Lilith Turns Boris Johnson Into A Zombie Nosferatu

January 10, 2021 at 11:10 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith dancing in her flying palace that’s born aloft through the air by demons

Lilith was in a celebratory mood tonight as she danced in her flying palace that was born aloft through the air by demons.

She had successfully turned British Prime Minister Boris Johnson into a zombie nosferatu.

Unlike your regular nosferatu, a zombie nosferatu was unable to turn other people into vampires.

And a zombie nosferatu unlike your run of the mill zombie or your run of the mill nosferatu was able to walk around in both daylight and nighttime.

In that way, zombie nosferatus were able to pass themselves off as being human.

By turning Boris Johnson into a zombie nosferatu, she had turned him into a Communist.

For Communism was the way to go.

Communism was the way of the future the dark gods and goddesses and dark vampires and vampiresses had decided.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 10th
2020.

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The Night One Eagle Split Into Two

January 5, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith with an eagle on her shoulder

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood not far from the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

Elon Musk’s artificial moon was shining down on top of her.

It was supposed to be shining down on top of Edgar Allan Poe’s grave in Baltimore Maryland but the GPS computer network guiding Musk’s artificial moon had been hacked by a hermit gnome (frozen lawn ornament) living in Nome, Alaska.

As such the Muskian artificial moon was now hovering over the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

On a car radio, a very old song was being played,

“We’re the John Birch Society, we’re out to save our country from the Communistic threat.
And if your mommy (pronounced mom-mee) is a Commie,
Well you’ve got to turn her in…”

A group of lawn ornament garden gnomes in Washington DC eyed with suspicion a mask wearing Nancy Pelosi as she walked by.

In the moonlight of Elon Musk’s artificial moon, with a tattoo of an eagle on her left shoulder and a living eagle perched atop her right shoulder, Lilith’s hair along with her headband, beads and headdress (that had once belonged to Chief Sitting Bull) glistened silvery in the moonlight.

Sitting Bull’s revenge on the U.S. government for the massacre of his people that had occurred at the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota in December 1890 was about to unfold.

Down in Tartarus in the Underworld, one General George Armstrong Custer had just escaped from his rotating barbeque spit over an open fire in the place and was hoping to pass Cerberus and his watchful eye (one on each of the three heads) and swim across the River Styx and back to the land of the living.

But at that moment, Custer received a ghostly arrow through his ghostly knee.

Custer now had a wounded knee.

“Fly,” Lilith spoke to the eagle.

The eagle flew off her shoulder and over the Lincoln Memorial.

The eagle was suddenly set upon by a flying red dragon, a flying bear, a flying lion, a flying cat and a winged horse named Chollima.

The eagle was ripped in two.

Facing one another across the Potomac River were two opposing supernatural forces.

On one side of the Potomac River were the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, General Ulysses S. Grant and General Robert E. Lee (now all allies).

On the other side of the Potomac River were the ghosts of Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky). They too were now all allies.

Walking on the water of the Potomac River was the Greek god Zeus who cried in a loud voice, “Release the Kraken!”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 5th
2020.

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Lilith In The Graveyard Garden of Good and Evil

January 3, 2021 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in the graveyard garden of good and evil

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another one of his Sunday night podcasts:

“Just an important historical note of interest, which if shown to be correct, will be noted by future historians.
Here’s the gist:
A final political showdown is coming January 6th as the U.S. Congress meets to elect CCP stooge Joe Biden as President.
The 1st American Civil War began on April 12th 1861 just 13 days after the previous Easter Sunday (March 31st 1861).
Will the 2nd American Civil War begin on January 7th 2021 just 13 days after the previous Christmas Day?
History has a strange way of balancing itself out in such occurrences.”
-Renfield R. Renfield British MP

. . .

The body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was rushed from Dublin Ireland to London England by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airship the High Calypso.

It was assumed that the cause of Yaldabaoth’s death was the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka wearing a killer outfit.

However after an operation carried out by a surgical suit wearing Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster wearing a surgical mask and using his surgical gloved lobster claws to perform an incision, it was determined that the cause of death was Yaldabaoth’s eating poisoned lutefisk.

After a quick check of the Irish High King Brian Boru’s Medieval Treatise On Leprechaun Ailments (a copy of which was found in the billionaire vampire Set’s library and rare book collection), apparently eating poisoned lutefisk was one of the few things that could kill a usually immortal leprechaun.

After visualizing London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes wearing a killer outfit (which caused his lobster tank to explode), Michelangelo went into a trance and saw the circumstances which led to Yaldabaoth’s death.

Apparently after visiting the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, Yaldabaoth had gone to Rome to see the Vatican’s ugly looking Nativity display (which was put up to welcome the arrival of an alien ET saviour who graduated with a degree in New York School of Art Abstract Surrealist and Neo-Modernist Studies).

After barfing all over the Vatican Nativity display, Yaldabaoth then wandered the halls of the Vatican.

At first he thought he had entered a gay bath house but after viewing classical and Renaissance works of art in the halls and on the walls, the wee leprechaun deduced that he was indeed inside the Vatican.

