Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange

June 18, 2019 at 9:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont on the roof of Angelique Dumont’s apartment building.

“So,” Miss Dumont opened up the lunch basket, “I hear former Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi collapsed and died in an Egyptian courtroom yesterday after giving a five minute statement to the court.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher has been trying to get Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his visionary powers to determine what happened that caused Morsi’s death but the visions keep being blocked by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus.”

“Isn’t that the god whose eyeball appears as the capstone above the pyramid in the Novus Ordo Seclorum spot on the American dollar bill?” Amadeus asked as he ate a pickle and an olive and a devilled egg.

“It is,” Renfield nodded, “the same god who buried your employer Set alive in a tomb millennia ago.”

“But didn’t Set cut up Horus’ father Osiris into 14 pieces on one occasion?” Amadeus went for the cole slaw and chop suey.

“He did,” Renfield admitted, “Those old Egyptian family feuds make today’s soap operas look like child’s play by comparison.”

“It doesn’t sound like Morsi was treated very well in prison by the Egyptian government,” Angelique Dumont ate a fried scorpion.

“He wasn’t,” Renfield put some caviar on a cracker, “I didn’t like Morsi myself. After all anyone who gets the admiration of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, there’s obviously something seriously wrong with that person. But still to keep someone in isolation and solitary confinement 23 hours a day and to deny them access to their doctors and lawyers and friends and family is clearly a human rights violation.”

“Isn’t that what the British government is currently doing to Julian Assange?” Angelique Dumont asked a pointed question.

“It is,” Renfield had to admit.

“Well, you’re a member of the House of Commons,” Angelique ate a roast pork sandwich, “why don’t you do something about it?”.

“I’ve tried,” Renfield answered, “but I find myself up against those same dark forces in the British deep state apparatus that Her Majesty the Queen warned the late Princess Diana’s butler and valet about.”

“Well, you can shapeshift into a hamster, can’t you?” Amadeus was now enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “couldn’t you shapeshift into a hamster and enter Assange’s prison cell and find out what’s happening?”.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had given Renfield the genetic ability to shapeshift into a hamster back in the early 2000s.

“I’ve tried doing that,” Renfield replied, “but there’s some dark magic forces at work within the vicinity of Assange’s prison. I’m unable to enter it in shapeshifted hamster form. And I don’t have the high level security clearance to do it in human form.”

“What dark magic forces are at work around Assange’s prison?” Amadeus queried.

“Michelangelo has indicated through typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof iPad that it was a powerful spell cast by the powerful demons Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield started munching on a tuna fish sandwich.

“Why do the demons Baal and Baphomet have it in for Julian Assange?” Amadeus opened a tin of sardines.

“I can answer that, Amadeus,” Angelique smiled, “Baal and Baphomet backed Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. And Assange released Hillary’s emails on Wikileaks in 2016 helping to damage her campaign.”

“What demons backed Donald Trump for President?” Amadeus ate a banana.

“That would be Mammon and Mephistopheles,” Angelique answered.

“So Mammon and Mephistopheles won?” Amadeus noticed no more food left in the picnic basket.

“With a little help of collusion from a genie in a Russian vodka bottle according to the snivelling of Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield opened a bottle of bourbon.

The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Protective Sunblock For Vampiresses enjoying the sunshine on her London apartment building rooftop.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2019.

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Esperanza Ramirez

June 17, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Esperanza Ramirez

By night, Esperanza Ramirez worked as a singer in a Havana lounge.

By day, she occasionally did intelligence work for London-based Set Enterprises if they felt the need to know what was really going on in Cuba.

Today Esperanza Ramirez sat in her late 1950s convertible with the hood up and the doors open and smoked a cigar as she kept her eyes on the hacienda of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike just down the street.

So far Robur Pike had been visited by representatives of the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad, the Saudi Secret Intelligence Service and the IBC.

In London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing were reading text messages from Esperanza Ramirez on Huawei smart phones.

“An interesting array of clientele visiting Pike,” Van Helsing remarked.

“What is Pike doing meeting the President of the International Biscuit Company (IBC)?” Renfield mused aloud.

