Wilkie The Cat Western

September 11, 2020 at 10:54 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Poetry, western) (, , , , , , , )

Announcer: The ghost of Orson Welles is now here to give you the introduction to the Wilkie the Cat western.

Welles (appears holding a spectral glass of red wine): Thank you Mr. Announcer. Wilkie the cat is a well known feline thespian and stage director best known for holding the record for the most number of plays
that closed after a perfomance of only one night on Broadway.
Now with the advent of the Chinese Communist Party Wuhan virus which the Ethiopian Communist head of the World Health Organization the non-medical Doctor Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus insists be called the Covid-19 virus, the lights are shut down all over Broadway and not just on Wilkie’s lights out plays.
Thus Wilkie with the love of his life Mitzie (a femme fatale Parisienne cat from Paris) has decided to go into filmmaking. And Wilkie is now making a Western where social distancing will be practiced.
The western now begins in the form of a poem:

Wilkie the Cat was out on the desert trail riding his horse
In a land where there was no Radio Shack or store called The Source
He came to a sign
posted on a cactus’ behind
that said Town Straight Ahead
He rode by a cowboy who looked to be dead
for his skull and his bones were all bleached white
and the fat vulture’s jeans seem to be fitting quite tight

Into the town Wilkie the Cat rode
And parked his horse alongside a fine looking toad
He decided to enter the saloon for a cold one
And entered looking like a son of a gun

The cat Dangerous Dan McGraw was up at the bar
Counting all his pennies from an old glass jar
Meanwhile on the saloon stage was Mitzie the star
singing about her home town of Paris a city quite far

Wilkie the Cat ordered a large glass of milk
And gazed at Mitzie’s legs in nylons of silk
Hey, Dangerous Dan shouted with a threatening glare
Stop looking at my girlfriend’s underwear

Mitzie turned and looked at the handsome catwhiskers stranger
And thought Wilkie must be one heck of a lost Texas ranger
She gave him a wink
which added to the stink
in Dangerous Dan’s countenance most foul
which seemed to be accentuated by the hooting of an owl

Step up in the street for a showdown
Dangerous Dan shouted with a huge downward frown
Wilkie said, I’ll be back after dealing with this clown

Into the street they went
With their holsters quite bent
And they stood face to face
After having walked many a pace

“Draw!” Cried the town crier
As he blew himself with a hair dryer
Pencil and sketch paper came out of opposing holsters
And each hand moved quickly like fast acting roller coasters

Dangerous Dan drew a stick man with a trash can
While Mitzie was on saloon steps fanning herself with a fan
Wilkie drew the Mona Lisa kicking Edvard Munch’s figure making him scream
While Dangerous Dan’s stick man came apart at the seam

My hero! Mitzie the Parisienne gave Wilkie the Cat a kiss
As Dangerous Dan retreated to an outhouse in search of bliss

Wlkie’s sketch was hung in the Wild West Saloon
The subject of an unrecorded Kenny Rogers tune
Wilkie The Cat and Mitzie rode off into the sunset
While the overweight vulture looked for new clothes to let.

-A Wilkie The Cat
narrative poem
written by Christopher
Friday September 11th
2020.

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Renfield Discusses The PRC’s Connection With U.S. Anarcho-Marxist Thugs and Hooligans

September 10, 2020 at 10:10 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a Party caucus meeting with his parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana (Member of Parliament for Newbridge in Wales).

“What’s that card you have on your desk?” Morgana asked Renfield.

“It’s a GET SICK SOON card I just received from Boris Johnson,” Renfield answered.

“I take it that it’s the opposite of a Get Well Soon card,” Morgana smiled.

“That’s correct,” Renfield took the card and put it on his mantlepiece above his office fireplace where a bunch of other GET SICK SOON cards were displayed.

“Who are those other GET SICK SOON cards from?” Morgana inquired.

“From Russian President Vladimir Putin, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukashenko, China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping, Australia’s Victoria state Premier Daniel Andrews, Pope Francis, Bill Gates and George Soros,” Renfield replied.

“You seem to be very popular with the Hope You Catch Covid Soon crowd,” Morgana noted.

“Yes, that appears to be the case,” Renfield poured himself a brandy and offered one to Morgana which she declined.

She helped herself to a Lemonade Shandy instead.

“I was just reading the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit report on why the Chinese Consulate in Houston, Texas was closed,” Renfield browsed through the report.

