Thessalonike of Macedon Meets Dracul and Yaldabaoth

July 8, 2021 at 10:49 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Thessalonike of Macedon

Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford University was delivering a lecture in front of a fountain with a statue of a mermaid inside the fountain.

Prof. William Charles was delivering the lecture to a camera as part of an on-line course that he was teaching.

Said Prof. Charles, “Now there is a popular Greek legend that says Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon became a mermaid and lived and frolicked in the Aegean Sea for hundreds of years.
The legend states that Alexander the Great in his quest for the Fountain of Immortality managed to get a flask of this immortal water.
He happened to wash Thessalonike’s hair with this flask of immortal water.
For Alexander had foolishly forgot to bring along the bottle of shampoo that his half-sister Thessalonike had asked for.
Not wanting Thessalonike to throw a major spaz attack as a result of his blundering, Alexander used the flask of immortality water to wash his half-sister’s hair instead.
When Alexander the Great died in the Persian capital of Babylon in June 323 BC, the legend says that his grief-stricken sister attempted to end her life by jumping into the sea.
Instead of drowning, however, she became a mermaid passing judgment on mariners throughout the centuries and across the Seven Seas.
To the sailors she encountered, she would always pose the same question, “Is Alexander the King alive?”.
To which the correct answer would be, “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”
Given this answer, she would allow the ship and her crew to sail safely away in calm seas.
Any other answer would transform her into a raging Gorgon bent on sending the ship and every sailor on board to the bottom of the sea.”

. . .

“So that was how the German battleship Bismarck was actually sunk to the bottom of the sea?” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was reading the top secret report on the sinking of the Bismarck that was finally being released over 80 years after the incident had happened back in May of 1941.

“It looks like Johnny Horton’s ghost will have to rewrite the lyrics of his hit song Sink The Bismarck,” An eavesdropping British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had wiretapped Boris Johnson’s office) quipped.

“Who would have thought that it was a mermaid?” Amadeus Emanon ate a plate of sweet and sour jumbo shrimp, “And Alexander the Great’s half-sister at that.”

. . .

Meanwhile as animals at the Denver Zoo in Colorado were now being injected with Covid vaccines as part of the Biden Administration’s MAKE AMERICA WOKE AGAIN efforts, a demon possessed marine biologist had injected the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon with a Covid-19 vaccine in the Aegean Sea.

The end result of the injection was that it had turned Thessalonike of Macedon into a mortal woman again.

And it was in that form that Thessalonike of Macedon had appeared to Dracul Van Helsing and Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a pier on the Aegean Sea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 8th
2021.

Permalink 17 Comments

Kendra Rai Private Eye

February 20, 2021 at 11:54 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Kendra Rai Private Eye

Dashwood Forrest the owner and curator of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London had had one of his paintings stolen from his gallery the past week.

The painting was a rare oil painting painted by Oscar Wilde.

Forrest was one of the few people in the world who knew that Wilde had painted some pictures and set out to find them through his various contacts.

This particular Wilde painting was of Alexander the Great having himself anointed and crowned Pharaoh of Egypt after having conquered Egypt in 332 BC.

On one of the pillars next to where Alexander was being crowned was an interesting set of hieroglyphs in the picture.

According to the story Forrest received, Wilde painted the picture of the hieroglyphs in conjunction with some research that writer Bram Stoker (the eventual author of Dracula and later The Jewel of Seven Stars) was doing.

Of course during the pandemic and Boris Johnson’s massive UK lockdown, The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery was not open to the public.

However Forrest had virtual exhibits of his paintings and art treasures on-line.

And appropriately socially distant private viewings could be arranged via emails with Forrest.

Last week he had shown the Oscar Wilde painting of Pharaoh Alexander the Great and the pillar of hieroglyphs on-line in a virtual exhibit.

The next night the painting was stolen.

On the advice of a friend, he hired London private investigator Kendra Rai to find it being told that she was the best private investigator in London.

London Private Investigator Kendra Rai the best private eye in London

Kendra Rai took the case immediately.

