Canada’s Throne Speech and Krampus Carries Off Vienna’s Cardinal Schonborn

December 5, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Canada’s Throne Speech and Krampus Carries Off Vienna’s Cardinal Schonborn

“So,” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield, “Did you hear that after Justin Trudeau had finished making fun of Donald Trump at the Buckingham Palace reception the other night, he grabbed a box of opium laced catnip, came out to the Set Estate, gave the opium laced catnip to the Boss’ guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore to send her off to La-La-Land and then proceeded to engage in mystical communion with the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever?”.

“I heard that,” Renfield acknowledged after he watched the garbage men sanitation engineers getting high after emptying the garbage cans containing Nefertiti Galore’s cat litter.

“I assume that Justin then probably met his alien friend Gali-Gula the ET gray from Planet Nibiru who’s possessed by the spirit of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula?” Amadeus ate his toast.

“Harvey Tallbanger tells me that he did,” Renfield nodded, “Gali-Gula helped Trudeau write the Canadian Governor-General’s Speech From The Throne which was read today at the opening of the new session of the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa.”

Amadeus read from the Canadian throne speech on his laptop the following words, “We all share the same space/time continuum on the same planetary spaceship.”

“I think Justin was not the only one inhaling Strawberry Fields Forever’s exhaled pot smoke,” Renfield remarked, “Gali-Gula must have imbibed a great deal as well to pen that whopper of a line.”

“Moving on to another subject,” Amadeus read to Renfield the following news item, “It was announced this past December 3rd that Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen who was 20th Century America’s greatest Roman Catholic evangelist and preacher has had his beatification ceremony postponed. He was supposed to be beatified this coming December 21st but the ceremony has been postponed. Apparently the first time in Church history that a beatification ceremony has been postponed. What’s up with that?”.

“Apparently certain members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops objected to Sheen being beatified,” Renfield replied.

“Why would they object to Sheen being beatified?” Amadeus inquired.

“Because Sheen was a staunch anti-Communist and what’s more he was truly intellectual and scholarly in his anti-Communism unlike most members of the John Birch Society. Therefore true Communists detested Sheen even more than they did the John Birch Society whom they just regarded as a bunch of “proletarian deplorables”. An elitist attitude still shared by 21st Century female Marxist candidates for President.”

“You’re saying certain members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops are Communists?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, either Communist or predatory homosexual (who sexually assault altar boys and young seminarians) or both,” Renfield nodded, “Sheen did not get along well with the predatory homosexual Archbishop of New York City Francis Cardinal Spellman. Hence Spellman’s modern day disciples among the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops can’t stand Sheen either.”

“Wow,” Amadeus shook his head.

“Elizabeth Scalia an airheaded associate of the ludicrous Bishop Robert Barron who thinks Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot are in Heaven since there’s nobody in Hell according to his Dare We Hope That All Are Saved? Theology (both Jesus of Nazareth and Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist could easily tell him “No.”) tried to say that Sheen himself was gay by calling him a “flouncy” in one of her Twitter tweets. She obviously never saw the episode of What’s My Line? where Archbishop Sheen as a guest easily charmed the women panelists. Most women can easily tell whether a man is gay or not unless of course they’re as stupid as Elizabeth Scalia.”

“Who’s leading the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops’ charge against Bishop Sheen’s beatification?” Amadeus inquired.

“The spirit of Antichrist filled Archbishop of New York City Timothy Cardinal Dolan and the spirit of Antichrist filled Archbishop of Chicago Blaise Cardinal Cupich,” Renfield answered, “The usual suspects.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking the streets of Vienna the Austrian capital.

He stood in front of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna where recently a Baphomet worshipping music and dance concert was held there with the permission of Christoph Cardinal Schonborn the Archbishop of Vienna.

As Whitstable stood there, he suddenly noticed Cardinal Schonborn himself walking down the street.

Suddenly Krampus the infamous half-goat half demon who used to follow around the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas came down the street.

