Amazon On Fire

August 22, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Amazon On Fire

London-based private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie sat in the New York City office of Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Unbeknownst to Magog and Agathor, Lev Tomi was a vampire.

Hence the reason for the late night meeting.

During his mortal life, Lev Tomi had been the Russian Communist Leon Trotsky.

Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie had recently been deported from Argentina as their investigation into a sex trafficking ring (with possible close ties to the Vatican) was getting a little too close for the powers that be behind the curtains who were secretly running the world.

“Gentlemen,” Lev Tomi took off his wire rimmed spectacles and wiped them, “I want you to go down to Brazil and investigate and find out who’s responsible for setting all the wild fires that are currently burning up the Amazon rain forests which are the lungs of planet Earth.”

“Well according to Jair Bolsonaro the President of Brazil, the ones who set the fires are the NGOs of Brazil since his government slashed funding to them,” Magog noted.

“And do you believe him?” Lev Tomi stroked his dark goatee beard.

“No,” Magog shook his head, “They don’t call him the Donald Trump of Brazil for nothing.”

“Will you take the case?” Tomi asked.

“We will,” Magog agreed.

. . .

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Cardinal JM (which was his code name) the head of the Vatican Secret Intelligence Service was secretly pleased about the wild fires happening in the Amazon rain forest.

The reason was the upcoming Synod On The Amazon which was being held at the Vatican this coming October.

Cardinal JM and his fellow pagan cardinals at the Vatican (which was actually a great many of them) were hoping to use that synod to overturn 2000 years of Catholic doctrine and liturgy.

And they were hoping to use the ecological crisis facing the Amazon region of South America to be able to do just that.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson and French President Emmanuel Macron were meeting in Paris to discuss Brexit and the question of the Irish backstop on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland border.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel in her meeting with Johnson in Berlin yesterday said that if Johnson could come up with a solution to the Irish backstop problem within 30 days, she would be willing to listen.

Macron, on the other hand, like most pompous and arrogant French leaders, was not so accommodating.

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who liked to drink and sleep with part of his body on one half of the Irish border and the other part of his body on the other) watched the Johnson-Macron meeting live on his Samsung Galaxy tablet while drinking from a large keg of Jameson Whiskey and recalling how he had once saved all of Ireland from the Prussian invasion of 1807.

Or was it the Napoleonic invasion of 1808?

He always got those two years and two invasions mixed up for some reason.

The leprechaun fell asleep.

. . .

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora was wearing a red Italian Renaissance era style dress and walking down the steps and corridors of the ancient Italian city of Ravenna.

She smiled when she saw Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approach.

“Your Vampiric Majesty,” Dracul greeted her, “I need your help in stopping Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkish army from invading northern Syria and massacring Kurds and Christians.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 22nd
2019.

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Donald Trump: I’m The Second Coming of God and There’s Something Rotten In The State of Denmark

August 21, 2019 at 10:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump: I’m The Second Coming of God and There’s Something Rotten In The State of Denmark

Donald Trump was sitting up in his high chair in the White House dining room with a bib around his neck and his arms folded and was busy pouting, “Well, I’m not going to go to Denmark if I can’t buy Greenland. I’m going to cancel my state visit to Denmark so there.”

“Very good, sir,” Lexington his British butler and valet sighed, “Are you planning on finishing your mashed peas?”.

He pointed towards Trump’s plate.

“No, I’m not,” Trump answered in petulant fashion, “I don’t have to eat my mashed peas if I don’t want to.”

The President threw his spoon on the floor in a childish temper tantrum.

Lexington removed the spoon from the floor and the plate of mashed peas from the President’s high chair tray.

When Lexington left the room, Trump turned his attention to his long suffering teddy bear in the next high chair and started complaining to him, “WAAAAH! Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen called my offer to buy Greenland “absurd”. How dare she call it absurd! Calling it an absurd idea. That was a nasty thing to say. All she had to say was “no”. But she called it an absurd idea. That was so nasty! What sort of person goes around saying nasty things?”.

Trump picked up his smart phone and quickly tweeted that Jews who voted for the Democratic Party were “traitors”.

He also tweeted more uncomplimentary language about the 4 Democratic Congresswomen whom he now referred to as “AOC plus three”.

Lexington returned with Donald Trump’s dessert and put it down on the high chair tray in front of the President.