A case that would satisfy her intense intellectual curiosity and challenge her mind.

Kendra emailed a photo of the original Wilde painting of Pharaoh Alexander with the hieroglyphically inscribed pillar to an Egyptologist she knew at the British Museum wanting a translation of the hieroglyphs from him.

Kendra received an excited middle of the night phone call from the Egyptologist once he had translated them.

She was angry about being awakened in the middle of the night but once he told her the translation, she was no longer angry.

Kendra thanked the Egyptologist and put her phone down.

She now knew the reason why the painting was probably stolen.

And suspected who might be behind it.

Rogue MI-5 agents (although MI-5 was still unaware that these agents were rogue) Benedict Pence and Mike Arnold came mincing into their luxury apartment after a night on the town.

Of course they shouldn’t be on a night on the town during lockdown but both fancied that rules didn’t apply to them (God knew that certain rules laid down in Deuteronomy and Leviticus they didn’t follow).

On the wall of their apartment by the door they had a painting of Brutus and Cassius stabbing Julius Caesar to death.

On the opposite side of the room, they had a painting of Judas Iscariot getting paid his 30 pieces of silver from the Jerusalem Temple priests.

Both men as they entered noticed a bottle of champagne with two glasses in the middle of the room.

Thinking that the other had ordered it, both men took the glasses, poured themselves some champagne and had a toast.

They drank.

A light went on in a corner of the darkened room showing Kendra Rai Private Eye sitting there.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Kendra Rai smiled at them, “I don’t bring you tidings of great joy like on a certain evening of March 13th 2013 when someone else wished the world a “Good evening”. Rather to let you know that your champagne has been poisoned. I have the antidote in my purse along with my gun. So don’t try anything rash. I will give you the antidote when you tell me where the painting you stole is. And don’t tell me what painting. I’ve had the hieroglyphs translated. I know it was probably you who took it.”

“You’re bluffing,” Pence gulped.

“Try me,” Kendra laughed, “I have nothing to lose. You do.”

“We sold it to a certain billionaire,” Arnold gulped, “We won’t mention the billionaire. He doesn’t have it yet. It’s being shipped out of the country tonight.”

“Do you know the location of where it’s being shipped from?” Kendra asked.

“We do,” Pence and Arnold both nodded at the same time.

“Come, gentlemen,” Kendra held up a vial and also pointed a gun at them, “We’re going for a ride. And you better hope we get there in time to stop that painting leaving the country.”

Kendra did get there in time.

The painting was retrieved.

An anxiously sweating Pence and Arnold were given the vial.

And Kendra Rai returned the painting to Dashwood Forrest telling him to lock the painting in his safe and to no longer display it in any exhibits virtual or otherwise.

When she told him what the hieroglyphs on the pillar in the painting said, Forrest knew the reason.

The hieroglyphs gave the formula for making a deadly plague to be released on the world capable of killing most of the planet’s population.

Kendra had an idea which global billionaire probably wanted it.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 20th
2021.

Permalink 8 Comments

The 366th Night of The Year: Zeus Boasts He Was Alexander The Great’s Father and Odin Admits He Was Adolf Hitler’s Father

December 31, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

An independent radio station in London England was reading the news:

“Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez was rushed to hospital in Madrid earlier tonight after he ate a piece of what turned out to be poisoned Norwegian lutefisk sent to him as a New Year’s Eve gift.
The parcel containing the lutefisk had a British House of Commons postal mark on it.
WHO officials have told the hospital’s doctors to list the death as being caused by Covid-19 should the Spanish Prime Minister end up kicking the bucket…”

. . .

Set Enterprises’ eccentric employee extraordinaire Dr. Marmalade Montague was asking Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster what would happen on the geopolitical world stage if Joe Biden was actually inaugurated President of the United States on January 20th.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster visualized in his mind Sophia Loren giving Benito Mussolini a spanking and immediately went into a trance where he got in touch with his inner Michelangelo.

