Baphomet News Network

September 21, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Baphomet News Network

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was picking up a news broadcast from Hell- the Baphomet News Network.

Baphomet News Announcer:

Apostle of the Antichrist Father James J. Martin SJ who was appointed to the Vatican’s Secretariat For Communications last year by Apostle of the Antichrist Pope Francis has been nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize.

The winner will be announced on Halloween 🎃 and the award will be presented on the River Styx on November 11th- the 100th anniversary of the end of the First World War.

In other news, the Antichrist Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago Blaise Cupich has likewise been nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize for saying that sexual molestation of children by priests is not as important an issue as “proper recycling to help the environment”.

Of course pedophile priest Father Richard McGrath, who suddenly retired last December as administrator of a Catholic High School in New Lennox, Illinois after naked pictures of boys was found on his cell phone, was granted permission by Antichrist Chicago Archbishop Cardinal Blaise Cupich to retire to a monastery in Chicago which was just steps away from Saint Thomas The Apostle Grade School.

No word yet on how Father McGrath’s penance is coming along.

Meanwhile it turns out that Archbishop Richard McCarrick who had to resign as a Cardinal for his protection of pedophile priests (his resignation brought personal heartbreak to Pope Francis) was instrumental in negotiating a breakthrough on the state of the Catholic Church in China 🇨🇳 with the Beijing Government of Chinese President Xi Jinping (who is probably the biggest satanic megalomaniac to govern China 🇨🇳 since the late Chairman Mao Tse-tung).

The agreement is a total sellout and surrender to the Christ hating totalitarian regime in Beijing who will now be the ones responsible for appointing all bishops for the Catholic Church in China 🇨🇳.

Pope Francis is said to be as pleased as punch about the upcoming agreement.

Back in February 2016, Archbishop McCarrick told The Global Times in an exclusive interview that “the similarities between Pope Francis and Xi Jinping are a special gift for the world.”

As such, Archbishop McCarrick is also nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize.

Archbishop McCarrick also enjoyed cordial relations with Bishop Aloysius Jin of Shanghai a Marxist Jesuit priest.

California Rep. Nancy Pelosi served as go-between for the two men back in 2009.”

Michelangelo’s vision of the Baphomet News Network broadcast ended and the same vision that the Apostle John had on the Isle of Patmos about the woman known as Mystery Babylon suddenly appeared to him.

Meanwhile in the Vatican, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal walked into Pope Francis’ bedroom wearing a blazing red scarlet evening dress and carrying a golden chalice overflowing with red liquid.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 21st
2018.

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Apple, Pomegranate… Or Me?

August 18, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Apple, Pomegranate… Or Me?

Three rabbis walked into a bar.

After having been in the next door delicatessen where they had bought kosher smoked meat and kosher rye bread to make sandwiches.

The three were having a violent argument.

One rabbi argued that the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden was an apple 🍎 since the logo on his Mac computer told him so.

Another rabbi argued that the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden was in fact a pomegranate since his knowledge of the location of the Garden of Eden and knowledge of Middle Eastern history and geography and botany told him so.

The third rabbi argued that it might have been a tomato 🍅 or a banana 🍌 since his leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes and a conversation with a Muslim imam had alerted him to those possibilities.

The bartender insisted that it was a watermelon 🍉 since he owned a watermelon stand in addition to his kosher tavern business.

A hairstylist named Samson insisted that it was an avocado 🥑 since the Twitterer-In-Chief’s red spider monkey fake news hairpiece toupee had told him so.

The long-haired Samson then threw the three rabbis out of the bar and headed off to sleep with his girlfriend Delilah (a fellow hairstylist) for the night prior to having a wrestling match against Dwayne The Rock Johnson tomorrow.

Little did Samson realize that his girlfriend Delilah had placed a $500,000 bet with a Las Vegas bookie for the Rock to win.

Otherwise he might not have been so anxious to go to her place.

He arrived in her bedroom where Delilah had the betting paper 📝 with the name of the Rock on it next to a pair of scissors ✂️ on her drawer.

It was all there.

Paper. Rock. Scissors.

But sadly for him, he didn’t notice.

. . .

Eve woke up.

The blonde beauty in her black nightie mini dress had had a disturbing dream.

But for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what it was.

She thought she saw some sort of reflection in her bedroom mirror.

