Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump’s Proclamation of Himself As A God

November 2, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump’s Proclamation of Himself As A God

Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected British Transhumanist MP had had a busy day.

He discussed Brexit with British Prime Minister Theresa May.

He discussed the Spanish crisis with British Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

He discussed with Opposition Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn a private member’s bill to get the government to build safer low cost Community Housing in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire tragedy.

He welcomed into his office a marble bust of Sir Winston Churchill that he had commissioned as he had decided that Churchill was the British politician he most wanted to emulate.

He had a phone conversation with German Chancellor Angela Merkel in which he said that it would be best for NATO if they booted the Turkey of despotic would be Ottoman Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan out of the Alliance saying it was not a good thing to have a “demagogic despotic radical Islamist wolf learning NATO’s secrets.”

He received a confidential email from Russian President Vladimir Putin in which the Russian leader invited the possible future Prime Minister to be his puppet.

Renfield in his response told Putin to go blyad himself as “I’m no Donald Trump.”

And speaking of Donald Trump, Renfield went down to the Set Enterprises laboratory to consult with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to see what Donald Trump was up to today.

Michelangelo used his visualization technique and then transmitted the images and sounds via his psychic lobster antennae to Renfield’s iPad tablet.

Donald Trump stood in front of a large mirror and proclaimed to his image, “You are a god, Donald, and not a mere mortal. What other person on the face of the earth can force NFL players to bend the knee with the Imperial decree of a mere Twitter tweet?”.

Michelangelo then received a vision from the future – the year 2020- showing a Donald Trump Re-Election commercial.

The imagery of the commercial showed dozens of NFL players on their knees in front of their respective benches as the TV commercial’s announcer solemnly intoned, “At the name of Donald every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Donald Trump is Lord.”

Well, Renfield thought to himself, I should upload Michelangelo’s visions to social media. That will be one surefire way of getting NFL players to stand for the U.S. National Anthem in the future.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 2nd
2017.

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Halloween 2017: 500th Anniversary of Protestant Reformation

October 31, 2017 at 8:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Halloween 2017: 500th Anniversary of Protestant Reformation

South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo was walking the streets of Wittenberg Germany on the 500th Anniversary of the Protestant Reformation’s beginning.

Dr. Makabo had the power to revive corpses from the dead as zombies and with his sense of humour, he decided to raise Martin Luther from his grave and have him re-post his 95 Theses on the door of All Saints Church in Wittenberg.

Luther’s corpse did that and was applauded by Halloween trick or treaters who were impressed by the spectacle.

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis (ever anxious to show the world what a splendid ecumenist he was) posted the 95 Theses of Martin Luther on the door of Saint Peter’s Basilica while the Baphomet (who had been summoned by the Vampiric Knights-Templar) applauded vigorously with his multiple arms and legs.

Later, a Vatican Cardinal went down and nailed a copy of Anton LaVey’s The Satanic Bible to the door of Saint Peter’s Basilica as well.

Meanwhile Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal attacked various trick or treaters around the city and sucked their blood and then gave them candies afterwards.

And Donald Trump spent his Halloween in the Oval Office insulting more people in his Twitter tweets.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 31st
2017.

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The Wolfman and Joseph Stalin

October 30, 2017 at 7:55 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, Movies, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Wolfman and Josef Stalin

It was Christmas 1941 and Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler was enjoying a private screening of the recently released 1941 American horror film The Wolfman with Lon Chaney Jr. in the title role.

“What a delightful film,” Der Fuhrer purred as he wiped sauerkraut off his lips with his napkin, “it makes me glad that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and not Hollywood.”

“Indeed,” Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels agreed as he swallowed a huge German sausage.

“I have something I’d like to show your Excellency,” the Ahnenerbe scientist Dr. Fritz Falkenberg stated.

“Please, I’ve looked at enough German sausages tonight,” Der Fuhrer remarked as he sipped a pinkish fruit cocktail.

“No,” Dr. Falkenberg spoke an incantation and the character of the Wolfman emerged from the film reel projector.

“Great Odin!” Hitler shrieked.

Dr. Falkenberg spoke the incantation backwards and the Wolfman returned into the film reel projector.

“Impressive,” Der Fuhrer clapped his hands and then wiped them with a napkin.

