To Kill A Vampiress

May 27, 2017 at 3:39 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The year was 1933.

And Canadian vampire hunter Joseph Van Helsing was in Mexico City.

He was a son of the Dutch physician Dr. Abraham Van Helsing who had slain Count Dracula.

Joseph had been born in England.

His father had settled there after investigating the Dracula-inspired deaths in England and later slaying Dracula in Transylvania.

Joseph had come over to Canada on a cattle ship back in 1912 (that same cattle ship would later be used to transport Canada’s famous World War I flying ace Billy Bishop over to war in Europe).

His wife Hilda (7 years his younger) had come to Canada in 1905 as a little girl.

She too had crossed the Atlantic on a famous ship- The Carpathia.

In 1912, The Carpathia became world famous for having been the sole ship in the North Atlantic to answer the distress call of a ship that had just hit an iceberg and was sinking- the RMS Titanic.

Joseph found it ironic that his wife had sailed to Canada on The Carpathia given that his father Abraham had slain the Carpathian Mountains’ most famous resident Count Dracula.

Joseph reflected on all this as he walked the streets of Mexico City.

He was here to slay a vampiress- an Aztec princess who had been born back in the 1400s.

The Mexican government had recently become concerned about the number of bloodless victims showing up on the streets of Mexico City.

It was bad for tourism.

So they had hired Joseph Van Helsing to slay the vampiress.

Having killed all the Mexican vampire hunters in the last government persecution of the Catholic Church in Mexico during the Cristero War of the late 1920s.

Joseph Van Helsing entered the apartment building where the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec resided.

He entered the living room and then he saw her.
Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec

He did not know that vampiresses could cast a reflection.

And what a beautiful reflection it was.

Almost as beautiful as the original.

He turned to leave.

“Wait,” she whispered, “Stay with me and be my love.”

“I can’t,” said Joseph, “I’m married.”

“Oh,” Qonzilqointec sighed, “maybe someday one of your descendants will.”

Joseph left and walked out into the night.

84 years later, Dracul Van Helsing walked out of the night and into his apartment.

He checked his phone messages.

“Call me,” a woman’s voice said seductively on one of the messages.

It was the voice of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 27th
2017.

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Mermaid Miranda’s Revelation Part 2

May 20, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“The reason,” Miranda the mermaid looked at Nathan the Controller of the Golem, “that the mermaid goddess Atargatis wants to destroy Israel is because of her daughter Semiramis. Semiramis has formed an alliance with the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who, of course, has always wanted to destroy Israel and the Jews because she claims that the Babylonian Talmud maligned and libeled her good name.”

“Yes, Lilith once poisoned my Scotch whisky with polonium-210 while I was sitting in a London pub,” Nathan recalled, “it was Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher who saved my life with an antidote to polonium-210 that he invented.”

“I heard about that, Nathan,” Miranda looked at him sympathetically.

“But what caused Semiramis to form an alliance with Lilith?” Nathan asked.

“Her first husband Nimrod returned to Earth a few years ago aboard a UFO with a bunch of ET grays,” Miranda explained, “and the ship crashed near Tuktoyaktuk, Canada north of the Arctic Circle. Nimrod’s body was recovered and taken to a secret lab near Washington DC. Lilith stole Nimrod’s body and brought him back to life. Only the magic kiss Lilith used to bring Nimrod back to life went awry and the princely ruler of ancient Babel was turned into a little green frog. He now hangs out between the breasts of Lilith in her low-cut evening dresses.”

“Sounds like Nimrod has become every teen-aged boy’s fantasy come true,” Nathan thought aloud to himself.

“Is it every human teen boy’s fantasy to be like Kermit the Frog?” Miranda looked quizzically at Nathan.

“Um… no,” Nathan shook his head. “so I take it that Semiramis has formed an alliance with Lilith since Nimrod has become (ahem!) so close to Lilith.”

“That is correct,” Miranda nodded.

“And Atargatis in turn has naturally joined in alliance with her daughter Semiramis who’s aligned with Lilith,” Nathan was beginning to see the light.

The morning sun peered through the aquarium lab’s windows.

Meanwhile in Saudi Arabia, U.S. President Donald Trump had arrived with First Lady Melania Trump.
Donald and Melania Trump
Donald: I didn’t see any mermaids down in the desert sands of Saudi Arabia.

Melania: That’s probably because they’re swimming in the ocean.

