Dracul Van Helsing Meets The Norse Goddess Freya

September 25, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The results of the German national election were in.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel had won a 4th term in office.

But the far-right ultra-nationalist AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland) came in 3rd place in the number of seats they won in the German Bundestag.

The Norse goddess Freya knew this would amount to trouble.

Already the Germanic god Wotan (whose Norse name was Odin) was making plans with the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf to take advantage of AfD’s surprising showing.

Ever since the bloodshed unleashed by German leaders Kaiser Wilhelm II and Fuhrer Adolf Hitler during the 20th Century, Freya thought of herself as more a Norse goddess rather than a Germanic goddess.

Today she would be meeting with vampire hunter and MI-6 agent Dracul Van Helsing to discuss the German election result and AfD’s showing.

Given his background in investigating matters supernatural and paranormal, Dracul would take note of Freya’s knowledge of the dark supernatural forces involved in AfD’s upsurge in popularity among the German electorate.

Plus Dracul Van Helsing was friends with British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield believed to be Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s most favoured choice to become Prime Minister should a National Unity coalition government be formed in the Westminster Parliament.

Freya sat there waiting for him.

The Norse Goddess Freya

Dracul Van Helsing approached.

“Are you ready to get started?” Freya asked.

“Yes,” Dracul answered, “but only if you take me over your knee and spank me first.”

“All right,” Freya adjusted her gray mini dress for she had been expecting this request, “lay across my skirt and I’ll spank you.”

She had heard that Dracul had made this request of other goddesses and vampiresses before entering into delicate negotiations.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 25th
2017.

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An Aztec Vampiress, A London Car Show and The Tesla Particle Death Beam

September 21, 2017 at 3:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in her research on the subject discovered that only the Nikola Tesla Particle Death Beam would be capable of destroying the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc.

And she discovered that the Tesla Particle Death Beam was an accessory on British sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s new self-driving electric car The Rocher Le Pied de Hermes which was now on display at a car show in London, England.

The self-driving Rocher Le Pied de Hermes electric car had been given its first test this past spring (Please read https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/dr-cadbury-rocher-and-his-incredible-self-driving-car/ for details of how that test went).

Dr. Rocher had drastically improved his self-driving electric car since that disastrous first test.

He had also added a new feature to the Rocher Le Pied de Hermes self-driving electric car at the suggestion of Renfield R. Renfield (now a British Member of Parliament).

Renfield’s suggestion was for what he called a Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button.

And it was this little feature which incorporated the Tesla Particle Death Beam.

If some obnoxious other driver or a car horn pissed off the self-driving electric car’s owner, the owner or even a passenger could push the Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button

The Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button had arrows surrounding it and depending on which arrowly direction the Road Rage Anger Management Button was pushed, it would fire a Tesla Particle Death Beam either in front, either side of or the back of the vehicle and disintegrate the offending other vehicle and obnoxious driver (to say nothing of the passengers) into sweet oblivion.

Qonzilqointec enlisted the help of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in stealing the Tesla Particle Death Beam off the vehicle at the London car show.
Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec
Qonzilqointec plans to commit Grand Auto Theft with Dracul Van Helsing at the London Car Show

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 21st
2017.

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The Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez

August 24, 2017 at 3:38 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sat in her hotel room in Caracas Venezuela.

To live in a five-star hotel in Caracas was the only place worth living in Venezuela ever since the disastrous Nicolas Maduro assumed power as President of the country back in 2013.

Francesca Chavez herself was a 1st cousin 3 x removed of the late former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

She herself had supported Chavez but had thought Maduro would turn out to be a Venezuelan Stalin.

And currently Maduro was well on his way to becoming one.

Francesca Chavez had become a vampiress back in April of this year after a night of erotic lesbian lovemaking with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Unbeknownst to either woman, the encounter had been filmed by Renfield R. Renfield (“strictly for sociological purposes” as Renfield explained to his friend Amadeus Emanon when he caught him watching the video).

Renfield and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been in Venezuela at the time plotting a coup to overthrow Nicolas Maduro.

The trip and coup planning were cut short when British Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap UK General Election and Renfield returned home to run as a candidate for the British Transhumanist Party.

Now Britain’s MI-6 had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Caracas Venezuela on a fact finding mission to determine just how bad the political situation in Venezuela currently was.

