Legacy of The Baskervilles

August 7, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Movies, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Legacy of The Baskervilles

“I always wanted to do a movie based on a Sherlock Holmes story,” said the ghost of Orson Welles as he entered Baskerville Hall.

“And you’re thinking of the Hound of The Baskervilles?” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing asked.

“I am,” Welles lit himself a spectral cigar.

“Of course that story has been done several times in film format,” Van Helsing noted, “you will have to do something that makes yours stand out from the rest.”

“Precisement,” Welles pulled out a bottle of spectral red wine from one overcoat pocket and a glass from the other, “and I’m just the man to do it.”

“I would have to agree,” Van Helsing nodded.

“So I hear Baskerville Hall is now owned by Britain’s Heritage Trust,” Welles poured himself a glass of spectral red wine.

“It is,” Van Helsing acknowledged, “it was purchased recently by Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London. He donated it to Heritage Trust to get a big charity donation receipt to help him with a big tax deduction.”

“A most astute decision,” Welles sipped his red wine.

“So, have you given much thought to how you intend to make your adaptation of The Hound of The Baskervilles different?” Van Helsing asked.

“Let us go into the living room of Baskerville Hall,” Welles suggested, “perhaps seeing that large spacious room will give me some ideas.”

Welles and Van Helsing entered the living room.

And there stood….

The Welsh vampiress Morgana.

“As you know,” Morgana spoke, “Britain’s new Prime Minister Boris Johnson recently appointed me Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security. And both of you are trespassing on Heritage Trust property.”

Welles’ ghost made haste out of the living room and out of Baskerville Hall on the off chance that Morgana might sic the ghost of the Hound of the Baskervilles on him.

Only Dracul Van Helsing remained.

The Welsh vampiress took the vampire hunter over her knee and spanked him.

Welles’ ghost walked around the Baskerville Hall grounds and finished his spectral bottle of spectral red wine and smoked his entire spectral box of spectral cigars.

He thought he better go back inside and see what happened to Van Helsing.

There was Van Helsing on the living room floor having tantric sex with Morgana.

Welles turned and hastily closed the door behind him (forgetting that he could walk through doors and walls).

“Well,” Welles took out a piece of spectral chewing gum, “after seeing that scene, that should give me no shortage of ideas on how to make my film adaptation of The Hound of the Baskervilles different from everybody else’s.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 7th
2019.

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Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

August 6, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

This sight greeted Samhain Cardinal Salaman when he walked into his apartment’s bathroom to take a bath.

It was Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Allatallahbel!” Said an astounded Cardinal Salaman in his bathrobe dressing gown.

“Thinking of taking a bath?” She purred like a cat with the undertones of a lioness underneath.

“Well, I was…” Cardinal Salaman put down his shampoo and bath soap.

“I’ll let you take a bath eventually, your Eminence,” Allatallahbel stood up in her spiked stiletto high heeled shoes leaving indentations in the Cardinal’s bathtub, “but I want you to stroll the corridors of the Vatican with me first. There are things I want to show you.”

“You want me to stroll the corridors of the Vatican in my bath robe?” Cardinal Salaman inquired.

“I’ve seen clergymen running around the corridors of the Vatican wearing a lot less,” the vampiress smiled.

Cardinal Salaman had to admit that was true.

So Allatallahbel and the Cardinal went for a midnight stroll around the Vatican.

They saw the ghost of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin enter the apartment lodgings of Pope Francis.

“What are they doing meeting one another?” Cardinal Salaman was surprised.

“Stalin has been giving Francis some advice on how to restructure the John Paul II Institute in Rome,” Allatallahbel replied.

They entered a chapel where the demon Baphomet was playing jungle drums while a shaman from the Amazon rain forest did a sun dance.

They eventually got around to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica where Amorous Laetita the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft lay asleep on the altar.

“I really don’t think it’s good for me to be here,” Cardinal Salaman remarked.

“What’s the matter, your Eminence?” Allatallahbel put a black painted fingernail against his lips, “Has the cat got your tongue?”.

The cardinal’s bathrobe fell to the floor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 6th
2019.

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Lilith In London

August 4, 2019 at 10:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lilith In London

The Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in London in an old abandoned factory.