Krampus was carrying his bag full of naughty individuals he was taking to Hell on this Krampusnacht (the evening of December 5th- the night before the Feast Day of Saint Nicholas which was December 6th).

Krampus picked up Cardinal Schonborn with his hairy arms and threw him into his bag.

He then went down a sewer no doubt on his way to Hell.

Whitstable bought himself a candy cane from a street corner Santa Claus.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 5th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec singing at a concert hall in Vienna while outside in the streets, Krampus is carrying Vienna’s screaming Archbishop Cardinal Schonborn in a bag on his way to Hell.

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Pachamama In The Tiber

December 1, 2019 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pachamama In The Tiber

The Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama was floating down the Tiber River

“I thought all the Pachamamas were rescued from the Tiber River back in late October,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman mentioned to Pope Francis.

“The authorities must have missed one,” Pope Francis had to admit as the pair walked along the banks of the Tiber River.

The pontiff’s Huawei smart phone went off.

It was a phone call from George Soros.

Francis blabbed for a few minutes while Cardinal Salaman watched Pachamama swim to shore.

As the Inca goddess exited the Tiber, Francis’ Huawei went off again.

American economist Jeffrey Sachs joined the conversation.

Cardinal Salaman watched Pachamama enter a Rolls-Royce limousine.

“Unless that Rolls-Royce is an extremely rare electric model that doesn’t run on fossil fuels, I don’t think it’s very climate friendly,” Cardinal Salaman thought to himself.

Bono then joined the party line conversation with Pope Francis followed a few moments later by Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Cardinal Salaman left Francis to yack with his globalist friends as he went to find himself a nice taverna where he could buy a nice glass of red wine.

Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders from the U.S. and former Bolivian President Evo Morales (currently living in exile in Mexico) joined the phone conversation as well as with Pope Francis and the others.

Seeing as how it was a Huawei mobile that Francis was yacking into, the entire conversation was being monitored by the People’s Republic of China Ministry of State Security.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 1st
2019.

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Evo Morales Resignation or One Night In Bolivia Minus Karl and The Marx Brothers

November 10, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Evo Morales Resignation or One Night In Bolivia Minus Karl and The Marx Brothers

Bolivian President Evo Morales has resigned today.

The resignation followed weeks of protests after his disputed re-election last month.

On the night of the October 20th Bolivian Presidential election, the results count was inexplicably stopped for 24 hours.

When the so-called final result was announced the next night, it gave Señor Morales more than the 10% lead over his nearest opponent for him to be declared the outright winner in the first round of the race.

His opponent and his supporters disputed the results citing irregularities with the vote.

Today auditors with the Organization of American States which had monitored the elections said it had found evidence of wide-spread data manipulations and could not certify the results of the poll.

Hillary Clinton was unavailable in Bolivia to blame the whole thing on Russian assets.

It was a call by the Bolivian Army Chief General Williams Kaliman today that finally convinced Morales to resign.

Behind the scenes however, Evo Morales was expecting supernatural intervention to keep him in power.

The ancient Inca Earth Mother Goddess Pachamama had blessed some soil and grasses in the Vatican Gardens at a female shaman led invocation ceremony for the goddess on Friday October 4th last month in which Pope Francis had participated and gave his papal blessing.

A few years back during a papal visit to Bolivia, President Evo Morales had given Francis a Crucifix which showed Christ nailed to a Soviet style hammer and sickle.

Now Francis would return the favour by getting Pachamama to keep Morales in power.

Soil and grass was blessed by Pachamama at the Vatican Gardens on Friday October 4th.

A group of Communist Cardinals and bishops had signed a new Pact of the Catacombs in the Catacombs of Domitilla on Sunday October 20th of last month (the same date as the first round of the Bolivian Presidential election) in which they had invoked the blessings of Pachamama on the pact they called the Pact of The Catacombs For The Common Home.

The next day a group of Catholic traditionalists had gone into the Church of Santa Maria In Traspontina (where the papal and shaman and Inca goddess blessed) Vatican Gardens Pachamama statues were located and took them out of the Church and cast them off a bridge into the Tiber River.

