Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

May 9, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Ghost Story, Movies, Music, music videos, Songs, Video, videos) (, , , )

Old Time Movie About A Ghost From A Wishing Well

Here’s a photo montage music video I made and posted on YouTube 10 years ago:

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Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

March 5, 2018 at 11:40 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Music, News, Politics, Songs, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

Renfield R. Renfield was watching the BBC Culture segment’s Film Critic Sir Laurence Camembert giving a commentary on television.

Said Camembert while eating a plate of cheddar cheese, “It was 75 years ago last night, that the Oscars for 1942 were presented, back in the days when movies were about real people and not comic book characters. Greer Garson’s acceptance speech for winning Best Actress for Mrs. Miniver was said to have lasted about 6 minutes but a little known aspect of the speech was she spent at least 5 minutes of it attacking Donald Trump.”

“Wow,” said Amadeus Emanon while eating a bowl of 6 dozen oysters, “do you suppose Greer Garson was in telepathic clairvoyant communication with our lobster Michelangelo?”.

“I think Sir Camembert was joking,” Renfield said wryly while drinking a rye whiskey 🥃.

“Oh,” said Amadeus and then asked, “what cheese do you think goes best with oysters? Camembert or cheddar?”.

“I suppose it all depends on one’s dairy 🥛 orientation,” Renfield commented as he read a brochure from the All-Inclusive Dairy Producers of Europe.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Amadeus announced.

“Well, please don’t let me stop you,” said Renfield who had already got caught in a very peculiar shower on the way home from Parliament this afternoon.

As Amadeus marched off to the bathroom whistling the song “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…”, Renfield watched a story on BBC News about how former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was flashed by a topless woman protestor at a polling booth while voting in yesterday’s Italian parliamentary elections.

“Shit,” sighed Renfield, “I was never flashed by a beautiful topless woman protestor when I voted in last year’s British parliamentary elections. Some guys have all the luck.”

“I don’t recall having taken any Viagra today,” a shocked and somewhat surprised Amadeus shouted from the bathroom.

“Some guys do nothing but complain,” Renfield added.

Renfield walked out the door into the snow and the rain singing that old Rod Stewart song, “Some guys have all the luck… Some guys get all the breaks” but quickly switched over to the lyrics of the Glen Campbell song Rhinestone Cowboy, “And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain…” when a sudden flood of snow and rain hit Renfield and started carrying him away in the direction of the Thames River.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 5th
2018.

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For Valentine’s Day: Anything For Love Video

February 14, 2018 at 9:10 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Music, Songs, Video) (, , , , , )

For Valentine’s Day: Anything For Love Video

For this Valentine’s Day I am posting the link to a photo montage music video I made 10 years ago set to the tune of the Gordon Lightfoot song Anything For Love.

Canadian singer Gordon Lightfoot who wrote the lyrics and chords for Anything For Love had an uncle who lived on a farm near Crossfield, Alberta, Canada.

My paternal grandparents also had a farm near Crossfield and one summer back in the early 1940s, Gordon’s uncle asked my dad and my uncle if they wouldn’t mind babysitting little Gordon for the day.

So my dad and my uncle did that.

So I guess one of my sole claims to fame is that one summer day back in the early 1940s my dad and uncle babysat a little boy who grew up to be a major international singer/songwriter and the man who has the unofficial title of Canada’s national poet-laureate.

Here then is the photo montage video I created where the photos I arranged and edited were set in sync to the lyrics of the Gordon Lightfoot song Anything For Love.

Happy Valentines Day. ❤️

-Christopher

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Haiku About Scottish Singer Susan Boyle’s 2009 Appearance On Britain’s Got Talent

July 18, 2015 at 7:32 pm (Entertainment, Music, Musicals, Poetry, Songs, Television, TV Shows) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Scottish Singer Susan Boyle’s 2009 Appearance On Britain’s Got Talent

She did dream a dream
wowing stern Simon Cowell
dreams sometimes come true

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Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist

September 25, 2014 at 11:32 pm (Entertainment, Music, Poetry, Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing, Songs, Television, TV Shows) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist

On the exciting action-packed opening episode of the second season of The Blacklist that premiered earlier this week, it turned out that Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington is still alive.

To celebrate this occasion, I have written a song about Mrs. Reddington and her husband Raymond- you can call him Ray or you can call him Red.

Mrs. Reddington

(to the tune of Mrs. Robinson)

And here’s to you, Mrs. Reddington,
Raymond loves you more than you will know,
Whoa-ho-ho-ho
God bless you please, Mrs. Reddington
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
especially those that know Ray
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files
for the one-armed hook guy who better not scratch his piles
Look around until all you see are sympathetic eyes
Don’t ask for human fingers with your fries.

Chorus refrain- the original first stanza of this song.

Hide it in the hiding place where no one ever goes,
the next thing to be lopped off might be your nose,
It’s a little secret just the Reddingtons’ affair
don’t let the house go up in flames of despair,
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the kids
as smoke gets under your mascara eyelids.

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo, Mrs. Reddington
Raymond loves you more than you will know etc.
the next lines of the choral refrain first verse.

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
as hookman’s chainsaw starts up a new tune
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose.

Where have you gone, Red Reddington,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you,
you could kick ISIS’ ass so blue,
What’s that you say, Mrs. Reddington?
Dashing Ray has left and gone away,
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
but he’ll be back another day.

