Hillary Clinton and The Magic Mirror On The Wall

September 14, 2017 at 5:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics) (, , , )

Hillary Clinton and The Magic Mirror On The Wall

One of Hillary Clinton’s witch friends had a magic mirror on the wall that was able to correctly answer any question.

Hillary, having written her book called What Happened in which she blamed everyone and everything except for the kitchen sink (well actually she did include the kitchen sink!) for her electoral defeat, had decided to ask the magic mirror who was the one primarily responsible for her devastating defeat.

She went over to the magic mirror on the wall and asked,

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who was the one most responsible
for my electoral defeat last fall?

Was it the FBI’s James Comey,
the Russians,
Green Party candidate Jill Stein,
Bernie Sanders (for having the audacity to run against me in the primaries)…

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who was the one most responsible
for my electoral defeat last fall?

Having asked the question, she awaited the answer as the mirror glass turned to mist and fog.

Then the fog cleared and Hillary looked at the image that was the answer.

“What the Hell? What’s my own image doing reflecting back at me?” Hillary shrieked as the mirror cracked.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 14th
2017.

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Vampiress Priestess of Baal Hires Two London Private Eyes

September 13, 2017 at 6:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Priestess of Baal Hires Two London Private Eyes

Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were both sitting in their newly opened London office.

Agathor Christie had been the sitting incumbent British Conservative MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds until he got defeated by British Transhumanist Party candidate Renfield R. Renfield in this past June’s UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ General Election.

Magog Rhys Petley had been been the sitting incumbent British Labour MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales until he got defeated by British Transhumanist Party candidate Morgana Fay Lee in this past June’s UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ General Election.

Since both men (although from different parties) had lost their respective parliamentary seats to candidates for the up and coming British Transhumanist Party, they decided to take a post-defeat consolation tour of the U.S. together.

Now back in London, both men decided to open up a private detective firm together since it turned out that, as children, both had loved reading Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe private eye novels and stories.

After officially opening the office and helping themselves to both bourbon πŸ₯ƒ and cigars, they sat back in their respective comfortable leather upholstered mahogany armchairs and waited for their first client to walk through the door.

The story on BBC World News they watched on the office television was about a Kraken rising out of Lake Okanagan in British Columbia’s Okanagan Valley and walking through a grape πŸ‡ and wine 🍷 orchard near the city of West Kelowna and eating grapes πŸ‡ and drinking bottles of wine.

It then grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary as Our Lady of Lourdes from the orchard gardens and took the statue with him back into the lake.

The vineyard owner speculated that the Kraken might be the lake’s famed sea serpent lake monster Ogopogo who was said to have haunted the lake for centuries.

“Certainly a lot of krakens rising up all over the place these days,” Agathor quipped.

“There are,” Magog quickly downed his glass of bourbon, “nasty business that.”

“I wonder if some beautiful woman femme fatale will walk in through the door wearing a tight fitting dress like always happens in Philip Marlowe stories?” Agathor asked as he polished off his glass of bourbon.

“I wonder,” Magog re-filled his glass.

At that moment, a beautiful dark haired and dark eyed woman wearing a tight fitting Phoenician purple evening dress and a diamond πŸ’Ž necklace with the diamonds cut into the shape of human skulls around her neck walked into their office with the sharp click of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes πŸ‘ .

“I am the Vampiress Allatallahbel the Priestess of Baal,” said the incredibly sexy and beautiful female figure standing in front of them, “I’m here to hire you to find the last of the band of 13 Vampiric Knights-Templar -13 individuals who were the sole escaping survivors of French King Philip the Fair’s Friday October 13th 1307 raid on Jacques de Molay and his fellow Knights-Templar.”

“Well that answers the question you asked a few minutes ago,” Magog addressed Agathor as he finished yet another glass of bourbon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 13th
2017.

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Osiris Meets Yemaya In Rome

September 12, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Egyptian vampire Osiris was walking the streets of Rome where he lived.

His wife and sister Isis still lived in Paris.

A family reunion between the pair from a few years back didn’t go so well as planned so the two were now living separately.

As for his evil brother and brother-in-law Set, he was a multi-billionaire and living in London.

And one of Set’s former employees Renfield R. Renfield was now being touted as the next Prime Minister of Great Britain- which really didn’t bode well for the state of the world.

Osiris had received a call from Pope Francis this morning (while Osiris was asleep in his sarcophagus) asking if he’d call a press conference and condemn Donald Trump for not believing in climate change.

The Egyptian deity said he’d get back to Francis on that.

But now it was evening. The sun was down and Osiris was free to walk the streets.