To add insult to injury, the men never even bothered to throw in bottles of the variety of environmentally friendly shampoo that was Pachamama’s favourite so she could have at least shampooed her hair as she floated down the river.

But on Sunday October 27th the goddess blessed Pachamama grasses and soil were put in a planter pot and given to Pope Francis to be presented as a gift along with the Communion bread and wine on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica at the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod.

On Monday October 28th a pact was signed between the Vatican and the United Nations to establish a one world government by the year 2030.

Present at the signing were U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

Pope Francis gave the planter pot of Pachamama blessed plants and soil to Bono.

Morales was hoping that the planter pot would eventually wind up in his possession.

However thanks to a blabber mouth headless horseman and his tap dancing horse, a copy of the Pact of The Catacombs For A Common Home eventually found its way into the hands of the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

And as for the planter pot of Pachamama blessed plants and soil, an Irish cow guided by an Irish leprechaun visited the Bono estate in Ireland with the said cow eating the plants and the said leprechaun vacuuming up the soil.

This incident which happened this past Friday night November 8th sent Pachamama into a deep state of depression which not even a combination of herbal tea and Saint John’s Wort was able to fix.

As such Pachamama was in no condition to impart her goddess blessings on Evo Morales when he really needed them.

As such he was forced to resign.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday November 10th
2019.

Even a combination of herbal tea and Saint John’s Wort wasn’t enough to get Pachamama to sing away those Irish cow ate my grasses and Irish leprechaun vacuumed up my soil blues.

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Pachamama, Pope Francis and A Tale of Two Parrots

October 26, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pachamama, Pope Francis and A Tale of Two Parrots

Pope Francis was addressing a group of bishops and cardinals at the final closing session of the Synod On The Pan-Amazonian Region being held at the Vatican.

On the floor in front of where the pontiff was speaking was a carved wooden statue of Pachamama who was worshipped as the Earth Mother goddess by various Amazon rainforest and Andean mountain tribespeople as well as by the ancient Inca culture.

Directly in front of Pope Francis on the table where he held his papers and spoke from them as he read was a set of green plants and flowers.

Among the plants and flowers were two parrots.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ right (the synod audience’s left) looked very much alive as he stood tall with his eyes wide open among the flowers and plants.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ left (the synod audience’s right) looked very much dead as he lay down among the flowers and plants with his mouth perpetually open and devoid of breath or sound.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ right looking very much alive and very much on the up and up was an Australian parrot looking perky and happy do to his daily diet of Uncle Ernie’s Secret Ingredient Laced Bird Seed that was mailed daily to him from Uncle Ernie’s Secret Location in Australia.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ left looking dead and very much departed from this world was a Norwegian blue parrot (a variety of parrot made famous by the British television show Monty Python).

The Norwegian blue parrot had died pining for the fjords what with all this talk of the Amazon region going on.

. . .

In the Bolivian capital of La Paz, Bolivian President Evo Morales was angry.

Not because people were in the streets protesting against his winning an unprecedented fourth presidential term but because Donald Trump had misspelled the Bolivian President’s name wrong in a tweet.

. . .

Meanwhile on the streets of Rome, an off duty member of the Swiss Guards was heading home late from work after a day spent guarding a set of Pachamama statues that had recently been rescued from the Tiber River.

Suddenly a sewer hole on the street suddenly blew its top and a huge flame of fire soared from the open sewer hole into the air.

In the midst of the huge flame of fire was a fierce looking dragon.

The dragon gazed ferociously and menacingly at the off duty Swiss Guard.

As for the Guardsman, he didn’t know what to think.

This could possibly be a hallucination brought on by imbibing too much of Pope Francis’ pet Australian parrot’s bird seed that he had swiped from the parrot’s bird seed dish when neither pontiff nor parrot were looking.

The dragon suddenly shapeshifted into a beautiful woman who approached him:

“Evening, Miss,” the Guardsman smiled as his sword rose to greet her.

