100 More Days Till Halloween…

July 23, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“This is Jack Anderson at Terror 97 FM in London- the radio station that keeps you in stitches – a la style of Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s creation. This just in from Canada… Earlier today genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee slew two more ugly women in a Dollarama store in Calgary. And now here’s Air Supply singing their coming Halloween hit Two Less Ugly People In The World…”

. . .

There was a state of excitement prevailing in the Vatican among the city state’s wide assortment of Jesuit priests for word had come to pass that the demon Baphomet was going to address them at A Come As You Are convention in the Vatican Sauna Steam Bath House named Hyacinth Sizzles Apollo’s Swizzle Stick.

Meanwhile in the Papal Apartments, Pope Francis was consulting with one of his leading theological advisors Walter Cardinal Kasper.

“Your Unholiness,” Kasper addressed Bergoglio by his most appropriate title, “a group of flying saucer UFOs containing 6.66 feet tall T-Rex ET reptilians have landed within the walls of the Vatican.”

“What for?” Francis asked as he licked a Spartan Greek popsicle.

“We’re not sure,” Kasper answered.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had been hiding inside a tomb in London’s Highgate Cemetery ever since British MP Renfield R. Renfield publicly called for the 10 Downing Street occupant’s assassination this past Wednesday.

The colourful and controversial MP had issued the assassination call after the Zombie Nosferatu Tory Prime Minister (whose forehead had been etched with the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST in red felt ink) announced this past Wednesdy that he intended to introduce a vaccine passport in Britain next month.

Bishop Sean Manchester the traditionalist Old Catholic Church Bishop of Glastonbury and a leading exorcist was walking around the cemetery amidst reports that a vampire was once again haunting the cemetery for the first time in 51 years.

As Johnson sat inside the tomb with sweat on his forehead, the ghost of Karl Marx (looking well roasted) appeared alongside him and asked him, “How’s it going?”.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun was in Highgate Cemetery eating cold mutton sandwiches and drinking Guinness beer.

He was listening to Terror 97 FM London on his old 1970s style transistor radio.

The radio was playing a commercial and a Halloween holiday jingle, “100 more days till Halloween… Silver Shamrock.”

A hand holding a silver shamrock suddenly appeared out of the ground near the old gravestone where Yaldabaoth was having his evening picnic totally freaking the wee leprechaun out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 23rd
2021.

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Asmodeus Discusses Latin Tridentine Mass With Nimrod

July 19, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The chain smoking cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome restaurant having spaghetti and meatballs with the little green frog Nimrod.

“Why is Pope Francis trying to get rid of the Latin Tridentine Mass?” Asked Nimrod.

“Because it’s preventing the advent of the Antichrist,” Asmodeus answered.

“It is?” Nimrod stuck his tongue out to capture a fly.

“Yes, His Satanic Majesty has been puzzled as to what is preventing the advent of the Antichrist,” Asmodeus explained, “He thought he hit the big time with Napoleon. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Lenin. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Hitler. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Stalin. He didn’t. So he decided to name an infernal committee made up of Baal, Baphomet and Pachamama the Inca she-dragon who’s also the Inca earth mother goddess to investigate the matter shortly after Stalin kicked the bucket. The committee came up with the idea that it was the Latin Tridentine Mass that was preventing the Advent of the Antichrist. So His Satanic Majesty caught Pope John XXIII off guard one day and whispered in his ear to call the 2nd Vatican Council. Which Good Pope John did. John died within a year after the Council opened and Cardinal Montini was elected Pope taking the name Paul VI. A few of Paul’s advisors were under the complete control of His Satanic Majesty. After the Council finished in December 1965, Paul named the Freemason Annibale Bugnini to compose a new liturgy for the Church. Bugnini came out with the Novus Ordo Mass (designed to bring about the New World Order) which Paul VI promulgated in 1969 and the new liturgy was said in most parish churches throughout the world beginning in 1970. Except for French Archbishop Marcel Lefebvbre and the Society of Saint Pius X. The next decades saw the advent of the two Bushes and Bill Clinton who helped push the New World Order on America and the world. It continued under the Marxist Saul Alinsky inspired community organizer Barack Obama. Donald Trump was too much of a narcissist to follow the dictates of the New World Order elite so he had to be pushed out of the way. Pope Francis brought an idol of the demon Pachamama into the Vatican Gardens and later into Saint Peter’s Basilica itself. The result of that was to inspire the supernatural forces to bring about the release of Covid-19. All churches were shut down because of Covid. Within the Catholic Church the only groups who remained open without wearing masks and social distancing were those that practiced the Latin Tridentine Mass- the Society of Saint Pius X, the Fraternal Society of Saint Peter and the Institute of Christ The King Sovereign Priest. The Antichrist was supposed to arrive in 2020. But thanks to the Latin Tridentine Mass being said, he didn’t. So His Satanic Majesty (who’s Pope Francis’ god of surprises) directed his gay maidservant Francis to effectively abolish the Latin Tridentine Mass in his most recent motu proprio Traditionis custodes. Now His Satanic Majesty hopes the Antichrist will arrive within the next year.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 19th
2021.