Yaldabaoth went into a room where some Vatican Cardinals had prepared a New Year’s Day feast for their fellow cardinal Robert Cardinal Sarah of Guinea the prefect of the Vatican Congregation For Divine Worship and The Discipline of the Sacraments.

The feast, which consisted of large portions of poisoned Norwegian lutefisk, had been made by a group of atheistic Marxist Cardinals hoping to bump off Cardinal Robert Sarah who was a devout Catholic Christian.

Yaldabaoth, who was starting to feel hungry after having previously barfed all over the Vatican’s Nativity display, then proceeded to eat up all the poisoned lutefisk.

And in so doing saved Robert Cardinal Sarah’s life.

. . .


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith next to Edgar Allan Poe’s grave in the cemetery of the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Baltimore Maryland

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was kneeling in the cemetery of the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Baltimore, Maryland.

She was kneeling in front of Edgar Allan Poe’s grave.

A group of mischievous Irish leprecauns living in Baltimore had put up Irish Celtic crosses atop Poe’s grave and graves next to it that would have caused the Ulster Irish Presbyterian pastor Rev. Ian Paisley of Belfast Northern Ireland to pull his hair out if he had still been alive and seen it.

It was a moonlit night in Baltimore, as billionaire Elon Musk who had just built himself an artificial moon and was giving a full moon trial test run over Baltimore on this lovely windswept evening, and so the moonlight shone down on top of Lilith in front of Poe’s burial place.

The artificial full moonlight of Elon Musk’s artificial moon was causing mysterious looking red roses to grow all over the cemetery.

A raven flew down atop Poe’s gravemarker and croaked “Nevermore”.

Indeed it would be the last time the Raven would croak Nevermore for he croaked shortly thereafter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 3rd
2021.

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Vampiress Lilith Furious At Abraham Accords Israel-UAE-Bahrain Peace Treaties

September 16, 2020 at 9:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Yesterday as senility prone Joe Biden was attempting to share his kosher lox and cream cheese bagel with his marijuana pot smoking cactus plant Sweet Dementia, his arch foe Donald Trump was hosting a Middle East peace treaty signing ceremony at the White House.

Israel was signing landmark peace deals with both the United Arab Emirates (UAE) and Bahrain.

The UAE and Bahrain are just the third and fourth Arab countries to recognize Israel since its founding in 1948.

Egypt signed a peace treaty with Israel in 1978 and Jordan signed a peace treaty with Israel in 1994.

Mauritania established diplomatic relations with Israel in 1999 but severed ties in 2010.

Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner helped in negotiating the treaties.

The accords were called the Abraham Accords since Abraham was a common historical figure of shared importance in the three monotheistic religions that originated in the Middle East- Judaism, Christianity and Islam.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was also the world’s first vampiress) was absolutely livid over the ceremony.

Lilith felt that her good name and reputation were libelled and maligned in the Babylonian Talmud and she had vowed to destroy the Jewish people ever since.

At a meeting on the banks of the Euphrates River today, Lilith discussed her plans with her friends the demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod.

Her strategy was to try and form an alliance between Turkey (whose leader Recep Tayyip Erdogan fancied himself the new Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire) and Iran (who had been an enemy of Israel since the Ayatollah Khomeini first came to power in the Islamic Revolution of 1979) and get them to attack Israel.


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith wants no one to rain on her parade when it comes to her revenge against Israel.

. . .

The group Catholic Satanists For Biden had been successfully established with two Catholic Satanist members of the U.S. Senate and a Catholic Satanist former head of Catholic Relief Services in key positions in the organization.

Cardinal Joseph “Nighty Night, Baby” Tobin the Archbishop of Newark New Jersey had recently shown that his political sympathies were similar to that of Catholic Satanists For Biden.

Cardinal Tobin had earned the moniker “Nighty Night, Baby” for a private message he had inadvertently turned into a public tweet when he messaged the Italian male soap opera star who often spent long periods of time at his beach house, “Nighty night, baby. I love you.”

A diocesan spokesman later said that the Archbishop actually intended to privately message his sister with the message.

If true, the Cardinal’s message had overtones of the relationships between brothers and sisters in ancient Egyptian Pharaohonic royalty.

Such is the state of modern American Catholic ecclesial support of the modern U.S. Democratic Party.

Meanwhile Nancy Pelosi was sitting at home watching the skies lit up by California wildfires as she burnt a little sage in front of a statue of the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama.

She left the room momentarily as a crow flew in through the window, picked up the burning piece of sage in its beak and flew out the window heading off in the direction of the nearest forest.

Pelosi returned and without noticing the burning piece of sage was missing, she debated whether she should privately message on Twitter her nephew by marriage California Gov. Gavin Newsom with the words, “Nighty night, baby.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 16th
2020.

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Vampiress Lilith Discusses 5G and AI With The Demon Asmodeus At Astana Kazakhstan

March 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith on her estate near the Kazakhstan capital of Astana

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing in the middle of a forest path near her estate waiting for her ally the demon Asmodeus to show up.