The woman reached down the low-cut front of her dress, pulled out a knife and stabbed him.

She continued to walk down the street heading towards the Vatican.

The off-duty Guardsman dying decided to spend his last minutes on earth checking his lottery ticket.

He removed the lottery ticket from his coat pocket and his smart phone from his pants pocket and proceeded to google tonight’s winning lottery number for the grand prize of €10 million.

They matched.

“Unholy shit,” the Guardsman noted aloud with more than a huge trace of irony, “I win the lottery the same night I’m about to kick the bucket.”

He expired.

Fate can be cruel at times.

If a departed Norwegian blue parrot in the synod hall at the Vatican could talk, he’d undoubtedly agree.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 26th
2019.

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Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop

September 6, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was worried.

What would happen to her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun if a hard border was once again built on the Republic of Ireland-UK Northern Ireland border?

Her son Yaldabaoth was a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem.

He was the only being in all recorded history to be officially banned by court injunction from attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings as any meeting he attended invariably ended up with all those present at the meetings falling off the wagon.

Yaldabaoth had the irritating habit of always falling asleep right on the line of the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border.

This was fine as long as the border was an open (rather than a closed) border as it had been ever since the Good Friday Agreement was signed back in 1998.

But Good Friday 1998 might come to an end at Halloween 2019 if there was a no-deal Brexit.

Of course the House of Commons and the House of Lords had just passed a bill brought forth by the anti-Semitic Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to stop a no-deal Brexit from happening this coming Halloween (ironically in this regard Corbyn was fulfilling the agenda of the pro-globalist, pro-EU and New World Order One World Government oriented Rothschilds).

However the trouble was British MP Renfield R. Renfield was backing Boris Johnson in his quest to have Brexit by Halloween 2019.

And Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom being wise knew that one should never underestimate Renfield R. Renfield even though the pro-EU segments of the British Parliament and much of the British and American news media were doing just that.

Boris Johnson may have run out of tricks up his sleeve but Renfield hadn’t.

Already Sophia could visualize a Brexit firecracker exploding in Jeremy Corbyn’s rear end as the clock hit 11:59 PM on October 31st 2019 and Renfield shouted “Trick or Treat” from the window of his room in a Soho whore house.

And if a no-deal Brexit occurred and there was once again a hard Irish border, her son Yaldabaoth could end up buried underneath a concrete wall.

Unlike the American authorities and the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, she’d know where the body is buried.

But this would be of small comfort to her.

After all, she had told people through the centuries that her son Yaldabaoth was the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.

And if it came out that her son was actually an Irish leprechaun with a serious drinking problem who now lay buried under concrete on the Irish border, well, she’d positively die of embarrassment.

Of course Sophia knew that the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was a friend of Renfield R. Renfield.

She figured that if she whipped him up her famous Greco-Egyptian-Irish-Italian-Norse-Greenlander omelette for breakfast and gave him a great tantric sex piece of tail as a midnight offering, he might put in a good word for her with Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 6th
2019.

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Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

July 27, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

Pan Goatee had just entered the grocery store and went to pick up a cart when a medium sized ugly looking blimp approached to pick up a cart.

Goatee beat the blimp in picking up a cart first and then promptly beheaded the blimp.

“One must show patience,” remarked some idiotic bystander.

“You can spend all eternity showing patience,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the man.

Goatee then picked up the items he wanted to buy and then went and stood in line at the cashier.

Some ugly looking female stoat-human hybrid (in one of the many genetics experiments in southern Alberta gone horribly wrong) then went and rudely walked down the aisle past the customers waiting in line just to exit instead of using the proper exit.

Goatee then leapt across cash registers, got in front of the ugly looking female stoat human hybrid and beheaded her with his astral machete remarking, “You’re the best argument ever against the erroneous concept of white supremacy.”

Goatee wished he could track down the Nazi criminals from Argentina who had settled down in Calgary back in the 1990s and performed horrendous and blasphemous genetic experiments whose rotten hideous looking fruit were now coming to fruition in the teens decade of the early 21st Century.

