An Intersection of Time

April 10, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Vampire novel, Poetry, The Supernatural, Movies, Music, Ghost Story, Romance, Film, love) (, , , , )

The year was 1929.
The bride was waiting for the wedding to begin.
She looked behind her.
And noticed one of the candles had burnt out.
Was this an omen she wondered?
Was she making the right decision?
Was her life about to become like that burnt out candle?

2021.
Amadeus Emanon was standing on the stage of an empty nightclub.
The nightclub was closed due to Boris Johnson’s lockdown.
But Amadeus felt at his best when performing on a stage.
He may not be able to sing to people in the club.
But he felt he was able to sing to ghosts.
The ghosts of the past.
The ghosts of the present.
And the ghosts of the future.

The ghosts of the present.
People alone and isolated.
And fading away
Under an iron curtain
That had descended all across the globe.

The ghosts of the future
If there was a future
Those whose anguished cries could not reach the present
As the darkness fell
And everything was void
and waiting for that moment
Of the spoken Word,
“Let there be light.”

Ghosts of the past.
In a distant theatre box
Amadeus saw a woman in silhoutte
A bride
Looking back at a burnt out candle
Silent
Apprehensive
As if she was looking at an omen.

Amadeus began to sing
And sang to the woman
To the bride…

Moon River, wider than a mile
I’m crossing you in style someday
Oh dream maker
You heartbreaker
Where ever you’re going I’m going your way
Two drifters off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end
Waiting round the bend
My huckleberry friend
Moon River and me.

Amadeus lowered his head
The song was finished
The spot light was fading
And it was as if the singer
Was waiting for the applause

That never came.

The bride listened
She had never heard the song
And probably would not again
Unless on some far off 1961 morning
She had breakfast at Tiffany’s

But the song gave her courage
And inspired her to walk down the aisle
And grasp the hand of her love
Her huckleberry friend
Two drifters off to see the world
Because
there’s such a lot of world to see

The moon came through
Shining through the stained glass window
Depicting the Jordan River
And at this nighttime service
It shone brightly
On the spot
Where the one candle had burnt out

In the far off distance
Amadeus’ voice carried through time,
“Moon River and thee.”

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 10th
2021.

Permalink 6 Comments

The Turning Point

April 9, 2021 at 8:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“So, where is your friend Renfield R. Renfield tonight?” Angelique Dumont asked her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon as he came over to her apartment.

“I was informed by Athelstan the butler at the Set Mansion this morning that Renfield has apparently decided to vanish for a few days,” Amadeus answered.

“Vanish?” Angelique seemed perplexed.

“Yes, the number of governments and wealthy global oligarchs around the world who want to see him assassinated has really grown exponentially the past week,” Amadeus explained.

“So I take it then that Renfield won’t be attending Prince Philip’s funeral?” Angelique inquired.

“Well I understand Philip’s funeral is to be a small affair at the Duke of Edinburgh’s own personal request plus Covid restrictions are in place,” Amadeus was eating a Worcestershire sauce laced grilled cheese sandwich, “Plus I don’t think Renfield would have really been invited anyways.”

“Prince Philip didn’t like Renfield?” Angelique Dumont put honey in her tea.

“I don’t think Philip knew Renfield very well,” Amadeus pointed out, “But Prince Philip’s eldest son Charles Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall certainly doesn’t like Renfield very well.”

“Why doesn’t Prince Charles like Renfield?” Angelique wanted to know.

“Well, because a few years ago, Charles was only standing a few feet away from Renfield when Renfield said to someone else that in his opinion Charles’ 2nd wife Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall looked like a horse,” Amadeus sipped a ginger beer.

“That would explain the Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall Charles’ dislike of Renfield,” Angelique admitted.

“The next day, Renfield did issue an apology… to horses,” Amadeus recalled, “but even that didn’t quite cut the mustard with Prince Charles.”

“I should say not,” Angelique shook her head, “But I think Her Majesty the Queen likes Renfield does she not?”.

“Yes,” Amadeus nodded, “Because Renfield once saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool.”

. . .

“Who’s this Prince Philip guy?” American President Joe Biden asked one of his aides, “Is he the fellow who made Philips Electric Shavers?”.

“No, Mr. President,” The aide wore a t-shirt that said I’M WITH STUPID with an arrow pointing in Biden’s direction, “He was the Prince Consort of the Queen of England.”