“Lexington!” Trump ordered, “I want you to call Ivanka and get her to summon an emergency meeting of the cabinet and national security council. I’m going to sign an Executive Order proclaiming that all Cinnamon Danish buns bought and sold in the U.S. can no longer be called Cinnamon Danish buns. They’ll have to be called Cinnamon Florida buns. Florida is a great state. Denmark isn’t. There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.”

“Very good, sir,” Lexington left the dining room to call Ivanka.

Trump turned his attention back to his long suffering teddy bear, “Teddy, you know what a conservative political commentator said about me and Israeli Jews. He said Israeli Jews (who aren’t traitors) think of me as the new King of Israel and the Second Coming of God.”

Despite his inanimate state, the long suffering teddy bear grimaced into a sheer expression of horror (the same expression that Mr. Bean’s teddy bear had on his face the night Mr. Bean lost his virginity).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Wednesday August 21st
2019.


Summoning the spirit behind the new King of Israel and the 2nd Coming of God

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Reblog of Pan Goatee Interviewed On TV Show

August 18, 2019 at 9:03 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

One of my readers commented tonight that he hopes Pan Goatee never visits Montana. I mentioned a few years ago, I wrote a chapter where Pan Goatee is interviewed on a TV show in Great Falls, Montana. And here it is:

Dracul Van Helsing

Pan Goatee Interviewed On TV Show

KRTV Channel 3 Announcer: Live from Great Falls, Montana, it’s the Russell Charlie Show and now here’s our host… Russell Charlie.

(A man wearing a 10 gallon tan cowboy hat, purple leather vest, cowboy tie, denim jeans and leather cowboy boots strolls on to the stage waving his hat and waving his hands)

Russell Charlie: Howdy y’all, ladies and gentlemen. How ya doing?

(Audience shouts in unison, “We’re great, Rusty!”. Rusty of course being Russell Charlie’s nickname)

Rusty: Today, of course, we have a special guest who’s come all the way from Washington, D.C. …

(Audience starts booing)

Rusty: Now, we must be hospitable. After all that’s the way of the Great American West. We give you food, give you drink and then we’ll plug you full of holes with our six shooters.

(Audience laughs)

Rusty: Washington D.C. is of course the town where…

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Pan Goatee Slays More Fat Ugly Blimps While Trump Is Pissed Off At Renfield

August 17, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Slays More Fat Ugly Blimps While Trump Is Pissed Off At Renfield

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had all the ingredients to make a Ralph Petley Jones Special Grilled Cheese Sandwich save one (the recipe was developed by a famous Welsh ex-Mountie who once owned an acreage near Fairmont Hot Springs in British Columbia).

The recipe consisted of putting huge slabs of butter on four slices of bread.

Then put a large slice of cheese on each of the four slices of bread.

Then put several large slices of onion on each slice of cheese.

Then put another large slice of cheese atop the onions on each slice of bread.

Then put the slices of bread together so you’ve got two huge sandwiches.

Put in the oven or microwave until the cheese melts.

And voila! Delicisio! 

Goatee had plenty of butter and plenty of bread and plenty of onions.

But alas! No cheese slices.

So he walked to the grocery store to buy some.

He was in luck as there were both cheese slices in the store as well as loads of beautiful women walking around the store (something very rare indeed for the city he lived in!).

After Goatee had purchased his cheese slices, he walked out the door.

The poor satyr serial killer’s luck ran out as a fat ugly blimp came waddling up the sidewalk pushing a grocery cart.

To the right on the other side of the fat ugly blimp, there was an extremely stupid looking guy standing on the sidewalk looking like an idiot holding an empty grocery cart.

Because of the said inconsiderate idiot standing there holding an empty grocery cart, it made it difficult for Goatee to maneuver past the fat ugly blimp as the elephantine sized creature took up a wide portion of the sidewalk.

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp remarking, “That’s what you get for not making a New Year’s resolution to lose weight this year and for not buying environmentally friendly paper bags to put over your head when you go out in public.”

Goatee then kicked the fat ugly blimp’s head as far as McMahon Stadium where the sight of the fat ugly blimp’s head landing on the football field caused the Calgary Stampeders to lose their first home CFL game to the visiting Montreal Alouettes since 2009.

Behind the beheaded fat ugly blimp was the blimp’s mother who surprisingly was a fairly good looking woman.

However on the other side of the mother was the beheaded fat ugly blimp’s fat ugly blimp younger sister.

“Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to emulate your elder siblings,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp younger sister.

“Now you’re not ugly but you gave birth to ugly children,” Goatee stated as he beheaded the mother, “Haven’t you ever heard of contraception and birth control?”.

The mother of blimps was far too dead to answer Goatee’s question.

