Renfield Discusses Day of Fires

April 20, 2019 at 8:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”

“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.

“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.

“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”

“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”

“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.

. . .

The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”

“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.

“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”

. . .

Today’s date.

Holy Saturday.

The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.

April 20th.

Der Fuhrer’s birthday.

It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.

Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.

Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.

This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.

Kohler’s cigarette went out.

He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.

And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.


Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon

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Asmodeus’ Advice To Loki

November 16, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki had been told by Ares the Greek god of war that Zeus was now expecting a night of lovemaking with Ariana Grande as part of a deal for releasing the Kraken.

Loki went about making arrangements for this and discovered to his horror that Ariana Grande was being protected by Saint Raphael the Archangel.

The demon Asmodeus had told Loki over cigarettes and Irish Coffee that Raphael was one tough cookie.

That centuries ago, after Asmodeus had been causing problems for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah, Raphael had captured Asmodeus in Upper Egypt and bound him.

It was an experience that Asmodeus wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy the cigarette smoking demon said as an exorcist walked through the door.

Asmodeus picked up his hat and coat, thanked Loki for a lovely evening and left sticking the Norse trickster god with paying the bill.

Loki decided he better not risk taking the horny Greek Olympian god Zeus to Ariana’s place if Raphael was around.

Instead Loki contacted Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal (who was a friend of the bar tab evading Asmodeus) and asked what he should do.

Allatallahbel suggested getting Zeus drunk on shots of tequila and then bring him around to her apartment in the Vatican to make out with her Allatallahbel.

She’d tell him that she was Ariana Grande.

So one fine November night, Loki got Zeus loaded on shots of tequila in a Rome taverna.

With Zeus three sheets to the wind and a huge windstorm pounding the Eternal City, Loki led the Olympian to Allatallahbel’s apartment in the Vatican.

Zeus entered her bedroom and noticed Allatallahbel lying face down one sheet to the wind as the window was open.

“My what lovely tattos you have, my dear,” Zeus drooled like Cerberus after a night on the town.

“The better to impress Bill Clinton and Jessie Jackson with, my dear,” Allatallahbel replied.

Soon Zeus and Allatallahbel were making out.

Pope Francis walked into the room.

“Jesus Christ!” said the pontiff.

“Not quite,” Zeus replied, “The name is Zeus. Jupiter Zeus.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 16th
2018.

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Reblog of The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2018 at 9:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and…

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Baphomet News Network

September 21, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Baphomet News Network

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was picking up a news broadcast from Hell- the Baphomet News Network.

Baphomet News Announcer:

Apostle of the Antichrist Father James J. Martin SJ who was appointed to the Vatican’s Secretariat For Communications last year by Apostle of the Antichrist Pope Francis has been nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize.

The winner will be announced on Halloween 🎃 and the award will be presented on the River Styx on November 11th- the 100th anniversary of the end of the First World War.

In other news, the Antichrist Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago Blaise Cupich has likewise been nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize for saying that sexual molestation of children by priests is not as important an issue as “proper recycling to help the environment”.

Of course pedophile priest Father Richard McGrath, who suddenly retired last December as administrator of a Catholic High School in New Lennox, Illinois after naked pictures of boys was found on his cell phone, was granted permission by Antichrist Chicago Archbishop Cardinal Blaise Cupich to retire to a monastery in Chicago which was just steps away from Saint Thomas The Apostle Grade School.

No word yet on how Father McGrath’s penance is coming along.

Meanwhile it turns out that Archbishop Richard McCarrick who had to resign as a Cardinal for his protection of pedophile priests (his resignation brought personal heartbreak to Pope Francis) was instrumental in negotiating a breakthrough on the state of the Catholic Church in China 🇨🇳 with the Beijing Government of Chinese President Xi Jinping (who is probably the biggest satanic megalomaniac to govern China 🇨🇳 since the late Chairman Mao Tse-tung).