“Perhaps he wants to order some more biscuits,” Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon answered as he helped himself to some more tea biscuits to go with his tea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 17th
2019.

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Renfield and The Gulf of Oman Incident

June 15, 2019 at 10:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield and The Gulf of Oman Incident 

“So,” Amadeus said to Renfield over the 12 servings of shepherd’s pie that he was eating, “are you still in line to become the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering should Boris Johnson win the British Conservative Party leadership next month and move into 10 Downing Street as Prime Minister?”.

“Well I was,” Renfield replied over the single tuna fish sandwich that he was eating, “until I publicly said in a BBC Radio Interview that the Iranians may not be responsible for the attacks on the Japanese owned Kokuka Courageous and Norwegian owned Front Altair oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman.”

“That upset people?” Amadeus queried.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger, who is currently in North America, reports that huge boxes of Rolaids and Tums tablets for heartburn relief were seen being delivered to National Security advisor John Bolton and U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo shortly after I had made that statement.”

“What about here in Britain?” Amadeus poured a smattering of Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sauce on his shepherd’s pies.

“Apparently leading members of Britain’s Foreign Policy establishment have their panties in a knot as well,” Renfield admitted, “which, while it’s turning out to be great news for the Ladies’ Underwear Department at Harrods in terms of new sales to the fellows in pinstripe trousers in the Foreign Policy establishment, is lessening my chances of becoming a cabinet minister should Boris Johnson become Prime Minister.”

“And does that worry you?” Amadeus inquired.

“Well,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “My mentor the ghost of Winston Churchill often found himself out of high political office from time to time for sticking to his principles.”

“Any idea who else might be responsible?” Amadeus asked as he realized that he had now eaten his entire dozen shepherd’s pies.

“It might be the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad or the extensive cleaning maintenance and janitorial staff of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman,” Renfield answered.

“I notice Mohammad bin Salman just issued a statement,” Amadeus checked the BBC News App on his smart phone, “accusing Iran of carrying out the past June 13th twin attacks on the two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman. He says that while he does not want a war, he won’t hesitate to tackle threats to his kingdom.”

“Just like Hitler never hesitated to tackle the threats that Czechoslovakia and Poland posed to the Third Reich,” Renfield reflected.

“Wasn’t Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster getting telepathic visual updates on what’s happening in the Desert Kingdom?” Amadeus ordered a dozen steak and kidney pies from the waiter.

“Yes, he’s said the Saudi Crown Prince has been attending seances at which the ghost of Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai has been appearing to him,” Renfield helped himself to some nuts.

“Who’s Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai?” Amadeus sipped his tea.

“He’s a 2nd Century AD rabbi considered to be the author of the Zohar the chief work of the Kabbalah although some Jewish scholars dispute that,” Renfield answered, “and there are some who think he might be the inspiration for a mysterious figure in the Knight Kadosh thirtieth degree of Scottish Rite Freemasonry.”

“That’s weird that the Saudi Crown Prince is talking to some rabbi’s ghost,” Amadeus noted.

“Michelangelo said the Crown Prince was talking to Lady MacBeth’s ghost on how to wipe the blood off one’s hands when his cleaning maintenance and janitorial staff performed an involuntary dissection on journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul last autumn.”

. . .

An agent for the party involved in the attack on the two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman was now at the Moscow Zoo in the Russian capital.

He was here to poison a bamboo shoot that would be eaten by Ding Ding a 2-year-old female panda given by China to Russia earlier this year in honour of 2019 being the 70th Anniversary of diplomatic relations between Russia and the People’s Republic of China.

The assassin was startled to hear a noise on the panda grounds just as he was about to inject a lethal poison into the bamboo shoot with a needle.

He looked up and saw approaching him a creature with the head and horns of a stag, the torso and arms of a human and the legs and feet of a deer.

The creature was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos and in his arms the Celtic deity carried a crossbow with a poisoned arrow.

Cernunnos fired the arrow at the assassin and he died instantly.

The horned god then picked up the poisonous needle and attached it to one of his own arrows.

The bamboo shoot was left free of poison and Ding Ding continued to enjoy her Sichuan cuisine.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the London hotel room and noticed he was transported once more into a black and white film movie environment.