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Dr. Faustus Imhotep and The T-Rex ETs

May 1, 2021 at 10:09 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Science-Fiction, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the head of DARPA was playing a game of chess via computer with a Russian chess grandmaster.

His smart phone rang.

“Dr. Imhotep,” the voice at the other end said, “Last night a group of T-Rex ETs landed in an extraterrestrial craft and stole a bunch of strategic missiles from the Air Force base at Cheyenne, Wyoming.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Dr. Imhotep pondered his next chess mood, “Shouldn’t you be telling all this to the President of the United States?”.

“Yes, but his aide told us that he’s fallen and he can’t get up,” the voice at the other end pointed out.

“What about informing Vice-President Kamala Harris?” Dr. Imhotep was anxious to make his next chess move, “Surely she can do something about it.

“But Vice-President Harris thinks that the strategic missiles are phallus shaped,” coughed the voice at the other end, “and thinks as such they’re sexist weapons. She wants nothing to do with them.”

“Well I guess Xi and Putin should have no trouble getting America to give up its nuclear missiles should Kamala Harris become President,” Dr. Faustus Imhotep reasoned aloud.

“We did try contacting heads of various government departments and government agencies as well as Senators and Congresspeople who sit on Defense and Intelligence Committees but all of them are attending parties of drunken debauchery or sex orgies this being a Saturday night and so are unavailable,” sighed the voice at the other end, “We knew the only one available on a Saturday night would be you playing chess with someone.”

Dr. Faustus Imhotep sighed.

This is what he got for being a chess playing nerd.

“All right,” Dr. Imhotep agreed, “I’ll send my best agent to look into the matter.”

He buzzed the intercom on his desk.

“Send in Jefferey,” Dr. Imhotep directed.

Minutes later an otter carrying a bottle of Otterbury Beer under one of his flippers entered Dr. Faustus Imhotep’s office.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was strolling up and down the French Presidential Palace.

He was worried due to the fact that 10,000 French military forces members led by 40 officers had signed a petition expressing their concern that Macron’s policies were leading to the destruction of France.

Macron was wondering if a military coup d’etat might be carried out against him.

He looked out the window and noticed a Kraken carrying a machine gun had parachuted out of a French Air Force plane.

Macron gulped.

. . .

It was May 1956.

And Carson Cody Albion had been hired by a Hollywood producer to purchase a group of sketches.

Albion thought that possibly the sketches might be of the Hollywood producer in compromising sexual encounters.

He was to meet a Fraulein Immergrun in the parking lot of a beachside cocktail lounge to purchase the sketches.

Albion was to tell Fraulein Immergrun that he was the member of a government agency named Project Bluebook and then hand the envelope with cash inside (that the Hollywood producer had given to him) to the fraulein.

Albion wondered about the background of this Fraulein Immergrun.

He had found out that there had been a Nazi spy named Fraulein Immergrun.

There were rumours that she had poisoned Britain’s most famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes in the spring of 1939 causing his death.

After the war Fraulein Immergrun had seemingly vanished.

Although there were other rumours that she was the test subject for what was dubbed a Nazi immortality cocktail that was being experimented with in the spring of 1945.

Albion drove into the beachside cocktail lounge parking lot and approached the woman he thought was Fraulein Immergrun.

He handed her the envelope with cash inside.

She opened the envelope and counted the cash.

She then handed him the large manila envelope with sketches inside.

The envelope was to remain unopened.

Delivered intact to the Hollywood producer.

As Albion got back into his car, his curiosity got the best of him.

He opened the envelope.

He was expecting to see sketches of the Hollywood producer in compromising sexual positions.