Goatee then turned his attention to the stupid looking moron who was standing there looking like an idiot holding an empty grocery cart that took up another large part of the sidewalk.

“Because of your innate stupidity, asshole, in standing there looking like an idiot holding on to an empty grocery cart at the same time that fat ugly blimps are waddling down the sidewalk, it makes it difficult for decent folk to get by,” Goatee noted as he beheaded the said idiot.

The city’s collective IQ jumped by vast percentage points after Goatee had beheaded the said idiot.

Meanwhile down in the U.S. a foaming Donald Trump was meeting with a member of the U.S. State Department.

“Why did British authorities in Gibraltar release the Iranian oil tanker Grace 1 that most likely was carrying Iranian oil to Syria?” Trump foamed at the mouth as he fell over backwards.

“They most likely did it on the recommendation of one Renfield R. Renfield who’s Britain’s new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering,” the State Department official answered.

“How dare this Renfield character do that!” Trump pounded his desk after getting back up in his chair, “What’s his Twitter user name? I’m going to tell that bastard off in one of my profound and brilliantly written Twitter tweets.”

“I’m afraid this Renfield R. Renfield doesn’t have a Twitter account,” the State Department official answered.

“What?” Trump started foaming at the mouth again, “What sort of person doesn’t have a Twitter account? How am I supposed to insult someone and cast my juvenile BS (to quote Rep. Ilhan Omar) opprobrium on them if they don’t have a Twitter account?”.

“I have no idea, sir,” the State Department official started watching an old silent movie on his smart phone.

“Besides which every moron in the world is supposed to have a Twitter account,” Trump proclaimed.

“Most do, sir,” the State Department official noted.

“See, I rest my case,” Trump smiled.

Meanwhile in the waters off Gibraltar, the Grace 1 had changed its name to the Adrian Darya while the ghostly ship wreckage of the Andrea Doria floated by.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 17th
2019.

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Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary

August 15, 2019 at 10:00 pm (History, Music, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary 

Today was the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte’s 250th birthday.

To celebrate the occasion the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party (this particular Kraken had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus back in June 2015) was going to blow out 250 candles on a huge Black Forest cake on the banks of the River Seine in Paris.

Medusa (the ex-Gorgon who had married the Kraken with Pope Francis’ papal blessing back in January 2017) led the assembled crowd on the banks of the Seine into singing Happy Birthday.

Medusa and the Paris Impromtu Singers sang,

“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Napoleon,
Happy Birthday to you…”

Everyone whistled and applauded.

The ghost of the Emperor Napoleon (who had been granted temporary dispensational leave from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone for this occasion) wiped spectral tears from his ghostly eyes.

The Kraken leaned over to blow the 250 candles out on the Black Forest cake when he suddenly noticed that he had totally run out of hot air (he had used up his hot air giving a speech in the European Parliament yesterday on the subject of climate change).

His inability to blow out the candles started a massive fire on the Black Forest (that is the cake and not the forest in southwestern Germany).

Napoleon VI the Kraken got one of his tentacles (as opposed to one of his testicles) caught on fire and started dancing up and down the banks of the River Seine going, “Ooch! Ouch! Ooch! Ouch!”.

At that moment an otter called Jefferey de Montmartre (a DARPA operative) dived into the River Seine causing a huge splash that put the candles and the fire out.

Medusa then began to cut the cake (which now looked more like a Baked Alaska than a Black Forest cake) and started handing slices out.

Today was also the 50th Anniversary of the start of the Woodstock Music Festival.

Billed as “an Aquarian exposition: 3 days of peace and music”, it was held at Max Yasgur’s 600-acre dairy farm in Bethel, New York.

Interestingly enough, there was a pot-smoking hippy coincidentally named Rip Van Weedwrinkle who had fallen asleep just before the concert 50 years ago and now had just woken up 50 years later in one miraculous feat of survival (all a testament to the power of British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula marijuana).

He woke up singing, “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?”.

He raised himself up, brushed the cobwebs out of his long graying hair and beard and looked around at the empty fields that surrounded him.

“Hey, where is everybody?” He called out, “When does the concert start? Anyone?”.

His voice echoed through the empty fields and was answered by the Aquarian Age moo of a cow in the distance.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday August 15th
2019.

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Sherrielock Holmes Encounters A Mad Monk

August 13, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes Encounters A Mad Monk

Sherrielock Holmes

World-famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes had been summoned to the office of British Prime Minister David Lloyd George on the advice of Winston Churchill.