As always happened when he wore a ring that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles.

Standing alongside an antique writing desk in the room was the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis looking exquisite in a lovely floral decorated evening gown and holding a lovely floral decorated Asian fan.

Van Helsing addressed the goddess, “Your Majesty, on those occasions when you do shapeshift into a mermaid, you have been known to swim the waters of the Gulf of Oman and the Persian Gulf. Did you happen to see who was responsible for the recent oil tanker attacks?”.

Van Helsing and Atargatis engaged in an exchange of information.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 15th
2019.

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Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador

June 14, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was attending a luncheon at an exclusive London club where the U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom would be speaking.

Renfield wouldn’t be sitting at the head table but would be sitting at the table directly in front of the podium where the Ambassador would be speaking.

The Ambassador began his speech and told those assembled in the hall about how Donald Trump was making America great again.

As the Ambassador talked, Renfield took off his jacket showing off the t-shirt that he was wearing that said TORONTO RAPTORS.

Last night the Toronto Raptors had become the first Canadian basketball team and the first non-American basketball team in history to win the NBA Championships.

The sight of Renfield wearing a Toronto Raptors t-shirt caused the U.S. Ambassador to stumble in his speech about Donald Trump making America great again.

. . .

In the streets of Toronto last night, Canadian Global News reporter Mark Carcasole caught up with a Toronto Raptors fan that social media platforms have now dubbed Plant Guy.

The Plant Guy who had made his way through downtown Toronto carrying a huge tree like plant complete with roots said he intended to give the plant as a housewarming gift to Toronto Raptors MVP Kawhi Leonard after the team won the NBA Championship Thursday night defeating the Golden State Warriors in Oakland California.

The Plant Guy asked reporter Carcasole if he had seen Leonard in the streets of Toronto at all that night.

The reporter answered in the negative saying that Kawhi was most likely still in the locker room in Oakland celebrating the victory with his team mates.

Plant Guy went on down the street where he ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula.

Gali-Gula was normally only seen by people who had been smoking a certain substance but undoubtedly on this magical Toronto evening, Plant Guy was able to see the little ET.

Plant Guy and Gali-Gula went for a drink where they ordered a couple of Harvey Wallbangers allowing them to see Harvey Tallbanger the normally invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Tallbanger informed the pair that the President of Kokuka Sangyo Company (the firm that owned the Kokuka Courageous oil tanker that had been attacked in the Gulf of Oman yesterday) had been attacked by two unidentified “flying objects” in an official statement he made.

Meanwhile in Ottawa, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told a reporter for a major Canadian financial periodical that he was happy to report that Canadian cannabis sales were up all over the world.

Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a conversation with Lexington his English butler and valet and asked his butler whether he thought it was a good idea to build a wall along the Canada-U.S. border in an effort to keep Plant Guy out of the U.S.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday June 14th
2019.

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Qonzilqointec Encounters Neo-Nazi Billionaire In Dubai

June 13, 2019 at 10:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Wearing protective sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was walking the streets of Dubai.

After touring Dubai’s extensive fashion district, she went to have lunch in a restaurant atop one of the city’s sky scraping towers.

It was while she was having lunch that she recognized the Havana-based Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike sitting in the very same restaurant.

Robur Pike who called himself Robur The Conquerer II flew around in a giant propeller powered airship called The Albatross II.

Robur Pike had been genetically cloned from locks of hair belonging to Confederate Brigadier-General Albert Pike (a high-ranking Scottish Rite Freemason, Lucifer worshipper, racist and Ku Klux Klansman) in a Knoxville, Tennessee genetics laboratory back in 1966 by a Nazi scientist Dr. Eckhart Fromm who had been brought to the United States through Operation Paperclip.

Robur Pike lived in Havana, Cuba (due to the huge financial donations he ironically gave the Cuban Communist Party) because that was the city his DNA father Albert Pike envisioned as the capital of a vast slave empire that would include not only the Confederate States of America but also Mexico and various Central American and Caribbean states as well as the South American nation of Brazil.

