Atlantis
In fathoms deep
In the deep blue sea 🌊
She lies
Atlantis
The lost city
Louis Alphonse Cousteau
Great nephew of Jacques Cousteau
Was looking for her
Atlantis
Financed by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set
Cousteau sailed the submarine The Amphitrite to depths
Never before seen
And there she was
In front of Louis Alphonse Cousteau
And the entire Amphitrite crew
Atlantis
The mermaid 🧜♀️ Ionela appeared in front of the sub
“Away!” “Away!” She said
“For this is where the Kraken sleeps.”
“Which Kraken?” Cousteau asked.
“Zeus’ kraken,” Ionela answered.
“What is the name of Zeus’ kraken?”
Cousteau inquired.
“Phobos Maximus,” Ionela replied.
“Let us leave this place,”
Cousteau said to his crew,
“Let sleeping Krakens lie.”
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 31st
2023.
Aphrodite In The Park
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in a park in London
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was sitting in a park in London.
She observed as the Greek god Asclepius met with the Norse trickster god Loki, a representative of evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and an envoy of Pope Francis.
The four discussed how to bring the Egyptian deities Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead as the three had all been bumped off earlier this week by Phoebe Sears a cryptographer and code breaker for Set Enterprises (Set Enterprises being owned by the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was the arch enemy of brother Osiris, sister Isis and nephew Horus).
“Incest is never a good thing,” the blind ghost of Thebes’ Oedipus Rex commented as he walked by.
It was definitely applicable to Egyptian royal politics and intrigue especially when Egyptian royalty was elevated to godhood in a pyramid temple ceremony that prefigured contemporary Mormon Temple ceremonies by several millennia.
She watched as a Bud Lite drinking and cross-dressing Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agent (on a covert mission for senile old fool Joe Biden) attempted to assassinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield for his recent elimination of much of Los Angeles Dodgers’ management.
The FBI agent was blown away to kingdom come (or queendom goeth) by Renfield sporting his Sean Connery personally autographed James Bond 007 gun.
Aphrodite then watched as Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles stole the magical love inducing bow and arrow 🏹 from her son Cupid/Eros 💘.
They did so because they needed Cupid/Eros’ bow and arrow 🏹 💘 for an upcoming mission on behalf of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
Aphrodite watches as Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles steal the magical bow and arrow from her son Cupid/Eros.
“Come here,” Aphrodite said to Dracul Van Helsing as she adjusted her skirt, “and get across my lap. You need a good spanking for doing that.”
Van Helsing did as he was told.
And Aphrodite spanked the living daylights out of Dracul’s bare bottom.
Van Helsing then made out with her when the spanking was over.
The ghost of Orson Welles grabbed the magic love 💗 inducing bow and arrow 🏹 of Cupid/Eros 💘 and got the Hell out of there.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday May 27th
2023.
A Dragon For World Dracula Day
The Black Knight summoning the Black Dragon.
He was the Black Knight of Arthurian Legend.
Thought long dead.
But he survived on a Morgan Le Fay cocktail.
And lived even into the 21st Century.
As befitting this Black Knight, he flew a winged Black Dragon for special occasions.
And today was a special occasion.
It was World Dracula Day.
World Dracula Day was celebrated every May 26th because it was on May 26th 1897 that Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula was first published.
The holiday was created in 2012 by The Whitby Dracula Society 1897.
And Count Dracula (aka Prince Vlad Tepes aka Vlad III aka Vlad the Impaler), who was brought back from the dead a few years ago (interestingly enough by Dracul Van Helsing who pulled a wooden stake out of the famous vampire’s heart) would be visiting the ruins of Whitby Abbey where he had originally landed in England over a century ago prior to being slain by Dracul’s ancestor Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.
He would be paying the visit to Whitby Abbey today.
World Dracula Day.
In celebration of the occasion, British MP Renfield R. Renfield had impaled several members of Los Angeles Dodgers management on wooden stakes outside the ruins of the abbey.