Instead he saw sketches of a group of alien T-Rex ETs emerging out of a UFO flying saucer.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 1st
2021.

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Releasing Judas- The Demon That Lady Gaga Clings To

April 27, 2021 at 10:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The demon Asmodeus and his friend the little green frog Nimrod were sitting in a taverna in Rome.

The taverna was supposed to be closed under lockdown but it did offer admittance to important beings.

Who were important beings?

Beings like the demon Asmodeus and Nimrod the builder of the tower of Babel now reduced to being a little green frog.

As Asmodeus and Nimrod sat at a table eating and drinking, the Greek gods Hades, Zeus and Poseidon were talking solemnly among themslves at another table.

“So,” Zeus scratched his beard, “Pope Francis wants you to release the ghost of Judas Iscariot from the Underworld?”.

Hades nodded as he sipped a soft drink in a cup shaped like the Disney character Pluto.

“In what part of the Underworld does Judas reside?” Poseidon asked as he ate his Fettichini ala Neptune.

“Roasting away on a rotating barbeque spit over an open flame in the fiery depths of Tartarus,” Hades stirred a hot toddy.

“I’m sure both Pope Francis and LA’s auxiliary Bishop Robert Barron will be disappointed to hear that,” Poseidon sipped a Caesar (a Canadian drink that was a combination of vodka and Mott’s Clamato Juice).

“They don’t know,” Hades remarked.

“So are you going to release Judas Iscariot from the Underworld?” Zeus inquired.

“I’m still trying to make up my mind,” Hades answered.

“Why don’t you throw an Alexander III King of Macedon (aka Alexander The Great) drachma coin up in the air?” Zeus gave him such a coin, “Heads, you release Judas. Tails, he continues to roast away. ”

Hades threw the coin up in the air.

And it landed on the table.

“Heads,” said Hades.

The three Greek deities finished their meal and left.

“Sounds like Judas will be back on the Earth’s surface again,” Nimrod commented.

“Lady Gaga will be able to cling to her demon in person instead of just singing about it,” Asmodeus noted.

. . .

Asmodeus and Nimrod went to their rooms at a YMCA youth hostel in Rome.

Most of the rooms there were occupied by Jesuit priests and members of the Vatican Curia who were dressed up as The Village People a 1970s American disco band.

“So I hear California Gov. Gavin Newsom is facing a recall election?” Nimrod sipped from a bottle of tequila.

“Did you know California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a deal with the demons Baal and Baphomet to get where he is today?” Asmodeus lit a cigarette.

“What? Getting recalled?” Nimrod was incredulous.

“No to become Governor of California,” Asmodeus answered.

“I suppose Baal and Baphomet will back Newsom in his re-election bid?” Nimrod said.

Asmodeus shrugged, “Baphomet being a transgendered and transpecies demon itself might back transgender Bruce Caitlyn Jenner’s bid to seek the state Republican nomination and then election to the Governorship.”

“So demons aren’t hesistant about throwing people (that they’ve made past agreements with) under the bus?” Nimrod swallowed the worm in the tequila bottle.

“Indeed not,” Asmodeus threw his cigarette butt out the window.

. . .

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had heard about the plan to release Judas from the realm of Hades.

She and six Vampiric Knights-Templar had been living in the Vatican since the autumn of 2017.

But now she decided to leave.

With Judas coming, the Vatican wouldn’t be big enough for both of them.

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal: Seeking new accomodation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 27th
2021.

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Hitler’s Nazi Gestapo Are Alive and Well and Living In Police In The Canadian Province of Alberta

April 7, 2021 at 10:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Health, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“Rebellion against tyrants is obedience to God.”
-The Fathers of the American Revolution.

“It is morally imperative upon people across the globe today to remember the words of the Fathers of the American Revolution.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a rare Wednesday evening podcast.

And that was because of the developing political situation on the ground in the Canadian province of Alberta.

Sipping from a bottle of Alberta Crystal Clear Pure Vodka, Renfield said,

“The Antichrist RCMP in the Canadian province of Alberta have shown themselves to be the wholehearted ardent disciples of the emerging Antichrist New World Order by raiding Grace Life Church an Evangelical Protestant Church east of Edmonton the provincial capital and erecting steel barriers around it to prevent the people and pastors from entering.
As a Calgary Polish Church pastor well said of Calgary Police who were trying to close his Church this past Easter weekend, “Gestapo! Nazis! Get out!”.
For police in today’s Canadian province of Alberta are little better than the Nazi Gestapo of Hitler’s Third Reich.”

