Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange

June 18, 2019 at 9:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont on the roof of Angelique Dumont’s apartment building.

“So,” Miss Dumont opened up the lunch basket, “I hear former Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi collapsed and died in an Egyptian courtroom yesterday after giving a five minute statement to the court.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher has been trying to get Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his visionary powers to determine what happened that caused Morsi’s death but the visions keep being blocked by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus.”

“Isn’t that the god whose eyeball appears as the capstone above the pyramid in the Novus Ordo Seclorum spot on the American dollar bill?” Amadeus asked as he ate a pickle and an olive and a devilled egg.

“It is,” Renfield nodded, “the same god who buried your employer Set alive in a tomb millennia ago.”

“But didn’t Set cut up Horus’ father Osiris into 14 pieces on one occasion?” Amadeus went for the cole slaw and chop suey.

“He did,” Renfield admitted, “Those old Egyptian family feuds make today’s soap operas look like child’s play by comparison.”

“It doesn’t sound like Morsi was treated very well in prison by the Egyptian government,” Angelique Dumont ate a fried scorpion.

“He wasn’t,” Renfield put some caviar on a cracker, “I didn’t like Morsi myself. After all anyone who gets the admiration of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, there’s obviously something seriously wrong with that person. But still to keep someone in isolation and solitary confinement 23 hours a day and to deny them access to their doctors and lawyers and friends and family is clearly a human rights violation.”

“Isn’t that what the British government is currently doing to Julian Assange?” Angelique Dumont asked a pointed question.

“It is,” Renfield had to admit.

“Well, you’re a member of the House of Commons,” Angelique ate a roast pork sandwich, “why don’t you do something about it?”.

“I’ve tried,” Renfield answered, “but I find myself up against those same dark forces in the British deep state apparatus that Her Majesty the Queen warned the late Princess Diana’s butler and valet about.”

“Well, you can shapeshift into a hamster, can’t you?” Amadeus was now enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “couldn’t you shapeshift into a hamster and enter Assange’s prison cell and find out what’s happening?”.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had given Renfield the genetic ability to shapeshift into a hamster back in the early 2000s.

“I’ve tried doing that,” Renfield replied, “but there’s some dark magic forces at work within the vicinity of Assange’s prison. I’m unable to enter it in shapeshifted hamster form. And I don’t have the high level security clearance to do it in human form.”

“What dark magic forces are at work around Assange’s prison?” Amadeus queried.

“Michelangelo has indicated through typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof iPad that it was a powerful spell cast by the powerful demons Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield started munching on a tuna fish sandwich.

“Why do the demons Baal and Baphomet have it in for Julian Assange?” Amadeus opened a tin of sardines.

“I can answer that, Amadeus,” Angelique smiled, “Baal and Baphomet backed Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. And Assange released Hillary’s emails on Wikileaks in 2016 helping to damage her campaign.”

“What demons backed Donald Trump for President?” Amadeus ate a banana.

“That would be Mammon and Mephistopheles,” Angelique answered.

“So Mammon and Mephistopheles won?” Amadeus noticed no more food left in the picnic basket.

“With a little help of collusion from a genie in a Russian vodka bottle according to the snivelling of Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield opened a bottle of bourbon.

The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Protective Sunblock For Vampiresses enjoying the sunshine on her London apartment building rooftop.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2019.

Advertisements

Permalink 3 Comments

Esperanza Ramirez

June 17, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Esperanza Ramirez

By night, Esperanza Ramirez worked as a singer in a Havana lounge.

By day, she occasionally did intelligence work for London-based Set Enterprises if they felt the need to know what was really going on in Cuba.

Today Esperanza Ramirez sat in her late 1950s convertible with the hood up and the doors open and smoked a cigar as she kept her eyes on the hacienda of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike just down the street.

So far Robur Pike had been visited by representatives of the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad, the Saudi Secret Intelligence Service and the IBC.

In London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing were reading text messages from Esperanza Ramirez on Huawei smart phones.

“An interesting array of clientele visiting Pike,” Van Helsing remarked.

“What is Pike doing meeting the President of the International Biscuit Company (IBC)?” Renfield mused aloud.

