Renfield’s Monday Night Podcast For May 16th 2022
British MP Renfield R. Renfield, accompanied by his secretary, examines the many gifts he receives from Heads of State and Heads of Government in the Western world
Amadeus Emanon was sitting in his favourite London pub enjoying their delicious Fish ‘N Chips.
He was already on his seventh plate.
The pub’s radio was tuned in to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Monday night podcast.
Began Renfield, “Kyiv Ukraine is rapidly becoming the photo shooting tourist holiday spot of choice for swamp creatures and bottom feeders…”
Amadeus took a sip of ale.
Renfield went on, “Recent visitors include Jill Biden, Justin Trudeau and Mitch McConnell…”
Amadeus ordered the pub’s Steak and Kidney Pie.
Noted Renfield, “Justin Trudeau, with his usual penchant for saying things totally moronic, said, “I have never visited a more enjoyable war zone.” Later the Prime Minister’s Office in Ottawa denied he had said this although the remark was picked up on a journalist’s tape recorder.”
Amadeus ordered another ale.
Renfield went on to his next news item, “In other news, the Prime Minister of Estonia demonstrates a fascinating example of how to view geopolitics from the perspective of a junior high school girl’s approach to boys.
The appropriately blonde in hair colour Estonian Prime Minister Kaja Kallas is apparently exasperated that Vladimir Putin’s phone line is so busy.
Says Kallas, “If you really want him to get the message that he’s isolated,” she says, boiling it down, “Don’t. Call. Him.”
Yes, that will show Putin all right.
Meanwhile The Economist Magazine continues to insist that Ukraine, aided and abetted by NATO leaders, will win the war.
Golly to be able to get the pot that The Economist staff members inhale and the crack cocaine they snort.
One can only imagine the titillating conversation that Estonian Prime Minister Kaja Kallas would have with one U.S. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
Oh to be able to watch all the flies on the wall commit hari kari in that room.”
Amadeus guffawed into his handkerchief.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 16th
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos While Arnold Schwarzenegger Meets His End In Michelangelo’s Vision
Krampus the demon dreams of beheading the demon Baphomet in a boxing ring
Following a boxing match in which his favourite boxer the living dead zombie boxer Gordon the Black Donnelly (of the infamous Black Donnelly clan of 19th Century Lucan Ontario) wins the Heavyweight Boxing Championship of the World, Krampus then stepped into the ring and beheaded the transgendered demon goat human freak Baphomet (who along with the demons Baal and Moloch was one of the patron demons of the U.S. Democratic Party).
Krampus then woke up.
It had all been a dream (and Baphomet’s nightmare).
His alarm went off.
His friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee must have just beheaded and dismembered another uglo.
Pan Goatee was in downtown Calgary when he saw a really repulsive looking fat ugly blimp step on to a down escalator.
“You ugly looking spawn of the freak Baphomet and the Big Bang’s pompous pseudointellectual Sheldon Cooper’s fat ugly blimp of a girlfriend and later wife,” Goatee raised his astral laser machete, “you’re really going down.”
The satyr threw his machete in boomerang fashion.
The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
The ugly looking spawn of the freak Baphomet and the Big Bang’s pompous pseudointellectual Sheldon Cooper’s fat ugly blimp of a girlfriend and later wife was now dead.
Krampus arrived to pick up the remains.
Later Pan Goatee caught the bus home.
A repulsive thin ugly looking stoat and her moronic girlfriend came and sat down across from the satyr.
Goatee immediately beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. pieces.
The great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg was trying to use an ancient Chinese abacus to keep track of the pieces.
“I wish I had the world famous cellist Tina Guo beside me helping me keep track,” Finneganburg sighed.
The world famous cellist Tino Guo sat down beside him in her sexy metallic leather mini dress.
“Maybe there really is a God,” Finneganburg was starting to reconsider his atheistic inclinations.
. . .
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision (or was it a dream) of various bozos getting their panties in a knot because of a sixth wave of Covid-19 (what generations prior to 2019 had called the common cold/flu).
One of those bozos getting his panties in a knot was former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“I can’t get into my panties,” the former bodybuilder complained to his pet goat.
He then made a video calling for compulsory lockdowns, compulsory masking and compulsory DeathVaxx vaccinations for everyone.