So she walked over for a closer look.

It was then she encountered the following (what she had dreamed about earlier):

Rose or fruit?

. . .

Multitudes of millennia earlier, another Eve awakened.

The Eve who was the mother of us all.

The Eve who had eaten the Forbidden Fruit and therefore knew what fruit 🍉 🍎 🍌 🍅 it was.

The Eve who along with her husband Adam had been expelled from the Garden of Eden.

The Eve who had been seduced by Lucifer with his serpent like wiles.

And the Phoenix (possessed by Lucifer with its beautiful multicoloured feathers and wings) was turned into a slithering snake 🐍 forced to crawl on its belly.

The Phoenix with its beautiful colours and wings and feathers would live on in the memories of the Far East with that region’s accounts of the beautiful colourful winged dragons 🐉 that were in fact beneficent in character.

The snake (formerly the Phoenix) would live on in the memories of the Western world as the dragons of fierce countenance who were malevolent in character.

Eve awoke.

She who had given birth to Cain and Abel.

And now one son Cain had slain the other Abel.

Eve wept.

“Eve,” a voice spoke.

It was her husband Adam.

She looked at him.

He looked different.

“Come know me,” his hands reached out to her.

She approached him.

She did not bother to notice the strange sinister red glow in his eyes.

And so Eve once again came to know her “husband Adam”.

But really she had once again come to know the “Voice behind the forbidden fruit”.

Eve gave birth to Lilith 9 months later.

Eventually Eve would come to know her actual husband Adam again and give birth to Seth.

But before Seth she had given birth to Lilith.

Lilith.

Daughter of Eve.

Lilith.

Daughter of Lucifer.

Lilith.

The world’s first vampiress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 18th
2018.

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Friday The 13th: Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night

July 13, 2018 at 10:21 pm (Commentary, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Theology) (, , , , )

Friday The 13th: Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night

It was 101 years today on July 13th 1917 that the Virgin Mary Mother of Jesus showed the three shepherd children of Fatima Portugal a vision of Hell showing that Hell actually did exist.

Why was it necessary to show the children a vision of Hell when most Catholics and most Christians in 1917 actually believed in the existence of Hell?

The explanation was probably found in the Third Secret of Fatima.

According to Malachi Martin (who actually read the Third Secret but was under oath not to reveal it) when he appeared on the Art Bell Coast To Coast AM radio show back in the late 1990s, he told Bell that he could not reveal the secret but if any listener phoned in with the words of the Secret, he would not deny those weren’t the words.

When a caller phoned in and said that someday a Pope would be elected who was under the direct control of Satan, Father Martin said that was indeed part of the Third Secret.

When the Vatican supposedly released the Third Secret of Fatima back on June 26th 2000 (less than a year after Malachi Martin died in July 1999), those words about a “Pope being under the control of Satan” were found nowhere in the text released by the Vatican.

What might a Pope under the control of Satan do?

Well he might for example openly deny the existence of Hell.

So here it’s July 13th 2018- 101 years after the Virgin Mary showed the 3 shepherd children the actual existence of Hell.

You’ve got a Pope on the papal throne who on numerous occasions has denied the existence of Hell including a newspaper interview published back on Maundy Thursday this year (the day before Good Friday) in which he denied the existence of Hell.

And now it turns out this year that July 13th falls on a Friday night- Friday the 13th.

Here’s a photo montage music video I made 10 years ago called Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night:

-A commentary written by
Christopher
Friday July 13th
2018.

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Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Says Pope Francis Is Prototype of Enlightened Despot of The World

June 28, 2018 at 10:34 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Says Pope Francis Is Prototype of Enlightened Despot of The World

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was staring in disbelief at the two pieces of information he held in his hands.

One was an interview that the Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Giuliano Di Bernardo had given to the Italian newspaper Libero.

Giuliano Di Bernardo was Grand Master of the Grand Orient of Italy from 1990 to 1993 and later the founder and first grandmaster of the Grand Lodge of Italy from 1993 until 2001.

In interviews, Di Bernardo said that “global society cannot be governed democratically but only through a community of Wise Men who embody the One – the Enlightened Tyrant”.

Libero asked Di Bernardo, “What is your prototype of an enlightened tyrant?”.

Di Bernardo replied, “If I really should name one, I would say, Pope Francis.”

