From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

July 24, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was absolutely furious with the efforts of the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal lifetime had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the Monophysite wife of the Emperor Justinian) to overthrow Turkish despot Recep Tayyip Erdogan the would be revised Ottoman Empire Sultan who was Lilith’s ally in the war to eventually destroy the State of Israel.

As such, Lilith decided to attack the land of the people Theodora hoped would revive the ancient Byzantine empire at Constantinople- Greece 🇬🇷.

To that end, Lilith hired the evil Centaur archer Acheronus (named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades).

Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer (he who was called the “wisest and most just of all the centaurs” and became the constellation Sagittarius in the northern hemisphere and Centaurus in the Southern Hemisphere).

Acheronus dipped his arrows in a batch of Byzantine Greek fire an incendiary weapon used by the Eastern Roman Byzantine Empire that was invented and developed in the Empire around 672 AD.

The Byzantine Greek Navy used it in naval battles to great effect.

It provided the Byzantines with an immense technological advantage and was responsible for many key Byzantine military victories most notably the salvation of Constantinople from two Arab sieges.

Lilith, who was anxious to finally avenge the death of the high priest Caiaphas (who was once her one night stand lover and the biological father of her daughter Golgotha) by the Roman Emperor Tiberius, finally managed to get her hands on all the supplies of Byzantine Greek Fire to allow the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II to finally capture and conquer Constantinople the capital of the Byzantine Empire on May 29th 1453 thus putting an end to the Eastern Roman Empire the successor empire of Tiberius’ Roman Empire.

Saint Mary Magdalene the woman Apostle of Jesus had gone to Rome to personally tell the Emperor Tiberius about the unjustness of Jesus’ trial and how an innocent man was crucified by the Romans.

Tiberius believed the Magdalene’s story and ordered the two Jewish high priests Annas and Caiaphas to be brought to Rome for trial.

Caiaphas died on a ship outside Crete while en route for trial in Rome.

As he stood on deck, Caiaphas felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and then his bowels split open on deck.

Before his soul left him, he groaned like a wild pig.

His tongue jutted out of his mouth the length of a span.

His body was then cast to the waves where it was eaten by sharks 🦈.

Annas survived the voyage and after trial by Tiberius was sentenced by the Emperor to receive over 100 lashes and then Annas was to be wrapped in the freshly skinned hide of an antelope after which he was to be left out in the hot noonday sun ☀️ until he died.

Lilith upon hearing the news swore vengeance on the Roman Empire.

She finally got her vengeance on May 29th 1453 with the fall of Constantinople to the Ottoman Turks.

As for Lilith’s planned vengeance against Theodora, Acheronus with his bow and his Byzantine Greek Fire dipped arrows wandered through the Rafina region of eastern Attica in Greece 🇬🇷 shooting his flaming arrows.

The resulting blaze struck like a flamethrower causing smoke inhalation and skin burns.

So far 74 people have been killed and many fled past hundreds of burning cars and houses to dive into the sea 🌊 for safety.

The resulting devastation is so bad that Greece’s atheistic Marxist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has declared 3 days of official national mourning.

. . .

“Such a tragedy,” Donald Trump remarked as he ate lamb chops and Greek salad with feta cheese.

“Are you referring to the wildfires in Greece, Sir?” Asked Lexington his English butler and valet.

“What wildfires in Greece?” The fake hair toupee wearing opponent of fake news shrugged, “I’m talking about my poor daughter Ivanka Trump’s clothing company being forced to go out of business due to poor sales.”

“A tragedy indeed, sir,” Lexington grimaced in pain and silently prayed that there was indeed a Hell for those who truly deserve it.

“I can’t understand why more of my supporters didn’t buy her clothes,” Trump thought about shooting off an angry tweet.

“Maybe most of your supporters couldn’t afford to buy her clothes,” Lexington suggested.

“Why couldn’t they afford to buy her clothes?” Trump retorted angrily, “I could afford to buy her clothes if I ever got the urge to turn Caitlyn Jenner.”

