The Ayatollah and The Satanic Verses

April 2, 2017 at 3:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

It was February 14th 1989.

Saint Valentine’s Day.

Although Valentine’s Day was not officially celebrated in the despotic theocratic state that was the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s Islamic Republic of Iran in 1989.

A cleric knocked on the door of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s room.

“Just a minute,” the Ayatollah Khomeini hid the copy of the decadent western Playboy magazine (November 1976 issue with playmate Patti McGuire on the cover and the lustful heart opening interview with Jimmy Carter that the Ayatollah never once got around to reading) under his mattress and quickly reached for his copy of the Quran (which was more than an arm’s reach away).

“Come in,” the Ayatollah quickly pulled up his robes.

“Your eminence,” the cleric bowed, “our school of imams have just finished reading that book The Satanic Verses by the infidel apostate Salman Rushdie. They have been forced to render and tear their clothes at such blasphemy. While they await delivery of fresh clothes from our exclusive tailor shop in downtown Tehran which as you know is quite the distance by camel from our Holy City of Qom…”

“Why don’t the idiots just send the clothes by taxi?” The Ayatollah inquired.

“Of course, your Eminence, we’ll do that,” the cleric bowed again, “they’re wondering what should be done about the said infidel apostate Salman Rushdie?”.

“What does Rushdie say exactly?” The Ayatollah reached for a wet towel to wipe his hands.

“He mentions that our Prophet (peace be upon him) succumbed to the temptations of Satan and put in the original edition of the Quran that Allah had 3 daughters al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat and that it is perfectly acceptable to pray to them the 3 daughters of Allah. Of course our Prophet (peace be upon him) repented and removed these verses from the Quran (found in an-Najm 53: 19-22),” the cleric trembled.

“He mentions this?” The Ayatollah raised one of his satanically Mephistopheles black eyebrows.

Ayatollah Khomeini

“Yes, your Eminence,” the cleric bowed again.

“Blasphemy,” the Ayatollah rents his robes that had been covered in a sticky creamy white substance, “I issue a fatwa (death sentence) on the blaspheming apostate Rushdie’s head.”

A few days later in London, England, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading in The Times of London about the Ayatollah Khomein’s Valentine’s Day fatwa on Salman Rushdie author of The Satanic Verses.

“The 3 daughters mentioned in The Satanic Verses… al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat?” The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set rubbed his chin, “I remember them from the days when I visited the Arabian peninsula millenia ago. They were the most delightful vampiresses. In fact, al-Lat, she was called Lilith in ancient Babylon and the Babylonian Talmud. In fact, she rescued me from that dungeon in Cairo back in 1939 where I was held by British commandos so I wouldn’t object at the wedding of Her Highness Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt to Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran. Although as it turns out an Islamic wedding ceremony doesn’t have that Church of England Book of Common Prayer bit about “If any man (or vampire) knoweth of any reasons why these two may not be wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 2nd
2017.

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Allah’s Daughters and The Satanic Verses

March 13, 2014 at 8:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Allah’s Daughters and The Satanic Verses

The Iranian Imam who was a leading figure in the government in Tehran was having a dream.

He was having a dream that Allah’s three daughters Al-Uzza, Al-Lat and Manat (mentioned in the Satanic Verses before they were removed from the Quran) were seducing him and having carnal relations with him.

As they did so, they whispered in his ear, “The time to destroy the Zionist entity known as Israel is now.”

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was having a dream.

In the dream, he was being seduced by the beautiful ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.

The Vampiress whispered in his ear.

Vladimir answered, “I obey, Mistress.”

. . .

The Controller of the Golem was sitting in his Mossad office in Jerusalem.

He was reading a confidential document sent to him by Peter Whitstable the man known as the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable investigated all things occult and supernatural.

The Controller of the Golem had a hard time believing what he read in this particular Whitstable X-File.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 13th
2014.

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The Controller of The Golem

March 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Controller of The Golem

The most shadowy and yet possibly the most powerful figure in the Israeli Mossad Organization was a man known only as the Controller of the Golem.

His name and true identity was top secret.

CIA agent Bob Belfor had been sent by his superiors in Washington D.C. to talk to the Controller of the Golem about a shipment of weapons that the Israeli Navy seized in the Red Sea off Sudan last week.

A Panamanian flagged vessel the Klos-C had been boarded by the Israeli Navy who claimed to have found on board dozens of Syrian made M-302 rockets that were being shipped by the Islamic Republic of Iran to Hamas militants in the Gaza Strip.

The rockets that were found were said to have a range of 150 to 200 kilometers.

Apparently America’s Neville Chamberlainesque President Barack Obama was having a hard time believing that Iran could possibly do anything wrong.

So Belfor had been sent by Washington to see for himself the shipment.

The Belfor report would then be given to President Obama to digest (no doubt leading to massive indigestion on his part).

After Belfor had been shown the shipment, he then went to talk to the Controller of the Golem.

They had a discussion about the Iranian leadership.

“Of course,” the Controller of the Golem went on, “we found out how tolerant and peace-loving the theocratic thug rulers of Iran really were when on February 14th 1989 the Supreme Leader of Iran the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issued a fatwa or death sentence on Indian born British subject and writer Salman Rushdie for his book The Satanic Verses.”

“I’ve never really read the book,” said Belfor, “because as a CIA agent, I don’t have time to read. I’m too busy playing on-line games like World of Warcraft on the off-chance some terrorist cells are conversing with one another via the game. You’ll never guess what level I reached in the game last week…”

The Controller of the Golem was starting to think that the old 1960s Mel Brooks television series Get Smart was the most accurate screen depiction ever made about the American “intelligence” community.

. . .

Sonia Sedgewick was one of MI-6’s top agents.

She had been sent by 10 Downing Street in London to Israel to see for herself the shipment of Syrian made rockets that the Israelis claimed had been sent by Iran intended for Hamas in the Gaza Strip.

The Controller of The Golem enjoyed talking to this intelligent and very beautiful woman who was smartly dressed in a gray skirt and white blouse.

She had heard of Salman Rushdie although she too had never read his book The Satanic Verses.

“I must confess in terms of books for personal reading I’ve never really read anything past 1900,” she laughed, “I’m strictly a Will Shakespeare and Jane Austen girl.”

The Controller of the Golem could have kissed her but he felt it might have been construed as unprofessional conduct.

“These satanic verses that Rushdie wrote about for which he was condemned to die by the Ayatollah Khomeini,” Sonia asked him, “weren’t these purported to be actual verses in the Quran that the Prophet Mohammed claimed the Devil caused him to put in the first written copy of the Quran and he later took these verses out in later copies of the Quran?”.

“That’s right,” the Controller of the Golem answered.

“What did these verses actually say?” Sonia asked, “what exactly were the satanic verses?”.

“That Allah had three daughters,” the Controller of the Golem replied.

“That Allah had three daughters?” Sonia Sedgewick was incredulous, “but don’t Muslims condemn Christians for suggesting that God had a son?”.

“That’s right,” the Controller of the Golem nodded.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 11th
2014.

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