Various wealthy landowners in Mexico, Central America and Brazil as well as generals in those nations’ armies sympathetic to the cause were prepared to throw their support behind the Confederacy and send troops and soldiers north in support of the Confederacy to battle the Union Army.

The plan fell apart in a meeting in 1864 between Jefferson Davis (President of the Confederate States of America), Albert Pike and Robert E. Lee.

Lee who had only assumed command in the Confederate Army because his beloved home region of northern Virginia had voted to join the Confederacy was opposed to the plan.

Lee, a devout Christian, had become personally an abolitionist over time and while he supported the right of the southern states to secede (something that was actually granted in the U.S. Constitution), he personally thought the Confederacy would have to come to abolish slavery itself because he became convinced that no modern nation could be built on such an abhorrent institution.

Lee told Davis that if the Confederate President backed the Pike Plan, he Lee would join the Union Army.

The plan fell apart.

And Pike (the founder of the Knights of the Golden Circle the Masonic paramilitary group that backed the idea of an intercontinental slave empire of the Americas) never forgave Lee.

But disciples of the Devil can have the last laugh for a while in history.

Beginning in 2015, the brainless anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa sought to have statues of Robert E. Lee torn down throughout the south with their efforts being applauded by brainless liberal allies in the U.S. news media and brainless liberal U.S. politicians.

Totally oblivious to the fact that Lee had in fact saved the Union through his rejection of the Pike Plan.

But such is the attitude of a narcissistic nation that had in 2016 elected a narcissistic President.

For even most U.S. historians (including those at Harvard and Yale) were unaware of Pike’s plan.

A Master’s Degree History student from Brazil who was researching the papers of powerful Brazilian families and generals from the 19th Century knew about the Pike, Davis and Lee meeting.

But since American academia seemed to ignore the role that other world powers tried to play in the U.S. Civil War, such efforts being undertaken outside the U.S. did not fall under their radar.

And Lee had his statues taken down.

And Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia was adopted as the symbol of segregation by the Ku Klux Klux only in the 1950s.

The so-called Confederate Flag as it was called by brainless northern liberals never was the flag of the Confederate States of America but was in fact Lee’s battle flag for northern Virginia.

But Lee would come to be regarded with opprobrium in 21st Century America while Pike’s statue would continue to stand in Washington DC and Pike would be regarded as a respected Scottish Rite Freemasonic authority the author of the standard Freemasonic text Morals and Dogma.

Qonzilqointec got a text message from British MP Renfield R. Renfield as she gazed over at Pike.

Renfield wondered with Qonzilqointec being over in Dubai, if she’d keep her eyes and ears open as to who might be responsible for today’s attacks on two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman.

Renfield said he couldn’t put much stock in U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s statement that Iran was responsible for the “unprovoked attacks” because as Renfield put it, “He would say that wouldn’t he?”.

A month earlier, 4 oil tankers were slightly damaged in an unclaimed attack off the United Arab Emirates.

The U.S. had blamed Iran for those attacks as well.

Qonzilqointec mentioned to Renfield that Pike was in Dubai and the attack on the Japanese owned Kokuka Courageous and Norwegian owned Front Altair oil tankers were the sort of dirty shenanigans he might be involved in.

“That is interesting,” Renfield sipped his 12 year old single malt highland whisky as he texted, “I wonder who Robur might be working for? The Iranians, the U.S. or in one of those twisted ironies of history, the Israelis? Since it’s an open geopolitical secret that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu would like nothing less than a U.S. war of regime change coming to Iran.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Thursday June 13th
2019.

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Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

June 9, 2019 at 9:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

The gypsy Esmeralda had just finished a dance and was sitting in a corner of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.

Suddenly she was approached by the Greek god Zeus.

“Howdy,” said Zeus who had been sitting up at the bar and shooting the breeze with a Texas oilman, “How would you like to see my Olympian sized Greek sausage?”.

The deity started to raise his Greek toga.

“Be a gentleman,” said the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger who hit Zeus over the head with one of his own lightning bolts that he had left behind in an Adidas bag full of lightning bolts next to his stool.

As Zeus hit the floor, he moaned, “That’s the first time in history I’ve been hit by one of my own lightning bolts. And by a bunny rabbit at that.”

