Phoebe At The Jane Austen Society Ball
Phoebe attending a Jane Austen Society Ball in London
Phoebe worked as a cryptographer and code breaker for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
She did so because her father (who had been a Classics professor at Oxford) had been murdered on the orders of her 33rd Degree Freemasonic grandfather.
Her grandfather was actually younger than her father had been (a long story don’t ask).
So since the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry worshipped Osiris and his son Horus (among other deities), she went to work for the company owned by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (who was the brother of Osiris and the uncle of Horus).
Tonight of course she was off work and currently attending a Jane Austen Society Ball in London.
The past week she had been working on a very strange coded signal that was being picked up by various Set Enterprises listening receivers throughout the world.
As of yet, she was still unable to trace the signal or even crack the code.
But tonight, she was worried about none of these things.
Tonight she danced.
The orchestra was taking a break and Phoebe walked out on to the veranda balcony.
She checked her iPhone and noticed someone she followed on Instagram had just posted.
The Instagram influencer was a very intelligent and what appeared to be a very intellectually inclined bearded dragon named Murph.
Of course the videos and photos were posted by Murph’s owner.
Tonight on the Instagram post were various photos of Murph looking through a telescope at the night sky.
Then Murph’s owner posted a video of what Murph had been looking at through the night sky.
An object in outer space beaming a light signal.
Phoebe recognized the frequencies.
They were the same strange code she had been trying to crack all week.
The code was coming from outer space.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 21st
2023.
The Woman At The Time Tunnel Entrance
The woman at the entrance to a 1947 built Time Tunnel
After doing some research on the topic, Prof. William Charles a professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford discovered that the U.S. government had built a time tunnel (like the famous 1960s television series Time Tunnel in which a tunnel was used to travel backwards and forwards in time) in 1947.
The time tunnel was built using a prototype plan drawn up by the famous Serbian-American scientist Nikola Tesla.
The time tunnel blew up under mysterious circumstances that same year.
Charles wondered what caused the explosion.
Meanwhile Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had used the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic film projector to go back in time to the town of Mesquite Nevada in 1947.
Mesquite Nevada was where the time tunnel was located.
It was to be found under an old blacksmith’s shop building that dated back to the 1880s.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster in one of his visions had discovered that there was a radio screenplay writer from the 1940s who had found the time tunnel and used it to travel forward in time to the mid-2020s.
He then used his connection with the time tunnel to travel back in time throughout various decades to write predictive programming episodes for The Simpsons sitcom American TV cartoon show.
Since he knew the future (having come from there), he wrote about future events on The Simpsons such as Donald Trump becoming President and a truck convoy frightening Canada’s brainless Prime Minister Justin Trudeau out of his Ottawa office.
Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost supported the Canadian truckers’ efforts to end vaccine mandates being enforced by the various Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Neo-Fascist levels of government throughout Canada.
Most of Canada’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Neo-Fascist leaders were in favour of World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab’s plans for the Great Reset (which was just another name for a totalitarian One World government).
Klaus Schwab had a lifelong fascination with Hitler and his German National Socialist Workers’ form of government and admired it.
Even though Klaus Schwab’s own mother was Jewish.
Her name was Marianne Rothschild (yes- of those Rothschilds).
Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost were acting to prevent Justin Trudeau from declaring martial law in Canada.
And Michelangelo’s own sense was that the radio screenplay writer from the 1940s who wrote predictive programming episodes for The Simpsons TV Show was sympathetic towards Klaus Schwab’s Great Reset and Pope Francis’ proposed Human Fraternity Mystery Babylon Harlot Church.
Thus hoping to prevent the man’s future time travels, Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost were going to blow up the 1947 time tunnel.
When they entered the old Mesquite Nevada blacksmith’s shop and went down to the cellar where the time tunnel was, they discovered this woman:
The guardian of the time tunnel
Van Helsing picked up the woman while Welles’ ghost put down the ticking time bomb set to go off in another 5 minutes.
They returned to the present day.
Van Helsing then made out with the woman while Welles’ ghost made for a reluctant voyeur.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 4th
2022.
