Vampiress Lilith Discusses 5G and AI With The Demon Asmodeus At Astana Kazakhstan

March 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith on her estate near the Kazakhstan capital of Astana

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing in the middle of a forest path near her estate waiting for her ally the demon Asmodeus to show up.

Asmodeus showed up with 10 cigarettes in his mouth, a can of Budweiser beer in his left hand and a copy of The Times of London in his right hand.

“Read anything interesting in The Times of London?” Lilith asked as she picked a serpent off an apple tree.

“Well,” Asmodeus sipped Budweiser and belched, “I see British MP Renfield R. Renfield wrote an article examining Huawei and U.S.-China and Canadian-Chinese relations.”

Lilith bit the serpent’s neck with her vampiric incisors and then proceeded to eat it whole.

“Renfield notes that the Chinese government just cancelled over a billion dollars worth of canola exports from the western Canadian province of Manitoba,” Asmodeus read from the Times editorial page as he spilled beer and cigarette ash all over himself, “Renfield says this is all in retaliation for the Canadian government’s arrest and detention of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.”

“Of course it is,” Lilith removed some dental floss attached to her thong and used it to floss snake skin from between her teeth and gums.

The little green frog Nimrod (the resurrected king of Babel and mighty hunter against the Lord who found himself turned into a frog as a result of an unfortunate incident some years back) walked into a tree and knocked himself out when he saw Lilith reach all the way down the low-cut top front of her dress to her thong to get the dental floss.

“What Justin Trudeau and the Canadian government fail to realize is that the conflict between the U.S. and China over Huawei is over what country will be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that the Apostle John foresaw on the island of Patmos and mentioned in Chapter 13 of The Apocalypse or Book of Revelation,” Lilith smoothed the front of her dress, “The 5G network is the Internet of Things network that will be used to implement the Mark of The Beast system. Just like developments in AI will bring to fruition the Image of The Beast so 5G will bring the Mark of the Beast to fruition.”

“I never read the Book of Revelation,” Asmodeus coughed a heavy smokers’ cough, “of course I had been bound and imprisoned in Upper Egypt by the Archangel Raphael for the longest period of time.”

“That bastard Raphael,” Lilith’s face turned as fiery as the recent electrical storms over the state of California, “bound and imprisoned my son Azazel (that I had after relations with the fallen angel and Watcher Semjaza) in the desert at Dudael which is east of Jerusalem.”

“China I believe is about 20 years ahead of developing 5G than the U.S. is, isn’t it?” Asmodeus said as he opened a Chinese fortune cookie and read his fortune.

“It is,” Lilith nodded, “when the U.S. finally figured it out and Donald Trump got his toupee caught in a Venus flytrap, then the word went forth from that time and place for the toppling of Huawei. And Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was on the U.S. government hit list. And Justin Trudeau’s Canada did the dirty work and was left holding the bag.”

“So China is #1 when it comes to the Internet then?” Asmodeus took out his tablet.

“Actually Israel is ahead of China when it comes to the Internet, 5G and AI,” Lilith answered.

“Israel?” Asmodeus swallowed all 10 of his cigarettes in surprise.

“Yes,” Lilith nodded, “For the past dozen years, Israel has quietly become number one in the world when it comes to Internet technology, Internet security, cyberwarfare, 5G and AI. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is seeking an alliance with Israel. If he wants his new economic autonomous zone and technological research and development super city state of NEOM (to be built over the site where Moses received the 10 Commandments from Yahweh) to succeed, he’ll need Israeli expertise and know-how. Thanks to Israeli agencies like Talpiot which is sort of an Israeli equivalent of DARPA, the Rand Institute think tank and the Green Beret Special Forces combined and Unit 8200 of the Israeli Intelligence Corps., Israel leads the way in Third Wave Information Age technology.”

“Then maybe Israel will bring forth the Mark and the Image of the Beast,” Asmodeus suggested as he ate a kosher corned beef sandwich.

“Well according to some kabbalistic groups in Israel, the Messiah is supposed to arrive on the Festival of Purim this year which falls on March 20th to 21st the same time as the Spring equinox in the northern hemisphere,” Lilith pointed out, “and if the Kabbalistic Messiah is the Antichrist of Christian eschatology, the Mark and Image of the Beast system will be ready to go.”

“Hello,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing arrived on the scene carrying a personal handwritten message from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Lilith asking for the release of the Golem of Prague whom the vampiress had recently abducted, “does anyone here know the closest place where I might be able to get some dental floss?”.

Lilith reached down her dress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2019.


What occult secrets is the vampiress Lilith hiding under her dress?

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Lilith, Putin, Golgotha and The Golem of Prague

February 21, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith was on her vast estate near Astana the capital city of Kazakhstan.

It was there that she had hidden the Golem of Prague that she had stolen (with the help of Count Dracula) from the attic of the Old New Synagogue in Prague.

She would be having a video phone conferencing call with the Presidents of Russia, Turkey, Iran and Venezuela to show them the body of the captured Golem.

The Black Dragon (the supernatural entity who was the leading advisor to Chinese President Xi Jinping) would be flying in from Beijing in his flying dragon form to personally see the Golem for himself.

