Vampire Set Addresses Cleopatra’s Needle: A Poem

April 14, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was walking the Victoria Embankment of the River Thames when he came across Cleopatra’s Needle.

The vampire put his hands on the ancient obelisk which was originally erected in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis on the orders of Pharaoh Thutmose III around 1450 BC.

He addressed the obelisk as he touched it:

You are a relic from the land of my birth
When I first emerged from the sands of the earth
And yet you have no memory of me at all
a silent blind sentinal to all I’ve done great and small
I slew my brother Osiris out of jealousy
because I wanted our sister Isis for me
And threw parts of him up and down the Nile
Which Isis went and retrieved mile by mile
She’d not have done the same for me
That’s when I realized I counted for nothing at all.

So my name is mud in the annals of history
How she restored him to life remains a mystery
And my nephew Horus emerged too
Ensuring my dark reign was through

But this was not always the case
Grandfather Ra thought me the fairest of the race
When I slew the serpent Apophis on the barge of the sun
Then heroism and light was the course I did run

But that is forgotten now
Wiped away like the sweat off my brow
My day in the sun is no more
Dark shadowy ground forever my floor
A creature of the night forevermore

And yet once last century
I was briefly happy
When I met Serena a daughter of time
And love rose like meter to rhyme
I should have known
lasting happiness was not mine

She was killed by an agent of terror
Stalin who ruled his land by trial and error
Trial for those ruled, and error it could not be
In that dark mind of cruel majesty

So Serena is gone
Stalin is gone
And I live on and on

From the night I came
To the night I return
And any sands I walk
Are sands the sun does not burn.

-A poem recited by Set to Cleopatra’s Needle

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday April 14th
2019.


Serena the mortal human fiancee of Set who was slain by Stalinist agents in London in the autumn of 1924

Advertisements

Permalink 9 Comments

The Basilisk Freed

April 13, 2019 at 9:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was furious that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had beaten him to a meeting with Semiramis back in the year 1948.

The meeting led Set Enterprises rather than the Ahnenerbe to discover the whereabouts of the tomb of Alexander the Great.

Kohler was anxious for vengeance.

He had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to genetically re-create a medieval basilisk – a creature that was a hybrid of a serpent and a rooster.

Kohler thought that if this basilisk was released on the world, this would generate tremendous bad publicity for Set Enterprises.

Even worse than that of Monsanto for its GMOs.

Still someone would have to control the Basilisk and allow the Ahnenerbe to use the creature to its advantage.

Kohler knew the Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai who worked in the Antiquities Section of the Vatican Museum.

Father bar Yochai was both a Jesuit and a practicing occultist.

Father Caiaphas had also injected himself with basilisk venom which was to be found in a secret closet in the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

This made him immune to both the basilisk’s venomous bite and venomous gaze.

Father Caiaphas was taken by Kohler to the British farm where Dr. Rocher had kept the basilisk hidden from prying eyes.

There Father Caiaphas freed the basilisk and flew the strange creature to France.

Kohler intended to have the basilisk released on the French countryside thereby creating bad relations between the British and French just as Britain was trying to peacefully leave the European Union in an orderly Brexit.

The basilisk attacked lovely churches in the French countryside and destroyed them doing what the Vatican II modernists had so far not managed to do.

The chaos and the fire blanketed the skies of rural France.

“This does not look good,” the Kraken Napoleon VI remarked to his wife Medusa as he saw the rural parish church of Saint Bernadette’s destroyed by the basilisk’s venomous fire.

The Kraken had come to the Church to confess his sin of having briefly been a Scientologist to the parish priest there.

The poor Kraken would have to seek absolution elsewhere.

The basilisk meanwhile was burning down the Saint Bernadette Church’s parish priest’s library which had a large collection of books written by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger.

“Splendid,” Father Caiaphas bar Yochai laughed as he rode the basilisk.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 13th
2019.

Permalink 2 Comments

Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing: A Place In The Sun

April 12, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon with General Alberto Alfonso Diega

The year was 1948.

