Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia.
She was also the behind the scenes owner of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel on the outskirts of Moscow Idaho.
The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was famous for once having Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie as a guest there.
Uncle Ernie sought refuge there after he became the only guest in all of recorded history to be kicked out of the Hotel Calfornia (which was unusual because as the Eagles song informs us “You can check out but you can never leave”).
Uncle Ernie was also kicked out of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel as well.
The problem was that The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was full of beautiful, sexy and very attractive usually scantily clad female employees.
And the problem as far as Uncle Ernie was concerned was that he kept stealing and trying on for himself the few sexy dresses that the scantily clad female employees of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel had.
So Uncle Ernie was then thrown into a potato sack and dropped off on Interstate 90 in Idaho where unfortunately he was not run over by any motor vehicle.
The potato sack wearing Uncle Ernie was picked up by a bus load of nuns who were headed to a retreat being held on Lake Coeur d’Alene.
But that’s another story.
Let’s just say they’ve never had another transgendered Jewish Rastafarian nun ever since.
Although Pope Francis is working on it since he views it as quite possibly the greatest accomplishment of his senile Synodality project.
There were rumours abounding in Moscow Russia that the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel was likewise a brothel.
But that couldn’t be the case because self-proclaimed devout Orthodox Christian Vladimir Putin was seen going in and out of the hotel all the time.
Anyways Set Enterprises was trying to prevent a global nuclear war unleashed by Russia’s psychopathic wanna be reborn Czar Peter the Great.
To that end this past Wednesday October 5th Set Enterprises sent the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to Moscow to negotiate in face to face talks with the Russian leader.
Diplomacy failed after Russian President Vladimir Putin tried to make a pass at the sexy Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
“I’m really the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg,” Putin winked at her.
“You strike me more as being a PH unbalanced sasquatch teller of tall and incredibly boring tales,” Qonzilqointec remarked prior to kicking him in his tiny testicles with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
So diplomacy had failed.
Set Enterprises was now trying blackmail.
It had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Moscow Russia to interview Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel and get her to admit and maybe even provide camera video footage of Vladimir Putin cavorting with high priced call girl escorts.
Dracul Van Helsing entered the bedroom of Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff and was confronted by this sight:
“Hello, Madame Natasha,” Van Helsing smiled, “How would you like to lie back on your bed and I’ll present to you Saint Thomas Aquinas’ Cosmological Argument for the Existence of God?”.
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff did just that and Dracul Van Helsing presented to the madame the Angelic Doctor’s Cosmological Argument For The Existence of God with a never before heard of method of discourse using illustrations from the Kama Sutra brought to life to argue the case for Intelligent Design of the Cosmos.
By the time Van Helsing had finished, Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was not only a confirmed theist but a confirmed Thomistic philosopher as well.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 7th
2022.
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600th Anniversary of Battle of Agincourt
It was 600 years ago today- October 25th 1415- St. Crispin’s Day- that England’s King Henry V delivered a speech written for him by the yet-to-be- born future playwright William Shakespeare and then went on to defeat French forces at the Battle of Agincourt.
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And The Wolf Shall Lie Down With A Bottle of Budweiser
Well some group is actually upset with a Super Bowl ad by Budweiser for showing a wolf approach a puppy in a threatening manner.
The group is asking people to call Budweiser and ask them to withdraw that part of the ad before this Sunday’s Super Bowl saying that wolves already receive enough bad PR.
I wonder if we’ll hear this news story on the radio soon:
A rabid animal rights activist was so angry when he heard about the ad, he pulled his truck over to call Budweiser and demand they withdraw that portion of the ad.
When he finished talking on the phone, he looked into the back of the cab of his truck and found a wolf had just eaten the puppy dog in the back he was bringing home to surprise his children.
Meanwhile in other news, a pro-shark group is demanding that Turner Classic Movies stop showing the 1975 Steven Spielberg film Jaws that shows sharks eating humans saying that sharks receive enough bad PR already.
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Is AI (Artificial Intelligence) A Threat To Humanity? – A News Bulletin
Radio news announcer: In a statement released today, Microsoft said that “Artificial Intelligence will not kill us.”
This bulletin just in… Microsoft owner Bill Gates has been found strangled by his robot butler after Gates refused to grant the robotic valet a night off for a date with a robotic lookalike of Shakira…
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Three Surefire Ways To Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions This Year
#1. Don’t make any New Year’s resolutions.
#2. Don’t make any New Year’s resolutions.