“Perhaps he wants to order some more biscuits,” Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon answered as he helped himself to some more tea biscuits to go with his tea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 17th
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

Renfield and The Gulf of Oman Incident

June 15, 2019 at 10:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield and The Gulf of Oman Incident 

“So,” Amadeus said to Renfield over the 12 servings of shepherd’s pie that he was eating, “are you still in line to become the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering should Boris Johnson win the British Conservative Party leadership next month and move into 10 Downing Street as Prime Minister?”.

“Well I was,” Renfield replied over the single tuna fish sandwich that he was eating, “until I publicly said in a BBC Radio Interview that the Iranians may not be responsible for the attacks on the Japanese owned Kokuka Courageous and Norwegian owned Front Altair oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman.”

“That upset people?” Amadeus queried.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger, who is currently in North America, reports that huge boxes of Rolaids and Tums tablets for heartburn relief were seen being delivered to National Security advisor John Bolton and U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo shortly after I had made that statement.”

“What about here in Britain?” Amadeus poured a smattering of Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sauce on his shepherd’s pies.

“Apparently leading members of Britain’s Foreign Policy establishment have their panties in a knot as well,” Renfield admitted, “which, while it’s turning out to be great news for the Ladies’ Underwear Department at Harrods in terms of new sales to the fellows in pinstripe trousers in the Foreign Policy establishment, is lessening my chances of becoming a cabinet minister should Boris Johnson become Prime Minister.”

“And does that worry you?” Amadeus inquired.

“Well,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “My mentor the ghost of Winston Churchill often found himself out of high political office from time to time for sticking to his principles.”

“Any idea who else might be responsible?” Amadeus asked as he realized that he had now eaten his entire dozen shepherd’s pies.

“It might be the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad or the extensive cleaning maintenance and janitorial staff of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman,” Renfield answered.

“I notice Mohammad bin Salman just issued a statement,” Amadeus checked the BBC News App on his smart phone, “accusing Iran of carrying out the past June 13th twin attacks on the two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman. He says that while he does not want a war, he won’t hesitate to tackle threats to his kingdom.”

“Just like Hitler never hesitated to tackle the threats that Czechoslovakia and Poland posed to the Third Reich,” Renfield reflected.

“Wasn’t Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster getting telepathic visual updates on what’s happening in the Desert Kingdom?” Amadeus ordered a dozen steak and kidney pies from the waiter.

“Yes, he’s said the Saudi Crown Prince has been attending seances at which the ghost of Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai has been appearing to him,” Renfield helped himself to some nuts.

“Who’s Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai?” Amadeus sipped his tea.

“He’s a 2nd Century AD rabbi considered to be the author of the Zohar the chief work of the Kabbalah although some Jewish scholars dispute that,” Renfield answered, “and there are some who think he might be the inspiration for a mysterious figure in the Knight Kadosh thirtieth degree of Scottish Rite Freemasonry.”

“That’s weird that the Saudi Crown Prince is talking to some rabbi’s ghost,” Amadeus noted.

“Michelangelo said the Crown Prince was talking to Lady MacBeth’s ghost on how to wipe the blood off one’s hands when his cleaning maintenance and janitorial staff performed an involuntary dissection on journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul last autumn.”

. . .

An agent for the party involved in the attack on the two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman was now at the Moscow Zoo in the Russian capital.

He was here to poison a bamboo shoot that would be eaten by Ding Ding a 2-year-old female panda given by China to Russia earlier this year in honour of 2019 being the 70th Anniversary of diplomatic relations between Russia and the People’s Republic of China.

The assassin was startled to hear a noise on the panda grounds just as he was about to inject a lethal poison into the bamboo shoot with a needle.

He looked up and saw approaching him a creature with the head and horns of a stag, the torso and arms of a human and the legs and feet of a deer.

The creature was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos and in his arms the Celtic deity carried a crossbow with a poisoned arrow.

Cernunnos fired the arrow at the assassin and he died instantly.

The horned god then picked up the poisonous needle and attached it to one of his own arrows.

The bamboo shoot was left free of poison and Ding Ding continued to enjoy her Sichuan cuisine.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the London hotel room and noticed he was transported once more into a black and white film movie environment.

As always happened when he wore a ring that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles.