Michelangelo came out of the trance and proceeded to type on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws the following:

Within 48 hours of Joe Biden being inaugurated President of the United States, the following 3 things would happen:

1) Communist China would invade Taiwan to forcibly annex the island nation

2) North Korea would invade South Korea to forcibly annex it

3) Vladimir Putin’s Russia would invade Western Ukraine to forcibly annex the whole country

. . .

The Greek god Zeus and the Norse god Odin (known as Wotan to the ancient and medieval Germans) were having a private New Year’s Eve party in an old Berlin discoteque famed as a meeting place back in the late 1970s at the height of the Cold War where spies would exchange secrets and orgasms (and not necessarily in that order).

Zeus was drinking Greek ouzo and Odin was drinking German beer.

Zeus (whose nose was currently as red as that of the famous reindeer Rudolph) blubbered to Odin, “You know all those legends that said I was actually the father of Alexander the Great? That I seduced Olympias while King Philip II of Macedon was spending the night gambling so he could win himself a new horse? They’re true. I laid Olympias in the same manner I made myself chief god of Olympus. And 9 months later, she gave birth to the future King Alexander III of Macedon (known to history as Alexander the Great). How about you? How many world conquerers did you sire?”.

Odin put down his beer and held his head in shame, “Unlike you with Hera, I was loyal to my wife Freya most of the time. I had a few mistresses whom Freya picked for me. But I confess one night in 1888, I made out with Alois Hitler’s wife while he was busy seizing an undocumented customs shipment of Bavarian sausages. While he was busy inspecting Bavarian sausages, Frau Hitler was inspecting mine. And 9 months later, little Adolf was born in the Austrian village of Braunau am Inn on April 20th 1889.”

“I can see why you wouldn’t want to brag about that,” Zeus bit into his wienerschnitzel.

At another table the Norse trickster god Loki mentioned to his son the Norse wolf Fenrir, “Did you know that 2020 is/was a leap year? Like all leap years, it had 366 days. So when people this year said that this year seemed to last longer than most, they were absolutely right.”

Fenrir didn’t bother answering as at this moment he was having a severe allergic reaction to German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s recipe for Hungarian Rhubarb Pie that he had just eaten.

And at another table, a Eurasian brown bear possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin was drinking Russian vodka while a grey wolf possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler (history’s most infamous vegetarian and teetotaler) was drinking Hendrick’s Gin because he had heard it was made with rose and cucumber blissfully unaware that it was made with alcohol as well.

Meanwhile in Rome Italy, pieces of a small meteorite had fallen on the Vatican’s extraterrestrial ET Nativity display.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 31st
2020.

Permalink 18 Comments

Huchuysisa At Luxor

August 12, 2020 at 11:10 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa standing in front of one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor

The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa stood alongside one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor.

Approaching her was the ghost of Orson Welles who was walking with the ghost of a man who looked to be dressed in the garb of a classical Greek warrior.

Welles’ ghost was wearing spectral dark sunglasses and appeared to have lost weight the past week by a steady diet of spectral vegan plant based camelburgers.

“Look who I’ve found,” Welles’ ghost flashed a wide smile as he took off his spectral sunglasses.

“Who?” Huchuysisa asked.

“The ghost of Alexander the Great,” Welles introduced the ancient Greek king and conquerer, “Apparently the Greek god Zeus asked his brother Hades to release Alex from the realm of Hades back in January. Hades consented and Alex had gone on a Mediterranean cruise to see what the modern Mediterranean looked like. And wouldn’t you know it, this wretched CCP virus (which WHO has mandated everyone should call the Covid-19 virus so that’s why I’m not doing it) struck. Poor Alex’s ship was sailing aimlessly for months. It was finally allowed to dock in Alexandria after Alexander had to bribe a whole bunch of officials with a bunch of rare and valuable ancient Greek drachma coins that Charon the Styx river ferryman had neglected to remove from Alex’s mouth when he was crossing the Rivers Styx and Acheron after kicking the bucket centuries ago.”

