Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

August 12, 2017 at 3:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Literature, News, Poetry, Satire) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-Un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

(with apologies to Will Shakespeare and Henry V over the Saint Crispin’s Day speech)

Donald Trump, preparing for war with North Korea, is set to address the troops.

He is informed by the ghost of the late U.S. Army General William Westmoreland that all transgendered enlisted have now left the U.S. Army.

Donald Trump gazing at what’s left says, “We happy few…”

Trump (beginning speech):

What’s he that twitters so?
My heroes don’t die Westmoreland? No, my late General
If we are marked to fry, we are enow
To do our country loss, and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour (if we ignore the lying news media)
My will, I pray me, wish not one man more
By Trump, I am not covetous for gold (for I have plenty already),
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost (whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean
I’ll have to fire my latest speechwriter or Chief of Staff or press secretary),
It yearns me not if men my garments wear (for I am not transgendered- real men
can wear my garments),
Such outward things dwell not in my desires
(save to grab a fair woman’s ass as I said long years ago),
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive
(wow, this Bill Shakespeare was really prophetic
concerning my Presidency).
No faith my coz (save to attract Bible belt voters), wish not a man from England
(since my campaign slogan was America First!).
Trump’s pence! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more (my VP) methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have (finishing my term without impeachment)
O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through thy ghost,
That he which hath no stomach for this fight,
Let him depart (or be deported); his passport shall be made (and then revoked!),
And crowns for convoy put into his purse (when he is thrown beyon’ yonder wall);

(At this point the amateur actor Snout from the Midsummer Night’s Theatre Company appears in front of Trump dressed as a brick wall. He has graffiti on his brick wall garment that says Gringoland or Bust!)

Snout (as Wall);

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
And such a wall, as I would have you think,…

Trump (pointing): Someone get this idiot out of here! Security! Security! Throw the bum out!

(Snout is grabbed by security and hauled away)

Trump (continues his speech quite literally ghostwritten by William Shakespeare):

We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called Fry Kim Jong-un Day
(how Saint Hannibal of Lecter celebrated pre-Vatican II teaching on Friday’s culinary diets)
He that shall live this day (shall feel he’s been microwaved) and comes peeling away home
Shall watch his toes fall off when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Kim Jong-un.
He that shall live this day (singing Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive) and welcome the New Age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast on his neighbours (or at least their remains),
And say ‘Tomorrow is Fry Kim Jong-un.’
Then will he strip his sleeve (with his new metallic cyborg hands) and show his scars,
And say, ‘These wounds I had on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.’
Old men forget (sometimes that they’re wearing a toupee); yet all shall be forgot
But he’ll remember, with cancerous sores,
What feets he lost that day. Then shall our names
Familiar in his mouth as decaying teeth-
Donald The Trump, Mattis and Tillerson,
McMaster and Kelly, Ivanka and Jared,
Be in their flowing cups (and streams of blood red) freshly rememb’ red.
This story shall the good man teach his son (Barron, where are you?);
And Fry Kim Jong-un shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world (Trump looks at his watch) “Possibly another hour”,
But we in it shall be remembered (if the lying news media says I’m senile, it’s fake news) –
We few, we happy (but not gay) few, we band of brothers,
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother, be he ne’er so vile (as to be transgendered),
This day shall toughen his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves lucky they were not here,
And hold their (TV) remotes cheap while none will speak
As they watch on the screen the mushroom cloud that fell on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.

-A Shakespearean satirical speech
written by Christopher
Saturday August 12th
2017.

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Michelangelo and The Next Big News Story of 2017

July 30, 2017 at 5:58 pm (Commentary, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Michelangelo and The Next Big News Story of 2017

Renfield R. Renfield asked Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to once again use his psychic lobster antennae to see if he could pick up a news story from the future.

Renfield wondered what would be the next big news story of 2017?

Michelangelo raised his lobster antennae and tried to see what frequency he could pick up.

The frequency came through on the screen of the computer 💻 hooked up to Michelangelo’s antennae.