-Christopher Van Helsing
(with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

-Thursday night, September 25th 2014.

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Haiku About Justin Bieber

January 24, 2014 at 4:05 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Music, News, Songs) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Justin Bieber

Pop stars go retro
Justin Bieber is dancing
to the Jailhouse Rock

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The Apocalypse Zombies

January 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm (Commentary, Humour, Poetry, Satire, Songs) (, , , , , , , )

The Apocalypse Zombies

(to be sung to the tune of the World War II song The D-Day Dodgers and the World War I song Lili Marlene)

We’re the Apocalypse Zombies of modern history
first made popular in horror flicks as corny as can be
We like to eat people’s brains out
When we roam about
We walked the Halls of Congress but found nothing there
saved shocked Congressmen in their underwear
So we headed across the country in our walkabout
California was as barren as a bear’s stream devoid of trout
we searched for a place we thought would hit the spot
but the state of Colorado had totally gone to pot
We stumbled on the set of a reality TV show
and finding junk food there decided we would go
so we shuffled across this land on our bony feet
with eyes that looked totally deadbeat
We checked Facebook statuses looking for a bite
but all we read were people who ought to fly a kite
And the Twitter tweets were even worse
devoid of verse- a brainless curse
And so we died of hunger
falling like dead junker
because no brains could we find
living man was not kind
It was truly a zombie apocalypse
because no brains would pass our lips
and now we lie buried again under grass
Zombie apocalypse truly come to pass.

-A satirical song written by Christopher
Wednesday January 15th
2014.

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Radio News Story From The Future About Katy Perry

December 18, 2013 at 7:54 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Music, News, Satire, Songs, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Radio News Story From The Future About Katy Perry

Tired of seeing Ukrainians demonstrating in the streets of Kiev on BBC World News on TV, Renfield decided to go down to the Set Enterprises Lab and see if Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster could pick up another radio news transmission from the future on his lobster antennae.

As Renfield adjusted Michelangelo’s antennae much to the lobster’s discomfort, words came through on the computer loud speaker.

Michelangelo’s antennae were hooked up to wires on the computer which picked up the transmissions Michelangelo received.

This was the radio news story from the future that Michelangelo had picked up…

… “This just in. Tragedy has struck American singer Katy Perry on her recent African safari. While wearing a tiger’s eye necklace the singer was eaten by a lion while trying to roar at it.

The singer had spent weeks learning how to roar like a lion at a newly opened animal languages school in the South African township of Soweto.

Miss Perry had roared “I come in peace” according to her lion language teacher who accompanied her on the safari but the lion wasn’t impressed and ate her.

Nothing much is known about her lion language teacher who taught Miss Perry how to roar like a lion other than he has caused controversy in the past when he served as an interpreter for the deaf at the world leaders’ memorial service held for the late South African leader Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg.

According to a British veterinarian named Dolittle who was taking photos at the scene and claims to actually speak lion, he claimed the lion was walking around roaring “I ate a Yank and I liked it” afterwards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 18th
2013.

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You Lived Your Life Like A Pineapple In The Wind

December 18, 2007 at 1:06 pm (Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing, Songs)

by princessofheaven [ 28, F, Mumbai ]
HIEEEEEEEEE

What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.
Confused…? I knew you would be!

HEHEHEHEEHEHE
Have a Gr8888 Day..!!!

Posted on: December 18, ’07

by DraculVanHelsing  Online Online
Don’t sit under the pineapple tree with anyone else but you
anyone else but you
Don’t sit under the pineapple tree with anyone else but you
anyone else but you
talk to yourself through and through
because you’re both a pineapple and a nut too!

Posted on: December 18, ’07

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FBI Raid Magician David Copperfield’s House

October 20, 2007 at 2:42 pm (Commentary, Humour, Satire, Songs)

 FBI Raid Magician David Copperfield’s Warehouse


Earlier today the FBI raided the warehouse of 
world-famous magician and illusionist David Copperfield.

To honour this occasion, I’ve written a rap song about it.

So pretend I’m a gangsta rapper and here we go:

Does George Dubya Bush believe in pie in the sky?
let me ask you somethin’, do winged birds fly?
This Patriot Act legislation got to work
who you callin’ Dick Cheney a jerk?
You’re a traitor
anarchist agitator
should be fed to an alligator.

The authorities in power they protecting us
soon you’ll be strip searched boardin’ a bus
what’s the latest we do to defend the homeland
check those boys wearin’ the FBI brand
They’ve raided David Copperfield’s warehouse
and not because the agent in charge be a drunken souce.

No, they’ve had it on good authority that people disappear and reappear
Justice Department ask, don’t you think that’s queer?
Some people this guy do saw in half
he can also make vanish a gir-affe
as well as elephant and Lear jet
looks like we ain’t seen nothing yet.
Made the Statue of Liberty go poof!
He’s got guillotines under his roof.

So the FBI has got the evidence
amidst all this birdcage pestilence
oops! the evidence has disappeared like magic
we got to say that’s somewhat tragic
wonder what else he has under his sleeve
causing the U.S. Justice Department to grieve!

THE END.

-A rap song written by Christopher aka Dracul Van Helsing on October 19th, 2007

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