The Mystery of The Em₱ty Gas Tanks
British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was driving his vintage antique 1909 Thomas Flyabout.
“Um…. Renfield,” ₱rime Minister Sunak said with some alarm, “I think those are…”
Renfield’s January 6th 2023 ₱odcast
Renfield R. Renfield and The British Arthurian ₱arty
Welsh vam₱iress Morgana Fay Lee holds a red fox at British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Christmas Day ₱ress conference in which he announces the change of name from the British Transhumanist ₱arty to the British Arthurian ₱arty
Egy₱tian Vam₱ire Set In New York City
Renfield’s Thursday December 8th ₱odcast
₱an Goatee Beheads Thin Ugly Stoat, Cerberus Continues His ₱ursuit of Tartarus Esca₱ee and ₱achamama To Be Declared Catholic Co-Mediatrix and Co-Redem₱trix
King Charles III Celebrates His 74th Birthday
Today was King Charles III’s 74th birthday.
Jasmine Hakimi and The Iranian Revolution To Overthrow The Ayatollahs’ Rule ₱lus Mussolini’s Ghost and The March On Astana
Jasmine Hakimi had returned to Iran from London England in order to ₱lay a major role in the revolution to to₱₱le the des₱otic tyrannical regime of the Ayatollahs. Three years ago she left Iran to seek em₱loyment in England. She got a job with the Set Enter₱rises Intelligence Unit where she was ₱ersonally trained by Miss Miranda Singh who was Set Enter₱rises’ to₱ intelligence agent. Miss Jasmine Hakimi also received extensive training from Miss Sherrielock Holmes who was the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes. Back on Se₱tember 16th of this year 2O22 a 22-year-old Iranian woman named Mahsa Amini was brutally murdered by Iran’s so-called Morality ₱olice for su₱₱osedly not wearing her hijab ₱ro₱erly. Her death had caused 6 weeks of ₱rotests that had now become a full-fledged revolution. A Calgary based geo₱olitical analyst friend of British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield (Mr. Renfield was a former em₱loyee of Set Enter₱rises) had said this WOULD BE the autumn that would oversee the to₱₱ling and overthrow of the des₱otic tyrannical regime of the ayatollahs. A ₱iece of good news in what otherwise has been a year of universally abysmal bad news. So Miss Jasmine Hakimi had returned home to Iran to ₱artici₱ate in the ₱eo₱le’s Revolution that would overthrow the regime established by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. On the bad news front an evil Arabian djinn had managed to convince Hades the ruler of the Underworld to grant a dis₱ensational release from the Realm of Hades to the ghosts of Italy’s Fascist former dictator Benito Il Duce Mussolini and his Blackshirts. It was 1OO years ago today (back on October 27th 1922) that Mussolini and his Blackshirts launched the March On Rome. The March On Rome eventually resulted in Italy’s King Victor Emmanuel III naming Benito Mussolini the ₱rime Minister of Italy and the so-called Revised Roman Em₱ire of the Fascists had begun. Now on October 27th 2O22 Mussolini and his Blackshirts were ₱lanning a march on Astana Kazakhstan because rumours floating around the Underworld (initiated by the demon ₱hoenix Diabolicus) said that Astana Kazakhstan would become the first ca₱ital of a truly One World government in recorded history. It would be followed by Jerusalem as World Ca₱ital but Astana would be the first. So the ghost of Mussolini, su₱₱orted by the ghosts of his Blackshirts, was seeking to take over Astana in a 2O22 March on Astana on the 1OOth Anniversary of the 1922 March On Rome. -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Thursday October 27th 2O22.
Sherrielock Holmes of The Autumn Leaves
Sherrielock Holmes of the autumn leaves
Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal lesser known twin sister of world-famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was walking through St. James’ Park in London enjoying the autumn leaves.
Suddenly she heard the sound of someone slipping on a leaf and falling on their behind.
It turned out to be former British Prime Boris Johnson.
“Mr. Johnson,” said Sherrielock, “A Liz Truss devalued penny for your thoughts?”.
“I wasn’t able to garner enough support among MPs in my party to stage a comeback and become Conservative Party leader again and thus Prime Minister,” said Johnson as his hair blew wildly in the wind.
“What happened there?” Sherrielock inquired.
“Well there were lots of MPs who were willing to sign my nomination papers but only if I promised to name Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering a position he held in my Brexit cabinet in the autumn of 2019,” Johnson noted.
“Well Renfield was really the brightest star in your Autumn Brexit cabinet of 2019,” Sherrielock pointed out, “He was the one who came up with the compromise on the Irish Border Question that the Prime Minister of the Republic of Ireland agreed to. Why wouldn’t you name him again?”.
“Well because he’s offended the Biden Administration and he isn’t exactly a favourite with the new King His Majesty King Charles III,” Johnson explained.
