Wilkie The Cat Performs Nat King Cole: A Poem

October 19, 2018 at 8:59 pm (Comedy, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Musicals, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Wilkie The Cat
had a lovers’ spat
His girlfriend Mitzi
was raging spitzy

She had broken her parasol
saving Wilkie from a very deep hole
by red hot pokering a Saudi librarian mole
Trump defended the Saudi librarian assassin
and took to Twitter tweety bashin’

Saudi Arabia had threatened to fly planes into Canadian Toronto’s CN Tower
while Mohammad bin Salman like Putin gave Trump a golden shower
No wonder the Donald’s hairpiece was a sickening gold yellow toupee
for Putin and the Saudi Crown Prince performed like it was a rainy day
Mid-term elections were soon on the way
Was Robert Mueller making hay?
Democrats wondered
as Lizzie Warren blundered

The New York Times defended the Senator’s DNA test
because of brains and intelligence, The Times had not been blessed
It took one to hate one was that old adage
which is why Trump and The Times exchanged nasty tweets and cabbage

But fortunately for Wilkie’s relationship, he got a good gig
and an assignment that his girl Mitzi should really dig
He and she were invited to perform at a political party function
and did not have to play the part of Beverly Hillbillies at Petticoat Junction

It was at the Lincoln Performing Arts Centre
and Wilkie promised Mitzi he wouldn’t go on a bender

Mitzi dressed as Elizabeth Warren took to the stage
while politicos gazed at her like lions released from a cage
Mitzi began to sing,

Cherokee people,
Cherokee tribe,
so proud to live
so proud to die

and maybe someday when we’ve learned,
Cherokee Nation will return, will return

Wilkie The Cat came on stage dressed like Nat King Cole,
he really relished getting into this role
He pointed at Mitzi as Warren and began to sing,
“Oh yes, she’s the great pretender…”
after the show, Wilkie went on a bender.

For he got the attending crowd wrong
turning this into his Lincoln Center swan song
He thought he was performing to Republicans but alas! they were Democrats
and now Wilkie and Mitzi were once again unemployed performing arts cats.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 19th
2018.

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Dark Witchcraft In American Politics and At The Vatican

October 12, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dark Witchcraft In American Politics and At The Vatican

Pan Goatee was riding the bus back to his home when he noticed a hideously fat ugly white blimp riding at the back of the bus.

Goatee was astounded.

He was positive that he had beheaded the fat ugly bitch only weeks earlier.

He turned around and faced the front (for he was sitting at the front of the bus) so he wouldn’t have to look at her fat ugly repulsive aesthetically challenged face.

Just then a thin ugly white scarecrow (who would indeed be good at scaring off crows and everybody else for that matter) got on at the front of the bus and then sat directly across from him.

“What the fuck?” Goatee thought to himself.

He went over and beheaded the thin ugly scary scarecrow.

Krampus the 2nd teleported on to the scene with his innate demonic abilities and cut the thin ugly scarecrow woman into 666 quadrillion pieces, put the remains in a Pope Francis unapproved environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bag and used it as fuel to burn down a drug dealer’s house.

Goatee then walked towards the back of the bus and beheaded the fat ugly white blimp he was positive that he had beheaded only weeks earlier.

When Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene, Goatee instructed the DARPA made genetically cloned demon (cloned from the original Krampus who so terrified and still terrifies the devoutly Catholic countries that made up the core of the medieval Holy Roman Empire) to save the hands of the fat ugly blimp and take them back to DARPA headquarters for analysis by DARPA’s Psychic Lobster Liberace (a name designed to appeal to America’s LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community- like most government agencies out of touch with the community they’re seeking to woo for support they were totally unaware that the performer Liberace was hugely unpopular with most of the LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community for denying his sexual orientation throughout his lifetime).

DARPA had plagiarized the idea of a psychic lobster from Britain’s Set Enterprises whose Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had genetically created a psychic lobster named Michelangelo back in 2010.

Goatee wanted Liberace to determine whether the fat ugly blimp was in fact the very same fat ugly blimp that the genetically created satyr serial killer had beheaded and dismembered weeks earlier.

Krampus the 2nd after saving the elephant sized hands could dispose of the rest of the fat ugly blimp’s body in his usual Krampusonian manner.