Van Helsing entered the hotel room and saw the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sitting there:
Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez
Van Helsing stood there totally transfixed.

“Hello there,” Francesca threw back her blonde hair and smiled at him, “how shall we start?”.

“Well,” said Van Helsing, “you can start by taking me across your lap and giving me a bare bottom spanking.”

“All right,” she said somewhat taken aback, “if that’s how MI-6 conducts business these days.”

“It is under my watch,” Van Helsing answered.

So that is what then happened.

. . .

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was trying to contact Dracul Van Helsing on his mobile phone to get an update on the political situation in Venezuela prior to Renfield giving a speech to the UK Parliamentary House Committee On Foreign Affairs.

But he couldn’t get a hold of him.

“I imagine he’s up to something kinky with the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez,” Renfield remarked angrily to Amadeus.

“And you’re naturally jealous because it isn’t you instead,” Amadeus remarked quietly while munching on potato chips.

“That’s besides the point,” Renfield harrumphed.

Renfield went down to the Committee meeting and instead of speaking on Venezuela, he spoke on the removal of Confederate statues in the U.S. instead.

Said Renfield,

Pat Buchanan has called the groups wanting to remove Confederate statues in the U.S. the Secular Socialistic Taliban (the Taliban of course blew up ancient statues of Buddha in Afghanistan and ISIS destroyed an ancient Temple at Palmyra). The Secular Socialistic Taliban operate under the delusion that the sole reason for the Civil War was slavery (ignoring Lincoln’s own statement that he himself would preserve slavery if it would preserve the Union- he only sought to openly abolish slavery after the Southern states voted to secede anyways)- conveniently forgetting that another reason for the Civil War was the huge tariffs northern states were slapping on products of southern states.
Now the Secular Socialistic Taliban are opening up their stupid brainless mouths up in Canada wanting to remove the name Sir John A. MacDonald from all schools in Ontario (Sir John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first Prime Minister) claiming MacDonald practiced genocide against Canada’s indigenous people- a lie of course. But then groups like Antifa and their Secular Socialistic Taliban allies believe lies as much as the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazis do.

The remarks did not go over well with the rest of the MPs on the committee who like most politicians were gutless and spineless when it came to political correctness.

Renfield received an angry phone call from Canada’s liberal progressive cultural Marxist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau who did not like what was said in the remarks to the UK Foreign Affairs Committee.

Renfield told Mr. Trudeau, “Go fuck yourself.”

To which a stunned Justin Trudeau said, “I don’t think that’s physically possible.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 24th
2017.

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The Entity/Being In The Painting/From The Painting

August 21, 2017 at 3:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The great South African artist SAREJESS looked at some of the paintings he had painted the past couple of months.

Paintings based on dreams and visions he had had.

A grandfather clock with pendulum surrounded with ancient Egyptian markings.

A large hourglass filled with sand on a sandy beach that was turned over again by mermaids in the surging tide.

A sundial that was able to operate in the moonlight at night in the courtyard of an ancient Egyptian palace.

A lovely blonde working girl in the Wild West who wore a beautiful vintage railway watch on a chain worn down the cleft between her magnificent pair of knockers in a low-cut blouse.

A cuckoo clock that had a cuckoo bird bearing the face of Orson Welles as Harry Lime the Thrid Man coming out of it followed by a cuckoo bird bearing the face of an older looking Orson Welles as an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh coming out of it.

A giant hamster standing atop the clock tower of Big Ben.

A ship of the Greek god Hades sailing on the sea that he painted first and later had a dream about.

Another dream with the clock tower of Big Ben sending out a searchlight signal advertising the 1001 positions of the Kama Sutra. Also in the dream and the painting were the TARDIS phone booth from the Dr. Who TV series and the vintage railway watch on a chain down her knockers wearing blonde Serena (now dyed a redhead) wearing a sexy red dress and standing in the snow with two weapons in her hands blasting away at a group of North Korean Army soldiers.

Now last night SAREJESS had another dream.

What he knew was the final dream.

And the final painting of this particular series of paintings.

He painted a picture of an ancient Egyptian wearing white high priestly robes and carrying a scroll in his right hand.

Only this Egyptian high priestly figure had the head of an African sacred ibis bird rather than a human head.

The ibis headed ancient Egyptian figure was followed by a group of baboons.

