Erdogan Targets Kurds

January 20, 2018 at 9:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Erdogan Targets Kurds

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was discussing with the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith the air bombing campaign he had unleashed against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northern Syria.

The combined air and ground campaign that Erdogan called Operation Olive Branch with his rather bizarre and macabre sense of humour had begun earlier today at 14:00 GMT.

It targeted the Kurdish YPG (Kurdish People’s Protection Units) that the Erdogan government labelled a “bunch of terrorists” (as they called all people who were opposed to Erdogan’s increasingly despotic and dictatorial rule).

Lilith was hoping that once Erdogan had finished taking out the Kurds, he’d then attack Israel and take out the Jews.

Then Lilith would finally get her revenge against the Jewish people for the libels she felt they told about her in the Babylonian Talmud.

But in the meantime despite Lilith’s urging, Erdogan was concentrating his efforts on the Kurds.

“These people are standing in the way of my making myself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Erdogan clenched his fists.

“Wouldn’t Trump be worried about you making yourself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire?” Lilith asked.

“Oh, he might tweet about his manhood in one of his Twitter tweets and use for backup a possible Twitter endorsement from porn star Stormy Daniels to that effect but other than that he’ll do nothing,” Erdogan asserted.

“Isn’t there anyone in any of the NATO countries who’s clued in to what you’re doing?” Lilith asked.

“Well that newly elected British MP Renfield R. Renfield is,” Erdogan admitted, “which is why it was most unfortunate that members of the German Opera Lovers’
Association weren’t successful in murdering Mr. Renfield for murdering the Liebestod from Tristan und Isolde in the British House of Commons last night.”

Meanwhile back in London, Renfield was chuckling over a newspaper headline he was reading about today’s feminist march in Washington DC – HEFTY HIDEOUS HARPIES HOWL HYSTERICALLY.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 20th
2018.

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Renfield Sings The Liebestod From Tristan und Isolde

January 19, 2018 at 9:04 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Music, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Sings The Liebestod From Tristan und Isolde

Various Opposition parties in the British House of Commons were hoping to delay a vote on a portion of Stage One of the Brexit bill by arranging a filibuster this evening.

They agreed the person to deliver the filibuster would be newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield decided to filibuster the vote by singing a song from a German opera since he didn’t figure any British MP had ever done that before.

And this would be another way to get himself Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP into the history books.

Renfield went home to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion to pick up a musical score and lyric sheet from Amadeus Emanon, who being a concert pianist, had several.

“I decided to sing a song from a German opera to filibuster this bill,” Renfield announced to Amadeus as he went through the latter’s musical score and lyric sheets.

“But you don’t speak German,” Amadeus pointed out.

“True,” Renfield admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t sing it.”

Renfield went through the musical score and lyric sheets.

“Hm, this sounds interesting,” Renfield picked out one, “the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s 1859 opera Tristan und Isolde.”

Renfield had left before Amadeus could point out to the parliamentarian that the Liebestod was sung by a female lead in the opera being the climactic end of the opera as the heroine Isolde sings over the hero Tristan’s dead body.

Later as Amadeus Emanon watched the BBC Evening Late News that night, the announcer announced, “And now this just in… a group of armed men with machine guns has stormed into the public gallery of the House of Commons and fired their bullets down on the floor into the direction of an Opposition MP who was trying to filibuster against a procedural bill on government Brexit legislation by singing the Liebestod from Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde.
Apparently the armed men are not members of a terrorist group but members of the German Opera Lovers’ Association.
According to a report from the BBC Culture critic who is at the scene, “the bullets have unfortunately missed Mr. Renfield…”
And this just in from Berlin, the government of Chancellor Angela Merkel have just announced that they have officially disinvited Mr. Renfield from visiting Germany 🇩🇪 next month…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 19th
2018.

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Renfield and Morgana At Lumiere Festival of Light

January 18, 2018 at 9:41 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Morgana At Lumiere Festival of Light

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his fellow Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee (also known as the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) were walking across central London attending the first night of the four-night Lumiere Festival of Light.

The two MPs looked at an ice sculpture of a frog 🐸 lit up in front of the W Hotel in Leicester Square.

“Why don’t you kiss it and see if it turns into a prince 👑?” Renfield said jokingly.

“All right,” said Morgana who had been hitting the Smirnoff vodka a bit harder than usual earlier this evening.

She kissed the ice sculpture of the frog 🐸 and sure enough it turned into a handsome prince 👑.