That night Pan Goatee got a text message from Dr. Faustus Imhotep who had been told by Exlaxia (the DARPA equivalent of Amazon’s AI assistant Alexa) after being in telepathic communication with Liberace the DARPA psychic lobster that the fat ugly blimp was indeed the very same uglo creature that Goatee had beheaded and dismembered weeks earlier.

After a violent fit of lobster vomiting after seeing the hands (for which the explosion proof tank of hydrogen immediately needed to be replaced), Liberace wearing a diamond and sparkling jewel 💎 encrusted white suit and jacket played a vigorous rendition of Elvis’ Viva Las Vegas on his toy piano 🎹 with his lobster claws and then telepathically communicated with Exlaxia his analysis.

Apparently the fat ugly blimp had been brought back from the dead by order of Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton had hired a Haitian voodoo witch doctor Pierre Josephine Swaying Les Fesses to bring the fat ugly blimp back from the dead.

He/she (for the Haitian witch doctor was an androgynous hermaphrodite) had done the same for some other ugly female victims of Pan Goatee as well on Hillary’s orders.

Hillary’s covert plan was to bring the Calgarian fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows back from the dead and illegally have them documented as American citizens to be able to vote in the 2020 Presidential election as almost all ugly women were inclined to vote for Hillary by inherent natural disposition.

What a sinister piece of black magic witchcraft, Pan Goatee thought to himself.

Here the Hillarybeast was in favour of killing unborn babies but at the same time was bringing fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows (who had been conceived in the very bowels of Hell itself) back from the dead.

What nefarious witchcraft was this? Goatee wondered.

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis was using a very very very abstract modern art Crucifix carved in the shape of a witches Stang to summon the ghost of Aleister Crowley from the pits of Tartarus on his birthday which was today October 12th.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 12th
2018

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Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

October 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

The fallen Archangel Samael (who was actually the entity called Satan in the Book of Job and not Lucifer the Devil) is in the middle of the vortex that is Hurricane Michael as it weaves its path of destruction.

Samael, who had been spending a great deal of time in Mexico where he was worshiped as the spectral figure of Santa Muerte (depicted as a female Saint since Samael dressed in drag for this apparition after having fallen prey to a psychoanalysis session conducted by the bisexual transgendered goat-Human hybrid demon god Baphomet) by the Mexican drug cartels, drug dealers and various drug gang members, had heard of the tropical storm that was named Michael.

Since Michael was his old nemesis who had thrown him out of Heaven (Michael having done the very same to the first rebellious Archangel Lucifer the Devil also called the Ancient Serpent and the Great Dragon), Samael decided to take revenge on his old nemesis by entering the eye of the tropical storm and turning it into a hurricane to wreak great destruction.

This would be his vengeance against Michael.

Hell hath no fury like a fallen Archangel thrown out of Heaven.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was in his greenhouse inhaling marijuana smoke 💨 being exhaled by his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant that he had named Strawberry Fields Forever.

He was also practicing a Guided Imagery Visualization exercise that he had read in a New Age book that came highly recommended by Oprah.

Then his spirit guide adviser appeared to him who was none other than Gali-Gula an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Only this time unlike his previous appearances, Gali-Gula had two heads instead of one.

“Wow, you have two heads,” said an impressed Justin, “Totally far out, man.”

“I don’t really have two heads,” Gali-Gula looked in the mirror to make sure, “Only you inhaled pot and practiced Guided Imagery Visualization at the same time. Something you should never do. Like drinking and driving, they don’t mix. That’s why you see me with an extra head.”

“Wow, imagine the shape I’d be in if I encountered a hundred headed hydra then,” Justin was starting to get a bad case of the munchies and ordered a super deluxe pizza 🍕 on his smart phone.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Gali-Gula asked the Canadian Prime Minister.

“What did I want to talk to you about?” Justin scratched his second head as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, “Oh, what did you think of my saving the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment?”.

“You didn’t save the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment and the deal is now called the USMCA,” Gali-Gula answered as he sucked on a lollipop 🍭 as Strawberry Fields Forever hoisted a sailing ⛵️ ship mast on his prickly person and started to sing an old Shirley Temple song from the 1930s.

“I didn’t and it is?” Justin fell back on the greenhouse’s soft carpeted floor (the Prime Minister had ordered the greenhouse floor to be carpeted to prevent further head injury to himself), “Wow. This is really turning into the trip of a lifetime.”