Over in London, vampire hunter and MI-6 operative Dracul Van Helsing had received a phone call from Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

“Dracul,” Whitstable began, “I’ve been doing some research on the famous 17th Century Jesuit scholar Father Athanasius Kircher. He apparently had in his possession some ancient Greek mechanism that was the equivalent of our analogue computers.It also served as an orrery to predict astronomical positions and eclipses. But according to the diary entry of Father Kircher’s I’ve come across, the mechanism could also be used to locate mermaids. Sadly the mechanism disappeared on the night of Father Kircher’s death.”

“You know what, Peter,” Dracul leafed through the pages of his ancestor Captain Dante Van Helsing’s journal, “I have an idea where that mechanism is now.”

“Where?” Whitstable asked.

“It’s now called the Antikythera Mechanism and it’s to be found in the National Archaeological Museum in Athens, Greece.” Van Helsing answered.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 20th
2017.

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Mermaid Miranda’s Revelation

May 19, 2017 at 4:21 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The mermaid who called herself Miranda had once again awakened in the salt water tank in the Israeli government aquatics laboratory in Tel Aviv.

The Controller of the Golem (a Mossad agent who went by that code name) came down to see her.

“Nice to see you awake, Miranda,” the Controller brought her roses wondering if a mermaid would like them.

She did.

She smelled them and smiled.

“Thank you, Nathan,” she said once again calling him by his first name known to few outside Mossad or the Israeli Prime Minister’s office.

“You’re welcome,” Nathan smiled at her.

Then she turned serious, “I landed on the beach at Tel Aviv to warn you and your people.”

“Warn us about what?” Nathan asked.

“The goddess Atargatis ancestress of all mermaids wants to destroy your nation,” Miranda looked grim.

Nathan knew his classical Near Eastern mythology.

Atargatis was a northern Syria goddess.

She was called Derketo by the Greeks and Dea Syriae by the Romans.

The goddess Atargatis fell in love with a mortal (a shepherd) and had a child by him- Semiramis.

One cruel day, Atargatis unintentionally killed her love and the father of her child.

Ashamed, she flung herself into a lake near Ashkelon and was turned into the form of a fish but the waters could not conceal her divine beauty.Thereafter she took the form of a mermaid- human above the waist, fish below.

Atargatis’ daughter Semiramis became a legendary Assyrian queen and was said to have been married to the biblical Nimrod (founder of Babel) and later Ninus (founder of the city of Nineveh).

A 19th Century Free Church of Scotland minister Alexander Hislop had several wet dreams about Semiramis inspiring him to label the Roman Catholic Church the Whore of Babylon and to write a book about the subject called The Two Babylons.

Nathan’s thoughts of his Ph.D Program in Classical Mythology at Cambridge University returned to the present.

“Why,” Nathan asked Miranda, “does the mermaid goddess Atargatis want to destroy Israel?”.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was flying en route to Saudi Arabia when he was handed an NSA report that certain mermaids were plotting to destroy Israel.

Trump was angry when he read the report.

“How,” Trump blew both his top and his toupee, “am I supposed to tweet about this? Especially after I just called former FBI director James Comey a real nut job? And especially in lieu of the fact that polls indicate that some Americans think I’m off my rocker myself?”.

. . .

Dracul Van Helsing was reading the journal of one of his 17th Century ancestors Captain Dante Van Helsing.

The journal had been found floating in a wooden chest on the Aegian Sea after his ancestor’s ship The Virgil went down on his final voyage.

The last entry said that Dante had been turned on by the sight of sirens singing on a rock.

When he neared the rock, a mermaid who called herself Thessalonike of Macedon appeared.

Dracul knew that according to history, Thessalonike of Macedon was the half-sister of Alexander the Great.

According to legend, Alexander had found the Fountain of Immortality and had filled a flask of water from it.

He washed his sister’s hair with the flask.

When Alexander died, his grief-stricken sister threw herself into the sea.

Instead of drowning, she became an immortal mermaid.

When she encountered sailors, she always asked them the same question, “Is Alexander the king alive?”.

The correct answer in her opinion would be, “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”

If given this answer, she would allow the crew and their ship to sail safely away in calm seas.

Any other answer would send her into a rage and she’d cause the waves to send the ship and every sailor on board to the bottom.

The journal entry ended with Dante saying that Thessalonike had just appeared.

Obviously Dante’s answer of Thessalonike’s question was not to her liking.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 19th
2017.

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Captain Dante Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec

May 17, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The date was May 17th 1687.

