Renfield R. Renfield, The Third Secret of Fatima, The Eye of Horus Over Hong Kong, Maria Orsic and The Vril Society

September 11, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield, The Third Secret of Fatima, The Eye of Horus Over Hong Kong, Maria Orsic and The Vril Society

“So what is the message in the Third Secret of Fatima?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend Renfield R. Renfield who had discovered the text of the Third Secret last year- a message that the Vatican claimed to have released back in 2000 but of course they hadn’t.

Renfield drew out the text of the Third Secret and read it,

In Portugal the dogma of the Faith will always be preserved. If people do not repent and better themselves, God the Father will allow a terrible punishment to be inflicted on all humanity. A great war launched in the 21st Century by Satan’s partisans in the East will come. Those surviving will envy the dead. Death will briefly reign, raised to triumph by the brothers of death who seek to be masters of the whole earth. All the world will be thrown into great confusion. Fire and smoke will fall from heaven and waters from the ocean will turn to steam throwing their foam to the sky. Millions of people will die by the minute. The only arms of protection which will remain for you will be the Rosary and the Sign left by my Son.
Each day recite the prayers of the Rosary. A time of very severe trial is coming for the Church. Satan will reign over the highest places and succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church. One third of the clergy will serve Satan. Entire nations will lose the Faith and many people on earth will be condemned to Hell. Cardinals will oppose cardinals and bishops will oppose bishops. Many rotten changes in Rome will be retained and the Church will become obscured. At last those who survive these events will repent and become true followers of Jesus Christ as before when the world was not so corrupted. In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph, Russia will be truly converted and a period of peace will be granted to the world.”

“And that was the message said to have been given by Mary the Mother of Jesus to three shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917?” Amadeus asked.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded.

“And that message was supposed to have been released by the person who was Pope in the Year 1960?” Amadeus inquired.

“Yes, but John XXIII the man who was Pope in 1960 thought that by calling an ecumenical council he called Vatican II instead, this could save the world from nuclear catastrophe,” Renfield noted, “He thought he knew better on the subject than Mary the Mother of Jesus.”

“And so what was the end result of Vatican II?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“The end result is that Satanists are now in control of the Catholic Church in the year 2019,” Renfield replied.

“The first to fall under the control of Satan were the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops back in the late 1960s and early 1970s,” Renfield explained, “which is why so many U.S. Democratic Party politicians who consider themselves Catholic publicly enact the policies of the demonic entities Baal and Baphomet yet are still considered Catholics in good standing by their diocesan bishops. The Latin American bishops fell under the sway of Satan back in the 1970s and 1980s through the influence of Satanic Marxist Liberation Theology lovingly bestowed on the world by members of the Jesuit order. Then the German Catholic Bishops’ Conference fell under the sway of Satan- most of them back in the 1980s by embracing the ideologies of the demons Baal and Baphomet. And throughout this whole time, Pope John Paul II was so busy fighting satanic ideologies (i.e. Soviet Communism) outside the Church that he failed to notice the satanic ideologies rising inside the Church. By the time Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was elected Pope Benedict XVI in 2005, he was fully aware of all the satanic filth inside the Church. He put up a valiant fight for 6 and a half years but then his health started to fade and he resigned the Papacy in February 2013. The Satanists finally managed to succeed in putting one of their own Jorge Mario Bergoglio as Pope Francis in March 2013.”

“I notice Pope Francis on his way back from Africa today said that a schism in the Church is now probably inevitable,” Amadeus helped himself to a watercress and cream cheese sandwich.

“Yes, those Catholics who are still Catholic will probably leave the Church after satanism is finally publicly brought in during the Pan-Amazon synod at the Vatican next month,” Renfield likewise picked up a watercress and cream cheese sandwich.

. . .

Worshippers of the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon (who served as personal advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) in the Hong Kong Police Force managed to get the Hong Kong courts to approve a warrant seizing the medical records of a woman whose eye was injured in clashes back on August 11th.

The woman was injured in the right eye after Black Dragon worshipping Hong Kong Policemen fired rubber bullets and tear gas in a small enclave at a transit station.

