Renfield Ends His Podcast With A Song

August 23, 2020 at 10:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, News, Songs, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Sunday night livestream video podcast analyzing geopolitical affairs and current events.

Tonight he decided to end his podcast by singing a song.

He came down to the last item before singing a song,

“Last night my best sources in Istanbul tell me that the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian the Great) beat the crap out of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan for turning a former Orthodox Byzantine Christian monastery into an Islamic mosque.
She couldn’t have beat the entire crap out of him because if she had, there wouldn’t have been much left of him. If she had beat the entire crap out of him, they could have buried him in a cigar box.”

Renfield then broke into a song.

It was a country music song in which Renfield gave a stirring country musical rendition – a combination of the voices of Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers and Marty Robbins rolled into one.

Sang Renfield,

“When the moo cows, when they make milk,
It’s the only milk I do adore,
When the moon shines over the cow shed,
I hope the cows are making plenty more…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 23rd
2020.

Permalink 10 Comments

The Donald T-Rump Song

October 24, 2018 at 9:44 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Music, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, Songs) (, , , , , , , , , )

Oh, let us drink a drink, a drink
to Donald T-Rump, T-Rump
the saviour of the human race
or so he thought in his head
for which a poor red spider monkey bled

Now Donald T-Rump thought he was Julius Caesar
because he was just that type of senile geezer
but he forgot his Roman history
it’s certainly no mystery
Julius was assassinated
dying very constipated
and Augustus took over
like a four leaf clover
while Jared Kushner returns home from Dover
to take the reigns of power
for it is the False Messianic hour.

-A song written
by Christopher
Friday October 19th
2018
to the tune of
The Irish Rovers song
Lily The Pink

Permalink 32 Comments

Tobey Kai Sings Who Are You?

August 12, 2018 at 10:17 pm (Commentary, Culture, Music, music videos, News, Personal essays, Songs) (, , , )

Tobey Kai Sings Who Are You?

There are certain news stories that one watches on the news that can really touch one.

It happened to me tonight while I was watching the local news.

The announcer talked about a woman who suffered brain injury from a ski accident 7 months ago.

She was skiing down a hill when she was accidentally hit by another skier who was skiing.

The collision caused a brain injury.

Since the accident, she has suffered some short term memory loss.

The story then went on to mention that she was a singer and shortly before the accident she had written and recorded a song about her experiences with her grandfather who was suffering from Alzheimer’s.

The song relates words her grandfather actually spoke to her when she would go visit him.

The song is called Who Are You?

Words that her grandfather said to her every time she visited him.

In the news story tonight, she told the interviewer that the words of the song now seem to apply to her as well since her accident and brain injury with its effects.

She says the song is almost like a gift from her former self to her present self as she now struggles to find out who she is.

Of course we all have days (and even a few sleepless nights) when we all ask Ourselves that very question, Who are you?

Sadly there are people in the world whose struggle with that question is even harder than most of us have ever faced.

-A personal essay
written by Christopher
Sunday August 12th
2018.

Permalink 10 Comments

Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

May 9, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Ghost Story, Movies, Music, music videos, Songs, Video, videos) (, , , )

Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

Here’s a photo montage music video I made and posted on YouTube 10 years ago:

Permalink 16 Comments

Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

March 5, 2018 at 11:40 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Music, News, Politics, Songs, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

Renfield R. Renfield was watching the BBC Culture segment’s Film Critic Sir Laurence Camembert giving a commentary on television.

Said Camembert while eating a plate of cheddar cheese, “It was 75 years ago last night, that the Oscars for 1942 were presented, back in the days when movies were about real people and not comic book characters. Greer Garson’s acceptance speech for winning Best Actress for Mrs. Miniver was said to have lasted about 6 minutes but a little known aspect of the speech was she spent at least 5 minutes of it attacking Donald Trump.”

“Wow,” said Amadeus Emanon while eating a bowl of 6 dozen oysters, “do you suppose Greer Garson was in telepathic clairvoyant communication with our lobster Michelangelo?”.

“I think Sir Camembert was joking,” Renfield said wryly while drinking a rye whiskey 🥃.

“Oh,” said Amadeus and then asked, “what cheese do you think goes best with oysters? Camembert or cheddar?”.

“I suppose it all depends on one’s dairy 🥛 orientation,” Renfield commented as he read a brochure from the All-Inclusive Dairy Producers of Europe.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Amadeus announced.

“Well, please don’t let me stop you,” said Renfield who had already got caught in a very peculiar shower on the way home from Parliament this afternoon.

As Amadeus marched off to the bathroom whistling the song “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…”, Renfield watched a story on BBC News about how former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was flashed by a topless woman protestor at a polling booth while voting in yesterday’s Italian parliamentary elections.

“Shit,” sighed Renfield, “I was never flashed by a beautiful topless woman protestor when I voted in last year’s British parliamentary elections. Some guys have all the luck.”

“I don’t recall having taken any Viagra today,” a shocked and somewhat surprised Amadeus shouted from the bathroom.