But the Nazi criminals having done their damage apparently fled elsewhere.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron sat in his office feeling depressed.

In addition to being turned down for quickies from all the older women he had propositioned in Parisienne sidewalk cafés on this Saturday evening, Donald Trump had tweeted a nasty tweet against him earlier this week.

Macron was thinking of imposing a digital sales tax on American corporate tech giants when they sold items over the Internet in France.

Trump tweeted that if Macron went ahead with this proposal, he Trump would impose a tariff on French wines when they were imported into America.

And then in the unkindest tweet of all, Trump had brutishly tweeted, “American wines are better than French wines.”

Now Macron sat at his desk drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Paul Masson wine.

. . .

“It was 20 years ago today that Malachi Martin the former Jesuit priest (who left the Jesuit order because it was too homosexual and too Marxist for his liking) and well known exorcist and popular best-selling author died,” Cardinal JM the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service remarked to Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Vatican cardinal.

“I remember hearing about that at the time,” Salaman remarked, “what caused his death?”.

“He apparently fell off a ladder while trying to retrieve a book from the top of his book shelf in his Manhattan New York apartment,” Cardinal JM sipped a Manhattan cocktail and ate a New York bagel, “although there are some people who believe he was pushed off that ladder.”

“By whom?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well one theory is it was by demons,” Cardinal JM bit into a devilled egg, “and the other is it was by a priest or bishop or maybe even a cardinal who was full of the spirit of Vatican II.”

“I’ve heard that it was Malachi Martin’s book The Keys of This Blood that inspired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to become a geopolitical analyst,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

“I’ve heard that too,” Cardinal JM shrugged, “anyhow Malachi Martin’s July 27th 1999 death couldn’t have come at a better time for the Vatican.”

“Why is that?” Salaman ate his baked salmon.

“Well the Jubilee year of 2000 was approaching and many people were pissed that the Catholic Church had never released the Third Secret of Fatima which it was supposed to have done in 1960 according to the Virgin Mary’s instructions,” Cardinal JM started eating a Belgian waffle, “but the Vatican plan after John XXIII was only to release the vision associated with the Third Secret not the text (Mary’s spoken words) of the Secret itself. However that posed a problem after Malachi Martin (who was the secretary to the Vatican Jesuit Cardinal Augustin Bea in 1960) left the Jesuit order. Martin as secretary to Cardinal Bea had read the Third Secret although he had taken an oath not to reveal it. And he never did reveal it. Although he dropped vague hints as to what was in it when he appeared on Art Bell’s Coast-To-Coast AM radio program back in the late 1990s. So the Vatican could never release the vision of the Third Secret and claim it was the text (Mary’s actual words) while Martin was still alive because then Father Martin would have said that the Vatican was full of you know what.”

Cardinal JM wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating a chocolate covered figure of a bull.

“Why doesn’t the Vatican want the text (Mary’s words) of the Third Secret released?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well of course the Vatican has no problem with the global war or the fire falling from heaven causing tsunamis of steam to fall across the nations of the world everywhere or millions of people dying by the minute that’s mentioned in the Third Secret,” Cardinal JM cheerfully ate a gingerbread horse of the Apocalypse, “what it does have a problem with is Mary saying that Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church itself. Catholics across the world might stop dropping their money in the collection plate if word on that got out.”

“A wise decision indeed,” Cardinal Salaman bit into his Montreal smoked meat sandwich.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in New York City.

What brought him to New York were appearances of notorious American lawyer Roy Cohn’s ghost appearing across the world.

Whitstable deduced that Hades and Persephone had granted Cohn’s ghost permission to leave the Underworld for some reason.

So Whitstable had gone to New York to find out more about Cohn’s background.

The Interpol detective knew that Cohn had been Chief Counsel to the notorious Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy back in the 1950s.

He had also represented and defended several New York City Italian crime family bosses back in the 1970s.

Whitstable was currently interviewing an old acquaintance of Cohn in a run down New York City apartment.