And the notorious pirate Captain Dante Van Helsing (an ancestor of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing) was far from his home town of Amsterdam.

He was sailing the Caribbean which was his favourite sea for piracy.

Captain Dante Van Helsing had formed an alliance with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

She was anxious to see Spanish ships raided and sunk as vengeance for the Spanish conquering her Aztec Empire in Mexico.

Captain Dante Van Helsing did these raids on Spanish ships gladly.

And Qonzilqointec would pay Dante back in her bedroom at night.

But then another pirate came into the Caribbean.

A pirate who sailed a Chinese junk ship and called himself Wo Fat.

But despite dressing and looking the part of a Chinese pirate, the individual was really an Englishman and a defrocked Jesuit priest named Alfred Loisy George Tyrrell.

He was defrocked for claiming that Antipope John XXIII (who was himself the notorious pirate Baldassarre Cossa in his early life) who reigned from 1410 to 1415 was in fact a true Pope.

Wo Fat (as he now called himself) after being kicked out of the Jesuit order stole an ancient Greek analogue computer and orrery that was in the possession of one of his Jesuit confreres Father Athanasius Kircher.

He stole the mechanism from Father Kircher’s room on the evening of the latter’s death on November 28th 1680.

Wo Fat used the device to navigate and determine the position of the ships that he raided.

Qonzilqointec spotted the device while flying around as a vampire bat on his ship one night.

She alerted Captain Dante Van Helsing to the existence of the device..

Van Helsing said, “I must have it.”

So Qonzilqointec flew on to Wo Fat’s ship The Albatross and promptly changed from a bat into her alluring vampiric female form.

She brought several good bottles of coconut rum lifted to her from a row boat rowed by Dante.

She went into Wo Fat’s cabin,

After plying him with several goblets of coconut rum and rubbing his bald head against her magnificent bosom

Qonzilqointec With Wo Fat

…. Wo Fat fell asleep.

Whereupon Qonzilqointec stole the device.

She then gave it to Captain Dante Van Helsing on the night of May 17th 1687.

Van Helsing returned home to Amsterdam where he was forced by his parents to marry a good Dutch girl.

“No more running around with these exotic foreign women,” his father had said to him.

So Dante Van Helsing married, settled down, became a maker of Dutch wooden shoes and had four children.

Finally bored to tears, he decided to make one more voyage.

This time to the Aegean Sea.

While there, he encountered a group of alluring looking sirens on a rock near the Greek island of Antikythera.

His ship The Virgil sank.

And went down to the bottom of the sea alongside an earlier Roman era shipwreck.

The Virgil was torn apart by mermaids.

Only Dante’s mysterious mechanism (that Qonzilqointec had pirated away from the pseudo-Chinese pirate Wo Fat) was left behind.

The mechanism was recovered on May 17th 1902.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 17th
2017.

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Avalon Rising: A Poem

May 15, 2017 at 4:13 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

And so from Xanadu the mighty Kublai Khan might decree
but did he ever make out with the goddess Aphrodite?
Dracul Van Helsing thought while returning from Athens
and attending service of Glastonbury Abbey matins
among those ancient ruins
far from desert sand dunes.

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana visited Dracul
a break from campaigning against a werewolf fool
in the constituency of Newbridge in Wales
principality ruled by Charles Prince of Tails

Now this vampiress was a niece of Morgan Le Fay
for this vamp had been around since medieval day
and she told Dracul that he was descended from both Morgan Le Fay and King Arthur
making Dracul a king and not just a knight with a knighthood to be called “Sir”

For her aunt the sorceress Morgana and Arthur had another child besides Mordred
the one who at the battle of Camlann both he and Arthur mortally bled
this child was a girl sent to Ireland for safekeeping
as Camelot was overrun by blood and weeping

And Dracul was descended from this princess royal
who was born Morgan and Arthur’s child on Avalon soil

And so after hearing this from Morgana, he wandered far from Glastonbury Tor
this vampiric news that had him hit the ceiling and not the royal floor
he wandered across plains and through trees seeing a doe and her fawn
then he looked and saw the mists of Avalon rising through the dawn

Avalon Rising In The Mists of Dawn

He had once pulled a sword out of a stone in Cornwall many years ago
and now it looked like prophecy would unfold- Avalon’s rising- ’tis so.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday May 15th 2017.

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Lilith, Asmodeus, Kim Jong-un and Aphrodite

May 13, 2017 at 3:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood on the Mount of Olives overlooking the old city of Jerusalem.