There were rumours that Russian President Vladimir Putin would likewise be flying in from Moscow to personally see the Golem for himself.

As Lilith sat in her living room drinking cocktails, her vampiress daughter Golgotha stood guard on a portion of her mother’s Nouveau Babylon estate as it was called to prevent Britain’s MI-6 or Israel’s Mossad from retaking the Golem.

She sat there looking positively resplendent in the woods of the estate.

Wandering through the woods was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who had been sent to this Estate by MP Renfield R. Renfield who was the co-chair of the British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee and was working with the Israeli government to get the golem returned to Prague.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Golgotha greeted him, “don’t you know you’re trespassing on private property? You could use a spanking for your behaviour.”

Van Helsing had to admit that she was probably right.

So he took off his clothes and lay across her red skirted and black silk nylon lap where she administered a good sound thorough walloping.

They then had tantric sex afterwards.

. . .

“Why the Hell isn’t that bastard answering his mobile phone?” Renfield R. Renfield swore as he sat in the office of French President Emmanuel Macron, “I bet that bastard is busy having tantric sex with someone.”

Macron looked up from the tour guide book he was reading entitled The Best Place To Find Cougars In Paris and blinked before asking, “Tantric sex? Dracul Van Helsing is having tantric sex?”.

“Most likely,” Renfield’s face turned redder than the cover of the booklet Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-tung, “That’s what happens when you watch too many James Bond movies with either Sean Connery or Roger Moore playing Bond when you’re a teen-ager, you’re forever horny.”

“I wonder if that works when you’re older as well,” Macron applied some more mascara to his eyelashes, “I should go take a look at my video library.”

. . .

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon looked at the statue of himself at the Fountain of Neptune in Florence, Italy.

“I do have to admit that’s a very good likeness,” Poseidon commented through mouthfuls of seafood linguini.

“And like me, he doesn’t have his trident,” Poseidon remarked wistfully.

For his trident had been stolen by Atargatis the ancient northern Syrian mermaid goddess.

. . .

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood outside her house waiting for Vladimir Putin’s helicopter and the Black Dragon of Beijing to arrive.

The Red Army helicopter and the Black Dragon arrived at the same time crashing into one another.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God!” Golgotha shrieked in sheer joyful ecstasy from the other side of the Estate.

“It appears my daughter Golgotha has finally inherited my bloodlust,” Lilith thought to herself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 21st
2019.

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The Golem of Prague Has Gone Missing

February 19, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract Assassiness and Renfield associate Panty Goatee in Prague on the lookout for the Golem of Prague

“The Golem of Prague has gone missing, gentlemen,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced somewhat somberly over his rum and coke to the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill.

“Mazel tov,” exclaimed Orson Welles’ ghost inappropriately and somewhat less soberly over his spectral bottle of Mogen David wine.

“Gazooks!” Churchill’s ghost put down his spectral lox and cream cheese bagel.

“Yes, I just got a text message from the Controller of The Golem,” Renfield referred to the Israeli Mossad Agent who went by that code name, “The Golem of Prague went missing last night from the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue when the cantor punched in his invisible co-ordinates on his mobile phone to see if the Golem was still present albeit invisibly.”

“Holy contradiction in terms, Batman,” Churchill’s ghost remarked in somewhat Robinesque fashion, “how did that happen?”.

“Well according to video surveillance footage,” Renfield looked at the footage on his Huawei smart phone, “the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and the Transylvanian Count Dracula (who appeared to be in a hypnotic state) flew into the attic and minutes later were seen carrying out a very visible Golem. The video has been shared 666 million times on social media because during the Golem heist, the vampiress Lilith was wearing the last evening dress that House of Chanel Creative Fashion Director Karl Lagerfeld (September 10th 1933 – February 19th 2019) who died earlier today had ever designed.”

“Lilith was wearing a Karl Lagerfeld evening gown when she stole the Golem?” Welles’ ghost dropped his cigar in incredulity.

“Say what you will about Lilith,” Renfield poured himself a glass of Glenlivet Single Malt Whisky, “The vampiress does have impeccable good taste.”

“But how was she able to access the code for the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue?” Churchill’s ghost bit deep into his spectral cigar spilling ectoplasmic ash all over his spirited spiritly suit, “only the Controller of the Golem and his designated successor within Mossad know the complicated access code which is to be found in the world’s only Jewish Chinese abacus the whereabouts in Israel that only the Controller and his successor know. Such has always been the case since the state of Israel was created back in 1948.”

“I don’t know how the code was cracked,” Renfield cracked himself a walnut as Donald Trump appeared on his smart phone extolling the virtues of building a wall.

. . .

“It was pure luck,” the somewhat inebriated Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth (son of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia when she was still a virgin although she was helped in terms of genetic manipulation and cloning techniques by the immortal Egyptian priest-scientist Imhotep) told Stephen Colbert the host of the Late Show, “I really didn’t know how to crack the code. But after drinking 200 pints of Guinness, ask me to do anything and I’ll probably do it. Which explains how I wound up face down in the gutter in front of the Apostolic home of the recently defrocked former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick back when he was still Archbishop of Washington DC. I woke up with an awfully sore rectum I do recall.”