He then ended his video by telling American citizens and citizens of the world to “Screw your freedom.”
No sooner had the video ended than Schwarzenegger found his house invaded by British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his personal British Army brigade of Gurkhas.
Said Renfield, “Now that you’ve stepped into your father’s shoes, we found your dad’s old World War II Army uniform.”
The Gurkhas then fitted the ex-husband of Maria Shriver (and current husband of the former California governor’s pet goat) into his dad’s Austrian SS Army uniform.
Once he was in the uniform, a rope was put around Schwarzenegger’s neck and the rope was pulled to the ceiling while Schwarzenegger had his dad’s shoes (that he was wearing on his feet) placed atop a very tall stool.
The stool had a sign attached to it that said KICK ME.
“By the way,” Renfield smiled, “you won’t be back.”
The British MP then kicked the stool.
The Ex-Terminator was now exterminated.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 12th
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos While Alberta’s Neo-Fascist Tyrant Premier Jason Kenney Hopes For A Joe Biden Like Victory In Mail-In Ballots
Krampus the demon goat of Austria-Hungary and Bavaria joins genetically created satyr Pan Goatee the world’s greatest living philosophical authority on aesthetics and beauty in tonight’s vampire novel chapter
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was leaving the grocery store with a bottle of lemonade when a repulsively ugly woman and her moronic husband entered the store.
Goatee beheaded them both and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.
Krampus the demon goat of Austria-Hungary and Bavaria showed up with a portable high definition television attached to his forehead where he was watching a heavyweight boxing match between Gordon The Black Donnelly (who was related to the infamous Black Donnelly clan of 19th Century Lucan Ontario) the world’s first living dead zombie boxer and a Top 10 world ranked opponent.
He then carried the remains of uglo and moron down to Tartarus as he cheered Gordon The Black Donnelly on in the 1st round.
Goatee was on his way home when he encountered a really super repulsively ugly woman and her moronic husband.
The satyr beheaded the really super repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. etc. pieces.
He also beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus with HD television set attached to his forehead arrived cheering on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 2nd round against his opponent and carried the remains down to Tartarus.
Goatee walked a little further and came across another uglo with her moronic boyfriend.
Pan beheaded both uglo and moron and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces.
As if on cue, Krampus arrived with HD television set still attached to his forehead and cheered on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 3rd round against his opponent while he carried the remains down to Tartarus.
Goatee continued to walk along when he suddenly saw a fat ugly blimp enter a fenced park area and then frighten a whole bunch of four legged dogs who were being walked on leashes.
Goatee threw his astral laser machete in non-Uncle Ernie style Australian boomerang fashion where it beheaded the fat ugly blimp two legged dog and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus with HD television set still attached to his forehead arrived on scene (this time riding a pair of roller skates) and cheered on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 4th round against his opponent while carrying the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus.
. . .
Alberta’s fat slob Neo-Fascist tyrant Premier Jason Kenney was to have faced a leadership review (of his incompetent and totalitarian inclined leadership of Alberta’s United Conservative Party) in the City of Red Deer, Alberta, Canada this weekend.
However Kenney bent the rules to change the vote to a mail-in ballot where the pudgy puffter Premier (as he was called by Edmonton based noted Canadian historian and archivist Jack Morrow) was hoping to pull a Joe Biden and win the leadership through a stuffed mail-in ballot approach (the same way that the Depends wearing senile old fool in the White House Oval Office stole the 2020 U.S. Presidential election from Donald Trump).
For this change in leadership vote tactics, Kenney relied on the advice of the evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’Ripper.
The evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper had been the pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney’s supernatural advisor ever since the Covid-1984 plandemic had been declared by the pro-Communist World Health Organization (WHO) back in March of 2020.
Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper was the major shareholder in the Irish Bates Motel in the City of Killarney, Ireland.
The Irish Bates Motel was also the same motel which received more complaints about its showers than any other motel in Ireland.
It was said that the evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper had an unhealthy relationship with his mother.
The same also could be said of course for Alberta’s pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney and his mother.
Alberta’s pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney was in the bathtub playing with his pink rubber ducky named Mr. Nubbs.
The evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper was watching on television the world’s first living dead zombie boxer Gordon The Black Donnelly battle his #10 in the world ranked Heavyweight Boxing opponent.
