The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

June 22, 2017 at 5:16 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who had come close to discovering the secret of immortality prior to his being shot down by the Red Baron in April of 1918) and Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister who had attained immortality for herself by eating a specially prepared Lingzhi supernatural mushroom cooked for her by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher).

Set hoped that Dr. Rocher would find a way of bringing his beloved fiancee Serena back from the dead.

“That’s Serena all right,” Set recognized the Steampunk style skirted outfits that she loved to wear.

Steampunk is a genre of science-fiction where the science and inventions of the Victorian and Edwardian era carried on in an alternate universe and machinery was analog and not digital and based on steam power and not petroleum and where airships and dirigibles and monoplanes and biplanes and triplanes ruled the skies and not jets.

Steampunk genre had influenced movies like Wild Wild West, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing and the 2009 Sherlock Holmes.

“What is she doing in that photo?” Set asked.

“Notice the Soviet Red Star on the train and she appears to be holding a detonator in her hands,” said Dr. Rocher, “there was an attempt to blow up a train Josef Stalin was riding in back on June 22nd 1931.”

“Serena has become a time traveler,” Set gasped, “and she’s tried to kill Josef Stalin the man who had arranged for the circumstances of her own death.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 22nd
2017.

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Serena Slain

June 20, 2017 at 2:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

It was the autumn of 1924.

And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.

Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.

He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.

Who didn’t die.

Since he was a vampire.

Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.

Angered, Set approached the assassin.

Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.

This time in the direction of Serena.

Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.

Covered in blood.

“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.

He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.

Terovsky fled down the street.

Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.

Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she saw the scene.

She approached.

Set explained what happened.

“I wish I had the chance to turn her into a vampiress as she lay dying but her death happened too quickly,” Set wept.

“I know what you mean,” Sherrielock said, “My love died before he had the opportunity to make himself immortal.”

She told Set how her husband Dr. Louis Rocher had made an extract from the Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom which when she ate it had made her immortal.

But Dr. Rocher had waited to eat the Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms himself.

And before he could do so, he ended up being shot down by the Red Baron during the Great War of 1914-18.

“It’s too bad Louis wasn’t still alive,” Sherrielock said, “he might have been able to bring your fiancee back from the dead.”

“Did you and he have any children?” Set asked.

“Yes, five,” Sherrielock replied, “three boys and two girls.”

“I wonder if any of them or their descendants will have your husband Louis’ genius,” Set reflected.

“Possibly,” Sherrielock answered.

Set resolved to have Serena’s body frozen in the hopes that one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s and Sherrielock Holmes’ descendants would be a scientific genius capable of bringing Serena back from the dead.

In the meantime, Set tracked down the assassin Leonid Terovsky, had him tortured and later killed.

But Set gleaned from Terovksy that Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin had ordered the assassination.

Set resolved to destroy both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

But as Set surveyed the world stage, there did not seem to him too many politicians who were capable of destroying both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

Until a young Austrian born politician creating a ruckus in Bavaria came into his sights.

The name of the young Austrian born politician in Bavaria making a name for himself?

Adolf Hitler.

His movement the National Socialist German Workers’ Party- the NSDAP- better known as the Nazis.

Set moved to Germany in 1925 in an effort to better promote and finance the movement.

Just like a stone thrown into water creates unforeseen ripple effects, evil like good can create the same ripple effects.

And no one knows where the ripple effects will end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 20th
2017.

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Stalin Plans To Attack Set

June 19, 2017 at 3:44 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin was having a conversation with Felix Dzerzhinsky the director of OGPU (the name of the Soviet Secret Police at the time) during the summer of 1924.

Stalin was pissed off by the way the British Empire was carrying on at the time.

“Who the Hell do these Brits think they are anyways?” Stalin foamed with rage towards Dzerzhinsky, “Hell, you think they’re the only people in the world who know how to make tea properly.”

Stalin walked over to a samovar and poured himself a cup of tea.

He put it to his lips and spit it out.

“Do you have any more of that Red Rose tea brand you served me once?” He asked Dzerzhinsky.

“It’s available only in Canada,” Dzerzhinsky replied, “A spy from Canada brought me some once. Just before I shot him for sleeping with my favourite Moscow prostitute who I thought was for my eyes only.”

