Pachamama and The Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli

February 11, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pachamama and The Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli

Cthulhu a Great Old One
lying in his lair 
in the city of R’lyeh
an underwater city in the South Pacific

Desiring Hong Kong
He battled for control last year
with the Black Dragon
Supernatural entity behind Xi Jinping’s Communist throne
Cthulhu backed the student protestors 
The Black Dragon backed the authorities and Hong Kong police

Time to take a different tack 
Cthulhu who entered the minds of men and women in their dreams 
Making them nightmares 
With his mind contacted Mitlantecuhtli Lord of the Land of the Dead 
Whose realm lay below Aztec ruins in Mexico 

Mitlantecuhtli the deity of death
Who wore a necklace of human eyeballs 
was associated with owls, spiders and bats 

Cthulhu made mental contact 
And offered a quid pro quo 
Mitlantecuhtli accepted 
And visited a cave of bats in China

It was Dr. Li Wenliang, 34, an ophthalmologist (a doctor specializing in the study of the human eye) who first alerted his fellow medics 
About the outbreak of the Coronavirus in Wuhan, China
And for this, he was harassed by police and authorities
Dr. Li himself died on February 7th 2020 
in a hospital bed from the Coronavirus

A Chinese government team found a cave of bats not far from Wuhan 
who apparently have the virus (now sending the world in a panic)

How did the virus get from the cave to Wuhan?
The Huanan Seafood Market in Wuhan 
Some say
A story that first fell from the lips of Mephistopheles
Demon in charge of racism and promoting ethnic hatred
So now East Asians in the Western world are harassed and attacked

Ancient deities also have plenty of allies in government and industry 
Willing to spread death for both profit and power 

A western leader with a toupee the colour of General Custer’s yellow hair
Might see a deadly plague hitting an economic enemy 
As a major advantage in a nasty trade war

A megalomaniac in Beijing 
who claims to act for the “People”
But acts like an ancient god-emperor only serving the needs of his own divine self 
Might have done it to his own people 
for whatever nefarious purpose 
had surfaced in his own twisted mind 

Big pharmaceuticals
And biological warfare units of army 
Might have come together in
some synthesis of Hegelian dialectic 
being played out on the non-philosophical plain

Or those behind the Georgia Guidestones who want the population of Earth 
reduced to 500 million 
might have initiated the first throw of the dice to that effect

Columbia University economist Jeffrey Sachs is a population control and reduction freak
Only in this way can sustainable development be achieved he says
And so the Communists at the UN and Vatican agree

7 years ago today Benedict XVI announced his impending resignation 
As Vicar of Christ
And a man named Jorge Mario Bergoglio took over 
And made it the office of Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli 
Tomorrow he releases the Apostolic Exhortation on the Amazon Synod
And Pachamama earth mother goddess of the Incas
Is in the arms and under the wings of Mitlantecuhtli the Aztec lord of the dead
And in her own arms she holds the hourglass of time 
Through which the grains of sand of humanity are running out

-A poem and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 11th

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Yaldabaoth and Morrigan

February 10, 2020 at 11:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Yaldabaoth and Morrigan

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun looked exceedingly pleased with himself as he was nestled in the arms of Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

The year was 1955.

The place Monte Carlo.

And Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had been cleaning up at the roulette tables.

House management had become concerned.

Unfortunately their regular house detective had been killed in a shoot out last month involving the American CIA, the Soviet KGB, the IRA (Irish Republican Army), the California Harper Valley PTA (Parent-Teachers’ Association) and the American IRS (Internal Revenue Service).

The IRS must have emerged the winner.

Because the IRS operative put a hand in the house detective’s pocket, pulled out a stone and squeezed blood out of the stone into a jar (that had a piece of paper written on the jar’s outside saying For Uncle Sam).

After an hour the stone no longer cosmologically or ontologically existed and the large jar was filled to the top with blood.