She was watching the ghost of Orson Welles direct a short film showing the retirement party of a modern major-general.

As the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate captain of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal stood by, the retiring major-general sang from The Pirates of Penzance, “I am the very model of the modern major-general…”

Although the major-general wore a typical major-general’s handlebar style moustache, he also wore a Versace dress evening gown.

For being the very model of the modern major-general, he/she was naturally transgendered.

When he had finished singing “I am the very model of the modern major-general”, some of his soldiers went and sang an old musical routine from Monty Python’s Flying Circus,

“Who says I’m a puff? I’ve got your number but you couldn’t afford me dear. Ooooooooohhhhhh!”.

Orson Welles looked at his ghostly antique timepiece watch and said, “Okay, that’s a wrap.”

Cast and crew broke for the day.

Among the spectators at the film shoot was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Just the man that Lilith wanted to see.

“Van Helsing!” She called out from where she sat.

The vampire hunter turned around.

Lilith immediately ran towards him, threw him to the ground and mounted him.

“I’m looking for a tantric sex partner,” she whispered as she ripped his clothes off.

Orson Welles turned around, “Well, Dracul, are you ready to head back to Set’s mansion?”.

He then noticed what Dracul and Lilith were doing.

“I guess not,” Welles’ ghost shook his head.

He headed to a nearby pub and ordered a spectral glass of red wine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 4th
2019.

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Venus In Furs

August 3, 2019 at 8:44 pm (Humour, Mythology, Poetry) (, , )

Venus In Furs

It was a night 
With much in sight 
And Ares danced
In Paris France

Temperatures were hot 
So no fox trot
Cannot do the rumba
Because of sidewalk gumba

A tango would sizzle
So leave it for drizzle 
To dance in puddles
With Gene Kelly cuddles 

Those disco nights 
would burst one’s tights 
And definitely no wind
To fly one’s kites

It’s quite the heat wave 
no night for a rave
Temperatures soar
like furnace roar

Humidity heat
To Dante’s inferno beat
A night to sweat 
Don’t walk your pet

Sidewalk egg will fry
And the hen will sigh
Fahrenheit is really high 
The fan will soon die

From overwork
It’s quite the quirk
Ice from soda jerk
Beams up James Kirk

A night you won’t forget
Like a Hellbound jet
Sauna rooms to let
Still vacant yet

And so Ares does dance
In Paris France
Minus his pair of pants
Saying take a chance

Meanwhile in her room 
On a night of doom 
Aphrodite wears 
More than perfume

Greek goddess Aphrodite goes totally insane:

Venus in furs

-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday August 3rd
2019
Inspired by the recent heat wave 
hitting Europe

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Captain Kerry Donegal and The Ghost of Orson Welles

August 2, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Captain Kerry Donegal and The Ghost of Orson Welles

The ghost of Orson Welles was currently down at a cove on the coast of Cornwall.

He had recently been hired by Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the executive CEO of London’s Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. to direct a music video that Campbell was planning to enter in a Gilbert and Sullivan Music Video Contest sponsored by the BBC.

Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell thought that he would have a greater chance of winning the contest if he got the director of Citizen Kane to direct a video for him.

Welles had never directed a music video during his earthly life so he agreed.

He had been told that Dracul Van Helsing had once taken a scene out of The Lady From Shanghai (in which Welles had appeared with Rita Hayworth) and added the lyrics of a song by Blackmore’s Night as background soundtrack to the scene because Dracul noticed the lyrics of the song seemed to fit in exactly with this particular scene of the movie.

Dracul wanted to show the world that Welles was a cinematographic genius whose visual imagery was so breathtakingly brilliant, he could even produce a masterpiece music video for the early 21st Century from a movie scene shot in the late 1940s.

However Dracul’s intent was lost on most of the imbeciles who watch YouTube videos (those who are in this decade small penis male SJWs posting idiotic comments on social networking sites such as Twitter).

Some clueless individual wrote, “Why would you do this to such a great scene?”.

Someone complained to the higher ups at YouTube about the video 9 years ago and it was removed.

After discussion with Van Helsing, Welles thanked the vampire hunter for believing that he Welles was more than capable of directing a brilliant music video.