“Saints preserve us,” Lexington crossed himself.

. . .

The Black Jaguar (possessed by the spirit of a powerful sorcerer and also the spirit of Night Sun the Mayan jaguar god of the Mayan underworld) entered the men’s washroom where he ripped to shreds a man and a boy who were in the washroom.

The human sacrifices were necessary to help bring about the coming of the Night Sun (as it was called by the Mayans), the Black Sun (as it was called by the Nazis) and Nemesis (the darkened sun that provides energy to the planet Niburu) according to some sci-fi UFO 🛸 enthusiasts.

. . .

Panty Goatee (the genetically cloned twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) was grateful to have been rescued by the Black Jaguar from the forced bow and arrow 🏹 (as opposed to forced shotgun) wedding in Jerusalem to the Baphomet.

Panty Goatee didn’t really relish losing her virginity to a hermaphrodite half-human half-goat creature.

She didn’t like having to walk down the aisle of chairs on the Temple Mount with a flaming arrow in her naked back that was pointed at her tender flesh by the bow of a sinister centaur named Acheronus.

Then Panty Goatee saw the man approaching and a fire 🔥 (but a sensuously pleasant one) burned inside her panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 24th

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Alexis Tsipras and The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

September 3, 2017 at 7:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Alexis Tsipras and The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras sat in his office in Athens.

It was nighttime.

He was no longer as popular as he used to be since he had accepted the austerity budget demands imposed on his government by Germany, the EU and various international financial institutions.

“Oh, what I’d give to be popular again,” Alexis Tsipras said aloud.

Just then a bat 🦇 flew in through the window.

“I really should have closed that damned window,” Tsipras sighed.

The bat then turned into a beautiful woman wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress.

“Who the Hell are you?” Tsipras asked.

“I am the Byzantine vampiress Theodora,” the beautiful woman replied, “in my mortal life I was the Empress Theodora the wife of Justinian I the greatest Emperor of the Byzantine Empire.”

“Well I don’t believe in anything Supernatural and that includes vampiresses,” the lifelong Marxist dialectical materialist replied.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Alexis, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” Theodora replied.

“You’re able to quote and paraphrase Shakespeare?” Tsipras was shocked 😳.

“So can every educated and cultural personage,” Theodora answered.

Alexis smiled.

The thought occurred to him that should he ever meet Donald Trump in a one-on-one personal chat, he should spend the whole time quoting Shakespeare to him.

“I’m here to make you an offer,” said Theodora.

“And what is this offer?” Tsipras asked.

“To make you Emperor of Byzantium,” Theodora replied, “Both Constantinople and the Byzantine Empire shall be restored.”

“Wouldn’t that be over Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s dead body?” Tsipras smiled.

“It shall,” Theodora also smiled.

“I see,” Tsipras walked over to the window and looked out.

“I offered Vladimir Putin the position of joint Byzantine Emperor and Russian Czar as did the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith but he turned our offer down,” Theodora grimaced, “at least the Byzantine Empire part anyways. So now he shall pay the price.”

“And what price is that?” Tsipras asked with the curiosity of a cat.

“Lilith convinced Hades to send Rasputin’s ghost from the Underworld back up to Russia,”
Theodora laughed luxuriously, “he’s now possessed the body of an Eurasian brown bear and is wandering the streets of Moscow.”

“And what will happen to me and Greece if I refuse your offer?” Tsipras inquired.

“Nietzsche may have admired Dionysus but I doubt Marx or any of his followers will,” Theodora answered.

“So if I refuse your offer.” Tsipras reflected, “Dionysus will run amuck in the fields, forests, meadows, streams and streets of Greece.”

“That is correct,” Theodora swished around in her dress, turned into a bat and flew out the window.

. . .

Zeus sighed to his son Apollo, “You know it was prophesied some day that one of my sons would overthrow me.”