Members of the society and Dracula picnicked under the stakes.
The Black Knight arrived with the Black Dragon.
Dracul was Romanian for Dragon.
Just as Dracula was Romanian for son of the dragon.
So it was appropriate that a real dragon was there.
Dracula drank a toast in red wine 🍷 (he did drink wine despite actor Bela Lugosi’s protests to the contrary in the 1931 Universal Pictures film).
As he sipped wine 🍷, drops of Bud Lite fell out of the cans in the impaled Los Angeles Dodgers management’s pockets.
“Thank you, Mr. Renfield,” a real nun (wearing her habit) said as she walked by.
Renfield, who was wearing a top hat 🎩, doffed his hat in her direction.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 26th
2023.
Phoebe At The Opera Garnier
Phoebe in a backstage dressing room of the Opera Garnier in Paris
Phoebe worked as a cryptographer and code breaker for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit in London.
She had recently dispatched the Egyptian god Osiris and his son Horus back to the Underworld.
Now she was in Paris to do the same to the Paris based Egyptian vampiress Isis (the sister and wife of Osiris and the mother of Horus).
Isis was hosting a special performance of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera at the Opera Garnier in Paris.
She had invited some of the leading creeps and cretins behind the World Economic Forum to attend.
Isis sat in the most preeminent box in the entire Opera Garnier.
During the scene where the Opera chandelier is lowered carrying the famed Phantom of the Opera, this time a beautiful woman wearing a beautiful purple red evening gown was standing atop the chandelier as it was lowered.
The beautiful woman in the beautiful red evening gown was Phoebe.
In her arms she carried a crossbow with a silver arrow.
When the chandelier reached the point in the theatre auditorium where it was closest to Isis’ box, Phoebe fired the silver arrow directly at the vampiress Isis’ heart 💜.
“Merde,” was Isis’ last word before she crumbled into dust.
There was a family reunion of Egyptian deities in the Underworld afterwards.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 24th
2023.
Phoebe Attends Anglican Ordination of Egyptian God Horus
Phoebe dressed to attend the priestly ordination of the Egyptian god Horus to the Church of England priesthood at the hands of Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby
Phoebe was dressed to attend a priestly ordination service for the Egyptian god God Horus at The Blessed James A. Pike Church By The Spook Well.
For millennia the Egyptian god Horus had been a disembodied spirit after he had been beheaded by King Arthur back in the 6th Century AD.
He had occasionally possessed the bodies of various humans throughout the centuries and most recently had possessed the body of an AI robotic falcon.
Set Enterprises’ Associate Scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague had been experimenting with an electromagnetic pulse that would shoot forth from an Energizer Bunny 🐰 Jack In The Box.
The experiment resulted in the destruction of both Jack In The Box and AI robotic falcon.
Horus went off in search of a new body.
He found one in the body of a drag queen and librarian who was studying for the U.S. Episcopalian priesthood at an Episcopal seminary in California.
The drag queen seminarian had been fooling around with a Ouija board that had Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.
He invited Horus in so he could have the 2s (two spirit) portion of the LGBTQ2s+ equation.
The seminarian upon graduation was invited to be ordained a priest by Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby over in England.
The drag queen whose 2 spirited name was Horus Falconalia flew over to England for the ordination.
Last night Phoebe had dispatched Horus’ father Osiris to the Underworld again.
The point of departure was the emergency ward at Charing Cross Hospital in London.
Tonight Phoebe would be presenting Horus (as Horus Falconalia) with a poisoned copy of the book Very Fairy Fairy Tales To Read To Children.
Horus Falconalia dropped dead while leafing through the poisoned pages of the book at the post-ordination wine 🍷 and cheese 🧀 party in the church hall of Blessed James A. Pike Church By The Spook Well.
Phoebe then left for a nightclub where the voice of Gordon Lightfoot on the club’s sound system could be heard singing, “Just like an old time movie about a ghost from a wishing well…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 23rd
2023.