Asmodeus showed up with 10 cigarettes in his mouth, a can of Budweiser beer in his left hand and a copy of The Times of London in his right hand.

“Read anything interesting in The Times of London?” Lilith asked as she picked a serpent off an apple tree.

“Well,” Asmodeus sipped Budweiser and belched, “I see British MP Renfield R. Renfield wrote an article examining Huawei and U.S.-China and Canadian-Chinese relations.”

Lilith bit the serpent’s neck with her vampiric incisors and then proceeded to eat it whole.

“Renfield notes that the Chinese government just cancelled over a billion dollars worth of canola exports from the western Canadian province of Manitoba,” Asmodeus read from the Times editorial page as he spilled beer and cigarette ash all over himself, “Renfield says this is all in retaliation for the Canadian government’s arrest and detention of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.”

“Of course it is,” Lilith removed some dental floss attached to her thong and used it to floss snake skin from between her teeth and gums.

The little green frog Nimrod (the resurrected king of Babel and mighty hunter against the Lord who found himself turned into a frog as a result of an unfortunate incident some years back) walked into a tree and knocked himself out when he saw Lilith reach all the way down the low-cut top front of her dress to her thong to get the dental floss.

“What Justin Trudeau and the Canadian government fail to realize is that the conflict between the U.S. and China over Huawei is over what country will be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that the Apostle John foresaw on the island of Patmos and mentioned in Chapter 13 of The Apocalypse or Book of Revelation,” Lilith smoothed the front of her dress, “The 5G network is the Internet of Things network that will be used to implement the Mark of The Beast system. Just like developments in AI will bring to fruition the Image of The Beast so 5G will bring the Mark of the Beast to fruition.”

“I never read the Book of Revelation,” Asmodeus coughed a heavy smokers’ cough, “of course I had been bound and imprisoned in Upper Egypt by the Archangel Raphael for the longest period of time.”

“That bastard Raphael,” Lilith’s face turned as fiery as the recent electrical storms over the state of California, “bound and imprisoned my son Azazel (that I had after relations with the fallen angel and Watcher Semjaza) in the desert at Dudael which is east of Jerusalem.”

“China I believe is about 20 years ahead of developing 5G than the U.S. is, isn’t it?” Asmodeus said as he opened a Chinese fortune cookie and read his fortune.

“It is,” Lilith nodded, “when the U.S. finally figured it out and Donald Trump got his toupee caught in a Venus flytrap, then the word went forth from that time and place for the toppling of Huawei. And Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was on the U.S. government hit list. And Justin Trudeau’s Canada did the dirty work and was left holding the bag.”

“So China is #1 when it comes to the Internet then?” Asmodeus took out his tablet.

“Actually Israel is ahead of China when it comes to the Internet, 5G and AI,” Lilith answered.

“Israel?” Asmodeus swallowed all 10 of his cigarettes in surprise.

“Yes,” Lilith nodded, “For the past dozen years, Israel has quietly become number one in the world when it comes to Internet technology, Internet security, cyberwarfare, 5G and AI. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is seeking an alliance with Israel. If he wants his new economic autonomous zone and technological research and development super city state of NEOM (to be built over the site where Moses received the 10 Commandments from Yahweh) to succeed, he’ll need Israeli expertise and know-how. Thanks to Israeli agencies like Talpiot which is sort of an Israeli equivalent of DARPA, the Rand Institute think tank and the Green Beret Special Forces combined and Unit 8200 of the Israeli Intelligence Corps., Israel leads the way in Third Wave Information Age technology.”

“Then maybe Israel will bring forth the Mark and the Image of the Beast,” Asmodeus suggested as he ate a kosher corned beef sandwich.

“Well according to some kabbalistic groups in Israel, the Messiah is supposed to arrive on the Festival of Purim this year which falls on March 20th to 21st the same time as the Spring equinox in the northern hemisphere,” Lilith pointed out, “and if the Kabbalistic Messiah is the Antichrist of Christian eschatology, the Mark and Image of the Beast system will be ready to go.”

“Hello,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing arrived on the scene carrying a personal handwritten message from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Lilith asking for the release of the Golem of Prague whom the vampiress had recently abducted, “does anyone here know the closest place where I might be able to get some dental floss?”.

Lilith reached down her dress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2019.


What occult secrets is the vampiress Lilith hiding under her dress?

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Lilith, Putin, Golgotha and The Golem of Prague

February 21, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith was on her vast estate near Astana the capital city of Kazakhstan.

It was there that she had hidden the Golem of Prague that she had stolen (with the help of Count Dracula) from the attic of the Old New Synagogue in Prague.

She would be having a video phone conferencing call with the Presidents of Russia, Turkey, Iran and Venezuela to show them the body of the captured Golem.

The Black Dragon (the supernatural entity who was the leading advisor to Chinese President Xi Jinping) would be flying in from Beijing in his flying dragon form to personally see the Golem for himself.