“I have taken the liberty of mailing a copy of The Wolfman film to Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin,” Dr. Falkenberg explained, “with the incantation spoken over the film. When Stalin watches the film, the Wolfman will jump from the screen and kill him.”

“I hope you haven’t mailed it using a Third Reich post mark,” Goebbels ate a Polish pickle, “otherwise Stalin won’t open it. Our two countries are at war you know.”

“I used one of our spies in Canada to mail the movie from Ottawa to Moscow,” Dr. Falkenberg explained.

What Dr. Falkenberg hadn’t counted on was the slowness of Canada’s postal service.

The film didn’t arrive in Moscow until March 5th 1953.

Stalin was attacked and killed by the screen leaping Wolfman during the course of the film.

Radio Moscow promptly attributed Stalin’s death to natural causes.

Der Fuhrer was not alive to enjoy the announcement.

-A Halloween short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 30th
2017.

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90 Winters: A Poem

October 27, 2017 at 5:12 pm (Biographical, Commentary, History, Life, Obituaries, Personal essays, Poetry) (, , , )

90 Winters: A Poem

The Medicine Man Chief of the Blackfoot Nation smoked his pipe
and looked out across the distant prairies at the distant hills
He then began his tale,
90 winters ago
Gitche Manitou sent a wise soul into this world
The same month that talking motion pictures were born
Al Jolson had said, “Wait a minute… you ain’t heard nothing yet”
A few weeks later a baby uttered his first cries under the vast blue dome of an Alberta prairie sky
A child who learned to read when he was 3 years old
Reading the Bible and Shakespeare and Charles Dickens was his fare
When he was 4, his father went away from the farm to work,
that same winter his mother took ill with scarlet fever
And he was raised that winter by a Cree First Nations Medicine woman
She taught him the power of herbs and roots
and how to heal using them
He started his public schooling at the age of 5
in a one room schoolhouse
called Elba
a school built in 1914
on the 100th anniversary of Napoleon Bonaparte’s 1st exile
his exile to the island of Elba
In 1936 at the age of 9
George had determined that Adolf Hitler
was a bad person
so he was going to build himself an airplane
and fly over to Berlin Germany
and bump him off
like Saint George slaying the evil dragon

He built himself an airplane all right
a Wright Brothers style aircraft
much to his family’s and farm neighbours’ amazement
He wisely sat on the very back seat of the plane
as the plane’s navigator
while his elder brother sat in the front seat of the plane
as the pilot
That way if their lift-off was unsuccessful
as they took off the hill over the
Rosebud Creek valley
and the plane landed in the creek
it would be his elder brother who wound up first in the Creek
George wisely reasoned
while he George would have time to jump off the back seat
before the plane landed in the Creek

Well the plane never made it to Germany
not even to Newfoundland
not even as far as the Alberta-Saskatchewan border
but George’s elder brother Tom
certainly enjoyed a very close up look of Rosebud Creek
right in the creek
as George wisely determined after take-off that the plane
wouldn’t reach its destination
so George wisely jumped off the back seat
as the plane made it to the ground
heading straight for the creek
with pilot Tom in the front seat
cursing and swearing
and prophetically foretelling
the language and dialogue
on most TV programs in
the early 21st Century

The 4-Minute mile was not broken by Roger Bannister
at the 1954 British Empire Games in Vancouver
but by George on that day in 1936
as he sought to escape
his dripping wet and deeply agitated elder brother
who chased after him from the creek

George reached the safety of his parents’ house in time.

In the early 1940s as a teenager, George studied palaeontology under the great palaeontologist Dr. Charles Mortram Sternberg in the Red Deer River Badlands
In the mid-1940s, he studied Science and Engineering at Mount Royal College in Calgary
In the late ’40s and early ’50s,
he studied History and English Literature at the University of Alberta
He finally settled on becoming a teacher
passing on his knowledge and wisdom to future generations of children
In the 1960s at Sherwood Heights Junior High School
he and his students built small rockets
that went soaring high into the skies
above that place of Alberta suburbia known as Sherwood Park
A sight that startled many Sherwood Park residents
who thought they were under Soviet missile attack

The principal of the school instructed George not to build
rockets that soared so high
Among George’s students was future astronomer and physicist
Dr. Paul Hickson
who pioneered work in the reflecting mercury liquid telescope

Among George’s students in the ’70s was future palaeontologist Michael Caldwell
who discovered the world’s first fossil of a flying snake in Israel

In the late ’80s George retired from active teaching
and was hired by the Alberta Department of Education
to give training workshops
to beginning Science teachers

In the ’90s, George began painting pictures
and mastered that medium
In the early 21st Century, George
began research for a 3-volume history of Western Canada
that he was going to write
In June of 2010, he was half-way through the 2nd volume of his 3-volume history of Western Canada
when he died from cancer.