In the dream, the baboons (following the figure) could talk and were saying prayers of thanksgiving that they were not red spider monkeys.

In the background was Donald Trump shampooing his hair.

SAREJESS recognized the being/entity that he had just painted- the Egyptian high priestly robed figure with a scroll in his hand and the head of an ibis on his head- Thoth.

Thoth the Egyptian god.

Thoth the god of wisdom, writing, counting and medicine.

Thoth the god of magic.

Thoth the scribe and messenger of the gods.

Thoth the creator of hieroglyphs.

The author of Egypt’s sacred laws.

The recorder of the eternal verdict on a deceased person’s heart.

Thoth the god of intelligence, thought, logic and reason.

Thoth the god of the moon.

In fact in many ancient Egyptian paintings, Thoth was often depicted with a lunar disc over his head.

Thoth was known as “The Heart of Ra”, “The Measurer of Time” and “The Master of the Words of God”.

His silver barque transported the souls of the dead across the night sky.

Thoth, to SAREJESS’ amazement, moved in the painting and boarded his silver barque.

Then Thoth walked straight out of the painting carrying the small silver barque (that SAREJESS had just painted) with him.

A blank figure in the painting now stood where Thoth had just walked out.

Thoth then left SAREJESS’ studio carrying the silver barque with him.

“Tim,” his wife Winnie called to him from the kitchen, “who was that very odd looking gentleman who just walked out of your studio? Is he going to buy a painting?”.

“No, dear, I don’t think so,” SAREJESS answered.

Thoth walked down to the beach at Port Elizabeth still carrying the small silver barque with him.

As soon as Thoth put the barque in the salt waters of the Indian Ocean, it grew to life size.

Thoth then boarded the barque and sailed straight up into the sky.

His lunar disc silver barque then sailed but this time it was not the night sky that Thoth transported the souls of the dead across.

It was the day time sky across America from Lincoln City Oregon down to Charleston South Carolina.

And many people saw the ancient Egyptian moon god Thoth’s total eclipse of the sun.

. . .

As Bonnie Tyler stood in front of a statue of the Egyptian sun god Ra singing the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set awakened in his sarcophagus in London in a sweat (and he hadn’t been down to the gym in millennia).

He motioned for his valet and butler Athelstan to bring him his Hugh Hefner like red velvet smoking jacket and his pipe.

As he sat there smoking, he said quietly, “Thoth has returned. Now many people will start returning from the dead.”

. . .

Now down at the Set Enterprises’ laboratory, Set’s long dead (since 1924) fiancee Serena opened her eyes.

The Time Traveler’s soul had returned to her earthly body.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 21st
2017.

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A Timely Showdown In The Klondike

August 19, 2017 at 3:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , )

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un and his British House of Lords member Communist adviser Lord Byron Jennings had been working on another angle to destroy America besides nuclear weapons and the intercontinental ballistic missile program.

The idea was to send a 100,000 man North Korean Army with advanced weaponry, machine guns and tanks back in time and conquer America in the days when America did not have such weapons.

They sent their good friend Ares the Greek god of War to the Underworld to consult with Saturn/Cronus the Titan god of time on how this could be possible.

Saturn/Cronus told Ares that his reign was of course the Golden Age prior to being overthrown by his son Zeus/Jupiter.

And ever since, Saturn explained, he always had a hankering for gold.

In fact he had been building himself a small portal through time to reach Dawson City Yukon in the year 1897 at the height of the Klondike Gold Rush.

Saturn was still trying to figure out how to leave Tartarus (“that 3-headed dog Cerberus is a real pain in the ass namely because that’s where he always bites me” – Saturn/Cronus said half in Latin and half in Greek) but Ares was welcome to take the portal to Kim Jong-un and see what he could do with it on the promise that once Kim Jong-un had invaded and conquered America, he would then invade and conquer the Realm of Hades and release him the Tartarus imprisoned Saturn/Cronus (for the Titan had it on good authority that the United States of America was the gateway to Hell on Earth).

“How will I be able to carry this portal?” Ares asked Saturn looking at the large astral laser holographic rotating tunnel.

Saturn/Cronus started singing a Latin and Greek version of that old Jim Croce song “If I could save time in a bottle…’

The large astral laser holographic rotating tunnel portal then shrank to a very small size.