“By a very tall bunny rabbit though,” Esmeralda said as she sipped a Harvey Wallbanger allowing her to see the usually invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit.

“I’ll be the laughing stock of the Vegreville summit,” Zeus sighed, “Vegreville being to the gods and goddesses of the world’s nations – the Greeks, the Norse, the Egyptian, the Celtic, the Phoenician, Babylonian etc. what the Davos summit is to mortal men and women.”

“You gods and goddesses meet yearly in the city of Vegreville, Alberta, Canada?” Harvey Tallbanger was shocked, “In the name of God, why?”.

“I hear Vegreville has the world’s tallest Easter egg,” Esmeralda pointed out.

“Well it wasn’t me who laid it,” Harvey the rabbit said in his own defense.

“It may have been me,” Zeus remarked before succumbing to unconsciousness as a result of being hit by one of his own lightning bolts.

. . .


The Greek goddess Hera

“I have the feeling my husband Zeus is once again up to no good,” the Greek goddess Hera remarked to private eye Carson Cody Albion.

Years before, Hera had hired Albion to spy on her horny husband and now she was doing so again.

“What makes you think so?” Albion lit himself a cigarette.

“Well,” Hera got up from her chair, turned around and looked at Albion:

“We were at the 75th Anniversary celebrations of D-Day on Juno Beach last Thursday,” Hera explained and smoothed the top of the chair, “Juno Beach was named after me, you understand? Or at least the Roman side of my persona. Donald Trump had just signed his name at the top of the 75th Anniversary D-Day proclamation whereas every other world leader present had signed their name at the bottom when Zeus told me, he had to get back to Paris for some reason and he wasn’t talking about the long dead Trojan who had slain Achilles with an arrow to the foot.”

“You suspect he’s got something going on in Paris?” Albion closed his notebook and put it in his pocket.

“I do,” said the goddess as she fanned herself.

Albion marvelled at how in the past 2 minutes, Hera was able to make clothing changes even faster than Japanese pop music superstar Moritaka Chisato.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 9th
2019.

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Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula

May 29, 2019 at 10:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal invisible spy and secret agent the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was once again in Paris to spy on Emmanuel Macron’s pro-globalist and pro-EU forces in the wake of the European Parliament elections.

Tallbanger worked his way through a group of marijuana smoking architecture students from California who were smoking weed and drawing sketches for a re-vamped Notre Dame Cathedral in the wake of last month’s fire.

As a result of inhaling pot smoke, Tallbanger was able to see Gali-Gula the ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was sitting up at the bar in Quasimodo’s Cafe as soon as the very tall bunny rabbit entered.

Most creatures on planet Earth were only able to see the ET gray Gali-Gula if they had inhaled pot smoke.

Coincidentally, Gali-Gula was sitting up at the bar drinking a Harvey Wallbanger.

Only creatures who were drinking Harvey Wallbangers were actually able to see the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.

Being able to see one another, the ET gray and the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit struck up a conversation.

“So, what have you been up to on planet Earth?” The tall rabbit asked the ET gray as he stirred his Tequila Sunrise cocktail with a carrot.

“I used to be an advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” Gali-Gula answered, “until his pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever got kidnapped by China’s intelligence service and is being held hostage in exchange for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian custody. So Trudeau hasn’t been able to see me since last December.”

“So who are Justin Trudeau’s advisors now?” Tallbanger sipped his Tequila Sunrise cocktail.

“The demons Baal and Baphomet,” Gali-Gula downed his mixture of orange juice, vodka and Galliano.

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing,” the Welsh pooka ate his carrot.

“It isn’t,” Gali-Gula looked glum, “An exorcist might have to be brought in. Spitting French pea soup out of his mouth while his head is spinning around 360 degrees in every direction might go over well with Quebec voters but I really don’t think it will play out well in the rest of Canada.”

“I met an exorcist once,” the Welsh rabbit ordered Welsh rarebit off the Quasimodo’s menu, “the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who tried to exorcise a couple of demon possessed dogs in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s constituency. The dogs managed to escape and are still creating havoc in the English countryside.”

Just then a pair of men in black sat down across from Tallbanger and Gali-Gula.

