Paris In The 1890s

January 16, 2018 at 9:16 pm (Art, Arts, Culture, painting, Romance) (, , , )

Paris In The 1890s

The man walked around the exhibit at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

The exhibit was titled Paris In The 1890s.

As he stared at each portrait of a beautiful Parisienne woman sitting in a sidewalk cafe, the man felt he had been there.

That he had once met each woman in the particular portrait.

“You get the feeling that the artist himself was actually there, don’t you?” Forrest the art gallery proprietor remarked as he walked over to the man.

“Yes,” the man looked at Forrest, “yes you do.”

The man turned and walked out into the night.

And then quite literally vanished.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 16th
2018.

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Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

January 15, 2018 at 9:28 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Movies, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sat in the chair of his living room and read a story in The Times of London about how millions of young Chinese males were heartbroken when they heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi was getting married.

“Can you imagine,” Set remarked to his butler and valet Athelstan who was busy dusting and polishing the furniture, “people becoming heartbroken over a porn star getting married?”.

“It positively boggles the mind, sir,” remarked Athelstan who polished the jar containing Donovan’s brain from the 1953 sci-fi film.

“What is this world coming to?” Set shrugged his shoulders.

“I was pondering the very same thing the other day, sir,” quipped Athelstan who had dropped a glass globe of the world the day before that had smashed into a thousand pieces.

“I think I shall retire to my library and read the works of Virgil in the original Latin,” Set put his paper down and headed upstairs.

“There’s nothing like Dido of Carthage killing herself on a burning funeral pyre to make one forget that a contemporary porn star is getting married, sir,” Athelstan discovered an unopened bag of marshmallows in the fireplace.

As Set entered the second floor of his mansion and walked down the hall, he thought he heard loud crying and sobbing coming from inside Renfield’s bedroom.

“Amadeus,” Set asked his personal concert pianist as he passed him in the hallway, “Is that Renfield I can hear crying through his bedroom door?”.

“Yes, boss,” Amadeus nodded, “Renfield’s been like that since this morning when he heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi is getting married.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 15th
2018.

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Agathor Christie Meets Vampiress Isis In Paris

January 4, 2018 at 10:06 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Agathor Christie Meets Vampiress Isis In Paris

The London based private eye Agathor Christie was meeting the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in a cafe along the Champs Élysées.

Agathor had been hired by Isis to spy on her brother and brother-in-law the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Normally Agathor worked on such cases with his private eye partner and associate Magog Rhys Petley but last month Magog had checked himself into a clinic in Switzerland to help him treat a peculiar ailment and malady that the former Labour MP had (he turned into a werewolf during times of the full moon and a few other occasions as well).

Agathor and Magog had opened up their private eye business last summer after both men had lost their respective parliamentary seats to members of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party (Conservative Agathor Christie had lost his Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds seat to Renfield R. Renfield and Labour’s Magog Rhys Petley had been defeated by the Welsh Vampiress Morgana also known as Morgana Fay Lee in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge).

Agathor ordered a cognac while he waited for the Vampiress Isis to show up.

She entered the cafe wearing a gold evening dress.

“Your Divine Majesty,” Agathor stood up and kissed her golden gloved leather hand.

“Mr. Christie, you have news for me?” The Vampiress Isis sat down and ordered a glass of champagne.

“I do,” Agathor nodded.

“Then you’re a good detective,” Isis smiled at him, “But then seeing as how you’re the great nephew of British mystery novelist Agatha Christie, I’m not surprised.”

Agathor Christie was indeed the great nephew of Agatha Christie (albeit she was his great aunt by marriage and not by blood).

Agathor sipped his cognac.

In the meantime, Isis helped herself to some caviar.

“So, what is this news you have to tell me?” Isis asked.

“Set is trying to find the tomb of the great Egyptian queen Cleopatra,” Agathor replied.

“Really?” Isis was quite astounded at this bit of news, “Then I shall have to beat him to it.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 4th
2018.

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Cleopatra Regenesis?

January 3, 2018 at 9:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Cleopatra Regenesis?

In the White House, Donald Trump was having a dream in which his former White House aide Steve Bannon was drinking nanite Earl Grey tea and then the latter’s head exploded.

Waking up from the dream, Trump immediately tweeted, “Steve Bannon has lost his mind.”

After tweeting, Trump went back to sleep where he dreamed that he was in a sauna with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un and the two compared their respective nuclear buttons to see whose was the biggest and most powerful.

Meanwhile in London, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, after reading Anne and Christopher Rice’s book Ramses The Damned: The Passion of Cleopatra, had asked Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to make a genetic clone of ancient Egypt’s Queen Cleopatra (whose official title was Cleopatra VII Philopator) because Set figured that such a woman would be worth making love to.

Dr. Rocher replied that he would gladly do that except first he needed some of Cleopatra’s DNA and in order to do that, it might be helpful if Cleopatra’s tomb were found.

