Wilkie and The UFO Encounter: A Poem

July 15, 2016 at 8:22 pm (Humour, News, Poetry) (, , , , )

Wilkie and The UFO Encounter: A Poem

Wilkie The Cat was taking a rest
having won a dance contest where he was the best
He decided to take a walk down to the lake
And took along a piece of cake

The cool cat meowed and munched
then helped himself to a Crispy Crunch
It was getting dark
so sang the lark
but the owl wasn’t giving a hoot
while Wilkie sat and played his flute

The moon emerged and shone its light
Stars came out and shone so bright
Suddenly there was a whirling sound
and a bright light shone upon the ground

Wilkie looked up and there was a bright shaped disc
Wilkie’s tail gave his fur a frisk
This was indeed very strange
an ET was quite in range

Stairs descended
His fur upended
Wilkie looked up and saw alien grays
Was this, he thought, the End of Days?

The aliens said, Come with us, we want to poke and probe you
Then play the Pokemon app and drink Mountain Dew

Wilkie noticed the ET grays were completely nude
what in the universe? This is so crude
And also somewhat rude
Wilkie reflected
energy injected
And took off down the road
not waiting for the ET motherlode

For his mother had warned him to beware of aliens not wearing panties
For they’d take him to the cleaners
and eat all his candies
while NASA’s echelons mocked him while sipping their brandies

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday July 15th 2016.

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Mount Hermon and The UFOs

November 3, 2015 at 8:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Mount Hermon and The UFOs

Yuri, a pilot in the Russian Air Force, was doing a reconnaissance mission over Mount Hermon on the border between Lebanon, Syria and the Israeli occupied Golan Heights.

Yuri radioed in to base.

“Central Command, have spotted a series of UFOs over Mount Hermon. Should I engage?” asked Yuri.

“Yuri, this is Central Command,” the voice on the radio answered, “please clarify what you mean by UFOs?”.

“Flying saucers,” Yuri replied, “what are called extraterrestrial spacecraft or ET vehicles in popular movies. Repeat question, should I engage?”.

“How many would you estimate are there?” The voice on the radio inquired.

“According to in-flight computer calculations of the blips on the radar, exactly 200,” Yuri answered, “repeat question, should I engage?”.

“Negative, Yuri,” the voice ordered, “Get to Hell out of there and get back to base.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 3rd
2015.

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Illegal Alien?

May 14, 2014 at 7:14 pm (Entertainment, Music, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Illegal Alien?

In the desert outside the City of Mesa, Arizona was an open-air concert in the night.

Lana was attending with friends.

She was brunette, 19-years-old and wearing a black mini dress with a picture of ET on it.

The band that was playing the open air concert in the desert was Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.

They were a group that played an electronic version of Renaissance and Baroque music.

Their lead instrumentalist Nero Wilson was an electric violinist who had failed miserably at fulfilling his mother’s ambition for him to become Mayor of Cleveland Ohio.

Their lead singer Sekhmet on stage wearing a lion-skin mini dress was an Egyptian Vampiress suffering from amnesia.

They had just come back to America from a 3-year stint performing in the United Kingdom and Europe.

For a while last year they had a non-electronic instrumentalist in the form of one Pan Goatee who played the pan pipes.

Suspected by Scotland Yard and German police of being a serial killer, Pan Goatee now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government.

The concert finished with Nero Wilson’s hit song Rome Is Burning Like An Arizona Wildfire.

With lights and electronic fires going off on stage, no one else but Lana noticed the UFO falling from the sky after striking the mesa and then falling to the desert where it burst into flame.

Lana ran in the direction of the fallen UFO while her friends remained behind to cheer and applaud the band.

She came across the remains of the charred UFO.

There on the sandy ground next to the crashed vehicle was the body of a gray (for Lana knew her ET vocabulary) about 4 feet in height.

His/her eyes were closed.

Lana wasn’t sure whether the being was dead or not.

Suddenly the creature opened its eyes and spoke in perfect English, “Take me to your Pope.”

Lana was taken aback.

Being a fan of 1950s sci-fi films, she was under the impression that if ET aliens spoke English, their first words would be “Take me to your leader.”

While the current Pope was certainly very popular, both Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin would probably vigorously object to the Pope being considered the leader of planet Earth.

To say nothing of what her Belfast-born Northern Ireland Presbyterian grandfather would have to say on this subject.

