Renfield and Morgana At Lumiere Festival of Light

January 18, 2018 at 9:41 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Morgana At Lumiere Festival of Light

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his fellow Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee (also known as the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) were walking across central London attending the first night of the four-night Lumiere Festival of Light.

The two MPs looked at an ice sculpture of a frog 🐸 lit up in front of the W Hotel in Leicester Square.

“Why don’t you kiss it and see if it turns into a prince πŸ‘‘?” Renfield said jokingly.

“All right,” said Morgana who had been hitting the Smirnoff vodka a bit harder than usual earlier this evening.

She kissed the ice sculpture of the frog 🐸 and sure enough it turned into a handsome prince πŸ‘‘.

“Great Scott!” Renfield shouted as a huge gust of wind blew up the kilt of a Scottish bagpiper who walked by.

“My God, a handsome prince,” Morgana swooned, “he looks like pictures I’ve seen of the Jacobite prince Bonnie Prince Charlie.”

“What do you suppose was in those fudgsicles they were handing out at the Canadian Embassy?” Asked Renfield who felt his hamster whiskers growing on his face.

“Hey, man, did you try those marijuana laced fudgsicles they were handing out at the Canadian Embassy?” Two aging hippies from California asked.

“This must be Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s contribution to Western civilization,” Renfield remarked as he fell back on the sidewalk and noticed a thousand points of lights overhead.

“Yoo-hoo, Charlie,” Morgana ran after the kilt wearing frog 🐸 turned prince πŸ‘‘.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 18th
2018.

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Renfield, Loki and The Emergency Alert Message In Hawaii

January 13, 2018 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield, Loki and The Emergency Alert Message In Hawaii

The BBC News Announcer intoned, “As Hawaiians still cope with the trauma of the emergency alert message they got on their smart phones this morning, French President Emmanuel Macron has expressed his concern that the French baguette πŸ₯– needs to be designated as a UNESCO world heritage cultural treasure in order to ensure its authentic protection as a French cultural treasure…”

Said Renfield as he listened to the news, “The voice of the poodle is heard throughout the land” in a paraphrase of that line from the Song of Solomon, “The voice of the turtle is heard throughout the land.”

Renfield immediately got on his tablet and used his hacking and cyber intelligence gathering skills to determine who was ultimately responsible for sending out the emergency alert message to smart phone users in Hawaii that read, BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

In the Swiss Alps, the Norse trickster god Loki’s smart phone went off in his skiing chalet.

“Hello,” Loki held the phone to his ear.

“Bonjour, Monsieur Loki,” Renfield said as he took his melted ham, cheese and Hawaiian pineapple 🍍 laced baguette out of the microwave, “I hear you really enjoy those cheap drink specials you get on Waikiki Beach in Honolulu.”

“Yeah,” Loki admitted as he drank his hot toddy while looking at the Matterhorn outside his window.

“I imagine you’d no longer be getting those drink specials if Hawaiians found out who was responsible for those PTSD inducing emergency messages they got on their smart phones this morning,” Renfield used a napkin to wipe some melted cheese off his left nostril.

“What do you want?” Loki finally asked after a momentary silence.

“Funny, you should ask,” Renfield belched with great delicacy, “I wouldn’t mind a few of those millions of Norse plundered gold coins you happen to have suddenly showing up in my Swiss bank account.”

“All right,” said Loki who agreed to the transfer to buy Renfield’s silence.

As Amadeus quietly munched on his own melted Parisienne ham and Swiss cheese and Hawaiian pineapple laced baguette πŸ₯– and listened in on Renfield’s kitchen conversation, he could not help thinking that his friend Renfield did indeed have chutzpah as the rabbis would say.

For indeed it takes a lot of chutzpah to blackmail the Norse trickster god.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 13th
2018.

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Pan Goatee Wins Jack The Ripper Feminist Award

January 11, 2018 at 8:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Wins Jack The Ripper Feminist Award

The Cosmic Horror Writers Association of America had voted unanimously to make satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly women) the winner of this past year’s Jack The Ripper Feminist Award given to the serial killer whose actions were most at variance with the precepts of the National Organization For Women.

As Pan Goatee was about to get off the bus at the auditorium where he was to receive his award, he noticed a fat ugly looking blimp of a woman getting on at the front of the bus.

Pan immediately rushed up to the front of the bus and beheaded the woman with his machete.

He then turned back to the bus’s back door before getting off- but not before posing with a thumbs up sign for photos taken by Japanese tourists sitting at the back of the bus.