“Yes, what happened is when the NAFTA talks with Canada were on the verge of collapse last week, your Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland hired British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 Donald Trump’s buttocks and get him to do something to save the deal. After he was unable to sit down, Trump asked his son-in-law Jared Kushner to do something to save the talks. So Kushner went in at the last hour and saved the deal that became the USMCA,” Gali-Gula explained as he blew a twenty foot bubble with a piece of bubble gum.

“So it was Jared Kushner that saved our trade deal with the U.S.?” Justin sighed as the ET gray burst his bubble, “No wonder Ivanka turned down my marriage proposal.”

. . .

London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was waiting outside Westminster Abbey where she was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to show up.

Both Sherrielock and Dracul had been hired by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to prevent a combined mermaid-Russian invasion of Israel.

As Dracul approached the lovely immortal dominatrix, Sherrielock said to him,

“Why, Dracul, what a big Cossack fur hat you have.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 10th
2018.

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From Russia With… ?

October 9, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

From Russia With… ?

Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) had been sent from Russia With Love 💕 to James Bond 007 (Sean Connery) in 1963.

55 years later, Vladimir Putin would be delivering a message to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu using the Russian vampiress FSB Agent Svetlana Kireeva as courier.

“Well, Svetlana,” Putin addressed the short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose wearing vampiress while holding a Cossack warrior’s fur hat on his lap to cover up his erection, “the message you deliver to Netanyahu will be the most earthshaking any leader has received since the Austro-Hungarian Empire delivered an ultimatum to the Kingdom of Serbia back in the early summer of 1914.”

“This means war then?” Svetlana had an orgasm in her panties as she thought of all that delicious blood flowing on the battlefield.

“Not if Netanyahu accepts our terms,” Putin answered, “there won’t be war in the Middle East at any rate.”

“But there may be war at Kiev?” Svetlana asked.

“Yes if Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko insists on taking Church property away from the legitimate Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Moscow Patriarchate) and giving it to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Kiev Patriarchate) that was recently and illegally recognized as autocephalous by the schismatic Patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew I who is undoubtedly a CIA agent in the pay of the Hillarybeast loving Democratic Party Deep State in the U.S. government, Kiev will be overrun with Russian Army paratroopers,” Putin plucked the strings on his violin 🎻.

“And what of Patriarch Bartholomew?” Svetlana asked.

“I intend to employ quite literal Byzantine intrigue in Bartholomew’s case,” Putin smiled like Anthony Perkins looking at a woman in the shower 🚿, “as you know it was the practice in Byzantine times to get rid of annoying Emperors and Patriarchs by poisoning their Communion wine at Mass which is probably why the Western Roman Church for centuries only allowed for Communion in one kind that being the bread (something regarded as outrageous to the 16th Century Protestant Reformers who had little understanding of Byzantine Imperial history). I shall revive this ancient Byzantine practice by arranging for Bartholomew’s Communion wine to be poisoned 🤢 when he says Mass sometime in the near future. This will give British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill something else to be angry about as they plot my own demise.”

“Won’t the U. S. respond angrily if we send Russian troops into Jerusalem and/or Kiev?” Svetlana asked as she orgasmed at the thought of eating a cream cheesed smothered bagel in Jerusalem.

“They will,” Putin admitted as he orgasmed under his Cossack hat as he watched Svetlana orgasm through her panties and pantyhose, “but U.S. foreign policy is now in disarray as a result of the only one who has a true understanding of global affairs in the entire Trump Administration U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigning. The Donald’s mind will be preoccupied these days as he tries to think up Tweets to come up with to explain the sudden departure of one of his sole competent officials from his Administration. When he finally does come up with an appropriate tweet in response, we in Moscow will already have taken control of western Ukraine 🇺🇦 including Kiev and Israel 🇮🇱 including Jerusalem.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 9th
2018.

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Reblog- Renfield’s Dream of Donald Trump Wearing Kilts

October 8, 2018 at 10:48 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago today:

Dracul Van Helsing

Renfield’s Dream of Donald Trump Wearing Kilts

As Renfield R. Renfield slept on the couch, Amadeus Emanon was sitting in his chair singlehandedly eating every single piece of KFC chicken they had purchased earlier that evening.

Amadeus wondered where the complementary container of special Bavarian mushroom sauce that came with the bucket of chicken had gotten to.