A news announcer’s voice came through on the screen, “Caitlyn Jenner made history today by publicly breastfeeding Kanye West in a Beverly Hills restaurant…”

Michelangelo then picked up a Twitter tweet from Donald Trump on the issue.

@RealDonaldTrump @Caitlyn_Jenner -Caitlyn, so disappointed in you. You’re putting dairy 🥛 farmers in Wisconsin out of business. Have you no shame? Have you no shame?

Renfield looked at the computer screen and sighed, “I’m sorry I asked that question.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 30th
2017.

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Kendall Jenner Pepsi Ad Updated

April 8, 2017 at 3:37 pm (Commentary, Culture, Entertainment, News, Satire, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was asking Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster what type of Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad would have met the approval of America’s numerous idiots (of whom among the biggest are America’s current crop of late night talk show hosts).

Michelangelo transmitted the new commercial via computer imaging.

The ad showed Kendall Jenner walking up to a policeman and blowing his head off with a gun and then drinking a can of Pepsi in celebration.

The hashtag #PepsiGenius exploded across Twitter among any social media user with an IQ lower than a child’s shoe size.

And the reactions of America’s talk show hosts were immediate:

South African idiot Trevor Noah: Pure genius. That’s Pepsi.

Home-grown American idiot Stephen Colbert: Pepsi. Pure genius.

Another home-grown American idiot Jimmy Kimmel (secretly wishing that the part of the white cop in the commercial had been played by Matt Damon): Pepsi genius. Pure.

Amadeus Emanon looked at the commercial while drinking a Pepsi, “So that’s how Pepsi and Kendall Jenner can get back on top, huh?.”

“Yes,” said Renfield nodding and then he looked at the huge pile of American college rejection emails he had received in his computer inbox, “I applied to every prestigious ivy league university in America last week. I didn’t submit any grades or achievements. All I wrote was “Black lives matter”. And I still got rejected.”

“It might have helped if you had used a more Islamic sounding name on your application,” said Amadeus switching over to Coca-Cola.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Renfield reached for a brandy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 8th
2017.

Kendall Jenner Pepsi Ad
Kendall Jenner: Walk softly. And always carry a gun with your can of Pepsi.

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Justin Trudeau and Gali-Gula Discuss Bimbo Eruptions

April 6, 2017 at 6:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Politics, Satire, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gave a long exhale.

“I wonder what the fun is in smoking this if you don’t inhale,” Justin Trudeau was recalling a peculiar statement that then Presidential candidate Bill Clinton had made back in the 1992 U.S. Presidential election.

“Hello, Prime Minister,” an unclothed and completely nude ET gray greeted him.

“Good God, Gali-Gula,” Justin choked on his joint, “why is it that I only see you when I’m smoking marijuana?”.

“I have no idea, Prime Minister,” Gali-Gula shrugged, “how have you been doing?”.

“Well, these days some people claim that I’m prone to making bimbo eruptions,” Justin remarked angrily.

“What’s a bimbo eruption?” asked Gali-Gula.

“It’s making an outrageously stupid statement and one that comes out of nowhere,” Justin said.

“I don’t think I’m familiar with bimbo eruptions,” Gali-Gula went to the refrigerator and helped himself to a can of Molson Canadian beer which he had first tried on his dominatrix whipped rear end a year ago.

Justin noticed for the first time that the nude ET gray had no genitalia.

“Say,” Justin asked, “is it easier to pee without genitalia?”.

“That’s an awfully stupid question,” the ET gray answered as he opened up the can of Molson Canadian and was immediately sprayed with foam.

“Sorry, I apologize,” the volcanically active bimbo eruptive Prime Minister apologized.

“I didn’t know you were prone to bimbo eruptions,” Gali-Gula drank the beer.

“Neither was I. I thought it was only something that blonde females were prone to,” said the self-proclaimed feminist Mr. Trudeau.

There was a knock at the door which immediately opened.

Gali-Gula dropped the beer and vanished.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you while you were having a one-man party, Prime Minister,” the aide noticed the spilled can of beer on the floor and the joint of pot in Trudeau’s hand, “but President Trump is on Line 1.”