“Didn’t U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo accuse them of stealing trade and technology secrets?” Morgana sipped her Shandy.

“Every Chinese consulate in the world does that but that was Pompeo’s official explanation,” Renfield read the report, “The real reason was because a group of PLA agents provocateur used that particular consulate as the home base for helping to direct the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans who were conducting burning, looting and murdering riots in major cities across the U.S. in what America’s mainstream Marxist media referred to as peaceful protests,” Renfield answered.

“Wow, so the People’s Republic of China were helping to encourage these riots,” Morgana shook her head.

“Yes, there’s a South Korean geopolitical analyst called Kaheva on YouTube who released a video today saying that she thinks foreign spies are helping the rioters,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “She is correct on that although she said she didn’t know what country might be doing it. A geopolitical analyst friend of mine in Calgary discovered back in late July that the Chinese consulate in Houston was being closed because PLA agents provocateur had been using that as their base of operations to help support the Neo-Bolshevik insurrectionary riots throughout U.S. cities. And now the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit has reached the same conclusion.”

“So do you still think these riots will lead to civil war in the U.S.?” Morgana ate her plate of Welsh rarebit.

“Yes, the left is already threatening to continue and even intensify the riots if Trump wins the election,” Renfield noted, “Joe Biden in a speech today or rather the fallen angel Mephistopheles speaking through Biden said, “Do you really think America will be less violent if Trump wins re-election?” in a tone of voice that clearly sounded like a threat. Of course it doesn’t matter which side wins the election in today’s polarized America. Neither side will accept defeat. And civil war will probably be the result.”


Film Noir genre style photo of Renfield and Morgana taken by the ghost of Orson Welles.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 10th
2020.

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Justin Trudeau Discusses Upcoming Throne Speech With Tezcatlipoca

September 9, 2020 at 10:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont was sitting with her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon in the Inn Lu Forbidden Palace Cafe in Sydney, Australia.

The restaurant proprieter Mr. Inn Lu was complaining about once again having to bail out an acquaintance of his nicknamed Uncle Ernie from jail.

“This time he’s in jail for allegedly assaulting Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews in the buttocks,” Inn Lu complained, “That Uncle Ernie is a pain in the ass for everyone.”

Inn Lu walked away.

“Your friend Renfield,” Angelique Dumont asked, “Is he still on friendly terms with British Prime Minister Boris Johnson seeing as how Renfield briefly served in Boris Johnson’s cabinet in Johnson’s short lived minority government prior to last December’s UK election which saw Johnson win an outright majority?”.

The Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield had served as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering in Johnson’s minority government cabinet.

When Johnson won a majority and no longer needed the support of the two person Transhumanist Party caucus to help keep him in power, Renfield found himself out of cabinet and once again sitting on the Opposition backbenches.

“I don’t know if Renfield and Johnson are still on friendly terms or not,” Amadeus admitted.

On the radio in the background the voice of Renfield could be heard, “With each and every passing day, Boris Johnson is more and more turning into an outright Apostle of the Antichrist.”

“No, I guess they’re not on friendly terms,” Amadeus commented.

. . .

In his greenhouse in Ottawa, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was once again inhaling pot smoke from his marijuana inhaling and exhaling antique late Victorian/early Edwardian era mirror named Magical Mystery Tour.

As he did so, Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors (in this case pot smoking mirrors) appeared to Justin.

The deity had for a head a sinister looking bluish green skull with a black stripe and a yellow stripe painted across his face.

The deity’s right foot was an obsidian mirror.

Although occasionally the right foot would metamorphose into a snake.

When this happened, the obsidian mirror showed up on the deity’s chest instead and sometimes smoke would emanate from the mirror.

Whenever Tezcatlipoca spoke to Justin, it was usually pot smoke that emanated from the mirror.

This past August 18th, Justin Trudeau had prorogued (suspended) the Canadian Parliament on Tezcatlipoca’s advice.

A new Parliament would open this coming September 23rd with a new Speech From The Throne.

Tezcatlipoca was helping Justin write that speech.

The speech would contain various elements – each element was guaranteed to offend at least one of every single opposition party in the minority government Canadian House of Commons.

As such the Opposition parties would join together and defeat the Trudeau government in a non-confidence motion on the Throne Speech.

And Justin would be forced to call a Federal election.