90 winters ago, this man was born.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday October 27th 2017
on what would have been
his father George’s
90th birthday.

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Statements of Insincerity Made In 2 Different Time Periods: One In The Movies and The Other In Real Life

October 26, 2017 at 3:51 pm (Commentary, Culture, Movies, News) (, )

Statements of Insincerity Made In 2 Different Time Periods: One In The Movies and The Other In Real Life

Captain Louis Renault (in the 1942 movie Casablanca): I am shocked- shocked to find that gambling is going on in here (Rick’s Cafe)…

Matt Damon (in real life in 2017): I am shocked- shocked to find that Harvey Weinstein is a sexual predator.

(An echo that sounds much like the voice of actor George Clooney echoes that statement)

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Haiku About Fats Domino R.I.P.

October 25, 2017 at 2:37 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Music, News, Obituaries, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Fats Domino R.I.P.

Yes, I found my thrill
listening to your music
Mister Domino

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I’m Taking A Break Off WordPress For A Week To 10 Days

October 15, 2017 at 8:15 pm (Life, News, Personal essays, Vampire novel) (, , , )

I’m Taking A Break Off WordPress For A Week To 10 Days

To all my friends, readers and fellow bloggers, I’m just letting you know that I’m taking a break off WordPress for the next week to 10 days.

I have been continuously blogging since January 4th of this year- which is probably the longest spell I’ve spent continuously blogging but now I’m starting to feel the growing pangs of writer’s burnout.

So I’m taking a week to 10 days off WP so I can re-charge my batteries as it were.

I’ll read your comments and blogs when I get back. 🙂

But seeing as how Renfield R. Renfield seems to be the favourite character in my vampire novel for a lot of people (including myself), I’ll leave you with some samples of how Renfield spent his day today:

Renfield received a note from Dr. Cadbury Rocher on how today October 15th 2017 was the 100th Anniversary of the execution of the famous femme fatale World War I spy Mata Hari.

So today to celebrate the occasion, Dr. Rocher had genetically cloned Mata Hari.

20 years ago, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had hired a trio of unemployed jewel thieves to steal Mata Hari’s head from the Paris Museum of Anatomy.

The head had been in Set Enterprises’ possession ever since and using DNA from the head, Dr. Rocher had successfully created a fully grown adult female clone.

As for Renfield’s own activities, he had hacked into a meeting of those anarcho-Communists who called themselves Antifa who were meeting in a city in the U.S. and played on the projector in the room where they were meeting that 3 minute 13 second clip from the 1972 movie Cabaret where the Hitler youth starts singing Tomorrow Belongs To Me and hundreds of Germans stand up and join in the singing.

Then in another U.S. city, a group of Neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klansmen were meeting. Renfield hacked into their projector and started playing a video of Martin Luther King’s I Have A Dream speech.

Lastly Renfield examined a female sex robot that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had just created.

The robotic female looked ultra-realistic, ultra-human, ultra beautiful and ultra sexy.

She was also dressed in a sexy outfit- a corset and leather mini skirt which could easily be removed.

The female robot even had a realistic feeling vagina.

The only thing was when a potential sex partner hit the robotic clitoris with a certain part of his anatomy, this would spring a built-in beaver trap in the vagina that would automatically clang on top of that person’s anatomical part.

Renfield put the female sex robot in a box and then had the box courier delivered to Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. The tag outside the box read A Special Gift Just For You.

-A personal essay
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 15th
2017.

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Friday The 13th: 13th October

October 13, 2017 at 2:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Friday the 13th: 13th October

Cardinal JM approached Pope Francis with the shocking news.