RCMP at the RCMP police station in Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada were given a standing ovation by the demons Baal and Mephistopheles as they returned to the station after setting up steel barriers around Grace Life Church on the orders of AHS (Alberta Health Services which was today little more than a provincial branch of the Nazi Fascist Neo-Bolshevik Communist Hybrid New World Order known as the Great Reset and praised by the likes of Pope Francis, Justin Trudeau and Joe Biden).
Hordes of infernal demons sang of the heroic Gestapo like RCMP who returned like the conquering heroes of Norse battlefields to the halls of Valhalla, “For they’re the jolly good fellows, for they’re the jolly good fellows which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny…”

“I deny it,” said Renfield continuing his broadcast, “and backing up the Nazi Gestapo like raid on Grace Life Church by the RCMP was Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro. Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro is a Nazi Fascist pig who should be eliminated from the face of the earth. And I say that with all due respect.”

Tyler Shandro had returned home after a hard day of trying to build the global Fourth Reich down at the office.

He was surprised to see the ghost of Nazi Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels sitting in an arm chair in his living room offering him a warm cup of Meteorite Alien Insect Pods Greyish Green Tea.

Goebbels’ ghost had been recently released from the Underworld by Hades (Greek god of the Underworld) at the request of the Great Reset globalist oligarchical backers- men like George Soros and Bill Gates and Xi Jinping’s Supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon.

“I’ve never heard of this brand of tea before,” Shandro looked at the label on the teapot, “Meteorite Alien Insect Pods Greyish Green Tea.”

“It was prophetically foreseen on a Halloween Night episode of the CBC program Murdoch Mysteries a few years back,” Goebbels’ ghost commented as he sipped on a spectral ghostly variant of the tea (which went into the making of the various new variants of Covid-19 made in various labs and released in various places across the planet the past few months), “it turned people who drank it into aliens. On that episode of Murdoch Mysteries, people down at Police Station House No. 4 drank it and became aliens and it soon spread across the entire city of Toronto. People became aliens and ceased being human. Constable George Crabtree was the last resister at Police Station House No. 4 and even he succumbed. And soon all were aliens.”

“So Torontonians became non-human aliens and now you want Albertans to become the same starting with me?” Tyler Shandro inquired.

“Exactly,” Goebbels’ ghost grinned, “You already were one of the biggest twits in Fascist fat slob Premier Jason Kenney’s cabinet (which is saying a lot) and so you were pretty well on your way there to becoming a non-human alien anyways. This will just finally tip you over the edge.”

“Okay,” Shandro drank the tea and a female zombie nosferatu entered the room and bit him on the lips and sucked the life out of him filling his body with unhatched alien insect pods from meteorites.

Norse goddess Freya appearing as a guest on Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast: Advises people to beware of zombie nosferatu and of drinking Meteorite Alien Insect Pods Greyish Green Tea

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 7th
2021.

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Cleopatra, Maitreya and Yaldabaoth On Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2021 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It was Saint Patrick’s Day 2021.

And Yaldabaoth was on a bridge overlooking the River Liffey in Dublin, Ireland.

The night before he had been in a psychiatrist’s office at Saint Raphael’s Hospital in London.

The session was to help him overcome his drinking problem.

But judging from the amount of Guinness he had drunk on this Saint Patrick’s Day Evening in Dublin, it was obviously going to take more than one session.

“Yaldabaoth,” the man named Peter Whitstable (whose unofficial title was the Fox Mulder of Interpol) greeted him.

“What are you doing here in Dublin?” Yaldabaoth asked, “Do you have some more cloak and dagger work for me to do?”.

The leprechaun put on a green cloak and then pulled a green jade dagger out of one of his green socks and put it in his green belt.

“As you know the past dozen years, the Irish government has become increasingly made up of Apostles of the Antichrist,” Whitstable noted.

“I imagine Saint Paddy is not too pleased with that,” Yaldabaoth drank his Guinness, “Is Harvey Tallbanger the invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit here to throw green algae cream pies in their faces?”.

“Most likely yes to your first statement and I don’t know to your second,” Whitstable answered, “I do know most leading members of the Irish government have taken an oath of allegiance to a hidden and secret High King of Ireland.”