“So,” the first man in black adjusted his dark sunglasses, “Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been unable to form a coalition government in Israel and the Israeli Knesset has voted to dissolve itself and call for new Israeli national elections to be held on September 17th.”

“What this means,” the 2nd man in black likewise adjusted his dark sunglasses, “is that the Jared Kushner peace plan, the so-called deal of the century as it has been dubbed in Donald Trump’s Twitter tweets, is now dead in the water. The plan was always delayed for some reason or other. Last autumn’s bodily dismemberment of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul certainly put a major kabosh into the Kushner peace plan. Then it had to be delayed because of the Israeli elections earlier this year. Then Ramadan came up. It was to be released early next month following the end of Ramadan. But now with new Israeli elections, its release will now have to be delayed until those elections are over. Then this fall will be too close to next year’s U.S.Presidential election and on the off-chance something goes wrong with the peace plan, Trump will probably delay the plan until after next year’s Presidential election. So it probably won’t be announced until well into 2021.”

“I guess this means Ivanka Trump will never see her husband win the Nobel Peace Prize,” the first man in black mused philosophically.

The two finshed their drinks and left the cafe.

As the men in black exited, the Egyptian vampiress Isis entered the cafe with the Greek god Ares on her arm.

“My boss,” Tallbanger referred to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “will be very interested to know those two are meeting.”

“You don’t suppose they’re here for the half price on Mexican nachos during Happy Hour?” Gali-Gula queried.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 29th
2019.


Egyptian vampiress Isis enters Quasimodo’s

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Dracul and Semiramis In Paris

May 26, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris waiting for the European Parliament election results to come in.

He phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was in London.

“Hi, Renfield,” Dracul greeted him, “How’s your party doing?”.

“We’re ahead of the Conservatives,” Renfield was already on his 10th cognac in celebration, “so we’ll be sending a few MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels. Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party has done the best so that must have been one lucky milkshake that some protester doused him with. How is the Kraken’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party doing?.”

“Well given the results so far, the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party will be sending at least 2 MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels,” Dracul looked at the television screen inside the cafe.

“So that means the Kraken Napoleon VI himself and his wife Medusa will be sitting in the European Parliament,” Renfield lit himself a cigar.

“That will be the case,” Dracul admitted, “Have you heard how Theresa May is taking the results?”.

“According to the gypsy fortune teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia whom I ran into earlier tonight,” Renfield replied, “She says she saw Theresa May drowning her sorrows in a pub accompanied by the ghost of an 18th Century pirate.”

“Well, she’s one up on Margaret Thatcher then,” Dracul ordered a Napoleon brandy, “I don’t think the Iron Lady ever did that.”

“No, I don’t think so either,” Renfield considered the possibility, “The closest she ever got was when she said to Argentine President General Galtieri over the Falkland Islands Malvinas, your place or mine?”.

“The Kraken arrived in the cafe about an hour ago,” Dracul noticed the large octopus was downing champagne by the bucketloads, “He just got in from Tel Aviv. While there, he was told by Miranda the mermaid that sinister forces have developed a flesh eating killer seaweed designed to destroy France. Of course the Kraken already encountered that sinister piece of future sushi wrapping when he left Marseille for Tel Aviv yesterday.”

In the restaurant where Renfield was sitting, he ordered some sushi rolls from the waitress upon hearing this news.

“So, what’s new with you?” Renfield asked the vampire hunter.

“Well, a few days ago, I was kidnapped by the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis while sitting in a Paris movie theatre attending a large screen showing of the movie Casablanca,” Dracul recalled.

“That must have been exciting,” Renfield was pleased by the restaurant’s quick delivery of the sushi rolls.

“It was,” Dracul smiled.

“What did she want?” Renfield said as he dove into the sushi rolls with his chopsticks.

“She wanted me to give her King Arthur’s battle banner on which was an image of a red dragon the famous Red Dragon Banner whose image is actually able to breathe fire in battle,” Dracul stated.

“And did you give it to her?” Renfield inquired.

“Oh, I gave it to her all right,” Dracul smiled again, “But not the Red Dragon Banner. That’s a family heirloom.”

