Please, don’t use one of my husband’s Roman names,” Hera stood up.

    “I forgot,” Welles bowed, “I do apologize.”

    Hera approached Van Helsing, “Well, Dracul, since you’ve come from the future to step in for the great John Barrymore, perhaps we can do an improvisational performance tonight.”

    “And what improvisational performance did you have in mind?” Van Helsing inquired.

    “How about making out here on the stage?” Hera smiled.

    And Hera and Van Helsing did just that.

    “Not again,” Welles’ ghost buried his ghostly head in his ghostly hands.

    As Hera and Van Helsing made out, soon thunder and lightning flashed around the stage.

    “And furthermore, I just would happen to be in the very theatre on the night the Greek god Zeus decided to attend a Broadway play,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

    The next day a hangover stricken John Barrymore was asked what happened to the theatre as it lay in ruins.

    “Well, I know people are once again going to say this was a hallucination brought on by too much drink on my part,” Barrymore commented, “but it was an angry and cuckholded Greek god Zeus who destroyed this theatre because his wife the Olympian queen Hera was making out with a mortal.”

    The members of the New York press laughed and shook their heads.

    And that was the reason history has no record of John Barrymore starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.

    The ghost of radio announcer Paul Harvey appeared in front of the lightning produced charred ashes of the theatre and gave his usual radio show sign-off, “And now you know the rest of the story.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday March 1st

    Permalink 6 Comments


    December 1, 2020 at 11:31 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Life, love, Plays, Poetry, Romance, theatre) (, , , , )

    The old playhouse was closing
    It had a successful run throughout its long life
    As a playhouse theatre
    For 25 years
    From comedies to tragedies
    Romance to dramas
    Several hits
    And a few flops

    It was a victim of its own success
    For so many people
    Were wanting to subscribe to its season
    Of plays
    This old playhouse
    Could not seat all those who wanted to attend
    What its company of performers and directors
    Stage hands and lighting technicians
    Had to offer.

    So last night was the last performance
    In the old playhouse
    And now this 1st of December 1945
    The new playhouse with new seats
    And a much larger seating capacity
    For a much larger audience
    Would be opening its run
    Of Dickens’ classic tale
    For Christmas
    A Christmas Carol

    A Christmas Carol
    With Ebenezer Scrooge
    And his longsuffering clerk
    Bob Cratchit
    And Tiny Tim
    And the ghost of Scrooge’s
    7-years dead partner
    Jacob Marley
    With chains upon his feet
    And the Ghosts of Christmas Past
    and Yet To Come

    Selena was an actress

    She wasn’t appearing in A Christmas Carol
    But she had appeared in the last play
    Ever performed in this old playhouse
    The play that had finished its run last night
    Wuthering Heights
    Emily Bronte’s classic tale
    of tragic doomed love
    Of lovers who went far beyond star-crossed
    Trying to reach the heavens
    And end up
    Into the abyss.
    Of ghosts
    And knocking outside the window
    And howling winds
    And desolate moors
    And souls that are damned
    And what happens when compassion is lacking
    And revenge is always served
    Hot or cold.

    Selena had played Cathy
    The love of Heathcliff’s life
    And the woman who loved Heathcliff
    Hot love
    Passionate love
    Forbidden love
    The love only hinted at by Emily Bronte
    As if Orestes and Electra
    Had come from tragic Mycenae of old
    To perform unfinished business
    On the early 19th Century
    Yorkshire Moors

    Selena sat on coverings
    On the sofa
    Where she as Cathy
    Had sat with the man
    Who was Cathy’s husband
    But not Cathy’s love or lover
    Edgar Linton
    In Bronte’s classic tale

    And then
    As if in one magic moment
    A lighting technician
    Suddenly shone the spotlight
    On Selena
    (Who was dressed to attend
    The new theatre playhouse
    Christmas Carol
    Opening night party)
    As she sat on that sofa

    And that spotlight
    Shone on one promising young actress
    Who had performed many great performances
    In that old playhouse
    And soon would perform many more
    In a new playhouse theatre

    The spotlight would soon fade
    And the lights would come down
    For good
    on the old playhouse
    It may not have been Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre of London
    But it had been the town’s old playhouse
    Bringing joy and sadness
    Heartache and hearbreak
    To so many spectators
    And audiences over the years

    Like many old buildings
    This old playhouse
    Had character
    And thus would be missed
    And its old plays
    And many performances
    Would only be played again
    In the memories
    of the theatre
    Of the mind

    -A poem written by Christopher
    Tuesday December 1st

    Permalink 4 Comments

    Uncle Ernie, The Koala With Chlamydia and Eulogy For Falstaff

    July 31, 2020 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Plays, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    Back on July 14th of this year, the satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg had to be hospitalized at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland.