Welles had lit a spectral cigar and ordered a glass of spectral red wine in a London pub recently and wondered what Gilbert and Sullivan song he should do a music video for?

It was then that the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate captain of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal walked through the door.

As soon as Welles saw him, Welles resolved to do the song Pirate King from the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta The Pirates of Penzance.

And lucky for Welles, the ghost of Captain Kerry Donegal happened to have a very nice singing voice.

Donegal’s ghost agreed to do the video.

And so here was Welles down in a cove on the Cornish coast.

Captain Kerry Donegal’s ghost strolled into the waters of the cove cave and stood in front of a rocky entrance to the inlet with a replica of Donegal’s own pirate ship The Not So Green Shamrock in the background.

Donegal began singing, 

“Oh better far to live and die
Under the brave black flag I fly
Than play a sanctimonious part 
With a pirate head and pirate heart 
Away to the cheating world go you
Where pirates all are well-to-do;
But I’ll be true to the song I sing 
And live and die a Pirate King
For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing 
To be a Pirate King…”

At the same time as Welles was directing and shooting the scene with his movie cameras, Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell was also filming it on his smart phone.

The video recording was picked up by The Five Eyes Intelligence Network.

The video was flagged and sent to the U.S. NSA for analysis.

One of the leading NSA heads immediately went to Donald Trump to show him the video.

“What the (expletive deleted!)”, Trump said, “Those lines ‘Away to the cheating world go you Where pirates all are well-to-do’, never have I heard such a vicious attack on the best of American capitalism. That video must have been produced under the auspices of those four Democratic Congresswomen who really should be sent back to where they came from (if I only knew where that is) acting in collusion with Nicolas Maduro’s Venezuela.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday August 2nd 
2019.

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Mei-ling Manchu and The Manchester Tea House of The August Moon

August 1, 2019 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Mei-ling Manchu and The Manchester Tea House of The August Moon

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (daughter of the early 20th Century scientist Dr. Fu Manchu who was severely libelled and slandered by British novelist Sax Rohmer) sat in a Japanese tea house in Manchester, England.

The name of the tea house was Tea House of The August Moon named after the famous 1956 movie.

She would be meeting British MP Renfield R. Renfield (the new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering) to exchange information.

“So,” Renfield asked as he sipped his tea, “how will Xi react to Donald Trump’s announcement today that the American Twitterer-In-Chief will slap a 10% tariff on another $300 billion of Chinese goods this coming September 1st?”.

Mei-ling opened her purse and pulled out a fortune cookie.

She handed the fortune cookie to Renfield.

“I’ve written down what his response will be on the message inside this fortune cookie,” she answered.

Renfield cracked open the fortune cookie and pulled out the slip of paper inside.

The slip of paper reached down to the floor as Renfield unfolded it.

“Wow, this is the longest fortune cookie message I’ve ever come across,” Renfield remarked as he finally finished unfolding the slip of paper.

“I want you to read it, memorize it and then eat it,” Mei-Ling directed, “that will prevent its content falling into the wrong hands.”

Renfield read and memorized the contents of the fortune cookie message.

Then he looked at Mei-ling, “You really want me to eat all this?”.

“Yes,” Mei-ling nodded.

The British MP started to eat the long slip of paper.

He had to pause and ask the tea house’s geisha girl dressed waitress for another tall glass of ice water every few minutes so he could wash down what he had eaten.

When he had finished eating the long slip of paper, Renfield remarked, “Well, I guess I won’t have to worry about having dinner tonight.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to know?” Mei-ling asked.

“It depends,” Renfield answered, “how many other fortune cookies with slips of paper do you have in your purse?”.

“That was the only one,” Mei-ling stated.

“All right,” Renfield started sipping his tea again, “I understand that PLA soldiers based in Hong Kong released a video today showing how they would deal with protestors. Is Xi planning to unleash the military on pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong?”.

“Well the Black Dragon who’s his supernatural entity advisor is certainly encouraging him to do so,” Mei-ling sipped her tea.

“It appears I live in interesting times,” Renfield mused aloud.

“And so do we all,” Mei-ling smiled and then pointed at the table, “Are you going to eat your fortune cookie?”.

Renfield looked at the large pieces of the large fortune cookie that contained the long message.