Tiny Tony
Everyone sings of Rudolph
And Frosty the Snowman too
And all the other happy folks
That make Christmas dreams come true
But there’s one little fellow
Who’s forgotten every year
He’s Santa’s special barber
Who trims old Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
He stands upon the chair
He’s such a little shaver
To take care of Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
Who everyone should meet
Happy Tiny Tony
Keeps Santa looking neat
When Christmas Eve comes here at last
And all the bags are packed
And Santa knows which boys and girls
Have been good or bad
He’ll stop into Tony’s barbershop
And you’ll hear old Santa say,
A little off the side, a little off the top
For tomorrow is Christmas Day
He’s Tiny Tony
He stands upon the chair
He’s such a little shaver
To take care of Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
Who everyone should meet
Happy Tiny Tony
Keeps Santa looking neat
Santa’s hair is all in place
His beard is neat and trim
And you can see his jolly face
Because Tony keeps it prim
If you ever visit the North Pole
The pole is quite a sight
For it’s just like a barber pole
It’s painted red and white
He’s Tiny Tony
He stands upon the chair
He’s such a little shaver
To take care of Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
Who everyone should meet
Happy Tiny Tony
Keeps Santa looking neat.
-A song written by
Bob Bradburn
CHQT Radio Producer
and Host
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
1967.
Orson Welles Contemplates Movie Scene
Orson Welles Contemplates A Movie Scene
The year was 1940 and Orson Welles was in the process of filming his classic film Citizen Kane.
It came to Welles’ attention one day that a popular radio show host was visiting the studio next door to where Welles was shooting.
Welles himself had been in radio as the voice of that mysterious figure The Shadow (whose alter ego was Lamont Cranston wealthy young man about town) from September 1937 to October 1938.
Welles had also been the host, star and narrator of CBS’ Mercury Theatre On The Air which ran for 22 episodes from July 11th to December 4th 1938.
The most notable episode was Welles’ October 30th 1938 adaptation and broadcast of H.G. Wells’ The War of The Worlds which came across like a regular news broadcast and sent a great deal of the American population into panic thinking they were actually being invaded by Martians.
The popular radio show host in the studio next door was the host of a program that Welles himself liked and enjoyed listening to.
Welles summoned the radio show host to talk to him as he wanted the man’s input into a movie he was considering making.
During the course of the conversation between Welles and the popular radio show host, Welles told the man, “I’m thinking of bringing an old story to life and setting it in modern times. Do you think it is proper for me to do that?”.
The host asked Welles what he was thinking of doing.
Welles mentioned that he’d have one set of characters wearing expensive jewel laced wrist watches as they were plotting.
And a couple of other characters would be wearing the robes of U.S. Supreme Court justices.
The radio host said that would be all right provided Welles didn’t change the nature, essence and personality of the character who was the central figure in the story.
Welles said he would not.
The popular radio show host gave his approval to Welles’ idea.
. . .
Welles sat down with pen and paper in front of him and conceived of a scene for the movie he was contemplating making.
The woman he was thinking of for the central female role in the film was a young starlet he had recently met called Margarita Carmen Cansino of Hispanic heritage who had recently changed her name to Rita Hayworth.
Welles pictured Margarita sitting at a table in a lounge downing several cocktails and mourning the recent death of a friend.
A man tries to make a move on her and she quickly brushes him off.
Leaving the lounge, she calls a taxi and heads to the funeral home where her friend is.
She walks into the viewing parlour where his body was available for viewing.
“Egad, wrong parlour,” she sighs and heads to another.
She races around the funeral home trying to find the parlour.
In one viewing room, she encounters a man who speaks to her in a foreign language.
She brushes him off and goes to find the funeral home director.
She encounters a man standing in front of her.
“You must be one of the undertakers,” Rita’s character says to him, “I was wondering if you could tell me what viewing room Joshua Josephson is in.”
The man said to her one word, “Mary.”
She then recognized him.
She then understood the words the man speaking in the foreign language had said to her in one of the viewing rooms, “He is not here. He is risen.”
. . .
Post-Script: The popular radio host that Welles had met at the studio that day in 1940 was Father Fulton J. Sheen (who later became a bishop and later an archbishop) who had hosted NBC’s The Catholic Hour on radio since 1930 and would host it for another 10 years until 1950.