The other bit of information that Peter Whitstable held in his hand was a letter he had received from a Catholic priest in France who was the pastor of a small rural parish.

The priest said that Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) concerned about the huge number of cardinals, bishops and priests who objected to his papal policies (his papal policies that generally consisted of rejecting the doctrines that had been believed in and taught by the Church for the past 2000 years) was going to enact and demand a personal oath of loyalty and fealty by every cardinal, bishop, priest and deacon to himself personally Jorge Mario Bergoglio or otherwise be excommunicated from the Catholic Church.

Peter Whitstable in his mind could hear Robin the Boy Wonder say to his fellow Caped Crusader, “Unholy Trinity, Batman. Can you say False Prophet and Antichrist?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 28th
2018.

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Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

June 22, 2018 at 10:15 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

Pan Goatee was walking around transit stops once again continuing his aesthetically inspired efforts in making the city more attractive by improving the visual appearance of its local transit system.

He had his laser machete and a karaoke headpiece with him.

He also had a can of gasoline.

As he started this evening’s slash and burn policy of ridding the city of its ugly females, he sang his own version of an old Wang Chung song from the mid-1980s:

I’d slash a million heads
to promote beauty
(Cuts off the head of an ugly looking girl)
So if you’re feeling low
cause you saw an uglo
(kicks the head away)
The blades I use are strong
They create beauty
But now the gasoline’s on
Light this head to Hell

(Pours gasoline over the head)

Rip it up
Slash down
Rip it up
Rid the world of its frown
Rip it up
Burn down
Rip it up
Beauty increases in town

Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight

Deep in the world tonight
(cuts off the head of a fat ugly woman)
The heads are going down
The blood will really flow
all the way across town

Rip it up
(cuts off the head of an even fatter and even uglier woman)
Slash down
Rip it up
Kick it down the ground
(Kicks head down the street)
Rip it up
burn down
Rip it up
Get out what’s inside of you
(takes off his Happy Days Fonzie black leather jacket and exposes a t-shirt that says GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER PSYCHOPATH)

Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight…

On the edge of oblivion
All the world is Babylon
And all the love and everyone
A ship of fools sailing on
It’s the Voyage of the Damned tonight
Charon is hanging on

Across the nation
massive constipation
Everybody Ex-Lax tonight
An enema that cuts through the grime
I don’t consider it a crime

. . .

The ghost of the late Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had somehow managed to escape the fires 🔥 of Tartarus when Hades (the Greek god of the Underworld) had his back turned.

Hades at the time was taking some giant lobsters out of a bag that were a gift to him from his brother Poseidon the god of the sea 🌊.

Hades was planning to roast the lobsters at a massive shake and bake that he was planning at one of the world’s largest volcanoes 🌋 during the next month.

Saddam’s ghost was currently in the city of Istanbul because he had heard that the Vietnamese government in Hanoi was going to name Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress granddaughter of the late Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh) the Vietnamese Ambassador to the revived Ottoman Empire.

Saddam who had spent time roasting away on a spit in Tartarus was a little behind (in the opinion of Truman Capote’s ghost) in his knowledge of the world’s current affairs.

He was not aware that Turkey’s 🇹🇷 despotic and demagogic President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had not yet formally proclaimed the revival of the Ottoman Empire with himself (Erdogan) as the new Sultan of Constantinople and the new Caliph of the new Global Islamic Caliphate.

Erdogan was hoping to do extremely well in the Presidential and Parliamentary elections this coming Sunday June 24th (the Feast Day of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist) and then he’d announce the creation of the revived Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan and Caliph.

As Hades rummaged through the bag of lobsters looking for a psychic lobster to eat first, Persephone noticed that Saddam’s ghost had gone missing.

She immediately sent the 3-headed dog Cerberus up to Earth to find Saddam’s ghost and bring him back to Tartarus.

. . .

Pope Francis was in his bedroom in the Vatican discussing the difference between dreams and reality with the ghost of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung.

Why Pope Francis had asked Hades to temporarily grant Dr. Jung’s ghost a dispensation to leave Purgatory for a while was there was something that the Jesuit pontiff wished to discuss with the well known expert on dreams.

The matter had been bothering Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (as Pope Francis was known to close associates) for the past 24 hours.

Ever since he had returned to Rome from Geneva.