The house detective was buried in a grotto honouring the goddess Fortuna.

Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion was hired by the casino to serve as house detective until a replacement for the deceased fellow could be found.

So far no one was willing to take the job.

Because Jocasta a parent representative on the California Harper Valley PTA (who was quite overly protective of her son) was one nasty target shooting markswoman.

Fortunately for Carson Cody Albion, he had been turned into an immortal by Atargatis the Syro-Phoenician goddess back in the early 1940s.

So Jocasta’s bullets didn’t amount to much.

Although after missing Albion, they did strike and kill a Ph.D student in Psychology who was doing his doctoral dissertation on the theories of Sigmund Freud and his analysis of the connection between the male libido and psyche.

When Albion opened the hotel room door, he saw Yaldabaoth in the arms of Morrigan.

“Other guests in the hotel have been complaining about the sound of spanking coming from this room,”
Albion said.

“That is strange,” Yaldabaoth admitted.

“May I inquire, sir, as to why both your pants and underpants are on the floor and your bottom seems to be glowing like the fireflies of a warm August night?” Albion asked.

“I must confess I’m at a loss for words,” Yaldabaoth answered.

Morrigan reached over to the dresser, pulled a dictionary off it and handed it to the leprechaun.

“Even more than the sound of spanking,” Albion cleared his throat, “management is concerned about your constant winning at the roulette wheel.”

“It is the luck of the Irish, it is,” Yaldabaoth grinned.

“Our detectors detected a magnet coming from your direction,” Albion stated.

“Ah, for sure ’tis my magnetic personality,” the leprechaun smiled, “overflowing like the River Shannon after a week of spring rains.”

“What about this magnet on your belt?” The detective picked up the leprechaun’s pants.

“As Saint Patrick is my witness, I don’t know how that got there,” the leprechaun protested.

“But Saint Patrick isn’t here to be your witness,” Morrigan pointed out.

“Shibboleth, I don’t know what to say,” Yaldabaoth shook his head.

“You might start by improving the pronunciation of your conversational ancient Hebrew,” Albion noted.

The detective had recently taken a course in conversational ancient Hebrew.

“I know how to punish Yaldabaoth for his offences,” Morrigan once again took the leprechaun over her knee.

“I’ll show myself out,” Albion remarked as he went over to the door, opened it and exited.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday January 19th
Finally posted on 
Monday February 10th
The Morrigan-Yaldabaoth the
Irish leprechaun story for Anonymole.

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February 9, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )


Mictlantecuhtli (or Lord of The Land of The Dead in Nahuatl the language of the Aztecs) was the Aztec god of death and the ruler of the Aztec underworld Mictlan. 

Mictlantecuhtli was closely associated with owls, spiders and bats.

As well as with the direction south.

In the Aztec creation myth, Mictlantecuhtli tried to delay the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl on his journey into Mictlan (the Land of the Dead).

Quetzalcoatl was searching for the bones of the creatures from the previous world of the 4th Sun in order to make mankind in this the aeon (age) of the 5th Sun.

Interestingly enough the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau of the Third Reich thought that mankind was currently living in the age of the 5th Sun.

In order to block Quetzalcoatl from making mankind, Mictlantecuhtli insisted that Quetzalcoatl could only take the bones (of the dead creatures from the previous world of the 4th Sun) if the feathered serpent god walked around the underworld 4 times blowing a conch-shell trumpet.

This seemingly easy task was made difficult by the fact that the god of the underworld gave Quetzalcoatl an ordinary conch-shell and so it would not sound.

Quetzalcoatl got around the problem by having worms drill holes in the shell and then placing bees inside it so that the horn would sound like a trumpet.

“Dem bones, dem bones going to rise again”, the bees inside the conch shell sang in musical harmony.

So Mictlantecuhtli let Quetzalcoatl have the bones.

But Mictlantecuhtli arranged for his assistants the Micteca to dig a large pit so that Quetzalcoatl would stumble into it when he tried to leave Mictlan.

