Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador

June 14, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was attending a luncheon at an exclusive London club where the U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom would be speaking.

Renfield wouldn’t be sitting at the head table but would be sitting at the table directly in front of the podium where the Ambassador would be speaking.

The Ambassador began his speech and told those assembled in the hall about how Donald Trump was making America great again.

As the Ambassador talked, Renfield took off his jacket showing off the t-shirt that he was wearing that said TORONTO RAPTORS.

Last night the Toronto Raptors had become the first Canadian basketball team and the first non-American basketball team in history to win the NBA Championships.

The sight of Renfield wearing a Toronto Raptors t-shirt caused the U.S. Ambassador to stumble in his speech about Donald Trump making America great again.

. . .

In the streets of Toronto last night, Canadian Global News reporter Mark Carcasole caught up with a Toronto Raptors fan that social media platforms have now dubbed Plant Guy.

The Plant Guy who had made his way through downtown Toronto carrying a huge tree like plant complete with roots said he intended to give the plant as a housewarming gift to Toronto Raptors MVP Kawhi Leonard after the team won the NBA Championship Thursday night defeating the Golden State Warriors in Oakland California.

The Plant Guy asked reporter Carcasole if he had seen Leonard in the streets of Toronto at all that night.

The reporter answered in the negative saying that Kawhi was most likely still in the locker room in Oakland celebrating the victory with his team mates.

Plant Guy went on down the street where he ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula.

Gali-Gula was normally only seen by people who had been smoking a certain substance but undoubtedly on this magical Toronto evening, Plant Guy was able to see the little ET.

Plant Guy and Gali-Gula went for a drink where they ordered a couple of Harvey Wallbangers allowing them to see Harvey Tallbanger the normally invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Tallbanger informed the pair that the President of Kokuka Sangyo Company (the firm that owned the Kokuka Courageous oil tanker that had been attacked in the Gulf of Oman yesterday) had been attacked by two unidentified “flying objects” in an official statement he made.

Meanwhile in Ottawa, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told a reporter for a major Canadian financial periodical that he was happy to report that Canadian cannabis sales were up all over the world.

Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a conversation with Lexington his English butler and valet and asked his butler whether he thought it was a good idea to build a wall along the Canada-U.S. border in an effort to keep Plant Guy out of the U.S.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday June 14th
2019.

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Riderless Horse Bodexpress: What Does This Bode For The World?

May 18, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were watching the Preakness Stakes live from the Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore, Maryland.

They were surprised to see a horse named Bodexpress throw its rider the jockey John Velazquez off at the start of the running of the 144th Preakness Stakes and continue running the race of the race riderless.

Bodexpress came in 2nd from last in the race although technically he got a Did Not Finish even though he ran an extra loop around the track prior to being caught by outriders.

“How will this bode for the world when a riderless horse named Bodexpress crosses the finish line?” Amadeus wondered aloud, “It certainly gives one a sense of foreboding in what is to come.”

“It does indeed,” Renfield remarked as he fed his four goldfish he called the Four Goldfish of The Apocalypse.

Amadeus switched to another channel.

The channel showed Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders giving a campaign speech somewhere, “I think three-year-olds should be allowed to choose their own gender.”

“It sounds like there must be plenty of legalized Canadian cannabis crossing the border across Quebec into Vermont,” Renfield commented.

The phone rang.

Renfield picked it up.

He put it back down.

“Who was that?” Amadeus helped himself to another nacho.

“That was Miranda Singh from Set Enterprises,” Renfield answered, “Apparently Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster watched that horse race and he typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws that the ghost of a pirate jumped on Bodexpress after his jockey fell off and rode that horse the rest of the race as well as the extra lap around.”

“The ghost of a pirate?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, the ghost of a pirate,” Renfield nodded.

“I wonder what this means for the world?” Amadeus dipped his nacho chip in salsa.

“It means the ghost of that pirate isn’t a very successful jockey,” Renfield deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 18th
2019.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Serena Williams Meeting Donald Trump

September 9, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Sports) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Serena Williams Meeting Donald Trump

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories in London smoking a reefer of soon to be legalized recreational Canadian cannabis when suddenly he picked up a news story from the future on his psychic lobster antennae.

Here was the news story that Michelangelo saw and heard:

News Announcer: Tennis 🎾 superstar Serena Williams had a major meltdown in the West Wing of the White House earlier today when Donald Trump accused her of looking at her tennis coach.