The pontiff had spent the Summer Solstice in Geneva attending 70th anniversary celebrations for the World Council of Churches.

After the celebration, Francis had been invited to attend what was called “a non-Anglican Evensong service” in an abandoned and desolate Catholic Church on the outskirts of Geneva.

During the service, Francis saw a 16-year-old beautiful young Russian girl (who was said to be both a virgin and the youngest living (until then) female relative of the old Russian Imperial Romanov family) sacrificed to the satanic idol image of Baphomet while Vladimir Lenin’s ghost looked on and applauded.

During the sacrifice of the Russian girl, the Baphomet appeared in person and sang those old Cat Stevens lyrics, “I’m being followed by a moonshadow, moon shadow, moonshadow” as he played the song on an electric guitar 🎸 while a werewolf howled outside the very unusual looking stained glass window depicting the image of Judas Iscariot.

“What I want to know,” Francis asked Jung as he wiped his glasses, “was this just a dream I had or did this actually happen?”.

Jung took off his own pair of spectral glasses 👓 and wiped them with his spectral handkerchief, “I’ll need to discuss this further with one of my colleagues. Preferably Sigmund Freud.”

Francis got on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone and dialled Hades’ private number to ask him to give Sigmund Freud’s ghost a temporary dispensation from Purgatory.

“Awwww, shit,” Hades cried as one of the lobsters pinched him on the buttocks with his claws when the Greek chthonic deity was distracted by the sound of Johann Sebastian Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring ring tone playing on his own Hermes Trismegitus smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 22nd
2018.

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Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

June 20, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a transit bus 🚌 making sure the local transit system adhered to his Nietzschean principles of aesthetic beauty.

Just then an ugly looking high school girl boarded the bus.

Pan Goatee vomited 🤮 all over the person sitting next to him.

“You can probably get that out with Ultra-Tide laundry detergent,” Pan said as he stood up and removed his laser machete from his Angela Merkel emblazoned boxer shorts.

As the ugly looking high school girl stood by the back door of the bus, Pan Goatee immediately beheaded her and then cut her up into tiny little pieces.

He then pulled a whiskey bottle that contained Doppelgänger (a lethal combination of Irish Guinness and Greek Ouzo) out of his Hawaiian tropical shirt pocket and said, “Never send a sober nanite to do a drunken nanite’s job.”

He then poured the alcohol into the mouths of the already vomiting 🤮 nanoparticles sickened by the aesthetically challenged body parts of the ugly high school girl (who had even been considered too ugly to star in the horror flick High School of the Living Dead for which she recently auditioned).

The nanites then ate the body parts and continued vomiting 🤮 en masse.

Pan Goatee exited through the emergency hatch at the top of the bus as the nanite vomit continued to rise and ended up drowning all the passengers and the bus driver.

. . .

Donald Trump smiled at the TV camera as he signed an executive order banning the separation of immigrant children from their parents.

He then opened a box of Christmas pie he had been saving since last Christmas, put in his thumb, pulled out a plum and said, “What a good boy am I.”

Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump vomited 🤮 all over the Lincoln Bedroom after watching the spectacle on television.

Abe Lincoln’s ghost remarked, “I don’t blame you” as he spewed forth a nasty 🤢 looking flow of ectoplasm out of his mouth which no doubt would have caused the Ghostbusters (in the original 1984 film) to give up their day jobs.

. . .

As Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was getting an anonymous tip about a satanic cult performing a human sacrifice tomorrow in Geneva, Switzerland 🇨🇭, members of the satanic cult The Legion of Apollinarius were getting ready for their own H. P. Lovecraft style take on Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Eve.

The priest Petrus Romanus Puer Miratio Robinus was getting ready for the human sacrifice tomorrow night.

A Swiss cuckoo clock that had a bat 🦇 out of Hell for a cuckoo bird came out of the clock riding a fiery blazing chopper motorcycle 🏍 announcing the time.

Petrus was consulting the Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal in the steam furnace basement room of the early 20th Century church building where the human sacrifice would take place tomorrow night in the chapel and altar above.

Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal

“Hello Baphomet, are you there?” Petrus asked as Heidi Hannibal went into a channeling trance.

“I am,” Baphomet spoke in a deeply diabolical baritone voice through the lovely Swiss blonde.