“And did Lilith actually wear the last evening gown that Karl Lagerfeld ever designed before he died when she abducted the Golem of Prague?” Colbert asked.

“That she did,” Yaldabaoth nodded as he helped himself to a can of Samuel Adams GOAT Beer and then tossed it aside when he noticed his half-brother’s picture on it, “a Karl Lagerfeld evening dress, red silk nylons and blue spiked stiletto high heeled shoes. I myself wore a pair of green silk tights and a denim mini skirt that I had bought from Old Navy.”

“Are you trying to copy my transsexual transgendered habits?” Yaldabaoth’s younger brother/sister the Baphomet (the male/female human goat demon hybrid that was the son/daughter of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia after she had made out with the Greek nature satyr god Pan) lunged at him from the audience.

“We appear to have a fight going on between a transgendered human goat demon hybrid and an Irish leprechaun,” Colbert informed his audience.

Meanwhile backstage the Nazi SS vampiress Helga Electrafreudenbund awaited to talk to Yaldabaoth.

She had failed in her own mission to destroy the Golem back during World War II.
She had ended up being strangled by the Golem of Prague but was brought back to life by Dr. Josef Mengele and then turned into a vampiress by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

. . .

“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith is behind much of the anti-Semitism currently happening in Britain and France,” Renfield explained to Welles and Churchill, “Vengeance for what she said was the defamation and libel of her good name in The Babylonian Talmud.”

“What about the current anti-Semitism in the Labour Party?” Churchill asked.

“I’ll have to ask my good friend Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger,” Renfield replied, “formerly of the Labour Party but left yesterday with 6 other former Labour MPs to form the Independent Group.”


Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger in much happier times last summer.
Getting her picture taken by fellow MP Renfield R. Renfield as he did his impersonation of Groucho Marx smoking a cigar and doing his hybrid duck/penguin walk.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 19th
2019.

R.I.P. Karl Lagerfeld
September 10th 1933
to
February 19th 2019.


Naomi Campbell wearing an outfit designed by Karl Lagerfeld

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Vampiress Lilith and Satyr Bagpiper Pan Deux At Robbie Burns Day Dinner In Jerusalem

January 25, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

It was Robbie Burns Day and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the British Deputy Consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was hosting a Robbie Burns party in his West Jerusalem home.

William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had been the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP) MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills and the Intergovernmental Affairs Minister for Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond’s Scottish Parliamentary government prior to the September 18th 2014 Scottish independence referendum which the pro-independence side had lost.

To show there were no hard feelings after the referendum, then British Prime Minister David Cameron had named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas (who had been slated to become the first Foreign Minister for an independent Scotland) the British Deputy Consul in West Jerusalem.

So he and his Indian born wife Sangita Patel Douglas had moved to West Jerusalem along with their official family bagpiper the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux.

Pan Deux was the genetically created younger brother of world famous satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee.

Both satyrs had been genetically created in a lab by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Pan Deux since he was not injected with the DNA of the homicidal Siberian yeti (like his brother Pan Goatee was) but rather the more people friendly Himalayan yeti (Dr. Cadbury Rocher had used yeti DNA to make their legs furry and hairy as modern goat DNA didn’t seem to cut it), he wasn’t as homicidally inclined as his older cloned brother satyr was.

And in that respect Pan Deux wasn’t as malevolent as his older brother Pan Goatee was.

Although music lovers might disagree as most of the world’s music critics found Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing to be horrendous.

One music critic for The Jerusalem Post had in fact written that singer-songwriter Don McClean had had a prophetic vision of Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing the day he wrote the American Pie song lyrics “The day the music died…”

And the Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem had become personal friends with Mr. William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas and his wife Mrs. Sangita Patel Douglas since they had arrived in Jerusalem a few years ago so he had been invited to the couple’s Robbie Burns party on this Friday night.

No doubt his rabbi wouldn’t be pleased to see him missing at this evening’s synagogue service but then eating haggis was a once in a lifetime experience.

And speaking of once in a lifetime culinary experiences, the Mossad agent’s White House source (let’s call him… Jared Kushner… in Jerry Seinfeldian fashion) had informed the Controller of The Golem that the reason why Donald Trump had caved in to Nancy Pelosi on the government funding issue was because last night the Donald had dreamed that he had died after eating 94 plates of lutefisk.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Donald had dreamed that he had been thrown into Hell after dying.

The Donald had angrily cried after being thrown toupee head downwards into the flames of Hell by the Archangels Michael and Raphael, “Who does this Jesus Christ guy think he is anyways? Telling me that I can go to Hell like that? God Incarnate or something?”.

The Controller of The Golem had also found out that Nancy Pelosi (namely because the Mossad had placed a camera and listening devices into the Congresswoman’s vibrator which she carried either in her purse or on her person at all times) the House of Representatives’ chief practicing witch had offered a sacrifice of frogs’ legs (done in a Buffalo barbeque style) to a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in thanksgiving to Donald Trump caving in to her.