“What is Alexander doing here at Luxor?” Huchuysisa asked.

“He’s come to see the Temple of Luxor where he had himself crowned Pharaoh of Egypt centuries ago,” Welles replied as he lit a spectral Cuban cigar.

“But some scholars claim he was never actually crowned Pharaoh of Egypt here,” Huchuysisa pointed out, “That he never got south of Memphis. That he was only crowned conceptually and not in person here. He got himself crowned conceptually at Luxor since being crowned Pharaoh at Luxor was the Egyptian Pharaohonic thing to do. And Alexander wanted to do it.”

“Is that true, Alex?” Welles’ ghost pulled a large spectral bottle of red wine out of his coat pocket.

“I don’t know,” Alexander’s ghost shrugged, “I can’t remember. I drank a little from the River Lethe (the river of forgetfulness in the Underworld). Not as much as my fellow spectral travellers who were with me did. I do remember much but there’s quite a bit I have forgotten.”

“I wonder,” Welles’ ghost poured himself a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “if Joe Biden ever stumbled and bumbled his way down to the River Lethe in the Underworld and mistaking it for the Pierian Spring, he drank deeply from it.”

The winged horse Pegasus flew by the vampiress and the ghostly duo.

Meanwhile down in his basement, Joe Biden mistaking his pot smoking cactus plant (which was a gift to him from some crazy Australian named Uncle Ernie who had taken way too many cuttings off his adopted nephew’s pet pot cactus plants) for his wife asked the plant, “Dear, who was it I named my Vice-Presidential running mate again? I’ve forgotten.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 12th
2020.

Permalink 14 Comments

The New Roaring 20s Off To A Roaring Start

January 1, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The New Roaring 20s Off To A Roaring Start

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka welcomed the year of 2020 with a burst of silver snowflakes and paper raindrops.

The obnoxious Achilles was back in Hades and her friend Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander went to the Times of London Berlin bureau to discuss his coverage of the New Year’s Eve literary gala with that newspaper’s bureau chief.

The Olympian Greek god Zeus, who had crashed the party posing as the author of a book on Greek mythogy, had to be carried out on a stretcher and taken to a Berlin hospital.

This happened after Zeus’ wife Hera (who was an officially invited guest to the New Year’s Eve literary gala party) had hit her husband over the head with a statue of the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet. 

Leaving the party in the early hours of January 1st, Tanaka boarded the New Year’s Day dirigible from Berlin to London.

She arrived in London, had breakfast with her friend Dracul Van Helsing and then joined him in viewing the London New Year’s Day Parade.

. . .

In Alexandria Egypt, the Norse trickster god Loki was enjoying a New Year’s Day morning breakfast with Hades the Greek god of the Underworld.

Loki was meeting Hades because he had come up with a plan to add a bit of mischief to the New Year.

“So, what is your plan?” Hades asked Loki between plates of scrambled eggs.

“I think you should grant the ghost of America’s greatest trial criminal defence lawyer Clarence Darrow a temporary dispensation to leave your realm and come back up to Earth,” Loki suggested.

“And why should I do that?” Hades inquired.

“To defend Donald Trump at his trial in the Senate,” Loki smiled mischievously.

“That would certainly ruin Nancy Pelosi’s and Sen. Chuck Schumer’s New Year if I did that,” Hades admitted, “I’ll have to think it over.”

The Israeli Mossad agent code named Star of Azazel was sitting over at the next table across from the two deities.

He smiled at the suggestion.

But he would have to act quickly.

For Star of Azazel was already on his way to Washington DC to meet with Trump.

His proposal to Trump was a way for both the American President and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to escape serious charges in both their respective countries.

And that was to wage war on Iran.

Nothing helps a political leader more than to wage war as a form of distraction for their respective populace.

. . .

The ghost of Alexander the Great had been allowed to leave the realm of Hades for the first time in over 2300 years.

He had appeared out of nowhere aboard a Greek cruise ship sailing in the Mediterranean.