Tezcatlipoca’s reasoning was the Canadian electorate would be so outraged with the Opposition parties forcing an election in the midst of a pandemic, they’d overwhelmingly vote for Justin and return him to power with a majority government.

Then Justin could do whatever he damned well please in running the country.

“At last,” Justin wept tears, “I’ll finally be able to turn Canada into the Marxist-Leninist dictatorship that my father always wanted but he was unable to complete the task.”

At that point a beautiful woman appeared in the mirror

and asked him,

“To what father are you referring? Pierre Elliot Trudeau or Fidel Castro?”.

Justin Trudeau turned ghostly white (even under all that blackface he was wearing) at the woman’s question.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 9th
2020.

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Renfield Tackles The Tinpot Dictator Down Under

September 8, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

“The Victoria state government of Premier Daniel Andrews is Australia’s Vichy regime to Xi Jinping’s Thousand Year Reich.
That’s why he imposes despotic draconian lockdowns, sends in riot police (in the manner of Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukasheno) to crush protestors and arrests pregnant women when they voice their dissent with his policies on Facebook.”
-Renfield R. Renfield

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit report on Australia’s Victoria state Premier Daniel Andrews.

The report showed close collusion between the Victoria Labour Party Government of Daniel Andrews in Melbourne and the Chinese Communist Party ever since Daniel Andrews became Premier of Victoria back in 2014.

Victoria Yang a Victoria Labour Party staffer with links to the Chinese Communist Party and a friend of Daniel Andrews’ senior China advisor Marty Mei recently came up with the theory that the U.S. was responsible for creating Covid-19 and was using its army to spread the virus across the globe.

Comrade Dan or Chairman Dan as the Victoria Premier was called had effectively turned Australia’s Victoria state into an economic vassal of Communist China boldly signing up to Xi Jinping’s new Silk Road policy.

Comrade Dan criticized Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s National Government in Canberra for cancelling foreign deals with China.

Lastly the Set Enterprises report noted the similarities in the way Daniel Andrews handled anti-lockdown protests in Melbourne with the way the new Hong Kong Security Law of Xi Jinping’s Hong Kong Police handled protestors in Hong Kong and the way the security forces of Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukashenko handled protestors in Minsk.

Renfield put in a call to the Set Enterprises eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis oil powered dirigible airship The Hooterville Cannonball which was currently flying in the Asia-Pacific region.

Hours later as kangaroos and koala bears stood outside Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews’ office holding signs that read WE DARE CALL IT TREASON,
Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews felt a sharp prick into his buttocks as if some invisible entity was shoving a needle into it.

The needle went through the Josef Stalin walrus moustache that was growing on Andrews’ left buttock and went all the way through narrowly missing the Adolf Hitler moustache that was growing on Andrews’ right testicle.

An SS-Gestapo and KGB style security officer working for Andrews and who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers on the job said that it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears who had injected the needle.

The call went out around Melbourne.

In an empty Melbourne movie theatre meanwhile Uncle Ernie had entered it to give a performance as his drag queen altar ego Cumelita.

Sadly there was no one inside and forgetting what day of the year it was, Uncle Ernie thought it was Easter and so he went to his dressing room back stage and put on his Easter Bunny costume.

He exited the theatre where he was immediately thrown to the ground and handcuffed while some Imperial Stormtrooper looking official spoke through a megaphone, “You’re under arrest for assaulting Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews’ buttocks.”

The Easter bunny attired Uncle Ernie was then thrown into the back of a police van and taken to Secret Police Headquarters for interrogation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 8th
2020.

Vril Society psychic medium Maria Orsic forseeing the events of September 8th 2020 on her Nazi prototype laptop on this date back in 1943.

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Renfield Insults Xi Jinping and Hong Kong’s Police Chief Gets Hemorrhoid Inducing Serum

September 7, 2020 at 10:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Over the weekend a 12 year-old-girl in Hong Kong who had gone downtown to buy art supplies found herself in the midst of a protest.

When she ran to get away from the protestors, the Hong Kong Police, anxious to show the world that they were even more stupid and incompetent than the Keystone Cops of silent movie era Keystone Studios fame, ran after her, threw her to the ground with half a dozen cops lying on top of her and handcuffed her and dragged her away in a police van to jail.