Unbeknownst to Amadeus while he was in the bathroom washing his hands, Renfield had eaten every single drop of the special Bavarian mushroom sauce said to contain “Sherrie’s secret ingredients”.

Which would probably explain the dream Renfield was having at the moment.

Renfield was dreaming that he was out on the Isle of Skye in Scotland when who should he see come skipping and jumping through the glen but Donald Trump wearing a kilt.

Donald Trump (singing and dancing while wearing a kilt):

Oh I went out on the Isle of Skye
I…

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Renfield Discusses Wicca Witchcraft, Mind Control and The Kavanaugh Nomination With Amadeus

October 5, 2018 at 11:10 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Wicca Witchcraft, Mind Control and The Kavanaugh Nomination With Amadeus

“What are you contemplating?” Amadeus asked Renfield as he ate an egg sandwich.

“I’m thinking about a disturbing article I came across from 2008 regarding Kavanaugh accuser psychologist Christine Blasey Ford and her research on “self-hypnosis” and creating “artificial situations” in the mind for a neurolinguistic programming firm,” Renfield answered

“Oh?” Amadeus paused in eating his sandwich, “And what is meant by “self-hypnosis” and creating “artificial situations” in the mind?”.

“Well aside from its application in psychology and psychiatry, there is an amateur form of it widely practiced in popular culture,” Renfield answered.

“There is?” Amadeus was curious.

“The most popular form of it is called the Silva Method,” Renfield answered, “what used to be called Silva Mind Control about 30 or 40 years ago until news of the CIA brainwashing experiments and the methods of various mind control cults like the People’s Temple in Jonestown, Guyana came into the public consciousness.”

Not knowing the history of the People’s Temple, Amadeus poured himself a glass of Kool-Aid and drank it asking, “What is the Silva Method formerly Silva Mind Control?”.

“A very simple form of self-hypnosis,” Renfield explained, “also known as guided imagery. You’re asked to imagine in your mind a very quiet place like by a lake, a stream or in a forest or meadow or some beautiful tranquil place. You’re asked to empty your mind completely of all other things and just clearly visualize the place. Then you’re asked to either visualize people or animals or maybe other beings coming to talk to you.”

“Really?” Amadeus put some cheese on a slice of bread.

“And here’s where it sometimes crosses the line from self-hypnosis to the beginning stages of shamanism as practiced by a Siberian shaman or Lakota Sioux Medicine Man or African tribal witch doctor when these beings appear,” Renfield went on, “for they can cease being figments of your imagination and sometimes become actual spirits you’re in contact with. For the Siberian shaman or the Lakota Sioux Medicine Man or the African tribal witch doctor, they’ve undergone years of training to tell the good spirits from the bad spirits. Not so for today’s products of our current modern educational system who have the Silva Method or Guided Imagery or whatever it is called suddenly thrust upon them. You could suddenly find yourself under demonic influences faster than if you’re fooling around with a Ouija board.”

“Really?” Amadeus’ face turned as white as the colour that his shirt used to be before he started eating chocolate ice cream.

“Yes, there was once a popular non-fiction book writer called Napoleon Hill who wrote a book called Think and Grow Rich in which he recommended to his readers an exercise in Visualization and Guided Imagery,” Renfield explained, “they were asked to imagine themselves presiding over a government Cabinet room. And members of the Cabinet that Napoleon Hill selected for his own personal advisers were men like Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. And a few others. Hill would visualize the cabinet room clearly and then clearly visualize each one of his advisers and cabinet members come into the room and sit down and give him advice. Hill once got so scared when he started noticing the Lincoln and Washington he was summoning seemed to start developing personalities not under his control. He was so scared that he stopped doing the Visualization and Guided Imagery exercise for a while.”

Amadeus looked out the window and noticed the 2 demon possessed dogs of the Cotswolds- a three headed dog like Cerberus and the reincarnated Hound of The Baskervilles running and barking across the Set Estate while the neighbourhood cat Tinkleton Pinkleton ran up a tree clutching a copy of the new bestselling book The Silva Method For Cats.