“We’ll have to invade Canada someday,” Stalin thought philosophically.

“Probably one of those tough strict Jesuit schools in Quebec will produce a Marxist who’ll become Prime Minister someday,” Dzerzhinsky threw aside an old Canadian newspaper that contained Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s birth announcement.

“I want to avenge myself on Britain,” said Stalin, “maybe assassinate one of their leading politicians or businessmen.”

“I don’t think the Soviet Union can win a war with Britain at this point in our history,” Dzerzhinsky said, “might I suggest assassinating a foreigner in the country. There’s a wealthy Egyptian businessman and investor by the name of Mr. Sol Invictus Set. Very buddy buddy with the Prince of Wales. Just bought himself a big house in the Collingwood Hills district of Kensington in West London. Here’s his picture.”

“Who’s the lovely woman with him?” Stalin asked.

“Only goes by the name of Serena,” Dzerzhinsky answered, “she was a magician’s assistant to that magician who goes by the name of the Great Houdini.”

“Isn’t that Houdini a Jew?” Stalin asked with the utmost contempt on his face.

“He is,” Dzerzhinsky answered.

“One day we’ll rid the world of all Jews,” Stalin looked outside his office and noticed Leon Trotsky walking down the hall.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 19th
2017.

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Dracul, Aphrodite and Ares

June 18, 2017 at 3:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

When Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing returned to his office at MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division Headquarters, he was surprised to see the Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting there waiting for him.

“Aphrodite,” Dracul said, “What a pleasant surprise. Have you brought more news about Hephaestus?”.

“No,” Aphrodite shook her head, “Hephaestus has given up building missiles for North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. He’s now working on building incredible machines for a steampunk genre sci-fi film about Jack the Ripper escaping down the Thames River in a submarine.”

“I’ll have to see that movie when it comes out,” said Dracul.

“Have you seen the new Wonder Woman film?” Aphrodite asked.

“Not yet,” said Dracul, “but I’d like to. It sounds like an excellent film judging from the reviews. It’s set against the background of the First World War which I’ve recently started studying. The First World War is often overshadowed by World War II and yet World War II would not have happened without the events set in motion during World War I.”

“Do you know what the film is about?” The goddess asked.

“Diana battling Ares the god of war,” Dracul answered.

“Yes, and the film seems to be somewhat prophetic,” Aphrodite stated, “my brother Ares is now under the impression that he should really start World War III at the moment.”

“Well, all the chess pieces are certainly now in place,” Dracul conceded, “Vladimir Putin is in the Middle East, Donald Trump is in the Oval Office, Kim Jong-un is in the nuthouse playground building missiles, Saudi Arabia and Iran are now making war noises against one another, and an airhead is now Prime Minister of the British Empire.”

“That’s about it,” said Aphrodite.

Dracul Van Helsing alerted Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol as to the Greek war god’s plans.

“Anything else?” Dracul inquired of Aphrodite.

“Have you been a good boy this past week?” Aphrodite asked him.

“No, I haven’t,” Dracul admitted, “I’ve been a very naughty boy.”

“Well then,” Aphrodite smoothed her skirt, “you better get across my knee and I’ll give you a good spanking.”
The Greek Goddess Aphrodite

Dracul did so.

Aphrodite gave him a good spanking.

And then they made wild passionate love afterwards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 18th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec, Dracul and The Dolphins

June 16, 2017 at 4:45 pm (Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec In Brighton

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was anxiously waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in her Brighton seaside resort hotel.room.

When he entered, she turned swiftly around in her slit skirted peach evening dress and threw out her arms towards him, “Dracul.”

Dracul ran towards her.

They embraced.

Soon Dracul and the Aztec vampire princess were down on the elegant French style sofa making wild passionate love.

On the television in the next room, BBC News TV cameras were focused on the swearing-in of new Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Mr. Renfield, is it true that you’re the greatest lover in Britain?” A reporter asked Renfield.

“Yes, it is,” Renfield answered.

Meanwhile in Brighton, Qonzilqointec was having the mother of all orgasms.

Renfield turned to his parliamentary aide behind him, “I hate to lie on my first day in office. See what we can do about deporting Dracul Van Helsing out of the country.”

Later down on the Brighton beach, Qonzilqointec and Dracul were making love in the sand.