Justin walked over to the phone and picked it up, “Hello, Mr. President?”.

Trump replied, “Hello Justin. Great talking to you. In lieu of what just happened in Syria, I wanted to ask you, what do you know about the after effects of using chemicals?”.

Justin Trudeau looked out the window with pot in hand and noticed a UFO spaceship flying away.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 5th
2017.

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Belvedere Interviews Donald Trump

February 12, 2017 at 4:20 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Satire, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

President Trump (to Belvedere): You’re the reporter from The Times of London?

Belvedere: That’s right.

Trump: But you’re the ghost of a ghost white salamander?

Belvedere: That’s also right.

Trump: Okay. I suppose that’s all right. Mitt Romney told me that the ghost of a ghost white salamander told him that I was descended from Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.

(A news bulletin on the television in the next room said that actor Tom Hanks had just been rushed to hospital)

Belvedere: It wasn’t me.

Trump: It wasn’t? That’s too bad. If Mitt Romney had found the supporting documentation from the Mormon Church Archives, I’d have made him Secretary of State. But he didn’t. So instead I made that guy who’s Chairman of Exxon the Secretary of State. I forget his name but he used to offer me great deals on gasoline.

Belvedere: How do you like being President of the United States?

Trump: I love it but the court system in this country is a real pain in the ass to quote that guy in the next sauna next to me in that gym I used to go to in Manhattan.They won’t let me do what I want. What a bummer. Again quoting that guy next to me in the next sauna.

Belvedere: How do you feel about having your plans upset like that?

Trump: Well I often thought about making myself Emperor and then I wouldn’t have to deal with irritants like judges. Or even worry about getting re-elected for that matter.

Belvedere: Emperor?

Trump: Emperor of America. I mean Rome was a republic for over 200 years after they got rid of their kings. And then they became an Empire with an Emperor. Why can’t we do the same? It’s been over 240 years since George Washington and our forefathers booted King George III and his Hanoverian ass out of this country. We’ve been a republic for 240 years. We should try something new. Julius Caesar wanted to be Emperor of Rome but he got himself assassinated. Great leaders don’t get themselves assassinated in my opinion. That’s why I’m not planning on visiting the Capitol steps of the U.S. Senate on the Ides of March. Caesar Augustus made himself Emperor and didn’t get assassinated. I plan on being more like Caesar Augustus.

Belvedere: Some people think that Augustus was fed poisonous figs, grapes or mushrooms and that’s how he died.

Trump: I’m not planning to eat any figs, grapes or mushrooms in the near future. Although damn it, I am going to miss eating those bacon, cheddar and mushroom melt burgers at Wendy’s restaurants.

Belvedere: So will the American people approve of you making yourself Emperor?

Trump: Of course they will. The American people love me.

Belvedere: What about those people that don’t love you?

Trump: Those people who don’t love me aren’t true Americans.

Belvedere: What should be done with those people who don’t love you?

Trump: They should be fed to the lions.

Belvedere: Is ancient Rome again your inspiration for this?

Trump: Absolutely. Remember those great reality shows they put on in the Colosseum in Rome? They weren’t televised because sadly they didn’t have television in those days. But we do have television. And I’m planning to build colosseums and forums with American material and American labour. We’re going to bring back gladiatorial combat to the death. We’re going to bring back feeding people to the lions We’re going to make America Rome again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 10th
2017.

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New TV Car Commercial For 2017

February 11, 2017 at 12:22 pm (Commentary, News, Satire, TV Commercials) (, , , , )

(Image of a red car being driven along a moonlit highway)

Announcer: You’re not one to spend day and night constantly working at the office…

(Camera pans in on the smiling face of the driver of the red car)

Announcer: You’re one of these people who are truly the master of their own destiny…

(Driver smiles as he switches gears)

Announcer: You’re not one to be tied down to convention or strictly following the rules…

(Driver of the red car passes a slower moving car in front of him)

Announcer: In fact, you’re one of these people who always wonders why in reality there are always loads of other motor vehicles on the road as opposed to what you see on TV commercials where yours is the only vehicle on the road and possibly one or two others….

