Renfield On St. Patrick’s Day 2023

March 17, 2023 at 7:43 pm (Biographical, Entertainment, History, News, Sports, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was celebrating 🥳 St. Patrick’s Day ☘️ on this Friday March 17th 2023.

He was recounting a historical incident on his podcast.

Said Renfield, “It was 100 years ago today on March 17th 1923 that Battling Siki a boxer from Senegal 🇸🇳 defended his World Light Heavyweight Championship against an ☘️ Irish boxer Mike McTigue in Dublin Ireland 🇮🇪 on St. Patrick’s Day ☘️.

The fight is cited by social scientist Julian Simon in his book Basic Methods In Social Sciences as an example of challenging the laws of probability.

The fight went the distance and went down to a decision decided by a panel of Irish ☘️ judges in Dublin Ireland 🇮🇪 on Saint Patrick’s Day.

Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat 🧢 and see if you can correctly deduce who won the decision.

-Renfield R. Renfield, St. Patrick’s Day ☘️,
Friday March 17th 2023.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 17th

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Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp While Howard Cosell’s Ghost Comments

April 7, 2022 at 10:08 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Krampus left to pick up the pieces after a beheading and dismemberment spree by Pan Goatee

Ghost of Howard Cosell: Good afternoon, ladies and gents. Today we’re following one of the world’s most charming and beloved gentlemen the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee. Watch as he boards a bus in the City of Calgary a city definitely not noted for its female pulchritude. Quite the antithesis in fact. And that has to be the greatest understatement of the last 1000 years.

Pan Goatee boards the bus and lo and behold! sitting in the front seat is a fat ugly blimp.

Ghost of Howard Cosell: Egad! What a disgusting and repulsive gargantuan spectacle of absolute hideousness! That makes me want to puke my guts out. (Barfs into the nearby waste basket) The heroic Pan Goatee raises his heroic astral laser machete- Excalibur X Infinity and Beyond – and beheads the fat ugly blimp. Her head rolls on to the floor and causes an earthquake. Goatee now cuts up the fat ugly blimp’s elephantine sized body (Hannibal of Carthage would never have used an elephant this ugly) into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

Krampus arrives to pick up the blimp’s remains and take them down to Tartarus.

Ghost of Howard Cosell: Goatee is now going to get off the bus. Oops! An ugly thin looking stoat tries to get out the door in front of him. Well there goes her airhead rolling on to the floor. She’s now cut up into 999 trillion pieces. And now this commercial message from PBS. The great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg recommends everybody study Math.

Goatee then gets off the bus and boards the notorious C-Train heading west.

A few blocks later he gets off the C-Train.

A stupid and ugly looking medium sized ugly gargoyle tries to get in his way as he walks along the platform.

Ghost of Howard Cosell: There goes the gargoyle’s head. She was obviously even too ugly to be included among the gargoyles to grace Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral. Quasimodo the Hunchback of Notre Dame would have been ringing the bells with his spewing vomit rather than his pulling hands had that ugly looking creature been put atop Notre Dame Cathedral.

Goatee then cuts up the medium sized gargoyle into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond etc. etc. x 999 trillion x 999 trillion ad infinitum.

The great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg then gives a public service announcement endorsing the study of physics as necessary for putting a man on the moon.

An admirer of Adolf Hitler and a believer in the flat earth theory objects so Pan Goatee cuts his head off remarking, “This will put an end to the Hitler debate once and for all.”

Goatee then went to a social agency where there was a public phone available for their clients to use.

Someone was on the phone so Goatee went for a walk for half an hour.

He came back and the idiot was still on the phone.

So he went for another walk for half an hour.

When he got back, the idiot was still on the phone so Goatee beheaded him and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The moron would never be a phone hog again.

Krampus picked up the phone hog’s body as well as the body of the AIDS infested scumbag and corrupt social and community housing worker Mark of The Beast Alexander who had just been slowly bodily dismembered by the Egyptian god Anubis who did so without the use of anesthetic on the screaming and whining piece of shit.

Pan Goatee then went for a walk around a downtown mall where once again various types of ugly women tried to get in his way so he beheaded and dismembered them all.

Later that evening Goatee went for a walk to his neighbourhood dollar store to buy some items where a couple of ugly women were also present.

So he beheaded and dismembered them both.

The ghost of Howard Cosell meanwhile was talking to the ghost of the great American boxer Muhammad Ali.

“I’m going to win my next fight,” said Ali.