The agreement is a total sellout and surrender to the Christ hating totalitarian regime in Beijing who will now be the ones responsible for appointing all bishops for the Catholic Church in China 🇨🇳.

Pope Francis is said to be as pleased as punch about the upcoming agreement.

Back in February 2016, Archbishop McCarrick told The Global Times in an exclusive interview that “the similarities between Pope Francis and Xi Jinping are a special gift for the world.”

As such, Archbishop McCarrick is also nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize.

Archbishop McCarrick also enjoyed cordial relations with Bishop Aloysius Jin of Shanghai a Marxist Jesuit priest.

California Rep. Nancy Pelosi served as go-between for the two men back in 2009.”

Michelangelo’s vision of the Baphomet News Network broadcast ended and the same vision that the Apostle John had on the Isle of Patmos about the woman known as Mystery Babylon suddenly appeared to him.

Meanwhile in the Vatican, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal walked into Pope Francis’ bedroom wearing a blazing red scarlet evening dress and carrying a golden chalice overflowing with red liquid.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 21st
2018.

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Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

August 1, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

After British MP Renfield R. Renfield signed a contract with the Three Goth Witches of MacBeth that was written in Classical Greek and translated into medieval Scottish Gaelic and signed in Renfieldian blood (the contract gave the 3 Goth witches Renfield’s soul – which Renfield as an atheist didn’t believe in its existence anyways- in exchange for Renfield becoming Prime Minister of Great Britain 🇬🇧 for 7 years), Renfield suddenly noticed that he left his autographed photo of leather skirted Sherrielock Holmes inside the Night Wolves’ Prayer Auditorium.

He went back to retrieve it and while there, he happened to notice 72 Night Wolves emerging from the basement.

At the text message suggestion of a well known Australian 🇦🇺 poet named David Redpath, Renfield and Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski rounded up the 72 Night Wolves and put them on a Midnight Express back door delivery to a Turkish Ottoman prison in Istanbul (Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster prophesied that the incident would be turned into a film called Analcide On The Orient Express).

The sight of the praying Night Wolves with their bums up in the air was greeted with a Hallelujah Chorus of “Allah is most gracious. He has sent us 72 non-dark eyed anal virgins in this earthly lifetime without having to blow ourselves up in martyrdom like the brainless and dickless jihadis of ISIS” by the Turkish prison guards.

After loading the bottom of the missionary position Night Wolves on to the train 🚊, Renfield joined a conversation that the ghost of Orson Welles was having with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill about the literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

Churchill was remarking to Welles on how his wife Clementine had hired Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 his (Winnie’s) bottom back in early 1945 as the British wartime Prime Minister had taken to drinking far too much.

After a few intense months of even more intense sobriety, Churchill’s sober second thought gave him an idea 💡 on how to successfully end the war with Germany.

His sober idea 💡 was to fly Sherrielock Holmes behind enemy lines and get her to tomato the buttocks of both German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler and SS Reichsfuhrer Heinrich Himmler.

Sherrielock did this getting Adolf to shoot himself shortly after marrying Eva Braun on April 30th 1945 (when he discovered that Eva wanted him to assume the missionary position during conjugal intercourse – a position that would be extremely painful for the long suffering Fuhrer in his current post-tomatoing condition).

Himmler was so traumatized by the thought of being unable to sit down comfortably for the next 25 years that he committed suicide by biting into a cyanide capsule on May 23rd 1945.

Churchill regretted that he hadn’t had the period of intense sober second thought a lot sooner.

Otherwise he might have thought up this brilliant idea 💡 a lot sooner.

“As I told Westminster College at Fulton, Missouri in my Iron Curtain speech of March 5th, 1946, if I had gotten my Iron Tomatoing 🍅 a lot sooner, there would probably be no Iron Curtain dividing Europe today for the War would have ended a lot sooner and Josef Stalin would be up Shit Creek without a paddle.”