The informer wore an empty cement bag on his head and a pair of used Nike running shoes on his feet so he wouldn’t be recognized.

“Well, Roy died of AIDS back in 1986,” the informer said.

“AIDS?” Whitstable repeated the statement.

“But Roy wasn’t gay,” the informer stated emphatically, “he always said that he enjoyed having sex with men. But he always insisted that he wasn’t gay.”

“Okay,” Whitstable nodded.

“But Sen. Joe McCarthy was gay,” the informer went on, “Roy’s personal secretary mentioned that in the book she was going to publish had she lived. But McCarthy covered it up during his life time. Being gay was the kiss of death for a U.S. politician in the 1950s. Unlike today where it seems to be working out very well for the current Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.”

“So Cohn said that he enjoyed having sex with men,” Whitstable took notes, “were they all one night stands or did he ever have a long term relationship with a man?”.

“There was one he had,” the informer answered, “in fact Cohn said in a public interview back in 1980 that this man used to call him 18 to 20 times a day each day. So you can see how intense the relationship was. This man also said himself in a public interview back in 1980 that Cohn protected him to the point of viciousness.”

“Wow,” Whitstable agreed, “That does sound pretty intense. Who was this man?”.

“The current occupant of the Oval Office in the White House,” the informer replied.

Roy Cohn and a mascara and make-up wearing young Roman soldier Donald Trump having a gay old time at a New York City nightclub on Saturday June 24th 1972.
The photo accompanied a story in the New York City edition of The Times of London on Monday June 26th 1972.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 27th
2019.

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From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

June 26, 2019 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

In various places across the globe on June 26th 2019:

“How does one expect me to enjoy my steak dinner if the newspaper at my place at the dinner table has on it a photo of the bodies of an El Salvadorean migrant and his young daughter who drowned in a river on the U.S.-Mexico border?” Donald Trump called out to his British butler and valet, “Lexington, come and turn this paper over to the other side for me.”

Jared Kushner was eating matzah balls and talking by smart phone to his wife Ivanka Trump.

“I just don’t get these Palestinians,” Jared complained to Ivanka, “Here I am offering them a whole bunch of money in what your dad has wisely dubbed the “deal of the century” and all they seem to care about is a state of their own for some reason.”

China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping was enjoying a plate of Peking Duck and getting advice from his supernatural entity advisor known as the Black Dragon prior to heading to the G-20 Summit in Osaka, Japan.

“What’s with these members of the underground Catholic Church anyways?” Xi Jinping complained to the Black Dragon, “I thought after we signed that agreement with Pope Francis’ Vatican last September by which the Pope recognized the bishops in my Xi Jinping approved official Chinese Patriotic Catholic Church that members of the underground Catholic Church would be breaking down the doors to attend Mass in our official churches where the photo of my smiling face is placed pre-eminently above the figure of Christ on the Crucifix.”

“I don’t understand it, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon addressed China’s paramount leader, “Very baffling indeed.”

“What was the name of that splendid Cardinal who negotiated the basis of what became the ecumenical deal of the century in my favour?” Xi asked, “And what’s become of him?”.

“His name was Theodore McCarrick,” the Black Dragon replied, “and back on February 13th of this year, he was laicized.”

“Why was such a splendid chap and churchman laicized?” Xi asked over his Peking Duck and wondered why it wasn’t pronounced Beijing?

“It turns out that he was a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians for decades,” the Black Dragon replied, “Something that most of his fellow U.S. bishops and even Pope Francis knew about it. However when court prosecutors and state attorneys-general in the U.S. found out about it back on June 20th 2018, that’s when the shit hit the Vatican fan. After Pope Francis immediately replaced the fan, he decided to call an emergency summit of bishops for this past February to deal with the issue of clerical sex abuse.”

“So as a result of all that, McCarrick was laicized?” Xi was incredulous.

“And just a few days ago, it’s been discovered that McCarrick was also a Crowleyite Thelema practicing satanist along with Joseph Cardinal Bernardin the late Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. Bernardin, like McCarrick, was also a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians. Though Bernardin did rape an 8-year-old girl in a satanic ceremony in Charleston South Carolina when he was a young priest back in 1957. The details of which also became publicly revealed the last few days.”