And Semiramis was in a certain part of the globe standing alongside General Alberto Alfonso Diega the Deputy Foreign Minister in Generalissimo Francisco Franco’s Spain.

Semiramis had helped Franco’s Spanish Nationalists defeat the Spanish Republicans in the Spanish Civil War.

As such Ernest Hemingway in his 1940 novel For Whom The Bell Tolls never bothered to mention her by name in retaliation for her efforts.

Semiramis, although a fan of John Donne’s poetry and even some of Hemingway’s other writings, didn’t really care.

She feared that if the Spanish Republicans won the Civil War in Spain, the Stalinists would emerge victorious out of all the Republican factions.

She found Stalin to be a boorish and savage little brute.

In this respect, her judgment was more sound than that of many foreign policy advisors in the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Administration.

And now on this day General Diega and some of his men served as her bodyguards at a particular site.

Unknown to the Spanish troops but known to Semiramis, the site was the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.

In her hand, Semiramis held a watch to see which time traveler showed up first.

Semiramis holds a watch in her hand.

Meanwhile Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was on a wild goose chase having been fed faulty information by allies of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

The wild goose chase had taken him to a flock of wild geese on Beaverhill Lake near Tofield, Alberta, Canada.

“Damn!” Kohler sneezed as he had a severe allergy to wild geese.

Next Kohler found himself in a Classical Music LP Record warehouse.

He went up to a Terminator robot that looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In his hand, Kohler held a slip of paper with the code word question.

He spoke to the futuristic robot.

“Excuse me, where can I find the Brandenburg Concertos?” Kohler asked the Terminator.

“Aisle B, Bach,” the Terminator replied.

As Kohler went off to discover the explosive LP that would explode in the SS officer’s face, Dracul Van Helsing arrived in time to claim the watch from Semiramis.

“You have won, Van Helsing,” she smiled at him.

And under a beautiful night sky, Semiramis revealed her secrets to Van Helsing including the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 12th
2019.

Permalink 19 Comments

Vampiress Isis Walks The Banks of The Nile

April 11, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )


The Egyptian vampiress Isis walks the banks of the Nile

The Egyptian vampiress Isis walked the Nile
A stroll with her memories
The last time she had been in Egypt
was 101 years ago
When Egyptologist Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury
had opened the tomb of Set
her evil brother and brother-in-law
on Armistice Day 1918
right at 11 AM Greenwich time
When the First World War ended

She had fled to Paris
Where she had once worked
With both the Emperors Napoleon I and III
Set had gone to London
and then to Berlin
where he had watched Hitler’s rise to power
Then he returned to London again
Where he had lived ever since

Isis’ husband Osiris had returned to Earth a few years back
from a planet near the star Sirius
Where he had been placed by a black magic spell
cast by Set
Osiris now lived in Rome
Where he served as a geopolitical advisor to Pope Francis
Just as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal
Served as Pope Francis’ theological advisor
Along with the 6 remaining members of the Vampiric Knights-Templar

Isis walked along the Nile with her memories
She had heard that Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury
(Whom Set had turned into a vampire)
Who headed Set’s archaeological team
had recently discovered the tomb of Alexander the Great
But where was Alexander’s tomb she wondered?
Egypt? Iraq? Iran?
Or elsewhere in the Middle East?

She turned away from the Nile
And walked in the opposite direction
towards the desert
She felt certain that Set
would try to bring Alexander back from the dead
And he had just the man to do it-
Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The day had been long
The night was falling
and in the distance
a jackal’s voice was calling

Isis’ Egypt had changed
And changed
And changed
And was about to change again

The purple at the bottom of her white dress
That had touched the banks of the Nile
Symbolized her Queenship
But would she ever become Queen of the Nile
again?

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 11th
2019.

Permalink 18 Comments

Renfield’s Political Incorrectness and Nomination For A Guest Host For TCM

April 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy interviews Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was asking British MP Renfield R. Renfield his opinion of the crowded race for the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential nomination.