Standing alongside an antique writing desk in the room was the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis looking exquisite in a lovely floral decorated evening gown and holding a lovely floral decorated Asian fan.

Van Helsing addressed the goddess, “Your Majesty, on those occasions when you do shapeshift into a mermaid, you have been known to swim the waters of the Gulf of Oman and the Persian Gulf. Did you happen to see who was responsible for the recent oil tanker attacks?”.

Van Helsing and Atargatis engaged in an exchange of information.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 15th
2019.

Permalink 18 Comments

Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares

June 10, 2019 at 9:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares


Miranda Singh is stopped on the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall by the Greek god Ares

As Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked up the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall, she was suddenly approached from behind by Ares the Greek god of war.

“Stop,” Ares had said to her, “Is it true that you have the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali in your possession?”.

As Ares moved in closer, Miranda kicked him down the stairs with one of her spiked stilettos where the Greek war deity hit his head on the sidewalk when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

He was immediately sent to cuckoo-land.

The Olympian dreamed that he was in a clockmaker’s shop in Switzerland where the clock maker was making a clock where Donald Trump came out by the hour and said, “Cuck-hoo! Cuck-hoo!”.

Miranda Singh had been given the heads up by her employer Set that she might be approached by a Greek deity.

Apparently Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had received a vision that the deities of Mount Olympus were very interested in the upcoming Middle East security summit that would be held in Israel between the Israeli, U.S. and Russian national security advisors.

Miranda Singh would be covertly attending the summit by wearing the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 10th 
2019.

Permalink 2 Comments

Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

June 9, 2019 at 9:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

The gypsy Esmeralda had just finished a dance and was sitting in a corner of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.

Suddenly she was approached by the Greek god Zeus.

“Howdy,” said Zeus who had been sitting up at the bar and shooting the breeze with a Texas oilman, “How would you like to see my Olympian sized Greek sausage?”.

The deity started to raise his Greek toga.

“Be a gentleman,” said the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger who hit Zeus over the head with one of his own lightning bolts that he had left behind in an Adidas bag full of lightning bolts next to his stool.

As Zeus hit the floor, he moaned, “That’s the first time in history I’ve been hit by one of my own lightning bolts. And by a bunny rabbit at that.”

“By a very tall bunny rabbit though,” Esmeralda said as she sipped a Harvey Wallbanger allowing her to see the usually invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit.

“I’ll be the laughing stock of the Vegreville summit,” Zeus sighed, “Vegreville being to the gods and goddesses of the world’s nations – the Greeks, the Norse, the Egyptian, the Celtic, the Phoenician, Babylonian etc. what the Davos summit is to mortal men and women.”

“You gods and goddesses meet yearly in the city of Vegreville, Alberta, Canada?” Harvey Tallbanger was shocked, “In the name of God, why?”.

“I hear Vegreville has the world’s tallest Easter egg,” Esmeralda pointed out.

“Well it wasn’t me who laid it,” Harvey the rabbit said in his own defense.

“It may have been me,” Zeus remarked before succumbing to unconsciousness as a result of being hit by one of his own lightning bolts.

. . .


The Greek goddess Hera

“I have the feeling my husband Zeus is once again up to no good,” the Greek goddess Hera remarked to private eye Carson Cody Albion.

Years before, Hera had hired Albion to spy on her horny husband and now she was doing so again.

“What makes you think so?” Albion lit himself a cigarette.

“Well,” Hera got up from her chair, turned around and looked at Albion:

“We were at the 75th Anniversary celebrations of D-Day on Juno Beach last Thursday,” Hera explained and smoothed the top of the chair, “Juno Beach was named after me, you understand? Or at least the Roman side of my persona. Donald Trump had just signed his name at the top of the 75th Anniversary D-Day proclamation whereas every other world leader present had signed their name at the bottom when Zeus told me, he had to get back to Paris for some reason and he wasn’t talking about the long dead Trojan who had slain Achilles with an arrow to the foot.”

“You suspect he’s got something going on in Paris?” Albion closed his notebook and put it in his pocket.

“I do,” said the goddess as she fanned herself.

Albion marvelled at how in the past 2 minutes, Hera was able to make clothing changes even faster than Japanese pop music superstar Moritaka Chisato.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 9th
2019.