“So you mean to say the members of the underground Catholic Church in China don’t like a Beijing-Vatican deal negotiated on their behalf by a molesting and rape practicing predatory priest who was also a practicing satanist?” Xi wanted to know.

“Apparently not, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon answered.

“People never cease to amaze,” Xi bit into his fortune cookie when he suddenly remembered that was a San Francisco Chinese thing to do and not really a Beijing Chinese thing.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 26th
2019.

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Roman Goddess Fortuna Gives Her Opinion of The New Order of Malta Grand Master

June 11, 2019 at 10:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Roman Goddess Fortuna Gives Her Opinion of the New Order of Malta Grand Master

The Roman goddess Fortuna was shocked to hear that the new Grand Master of the Order of Malta Fra Giacomo Dalla Torre del Tempio di Sanguinetto has banned all liturgical ceremonies celebrating the Latin Tridentine Mass within the Order of Malta.

A letter from Fra Giacomo Dalla Torre was sent to all grand priory and national association presidents saying that “henceforth all the liturgical ceremonies within our Order must be performed according to the Ordinary rite of the Church (rite of Saint Paul VI) and not the Extraordinary rite (Tridentine rite).”

The use of unusual terminology in the letter such as “rite of Saint Paul VI ” (Pope Paul VI has never been canonized a Saint in the Catholic Church) and the misspelling of Summorum Pontificum (the name of Pope Benedict XVI’s July 2007 Apostolic Letter allowing use of the Latin Tridentine Mass in the Church again) led to doubts over the letter’s authenticity. Yesterday evening a spokesperson for the Order said the letter was not genuine but, after consultation with the Grand Master, confirmed that it was in fact real.

The Roman goddess Fortuna (a lover of the Latin language and the Latin Tridentine Mass) thought Order of Malta Grand Master Giacomo Dalla Torre was a total absolute idiot for banning all use of the Latin Tridentine Mass in all liturgical ceremonies of the Order of Malta.

To say nothing of being a total absolute idiot for thinking that Pope Paul VI was an officially canonized Saint by the Catholic Church.

To say nothing of being a total absolute idiot for misspelling Summorum Pontificum.

Heck even the Weasley Brothers Fred and George (after intensive tutoring by Hermione Granger) learned how to spell the words Summorum Pontificum.

Fortuna thought to herself that, even with intensive tutoring by Hermione Granger, the new Order of Malta Grand Master would still be unable to spell Summorum Pontificum. 

The Roman goddess Fortuna in a photo text message to the new Order of Malta Grand Master lets him know what she thinks of his decision to ban the Latin Tridentine Mass from the Order’s liturgical celebrations.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday July 11th
2019.

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Asmodeus In London

April 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The heavy cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was in London, England having lunch with his compatriots the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and her little green frog companion Nimrod (who was the Nimrod of Book of Genesis fame reduced to an amphibian).

“Has there been a revival of Eostre worship in this day and age?” Asmodeus asked Lilith.

Eostre was the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess worshipped by Anglo-Saxons in England.

The early medieval English Church historian Bede had mentioned in his 8th Century manuscript The Reckoning of Time that during the month of Eosturmonabp (the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Roman month of April), the pagan Anglo-Saxons had held feasts in Eostre’s honour but during Bede’s time, this had been replaced by the Christian Paschal month a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus.

Tales associated with the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre included bunny rabbits laying eggs.

As The Guardian Newspaper writer and former Catholic Herald editor Peter Stanford ate a chocolate covered Baphomet at a table sitting across from them, Nimrod noticed on the television in the restaurant a news story about a woman telling Pope Francis that she had seven children.

Pope Francis admonished the woman that one shouldn’t go around breeding like rabbits.

At that point, a giant bunny rabbit hopped by in Saint Peter’s Square and laid a rainbow coloured egg on top of the Pope’s head.