Sure enough when passing the pit and unluckily startled by a passing quail (who was having a prophetic vision of being named a Vice-Presidential candidate by a drug producing bush in the distant future), Quetzalcoatl fell into the pit and the bones became scattered and broken like “cartoons in a cartoon graveyard” (and the only thing that would be resurrected would be Paul Simon’s musical career in the 1980s).

However Quetzalcoatl roused himself (by conjuring up images in his mind of what the future Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec would look like) and gathering up the bones he managed to extract himself from the pit and get away unscathed from the clutches of Mictlantecuhtli (a ballad about the whole incident is to be found in a collection of unpublished songs and forgotten recordings by Johnny Cash).

Once safely delivered to the goddess Cihaucoatl (the snake woman wearing the serpent skirt who was the Aztec earth mother goddess), the bones were mixed with Quetzalcoatl’s blood and from the mixture sprang forth the first men and women.

Cihuacoatl ground up the bones from the previous ages in a special blender (later used for making martinis in the modern age) and mixed them with Quetzalcoatl’s blood.

Those bones and blood were shaken not stirred.

As for Mictlantecuhtli, one day all souls would come face to face with him the Aztecs believed.

In the meantime, Mictlantecuhtli wears a costume of owl feathers and a necklace of eyeballs.

He would have probably been the talk of the town on Hollywood’s Oscar red carpet tonight if his plane hadn’t been shot down by a drone.

The drone had received erroneous information that it was Quetzalcoatl and not Mictlantecuhtli on board the plane.

And of course Quetzalcoatl was one and the same being as Jesus Christ according to Mormon Church teaching.

And therefore Quetzalcoatl would have been a deity revered by Utah Senator Mitt Romney.

For some mysterious reason, a person who had access to killer drones at his beck and call had it in for Mitt Romney and the Mormon deity of Quetzalcoatl/Christ.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 9th 

Cihuacoatl’s recipe: Ground round bones plus several dashes of Quetzalcoatl’s blood equals 5th Sun humanity

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Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

February 8, 2020 at 11:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in his neighbourhood food court trying to enjoy his slice of pizza when an ugly looking school girl walked by.

Goatee (who had recently recovered from tennis elbow) thought to himself, “Ugly looking girls grow up to become ugly looking women.”

He grabbed his astral laser machete and said to the little uglo, “What do they teach you in the public school system these days? Obviously no appreciation for beauty.”

He beheaded her and a group of rats then gathered around and ate her.

The rats (brought to life from the 1971 American horror film Willard) then went outside to vomit.

The uglo girl’s older brother was wearing a hockey jersey number sweater for a hockey team and a hockey player that Pan Goatee didn’t like so he beheaded him as well.

He then tried to enjoy the rest of his pizza but then a whole bunch of ugly looking school girls (who looked like they were auditioning for a remake of that horrible early 2010s sit com Ugly Betty which should have been advertised as a horror film called Night of The Aesthetically Challenged Living Dead) entered the food court.

“What the Hell is happening to our public school system?” Goatee expressed the earnest anguish of a concerned citizen and public school system taxpayer as he beheaded the hideously repulsive young uglos, “I blame John Dewey the father of so-called progressive education for this. Since he advocated throwing out the teaching of history, these uglos have no knowledge of the culture of the ancient Greeks where beauty was all important. Because beauty is certainly not important to these young degenerates.”

Rats then came and ate the uglos’ remains and vomited en masse outside.

Goatee then went outside where some idiot with horrendously lousy taste in music seemed quite anxious to share his lousy taste in music with the rest of the world by playing it at full blast on his car loud speaker.

Goatee beheaded the musical Philistine in a dramatic re-enactment of David beheading the original Philistine Goliath after the giant fell to earth over the young shepherd boy’s sling and stone throwing talents.

