If Baseball Had Been Around In Shakespeare’s Time

August 6, 2014 at 4:26 pm (Entertainment, Literature, Plays, Satire, Sports) (, , , , , , , )

If Baseball Had Been Around In Shakespeare’s Time

Here is a scenario of what it might have been like if baseball had been around in Shakespeare’s time and a baseball game had been performed within one of Shakespeare’s plays:

Scene: Sir John is up to bat.

The pitcher throws the ball.

Sir John hits the ball with his bat and sends it flying.

Umpire (calling out) : Foul ball.

Sir John (aghast) : Foul ball?

Umpire (nodding his head) : Indeed it t’is. Foul ball.

Sir John (protesting) : Why, I have never seen so fair a foul.

Umpire (taking off his mask) : Are you questioning my decision, sir?

Sir John (standing up to the umpire chin to chin) : Indeed I am, sir.

Umpire : Then thou art a knave and a fool, sir.

Sir John: What sayest thou? That I am a knave and a fool?

Umpire: Indeed I say it. I hast said it. And I will say it again. Thou art a knave and a fool, sir.

Sir John: Then verily I say unto you that thou art a pimple on my lady’s plump bottom, sir.

Umpire (foaming at the mouth) : What? A pimple on thy lady’s plump bottom? I demand that you withdraw that remark, sir.

Sir John: indeed I will not, sir.

Umpire: Ye shall not?

Sir John: Indeed I shall not.

Umpire: Then thou black-hearted snerd, thou leavest me no other choice but to throw you out and cast thee forth from the game.

Sir John : Then thou leavest me no other choice but to remove my trusty sword from my trusty sheath and slay thee.

(Sir John removes his sword from his sheath and stabs the umpire)

Umpire (crying out) : Oh, I am slain.

(falls to ground dead)

Voice of Shakespearian Baseball Announcer: It doth appear that last call was fatal to yon umpire’s career.

FINIS.

Body of dead umpire is carried in solemn procession off the field.

-A short play
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 6th
2014.

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Haiku About Brazil’s 7-1 Loss To Germany In World Cup Semi-Final

July 8, 2014 at 3:20 pm (Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Brazil’s 7-1 Loss To Germany In World Cup Semi-Final

Brazil’s supporters
you can tell who they are by
paper bags on heads

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I Once Met A Man Who Looked Like Orson Welles

July 3, 2014 at 5:23 pm (Inspiration, Short Story, Sports) (, , , , , , , , , , )

I Once Met A Man Who Looked Like Orson Welles

At a picnic many years ago, I once met a man who looked like Orson Welles.

Orson Welles as he looked later in life- bearded and heavyset.

At the table in front of him, he had a litre of wine and a glass.

The glass had both wine and ice in it.

Drinking wine with ice in it.

That struck me as something Orson Welles might do.

The man even sounded like Orson Welles as he talked.

He even laughed like Orson Welles laughed.

As Orson Welles had been long dead at the time I met this man, this would probably be the closest I’d get to meeting someone like Orson Welles I figured.

The man talked about growing up on a farm near Watson, Saskatchewan back during the Depression years of the 1930s.

He talked about the baseball team in the town of Watson.

About how his father was a big fan of baseball.

He loved the New York Yankees and he loved Watson’s baseball team.

Watson had a good team.

But they always lost to Regina in the league championships each year.

Plus the Watson baseball team did not really have a good set of uniforms being a small town of the Depression years.

Regina being Saskatchewan’s largest city had a great set of uniforms for their players.

And the man who looked like Orson Welles went on, “It was a night in August…”

Sadly I’ve forgotten the year he mentioned but it was an August night sometime in the late ’30s.

And Regina and Watson would probably be playing again in the League Championships at the end of the season judging from the amount of wins each team had.

So this August night the game between the two of them would probably serve as a preview of the League Championships.

And it seemed to be a harbinger of such judging from past years.

Because Watson always played well but Regina always ended up winning.

And the Regina players would always rub it in to the Watson players about their loss.

And they would always rub it in to the Watson players about their uniforms.

That particular August night after the Watson loss, ‘Orson Welles’ father heard one of the Regina players say to one of the Watson players, “Your playing is like your uniforms. Not quite up to par.”

‘Orson Welles’ father was livid.

But it just happened that fall that ‘Orson Welles’ father had a rare bumper crop for those years of the Depression.

And as a result, he had money coming in.

So he bought things needed for the home, the farm and the family.

And he still had money left over.

So he bought a whole fresh new set of uniforms for the Watson baseball team which he presented to them the week before the League Championship- which was once again between Watson and Regina.

Championship Day came.

And the Regina players’ eyes bulged out of their heads when they saw the Watson team’s uniforms.

The sight must have been too much for the Regina players to handle.

For that year they lost the League Championships to Watson.

After the game, one of the Watson players while holding the Championship Trophy went up to one of the Regina players (the one who had said, “Your playing is like your uniforms. Not quite up to par.”) and holding up the trophy and adjusting his spiffy looking jersey asked him, “How do you like our uniforms?”.

A story related by a voice like Orson Welles.

I shall always remember that story.

And I shall always remember that line spoken with an Orson Welles voice, “How do you like our uniforms?”.

-A short story
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 2nd
2014
based on an anecdote
told him many years ago
by a man who looked
like Orson Welles.

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Haikus About 2014 South Korea-Russia World Cup Match

June 17, 2014 at 5:41 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , , )

Haikus About 2014 South Korea- Russia World Cup Match

When World War II ends
Stalin takes Korea north
38th parallel

South Korea scores
against Russia 38th goal
of World Cup series

Sent from my iPhone

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Haiku About Freddy Krueger Playing U.S. College Basketball

March 29, 2014 at 4:09 pm (Horror, Humour, Movies, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Freddy Krueger Playing U. S. College Basketball

See Freddy Krueger
long nails cut off heads in hoops
March Madness indeed

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Haiku About The Super Bowl

February 2, 2014 at 6:49 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Humour, Music, News, Poetry, Sports, TV Commercials) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About The Super Bowl

New TV ads shown
Pop stars orgasm at half time
Sports game played as well

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Haiku About Joe Psychic’s Prediction About What The Groundhog Will See For Groundhog Day Tomorrow

February 1, 2014 at 3:23 pm (Commentary, Humour, News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Joe Psychic’s Prediction About What The Groundhog Will See For Groundhog Day Tomorrow

Joe Psychic predicts
groundhog won’t emerge at all
will watch Super Bowl

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Haiku Reflecting On Ben Johnson’s 100 Metre Gold Medal Debacle A Quarter Of A Century Ago

September 25, 2013 at 4:49 pm (News, Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , )

Johnson says Use drugs

your Olympic gold medalĀ 

you can piss down drain

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