As Osiris walked down the street, a peacock strutted by.

“Wow, peacocks really are proud,” Osiris said to himself.

Then a vulture flew by.

“Wow, that’s not a very promising sign,” Osiris thought, “rather ominous in fact.”

He stopped in front of a fountain filled with algae and all sorts of flowers and plants around the fountain.

The fountain sprayed Osiris and Osiris felt the taste of salt water rather than fresh water which was unusual for a fountain in Rome.

Then a face arose from the waters.
Yemaya

“Who are you?” Osiris asked.

“I am Yemaya the goddess of the seas and oceans,” replied the figure.

Osiris had recalled reading somewhere that an orisha (divine spirit) was the goddess of the ocean and seas in the Afro-Caribbean Yoruba religion as well as Haitian vodou, Louisiana voodoo and Santeria.

“What do you want with me?” Osiris asked.

“You should know, Osiris, husband of Isis the Egyptian goddess and divine queen of the seas, that krakens are rising everywhere,” Yemaya stated, “arising in both fresh and salt water.”

From Yemaya’s tone of voice, Osiris gathered that krakens arising was obviously a major problem to be concerned about.

Meanwhile on Mount Olympus, Zeus was muttering in his sleep, “Release the Kraken. Release the Kraken.”

Athena said to Hermes, “He is speaking in the singular and not the plural, isn’t he?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 12th
2017.

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Waterton Lakes, Wind and Fire

September 11, 2017 at 4:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Waterton Lakes, Wind πŸ’¨ and Fire πŸ”₯

Waterton Lakes, Wind and Fire πŸ”₯

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith had been regarded as a storm goddess in the nations of the ancient Middle East.

When U. S. President George W. Bush in his first inaugural address asked, “Do you not think an angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm?” he was referring to Lilith.

Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had recently pissed Lilith off and so had to go.

Attacks on the Twin Towers in New York would ensure an eventual U.S. invasion of Iraq and the toppling of Saddam.

Now Lilith was hoping to raise an ancient ally in North America.

A kraken at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake in Waterton Lakes National Park in southern Alberta on the Alberta-Montana Canada-U.S. border.

The kraken’s name was Tutsokiua and had been asleep at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake for 5000 years.

One of the ways of raising Tutsokiua was having a wildfire reach the lake where he resided.

Lilith had already caused a wildfire to burn down the Sperry Chalet in nearby Glacier National Park in Montana.

Glacier National Park had been the site of a U.S. House of Episcopalian Bishops meeting back in the mid-1960s which considered having a heresy trial for Episcopal Bishop James Albert Pike one of her most ardent and committed supporters.

The House of Bishops decided not to go through with the heresy trial but Lilith still decided to get revenge some day anyways.

It was in the dining room of the Sperry Chalet that a group of anti-Pike Anglo-Catholic Episcopal Bishops plotted their strategy.

Lilith after seducing Zeus swiped one of his lightning β›ˆ bolts ⚑️ and ignited the Sprague Fire πŸ”₯ by lightning on August 10th.

The fire spread and burnt down the Sperry Chalet (opened in 1914 by the Great Northern Railway) on August 31st.

The Kenow wildfire was Lilith’s weapon to raise the kraken Tutsokiua from the depths of Upper Waterton Lake.

After seducing Zeus again (Zeus was such an easy target 🎯 for her sultry sexy seductive charms), she swiped another lightning β›ˆ bolt ⚑️ and started the Kenow wildfire back on September 1st with a lightning strike in the Flathead Valley just across the border from the national park in the province of British Columbia.

The fire πŸ”₯ was spreading through the Akamina Valley and was expected to cross the Alberta-B.C. border into the Cameron Valley in Alberta’s Waterton Lakes National Park today.

Lilith who was riding in the wind πŸ’¨ behind this storm (but former U.S. President George W. Bush was too busy being a spectator at NFL Football 🏈 games to notice this time) was hoping to drive the fire towards the Prince of Wales Hotel on Upper Waterton Lake by the middle of this week.

The Prince of Wales Hotel opened in 1927 having been built by the U.S. Great Northern Railway to lure American tourists during the Prohibition era.

The hotel was named after the Prince of Wales (the future King Edward VIII) in a transparent attempt to entice him to stay in the hotel on his 1927 Canadian tour but the prince stayed at a nearby ranch instead.

Lilith felt that if the 90-year-old hotel burnt to the ground that this would generate sufficient atmospheric chaos to cause the kraken Tutsokiua to arise from his sleep 😴 at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake.