“What about self-hypnosis and artificial situations in the mind as practiced by psychiatrists and psychologists like Christine Blasey Ford?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, they’re supposed to be practiced in a more professional manner of course,” Renfield admitted, “but on the question of hypnosis by psychologists, there were several notorious cases back in the 1990s and early 2000s where the therapist botched the therapy session and somehow inadvertently gave the patients false memories while they were under hypnosis. The patients were convinced that they had been sexually assaulted by a family member. The courts initially believed the patient’s testimony and sentenced the offending family member to prison. Then upon further investigation, it was discovered that the therapist by misplaced leading questions had botched the memory recall for the patient under hypnosis and given them memories of events that had never actually happened in reality. However because the patient thoroughly believed that the events had indeed happened, they made quite convincing eyewitness testimony in a court of law and several innocent men and even a few innocent women were falsely convicted of sexual assault.”

“Now in terms of “self-hypnosis” and creating “artificial situations” in the mind, it’s intended to help patients deal with stress either in the present or a future situation by imagining and clearly visualizing something to help them in that situation,” Renfield stated.

“I see,” Amadeus nodded.

“But suppose you hypnotized yourself into imagining a certain situation in the past that never happened but you imagined to convince yourself that it did,” Renfield pointed out, “think how convincing you’d be on the witness stand.”

“Are you saying that Christine Blasey Ford using her expertise in this matter hypnotized herself into thinking that she was sexually assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh?” Amadeus asked thoroughly shocked.

“That’s the trillion dollar question,” Renfield replied, “like the profits Planned Parenthood earns each year.”

“Where does Sen. Dianne Feinstein fit into all this?” Amadeus asked.

“I wouldn’t trust Dianne Feinstein as far as I could throw her,” Renfield answered, “a woman anonymously tells Sen. Feinstein that she was sexually assaulted by Kavanaugh but doesn’t want it revealed. Sen. Feinstein doesn’t even mention such a serious charge as this even in a closed door session of the committee. But then just when it looks like Kavanaugh’s nomination is about to be approved, lo and behold the accuser’s name is publicly leaked to the media and Sen. Feinstein announces it. How convenient. The fact that Dr. Ford studied self-hypnosis and creating artificial situations in the mind is very suspicious. I might have thought it was coincidental if I hadn’t discovered that actress Alyssa Milano is a friend of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and asked Alyssa to sit behind Brett Kavanaugh while he was testifying.”

“Wasn’t she the one who played Phoebe on Charmed?” Amadeus asked.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded, “she’s also a practicing witch in real life like her character on Charmed. When she sat there behind Kavanaugh, she kept burrowing her eyes into the back of his neck- you can see it for yourself if you watch the clip- intensely concentrating and looking all weird and spaced out as if she was trying to cast a Wiccan spell on him.”

“Wow, weird,” said Amadeus.

“America has become like the Weimar Republic and Hitler’s Third Reich, infested with occult practices and peculiar beliefs that fall across all parts of the political spectrum from left to center to right,” Renfield pointed out, “in such an irrational nutcase political setting which makes Vladimir Putin smile at the thought that America will destroy itself on its own, it’s thoroughly conceivable that a woman might hypnotize herself into saying she was sexually assaulted by someone whose political ideas she violently disagrees with. I’m not saying that’s what happened but given America’s current political environment, it could have happened like that. America is like Rome in the days of the Emperor Caligula.”

Amadeus noticed a newspaper article on how Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau relies on an imaginary ET Gray friend named Gali-Gula from the planet Nibiru to give him advice and wisdom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 5th
2018.

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Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

September 13, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was (and still is) an asshole.

Probably the biggest asshole ever to occupy the office of Prime Minister of Canada (the second biggest asshole being the current Prime Minister Justin’s Marxist father Pierre Elliot Trudeau).

Every few years asshole Mulroney will crawl out of the woodwork just on the off chance the Canadian people have forgotten what a total moron he was and say something outrageously stupid to remind them.

A couple of days ago, asshole Mulroney crawled out of the woodwork to do just that.

While Mulroney’s two heavenly former guardian angels held an invisible spiritual dunce cap over his head, the former Prime Minister said he never approved of the Notwithstanding clause in the Canadian Constitution and attacked Ontario Premier Doug Ford for using it.

In an outburst of vocal flatulence, the former Prime Minister said he didn’t like the idea of a constitutional clause being used to override a decision of the Supreme Court of Canada.