The only thing Alexander knew about his dispensational leave from the realm of Hades was that Zeus had requested it.

Alexander had with him the surprisingly 21st Century tech savvy 3-headed dog Cerberus to guide him through the opening year of this decade.

Cerberus was on his Huawei smart phone (which unbeknownst to him was being monitored by the Black Dragon the supernatural entity advisor to China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping) trying to get in touch with Zeus.

Cerberus managed to reach Zeus’ Amazon assistant Alexa the Magnificent (a Greek Amazon Warrioress with a very nice pair of knockers).

Alexa told Cerberus that Zeus was currently in the comatose patient unit of a Berlin hospital where German Chancellor Angela Merkel was sitting at his bedside reciting to him passages from Homer.

“Zeus is unavailable at the moment,” Cerberus informed Alexander The Great.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 1st
2020.

Permalink 12 Comments

Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon

July 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon

Today Boris Johnson was elected leader of the British Conservative Party.

In a ballot of Conservative Party members, he defeated his rival British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

Boris Johnson received 92,153 votes to his rival’s 46, 656.

Boris Johnson was Mayor of London from 2008 to 2016.

He once won a magazine limerick contest for writing the best limerick making fun of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

He’d have probably lost the limerick contest to MP Renfield R. Renfield but Renfield had submitted his limerick a couple of hours after the deadline because he spent the night drinking T-Rex shooters in a bar (the t-Rex shooter contains a lethal and deadly combination of different liquors. Renfield is the only known mortal in history to have drunk more than one T-Rex shooter and lived. Every other person was now as dead as the variety of dinosaur it was named after) so the limerick was disqualified with much regret by the contest judges.

Mr. Johnson will also now become Britain’s first Roman Catholic Prime Minister.

Although Mr. Johnson is not a practicing Catholic.

Only a baptized Catholic.

Shacking up with a woman he was not married to wouldn’t be in accord with current Catholic teaching.

Although that might change (along with several other things) if the German Conference of Catholic Bishops have their way at the upcoming papal Synod On The Amazon this October.

Tomorrow the current UK Prime Minister Theresa May will take part in her last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the House of Commons.

After lunch, she will make a short farewell speech outside 10 Downing Street.

She will then travel to see Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace to tender her resignation as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Boris Johnson will then arrive at Buckingham Palace for an audience with the Queen where he will be invited to form a government.

Afterwards he will then be driven to 10 Downing Street where he will make a brief speech before entering the building for the first time as Prime Minister.

After Boris Johnson delivered his victory speech to Conservative Party supporters tonight, he left the Queen Elizabeth II Centre in London with 3 things on his mind.

Would he be able to get the British oil tanker Stena Impero released without going to war against Iran?

Would he be able to negotiate a Brexit deal with the European Union before the October 31st Halloween deadline or will it turn out to be a no deal Brexit?

Should he name British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering?

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reviewing information that was sent to him by an Interpol operative in Hong Kong.

The first set of videos and photos that Whitstable viewed showed a man 7 foot 6 whose name was Wang (and who could best be described as a tall thin unsmiling version of the short chubby jovial Chinese Smiling Buddha whose statue is often seen in Chinese restaurants around the world) addressing a group of pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong a couple of weeks ago and telling them to become more violent and to attack a police station during their protests.

The next set of photos and videos that Whitstable viewed showed a group of white shirt wearing Triad members being addressed by a sinister looking Black Dragon this past weekend and being told to attack pro-democracy protestors with batons and clubs in the Hong Kong subway station this past weekend.

Wondering who this sinister looking Black Dragon was, he sent copies of the photos and videos of the mysterious Black Dragon to a professor of East Asian Folklore and Occultism at Oxford University.

The professor responded that the Black Dragon was a supernatural entity known to appear at various times in Chinese history when the governing leader or ruler of China was a diabolically evil person.
The professor noted that the Black Dragon was able to shapeshift into human form.

The professor text messaged Whitstable a sketch of the Black Dragon in shapeshifted human form.