Silly Nancy was totally unaware that the Donald had sent the ghost of the insane Roman Emperor Nero as an incubus to appear to her and offer her a better bang for her buck than her long suffering vibrator.

And speaking of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, the Controller of The Golem had recently found out that Hecate had been beheaded a few years back when she had foolishly walked down the street in her ugly looking crone form at the same time that Pan Goatee was walking down the street.

Hecate’s skull was currently being kept in the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican (on Pope Francis’ orders) as the unknown relic to be venerated.

The Controller of The Golem’s date for the Robbie Burns dinner at the Douglas home was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was wearing a lovely low-cut purple evening dress boldly advertising a nice pair of knockers that most of the male guests present at the dinner couldn’t keep their eyes off of.

A few years ago, Lilith had attempted to poison the Controller of The Golem by dropping a vial of Polonium-210 into his glass of Scotch while he was sitting in a pub in London, England.

The poisoning had worked because the Controller of The Golem had croaked (like the poor frog who was the subject of Nancy Pelosi’s Congressional Wiccan dissection sacrifice to Hecate).

Fortunately for the Controller of The Golem, Dr. Cadbury Rocher had brought him back from the dead.

But the Controller of The Golem was now willing to let bygones be bygones as far as Lilith was concerned.

He had run into the vampiress last night when she was skiing downhill on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon (the mountain where the angelic Watchers of Genesis Chapter 6 had landed millenia ago) in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

She had been skiing down the slopes while wearing a slit skirted jade green evening dress, very attractive tan pantyhose and spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.

The Controller of The Golem promptly asked her out for a date on the spot.

And the date was to attend tonight’s ritual slaughter of the haggis in the Douglas dining room in that ancient Robbie Burns Day dinner ritual known as the Presentation of the Haggis.

And now the haggis was being piped in on a silver platter in the dining room by the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux for the presentation of the haggis at this year’s Robbie Burns dinner.

William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas then spoke the Address To A Haggis written by Robbie Burns before sacrificing the haggis with a ceremonial knife.

Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander who was covering the West Jerusalem Robbie Burns dinner as a news correspondent for The Times of London winced when he saw the knife come down on the haggis.

Sangita Patel Douglas stood ready with a bowl of her delicious home made curry to pour on the haggis as most of those present didn’t really relish the idea of eating sheep’s guts on its own.

Pan Deux after playing the Piping In Of The Haggis on his bagpipes then played Some Enchanted Evening from the musical South Pacific on his bagpipes.

Lilith accidentally dropped a fork down the front of her evening dress and at least a dozen of the male guests present offered their assistance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Robbie Burns Day
Friday January 25th
2019.


As a Robbie Burns Day dinner was held at the Douglas home in West Jerusalem, the Romanian vampiress dominatrix Ravenella Vampyrex stands ready to tomato the buns of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman in a special ceremony to welcome in the world’s new Messiah.
At the same time, the Transylvanian Count Dracula was struck off his Google built AI robotic camel on the road to Damascus by a blinding light identifying itself as the Antichrist but added that Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle were advising the Count not to fear it.

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More Uglos Slain, Donald Trump To Meet Loki and Vampiress Lilith Skis Mount Hermon

January 24, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again riding the bus when he saw a fat ugly blimp getting on.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Pan Goatee exclaimed when he saw the hideously grotesque offspring of a human male-female walrus abomination sexual liaison, “Calgary women seem to be getting uglier and uglier with each passing day. I feel like Sisyphus trying to roll that rock up a hill only to have it roll down again in my never ending efforts to bring a Friedrich Nietzschean and Oscar Wildean sense of beauty and aesthetics to this godforsaken city.”

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly cow and then cut her up into 666 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

He went and sat down again and the man sitting across from him asked, “What does the H. in Jesus Fucking H. Christ stand for?”.

“Harry,” Pan Goatee answered.

“Wow,” the man turned to his average looking but fortunately (for her) non-repulsive looking wife, “Jesus has the same name I do. Harry.”

“Oh shut up, Harold,” Martha replied.

When Goatee attempted to get off at his stop, some ugly stoat looking woman tried to get off in front of him and so he beheaded her and likewise cut her up into 666 trillion pieces.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Goatee exclaimed again at the mention of whose name Harold the passenger smiled, “What is it with these fucking ugly looking cretins wandering around all over the place? If the Watcher angels came down to Earth again like they did in the days of Mount Hermon, they wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men as is mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and elaborated on in the Book of Enoch because these days the daughters of men are not fair and beautiful to look upon. They’re repulsively ugly and make one want to vomit all over the place. Especially in Calgary. Gives a whole new meaning to this city’s nickname of Cowtown.”

. . .

“I just got a call on my Huawei smart phone from the Norse trickster god Loki,” Donald Trump explained to his English butler and valet Lexington, “He wants to take me out for a Norse Norwegian lutefisk dinner.”

“That’s very nice of him, sir,” Lexington removed Trump’s toupee and put it in the sulphuric acid tank to kill germs.