The incident reached the ears of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

As China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping (who had just brought in the Hong Kong Security Law this past summer that effectively ended Hong Kong’s freedom and autonomy and made the island effectively part of a one system Chinese Communist totalitarian state) sat down at his computer, his computer had been hacked by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Team Unit.

There on his computer screen was a smiling Renfield R. Renfield who sat there playing his guitar and singing a song,

“Hey Xi Jinping, you’re a loser,
you’re a 12-year-old girl abuser,
I guess you think you’re 10 feet tall
Even though your homegrown chopstick is so small,
The Heaven above is displeased with you,
That’s why summer snow has been falling too
Letting you know your reign will be through
after India’s army kicked your ass so blue…”

A livid Xi Jinping put in a phone call to his Ministry of State Security and demanded they assassinate Renfield R. Renfield.

Meanwhile in Hong Kong, the Hong Kong Commissioner of Police Chris Ping-keung Tang had felt a sharp injection in his buttocks earlier today.

One of his assistants (who had been drinking way too many Harvey Wallbangers) said that the culprit was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

As the all points bulletin and call went out among the Hong Kong Police Force to be on the lookout for a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears, the mostly sober (but nevertheless still incompetent) Hong Kong police were unable to spot him.

As for the injection, it was a serum invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher that would tie the Hong Kong Commissioner of Police for 1st place along with Vladimir Putin in having the worst case of hemorrhoids in all recorded history.

And in Beijing, the Chinese vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (an ally of Renfield R. Renfield) was waiting to put the final touches on a plan to punish Xi Jinping.

Chinese vampiress Mei-ling Manchu

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 7th
2020.

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The Duck Called Samuel Puddlington At The Wax Museum

September 6, 2020 at 10:18 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Poetry) (, , , , , )

There was a Saint Bernard drinking a barrel flask of doubling gin
This side of the town of Duddlington
When he was approached by the duck called Samuel Puddlington

“Good sir,” said the duck as he raised his hat
Which scared off an approaching ravenous cat
“I’m looking for the wax museum in town,
Am I on the right path? Or am I out of bound?”

Said the big furry giant, “Go two blocks yonder and make a left
Like the present Communist Pope of faith bereft,
There you will find the town’s wax museum
With washrooms closed so outside you’ll be peein’. ”

So Samuel Puddlington followed the big dog’s directions
And passed by the store Big Al’s Furniture Selections
There across the street was the wax museum
And following the dog’s advice, outside did his peein’.

He paid his entrance fee and entered the space
which was filled with men and women of varied time and place
There was Marie Antoinette who lost her head
and Robespierre whose Reign of Terror was dread
Until at Guillotine himself, he made his own bed

There was Cleopatra the Queen of The Nile
And Jekyll trying to hide Hyde in his nail file
And meeting his end on the banks of the Thames was Jack the Ripper
Who was swallowed by a heroic giant fish named Flipper

“That definitely explains why they never found Jack!”
Said Sam as he pulled a feather out of his back
Down the hall were comic book characters Richie Rich and Sad Sack
Plus Wolfman Larry Talbot leading the wolves in the pack

In contemporary times
As he jotted down rhymes
were Donald Trump with his silly looking toupee
And Joe Biden whose mind was lost on the way
While in the background, Stalin’s and Mao’s ghosts were at play.

At the end of the hall Lincoln sat in his Ford Theatre seat looking sad
For the play title author’s American cousin had gone mad
Neo-Nazi and Confederate vampire battled Bolshevik and Maoist
And meditating on the sidelines was Buddhist and Taoist

Lincoln’s last words heard by Mary Todd were
“We will visit the Holy Land and see those places
hallowed by the footsteps of the Savior”
like an empty tomb that once marked where a grave were
“There is no city on Earth I so much desire to see as Jerusalem”
Site of where Isaac was saved by the blood of the ram
And the world’s humanity was saved by the blood of the Lamb.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday September 6th
2020.

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Putin Sings Novichok Song To Tune of Spiderman While Angela Merkel Shaves Her Moustache Again

September 5, 2020 at 11:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin recently had a needle injected into his buttocks by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger (a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears invisible to all except those drinking Harvey Wallbanger cocktails).

The serum inside the needle gave Putin the worst case of hemorrhoids in all recorded history.

Now that Germany had found Russian Opposition leader Alexei Navalny had indeed been poisoned by nerve agent Novichok, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Set Enterprises decided to take further action against the murder by poisoning Byzantine Emperor like Russian leader.