(Driver of the red car can be seen scratching his head)

Announcer: Well now you’re about to find out why…

(The red car is suddenly hit by an asteroid crashing into the highway)

Announcer: The new 2017 Nibiru Asteroid… giving you the driving experience of a lifetime…

(End of commercial as the red car can be seen burning up in a deep hole in the road as the car radio plays the R.E.M. song “It’s the end of the world as we know it…”)

-A TV Commercial
written by Christopher
Friday February 10th
2017

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Hillary and Bill and The Zombie Apocalypse

November 2, 2016 at 4:37 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Hillary and Bill and The Zombie Apocalypse

Renfield R. Renfield was once again taking advantage of genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo’s remote viewing abilities to find out what was going on behind the scenes of the Clinton campaign .

Renfield was getting a kick out of what was happening with Hillary:

“What applies to mere mortals doesn’t apply to Hillary Clinton,” Hillary shrieked in the third person as she threw a vase at an FBI agent.

Meanwhile Bill Clinton was meeting with famed South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo who was noted for being able to raise the dead as zombies.

“As you know, Dr. Makabo,” Bill blushed, “Fox News has discovered to our embarrassment that a lot of registered voters on voters’ lists are in fact dead. These same dead people were going to vote for Hillary at the polls but now some people are making a big stink about this. So Dr. Makabo, if you’re able to raise these people from their respective graves and cemeteries as zombies, then they could trudge into the polls and vote.”

“I could do that,” Dr. Makabo admitted, “but they would trudge into the polls with their arms in front of them, with an empty vacant look in their eyes, grunt and groan a lot and say in a mindless voice, We need brains.”

“Well then they’d fit right in with most voters,” Bill grinned.

And so it was arranged and agreed upon.

Doctor Makabo would raise dead people from the dead as zombies to vote for Hillary.

The listening Renfield found it quite appropriate that a country so taken with the idea of a zombie apocalypse as the U.S. had been for the past 5 to 6 years- that the Zombie Apocalypse would finally arrive on U.S. Election Day.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 2nd
2016.

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A Renfieldian TV Commercial

October 24, 2016 at 4:32 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Satire, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Renfieldian TV Commercial

A London advertising agency was once again holding its Best Written TV Commercial contest and once again Renfield R. Renfield would be submitting one of his entries.

He had called Amadeus downstairs to read him his Commercial masterpiece.

Once again Amadeus approached to listen with both tea and trepidation.

Renfield read the commercial he had written:

Bald Guy (in white suit addressing camera): You know what really ticks me off?

Another Bald Guy (in black suit addressing camera): You know what really ticks me off?

Bald Woman (in black dress addressing camera): You know what really ticks me off?

Bald-Headed Dog (addressing camera): Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! (translation in subtitles): You know what really ticks me off?

Bald Guy (in white suit): There are no shampoos for bald people.

Another Bald Guy (in black suit): There are no shampoos for bald people.

Bald Woman (in black dress): There are no shampoos for bald people.

Bald-Headed Dog: Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! (translation in subtitles): There are no shampoos for bald people.

Marble Headed Bust of A Bald Karl Marx (speaking): Bald headed people of the world unite! The classless hairless society has arrived.

Announcer: Yes, my follicle challenged friends, equal opportunity has arrived. There is now a shampoo for bald people- Abernathy’s Shampoo For Bald People. Now enjoy the same lathering rinse on your head that your fully follicled friends currently enjoy.

1st Bald Headed Guy (now lathering with Abernathy’s): It controls my dandruff for days.

2nd Bald Headed Guy (lathering with Abernathy’s): Now my girlfriend doesn’t mind running her fingers through my head.

Bald Headed Woman (after lathering with Abernathy’s): It makes my head shiny and manageable. Notice the bounce when I shake my head.

Bald-Headed Dog (getting lathered with Abernathy’s by his owner): Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! (translation in subtitles): That golden glow my head now shows is really noticed and appreciated by the bitches in heat down at the park.