“What is lutefisk anyways?” Trump asked as he noted how much he looked like an elderly Lex Luthor in the mirror.

“It’s a combination of dried/salted whitefish and lye, sir,” Lexington answered.

“Wow,” Trump replied as he watched the hairs on his toupee in the sulphuric acid tank stand on end, “Is it safe to eat?”.

“Well it is my understanding, sir, that a Norwegian-Canadian gentleman up in the town of Donalda, Alberta, Canada won a lutefisk eating contest back in the 1950s by eating 94 plates of the stuff. He wasn’t around to receive the prize however as he keeled over and died while starting on his 95th plate. Today he’s still looked upon as a dead living legend in the town of Donalda and the immediate surrounding areas. In fact, his name is always spoken in whispers by people who promptly make the Sign of the Cross while doing so. Which is strange considering that most people with a Norwegian background are Lutheran and not Catholic.”

“So you’d advise me then not to eat 94 plates of the stuff?” Trump pondered what to tweet about next.

“On the contrary, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “on behalf of the 800,000 unpaid federal government workers, I think you should eat at least 94 plates of the stuff.”

“I guess I’ll have to cut down on the number of hamberders I eat ahead of time then,” Trump noted.

. . .

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

The ski hill at Mount Hermon had been hit this past Sunday January 20th (around the time of the Super Blood Wolf Moon) by an Iranian missile in retaliation for Israeli Air Force strikes on Iranian targets near Damascus Airport.

The Controller of The Golem had been informed that a lovely and sexy redheaded woman wearing a slit skirted jade evening dress was skiing in spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and skis down the southern slopes of Mount Hermon.

The Controller of The Golem came to see for himself concerned that his agents might be smoking legalized Canadian recreational cannabis on the side.

He saw however that they were right.

“Lilith,” the Controller of The Golem remarked as the sexy slit skirted evening dress Babylonian vampiress skiied up to him.

“Nathan,” the Babylonian vampiress greeted him by name.

“What are you doing here?” Nathan asked.

“Recounting memories of making out with Semjaza the leader of the Watchers when he landed on Mount Hermon,” Lilith laughed lusciously.

“You were here when that happened?” Nathan’s jaw dropped.

“Of course,” Lilith winked, “Semjaza told me that I was the best earth lay he ever had. Azazel was our son.”

“The demon Azazel was your son?” Nathan was shocked again, “But I thought he was one of the original Watchers.”

“Many people assume that,” Lilith laughed, “yet if they paid attention to Chapter 7 of the Book of Enoch where the names of Semjaza the chief and the names of the prefects of the 200 Watcher angels are named, nowhere is Azazel’s name mentioned. Azazel is only mentioned in Chapter 8 after the Watcher angels made out with Earth women. And I being an earth vampiress and Semjaza being an angel gave rise to Azazel who taught men warfare and women witchcraft.”

“I recall what the Scapegoat did to the world,” Nathan answered.

“Yes,” Lilith smiled, “those who have power practice war and those who don’t have power practice witchcraft. Which is why since 2000 in the U.S., the Republicans have been waging war and the Democrats have been practicing witchcraft.”


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith when she was in Saint Petersburg Russia on October 13th last autumn.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 24th
2019.

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Nimrod Sees A Psychiatrist: Recalling Life With Semiramis

November 27, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The famous Welsh psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones was able to see a new patient at her London clinic.

She did have an appointment with one of her regular patients the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to help treat his problem of sex addiction but she received a phone call from him cancelling at the last minute because he had spent the past 24 hours making out with the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB and he would likely be spending the next 24 hours doing the same.

She did receive a phone call from somebody claiming to be a British Member of Parliament who said he was feeling lonely and depressed because he was sitting alone in his hot tub and had nobody to blow bubbles and play his musical instrument with.

Dr. Jones told him to buy himself a Japanese sex robot and slammed the phone down.

The recepient on the other end called out, “Athelstan, can you find me the number of a sci-fi writer called George Finneganburg in the U.S.? I think he knows where I can buy a good Japanese female sex robot.”

As the Member of Parliament went about blissfully planning his own death by electrocution in a hot tub by hoping to get a Japanese female sex robot prone to blowing her fuse and short circuiting, Dr. Jones’ receptionist brought in a new patient.

He was a little green frog who called himself Nimrod and he hopped out from the top of a low-cut dress worn by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

“You’ll be okay while I go do my Christmas shopping for myself at Harrods?” Lilith asked.

Nimrod ribbited in the affirmative and Lilith was out the door like a bat out of Hell to go shopping at Harrods.

“Are you the Nimrod mentioned in the Bible?” Dr. Morgana Jones asked her new patient as he lay back on the couch and hugged a Sesame Street Miss Piggy doll.

“I am,” Nimrod ribbitted in the affirmative, “I used to be a mighty hunter before the Lord although it really should be properly translated against the Lord. But I like quoting the King James Version myself. It has such beautiful English.”

“How did you become a little green frog?” Dr. Jones queried as the “mighty hunter before the Lord” used his extra long tongue to catch and swallow a fly.