“Did Sherrielock wear a British Commando paratrooping outfit when she parachuted behind enemy lines?” Welles grimaced.

“No,” Churchill shook his head, “she wore a leather mini skirt, black silk fishnet nylons and black spiked super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes an outfit which prevented her from getting shot down from German snipers as they all started masturbating on the spot as soon as they spotted her with their binoculars.”

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump spoke to his British butler and valet, “I’m seriously considering breaking all constitutional and legal precedent and personally firing special counsel Robert Mueller. What do you think?”.

“I think you should do it, sir,” Lexington replied.

“Really?” Trump looked at his hair in the mirror and noticed how much it looked like golden maize corn 🌽 currently growing in the fields of Kansas.

The Oval Office window was smashed by the Wicked Witch of the East flying through on her broomstick.

The witch’s face landed in Trump’s hair and she was killed instantly.

“All right then, Lexington,” Trump pointed at the Wicked Witch’s shoes, “Give these to Robert Mueller and tell him to take a hike.”

. . .

It was Lammas Night and Cleopatra (the former High Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland) was celebrating with her husband the Nepalese-Tibetan Himalayan golden cobra serpent the Maitreya in a Berlin discotheque.

Cleopatra and Maitreya watched via FaceTime on their respective iPhones as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal sacrificed a living baby lamb on the altar of York Cathedral at the Lamb-Mass in York Cathedral on this the Feast Day of Saint Peter ad Vincula.

Both Cleopatra and Maitreya ate Lammas loaf owls (the bread 🥖 🍞 loaf owl 🦉 equivalents of gingerbread men) with salt eyes as the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith’s eyes started to water on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem as a sudden gust of wind came up and the ghost of Jack The Ripper appeared.

Cleopatra decided to head down to the dance floor and hoped that someone would ask her to dance on this Lammas Night.

As Cleopatra stood on the dance floor in front of a neon psychedelic icon depicting Persephone the Greek goddess and divine queen of The Underworld of Hades…

… a Black Jaguar approached her to ask her to dance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 1st
2018.

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Vampiress Allatallahbel In The Vatican: A Poem

June 4, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Allatallahbel In The Vatican: A Poem

There where a statue of the Virgin Mary had once stood
was a sight that made Orson Welles knock on wood
that is if only the ghostly film director could
for there in the nave was a vampiress in the flesh
A High Priestess of the Canaanite god Baal no less

Allatallahbel was her name
She sought everlasting fame
So on October 13th last year
she got Knights-Templar in gear
who attacked the Swiss Guards from the rear
Pope Francis thought it was just another Vatican gay orgy
so thought ‘tis nothing out of the ordinary

By then the Vatican belonged to Allatallahbel
but Francis just shrugged and said, “What the Hell?”.
“Doesn’t exist so I say, All is well.”

Orson Welles’ ghost looked at the vampiress’ dress of purple
She looked like a vampiress whose crescent 🌙 was fertile
“Looks like she’s ready to take a bite,
If I was still mortal, I’d best pop out of sight.”
“But seeing as how I’m a ghost
I know I’m not toast
though in Purgatory I was quite well done
I was even mistaken for a hot dog 🌭 baked in the sun 🌞 “

The Vatican had changed since the last days he had visited Rome
Into a place Antichrist could call home.
La Salette prophecy had come to pass
as Peter’s successor becomes Midsummer Bottom’s ass.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 4th
2018.

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Agamemnon and Putin

February 27, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Agamemnon and Putin

King Agamemnon of Mycenae was well aware that his brother Menelaus the king of Sparta was pissed.

That horny young Trojan stud Paris had run off with Menelaus’ wife Helen and had taken her back to Troy with him.

Menelaus was anxious to wage war on the Trojans.

Agamemnon wasn’t sure whether it was right to sack an entire city over the loss of one woman.

Possibly negotiations could be done with Troy and Helen could be sent back to Sparta peacefully to receive her punishment.

Ares the god of war however had different ideas.