He shook his head, “I don’t think so. I think I’ll take it home and give it to Amadeus. That should keep him full for all of two seconds.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 1st
2019.

The night Mei-ling Manchu became a vampiress almost 70 years ago

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Taking A Photo of A Vampiress

July 31, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Taking A Photo of A Vampiress

Genetically modified super soldiers were in London England awaiting their deployment to the Persian Gulf and the Middle East.

The super soldiers had been created by DARPA scientist Dr. Faustus Imhotep.

Among the many things they had been injected with was a youth serum to keep them young.

This mission to the Middle East was to be their first.

A chance for Imhotep to test their ability.

The DARPA doctor had booked the soldiers into a swanky London hotel.

Faustus Imhotep was sure the super soldiers would enjoy a little R and R before heading out on their mission.

And to stay in one of the best London hotels- surely nothing could possibly go wrong.

. . .

Selznick Foret was an aspiring photographer looking for his big break.

He sent an email to Vanity Fair magazine showing some of his work.

One of the editors answered saying that he was impressed with the photos and that if Foret sent them photos of a very unique and interesting subject, they might publish his photos.

Where, Foret wondered, would he find an interesting subject?

. . .

It just so happened that Foret ran into British MP Renfield R. Renfield now a member of the new British cabinet.

Foret had taken the photo for Renfield’s official parliamentary portrait and the MP loved his work.

Foret told Renfield his predicament.

It just so happened that the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was with Renfield at the time.

Van Helsing told Foret that his girlfriend the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to London.

She would probably agree to pose for a bunch of photos.

Foret was ecstatic.

And so was the editor at Vanity Fair.

Photographs of a vampiress would definitely sell a lot of copies of the magazine.

. . .

Qonzilqointec agreed to pose for the photos.

She would pose for them in her hotel room in a swanky London hotel.

When she arrived at the London hotel, she was looking very tired and haggard after a long flight.

The Aztec vampiress apologized for her appearance.

“Once I’ve drank blood, I should look really young again,” she smiled at him bearing her lovely teeth.

Selznick Foret suddenly felt troubled.

Would he have to make the ultimate sacrifice for getting the perfect picture?

Would he have to offer his neck and his blood to her in order to get her looking young and fresh for the photo session?

“It’s all right,” the vampiress smiled again as if she could read his thoughts, “I’ve got a suitcase of synthetic blood in my room. When I drink that, I should be fine.”

Selznick Foret went back to his own room to get his camera equipment while Qonzilqointec partook of her life giving refreshment.

The vampiress went to her room and when she checked her suitcases, she was horrified to discover that the hotel had misplaced her suitcase containing bottles of synthetic blood.

The blood had been delivered to the room of an American Internal Revenue Service auditor staying at the hotel along with a suitcase full of stones (that should have been sent to the room of a geologist staying at the hotel).

Qonzilqointec realized she’d have to break her promise to Dracul Van Helsing and drink real human blood in order to survive the night.

The vampiress walked around the hotel wondering who she should attack.

Meanwhile the genetically modified super soldiers were in their hotel room having a wild party.

The Aztec vampiress opened the unlocked door of the hotel room.

She recognized the men as genetically modified super soldiers from photos in a tweet that Donald Trump had published on his Twitter account in which he had boasted about American military superiority and intelligence.

Being Mexican, Qonzilqointec was not a big fan of Donald Trump to say the least.

And as it turned out, despite DARPA’s best efforts, the genetically modified super soldiers were no match for a good old fashioned vampiress.

After drinking all the blood of the genetically modified super soldiers, Qonzilqointec looked very young indeed.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec posing for a Selznick Foret photograph.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Wednesday July 31st
2019.

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Samhain Cardinal Salaman and The Fountain

July 30, 2019 at 9:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Samhain Cardinal Salaman and The Fountain 

Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman (a former professional stage magician turned cardinal) was sitting in a Rome coffee bar drinking a cappuccino.

The coffee bar was across from a small fountain.

One of many scattered throughout the city.

Although the fountain did not have the famous name of the illustrious Fountain of Trevi, people still threw coins in the fountain and made wishes.

A small figure of Cupid being chased by a wolf stood atop the fountain.