“Isn’t this what Olivia Newton John and John Travolta did in Grease?” Qonzilqointec moaned in ecstasy.

“I think it was Brylcreem rather than ordinary grease that Travolta used,” Dracul answered with the heaving and pounding of the waves on the beach that matched the heaving and pounding of vampire hunter and vampiress.

Soon as the waves surrounded them and Qonzilqointec shouted, “My God, I’ve never felt so wet,” a pod of dolphins surrounded them.

“Look,” said Qonzilqointec, “we have an audience.”

“Dolphins in Brighton,” Dracul said, “that doesn’t happen very often.”

“They’ve come to watch our lovemaking,” Qonzilqointec sighed

“Never thought I’d end up a High School Biology teacher for dolphins,” Dracul remarked.

And the show went on for hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 16th
2017.

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Captain Dante Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec

May 17, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The date was May 17th 1687.

And the notorious pirate Captain Dante Van Helsing (an ancestor of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing) was far from his home town of Amsterdam.

He was sailing the Caribbean which was his favourite sea for piracy.

Captain Dante Van Helsing had formed an alliance with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

She was anxious to see Spanish ships raided and sunk as vengeance for the Spanish conquering her Aztec Empire in Mexico.

Captain Dante Van Helsing did these raids on Spanish ships gladly.

And Qonzilqointec would pay Dante back in her bedroom at night.

But then another pirate came into the Caribbean.

A pirate who sailed a Chinese junk ship and called himself Wo Fat.

But despite dressing and looking the part of a Chinese pirate, the individual was really an Englishman and a defrocked Jesuit priest named Alfred Loisy George Tyrrell.

He was defrocked for claiming that Antipope John XXIII (who was himself the notorious pirate Baldassarre Cossa in his early life) who reigned from 1410 to 1415 was in fact a true Pope.

Wo Fat (as he now called himself) after being kicked out of the Jesuit order stole an ancient Greek analogue computer and orrery that was in the possession of one of his Jesuit confreres Father Athanasius Kircher.

He stole the mechanism from Father Kircher’s room on the evening of the latter’s death on November 28th 1680.

Wo Fat used the device to navigate and determine the position of the ships that he raided.

Qonzilqointec spotted the device while flying around as a vampire bat on his ship one night.

She alerted Captain Dante Van Helsing to the existence of the device..

Van Helsing said, “I must have it.”

So Qonzilqointec flew on to Wo Fat’s ship The Albatross and promptly changed from a bat into her alluring vampiric female form.

She brought several good bottles of coconut rum lifted to her from a row boat rowed by Dante.

She went into Wo Fat’s cabin,

After plying him with several goblets of coconut rum and rubbing his bald head against her magnificent bosom

Qonzilqointec With Wo Fat

…. Wo Fat fell asleep.

Whereupon Qonzilqointec stole the device.

She then gave it to Captain Dante Van Helsing on the night of May 17th 1687.

Van Helsing returned home to Amsterdam where he was forced by his parents to marry a good Dutch girl.

“No more running around with these exotic foreign women,” his father had said to him.

So Dante Van Helsing married, settled down, became a maker of Dutch wooden shoes and had four children.

Finally bored to tears, he decided to make one more voyage.

This time to the Aegean Sea.

While there, he encountered a group of alluring looking sirens on a rock near the Greek island of Antikythera.

His ship The Virgil sank.

And went down to the bottom of the sea alongside an earlier Roman era shipwreck.

The Virgil was torn apart by mermaids.

Only Dante’s mysterious mechanism (that Qonzilqointec had pirated away from the pseudo-Chinese pirate Wo Fat) was left behind.

The mechanism was recovered on May 17th 1902.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 17th
2017.

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Saint George’s Day 2017

April 23, 2017 at 3:45 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Saint George and The Dragon

South African cultural attache Lepardia Marango and British Conservative MP Agathor Christie had gone to morning services at Saint George’s Anglican Church in Hanover Square in the city of Westminster, central London to celebrate Saint George’s Day since Saint George is the patron Saint of England.

Afterwards they went to have brunch together in a nearby pub.

Sitting across from them was Renfield R. Renfield in disguise.

Renfield was wearing dark sunglasses, a Scottish kilt with sporran, a t-shirt that said I AM WILLIAM WALLACE and was carrying bagpipes at his side.

