Renfield, Pope Francis, The Himalayan Serpent and The Buddha Statue

November 5, 2017 at 5:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield, Pope Francis, The Himalayan Serpent and The Buddha Statue

“Pope Francis is the best and the ultimate argument against the heresy of Ultramontanism,” Renfield R. Renfield said in a speech to a group of Catholic Bishops from England and Wales which didn’t go over so well with those assembled there.

Renfield’s speech itself was supposed to be a peace offering with the Conference of Catholic Bishops of England and Wales after Renfield had given a speech in Parliament in which he had held up a photo of Pope Francis and said, “Only an idiot in his entirety would want to do away with the death penalty in its entirety.”

Pope Francis was alleged to have said to Walter Cardinal Kasper, “Will no one rid me of this turbulent MP?”.

Similar remarks had been made by Russian President Vladimir Putin to senior officers of the Russian FSB a couple of days earlier.

. . .

A mysterious golden cobra figure who called himself Maitreya lived in the Himalayas on the Tibet-Nepal border.

He lived deep inside a cave beneath one of the mountains.

Every hour at midnight local time, he was able to astral project himself anywhere in the world.

But by 9:00 AM local time, whenever the fur wearing golden cock atop the mountain crew, Maitreya immediately returned to his cave from wherever he was in the world.

So the damage the golden cobra serpent could do to the world was limited to between midnight and 9 AM local time on that particular spot of the Himalayas on the Tibet-Nepal border.

All controlled by the fur wearing golden cock on the top of the mountain.

The cock had been placed there by Saint Michael the Archangel to bind the golden cobra serpent.

Unfortunately on November 2nd 2017, the Chinese People’s Liberation Army were practicing firing a new big gun long-range cannon in the region.

The cannonball killed the 5000-year-old fur wearing golden rooster πŸ”.

The result was Maitreya could now astral project any time of the day.

The golden cobra serpent entered a Buddha statue in a Buddhist temple in the City of Rome.

There the serpent planned its next move.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 5th
2017.

Advertisements

Permalink 4 Comments

Halloween 2017: 500th Anniversary of Protestant Reformation

October 31, 2017 at 8:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Halloween 2017: 500th Anniversary of Protestant Reformation

South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo was walking the streets of Wittenberg Germany on the 500th Anniversary of the Protestant Reformation’s beginning.

Dr. Makabo had the power to revive corpses from the dead as zombies and with his sense of humour, he decided to raise Martin Luther from his grave and have him re-post his 95 Theses on the door of All Saints Church in Wittenberg.

Luther’s corpse did that and was applauded by Halloween trick or treaters who were impressed by the spectacle.

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis (ever anxious to show the world what a splendid ecumenist he was) posted the 95 Theses of Martin Luther on the door of Saint Peter’s Basilica while the Baphomet (who had been summoned by the Vampiric Knights-Templar) applauded vigorously with his multiple arms and legs.

Later, a Vatican Cardinal went down and nailed a copy of Anton LaVey’s The Satanic Bible to the door of Saint Peter’s Basilica as well.

Meanwhile Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal attacked various trick or treaters around the city and sucked their blood and then gave them candies afterwards.

And Donald Trump spent his Halloween in the Oval Office insulting more people in his Twitter tweets.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 31st
2017.

Permalink 17 Comments

Kwan Yin, Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield and Pope Francis

September 16, 2017 at 5:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Kwan Yin, Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield and Pope Francis

Kwan Yin stood outside the Prince of Wales Hotel on Upper Waterton Lake.

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy was wearing a long flowing white dress.

But she was invisible to the Calgary Fire πŸ”₯ Department firefighters standing guard outside the hotel.

As the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith approached in the wind driving the fire towards the hotel, Kwan Yin stood holding a lotus flower 🌺in her hand.

When Lilith, wind and fire got to within 100 metres of the Prince of Wales Hotel, Kwan Yin gently blew lotus petals off the lotus flower 🌺 in the direction of Lilith, wind and fire.

Lilith immediately fell on her ass with the fire singeing the hem of her scarlet red evening dress.

“Bitch,” Lilith fumed at Kwan Yin.