“Believe it or not,” Ripley shouted in the direction of the bathroom, “Gordon the Black Donnelly knocked out his opponent in the 8th round.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 8th
2022.
Renfield’s Regency Croquet Match: All Is Fair In Love and War
After watching an episode of a television series that was set in Regency England, British MP Renfield R. Renfield fell asleep and dreamed that he was a young nobleman in Regency England.
After escorting the Prince Regent through local ale houses and giving advice to Arthur Wellesley the Duke of Wellington on how to defeat Napoleon, Renfield set out for high tea at Lady Vandeermeer’s Estate.
There he met two beautiful charming young ladies with whom he discussed the novels of Jane Austen.
In the middle of his watercress sandwich the valet to Lady Vandermeer delivered Renfield a note from his sometimes rival the Russian Vladimir Painintheassovich.
Vladimir Painintheassovich told Renfield that he was out on the Estate’s grounds with two gentlemen and that they would like to challenge Renfield to a game of croquet that is if Renfield could find two other partners to form a team.
Renfield immediately invited his two charming young Jane Austen Literary Society companions to form a team with him.
Renfield, his two lovely young literary society companions and a corgi who will serve as ball retriever
Renfield and his lovely young companions approached their rivals.
The Russian Vladimir Painintheassovich stood directly across from Renfield.
On Vladimir’s right was the Emperor Napoleon and on his left Ares the Greek god of war.
Lady Vandermeer’s valet brought some Ukrainian perogies with sour cream for Renfield and his companions to munch on before the match began.
Vladimir, Napoleon and Ares ate blood sausages and salt water tears wept by a young widow and her children.
When the match started, Renfield hit a ball that went flying into the right temple of the Emperor Napoleon and sent the Little Corporal unconscious alongside the Estate pond.
“Napoleon appears to have met his Waterloo,” Renfield remarked.
Ares sent his ball flying at the little corgi knocking him out cold.
“Thou black hearted snerd,” said Renfield’s lovely teammate who was wearing the green velvet dress with hints of gold decorating.
Ares’ nose was broken by the ball fired by the beauty in the green dress.
The god of war was carried off the croquet field.
Vladimir Painintheassovich called out to the beauty wearing the peach pink dress with hints of gold decorating.
“Hey babe, how would you like to see me ride a horse shirtless?” He said.
“I think all horses are shirtless aren’t they?” Answered the beauty in the peach pink dress, “I’ve never seen a horse wear a shirt.”
She fired a croquet ball at the Russian’s balls knocking him off his high horse which he had just crawled up on.
Renfield then finished the Russian off with a croquet ball fired to the forehead.
The MP then woke up.
“Ah, if only life were like a Regency England croquet match,” he ordered himself a cup of tea.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 23rd
2022.
Sophia Catches Her Son At Perverted Party In Kiev
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom catches her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun at a perverted party in Kiev rather than fighting in the Greek centaur Chiron’s army of leprechauns and gnomes
Sophia had heard the rumours.
Rather than fighting against invading Russian troops her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was supposedly attending a coming out party of the LGBTQ2s+ community in the City of Kiev hosted by Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskiy in celebration of the New World Order that an airheaded Ukrainian woman MP Kira Rudyk said that Ukraine was fighting for.
The demons Baal and Baphomet were present at the LGBTQ2s+ coming out party as freaks, fruits and nuts whose hair was all the colours of the rainbow (plus colours not in the rainbow) gave the appearance of a Liberace and Elton John directed version of the 1968 zombie film Night of The Living Dead.
Ukrainan President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, who had just got into some trouble for releasing a fake news video of the Eiffel Tower in Paris France being attacked by Russian missiles, addressed the crowd, “I understand we’ve got some foreign guests who are here with us virtually on Zoom.”
The crowd cheered.
“How many women from America are here with us today?” Zelenskiy asked.
2/3 of Joe Biden’s deputy cabinet appointees put up their hands as well as some muscle bound ogre who just won the first place gold medal in an NCAA Women’s Swimming Competition in the U.S.
Yaldabaoth, who was busy drinking green beer while Zelenskiy grandstanded in black leather pants and spiked high heeled shoes as holographic images of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab applauded in the background, was immediately spotted by Sophia.
