Mei-ling Manchu

May 16, 2017 at 4:17 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The year was 1933.

And the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was paying a visit to Britain’s House of Lords to see his friend Lord Oswald Jennings give a speech on China in the House of Lords.

Lord Oswald Jennings had a son Spencer Jennings who was the British Conservative MP for the constituency of Stamford On The Welland.

And Spencer Jennings had an 8-year-old son Byron Jennings.

In the opinion of the said vampire billionaire who called himself Mr. Sol Invictus Set, Byron Jennings was a spoiled brat.

But fortunately Lord Oswald Jennings did not invite Set back to his home after the speech where his son and daughter-in-law and spoiled brat grandson would be attending.

Instead he invited Set to dinner at his club.

“I agree with you,” Lord Jennings winked at Set over a brandy, “my grandson is a brat. I find Spencer and his airhead wife Lillian are too enamoured with this progressive education nonsense. Letting the child do exactly whatever he wants.”

After dinner and brandy at the club. Sol Invictus Set walked out into the night.

He noticed a very attractive young Asian woman walking up the street.

She was wearing a black dragon emblazoned red dress slit up the sides in that sleek chic oriental fashion that Set found so arousing.

It’s too bad that he had to rush home as he was expecting a phone call from Stanley Baldwin. Otherwise he’d have asked the beautiful young woman out for a drink.

But the beautiful young Asian woman had plans of her own.

For she was Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life scientist Dr. Fu Manchu who was so grossly slandered in Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.

Her father feared that Lord Oswald Jennings was far too sympathetic to the idea of Japanese control over Manchuria and quite possibly the rest of China.

Thus he had instructed Mei-ling to kidnap Lord Jennings’ grandson Byron hoping to influence His Lordship away from a pro-Japanese position.

How Mei-ling wondered, would she do it?

She noticed a boy standing at the corner looking through the window of a bookshop.

She looked at the photo of Lord Jennings’ grandson that her father had given her.

Then she looked at the boy on the corner.

They were the same individual.

She walked up to the boy.

Ironically, the boy was looking at the cover of one of Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.
Daughter of Fu Manchu

Said Byron (who was about as horny as his poetic namesake), “Wow. I’d like that woman on the cover to take me home and spank me.”

“Oh, this was going to be easy,” Mei-ling smiled to herself.

“How’d you like me to take you to my home and give you a spanking?” Mei-ling adjusted the slit skirt of her dress.

“Okay,” said the boy.

So kidnapping the grandson of Lord Oswald Jennings turned out to be as easy as taking candy from a baby.

And quite possibly the boy might even cease being a brat under Mei-ling Manchu’s tutelage.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 16th
2017.

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Avalon Rising: A Poem

May 15, 2017 at 4:13 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

And so from Xanadu the mighty Kublai Khan might decree
but did he ever make out with the goddess Aphrodite?
Dracul Van Helsing thought while returning from Athens
and attending service of Glastonbury Abbey matins
among those ancient ruins
far from desert sand dunes.

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana visited Dracul
a break from campaigning against a werewolf fool
in the constituency of Newbridge in Wales
principality ruled by Charles Prince of Tails

Now this vampiress was a niece of Morgan Le Fay
for this vamp had been around since medieval day
and she told Dracul that he was descended from both Morgan Le Fay and King Arthur
making Dracul a king and not just a knight with a knighthood to be called “Sir”

For her aunt the sorceress Morgana and Arthur had another child besides Mordred
the one who at the battle of Camlann both he and Arthur mortally bled
this child was a girl sent to Ireland for safekeeping
as Camelot was overrun by blood and weeping

And Dracul was descended from this princess royal
who was born Morgan and Arthur’s child on Avalon soil

And so after hearing this from Morgana, he wandered far from Glastonbury Tor
this vampiric news that had him hit the ceiling and not the royal floor
he wandered across plains and through trees seeing a doe and her fawn
then he looked and saw the mists of Avalon rising through the dawn

Avalon Rising In The Mists of Dawn

He had once pulled a sword out of a stone in Cornwall many years ago
and now it looked like prophecy would unfold- Avalon’s rising- ’tis so.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday May 15th 2017.

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The Mermaid and The Mossad Agent

May 14, 2017 at 3:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem received a phone call in his Jerusalem office.

A mermaid had been found stranded on the beaches of Tel Aviv.

The mermaid was now recuperating in an Israeli government aquatics laboratory.

The Controller and those in the know in the Israeli government knew there were such things as mermaids.

In fact, U.S. President George W. Bush had ordered a secret special commando raid on the city of Mosul early on in the 2003 U.S. invasion of Iraq in order to grab a rare copy of the Babylonian Talmud from a Mosul museum.

This particular copy of the Babylonian Talmud was the only one in existence where the existence of mermaids was specifically mentioned and acknowledged.