The people Welles would have as wearing expensive jewel laced wrist watches were the Pharisees.
The two men who would be dressed in robes of Supreme Court justices would be Pontius Pilate and Herod Antipas.
Sadly Welles never made the picture.
Fulton’s one bit of advice to Welles in setting the Gospel story in modern times was to make sure that Jesus’ character was still that of “God incarnate as man, born of a virgin, performed miracles, died to save humanity from their sins and rose again from the dead on the third day.”
The movie scene mentioned above was totally of my own creation and speculation.
I do not know whether Welles had intended his future wife Rita Hayworth to play Mary Magdalene or not.
Or whether the final scene would be set in a modern funeral home.
Or whether Mary Magdalene would be looking for the body of Joshua Josephson (which is how you’d say Yeshua bar Yosef or Jesus son of Joseph in contemporary English).
-written by Christopher
Easter Sunday
April 12th 2020
Mary Magdalene (portrayed by Margarita Carmen Cansino aka Rita Hayworth) with the red roses she is planning to lay at the grave of a recently departed friend.
The Ghost of Orson Welles and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector To Norway
While British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in Thailand to attend the coronation ceremony of King Maha Vajiralongkorn, his spirit advisors the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill were hanging around the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set smoking huge amounts of spectral cigars with Churchill drinking huge amounts of spectral brandy and Welles drinking huge amounts of spectral wine.
After a couple of days of this, an exasperated billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan, “What’s the number for Ghostbusters?”.
“I regret to say, sir, that Ghostbusters was pure fiction and the Ghostbusters team portrayed by Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson do not exist in reality,” Athelstan sighed.
“Damn,” Set spilled his crocodile casserole all over himself at this upsetting piece of news.
The phone rang.
Athelstan picked it up.
“It’s for you, Orson,” the valet called out to Welles’ ghost who was busy talking to the clock on the living room mantelpiece and telling it, “We will sell no wine before its time.”
“Who is it?” Welles asked.
“It’s Erna Solberg the Prime Minister of Norway,” Athelstan replied.
“What does the Prime Minister of Norway want with me?” Welles asked.
“Well, why don’t you pick up the fucking phone and find out?” Set said angrily as he was using vast amounts of Sherrielock Holmes’ Bavarian Magic Mushroom Stain Remover trying desperately to remove the crocodile casserole stains off his suit and tie.
Welles’ ghost took the phone.
After a long conversation, Welles’ ghost put the phone down.
“What is up, Senor Welles?” Athelstan asked.
“Apparently, that beluga whale that showed up in Norway that some people are calling a Russian spy wants to defect to the Norwegians,” Welles replied.
“And what does that have to do with you?” Set asked as he found out where Renfield kept his secret stash of bourbon (it was under the stairwell under a post office box marked HARRY POTTER Age 21) and helped himself to two bottles of bourbon.
“Apparently, the beluga whale doesn’t speak Norwegian,” Welles replied, “he only speaks Russian (which he learned at the Russian Navy’s Northern Fleet Headquarters in Murmansk where he was being taught to be a spy) and English. Apparently he learned English because his spy handler listened to my old radio programs that are available on the Internet. Shows like The Shadow, The Adventures of Harry Lime, and The Black Museum. He also liked a radio commercial ad I once did for Norwegian cod. Apparently it was that ad which inspired him to defect to Norway. While swimming towards Norwegian waters, he ran into the mermaid Miranda who had met Renfield once on the Israeli coast off Tel Aviv. Miranda told the beluga whale that while it is true that I’m dead, I was granted dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades the god of the Underworld and I’m currently serving as a spirit advisor to Mr. Renfield along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill. The beluga wants to make his formal defection to the Norwegian government with me present.”
“Does that mean you’ll go to Norway and be out of my house for a while?” Set asked as he started working on his 99th bottle of bourbon.
“Yes,” Welles nodded, “If I can borrow one of your Persian flying carpets to fly to Norway.”
“Yes, go down to the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium and get one,” Set directed, “In the name of God, go.”