    The cause of her hospitalization was that notorious Australian entertainer and queen of the outback drag queens better known as Uncle Ernie.

    Uncle Ernie was flown from the Australian outback (where he was found out back making unsanctioned pharmaceuticals) to Washington DC in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s cannabis oil powered environmentally friendly eco-friendly dirigible.

    Uncle Ernie had been hired by Set to give a private performance for Justice Ginsburg in her private chambers’ personal washroom in the Supreme Court Building in Washington DC.

    Uncle Ernie went into the Supreme Court Building dressed as Marlene Dietrich in the 1930 German film The Blue Angel when her character of cabaret singer Lola-Lola sang the song Falling In Love Again.

    Ginsburg entered her private washroom cubicle just as Uncle Ernie exited.

    Uncle Ernie dressed as the fishnet wearing Marlene Dietrich held a stuffed toy koala bear between his legs as he performed his rarely ever requested musical dance number that he had entitled The Koala With Chlamydia.

    The site of Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich’s character of Lola-Lola from The Blue Angel holding a stuffed toy koala bear between his legs as he sang The Koala With Chlamydia to the tune of the song Falling In Love Again was too much for satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg to handle.

    Her heart gave out on her.

    She was taken to John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland.

    The demons Baal and Baphomet quickly found a beautiful young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and ripped her heart out giving it to Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a replacement.

    Then two days ago, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was reviewing some music videos that the Democratic National Committee was thinking of playing at the virtual Democratic Party convention online at the moment senility prone Joe Biden announced his Vice-Presidential running mate.

    And one of the videos was of Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich from The Blue Angel and holding a stuffed toy koala bear between his fishnet legs as he performed his rarely ever requested musical dance number The Koala With Chlamydia.

    This was again too much for satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg to handle.

    Once again the demons Baal and Baphomet quickly found a beautiful young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and ripped her heart out giving it to Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a replacement.

    Today Ruth Bader Ginsburg was released from a New York City hospital.

    She was wheeled in her wheelchair past a group of supporters- a bunch of pro-abortion women who were all wearing mandatory face masks and all wearing t-shirts that read NO GOVERNMENT IS TELLING ME WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY BODY.

    . . .

    The ghosts of Orson Welles, Sir John Gielgud and Sir Laurence Olivier were all sitting as social distancing spectral judges in the front row of the Old Vic Theatre in London.

    They were judging an online competition where livestream video performances were shown on the wall at the back of the stage.

    The performance being judged was Mistress Quickly’s eulogy on Falstaff delivered in Act II, scene iii of Shakespeare’s Henry V.

    The last contestant was from Australia.

    Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich from The Blue Angel and holding a toy stuffed koala bear between his legs.

    Uncle Ernie stroked and played with the bear as he recited his lines:

    Nay sure, he’s not in Hell!
    He’s in Arthur’s bosom,
    if ever man went to Arthur’s bosom.
    He made a finer end
    and went away an it
    had it been any christom child.
    He parted ev’n just between twelve and one
    ev’n at the turnin’ o’ the tide;
    for after I saw him fumble with the sheets
    and play with flowers
    and smile upon his finger’s end….

    …So he cried out ‘God!’ ‘God’! ‘God’! three or four times!
    Now, I, to comfort him,
    bid him he should not think of God…

    … So he bade me lay more clothes upon his feet.
    I put my hand into the bed and felt them,
    and they were as cold as any stone.
    Then I felt to his knees,
    and so upward and upward,
    and all was as cold as any stone.

    With that Uncle Ernie as Mistress Quickly finished his eulogy for Falstaff.

    The ghost of Orson Welles quickly downed a 10 litre spectral bottle of spectral red wine.