“So, Agathor,” Lepardia adjusted her dark navy blue skirt, “you’re the great nephew of British mystery novelist Agatha Christie?”.

“Yes, but only by marriage,” Agathor Christie confessed, “not by blood unfortunately. I’m the great nephew of her cad first husband Archibald Christie whom she divorced in 1928 after he had an extramarital affair with one Nancy Neele (whom he married after his divorcing Agatha).”

“What about your name Agathor?” Lepardia asked, “Were you named after your great aunt by marriage Agatha Christie and given the masculine name Agathor?”.

“Um… actually no I wasn’t,” Agathor sipped his orange juice.

“Were you named after the character in Tolkien then?” Lepardia poured herself some tea.

“No, not him either,” Agathor blushed.

“Then who were you named after?” Lepardia looked at him quizzically.

“Well,” Agathor felt himself turning as red as the fried tomatoes on his plate, “My full Christian name… if you can call it a Christian name… is Agamemnon Thor… I’m Agamemnon Thor Christie. I was named Agamemnon because my father was a Greek mythology buff. And I was given the middle name Thor because my mother is a Norse mythology buff. In school because the kids made fun of the name Agamemnon, I shortened my name to Agathor for short (a shortened form of Agamemnon Thor) because Tolkien is always cool for every generation of kids.”

“I see,” Lepardia smiled and laughed, “And do you have any conditions for marriage?”.

“Well,” Agathor’s face was now turning as red as a Communist who had fallen into a giant bottle of ketchup, “I don’t intend to marry any woman called Clytemnestra.”

“Well, my name isn”t Clytemnestra,” Lepardia Marango who had a good classical education laughed heartedly.

Renfield R. Renfield (who did not have much of a classical education) did not.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 23rd
2017.

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Reflections On A Passing Phantom

January 12, 2017 at 12:33 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes sat at her chair in front of the mirror on her table and dresser.

She had just returned from a masquerade ball where she had dressed up as the Nymph of the Blue Moon.

The Nymph of the Blue Moon was a character she had read about in a movie review of a film written by a movie reviewer and film critic who couldn’t remember the name of the movie he was reviewing.

The movie the reviewer had seen on TCM (Turner Classic Movies).

It was a movie from the 1980s.

The plot of the movie was about a 1920s silent era film producer and movie director who was able to travel between past and future.

The past of course was the 1920s where he was busy writing a screenplay for a movie he intended to produce and direct.

The future was a hidden time (possibly 2017?) where he was pursued by government agents of some sinister world power (possibly the United States in the closing days of Obama and the beginning days of Trump).

His present was visiting a house on the moon where a beautiful woman with a beautiful singing voice lived.

But his present was usually always short lived and he spent more time in the past (writing his movie screenplay) or in the future (being pursued by government agents for knowing too much about world affairs).

Then one night- it was a blue moon- and when the moon was blue, his love came down to his past where he was receiving an Oscar for Best Screenplay at some Academy Awards evening in the Hollywood of the 1920s.

Reunited with his love for good, he remained in the past since he figured winning Oscars for Best Screenplay, Best Director and Best Picture was far preferable to the future where he was shot and killed by government agents for being a threat to humanity.

So she designed her own costume for what she imagined as the Nymph of the Blue Moon and wore it to the masquerade party. (The costume can be viewed at the bottom of this page:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/01/09/dracul-van-helsing-and-sherrielock-holmes-the-nymph-of-the-blue-moon-a-poem/ )

She entered the house’s White Room where she had posed for a photograph shot by an influential London banker (who was one of her most important clients of her London based dominatrix service).

As she was posing for the photo, a man dressed as the Phantom of The Opera Erik happened to enter the room.

When he saw a photo session was taking place, he turned around and left the room.

Sherrielock was totally haunted by the look of intense loneliness the man had had beneath his mask.

A loneliness that was only matched by the character of Erik the Phantom of the Opera whose costume he wore.

When he left the room, she followed him.

He left the house and the masquerade party and went back to his lonely solitary room in a London rooming house.

She stood outside the window where she heard the sound of an old phonograph being played.

It was playing an old Michael Jackson song sung by Michael Jackson when he was very young- just 14 years old.