Saturn then reached for a bottle of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum, took the top off, said in a loud voice “Release the Kraken!” and then proceeded to empty the liquid contents of the bottle down his throat.

Saturn then instructed Ares to put the shrunken rotating portal vortex into the empty bottle and take it back to Kim Jong-un with the following instructions…

Ares told Kim Jong-un that he’d only be able to send a small group of men back in time to the Klondike in the year 1897- a group of 5000 men.

And then once they had secured the area of the spatial/temporal location of the portal, it would be possible to send more men- like Kim’s envisioned 100,000 man army.

The 100,000 man army could then march from the Klondike to Alaska and take it over.

Then board ships heading further south and take over the U.S. mainland.

Thus North Korea would be able to successfully conquer America in the late 1890s and not have to resort to nuclear weapons.

Ares then poured the rotating vortex out of the empty bottle of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum.

The astral laser holographic rotating tunnel portal then expanded to its original size.

Kim Jong-un then called for the leader of the 5000 men who would initially be sent back in time- a man by the name of Sum Yung Fuul.

Sum Yung Fuul was a big fan of the Jack London novels The Call of the Wild and White Fang and would use his knowledge of both books to find his way around the Klondike in that time period once there.

Sum Yung Fuul and his 4,999 men then walked into the rotating vortex singing the North Korean National Anthem which Lord Byron Jennings played on his theremin.

Sum Yung Fuul and his men then arrived in the Klondike on Thursday December 23rd 1897.

December 23rd of course was the last day of the ancient Roman Festival of the Saturnalia (which began on December 17th and ended on December 23rd) and it was for that reason that Saturn had chosen this date for which the rotating portal would land at the height of the Saturnalia festival.

Sum Yung Fuul and his men then walked out from the forest in which they landed and entered Dawson City.

While walking through Dawson City they encountered a blue box in the middle of the main street that said in large letters at the top just below a shining lantern POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX.

“Did they have public pay phone booths in the Klondike in 1897?” A young lieutenant asked Col. Sum Yung Fuul.

“I don’t think so,” Sum Yung Fuul replied.

He hadn’t recalled Jack London mentioning it in his books.

Another young lieutenant was about to say that it looked a lot like the TARDIS from the Doctor Who television series on BBC One but didn’t when he remembered that it was only Kim Jong-un who was allowed to watch decadent Western world TV shows and movies in the Hermit Kingdom.

If he were to open his mouth, he’d be shot by firing squad.

So he didn’t open his mouth.

The men then proceeded into the forest on the other side of Dawson City.

The lieutenant looked at his compass.

“We’ve almost got this spatial/temporal location for the portal secured, sir,” the lieutenant said to Sum Yung Fuul.

Just then a woman appeared in front of them out of nowhere.
Steampunk Klondike Serena of The Snows

The redheaded red dress woman (who was in fact the blonde Steampunk time traveler Serena who had dyed her hair red for this occasion since she’d be dealing with fighters in a Communist army) fired from both of the weapons she carried in her hands.

Like the TARDIS phone booth on Dawson City’s main street which was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, each weapon that Serena held in her hand contained 100,000 rounds of ammunition each.

She blew all 5000 men away to Hermit Kingdom come.

She then blew into each weapon and put each one back into her side holsters on either side of her sexy red skirt.

The North Korean invasion of America in the late 1890s had been nipped in the bud before it even began.

Meanwhile Donald Trump tweeted,

@realDonaldTrump Just had a vision of a woman named Serena. Lovely lady. I wonder who she is?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 17th
2017.

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London Swings Like A Pendulum Do: The Tower of Big Ben

August 17, 2017 at 8:13 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

London Swings Like A Pendulum Do: The Tower of Big Ben

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had received an urgent text message from the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Apparently Qonzilqointec had always wanted to make out underneath the bell of Big Ben in the famous London clock tower that people also called by that name.

Now the Aztec vampiress had just found out that the Big Ben clock tower would be undergoing renovations for the next 4 years and the bell would fall silent following the chimes at noon next Monday August 21st.

She asked Dracul to meet her underneath the bell at the clock tower between 7 and 8 tonight so they could make out.

“I’ve got to go,” Dracul explained the whole situation to Amadeus Emanon whom he was having tea ☕️ with.

Dracul exited the tea shop.

Amadeus’ iPhone went off.