There were rumours that Russian President Vladimir Putin would likewise be flying in from Moscow to personally see the Golem for himself.

As Lilith sat in her living room drinking cocktails, her vampiress daughter Golgotha stood guard on a portion of her mother’s Nouveau Babylon estate as it was called to prevent Britain’s MI-6 or Israel’s Mossad from retaking the Golem.

She sat there looking positively resplendent in the woods of the estate.

Wandering through the woods was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who had been sent to this Estate by MP Renfield R. Renfield who was the co-chair of the British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee and was working with the Israeli government to get the golem returned to Prague.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Golgotha greeted him, “don’t you know you’re trespassing on private property? You could use a spanking for your behaviour.”

Van Helsing had to admit that she was probably right.

So he took off his clothes and lay across her red skirted and black silk nylon lap where she administered a good sound thorough walloping.

They then had tantric sex afterwards.

. . .

“Why the Hell isn’t that bastard answering his mobile phone?” Renfield R. Renfield swore as he sat in the office of French President Emmanuel Macron, “I bet that bastard is busy having tantric sex with someone.”

Macron looked up from the tour guide book he was reading entitled The Best Place To Find Cougars In Paris and blinked before asking, “Tantric sex? Dracul Van Helsing is having tantric sex?”.

“Most likely,” Renfield’s face turned redder than the cover of the booklet Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-tung, “That’s what happens when you watch too many James Bond movies with either Sean Connery or Roger Moore playing Bond when you’re a teen-ager, you’re forever horny.”

“I wonder if that works when you’re older as well,” Macron applied some more mascara to his eyelashes, “I should go take a look at my video library.”

. . .

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon looked at the statue of himself at the Fountain of Neptune in Florence, Italy.

“I do have to admit that’s a very good likeness,” Poseidon commented through mouthfuls of seafood linguini.

“And like me, he doesn’t have his trident,” Poseidon remarked wistfully.

For his trident had been stolen by Atargatis the ancient northern Syrian mermaid goddess.

. . .

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood outside her house waiting for Vladimir Putin’s helicopter and the Black Dragon of Beijing to arrive.

The Red Army helicopter and the Black Dragon arrived at the same time crashing into one another.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God!” Golgotha shrieked in sheer joyful ecstasy from the other side of the Estate.

“It appears my daughter Golgotha has finally inherited my bloodlust,” Lilith thought to herself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 21st
2019.

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The Golem of Prague Has Gone Missing

February 19, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract Assassiness and Renfield associate Panty Goatee in Prague on the lookout for the Golem of Prague

“The Golem of Prague has gone missing, gentlemen,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced somewhat somberly over his rum and coke to the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill.

“Mazel tov,” exclaimed Orson Welles’ ghost inappropriately and somewhat less soberly over his spectral bottle of Mogen David wine.

“Gazooks!” Churchill’s ghost put down his spectral lox and cream cheese bagel.

“Yes, I just got a text message from the Controller of The Golem,” Renfield referred to the Israeli Mossad Agent who went by that code name, “The Golem of Prague went missing last night from the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue when the cantor punched in his invisible co-ordinates on his mobile phone to see if the Golem was still present albeit invisibly.”

“Holy contradiction in terms, Batman,” Churchill’s ghost remarked in somewhat Robinesque fashion, “how did that happen?”.

“Well according to video surveillance footage,” Renfield looked at the footage on his Huawei smart phone, “the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and the Transylvanian Count Dracula (who appeared to be in a hypnotic state) flew into the attic and minutes later were seen carrying out a very visible Golem. The video has been shared 666 million times on social media because during the Golem heist, the vampiress Lilith was wearing the last evening dress that House of Chanel Creative Fashion Director Karl Lagerfeld (September 10th 1933 – February 19th 2019) who died earlier today had ever designed.”

“Lilith was wearing a Karl Lagerfeld evening gown when she stole the Golem?” Welles’ ghost dropped his cigar in incredulity.

“Say what you will about Lilith,” Renfield poured himself a glass of Glenlivet Single Malt Whisky, “The vampiress does have impeccable good taste.”

“But how was she able to access the code for the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue?” Churchill’s ghost bit deep into his spectral cigar spilling ectoplasmic ash all over his spirited spiritly suit, “only the Controller of the Golem and his designated successor within Mossad know the complicated access code which is to be found in the world’s only Jewish Chinese abacus the whereabouts in Israel that only the Controller and his successor know. Such has always been the case since the state of Israel was created back in 1948.”

“I don’t know how the code was cracked,” Renfield cracked himself a walnut as Donald Trump appeared on his smart phone extolling the virtues of building a wall.

. . .

“It was pure luck,” the somewhat inebriated Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth (son of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia when she was still a virgin although she was helped in terms of genetic manipulation and cloning techniques by the immortal Egyptian priest-scientist Imhotep) told Stephen Colbert the host of the Late Show, “I really didn’t know how to crack the code. But after drinking 200 pints of Guinness, ask me to do anything and I’ll probably do it. Which explains how I wound up face down in the gutter in front of the Apostolic home of the recently defrocked former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick back when he was still Archbishop of Washington DC. I woke up with an awfully sore rectum I do recall.”