Phoebe Plays The Role of A Doctor At Charing Cross Hospital
Phoebe plays the role of a doctor at Charing Cross Hospital 🏥
The Egyptian god Osiris was holidaying in London.
Osiris’ current residence was in Rome where he often kept in touch with the Vatican.
However the Roman summer heat appeared to be starting earlier this year (all the Chicken 🐓 Littles in the world were blaming it on climate change which was probably true but at the same time these same Chicken 🐓 Littles were blaming climate change on man made CO2 emissions because Al Gore, Pope Francis and the World Economic Forum said so although there was no real actual scientific evidence to back up the claim) and so Osiris decided to go to the UK where it wasn’t quite as hot as Rome.
As Osiris crossed the street at Piccadilly Circus, he was run over by an Austin Mini driven by British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who was the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).
One might wonder whether the incident was deliberate as Set Enterprises was owned by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (who was Osiris’ brother, brother-in-law, chief rival and arch enemy).
However Renfield did not remain at the scene as he was late for tonight’s podcast from his study in the mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Tonight he would be dispensing advice to the people of Holland 🇳🇱.
“Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead.”
As well as advice to the people of the European Union 🇪🇺.
“The entire Commission of the European Union 🇪🇺 should all be publicly hanged by the neck until dead.”
And advice for the people of Canada.
“Justin Trudeau should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead.”
Osiris in the meantime was rushed by ambulance to Charing Cross Hospital.
When he came to, an orderly told him that Dr. Phoebe would be with him shortly.
After a few minutes Dr. Phoebe entered the room.
Osiris was very much regretting at that moment the fact that he had a wooden phallus.
Coincidentally enough at that moment Justin Trudeau was regretting the same for himself.
Osiris had a wooden phallus because of an altercation he had with his brother Set millennia ago.
During which time Osiris was cut up into 14 pieces by Set.
And the pieces were distributed all over Egypt.
Osiris’ sister and wife Isis managed to retrieve 13 of the 14 pieces and managed to put him back together again using a magic spell from the Egyptian Book of the Dead.
The only piece she couldn’t find was Osiris’ phallus.
Hence how Osiris wound up with a wooden phallus.
As for Justin Trudeau, there were rumours of a drag queen who carried the world’s smallest mousetrap at the back of his/her/its skirt.
Dr. Phoebe of course wasn’t really a doctor.
At least not a medical doctor.
She was a cryptographer and code breaker for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
Yes that Set Enterprises.
The one owned by Osiris’ brother, brother-in-law, chief rival and arch enemy Set.
If Osiris had been wearing his glasses 👓 (which he wasn’t since they were damaged in the accident), he’d have realized that what he thought was a stethoscope 🩺 around Phoebe’s neck was actually measuring tape that had the word TOXIC written all over it.
What Phoebe inserted into Osiris’ arm was not intravenous drip but rather an extremely poisonous embalming fluid.
Osiris the Egyptian god of the Underworld was once again heading there.
The underworld.
As Osiris slept, Phoebe went to a club where she ordered a martini 🍸.
Shaken not stirred.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday May 22nd
2023.
Phoebe At The Jane Austen Society Ball
Phoebe attending a Jane Austen Society Ball in London
Phoebe worked as a cryptographer and code breaker for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
She did so because her father (who had been a Classics professor at Oxford) had been murdered on the orders of her 33rd Degree Freemasonic grandfather.
Her grandfather was actually younger than her father had been (a long story don’t ask).
So since the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry worshipped Osiris and his son Horus (among other deities), she went to work for the company owned by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (who was the brother of Osiris and the uncle of Horus).
Tonight of course she was off work and currently attending a Jane Austen Society Ball in London.
The past week she had been working on a very strange coded signal that was being picked up by various Set Enterprises listening receivers throughout the world.
As of yet, she was still unable to trace the signal or even crack the code.
But tonight, she was worried about none of these things.
Tonight she danced.
The orchestra was taking a break and Phoebe walked out on to the veranda balcony.