Announcer: Yes, you baldies out there, there is now a shampoo for you- Abernathy’s Shampoo For Bald People.

Bald-Headed Guy With Glasses (standing on a house sidewalk with his back towards the street): Hello, I’m Dr. Benjamin Abernathy the inventor of Abernathy’s Shampoo For Bald People. I’m here to tell you about my exciting new product. (A white coloured van with the large lettering CRESCENT PLACE HOME FOR THE HOPELESSLY INSANE pulls up behind him) I hope you’re as excited about my new product as I am. (Two guys in white jackets and white pants get out of the van). I was tired of seeing all my friends with hair shampooing their heads in the shower which is why I’ll be appearing in court next week on charges of voyeurism but that’s another story. Instead if you order Abernathy’s Shampoo For Bald People now, I’ll send you a free Abernathy Comb For Bald People (the two men in white jackets grab Dr. Abernathy) as well as a free Abernathy Brush For Bald People. (One of the men in white jackets opens the back of the white van) Phone our operators now and I’ll send in a Free Blow Dry and Curling Kit For Bald People. (The men in white jackets throw Dr. Abernathy into the padded cell at the back of the van and close the back door marked CRESCENT PLACE HOME FOR THE HOPELESSLY INSANE).

Announcer: Yes, friends, get your Abernathy’s Shampoo For Bald People now. Before they come to get you.

. . .

Renfield looked at Amadeus, “So Amadeus, what do you think?”.

Amadeus sat there, holding his cup of tea half-way to his lips, frozen in space and time, an expression of total shock on his face.

“Well?” Renfield prodded again.

“What,” Amadeus asked quietly, “is the phone number for that CRESCENT PLACE HOME FOR THE HOPELESSLY INSANE?”.

“Why do you ask?” Renfield gazed suspiciously at Amadeus.

-A vampire novel chapter
and Renfieldian TV
Commercial
written by Christopher
Sunday October 23rd
2016.

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Justin Trudeau Meets Gali-Gula

August 18, 2016 at 12:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Politics, Satire, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had promised to legalize marijuana if he was elected. And last year he was elected. So Justin figured he better legalize marijuana.

He decided there was nothing like taking a personal approach to an issue. So today on the 39th Anniversary of Elvis’ death, he decided to try smoking marijuana until smoke was coming out of his ears.

As his aide opened the door, the smoke was indeed coming out of the Prime Minister’s ears.

“Prime Minister, what are you doing?” his aide asked.

“I’m doing a one-man personal investigation into studying the effects of marijuana,” Justin replied.

“But Prime Minister, you have a major speech to deliver within an hour,” his aide pointed out.

“I already wrote it,” Justin handed him his speech.

20 minutes later, his aide contacted the organization Justin was to address and told them that the Prime Minister had come down with a rare summer cold and wouldn’t be available to speak tonight.

. . .

As Justin Trudeau slept off the aftereffects of his one-man personal investigation of the after-effects of smoking marijuana, he woke up and saw a pair of glowing red ET gray buns in his face.

“Holy smoking hot buns, Batman,” Justin spoke a line that would have fit right in with the lingo of the popular Batman television series of the 1960s.

“That I have,” Gali-Gula the ET gray (whose body was inhabited by the ghost of the late Roman Emperor Caligula) agreed as he turned around.

“Good God,” Justin Trudeau said as he looked at the creature, “you’re gray in colour, you look like ET in appearance, you’re nude and you’re not wearing any panties.”

“That’s true,” Gali-Gula admitted, “although Caitlyn Jenner has promised to take me shopping the next time I visit Beverly Hills.”

“What do you want with me?” Justin asked while blinking at the ET gray in the same manner that Chief Commissioner Dreyfus blinked at Inspector Clouseau in the old Blake Edwards Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers and Herbert Lom.

“I wish to take a contemporary world leader back to Planet Nibiru for dissection,” Gali-Gula explained.

“But I’m too young to die,” Justin protested, “to say nothing of the fact that I haven’t achieved my goal of having one million selfies of myself taken while topless and posing with bedazzled Canadians and having them posted on Facebook.”