“Victoria?” Biden reached for a glass of water to take his Geritol pills.

“That was Prince Albert,” his aide sounded exasperated, “And Victoria was queen for the most part of two centuries ago.”

“Who’s the current Queen?” Biden inquired.

“Are you referring to the Sovereign of Great Britain or your recent appointment to the position of Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services?” His aide wanted to know.

Biden scratched his head at that one.

. . .

After administering a severe spanking to Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing for being late to their meeting, the Norse Goddess Freya went to a corner of the room and stood looking at him.

“So did you find out if it’s true that my son Thor has formed an alliance with Loki?” Freya asked.

“It’s true,” Dracul Van Helsing lit a cigarette and poured himself a glass of bourbon.

“But such an alliance was not foreseen in the Poetic Edda or Prose Edda?” Freya pointed out.

“That’s true as well,” Van Helsing nodded, “Anyhow Thor and Loki have formed an alliance with Osiris and Horus to bring about a Great Reset New World Order. That idiotic English language mantra Build Back Better is being translated into ancient Norse and ancient Egyptian even as we speak.”

“This is depressing news,” Freya sighed, “I need a conjugal encounter right now to get rid of my depression.”

“So do I,” Van Helsing confessed.

They were soon on the bed in the apartment making out with one another.

The ghost of Orson Welles walked in at that moment.

“Not again,” Welles’ ghost went back into the hall.

A Norwegian otter carrying a notepad and a pencil asked Welles if he knew the ancient Norse word for Google.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 9th
2021.

Permalink 6 Comments

The Edge of Darkness

April 6, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon had watched the evening news before heading to Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic Church C. Of E. Parish (that he attended) to take part in the Easter Tuesday evening service.

On the news, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson told a group of people that his government would be introducing a vaccine passport.

Shortly after making the announcement, a malt vinegar laced fish and chips cream pie was thrown in Boris Johnson’s face by an invisible entity.

Although a London bobby (who had been imbibing too many Harvey Wallbangers that afternoon) swore that it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit (purple in colour with big pink floppety ears) who had thrown the cream pie in Johnson’s face.

“Harvey Tallbanger certainly has his work cut out for him these days,” Amadeus thought as he walked to Saint Genevieve’s.

Upon arriving at the Church, he noticed Fascist members of Fascist female Police Commissioner Cressida Dick’s Metropolitan London Police Service standing outside looking glum and constipated at the fact that the Church was open.

This was interfering with the plans of the Great Reset global oligarchy to bring forth the Antichrist.

Amadeus entered the Church where the service was said by one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists the Rev. Fr. Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who also happened to be the parish Vicar.

As he sat down, two elderly ladies in front of him were whispering to one another, “I see the Saudi Royal Family is joining with Pope Francis and Boris Johnson to bring forth the Antichrist and his Mark of the Beast global vaccine passport by saying that only those who have been vaccinated twice with the vaccine will be allowed to go on pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina.”

“The Devil is everywhere,” the other lady whispered.

A Metropolitan London policeman who had stuck his head in through the door retreated when the woman made her remark.

The service then started.

During the sermon Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds announced, “Hans Kung the dissident Swiss Catholic theologian, whose writings were censured by the Vatican under Pope John Paul II and CDF (Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith) head Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, has died today at the age of 93. Let us pray that he repented of his sins and errors and embraced the true Catholic Christian Faith before he died so he won’t spend all of Eternity languishing in eternal Hellfire.”

“Amen,” said Amadeus Emanon and the two ladies sitting in front of him.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was taking Miss Sherrielock Holmes’ orange tabby cat Mr. Truffles for a walk as Sherrielock would be busy at work tonight.

Renfield sat down on a bench and started to recite Edward Lear’s poem The Owl and The Pussycat to Mr. Truffles.

Suddenly a gunshot came out of nowhere and almost hit Mr. Truffles.

Renfield chased after the assailant and brought him down tying him up.

Later in the interrogation dungeon of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s West London mansion, Renfield questioned the assailant.

“I’m a Neo-Bolshevik Communist,” said the man proudly.

“Who do you work for?” Renfield inquired.

“The American FBI,” answered the man.

The answer did not surprise Renfield as today’s FBI and CIA were positively crawling with Neo-Bolshevik Communists.

“Why did you try to kill Mr. Truffles?” Renfield asked.