“When and where will you be fighting next?” Cosell asked.

“I’ll be fighting in Ukraine,” Ali answered, “I’ll be kicking Vladimir Putin’s ass.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 7th

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Zombie Nosferatu Major League Baseball

April 5, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a podcast on this Monday evening.

Renfield read his script as he sipped a glass of brandy, “Antichrist worshipping Georgia senator and satanic Rev. Raphael Warnock the warlock denied the literal Resurrection of Christ in his Easter Sunday sermon.
He was denounced as a heretic by lawyer Jenna Ellis.
Blithering idiot and MSNBC resident airhead Joy Reid rushed to the apostate Rev. Warnock’s defense.
Snivelling to Jenna Ellis in an airheaded tweet, “Madame, I’m gonna take Rev. Warnock’s word as a Pastor and a scholar on the Word over yours, if you don’t mind” pointing out that Rev. Warnock is the senior pastor of the late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s former church.
Ignoring the fact that the terms “Scholar” and “Democratic Party politician” are mutually exclusive of one another, the fact that Rev. Warnock the warlock is senior pastor of Martin Luther King Jr.’s Church doesn’t mean dick (and we’re not talking Cressida the Fascist female police commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police Service here).
Saint Peter once called Jesus “the Christ, the Son of the Living God” and today we have sitting on the Throne of Peter someone who once told an Italian journalist back in 2018 that “when Jesus became Incarnate as Man, He ceased to be God.”
Just because a Church once had an illustrious predecessor doesn’t mean that its current occupant isn’t a heretic and a twit.”

Renfield then went on to his next story.

On the screen behind him was a a photo of 8 “Night of The Living Dead” style zombies wearing 1919 Chicago White Sox uniforms and having the caption 8 Men Way Out above them and the caption Field of Nightmares below them.

“Well the latest North American professional sports league to have its brains eaten by zombies and become “woke” as a result is Major League Baseball which is going to boycott the All-Stars Professional Baseball Game in Atlanta, Georgia because the Georgia government recently passed a law making it a requirement for a voter to have valid ID in order to be able to vote in an election in Georgia.
Major League Professional Baseball, as a result of being brain dead and “woke”, has denounced the voter ID requirement law as being “racist”.
The only person stupid enough to believe that having a valid ID card in order to vote is “racist” would be a white leftist liberal.
Which explains why the white leftist liberals were in fact the first ones to come up with this absurd assertion.
White liberals (most of whom secretly believe that all blacks are stupid and are incapable of getting through life without the help of they- the white liberal self-proclaimed saviours) do not think that blacks are capable of reading and writing and filling out an application for a valid ID card on their own.
Thus to have a valid ID card in order to vote is “racist” in the white liberal’s way of thinking or rather way of NOT thinking.
And those who are non-white and agree with the white liberal’s way of NOT thinking, then judging them by the content of their character and not the colour of their skin, sad to say these people are idiots who have chosen to have their lips surgically attached to the buttocks of the corrupt, graft ridden and pedophilia promoting U.S. Democratic Party machine.
And on a final note, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that Major League Baseball announced that it would be boycotting the All-Stars Baseball Game in Atlanta on the day right after it announced that it had signed a very lucrative financial deal for broadcast rights in Asia with the huge Communist China telecoms giant corporation TenCent (which is definitely worth an infinite amount more than 10c).
TenCent is well known for its close ties to the CCP government in Beijing.
And as we all know the CCP wants a “woke” brain dead zombie America.
Because as the Big Bad Wolf dressed as Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother might put it, “The better it is to control you, my dear.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 5th

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The Gates of Hell

April 11, 2020 at 11:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Sports, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

The Gates of Hell

aka Bill and Melinda Gates

“The Gates of Hell shall not prevail against my Church.”
-Jesus Christ

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading through a dossier that had been put together by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit examining the connection between Bill Gates, the World Health Organization, the Chinese Communist Party, the Vatican and the New York Times proclaimed American expert on Covid-19- Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Renfield was reading in terms of numbers that the chances of recovery from the Covid-19 Coronavirus is 98%.

“You wouldn’t know that from the number of news broadcasters who are wearing their Chicken Little outfits at the start of every morning, noon and evening news broadcast,” Renfield thought.

Renfield noted an Associated Press News Story from September 26th 2018 of the CDC (Center For Disease Control) reporting that there had been 80,000 deaths in the U.S. from the flu the previous winter.