Ms. Williams slammed her racket on to the West Wing floor and then accused Trump of being a “liar” and a “thief”.

She then went over and started hitting the Donald over the head with her tennis 🎾 racket.

Instead of trying to stop her, members of the White House Secret Service stood around applauding.

That is until the head of the White House Secret Service arrived on the scene and gave the agents an angry 😡 glare.

The agents continued to applaud until the head of the White House Secret Service said, “Well, there go your pensions…”

Whereupon the Secret Service agents wrestled Ms. Williams off the Donald.

Sporting a huge bump on his toupee head and rubbing it, Trump read a note 📝 that was just handed to him while he continued to look at Serena Williams’ assault weapon of choice that was now lying on the floor.

“What a racket,” Trump remarked as he rubbed his head.

The note 📝 that Trump was handed contained the exact figure of the amount of money 💰 💵 that the CIA received in funding their black ops operations from the Colombian and Mexican drug cartels.

. . .

Meanwhile as Michelangelo was inhaling pot and receiving visions in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises, British MP Renfield R. Renfield sent a note of congratulations to rising young tennis star and the winner of yesterday’s U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final- Miss Naomi Osaka.

Naomi Osaka- the winner of the 2018 U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final- received a letter of congratulations from Renfield R. Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 9th
2018.

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Ice Dance: A Poem

February 19, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Commentary, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , )

Ice Dance: A Poem

Two separate people
become as one
holding hands
touching
embracing
and then apart
twirl in unison
lift woman upon shoulders
woman spins around her partner
sometimes her head only inches from the ice
flash of blades
and glitter of ice
enchanting smiles
and moments of intimacy
in public in the arena
tender sweet sweet moments of intimacy
that magically allow the audience in
to see what they’re seeing and feeling
such moments are truly golden

-A poem written by Christopher
after watching Tessa Virtue’s
and Scott Moir’s gold medal
winning performance
in the ice dance
competition
of figure skating
at the 2018
Winter Olympics
Pyeongchang, South Korea
Monday February 19th
2018.

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Haiku About PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony

February 9, 2018 at 10:00 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony

Winter games open
So who will come out on top?
Athletes or despot?

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The Rumble In Bogota

September 8, 2017 at 3:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

The Rumble In Bogota

As Pan Goatee cut off the head of the fat ugly bitch who insisted on following him around the subway train, he checked his watch.

“The fight starts in another few minutes,” the satyr thought to himself as he kicked the head of the facially aesthetically challenged blimp out of the way.

Pan Goatee managed to reach his favourite sports bar in time for the fight to start on the television.

There was a fighter that Goatee had recently started following- a Gordon “the Black” Donnelly who fought out of San Francisco, California.

The man was a dead ringer for UFC Champion Conor McGregor minus all the tattoos and of course Donnelly was heavier fighting in the Heavyweight category.

Tonight Donnelly would be fighting in Bogota, Colombia 🇨🇴.

His opponent was a Guevara Santos a boxer who until recently was a fighter with the FARC guerrilla movement in Colombia.

Rumour had it that Pope Francis would be sitting in the audience tonight.

Cheering for the FARC fighter of course.

Pan Goatee scanned the crowd as the television cameras scanned the arena.

He did notice in one of the back rows a man wearing a white robe, a white sombrero hat, an Evo Morales designed hammer and sickle crucifix and a pair of dark sunglasses 😎.

The fight began.

Pan Goatee lit a cigar and sat back to watch the fight.

When the bartender pointed out that according to municipal law all public buildings were non-smoking, Pan Goatee decapitated him.

No one else on staff ventured to inform Pan of current municipal ordinances.

Members of a local feminist study group called The I Hate Rush Limbaugh For Telling It Like It Is Society had come in through the sports bar door to watch women’s curling on one of the giant screens.

They left when they noticed Pan Goatee sitting there.

They did not really relish experiencing what a couple of Henry VIII’s wives had once experienced kneeling on Tower of London scaffolds.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 7th
2017.

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Boxing and The Supernatural

August 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Boxing and The Supernatural

Dracul Van Helsing was sitting in a London sports bar with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez.

Renfield R. Renfield MP had come into the bar to watch the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather Fight.

When he saw Dracul with the two elegantly dressed vampiresses, he turned around and left.

“I refuse to be around any ménage a trois where I’m not part of the ménage or the trois,” Renfield remarked bitterly as he walked out the door.