Alongside her was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf Hitler (his spirit was granted a temporary leave of absence from the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone and he had entered and possessed the body of a grey wolf).

Lilith had found the grey wolf wandering the streets of Kiev, Ukraine (where she was currently living) and had adopted the creature as her pet.

She brought him with her to the Holy Land.

“Someday,” Lilith bragged to the grey wolf, “we shall rid this land of all the Jews.”

“Sounds like a splendid idea to me,” the lupine former Fuhrer wagged his tail.

Meanwhile in France, the demon Asmodeus was visiting the village of Rennes-le-Chateau and more specifically the Church of Saint Mary Magdalene.

He had heard that there was a statue of himself holding up the holy water stoup inside the Church.

“A very good likeness,” Asmodeus grinned as he lit a cigarette and took a selfie of himself alongside the statue and posted it to Facebook.

Meanwhile back at the Presidential Palace in Caracas, Venezuela, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro was in hot water.

His residence was one of the few places in Venezuela where the hot water was still working.

But none of this concerned the megalomaniacal President as he sat in his bath tub text messaging with his ally North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong-un boasted to Maduro on his Skype screen, “I’ve got the Greek god Hephaestus designing and making my missiles for me.”

Meanwhile in Athens, Greece, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been informed by MI-6’s Diablos Nocturna Division that Hephaestus was now making missiles for Kim Jong-un.

He had arrived in Greece for one purpose.

To convince the Greek goddess Aphrodite to go to Pyongyang North Korea and convince her husband Hephaestus to stop making missiles for Kim Jong-un.

“Why should I do that for you, Dracul Van Helsing?” She asked the Canadian vampire hunter who was also an operative for MI-6.

“I’ll give you an entire evening of reasons why,” said Dracul.

After an evening of passionate love making, Aphrodite got up and greeted the dawn.

The Greek Goddess Aphrodite

“All right,” Aphrodite cooed at Dracul, “I’ll go.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 13th
2017.

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King Arthur At The Movies

May 12, 2017 at 4:10 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Literature, Movies, Mythology, Personal essays, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , )

The movie King Arthur: Legend of the Sword opens in theatres today on what is the 80th Anniversary of the coronation of King George VI as King of Britain (which happened on May 12th 1937).

I’m sure there is no correlation between the two events- the release of a movie that I gather is a real turkey judging from reviews I’m reading at the Rotten Tomatoes film web site and the coronation of a man who was a great and heroic king (in contrast to his brother the Nazi sympathizer King Edward VIII who abdicated the throne for what he thought was a great piece of tail Mrs. Wallis Simpson).

To mark the occasion, I’m posting here two photo montage music videos I made about King Arthur at the OneTrueMedia video making site (an online video making site that sadly no longer exists) and then posted to YouTube.

The 1st King Arthur photo montage I made back on January 24th 2009:

The 2nd King Arthur photo montage music video I made (which was called Merlin, Morgana and Arthur using images from the famous TV series called Merlin) I made back on July 21st 2009:

Here are links to a few chapters I’ve written in my series of vampire novels that pertain to the Arthurian legend:

King Arthur and The Vampire Horus:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/king-arthur-and-the-vampire-horus/

Sunset Over Camelot:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/sunset-over-camelot/

Morgana Before Dawn:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/04/morgana-before-dawn-planned-catnapping.html

Arthur’s Sword and The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/04/arthurs-sword-and-best-laid-plans-of.html

-A personal essay
written by Christopher
Friday May 12th 2017.

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Vladimir Putin’s Dream

May 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

After a late evening spent in his office reading Donald Trump’s tweets and laughing his head off, Russian President Vladimir Putin was starting to feel tired.

He decided to lay down on the couch in his office and snooze for a while.

He dreamed he was walking through a small museum on the outskirts of Moscow.

In the center of the museum was a huge golden samovar.

Putin approached the samovar.

The soft gentle melodious voice of an unseen woman called from above the samovar, “Come and drink, Vladimir.”

Putin noticed some classically decorated tea cups and saucers on a table to the right of the samovar.

He picked up a cup and saucer and went over to the samovar and poured himself some tea from the tap.

He then went back to the table and put some honey as well as a slice of lemon in his tea.

He then drank,

And fell asleep in his dream.

Whereupon he dreamed a dream within his dream.

In the dream, he was standing on the banks of the Little Bighorn River in Montana.

He was approached by the great Lakota Sioux chief and holy man Sitting Bull.