“I didn’t,” the FBI agent replied, “I was trying to kill you but I was startled by a jack rabbit and I misfired.”

“Like this jack rabbit?” Renfield showed the FBI agent a photo of Jack O’ Hare a wild hare jack rabbit who used to live in the back yard of a geopolitical analyst friend of his.

“That’s the one,” the FBI agent nodded.

“Well done, Jack,” Renfield called out the dungeon window.

Jack O’ Hare perked up his ears and British actor David Jason said “Thanks” as he walked by.

“Why did you want to kill me?” Renfield asked as he took a sip from his cup of Earl Grey tea and took a bite of cheese on toast.

“Because you’re a threat to the Neo-Bolshevik Communist Great Reset New World Order,” seethed the FBI agent.

“You’ve got a point there,” Renfield felt the FBI agent’s head in the manner of a well-known 19th Century Armenian phrenologist whose name Renfield had currently forgotten.

“I know,” the agent laughed.

“Did you know that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II gave me a licence to kill a la James Bond 007 after I saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool?” Renfield put some butter on his slice of toast.

“I did not know that,” the FBI agent shrugged, “Why? Are you planning to kill me?”.

The FBI agent laughed uproariously.

Renfield pulled out his gun, pointed it at the man’s head, pulled the trigger and blew the man’s head off.

“Yes, in answer to your question,” Renfield put the gun back in his holster.

He got on the phone to Set Enterprises Laboratories and asked them to send over some man-eating nanorobots aka nanobots to eat the man’s body and lick up all the blood.

“The vampire Set doesn’t like his dungeon floor looking like a mess,” Renfield explained.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 6th
2021.

Permalink 2 Comments

Yaldabaoth’s Interesting 48 Hours

March 29, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I understand Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun has had an interesting 48 hours,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his friend Amadeus Emanon as they sat down to late evening tea and crumpets in the dining room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal west London mansion.

“He did?” Amadeus bit into a crumpet.

“Yes, yesterday he was almost arrested by Irish Garda police for driving a Catholic priest to his parish church to say public Mass,” Renfield answered.

“Is that a crime?” Amadeus was shocked.

“It is now,” Renfield nodded, “The Antichrist government of the once Catholic nation of Ireland is now the most Antichrist government in Western Europe. They’re recently made it a crime for a priest to leave his home to say a public Mass as well as made it a crime for anyone to leave their home to attend Catholic Mass.”

“How did Yaldabaoth escape the Irish Garda Police?” Amadeus inquired.

“The car Yaldabaoth was driving was a replica of the Batmobile from the 1966-68 television series Batman starring Adam West and Burt Ward (that the little leprechaun won in a Guinness drinking contest a few years back) so he managed to outrun them,” Renfield explained.

“Then what did Yaldabaoth do in his next 24 hours?” Amadeus poured himself a cup of English Breakfast Tea even though he was having late evening tea and crumpets.

“Well, earlier today Yaldabaoth was small enough to fit inside a baby submarine the Seed of Nautilus that succeeded in freeing the 1300 foot Evergreen Marine container ship MV Ever Given that was stuck in the Suez Canal,” Renfield smiled.

“Yaldabaoth was responsible for freeing the Ever Given?” Amadeus was astounded.

“Yes, his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom should be so proud,” Renfield sipped his own cup of English Breakfast Tea.

Meanwhile the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a phone conversation with his CEO of Set Enterprises a man called Watson Holmes.

“This is a public relations disaster,” Set wept in his beer, “Our company has baby subs. We could have easily leant Yaldabaoth one when he was doing his deep canal route dive to free the Ever Given that was stuck in the Suez Canal. Instead my rival, sister and sister-in-law the Paris based Egyptian vampiress Isis gets all the glory and publicity for letting Yaldabaoth use her baby sub the Seed of Nautilus ”

“I’m afraid it was that idiot Dr. Marmalade Montague who took the phone call when Yaldabaoth phoned Set Enterprises,” Set Enterprises’ CEO Watson Holmes explained, “Dr. Montague misheard and thought Yaldabaoth was asking for a baby tub to use. And Marmalade said, “Sorry, we have no baby tubs” and hung up the phone.

Meanwhile in Paris, France the Egyptian vampiress Isis (who was worshipped as the goddess of the moon, magic and healing in ancient Egypt and who was Set’s rival, sister and sister-in-law as well as the wife of Osiris and the mother of Horus) was basking in the glory of having had her baby sub the Seed of Nautilus used by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun in freeing the container ship Ever Given from the Suez Canal.