“You must have a nice singing voice,” Petrus recalled a line that Bill Murray had used in the 1984 film Ghostbusters.

“You should hear me sing the role of Mephistopheles in Charles Gounod’s opera Faust,” Baphomet answered through Heidi Hannibal, “I even sing it better than Mephistopheles himself.”

“That I can believe,” answered Petrus who wasn’t impressed by Mephistopheles’ falsetto style voice.

“Have you made all the arrangements for tomorrow’s Midsummer Night’s non-Anglican Evensong service and satanic sacrifice?” Baphomet asked.

“The boys’ choir is putting in extra time,” Petrus admitted, “our lead singer just hit puberty last night after encountering Heidi wearing a short skirt.”

“Hm, I can see that happening,” Baphomet admitted, “make sure Heidi goes nowhere near the boys in the choir until after tomorrow night’s service.”

“I’ll do that, your Infernalness,” Petrus bowed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 20th
2018.

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Osiris Views Vatican Christmas Tree and Nativity Scene

December 23, 2017 at 9:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Osiris Views Vatican Christmas Tree and Nativity Scene

The Egyptian vampire Osiris had been invited by the Rome based spiritist medium Cassandra Sibylline to view the Vatican Christmas Tree and Nativity scene.

Osiris was worried that as a vampire, he might suffer intense pain viewing Christian symbols on the tree 🌲 and in the Nativity scene.

Osiris need not have worried.

For the decorations on the Vatican Christmas tree in Saint Peter’s Square this year were devoid of Christian religious symbols.

There were peace signs and yin/yang symbols but no angels, no depictions of the Magi and no images of Mary, Joseph or the Christ Child.

As for the Vatican Nativity scene, it did have Joseph, Mary, the Magi and the shepherds. It also had a naked man (who Cassandra Sibylline said looked “like the poster boy for the local Tony Curtis Spartacus Gym and Health Spa”) lying on the straw.

An ad for the Vatican Nativity scene was in fact rejected by Facebook saying “Your ad can’t include images that are sexually suggestive or provocative.”

Commented Osiris to Cassandra Sibylline, “I like this year’s Vatican Christmas tree and Nativity scene. It makes a vampire feel right at home.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 23rd
2017.

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A Conversation With Athelstan

December 2, 2016 at 6:05 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Conversation With Athelstan

“Well, Athelstan,” the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sampled a glass of cognac with a dash of Type O blood and a twist of lemon, “there haven’t been any terrorist attacks in Europe so far this month.”

“Indeed not, sir,” Athelstan his butler and valet agreed.

“Damned thugs,” Set slurped on his iced Popsicle statue of the Hindu goddess Kali, “the Middle East was a lot more civilized when the people there worshipped my siblings and myself.”

“Very much so, sir,” Athelstan dusted off the replica model of the cedar box in which Set had placed his brother Osiris’ 14 body parts after he had dismembered him.

“Of course I really should have been the ruler of Egypt not my brother,” Set put down his hieroglyphic manuscript tablet copy of the ancient Egyptian bestseller In Praise of Fratricide which he had written many millennia ago.

“One of history’s great misfortunes that it never happened, sir,” Athelstan dusted off Set’s DVD collection of every single episode of Doctor Who.

“I wonder what my brother Osiris is doing in Rome,” Set picked up a copy of his Latin-Egyptian Dictionary.

“Presumably, he’s doing as the Romans do if he’s following the advice of that famous maxim, sir,” Athelstan adjusted the 1st Edition of Bartlett’s Great Quotations on the bookshelf.

“I wonder if Renfield has wiretapped Osiris’ phone line in Rome yet,” Set started brushing his teeth and his vampiric incisors with the new Colgate Ultra-Glistening Whitening Toothpaste.

“I believe he has, sir,” Athelstan checked his text message on his smart phone.

“So why hasn’t he returned to London yet?” Set asked Athelstan.

“I believe he’s still eating spaghetti and trying to make out with some of the beautiful young Italian women,” Athelstan answered.

“That sounds like Renfield all right,” Set used some Listerine mouthwash to gargle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 7th
2016.

Post-Script: This incident between Set and Athelstan happened back on August 7th of this year (the same day I wrote this blog post).