“Hello?” Amadeus answered.

“Hello, Amadeus?” It was Renfield R. Renfield, “I’ve lost Dracul’s mobile phone number. Is he still there with you?”.

“No, he’s gone to the Tower of Big Ben to make out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec underneath the bell since they’re going to silence the bell for the next 4 years starting next Monday,” Amadeus unwrapped and ate a chocolate covered peanut shaped replica of the Dr. Who TARDIS Police Call Box Public Phone Booth.

“Wow, some guys have all the fun,” Renfield remarked as the Simon and Garfunkel song The Sounds of Silence played on the radio behind him.

. . .

Cardinal Walter Kasper was walking through the halls of the Vatican when a statue of Our Lady of Fatima crashed down right beside him.

“Oh well,” Cardinal Kasper looked at his watch ⌚️ 7:06 PM, “No great loss.”

. . .

The great South African artist SAREJESS was having another dream.

He dreamed that the Tower of Big Ben in London was sending out a great searchlight signal that read 1001 Positions of the Kama Sutra.

He saw Dr. Who’s TARDIS Police Call Box Public Phone Booth flying through the air.

He saw the Greek god Ares dressed in a full suit of armour prepared for war and sailing on the Ship of Hades (a ship he had recently painted a few weeks ago) at sea.

He saw North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un wearing a top hat 🎩, tux, tails and cane and tap dancing while holding hands with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby singing Thanks For The Memory while the clock struck midnight at Rick’s Cafe Americain in Casablanca.

He saw Donald Trump shampooing his hair and a barrel of monkeys falls out of it.

He saw the three-headed dog Cerberus biting a scythe holding Father Time on the buttocks.

He saw Ares trying to shove a large tornado shaped vortex into a small bottle.

He saw a red dress wearing red headed woman standing in the middle of snow ❄️ in the middle of a forest and firing two unusual looking armed weapons.

The woman (although a redhead) looked like Serena the blonde he had seen in the room with Belvedere on the 2nd floor of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in that dream he had a few weeks ago where an Egyptian Pharaoh looking Orson Welles had come out of a Cuckoo Clock on the room’s wall.

. . .

British Prime Minister Theresa May was just walking below the clock tower of Big Ben at Westminster when a pair of very sexy red lingerie Victoria’s Secret panties fell down on top of her head.

“Nice looking panties, Mrs. May,” British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked as he walked by.

“They’re not mine,” Mrs. May’s blushing 😊 red face could not be seen under the red panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 17th
2017.

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Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery Part 2

August 9, 2017 at 5:48 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Mystery, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , )

Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery Part 2

It turned out that Serena was a screenplay writer.

“A screenplay?” Welles reached for her script, “And what sort of screenplay have you written?”.

“It’s for a Western,” Serena replied.

“Really?” Welles raised an eyebrow, “I was just contemplating whether I should make a Western. You must have read 📖 my mind.”

“It’s a great mind to read, Mr. Welles,” Serena smiled at him.

“Thank you, my dear,” Welles started to read through her script.

When he had finished reading, Welles peered at Serena, his eyes looking at her just above the script.

“So, let me get this straight,” Welles looked at Serena, “this Wild West saloon bartender named Belvedere is still a virgin at 45 years of age. He is propositioned by one of the recently hired working girls at the saloon/bordello (which Belvedere naively doesn’t know is a bordello as well as a saloon) to come up to her room above the saloon and sleep with her. When he wakes up the next morning after a night of passionate lovemaking, not only is his virginity now gone but he’s received a bill for $20 as the price of payment for her sleeping with him.”

“That is correct,” Serena sat on Welles’ desk and crossed her lovely nylon clad legs as she smoothed her skirt.

“Ah, those glory days of the Wild Wild West,” Welles smiled, “it’s considerably more than $20 for such services these days.”

Serena looked at him.

“Or so I’ve been told,” Welles cleared his throat.

Serena just smiled.

“And then,” Welles returned to the script, “when Belvedere refuses to pay her, she uses an ancient Egyptian spell to turn him into a white salamander. In fact a colour of white that was ghostly white in colour so he becomes a ghost white salamander.”

“That is correct,” Serena nodded.

“And then in a panic once he discovers that he’s become a ghost white salamander, Belvedere runs down the outside stairwell of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon and jumps into the Main Street of the town where he is promptly run over by a covered wagon heading west. He dies instantly and becomes the ghost of a ghost white salamander.”