Sitting Bull was carrying a pipe.

He handed the pipe to Putin and beckoned him to smoke from it.

Putin did so.

The smoke was soothing and pleasant.

Suddenly a huge crying eagle came down from the sky and Sitting Bull vanished.

Startled, Putin continued to smoke the pipe and then suddenly fell to the ground.

He then dreamed a dream within a dream within a dream.

In the dream, Putin dreamed that he was back in 19th Century Russia.

He was walking along a beach on the Black Sea when he suddenly noticed a beautiful young Russian girl walking and dancing in the surf along the shore.

Russian Girl Walking Along Black Sea Beach

She was surrounded by happy cheerful seagulls.

Suddenly a screeching eagle came down from the sky and scattered the seagulls.

The girl herself vanished into the sea.

Putin then woke up from his three layers of dreams.

And sat up on the couch.

The Russian leader rubbed his forehead.

He was really going to have to find someone with the wisdom of the Hebrew Biblical Prophet Daniel to interpret his dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 10th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec and Quetzalcoatl On Cinqo de Mayo

May 5, 2017 at 4:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec
The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec: Now living life as a blonde

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had recently dyed her hair blonde.

She was waiting by the door to go out with her spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl to attend Cinqo de Mayo celebrations.

Quetzalcoatl came down the stairs having given up on finding a tuxedo and tie that would fit him.

“Let’s go,” he said.

He did grab a giant top hat and a giant cane and wore them.

Later at the Cinqo de Mayo celebrations in Mexico City, Quetzalcoatl was pissed off to see more representations of some figure called Santa Muerte (Saint Death) rather than himself Quetzalcoatl.

“Who is this Santa Muerte?” Quetzalcoatl bitterly asked Qonzilqointec.

“She’s the patron Saint of drug dealers,” Qonzilqointec replied.

“I’m starting to feel some sympathy for Donald Trump at the moment, ” Quetzalcoatl remarked in anger.

Qonzilqointec heard shouts from the crowd, “Look, it’s a guy… some drag queen… dressed as Santa Muerte.”

The drag queen Santa Muerte looked familiar so Qonzilqointec took his/her picture with her smart phone and posted it on her Facebook page.

In Kiev, Ukraine where the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith had recently taken up residence, she happened to notice Qonzilqointec’s photo of the drag queen Santa Muerte.

“It’s my castrated ex-consort the archangel Samael,” Lilith gasped.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 5th
2017.

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The Wolf Adolf, Ahriman’s Korean Envoy and King Solomon’s Ring

April 30, 2017 at 2:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The wolf formerly known as Adolf (his spirit was allowed to inhabit the body of a grey wolf after Thor, at Odin’s request, asked permission from Hades and Persephone to allow Hitler’s spirit to leave the Underworld and to return to Earth for a brief period) was reflecting that today was April 30th- the day back in 1945 when he married Eva Braun and then shot himself.

After watching a BBC TV News Documentary on the state of marriage in the contemporary western world, the wolf formerly known as Adolf wondered whether it wouldn’t be a good idea for most modern husbands to follow in his footsteps.

Over in Pyongyang, North Korea, dictator Kim Jong-un was once again visited by the mysterious beautiful Korean woman in the white gown who had visited him twice before- once in a dream and then again in reality (In reality, she had kicked him in the ass).

“Who are you?” Kim Jong-un asked the mysterious Woman In White.

“I am the messenger of Ahriman,” the woman replied.

“Who’s Ahriman?” Kim asked.

“The Prince of Persia,” the woman answered.

“Persia?” Kim scratched his head, “Oh, Iran! My ally! Along with Venezuela! But I thought my friends the mullahs in Iran had deposed the Shah and kicked out his family. How can Persia then still have a prince?”.

The Woman In White commanded Kim Jong-un to bend over and turn around whereupon she kicked him in the ass again.

In Jerusalem, the Mossad agent called the Controller of the Golem was reading the passage in the Book of Daniel about how the archangel Gabriel wrestled with the (demonic angelic) Prince of Persia for 21 days and was only able to overcome him through the assistance of the Archangel Michael and then deliver his message to Daniel.

The Controller of the Golem closed the book.

And looked over at his desk.

On his desk was a package.

Inside the package was an important artifact of ancient Hebrew history.

King Solomon’s ring.

The signet ring with the Seal of Solomon on it that gave King Solomon the power to command demons to build the Temple in Jerusalem.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 30th
2017.

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