“And who is this hidden and secret High King of Ireland?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“Maitreya a golden cobra serpent supernatural entity from the Himalayan region of Tibet and Nepal,” Whitstable replied.

“Oh yes, he did have himself crowned High King of Ireland at the Hill of Tara back on Saint Patrick’s Day in 2018,” Yaldabaoth wiped his runny nose with a green handkerchief, “I believe he had crowned Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator of Egypt (whom he had resurrected from the dead) his High Queen as well.

“Exactly,” Whitstable nodded, “Cleopatra is currently staying at a hotel here in Dublin.”

“What hotel?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“This one,” Whitstable handed the leprechaun a card with the hotel address on it, “I want you to get her photograph for my Interpol files. We do not have a photo of the living Cleopatra.”

“Seeing as how she’s been dead since the 1st Century BC and was only resurrected 4 years ago, I can see why,” Yaldabaoth nodded, “I imagine Saint Paddy is probably ticked that not only has a serpent returned to Ireland (he having driven the serpents out of Ireland) but is further ticked that a serpent has crowned himself High King of Ireland.”

“I would imagine,” Whitstable agreed.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden asked one of his aides why one of the White House fountains was green.

“You ordered it dyed green for Saint Patrick’s Day,” his aide answered.

“I did?” Biden scratched his head, “Is it Saint Patrick’s Day?”.

The aide nodded.

“Then why is my desk cactus dressed as Santa Claus, why is my dog dressed like the Easter Bunny and why is Hunter dressed like a crack pipe smoking Great Pumpkin?” Biden inquired.

Meanwhile back in Dublin, Ireland, Yaldabaoth entered the hotel room where Cleopatra was staying.

He carried in his hands a black and white film camera that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles when he was alive.

Yaldabaoth entered Cleopatra’s bedroom and snapped a photo.

Cleopatra the former Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland

After snapping the photo, Yaldabaoth gasped, “My God, that’s a killer outfit you’re wearing.”

He then fell over dead.

“Jesus,” an Irish Jesuit priest, who was recently defrocked by his superior for being straight and heterosexual, remarked as he walked by the open door in the hallway.

“Oh, the void, the void,” a spider, who had recently come in contact with radioactive material in a science lab, remarked as he crawled by.

“This looks like a job for Dr. Marmalade Montague and his Hendrick’s Gin Dunking Machine,” Harvey Tallbanger commented as he walked by and noticed Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun lying dead at Cleopatra’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes feet.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 17th
2021.

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Harvey Tallbanger Takes On Europe’s Totalitarian Despots

February 26, 2021 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

“U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden has ordered his first military airstrike on Syria which was carried out earlier today.
For all those lib-leftists out there who thought Joe Biden wasn’t going to be a warmonger (or thought he wouldn’t detain immigrant children in detention camps), they were of course invariably wrong as anyone with common sense could have easily told them.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP

“Liberalism is the modern and morbid habit of always sacrificing the normal to the abnormal.”
-G.K. Chesterton

“The New Normal that most politicians, technocrats and Satan worshipping billionaires and bishops are always yapping about for the post-pandemic world is actually the Old Abnormal.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague and Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster were at Set Enterprises laboratories in London flipping through various news channels on the TV.

The first news segment showed German Chancellor Angela Merkel saying that there was unanimous agreement within the European Union on implementing a coronavirus vaccine passport.

Ms. Merkel announced that “everyone agreed that we need a digital vaccination certificate” and that such a system could be implemented by summer.

As Ms. Merkel spoke, an Adolf Hitler style moustache appeared just below her nose and just above her lips.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared on her forehead written in red and black ink.

Seconds later a cream pie was thrown in her face.

The second news segment came on.

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen announced that EU member states will “have to act fast” in order to implement a digital vaccine certification program as soon as the summer.

The certificate will facilitate travel as well as the ability to attend churches, synagogues, theatres, concert halls or even to go to the gym.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared on Ms. von der Leyen’s forehead written in red ink.

Seconds later, a cream pie was thrown in her face.

Greece’s Deputy Prime Minister Akis Skertsos then appeared on the TV screen and said that a vaccine passport verification system “is not discriminatory at all”.

The words I AM THE BIGGEST OF SATAN’S USEFUL IDIOTS then appeared written in Greek in green felt ink on his forehead.

Seconds later a souvlaki cream pie was thrown in his face.

British Education Secretary Gavin Williamson then appeared on the TV screen saying that he backed up the plan to carry passports to enter restaurants, cinemas and theatres.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared in red ink written on his forehead.