Then burning the Prince of Wales Hotel (named after the obnoxious future King Edward VIII) to the ground would be another act of personal revenge on Lilith’s part.

Years ago when she was at a formal dinner and dance πŸ’ƒπŸ» in England back in the 1930s, she was expecting the Prince of Wales to ask her to dance but instead he asked that floozy Mrs. Wallis Simpson.

Hell definitely has no fury like a Lilith scorned.

As for her ardent supporter and admirer the late Episcopal bishop James Albert Pike, he was now a confirmed believer in the existence of Hell (a doctrine that he denied during his earthly lifetime).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 11th
2017.

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A Kraken Rises As A Curtain Goes Down

September 9, 2017 at 6:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Kraken Rises As A Curtain Goes Down

There are krakens and then there are krakens.

For example there is the Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI.

In his mortal life, he had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus dying from a fatal disease so he had uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus πŸ™- part machine and part living octopus πŸ™ (given a special serum of Kraken immortality that had been developed by Dr. Poseidon Prometheus’ British mad scientist friend Dr. Cadbury Rocher who had in his possession in a secret aquarium the Greek god Zeus’ own personal Kraken who is released into the world’s oceans 🌊 whenever Zeus shouts “Release the Kraken!”).

Prior to uploading his consciousness into the cyborg octopus body, Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had also placed a portion of the brain of the original French Emperor Napoleon I (that he had in his possession) into the octopus’ brain.

Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had been a big admirer of both Emperor Napoleon I and Emperor Napoleon III so wanted a piece of Napoleonic brain before venturing forth into cyborg octopus immortality.

Shortly after he became a Kraken, Napoleon VI (as he now called himself) had met and fell in love 😍 with the ex-Gorgon Medusa whom Dr. Cadbury Rocher had recently revived from the dead having reunited her original head and her original body. Medusa had been restored to her original beauty after Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robotic barber (that he called Edward Scissorhands II) had given the Gorgon’s snake 🐍 ridden hairstyle πŸ’ a thorough cut and chopping.

Edward Scissorhands II had then applied a natural hair growth formula (that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had developed) to Medusa’s scalp and the now ex-Gorgon’s natural human hair grew back.

Napoleon VI had himself crowned Emperor of France πŸ‡«πŸ‡· as the Emperor Napoleon VI in Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral a couple of years ago with the papal blessing of Pope Francis for the coronation ceremony.

However the one hitch turned out to be that no one in France itself recognized the coronation.

To correct the situation, Napoleon VI and Medusa had started their own political party πŸŽ‰ in France the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party earlier this year.

The two member party πŸŽ‰ then nominated Napoleon VI as the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party candidate for President of France.

The plan was that when Napoleon VI was elected President of France, he’d then call a referendum asking the French people to elect him Emperor of the French.

But alas the best laid plans of Kraken and ex-Gorgon, they often go astray.

Napoleon VI wound up in 12th and last place of the 12 Presidential candidates running in the 1st round French Presidential election.

The heavy make-up wearing Emmanuel Macron then won the Presidency of France in the subsequent run-off election- a decision which the citizens of France πŸ‡«πŸ‡· had now come to regret.

They would have been better to choose calamari with their cheese πŸ§€ rather than a piece of rouge wearing white chocolate 🍫 macron.

Meanwhile over in the Caribbean, the North Korean ship The Red Scorpion πŸ¦‚ was transmitting a satellite broadcast of North Korean despot Kim Jong-un reciting aloud passages from a medieval Korean copy of The Necronomicon.

The Red Scorpion had entered the Caribbean on August 17th and had begun broadcasting aloud the Kim Jong-un oral readings from The Necronomicon (Medieval Korean edition) the same day that a then Tropical Storm β›ˆ called Harvey had formed.

That day a Kraken called Uhluhtc had risen from the bottom of the Caribbean Sea 🌊 following Kim Jong-un’s readings from The Necronomicon.

Uhlucth’s thrashings had led to Harvey forming and then Irma forming and then Jose forming and then Katia forming.

And those were only from Uhlucth thrashing at the bottom of the sea.

Only the gods knew what storms would form as Uhlucth made his way to the top.

Meanwhile in Paris, the curtain came down after 30 seconds as Napoleon VI auditioned for the role of the Phantom in a Paris production of The Phantom of The Opera with the director screaming “Next!”.

Aboard the Red Scorpion, Captain Dragon Sun the ship’s head officer was watching the 1942 horror film The Cat People on his television when his phone went off.

Another Necronomicon satellite transmission from Pyongyang was coming through.

“Next!” The captain shouted to his ship’s communications officer.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 8th
2017.