Goatee put the musical Philistine’s head on a sign at a nearby McDonald’s drive-through adding a surprise feature to the intercom voice that posed the question, “May I take your order please?”.

. . .

“May I take your order please?” The representative of Gilead Sciences Inc. asked the representative from the People’s Liberation Army Biological Warfare Unit in Wuhan, China.

The PLA member pulled out his gun and blew the Gilead Sciences sales representative to kingdom come.

On Thursday February 6th 2020, the Wuhan Institute of Virology announced that they had applied for a Chinese patent on Gilead’s Remdesevir for treating the novel coronavirus (2019- nCoV) that originated in Wuhan China in late 2019.

Gilead Sciences is a research-based biopharmaceutical company that was started 33 years ago in 1987 and has its international headquarters in Foster City, California.

Among its major investors had been Donald Rumsfeld (who was later to serve as Secretary of Defence under U.S. President George W. Bush).

Gilead is a curious name for a biopharmaceutical company.

For in the Bible in Jeremiah Chapter 8 verse 22, the question is posed, “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?” and the response is in Jeremiah Chapter 46, verses 2 and 11, “This is the message of The Lord against the Pharaoh Neco… Go up to Gilead and get balm, oh Virgin Daughter of Egypt, but you multiply remedies in vain; here is no healing for you.”

Jeremiah Chapter 22 verse 6 where God calls the house of Judah by the name Gilead, He says, “yet surely I will make thee a wilderness and cities which are not inhabited.”

Today the city of Wuhan China a city of 11 million people (that’s 2 million more in population than the city of New York) looks like a virtual ghost town being in lockdown over the coronavirus.

Why would a biopharmaceutical company call itself Gilead when the Bible says, “There is no balm in Gilead. There is no healing in Gilead.” ?

There is an 1854 hymn by Washington Glass called The Sinner’s Cure which says, “There is balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole” but that was due to a misinterpretation of an earlier hymn by John Newton in 1779 which actually referred to Jesus as a healing balm not Gilead.

Biblically speaking, there is no healing balm in Gilead.

. . .

Cthulhu rises
The coronavirus comes
Death rides a pale horse

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
and a haiku 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 8th

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The Magician and The Illusion

February 7, 2020 at 11:24 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, magic, Poetry, Romance) ()

The Magician and The Illusion

The magician ended up with a black eye 
His illusion went astray
The audience saw right through him 
and one patron let him know there’s Hell to pay

But his loyal and sexy assistant remains at his side
Offering him arms of comfort
As at the back of a wagon they hitch a ride

And next to them the old carnival barker sits
His bark definitely worse than his bite
And this circus must plain hit the road out of people’s sight 

The road to Oz was much like this 
Behind the curtain lay smoke and mirrors 
But Kansas whirlwinds and melting witches 
Led to the worst of a wizard’s fears 

Sometimes magic acts fall apart 
Sometimes the illusion will not hold 
But when it does and grips a land
dark history will unfold

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday February 7th

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Three Blind Mice and The Aesthetic Crusade of Pan Goatee

February 6, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Aesthetics)