“Mr. Renfield,” Geeta asked, “what do you think of Pete Buttigieg the first openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana becoming the first openly gay mayor to have a shot at winning the U.S. Presidency?”.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I find it singularly appropriate that an openly gay mayor would have the words “butt” and “gig” as syllables in his last name. And I also find it singularly appropriate that the first openly gay mayor to run for President would be Mayor of a place called South Bend which of course describes the anatomical position either he or his partner would be in when they got up to or rather down to doing what comes naturally for them.”

As Geeta Guru-Murthy doubled over and tried desperately to save her job by not breaking into huge gales of laughter at Renfield’s highly politically incorrect and extremely sociologically insensitive and yet factually accurate statement, Amadeus Emanon turned off the TV and buried his head in his hands.

“It looks like Renfield’s parliamentary office is going to have to be issuing yet another statement and apology to members of the LGBTQ community,” Amadeus stated.

“You mean the group that Renfield refers to as the Alphabet Soup Perverts?” Angelique Dumont asked.

“We better try to keep the lid on that before the European Union’s Big Non-Binary Sibling of 1984 + 35 (aka 2019) goes after him,” Amadeus answered.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic pond over in the U.S.A., Donald Trump stated his opinion of the country’s founding father, “If George Washington had been smart, he’d have named Mount Vernon after himself.”

As Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of the Washington Obelisk falling on top of Donald Trump at a future date, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was busy watching his satellite TV which was picking up a current TCM (Turner Classic Movie) channel transmission from America.

TCM had recently asked notable figures from around the world to nominate a guest host who might someday fill in as a permanent replacement for TCM’s beloved host Robert Osborne who had died 2 years ago.

Tonight the man Renfield had suggested as a possible replacement for Robert Osborne was serving as the guest host.

A heavy metal headbanger looking man stood in front of the camera.

Heavy Metal Headbanger Looking Man: Hi, I’m Ozzy Osbourne. Guest host and potential permanent replacement for Robert Osborne. Tonight from 1948, we have a movie I’ve never heard of before- Hamlet. Starring an actor I’ve never heard of before- Laurence Olivier. Whose script was written by an author I’ve never heard of before- William Shakespeare.

As the heavy metal singer continued, the first thing that popped into Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s mind was, “An Osbourne is not an Osborne by any other name.”

Meanwhile Renfield left the BBC News Studios as pink leotards were being thrown at him by an angry group of protesters.

He got into the waiting Set Enterprises limousine and got on his smart phone where he ordered a Halloween costume as he had just found out that October 31st was the date the EU had extended Brexit to.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 10th
2019.

Permalink 25 Comments

Lepardia Marango, Dracul Van Helsing, King Abdullah II, Queen Rania and Pegasus

April 9, 2019 at 10:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )


South African Cultural Attache Lepardia Marango prior to a date with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing

Dracul Van Helsing had invited Lepardia Marango to attend a screening of the 1940 version of the film Waterloo Bridge that starred Vivien Leigh and Robert Taylor which was being held in a London repertory theatre.

The 1940 Waterloo Bridge movie alternated with the 1942 film Casablanca in being Dracul Van Helsing’s favourite motion picture of all time.

On the taxi ride over to the theatre, Lepardia and Dracul discussed the news story that was being kept quiet by the fake news media all over the world which was the winged horse Pegasus landing on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem last night.

“I take it this Pegasus was the genetic recreation of the original that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher created a couple of years back?” Lepardia asked Dracul.

“That’s right,” Dracul nodded, “when this Pegasus was genetically re-created, Dr. Rocher had a tough time teaching him to fly. When he finally learned how to fly, he was late coming home at night. No one seemed to be able to control Pegasus until Queen Rania of Jordan came to visit the Set Enterprises lab. Now Pegasus lives in Amman Jordan at the palace of King Abdullah II and Queen Rania.”

“So it wouldn’t be far for him to fly from Amman to Jerusalem then?” Lepardia noted.

“No, it wouldn’t,” Dracul agreed, “and he’d be far safer than the Boeing 737 MAX 8.”