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The Rumble In Bogota

September 8, 2017 at 3:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

The Rumble In Bogota

As Pan Goatee cut off the head of the fat ugly bitch who insisted on following him around the subway train, he checked his watch.

“The fight starts in another few minutes,” the satyr thought to himself as he kicked the head of the facially aesthetically challenged blimp out of the way.

Pan Goatee managed to reach his favourite sports bar in time for the fight to start on the television.

There was a fighter that Goatee had recently started following- a Gordon “the Black” Donnelly who fought out of San Francisco, California.

The man was a dead ringer for UFC Champion Conor McGregor minus all the tattoos and of course Donnelly was heavier fighting in the Heavyweight category.

Tonight Donnelly would be fighting in Bogota, Colombia πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄.

His opponent was a Guevara Santos a boxer who until recently was a fighter with the FARC guerrilla movement in Colombia.

Rumour had it that Pope Francis would be sitting in the audience tonight.

Cheering for the FARC fighter of course.

Pan Goatee scanned the crowd as the television cameras scanned the arena.

He did notice in one of the back rows a man wearing a white robe, a white sombrero hat, an Evo Morales designed hammer and sickle crucifix and a pair of dark sunglasses 😎.

The fight began.

Pan Goatee lit a cigar and sat back to watch the fight.

When the bartender pointed out that according to municipal law all public buildings were non-smoking, Pan Goatee decapitated him.

No one else on staff ventured to inform Pan of current municipal ordinances.

Members of a local feminist study group called The I Hate Rush Limbaugh For Telling It Like It Is Society had come in through the sports bar door to watch women’s curling on one of the giant screens.

They left when they noticed Pan Goatee sitting there.

They did not really relish experiencing what a couple of Henry VIII’s wives had once experienced kneeling on Tower of London scaffolds.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 7th
2017.

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David and Goliath

September 7, 2017 at 5:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

David and Goliath

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was having a dream.

He was dreaming that he was David in the Biblical story of David and Goliath.

The giant warrior Goliath of Gath stood there in his armour.

The giant raised his helmet but David (Netanyahu) could not see his face.

A mysterious cloud hovered in front of Goliath’s face.

David (Netanyahu) put his stone in a sling and slung it.

The stone immediately hit Goliath in the forehead.

Goliath (whoever he was whose face was hidden behind the cloud) fell to the ground dead.

Netanyahu awoke and wondered, what did the dream mean?

And who did the figure of Goliath in the dream represent?

. . .

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un went to bed.

He had his teddy bear with him.

The teddy bear wore the hat and clothes and had the facial features and razor sharp long fingernailed glove of his favourite American movie character Freddy Krueger.

One of his aunts had told his parents that she really didn’t think such a teddy bear was appropriate for a child when he first requested it when he was 3 years old.

Kim responded to his aunt’s interference by poisoning her green tea- the first of many deaths he’d arrange throughout his life.

Kim hung on to his teddy bear and sucked his thumb and fell asleep 😴.

He dreamed that he was in a story that a Russian Orthodox priest visiting his dad’s palace in Pyongyang had told him as a small child.

He dreamed that he was some kid from long ago called David.

And a huge giant stood in front of him.

Goliath of Gath was the giant’s name Kim recalled.

The giant’s breastplate bore the colours and Stars and Stripes of the American flag πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ.

Goliath lifted his helmet and David (Kim) could see the face of Donald Trump.

“Fire and fury,” said the giant.

Behind him the giant’s advisers said, “They don’t have the capability of producing nuclear weapons. Their intercontinental ballistic missiles won’t work.”

A Philistine general said, “We may have to annihilate this small country.”

David (Kim) put the stone (in the shape of an intercontinental ballistic missile carrying an H-bomb warhead) into his sling and slung it.

The stone hit Goliath (Trump) in the middle of the forehead.

Goliath (Trump) fell to the ground dead and a large mushroom cloud went up into the atmosphere as he fell.

Kim Jong-un awakened with a huge smile on his face.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 6th
2017.

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Set Sees A Psychiatrist

September 6, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Vampire novel)

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was lying on a psychiatrist’s couch and not in his sarcophagus currently.

The old Egyptian had been feeling depressed ever since his fiancee Serena returned from the dead back on August 21st (she had been shot and killed by a Soviet agent back in 1924) but didn’t bother to stick around in the Set Enterprises lab once she revived.

Instead she had departed somewhere with the old Egyptian god Thoth who had returned to earth from another dimension of time on that same date.

“Any idea why Serena would want to leave with Thoth?” His psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones (who looked a lot like a young Paula Marshall in the TV series Cupid with Jeremy Piven before ABC stupidly cancelled the series after one season back in 1998) asked the vampire.