She checked her iPhone and noticed someone she followed on Instagram had just posted.
The Instagram influencer was a very intelligent and what appeared to be a very intellectually inclined bearded dragon named Murph.
Of course the videos and photos were posted by Murph’s owner.
Tonight on the Instagram post were various photos of Murph looking through a telescope at the night sky.
Then Murph’s owner posted a video of what Murph had been looking at through the night sky.
An object in outer space beaming a light signal.
Phoebe recognized the frequencies.
They were the same strange code she had been trying to crack all week.
The code was coming from outer space.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 21st
2023.
Phoebe
Her name was Phoebe.
She was the daughter of a Classics professor at Oxford.
Homer Hesiod Ovid Sears taught Greek and Roman Mythology at Oxford.
He never married but at the age of 60 he fell in love with one of his students (a breathtakingly beautiful woman who fortunately Phoebe resembled in appearance) who was only 20.
And she fell in love with him.
The 20 year old named Gaia was the daughter of a lawyer Caelus Biltervan.
Sears married Gaia and soon they were with child.
Biltervan was angry at having a son-in-law who was older than he was.
Being a 33rd Degree Freemason Biltervan ordered the ruffians who appeared in the Masonic play about Hiram Abiff to slash Homer Hesiod Ovid Sears’ throat from ear to ear, to ritually disembowel him and then bury him six feet away from the sea.
This they did.
And Gaia Sears found herself a widow with a child.
Now Phoebe herself had turned 20 and she had landed a job working as a cryptographer and code breaker for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
Phoebe: Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit cryptographer and code breaker.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 20th
2023.
Mirabella Francesca Franconia At The Vatican
Mirabella Francesca Franconia (parliamentary secretary to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) at the Vatican
Mirabella Francesca Franconia was at the Vatican.
The parliamentary secretary to British MP Renfield R. Renfield was investigating whether the peace plan Renfield negotiated between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦 last month was going to be co-opted by the so-called “Humble” Pope (who was actually the most vainglorious and conceited pontiff in all recorded history) Francis.
She walked among the statues at the Vatican Museum.
While walking, she ran into Samhain Cardinal Salaman the sole heterosexual in Francis’ entire upper level Vatican 🇻🇦 administration (the man who helped Renfield negotiate the plan at the top secret conference in Vienna last month).
The Cardinal told her, “I don’t think Francis knows about the plan. He’s just performing and grandstanding that he does have a plan so that the world’s brainless mainstream media will be impressed.”
The Cardinal and Mirabella Francesca Franconia walked to a nearby cafe where they both ordered a cappuccino.
The owner of the cafe was playing British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s latest podcast on the cafe sound system.
Renfield was currently saying what should be done with Biden climate change envoy and former Secretary of State John Kerry.
“John Kerry should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead,” Renfield stated.
A clip was then shown of John Kerry saying that the Biden Administration would not rule out confiscating U.S. farmers’ farms like the Dutch government was currently doing to Dutch farmers.
Coincidentally at that moment a farm made manure cream pie was being thrown in the face of senile old fool Joe Biden by a 6 foot 8 tall invisible entity at the Tokyo G-7 Summit.
Although members of the brainless mainstream media who had been imbibing Harvey Wallbanger drinks insisted that the culprit was a 6 foot 8 tall purple bunny rabbit.
Renfield was then discussing an immediate solution to the world’s problems.
“George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead,” Renfield noted.
“I see your boss holds somewhat differing views on capital punishment from those of Pope Francis,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman observed to Mirabella Francesca Franconia.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 19th
2023.
Dracul Van Helsing 
British MP Renfield R. Renfield Explains Critical Race and Critical Gender Theories In A Nutshell
June 1, 2023 at 9:51 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Agente Secrete Miranda Singh, Joe Biden, Miranda Singh, Miss Miranda Singh, Renfield R. Renfield, Set Enterprises' Secret Agent Miranda Singh, The Ghost of Orson Welles, The Ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, U.S. Oval Office Senile Old Fool Joe Biden, Wicked Principalities and Powers)
Miranda Singh a special intelligence agent and operative for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit listens to a Thursday night podcast from British MP Renfield R. Renfield
Miranda Singh a Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit operative was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast while sitting in a park in London, England.