“I thought you were supposed to be fighting invaders,” Sophia approached him.
“Well…” Yaldabaoth was at a loss for words.
Sophia took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
. . .
Meanwhile diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Russia were on the verge of collapse after senile old fool Joe Biden called Russian President Vladimir Putin “a war criminal”.
The ghostly voice of Mortimer Snerd (who was the secondary ventriloquist dummy- after Charlie McCarthy- of American ventriloquist Edgar Bergen) called Biden from Hell (where he was doing a stand-up comedy routine with Cerberus) and told him that it wasn’t smart to call the leader of a nuclear power “a war criminal”.
Russia’s Foreign Ministry had summoned U.S. Ambassador to Moscow John Sullivan to give him a dressing down.
Actor John Cleese (who played Basil Fawlty on the 1970s British sitcom Fawlty Towers) told a member of the British press, “I called Vladimir Putin a war criminal once but I think I got away with it…”
. . .
Meanwhile the demons Baal and Baphomet had left Kiev and had gone to French President Emmanuel Macron’s bedroom to enjoy some champagne cocktails with the Klaus Schwab approved former Global Youth leader.
“We’re looking forward to this Friday,” the half-male, half-female half-human half-goat demon Baphomet told Macron.
“What happens Friday?” Macron asked as he chased an elderly cougar around the bedroom.
“Haven’t you heard?” Baal said as he sampled a Planned Parenthood appetizer from a Paris clinic, “That’s when the demon Pachamama worshipping AntiPope Francis supposedly consecrates Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.”
Baal and Baphomet both roared with laughter as Macron adjusted his toupee.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 21st
2022.
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day From A Green Dress Marilyn
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day from a green dress wearing Marilyn Monroe
A holographic image of a green dress wearing Marilyn Monroe appeared to British Prime Minister Boris Johnson wishing him a “Happy Saint Patrick’s Day”.
“Why, thank you very much,” Johnson smiled.
“I understand the President of France, the Chancellor of Germany and the Prime Minister of Italy got green sprayed Irish stink bombs this Saint Patrick’s Day,” Mrs. Johnson noted.
“I wonder why they got that while I got a holographic image of Marilyn Monroe wearing a sexy green dress,” Johnson scratched the uncombed and unkempt top of his head.
“I think it was because France’s Emmanuel Macron, Germany’s Olaf Scholz and Italy’s Mario Draghi didn’t remove vaccine passports while you did,” Mrs. Johnson answered.
“Are you suggesting British MP Renfield R. Renfield was behind those stink bomb attacks?” Johnson drank a pint of Guinness.
“I am,” Mrs. Johnson had a shot of Jameson.
Meanwhile in Ottawa, Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau had 666 tons of smelly green fertilizer (produced by patriotic Irish cows who only shit green) dumped on the front lawn of his house.
In Washington D.C., a package of green dye exploded inside of Joe Biden’s pair of Depends when Biden’s bowels exploded again.
In Dublin, Ireland, a group of serpents hiding behind a rainbow coloured flag had taken over the Irish government.
And hissed, “Good-bye land of Saint Patrick.”
Meanwhile British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Thursday night podcast.
Renfield began his podcast with a question, “What kind of Communist is Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Oleksandrovich Zelenskiy?”.
The MP, in answer to his own question, replied, “Obviously a fruity one. Since he once did a music video showing him wearing high-heeled shoes and tight clinging black leather pants engaging in homo-erotic activities with other men that would make even Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie wince.”
Renfield went on, “The fruity Communist Zelenskiy (puppet of Trotskyite billionaire George Soros) in a virtual TV address to the current gang of idiots who make up the U.S. Congress described Joe Biden as “the leader of the free world”. Now, what sort of leader in their right mind would describe the Depends wearing senile old fool Joe Biden as the “leader of the free world”? The answer is no leader in their right mind would.”
Renfield continued, “This is the same Volodymyr Zelenskiy who said he was inspired to enter politics by Canada’s asinine Neo-Bolshevik Communist leader the wimpy soy-boy looking pansy Justin Trudeau (who must have come as the most ironic example of karmic justice for an extremely macho Caribbean tinpot dictator to have sired). That’s all that needs to be said for Zelenskiy. This New World Order trained seal in flippers with tight zippers obviously doesn’t quite cut the mustard or anything else for that matter.”