The Black Dragon’s representative Senior Superintendent Steve Li said that the Hong Kong Police Force did not have to explain their actions.

The battle between Cthulhu the High Priest of the Great Old Ones and the entity known as the Black Dragon for control of Hong Kong was about to get more intense.

. . .

“Did you know that the immortal known as Maria Orsic who was the founder of the Vril Society in Germany was a practicing witch?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol said over the phone to his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“I’m starting to suspect that is the case,” Van Helsing answered as he looked at her as she was looking at him.

“Dracul, where are you?” Whitstable asked.

“Gotta go,” Van Helsing ended the call on his smart phone.

An exchange of Vril energy then took place shortly after.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Wednesday September 11th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Tries His Hand At Reality Therapy While Renfield Muses On Brexit and The Irish Backstop

September 9, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Tries His Hand At Reality Therapy While Renfield Muses On Brexit and The Irish Backstop

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was headed to the food court of the neighbourhood mall when suddenly he encountered a repulsively ugly looking white female that was a semi-human stoat hybrid.

The ugly looking creature seemed to be walking from the public library across the square.

Goatee correctly deduced that she was walking from the public library because like all people who are both female and ugly, she no doubt fancied herself an intellectual – something common to these creatures who thought that being both female and ugly automatically put them in that category of society known as intellectuals.

Goatee knew that this was faulty slop shodded reasoning because the most intellectual woman he had ever encountered in his life was a beautiful Malaysian woman who resided in a quiet Bavarian village.

“You pathetic ugly looking loser!” Goatee discoursed in therapeutic commentary that was never heard on TV programs like Dr. Phil as he beheaded the creature from the dung heaps of Beelzebub.

Meanwhile over in England, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a discussion on Brexit and the Irish backstop with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“There is now of course thanks to my date with the vampiress Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna this past Saturday the possibility that Poland, Hungary or the Czech Republic if not all 3 will veto any extension to Brexit going on beyond October 31st of this year,” Renfield ate a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top.

“I hear pro-New World Order EU nations may also veto any EU deal on Brexit if it doesn’t exactly resemble the deal negotiated by Theresa May,” Amadeus noted.

“They have,” Renfield nodded, “which is why I’ve sent a cable to Vladimir Putin saying the UK would secretly approve any annexation of the said EU nations to the Russian Federation should Putin wish to go ahead with something like that.”

“I see,” Amadeus started to eat his own slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

“Boris Johnson seemed to have quite an amenable meeting with Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Leo Varadkar today,” Renfield started eating his Guinness laced shepherd’s pie, “It seems Varadkar is quite amiable to the idea of the backstop applying to Northern Ireland only instead of the United Kingdom as a whole. Unlike the Neo-Stalinist assholes in the EU bureaucracy in Brussels who want all of Britain to remain under the thumb of EU directives as EU bureaucrats seek to establish their idea of a Stalinist-Trotskyite synthesis Soviet United States of Europe which is definitely a recipe for a disaster in the making.”

“But won’t the Democratic Unionist Party remove their support from the British Conservative government given that they’re staunchly opposed to a Northern Ireland only backstop?” Amadeus queried.

“Of course the ghosts of both Winston Churchill and Orson Welles have informed me that the ghost of the Democratic Unionist Party’s founding leader the Rev. Ian Paisley is roasting away on a barbecue spit in Purgatory which is even more offensive to his Irish Scots Presbyterian sensibilities than if he was roasting away on a barbecue spit in the flames of Tartarus itself,” Renfield answered.

“Well despite Rev. Paisley discovering the Hell that Catholic doctrine is in fact true even though the current head of the Catholic Church Pope Francis no longer believes in Catholic doctrine, how does this take away from the fact that the DUP (Democratic Unionist Party) is staunchly opposed to a Northern Ireland only backstop?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well,” Renfield poured more Guinness on his shepherd’s pie, “I’ve already advised Boris Johnson to tell the Democratic Unionist Party to go fuck themselves.”

“Even though that’s biologically physically anatomically impossible,” Amadeus noted.

“Exactly,” Renfield grinned.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 9th
2019.