And…
#3. Don’t make any New Year’s resolutions.
-Advice written by Christopher
Thursday January 1st 2015.
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Top 10 Reasons Why Kim Jong-un Won’t Be Interviewed By David Letterman In New York City
#10. Is worried he’ll be forced to apologize if he throws a fit being served peanuts in a bag on a Korean Airlines flight to America
#9. He’s already seen most of the in-flight movies on his home computer screen
#8. Deathly afraid of subliminal swearing that might come through on his Sony headphones while in flight
#7. Doesn’t know where to go for Korean food in Times Square
#6. Very worried that New York City cab drivers won’t accept North Korean currency
#5. He’ll have to wait until next year to see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Santa Claus Parade
#4. Is worried that he’ll be asked to perform the Gangnam Style dance by stupid New York City tourists mistaking him for South Korean pop star Psy
#3. Is very worried that pigeons in Central Park might mistake him for a statue
#2. Is deathly afraid that he might be assassinated by the CIA in the middle of a Stupid Pet Tricks routine on the Letterman Show
and the #1 reason why Kim Jong-un won’t be interviewed by David Letterman is
#1. He’s already been asked by Ellen DeGeneres
-A Top 10 List For
David Letterman
written by Christopher
Sunday December 21st
2014.
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Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist
On the exciting action-packed opening episode of the second season of The Blacklist that premiered earlier this week, it turned out that Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington is still alive.
To celebrate this occasion, I have written a song about Mrs. Reddington and her husband Raymond- you can call him Ray or you can call him Red.
Mrs. Reddington
(to the tune of Mrs. Robinson)
And here’s to you, Mrs. Reddington,
Raymond loves you more than you will know,
Whoa-ho-ho-ho
God bless you please, Mrs. Reddington
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
especially those that know Ray
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files
for the one-armed hook guy who better not scratch his piles
Look around until all you see are sympathetic eyes
Don’t ask for human fingers with your fries.
Chorus refrain- the original first stanza of this song.
Hide it in the hiding place where no one ever goes,
the next thing to be lopped off might be your nose,
It’s a little secret just the Reddingtons’ affair
don’t let the house go up in flames of despair,
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the kids
as smoke gets under your mascara eyelids.
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo, Mrs. Reddington
Raymond loves you more than you will know etc.
the next lines of the choral refrain first verse.
Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
as hookman’s chainsaw starts up a new tune
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose.
Where have you gone, Red Reddington,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you,
you could kick ISIS’ ass so blue,
What’s that you say, Mrs. Reddington?
Dashing Ray has left and gone away,
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
but he’ll be back another day.
-Christopher Van Helsing
(with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)
-Thursday night, September 25th 2014.
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I came across an interesting intersection while out walking today.
The intersection was at the corner of Hemlock Street and Broadway Avenue.
Of course as soon as I saw the name of this intersection- Hemlock and Broadway- I immediately came up with my own fictional radio news headline,
“A pedestrian Socrates Ziegfeld died at the intersection of Hemlock and Broadway today. He met his final folly and drank his last cup of life while attempting to cross the street…”
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Denver Taco Truck Sold Meth and Cocaine
Police in Denver Colorado have busted a drug ring that apparently sold meth and cocaine from a taco truck.
What gave it away was someone finally wondered why the taco truck kept playing that old John Denver song The Colorado Rocky Mountain High on its loudspeakers all the time.
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Ghosts Give Their Endorsements In Scottish Independence Referendum
The ghosts of William Wallace, Robert the Bruce, James the Black Douglas, Rob Roy and Bonnie Prince Charlie took a break from their heavenly harp playing to urge today’s Scots to vote for an independent Scotland.
On the other side, England’s King Edward I, King William of Orange and William Augustus the Duke of Cumberland screamed while roasting on their respective spits that Scots should vote against an independent Scotland, adding that a Yes vote would only add to their present agony.
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Dracul Van Helsing 
600th Anniversary of Battle of Agincourt
October 25, 2015 at 6:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Literature, Plays, Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing) (Agincourt, Battle of Agincourt, Battle of Agincourt 1415, Henry V, King Henry V, Shakespeare, St. Crispin's Day, William Shakespeare)
600th Anniversary of Battle of Agincourt
It was 600 years ago today- October 25th 1415- St. Crispin’s Day- that England’s King Henry V delivered a speech written for him by the yet-to-be- born future playwright William Shakespeare and then went on to defeat French forces at the Battle of Agincourt.
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