Then he read a comment from Bill Gates on the recent Covid-19 pandemic, “We need a nationwide shutdown in the U.S. for 18 months. We may never go back to normal again.”

Renfield thought of how Bill Gates (who had never even graduated from college) now fancied himself both a medical doctor and an economist.

Then Gates added in an interview, “Mass gatherings can’t be allowed until we have a vaccine for this.”

Renfield thought, “Who elected this asshole the President of the world? Who’s he to say when mass gatherings can and cannot be held?”.

Echoing Bill Gates’ sentiment, senile Joe Biden’s leading economic advisor called on television in an MSNBC interview for 18 months of shutdown, “Covid-19 will be here for the next 18 months or more. We will not be able to return to normalcy until we find a vaccine or effective medication for it. Conferences, concerts, sporting events, religious services, dinner in a restaurant, none of that will resume until we find a vaccine.”

“My God, what Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin and Mao Tse-tung would have given to have such power over humanity,” Renfield sipped his cup of tea.

“There may be no returning to normal from the Coronavirus pandemic,” according to Dr. Anthony Fauci (the Globalist Ministry of Fear and Propaganda’s unofficial U.S. spokesman), “until we can find a vaccine that can save us and this may take a while.”

Miranda Singh noted, “This is a statement made by the man who promised to find a vaccine for the AIDS/HIV epidemic and never did.”

“So now we have a global equivalent of the USSR (but even worse!) until this guy finds a vaccine for the novel Coronavirus,” Renfield reached for a bottle of gin, “Well that’s not going to happen. So we’ve got Orwell’s 1984 in 2020 (but even worse!) going on from here till eternity.”

Renfield then read how back in 2012, Melinda Gates on CNN told an interviewer that “we now have ways to track which African girls are practicing contraception.”

“Why do they want to track African girls and their practice of contraception?” Renfield asked, “Isn’t that racist?”.

The same paragraph noted that in December 2019, Bill Gates announced that they had come out with a tracking chip to determine which people have had what vaccine.

“Wow, how about this for a coincidence?” Renfield repeated Dustin Hoffman’s line to Katharine Ross at the back of the bus in the late 1960s film The Graduate, “Bill Gates comes out with this tracking chip about the same time that some reports of a new novel Coronavirus is starting to emerge in the city of Wuhan, China.”

“Wow, surprise, surprise!” Renfield was now reading that Melinda Gates had recently said in a Business Insider article that there would be a vaccine for Covid-19 but not for another 18 months.

“I wonder why they’re so obsessed with the number 18,” Renfield mused aloud.

Then he suddenly remembered that three sixes (6-6-6) make 18.

Then Renfield read the list comprising the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation Decade of Vaccines Collaboration Leadership Council.

Among the names on the list was Dr. Anthony Fauci the Director of NIAD, National Institute of Health and Dr. Margaret Chan the former Director-General of WHO.

The Gates Foundation had of course recently announced that it was going to provide $105 million to combat the Coronavirus.

Renfield went on to read that in the last known budgetary information available that in “2017 the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation had contributed almost $327 million to the WHO’s budget, second only to that of the United States government.”

“He who pays the piper calls the tune,” the ghost of Orson Welles’ pet parrot Rosebud piped up at that point.

The report went on to note how Bill Gates was an ardent global population controller having showered praise on Communist China’s government back in the 1990s for their One Child Policy.

And how Bill Gates along with numerous other population controllers such as economist Jeffrey Sachs, billionaire George Soros, aging rock star Bono and former UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon had made a revolving door of going in and out of the Vatican ever since Jorge Mario Bergoglio had been elected Pope Francis back in 2013.

And now Jeffrey Sachs had just announced that with the soon collapse of the global economy in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic, how he (Sachs) and other experts would soon be meeting in Assisi to plan the implementation of what Sachs called the “new global economy – the Economy of Francesco”.

The Francesco to which Sachs was referring was Pope Francis not Saint Francis of Assisi (Saint Francis of Assisi the man who had on his death bed almost 800 years ago had prophesied to his attending monks that someday a satanic antipope would arise who’d usurp the papal throne and take for his Papal name the Saint’s (Francis’) own name).

“I wonder if when announcing the Economy of Francesco,” Renfield mused aloud, “they’ll include the caveat “Any resemblance between the Economy of Francesco and Soviet Stalinism/Chinese Maoism is purely coincidental.”