“And did Lilith actually wear the last evening gown that Karl Lagerfeld ever designed before he died when she abducted the Golem of Prague?” Colbert asked.

“That she did,” Yaldabaoth nodded as he helped himself to a can of Samuel Adams GOAT Beer and then tossed it aside when he noticed his half-brother’s picture on it, “a Karl Lagerfeld evening dress, red silk nylons and blue spiked stiletto high heeled shoes. I myself wore a pair of green silk tights and a denim mini skirt that I had bought from Old Navy.”

“Are you trying to copy my transsexual transgendered habits?” Yaldabaoth’s younger brother/sister the Baphomet (the male/female human goat demon hybrid that was the son/daughter of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia after she had made out with the Greek nature satyr god Pan) lunged at him from the audience.

“We appear to have a fight going on between a transgendered human goat demon hybrid and an Irish leprechaun,” Colbert informed his audience.

Meanwhile backstage the Nazi SS vampiress Helga Electrafreudenbund awaited to talk to Yaldabaoth.

She had failed in her own mission to destroy the Golem back during World War II.
She had ended up being strangled by the Golem of Prague but was brought back to life by Dr. Josef Mengele and then turned into a vampiress by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

. . .

“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith is behind much of the anti-Semitism currently happening in Britain and France,” Renfield explained to Welles and Churchill, “Vengeance for what she said was the defamation and libel of her good name in The Babylonian Talmud.”

“What about the current anti-Semitism in the Labour Party?” Churchill asked.

“I’ll have to ask my good friend Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger,” Renfield replied, “formerly of the Labour Party but left yesterday with 6 other former Labour MPs to form the Independent Group.”


Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger in much happier times last summer.
Getting her picture taken by fellow MP Renfield R. Renfield as he did his impersonation of Groucho Marx smoking a cigar and doing his hybrid duck/penguin walk.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 19th
2019.

R.I.P. Karl Lagerfeld
September 10th 1933
to
February 19th 2019.


Naomi Campbell wearing an outfit designed by Karl Lagerfeld

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Vampiress Lilith and Satyr Bagpiper Pan Deux At Robbie Burns Day Dinner In Jerusalem

January 25, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

It was Robbie Burns Day and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the British Deputy Consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was hosting a Robbie Burns party in his West Jerusalem home.

William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had been the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP) MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills and the Intergovernmental Affairs Minister for Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond’s Scottish Parliamentary government prior to the September 18th 2014 Scottish independence referendum which the pro-independence side had lost.

To show there were no hard feelings after the referendum, then British Prime Minister David Cameron had named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas (who had been slated to become the first Foreign Minister for an independent Scotland) the British Deputy Consul in West Jerusalem.

So he and his Indian born wife Sangita Patel Douglas had moved to West Jerusalem along with their official family bagpiper the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux.

Pan Deux was the genetically created younger brother of world famous satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee.

Both satyrs had been genetically created in a lab by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Pan Deux since he was not injected with the DNA of the homicidal Siberian yeti (like his brother Pan Goatee was) but rather the more people friendly Himalayan yeti (Dr. Cadbury Rocher had used yeti DNA to make their legs furry and hairy as modern goat DNA didn’t seem to cut it), he wasn’t as homicidally inclined as his older cloned brother satyr was.

And in that respect Pan Deux wasn’t as malevolent as his older brother Pan Goatee was.

Although music lovers might disagree as most of the world’s music critics found Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing to be horrendous.

One music critic for The Jerusalem Post had in fact written that singer-songwriter Don McClean had had a prophetic vision of Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing the day he wrote the American Pie song lyrics “The day the music died…”

And the Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem had become personal friends with Mr. William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas and his wife Mrs. Sangita Patel Douglas since they had arrived in Jerusalem a few years ago so he had been invited to the couple’s Robbie Burns party on this Friday night.

No doubt his rabbi wouldn’t be pleased to see him missing at this evening’s synagogue service but then eating haggis was a once in a lifetime experience.

And speaking of once in a lifetime culinary experiences, the Mossad agent’s White House source (let’s call him… Jared Kushner… in Jerry Seinfeldian fashion) had informed the Controller of The Golem that the reason why Donald Trump had caved in to Nancy Pelosi on the government funding issue was because last night the Donald had dreamed that he had died after eating 94 plates of lutefisk.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Donald had dreamed that he had been thrown into Hell after dying.

The Donald had angrily cried after being thrown toupee head downwards into the flames of Hell by the Archangels Michael and Raphael, “Who does this Jesus Christ guy think he is anyways? Telling me that I can go to Hell like that? God Incarnate or something?”.

The Controller of The Golem had also found out that Nancy Pelosi (namely because the Mossad had placed a camera and listening devices into the Congresswoman’s vibrator which she carried either in her purse or on her person at all times) the House of Representatives’ chief practicing witch had offered a sacrifice of frogs’ legs (done in a Buffalo barbeque style) to a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in thanksgiving to Donald Trump caving in to her.