Peter Stanford started choking on his chocolate covered Baphomet.

“I hadn’t heard there was a revival in Eostre worship?” Lilith looked perplexed, “Why do you ask?”.

“Well, there were headlines on both ABC News and The Washington Post that Tourists, Easter worshippers lament closing of Notre Dame. Then after the attack on churches and western tourist hotels in Sri Lanka that killed at least 290 people and injured 500 others, Barack Obama tweeted, The attack on tourists and Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka are an attack on humanity. And Hillary Clinton tweeted, I’m praying for everyone affected by today’s horrific attack on Easter worshippers and travellers in Sri Lanka. And Fox News talked about the attack on Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka that left so many dead. I was wondering with all these references to Easter worshippers if the worship of Eostre had been revived.”

“Well, you as a demon can’t mention aloud the Name of Jesus Christ can you?” Lilith smiled.

Asmodeus struggled to say the name but eventually gave up.

“Well, just like you as a demon can’t say the name of Jesus Christ, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for so many years Father Gabriel Amorth (who definitely had a 24/7 full time job performing exorcisms at the Vatican) noted that mortals who are under demonic influences likewise have trouble saying the name Jesus Christ. So since the term Christian has Christ in it, no doubt ABC News, The Washington Post, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Fox News can’t bring themselves to say that Christians were killed in the bombings so they use the term Easter worshippers instead.”

Peter Stanford who seemed to be having a wrestling match with his chocolate covered Baphomet quickly left the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 22nd
2019.

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Notre Dame Reflections

April 17, 2019 at 9:29 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

“Hold the Cross high so I may continue to see it through the flames.”

-Joan of Arc

France’s national leader Emmanuel Macron held a somewhat different opinion than that held by France’s national saint when it comes to dealing with situations regarding fire.

The globalist New World Order leader and noted admirer of cougars who was promising to rebuild Notre Dame within 5 years (just in time for the 2024 Summer Olympics that Mr. Macron naturally visualized himself presiding over) thought that the new Notre Dame should reflect multicultural diversity rather than Catholicism.

Fortunately for Mr. Macron, he was not alone in holding to such idiocy.

One of the editors of Rolling Stone magazine likewise postulated that a rebuilt Notre Dame should reflect multiculturalism and multifaith diversity rather than the country’s Catholic past.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster safely prophesied that the editor would not be calling on the Islamic mosques at Mecca and Medina to do the same thing- that the mosques should be rebuilt to reflect multiculturalism and multifaith diversity rather than the country’s Islamic past.

Said Renfield, “That is a safe prophecy to make. The rolling stoned editor knows that if he were to bloody well suggest that, he’d find himself being bodily dismembered by Saudi assassins who work part time as janitorial staff at Saudi embassies and consulates throughout the world.”

A professor of architecture at Harvard University had likewise suggested much the same thing- that Notre Dame should be a multicultural center rather than a symbol of Catholicism.

Noted Renfield, “Just last week I heard a commentator on the state of advanced education in the U.S. say that Harvard and Yale are no longer the institutions of culture and higher learning that they used to be. I guess that assessment is 100% correct.”

One reporter on the scene at Notre Dame commented, “The day after the night before at Notre Dame de Paris, the High Altar stands untouched with its gleaming Cross, along with the figure of the weeping Madonna holding her dead son Jesus in her arms. Meanwhile the modern altar installed after Vatican II lays buried under rubble from the collapsed roof.”

Pope Francis had already retreated to his room in the Vatican to put on sackcloth and ashes upon hearing what had happened to the modern altar.

Government surveyors from Emmanuel Macron’s office were already on the scene visualizing the rebuilding of the new Notre Dame- a statue of an Islamic State terrorist blowing himself up along with statues of tourists at a Parisienne sidewalk cafe being killed by the debris, a statue of Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith Jr. rolling a marijuana joint with the angel Moroni and statues of L. Ron Hubbard eloping with Jack Parsons’ mistress while Aleister Crowley looks on approvingly.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 17th
2019.

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