Included in the hemorrhoids inducing serum was a compound developed by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher (the inventor of the serum) that made the person injected and infected subject to mind control by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

Renfield decided to test the compound’s effectiveness.

Russian President Vladimir Putin had called a press conference to answer charges that it was Russia responsible for administering the Novichok nerve agent poison to Alexei Navalny.

Towering like an Olympian Greek god on his throne high above the assembled members of the world news media, Putin sat upon three dozen soft comfortable cushions to alleviate the agony of his hemorrhoids.

When asked by a reporter from the Uncle Ernie’s Free Press newspaper in Australia (the only newspaper in the world printed on toilet paper) if Russia was responsible for the Novichok attack on Navalny, the Russian leader proceeded to reply.

At that moment, Putin had his mind taken over by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

Putin then broke into a song he dubbed Novichok (which was sung to the tune of Spiderman which was the theme song from the 1960s TV cartoon show called Spiderman).

Putin (singing):

Novichok, Novichok
friendly neighbourhood Novichok
makes your insides want to upchuck
Look out here comes the Novichok
Man
Here comes the Novichok…

Putin was dragged away by his aides before he started revealing any Russian state secrets.

Meanwhile in her bathroom in her home in Berlin Germany, German Chancellor Angela Merkel was listening to the Putin press conference on her TV set and also desperately trying to shave off her moustache.

Ever since her government started imposing draconian measures against its own population this past March in the wake of the Chinese Communist Party Wuhan virus pandemic, Ms. Merkel would wake up every morning with a freshly grown moustache (resembling to the exact detail Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s signature moustache).

As always it took hours for her to shave off her moustache- only to have it come back again fully grown the next day.

The TV started broadcasting a commercial with Renfield R. Renfield drinking a glass of milk (produced by the Alberta Dairyman’s Association) leaving a milky moustache above his lips when he finished drinking.

Renfield sang, “And wear a moustache… wear a moustache..”

Ms. Merkel threw her hair dryer against the TV set as she started to shave her legs.

. . .

Down in Australia, Australian Prime Minister Scott Scott Morrison was having his home buzzed by Set Enterprises’ drones who were playing on their drone loudspeakers their own version of a Men At Work song from the early 1980s,

“Do you live in a Reich down under?
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover.”

Meanwhile in Melbourne, Victoria state Premier Daniel Andrews had problems of his own.

A Josef Stalin walrus style moustache was growing on his left buttock and had become impossible to shave off.

Likewise an Adolf Hitler moustache was growing on his right testicle and had become impossible to shave off.

After 300 protestors marched against Premier Daniel Andrews’ despotic totalitarian rule in Melbourne yesterday (which sent BBC’s Communist correspondent in Australia into a frenzy of weeping and gnashing of teeth), the Victoria premier surrounded by armed police who were dressed like Darth Vader’s stormtroopers of the Evil Empire, Andrews lectured and waved his hands like a frantic madman (minus the German accent), “It is not safe, it is not smart, it is not lawful. In fact, it is absolutely selfish for people to be out there protesting.”

The ghosts of Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler stood behind him applauding vigourously.

Seconds later, a rotten tomato cream pie was thrown in Andrews’ face by an invisible entity.

Overhead Set Enterprises’ drones flew and sang,

“Do you live in a Reich down under?
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover.”

. . .

Dr. Theresa Tam who was Canada’s airheaded so-called “health expert” was now telling people to stop kissing and also to wear a mask when having sex to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.

She also said that going solo when having sex (i.e. masturbation) was the safest form of sex to have during a pandemic.

“It definitely decreases your risk of getting Covid,” Dr. Tam said.

When asked to comment, British MP Renfield R. Renfield noted, “That while going solo in terms of sex (i.e. masturbation) decreases your risk of getting Covid, it increases your risk of becoming a pathetic and lonely loser.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 5th
2020.

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Living In A Neo-Bolshevik World

September 4, 2020 at 10:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again talking to his friend Amadeus Emanon via Skype.

“So,” Renfield sipped a rum and coke, “I see the Portland Oregon anarcho-Marxist thug and hooligan Michael Reinoehl who shot and killed a man in Portland Oregon last weekend was himself shot and killed by sheriff’s officers in the town of Lacey, Washington 120 miles north of Portland. There were reports that Reinoehl was hit by anywhere from 30 to 40 bullets. I guess the 4 officers who fired their guns must have felt a little behind in their target practice time and decided to make up for it.”

