The Rumble In Bogota

September 8, 2017 at 3:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

The Rumble In Bogota

As Pan Goatee cut off the head of the fat ugly bitch who insisted on following him around the subway train, he checked his watch.

“The fight starts in another few minutes,” the satyr thought to himself as he kicked the head of the facially aesthetically challenged blimp out of the way.

Pan Goatee managed to reach his favourite sports bar in time for the fight to start on the television.

There was a fighter that Goatee had recently started following- a Gordon “the Black” Donnelly who fought out of San Francisco, California.

The man was a dead ringer for UFC Champion Conor McGregor minus all the tattoos and of course Donnelly was heavier fighting in the Heavyweight category.

Tonight Donnelly would be fighting in Bogota, Colombia 🇨🇴.

His opponent was a Guevara Santos a boxer who until recently was a fighter with the FARC guerrilla movement in Colombia.

Rumour had it that Pope Francis would be sitting in the audience tonight.

Cheering for the FARC fighter of course.

Pan Goatee scanned the crowd as the television cameras scanned the arena.

He did notice in one of the back rows a man wearing a white robe, a white sombrero hat, an Evo Morales designed hammer and sickle crucifix and a pair of dark sunglasses 😎.

The fight began.

Pan Goatee lit a cigar and sat back to watch the fight.

When the bartender pointed out that according to municipal law all public buildings were non-smoking, Pan Goatee decapitated him.

No one else on staff ventured to inform Pan of current municipal ordinances.

Members of a local feminist study group called The I Hate Rush Limbaugh For Telling It Like It Is Society had come in through the sports bar door to watch women’s curling on one of the giant screens.

They left when they noticed Pan Goatee sitting there.

They did not really relish experiencing what a couple of Henry VIII’s wives had once experienced kneeling on Tower of London scaffolds.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 7th
2017.

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Boxing and The Supernatural

August 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Boxing and The Supernatural

Dracul Van Helsing was sitting in a London sports bar with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez.

Renfield R. Renfield MP had come into the bar to watch the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather Fight.

When he saw Dracul with the two elegantly dressed vampiresses, he turned around and left.

“I refuse to be around any ménage a trois where I’m not part of the ménage or the trois,” Renfield remarked bitterly as he walked out the door.

Dracul meanwhile was reading up about Conor McGregor’s sudden breakthrough into UFC fighting on a night in Sweden back in 2013.

And now here McGregor was in his first professional boxing 🥊 match.

He looked at McGregor’s picture and then thought of an email that Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had sent him 8 years ago.

Here’s the background to that Whitstable email 8 years ago:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2009/07/gordon-black-donnelly.html?m=1

Dracul told Qonzilqointec and Francesca about that email.

“So, what do you think?” Qonzilqointec asked Dracul, “Do you think this McGregor is Donelly?”.

“Yes, do you?” Francesca asked, “and if he is, that means he has boxed before.”

“I don’t know,” Van Helsing shrugged, “but it makes for an interesting story.”

Unbeknownst to the ménage a trois trio, French President Emmanuel Macron (on a private incognito visit to London) was sitting in the booth behind them listening to what they were saying.

He quickly exited and ran from the sports bar back to his hotel to pour some Grecian Formula on his hair as his hair had suddenly turned gray.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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Renfield and The Rio Games

August 8, 2016 at 12:14 pm (International Intrigue, Sports, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“I’ve heard one of your companies is doing the dope testing on athletes at the 2016 Rio Olympics,” Amadeus asked Renfield while biting into a Brazilian lamb chop cooked in a Brazilian salsa sauce.

“That’s true,” Renfield grinned.

“Why are you grinning?” Amadeus washed down the hot salsa with a cool ginger beer.

“Because of the fun I’ll have with the testing,” Renfield looked like a mischievous imp.

“What are you going to do?” Amadeus asked with some trepidation.

“I’m going to arrange it so that every athlete in the world with the exception of the Russian athletes test positive for drug use,” Renfield beamed like the Mona Lisa on steroids.