The ghost of Rod Serling then asked the question, “What type of Communist is Volodymyr Oleksandrovich Zelenskiy? A hidden one masquerading as a celebrity comedian. In other words, a cunning and even more dangerous Communist.”
The host of the TV shows Night Gallery and The Twilight Zone went on, “The good people of Ukraine have been had by a 10c a dance comedian who should have been booed off the stage the first time he appeared as President. Sadly this is not the first time that brutal Communism has hid its hammer from an unsuspecting public.”
Concluded Serling, “Now we’ve got a 21st Century Trotsky in Ukraine fighting a 21st Century Czar from Russia. And a Vicar of Pachamama now wants to consecrate both Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. At one time back in the late 1950s and early 1960s, such things would have been considered part of the Twilight Zone. Today they’re the world of CNN News.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 17th
2022.
Angie Lamarr
Angie Lamarr is a secret agent for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit
The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had just hired a new woman to join the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit team.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster exploded his lobster tank when he saw her.
After getting a new lobster tank, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of what Angie Lamarr’s first assignment would be.
It was to join British MP Renfield R. Renfield in overthrowing the corrupt and despotic Justin Trudeau government.
After the government was overthrown, Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau, his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland, his scumbag Public Security Minister, his scumbag Federal Minister of (In) Justice, corrupt Liberal Party appointed judges who denied bail to Freedom Convoy truckers or granted bail but denied them their Charter rights of free speech while out on bail, scumbag Nazi SS/Gestapo members of the RCMP who wanted to freeze a whole bunch of Canadians’ bank accounts and scumbag directors of the Canadian Bankers Association who said frozen bank accounts would be flagged for life found themselves tied face downwards and attached to strong ropes tied to the back of Angie Lamarr’s motorcycle.
“Hit it, Angie,” Renfield smiled and gave her the thumbs up.
Angie then hit the gas and started cruising down the highway looking for adventure or whatever comes her way.
Born to be wild.
Needless to say the rope burn and roadburn that the corrupt totalitarian inclined scumbags received was excruciatingly painful.
“I’ve got a complaint,” the whiny and petty pig-faced tyrant Justin Trudeau snivelled when the ride was over.
“You’ve got a complaint?” The world’s most handsome and charismatic black cat Midnight Noggles said atop his perch on the refrigerator as he watched the news.
Noggles sent some of the dry pieces of cat food crumbling to the floor as he always did when his brainless owners gave him dry cat food to eat instead of the wet and moist cat food that he loved and craved.
“You’ve got a complaint?” Noggles went on, “What about me? I’m forced to eat this dry cat food junk. I need and require moist cat food. What is it with these petty stupid humans feeding me dry cat food? Gods such as myself require moist wet cat food. I’m going to continue throwing these dry pellets off the refrigerator on to the floor until such time as these stupid chumps only feed me wet moist cat food.”
Noggles continued to throw the pieces of dry cat food on to the floor while the corrupt and despotic totalitarian inclined scumbags writhed and screamed in agony at the back of Angie Lamarr’s motorcycle on television.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 9th
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads IQ Challenged Members of The Public Transit Commission
Pan Goatee generally meets beautiful women when he isn’t forced to ride a public transit bus
Pan Goatee had come to the conclusion that it was the bus route that he took on a daily basis that was the problem.
For that most obnoxious of all creatures- the fat ugly blimp- seemed to be drawn like a magnet towards riding that route bus.
Goatee decided to take another route.
Thus when he went to a McDonald’s in the neighbourhood where he used to live 3 homes ago, he’d take the bus route he usually took when he lived in that neighbourhood.
He stood waiting at the bus stop where he froze in this cold blizzardy March weather.
And the bus seemed to be taking forever to arrive.
A woman (who fortunately for her was not ugly) arrived at the bus stop and remarked, “Isn’t it sad how buses run here every 15 minutes during rush hour. But run only every 45 minutes the rest of the day.”
“What?” Pan Goatee was shocked, “When I used to live in this neighbourhood over a year ago, buses ran every 15 minutes all day.”
“That has changed,” the woman answered.
“When did it change?” Pan Goatee asked.
“This past February 14th,” the woman replied.
What a horrible Valentine’s Day present for the bus riders in this neighbourhood, Pan Goatee thought to himself.