She was to undertake an important mission to Russia on behalf of the British Empire and the British Intelligence Service.

She was flown to Russia by aeroplane flown by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher.

She arrived in Saint Petersburg and set out for Moika Palace the home of Prince Felix Yusupov.

There she would deal with a man whom British Intelligence considered a major threat to both the Russian Empire and the Entente War effort against Imperial Germany, the Ottoman Empire and the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

However she was late getting to Moika Palace because she found herself being accosted by a horny American diplomat from the U.S. Embassy in Saint Petersburg.

The horny leech’s name was McDonald Grump and he had been a crooked real estate salesman and property developer in New York City as well as a notorious bully and racist.

Sherrielock tried to be as polite as she could but the horny leech would not take no for an answer.

Finally she kicked Grump in the balls and left him on the street.

“I plan to send a nasty telegram in 140 words or less about this,” Grump called out.

“Frankly, I don’t give a tweet,” Sherrielock answered as she continued to walk down the street without looking back.

“But I do,” Grump snivelled, “and I’ll have you know that someone like me will probably become President of the United States someday.”

“Probably not for another 100 years,” Sherrielock continued to walk down the street in the early morning hours of December 30th (December 17th on the old Julian calendar) 1916.

When she arrived at the home of Prince Felix Yusupov, she thought she had arrived too late to help eliminate the Russian Czarist government’s problem.

The problem individual had been offered cyanide cakes and tea by the prince.

The “problem” ate the cakes and drank the tea.

Then the “problem” man asked for Madeira wine which had also been poisoned.

He drank 3 glasses but still showed no sign of distress.

Around 2:30 AM, Yusopov went upstairs, returned with a pistol and shot the “problem” in the chest.

The “problem” fell to the floor.

Yusupov left and returned later to dispose of the body.

The “problem” rose up and attacked him.

He then ran out to the palace courtyard where the “problem” was shot twice by one of Yusupov’s co-conspirators.

The problem collapsed into a snow bank.

The prince and his co-conspirators wrapped the problem up in a blanket, drove to the Petrovsky Bridge and dropped the body in the Malaya Nevka River.

Sherrielock by some sort of instinct decided to take a walk along the Malaya Nevka River.

A good thing she did because at one point the “problem” man got up out of the ice bound river and attacked her.


Sherrielock Holmes about to be attacked.

Sherrielock used her scorpion poisoned laced pink fingernail polished fingernails to scratch the man’s arms.

He fell to the ground.

She pulled the man’s pants down and proceeded to tomato his buttocks with her Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom laced and English malt vinegar laced cat o’ nine tails whip.

The man finally gave up the ghost after crying, “My butt hurts.”

Sherrielock then picked up the body of the “mad monk” Grigori Rasputin and threw it back into the River.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 13th
2019.

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Guns and The Music of The Night

August 12, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

Guns and The Music of The Night

Cosmos is truly a cosmic word
It means the whole created order 
Cosmos therefore means much more than universe
Cosmos could mean there are multiverses

In C.S. Lewis’ Narnia books, he talked of a planet where a plethora of worlds grew as trees 
Lewis was truly a visionary 
In his book That Hideous Strength 
He foresaw the rise of Transhumanist science that would occur 50 years later
And as breakthroughs in physics happen day by day 
Which seem to indicate that there are multiverses 
Lewis foresaw that too

And so in another time and another place 
In a multiverse far away
Carmen Rouge stood at the window of an early 20th Century Paris

A Paris under siege by the Kaiser’s forces 
And not stuck in the trenches of northern France during the First World War as happened in our universe

Outside the window was Carmen Rouge’s steampunk artillery gun 
Ready to bring down German aeroplanes and airships

On her small table in front of the window 
Was the candelabra her father carried 
In the depths of the Paris Opera House
Attached to the stand of the candelabra was the mask he wore 
Next to the candelabra was an old phonograph that played her father’s voice 
Her father singing to her mother,
“Softly, deftly, music shall caress you,
hear it, fear it, secretly possess you…
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight 
The darkness of the music of the night”.

For Carmen Rouge is the daughter of Christine Daae and Erik
The Phantom of the Opera

And so around this particular window
In a Paris apartment 
In another Paris
In another universe 
You have both guns
And the music of the night 

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday August 12th
2019.

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Svengali The Diabolical Shrimp Causes Power Blackout

August 9, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Svengali The Diabolical Shrimp Causes Power Blackout

A major power blackout occurred in England and Wales today.

Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher asked Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his psychic powers to determine the cause.