“Why would you do that?” Amadeus queried.

“Because it’s fun,” Renfield shrugged and went upstairs to his room.

Amadeus noticed that Renfield had left his laptop on the table so he took a glance at the computer screen.

He noticed a large amount of Russian gold bullion had been deposited into Renfield’s Swiss bank accounts.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 6th 2016.

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Playing Baseball Against Stormy Skies: A Poem

July 29, 2016 at 2:09 pm (Life, Nature, Poetry, Sports) (, , , )

I passed by a baseball field last night
A fierce thunderstorm was approaching from the west
The sky was dark and gray
The clouds resembled angry dragons
and angry towering giants.
A strong wind blew in from the west
and trees swayed strongly off the field

Yet the players continued to play their game
They ran around the bases in the strong cool breeze
The pitcher continued to pitch
and the catcher continued to catch
save when the hitter hit
and infielders and midfielders and outfielders
continued to move on the field

Judging from their faces, they looked so much more alive
than say if they had been playing baseball on a hot sunny day
The approaching storm cloud and the powerful cool breeze
kept things cool
so they were able to play the game with more intensity
and less lethargy
than if they had been playing in hot sun

Of course once the downpour and lightning hit
that probably wouldn’t have been so much fun
I did not stay to watch that outcome

I suppose the trick is to play the game against the storm clouds
and against the strong cool breeze
but to know when to come in out of the rain.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday July 29th 2016

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Renfield and The Kardashian/Jenner Clan’s Latest Shenanigans

October 18, 2015 at 6:13 pm (Culture, Entertainment, News, Sports, Television, TV Commercials, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield And The Kardashian/Jenner Clan’s Latest Shenanigans

Renfield R. Renfield sat on the sofa and spoke to Amadeus Emanon, “You know with all the international espionage activities I’ve been involved in the past week, I really haven’t had time to keep up with the Kardashians. I wonder what the latest news is involving the Kardashian/Jenner clan and their inner circle?”.

Renfield used the remote to put on the television while Amadeus continued to eat the half dozen steak and kidney pies he’d been eating.

“So,” Renfield mockingly asked the television, “what’s the latest with the Kardashian/Jenner clan?”.

A TV commercial was on.

TV Commercial spokesman: Are you the sort of guy who wouldn’t want to be caught dead in a Nevada brothel?

Then to avoid such future embarrassment, use Viagra.

The real thing.

Not those cheap herbal imitations.

And here’s another piece of advice for you, my whoremongering friend.

That slogan Things Go Better With Coke doesn’t always hold true.

So use Viagra.

The real thing.

After all you wouldn’t want to be caught dead or near death in a Nevada brothel.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 18th
2015.

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Haiku About Tiger Woods In 2015

July 26, 2015 at 5:23 pm (Commentary, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Tiger Woods In 2015

Broken tiger
has broken spirit
Golf becomes Greek tragedy

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Amadeus Meets Serena Williams

July 14, 2015 at 7:35 pm (News, Sports, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Amadeus Meets Serena Williams

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield were sitting in the lobby of an elegant 5-star London hotel.

Both men were wearing tuxedos and bow ties.

“So, what are we doing here?” Amadeus asked Renfield.

“Well,” Renfield mused, “it’s been a while since I’ve banged a celebrity. Do you remember years ago, I banged all 3 Kardashian sisters underneath a table in a McDonald’s in downtown Manhattan?.”

“Yes, I remember you got mad at me for eating your Filet o’ Fish and French fries while you were busy doing that,” Amadeus recalled.

“Anyways,” Renfield quickly returned to the subject at hand, “I’ve got a hankering to bang a celebrity again. And since this is the hotel where many celebrities seem to stay when they’re in London, I figure this is the best place to meet one.”

“And what am I supposed to do while you’re banging a celebrity? Amadeus asked.

“Well, I hear they serve an excellent tea and crumpets in the tea room here,” Renfield suggested.

“Whereabouts is the tea room?” Amadeus looked around.