“Wasn’t King Abdullah II of Jordan recently awarded the Saint Francis of Assisi Lamp of Peace Award?” Lepardia inquired.

“He was,” Dracul replied, “at the same time cob webs and dust were growing on Jared Kushner’s Deal of The Century. The century will probably be over and all the participants dead from old age by the time Trump’s son-in-law puts his peace deal together.”

“And Trump will undoubtedly have uploaded his consciousness into a cyborg walnut by then so he can live forever,” Lepardia commented.

“Undoubtedly,” Dracul smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 9th
2019.

Permalink 18 Comments

British Transhumanist- Aquarian Age Bonapartist Alliance

April 8, 2019 at 9:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s British Transhumanist Party had just forged an alliance with the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party of the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI.

Should Britain have to take part in the May 23rd to May 26th European Parliamentary elections because of a Brexit extension, the British Transhumanists and French Aquarian Age Bonapartists would run together on a joint ticket with Renfield, the Welsh vampiress Morgana, the Kraken Napoleon VI and his wife Medusa seeking elections to the European Parliament.

At first Renfield had been reluctant to join forces with the Kraken since the cyborg octopus belonged to the Church of Scientology (as a result of the Kraken attending a workshop with Tom Cruise and John Travolta a month ago).

However the Kraken had had lunch with German Chancellor Angela Merkel today where she showed the eight legged creature the 2017 turkey remake of The Mummy that starred Tom Cruise.

After the Egyptian mummy princess Ahmanet, Cruise and the producer of the film jointly laid an egg 20 minutes into the movie, this was too much for the Kraken who swore off both Scientology and non-chicken laid eggs when the film ended.

Merkel broke the good news to Renfield by phone.

The Kraken flew to London from Berlin where Renfield and the would-be Aquarian Age French Emperor signed a pact.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump had labelled Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist organization.

The government in Tehran responded by labeling all U.S. Armed Forces in the Middle East a terrorist organization.

And the subject on Dr. Phil’s TV talk show today was childish behaviour shown by world leaders.

And on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, the winged horse Pegasus had just landed on the mount the night before the Israeli national election.

And Russian President Vladimir Putin had brought in a spiritist medium to communicate with a Russian brown bear said to be possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin as to why Pegasus would be landing on the Temple Mount the night before the Israeli election.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 8th
2019.

Permalink 22 Comments

Memories of A Summer Day On My Uncle’s Farm: A Poem

April 5, 2019 at 10:05 pm (Poetry) (, , )

Waking in the farm house on a summer day
The crowing of the rooster
The mooing of distant cows
And the glorious sunrise
The magnificent prairie sunrise
Whose rays burst like luminous fairies
Through the beautiful row of trees that faced the east side of the house

Breakfast of bacon and eggs whose aroma
Passed like an incense of delight through the house
After discovering the taste of paradise on the plates
Was an excellent offering to accompany the incense
It was outside in the yard with cousin Bill
And the dogs Trixie and Baldie
Then walking through fields of gold
As the wheat rose from the soil
Like golden arms waving to the sun above

Down to Rosebud Creek which flowed through valleys so green
On the other side of the creek
The remains of a castle
Built by a man called Levi Bone
An eccentric Englishman who came to the Canadian prairie
And decided to build himself a castle
And did so

Before sunset Bill and I would walk the country road that rolled west
From the farm house towards the horizon of the setting sun
And as we walked down hill through valleys so green
The sun would shine its rays on westward hills
above the valley
And fields of gold
would give way to colours of vibrant purple, red and blue
A landscape in truly living colour
that the Creator would paint each night

Those days were truly golden like the fields we walked through
And the rays of the sun that bid its adieu to us on distant hills.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday April 5th 2019.

Permalink 19 Comments

Lepardia Marango and Dracul Van Helsing Enjoy An Evening of Bach and Vivaldi

April 4, 2019 at 10:35 pm (Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


Lepardia Marango: South African Cultural Attache and Dracul Van Helsing’s date for an evening of Bach and Vivaldi

Canadian vampire hunter Dracil Van Helsing had been given a pair of tickets to this evening’s London Philharmonic Concert entitled An Evening of Bach and Vivaldi.