Seconds later a cream pie containing a school report card loaded with F’s for each subject was then thrown in his face.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson then appeared on the TV screen.

Hanging from one of his long scraggly locks of hair over his right ear was a thorougly eaten fried chicken drum stick (from a rooster who was sacrificed in a live Santeria animal sacrifice).

Johnson said that Brits might definitely require health passports for simple domestic visits like going to the pub or theatre.

Johnson, who had the sign KICK ME posted on his backside by the ghost of Winston Churchill, then went on, “I know fervent libertarians will object but other people will think that there is a case for it.”

The ghosts of Adolf Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the two deceased members of the North Korean Kim Communist hereditary dynasty appeared behind Johnson smiling and applauding vigourously.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST AND MY HAIRSTYLIST RESIDES IN HELL appeared written in black ink on Boris Johnson’s forehead.

Seconds later a banana cream steak and kidney pie containing hair gel and a comb were then thrown in Johnson’s face.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 26th
2021

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The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat In Washington DC

January 27, 2021 at 11:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was out shoveling the sidewalks in front of the house where he rented a room because it had snowed overnight.

“Just wait until I get my hands on those bloody frost giants of the old Norse pantheon,” Pan Goatee seethed, “They won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

The satyr pushed some more snow away.

“Just wait until I get my hands on Loki the Norse trickster god,” Goatee vowed, “He won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

Just then to Pan Goatee’s horror, a repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp came walking down the sidewalk.

She was walking down the sidewalk walking her dog.

“Bloody Hell,” Goatee noted, “That’s all I need to ruin my day is having to look at some fat ugly blimp. A two-legged dog (who are all ugly) out walking her four legged dog (who are generally cute).”

“Well, it would look pretty stupid the other way around,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse remarked as he clomped by dragging an old milk wagon behind him, “If it was a four legged dog out walking a two legged dog.”

Mr. Ed stopped in front of a house down the street as Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman reached for a couple of jugs of fresh milk.

“Shit, the milk has frozen!” Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman called out.

“Well, I told you not to deliver milk in a milk wagon in the middle of a snowstorm,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse pointed out as he smoked his Cuban cigar, “But did you listen? NO! What do I know you probably figured? I’m just a horse! Even though I won first prize in a Latin poetry writing competition a couple of years ago. Beating out 2018 humans I might add.”

Meanwhile Pan Goatee had by this time beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“And not only are you fat and ugly,” Goatee gave his aesthetic adjudication, “but you’re guilty of cruelty to animals as well. How do you think this poor dog feels having to walk around the neighbourhood with a fat ugly blimp such as yourself?”.

Indeed the dog was already running down the street enjoying his new found glorious freedom.

Krampus the goat demon hybrid arrived on the scene to gather up the 999 trillion pieces of the fat ugly blimp, put them in his sack and carry them down to Hades.

After crossing the River Styx, Cerberus the 3-headed dog peed and crapped all over the fat ugly blimp’s remains when he heard about her gargantuan cruelty to animals.

Meanwhile Loki the Norse trickster god made the mistake of walking by Pan Goatee.

Loki immediately found himself being beheaded by Pan Goatee’s laser astral machete.

“I hate it when that happens,” Loki’s head remarked as it rolled down the street.

. . .

“I see priests in the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington DC are lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate a bagel, “I wonder why they’re lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession?”.

“Beelzebub knows,” Uncle Ernie remarked as he fed a spoonful of crack cocaine to an Australian house fly, “Several Catholic priests in this diocese are trying to talk me into converting from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism for some reason.”

“That’s strange,” Amadeus admitted.

“It is,” Uncle Ernie nodded, “It probably means I’ll have to reglue my foreskin to my Jolly Roger if I want to covert from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism.”

Uncle Ernie held up the small glass bottle that had once been used to store a plastic contact lens but which was now home to Uncle Ernie’s foreskin which had been separated on and off from Uncle Ernie’s Jolly Roger all these many years.

“I wonder if that’s what the Canadian folk music band Captain Tractor meant by their song lyrics… When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores?,” Amadeus mused aloud.

“I don’t remember Regina,” Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie reflected on his past trips to Canada and Saskatchewan in particular, “I do remember I got my Jolly Roger caught in Moose Jaw down in the Al Capone Prohibition Booze era tunnels.”