He thought it was about time for a major global war which would result in bloodshed and great loss of life.

Ares decided to tempt Agamemnon into war.

He presented Agamemnon with visions of the immense treasures that Troy possessed.

“If you wage war on the Trojans and sack this city, all these treasures will be yours,” Ares tempted, “make unreasonable demands on the Trojans in your peace offerings. Besides the return of Helen, demand these things…”

Ares gave him a list.

“The Trojans will naturally refuse,” Ares smiled, “and then you can wage war on them. And take all their treasures for yourself.”

“And will you support me in this war?” Agamemnon asked.

“Of course,” Ares promised.

Later of course, Ares would change his mind after Aphrodite the goddess of love gave him an out of this world blow job.

He switched his support to the Trojans as a result of Aphrodite’s oral persuasion.

But in the meantime, Agamemnon was hooked on Ares’ offer.

All those hidden treasures of the Trojans went through his mind.

His mind made up, he decided to go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make his final decision.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading a report on the situation in Syria.

He had been informed that the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was siding with the Turks in northern Syria while the medieval vampire Dracula was siding with the Kurds (against the Transylvanian-Wallachian nobleman’s old enemy the Turks).

Putin rubbed his head.

He had certainly come a long way from being a spy for a state based on atheistic dialectical materialism.

He had been getting loads of supernatural visitors the past few years as well as reading numerous reports of supernatural occurrences in various war zones.

“You should attack Israel 🇮🇱,” said Ares the Greek god of war who was standing in Putin’s office.

“Speak of the devil,” thought Putin who returned back to the present from his musings on the supernatural.

At one time he would have been surprised by the sudden appearance of the Greek god of war in his office but not anymore.

Ares meanwhile had just been given an out of this world blow job by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

He had been promised a lot more if he could get Putin to attack Israel.

So Ares had promptly left Allatallahbel’s boudoir and hurried to Putin’s office.

“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin bit into his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.

“To take control of Israel’s hidden treasures,” Ares smiled temptingly.

“What hidden treasures?” Putin asked.

Ares then filled Putin’s mind with visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.

“I didn’t know Israel had such treasures,” Putin finished his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.

“It does,” said Ares whose smart phone suddenly went off.

He received a text message from his lover Aphrodite who was busy servicing an 84-year-old man with an inexhaustible mojo who lived in a small fishing 🎣 village in Italy.

“What an unfaithful floozy,” Ares said aloud before heading back to Allatallahbel’s boudoir.

Meanwhile Putin was thinking 🤔 about Ares’ visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.

He would go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make up his mind.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 27th
2018.

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Curtains For Saint Nicholas On The Night of Saint Nicholas’ Day

December 6, 2017 at 8:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Curtains For Saint Nicholas On The Night of Saint Nicholas’ Day

Hans dressed up as an Eastern Rite bishop (which is what Saint Nicholas was) to go down to the community hall in the little German village and hand out presents to the children who would be there.

Saint Nicholas entered the hall as the lights went down and the only lights shining were the lights on the Christmas tree 🎄.

As Saint Nicholas approached the tree to reach for the presents, six Vampiric Knights-Templar (who had been practising their shooting range skills the past few weeks) fired point blank into Saint Nicholas’ body with their sub-machine guns.

Saint Nicholas (Hans) fell to the ground quite dead and totally covered in bullet wounds and blood.

Both parents and children screamed.

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal (who had planned and masterminded this shooting of Saint Nicholas on this night of Saint Nicholas) then dove on to the body and licked up the blood with her tongue and fangs.

The snow white evening dress she was wearing was now covered in blood.

She then turned into a bat and flew out the door of the community hall.

Later in a Bavarian tavern where she ordered a Bloody Mary, she toasted the evening’s festivities with the Vampiric Knights-Templars.

“Death to this Saint and all who admire him,” she laughed as she used Crest whitening strips to get the blood off her fangs and get them sparkling white again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 6th
2017.

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