“Well, I see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill are walking in through the door to join me in celebration,” Renfield finished his sushi rolls, “so I better go. Have a good night.”

“You too, my friend,” Dracul put his smartphone back in his pocket.

He looked towards a corner booth in the cafe and noticed Semiramis the legendary former Queen of Babylon sitting there.

As often happened when Dracul Van Helsing encountered goddesses and legendary queens, the setting had changed to black and white.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 26th
2019.

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The Ghost of Orson Welles and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector To Norway

May 3, 2019 at 10:17 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Radio, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

While British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in Thailand to attend the coronation ceremony of King Maha Vajiralongkorn, his spirit advisors the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill were hanging around the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set smoking huge amounts of spectral cigars with Churchill drinking huge amounts of spectral brandy and Welles drinking huge amounts of spectral wine.

After a couple of days of this, an exasperated billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan, “What’s the number for Ghostbusters?”.

“I regret to say, sir, that Ghostbusters was pure fiction and the Ghostbusters team portrayed by Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson do not exist in reality,” Athelstan sighed.

“Damn,” Set spilled his crocodile casserole all over himself at this upsetting piece of news.

The phone rang.

Athelstan picked it up.

“It’s for you, Orson,” the valet called out to Welles’ ghost who was busy talking to the clock on the living room mantelpiece and telling it, “We will sell no wine before its time.”

“Who is it?” Welles asked.

“It’s Erna Solberg the Prime Minister of Norway,” Athelstan replied.

“What does the Prime Minister of Norway want with me?” Welles asked.

“Well, why don’t you pick up the fucking phone and find out?” Set said angrily as he was using vast amounts of Sherrielock Holmes’ Bavarian Magic Mushroom Stain Remover trying desperately to remove the crocodile casserole stains off his suit and tie.

Welles’ ghost took the phone.

After a long conversation, Welles’ ghost put the phone down.

“What is up, Senor Welles?” Athelstan asked.

“Apparently, that beluga whale that showed up in Norway that some people are calling a Russian spy wants to defect to the Norwegians,” Welles replied.

“And what does that have to do with you?” Set asked as he found out where Renfield kept his secret stash of bourbon (it was under the stairwell under a post office box marked HARRY POTTER Age 21) and helped himself to two bottles of bourbon.

“Apparently, the beluga whale doesn’t speak Norwegian,” Welles replied, “he only speaks Russian (which he learned at the Russian Navy’s Northern Fleet Headquarters in Murmansk where he was being taught to be a spy) and English. Apparently he learned English because his spy handler listened to my old radio programs that are available on the Internet. Shows like The Shadow, The Adventures of Harry Lime, and The Black Museum. He also liked a radio commercial ad I once did for Norwegian cod. Apparently it was that ad which inspired him to defect to Norway. While swimming towards Norwegian waters, he ran into the mermaid Miranda who had met Renfield once on the Israeli coast off Tel Aviv. Miranda told the beluga whale that while it is true that I’m dead, I was granted dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades the god of the Underworld and I’m currently serving as a spirit advisor to Mr. Renfield along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill. The beluga wants to make his formal defection to the Norwegian government with me present.”

“Does that mean you’ll go to Norway and be out of my house for a while?” Set asked as he started working on his 99th bottle of bourbon.

“Yes,” Welles nodded, “If I can borrow one of your Persian flying carpets to fly to Norway.”

“Yes, go down to the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium and get one,” Set directed, “In the name of God, go.”

Welles’ ghost walked out the door and went out into the London night with his spectral fur coat adorning his huge spectral shoulders.

Set looked over into the armchair by the fireplace where Churchill’s ghost sat fast asleep and singing in his sleep, “Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine, you are lost and gone forever, oh my darling Clementine.”

“Now, if I can only find a way to get rid of that one,” the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire pointed a bony finger at Churchill before falling to the floor in a drunken stupor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 3rd 2019.

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Harvey Tallbanger and The Artist

April 28, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Art, Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Inspiration, International Intrigue, Life, love, News, painting, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The night was somewhat cool as if February had crept in to steal a backwards glance in the midst of a late April evening.

And Liam Van Stope carried his work with him as he walked from place to place.