Definitely unusual subject matter, Cardinal Salaman thought to himself as he sipped his cappuccino.

The cardinal often enjoyed sitting in this particular bar sipping a coffee beverage and watching the fountain and people throwing coins into it.

The place was far enough away from the Vatican itself that he didn’t have to worry about running into a cardinal or bishop.

Salaman found all the backstabbing and intrigue that went on around the Vatican a bit tiresome at times.

Here he could sit quietly and enjoy the Roman sun and watch people go by.

He had noticed yesterday what looked to be a type of seaweed growing around the statue of Cupid that he hadn’t noticed before.

Oddly enough the seaweed wasn’t growing on the statue of the wolf.

Today that seaweed seemed to have grown even more around Cupid’s statue particularly around his neck and gave the appearance of strangling the little cherub.

The sight made Cardinal Samhain think of an unusual story that he had heard a couple of months ago.

There was apparently a large piece of seaweed that had come out of the water down at the port of Marseille in France and had started eating people.

Then the seaweed went back into the water from whence it came.

So seaweed eating people down on the docks in southern France and now seaweed strangling the Roman god of love in a fountain.

The cardinal stood up, paid his bill and walked down the street in the direction of the Vatican.

And watched the sun set on the Eternal City.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 30th
2019.

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Hades Emergency Meeting

July 29, 2019 at 10:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Hades Emergency Meeting

“Ugly looking female teen stoat/ human hybrids grow up to be ugly looking adult female stoat/human hybrids,” Pan Goatee remarked as he beheaded the ugly looking female stoat/human hybrid as she was riding a bicycle down the street.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, the Greek god Hades (who was known as Pluto to the ancient Romans) was holding an emergency meeting with his advisors on the huge number of repulsive looking spirits that were showing up daily from Calgary to cross the River Styx over to the Underworld.

Said a phlegmatic Phlegyas (who was extra phlegmatic this morning because he had eaten a full English breakfast as opposed to his usual continental breakfast), “We’re having to have orangutans wearing special darkened glass visors (whereby they see the shades of the dead as mere shades) hand out paper bags at the ferry docks for Charon’s boat to any Caucasian female soul arriving from Calgary on the high probability that they’re quite repulsively ugly. They are instructed to put the paper bags over their heads for the crossing across the river Styx. This is to prevent the occurrence of unstoppable vomiting on the part of both Charon the ferryman and Cerberus the 3-headed dog (all of whose 3 heads immediately start vomiting simultaneously) upon seeing the said hideous spirits.”

“Hopefully this will put an end to the problem,” said Hades.

“Until Pan Goatee manages to find the sinister Nazi criminal network responsible for breeding a certain type of brainless male with female walruses, stoats and gargoyles that’s producing these hideous looking hybrids by the thousands in that poor city,” Phlegyas coughed up more phlegm.

Meanwhile on the Caribbean Island of Little Saint James (owned by Jeffrey Epstein), the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc (666 meters tall) was strolling across the island accompanied by a Haitian voodoo high priest Samedi.

Uhluhtc stood on one spot and grunted.

Samedi waved to one of the island employees who no doubt lived on the nearby island of Saint Thomas.

Samedi spoke to the island employee, “The Great Kraken says that while he lived in the depths of the Caribbean, he had a vision of a great Temple that stood on this spot. The Temple was guarded by two small statues of owl wearing goddesses. He wonders what happened to this Temple.”

“It was torn down a while ago,” the employee answered.

Uhluhtc once again grunted.

“What did he say?” The employee inquired.

“He said merde,” Samedi answered.

Meanwhile in New York City, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was sitting in his hotel room where he was receiving information about much bizarre occurrences occurring across the world the past few days.

The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had been spotted on a Florida golf course this past weekend drinking a bottle of Dalmore Port Wood Reserve single malt whisky and slaying a bunch of country club Republicans on the golf course with his bow and arrow.

Meanwhile in Vienna, the infernal Underworld centaur Acheronus had been seen killing diplomats with his bow and arrow at various hotels across the city.

In Canada, reports of the ghost of Albert Johnson (the man they called The Mad Trapper of Rat River) had been seen at various locales in Canada.

Johnson (who had killed 3 people) had eluded the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for more than a month in a massive manhunt that stretched across the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory in northern Canada.