Although Sherrielock did not realize it, the song Ben was actually the “Phantom’s” favourite Michael Jackson song.

For the song seemed to describe so well the life the “Phantom” had lived in the 6 and a half years since his father died.

She could hear the lyrics of the song through the window:

Ben, you’re always running here and there
You feel you’re not wanted anywhere…

Ben, most people would turn you away…

I’m sure they’d think again
If they had a friend like Ben…

Sherrielock turned from the house and walked down the street.

Where her tear drops mixed with the snow flakes in falling on to the pavement.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 10th
2017.

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Dracul Van Helsing and Sherrielock Holmes: The Nymph of The Blue Moon: A Poem

January 9, 2017 at 1:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing Canadian vampire hunter walked the streets of London
Dressed in his Philip Marlowe Private Eye style trenchcoat and fedora hat
that he always wore when he was feeling melancholy and reflective
A fan of 1940s horror, mystery, detective and film noir films
Dressing like Marlowe helped him battle his depression
The knight of Raymond Chandler’s stories
who wore not a suit of shining armour
but a private eye trenchcoat and fedora hat
when rescuing damsels in distress and battling evil and corruption
A 1940s southern California equivalent of the Spanish Don Quixote
representing knightly chivalry and ideas in ages that had long forgotten them

Now it was early January 2017
Donald Trump was about to be inaugurated President
Hillary Clinton was blaming the Russians for her electoral defeat
and satyr serial killing contract assassin Pan Goatee
was putting in excessively long hours of overtime
in his chosen vocation of making the world a more beautiful place to live
The only females who seemed to radiate any class or good taste these days
(and nights) were vampiresses
which made Dracul Van Helsing Vampire Hunter
glad that he didn’t slay vampiresses

Dracul recalled his New Year’s Eve this past stroke of midnight and year change
when he watched beautiful Assyrian women dancing
and so wished he could join them

The day after New Year’s he visited Dulcinea Lucia a gypsy fortune teller in London
to hear his future
“You shall meet an immortal,” Dulcinea Lucia told Dracul, “and you shall fall in love.”

“An immortal?” Dracul asked her, “A vampiress?”
“Not a vampiress,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“One of the goddesses of the ancient world returned to Earth perhaps?’ Dracul asked again.
“Not one of those goddesses,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“Then what sort of immortal?” Dracul asked a third question.
“I’m not sure,” Dulcinea looked puzzled and her crystal ball clouded up with the Cosmic Operator asking for more money.

Dracul declined to pay more and walked out into the wintery London night
He passed the window of a used book store
which had The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes in the window
Dracul loved Sherlock Holmes stories
The great immortal detective
Too bad that immortal didn’t have a sister who was both beautiful and brainy

Then this past evening of January 6th, Dracul had been invited to a masquerade ball
celebrating the 12th Day of Christmas
He decided to dress up as the Phantom of the Opera Erik
since these days and nights he felt as unloved as that poor creature

As he walked down the street in the falling snow, he happened to pass
Alexis Tsipras the Prime Minister of Greece
who was busy rubbing his rear end and screaming,
“My buns! Poor tomatoed buns! Will they ever lose their red rosy colour
in the light of day or the darkness of night?”

“Well, he’s been drinking too much Ouzo this evening,” Dracul thought to himself
Dracul then entered the place where the masquerade ball was being held
He wandered aimlessly through the house
until he entered a room where he saw the nymph of the Blue Moon

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 8th
2016

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Sherrielock Holmes Reflects On The Vampiress Showdown At Sundown

December 20, 2016 at 5:14 pm (Ghost Story, Humour, Romance, The Supernatural, western) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes Reflects On The Vampiress Showdown At Sundown

Things quieted down in Hayden, Colorado after the Aztec gold was dug up and stolen by a group of marauding Mormons who took it to Utah with them.

This later gave American forensic geologist Scott Wolter something to do for his early 21st Century TV show America Unearthed.

Since there was no longer any reason to stay in Hayden, Isis flew back to Paris by way of New York and Qonzilqointec returned to Mexico City by way of San Francisco.

“At last, peace and quiet,” Sherrielock sighed to herself as she lay in bed.

She might finally be able to get to sleep at night.

-A western vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 28th
2016.

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