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Crybaby Bolsonaro Demands An Apology

August 27, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Technology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Crybaby Bolsonaro Demands An Apology

“I see short lived Trump White House advisor Steve Bannon is releasing a film next month that he made called Claws of The Red Dragon that he claims highlights the relationship between Huawei Technologies Co. Ltd. and the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) and the People’s Liberation Army (PLA),” Amadeus remarked while eating sweet and sour spare ribs.

“Yes, I wonder why Bannon made such a film,” Renfield ate his pork fried rice, “Perhaps he was pressured to make it because he didn’t want certain embarrassing public details released about him.”

“What details would those be?” Amadeus munched on his egg rolls.

“He apparently visited Jeffrey Epstein’s Manhattan mansion on several occasions,” Renfield started eating his sweet and sour shrimp balls, “and today the Washington Examiner newspaper reported that the notorious child predator George Nader visited Bannon in the White House at least 13 times during the 7 months that Bannon served as White House Chief Strategist.”

“You mean Bannon might have…” Amadeus stopped eating.

Renfield took a shot of whisky, “If my theory about Epstein being a Mossad operative is correct and Epstein used his sex trafficking operation not only to make money and satisfy his own sexual perversions but also used that operation to blackmail and extort members of the U.S. and world elites into giving political support to Israel, then we must remember that the Israelis and the Chinese are the world’s 2 major rivals when it comes to developing 5G networks. The U.S. has been fast asleep in research and development when it comes to 5G. The Israelis have been working on it since 2008 and have become way ahead of everybody else. They’ve been doing it quietly and with very little fanfare. Benjamin Netanyahu only started openly boasting about it this year. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman (whom I’ve nicknamed Mohammad bone Sawman ever since the Khashoggi incident at the Saudi consultate in Istanbul last year) has sold the Palestinians down River (or down the desert sands) in order to hitch himself to the Israeli high tech wagon. His planned autonomous high tech city state enclave that he’s planning in the Tabuk Province of 
northwestern Saudi Arabia that he’s named NEOM will need Israel’s advanced science and technology to get off the ground. The only one who’s come close to the Israelis in developing 5G technology are the Chinese and Huawei. Thus it’s very suspicious that Bannon decides to make a film casting the Chinese and Huawei in a very bad light especially for someone known to have visited Epstein’s Manhattan mansion. The choice the world faces when it comes to adopting 5G technology is do they want the Israelis or the Chinese to spy on them? Of course we know Donald Trump’s answer. Because a right wing libertarian political commentator in a tweet told him so, Trump thinks he’s regarded by many Israeli Jews as the new King of Israel and the Second Coming of God. So of course Trump would prefer Israel rather than China to spy on the world. And that’s why Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou is being held in Vancouver British Columbia because King Trump’s State Department told the Canadians so. And as we know Dracul Van Helsing is not the Prime Minister of Canada to tell the U.S. State Department to stick it where the sun don’t shine.”

. . .

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro was sitting in his high chair in the Brazilian Presidential Palace wearing a bib around his neck.

On his high chair tray directly in front of him was a baby soother that had been personally autographed for him by fellow infantile brat Donald J. Trump.

As Balsonaro threw his knife and fork across the room, he bawled, “I’m not going to accept $22 million in aid and assistance from the G-7 to help fight the Amazon rainforest fires unless French President Emmanuel Macron apologizes to me for personally insulting me. So there! Waaaaah!”.

. . .

 
11-year-old Sherrielock Rocher (the 2nd eldest daughter of Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) was telling her mother what she wanted for Christmas (even though that was 4 months away), “I want a Barbie and a GI Joe for Christmas.”

“But,” her mother asked, “Doesn’t Barbie come with Ken?”.

“No,” young Sherrielock Rocher shook her head with clear determination, “she fakes it with Ken. She comes with GI Joe.”

“Cadbury,” Mrs. Rocher looked at her husband, “I think Sherry should cut down the amount of time she spends on the Internet.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher agreed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 27th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses The Biarritz G-7 Summit, Trump Proposes To Nuke Hurricanes and Prince Andrew Issues Statement On Epstein

August 26, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Biarritz G-7 Summit, Trump Proposes To Nuke Hurricanes and Prince Andrew Issues Statement On Epstein 

“As Britain’s new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering, why weren’t you at the G-7 Summit in Biarritz, France?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend Renfield R. Renfield.