An ancient Canaanite Vampiress Priestess of Baal, six Vampiric Knights-Templar, a Headless Horseman with a Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin head riding a zombie black horse who kept singing a silly song from an early 1960s American TV comedy Mr. Ed the Talking Horse and a giant black cat who was wearing a hockey goalie 🥅 mask that she couldn’t seem to get off her head had taken over the Vatican without a shot being fired.

“What do they want?” Pope Francis asked wearily.

“They want to be put in charge of training the papal Swiss Guards,” Cardinal JM replied.

“Well, who am I to judge?” Pope Francis took out a nail file and started to file his fingernails.

Outside in Saint Peter’s Square, a lone figure stood out in the middle of the square and said while looking up at the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica, “Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 13th
2017.

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Allatallahbel, The Vampiric Knights-Templar and The Headless Horseman

October 12, 2017 at 4:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel, The Vampiric Knights-Templar and The Headless Horseman

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was wearing a glittering silvery white evening dress which had since turned blood red with the number of people she had been sacrificing on the altar.

The Vampiric Knights-Templar were practicing swordplay in anticipation of tomorrow’s mission.

The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Hessian military officer was shaving the face of his Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin head using whipping cream and a straight razor.

“Ow, I cut myself,” the Headless Horseman started to cry 😭 with the tears putting out the candle inside his Jack O’ Lantern.

“You should use an electric razor,” one of the Vampiric Knights-Templar suggested in the middle of his swordplay.

The Headless Horseman’s zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn was busy catching up on his equine history since he had died over two centuries previously.

He was reading about Mr. Ed The Talking Horse a 1960s television character and decided to impersonate him.

Bucephalus Reborn wore a silly hillbilly hat on his head (that his ears stuck through) and sang,

“Mr. Ed the Talking Horse,
of course, of course, of course…”

He was then sprayed with blood as Allatallahbel’s latest victim had a particularly enthusiastically pumping jugular vein.

Meanwhile Amourous Laetitia the personal black cat and familiar of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) was trying desperately to get the Friday the 13th Jason the serial killer goalie hockey mask off her head.

She was planning to wear it tomorrow for the mission.

So she thought she’d try it on.

And now.

She couldn’t get it off.

Tomorrow.

Friday the 13th.

13th October.

The Vampiric Knights-Templar would enact their revenge.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 12th
2017.

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If The Moonrise Don’t Kill Him, He’ll Live ‘Till He Dies: A Short Story

October 11, 2017 at 7:29 pm (Horror, News, Short Story, The Supernatural) (, )

If The Moonrise Don’t Kill Him, He’ll Live ‘Till He Dies: A Short Story

The car drove along the road through the flat countryside.

As it approached the two hills ahead (which the road drove straight through), the driver noticed the moon was rising seemingly just above the hills.

The driver passed a car parked on the side of the road.

The occupants were all lying on the side of the road- bloodied with their throats slashed and intestines ripped out.

The driver did not stop.

The ground ahead of him seemed to shake violently as did the hills.

Lightning struck the sky above the hills.

What was his grandmother’s advice to him before he drove off on the road to see Lenore?

He forgot.

From a far off distance, he could hear the sound of wind and waves striking and slashing the nearby coast.

The driver reached for his Bible on the passenger seat but it had fallen on to the floor under the seat.

He recalled a news item he had read today about the Koforidua River in Ghana 🇬🇭 turning blood red and overflowing.

On the radio, the voice of Donald Trump was raging and threatening war against North Korea 🇰🇵.

What was his grandmother’s advice to him again before he drove off on the road to see Lenore?

He forgot.

The driver quickly gazed on the back seat 💺 to see if he had remembered to pack all his stuff before he left.

It was enough of a distraction for the driver not to see the giant black wolf with huge jowls and huge teeth that had suddenly appeared in front of him and swallowed his automobile as the entire countryside got hit by gigantic raindrops and huge hailstones.

The long huge radio antenna of the old car poked out the wolf’s right eye as he swallowed the car but one of the wolf’s canine back teeth likewise bit through the driver’s right eye as it bit off the roof so Old Testament legal precepts pretty well evened out.

It was too bad the driver hadn’t remembered his grandmother’s advice as he drove off on the road to see Lenore.

-A short story written by Christopher
Wednesday October 11th
2017.

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