Johnson was killed on the Eagle River in Yukon on February 17th 1932.

Johnson’s ghost had been spotted in northern British Columbia, northern Saskatchewan and northern Manitoba.

After talking with a psychic friend of his, Whitstable was told that Johnson’s ghost was headed for the town of Lucan Biddulph in southwestern Ontario.

Whitstable was also told by the psychic that the Egyptian god Thoth was currently in the town.

“What the Hell,” Whitstable wondered, “is Thoth doing in Lucan, Ontario?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 29th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Saves Food Bank Patrons From Ravenous Elephants While Acheronus The Centaur Wreaks Havoc In Vienna

July 28, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Pan Goatee Saves Food Bank Patrons From Ravenous Elephants While Acheronus The Centaur Wreaks Havoc In Vienna

The heroic genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking by a food bank when he noticed a medium sized fat ugly blimp helping herself to a whole bunch of food while genuinely hungry looking patrons looked on in agony and anguish.

“So we have laissez-faire ultra- capitalism in America and apparently laissez-faire ultra-porkism in Calgary,” Goatee unsheathed his astral laser machete from his belt, “something should really be done about this.”
Goatee immediately beheaded the medium sized fat ugly blimp.

“No need for you to be fatter and uglier than you already are,” Goatee kicked the head away.

He was immediately applauded by the famished looking food bank patrons.

“God bless us, everyone,” said a famished but now happy looking Tiny Tom on crutches.

Goatee left the area of the food bank, went into a store to buy some items and then headed out down the street.

This time an even fatter fat ugly blimp was waddling down the street in the direction of the food bank.

“Who’s going to save us from the pestilence of ultra-porkism which seems to be striking this land?” Goatee shouted towards the heavens as he once again unsheathed his astral laser machete, “It appears it takes a satyr to do a mortal’s job.”

Goatee immediately beheaded this particular fat ugly blimp and once again saved the city’s most vulnerable from the ravages of famine and porcine greed.

The ghost of the German Count Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin appeared to Goatee and thanked the satyr serial killer for ridding the world of these repulsive and hideous looking creatures who were giving blimps a bad name.

Ditto! from the President of Goodyear Tires.

. . .

The evil Centaur archer Acheronus had been named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades.

Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer.

Acheronus often slew people on behalf of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith as well as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal who had recently seized control of the Vatican.

Today Acheronus was working for Ares the Greek god of war.

A meeting was being held today in Vienna Austria to see if the talks on Iran’s nuclear program couldn’t be kick started.

Ares of course held Roy Cohn’s pretty boy Donald Trump in the palms of his hands.

After carefully washing his hands in the Atlantic Ocean and Mediterranean Sea before heading up to Austria, Ares made a Huawei phone call to Acheronus the evil centaur.

Being a Huawei, the phone call was naturally monitored by the Black Dragon who was the supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.

Acheronus had brought the Greek mind reader Yuxen with him to Vienna to read the minds of important delegates at the Vienna meeting.

Those delegates who secretly favoured war Acheronus would spare from his poisonous bow and arrow.

Those delegates who secretly favoured peace Acheronus would slay with his poisonous bow and arrow.

Acheronus had brought the woman seer and clairvoyant Yuxen along to read the minds of the delegates at the Vienna meeting and see where they stood on the issues of war and peace.

One of the concierges at Vienna’s best hotel had put in a phone call to the hotel manager.

“A centaur is running around the hotel lobby and conference rooms slaying people with his bow and arrows,” said the concierge.

“I hate it when that happens,” the hotel manager buried his head in his hands.

Meanwhile on the banks of the Danube, a small orchestra was playing The Blue Danube Waltz by Johann Strauss.

Just for something to do, Acheronus slew the conductor with one of his poisoned arrows.

The conductor died on the spot despite the fact that a Vienna music critic was in the process of writing a rave review about his efforts.

The ghost of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (who had managed to slip out of Tartarus and the underworld realm of Hades by throwing Cerberus three very juicy bones) then stood up on the platform and began to conduct the orchestra in a musical melody that he Stalin had written.

The name of the musical non-masterpiece was The Red Danube (red as in blood red).

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday July 28th
2019.

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