“Because Trump Administration officials objected to my being there,” Renfield answered.

“In the name of God (who isn’t Donald Trump), why?” Amadeus inquired.

“They were afraid that I’d punch the living daylights out of Donald Trump,” Renfield put on a pair of dark sunglasses.

“And would you have done so?” Amadeus questioned.

“Oh probably,” Renfield replied.

“I see Trump skipped the session where they discussed Climate Change,” Amadeus noted.

“He did, the silly ass,” Renfield acknowleged.

“And even though he wasn’t at the summit, I see Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro the Donald Trump of South America insulted Emmanuel Macron’s wife because summit host Macron convinced the G-7 nations to send money and equipment to help fight the massive Amazon rainforest fires,” Amadeus quoted an article.

“Yes, Bolsonaro was babbling about neo-colonialism, the silly ass,” Renfield sipped his glass of whisky, “forgetting that the Amazon rainforests are vitally important to the future of the entire planet. It’s because of stupid ass extreme nationalists of the Donald Trump style variety such as Bolsonaro that the peoples of the world might seriously consider getting rid of all forms of national sovereignty and pave the way for a one world government which would probably inevitably become an all encompassing Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist-Maoist global totalitarian state. So because of the Amazon rainforest fires, we might end up with a one world government and then with the upcoming Vatican Synod On The Amazon in October, we might end up with a one world religion.”

“Setting up the stage for the arrival of the False Prophet and the Antichrist,” Amadeus shivered.

“Just in time for next year’s G-7 summit to be held at Trump’s Doral Florida golf resort,” Renfield reflected, “Which reminds me I should really start working on my golf swing. His secret service agents used to joke that the late former U.S. President Gerald Ford might have made a truly deadly assassin with the way he hit his golf balls.”

. . .

Donald Trump informed the members of the press present, “I’ve asked our best government scientists to look into the possibility of using nuclear weapons to destroy hurricanes before they reach landfall.”

A bunch of toy glass marbles fell out of Trump’s pocket as he made the suggestion.

“Excuse me,” Donald Trump got down on the ground and started picking them up, “I seem to have lost all my marbles.”

. . .

Prince Andrew was standing at the top of the steps in front of a London repertory movie theatre which was showing the 1942 Classic Hollywood film Casablanca.

He was looking down at the news media on the steps below.

The Prince was standing next to a man who was dressed up as the Claude Rains movie character of Captain Louis Renault.

Said the Prince to the media, “I’m shocked! Shocked I tell you to find out that Jeffrey Epstein was a pedophile!”.

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes happened to be walking by at the time and she used one of her spiked stiletto heels to kick the non-illustrious Prince Andrew in the seat of the pants.

The kick sent the Prince tumbling down the steps and then tumbling down the sidewalk and then tumbling down the street where he fell down an open sewer hole.

After the Prince landed, he came face to face with a huge sewer rat.

The rat glared at him as if it were saying to itself, “Why of all the rat holes in all the world did he have to fall down this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday August 26th
2019.

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Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

August 23, 2019 at 9:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his friend Amadeus Emanon, “Did you hear what happened to the saxophonist who played his musical instrument so badly?”.

“No,” Amadeus shook his head.

“He became a registered sax offender,” Renfield replied.

Amadeus buried his head in his hands.

Meanwhile down at the Set Enterprises aquarium, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision of Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro wearing a long Roman toga, a crown of laurel wreath in his hair (much like that worn by the Emperor Nero) and holding in his hands a violin which he was playing badly as the Amazon rainforests burned.

Meanwhile in the waters off the coast of Norway, tragedy struck the Russian spy beluga whale defector who had recently defected to the Norwegians with the help of the ghost of Orson Welles.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 23rd
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Jeffrey Epstein Photo of Bill Clinton With Amadeus While Trump Plots To Annex Greenland

August 16, 2019 at 10:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Jeffrey Epstein Photo of Bill Clinton With Amadeus While Trump Plots To Annex Greenland 

“So Amadeus, did you see pictures of that photo of Bill Clinton that Jeffrey Epstein kept on the walls of his Manhattan mansion that the couple who visited there once took pictures of? It appeared in some of the London papers here,” Renfield R. Renfield asked his friend.