“Some guys do nothing but complain,” Renfield added.

Renfield walked out the door into the snow and the rain singing that old Rod Stewart song, “Some guys have all the luck… Some guys get all the breaks” but quickly switched over to the lyrics of the Glen Campbell song Rhinestone Cowboy, “And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain…” when a sudden flood of snow and rain hit Renfield and started carrying him away in the direction of the Thames River.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 5th
2018.

Permalink 10 Comments

For Valentine’s Day: Anything For Love Video

February 14, 2018 at 9:10 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Music, Songs, Video) (, , , , , )

For Valentine’s Day: Anything For Love Video

For this Valentine’s Day I am posting the link to a photo montage music video I made 10 years ago set to the tune of the Gordon Lightfoot song Anything For Love.

Canadian singer Gordon Lightfoot who wrote the lyrics and chords for Anything For Love had an uncle who lived on a farm near Crossfield, Alberta, Canada.

My paternal grandparents also had a farm near Crossfield and one summer back in the early 1940s, Gordon’s uncle asked my dad and my uncle if they wouldn’t mind babysitting little Gordon for the day.

So my dad and my uncle did that.

So I guess one of my sole claims to fame is that one summer day back in the early 1940s my dad and uncle babysat a little boy who grew up to be a major international singer/songwriter and the man who has the unofficial title of Canada’s national poet-laureate.

Here then is the photo montage video I created where the photos I arranged and edited were set in sync to the lyrics of the Gordon Lightfoot song Anything For Love.

Happy Valentines Day. ❤️

-Christopher

Permalink 13 Comments

Haiku About Scottish Singer Susan Boyle’s 2009 Appearance On Britain’s Got Talent

July 18, 2015 at 7:32 pm (Entertainment, Music, Musicals, Poetry, Songs, Television, TV Shows) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Scottish Singer Susan Boyle’s 2009 Appearance On Britain’s Got Talent

She did dream a dream
wowing stern Simon Cowell
dreams sometimes come true

Permalink 3 Comments

Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist

September 25, 2014 at 11:32 pm (Entertainment, Music, Poetry, Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing, Songs, Television, TV Shows) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist

On the exciting action-packed opening episode of the second season of The Blacklist that premiered earlier this week, it turned out that Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington is still alive.

To celebrate this occasion, I have written a song about Mrs. Reddington and her husband Raymond- you can call him Ray or you can call him Red.

Mrs. Reddington

(to the tune of Mrs. Robinson)

And here’s to you, Mrs. Reddington,
Raymond loves you more than you will know,
Whoa-ho-ho-ho
God bless you please, Mrs. Reddington
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
especially those that know Ray
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files
for the one-armed hook guy who better not scratch his piles
Look around until all you see are sympathetic eyes
Don’t ask for human fingers with your fries.

Chorus refrain- the original first stanza of this song.

Hide it in the hiding place where no one ever goes,
the next thing to be lopped off might be your nose,
It’s a little secret just the Reddingtons’ affair
don’t let the house go up in flames of despair,
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the kids
as smoke gets under your mascara eyelids.

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo, Mrs. Reddington
Raymond loves you more than you will know etc.
the next lines of the choral refrain first verse.

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
as hookman’s chainsaw starts up a new tune
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose.

Where have you gone, Red Reddington,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you,
you could kick ISIS’ ass so blue,
What’s that you say, Mrs. Reddington?
Dashing Ray has left and gone away,
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
but he’ll be back another day.

-Christopher Van Helsing
(with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

-Thursday night, September 25th 2014.

Permalink 3 Comments

Haiku About Justin Bieber

January 24, 2014 at 4:05 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Music, News, Songs) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Justin Bieber

Pop stars go retro
Justin Bieber is dancing
to the Jailhouse Rock

Permalink 2 Comments

The Apocalypse Zombies

January 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm (Commentary, Humour, Poetry, Satire, Songs) (, , , , , , , )

The Apocalypse Zombies

(to be sung to the tune of the World War II song The D-Day Dodgers and the World War I song Lili Marlene)

We’re the Apocalypse Zombies of modern history
first made popular in horror flicks as corny as can be
We like to eat people’s brains out
When we roam about
We walked the Halls of Congress but found nothing there
saved shocked Congressmen in their underwear
So we headed across the country in our walkabout
California was as barren as a bear’s stream devoid of trout
we searched for a place we thought would hit the spot
but the state of Colorado had totally gone to pot
We stumbled on the set of a reality TV show
and finding junk food there decided we would go
so we shuffled across this land on our bony feet
with eyes that looked totally deadbeat
We checked Facebook statuses looking for a bite
but all we read were people who ought to fly a kite
And the Twitter tweets were even worse
devoid of verse- a brainless curse
And so we died of hunger
falling like dead junker
because no brains could we find
living man was not kind
It was truly a zombie apocalypse
because no brains would pass our lips
and now we lie buried again under grass
Zombie apocalypse truly come to pass.

-A satirical song written by Christopher
Wednesday January 15th
2014.

Permalink 4 Comments

Next page »