She was being photographed by the assembled world press.

Egypt’s goddess Isis basking in glory.

It was a good thing for Yaldabaoth that he was still in Egypt.

Otherwise he might have keeled over and died on the spot had he been in Paris and saw the killer outfit that Isis was wearing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 29th
2021.

Permalink 6 Comments

Miranda Singh Vs. The Zombie Nosferatu

March 24, 2021 at 10:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were down at the Set Enterprises Laboatories in London.

They were talking with Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague while Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his aquarium playing Frederic Chopin’s Prelude In E-Minor on his underwater piano.

“So that was one of the underreported big news stories last week,” Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked, “North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un’s younger sister Kim Yo-jong is threatening to kick Joe Biden’s senile old ass.”

“I wonder if she’ll be doing that while Biden is debating Russian President Vladimir Putin on livestream,” Renfield commented, “that is if Biden accepts Putin’s challenge of a debate which I doubt he will.”

“What’s Kim Yo-jong doing issuing ultimatums on behalf of North Korea?” Amadeus Emanon asked, “Is she acting as de facto leader of North Korea?”.

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield nodded.

“What’s Kim Jong-un doing?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Undoubtedly taking one of his lengthy refrigerator breaks,” Renfield answered, “Either that or going on a diet after one of his lengthy refrigerator breaks.”

Suddenly Michelangelo started tapping a unique sound on his piano keys.

“What is that?” Renfield listened attentively to the sound.

“It’s Morse code,” Dr. Marmalade Montague answered.

“Morse code?” Renfield looked puzzled, “I thought that went out of use when the last telegraph line was eaten by the last dinosaur.”

Extremely Curious George the recently created stegosaurus shot Renfield an extremely curious look when he walked by the room.

He continued down the hallway.

Presumably in search of the last telegraph line.

“Michelangelo saw a vision a moment ago,” Dr. Marmalade Montague started jotting down dots and dashes on his notepad with his pencil, “so not having the power of vocal speech, he’s communicating what he saw. Apparently Set Enterprises’ secret intelligence agent Miranda Singh is in mortal danger. Zombie nosferatu at the American CIA are plotting to kill her. Even now zombie nosferatu are descending upon a castle in Spain as we speak.”

“What’s Miranda doing at a castle in Spain?” Renfield asked.

“She’s currently on a modeling fashion photo shoot for Shinihas Ageless Collection,” Dr. Montague replied.

Miranda Singh’s cover was working as a fashion model at various locales in the world.

“We better warn her,” said Amadeus.

“Already on it,” Dr. Montague parted curtains next to his office water cooler.

Behind the curtains was an unusual contraption.

“That looks like a 1940s era ham radio,” Renfield remarked.

“That’s because it is,” Montague started sending out a transmission on it, “Miranda has a radio receiver in her left earring.”

Meanwhile in Joe Biden’s Oval Office, a high-ranking Neo-Bolshevik Communist official in the American CIA put down a document on Biden’s desk for him to sign.

“What is this?” Biden asked.

“A document authorizing the assassination of an enemy agent,” the CIA official answered.

“But I didn’t think my signature was required for these?” Biden looked baffled- in other words his usual self.

“Yes, but just on the off chance anything goes wrong in this case, we want the buck to stop here,” the CIA official put down an American dollar bill on Biden’s desk.

“Whose picture is this?” Biden asked.

“George Washington,” the CIA official replied.

“He looks white,” Biden looked carefully at the bill.

“He was white,” the CIA official pointed out.

“But isn’t depicting white guys a sign of racism and white privilege?” Biden scratched his head.

“It is,” the CIA official agreed, “Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is currently trying to track down a rare black and white photo of Karl Marx doing a rare minstrel show performance in London to use as the face on the new American dollar bill which will be printed in time for the next trillion dollar Covid bailout which will bankrupt this country for generations to come.”

“I see,” Biden nodded and signed the paper.

At that moment in Spain a zombie nosferatu American CIA agent (treated with a special formula invented by DARPA using a combination of goats’ milk and old photographic dark room chemical fluid that allowed zombie nosferatu to venture forth in the daylight) approached Miranda Singh.

Miranda Singh turned and faced him directly.