The sketch of the Black Dragon in human form perfectly resembled Wang in appearance.

. . .

Boris Johnson was receiving a special intelligence briefing from Theresa May over tea and sandwiches at 10 Downing Street on this night which was Mrs. May’s last evening as Prime Minister.

Mrs. May was giving Boris a briefing on the latest facts regarding the destruction of the British destroyer the H.M.S. Balderdash that sank in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Alexandria Egypt (while it was en route to the Persian Gulf via the Suez Canal) this past Saturday July 20th.

Trump was trying to convince the British government that it was the Iranians who were responsible for the sinking of Balderdash.

However it had recently come to light that an Irish drone had been flying in the vicinity of the Mediterranean Sea near Alexandria at the time.

The drone was operated by an Irish drone operator who had been drinking way too much Guinness while on duty.

As a result the drone had found its way from Ireland’s Galway Bay (where it was supposed to be watching the sun go down) to the said part of the Mediterranean Sea off Egypt.

The drone happened to have a camera on board taking photos with a Huawei P30 Pro operated by a robotic leprechaun that was created bearing the likeness of the notorious boozing Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth.

The photos clearly showed a mermaid turning into a giantess near the ship H.M.S. Balderdash and destroying the destroyer.

Copies of the photos had been sent to a noted mermaidologist who lived in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in hopes of finding out the mermaid’s identity.

The mermaidologist had identified the mermaid turned giantess as Thessalonike of Macedon the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday July 23rd
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary

July 20, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary 

July 20th is a significant date in world history.

It was on this date in 356 BC that Alexander the Great was born.

It was 75 years ago today (on July 20th 1944) that the German colonel Count Claus von Stauffenburg tried to assassinate Adolf Hitler in the plot known as Operation Valkyrie.

And it was 50 years ago today (on July 20th 1969) that Neil Armstrong spoke these words from the moon after the Apollo 11 Eagle had landed, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

On this day July 20th 2019, Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon (who had turned into a mermaid after hearing of her brother’s death) was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea not far from the Egyptian city of Alexandria when an ancient shield happened to float by.

“It’s my brother’s shield!” She cried.

Just then the British destroyer The H.M.S. Balderdash happened to go by en route to the Suez Canal to the Indian Ocean and through the Strait of Hormuz to the Persian Gulf where it would attempt a rescue of the British oil tanker Stena Impero recently seized by Iran.

Thessalonike then posed the same question to the sailors aboard the H.M.S. Balderdash that she posed to the sailors aboard every ship that she had encountered throughout the centuries.

“Is Alexander the King alive?” She asked.

“Which Alexander the King would that be?” Asked Lt. Chamberlain Neville of the H.M.S. Balderdash.

“Alexander the Great, you idiot!” Thessalonike spat seaweed at him.

The correct answer as far as Thessalonike the mermaid was concerned was “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”

The captain of the ship H.M.S. Balderdash who was none other than Gladstone Disraeli answered, “No, Alexander the Great died centuries ago in the year 323 BC.”

“Wrong answer!” Thessalonike foamed at the mouth spraying sea foam in every direction.

She then turned into a raging Gorgon tearing apart the ship and sending it and every sailor aboard to the bottom of the sea.

Trump would later blame the incident on the Iranians.

Meanwhile the Grey Wolf Formerly Known As Adolf (because it was a grey wolf possessed by the ghost of Adolf Hitler who had been let out of the Underworld a few years ago by Hades and Persephone at the request of the Norse-Germanic god Odin/Wotan) was walking the streets of Saint Petersburg Russia.

“I thought this place was supposed to be called Leningrad,” Adolf thought to himself as he looked at all the street signs.

“And to think I should have taken possession of this city but I failed!” Adolf snarled.

Meanwhile on the moon this day, the demon Asmodeus was walking around because he had never been to the moon and he figured since humans went to the moon, he might as well.

Of course Asmodeus had never learned to fly.