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having another nightmare about Bill Gates where Bill Gates was dressed up as 1980s singer Belinda Carlisle (definitely a nightmare) and singing a paraphrased version of her hit song (Heaven Is A Place On Earth) with the Gates version being Hell Is A Place On Earth:

Ooh, baby, do you know what I’m worth,
Ooh, Hell is a place on Earth,
They say in Hell, the gates come first
We’ll make Hell a place on Earth,
Ooh, Hell is a place on Earth,

When the population falls down 
below 500 mil
like it says on Georgia’s Guidestones 
And the world’s empty 
Without the sound of kids
On the streets outside 

When you walk into a room quarantined
And you pull me close so I shoot you dead 
Cause we’re not social distancing 
Like we’re supposed to in this wave of hate 

Ooh, baby, do you know what I’m worth,
Ooh, Hell is a place on Earth,
They say in Hell the gates come first
We’ll make Hell a place on Earth, 
Ooh, Hell is a place on Earth.

When I feel alone,
I reach for you 
Now ashes in an urn,
When I’m lost at sea
A cruise ship 
that can’t dock for eternity

In this world we’re just beginning 
to understand the miracle of living
But I put an end to all that 
Because I’m God for ever more…

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday April 11th

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Coronavirus and The Emergence of The Dullahan

March 11, 2020 at 10:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Coronavirus and The Emergence of The Dullahan

With stock markets crashing, Democratic Presidential candidates cancelling events, professional sports teams cancelling the rest of their seasons and health experts scrambling to come up with a response, Donald Trump was busy sneezing into Keep America Great hats that he was autographing for his most enthusiastic supporters.

Down at the Vatican, Pope Francis entered a room and was shocked to find that it was stacked with rolls of toilet paper that went all the way up to the room’s high ceiling.

“What’s this all about?” Pope Francis asked his papal secretary.

“Well,” his papal secretary, who was wearing a flashy rhinestone laced pink ensemble designed by a Milan fashion designer who also designed stage costumes for Sir Elton John back in the day of his tours, replied, “after watching those news clips of California buyers going crazy in COSTCO stores, the boys and I decided we should really be prepared in case we have to self-isolate.”

“Really?” Pope Francis gazed at the miles and miles of toilet paper that stretched to the ceiling like giant killer Jack’s magic beanstalks on steroids, “I had no idea that my Vatican team was so full of it.”

And in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a FaceTime video conversation with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was in Australia helping to rescue koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the Australian wildfires.

“Even the moving dinners at the Road Kill Cafe out in the outback are wearing surgical face masks over their faces as they cross the road to get run over and become someone’s entree special,” Amadeus remarked.

Meanwhile in a doctor’s office in Sydney, Australia, a physician, who was wearing the mother of all hazmat outfits to end all hazmat outfits, read aloud to the Road Kill Cafe’s best customer Uncle Ernie the just returned results of his test for the Coronavirus.

The NBA announced the cancelling of the rest of the professional basketball season as a result of a Utah Jazz team player coming down with the Coronavirus.

Tomorrow the NHL would be announcing it would be doing the same with the rest of the professional hockey season.

This month’s World Figure Skating Championships in Montreal, Quebec had likewise been cancelled.

In Tokyo, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe announced that the 2020 Summer Olympics were still going ahead although the media found the sight of a supernatural Yamabushi samurai warrior committing hari kari in the background during the Prime Ministerial announcement somewhat disconcerting.

Meanwhile in Ireland, the Dullahan of Irish Celtic mythology was preparing to ride forth across the world.

The Dullahan- a headless horseman dressed all in black (carrying his own head in his own arm) riding a black horse.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 11th

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Renfield’s Night of Chopin

September 7, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Sports, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Night of Chopin

“Well, you’re looking positively dapper,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Thanks,” said Renfield who was wearing a tux and tie, “I’m going to An Evening of Chopin put on by the Saint James Court Symphony Orchestra.”

“I seem to recall you went to a similar concert back in September 2012,” Amadeus remarked who had a memory for such things.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “That was the night I met the Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna.”

“Wasn’t she the vampiress who bumped off Lenin back in 1924?” Amadeus inquired.

“She was,” Renfield started whistling the old Russian Czarist National Anthem.

“And didn’t she also flee Poland the night Nazi Germany invaded the country?” Amadeus was trying to remember, “She flew here to London where she was instrumental in helping set up the Polish Government In Exile in London?”.