“The kraken Tutsokiua must not be allowed to arise from his sleep at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake just yet,” Kwan Yin’s voice was the supreme melody of gentleness in feminine speech.

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy then vanished leaving Lilith to fume and smoulder along with the ashes and cinders in her hair.

. . .

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un sat in his garden surrounded by fountains, roses and piles of human skulls.

He sat on the ground in lotus position wondering how he’d ever get up again and sang a now virtually forgotten Elvis πŸ•Ί Presley song from the mid-1960s,

“Tell me just how can I take this yoga serious
When all it ever gives to me is a pain in my posterior-us…”

Kim Jong-un made a mental note to himself to have his yoga instructor shot the next day.

In his right hand, he held a daisy flower.

The dictator was awaiting the arrival of Ahriman the Persian Zoroastrian god of evil.

As he waited, Kim pulled a petal off the daisy, saying about Donald Trump, “He loves me…”

Then with the next daisy petal pulled off, he’d say, “He loves me not…”

By the time Ahriman finally arrived, Kim had pulled the final petal off the daisy, “He loves me not…”

. . .

“What’s on your mind, Dracul?” The British Transhumanist Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield asked the Canadian vampire hunter.

“Well,” Dracul Van Helsing responded, “I was at a site last night which had a link that I clicked on and the link was to the on-line papal encyclical Laudato Si. It was getting late so I only read the first few paragraphs.
Now I’ve read many other Papal Encyclicals before- those written by Leo XIII, St. Pius X, Pope Pius XI, Pope Pius XII, St. John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI.
And I must say after reading the first few paragraphs of Pope Francis’ Laudato Si, I felt like I was reading the opening paragraphs of a badly written Grade 7 Junior High School essay rather than the opening paragraphs of a papal encyclical.”

“Maybe in Pope Francis’ case, they amount to the same thing,” Renfield suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 16th
2017.

Permalink 9 Comments

Haiku About Jesus In Today’s World

September 15, 2017 at 9:47 pm (Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural) (, , )

Haiku About Jesus In Today’s World

Jesus’ tomb empty
as many human hearts are
empty of Jesus

Permalink 4 Comments

Vampiress Priestess of Baal Hires Two London Private Eyes

September 13, 2017 at 6:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Priestess of Baal Hires Two London Private Eyes

Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were both sitting in their newly opened London office.

Agathor Christie had been the sitting incumbent British Conservative MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds until he got defeated by British Transhumanist Party candidate Renfield R. Renfield in this past June’s UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ General Election.

Magog Rhys Petley had been been the sitting incumbent British Labour MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales until he got defeated by British Transhumanist Party candidate Morgana Fay Lee in this past June’s UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ General Election.

Since both men (although from different parties) had lost their respective parliamentary seats to candidates for the up and coming British Transhumanist Party, they decided to take a post-defeat consolation tour of the U.S. together.

Now back in London, both men decided to open up a private detective firm together since it turned out that, as children, both had loved reading Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe private eye novels and stories.

After officially opening the office and helping themselves to both bourbon πŸ₯ƒ and cigars, they sat back in their respective comfortable leather upholstered mahogany armchairs and waited for their first client to walk through the door.

The story on BBC World News they watched on the office television was about a Kraken rising out of Lake Okanagan in British Columbia’s Okanagan Valley and walking through a grape πŸ‡ and wine 🍷 orchard near the city of West Kelowna and eating grapes πŸ‡ and drinking bottles of wine.

It then grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary as Our Lady of Lourdes from the orchard gardens and took the statue with him back into the lake.

The vineyard owner speculated that the Kraken might be the lake’s famed sea serpent lake monster Ogopogo who was said to have haunted the lake for centuries.

“Certainly a lot of krakens rising up all over the place these days,” Agathor quipped.

“There are,” Magog quickly downed his glass of bourbon, “nasty business that.”

“I wonder if some beautiful woman femme fatale will walk in through the door wearing a tight fitting dress like always happens in Philip Marlowe stories?” Agathor asked as he polished off his glass of bourbon.

“I wonder,” Magog re-filled his glass.