It was precisely because of idiotic Supreme Court judges appointed by idiotic Prime Ministers like Mr. Bulroney (which is the way his name should be properly pronounced) and the two Trudeaus (pot smoking son and Marxist father) that the 8 Premiers who were opposed to Swinging (from the Maoist and Castro jungle branches) Pierre Elliot agreed to an entrenched Charter of Rights (which Pierre Elliot had modeled on Soviet dictator Josef Stalin’s high sounding and noble words declaring Charter of Human Rights enshrined in the Soviet Constitution of the USSR which history knows how genuinely successful that was) in the Canadian Constitution provided that Federal and Provincial governments have the power to override idiotic decisions by unelected judges (appointed as patronage appointments by idiotic political leaders) through the use of a Notwithstanding clause.

Unfunny clown 🤡 Bulroney seemed to have forgotten the fact that he had used an obscure clause in the original 1867 Constitution (that had never been previously invoked in Canada’s entire history until the unfortunate advent of asshole Bulroney) to stack the Canadian Federal Senate with a bunch of political hacks and Bulroney butt-kissing bozos in order to pass the most stupid tax ever created in Canadian history- the GST.

The Canadian senate in 1990 had announced that they were going to vote against Bulroney’s idiotic GST and kill the bill.

Thereupon the ass scratching Mulroney’s legal team found the obscure clause in the original 1867 Canadian Constitution which allowed the rash asshole Bulroney to stack the Senate with his own brown nosed and butt kissing supporters.

Also opposed to Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause was former Ontario Premier Bill Davis a man who was a great admirer of Marxist Pierre.

In fact Bill Davis was only one of two Premiers who supported Pierre in repatriating the Constitution with an entrenched Charter of Rights (the other Provincial Premier was Richard Hatfield the then marijuana pot smoking Premier of New Brunswick who was once caught with marijuana in his possession while flying on a plane ✈️ with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II). The other 8 provincial premiers were opposed to it.

Joining Brian Bulroney and Bill Davis in condemning Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause were the major consumers of recreational Canadian cannabis- those who worked in Amnesty International’s Canada office who saw a moral equivalency between Doug Ford using the Notwithstanding clause to reduce the size of Toronto City Council and the way Syrian President Bashar al-Assad treats his political opponents.

After Bulroney made his announcement condemning the Notwithstanding clause, he was immediately kicked in his minuscule sized balls by DARPA contract assassin Panty Goatee (the genetically created twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and lovable serial killer Pan Goatee).

She had been hired by the International Federation of Vampire Hunters to do so.

This month’s Acting President of the International Federation of Vampire Hunters was the Alberta born and raised Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

. . .

Pope Francis thought he could smell cigarette smoke 💨 as he closed his bedroom door.

Sure enough, that’s what it was.

The nicotine addict and cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was lying in Pope Francis’s bed smoking a cigarette and reading National Geographic magazine.

“Hope you don’t mind me smoking in here,” Asmodeus wheezed before coughing a heavy smoker’s cough, “but Lilith was complaining that the smoke 💨 was bothering her so I came in here to smoke.”

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was currently visiting the ancient Phoenician vampiress Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal at the Vatican to discuss their mutual plans for the Middle East.

“No, I don’t mind,” Pope Francis coughed through the thick clouds ☁️ of smoke 💨.

“A most jolly good fellow you are,” Asmodeus belched as he drank his quadruple cream and quadruple tablespoonful of sugar mocha latte cafe coffee ☕️.

“Thank you,” said Pope Francis who was not used to receiving compliments these days.

“Say, do you think I should buy some reefers of recreational Canadian cannabis and start smoking that when they become legal?” Asmodeus licked the marshmallow cream moustache from underneath his nose, “do you think it will help me overcome my nicotine addiction?”.

“It might,” Pope Francis admitted.

“Say, what is the Papal position on demons smoking marijuana in your bed by the way?” Asmodeus asked out of curiosity.

“I’m not quite sure,” Pope Francis picked up his copy of the book Catholic Dogmatic Theology For Dummies that lay on his night table, “I’ll have to look it up.”

. . .

Hurricane Florence was about to hit the coast of the Carolinas.

Inside the eye of the storm doing a whirling dervish dance 💃🏻 was the Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici.

As she danced and twirled, Signora Florence De Medici sang, “Carolina moon keep shining, Shining on the one who waits for me…”

The Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici in her gardens on her palatial Estate in the Italian city of Florence in her pre-hurricane days.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 13th
2018.