MP Renfield R. Renfield had originally purchased the tickets for himself and his parliamentary colleague MP Morgana Fay Lee but they both had been invited to a dinner with British Prime Minister Theresa May tonight to discuss the new May-Corbyn Plan for Brexit (of which The Economist magazine had been given a sneak peak and had sent its editor into a state of orgasm).

Dracul Van Helsing decided to ask as his date for this evening Lepardia Marango who was the Cultural Attache at the South African Embassy in London:

Dracul Van Helsing picked her up in a 1939 Rolls-Royce Phantom III that had for its chauffeur Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

They enjoyed a steak and seafood dinner at the Savoy Hotel and then went to the concert.

As the orchestra was warming up, Lepardia and Dracul discussed the concert as they looked at the program sheets.

“I see the Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI is going to be singing Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring in the guest singer song recital with the orchestra tonight,” Dracul noted.

“Isn’t he a French politician?” Lepardia asked.

“Yes, he heads the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party and he won last place in a field of a dozen candidates in the last French Presidential election. Although he and his wife Medusa did win seats in the National Assembly for the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party,” Dracul answered.

“His wife Medusa?” Lepardia queried, “She’s the ex-Gorgon?”.

“That’s right,” Dracul nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands II gave her a haircut and removed all her snakes. I believe they were sent over to Ireland along with some dandruff remover on a Saint Patrick’s Day a while back. Medusa is now a beautiful woman again.”

“Didn’t he crown himself Emperor of France a few years back?” Lepardia inquired in relation to the Kraken.

“He did,” Van Helsing replied in the affirmative, “The only one who recognized the coronation was Pope Francis who did so in the hopes of providing greater inter-species cooperation on the planet.”

Lepardia and Dracul listened in rapture as all of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons were played.

They went out at intermission and enjoyed a glass of champagne.

An acquaintance of Miss Marango informed the duo that the dinner meeting with Theresa May had apparently and abruptly ended when Renfield had poured spaghetti and meatballs over the head of Baron Rothschild in a heated argument.

The pair then went into the auditorium for the 2nd half of the concert.

The final performance of the evening was the Kraken singing Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

The Kraken came out looking resplendent in a multi-armed and multi-legged tuxedo with aquamarine coloured bow tie.

He bowed to the audience’s applause and then proceeded to sing Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

Half-way into his recital, the Papal Nuncio to London Msgr. Eltonjohnus Oscarwildeus stood up in the audience and accused the Kraken of proselytism by singing a song with such lyrics.

Msgr. Eltonjohnus Oscarwildeus pointed out that Pope Francis had just declared proselytism a mortal sin on a recent visit to Morocco and the Kraken shouldn’t be doing such things.

The Kraken’s wife Medusa stood up in the audience and defended her husband pointing out that the Kraken was in fact a Scientologist as a result of a weekend seminar workshop he had attended with Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

Medusa then pointed out that she herself was a defrocked priestess of the Temple of Athena.

A London imam, who in fact had been enjoying the Kraken’s recital of Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring, proceeded to end the interruption by punching the lights out of Msgr. Eltonjohnus Oscarwildeus.

The papal nuncio to London was then carried out on a stretcher as he quietly hummed the Beatles’ song, “In an octopus’ garden in the shade…”

After the concert was over, Dracul and Lepardia then went to a quiet cafe for coffee and dessert.

The papal nuncio meanwhile was wheeled into the waiting room of a London hospital where coincidentally Renfield R. Renfield was sitting there waiting with a late Victorian/early Edwardian antique teapot stuck to his hand.

Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Morgana Fay Lee, “I feel so much like Rowan Atkinson’s Mr. Bean right now.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 4th
2019.