Welles’ ghost walked out the door and went out into the London night with his spectral fur coat adorning his huge spectral shoulders.
Set looked over into the armchair by the fireplace where Churchill’s ghost sat fast asleep and singing in his sleep, “Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine, you are lost and gone forever, oh my darling Clementine.”
“Now, if I can only find a way to get rid of that one,” the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire pointed a bony finger at Churchill before falling to the floor in a drunken stupor.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 3rd 2019.
Sekhmet, Set and Bastet
The year was 1938.
It was the month of November.
20 years earlier the Egyptian vampire Set’s tomb had been dug up in Egypt by Oxford trained Egyptologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury.
In fact, Set’s tomb had been opened at exactly 11 AM Greenwich Mean Time on November 11th 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month- the same minute the Armistice ending the Great War came into effect).
Set now lived in London, England where he had amassed a fortune.
Set was also one of the world business oligarchs supporting Hitler.
Not because Set was a Nazi.
But because Set thought Hitler would destroy Stalin.
Set hated Stalin because Stalin had arranged the murder of Set’s mortal fiancee back in 1924.
Sir Winston Churchill knew that Sol Invictus Set (as the wealthy businessman Egyptian vampire called himself in London circles) supported Hitler.
Churchill happened to run into the Egyptian lion headed goddess Sekhmet in the Egyptology section of the British Museum library one evening.
Sekhmet agreed to spy on Set for Churchill.
The goddess turned herself into an Egyptian teen-aged girl calling herself Sekhmeta and showed up at Set’s doorstep claiming to be a distant descendant of Horus (who was Set’s nephew) thus making herself Set’s niece (a great great great x great niece several times over).
Set agreed to let Sekhmeta stay with him.
One night 80 years ago, Set caught Sekhmeta listening to American jazz and jive music on the radio instead of doing her homework.
Set promptly administered a spanking.
Rubbing her behind and reaching for a pillow, Sekhmeta said to Set, “I’ll get you for that, Uncle Set.”
“I’m sure you will,” Set laughed.
Meanwhile in Washington DC, the Egyptian cat goddess Bastet was rising up behind an FBI agent and his girlfriend in a movie theatre to strike.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 17th
2018.
Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today
80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.
The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.
The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.
It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.
If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.
Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”
Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.
Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.
Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?
Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?
Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.
Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.
I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.
Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.
Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.
With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?
I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.
I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.
Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.
The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…
… Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.
-A Halloween montage
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 30th
2018.
ET Reptilians Threaten Revenge
ET Reptilians Threaten Revenge
The 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer Jonas Watson was once again rocking in his rocking chair.
When the old vintage 1934 antique St. Regis Gothic Cathedral Radio (that had belonged to his father) once again came to life and turned on by itself as it had last week when ETs had announced their arrival on this radio’s frequency.
This time an ET voice complained about how one of their reptilian comrades had been bitten and slain by a poison injecting fluffy little white earthling bunny rabbit.
The reptilian leader said that the brother of the slain reptilian had a message he’d like to give planet Earth.
The slain reptilian’s brother then spoke in a voice that sounded very much like that of Looney Tunes cartoon character Elmer Fudd, “I’m going to get that cwazy wabbit.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 19th
2017.
Radio Contact: Close Encounters of The Vintage Kind
Radio Contact: Close Encounters of The Vintage Kind
It is the first known asteroid to visit our solar system from interstellar space.
Scientists who have studied its speed and trajectory believe it originated in a planetary system around another star.
The object has a strange elongated shape making it look like a cigar.
Reminding one of that little known story from Classical Greek mythology where the Greek god Zeus sailing in his chariot across the heavens asked in Bill Clintonesque fashion, “Did anyone see where I put my cigar?”.
The object is travelling extremely fast with enough speed to avoid being captured by our Sun’s gravitational pull and is on a very eccentric trajectory eventually taking it out of our solar system.
The object is at least 400 metres long.
And it is 10 times longer than it is wide.
That ratio makes it more extreme than any asteroid or comet observed in our solar system.
The object rotates rapidly and is subject to dramatic changes in brightness.