“It was the result of a love potion gone horribly wrong,” Nimrod hiccoughed after swallowing the lord of the flies.

“I don’t remember reading about that in the Biblical account,” remarked Dr. Jones who was raised in a Methodist home in Wales.

“It didn’t happen in Biblical times. It happened after I croaked the first time in Biblical times,” Nimrod croaked in Miss Piggy’s ear.

“Perhaps you better explain,” Dr. Jones crossed her legs which was followed by murmuring from the office’s lobster tank.

“Well, several centuries after I died in Biblical times,” Nimrod licked his lips, “I was brought back from the dead by ET grays who were visiting Earth on an expedition. Later I was killed again when the UFO they were flying crashed near Tuktoyaktuk in the Canadian Arctic. This time I was brought back to life by DARPA while the ET gray bodies were sent to Area 51 and became hopelessly lost like all ET gray bodies at Area 51 are prone to do. The guy in charge of the Freezer section at Area 51- some old geezer who has held the job since Roswell in 1947 and really should have retired years ago has just been named director of Canada Post’s Marijuana Parcel Delivery Program by Justin Trudeau after the latter was visited by Sherrielock Holmes as part of some act of vengeance by her friend Dracul Van Helsing against the country’s marijuana users.”

“So what would you say was the primary cause of your mental trauma that brings you here today?” Dr. Jones uncrossed her legs once again causing murmurs to come from the office’s lobster tank.

“That does date back to Biblical times,” Nimrod admitted.

“Was it perhaps building the Tower of Babel that did it?” Dr. Jones smoothed her pantyhose causing the office’s lobster tank to shake.

“I wasn’t the one who built the Tower of Babel,” Nimrod blubbered into his handkerchief.

“You weren’t?” Dr. Jones was astounded.

“The Bible never says I built the Tower of Babel,” Nimrod blew his nose, “That was later expositors who said that. In fact it was my wife Semiramis who built the tower of Babel after she murdered me.”

Nimrod started to sob hysterically.

“Murdered you?” Dr. Jones was astounded.

“With an ice pick,” Nimrod bawled, “with the result that I never got the chance to enjoy my last cold beer in life. Then the bitch had the nerve to bury me face downwards so I could see where I was going.”

Nimrod was silent.

Then he admitted, “Still I suppose not seeing all those flames at first might have come as the greater surprise.”

“I can see why you’ve been traumatised,” Dr. Jones smoothed her skirt traumatizing the lobster in the tank.

“Yes, she murdered me, buried me face downwards so I could see where I was going and then had the nerve to tell the people of Babel that I had ascended into the heavens as a sun god,” Nimrod wept, “The only thing I got from the sun was sun burn. Then 18 months after I died, she gave birth to Tammuz claiming that it was a virgin birth.”

“It wasn’t?” Dr. Jones arched an eyebrow.

“No, the woman was a nymphomaniac,” Nimrod seethed, “she slept with every single member of the Palace Guard and gave them all sexually transmitted diseases.”

Nimrod looked at Dr. Jones with a pained expression on his face, “Do you know how hard it was to find a good palace guard in those days? I tell you not many were applying for the job or returning to it once word of the pox of Semiramis spread like wildfire among unionized members of Palace Guard guilds everywhere across the known world at the time.”

“Was Semiramis good in bed?” Dr. Jones asked as the lobster in the tank edged closer to the glass to hear the answer.

“I don’t know,” Nimrod shrugged.

Dr. Jones looked at the frog in shock.

“I remember when my very good friend Gilgamash Potatocus the commander of my Palace Guard lay dying,” Nimrod had tears in his eyes, “he said to me, “Your majesty, I have a confession to make to you before I die. I slept with your wife.” I looked at him and said, “With Semiramis?.” He nodded, “Yes.” And I said to him thoughtfully, “Gosh. Well, then you’re one up on me.” Then he expired. Just like the time on Lilith’s parking metre next to her Porsche as I see the policewoman writing her a ticket and putting it on the dashboard.”

The little green frog was standing at the window.

“Gilgamash Potatocus?” Dr. Jones repeated the name.

“Yes, everybody in Ancient Studies these days with the exception of the Dragon Sister prof Sydney Fox and her teaching assistant Nigel Bailey are always shooting their mouths off about how great The Epic of Gilgamesh is,” Nimrod seethed, “But the Epic of Gilgamash Potatocus is even greater. About how Gilgamash Potatocus visited Ireland where he was skinned alive and then mashed and then almost eaten by Irish cannibals before he managed to escape.”

Dr. Jones dropped her pen and bent right over to pick it up.

The lobster tank exploded.

“What’s up with that lobster?” Dr. Jones looked at the water and mess all over the floor, “I was told when I bought Chaucer that he was the younger brother of one of Set Enterprises’ star employees.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 27th
2018.

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Games of War and Peace

July 26, 2018 at 9:24 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Games of War and Peace

Iranian Major-General Qassem Soleimani the commander of the Quds Force of Iran’s elite Revolutionary Guards responded to Donald Trump’s all caps tweet of a few days before in which he threatened Iran 🇮🇷.