Three Blind Mice and The Aesthetic Crusade of Pan Goatee
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing field of specialization was killing ugly women) had a problem.
He had come down with tennis elbow as a result of using his astral laser machete so much the past year due to the vast numbers of ugly women that were out there.
On the positive side, the producer of the early 2010s TV sit com Ugly Betty had recently kicked the bucket and was now roasting away on his barbecue spit in the deepest part of Tartarus to which the Council of Demons and Fallen Angels in unison with Hades, Persephone, the Norse goddess Hel, the Aztec god Mictlantecuhtli and various gods of the underworld in the world’s pantheons (after all Pope Francis in signing the Abu Dhabi statement a year ago today had said that no less a being than the Supreme Creator God of the entire Cosmos had willed the diversity of all religions) had sentenced the notorious criminal against humanity, art and beauty to this deepest and most agonizing of punishments.
After all it was the nefarious influence of this insidious show Ugly Betty that convinced ugly women that it was perfectly okay to be ugly.
Prior to the early 2010s, ugly women did try to make an effort to look as good as possible.
But thanks to the vile influence of the TV show Ugly Betty, ugly women gave up that effort and became even uglier.
And thanks to the increasingly low IQ and low self-respect of males in the Western world that hit that area of the world with the dawn of the 21st Century, ugly women in the 2010s were actually able to get dates (a phenomenon that had never before existed in history prior to that dreadful decade of the 2010s).
The sheer ugliness of the Ugly Betty phenomenon had other dangerous side effects- such as the emergence of Neo-Fascism/Neo-Hitlerism and Neo-Bolshevism/Neo-Stalinism.
The U.S. now stood on the verge of civil war between Neo-Fascist Trump Republicans and Neo-Bolshevik Democrats.
Pan Goatee was trying to restore a semblance of civilization with his astral laser machete beheadings of ugly women and their low IQ boyfriends and husbands.
But alas! he had come down with tennis elbow as a result of having to use his arm so much.
The intelligent rats Socrates and Ben (who had been brought to life off the screen at a repertory theatre showing of the 1971 American horror film Willard) decided to help out Pan Goatee while he was undergoing treatment for tennis elbow (his ailment could not officially be called astral laser machete elbow until that term was officially inserted into the Harvard Medical Dictionary and Goatee’s physician was doing his best to get that term inserted).
Since most rats became violently physically physically ill after eating ugly women, Socrates and Ben had trained 3 blind mice to eat ugly looking women.
No one was sure how the 3 blind mice had become blind.
Tragically their tails had been cut off by a farmer’s wife using a carving knife.
Pan Goatee was in a grocery store shopping for bread, cheese and cold meats when a fat ugly blimp walked into the store.
Pan Goatee immediately text messaged Ben and Socrates. 
The three blind mice were flown in on a drone called The Albatross 2.0
The three blind mice then ate the fat ugly blimp.
It turned out that this evening’s manager of the grocery store was an ugly looking woman as well.
Likewise the 3 blind mice ate her.
As Goatee stood in line at the cash register, the line was held up by some idiot who was arguing about the price of a carton of Pepsi.
After 10 minutes, the moron was still shooting his mouth off about the price of a carton of Pepsi.
Goatee made the Sherlock Holmesian deduction that the loudmouth was such an idiot, there was a very high probability that he was either dating or married to an ugly looking woman.
Goatee text messaged Socrates and Ben.
The 3 blind mice then showed up on The Albatross 2.0 drone and ate the moron.
His carton of Pepsi was then incinerated in the lowest levels of Tartarus just below the spot where the flames were working their painful special magic on the tiny testicles of the producer of the Ugly Betty TV show.
Goatee finally exited the grocery store where a fat ugly blimp was standing there talking to two stupid looking men.
Reading Goatee’s mind, The Albatross 2.0 drone arrived with the 3 Blind Mice in the nick of time.
All 3 scourges of long suffering humanity (i.e. the fat ugly blimp and her two brainless male friends) were then eaten.
Goatee’s evening of course had been thoroughly ruined by this time.
The 3 Blind Mice then went home and read Braille editions of The Necronomicon.
-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday February 6th

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Clarence Darrow’s Ghost, Trump’s Acquittal, Madonna’s Cream Pie and Uncle Ernie

February 5, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Clarence Darrow’s Ghost, Trump’s Acquittal, Madonna’s Cream Pie and Uncle Ernie

The U.S. Senate voted to acquit Donald Trump 52-48 on charges of abuse of power and 53-47 on charges of obstruction of Congress.

The ghost of Clarence Darrow (who had been released from the Underworld of Hades on the Norse trickster god Loki’s recommendation) never got a chance to shine during Trump’s trial in the Senate.