Silly Nancy was totally unaware that the Donald had sent the ghost of the insane Roman Emperor Nero as an incubus to appear to her and offer her a better bang for her buck than her long suffering vibrator.

And speaking of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, the Controller of The Golem had recently found out that Hecate had been beheaded a few years back when she had foolishly walked down the street in her ugly looking crone form at the same time that Pan Goatee was walking down the street.

Hecate’s skull was currently being kept in the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican (on Pope Francis’ orders) as the unknown relic to be venerated.

The Controller of The Golem’s date for the Robbie Burns dinner at the Douglas home was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was wearing a lovely low-cut purple evening dress boldly advertising a nice pair of knockers that most of the male guests present at the dinner couldn’t keep their eyes off of.

A few years ago, Lilith had attempted to poison the Controller of The Golem by dropping a vial of Polonium-210 into his glass of Scotch while he was sitting in a pub in London, England.

The poisoning had worked because the Controller of The Golem had croaked (like the poor frog who was the subject of Nancy Pelosi’s Congressional Wiccan dissection sacrifice to Hecate).

Fortunately for the Controller of The Golem, Dr. Cadbury Rocher had brought him back from the dead.

But the Controller of The Golem was now willing to let bygones be bygones as far as Lilith was concerned.

He had run into the vampiress last night when she was skiing downhill on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon (the mountain where the angelic Watchers of Genesis Chapter 6 had landed millenia ago) in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

She had been skiing down the slopes while wearing a slit skirted jade green evening dress, very attractive tan pantyhose and spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.

The Controller of The Golem promptly asked her out for a date on the spot.

And the date was to attend tonight’s ritual slaughter of the haggis in the Douglas dining room in that ancient Robbie Burns Day dinner ritual known as the Presentation of the Haggis.

And now the haggis was being piped in on a silver platter in the dining room by the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux for the presentation of the haggis at this year’s Robbie Burns dinner.

William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas then spoke the Address To A Haggis written by Robbie Burns before sacrificing the haggis with a ceremonial knife.

Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander who was covering the West Jerusalem Robbie Burns dinner as a news correspondent for The Times of London winced when he saw the knife come down on the haggis.

Sangita Patel Douglas stood ready with a bowl of her delicious home made curry to pour on the haggis as most of those present didn’t really relish the idea of eating sheep’s guts on its own.

Pan Deux after playing the Piping In Of The Haggis on his bagpipes then played Some Enchanted Evening from the musical South Pacific on his bagpipes.

Lilith accidentally dropped a fork down the front of her evening dress and at least a dozen of the male guests present offered their assistance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Robbie Burns Day
Friday January 25th
2019.


As a Robbie Burns Day dinner was held at the Douglas home in West Jerusalem, the Romanian vampiress dominatrix Ravenella Vampyrex stands ready to tomato the buns of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman in a special ceremony to welcome in the world’s new Messiah.
At the same time, the Transylvanian Count Dracula was struck off his Google built AI robotic camel on the road to Damascus by a blinding light identifying itself as the Antichrist but added that Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle were advising the Count not to fear it.

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More Uglos Slain, Donald Trump To Meet Loki and Vampiress Lilith Skis Mount Hermon

January 24, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again riding the bus when he saw a fat ugly blimp getting on.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Pan Goatee exclaimed when he saw the hideously grotesque offspring of a human male-female walrus abomination sexual liaison, “Calgary women seem to be getting uglier and uglier with each passing day. I feel like Sisyphus trying to roll that rock up a hill only to have it roll down again in my never ending efforts to bring a Friedrich Nietzschean and Oscar Wildean sense of beauty and aesthetics to this godforsaken city.”

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly cow and then cut her up into 666 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

He went and sat down again and the man sitting across from him asked, “What does the H. in Jesus Fucking H. Christ stand for?”.

“Harry,” Pan Goatee answered.

“Wow,” the man turned to his average looking but fortunately (for her) non-repulsive looking wife, “Jesus has the same name I do. Harry.”

“Oh shut up, Harold,” Martha replied.

When Goatee attempted to get off at his stop, some ugly stoat looking woman tried to get off in front of him and so he beheaded her and likewise cut her up into 666 trillion pieces.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Goatee exclaimed again at the mention of whose name Harold the passenger smiled, “What is it with these fucking ugly looking cretins wandering around all over the place? If the Watcher angels came down to Earth again like they did in the days of Mount Hermon, they wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men as is mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and elaborated on in the Book of Enoch because these days the daughters of men are not fair and beautiful to look upon. They’re repulsively ugly and make one want to vomit all over the place. Especially in Calgary. Gives a whole new meaning to this city’s nickname of Cowtown.”

. . .

“I just got a call on my Huawei smart phone from the Norse trickster god Loki,” Donald Trump explained to his English butler and valet Lexington, “He wants to take me out for a Norse Norwegian lutefisk dinner.”