Set found himself in agreement with Dr. Rocher’s brilliant Sherlock Holmesian deduction and was soon on the phone to various archaeologists and Egyptologists that he knew to see if they would find Cleopatra’s tomb for him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 3rd
2018.

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Sir Renfield and Sir Winston On New Year’s Day

January 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Sir Renfield and Sir Winston On New Year’s Day

Sir Renfield R. Renfield (who called himself that even though he hadn’t been officially knighted yet) had taken his oil painting of Sir Winston Churchill home with him from his MP’s office to his bedroom in the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

As he opened up Churchill’s last bottle of brandy to have a drink, Churchill’s image left the painting and sat in the chair next to the fireplace in Renfield’s bedroom.

“So I hear congratulations are in order,” Churchill said over his spectral glass of brandy.

“You’ve heard about my knighthood?” Renfield smiled.

“Indeed,” Churchill nodded, “what were you knighted for if I might ask? I myself was knighted for having defeated Nazi Germany during the Second World War.”

“Well,” Renfield stuck out his chest, “I was knighted for having planned a British Brigade of Gurkhas raid on an ISIS Islamic State training camp in Libya. I had the Gurkhas tie homemade explosives to the terrorists’ tiny testicles and then had them detonated at the touch of a button.”

“There’s nothing like striking at the source of what makes a man a terrorist or a Nazi,” Churchill nodded approvingly.

Churchill then lit himself a spectral cigar with a spectral match and looked at Renfield.

“So,” Churchill blew spectral smoke, “I hear young Prince Harry is getting married.”

“He is,” Renfield smiled, “to Meghan Markle.”

“They seem to make a handsome, charming and loving couple,” Churchill looked at the photo of the couple on Renfield’s writing desk.

“They are,” Renfield agreed, “though there are some silly twits in Britain who disagree with Harry’s choice.”

“In heaven’s name, why?” Churchill’s gaze peered out over his spectral glass of brandy.

“Well, for one thing she’s American,” said Renfield.

“My mother Jennie Jerome was American,” Churchill snorted angrily.

“She was,” Renfield nodded.

“And then Meghan’s a divorcee,” said Renfield.

“Charles the current Prince of Wales is married to a divorcee,” Churchill almost spilled his spectral brandy and spectral cigar ash on his spectral gray pants, “Camilla Parker Bowles. These are no longer the days of Archbishop Lang of Canterbury who caused such a fuss when King Edward VIII wanted to marry American divorcee Mrs. Wallis Simpson back in the 1930s.”

“No,” Renfield agreed, “these are the days of Pope Francis who saw nothing wrong with my friend the Kraken having himself crowned Emperor Napoleon VI of France and his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon being crowned Empress in Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral.”

The late wartime British Prime Minister raised his ghostly eyebrows for he was not familiar with this bit of news.

“Any other reason why these twits should object to Meghan Markle?” Churchill asked.

“Her mother is African-American,” Renfield drew a Hitler moustache on a picture of former Louisiana politician and former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke in an American newsmagazine.

“My mother had Iroquois blood in her veins which meant I did as well when I was alive,” Churchill finished his spectral brandy and spectral cigar and walked back into the painting.

“Dinner is being served,” Athelstan the butler and valet called out to the household as he rang the gong downstairs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 1st
2018.

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Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2017 at 6:23 pm (love, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Qonzilqointec On New Year's Eve

Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On New Year’s Eve

Dressed in a lovely purple evening dress, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec waited for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to arrive to escort her to a New Year’s Eve ball.

Dracul arrived dressed in a tuxedo.

“Cocktails before we leave?” She asked.

“An excellent idea,” Dracul took off his top hat and cane.

As they downed a champagne cocktail, Qonzilqointec made a toast, “To the New Year.”

“To the New Year,” Dracul raised his glass.

Happy New Year, everyone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 31st
2018.

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A Mermaid On Boxing Day

December 26, 2017 at 9:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Mermaid On Boxing Day

Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had won his Boxing Day fight in the boxing ring.

He left the broken down warehouse where he had boxed and walked down to the pier.

He was covered in sweat and blood.

He reflected on the past 8 years of his life ever since he had been brought back from the dead by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.

As a boxer, he had fought in Ontario back in the 1880s and in California back in the 1890s.

He had retired from boxing in 1899 and moved to Honolulu where he died on June 6th 1910.

Dr. Makabo had raised him from the dead in June 2009 on behalf of a billionaire sports promoter who wanted to sponsor a boxer that would someday win the World Heavyweight Title.

And the promoter thought a supernaturally controlled boxer as in one brought back from the dead would be able to do that.

It was true Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had never lost a fight in the past 8 years.

But he still wasn’t seen as a contender namely because boxing was no longer the sport it once was.

UFC Fighting had taken away a lot of the promoters and big money.

Donnelly stood on the pier and looked down at the water.

He noticed the face of a startlingly beautiful woman staring up at him from underneath the water.

Thinking she was drowning, Donnelly jumped in.

Underneath the water, he noticed the woman was topless with a firm sumptuous pair of breasts.