His particular talent for the Trump defence would have been to question witnesses and the Republican majority in the Senate had voted not to allow witnesses.

Nevertheless Darrow’s ghost did do a final summing up for the Trump defence at the Senate trial with these words,

“The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things,
of sailing ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings,
of why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.”

Darrow’s ghost then sat down.

The famed defence lawyer’s closing argument was totally lost on members on both sides of the aisle.

By using this piece of Jabberwockian poetic prose by Lewis Carroll as his closing argument for Trump’s defence, the great courtroom orator was implying that his closing argument made about as much sense as the rest of the trial.

But the nuances to be found by this brief speech was totally lost on the politicians and political pundits of 21st Century America on all sides.

Both CNN and Fox News totally ignored Darrow’s address.

As did The Washington Post and The New York Times.

Meanwhile on this day of Senate acquittal of Trump, as the clock ticked down towards midnight in Washington DC, the ghost of Gen. Qassem Soleimani appeared to Utah Sen. Mitt Romney and warned the Republican Senator that there was now a drone with his name on it.

Meanwhile allegations were now surfacing from the Underworld of Hades that the residents of the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, during coffee and lunch breaks from their time roasting away on barbecue spits, had hacked the Iowa Democratic caucus app and had tilted the results towards their own favourite son Pete Buttigieg.

However it was unlikely that Bernie Sanders who did not have the paranoid conspiratorial hysterics of one Hillary Rodham Clinton (who had many years ago tried to imagine the possibility of her husband’s marital infidelity was not real but was rather the result of a vast right wing conspiracy) would cry “Sodom and Gomorrah collusion!”.

Nor was it likely that Robert Mueller would be sent down to Hades to investigate.

On another front, the rock music legend Madonna had had a cream pie thrown in her face.

Her bodyguards (who were sobriety challenged at the time because they had been drinking way too many Harvey Wallbangers) claimed the cream pie assailant was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

The cream pie assault had taken place only hours after Madonna said Prince Harry and Meghan Markle should trade “boring old Canada” for New York City.

Madonna wanted the couple to rent her New York City apartment from her.

How exciting a place New York City is could be seen from the fact that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was currently burning several pinches of incense in front of statues of Baal and Moloch in the New York City penthouse apartment of a globalist billionaire.

Meanwhile in a jail in London England, an Australian named Uncle Ernie, who was awaiting a courtroom appearance at the Old Bailey, was currently looking at photos of rock star Madonna that he had snapped on his smart phone a while ago.

As he looked at the photos of Madonna and what she was showing, Uncle Ernie recited his own paraphrased version of lines from Edward Lear’s 19th Century poem The Owl and The Pussy-cat, “What a horrible pussy you are, you are, what a horrible pussy you are.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 5th

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Qonzilqointec Takes In Carmen At The Royal Opera House

February 4, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Music, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Takes In Carmen At The Royal Opera House

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in London.

She was to meet her date Dracul Van Helsing this evening to attend the Royal Opera House performance of Georges Bizet’s Carmen.

Interestingly enough, the Bavarian and Austro-Hungarian goat demon Krampus (who had been down in Cornwall visiting his father’s grave) had had tickets to attend this evening’s performance of Carmen.

But at the last minute, the goat demon had come down with a severe allergy to the melody and tune of the song Habanera that Carmen sings in Act 1.

And that was his favourite part of the whole opera so Krampus was unable to attend.

He left his ticket at the box office so some last minute person could buy it.

The ticket was purchased by Dr. Cadbury Rocher who had just finished his final touches on the cannabis pot smoking cactus plant Magical Mystery Tour that was to be delivered to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Ottawa.

Qonzilqointec and Dracul talked to Dr. Rocher in the lobby prior to curtain call.

They discussed the Iowa caucus which turned out to be a public relations disaster for the U.S. Democratic Party.

The app that was supposed to give the results to the State Committee had failed.