Said Soleimani, “If you begin the war, we will end the war.”

He added, “We are near you, where you can’t even imagine.”

“What do you suppose Soleimani meant by that?” Amadeus Emanon asked his good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“There are Iranian soldiers across the border over in Mexico 🇲🇽,” Renfield replied.

“Really?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes and they won’t be stopped by any wall,” Renfield broke some bricks with his bare hands in a martial arts manoeuvre.

“Wow,” Amadeus was trying to fathom all this.

“Plus there are also Iranian troops in Venezuela 🇻🇪,” Renfield played the Harry Belafonte song Matilda on his iPhone.

“There are?” Amadeus was again shocked.

“Yes, along with the nuclear weapons that the Iranians hid from the International Atomic Energy Agency inspection teams,” Renfield started playing the James Bond movie theme song For Your Eyes Only on his iPhone.

“Do the U.S. Intelligence agencies know about this?” Amadeus asked.

“Probably not,” Renfield played the Monty Python song How Sweet To Be An Idiot on his accordion, “they’re too busy investigating the possibility that it was Russian interference in the 2016 election that was responsible for the Hillarybeast’s defeat.”

“You don’t think it was?” Amadeus raised an eyebrow.

“No, one thing about the left wing liberal bozos that make up America’s media and cultural elites, they don’t seem to know and understand much history,” Renfield played the theme song from the movie Gone With The Wind on his accordion, “if they did they’d realize that in really troubled economic times (as has existed in America since the global financial crash of 2008 and as existed in Germany in the days of the Weimar Republic), the vast majority of the working class are always going to prefer a populist demagogue that appeals to their fears rather than some spoiled brat stuck-up wealthy condescending liberal elitist who’ll throw a few bread crumb expensive social programs in their direction but really do nothing to alleviate the causes of their economic misery. Hence probably the reason why Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster and I were the only ones to predict a Trump win even while The New York Times, The Washington Post and CNN were touting how far behind in the opinion polls Trump was behind the Hillarybeast.”

The ghost of Orson Welles who was eavesdropping on the conversation agreed with Renfield’s assessment
and commented, “This explains my unpopularity with most of Hollywood’s establishment who were and are liberal Democrats. I was one of the few New Deal liberal Democrats around who actually knew, loved and understood history. Therefore they despised me.”

. . .

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was struggling with the aftermath of the Greek wildfires (that were most likely deliberately set) and now massive flooding had hit Greece 🇬🇷.

When Tsipras opened the door of his office, he was startled to see a woman standing there.

The woman was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was sporting a new necklace.

“Good evening, Mr. Tsipras,” she smiled her vampiric incisors at him, “Do come closer and embrace me. A closer look and feel of my new necklace, perhaps?”.

The Vampiress Lilith sporting a new necklace

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 26th
2018.

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From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

July 24, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was absolutely furious with the efforts of the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal lifetime had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the Monophysite wife of the Emperor Justinian) to overthrow Turkish despot Recep Tayyip Erdogan the would be revised Ottoman Empire Sultan who was Lilith’s ally in the war to eventually destroy the State of Israel.

As such, Lilith decided to attack the land of the people Theodora hoped would revive the ancient Byzantine empire at Constantinople- Greece 🇬🇷.

To that end, Lilith hired the evil Centaur archer Acheronus (named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades).

Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer (he who was called the “wisest and most just of all the centaurs” and became the constellation Sagittarius in the northern hemisphere and Centaurus in the Southern Hemisphere).

Acheronus dipped his arrows in a batch of Byzantine Greek fire an incendiary weapon used by the Eastern Roman Byzantine Empire that was invented and developed in the Empire around 672 AD.

The Byzantine Greek Navy used it in naval battles to great effect.

It provided the Byzantines with an immense technological advantage and was responsible for many key Byzantine military victories most notably the salvation of Constantinople from two Arab sieges.

Lilith, who was anxious to finally avenge the death of the high priest Caiaphas (who was once her one night stand lover and the biological father of her daughter Golgotha) by the Roman Emperor Tiberius, finally managed to get her hands on all the supplies of Byzantine Greek Fire to allow the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II to finally capture and conquer Constantinople the capital of the Byzantine Empire on May 29th 1453 thus putting an end to the Eastern Roman Empire the successor empire of Tiberius’ Roman Empire.

Saint Mary Magdalene the woman Apostle of Jesus had gone to Rome to personally tell the Emperor Tiberius about the unjustness of Jesus’ trial and how an innocent man was crucified by the Romans.

Tiberius believed the Magdalene’s story and ordered the two Jewish high priests Annas and Caiaphas to be brought to Rome for trial.

Caiaphas died on a ship outside Crete while en route for trial in Rome.

As he stood on deck, Caiaphas felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and then his bowels split open on deck.

Before his soul left him, he groaned like a wild pig.

His tongue jutted out of his mouth the length of a span.

His body was then cast to the waves where it was eaten by sharks 🦈.

Annas survived the voyage and after trial by Tiberius was sentenced by the Emperor to receive over 100 lashes and then Annas was to be wrapped in the freshly skinned hide of an antelope after which he was to be left out in the hot noonday sun ☀️ until he died.