Permalink 12 Comments

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

June 8, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in a room in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

Dressed in an exquisite lilac purple evening gown, Qonzilqointec knelt on a neo-Louis XIV royal Bourbon blue chair alongside a modern statue of a long-necked crane raising its beak towards a lantern of good fortune.

Into the room walked her friend and lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

He had just returned from Jerusalem Israel where he had escorted Miranda Singh (the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) who was beginning a top secret mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Your Highness,” Dracul addressed the Aztec vampiress, “you look the epitome of regal royalty.”

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Those weren’t the words Donald Trump spoke when I lay on his neck and threatened to drain every ounce of blood from his body unless he decided to drop the tariffs he was threatening to impose on my homeland of Mexico.”

“I see you were successful in your negotiations,” Dracul noted, “The U.S. has reached an agreement with Mexico and will not be imposing the tariffs Trump had threatened to impose starting this Monday.”

“Having lived 600 years, I have mastered the art of the deal,” She approached Dracul and gave him a non-fatal hickey.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was having a spectral dream.

He dreamed of his wife Rita Hayworth as Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon speaking to a bird who was a parrot-raven hybrid created by a 1930s mad scientist forerunner of an early 21st Century Transhumanist scientist.

Said Rita as Semiramis to the parrot-raven hybrid,

“Oh bird who spoke to Poe in the bleak December
Crossed with a bird who can’t shut up and is able to remember 
The world is confused and troubled 
And about to burst an economic bubble 
Putin warns of a new arms race
Stretching from sea to outer space 
Because on arms control, the U.S. won’t negotiate 
Preferring to leave humanity’s hands up to a very dark fate
“Nevermore” you might cry
As peace dove falls from the sky 
Lenore is lost but so are we all 
The end result of Eden’s fall.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 8th
2019.

Permalink 12 Comments

Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel

June 7, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel


Miranda Singh posing for Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo

Miranda Singh the personal secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was currently in Israel.

Ostensibly to spy for her boss’ former employee British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who sat on the British House of Commons Foreign Affairs Commitee).

Coincidentally Renfield himself was in Israel on an official fact finding mission for the British government.

As opposed to the unofficial fact finding mission she was on.

She would eventually be using the goddess Kali’s invisibility bracelets to spy on a secret meeting between the U.S., Israeli and Russian national security advisors in Israel.

Her cover story was that she was in Israel on a photo shoot for the famous Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo.

She was currently in a Jerusalem swimming pool facility being photographed.

Accompanying her on this part of her mission was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

As Miranda was sitting on a pool side deck chair being photographed by Señor Domingo, Dracul noticed a black panther swimming in the pool towards her direction.

Inclined to think such a thing suspicious, Van Helsing fired the arrow on his crossbow at the panther as it leapt out of the pool towards Miranda.

The arrow struck the panther in one of its front legs.

The panther quickly shapeshifted into a woman- who could have passed as an identical twin sister of the great 1940s French actress Simone Simon.

She had an arrow sticking out of her arm.

“Merde!” She said, “I don’t think my travellers’ insurance covers medical care costs in Israel.”

She went running out of the swimming pool facility.

. . .

“That’s so gay,” Renfield remarked as he entered Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office and saw the Prime Minister bending over his desk with his pants down and his drawers open and being sodomized in the rear end by his newly appointed capital letter “G” (in the Alphabet Politburo of Western secular society) Justice Minister.

“Renfield!” Netanyahu’s face was ashen white, “Your appointment isn’t for another hour.”

“I knew I should have put a new battery in before I left London,” Renfield looked at his watch.

Netanyahu’s face was as red as a beet and he tried to explain, “This is my new Justice Minister whom I’ve named to avoid criminal prosecution on corruption charges.”

“I think I’d prefer criminal prosecution on corruption charges instead,” Renfield remarked as he hurriedly exited the office.

. . .

The year was 1960 and Jesuit priest Malachi Martin was watching actress Sophia Loren beating the boys at pool in a Rome billiards hall.

Father Martin who was heterosexual (unlike many of his compatriots in the Jesuit order) enjoyed watching Miss Loren play pool.

The priest looked at his watch.