When the bus finally arrived, it was extremely crowded.
Back in the days when the bus ran every 15 minutes and not every 45, the bus didn’t use to be that crowded.
And to top it off, there was a fat ugly blimp riding the bus ruining Pan’s day.
Then at a few bus stops down, another fat ugly blimp boarded the bus.
That was the final straw.
Pan Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp as she boarded the bus and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then went and beheaded the other fat ugly blimp who was sitting on the bus and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
When the bus finally arrived at the C-Train station, Pan boarded the train and went downtown to City Hall where he hoped the members of the Calgary Public Transit Commission would be meeting.
Luckily for Pan, they were.
Goatee entered the Public Transit Commission meeting room and announced, “You morons are always talking about getting less people to use their motor vehicles to help in the fight against climate change. Well you’re not going to do that by cutting bus times in some neighbourhoods from having the bus run every 15 minutes to running every 45 minutes.”
Goatee then beheaded all 12 low-IQ members of the Calgary Public Transit Commission and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.
The satyr’s move was met with heavy applause and a standing ovation by spectators sitting in the chamber’s public gallery.
Upon hearing the news, Calgary’s airheaded Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Jyoti Gondek and Calgary’s totally imbecilic Neo-Bolshevik Communist City Councillor Gian-Carlo Carra wept, “Those Public Transit Commissioners thought exactly the same way we do.”
. . .
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a man wearing a pink jacket, pink dress shirt, pink bow tie and pink pants going up to a bartender and then saying, “The name is Fag. James Fag. And I like my sauna baths shaken not stirred.”
Meanwhile Richard Moore the 58-year-old ever so gay head of the British Secret Intelligence Service (MI-6) tweeted that the Ukraine War is primarily about “LGBT rights”.
“If that isn’t a good reason for Ukraine losing the war,” the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set remarked to his butler and valet Athelstan, “I don’t know what is.”
Set mentioned to Athelstan that his own nephew (and Osiris’ son) Horus was fruitier than a strawberry daiquiri.
In May 2021, Horus’ most recent bitch MI-6 head Richard Moore said that MI-6 had begun “green spying” to investigate if foreign nations were keeping to their climate change commitments.
Pope Francis wholeheartedly approved.
. . .
“This is not really a war between Ukraine and Russia ultimately,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield began his podcast, “It’s a war between the World Economic Forum and Vladimir Putin.”
Renfield stopped to pour himself a small glass from a bottle of Russian vodka.
“The World Economic Forum of Klaus Schwab (the Hitlerian Nazi Third Reich admiring engineer and promoter of Transhumanism, the AI Singularity and the Great Reset) wants a totalitarian one world government which would be run along Neo-Fascist lines that would install a centralized and heavily regulated totalitarian international system similar to that of Communist China’s Social Credit system.”
Renfield had another shot of Russian vodka.
“Putin on the other hand wants to see the nation state system continued,” Renfield went on, “and he particularly wants to see a Revived Imperial Russian Czarist Empire with himself as Czar. Hence the reason for his invasion of Ukraine.”
Renfield had a third shot of Russian vodka.
“Ukraine is equally important to the globalist goals of the World Economic Forum and George Soros,” Renfield ate a perogie, “Because of its vital geopolitical importance at the center of Europe. And also because it’s at the center of the world’s money laundering and child sex trafficking rackets. Hence why the Biden family is so heavily involved in Ukraine. Now let’s take a look at Volodymyr Zelenskiy the President of Ukraine who’s sending the brainless western mainstream media into mindless orgasms and paroxysms of hero worship.”
Renfield then showed a video of Zelenskiy wearing homoerotic looking leather pants and dancing in high heeled shoes with a bunch of other men wearing homoerotic looking leather pants.
“No wonder MI-6 head Richard Moore is tweeting on Twitter with a bunch of sticky fingers,” Renfield commented.
Renfield then had a fourth shot of Russian vodka.