So the Controller wasn’t surprised by the mermaid’s existence.

He did know that landing on a public beach was a rare thing for a mermaid to do.

The Controller went down to the aquatics laboratory to see the mermaid.

“Hello,” the Controller spoke to the mermaid sleeping in the salt water tank.

“Nathan,” the mermaid opened her eyes and looked at him.

The Controller was startled.

For not many knew the Mossad agent’s actual first name outside a select few.

“Yes, I’m Nathan,” the Controller of the Golem acknowledged, “and what is your name?”.

“Miranda,” answered the mermaid and she promptly fell asleep again.

“Miranda,” the Mossad agent repeated the name to himself as he looked at the sleeping mermaid, “O brave new world that has such people in it!”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 14th
2017.
Miranda The Mermaid

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Lilith, Asmodeus, Kim Jong-un and Aphrodite

May 13, 2017 at 3:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood on the Mount of Olives overlooking the old city of Jerusalem.

Alongside her was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf Hitler (his spirit was granted a temporary leave of absence from the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone and he had entered and possessed the body of a grey wolf).

Lilith had found the grey wolf wandering the streets of Kiev, Ukraine (where she was currently living) and had adopted the creature as her pet.

She brought him with her to the Holy Land.

“Someday,” Lilith bragged to the grey wolf, “we shall rid this land of all the Jews.”

“Sounds like a splendid idea to me,” the lupine former Fuhrer wagged his tail.

Meanwhile in France, the demon Asmodeus was visiting the village of Rennes-le-Chateau and more specifically the Church of Saint Mary Magdalene.

He had heard that there was a statue of himself holding up the holy water stoup inside the Church.

“A very good likeness,” Asmodeus grinned as he lit a cigarette and took a selfie of himself alongside the statue and posted it to Facebook.

Meanwhile back at the Presidential Palace in Caracas, Venezuela, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro was in hot water.

His residence was one of the few places in Venezuela where the hot water was still working.

But none of this concerned the megalomaniacal President as he sat in his bath tub text messaging with his ally North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong-un boasted to Maduro on his Skype screen, “I’ve got the Greek god Hephaestus designing and making my missiles for me.”

Meanwhile in Athens, Greece, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been informed by MI-6’s Diablos Nocturna Division that Hephaestus was now making missiles for Kim Jong-un.

He had arrived in Greece for one purpose.

To convince the Greek goddess Aphrodite to go to Pyongyang North Korea and convince her husband Hephaestus to stop making missiles for Kim Jong-un.

“Why should I do that for you, Dracul Van Helsing?” She asked the Canadian vampire hunter who was also an operative for MI-6.

“I’ll give you an entire evening of reasons why,” said Dracul.

After an evening of passionate love making, Aphrodite got up and greeted the dawn.

The Greek Goddess Aphrodite

“All right,” Aphrodite cooed at Dracul, “I’ll go.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 13th
2017.

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King Arthur At The Movies

May 12, 2017 at 4:10 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Literature, Movies, Mythology, Personal essays, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , )

The movie King Arthur: Legend of the Sword opens in theatres today on what is the 80th Anniversary of the coronation of King George VI as King of Britain (which happened on May 12th 1937).

I’m sure there is no correlation between the two events- the release of a movie that I gather is a real turkey judging from reviews I’m reading at the Rotten Tomatoes film web site and the coronation of a man who was a great and heroic king (in contrast to his brother the Nazi sympathizer King Edward VIII who abdicated the throne for what he thought was a great piece of tail Mrs. Wallis Simpson).

To mark the occasion, I’m posting here two photo montage music videos I made about King Arthur at the OneTrueMedia video making site (an online video making site that sadly no longer exists) and then posted to YouTube.

The 1st King Arthur photo montage I made back on January 24th 2009:

The 2nd King Arthur photo montage music video I made (which was called Merlin, Morgana and Arthur using images from the famous TV series called Merlin) I made back on July 21st 2009:

Here are links to a few chapters I’ve written in my series of vampire novels that pertain to the Arthurian legend:

King Arthur and The Vampire Horus:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/king-arthur-and-the-vampire-horus/

Sunset Over Camelot:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/sunset-over-camelot/

Morgana Before Dawn:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/04/morgana-before-dawn-planned-catnapping.html

Arthur’s Sword and The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/04/arthurs-sword-and-best-laid-plans-of.html

-A personal essay
written by Christopher
Friday May 12th 2017.

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Renfield’s Karaoke Night Out

May 11, 2017 at 4:47 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Music, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield decided to perform at a karaoke night at the Berkeley Arms Pub in Tewkesbury where he was running as a candidate for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

“They used to have great karaoke nights at the Duke of York Pub here in Tewkesbury but unfortunately that pub closed last year so this particular pub’s management has decided to revive the karaoke tradition on one night here,” Renfield explained to his friend Amadeus Emanon.