“What has Renfield done to offend the Biden Administration?” Sherrielock asked.
“The bigger question is… what hasn’t he done to offend the Biden Administration?” A comb blew into Johnson’s hair from the strong wind and he struggled to get it out.
“Specifics, Mr. Johnson,” Sherrielock was stern like the professional dominatrix she was, “Specifics.”
“Well last week in a podcast Renfield called for the assassination of the U.S.’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland,” Johnson answered, “so now Garland has had to bring charges against Chinese Intelligence agents in order to convince the U.S. electorate that he isn’t a Communist just two weeks prior to the mid-term elections. And Xi Jinping is pissed about that. Hunter Biden has already got his free weekly piece of tail cut off from a CCP run call girl ring in Washington D..C. And Joe will never be allowed to sniff actress Gong Li’s hair ever again.”
“And what about King Charles III not like liking Renfield?” Sherrielock wanted to know.
“Charles once overheard Renfield at a party say that he thought Charles’ second and current wife Camilla looked like a horse,” Johnson answered, “Although the next day Renfield did issue an apology… to horses.”
“I guess that would be a good reason for the King not liking Renfield,” Sherrielock admitted.
Rishi Sunak the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom walked by, “I say would the two of you care to join me in a cup of tea?”.
Sherrielock’s eyes twinkled, “Do you really think there’s room for the three of us?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 25th
2022.
Pan Goatee Slays Uglos On 70th Anniversary of Nixon’s Checkers Speech
It was the 70th Anniversary of Nixon’s Checkers speech.
70 years ago today on September 23rd 1952, then California Sen. Richard M. Nixon gave a speech in order to save his political hide from what was perceived as an impropriety in receiving gifts from donors.
There was the possibility that Nixon might be dropped from the Republican National Ticket as General Dwight David Eisenhower’s Vice-Presidential running mate for the upcoming November 1952 U.S. Presidential election.
So Nixon gave a speech in which he said that he had a dog named Checkers and that his wife Pat had a good Republican cloth coat not a mink coat.
The speech caught the imagination of the American people so thousands sent messages to the Republican National Committee asking that Nixon be kept on the ticket.
He was.
70 years later in honour of the occasion, two black and white Cocker Spaniel dogs were playing checkers on the sidewalk in celebration.
The world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee walked by.
He was always happy to see four legged dogs.
Not so happy to see two legged dogs.
A really pathetic ugly woman walked by wearing a mini skirt.
“With a face like yours, even wearing a mini skirt doesn’t make you more attractive,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
“There goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense Lawyer,” a low IQ moron started to weep.
Goatee went into an Asian Specialty Food Store where he enountered another repulsive uglo.
Likewise he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
“There goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense lawyer,” a moronic looking man, who still held his mask in one hand (neglecting to put it on) and a gun in the other to rob the place, started to weep.
Goatee beheaded the man and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Then Goatee went to catch the bus.
A fat ugly blimp got off the bus so Goatee beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
A man wearing a raincoat, who was going down the street opening his raincoat and exposing himself, started to weep, “Hey, there goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense Lawyer.”
In a flash, Goatee beheaded the man and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Goatee decided to go catch another bus instead.
Most of the women on that bus were beautiful and so were in no danger from Pan (at least in terms of beheading and bodily dismemberment).
The one uglo on the bus was wisely sitting at the back and unlike most brainless uglos in the City of Calgary made no attempt to approach the genetically created satyr serial killer.
So Pan spared her.
Pan then got off the bus to catch another bus that would take him home.
As he ran to catch that neighbourhood bus, some moronic asshole was blocking the sidewalk with a shopping cart that was piled high with 20 different suitcases.
Afraid he’d miss his bus, Goatee beheaded the man and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
The suitcases fell on top of Alberta’s Neo-Fascist Premier Jason Kenney who hated the poor.
That’s why Kenney only hired ugly women to be defense lawyers for the province’s Legal Aid Societies that were financed by the provincial government.
No self-respecting poor person would want to be represented by a lawyer that repulsively ugly so they’d automatically plead guilty (to forego a trial in which they’d be represented by some super uglo defense lawyer who was as brainless as she was ugly) and Kenney could throw them in jail.
That way he could tell his fellow provincial counterparts at Canadian Premiers’ Conferences that Alberta had no poor people (since they were all in jail).
Goatee ran to catch the bus.
An uglo got off.
So Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Neo-Bolshevik Communist demagogue Dr. Joe Vipond (the man who pushed most strongly for compulsory masking in the province throughout the plandemic and also for compulsory vaccination) like most Neo-Bolshevik Communist rich people was a tightwad and a cheapskate when it came to spending his own money instead of taxpayers’.
So Vipond wept, “There goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense lawyer.”
Goatee beheaded the Neo-Bolshevik Communist physician and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday September 23rd
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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