His Majesty King Charles III in disguise 🥸 as a Groucho Marx lookalike walked by the lovely and beautiful Miss Singh.
“Oh, to be King Henry VIII,” Charles sighed, “I could order that wretched MP to be beheaded.”
Renfield’s podcast started with a bunch of weird looking rainbow 🌈 holographic images being shot down with laser death rays being fired by Set Enterprises’ hypersonic missiles.
The display caused senile old fool Joe Biden to trip and fall to the ground at a U.S. Air Force cadet graduation ceremony.
Next the ghost of Orson Welles appeared sitting at a table and sipping a glass of spectral red wine 🍷.
“Saint Paul the Apostle said it in one of his epistles almost 2000 years ago,” Welles held up the glass of wine 🍷, “and in a somewhat paraphrased version, I will say it again, ‘Welcome to Pride in the ability to masturbate into the rectum of another Month’.”
This was followed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield sitting at a desk wearing a JENNIFER JOHNSON FOR LACOMBE-PONOKA ALBERTA MLA campaign button.
“Diversity, equity and inclusion,” Renfield began, “are code words for the perverts in the Alphabet Soup Community to be in your face (and possibly other areas of your anatomy) 24/7, 365 days a year, 100 years a century and 10 centuries a millennium.”
Renfield then went on to analyze contemporary sports and baseball ⚾️.
“Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Anthony Bass is a wimp and a wuss,” Renfield put on a colourful sports commentator Don Cherry suit and tie, “At first he did splendidly by giving the sodo-Nazis, pronoun Fascists and lesbo-Stalinists in the Alphabet Soup Community the raspberry they so richly deserve. Then he turns into a sissy and apologizes to them. Over to the ghost of Winston Churchill for his comment.”
Winston Churchill’s ghost sat in a comfortable armchair smoking a spectral cigar and sipping a spectral glass of brandy.
“Anthony Bass,” Churchill spoke in his distinctive Battle of Britain 🇬🇧 style speaking voice, “What a wimp. What a wuss.”
Renfield then went on to explain Critical Race Theory and Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell.
Said Renfield, “Critical Race Theory in a nutshell is this: The white race is responsible for all the world’s problems.”
Renfield then went on to the subject of Critical Gender Theory, “Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell is this: The male gender – and particularly those members of the biologically born male gender who actually think they’re males and are actually sexually attracted to members of the biologically born opposite sex- they are responsible for all the world’s problems.”
Renfield then went on to explain a lesser known theory – Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory.
“Now of course,” Renfield pointed out, “Non-binaries do not consider themselves freaks and weirdos even though that’s exactly what they are. What a Calgary based geopolitical analyst labels as Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is being taught by cultural Marxist Neo-Bolshevik Communist groups such as the Alberta Teachers’ Association whose only accomplishment these days is to ensure that Alberta schoolchildren are transgendered, queer and Communist upon graduation.”
Renfield then went on to explain Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory in a nutshell.
Said Renfield, “Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is this: Those who identify as members of the biologically born gender they’re born into and who are sexually attracted to members of the opposite biologically born gender are responsible for all the world’s problems.”
Joe Biden was immediately alerted by the European Union 🇪🇺 Commission (who most definitely were getting their panties in a knot 🪢 at the moment) as to the British MP’s most recent genocidal and Crimes Against Humanity statement.
Mused Biden, “I wonder if I should order a Cruise missile attack on Renfield’s office in the British House of Commons.”
After dropping a load of large sized brownies in his pants, Biden said, “I think I shall.”
Biden immediately got on the phone 📞 to the Afghan Taliban government in Kabul and asked if he could buy a U.S. Cruise missile from them.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday June 1st
2023.
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