Later inside the auditorium, Pan Goatee received a standing ovation as he accepted the award.

When Donald Trump read about tonight’s awards ceremony in this evening’s National Security Intel report, the Tweeter-In-Chief (who had proclaimed himself an “awesome genius” in his most recent Twitter tweet) asked one of his aides, “Who was Jack the Ripper?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 11th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Steve Bannon

January 9, 2018 at 8:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Pan Goatee and Steve Bannon

As Pan Goatee was going around the city cutting off the heads of ugly looking women to make the world a more aesthetically pleasing place, Donald Trump was reading the latest news to happen to Steve Bannon.

Mr. Bannon was stepping down from the Breitbart News organization he had helped build.

Taking note of the news story about satyr serial killer Pan Goatee’s homicidal attacks on ugly looking women, Trump remarked, “You know what would make the perfect final end for someone who accused my family of treason? If “Sloppy Steve” (a derogatory reference to his former aide’s usually dishevelled appearance) decided he would become transgendered and the first being he encountered after his operation was none other than Pan Goatee. It would definitely spell the end of Mr. Bannon.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 9th
2018.

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Happy Birthday, Sherrielock Holmes

January 6, 2018 at 9:18 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, History, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Happy Birthday, Sherrielock Holmes

The quite literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was turning 164 today.

Many years ago, Sherrielock had eaten some Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms and become immortal.

Sherrielock was being taken out to dinner by her great grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

They arrived at the Avebury Arms Pub to sample their delicious πŸ˜‹ steak and kidney pies.

Sherrielock was dressed in an elegant turquoise green evening dress.

“Tell me, Aunt Sherrielock, did you ever offer a plate of Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms to great uncle Sherlock?” Cadbury was anxious to know.

“I did,” Sherrielock nodded, “but he refused. He longed to meet Irene Adler again.”

“So great uncle Sherlock did come to believe in an afterlife?” Cadbury inquired.

“He did,” Sherrielock sampled her steak and kidney pie, “Ummm, heaven.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 6th
2018.

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Video Presentation On Sherry Valerie Hilles’ The Gothic Exorcist’s Chronicles

January 5, 2018 at 10:03 pm (Book Reviews, books, Entertainment, Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, The Supernatural) (, , , )

Video Presentation On Sherry Valerie Hilles’ The Gothic Exorcist’s Chronicles

My friend and fellow writer Sherry Valerie Hilles has recently published the 2nd volume of her GOTHIC EXORCIST’s CHRONICLES entitled The Fallen.

Volume One was entitled The Devil’s Promises.

Here is a short video presentation at YouTube about her two books:

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Agathor Christie Meets Vampiress Isis In Paris

January 4, 2018 at 10:06 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Agathor Christie Meets Vampiress Isis In Paris

The London based private eye Agathor Christie was meeting the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in a cafe along the Champs Γ‰lysΓ©es.

Agathor had been hired by Isis to spy on her brother and brother-in-law the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Normally Agathor worked on such cases with his private eye partner and associate Magog Rhys Petley but last month Magog had checked himself into a clinic in Switzerland to help him treat a peculiar ailment and malady that the former Labour MP had (he turned into a werewolf during times of the full moon and a few other occasions as well).

Agathor and Magog had opened up their private eye business last summer after both men had lost their respective parliamentary seats to members of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party (Conservative Agathor Christie had lost his Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds seat to Renfield R. Renfield and Labour’s Magog Rhys Petley had been defeated by the Welsh Vampiress Morgana also known as Morgana Fay Lee in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge).

Agathor ordered a cognac while he waited for the Vampiress Isis to show up.

She entered the cafe wearing a gold evening dress.

“Your Divine Majesty,” Agathor stood up and kissed her golden gloved leather hand.

“Mr. Christie, you have news for me?” The Vampiress Isis sat down and ordered a glass of champagne.

“I do,” Agathor nodded.

“Then you’re a good detective,” Isis smiled at him, “But then seeing as how you’re the great nephew of British mystery novelist Agatha Christie, I’m not surprised.”

Agathor Christie was indeed the great nephew of Agatha Christie (albeit she was his great aunt by marriage and not by blood).

Agathor sipped his cognac.

In the meantime, Isis helped herself to some caviar.

“So, what is this news you have to tell me?” Isis asked.

“Set is trying to find the tomb of the great Egyptian queen Cleopatra,” Agathor replied.

“Really?” Isis was quite astounded at this bit of news, “Then I shall have to beat him to it.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 4th
2018.