At that moment, a beautiful dark haired and dark eyed woman wearing a tight fitting Phoenician purple evening dress and a diamond πŸ’Ž necklace with the diamonds cut into the shape of human skulls around her neck walked into their office with the sharp click of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes πŸ‘ .

“I am the Vampiress Allatallahbel the Priestess of Baal,” said the incredibly sexy and beautiful female figure standing in front of them, “I’m here to hire you to find the last of the band of 13 Vampiric Knights-Templar -13 individuals who were the sole escaping survivors of French King Philip the Fair’s Friday October 13th 1307 raid on Jacques de Molay and his fellow Knights-Templar.”

“Well that answers the question you asked a few minutes ago,” Magog addressed Agathor as he finished yet another glass of bourbon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 13th
2017.

Permalink 23 Comments

Recep Tayyip Erdogan and The Vampiress Priestess of Baal

September 2, 2017 at 3:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was pacing the halls of his Presidential Palace.

Back in April, the Turkish leader had sent His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan a letter demanding that custodianship of the Haram al-Sharif and all Islamic holy sites in Jerusalem be transferred to him Recep Tayyip Erdogan when he the said Recep became the new Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire.

And of all the audacious things in the world, King Abdullah II of Jordan had still not bothered to answer him back and it was now September.

The man should really be beheaded, Recep thought to himself as he cut a head of lettuce in two with a meat cleaver.

“Good evening, your Majesty,” a sensuous feminine voice spoke behind him.

Recep turned.

Standing there was a beautiful dark-haired dark skinned and dark eyed woman wearing a purple evening dress.

Around her neck was a diamond necklace.

The diamonds were cut in the shape and form of human skulls.

“Well, I’m not the Sultan just yet,” Recep blushed, “Ummm… who are you by the way?”.

“I am the Vampiress Allatallahbel the Priestess of Baal,” she approached him.

“Baal?” Recep scratched his head, “Wasn’t he an ancient Canaanite deity?”.

“He was,” Allatallahbel stood inches away from his throat.

“Ummm… what do you want with me?” Recep asked.

“I’m here to help make you…” she smiled and showed her large vampiric incisors.

“To help make me…?” Recep was starting to feel visibly uncomfortable.

“Sultan,” she smiled at him.

“Oh, Sultan,” he laughed and adjusted his collar, “of course.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 2nd
2017.

Permalink 2 Comments

A Missile Fired, Sir Paul Reflects

August 30, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Short Story, Vampire novel) ()

Sir Paul sat in his hotel room and watched the television showing the North Korean missile launch over Japan.

It seemed the world was getting to be a more and more dangerous place all the time.

All over the world it seemed to be a summer of violence, hatred and terror.

Sir Paul picked up his guitar and played a song he hadn’t played in a long time.

A song he had written so many years ago.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

His critics often wondered what that song meant.

He wondered often what that song meant.

He had dreamed about his own mother Mary (who died of cancer when he was 14) coming to him in dreams when he was going through a rough time recording a particular album.

Others thought that the Mother Mary referred to in the poem was the mother of Jesus.

But, Sir Paul reflected, it was possible for a song or any work of art for that matter to have more than one meaning, even a meaning that the original artist hadn’t foreseen when he/she created his/her work.

Sir Paul looked at the North Korean missile flying over Japan.

He saw the terrified faces of people in the streets looking up.

Then he looked at the painting over one of the chairs in his hotel room- a painting he had just noted for the first time.

This is what he saw.

Our Lady of Lavang

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me…

-A short story
written by Christopher
August 30th 2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Haiku About The Beheading of Saint John The Baptist

August 29, 2017 at 5:04 pm (History, International Intrigue, Poetry, Religion) (, , , , )

Haiku About The Beheading of Saint John The Baptist

Young Salome danced
in one of her veils Death lurked
so Herod killed John

Permalink 2 Comments

Lilith Takes The Crown

August 22, 2017 at 7:10 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Lilith Takes The Crown

Lilith was being crowned Queen of the Universe at a ceremony in a chapel at the Vatican in Rome.