“That is indeed probably a worthy goal,” Gali-Gula was impressed by the young politician’s erstwhile political goals, “I’ll fly over to Moscow and see if the sometimes topless Russian leader will be more accommodating to the idea of a one-way trip to Nibiru.”

“Please do,” Justin felt relieved.

“By the way, do you have any ice I can put on my rear end to cool off my glowing red hot buns that were recently tomatoed by world famous Earthling dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes?” Gali-Gula asked.

“Well, I don’t know about ice but I do have a few ice cold bottles of Molson’s Canadian Beer that I can stick on your rear end,” Justin rose from his couch and approached the refrigerator.

And so Gali-Gula sat with his buttocks on a couple of bottles of Molson’s Canadian Beer while holding in his hands and sipping a large cup of Tim Horton’s Double Double Coffee..

Gali-Gula and the Canadian Prime Minister then discussed world history.

When Gali-Gula mentioned that as Roman Emperor Caligula, he had once appointed a horse to the Roman Senate, Justin looked out the window and noticed that former Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s horse was once again eating the roses in his garden. Harper’s horse never ate the roses in Harper’s garden but only in Trudeau’s garden.

“You just gave me an idea,” Justin grinned, “I always wondered where I could stick Harper’s horse.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 16th 2016.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of A Donald Trump Presidency

June 1, 2016 at 6:13 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of A Donald Trump Presidency
German Chancellor Angela Merkel was anxious to discover who would win the U.S. Presidential election.
So she had paid Set Enterprises’ €1 million to find out.
But Set Enterprises’ genetically created Psychic Lobster refused to reveal that information.
The German Chancellor was anxious to know what would be the results of a Donald Trump Presidency.
So Set Enterprises’ chief resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher posed the question hypothetically to the psychic lobster, “What would a Donald Trump Presidency be like?”.
Michelangelo replied with a series of visions that he sent telepathically from his lobster antennae to the screen of the computer he was hooked up to.
All the visions were of Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office:
1st Vision:
Trump (barking orders to his underlings) : What? How dare the Mexicans reject my final offer to get them to pay for the wall I’m building? This makes me look like I’m breaking my campaign promise to my supporters.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Mexico City. This will show them who’s boss.
2nd vision:
Trump (still barking orders): What? How dare Pope Francis condemn me as unChristian for nuking Mexico City?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the Vatican.
This will show that godless atheistic communist in a cassock who’s truly doing God’s work.
3rd Vision:
Trump (still barking) : I didn’t like that story CNN’s Anderson Cooper did on me last night.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke CNN Headquarters in Atlanta.
This will make what General Sherman did look like a Sunday School barbeque.
4th Vision:
Trump (continuously barking): How dare the New York Times condemn me for nuking Atlanta? It’s not my fault the entire city happens to surround CNN.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the New York Times Building in New York City. But phone my financial so-called Blind Trust first and get them to sell all my investments and disperse all my assets in the Big Apple first.

100th Vision:
Trump (the neverending bark): How dare the Republican governor of New Mexico condemn me for making a radioactive wasteland of most of the country and most of the planet?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the state of New Mexico. But pull any investments I might have in the Santa Fe Railway first.

665th Vision:
Trump (still hot under his dog collar and barking wildly): How dare the State of Hawaii vote to secede from the Union saying that it’s now governed by a lunatic tyrant worse than Nero and Caligula put together?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Honolulu. But sell any real estate and property I might hold in Hawaii first.
666th Vision: How dare the Pentagon refuse my orders to nuke Hawaii saying that there’s not much left of the U.S.A. ? Is it my fault that there’s so many damned traitors to the Commander-In-Chief living in this country? I’m trying to be Presidential about this.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to go nuke themselves. And that’s an order. If they refuse to go nuke themselves, they’re loosing their Armed Forces pensions.

(The resulting atomic mushroom cloud appearing over the Pentagon expands and falls all over Washington D.C. taking the entire city including the White House and Oval Office with its barking and raging occupant Donald Trump with it)
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 1st
2016.

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