He better get back to the Vatican where he served as personal Secretary to the powerful Jesuit cardinal Augustin Cardinal Bea.

Little did he realize when he got back to the office that he would be privileged to read the Third Secret of Fatima (a message delivered to three shepherd children by Mary the Mother of Jesus when she appeared at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917).

A message that both Pope John XXIII and Augustin Cardinal Bea had read.

A message that was supposed to be released to the world in 1960 but never was.

The Vatican claimed to have finally released the secret in June 2000 (11 months after Father Martin’s death) but it was only a vision associated with the message not the text of Mary’s words in the message itself.

Malachi Martin had taken an oath that day in 1960 never to reveal the Message.

Although he did strongly hint at its contents when he appeared on the Coast-To-Coast AM Radio Program with Art Bell back in the late 1990s.

And when asked by TV interviewer Merv Griffin back in the mid-1980s what was the most pressing issue of our time, Father Martin cryptically replied, “Russia and the role it plays in the future survival of the State of Israel.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday June 7th 
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

An Evening In The Month of June: A Poem

June 1, 2019 at 9:17 pm (Arts, Culture, Humour, Poetry, Romance) (, , , )

An Evening In The Month of June: A Poem

One pleasant evening in the month of June 
As I was sitting with my glass and spoon
A small bird sang on an ivy brunch
And the song he sang was a jug of punch

And then she appeared riding a wild deer 
On which sat her exquisite self and lovely rear
With her lips she was playing a lovely flute
So I said, wait, and grabbed my Irish lute…

She had recently lost a single red shoe
Somewhere up in the mountain dew
And so one of her feet was bare 
Still she had lovely exquisite hair

The stag she rode had antlers prickly
Causing riders in front to move very quickly 
On the antlers hung dangling apples
I wondered whether they were serpent trapples

So consequently I did not bite any apple
But on her lap I had a pleasant napple
And that’s how I spent the first night of June
The sun shines all day with very little moon

-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday June 1st 
2019.

Inspired by an old Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers song
And the above picture 

Permalink 13 Comments

Renfield Meets Captain Kerry Donegal In The Oscar Wilde Pub

May 28, 2019 at 10:02 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a newly opened London pub called The Oscar Wilde.

He was planning his strategy to have his friend the Kraken Napoleon VI elected the new President of the European Union Commission.

Seeing as how German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Emmanuel Macron were in disagreement as to who should be the new EU Commission President, this allowed an opportunity for a rogue Brit like himself to put a Kraken into that position.

Seeing as how this was The Oscar Wilde Pub, Renfield decided to order himself a glass of absinthe as this was the favourite drink of such notorious writers and poets as Oscar Wilde and Charles Baudelaire and artist/painters such as Henri Toulouse-Lautrec and Amedeo Modigliano.

Seeing as how Renfield was neither an American Jesuit priest nor a leading U.S. Democratic Party politician nor a Hollywood bigwig, he ignored the fact that absinthe was also drunk by such satanic low-lifes as Aleister Crowley.

After 21 glasses of absinthe, Renfield was able to see spirits so as soon as the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal walked through the door, the MP invited him to sit down.

They introduced themselves to another and gave their respective backgrounds.

“So,” Renfield ordered another glass of absinthe, “you’re the pirate’s ghost that my psychic lobster friend Michelangelo saw ride that supposedly riderless horse Bodexpress at the Preakness Stakes?”.

“That was me all right,” the ghostly pirate blushed adding a little rouge to his overly white complexion, “I came in second from last.”

“We all have our embarassing moments,” Renfield recalled the lovely actress Gong Li turning him down for a date after he had asked her out in a crowded elevator.

“So how’s your political career going?” Captain Kerry Donegal asked.

“Well if Boris Johnson wins the leadership of the British Conservative Party in July and becomes Prime Minister of Britain,” Renfield ordered a tuna fish sandwich, “I’ll probably become Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering and my parliamentary colleague and fellow Transhumanist MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana will probably become Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.”

“Well, congratulations,” the pirate captain drank a toast in ghostly extra spirited absinthe.

“Still, I mustn’t count my chickens before they’re hatched,” Renfield helped himself to a plate of deviled eggs, “so what are your plans for the future?”.