Apollo looked into Zeus’ eyes, “And do you think it’s me, father?”.

“No,” Zeus laughed, “no, I don’t. But I recently ran into a seer in Rome- a woman by the name of Cassandra Sibylline. And she informed me that the son who will overthrow me was born sometime in the last 50 years.”

“Well, how many women have you slept with in the last 50 years?” Apollo asked.

“My god,” Zeus laughed, “do you think I have a photographic memory as well as the world’s largest abacus?”.

. . .

It was approaching midnight.

And Alexis Tsipras still hadn’t closed the window.

A bat flew in again.

And promptly turned into the Byzantine vampiress Theodora wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress.

“So what do you think of my offer?” Theodora asked as she smoothed her dress.

“What would America have to say about a revived Byzantine empire?” Tsipras inquired.

“With all due respect to the United States of America,” Theodora answered, “it won’t be around for much longer.”

“Why not?” Tsipras asked.

. . .

On North Korean state television in Pyongyang, the government of Kim Jong-un announced that it had just tested a hydrogen bomb.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 3rd

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Dracul Van Helsing and Sherrielock Holmes: The Nymph of The Blue Moon: A Poem

January 9, 2017 at 1:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing Canadian vampire hunter walked the streets of London
Dressed in his Philip Marlowe Private Eye style trenchcoat and fedora hat
that he always wore when he was feeling melancholy and reflective
A fan of 1940s horror, mystery, detective and film noir films
Dressing like Marlowe helped him battle his depression
The knight of Raymond Chandler’s stories
who wore not a suit of shining armour
but a private eye trenchcoat and fedora hat
when rescuing damsels in distress and battling evil and corruption
A 1940s southern California equivalent of the Spanish Don Quixote
representing knightly chivalry and ideas in ages that had long forgotten them

Now it was early January 2017
Donald Trump was about to be inaugurated President
Hillary Clinton was blaming the Russians for her electoral defeat
and satyr serial killing contract assassin Pan Goatee
was putting in excessively long hours of overtime
in his chosen vocation of making the world a more beautiful place to live
The only females who seemed to radiate any class or good taste these days
(and nights) were vampiresses
which made Dracul Van Helsing Vampire Hunter
glad that he didn’t slay vampiresses

Dracul recalled his New Year’s Eve this past stroke of midnight and year change
when he watched beautiful Assyrian women dancing
and so wished he could join them

The day after New Year’s he visited Dulcinea Lucia a gypsy fortune teller in London
to hear his future
“You shall meet an immortal,” Dulcinea Lucia told Dracul, “and you shall fall in love.”

“An immortal?” Dracul asked her, “A vampiress?”
“Not a vampiress,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“One of the goddesses of the ancient world returned to Earth perhaps?’ Dracul asked again.
“Not one of those goddesses,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“Then what sort of immortal?” Dracul asked a third question.
“I’m not sure,” Dulcinea looked puzzled and her crystal ball clouded up with the Cosmic Operator asking for more money.

Dracul declined to pay more and walked out into the wintery London night
He passed the window of a used book store
which had The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes in the window
Dracul loved Sherlock Holmes stories
The great immortal detective
Too bad that immortal didn’t have a sister who was both beautiful and brainy

Then this past evening of January 6th, Dracul had been invited to a masquerade ball
celebrating the 12th Day of Christmas
He decided to dress up as the Phantom of the Opera Erik
since these days and nights he felt as unloved as that poor creature

As he walked down the street in the falling snow, he happened to pass
Alexis Tsipras the Prime Minister of Greece
who was busy rubbing his rear end and screaming,
“My buns! Poor tomatoed buns! Will they ever lose their red rosy colour
in the light of day or the darkness of night?”

“Well, he’s been drinking too much Ouzo this evening,” Dracul thought to himself
Dracul then entered the place where the masquerade ball was being held
He wandered aimlessly through the house
until he entered a room where he saw the nymph of the Blue Moon

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 8th

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