“Well apparently her astral body had been travelling with him back and forth through time in the past century and a half because Thoth thinks she’s the earthly reincarnation of his librarian wife Seshat “the Lady of Books” who disappeared millennia ago when she tried to rescue a library book from the Celestial House of Books that had fallen down a cosmic black hole,” Set answered.

“And did Serena believe Thoth’s suggestion that she was the reincarnation of Seshat?” Dr. Morgana Jones asked him.

“Apparently,” Set replied bitterly, “that’s why when her body came back to life on the table in the Set Enterprises laboratory, she up and left with him.”

“Where are they now?” Dr. Morgana Jones inquired.

“Sailing on his lunar silver barque somewhere on one of the world’s oceans,” Set ate a chocolate covered replica of the Titanic.

“And what are your feelings towards Thoth?” Dr. Morgana Jones put her pen down.

“I’m really pissed,” Set spat, “this is the second time he screwed me- metaphorically speaking of course. The first was the time when he gave my sister Isis the spell to bring my brother Osiris back from the dead after I had killed him and cut his body into 14 pieces that I then placed in a wooden chest and threw into the Nile River where he was eaten by crocodiles.”

“And Thoth’s spell restored Osiris intact?” Dr. Jones lowered her hair down that had been pinned up in a bun.

“Except for his phallus of course,” Set laughed.

“Well, that”s the end of your session,” Dr. Jones looked at her watch, “I recommend you go home and watch a good movie to relax.”

As Set left her office, he noticed Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in her waiting room.

“What are you doing here?” Set asked.

“Morgana is helping me with my sex addiction problem,” Dracul answered.

He entered her office.

Set turned into a bat and flew out the window (he decided not to take the train home as he had an unpleasant experience on the train a couple of nights earlier).

When the vampire looked back into Dr. Morgana Jones’ office, he noticed that Morgana had taken her jacket, blouse, skirt, pantyhose and spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes off as she approached Dracul Van Helsing.

“Yes. she’s really helping Van Helsing with his sex addiction problem all right,” the bat batted his eyelashes.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 6th
2017.

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Haiku About Disastrous Calamities Facing America

September 5, 2017 at 6:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Nature, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Disastrous Calamities Facing America

Hurricane Harvey
Hurricane Irma and then
J. followed by Kim?

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Set Rides The Train

September 5, 2017 at 3:28 pm (Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Set Rides The Train

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was riding the train.

He was sitting quietly in his seat πŸ’Ί when a long haired freak walked by with a baby stroller.

What was some freak doing with a baby stroller in this part of the train?

Another woman presumably his wife followed him.

And then another woman- presumably the wife’s ugly sister followed her.

They sat a couple of seats in front of him.

Then the brat in the stroller started crying.

And crying.

Set seemed to recall a verse from the ancient Hebrew psalms about smashing babies’ heads against the walls of the city of Jerusalem.

Well, it was a long way from Jerusalem but the train wall should be just as handy.

Set strolled over to the baby carriage, picked up the screaming brat and bashed her head against the wall killing her instantly.

The mother screamed.

Set used his 66-inch long fingernails to decapitate the mother.

The father started to protest.

“Can’t have creeps like you reproducing and contaminating the human gene pool,” Set likewise used his nails to rip his head off.

The ugly sister of the mother, the ugly sister-in-law of the father and the ugly aunt of the now deceased screaming brat- the ugly 3 in 1- now raised her ugly shrill screaming voice in a cacophonous symphony of protest.

That was likewise cut short by Set’s long uncut fingernails.

Set then ripped the ugly woman’s face to shreds with his nails for he had recently read an article in National Geographic Magazine about how genetically created satyr serial killer and DARPA astral assassin Pan Goatee was attempting to make Earth a more aesthetically pleasing place by killing ugly women.

The ancient Egyptian god of darkness figured he might as well contribute to the cause for ever since some idiot said “Let there be light”, there was always the possibility that light might shed light on ugliness.

Set had once supported Hitler’s rise to power.

While he disagreed with Hitler (a self-professed artist) on painting all members of the same race or ethnic group with one brush, he Set did think that certain individuals and possibly even one entire family could be inferior and basically human scum and should therefore be eliminated from the face of the earth as was the case with this Native North American Indian trio (a quartet- if you include the brat) who thought it was perfectly all right to conduct some noisy powwow ceremony on what should be an upper class train.

If they still published Eugenics magazines like they did back in the 1930s, Set thought of an article he could write on the subject.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th
2017.

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