. . .

“As we all know, Donald Trump incited an erection.”
-New York Sen. Chuck Schumer
coming out of the closet
on the U.S. Senate floor

. . .

A Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat was walking the streets of Washington DC.

The metal rat built by Havana Cuba based sanity challenged scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan for Huawei Technologies of China had the skull of a demon buffalo put on its head by the Norse trickster god Loki prior to South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo restoring the skull to life turning it into a full fledged Demon Buffalo Head.

Ironically enough, Loki’s head was now missing from his body.

The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat had been given the ability to detect and analyze thoughts.

It could tell those people who thought like Communists from those who didn’t think like Communists.

Those people who didn’t think like Communists the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat gored to death with his demon buffalo horns.

The CEOs of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Google as well as the CEO of United Airlines were all safe from death at the horns of the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat.

As were all the editors and reporters at the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, BBC, Global News Canada and Fox News.

To say nothing of the entire Democratic Congressional and Senate caucuses and 2/3 of the Republican Congressional and Senate caucuses.

As well as all the members of the Biden-Harris Administration.

“I failed, I failed,” the ghost of Sen. Joe McCarthy sobbed as he walked down the streets of Washington DC.

“Wow, that really blows my mind,” Hunter Biden commented as he sat at the gates of the White House smoking a pipe of crack cocaine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 27th
2021

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Pan Goatee Beheads Again and Mordred Returns

January 20, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee figured that with Joe Biden’s Inauguration today, there would be lots of satanic activity and examples of incredibly bad taste going on.

And not just among the airheaded American film and music industry celebrities gathered in Washington DC or in some online based virtual reality of Mephistophelian making.

But in his little corner of the world as well.

Sadly for Goatee, this proved to be true.

Following Biden’s appointment of the hideously repulsively ugly Rachel Levine as Assistant Secretary of Health (foreshadowing a disaster for the American health care system of Stephen King Cujoian proportions), Goatee figured that fat ugly blimps would be coming out of the closet en masse.

More so than usual that is.

As fat ugly blimps had been coming out of the closet en masse ever since the advent of feminism in the Western world 50 years ago.

And had been growing worse with each passing decade.

Now with the senile old fool Joe Biden as President, fat ugly blimps would be trying to fit into their size 1500 waist waste trousers (with exceedingly great difficulty) and exiting the closet (each closet being about the size of the San Diego Zoo).

When Goatee approached the neighbourhood liquor store, he was shocked to see a fat ugly blimp inside the liquor store.

After barfing all over the place causing a minature flood in the shopping centre parking lot as a result of seeing the fat ugly blimp, Goatee then removed his astral laser machete from his astral laser holster and beheaded the fat ugly blimp before cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee wondered as he calmly wiped the blood off his machete if he had some sort of obsession with the number 999 trillion in the same way that the Serbian/American scientist/inventor Nikola Tesla had an obsession with the number 3.

Not feeling inclined to enter the liquor store after its environment had been aesthetically polluted by the presence of the fat ugly blimp, Goatee went into the grocery store where he was confronted by the sight of an even more hideously repulsive fat ugly blimp.

Goatee stuck his head out the door and barfed all over the parking lot again.

Adding flood upon flood.

So much so that a person living in a house across the street started building himself an ark.

Goatee then turned back and cut off the fat ugly blimp’s head remarking, “Why can’t you fat ugly blimps just email Joe Biden your resumes instead of handing out your mirror shattering resumes in public?”.

He then cut the fat ugly blimp up into 999 trillion pieces.

After wiping the blood off his laser astral machete for the 2nd time within a space of 5 minutes, Goatee thought maybe he really did have an obsession with the number 999 trillion.

He should ask his psychiatrist the next time he saw him.

. . .

Inside the Duke of Tintagel Pub in Cornwall England, a man recently raised from the dead stood at the bar waiting to place his drink order.

The man was Mordred son of Arthur and Arthur’s half-sister Morgause (although Arthur did not know that Morgause was his half-sister when he banged her).

Mordred was also the man who slew King Arthur at the Battle of Camlann.

Although Mordred also succumbed to his own wounds at the hand of Excalibur and kicked the bucket shortly thereafter.

“Damn inconsiderate of him,” one of the horses at the Battle of Camlann thought to himself after Mordred knocked over a bucket of water with his left foot while giving up the ghost.