“No,” Amadeus shook his head as he ate his 11th full English breakfast even though it was now dinner time, “what photo was that?”.

“It was a photo of Bill Clinton wearing a blue dress and red pumps,” Renfield answered as he cross dressed his salad dressing.

“Jeffrey Epstein kept a photo of Bill Clinton wearing a blue dress and red pumps on his mansion walls?” Amadeus put his fork down.

“Apparently,” Renfield nodded.

“Does that mean Bill Clinton was a cross dresser?” Amadeus asked.

“That is definitely a possibility,” Renfield acknowleged, “It appears Hillary really wore the pants in that family in more ways than one.”

“And it was a blue dress you say?” Amadeus was suddenly grasping the irony of Bill’s choice of both attire and colour.

“Yes,” Renfield bit into a bacon and tomato sandwich, “which leads one to wonder who was the one actually wearing the blue dress when Bill got his stains all over over it? Monica or old Billy boy? Perhaps Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr should have checked whether the stains were on the inside or the outside of the dress.”

“This gives a whole new dimension to the Monica Lewinsky affair,” Amadeus ate his lox and cream cheese bagel.

Meanwhile in America, Donald Trump was complaining to Lexington his British butler and valet, “Can you believe all these politicians from Denmark and Greenland? They’re actually rejecting my offer to buy Greenland.”

“Leif Erikson and Erik the Red must be rolling over in their graves, sir,” Lexington answered.

“As well they should be,” said Trump who was considering uploading his consciousness into the east end of a cyborg horse facing west so that he could live forever.

“So what do you intend to do about it?” Lexington inquired.

“Maybe I should forcibly annex Greenland,” Trump replied.

“You mean like Hitler forcibly annexed Austria, the Sudetenland, the rest of Czechoslovakia and eventually Poland?” Lexington was astounded.

“Why not?” Trump pounded the desk, “What was good enough for Hitler is twice as good for me.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday August 16th
2019.

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Embassy Row

July 8, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Embassy Row

ITV News Announcer: British Prime Minister Theresa May has vehemently criticized Russian President Vladimir Putin for believing in the “existence of only 2 genders”.
Mrs. May made the remarks as she was seen leaving a London sex club…

British MP Renfield R. Renfield turned off the TV when his friend Amadeus Emanon entered the room.

“I see Mrs. May is going out in style,” Amadeus commented.

“Indeed she is,” Renfield agreed.

“I see Donald Trump is unhappy with the current British Ambassador to the U.S.,” Amadeus bit into a hamburger.

“Yes, apparently leaked emails show that Sir Kim Darroch in his embassy cablegrams referred to the Trump Administration as “dysfunctional” and “inept” and by doing so inferred that the British Foreign Office was incapable of figuring that out for themselves. Although Sir Kim might have a point since most bureaucrats in the British Foreign Office are opposed to my becoming Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.”

“I see Trump in his Twitter tweets today,” Amadeus started working on his French fries, “immediately started criticizing Sir Kim saying that the man was not liked or well thought of in the U.S.”

“I don’t imagine Trump even knew who the British Ambassador was until the reports of those leaked cablegrams became public,” Renfield placed a bet at an Internet casino site on his smartphone.

“I see Donald Trump then attacked Theresa May in a series of tweets when she said that she had “full faith” in Sir Kim,” Amadeus started to eat his rice pudding.

“Yes, Trump definitely does not think much of Mrs. May’s judgement these days,” Renfield called a spade a spade.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, Trump got the surprise of his life when he grabbed what he thought was the “pussy” of a “female” British journalist.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 8th
2019.

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Miranda Singh On A Saturday Afternoon In Early July

July 6, 2019 at 10:41 pm (Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Miranda Singh On A Saturday Afternoon In Early July

Miranda Singh sat in Collingwood Hills Park a park not far from the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.

Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was conducting scientific experiments in the park to see if he could bring about early autumn colours on the trees in early summer.