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Reblog of Londoninium’s Iraq is at a Crossroads

September 3, 2018 at 10:35 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics) ()

An excellent blog post analyzing the political situation in Iraq.

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Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula

August 31, 2018 at 10:36 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula

Canada’s marijuana legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was having a bad week.

Yesterday the Federal Court of Appeal decided to quash the Trudeau government’s approval of the Kinder Morgan Trans Mountain Pipeline effectively delaying the project for years (and maybe even killing it).

In response, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced she was pulling the province of Alberta out of Trudeau’s proposed National Climate Action Plan saying the Federal Government seemed to have botched its handling of the plans to sell Alberta oil overseas by allowing it access to the nation’s West Coast ports.

Meanwhile all the pot-smoking flaky and nutcase radical environmentalists on B.C.’s Lower Mainland and Vancouver Island were having orgasms of pure joy over this court decision that will kill any chance of economic prosperity for Alberta or most of Canada for the next 10 to 15 years.

Indigenous First Nations leaders who served as useful idiots for the cause of political correctness and white liberal pothead smoking radical environmentalists were ecstatic as well.

Those indigenous First Nations leaders who were actually concerned about jobs and employment for their people were horrified as this killed chances for economic prosperity in both Alberta and B.C. as a result of jobs being created over pipeline construction now being gone.

A well-known Alberta based Canadian vampire hunter said that the Federal Court of Appeal’s decision was proof positive that the number one requirement for being a judge in Canada was to be a total imbecile.

World famous London Dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes issued a statement shortly afterwards that this means Donald Trump could then probably get a job as a judge in Canada 🇨🇦 should he forced to leave the United States 🇺🇸.

Meanwhile rumours were flying that various gay pedophile inclined bishops and Cardinals were thinking of leaving the United States for the safety of Pope Francis’ Vatican 🇻🇦 should a U.S. Department of Justice investigation into their activities start.

Then as another blow to Justin Trudeau, today the NAFTA Trade Deal with the U.S. might be dead.

Trump’s deadline for reaching a deal had come and gone today.

Trudeau’s Foreign Affairs Minister tried to put the best possible spin on it saying that talks would continue next week.

But when a supreme asshole was currently sitting in the Oval Office, what could one do, Justin sighed.

The supreme asshole and Twitterer-In-Chief had in fact given an off-the-record interview to Bloomberg News yesterday that was leaked to The Toronto Star today,

In the interview, Trump said that he would not be making any compromises at all with Canada and any deal with Canada would be “totally on our terms”.

The supreme asshole’s attitude meant that NAFTA was effectively dead in the water.

Anyone who said otherwise had been inhaling too much pot smoke 💨.

And speaking of pot smoke, Justin Trudeau was currently in his green house inhaling pot smoke that was being exhaled from his genetically created pot smoking desert 🌵 cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever (that had been genetically created for him by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

He was inhaling pot smoke 💨 in the hopes that this would enable him to see his little ET gray friend Gali-Gula that he always saw after inhaling pot smoke.

Gali-Gula was an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Justin was very anxious to discuss the subject of Donald Trump with his little ET gray friend.

Unfortunately for Justin, Gali-Gula had become a big fan of the best of earthling music in recent years and as such he was currently in Detroit, Michigan attending the funeral of Aretha Franklin one of his favourite musical artists.

And the funeral service went on for 7 hours as was appropriate for the woman named the Queen of Soul.

Justin fell asleep 😴 waiting for Gali-Gula to show up.

While sleeping, he dreamed that the War of 1812 that Canada fought with the U.S. was being fought again.

. . .

It was nighttime and Donald Trump was sitting in the Oval Office waiting for the ghosts of Julius Caesar and the first Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus to show up.

Trump had first invoked the ghosts of Julius and Augustus Caesar in an ancient pagan Roman ritual he had performed this past Monday night shortly after attending a dinner meeting with evangelical Christian pastors and broadcasters telling them what a “devout believer” he was.

Trump was seeking advice from the ghosts of the two Caesars on how to go about making himself Emperor of America should it prove necessary.

Just like he was currently getting advice from the ghost of Chilean dictator Gen. Augusto Pinochet on how to stage a coup d’état should that become necessary.

One can never be too sure how the U.S. Congressional mid-term elections might go, Trump thought to himself.