“Shot anywhere from 30 to 40 times?” Amadeus sipped his tea.

“Yes as Robin the Boy Wonder might have put it – Unholy holey corpse, Batman!” Renfield ate a tuna fish sandwich, “Hopefully they’ll remember to bury him face downwards so he can see where he’s going.”

“Is it true that Joe Biden recently praised Reinoehl?” Amadeus ate a doughnut.

“Yes, the man’s senility knows no bounds,” Renfield ate some pickled asparagus, “The whole political situation in the U.S. looks like a build-up to a Civil War as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster and I have been saying for months.”

“I hear the mainstream Marxist media in the U.S. is now referring to the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans as “peaceful rioters”,” Amadeus noted.

“Yes, the legalization of marijuana in various U.S. states has certainly expanded the use of idiotic terminology among that country’s journalists,” Renfield answered, “Although our BBC Communist correspondents on USA affairs are doing their best to catch up by referring to the Portland rioters as anti-racism protestors. If the whole Western world mainstream Marxist media narrative on these events is to be believed, the only anti-racists in America are anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans who burn, loot and murder.”

“What’s the situation in Britain and Europe?” Amadeus asked Renfield as behind the Australian quarantined British concert pianist, a group of machine gun toting kangaroos and koala bears (specially trained by an old war buddy of Uncle Ernie) shot and killed a group of Australian government commandos who were launching a raid on the property since the koala bears and kangaroos were not wearing masks nor were they practicing social distancing.

“Well, the mainstream Marxist media here in Britain and Europe have had their panties in a knot since so many people joined in protests against government draconian measures in Berlin, Germany last weekend where Robert F. Kennedy Jr. spoke,” Renfield explained, “Since Communists are only capable of describing people who disagree with them as Fascist (Churchill’s ghost told me that he once beaned Josef Stalin over the head with a vodka bottle when he Stalin did that to Churchill), they referred to the protestors as “far right” and “covid deniers”. When in reality, the vast majority of them are people who are just fed up with politicians acting like totalitarians and despots. When this thing began 6 months ago, we were told to stay in place until the curve was flattened and prevent hospitals from being overwhelmed. Well the curve has been flattened and hospitals are not being overwhelmed. Now the same group of despotic bozos who are our political leaders are telling us to stay in place until a vaccine is found. Yet these same political elites don’t apply the same rule to themselves. Nancy Pelosi wanders around a hairstyling salon without a mask on although now she’s claiming (as small children point and tell her that her pants are on fire) that she was deliberately set up. The mayor of Philadelphia (who has forbidden restaurants in Philadelphia to open) is himself seen eating in a restaurant in Baltimore Maryland where restaurants are allowed to open. The politicians expect the plebs to follow their dictates even as they flaunt the rules themselves.”

“That’s quite something,” Amadeus looked out the back window where a group of kangaroos and koalas were beating up the Premier of Australia’s Victoria state.

“Yes, another thing different about this year of 2020,” Renfield lit a cigar, “In previous times the press used to be a beacon of liberty. Today the mainstream Marxist media in the Western world is the biggest journalistic enemy of freedom in all recorded history. And anything they say or write should be taken with a thousand grains of salt.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 4th
2020.

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If Orson Welles Had Lived His Life As A Black Cat…

September 3, 2020 at 10:28 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Film, Humour, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

If Orson Welles had lived his life as a black cat:

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Performed A Shakespearian Soliquy From MacBeth:

Is this a can of tuna fish I see before me?
Come let me clutch thee.
I have thee not and yet I see thee still
In form as palpable as this which now I draw…

Orson as the Black Cat produces a sketch of Vincent Van Gogh minus an ear.

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Done Citizen Kane:

Now is the winter of our discontent
For young master’s sled is gravely bent
And do you think when it hit the kitty litter
Which caused everyone’s nose to flitter
And caused me to say, aye there’s the rub
It would come up smelling like a rosebud?

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Recited Poe’s The Raven:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door,
“Tis the pizza delivery those silly humans have ordered,”
Quoth I, “only this and nothing more.”

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Recited His Lines In
Tennessee Williams’ Cat On A Hot Tin Roof:

Orson as Black Cat (playing the cat ON the hot tin roof):

Me-Owww! Me-Owww! Me-Owww!