He looked down and noticed the rest of her was one giant fish tail.

“A mermaid?” Donnelly thought to himself.

The shock of encountering a mermaid caused the living dead boxer to lose consciousness.

The mermaid quickly grabbed the unconscious boxer and dragged him up to the shore.

She administered mouth to mouth while in the distance a choir hired by a store for its Boxing Day sale sang, “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 26th
2017.

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Arthur On Christmas Day

December 25, 2017 at 10:48 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Arthur On Christmas Day

The boy Arthur walked through the forest.

He was walking back home to retrieve his brother Kay’s sword.

His brother had forgotten it the day of a big tournament.

As he walked, the lovely dark-haired wood nymph Morgana walked out from behind a tree.

She stood there in a lovely silvery white dress.

“Arthur,” she called out to him.

“Morgana,” Arthur smiled.

They walked back to her cabin where they spent the afternoon making love.

When they finished, Arthur walked back to the tournament.

A couple of miles from the tournament site, it suddenly hit Arthur that he had been so busy using his own sword that afternoon, he had completely forgotten about his brother Kay’s.

It was then that he noticed an ancient church and churchyard.

In the churchyard was a large stone with a sword sticking out of it.

Arthur walked over to the stone and pulled out the sword.

“This seems to be a fairly good sword,” Arthur smiled, “even better than Kay’s. My brother should be pleased.”

Arthur turned in the direction of the tournament.

He failed to notice the inscription written on the stone, “Whosoever pulleth this sword out of this stone is destined to become the great High King of the Britons.”

A new destiny had arrived for Britain on that Christmas Day.

A destiny in more ways than one.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 25th
2017.

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A Day In The Digital Life of Renfield

December 14, 2017 at 8:13 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Day In The Digital Life of Renfield

Morning at the breakfast table in the kitchen of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion:

Amadeus (munching on his toast): So did you ever hear back from Miss Hailee Steinfeld over that Twitter tweet you sent her where you posted a link to your Facebook video in which you alleged that you had been bullied? Did she ask you out on a date?

Renfield (his face turning red): No, she told me that I was a purveyor of fake news and told me to go f— myself.

Amadeus (in a reflective tone of voice): Well, the first part of her statement is definitely true and as for the second part, if you could actually physically do that, you could shoot a video of yourself doing that and post it on social media and I’ll definitely guarantee that it will go viral.

. . .

Lead story on the BBC Evening News that night:

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield has expressed his extreme disappointment that one of China’s largest tech companies has taken its flirtatious secretary virtual assistant off-line.

The avatar called Vivi appeared in an office setting wearing a blouse and short skirt and saying, “I am your girlfriend. You must love and adore me.”

Mr. Renfield said that with Vivi gone, he no longer had any reason to hack into China tech companies anymore.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 14th
2017.

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Carson Albion In Havana

December 9, 2017 at 7:20 pm (Detective story, Mystery, Poetry, Romance) (, , , , , , )

Carson Albion In Havana

It was underneath a clear blue Cuban sky
walked the man Carson Albion Private Eye
He had been hired in a deli that sold salami
by a wealthy Cuban exile in Miami
to find the man’s granddaughter he hadn’t heard from in years
a situation that led to anxiety and tears

Taking with him an old photo
and leaving Kansas minus Toto
he flew to Havana
and arrived at a cabana
where a poolside party was going on
he asked the owner who was stifling a yawn
“Have you seen this girl?”
The man gave the roulette wheel a twirl
“She’s considerably older now!” he said.
Albion was relieved to hear she wasn’t dead.

“Do you know where she can be found?”
Albion dropped cigar ash on the ground
“At the La Luna Club downtown,”
the man gave a slight frown.

Albion raised his fedora in thanks
and made his exit by the lobster tanks
He headed to the La Luna Club
but would he find the girl, aye, there’s the rub
Carlotta was the girl’s name
like Bogey looking for a dame

He entered the club and saw a beautiful young woman in a red dress
by comparison his bourbon decorated trench coat looked a mess
He took off his coat and put it on a chair
while the bartender scratched his underwear

Carlotta was the girl in the red dress
Albion knew it was more than a guess
She was on the dance 💃🏻 floor dancing up a storm
and Albion under his shirt collar was starting to feel warm

He approached her and asked her to dance
She immediately fell into a tango stance
and together they danced the tango across the floor
and soon both were out the nightclub door

They headed back to her apartment
and on her mattress they made a major dent
Their intense lovemaking
was quite earth shaking
After the climax and in each other’s arms
came the phone call from her grandfather’s Florida farms
so Albion took a selfie
texted it to Grandpa wealthy

The angry grandfather told Albion not to bother coming home to America
otherwise he’d find himself dead in a Florida Oranges crate-ia.

So in Havana Albion did remain
so as not to turn Carlotta’s grandfather into Biblical Cain
They would often spend nights dancing the tango
and later in bed roared like Rambo.

-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday December 9th
2017

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