“You’ve got it,” Serena threw back her hair and smiled at him.

“You know,” Welles sat there and reflected, “years ago when I was in my radio studio in New York City 🌃 and doing my final script reading of the Mercury Theatre On The Air’s War of The Worlds broadcast before it was actually broadcast over the airwaves, a ghost white salamander named Belvedere appeared to me and told me a similar story of what had happened to him. Later I just thought I had fallen asleep at the microphone 🎤 while rehearsing and dreamed the whole thing.”

“Maybe you didn’t dream the whole thing,” Serena uncrossed and crossed her legs again.

“I must say,” Welles laughed, “that I love the idea of the proprietress of this Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon where Belvedere works being Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister Sherrielock Holmes who’s a professional dominatrix by profession.”

“It makes for interesting reading doesn’t it?” Serena laughed.

“And for even more interesting camera 🎥 angles and close-up shots,” Welles mused aloud with a huge smile on his face, “I particularly love the directions in the script where the saloon/bordello’s new working girl Serena… say that just hit me now… same name as yours… has a classic old style railway watch that hangs on a chain down the middle of her bosom.”

“Yes, Belvedere really liked that,” Serena smiled, “he was always asking what time it was.”

Welles looked at her and laughed, “You almost talk like you were there.”

Serena just smiled and said nothing.

“Funny that dream… or what I thought was a dream the day I was rehearsing for that evening’s War of The Worlds broadcast back on October 30th 1938, Belvedere the ghost white salamander told me that he thought it was a gypsy he didn’t pay for sleeping with him who turned him into a ghost white salamander,” Welles recalled.

“It wasn’t a gypsy,” Serena pulled a classic vintage antique railway watch on a chain up from her blouse, “it was a time traveler.”

“A time traveler?” Welles smiled at her, “so we have a movie that’s both a Western and Science-Fiction at the same time?”.

“That is correct,” Serena put the antique railway watch back down her blouse undoing some buttons at the top.

Welles had noticed this action.

“I say,” Welles said to her, “you wouldn’t happen to know what time it is would you?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 5th
2017.

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Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery

August 4, 2017 at 5:41 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , )

Orson Welles and The Woman of Mystery

It was August of 1945. Japan had surrendered. Hitler was dead. Roosevelt was dead. Churchill had been defeated in the recent British general election.

And Clement Attlee, Harry Truman and Joseph Stalin had met in Potsdam to decide the fate of the world.

And Orson Welles was busy contemplating the next movie he should make.

He was thinking of making a movie about the aftermath of the war.

But given what the world just went through, maybe audiences were looking for a film that wouldn’t be about war.

What then?

A western perhaps?

It was watching John Ford’s 1939 Western film Stagecoach over and over again that Welles had taught himself the techniques of film making when he had signed the unprecedented contract with RKO Radio Pictures to make 3 films for them.

But what sort of Western?, Welles wondered to himself.

His secretary walked into his studio office, “A young woman here to see you, Mr. Welles.”

“Really?” Welles looked out his office door and noticed a very beautiful young blonde woman standing in the reception room.

Welles stood there positively enchanted.

“Send her in,” said Welles.

His secretary motioned the woman to enter.

The young beautiful blonde woman did so.

Welles’ secretary exited and closed the door behind her.

“I’m Orson Welles,” Welles extended his hand.

“Serena,” the young woman shook his hand.

“Serena…?” Welles waited for a last name.

The woman looked at him and smiled, “The past is history and the future is mystery. So for now, I’m just Serena.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 4th
2017.

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Renfield MP On The Crisis In Venezuela

August 3, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“Holy orgasm, Batman,” said Boy Wonder Robin as he read the book on Tantric Sex.

Renfield turned off the television when he heard the knocking at the front door.

Funny, he hadn’t recalled ever seeing that particular episode of the 1960s Batman TV series with Adam West before.

Renfield opened the front door of the Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion only to see a horde of reporters standing out there.

“Mr. Renfield, Mr. Renfield, what do you think of the current situation in Venezuela?” A reporter asked the newly elected Vice-Chairman of the UK Parliamentary All-Party Committee On Foreign Affairs.