The first part of the karaoke night was devoted to people singing just straight karaoke songs.

One poor snook started the evening by misquoting the opening lyrics of an old Beatles song, “What would you do if I sang out of tune?… (while doing just that).

A group of MI-6 Special Branch agents sitting at the table just in front of the karaoke microphone pulled out their guns and shot him.

“Well, that answers the question he was singing,” Renfield remarked to Amadeus.

The second part of the evening was given to people listening to an old song and then on the spot making up their own versions of that old song.

It was this part of the evening in which Renfield decided to compete.

It was Renfield’s turn and he strolled up to the mike.

The MC/DJ then played a song.

It was an old Perry Como song that went:

The bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle, in Seattle
And the hills the greenest green in Seattle, in Seattle
like a beautiful child growing up free and wild in Seattle, in Seattle

Renfield was then called upon to make up and sing his own version.

Which of course he promptly did.

It went like this:

The gayest guys you’ve ever seen are in San Francisco, San Francisco
And the baths the steamiest scene in San Francisco, San Francisco
like a real fruity guy growing up bending over in San Francisco, San Francisco…

Renfield found himself being chased off the stage by leather jacket and tattoo wearing members of a visiting gay motorcycle club from Kansas City who took issue with Renfield’s sung statement that the gayest guys one would ever see are in San Francisco.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 11th
2017.

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Vladimir Putin’s Dream

May 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

After a late evening spent in his office reading Donald Trump’s tweets and laughing his head off, Russian President Vladimir Putin was starting to feel tired.

He decided to lay down on the couch in his office and snooze for a while.

He dreamed he was walking through a small museum on the outskirts of Moscow.

In the center of the museum was a huge golden samovar.

Putin approached the samovar.

The soft gentle melodious voice of an unseen woman called from above the samovar, “Come and drink, Vladimir.”

Putin noticed some classically decorated tea cups and saucers on a table to the right of the samovar.

He picked up a cup and saucer and went over to the samovar and poured himself some tea from the tap.

He then went back to the table and put some honey as well as a slice of lemon in his tea.

He then drank,

And fell asleep in his dream.

Whereupon he dreamed a dream within his dream.

In the dream, he was standing on the banks of the Little Bighorn River in Montana.

He was approached by the great Lakota Sioux chief and holy man Sitting Bull.

Sitting Bull was carrying a pipe.

He handed the pipe to Putin and beckoned him to smoke from it.

Putin did so.

The smoke was soothing and pleasant.

Suddenly a huge crying eagle came down from the sky and Sitting Bull vanished.

Startled, Putin continued to smoke the pipe and then suddenly fell to the ground.

He then dreamed a dream within a dream within a dream.

In the dream, Putin dreamed that he was back in 19th Century Russia.

He was walking along a beach on the Black Sea when he suddenly noticed a beautiful young Russian girl walking and dancing in the surf along the shore.

Russian Girl Walking Along Black Sea Beach

She was surrounded by happy cheerful seagulls.

Suddenly a screeching eagle came down from the sky and scattered the seagulls.

The girl herself vanished into the sea.

Putin then woke up from his three layers of dreams.

And sat up on the couch.

The Russian leader rubbed his forehead.

He was really going to have to find someone with the wisdom of the Hebrew Biblical Prophet Daniel to interpret his dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 10th
2017.

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An Early May Evening In The Life of Agathor Christie

May 9, 2017 at 4:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds’ sitting incumbent British Conservative MP Agathor Christie was in his large comfortable Tewkesbury home.

He was waiting by the door.

Waiting for his French maid Simone to come home.

When Simone walked through the door, she was surprised to see her employer standing there.

“What are you doing standing there with such a firm look on your face, Monsieur?” Simone looked at him, “I feel like I’ve done something something naughty.”

“You have done something naughty, Simone,” Agathor Christie looked as grave as a freshly dug cemetery plot, “Very, very naughty indeed.”

“Are you going to give me a spanking, Monsieur?” Simone placed her hands protectively on her short tight skirted buttocks.

“Not tonight, Simone,” Mr. Christie continued to look as stern as the back part of a ship.

Simone managed to breathe a sigh of relief and yet intense disappointment at the same time.

“What was it that I did, Monsieur?” She asked while batting her eyelashes at him.

“I got a visit from the Acting Deputy Chief Constable of Gloucestershire County this morning,” Agathor Christie poured himself a glass of brandy, “apparently you assaulted one of my opponent rival candidates in the Nottingham Arms Pub yesterday. While I admire your attempt at being naughty in the Nottingham Arms and further hitting one of my opponents, unfortunately it spells bad publicity for me.”