This is what Michelangelo came up with after receiving a vision.

Months earlier the evil Jesuit priest and scientist Father Caiaphas bar Yochai was becoming quite upset about how British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the Welsh vampiress Morgana were upsetting the best laid plans of demons and evil deities.

He resolved to do something to solve this problem.

Of course one of the most powerful weapons in the arsenal of Renfield and Morgana was Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

If only, Father Caiaphas chewed his pentagram decorated fingernails, he could come up with a diabolical equivalent of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

When he had finished chewing off his pentagram decorated fingernails, Father Caiaphas took off his shoes and socks in the booth in the Rome taverna he was sitting in and started working on his pentagram decorated toe nails.

It just so happened that the Kraken Napoleon VI (leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party) was sitting across from him drinking kegs full of Jamaican rum.

The Kraken was amused by the sight of this priest chewing off his pentagram decorated fingernails and toe nails.

After drinking so many kegs of rum, the Kraken was totally oblivious to the fact that this particular priest had sold his soul to the forces of darkness many years ago.

In this state of alcohol induced oblivion, the Kraken struck up a conversation with the priest.

Father Caiaphas, who had been drinking bottles and bottles of Andres Baby Duck Sparkling Wine, had his guard down and told the Kraken his predicament.

The Kraken (unaware that Father Caiaphas was being serious and not joking) gave the sinister cleric an idea.

He suggested a perfect satanic antithesis of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster should be a creature called Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp (shrimp as in the seafood creature you get with sweet and sour sauce in Chinese restaurants).

Alter a shrimp in a test tube and add demonic DNA from a demon, the Kraken suggested before passing out after drinking too many kegs of Jamaican rum.

The Kraken’s wife Medusa (the former Gorgon) walked through the door of the taverna and had to literally drag the Kraken back to the hotel room where they were staying in Rome.

Father Caiaphas bar Yochai thought the idea of Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp as a satanic antithesis of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was a splendid idea.

It was a good thing for the sinister Jesuit that he had run into the rum consuming Kraken Napoleon VI.

Otherwise being a typical modernist progressive Jesuit priest, he wouldn’t have had the imagination or sense of humour to come up with a concept such as Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp.

So Father Caiaphas went and bought a live shrimp from a Rome seafood market (the shop owner found it strange that someone would only buy one shrimp) and then went to his laboratory.

He summoned the demon Mephistopheles (to whom Faust had sold his soul) and extracted DNA from the aforementioned demon which he inserted into the shrimp.

After months of gestation in a test tube (while listening to the collected speeches of Donald Trump), the shrimp emerged.

As his first test, Father Caiphas asked Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp to cause power outages in both England and Wales which were Renfield and Morgana’s respective home countries.

Svengali’s mind had not yet developed to the point where the creature could use his telekinetic powers to disable the electrical power grid of England and Wales with his mind.

However like his name sake, Svengali could mesmerize and psychically manipulate.

It just so happened that there lived an evil kraken in the North Sea named Krakenus Maleficentus.

Svengali directed the North Sea kraken to head to the United Kingdom and got the creature to eat two power generators.

This “unexpected and unusual” event (in the words of British authorities) caused problems affecting vast swathes of England and Wales on Friday afternoon and into the evening.

London and most of southeast England were affected by the National Grid failure as were the Midlands, Southwest and Northeast of England and much of Wales.

Many trains and train stations went down (and people were stranded) including the famous King’s Cross station.

The situation was saved by a little 9-year-old girl named Amanda who was using spells from a Harry Potter book to try to bring 3 garden gnomes (who sat in the basket of a painted white bicycle lawn ornament on her house’s front lawn) to life.

The 3 gnomes who were named Wynkin, Blynkin and Nod stole Renfield’s sweet and sour shrimp (during the power outage in the Chinese restaurant he was sitting in at the time) and fed it to the North Sea kraken Krakenus Maleficentus when they saw him.

The North Sea kraken had a severe dietary allergy to shrimp and vomited up the two power generators it had eaten.

Eventually and slowly power was restored across England and Wales.

“And now you know the rest of the story,” Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws before falling asleep.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday August 9th
2019.

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Lepardia Marango and The Outdoor Concert

August 8, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Lepardia Marango and The Outdoor Concert

Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London checked how she looked before heading out to an outdoor concert at Saint James’ Park in the City of Westminster, central London.

The outdoor concert was being put on by the VW Love Bug Herbies a group of Beatles impersonators.