Mordred had been buried in an unmarked grave not far from the battle while Arthur’s body was carried across in a barge filled with beautiful women over to the Isle of Avalon.

Mordred’s body, although buried in an unmarked grave, was discovered through remote viewing after yet another DARPA Staring At Goats session.

The Director of U.S. Homeland Security had ordered that Mordred be brought back from the dead as this would fit in with the purposes of the Neo-Bolshevik Deep State.

So South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo was brought in to raise Mordred the slayer of Arthur from the dead.

When Mordred was successfully brought back from the dead and sucessfully recomposed (after having been successfully decomposing for centuries), Dr. Sterling Makabo remarked to the Homeland Security agents and DARPA operatives present, “I’m a lot funnier than that pompous verbose windbag Trevor Noah. So why can’t I have my own late night comedy show?”.

He poured some hydrogen peroxide on his hands to get rid of the worms of death that had attached themselves to Mordred’s skeleton.

“Should Trevor Noah ever die of massive boredom after being forced to watch re-runs of his alleged comedy show, we’ll let the show’s producers know that you should be kept in mind,” the Homeland Security agent remarked as DARPA operative Jefferey the otter (who had been busy catching fish in the nearby mist-filled lake of Avalon) joined him.

Now Jefferey the otter was sitting on top of a table in the Duke of Tintagel Pub drinking barrels of Green Minnow Beer as he blissfully barked out the melody of Roll Out The Barrel.

The recently raised from the dead Mordred was having a little less luck getting a drink standing up at the bar.

“Please,” Mordred cried out as a falcon possessed by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus perched atop his shoulder, “I need a drink. I haven’t had a drink in ages.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 20th
2021.

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Christoph Cardinal Schonborn of Vienna Publicly Outs Himself As An Apostle of The Antichrist

January 15, 2021 at 11:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon was reading the Facebook status comment of a geopolitical analyst friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield:

“The pro-sodomite, pro-gay sexy orgy, pro-allowing filthy drag queen shows to be performed at the High Altar of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna Cardinal Archbishop of Vienna Christoph Schonborn is an Apostle of the Antichrist.
And judging from remarks he made today on the U.S. election and the Capitol Hill siege in Washington DC (which the satanic Neo-Bolshevik Left in America is going to use to abolish civil liberties in America (when Biden is sworn in) in the same way the Nazis used the German Reichstag fire of February 27th 1933 to abolish civil liberties in Germany) Schonborn is also a Marxist-Leninist Neo-Bolshevik Neo-Communist as well.
Christoph Schonborn is of his father, the Father of Lies, the Devil.
Unless he repents and turns to Christ and His Holy Mother, he shall burn forever in the outer darkness of the flames of the Lake of Fire where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

“I wonder why I was never invited to perform Cumelita at the High Altar of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna,” Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie wondered aloud as he scratched his chin and scratched other parts of his anatomy after Amadeus had finished reading aloud the Facebook status.

“Perhaps Cardinal Schonborn didn’t want to get a head start on being plunged head first into the Lake of Fire,” Amadeus suggested.

“What did you mean by that?” A perplexed Uncle Ernie asked Amadeus.

The aging and well past his prime drag queen then turned his attention to the kitchen and screamed, “Where the Hell did all those flames come from?”.

“Uncle Ernie!” His adopted niece by marriage exclaimed, “You should never have left your Driver’s License lying around in front of those koala bears you taught how to read. They made you a birthday cake and lit all the candles of your exact age on it.”

“Help!” Help! Fire! Fire!” Uncle Ernie’s adopted nephew by merciful adoption rather than biology opened the front door and went running into the street.

The local fire department soon beat a red path to the kitchen door.

. . .

Xi Jinping’s supernatural spirit entity advisor the Black Dragon was having a meeting with the fallen angel Mephistopheles and his incredibly dim witted protege Joe Biden.

“Comrade Mephisto,” the Black Dragon read aloud from a list of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) demands, “The Party would like to know if you would allow the Red State to be able to harvest the organs of Donald Trump supporters since you’ll have no use for them in the New Soviet state.”

“Joe, what do you think?” Mephistopheles turned to the President-elect who was busy sniffing the hair of the young woman sitting next to him.

“Hell, why not?” Joe grinned, “I can sign an Executive Order to that effect”

. . .

Meanwhile a beautiful young woman suddenly woke up in a small town in Kansas:


“I have seen the Future. And it doesn’t work.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 15th
2020.

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