Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

January 17, 2018 at 8:38 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

“This looks like a job for Pan Goatee,” the satyr serial killer said as he removed his machete from his belt and decapitated a whole bunch of ugly women who were riding the bus.

Once again transit system janitors would be working overnight washing the floor and removing the blood.

“Nobody seems to murder anyone in motel room showers anymore,” one janitor complained to another.

“No, ever since Alfred Hitchcock shot that masterful scene in black and white with Janet Leigh, most psychos seem to have been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since,” a janitor refilled his bucket with Spic and Span.

“At least the IQ level of psychos is going up,” the other janitor filled his bucket up with Mr. Clean, “must be the influence of breakthroughs in nanotechnology and other Transhumanistically inclined sciences. At least these psychopaths are now starting to kill ugly looking women instead of good looking women like Janet Leigh.”

“The gene pool is certainly on the rise as far as psychotic killers are concerned,” the other janitor had to admit.

Next morning the bus was sparkling clean.

Ready for another day of public transit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 17th
2018.

Permalink 24 Comments

Stan Was The Man: A Poem Introduced By Alfred Hitchcock

January 15, 2016 at 8:38 pm (Entertainment, Movies, Poetry, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Stan Was The Man: A Poem Introduced By Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock: Good evening, I’m Alfred Hitchcock and welcome to Alfred Hitchcock Presents. I’ll start out by saying that rumours of my death have not been greatly exaggerated. I’ve been dead now for almost 36 years. But as the old saying goes, you can’t keep a good man down.
So by popular demand, my ghost has returned to bring you an encore presentation of my popular television series Alfred Hitchcock Presents for this year of 2016.
As you know I was the host of an extremely successful television series that ran on two different networks CBS and NBC over the course of a decade back in the late ’50s and early ’60s.
Those were the days when television studios relied on good plots and captivating dialogue to grip and enthrall their audiences.
Today of course they rely on gratuitous sex and excessive violence and close-up shots of derrières of air headed celebrities in an effort to keep their ratings high.
Some producer recently suggested that maybe they should try producing one television show this year that actually relied on that extremely old fashioned formula of good plots and captivating dialogue.
The producer immediately found himself pushed through the window of the board room from the high floor of the building he was in.
So regretably he won’t be around to see his proposal come to fruition.
I myself just happened to be in the neighbourhood at the time appearing as a special guest on a Haunted Hollywood tour.
So they asked me to line up a program in the late lamented producer’s memory.
So tonight, I am pleased to present a television episode that’s in the form of a poem.
The poem is entitled Stan Was The Man.

Stan Was The Man: A Poem

Stan was the man
The man with the plan
The plan was to steal the Crown Jewels
and make Scotland Yard look like fools
Into the Tower of London he went
claiming to be the Duke of Kent
he helped himself to the Crown Jewels
and left behind miniature toy mules
Into the getaway car he hopped
and not once was the fleeing vehicle stopped
On streets and roads and sidewalks it went
carrying the pseudo-Duke of Kent
to pursuing police cars it would not yield
even denting the car of Renfield R. Renfield
That was their fatal mistake
one they’d regret to Eternity’s gate
Renfield followed in hot pursuit
who he ran over, he didn’t give a hoot
Cameron would end up replacing half his cabinet
after they wound up on London streets like scrambled eggs and squashed rabbit
Renfield caught up with the robbers three
after they crashed into a bakery
He pulled out his gun
while ordering a bun
and shot the trio dead
while helping himself to jam so red
He then ate the bun
and said, I have to run
and off he drove
this son of a gun.

Alfred Hitchcock: And so ends tonight’s episode told in the form of a poem.
Stan discovered too late that the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.
The Crown Jewels were returned to the Tower of London, Stan and his compatriots paid an impromptu visit to the London Morgue and Renfield discovered a great new place to buy cinnamon buns.
As that most illustrious of playwrights Mr. William Shakespeare once said, “All’s well that ends well.”
And so with that in mind, I bid you adieu and good night ladies and gentlemen.

-A poem, episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and
vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 15th
2016.

Permalink 17 Comments

Haiku About Alfred Hitchcock’s Movie Psycho

January 26, 2014 at 5:34 pm (Entertainment, Horror, Movies, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Alfred Hitchcock’s Movie Psycho

Anthony Perkins
cleaness next to godliness
take shower then death

Permalink Leave a Comment

Alfred Hitchcock Sings Good Night Irene Or Was It Good Evening?

August 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

In the Malaysian province of Sarawak, the owner of a large farm sat down to watch that old TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents on his large screen TV.

Hitchcock said, “Slamat lemai…”

In the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur, a Malaysian bank executive sat down to watch that old TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents on her large screen TV.

Hitchcock said, “Selamat petang…”

In London, England, Amadeus Emanon sat down to watch that old TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents on the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s large screen TV.

Hitchcock said, “Good evening…”

In his motel room in Virginia, Renfield was rehearsing for a conversation with a Malaysian woman over Skype he’d be having later that evening.

“You’re very bajik,” Renfield rehearsed his Iban.

He paused.

“You’re very cantik,” he rehearsed his Malay.

From the motel room to the right of him, he heard a wife sob to her husband, “You never tell me I’m pretty anymore…”

Renfield then imagined what the woman would say back to him…

“You’re very sigat,” she’d say in Iban.

“You’re very tampan,” she’d then say in Malay.

“I find Johnny Depp so handsome,” said the 78-old-grandmother in the motel room to the left of him, “I’d like to fuck his brains out…”

“Grandma,” admonished her granddaughter, “not in front of the great-grandkids…”

“Of course I wouldn’t do it in front of the great-grandkids,” the elderly woman retorted, “I’d take Johnny into the shower with me…”

On Renfield’s motel room TV screen, an emergency bulletin flashed on the screen.

The announcer said, “We interrupt this episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents to inform you that a state of emergency has been declared in Virginia, North Carolina, Maryland, New Jersey and New York due to fears of a direct hit by the looming monster storm Hurricane Irene…”

“Holy shit,” Renfield said as he looked at the screen.

He had no idea what the Iban and Malay words were for the phrase he just used.

To be continued.

Permalink Leave a Comment