She unhooked her right earring (that contained a silver arrowpoint designed to kill vampires and werewolves) and threw it at him.

The zombie nosferatu fell over dead.

A multiple charging laser beam (activated by the radio receiver in her left ear) then shot out and went forth and killed all the zombie nosferatu in the immediate vicinity.

It was a photo shoot that the Shinihas Ageless Collection camera crew would never forget.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 24th
2021.

Permalink 8 Comments

Renfield’s Dirigible Ride Over Rome

March 23, 2021 at 9:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had borrowed the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airship The Peregrine Falcon to take an aerial sightseeing trip over the city of Rome.

He had invited his friend Amadeus Emanon to join him.

“Did you get the permission of the British government to take this trip?” Amadeus asked as he sipped his strawberry milkshake.

“Of course not,” Renfield licked his chocolate ice cream cone.

“But I thought the British government made it illegal for British nationals to travel outside the country without a reasonable excuse for doing so,” Amadeus mentioned.

“They issued a proclamation to that effect,” Renfield nodded, “A copy of which I recently used as toilet paper. But I just ignore it like I do every other dictatorial decree issued by Boris Johnson’s zombie nosferatu controlled government.”

“I see,” Amadeus put down his empty glass of strawberry milkshake and ordered another from the airship steward, “And how many governments in the world are controlled by zombie nosferatu?”.

“Probably most of them,” Renfield answered.

“The situation doesn’t look very promising,” Amadeus reflected aloud.

“Neither did it look promising for Winston Churchill when he became Prime Minister of Britain in May 1940 and France fell to the Nazis a month later,” Renfield pointed out, “Yet he won in the end.”

“The colosseum where Christians were thrown to the lions,” Amadeus pointed to the ancient structure down below.

“I’m sure the far-left secularist Democrats in the U.S. Congress would like to build colosseums up and down America and throw Christians to the lions all in the name of their so-called Equality Act and every other piece of Days of Lot and Days of Noah and current days of Neo-Bolshevik Communist garbage they can come up with,” Renfield sipped a martini, “And Joe Biden would eagerly sign it.”

“But I thought Joe Biden claimed to be Catholic,” Amadeus took his strawberry milkshake from the steward.

“Yes but Biden doesn’t realize that a Catholic is supposed to be Christian,” Renfield explained, “He thinks a Catholic is supposed to worship Baal and Baphomet like every other registered Democrat who claims to be a Catholic like Nancy Pelosi and New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and the majority of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops in America.”

“I see we’re now flying over Saint Peter’s Basilica,” Amadeus looked down below.

“Where Pope Francis has forbidden priests from celebrating their own private Masses in the various chapels,” Renfield noted, “Something they had been allowed to do for the past 1500 years – in the old Basilica- and then in this present Renaissance era built structure- until now.”

“Why do you suppose Pope Francis has forbade priests from saying private Masses there?” Amadeus ate a chocolate eclair.

“Because most of the private Masses the priests were saying were according to the rite of the old Tridentine Latin Mass and Francis hates the old Tridentine Latin Mass,” Renfield ordered another martini from the airship steward.

“Why does Francis hate the Tridentine Latin Mass?” Amadeus inquired.

“Because Lucifer/Satan/The Devil hates it and I don’t imagine the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama thinks much of it either,” Renfield replied, “She much prefers the sacrifice of llamas and small children. As for Francis, being a Latin American Jesuit trained in Marxist Liberation Theology, he’d naturally have an antipathy for the old Tridentine Latin Mass.”

“I see almost every government in Western Europe is forbidding public celebrations of Easter Mass this coming Easter,” Amadeus noted.

“Yes, Italy, Germany, the UK and the list goes on and on,” Renfield sipped his second martini.

As nightfall approached, Nero’s ghost walked around the colosseum playing his fiddle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 23rd
2021.

Permalink 8 Comments

Michelangelo’s Morning Routine

March 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I had a really bad dozen years.”
-Adolf Hitler reflecting on his time as leader of Germany from 1933-1945 which oversaw the Holocaust, the invasion and takeover of several countries and World War II resulting in millions upon millions of deaths.

“All right, Herr Hitler, we’ll let you return to your rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus,” Renfield finished his radio interview, “I imagine you must use the same speechwriter as members of the Atlanta Georgia Police Department.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up from his dream as his waterproof alarm clock (with the face of Groucho Marx on it) went off.