“Great Scott!” Renfield shouted as a huge gust of wind blew up the kilt of a Scottish bagpiper who walked by.

“My God, a handsome prince,” Morgana swooned, “he looks like pictures I’ve seen of the Jacobite prince Bonnie Prince Charlie.”

“What do you suppose was in those fudgsicles they were handing out at the Canadian Embassy?” Asked Renfield who felt his hamster whiskers growing on his face.

“Hey, man, did you try those marijuana laced fudgsicles they were handing out at the Canadian Embassy?” Two aging hippies from California asked.

“This must be Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s contribution to Western civilization,” Renfield remarked as he fell back on the sidewalk and noticed a thousand points of lights overhead.

“Yoo-hoo, Charlie,” Morgana ran after the kilt wearing frog 🐸 turned prince 👑.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 18th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

January 17, 2018 at 8:38 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

“This looks like a job for Pan Goatee,” the satyr serial killer said as he removed his machete from his belt and decapitated a whole bunch of ugly women who were riding the bus.

Once again transit system janitors would be working overnight washing the floor and removing the blood.

“Nobody seems to murder anyone in motel room showers anymore,” one janitor complained to another.

“No, ever since Alfred Hitchcock shot that masterful scene in black and white with Janet Leigh, most psychos seem to have been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since,” a janitor refilled his bucket with Spic and Span.

“At least the IQ level of psychos is going up,” the other janitor filled his bucket up with Mr. Clean, “must be the influence of breakthroughs in nanotechnology and other Transhumanistically inclined sciences. At least these psychopaths are now starting to kill ugly looking women instead of good looking women like Janet Leigh.”

“The gene pool is certainly on the rise as far as psychotic killers are concerned,” the other janitor had to admit.

Next morning the bus was sparkling clean.

Ready for another day of public transit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 17th
2018.

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Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

January 15, 2018 at 9:28 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Movies, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sora Aoi: Renfield’s Heartbreak

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sat in the chair of his living room and read a story in The Times of London about how millions of young Chinese males were heartbroken when they heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi was getting married.

“Can you imagine,” Set remarked to his butler and valet Athelstan who was busy dusting and polishing the furniture, “people becoming heartbroken over a porn star getting married?”.

“It positively boggles the mind, sir,” remarked Athelstan who polished the jar containing Donovan’s brain from the 1953 sci-fi film.

“What is this world coming to?” Set shrugged his shoulders.

“I was pondering the very same thing the other day, sir,” quipped Athelstan who had dropped a glass globe of the world the day before that had smashed into a thousand pieces.

“I think I shall retire to my library and read the works of Virgil in the original Latin,” Set put his paper down and headed upstairs.

“There’s nothing like Dido of Carthage killing herself on a burning funeral pyre to make one forget that a contemporary porn star is getting married, sir,” Athelstan discovered an unopened bag of marshmallows in the fireplace.

As Set entered the second floor of his mansion and walked down the hall, he thought he heard loud crying and sobbing coming from inside Renfield’s bedroom.

“Amadeus,” Set asked his personal concert pianist as he passed him in the hallway, “Is that Renfield I can hear crying through his bedroom door?”.

“Yes, boss,” Amadeus nodded, “Renfield’s been like that since this morning when he heard the news that Japanese porn star Sora Aoi is getting married.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 15th
2018.

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Renfield, Loki and The Emergency Alert Message In Hawaii

January 13, 2018 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield, Loki and The Emergency Alert Message In Hawaii

The BBC News Announcer intoned, “As Hawaiians still cope with the trauma of the emergency alert message they got on their smart phones this morning, French President Emmanuel Macron has expressed his concern that the French baguette 🥖 needs to be designated as a UNESCO world heritage cultural treasure in order to ensure its authentic protection as a French cultural treasure…”

Said Renfield as he listened to the news, “The voice of the poodle is heard throughout the land” in a paraphrase of that line from the Song of Solomon, “The voice of the turtle is heard throughout the land.”

Renfield immediately got on his tablet and used his hacking and cyber intelligence gathering skills to determine who was ultimately responsible for sending out the emergency alert message to smart phone users in Hawaii that read, BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

In the Swiss Alps, the Norse trickster god Loki’s smart phone went off in his skiing chalet.

“Hello,” Loki held the phone to his ear.

“Bonjour, Monsieur Loki,” Renfield said as he took his melted ham, cheese and Hawaiian pineapple 🍍 laced baguette out of the microwave, “I hear you really enjoy those cheap drink specials you get on Waikiki Beach in Honolulu.”