He seemed to be succeeding judging from some of the colours on the leaves of the trees behind where Miss Singh sat.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in a small wading pool in the park typing on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws and mixing tracks from different seasons from Antonio Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons on his GarageBand app.

And a couple of baroque music enthusiasts sitting on a nearby park bench said he was succeeding.

Michelangelo looked in Miss Singh’s direction.

Small children left the wading pool in droves when the GarageBand app on the lobster’s iPad exploded.

The iPad was playing Beethoven’s Song of Joy as Amadeus Emanon rescued the crustacean and his tablet.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was not at the Set Enterprises family picnic on this day as he was currently attending the christening ceremony for Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor at Windsor Castle.

Meanwhile Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh Pooka bunny rabbit walked around the picnic carrying his favourite drink a Tequila Sunrise.

He sat across from Miranda Singh and the pair discussed their respective secret agent and spying missions they had conducted for Set Enterprises last month.

Meanwhile under a nearby tree, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was neither a current employee nor a former employee of Set Enterprises) awoke with a huge hangover from last night’s carousing and revelry that he had engaged in in the nearby West London theatre district.

Feeling hungry, he helped himself to a picnic basket full of ham and cheese sandwiches.

“Hey, what happened to all the ham and cheese sandwiches?” Amadeus cried out a few minutes later.

Meanwhile Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster lay down at Miranda Singh’s feet.

The European Union anthem was being played with great enthusiasm on Michelangleo’s iPad GarageBand app to the great disappointment of BREXIT Party leader Nigel Farage who was walking nearby.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 6th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange

June 18, 2019 at 9:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont on the roof of Angelique Dumont’s apartment building.

“So,” Miss Dumont opened up the lunch basket, “I hear former Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi collapsed and died in an Egyptian courtroom yesterday after giving a five minute statement to the court.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher has been trying to get Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his visionary powers to determine what happened that caused Morsi’s death but the visions keep being blocked by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus.”

“Isn’t that the god whose eyeball appears as the capstone above the pyramid in the Novus Ordo Seclorum spot on the American dollar bill?” Amadeus asked as he ate a pickle and an olive and a devilled egg.

“It is,” Renfield nodded, “the same god who buried your employer Set alive in a tomb millennia ago.”

“But didn’t Set cut up Horus’ father Osiris into 14 pieces on one occasion?” Amadeus went for the cole slaw and chop suey.

“He did,” Renfield admitted, “Those old Egyptian family feuds make today’s soap operas look like child’s play by comparison.”

“It doesn’t sound like Morsi was treated very well in prison by the Egyptian government,” Angelique Dumont ate a fried scorpion.

“He wasn’t,” Renfield put some caviar on a cracker, “I didn’t like Morsi myself. After all anyone who gets the admiration of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, there’s obviously something seriously wrong with that person. But still to keep someone in isolation and solitary confinement 23 hours a day and to deny them access to their doctors and lawyers and friends and family is clearly a human rights violation.”

“Isn’t that what the British government is currently doing to Julian Assange?” Angelique Dumont asked a pointed question.

“It is,” Renfield had to admit.

“Well, you’re a member of the House of Commons,” Angelique ate a roast pork sandwich, “why don’t you do something about it?”.

“I’ve tried,” Renfield answered, “but I find myself up against those same dark forces in the British deep state apparatus that Her Majesty the Queen warned the late Princess Diana’s butler and valet about.”

“Well, you can shapeshift into a hamster, can’t you?” Amadeus was now enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “couldn’t you shapeshift into a hamster and enter Assange’s prison cell and find out what’s happening?”.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had given Renfield the genetic ability to shapeshift into a hamster back in the early 2000s.

“I’ve tried doing that,” Renfield replied, “but there’s some dark magic forces at work within the vicinity of Assange’s prison. I’m unable to enter it in shapeshifted hamster form. And I don’t have the high level security clearance to do it in human form.”

“What dark magic forces are at work around Assange’s prison?” Amadeus queried.

“Michelangelo has indicated through typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof iPad that it was a powerful spell cast by the powerful demons Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield started munching on a tuna fish sandwich.

“Why do the demons Baal and Baphomet have it in for Julian Assange?” Amadeus opened a tin of sardines.