Dracul meanwhile was reading up about Conor McGregor’s sudden breakthrough into UFC fighting on a night in Sweden back in 2013.

And now here McGregor was in his first professional boxing 🥊 match.

He looked at McGregor’s picture and then thought of an email that Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had sent him 8 years ago.

Here’s the background to that Whitstable email 8 years ago:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2009/07/gordon-black-donnelly.html?m=1

Dracul told Qonzilqointec and Francesca about that email.

“So, what do you think?” Qonzilqointec asked Dracul, “Do you think this McGregor is Donelly?”.

“Yes, do you?” Francesca asked, “and if he is, that means he has boxed before.”

“I don’t know,” Van Helsing shrugged, “but it makes for an interesting story.”

Unbeknownst to the ménage a trois trio, French President Emmanuel Macron (on a private incognito visit to London) was sitting in the booth behind them listening to what they were saying.

He quickly exited and ran from the sports bar back to his hotel to pour some Grecian Formula on his hair as his hair had suddenly turned gray.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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Renfield and The Rio Games

August 8, 2016 at 12:14 pm (International Intrigue, Sports, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“I’ve heard one of your companies is doing the dope testing on athletes at the 2016 Rio Olympics,” Amadeus asked Renfield while biting into a Brazilian lamb chop cooked in a Brazilian salsa sauce.

“That’s true,” Renfield grinned.

“Why are you grinning?” Amadeus washed down the hot salsa with a cool ginger beer.

“Because of the fun I’ll have with the testing,” Renfield looked like a mischievous imp.

“What are you going to do?” Amadeus asked with some trepidation.

“I’m going to arrange it so that every athlete in the world with the exception of the Russian athletes test positive for drug use,” Renfield beamed like the Mona Lisa on steroids.

“Why would you do that?” Amadeus queried.

“Because it’s fun,” Renfield shrugged and went upstairs to his room.

Amadeus noticed that Renfield had left his laptop on the table so he took a glance at the computer screen.

He noticed a large amount of Russian gold bullion had been deposited into Renfield’s Swiss bank accounts.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 6th 2016.

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Playing Baseball Against Stormy Skies: A Poem

July 29, 2016 at 2:09 pm (Life, Nature, Poetry, Sports) (, , , )

I passed by a baseball field last night
A fierce thunderstorm was approaching from the west
The sky was dark and gray
The clouds resembled angry dragons
and angry towering giants.
A strong wind blew in from the west
and trees swayed strongly off the field

Yet the players continued to play their game
They ran around the bases in the strong cool breeze
The pitcher continued to pitch
and the catcher continued to catch
save when the hitter hit
and infielders and midfielders and outfielders
continued to move on the field

Judging from their faces, they looked so much more alive
than say if they had been playing baseball on a hot sunny day
The approaching storm cloud and the powerful cool breeze
kept things cool
so they were able to play the game with more intensity
and less lethargy
than if they had been playing in hot sun

Of course once the downpour and lightning hit
that probably wouldn’t have been so much fun
I did not stay to watch that outcome

I suppose the trick is to play the game against the storm clouds
and against the strong cool breeze
but to know when to come in out of the rain.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday July 29th 2016

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Renfield and The Kardashian/Jenner Clan’s Latest Shenanigans

October 18, 2015 at 6:13 pm (Culture, Entertainment, News, Sports, Television, TV Commercials, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield And The Kardashian/Jenner Clan’s Latest Shenanigans

Renfield R. Renfield sat on the sofa and spoke to Amadeus Emanon, “You know with all the international espionage activities I’ve been involved in the past week, I really haven’t had time to keep up with the Kardashians. I wonder what the latest news is involving the Kardashian/Jenner clan and their inner circle?”.

Renfield used the remote to put on the television while Amadeus continued to eat the half dozen steak and kidney pies he’d been eating.

“So,” Renfield mockingly asked the television, “what’s the latest with the Kardashian/Jenner clan?”.

A TV commercial was on.

TV Commercial spokesman: Are you the sort of guy who wouldn’t want to be caught dead in a Nevada brothel?

Then to avoid such future embarrassment, use Viagra.

The real thing.

Not those cheap herbal imitations.

And here’s another piece of advice for you, my whoremongering friend.

That slogan Things Go Better With Coke doesn’t always hold true.

So use Viagra.

The real thing.

After all you wouldn’t want to be caught dead or near death in a Nevada brothel.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 18th
2015.

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