If Orson Welles had lived his life as a black cat

-written by Christopher
Thursday September 3rd
2020

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Stalinist Demonic Sex Orgy Forum Held At Georgetown University

September 2, 2020 at 10:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was talking with his friend Amadeus Emanon via Skype.

He was showing Amadeus video of a recent Georgetown University on-line forum called Pope Francis and The Reform of The Church.

Renfield and Amadeus were viewing the forum video using The Dr. Cadbury Rocher Supernatural Entity Detector Lens.

The three headed dog Cerberus was seen carrying around a poster that the great Renaissance painter and sculptor Michelangelo who resided in the Elysian Fields (referred to as the Church Expectant In Paradise in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer) had drawn and designed for the on-line forum.

Below the block letters POPE FRANCIS AND THE REFORM OF THE CHURCH could be seen Pope Francis operating a crane with a wrecking ball that was totally demolishing Saint Peter’s Basilica while the figure of the Blessed Virgin Mary could be seen weeping in the background.

The crane bore the logo Baal and Baphomet Wrecking Co. on it.

And speaking of Baal and Baphomet, they were also present at the on-line forum overseeing a group of demons who were all engaged in various sexual positions with one another.

Also present were the ghosts of Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Fidel Castro and Pol Pot who had all been granted day passes from their rotating barbeque spits down in Tartarus to attend the forum.

The August 31st Georgetown forum was sponsored by Georgetown University’s Office of The Vice-President For Global Engagement (the coat of arms for the office, designed by the Dutch Renaissance painter Hieronymus Bosch, showed a sexually perverted deviant satyr and a sexually perverted deviant centaur getting it on with one another in an orgiastic menage a trois that also involved a Pope Francis blessed wooden statue of the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama).

Addressing the forum was Paul Elie a senior fellow at Georgetown’s Berkeley Center For Religion, Peace and World Affairs.

Mr. Elie was wearing a shirt that had been spraypainted (in glow in the dark ultraviolet light) with the words GLOBALIST WINDBAG.

Said Mr. Elie, “I think there’s active resistance to Pope Francis taking place in the United States.”

“Brilliant deduction,” piped up the ghost of Sherlock Holmes who was sitting in the front row of the empty (except entirely covered by copulating demons) auditorium, “What clued you in?”.

Mr. Elie then went on blathering about the Catholic social teaching of Pope Francis as Josef Stalin handed him a copy of Karl Marx’s Communist Manifesto and Mao Tse-tung handed him a copy of Mao’s Little Red Book.

Next to mince up on the forum stage was some flaming dandy named Austen Ivereigh who had written two books on Pope Francis’ pontificate and was currently working on a third (“Talk about Much ado about nothing!” Renfield remarked to Amadeus).

Whined Ivereigh, “Critics of Pope Francis are denying that he’s led by the Holy Spirit.”

The fallen angel Mephistopheles, who was sitting in the back row of the auditorium, started choking on his hot buttered popcorn and his jumbo glass of Coca-Cola when Ivereigh talked about Pope Francis being led by the Holy Spirit.

As Mephistopheles continued to roll on the floor in huge gales of laughter amidst all that spilled popcorn and spilled Coke, Ivereigh continued snivelling, “To charge that Pope Francis is a heretic or a modernist or to claim that he’s trying to change the fundamentals of the Church is signs of a schismatic mentality.”

At that moment in the Vatican, Pope Francis was asking his valet, “Have you seen my keys?”.

“What keys would those be?’ His valet asked.

“The Keys of Saint Peter,” Francis answered.

“Oh, you lost those keys several years back,” his valet noted.

Then a third person, the oh so perfectly curly haired dandy Argentine Father Augusto Zampini of the Vatican Dicastery For Promoting Integral Human Development pirouetted his way on to the forum stage.

Father Zampini lavished praise on the Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus for opening up the way for Pope Francis to accelerate his church “reforms” and his plans for global governance on the world.

“The Pope doesn’t have a Stalinist plan for the Church,” Zampini insisted.

“Well,” Renfield remarked to Amadeus, “When the Vatican representative to this year’s Davos Conference in Switzerland says that the Pope doesn’t have a Stalinist plan for the Church, you can rest assured that the Pope has a Stalinist plan for the Church.”

“May the Pope have many divisions at his beck and call,” Stalin’s ghost grinned.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 2nd
2020.

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