For Liam Van Stope was an artist and the work he carried was a huge white sketchpad along with a box of pastel crayons.

There he would walk from cafe to cafe sketching and colouring the patrons and customers.

For Liam Van Stope wished that the Paris of Toulouse-Lautrec and Vincent Van Gogh would never go away.

Oblivious to the idea that the Paris of Van Gogh and Lautrec was separate from the Paris of 2019 by more than a century.

And soon the Paris of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway would likewise be separated from the contemporary Paris by a century.

And as far as the thinking of Emmanuel Macron and some of the world’s so-called leading architects goes, the Notre Dame of the ages would soon be separated by a new Notre Dame by vast millenia.

Liam Van Stope walked into Quasimodo’s Cafe an establishment named after Victor Hugo’s famous character who had carried a hunted gypsy girl across the threshold of the Notre Dame of the ages and cried “Sanctuary”.

Liam recognized Esmeralda the gypsy girl who like her namesake in Victor Hugo’s novel danced the eternal dance of the gypsies though unlike her namesake danced in this cafe on weekends and not on the streets in front of Notre Dame at night unintentionally arousing the lust of a Notre Dame archdeacon who would endeavour to bring Hell on earth instead of absolution when his lust went unrequited.

Liam ordered a cognac and looked around the cafe on this quiet Sunday evening wondering whom he could sketch.

When he first entered the cafe, he had noticed Esmeralda talking animatedly to the empty seat next to her.

Ah, Liam thought to himself, when he had seen this, that will soon be all of us one day. All of us talking to ghosts. Talking to ghosts of a Paris that will soon be found only in the history books.

Esmeralda noticed Liam sitting in the corner booth with his sketch pad open at a blank page and his sketching pencil in hand waiting to draw when the inspiration hit.

She motioned to the maitre’d and pointed in Liam’s direction.

Within minutes, the maitre’d arrived at Liam’s table with a drink in hand that looked to be partially made from orange juice.

‘Excuse me, sir,” the maitre’d said, “but Miss Esmeralda thinks you might like to drink this for inspiration.”

“What is it?” Liam asked.

“It’s called a Harvey Wallbanger, sir,” the British maitre’d working with stiff upper lip in a Parisienne cafe replied.

The maitre’d bowed and left.

Liam took a sip of the drink.

Then another.

And then another.

It was good, Liam had to admit.

The artist then noticed that sitting next to Esmeralda at the bar was a bunny rabbit.

A very tall bunny rabbit.

Probably about 6 foot 8 in height, Liam estimated.

The bunny rabbit was white in colour with big pink floppety ears and a big pink floppety tail.

He was wearing a pair of denim blue colour overalls as well as a tall black bowler hat that his big pink floppety ears were sticking through.

Liam began sketching and began applying the pastel crayons to his subject.

He had soon completed the picture.

“Excuse me, sir,” Liam walked up to the bunny rabbit, “but what is your name?”.

“Harvey Tallbanger,” the rabbit replied.

“A name that must be recorded for posterity,” Liam said as he wrote down the name.

The artist then bowed to Esmeralda and said, “Thank you for the drink.”

When he returned to his studio apartment, Liam had been doing some reflecting on his subject of Harvey Tallbanger.

There was something quixotic about that bunny rabbit, Liam thought to himself.

He went over to his palette and canvas.

He decided he would paint Harvey Wallbanger as Don Quixote.

Minus the knightly armour.

He would have Harvey wearing his denim blue coloured overalls and his bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears would stick through) but he’d be riding Don Quixote’s horse Rocinante and he’d have a lance in his hand and he’d be charging at the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret in the Montmartre district of Paris.

As he painted, Liam sang the theme song from the musical Man of La Mancha:

“To dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe

To run where the brave dare not go

To reach the unreachable star…”

And with that, Liam Van Stope a dreamer painted his quixotic picture of the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger now visible in his blue denim coloured overalls and black bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears stuck through) as Don Quixote riding his horse and battling the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 28th
2019.


Esmeralda the gypsy: Inspiring bunny rabbits like Harvey Tallbanger
and artists like Liam Van Stope.

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