“That’s very nice of him, sir,” Lexington removed Trump’s toupee and put it in the sulphuric acid tank to kill germs.

“What is lutefisk anyways?” Trump asked as he noted how much he looked like an elderly Lex Luthor in the mirror.

“It’s a combination of dried/salted whitefish and lye, sir,” Lexington answered.

“Wow,” Trump replied as he watched the hairs on his toupee in the sulphuric acid tank stand on end, “Is it safe to eat?”.

“Well it is my understanding, sir, that a Norwegian-Canadian gentleman up in the town of Donalda, Alberta, Canada won a lutefisk eating contest back in the 1950s by eating 94 plates of the stuff. He wasn’t around to receive the prize however as he keeled over and died while starting on his 95th plate. Today he’s still looked upon as a dead living legend in the town of Donalda and the immediate surrounding areas. In fact, his name is always spoken in whispers by people who promptly make the Sign of the Cross while doing so. Which is strange considering that most people with a Norwegian background are Lutheran and not Catholic.”

“So you’d advise me then not to eat 94 plates of the stuff?” Trump pondered what to tweet about next.

“On the contrary, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “on behalf of the 800,000 unpaid federal government workers, I think you should eat at least 94 plates of the stuff.”

“I guess I’ll have to cut down on the number of hamberders I eat ahead of time then,” Trump noted.

. . .

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

The ski hill at Mount Hermon had been hit this past Sunday January 20th (around the time of the Super Blood Wolf Moon) by an Iranian missile in retaliation for Israeli Air Force strikes on Iranian targets near Damascus Airport.

The Controller of The Golem had been informed that a lovely and sexy redheaded woman wearing a slit skirted jade evening dress was skiing in spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and skis down the southern slopes of Mount Hermon.

The Controller of The Golem came to see for himself concerned that his agents might be smoking legalized Canadian recreational cannabis on the side.

He saw however that they were right.

“Lilith,” the Controller of The Golem remarked as the sexy slit skirted evening dress Babylonian vampiress skiied up to him.

“Nathan,” the Babylonian vampiress greeted him by name.

“What are you doing here?” Nathan asked.

“Recounting memories of making out with Semjaza the leader of the Watchers when he landed on Mount Hermon,” Lilith laughed lusciously.

“You were here when that happened?” Nathan’s jaw dropped.

“Of course,” Lilith winked, “Semjaza told me that I was the best earth lay he ever had. Azazel was our son.”

“The demon Azazel was your son?” Nathan was shocked again, “But I thought he was one of the original Watchers.”

“Many people assume that,” Lilith laughed, “yet if they paid attention to Chapter 7 of the Book of Enoch where the names of Semjaza the chief and the names of the prefects of the 200 Watcher angels are named, nowhere is Azazel’s name mentioned. Azazel is only mentioned in Chapter 8 after the Watcher angels made out with Earth women. And I being an earth vampiress and Semjaza being an angel gave rise to Azazel who taught men warfare and women witchcraft.”

“I recall what the Scapegoat did to the world,” Nathan answered.

“Yes,” Lilith smiled, “those who have power practice war and those who don’t have power practice witchcraft. Which is why since 2000 in the U.S., the Republicans have been waging war and the Democrats have been practicing witchcraft.”


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith when she was in Saint Petersburg Russia on October 13th last autumn.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 24th
2019.

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Nimrod Sees A Psychiatrist: Recalling Life With Semiramis

November 27, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The famous Welsh psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones was able to see a new patient at her London clinic.

She did have an appointment with one of her regular patients the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to help treat his problem of sex addiction but she received a phone call from him cancelling at the last minute because he had spent the past 24 hours making out with the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB and he would likely be spending the next 24 hours doing the same.

She did receive a phone call from somebody claiming to be a British Member of Parliament who said he was feeling lonely and depressed because he was sitting alone in his hot tub and had nobody to blow bubbles and play his musical instrument with.

Dr. Jones told him to buy himself a Japanese sex robot and slammed the phone down.

The recepient on the other end called out, “Athelstan, can you find me the number of a sci-fi writer called George Finneganburg in the U.S.? I think he knows where I can buy a good Japanese female sex robot.”

As the Member of Parliament went about blissfully planning his own death by electrocution in a hot tub by hoping to get a Japanese female sex robot prone to blowing her fuse and short circuiting, Dr. Jones’ receptionist brought in a new patient.

He was a little green frog who called himself Nimrod and he hopped out from the top of a low-cut dress worn by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

“You’ll be okay while I go do my Christmas shopping for myself at Harrods?” Lilith asked.

Nimrod ribbited in the affirmative and Lilith was out the door like a bat out of Hell to go shopping at Harrods.

“Are you the Nimrod mentioned in the Bible?” Dr. Morgana Jones asked her new patient as he lay back on the couch and hugged a Sesame Street Miss Piggy doll.

“I am,” Nimrod ribbitted in the affirmative, “I used to be a mighty hunter before the Lord although it really should be properly translated against the Lord. But I like quoting the King James Version myself. It has such beautiful English.”