“I was just talking to Renfield about this,” Dr. Rocher said to the Aztec vampiress and Van Helsing referring to the British MP who served on the UK House of Commons Intelligence and Foreign Affairs Committee, “and he’s already determined what happened. Apparently the app was hacked by the billionaire Egyptian vampire Set’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore, Boris Johnson’s pet Jack Russell-cross dog Dilyn and a couple of Her Majesty the Queen’s Welsh corgis.”

“Who did the Iowa Democrats get to develop this app for them?” Dracul inquired.

“Apparently some nutty Australian who calls himself Uncle Ernie,” Rocher replied, “who interestingly enough was arrested at London’s Heathrow Airport yesterday for trying to enter the country illegally. To say nothing of showing up at airport Customs in the nude.”

The Royal Opera House announcer announced that this evening’s performance would start in 5 minutes.

The three headed into the auditorium to take their seats.

Krampus who was listening to the performance on the radio while taking a bath in his hotel room broke into a severe case of hives when the lead female singer playing Carmen started singing Habanera.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 4th

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Aphrodite At Oxford

February 3, 2020 at 11:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Aphrodite At Oxford 

The Greek goddess Aphrodite writing her term paper on the Native American myths surrounding the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo

The Greek goddess Aphrodite had recently returned from the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada where she had been researching Cree and Blackfoot indigenous myths on the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo.

She was putting the finishing touches on her term paper for the class she was taking in World Mythology and Folklore.

The class was taught by Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford.

His class was extremely popular and hard to get into.

Nevertheless the Greek goddess Aphrodite when visiting Prof. William Charles in his office before the start of this semester was able to convince the famed supernaturalist into letting her into class even though she had no previous formal education.

The subject Underwater Basketweaving While Emerging From A Giant Oyster Shell On The Beaches of Cyprus wasn’t considered a valid academic course in the view of Oxford University.

Although it was recognized by most American colleges and universities as such in order to get the best high school athletes into their college football and basketball programs.

But after a little gentle persuasion from Aphrodite, the famed supernaturalist let the goddess into his class.

Outside the window of the Greek goddess Aphrodite’s dorm room, the Greek god Ares was endeavouring to get inside as he hadn’t seen his sometime girlfriend ever since she started at Oxford.

It just so happened that strolling along the grounds between the various halls and dormitories was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos with his trusted crossbow and arrow (that he used to kill deer hunters).

Cernunnos was heading to an Oxford artists’ studio where he would be posing as a model and subject for Oxford art students to draw and paint.

The original model scheduled for today’s art session had been an Australian named Uncle Ernie (who had once modelled for Salvador Dali).

But Uncle Ernie had been arrested at London’s Heathrow Airport earlier today for trying to enter the country illegally.

When the totally nude and jock less Uncle Ernie had approached the female UK Customs and Immigration officer and said, “I have nothing to declare”, the agent looking at the body parts Uncle Ernie was trying to cover said that she wholeheartedly agreed but nonetheless facial recognition had determined that Uncle Ernie was on Interpol’s watch list of “characters of dubious reputation and ill repute”.

Within seconds, Uncle Ernie found himself on the floor in handcuffs.

Meanwhile back at the Quad on Oxford, Cernunnos had shot the Greek god Ares in the backside with an arrow.

The resulting commotion and screaming caused Aphrodite to open her dorm window which sent Ares plummeting to the Quad grounds below.

Seeing as how Ares was an Olympian immortal, all he would suffer on this day was a pain in the neck and a pain in the backside.

Aphrodite meanwhile grabbed her finished term paper and headed to Prof. William Charles’ office.