“She did that as well,” Renfield remembered after several attempts that he didn’t really have to tie a bow tie, “I’m looking forward to seeing her again.”

“I imagine you are,” Amadeus opened the door of the house where the pizza he had ordered was now being delivered.

“I’m planning to ask her for a favour,” Renfield started polishing his teeth with a rock polisher.

“What would that be?” Amadeus opened up the box of the 72-inch pizza he had ordered.

“I’m going to ask her to ask her friends in the Polish government to veto any extension to Brexit past the October 31st Halloween deadline,” Renfield grinned, “any vote to extend the deadline must require the approval of all EU members. She also has several vampiress friends who live in Hungary and the Czech Republic. I’ll get her to ask her vampiress friends in Hungary and the Czech Republic to get those governments to veto the Brexit extension as well. Because 3 vetoes are even better than one. The Neo-Stalinist bureaucrats in Brussels and Jeremy Corbyn will really be shitting themselves once that happens.”

“Does Boris Johnson approve?” Amadeus asked.

“I haven’t told him yet,” Renfield started to put his plaid socks on.

“There’s some talk Johnson might resign as Prime Minister and ask the Queen to ask Corbyn to form a caretaker government sticking him with the whole Halloween Brexit deadline mess,” Amadeus noted.

“That could happen as well,” Renfield nodded, “This past Thursday Benjamin Netanyahu visited London to ask Boris to join him and the U.S. into waging war on Iran.”

“Really?” Amadeus was shocked, “I imagine Jeremy Corbyn if he was Prime Minister would give Netanyahu a definite no on that.”

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield brushed his hair and started slapping on men’s aftershave cologne.

“I saw Dracul Van Helsing in a pub earlier today,” Amadeus said, “He was having trouble deciding who to cheer for in the U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final. Serena Williams is both his favourite tennis player and also his favourite athlete. So normally he’d cheer for her but then her opponent Bianca Andreescu is Canadian so his patriotic response would have been to cheer for her. So he sat there watching the tennis match not sure who to cheer for.”

“I’m sure another night of tantric sex with the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom Sophia and Dracul will be happy again,” Renfield put on his Donald Duck feet slippers and headed out the door to the concert.

“I’m sure the London paparazzi will enjoy taking photos of what Renfield is wearing,” Amadeus remarked as he watched his friend go out the door.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 7th

Passing the torch: Serena Williams and Bianca Andreescu at the U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final.
Dracul Van Helsing wasn’t sure who to cheer for.

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Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador

June 14, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was attending a luncheon at an exclusive London club where the U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom would be speaking.

Renfield wouldn’t be sitting at the head table but would be sitting at the table directly in front of the podium where the Ambassador would be speaking.

The Ambassador began his speech and told those assembled in the hall about how Donald Trump was making America great again.

As the Ambassador talked, Renfield took off his jacket showing off the t-shirt that he was wearing that said TORONTO RAPTORS.

Last night the Toronto Raptors had become the first Canadian basketball team and the first non-American basketball team in history to win the NBA Championships.

The sight of Renfield wearing a Toronto Raptors t-shirt caused the U.S. Ambassador to stumble in his speech about Donald Trump making America great again.

. . .

In the streets of Toronto last night, Canadian Global News reporter Mark Carcasole caught up with a Toronto Raptors fan that social media platforms have now dubbed Plant Guy.

The Plant Guy who had made his way through downtown Toronto carrying a huge tree like plant complete with roots said he intended to give the plant as a housewarming gift to Toronto Raptors MVP Kawhi Leonard after the team won the NBA Championship Thursday night defeating the Golden State Warriors in Oakland California.

The Plant Guy asked reporter Carcasole if he had seen Leonard in the streets of Toronto at all that night.

The reporter answered in the negative saying that Kawhi was most likely still in the locker room in Oakland celebrating the victory with his team mates.

Plant Guy went on down the street where he ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula.

Gali-Gula was normally only seen by people who had been smoking a certain substance but undoubtedly on this magical Toronto evening, Plant Guy was able to see the little ET.

Plant Guy and Gali-Gula went for a drink where they ordered a couple of Harvey Wallbangers allowing them to see Harvey Tallbanger the normally invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Tallbanger informed the pair that the President of Kokuka Sangyo Company (the firm that owned the Kokuka Courageous oil tanker that had been attacked in the Gulf of Oman yesterday) had been attacked by two unidentified “flying objects” in an official statement he made.