“How did you become a little green frog?” Dr. Jones queried as the “mighty hunter before the Lord” used his extra long tongue to catch and swallow a fly.

“It was the result of a love potion gone horribly wrong,” Nimrod hiccoughed after swallowing the lord of the flies.

“I don’t remember reading about that in the Biblical account,” remarked Dr. Jones who was raised in a Methodist home in Wales.

“It didn’t happen in Biblical times. It happened after I croaked the first time in Biblical times,” Nimrod croaked in Miss Piggy’s ear.

“Perhaps you better explain,” Dr. Jones crossed her legs which was followed by murmuring from the office’s lobster tank.

“Well, several centuries after I died in Biblical times,” Nimrod licked his lips, “I was brought back from the dead by ET grays who were visiting Earth on an expedition. Later I was killed again when the UFO they were flying crashed near Tuktoyaktuk in the Canadian Arctic. This time I was brought back to life by DARPA while the ET gray bodies were sent to Area 51 and became hopelessly lost like all ET gray bodies at Area 51 are prone to do. The guy in charge of the Freezer section at Area 51- some old geezer who has held the job since Roswell in 1947 and really should have retired years ago has just been named director of Canada Post’s Marijuana Parcel Delivery Program by Justin Trudeau after the latter was visited by Sherrielock Holmes as part of some act of vengeance by her friend Dracul Van Helsing against the country’s marijuana users.”

“So what would you say was the primary cause of your mental trauma that brings you here today?” Dr. Jones uncrossed her legs once again causing murmurs to come from the office’s lobster tank.

“That does date back to Biblical times,” Nimrod admitted.

“Was it perhaps building the Tower of Babel that did it?” Dr. Jones smoothed her pantyhose causing the office’s lobster tank to shake.

“I wasn’t the one who built the Tower of Babel,” Nimrod blubbered into his handkerchief.

“You weren’t?” Dr. Jones was astounded.

“The Bible never says I built the Tower of Babel,” Nimrod blew his nose, “That was later expositors who said that. In fact it was my wife Semiramis who built the tower of Babel after she murdered me.”

Nimrod started to sob hysterically.

“Murdered you?” Dr. Jones was astounded.

“With an ice pick,” Nimrod bawled, “with the result that I never got the chance to enjoy my last cold beer in life. Then the bitch had the nerve to bury me face downwards so I could see where I was going.”

Nimrod was silent.

Then he admitted, “Still I suppose not seeing all those flames at first might have come as the greater surprise.”

“I can see why you’ve been traumatised,” Dr. Jones smoothed her skirt traumatizing the lobster in the tank.

“Yes, she murdered me, buried me face downwards so I could see where I was going and then had the nerve to tell the people of Babel that I had ascended into the heavens as a sun god,” Nimrod wept, “The only thing I got from the sun was sun burn. Then 18 months after I died, she gave birth to Tammuz claiming that it was a virgin birth.”

“It wasn’t?” Dr. Jones arched an eyebrow.

“No, the woman was a nymphomaniac,” Nimrod seethed, “she slept with every single member of the Palace Guard and gave them all sexually transmitted diseases.”

Nimrod looked at Dr. Jones with a pained expression on his face, “Do you know how hard it was to find a good palace guard in those days? I tell you not many were applying for the job or returning to it once word of the pox of Semiramis spread like wildfire among unionized members of Palace Guard guilds everywhere across the known world at the time.”

“Was Semiramis good in bed?” Dr. Jones asked as the lobster in the tank edged closer to the glass to hear the answer.

“I don’t know,” Nimrod shrugged.

Dr. Jones looked at the frog in shock.

“I remember when my very good friend Gilgamash Potatocus the commander of my Palace Guard lay dying,” Nimrod had tears in his eyes, “he said to me, “Your majesty, I have a confession to make to you before I die. I slept with your wife.” I looked at him and said, “With Semiramis?.” He nodded, “Yes.” And I said to him thoughtfully, “Gosh. Well, then you’re one up on me.” Then he expired. Just like the time on Lilith’s parking metre next to her Porsche as I see the policewoman writing her a ticket and putting it on the dashboard.”

The little green frog was standing at the window.

“Gilgamash Potatocus?” Dr. Jones repeated the name.

“Yes, everybody in Ancient Studies these days with the exception of the Dragon Sister prof Sydney Fox and her teaching assistant Nigel Bailey are always shooting their mouths off about how great The Epic of Gilgamesh is,” Nimrod seethed, “But the Epic of Gilgamash Potatocus is even greater. About how Gilgamash Potatocus visited Ireland where he was skinned alive and then mashed and then almost eaten by Irish cannibals before he managed to escape.”

Dr. Jones dropped her pen and bent right over to pick it up.

The lobster tank exploded.

“What’s up with that lobster?” Dr. Jones looked at the water and mess all over the floor, “I was told when I bought Chaucer that he was the younger brother of one of Set Enterprises’ star employees.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 27th
2018.

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