As a result of Renfield tapping Osiris’ phone, Renfield is now in possession of the information to be found in an ancient Gnostic gospel manuscript that Donald Trump is a Merovingian Bloodline descendent of an alleged marriage between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.

For further information, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/11/25/osiris-and-the-lost-nag-hammadi-scroll/

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Belvedere, Mitt Romney and The Mormon Archives

November 24, 2016 at 6:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Belvedere, Mitt Romney and The Mormon Archives

Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander and reporter for the Times of London was once again meeting with the London parking lot, office building and apartment building owning millionaire Ryan Rider.

Ryan Rider (through methods he didn’t elaborate on) had access to the files of the mysterious individual who called himself Robur The Conquerer (Robur was, as it turns out, a genetic clone of U.S. Civil War Confederate General Albert Pike who had been cloned from Pike’s DNA back in 1966 by Nazi scientist Eckhart Fromm who had been brought into the U.S. through Operation Paperclip).

“You have something for me, Mr. Rider?” Belvedere asked as he approached Rider’s office (a 4-door rusty gold coloured GMC truck) that was parked in the middle of the Not So Standard Parking Lot.

“Damn,” Rider swore, “someone just text messaged me asking me what my postal code is.”

The eccentric and postal code phobic millionaire started hyperventilating.

“Please get ahold of yourself, Mr. Rider,” Belvedere spoke exasperatedly, “On the phone, you said you discovered the reason why Donald Trump is making a rapprochement with his old Republican Party enemy Mitt Romney. There’s even talk that the President-elect may name Mitt Romney as his Secretary of State.”

“That’s right,” Ryan Rider grinned, “I’ve discovered the reason why Donald Trump is making a rapprochement with Mitt Romney.”

There was silence in the Not So Standard Parking Lot.

“Well would you mind telling me before Hell freezes over?” Belvedere stated as it started to snow in the Not So Standard Parking Lot.

Ryan Rider blew his nose and gazed at Belvedere, “Have you ever heard of the Mormon Archives, Mr. Belvdere?”.

“You mean the archives the Mormon Church keeps that have reams of genealogical research on families from all around the world?” Belvedere asked.

“That is correct, Mr. Belvedere,” Ryan Rider smiled with both a twinkle and a snowflake in his eye, “and do you know what is to be found in those Mormon Archives that is the direct cause of the rapprochement between Trump and Romney? What Romney discovered about the Trump family’s ancestry in those files that led Romney to reconcile with Trump?”.

“No,” Belvedere shook his head, “if I knew what was to be found in those Mormon Archives genealogical files that led to the rapprochement between Trump and Romney, I wouldn’t be standing here in this parking lot freezing my ghostly white salamander nuts off talking to you.”

“What Romney found,” Rider approached Belvedere and conspiratorially whispered in his ghostly white salamander ears, “is that Donald Trump is a direct descendant of the marriage between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.”

“Holy shit!” Belvedere exclaimed.

“Well I believe it was Holy Blood, Holy Grail that was the name of the book that first publicly postulated that there was a blood line in the world today that was directly descended from the marriage of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene,” Rider pointed out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 22nd
2016.

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Cthulhu At The Vatican: A Poem

April 7, 2016 at 9:20 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Cthulhu At The Vatican: A Poem

One fine night on the Tiber
a man drank sweet apple cider
when suddenly from the river’s depth
rose a monster causing him to say “What the heck!”
The creature had an octopus head
causing the man to drop his bread
It had webbed human looking arms and legs
Said the man, “I better get to Meg’s!”
An Italian bistro just down the street
The creature had snake like bunions on its feet
It stood hundreds of meters tall
and soon approached the Vatican wall
as Pope Francis lectured Trump on lack of charity
in the midst of much Curial hilarity
The creature had huge dragon like wings on its back
and gave some Vatican Swiss Guards the permanent sack
although it had no authority to do so
but what the heck, it made a fine YouTube show
as the post went viral with epic flow

The creature went into the finely wrapped box marked Pope Francis’ God of Surprises
and threw out the flowers there- Mother Earth’s irises
It then sat in the box
quiet like a hunted fox
waiting for its unveiling
causing Cardinals to hit the railing
when bursting forth like a jack in the box
it would resemble Baphomet’s unwashed socks
The final document of the Synod on The Family
would add to that dreaded abode of the damned-ly.

-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday Evening
April 7th 2016.

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