The two spent hours long into the Oxonian night discussing the Native American myth of how the great horned buffalo came to be.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday February 3rd 

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Aphrodite, Dr. Ja Oui Khan, The Demon Buffalo Head and The Metal Rat

February 2, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Aphrodite, Dr. Ja Oui Khan, The Demon Buffalo Head and The Metal Rat

The Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting in an old general store in Stettler, Alberta, Canada reading about Buffalo Lake and the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo not far from the skull of the Demon Buffalo above the store’s back door

Last week, Huawei Technologies in China had unveiled the Metal Rat (a giant robotic metal rat) for this Chinese New Year of the Metal Rat.

Strangely enough, the Metal Rat had the head of a demon buffalo and not the head of a rat.

How this came to be- therein hangs a tail (whether a rat tail or a buffalo tail no one can say for sure).

Huawei Technologies had outsourced the building of the Metal Rat to a freelance sanity challenged scientist who had a laboratory in Havana, Cuba.

The name of the sanity challenged scientist was Dr. Ja Oui Khan (a scientist of German, French and Mongolian ethnic origin).

Dr. Ja Oui Khan had once held a non-scientific job back in 2008 in the U.S. where he had served as an advertising slogan advisor to the Presidential campaign of one Barack Obama.

Dr. Ja Oui Khan was quite successful in building the Metal Rat robot.

He even originally had a metallic rat’s head for the metallic rat.

Sadly for Dr. Khan however, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had recently visited the island for high level discussions on business and commerce with the Cuban President.

And Set had brought along his pet cat the fierce Nefertiti Galore.

Nefertiti Galore had been prowling about just when the Metal Rat was practicing his Chinese New Year Lion Dance and Dragon Dance routine with a member of the Chinese Embassy.

Nefertiti Galore had ripped the rat’s head off and after almost breaking a tooth trying to bite into it had thrown it into the Caribbean where it was eaten by the Caribbean Sea’s resident giant kraken.

Dr. Ja Oui Khan was in a state to find a replacement for the Metal Rat’s head.

It just so happened that Dr. Khan’s friend the Norse trickster god Loki was in Havana so he asked Loki for help.

Loki said that he would keep an eye open for a replacement for the Metal Rat’s head.

In the meantime, Loki went up to the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada where he had a date with the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

What was Aphrodite doing in Stettler?

Well last year Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom had called Aphrodite an airhead.

Aphrodite resented that so she enrolled to take a course at Oxford University.

She figured that if she could pass a course at Oxford, no one would have the grounds to call her an airhead.

She started out by taking a course in World Mythology and Folklore.

For her term paper, Aphrodite decided to write about the mythological origins of the North American Plains Buffalo.

The Plains Buffalo were said to have originated from the waters of Buffalo Lake (a lake that was actually in the shape of a buffalo).

According to Cree and Blackfoot tribal folklore, it was Napi (the Old Man) who had called forth the first buffalo out of Buffalo Lake.

Napi had been a Cree and Blackfoot equivalent of the old Demi-Urge of Plato and Neo-Platonism.

Napi had been created by Gitche Manitou (the Great Spirit) at the beginning of time and Napi then went around creating other creatures.

Aphrodite was reading about Napi and the origins of the first Buffalo as she sat in an old country store in the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada which was just south of Buffalo Lake.

Not far from where she was sitting was the skull of a Demon Buffalo who had emerged from Buffalo Lake the night Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on the evening of April 14th 1865.

The demonically possessed Demon Buffalo was shot and killed by Gabriel Dumont (December 1st 1837- May 19th 1906) the great Métis leader and general and buffalo hunter (considered by Canadian historian George Milner to have been along with Napoleon Bonaparte one of the two greatest military geniuses of the 19th Century) in July 1869.

The Demon Buffalo’s skull eventually wound up in this old country store in Stettler, Alberta.

The date between Loki and Aphrodite came to an end after Aphrodite poured an ice cold cup of Dr. Pepper down the front of Loki’s pants.

After Loki did an impromptu rain dance (which caused a massive snow storm in the area), the Norse trickster god grabbed the Demon Buffalo skull and took it back with him to Havana where it wound up as the head of the Metal Rat robot.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday February 2nd

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