“I’m sorry, Monsieur,” Simone curtsied, “I did not know he was your opponent. I just assaulted him because he had insulted the French people.”

“I’d never heard of the bloke either until I got this visit from the Acting Deputy Chief Constable,” Agathor finished his brandy and then poured himself another, “I’d never even heard of his bloody party either. Something with a multi-syllable sounding name. It sounded like something straight out of Monty Python.”

Agathor Christie was, of course, referring to Renfield R. Renfield of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party.

“May I have a brandy too, Monsieur?” Simone looked at him with an Oliver Twist approaching Mr. Bumble-like expression.

“Well, we’ll discuss your drinking on the job on another occasion, Mademoiselle Simone,” Agathor Christie said firmly.

Once again putting her hands protectively on her short tight skirted buttocks and yet smiling broadly at the same time, Simone said, “Very good, Monsieur.”

“Now, you run off to bed while I make myself a cold roast beef sandwich in the kitchen,” Agathor Christie directed.

As Christie made himself a cold roast beef sandwich, he heard a lot of banging around and noise coming from the living room.

After he had eaten his sandwich and turned off the kitchen light, he walked into the living room.

Where he noticed Simone had made quite the mess going up the stairs.

Simone The French Maid Going Up The Stairs

That woman would really need a good talking to.

Perhaps more.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 9th
2017.

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Renfield’s Analysis of The French Presidential Election

May 8, 2017 at 4:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was staying in the town of Tewkesbury where he was running as the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party candidate in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

His friend Amadeus Emanon was up from London visiting him to see how the campaign was going.

“It’s an exciting dynamic campaign all around,” said Renfield as he sat next to the pub dog in the Nottingham Arms Pub in Tewkesbury. The dog yawned and fell asleep next to Renfield.

“What do you think of yesterday’s French Presidential election results?” Amadeus asked referring to centrist candidate Emmanuel Macron’s overwhelming victory in the Sunday May 7th 2017 French Presidential election.

“Well,” said Renfield while eating his tuna fish and scallop omelette, “it appears that the French people have elected a brown nosed butt kisser for the New World Order to be their new President.”

“I take it you don’t approve of the result,” Amadeus remarked with his usual sense of classic understatement.

“No,” Renfield broke wind sending the pub dog fleeing out the pub door, “it would have been much better if the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party candidate the Kraken Napoleon VI had come in first instead of 12th and last in last month’s !st Presidential round of voting. And then won the Presidential election yesterday. But the French people were too stupid to do that. A pity really. The Kraken Napoleon VI could have declared himself Emperor of France and his wife the ex-Gorgon Medusa would have become Empress. With a 3rd French Empire and Imperial Court, we could have gotten rid of the inherent stupidity of French democracy once and for all.”

“French democracy is inherently stupid?” Amadeus asked as he ate his escargots.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded as he dug into his British steak and kidney pie, “you see there’s one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy.”

“And what’s the one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy?” Amadeus asked as he bit into his camembert loaded croissant.

“The one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy,” Renfield explained, “is that it’s French people who are involved in the voting and decision making process. No wonder you have such disastrous results and major screw-ups.”

At that moment, a woman wearing a French maid outfit walked through the door.

Renfield immediately rushed up to her and said, “I love it when women wear French maid outfits.”

“That’s good, monsieur,” she replied in a sexy French accent, “because I am French and I do happen to be a maid.”

“Wonderful,” Renfield used every ounce of self-control he had to prevent his tongue from hanging out and panting, “I love the French people.”

“You should have just heard what he was saying about the French people a moment ago,” Amadeus quipped as he ate a raspberry parfait.

Renfield’s face immediately turned Bolshevik red.

“And what was that, Monsieur?” The French maid turned towards Amadeus.

Amadeus repeated Renfield’s statement verbatim and with terminological exactitude.

The kick the French maid delivered Renfield with one of her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes sent Renfield flying into the liquor cabinet behind the bar.

It was an unforgettable start to his own personal election campaign.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 8th 2017.

Simone The French Maid
Simone the French Maid: Not impressed with Renfield R. Renfield’s analysis of what is the major underlying problem with French democracy.

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To Sail Upon The Sea: A Poem

May 7, 2017 at 3:38 pm (Art, Arts, Life, Nature, Poetry) ()

Blue Velvet Sky and Sea by Timothy Wood aka SAREJESS

To sail upon the sea beneath a blue velvet sky
I’m filled with such awe to see before I die
a vision of such rare beauty
I feel Van Gogh alongside me
capturing the essence of sky and sea

His eyes they see
to penetrate they be
and with his hands the palette becomes
the means to a dream beneath setting suns
allowing them to become reality
captured in time- this sky and sea.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday May 7th 2017.

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