He had skipped the Demonic Learning To Fly Class back in Hell High School because he had been outside smoking cigarettes.

So the chain smoking demon asked the two high flying owls (who were companions to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) to grab hold of each one of his arms and fly him to the moon.

Now he was walking around the moon’s surface.

Unbeknownst to Asmodeus, the Norse trickster god Loki had been walking around the moon earlier that day (having been flown to the moon through the help of Valkyries).

Loki had eaten a banana while on the moon and had thrown the peel behind him.

As Asmodeus walked along smoking and coughing and singing that old Frank Sinatra song Fly Me To The Moon, he wasn’t watching where he was going.

The chain smoking demon slipped on the banana.

After hitting backside down on the lunar surface, Asmodeus remarked, “That’s one small slip for a banana, one giant pain in the ass for demonkind.”

The Chinese moon goddess Chang’e and the Moon Rabbit remind you:
Only you can prevent lunar fires.
Always douse your campfire and be careful with your cigarette butts.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday July 20th
2019.

Permalink 23 Comments

Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing: A Place In The Sun

April 12, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon with General Alberto Alfonso Diega

The year was 1948.

And Semiramis was in a certain part of the globe standing alongside General Alberto Alfonso Diega the Deputy Foreign Minister in Generalissimo Francisco Franco’s Spain.

Semiramis had helped Franco’s Spanish Nationalists defeat the Spanish Republicans in the Spanish Civil War.

As such Ernest Hemingway in his 1940 novel For Whom The Bell Tolls never bothered to mention her by name in retaliation for her efforts.

Semiramis, although a fan of John Donne’s poetry and even some of Hemingway’s other writings, didn’t really care.

She feared that if the Spanish Republicans won the Civil War in Spain, the Stalinists would emerge victorious out of all the Republican factions.

She found Stalin to be a boorish and savage little brute.

In this respect, her judgment was more sound than that of many foreign policy advisors in the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Administration.

And now on this day General Diega and some of his men served as her bodyguards at a particular site.

Unknown to the Spanish troops but known to Semiramis, the site was the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.

In her hand, Semiramis held a watch to see which time traveler showed up first.

Semiramis holds a watch in her hand.

Meanwhile Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was on a wild goose chase having been fed faulty information by allies of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

The wild goose chase had taken him to a flock of wild geese on Beaverhill Lake near Tofield, Alberta, Canada.

“Damn!” Kohler sneezed as he had a severe allergy to wild geese.

Next Kohler found himself in a Classical Music LP Record warehouse.

He went up to a Terminator robot that looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In his hand, Kohler held a slip of paper with the code word question.

He spoke to the futuristic robot.

“Excuse me, where can I find the Brandenburg Concertos?” Kohler asked the Terminator.

“Aisle B, Bach,” the Terminator replied.

As Kohler went off to discover the explosive LP that would explode in the SS officer’s face, Dracul Van Helsing arrived in time to claim the watch from Semiramis.

“You have won, Van Helsing,” she smiled at him.

And under a beautiful night sky, Semiramis revealed her secrets to Van Helsing including the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 12th
2019.

Permalink 19 Comments

Vampiress Isis Walks The Banks of The Nile

April 11, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )


The Egyptian vampiress Isis walks the banks of the Nile

The Egyptian vampiress Isis walked the Nile
A stroll with her memories
The last time she had been in Egypt
was 101 years ago
When Egyptologist Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury
had opened the tomb of Set
her evil brother and brother-in-law
on Armistice Day 1918
right at 11 AM Greenwich time
When the First World War ended

She had fled to Paris
Where she had once worked
With both the Emperors Napoleon I and III
Set had gone to London
and then to Berlin
where he had watched Hitler’s rise to power
Then he returned to London again
Where he had lived ever since

Isis’ husband Osiris had returned to Earth a few years back
from a planet near the star Sirius
Where he had been placed by a black magic spell
cast by Set
Osiris now lived in Rome
Where he served as a geopolitical advisor to Pope Francis
Just as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal
Served as Pope Francis’ theological advisor
Along with the 6 remaining members of the Vampiric Knights-Templar

Isis walked along the Nile with her memories
She had heard that Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury
(Whom Set had turned into a vampire)
Who headed Set’s archaeological team
had recently discovered the tomb of Alexander the Great
But where was Alexander’s tomb she wondered?
Egypt? Iraq? Iran?
Or elsewhere in the Middle East?