    After a pause of about half an hour, Welles remarked, “That’s a performance of Mistress Quickly’s eulogy for Falstaff that I’ll never forget.”

    The ghosts of Olivier and Gielgud nodded their assent.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday July 31st

    Permalink 19 Comments

    Lady MacBeth and The Death of Soleimani

    January 14, 2020 at 11:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Plays, Short Story, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    Lady MacBeth and The Death of Soleimani

    Lady MacBeth’s ghost served as a spirit advisor to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

    Her advice had started out very bloody indeed and the Crown Prince had to rinse very hard to get the blood of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi off his hands in the eyes of the world.

    In fact to a certain extent, he still had not done so.

    However he did manage to get blood off his hands in the eyes of Donald Trump.

    And that was the important thing.

    Lady MacBeth advised the prince MbS (as he was called) to let the blood be on someone else’s hands in planning future killings.

    Several months ago as MbS mused aloud in a paraphrase of England’s King Henry II murmuring about Thomas a Beckett, “Who will rid me of this troublesome general?” referring to Iran’s Gen. Qasem Soleimani, Lady MacBeth suggested, “Get Trump to do it.”

    After whispering in the ear of Nancy Pelosi to go ahead with impeachment hearings against Donald Trump, Lady MacBeth’s ghost returned to Saudi Arabia from Washington DC and informed the Crown Prince, “The stage is set. The trap to be sprung. Trump’s ego will ensure the job to be done.”

    When Trump was impeached, Lady MacBeth returned to Washington to whisper in Pelosi’s ear to hold up the Articles of Impeachment and not deliver them to the Senate right away.

    Said Lady MacBeth, 

    “He whose toupee from red spider monkey fur has bleached golden in the sun,
    Thinks a quick acquittal by the Senate will be so much fun.
    But let not golden showers be the only thing to rain on his toupee,
    I say rain on his parade should be your Democrats’ way.”

    Pelosi took Lady MacBeth’s advice and held up the articles of impeachment.

    Trump fumed in the darkness of the night,
    As bald head replaced toupee in the absence of light,
    “When Oh God,” he addressed his image in the mirror, “shall this trial come to an end?
    Isn’t it time once again for lesser wills to bend?”

    Lady MacBeth put hand gently on yonder narcissist’s groin and whispered,

    “Nay, soft, Roy Cohn’s once golden boy,
    Among Netanyahu’s Messianic backers,
    Thou art their most favoured goy,
    Take out this Qasem Soleimani who gives poor Bibi such pain 
    And causes Saudi oil profits to go down the drain.
    Bibi and MbS alike will think you a man with golden spike
    rather than a circus clown turned tethered dyke
    And your approval ratings will soar
    while Pelosi’s articles be in tatters on Senate floor.”

    And so Trump gave the order for Soleimani to be taken out by drone.
    And then had Big Macs delivered to him via his app on the phone.

    “The blood is now on Trump’s hands,” 
    Lady MacBeth watched the cheers coming from football championship stands,
    As Melania quickly withdrew from the grasp of the Donald’s hands.

    Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman smiled,
    “How easy it is to wag the tail of this American dog 
    A would be Caesar with the brains of a bump on a log.”

    -A poem, Shakespearian drama
    and vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday January 14th

    Permalink 18 Comments

    Reblog of Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

    March 31, 2019 at 9:11 pm (Entertainment, Horror, Literature, Movies, Plays, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    A vampire novel chapter and blog post I wrote 4 years ago today.

    Dracul Van Helsing

    Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

    It was March 1945.

    And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.

    Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.

    (Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)

    First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):

    When shall we three meet again?
    In thunder, lightning or in rain?

    Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):

    When the hurlyburly’s done,
    When the battle’s lost and won.

    Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):

    That will be ere the set of sun.

    (On the wall at the…

    View original post 172 more words

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    Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today

    October 30, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Fashion, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Movies, Mystery/horror, News, Plays, Radio, Science-Fiction, Short play, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.

    The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.

    The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.

    It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.

    If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.

    Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”

    Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.

    Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
    Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.

    Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?

    Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?

    Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.

    Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.

    I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.

    Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.

    Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.

    With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?

    I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.

    I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.

    Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.

    The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…

    … Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.

    -A Halloween montage
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday October 30th

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