Post-Election Aftermath: A Renfieldian Analysis

November 9, 2016 at 6:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Post-Election Aftermath: A Renfieldian Analysis

In the editorial boardrooms of The Washington Post, The New York Times, CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC and the United Kingdom’s own The Economist newsmagazine, they sat there with totally stupefied and totally stupid looks on their faces.

Not one of these self-proclaimed geniuses had seen this coming.

Many of them began to think that Josef Stalin had it right after all, when every few years, he had slaughtered millions of the common people.

Perhaps if they, the western world’s global elite, had been doing the same thing the past several decades, yesterday’s election debacle might have been prevented.

Even BREXIT might have been stillborn.

Representing the members of the film, music and entertainment industry’s chattering classes, a female blonde moron wearing a t-shirt that said I USED TO BE HANNAH MONTANA sobbed, “Now everybody is going to think that we in the film, music and entertainment industries are a bunch of airheads” (totally oblivious to the fact that most American citizens and indeed most people across the world already thought so).

To confirm the former Miss Montana’s idiotic fears, most of those in the film, music and entertainment industries who had jumped on the losing side’s bandwagon were already using the hoses off bicycle tire air pumps to try to pump their heads up to what should be their proper cranial and cerebral size.

A defeated Presidential candidate in her campaign headquarters who had been forced to write a concession speech at the last moment (a speech she had never written throughout her entire election campaign) was now reflecting how the vast right-wing conspiracy was even more vast than she had originally thought in that TV interview she gave 20 years ago.

In the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada,that metropolis’ vast conglomerate of pot-smoking potheads were trying desperately to get off the One Hell of A Nightmare stoner trip they were currently on about what had occurred south of the border.

. . .

As Amadeus Emanon watched Renfield R. Renfield type up his analysis of the U.S. Presidential election, he remarked, “So Michelangelo was right and the experts were wrong?”.

(Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster for Set Enterprises had correctly called the U.S. Election almost a month ago


“That should come as no surprise, should it?” Renfield asked as he took a large swig from a bottle of Tennessee bourbon and struck his best Ernest Hemingway pose.

“No, I suppose not,” Amadeus reflected.

“After all, you know what an expert is, don’t you?” Renfield grinned as he lit a cigar before proceeding to bang away on his old antique Underwood typewriter.

“No, what is an expert?” Amadeus almost dreaded to ask Renfield.

“Well,” Renfield grinned as he chewed his cigar, “an ex is a has-been and a spurt is a drip of water under pressure.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 9th

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Haiku About Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly

March 22, 2016 at 6:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Poetry, Politics) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly

Trump spanks his monkey
when he sees Megyn Kelly
she gets in his hair

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Donald Trump Meets Pan Goatee

March 9, 2016 at 8:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump Meets Pan Goatee

“What’s an ugly looking woman doing in my dressing room?” Donald Trump screamed prior to doing a TV interview, “I didn’t ask for an ugly looking woman in my dressing room. If it was a beautiful looking woman, I wouldn’t have a problem. Beautiful is good. But what the Hell is an ugly looking woman doing in my dressing room? I shouldn’t have to face someone who looks like Hillary until the campaign after Labour Day.”

Pan Goatee astral projects from the back rooms of The Dionysus Tavern where he had been sampling some of the god Dionysus’ wine.

“Sounds like I heard the call of a red spider monkey fur toupee in distress,” Pan Goatee shouted.

Then he turned and saw what it was that Donald Trump saw, “Egad! Is this a blemish on humanity I see before me? Come! Let me cut thy head off. God. That was easy. I’m glad I didn’t have the same problems that MacBeth did in his nocturnal visions of daggers when he was contemplating bumping off Duncan. Duncan probably wasn’t ugly and that’s why those weapons of the night created such existential angst for MacBeth as a result.”

Trump opened the dressing room door and screamed, “This ugly looking creature is now bleeding out of more places than Megyn Kelly. Would someone get the janitor or cleaning woman… and preferably a good looking one at that to come in and clean this place up.”

Pan Goatee kicked the head with the accompanying ugly face far down the hall.

“At least that’s now out of your hair,” Pan Goatee said.

Trump turned to the full length mirror he had requested for his dressing room and used a banana shaped comb to comb his hair.

“Thanks for your help,” Trump turned to thank the satyr serial killer for his assistance but Pan Goatee had already astral projected to a movie theatre to watch the new movie Gods of Egypt.

“Who was that goat-legged man?” Trump’s question echoed through the dressing room.

In the distance could be heard an echo saying, “Heigh-Ho machete away.”

While the William Tell Overture played in the background.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 9th

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