The concert was to commemorate today’s 50th anniversary of the most famous record cover album photo ever taken – Iain MacMillan’s famous photo of the original Fab Four walking across Abbey Road for the cover of their Abbey Road record album.

Lepardia headed out into the night.

She was to meet British MP Renfield R. Renfield (the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering) at the concert to compare intelligence notes from their respective governments on what was happening in Hong Kong.

Both Lepardia and Renfield had come to the conclusion that the mysterious creature Cthulhu (first mentioned in H.P. Lovecraft’s short stories) and the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) were both battling for control of Hong Kong as part of each supernatural creature’s geopolitical plan for control of the South China Sea and eventually the entire South Pacific region.

Lepardia arrived at the concert just in time to hear the VW Love Bug Herbies sing “She loves me yeah, yeah, yeah…”

She noticed the Greek god Ares seizing the placard of someone dressed like a 1960s hippy.

The placard read Make Love Not War which was also the motto of John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s famous early 1970s Montreal anti-war sit-in and love-in as it was dubbed at the time.

Ares ripped the placard to shreds.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing noticed the commotion.

He approached the Greek war deity and said, “Hey, Ares, your shoelace is untied.”

Ares (who was wearing Greek sandals) looked down.

That was when Dracul Van Helsing kicked Ares full force in the head.

The war Olympian was knocked unconscious.

Van Helsing noticed Lepardia Marango and waved.

She approached him, “Nice touch using that old “Your shoelace is untied” routine especially on someone wearing sandals.”

“It’s like I commented on someone’s blog tonight,” Van Helsing smiled, “Ares wasn’t exactly the brightest apple on Mount Olympus.”

“Do you know where Renfield is?” Lepardia asked.

“He’ll be here in another hour or so,” Van Helsing replied, “He’s currently interrogating a member of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s janitorial and cleaning maintenance team.”

“That means he might be gone for a while,” Lepardia noted.

“Care to dance?” Van Helsing held out his hand.

“Does this mean, Van Helsing,” Lepardia smiled, “that you want to hold my hand?”.

“It does,” Van Helsing smiled back.

“Well, then, Strawberry Fields Forever,” Lepardia took his hand.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 8th
2019.

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Legacy of The Baskervilles

August 7, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Movies, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Legacy of The Baskervilles

“I always wanted to do a movie based on a Sherlock Holmes story,” said the ghost of Orson Welles as he entered Baskerville Hall.

“And you’re thinking of the Hound of The Baskervilles?” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing asked.

“I am,” Welles lit himself a spectral cigar.

“Of course that story has been done several times in film format,” Van Helsing noted, “you will have to do something that makes yours stand out from the rest.”

“Precisement,” Welles pulled out a bottle of spectral red wine from one overcoat pocket and a glass from the other, “and I’m just the man to do it.”

“I would have to agree,” Van Helsing nodded.

“So I hear Baskerville Hall is now owned by Britain’s Heritage Trust,” Welles poured himself a glass of spectral red wine.

“It is,” Van Helsing acknowledged, “it was purchased recently by Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London. He donated it to Heritage Trust to get a big charity donation receipt to help him with a big tax deduction.”

“A most astute decision,” Welles sipped his red wine.

“So, have you given much thought to how you intend to make your adaptation of The Hound of The Baskervilles different?” Van Helsing asked.

“Let us go into the living room of Baskerville Hall,” Welles suggested, “perhaps seeing that large spacious room will give me some ideas.”

Welles and Van Helsing entered the living room.

And there stood….

The Welsh vampiress Morgana.

“As you know,” Morgana spoke, “Britain’s new Prime Minister Boris Johnson recently appointed me Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security. And both of you are trespassing on Heritage Trust property.”

Welles’ ghost made haste out of the living room and out of Baskerville Hall on the off chance that Morgana might sic the ghost of the Hound of the Baskervilles on him.

Only Dracul Van Helsing remained.

The Welsh vampiress took the vampire hunter over her knee and spanked him.

Welles’ ghost walked around the Baskerville Hall grounds and finished his spectral bottle of spectral red wine and smoked his entire spectral box of spectral cigars.

He thought he better go back inside and see what happened to Van Helsing.

There was Van Helsing on the living room floor having tantric sex with Morgana.

Welles turned and hastily closed the door behind him (forgetting that he could walk through doors and walls).

“Well,” Welles took out a piece of spectral chewing gum, “after seeing that scene, that should give me no shortage of ideas on how to make my film adaptation of The Hound of the Baskervilles different from everybody else’s.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 7th
2019.

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