“I haven’t quite decided,” Captain Kerry Donegal answered, “I moved out of 10 Downing Street last night after Prime Minister Theresa May invited me to watch the 1947 film The Ghost and Mrs. Muir starring Gene Tierney and Rex Harrison with her. After watching the film, I came to the conclusion that Mrs. May wanted to have a romantic affair with me so I left.”

“Yes, singing My Fair Lady to Gene Tierney isn’t so bad,” Renfield admitted, “singing it to Theresa May is another matter entirely.”

“By Liza, rather than sitting in the saddle to do little, I should have said to Bodexpress, move your bloomin’ ass,” the pirate captain reflected.

“And speaking of my fair lady, here comes my parliamentary colleague Morgana,” Renfield, after 23 glasses of absinthe, ran up to kiss her as she entered the pub.

“Why you predatory sexually harassing lecherous pervert,” Morgana said to him before kicking him out the door with one of her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder,” were Renfield’s last words before succumbing to unconsciousness on the outdoor sidewalk.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 28th
2019.


Welsh vampiress Morgana: Not one to mess with

Permalink 5 Comments

Dracul and Semiramis In Paris

May 26, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris waiting for the European Parliament election results to come in.

He phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was in London.

“Hi, Renfield,” Dracul greeted him, “How’s your party doing?”.

“We’re ahead of the Conservatives,” Renfield was already on his 10th cognac in celebration, “so we’ll be sending a few MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels. Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party has done the best so that must have been one lucky milkshake that some protester doused him with. How is the Kraken’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party doing?.”

“Well given the results so far, the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party will be sending at least 2 MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels,” Dracul looked at the television screen inside the cafe.

“So that means the Kraken Napoleon VI himself and his wife Medusa will be sitting in the European Parliament,” Renfield lit himself a cigar.

“That will be the case,” Dracul admitted, “Have you heard how Theresa May is taking the results?”.

“According to the gypsy fortune teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia whom I ran into earlier tonight,” Renfield replied, “She says she saw Theresa May drowning her sorrows in a pub accompanied by the ghost of an 18th Century pirate.”

“Well, she’s one up on Margaret Thatcher then,” Dracul ordered a Napoleon brandy, “I don’t think the Iron Lady ever did that.”

“No, I don’t think so either,” Renfield considered the possibility, “The closest she ever got was when she said to Argentine President General Galtieri over the Falkland Islands Malvinas, your place or mine?”.

“The Kraken arrived in the cafe about an hour ago,” Dracul noticed the large octopus was downing champagne by the bucketloads, “He just got in from Tel Aviv. While there, he was told by Miranda the mermaid that sinister forces have developed a flesh eating killer seaweed designed to destroy France. Of course the Kraken already encountered that sinister piece of future sushi wrapping when he left Marseille for Tel Aviv yesterday.”

In the restaurant where Renfield was sitting, he ordered some sushi rolls from the waitress upon hearing this news.

“So, what’s new with you?” Renfield asked the vampire hunter.

“Well, a few days ago, I was kidnapped by the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis while sitting in a Paris movie theatre attending a large screen showing of the movie Casablanca,” Dracul recalled.

“That must have been exciting,” Renfield was pleased by the restaurant’s quick delivery of the sushi rolls.

“It was,” Dracul smiled.

“What did she want?” Renfield said as he dove into the sushi rolls with his chopsticks.

“She wanted me to give her King Arthur’s battle banner on which was an image of a red dragon the famous Red Dragon Banner whose image is actually able to breathe fire in battle,” Dracul stated.

“And did you give it to her?” Renfield inquired.

“Oh, I gave it to her all right,” Dracul smiled again, “But not the Red Dragon Banner. That’s a family heirloom.”

“Well, I see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill are walking in through the door to join me in celebration,” Renfield finished his sushi rolls, “so I better go. Have a good night.”

“You too, my friend,” Dracul put his smartphone back in his pocket.

He looked towards a corner booth in the cafe and noticed Semiramis the legendary former Queen of Babylon sitting there.

As often happened when Dracul Van Helsing encountered goddesses and legendary queens, the setting had changed to black and white.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 26th
2019.

Permalink 10 Comments

Next page »