The cardinal doing the crowning was the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (JM stood for his secret society moniker Judas Manasseh).

He was assisted in this by his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress was wearing a beautiful scarlet red evening dress as she was being crowned.

Also present at the ceremony was Nimrod a little green frog.

Nimrod was supposed to be in charge of carrying the flowers for the ceremony but, being a frog, he ate them instead.

As Nimrod was busy hiccoughing rose petals from his mouth, the demon Asmodeus was busy filling up the chapel with his cigarette smoke from his irritatingly bad cigarette smoking habit.

His demonic acquaintances tried to talk him into wearing a nicotine patch which he did but it didn’t seem to work for him.

Coughing on Asmodeus’ cigarette smoke was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf (a grey wolf whose body had been possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler after it had been granted permission by Hades and Persephone to leave the Underworld and wander the Earth for awhile at the Germanic god Wotan’s request which he asked of the Greek chthonic deities through his emissary Thor).

Adolf hadn’t liked cigarette smoke in his previous life and didn’t think much of it in this one either.

But seeing as how he was no longer the Fuhrer of Germany, he could no longer order that Asmodeus be shot by firing squad.

Not that demons were prone to death by firing squad anyways.

When the ceremony was over, they walked outside to enjoy the sunset over Rome.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf then started howling that he had an idea on how to cause trouble for Russia.

Since no one in the party understood lupine, they ignored the grey wolf’s howling.

The psychic seer Cassandra Sibylline walked by and she could understand the lupine language.

She said, “The wolf is saying that if you want to destabilize Russia, then go to Hades and Persephone and request that the spirit of Grigori Rasputin be allowed to leave the Underworld and return to Russia for a while.”

A party strategist for the U.S. Democratic National Committee (DNC) walked by and thought that was an excellent suggestion.

He would report back to Hillary Clinton with that suggestion since she was still wanting revenge against Russia for costing her (in her opinion) the last U.S. Presidential election.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 22nd
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Dracul Van Helsing and Cassandra Sibylline In Rome

August 6, 2017 at 3:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter and MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division spy Dracul Van Helsing had received a lengthy email from his friend Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

According to Whitstable’s information and sources, the Norse wolf Fenrir had apparently thrown up the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) on the Temple Mount.

The regurgitation of the witchly head had led to rioting and fighting between Jews and Palestinians on the Temple Mount.

When it was time for supper, both Jews and Palestinians went home leaving the Temple Mount vacant.

It was during this brief interlude of quiet that a Jesuit priest by the name of Father Mundum Contra Athanasius (who was one of Pope Francis’ leading theological advisers) found the head and took it back to Rome with him.

Peter Whitstable was now wondering what had happened to the head.

He suspected that one of Rome’s leading spiritist mediums Cassandra Sibylline (who served as psychic adviser to many of the Curia based Cardinals in Rome) might possibly know where the head of Hecate now was.

“I think you’d enjoy meeting Cassandra Sibylline,” Whitstable had told Van Helsing, “I want you to meet with her and use your Adonis like charm to get her to tell you where the head of Hecate is now located.”

Van Helsing looked at his watch.

This was the spot all right.

The ancient stairwell near the Fountain of Caligula.

And there she was.

Cassandra Sibylline in all her vestal virgin glory.
Cassandra Sibylline On Steps of Ancient Roman Stairwell

“So you want to know where the head of Hecate is now located, do you, Mr. Van Helsing?” She laughed, “I refuse to talk.”

“We have ways of making you talk,” Van Helsing quoted a Nazi villain from those old time movies.

He mounted Cassandra Sibylline on the steps right then and there and made wild passionate love to her.

A group of Japanese tourists on a tour bus just above them had a field day taking pictures of the event and posting them to Facebook and Instagram.

“All right, all right,” she gasped after she had orgasmed for the 1001st time, “the head of Hecate was given to Cardinal JM (the member of the College of Cardinals who worships the ancient Greek god Zeus). He placed the head behind the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.”

“Unholy abomination of desolation, Batman,” Dracul Van Helsing paraphrased Robin the Boy Wonder from the old 1960s TV series Batman.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 6th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Next page »