“Oh, my gosh, I think that’s actress Gong Li,” Renfield noticed a beautiful woman wearing a green evening dress walk into the lobby.

He quickly followed her into the elevator and flashed Amadeus a V for victory sign as the elevator door closed.

Amadeus decided to head off to see if he could locate the tea room on his own.

As he walked down the hall, he suddenly noticed a beautiful woman wearing a white evening gown.

He recognized her as Serena Williams.

“Congratulations Miss Williams,” Amadeus bowed as she walked by, “on winning your sixth Wimbledon title and your 21st Grand Slam title.”

“Well,” Serena smiled, “aren’t you the perfect gentleman. And what’s your name, my good man?”.

“Amadeus Emanon,” he bowed again.

“Is that French?” Serena asked.

“Emanon is French,” Amadeus replied, “Amadeus is Latin.”

“I see, Mr. Amadeus Emanon,” Serena smiled again, “and what do you do for a living?”.

“I’m a concert pianist,” Amadeus answered.

“I see,” Serena was quite taken with the shy, quiet, unassuming gentleman,”how would you like to come up to my room and we can make music together?”.

“Do you have a piano in your room?” Amadeus asked.

Serena laughed, “Oh no. But we can find other ways to make music.”

“Well,” Amadeus reflected, “I’ve only recently begun learning how to play both the harp and the piccolo.”

Serena took hold of his hand and led him into the elevator with her.

. . .

Renfield sat in the lobby of the hotel sporting one huge black eye and wondered where the Hell Amadeus had gotten to.

He wasn’t in the tea room having tea and crumpets like he was supposed to be doing.

Renfield rubbed his black eye and wondered whether the hotel kitchen might not have some frozen steaks he could put on it.

His encounter with Gong Li had not been successful.

He had discovered that Gong Li’s martial arts skills weren’t just acting.

It was a good thing for Renfield that he had recently learned the words to the Chinese National Anthem in both Mandarin and Cantonese.

Otherwise his nuts might have been totally crushed beyond all hope of repair.

Amadeus came out of one of the hotel elevators with a huge smile on his face.

Renfield stood up to greet him.

“Where have you been?” Renfield demanded to know.

“I’ve been learning a new form of music,” Amadeus smiled, “one I’ve never experienced before.”

“Is that lipstick on your collar?” Renfield asked.

“Why yes, I guess it is,” Amadeus looked down.

“Say that woman who got out of the elevator with you,” Renfield pointed in the direction of a woman in a white evening gown going through the hotel’s revolving door, “wasn’t that Serena Williams?”.

“Yes, it was,” Amadeus sighed.

“She looked positively glowing,” Renfield remarked, “she must still be really happy over her sixth Wimbledon win.”

“She might also have other things to glow about as well,” Amadeus remarked whose own face was glowing about as red as Michelangelo the psychic lobster when he had undergone an extra dose of radiation down at the Set Enterprises lab.

Renfield looked at Amadeus’ glowing face and then looked at Serena Williams’ glowing face as she entered a taxi.

“Oh, my God,” Renfield sat back on the hotel lobby sofa in a total state of shock.

Amadeus just smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 14th
2015.

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Haiku About FIFA Women’s World Cup 2015 Being Held In Canada

June 22, 2015 at 6:41 pm (Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , )

Haiku About FIFA Women’s World Cup 2015 Being Held In Canada

The FIFA World Cups
Canada’s national teams
girls better than boys

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A Post-Mortem Poem On Super Bowl XLIX

February 2, 2015 at 7:11 pm (Commentary, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , )

A Post-Mortem Poem On Super Bowl XLIX

And it came to pass…
when it should have been run…
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Seattle- mighty Patriots have intercepted.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday February 2nd 2015
with apologies to
Ernest Lawrence Thayer
author of Casey At The Bat.

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Haiku About The Seattle Seahawks

January 18, 2015 at 6:27 pm (Commentary, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , , )

Haiku About The Seattle Seahawks

Seattle Seahawks
dynasty in the making?
see at Super Bowl

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