She turned away from the Nile
And walked in the opposite direction
towards the desert
She felt certain that Set
would try to bring Alexander back from the dead
And he had just the man to do it-
Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The day had been long
The night was falling
and in the distance
a jackal’s voice was calling

Isis’ Egypt had changed
And changed
And changed
And was about to change again

The purple at the bottom of her white dress
That had touched the banks of the Nile
Symbolized her Queenship
But would she ever become Queen of the Nile
again?

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 11th
2019.

Permalink 18 Comments

Semiramis In New Orleans

January 3, 2019 at 11:09 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

After Semiramis the Jaguar Woman shapeshifter (who claimed to be the ancient Queen of Babylon) created a scene in the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club where her dress came apart at the seams in the process, she returned to her hotel room.

Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion Private Eye had taken the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great) to meet a man claiming to be the Greek god Zeus.

Zeus had a hankering to make out with a mermaid and had settled upon Alexander the Great’s half-sister.

Trying to ply Thessalonike with drinks in Carson Albion’s office (which was a house on stilts in the water of a New Orleans bayou), Zeus was getting nowhere as Thessalonike kept refusing them.

Suddenly a woman claiming to be Hera showed up in the office and declared that she had found something fishy about Zeus’ story that he had gone to Louisiana for the shrimp.

Seeing the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon standing there, she declared “There is something very fishy indeed.”

She then hit her husband over the head with the lobster attached to the front of Thessalonike’s dress.

Zeus hit the floor faster than a thunderbolt thrown from Mount Olympus.

Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion had gone in search of that elusive beautiful woman Semiramis for two reasons.

Reason number one: To return her dress to her (which he had picked up off the floor of the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club).

And reason number two: For personal reasons of his own (They didn’t call him the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog for nothing).

Albion used his own hound dog Methuselah to track Semiramis’ scent.

He wound up at her hotel room.

“Come in, Mr. Albion,” a sultry female voice spoke from inside the room, “it’s unlocked.”

Carson Albion entered the room and noticed Semiramis standing there next to a painting of a tiger.

She stood there alongside the painting with her fingers and finger nails posed like cat claws.

The smiling expression on her face resembled the smiling expression of the tiger in the painting.

How positively feline, Albion thought to himself.

As if she could read his mind, she lit herself a cigarette and blew smoke rings.

She then spoke with a voice as melodious as that of a midnight rhapsody, “Who ultimately wins when it comes to a battle of wits, Mr. Albion? Cats or dogs?”.

Carson Albion shifted uncomfortably on his gumshoe shoes.

“Your reputation as the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog precedes you, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis picked up her dry martini in a glass and stuck in her long tongue to the bottom of the glass and then sucked up the entire liquid with it, “why do you think I left the door open?”.

Albion started to feel hot.

And it wasn’t due to the usual mugginess of a New Orleans evening.

“What’s the matter, Mr. Albion? Why no words?” Semiramis put her catlike fingers on his shoulder, “Has the cat got your tongue?”

Semiramis put her tongue on his lips and into his mouth.

“How’s that for a taste of honey?” Semiramis laughed as she withdrew her tongue, “Could you be like John the Baptist and live on wild honey but skip the locusts?”.

Albion was by now totally speechless.

Totally aroused.

But totally speechless.

“Would you like to kneel at my feet as if I was a goddess, Mr. Albion?” Semiramis smoothed her dress with her catlike claws, “would you like to be my slave?”.

Albion got down on his knees in front of her.

Never would such a slavery be more pleasant than freedom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 3rd
2019.

Permalink 7 Comments

Next page »