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A Mermaid On Boxing Day

December 26, 2017 at 9:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Mermaid On Boxing Day

Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had won his Boxing Day fight in the boxing ring.

He left the broken down warehouse where he had boxed and walked down to the pier.

He was covered in sweat and blood.

He reflected on the past 8 years of his life ever since he had been brought back from the dead by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.

As a boxer, he had fought in Ontario back in the 1880s and in California back in the 1890s.

He had retired from boxing in 1899 and moved to Honolulu where he died on June 6th 1910.

Dr. Makabo had raised him from the dead in June 2009 on behalf of a billionaire sports promoter who wanted to sponsor a boxer that would someday win the World Heavyweight Title.

And the promoter thought a supernaturally controlled boxer as in one brought back from the dead would be able to do that.

It was true Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had never lost a fight in the past 8 years.

But he still wasn’t seen as a contender namely because boxing was no longer the sport it once was.

UFC Fighting had taken away a lot of the promoters and big money.

Donnelly stood on the pier and looked down at the water.

He noticed the face of a startlingly beautiful woman staring up at him from underneath the water.

Thinking she was drowning, Donnelly jumped in.

Underneath the water, he noticed the woman was topless with a firm sumptuous pair of breasts.

He looked down and noticed the rest of her was one giant fish tail.

“A mermaid?” Donnelly thought to himself.

The shock of encountering a mermaid caused the living dead boxer to lose consciousness.

The mermaid quickly grabbed the unconscious boxer and dragged him up to the shore.

She administered mouth to mouth while in the distance a choir hired by a store for its Boxing Day sale sang, “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 26th
2017.

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Arthur On Christmas Day

December 25, 2017 at 10:48 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Arthur On Christmas Day

The boy Arthur walked through the forest.

He was walking back home to retrieve his brother Kay’s sword.

His brother had forgotten it the day of a big tournament.

As he walked, the lovely dark-haired wood nymph Morgana walked out from behind a tree.

She stood there in a lovely silvery white dress.

“Arthur,” she called out to him.

“Morgana,” Arthur smiled.

They walked back to her cabin where they spent the afternoon making love.

When they finished, Arthur walked back to the tournament.

A couple of miles from the tournament site, it suddenly hit Arthur that he had been so busy using his own sword that afternoon, he had completely forgotten about his brother Kay’s.

It was then that he noticed an ancient church and churchyard.

In the churchyard was a large stone with a sword sticking out of it.

Arthur walked over to the stone and pulled out the sword.

“This seems to be a fairly good sword,” Arthur smiled, “even better than Kay’s. My brother should be pleased.”

Arthur turned in the direction of the tournament.

He failed to notice the inscription written on the stone, “Whosoever pulleth this sword out of this stone is destined to become the great High King of the Britons.”

A new destiny had arrived for Britain on that Christmas Day.

A destiny in more ways than one.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 25th
2017.

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Amadeus and The Unicorn On Christmas Eve

December 24, 2017 at 10:21 pm (Christmas, Entertainment, Folklore, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Amadeus and The Unicorn On Christmas Eve

Amadeus Emanon was spending Christmas Eve walking through London’s Hyde Park.

He’d be attending Midnight Mass at an Anglo-Catholic Church of England parish later in the evening.

His friend Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected British Transhumanist MP was spending Christmas Eve in his bedroom with the doors locked.

Renfield had seen a live stage performance of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol earlier in the evening and was now terribly afraid that like Scrooge, he’d be visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

Athelstan the butler and valet on the Set Estate would be spending Christmas with his mother in northern England where no doubt most of his time would be spent getting his mother out of drunken brawls arguing over who would win the FIFA World Cup in Russia next year.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (owner of the Set Estate) would be spending his time over the next few days hibernating in his sarcophagus until all the Christmas cheer died down.

Amadeus sat down on a park bench and looked at the snow and the decorative lights on some of the trees.

Suddenly from behind one of the trees a unicorn appeared.

Snow white in its appearance, it walked with its glistening horn towards Amadeus and bowed.

It then went on its way and seemed to vanish into the night.

After its appearance, a musical melody entered Amadeus’ head.

Taking out a notebook πŸ““ (a real old fashioned notebook and not an iPad) and a pen, Amadeus wrote down the notes to the melody.

No doubt seeing a unicorn on Christmas Eve conveys an important message, Amadeus felt.

Meanwhile back on the Set Estate, Renfield R. Renfield hid under his bedroom blankets and covers when he heard the old grandfather clock in the hall chime 11 PM.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 24th
2017.

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