Although believed to have formed around another star, scientists think it has been wandering across the Milky Way unattached to any star system for hundreds of millions of years before its chance encounter with our solar system.
The object has been given the name Oumuamua which means “a messenger from afar arriving first” in the native Hawaiian language.
The name reflects the object being discovered by a Hawaii-based astronomer at an observatory in Maui.
It was discovered on October 19th this year by Rob Weryk a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Hawaii Institute For Astronomy.
The discovery was made at the Pan-Starrs1 Observatory on Maui’s Haleakala volcano.
On the off chance that this first known interstellar asteroid in our solar system might have alien 👽 technology on it, an initiative backed by Russian billionaire entrepreneur venture capitalist and physicist Yuri Milner will use a radio telescope to listen for signals from it.
The team’s efforts will begin tomorrow with astronomers observing the asteroid across four different radio frequency bands.
. . .
80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer Jonas Watson was in excellent physical health.
He still owned and ran his large farmstead in central Saskatchewan.
An excellent mechanic, he still repaired his own farm machinery.
A lot of it was more than 40 or 50 years old but was still in excellent shape due to Watson’s caring hand.
Watson also repaired old clocks and watches as well as old TVs.
Sadly the only object that Jonas was unable to repair was the old classic vintage 1934 antique St. Regis Gothic Cathedral Radio that was made by ExceptionalRadios.
The radio had belonged to his father who had bought it in the year that it was made.
Try as he might, even Jonas, with all his skill and technical know how, was unable to get it working again.
Still the old radio was lovingly kept on a mantelpiece above the old fireplace in the farmhouse living room for all to see.
Jonas had not touched or worked on the radio in months.
Yet tonight on this evening of December 12th 2017 (the first evening of Hanukkah 2017) the radio suddenly came to life and turned on by itself as Jonas rocked in his rocking chair.
Jonas could hear a crackle coming from the radio speaker and then a rather peculiar electronic sounding voice saying, “We have arrived. Attention. We have arrived. And we are the first among many.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 12th
2017.
Nikola Tesla, Tantric Sex and The Eiffel Tower
Nikola Tesla, Tantric Sex and The Eiffel Tower
The stranger stood at the window of the Paris apartment he had rented for his birthday.
He lit a cigarette and gazed at the Eiffel Tower in the distance.
He then turned and looked at the beautiful woman who sat on his bed.
She looked exactly like the woman in one of his favourite contemporary music videos.
She was even wearing the same red halter top and sexy red skirt that the woman was wearing in the video.
He had run into her in a Paris martini 🍸 bar earlier this evening and was glad that “of all the martini bars in Paris he could have walked into, he walked into that one” to paraphrase a comment made by Humphrey Bogart in the movie Casablanca.
“Are you coming to bed?” She purred at him.
“I am,” the stranger put a Tesla coil and radio receiver on the window sill, “and with you with me, I’ll probably be coming in bed as well.”
He adjusted the wireless frequency on his Apple Watch ⌚️ and then walked over to the bed and started passionately kissing the woman in the red skirt.
She fell backwards on to the bed and raised her skirt.
The stranger noticed that she wasn’t wearing any panties.
He smiled.
He was glad to be with a woman who followed that Girl Guide motto Be Prepared.
As he mounted her, a wireless transmission hit the receiver at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
The wireless transmission had actually been sent 114 years earlier back on July 14th 1903 by Nicola Tesla at his Wardenclyffe Tower in Shoreham, Long Island, New York.
The Eiffel Tower then relayed the transmission to the Tesla coil and radio receiver on the window sill of the birthday celebrating stranger’s rented apartment.
The Tesla coil and radio receiver then sent the transmission to the stranger’s Apple Watch as a receiver.
The transmission then sent a major electrical discharge through the man’s body and the body of the woman in the red skirt causing both to have a major earth shaking climax and orgasm simultaneously.
“Holy Christ,” the woman shouted.
“Well, I’ve always thought of myself as the world’s greatest sinner but thanks for the compliment,” the man fell backwards on to his pillow and lit a cigarette.
As a result of this birthday night orgy of Teslian physics and tantric sex, the world was about to change forever.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 28th
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
You must be logged in to post a comment.