“Zelenskiy like Justin Trudeau, Canada’s Nazi/Communist hybrid Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland, Canadian New Democratic Party leader and Supreme Idiot Jagmeet Singh, New Zealand’s airheaded totalitarian inclined Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and France’s cougar chasing Neo-Vichy Neo-Fascist President Emmanuel Macron are all acolytes of the World Economic Forum through the Young Global Leaders Program of the Forum’s criminal mastermind Klaus Schwab. Zelenskiy has stated that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was one of the reasons he got into politics. He stated this in a July 2nd 2019 tweet. Ukrainian Presidents throughout the years since the Orange Revolution of 2004 have been bought and paid for by Trotskyite billionaire George Soros. Sadly the current state of Ukraine has never truly been for the Ukrainian people. The Ukrainian government has served the interests of the satanic New World Order. Now Putin wants Ukraine to be part of a Revived Imperial Russian Czarist Empire. The Ukrainian people are caught between a rock and a hard place.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday March 3rd
2022.
Thanks To Pan Goatee, Another Fat Ugly Blimp and Her Moronic Boyfriend Bite The Dust
World famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee poses for a selfie with a huge fan this past weekend
You’d think after last week’s three days of serial killing sprees that fat ugly blimps and their moronic boyfriends would finally learn to stay out of the limelight (or any other light for that matter) but seeing as how fat ugly blimps and their moronic boyfriends aren’t exactly the brighest lights in the cosmos, this huge hint was lost on them.
Pan Goatee the genetically created satyr serial killer was sitting on a sideways looking seat on a Calgary Transit bus when suddenly a fat ugly blimp sat across from him.
She might as well have been wearing a t-shirt that read BEHEAD ME PLEASE.
Her low-IQ moronic looking boyfriend sat next to her.
Pan Goatee moved to another seat where he wouldn’t have to look at the fat ugly blimp’s fat ugly face.
Upon Pan Goatee moving, the low-IQ moronic looking boyfriend then went and sat in Pan Goatee’s former seat across from her so he could look at her fat ugly face.
Then when the duo finally decided to get off the bus, the two bimbos rather than getting off the bus at the door closest to them chose to walk down and get off the bus at the door closest to Pan Goatee.
The bimbos had their chance to live and they blew it.
Pan Goatee sprang into action.
He beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
As Krampus the demon goat arrived to carry the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus, Pan went to work on the low-IQ moronic looking boyfriend.
He cut his head off and then cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Calgary’s airheaded Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Jyoti Gondek (who had been riding the bus) protested, “That man and his girlfriend voted for me.”
“Well,” Goatee replied, “I guess you can cross their names off the voters’ list ”
. . .
Despite declaring an end to the Emergencies Act last week, Canada’s would-be Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau still hadn’t returned any of the money his government had seized from political dissidents’ bank accounts.
In fact Justin’s good Fascist buddies at the Canandian Bankers’ Association started running TV commercials promoting Digital ID and urging everyone to get it.
Justin and his buddies the bankers were still pushing an Antichrist Mark of the Beast system.
And it was revealed that Justin’s Whore of Babylon Nazi/Communist Hybrid Deputy Prime Minister of Canada and Federal Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland serves on the Board of Directors of Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum.
Schwab had said in an interview back on January 10th 2016 that everyone would have to take a digital ID chip in the next 10 years.
Israeli researcher Yuval Noah Hariri a staunch supporter of Transhumanism and the coming Homo Deus (that would replace Homo sapiens) says that everyone will take the chip and have their brain wirelessly connected to a computer and lose their free will but this will be a good thing.
NATO and the EU are not fighting for democracy and freedom but for a dystopian New World Order where everyone will be microchipped and have their minds controlled by AI.
Vladimir Putin is fighting for a revived Czarist Russian Empire.
Neither side is fighting for democracy and freedom.
Ukraine would do well not to be part of either system.
. . .
In a TV interview, Asmodeus the cigarette smoking demon of lust said that NATO and the European Union are under the control of the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch.
While Vladimir Putin’s government is under the control of the Fallen Archangel Mephistopheles and the demon Pereplut.
Neither side is fighting for God.
. . .
And in Beijing, that supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon was telling Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping that now was the time to invade Taiwan.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 28th
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads World’s Fattest and Ugliest Fat Ugly Blimp
Pan Goatee the down to earth and very much above water Jacques Cousteau of the early 21st Century: The environmentalist hero who punishes those who pollute the aesthetic environment of planet Earth
Even some of the greatest and mightiest demons of Hell cannot stand the sight of fat ugly blimps.