Coincidentally Renfield was doing a newscast on BBC World Service Radio as the lobster stretched his claws and got out of bed.

“Meanwhile in other news,” Renfield’s voice could be heard saying, “a giant cloud of dust emerged from the Vatican today as Pope Francis opened his Bible…”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster crawled out of his aquarium, grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and crawled down the hall to the Set Enterprises Employees Shower Room where he took a shower.

Extremely Curious George the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher gazed at the lobster with a look of extreme bafflement on his face as he watched for the very first time this morning routine of the world famous Psychic Lobster.

Of course others at Set Enterprises (who had been around a lot longer than the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus) still looked at Michelangelo’s morning routine with extreme bafflement on their faces whenever they saw it.

The only ones who didn’t take a second look were Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague as well as the ghost of Winston Churchill whenever he happened to be visiting Set Enterprises Laboratories.

And speaking of Dr. Marmalade Montague, he had the body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a gurney with his mouth stretched wipe open about to receive the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin being poured down his throat through a contraption recently invented by Dr. Montague.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (dressed in a surgeon’s gown) had, last night, in his third post-mortem performed on the leprechaun since the start of this year, determined the cause of death to be Guinness laced with an extremely high content of a particularly toxic variety of cobra venom.

The other two times Yaldabaoth had died since the start of 2021- the 1st cause of death had been eating lutefisk and the 2nd cause of death had been drinking a bottle of champagne laced with Fire Salamander venom.

Coincidentally on all three occasions Yaldabaoth had keeled over and died on the spot after seeing a beautiful woman wearing a killer outfit.

Now Dr. Marmalade Montague was once again using 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead.

“I think Hendrick’s Gin should start advertising this medicinal benefit of their product for leprechauns in their TV commercials,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to Set Enterprises Intelligence Secret Agent Miranda Singh.

“Maybe someone should let them know,” Miranda suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 18th
2021.

Permalink 4 Comments

Extremely Curious George

March 15, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well, I’m sure Renfield will be happy to see you back in London, Amadeus,” Set Enterprises’ secret agent Miranda Singh remarked to Amadeus Emanon who was the best friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield and had been living for over a year in Australia, “but I thought the Australian government wasn’t allowing you to leave Australia because they found something strange with your DNA and were wanting Australia’s intelligence agencies to investigate further.”

“That’s true but the Boss,” Amadeus was referring to his official employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “sent one of his eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis-powered dirigible airships The Peregrine Falcon to rescue me after my Australian host Uncle Ernie had his backyard unauthorized and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing facility raided and poor Uncle Ernie once again finds himself in jail.”

“Why was Uncle Ernie raided?” Miranda inquired.

“Xi Jinping discovered that Uncle Ernie was the major competitor and rival to the CCP illegal drug monopoly in Australia and Xi couldn’t stand having any major competitors in the Australian market,” Amadeus explained, “Many Austalian politicians depend on CCP illegal drug money to help finance their political campaigns and so when the word got out that Xi’s axe was about to fall on Uncle Ernie’s head, many Australian politicos put on their executioners’ masks.”

“Like Victoria State Dictator Daniel Andrews whose nickname is Chairman Dan?” Miranda asked.

“Yes, Andrews recently slipped on some wet stairs at his holiday home on the Mornington Peninsula a week ago,” Amadeus nodded, “surprisingly the day after Uncle Ernie gave a surprise evening performance of his drag queen show Cumelita to kangaroos and koala bears who were watching the performance through the Andrews holiday home window. It was strange the Australian police said they found traces of Uncle Ernie’s DNA on those wet stairs which leads one to speculate on what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing.”

“I’m sure a YouTube video will appear eventually showing what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked as he entered the room.

“Unless of course Uncle Ernie sang a song whose lyrics dispute the official Covid-19 narrative currently being espoused by the World Health Organization,” Miranda quipped, “in which case that video will be immediately banned by YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.”

“Was that a stegosaurus I just saw walking by?” Amadeus gasped as he pointed out the office window.

“Yes, Dr. Cadbury Rocher successfully cloned a stegosaurus using stegosaurus DNA found on the blood sucked by the perfectly preserved remains of a 155 million year old mosquito,” Montague smiled.

“What’s its name?” Amadeus asked.

“Extremely Curious George,” Montague answered.

“Extremely Curious George?” Amadeus repeated the name in the form of a question.