Meanwhile in Ottawa, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told a reporter for a major Canadian financial periodical that he was happy to report that Canadian cannabis sales were up all over the world.

Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a conversation with Lexington his English butler and valet and asked his butler whether he thought it was a good idea to build a wall along the Canada-U.S. border in an effort to keep Plant Guy out of the U.S.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday June 14th

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Riderless Horse Bodexpress: What Does This Bode For The World?

May 18, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were watching the Preakness Stakes live from the Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore, Maryland.

They were surprised to see a horse named Bodexpress throw its rider the jockey John Velazquez off at the start of the running of the 144th Preakness Stakes and continue running the race of the race riderless.

Bodexpress came in 2nd from last in the race although technically he got a Did Not Finish even though he ran an extra loop around the track prior to being caught by outriders.

“How will this bode for the world when a riderless horse named Bodexpress crosses the finish line?” Amadeus wondered aloud, “It certainly gives one a sense of foreboding in what is to come.”

“It does indeed,” Renfield remarked as he fed his four goldfish he called the Four Goldfish of The Apocalypse.

Amadeus switched to another channel.

The channel showed Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders giving a campaign speech somewhere, “I think three-year-olds should be allowed to choose their own gender.”

“It sounds like there must be plenty of legalized Canadian cannabis crossing the border across Quebec into Vermont,” Renfield commented.

The phone rang.

Renfield picked it up.

He put it back down.

“Who was that?” Amadeus helped himself to another nacho.

“That was Miranda Singh from Set Enterprises,” Renfield answered, “Apparently Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster watched that horse race and he typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws that the ghost of a pirate jumped on Bodexpress after his jockey fell off and rode that horse the rest of the race as well as the extra lap around.”

“The ghost of a pirate?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, the ghost of a pirate,” Renfield nodded.

“I wonder what this means for the world?” Amadeus dipped his nacho chip in salsa.

“It means the ghost of that pirate isn’t a very successful jockey,” Renfield deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 18th

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Serena Williams Meeting Donald Trump

September 9, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Sports) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Serena Williams Meeting Donald Trump

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories in London smoking a reefer of soon to be legalized recreational Canadian cannabis when suddenly he picked up a news story from the future on his psychic lobster antennae.

Here was the news story that Michelangelo saw and heard:

News Announcer: Tennis 🎾 superstar Serena Williams had a major meltdown in the West Wing of the White House earlier today when Donald Trump accused her of looking at her tennis coach.

Ms. Williams slammed her racket on to the West Wing floor and then accused Trump of being a “liar” and a “thief”.

She then went over and started hitting the Donald over the head with her tennis 🎾 racket.

Instead of trying to stop her, members of the White House Secret Service stood around applauding.

That is until the head of the White House Secret Service arrived on the scene and gave the agents an angry 😡 glare.

The agents continued to applaud until the head of the White House Secret Service said, “Well, there go your pensions…”

Whereupon the Secret Service agents wrestled Ms. Williams off the Donald.

Sporting a huge bump on his toupee head and rubbing it, Trump read a note 📝 that was just handed to him while he continued to look at Serena Williams’ assault weapon of choice that was now lying on the floor.

“What a racket,” Trump remarked as he rubbed his head.

The note 📝 that Trump was handed contained the exact figure of the amount of money 💰 💵 that the CIA received in funding their black ops operations from the Colombian and Mexican drug cartels.

. . .

Meanwhile as Michelangelo was inhaling pot and receiving visions in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises, British MP Renfield R. Renfield sent a note of congratulations to rising young tennis star and the winner of yesterday’s U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final- Miss Naomi Osaka.

Naomi Osaka- the winner of the 2018 U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final- received a letter of congratulations from Renfield R. Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 9th

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Ice Dance: A Poem

February 19, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Commentary, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , )

Ice Dance: A Poem

Two separate people
become as one
holding hands
and then apart
twirl in unison
lift woman upon shoulders
woman spins around her partner
sometimes her head only inches from the ice
flash of blades
and glitter of ice
enchanting smiles
and moments of intimacy
in public in the arena
tender sweet sweet moments of intimacy
that magically allow the audience in
to see what they’re seeing and feeling
such moments are truly golden

-A poem written by Christopher
after watching Tessa Virtue’s
and Scott Moir’s gold medal
winning performance
in the ice dance
of figure skating
at the 2018
Winter Olympics
Pyeongchang, South Korea
Monday February 19th

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