That is especially the case with the demon Asmodeus the demon of lust who’s mentioned in the Book of Tobit.
Asmodeus being a demon with exceptionally good taste (unlike the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch) only lusted after beautiful women.
He certainly didn’t lust after ugly women.
And he especially didn’t lust after the ugliest of ugly women- fat ugly blimps (unlike Sheldon Cooper the brainless self-proclaimed genius with incredibly bad taste in women on The Big Bang Theory).
Thus after having gone off on a bender with his buddy Nimrod the little green frog in Reykjavik Iceland, the two had become separated.
Asmodeus to his huge misfortune had wound up in the City of Calgary- a city well known for its quite repulsively ugly women.
Especially many of the white women.
Calgary’s ugly white women certainly shot the Nazi and Ku Klux Klan theory of white supremacy all to Hell.
Nimrod the little green frog was far more lucky.
He wound up in the town of Moose Jaw Saskatchewan where he was currently sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas and relaxing in the waters of the Temple Gardens Mineral Health Spa and discussing Fox Mulder, The X-Files, Steve Martin and Burton Cummings with Japanese tourists.
Asmodeus suddenly found himself boarding a Calgary Transit bus.
As the cigarette smoking demon of lust told a reporter afterwards,
“After the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp was so obnoxious and inconsiderate as to board a Calgary transit bus this afternon sickening people with the sheer repulsiveness of her fat ugly definitely facially aesthetically challenged face not to mention making it difficult for people to walk down the aisle to get by the fat cow as the fat cow took up the entire space of the bus aisle from one end to the other.
No doubt this fat uglo is single handedly responsible for all the shortages of groceries on Calgary’s store shelves rather than the Freedom Convoy truckers’ blockade on the Coutts Alberta/Sweetgrass Montana Canada U.S. border.”
The demon Asmodeus then went into cardiac arrest after seeing such a fat ugly blimp of a woman and had to be rushed to Peter Lougheed Hospital.
While there a Dr. Andrew Cuomo (who looked suspiciously like the former Governor of New York State) diagnosed Asmodeus with Covid and sent him to recover in Buckingham Palace in the same bedroom as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
A gnome called Jarod Jerome Le Gnome (who served in the Last Days Army of Gnomes and Leprechauns being trained by Chiron the centaur) was so offended by the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp not wearing a paper bag over her head when she went out in public that he punched the obese uglo in her fat ugly face 999 trillion times.
The finishing touches were administered by world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus the demon goat of Hell arrived on the scene who then carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus in Hell.
All of Cerberus’ 3 heads started vomiting non-stop when Krampus walked by with ultra-fatso ultra-uglo’s remains.
Hades sent Cerberus up to Earth until he stopped vomiting.
Cerberus went to Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa where the three heads continued to vomit.
In an effort to get Cerberus to leave, Justin Trudeau promised to revoke and drop the Emergencies Act.
Thus Cerberus and his three vomiting heads had managed to (at least temporarily) restore freedom and democracy to Canada.
. . .
The ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae was walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine.
Agamemnon’s ghost would be fighting on the side of the Russians should the Russians invade Kiev.
For the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had come to possess the body of a human looking AI robot (invented by one of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin) and that Prince Paris possessed AI had kidnapped Russian President Vladimir Putin’s favourite mistress and brought her to Kiev.
Agamemnon had once again foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis as he walked in some woods not far from Kiev.
As such he must once again sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia this time in spirit form.
As such he had hired spirit cook Marina Abramovic to help him out on this one.
Clytemnestra was once again plotting the murder of her husband Agamemnon this time in the spirit realm.
Agamemnon’s daughter Electra was currently ghost writing a book called Daddy Dearest.
And Agamemnon’s son Prince Orestes was currently discussing healthy father/son relationships with Dr. Phil and the late Prince Hamlet of Denmark.
Meanwhile the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy was being brought in to fight on the Ukrainian side should the Russians invade Kiev.
The question that now loomed on everyone’s mind was, would the ghost of Achilles be brought in to fight on the side of the Russians?
As for the ghost of Achilles, he was sitting in a nightclub in Casablanca drowning his sorrows.
When suddenly a woman in a white dress and white hat walked in through the door.
“Why,” Achilles asked himself, “of all the gin joints in all the world did she have to walk into this one?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 23rd
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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