“Yes, like Curious George the monkey in the famous children’s stories and later film,” Montague nodded, “only a lot more curious.”

A strange cry is heard.

“Um,” Montague turned pale, “I think Extremely Curious George may have just examined the mouse trap I set to catch the mouse who’s been stealing my grilled cheese sandwiches.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 15th
2021.

Permalink 4 Comments

Renfield Reads Dr. Seuss Books To Children, Comments On Pope Francis and Reflects On Meghan and Prince Harry Interview

March 10, 2021 at 11:56 pm (books, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield spent the morning reading live on-air to British schoolchildren the 6 books by Dr. Seuss that would no longer be published by Dr. Seuss Enterprises because they were deemed highly offensive, extremely insensitive and politically incorrect by America’s easily offended, psychotically oversensitive and politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

After the live-on air reading, Renfield left the studio where he was greeted by a highly irate member of Britain’s own politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

“How dare you,” the man foamed at the mouth, “read, as a member of Britain’s House of Commons and therefore a public servant, books that have been deemed cancelled by us the cancel culture?”.

The man regained consciousness several hours later after his face had come into sudden and immediate very close contact with Renfield’s fist.

Renfield went to his parliamentary office where his secretary told him that the U.S. Ambassador to London was once again phoning to complain about the number of times Renfield had referred to U.S. President Joe Biden as an “idiot” and a “senile old fool” the past week.

Renfield had also received a phone call from U.S. actor Tom Hanks’ agent.

In a recent interview, Renfield was asked about Tom Hanks being recently granted Greek citizenship, and the MP replied, quoting a San Francisco blogger he read, “Didn’t Greece recently legalize pedophilia?”.

Renfield went into his inner office where he had a Skype conversation with his good friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

“Did you hear,” Amadeus asked, “that Pope Francis was complaining to reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq (reporters all of whom had received the DeathVaxx vaccine in order to be allowed on the plane) that some people call him “an idiot and a heretic”? Did you hear his complaining about that?”.

“I did,’ Renfield lit a cigar.

“Haven’t you on numerous occasions called Pope Francis an idiot and a heretic?” Amadeus inquired.

“I have,” Renfield nodded.

“Some people are now saying that Pope Francis has initiated the official start of the Mystery Babylon religion that was prophesied in Chapter 17 of the Apocalypse of Saint John,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Well Pope Francis did hold an interfaith service at the site of the temple of Inanna the ancient Sumerian goddess of prostitution (whose Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian equivalent was Ishtar) the goddess who’s considered the Mother of Harlots so his use of symbols and symbology used throughout this trip was extremely interesting to say the least,” Renfield sipped a small glass of brandy.

“Did you get a chance to watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah?” Amadeus asked.

“I did,” said Renfield, “I was talking to a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and has felt suicidal a few times in his life and he’s very disturbed with the way Meghan was not offered help by the Royal Family when she herself was feeling suicidally depressed while pregnant with Archie and was further told she should not seek out help because members of the Firm aren’t supposed to do so.
They’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.”

“Didn’t Prince Andrew keep a stiff something else with a few underage female proteges of Jeffrey Epstein?” Amadeus inquired.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “And then during the interview it appears there’s at least one member of the Royal Family who’s racist and expressed concern about what skin tone colour baby Archie was going to have. Oprah said that Prince Harry made it clear that it wasn’t his grandmother the Queen or his grandfather Prince Philip. But another member of the Royal Family.”

“Any idea who that member of the Royal Family might be?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well, I have a few suspects in mind but nothing definite,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder if we’ll ever know,” Amadeus pondered.

“Well, if Harvey Tallbanger ever finds out and I’m told he’s currently investigating the matter,” Renfield finished his brandy, “and we hear about a member of the British Royal Family getting a cream pie in the face in public thrown at them by an invisible entity over the next few weeks, we can safely guess that was probably the one who had their knickers in a knot over what little Archie’s skin tone colour might be.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 10th
2021.

Permalink 30 Comments

The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat In Washington DC

January 27, 2021 at 11:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was out shoveling the sidewalks in front of the house where he rented a room because it had snowed overnight.

“Just wait until I get my hands on those bloody frost giants of the old Norse pantheon,” Pan Goatee seethed, “They won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

The satyr pushed some more snow away.