“Well, as you know,” Renfield lit himself a Cuban cigar as he spoke, “last April, I was in Venezuela plotting the overthrow of the Communist despot Nicolas Maduro’s government. Then of course Theresa May called a snap election and I had to come home to run as a Parliamentary candidate for the British Transhumanist Party that I founded. Mrs. May should have really had the consideration to wait until I had actually overthrown the Maduro regime before calling the election. But the best laid plans of shape-shifting hamsters and men are often led astray by the follies of airheads.”

“What about the recent vote for a new Constituent Assembly?” A reporter asked.

“A total sham,” Renfield answered, “the only people taken in by it are all these loser SJWs (Social Justice Warriors) who aren’t getting any sex and this lack of sex has led to stupidity on the brain which has caused them to embrace far left-wing causes which any sane rational person wouldn’t embrace.”

“Would you go back to Venezuela and overthrow the Maduro government then, Mr. Renfield?” another reporter asked.

“Well, I’d have to check with the Westminster House of Commons Ethics Commissioner first and see if it’s permissible for a sitting MP to overthrow a foreign government,” Renfield replied.

“That didn’t stop Tony Blair when it came to Saddam Hussein,” Amadeus quipped on the steps behind Renfield.

“Shut up, Amadeus,” Renfield angrily turned around and glared at the concert pianist furious that his friend had brought up an historical fact he had never considered when answering that question.

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (wearing a heavy Beijing Laboratories developed sunblock that prevented her from frying to a crisp in daylight), who was standing behind the reporters, smiled at the exchange.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 3rd
2017.

Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu Touring The British Museum
Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu touring the British Museum on her day in London

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Cuckoo Cuckoo Clock

July 27, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Art, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , , , )

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Cuckoo Cuckoo Clock

The great South African artist SAREJESS was once again dreaming a dream.

He was dreaming he was in a Wild West bordello room above a Wild West saloon.

The date on the room’s calendar was marked August 15th 1885.

Outside the room through the window (for the drapes were not closed) was a neon sign that said The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon.

SAREJESS scratched his head and thought to himself, had neon lights even been invented yet back in the 1880s?

A lobster suddenly appeared on the floor of the room and started speaking to SAREJESS, “This sign was made from the earlier Geissler tubes and was arranged in a sign for this saloon by the saloon’s genius proprietress owner Miss Sherrielock Holmes who is the love of my life. Albeit an unrequited love since she is human (although an immortal human) and I but a mere lobster (albeit a lobster with psychic abilities).”

“A lobster with the power of speech?” SAREJESS was amazed.

“But only in my dreams or, in this case, in your dreams,” answered the lobster whose name was Michelangelo, “for in the real world outside dreams, my geneticist creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher did not give me the power to speak. Which is a shame. Otherwise every night, I’d crawl out of my salt water tank and use Dr. Rocher’s mobile phone to phone and text message Sherrielock Holmes and recite Shakespearean and Byronic love poems to her.”

“I’m sure she’d be impressed,” said SAREJESS.

“Indeed, she would,” Michelangelo nodded, “for she is a woman of impeccable good taste.”

The lobster then vanished with the next cry of the cuckoo clock.

Meanwhile in the bed in the room, the man in the bed (whose name was Belvedere) rolled over on top of the lovely blonde woman with nice knockers in the bed (her name was Serena).

“Oh my gosh,” Serena gasped, “here you come again.”

“Wasn’t that the name of a Dolly Parton song?” SAREJESS asked himself.

The cuckoo clock’s cuckoo then came out of the clock again.

This time the cuckoo bird had the face of Orson Welles as he appeared in the 1949 film The Third Man.

“You know,” a much older looking Orson Welles (the same age Welles was when he gave his last interview with Merv Griffin on October 10th 1985) dressed as an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh appeared to SAREJESS, “I always regretted during my long theatrical career that I never played the role of an ancient Egyptian.”

Then SAREJESS woke up.

The Paint Zombie (as his wife now called him due to his recent spate of nocturnal painting sprees) then rushed to his studio where he painted a picture of two cuckoo clocks. One had a cuckoo bird with the face of Orson Welles as the Third Man coming out of it and the other clock had a cuckoo bird with the face of Orson Welles as an Egyptian Pharaoh coming out of it.

As his wife remarked later, “You’ve definitely gone cuckoo, Tim.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 27th
2017.

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