Lilith upon hearing the news swore vengeance on the Roman Empire.

She finally got her vengeance on May 29th 1453 with the fall of Constantinople to the Ottoman Turks.

As for Lilith’s planned vengeance against Theodora, Acheronus with his bow and his Byzantine Greek Fire dipped arrows wandered through the Rafina region of eastern Attica in Greece 🇬🇷 shooting his flaming arrows.

The resulting blaze struck like a flamethrower causing smoke inhalation and skin burns.

So far 74 people have been killed and many fled past hundreds of burning cars and houses to dive into the sea 🌊 for safety.

The resulting devastation is so bad that Greece’s atheistic Marxist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has declared 3 days of official national mourning.

. . .

“Such a tragedy,” Donald Trump remarked as he ate lamb chops and Greek salad with feta cheese.

“Are you referring to the wildfires in Greece, Sir?” Asked Lexington his English butler and valet.

“What wildfires in Greece?” The fake hair toupee wearing opponent of fake news shrugged, “I’m talking about my poor daughter Ivanka Trump’s clothing company being forced to go out of business due to poor sales.”

“A tragedy indeed, sir,” Lexington grimaced in pain and silently prayed that there was indeed a Hell for those who truly deserve it.

“I can’t understand why more of my supporters didn’t buy her clothes,” Trump thought about shooting off an angry tweet.

“Maybe most of your supporters couldn’t afford to buy her clothes,” Lexington suggested.

“Why couldn’t they afford to buy her clothes?” Trump retorted angrily, “I could afford to buy her clothes if I ever got the urge to turn Caitlyn Jenner.”

“Saints preserve us,” Lexington crossed himself.

. . .

The Black Jaguar (possessed by the spirit of a powerful sorcerer and also the spirit of Night Sun the Mayan jaguar god of the Mayan underworld) entered the men’s washroom where he ripped to shreds a man and a boy who were in the washroom.

The human sacrifices were necessary to help bring about the coming of the Night Sun (as it was called by the Mayans), the Black Sun (as it was called by the Nazis) and Nemesis (the darkened sun that provides energy to the planet Niburu) according to some sci-fi UFO 🛸 enthusiasts.

. . .

Panty Goatee (the genetically cloned twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) was grateful to have been rescued by the Black Jaguar from the forced bow and arrow 🏹 (as opposed to forced shotgun) wedding in Jerusalem to the Baphomet.

Panty Goatee didn’t really relish losing her virginity to a hermaphrodite half-human half-goat creature.

She didn’t like having to walk down the aisle of chairs on the Temple Mount with a flaming arrow in her naked back that was pointed at her tender flesh by the bow of a sinister centaur named Acheronus.

Then Panty Goatee saw the man approaching and a fire 🔥 (but a sensuously pleasant one) burned inside her panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 24th
2018.

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Encore of Lilith, Asmodeus, Kim Jong-un and Aphrodite

May 30, 2018 at 10:07 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, Nature, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood on the Mount of Olives overlooking the old city of Jerusalem.

Alongside her was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf Hitler (his spirit was granted a temporary leave of absence from the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone and he had entered and possessed the body of a grey wolf).

Lilith had found the grey wolf wandering the streets of Kiev, Ukraine (where she was currently living) and had adopted the creature as her pet.

She brought him with her to the Holy Land.

“Someday,” Lilith bragged to the grey wolf, “we shall rid this land of all the Jews.”

“Sounds like a splendid idea to me,” the lupine former Fuhrer wagged his tail.

Meanwhile in France, the demon Asmodeus was visiting the village of Rennes-le-Chateau and more specifically the Church of Saint Mary Magdalene.

He had heard that there was a…

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Lilith, The Raven and The Keys of Peter

May 13, 2018 at 9:03 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , )

Lilith, The Raven and The Keys of Peter

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in a chapel in a Cardinal’s quarters in the Vatican.

One of the Cardinals who was secretly a pagan.

So there were no Crosses or Crucifixes present in the chapel.

The sole faces on the altar looked like the faces of screaming deities undergoing the most horrendous forms of torture.

Blood red roses 🌹 and greenish vines curling like slithering snakes 🐍 crawled up the altar pillars leading to the ceiling.

The painting above the altar was a picture of a medieval castle that looked like it had once belonged to Count Dracula.

The candles and dark looking candle holders looked like they may have once graced the set of a 1930s Bela Lugosi horror film.

In Lilith’s sensuously exquisite gloved right hand she held a raven that held in its beak a chain with a golden key while her sensuously exquisite gloved left hand pressed against her breasts a pearl necklace to which was attached the Renaissance era Cross that belonged to the Borgia pope Alexander VI.

She addressed an entity who had stuck its head out of a hole in the floor of the chapel.

“Mercutio,” she said referring to the raven she held on her right hand, “has in his mouth the central key belonging to Peter and his successors. Lucifer willing, Mercutio will soon get ahold of the other keys of Peter and the Vatican will be totally ours.”

The entity nodded approvingly before disappearing below the chapel floor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 13th
2018.

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