“Yeah,” Loki admitted as he drank his hot toddy while looking at the Matterhorn outside his window.

“I imagine you’d no longer be getting those drink specials if Hawaiians found out who was responsible for those PTSD inducing emergency messages they got on their smart phones this morning,” Renfield used a napkin to wipe some melted cheese off his left nostril.

“What do you want?” Loki finally asked after a momentary silence.

“Funny, you should ask,” Renfield belched with great delicacy, “I wouldn’t mind a few of those millions of Norse plundered gold coins you happen to have suddenly showing up in my Swiss bank account.”

“All right,” said Loki who agreed to the transfer to buy Renfield’s silence.

As Amadeus quietly munched on his own melted Parisienne ham and Swiss cheese and Hawaiian pineapple laced baguette 🥖 and listened in on Renfield’s kitchen conversation, he could not help thinking that his friend Renfield did indeed have chutzpah as the rabbis would say.

For indeed it takes a lot of chutzpah to blackmail the Norse trickster god.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 13th
2018.

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Pan Goatee Wins Jack The Ripper Feminist Award

January 11, 2018 at 8:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Wins Jack The Ripper Feminist Award

The Cosmic Horror Writers Association of America had voted unanimously to make satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly women) the winner of this past year’s Jack The Ripper Feminist Award given to the serial killer whose actions were most at variance with the precepts of the National Organization For Women.

As Pan Goatee was about to get off the bus at the auditorium where he was to receive his award, he noticed a fat ugly looking blimp of a woman getting on at the front of the bus.

Pan immediately rushed up to the front of the bus and beheaded the woman with his machete.

He then turned back to the bus’s back door before getting off- but not before posing with a thumbs up sign for photos taken by Japanese tourists sitting at the back of the bus.

Later inside the auditorium, Pan Goatee received a standing ovation as he accepted the award.

When Donald Trump read about tonight’s awards ceremony in this evening’s National Security Intel report, the Tweeter-In-Chief (who had proclaimed himself an “awesome genius” in his most recent Twitter tweet) asked one of his aides, “Who was Jack the Ripper?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 11th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Steve Bannon

January 9, 2018 at 8:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Pan Goatee and Steve Bannon

As Pan Goatee was going around the city cutting off the heads of ugly looking women to make the world a more aesthetically pleasing place, Donald Trump was reading the latest news to happen to Steve Bannon.

Mr. Bannon was stepping down from the Breitbart News organization he had helped build.

Taking note of the news story about satyr serial killer Pan Goatee’s homicidal attacks on ugly looking women, Trump remarked, “You know what would make the perfect final end for someone who accused my family of treason? If “Sloppy Steve” (a derogatory reference to his former aide’s usually dishevelled appearance) decided he would become transgendered and the first being he encountered after his operation was none other than Pan Goatee. It would definitely spell the end of Mr. Bannon.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 9th
2018.

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After The Golden Globes

January 8, 2018 at 8:25 pm (Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , )

After The Golden Globes

“So the Golden Globe Awards was last night,” Renfield remarked as he drank his tea and read The Times of London.

“Yes it was and I noticed that Harvey Weinstein wasn’t on the red carpet last night,” said the somewhat naive Amadeus.

“No,” Renfield glared exasperatingly at Amadeus, “I suppose Mr. Weinstein didn’t want television audiences to see what an overcircumcision performed on the red carpet looks like.”

“Overcircumcision?” Amadeus glanced quizzically at Renfield, “How does one become overcircumcised?”.

“I hope never to find out,” Renfield replied with great honesty.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 8th
2018.

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Happy Birthday, Sherrielock Holmes

January 6, 2018 at 9:18 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, History, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Happy Birthday, Sherrielock Holmes

The quite literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was turning 164 today.

Many years ago, Sherrielock had eaten some Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms and become immortal.

Sherrielock was being taken out to dinner by her great grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

They arrived at the Avebury Arms Pub to sample their delicious 😋 steak and kidney pies.

Sherrielock was dressed in an elegant turquoise green evening dress.

“Tell me, Aunt Sherrielock, did you ever offer a plate of Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms to great uncle Sherlock?” Cadbury was anxious to know.

“I did,” Sherrielock nodded, “but he refused. He longed to meet Irene Adler again.”

“So great uncle Sherlock did come to believe in an afterlife?” Cadbury inquired.

“He did,” Sherrielock sampled her steak and kidney pie, “Ummm, heaven.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 6th
2018.

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