“Just wait until I get my hands on Loki the Norse trickster god,” Goatee vowed, “He won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

Just then to Pan Goatee’s horror, a repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp came walking down the sidewalk.

She was walking down the sidewalk walking her dog.

“Bloody Hell,” Goatee noted, “That’s all I need to ruin my day is having to look at some fat ugly blimp. A two-legged dog (who are all ugly) out walking her four legged dog (who are generally cute).”

“Well, it would look pretty stupid the other way around,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse remarked as he clomped by dragging an old milk wagon behind him, “If it was a four legged dog out walking a two legged dog.”

Mr. Ed stopped in front of a house down the street as Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman reached for a couple of jugs of fresh milk.

“Shit, the milk has frozen!” Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman called out.

“Well, I told you not to deliver milk in a milk wagon in the middle of a snowstorm,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse pointed out as he smoked his Cuban cigar, “But did you listen? NO! What do I know you probably figured? I’m just a horse! Even though I won first prize in a Latin poetry writing competition a couple of years ago. Beating out 2018 humans I might add.”

Meanwhile Pan Goatee had by this time beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“And not only are you fat and ugly,” Goatee gave his aesthetic adjudication, “but you’re guilty of cruelty to animals as well. How do you think this poor dog feels having to walk around the neighbourhood with a fat ugly blimp such as yourself?”.

Indeed the dog was already running down the street enjoying his new found glorious freedom.

Krampus the goat demon hybrid arrived on the scene to gather up the 999 trillion pieces of the fat ugly blimp, put them in his sack and carry them down to Hades.

After crossing the River Styx, Cerberus the 3-headed dog peed and crapped all over the fat ugly blimp’s remains when he heard about her gargantuan cruelty to animals.

Meanwhile Loki the Norse trickster god made the mistake of walking by Pan Goatee.

Loki immediately found himself being beheaded by Pan Goatee’s laser astral machete.

“I hate it when that happens,” Loki’s head remarked as it rolled down the street.

. . .

“I see priests in the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington DC are lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate a bagel, “I wonder why they’re lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession?”.

“Beelzebub knows,” Uncle Ernie remarked as he fed a spoonful of crack cocaine to an Australian house fly, “Several Catholic priests in this diocese are trying to talk me into converting from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism for some reason.”

“That’s strange,” Amadeus admitted.

“It is,” Uncle Ernie nodded, “It probably means I’ll have to reglue my foreskin to my Jolly Roger if I want to covert from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism.”

Uncle Ernie held up the small glass bottle that had once been used to store a plastic contact lens but which was now home to Uncle Ernie’s foreskin which had been separated on and off from Uncle Ernie’s Jolly Roger all these many years.

“I wonder if that’s what the Canadian folk music band Captain Tractor meant by their song lyrics… When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores?,” Amadeus mused aloud.

“I don’t remember Regina,” Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie reflected on his past trips to Canada and Saskatchewan in particular, “I do remember I got my Jolly Roger caught in Moose Jaw down in the Al Capone Prohibition Booze era tunnels.”

. . .

“As we all know, Donald Trump incited an erection.”
-New York Sen. Chuck Schumer
coming out of the closet
on the U.S. Senate floor

. . .

A Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat was walking the streets of Washington DC.

The metal rat built by Havana Cuba based sanity challenged scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan for Huawei Technologies of China had the skull of a demon buffalo put on its head by the Norse trickster god Loki prior to South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo restoring the skull to life turning it into a full fledged Demon Buffalo Head.

Ironically enough, Loki’s head was now missing from his body.

The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat had been given the ability to detect and analyze thoughts.

It could tell those people who thought like Communists from those who didn’t think like Communists.

Those people who didn’t think like Communists the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat gored to death with his demon buffalo horns.

The CEOs of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Google as well as the CEO of United Airlines were all safe from death at the horns of the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat.

As were all the editors and reporters at the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, BBC, Global News Canada and Fox News.

To say nothing of the entire Democratic Congressional and Senate caucuses and 2/3 of the Republican Congressional and Senate caucuses.

As well as all the members of the Biden-Harris Administration.

“I failed, I failed,” the ghost of Sen. Joe McCarthy sobbed as he walked down the streets of Washington DC.

“Wow, that really blows my mind,” Hunter Biden commented as he sat at the gates of the White House smoking a pipe of crack cocaine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 27th
2021

Permalink 2 Comments

Next page »