“I can answer that, Amadeus,” Angelique smiled, “Baal and Baphomet backed Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. And Assange released Hillary’s emails on Wikileaks in 2016 helping to damage her campaign.”

“What demons backed Donald Trump for President?” Amadeus ate a banana.

“That would be Mammon and Mephistopheles,” Angelique answered.

“So Mammon and Mephistopheles won?” Amadeus noticed no more food left in the picnic basket.

“With a little help of collusion from a genie in a Russian vodka bottle according to the snivelling of Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield opened a bottle of bourbon.

The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Protective Sunblock For Vampiresses enjoying the sunshine on her London apartment building rooftop.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2019.

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Renfield In An Age of Demonic Totalitarianism Encounters A Stone Cold Loser

June 3, 2019 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield In An Age of Demonic Totalitarianism Encounters A Stone Cold Loser

“Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four. If that is granted, all else follows.”
-George Orwell, 1984.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to the state dinner at Buckingham Palace that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was holding for Donald Trump.

But when he showed up wearing not a formal suit but a t-shirt that said,

VISITING LONDON FROM THE U.S. AND WANTING TO MAKE YOUR TOUPEE GREAT AGAIN?
THEN VISIT BULLWINKLE’S TOUPEE SHAMPOO SALON.

he was barred from entering on orders of British Prime Minister Theresa May.

So he went home and decided to meet Amadeus Emanon who would be spending his Monday night in his favourite cafe.

He put on a t-shirt that said 
LGBTQ HISTORY MONTH

and below the quote was a drawing of Abraham’s nephew Lot, Lot’s wife and family leaving the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah as they were destroyed by The Lord God of Israel.

He then entered the cafe where Amadeus was sitting and joined him at his table.

In the corner of the cafe sat London Mayor Sadiq Khan playing chess against the neighbourhood barber.

At another table sat the Kraken Napoleon VI and his wife Medusa who were visiting England as part of Anglo-French 75th Anniversary D-Day celebrations.

“So,” Renfield ordered a coffee, “Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol just sent me a text message saying that Lenin’s ghost appeared at Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s side in Vancouver today.”

“Really?” Amadeus was eating a bagel with cream cheese, “So Trudeau is now getting advice from Lenin’s ghost as well as the demons Baal and Baphomet?”.

“Apparently,” Renfield ordered a tuna fish sandwich, “And speaking of the demons Baal and Baphomet, I got word from a Set Enterprises operative in Dublin that they were meeting with the entire Irish cabinet today.”

“Really?” Amadeus looked shocked as he bit into his mashed potatoes with gravy and fried shamrocks, “I don’t imagine Saint Patrick will be very happy about that.”

“Probably not,” Renfield remarked as he looked at what Amadeus was eating.

“What’s Whitstable doing in Vancouver?” Amadeus asked.

“He’s apparently investigating the fact that the ghost of Maximilien Robespierre has been serving as an advisor to British Columbia’s so-called Human Rights Commission the past couple of years,” Renfield sipped his coffee.

“Didn’t Pan Goatee recently behead all the members of British Columbia’s so-called Human Rights Commission for imposing a large fine on somebody for saying that a person who was born a biological male “had been born a biological male”. It happened a few months back,” Amadeus ordered a hot fudge sundae.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “but the provincial government have appointed a new bunch of politically correct assholes to replace the deceased politically correct assholes on the commission.”

London Mayor Sadiq Khan said “Merde” after his chess opponent the barber said “Checkmate”.

Medusa, who had the snakes in her hair shaved off by a robot barber invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher, had a slight after effect of the operation.

Whenever she heard the word “Merde”, her hair would momentarily turn into snakes again.

Sadiq Khan immediately turned to stone after seeing Medusa’s snaky hair.

Just then the waiter, who was carrying a pitcher of iced water, tripped over his feet and the ice landed on top of the now stoned Sadiq Khan who had just lost a chess game.

“Well,” Renfield commented as he observed the spectacle, “it appears Donald Trump was right about one thing. Sadiq Khan the Mayor of London is a stone cold loser.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 3rd
2019.


Medusa: As she looks when her hair doesn’t have snakes in it

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