After his meeting with the ghosts of the two Caesars, Trump would then be meeting with the ghost of the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte to discuss the groundwork for a possible military invasion and annexation of Canada should that become necessary (Trump’s 1st choice for such advice had been the ghost of Der German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler but he was currently unavailable at the moment).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 31st
2018.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Oprah Winfrey For Encouraging Self-Esteem Even Amongst Ugly Looking Women

August 29, 2018 at 10:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, Inspiration, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads Oprah Winfrey For Encouraging Self-Esteem Even Amongst Ugly Looking Women

Pan Goatee could not believe the amount of dogs, cows and blimps that were out waddling and stampeding the city streets and sidewalks today.

And of course he was talking about two legged dogs, two legged cows and blimps with their elephant sized legs on the ground as opposed to blocking out the sun up in the sky and vastly increasing the amount of global warming across the globe through their massive body fat and heat.

Who the Hell left the cage doors and barn doors and Goodyear aerodrome doors open?

There were too many uglos for Pan Goatee’s laser astral machete to handle alone.

So he went into a Wal-Mart without any photo ID to buy himself an astral laser automatic machine gun with a thousand rounds of ammunition.

The only piece of ID he had on him was a written note from his psychiatrist that had on it written the single phrase, “This fellow is totally insane and mentally unstable.”

One clerk rang up the bill of sale, the other clerk packed up Pan Goatee’s astral laser automatic machine gun and rounds of ammunition into a bag and a third clerk invited him to buy an NRA membership which they were offering for $5 a year for today only.

Goatee accepted the membership discount.

“If there weren’t so many uglies around today,” Pan quipped, “I’d say today was my lucky day.”

“I know what you mean about uglies visually polluting the urban landscape,” the third clerk sympathized, “I lost yesterday’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack and today’s breakfast simultaneously when I came to work this morning.”

“Hey, who up chucked 🤮 the equivalent of the entire Amazon River and Pacific Ocean basin in the men’s washroom?” The janitor’s voice echoed throughout the store.

Pan Goatee went outside, loaded his ammunition and began firing at the massive amount of uglies all over the city.

News media reporters and TV cameramen were too busy reading and analyzing the latest tweets from Donald Trump on their smart phones to film the shootings and the gunman.

When Pan Goatee had started to develop Lee Harvey Oswald elbow as a result of too much shooting with one arm and then Grassy Knoll Gunmen elbow as a result of too much shooting with the other, he went into a cocktail lounge for a drink.

While there, he happened to notice Oprah Winfrey sitting up at the bar.

Goatee approached the former TV show host.

He had run out of ammunition but he still had his astral laser machete.

“It’s all your fault, Oprah,” he told the multi-billionaire entertainer, “that we have so many ugly white women in English speaking North America this century. Telling all these fat ugly blimps to have high self-esteem and feel good about themselves even though they turned into fat ugly visually aesthetically challenged dogs, cows and blimps sitting on their ugly asses watching television all day.”

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the talk show hostess with his astral laser machete.

“I won’t be back after this message,” were Oprah’s last words as her head rolled on to the floor and then on to the Persian carpet.

. . .

“Mister President,” one of Donald Trump’s White House aides informed him, “we have it on good authority that Oprah Winfrey has just been beheaded.”

“That’s good,” Trump tried to comb some seagull droppings out of his hair, “there goes one of my potential Democratic Presidential opponents for 2020. Anyone behead Dwayne The Rock Johnson yet?”.

“Not yet,” his aide answered.

“Pity,” Trump remarked as he drank a cup of Red Rose Tea which was only available in Canada but he managed to talk his butler and valet Lexington into smuggling some across the border for him.

. . .

Ellen DeGeneres was trying to find Nemo in her outdoor fish pond when she was informed by her gardener that Oprah Winfrey had been beheaded.

“How awful,” Ellen gasped.

“I see that the publishers of A Course In Miracles have had Ms. Winfrey’s head and body cryogenically frozen and have hired London’s Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he can re-attach her head and body and then re-animate her,” the gardener read a news bulletin off his CNN News App.

“I hope he can,” Ellen said as Nemo came leaping out of the pond asking, “Where’s Dory?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 29th
2018.


A well-known anthropologist says that zombies 🧟‍♂️ probably don’t have the aesthetic sensibilities of Pan Goatee 🐐.

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