Just then bright lights shone in the direction of the ET gray and Lana.

It was the headlights from a jeep belonging to the U.S. Border Patrol.

“U.S. Border Patrol,” the uniformed officer shouted from the jeep, “on the lookout for illegal aliens. I want to see your proper documentation and I’m not going to ask twice.”

Indeed the man did not ask twice.

For he was immediately disintegrated by the laser death ray fired from the ET gray’s gun.

In the distance, the Men In Black were already on their way.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 14th
2014.

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Alien Frequencies and Pan Goatee

July 18, 2013 at 12:59 am (Mystery, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The reptilian Captain of the alien spacecraft sat in his chair aboard the central deck and looked at the screen.

 

There was planet Earth.

 

The captain who looked like Captan James T. Kirk on a bad hair day and an even worse skin day said, “Increase the frequency.”

 

The frequency was increased.

 

 

                                      *             *         *

 

 

Pan Goatee was feeling the vibe as he slashed to death the diners in the Chinese restaurant in London.

 

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it,” he screamed in ecstasy as he slashed a Chinese gentleman and his British friend to death thus putting an end to the argument over who was going to pay the bill.

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

 written by Christopher

 Wednesday July 17th 2013.

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Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Phones Set On 66th Anniversary of Roswell Crash

July 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Phones Set On 66th Anniversary Of Roswell

At 1800 hours Greenwich mean time, the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set received a phone call from the Mexico City based Aztec vampire Princess Qonzilqointec.

Her Vampiric Highness spoke in her usual sexy and sultry vampiress voice,  “It was 66 years ago today that a UFO crashed at Roswell, New Mexico.”

“And were you speaking to the pilot of the UFO just before he crashed?” Set asked as he spilled red wine all over himself.

“No, I wasn’t,” Qonzilqointec breathed into the phone like a lime Margarita going down one’s throat on a hot summer day.

“Then he died comfortless,”  Set grabbed a wet towel and wiped himself off.

“Was your chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher ever able to successfully clone the dead aliens from the DNA that Renfield stole from Area 51 in Nevada?” Qonzilqointec asked.

“Nothing successful so far,”  Set replied as he swallowed a Viagara tablet with his next sip of red wine.

“I think I can do something to help,” Qonzilqointec breathed into the phone like crystal clear water cascading down a waterfall.

“Yes?” Set felt a new erection coming on as Roger Whittaker sang I can feel a new tomorrow comin’ on… on the radio.

“If we can get Edward Snowden refuge in Venezuela, this will help our plans immensely,” Qonzilqointec soothed sultrily.

“It will?” Set was frozen in ecstasy.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec sighed with the silkiness of black lace lingerie, “I was good friends with the late Hugo Chavez and I think I can convince the current Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro to receive Snowden.”

“I think you probably can,”  Set came with the full force of a volcanic eruption.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire put the phone down and called out to his valet,  “Athelstan, I think my pants need to be sent out to the dry cleaners.”

To be continued.

-Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Phones Set On 66th Anniversary of Roswell Crash

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday evening
July 8th 2013

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ETs Are On Their Way

June 1, 2013 at 1:08 am (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Out in deep space an extraterrestrial spacecraft is heading towards a small and seemingly insignificant planet in the universe.

 

The spacecraft is manned (if “manned” is indeed the right word to use) by mysterious and frighteningly sinister looking reptilian creatures.

 

The “captain” of the vessel sits in his chair directing his crew.

 

The navigator asks, “Maintain course?”.

 

“Maintain course,” the captain replies.

 

“Where are we headed?” asks the ship’s lieutenant.

 

“Earth,” the Captain replies.

 

“Any particular place on Earth?” the lieutenant queries.

 

“Syria,” the Captain replies.

 

“Do you think the Enemy will engage us and prevent our return to Earth like he has numerous times before?” the lieutenant asked.

 

“We’ll see,” the Captain shrugged, “our brethren below the surface of the Earth are itching to return to the surface and we’ll do what we can to help them. This time I think victory will be ours.”

 

 

                                     *      *      *

 

Pope Francis was praying in his small chapel in the Vatican.

 

He was praying that many people all over the world would accept his invitation and pray with him at the exact same time all over the world this coming Sunday June 2nd.

 

For he felt the world was very much in need of prayer at this particular moment in time.

 

 

To be continued.

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