Permalink 25 Comments

The Maltese Falcon At Mar-A-Lago: A Poem

April 3, 2019 at 10:46 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, Romance, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Narrator of poem:

“How are ya, sweetheart?
I’m the ghost of Humphrey Bogart
I was recently challenged by my friend the ghost of Orson Welles
to see if I still got tough guy and private eye skills
that I used to have in my movies.

So I took him up on his challenge and headed down to Florida
The site of one of my popular films Key Largo
I heard about this swanky place down there called Mar-a-Lago
A private Palm Beach, Florida club owned by a temper tantrum throwing
spoiled brat billionaire named Donald Trump
Imagine my surprise when I heard this bozo
was also the President of the United States
The country has certainly gone down hill
since the days of Harry Truman
I figure.

Anyways a Chinese lady spy named Yujing Zhang
was arrested at the club trying to enter it with a
thumb drive containing malware
I had no idea what a thumb drive is
Thought it might be that a car was driven by your thumb
instead of both hands in this day and age
or maybe some newly designed form of golf club
they came up with that quite literally relies on the rule of thumb
And as for malware, I thought it was some guy named Mel Ware
who just might be the uncle of Token Ware
a female character in a Raymond Chandler Philip Marlowe story

I was set straight on the new developments in technology
by the ghosts of eccentric Serb-American inventor Nikola Tesla
and some British guy named Alan Turing
who made a name for himself in mathematics

Anyways it turns out this Yujing Zhang wasn’t the only femme fatale
causing intrigue down at Club Mar-a-Lago
Some woman named Li Cindy Yang is also involved
It turns out she owns a massage parlour
where prostitution is said to be going on
on the premises
One of her arrested johns was a Mr. Robert Kraft
the owner of a football team called The New England Patriots
The case is made even more interesting by the fact
that the team’s quarterback Tom Brady
claims he’s able to win football games
through the help of his wife
Gisele Bundchen
who’s a witch.

The whole thing reminds me of a film my friend Veronica Lake
made back in 1942
called I Married A Witch

So you can imagine my surprise when I walked through the door
of Club Mar-a-Lago
and saw the Maltese Falcon on the table
That old bird that appeared in the film by that title
That I starred in back in 1941

Around the table lay the bodies of various secret service agents
who had been completely drained of blood
A beautiful Chinese woman wearing a white evening dress
stood outside the club dining room window
in the middle of the pouring rain

“That most enchanting and intriguing woman is the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu,”
The ghost of Orson Welles arrived in the nick of time
sipping a glass of red wine,
“She’s the daughter of Dr. Fu Manchu the famous scientist
whose exploits were written about in the novels of Sax Rohmer”.

“What’s she doing here?” I asked Welles.
Welles smiled, “She’s hidden a bunch of condoms owned by the Knights of Malta
in that Maltese Falcon.
That way when they’re found by law enforcement authorities
who are already on their way over here
The find will prove to be problematic and embarrassing
for both Donald Trump and Pope Francis
And the Chinese government will have killed two birds with one stone.”

“Well, that explains the pair of sunglass wearing dead pink flamingos I passed by on the lawn on the way in then,” I remarked
“Those are actually lawn ornaments knocked over by drunken country club members,” Welles finished his wine.

I noticed Mei-ling Manchu approach a fire-breathing Black Dragon
and crawl on to its back
“Off to Venezuela,” she said, “There to watch the Donald play his final Trump card before we divide this land between ourselves and the Russians.”
She and the Dragon flew off into the night sky

I walked outside to watch the Dragon and the vampiress depart
I looked down at the two pink flamingos and remarked to Welles,
“Well, I suppose the problems of two flamingos don’t amount to a hill of beans in this world.”
Welles lit himself a cigar and remarked, “Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday and soon.”
Some young woman named Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stood outside the club and waved a document called the Green New Deal.

“Bogey on the 18th hole,” the ghost of Arnold Palmer remarked as he walked by with his golf clubs.

I laughed, patted Welles on the shoulder and said,
“You know, Orson, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship”
As we walked off into the misty greens.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 3rd
2019.

Permalink 24 Comments

« Previous page · Next page »